Original subtitles

How many more are you going to take?

I'm freezing my backside off here!

I could warm it up for you, ewan.

- Sounds promising. - Ah!

That wasn't quite what i had in mind.

Just one more roll of film, right?

I get it. You've suffered for your art, now it's my turn.

I mean, you've seen one shot of the loch at sunset, you've seen them all, right?

You should put some lotion on. You really caught the sun.

Huh...

Funky kind of light, though.

You know i kind of like it, being locked in a dark room with you.

Ewan, stop it, this is important for my school project.

Oh-Hh!

What?

There's a splotch. Nice one too.

Oi!

You could have ruined my film!

- Amy, we're gonna be rich. - What are you talking about?

- That! - Why? It's just a splotch.

Since when does a splotch have a long, snaky neck?

I'm not interested, ewan.

I don't understand. How can you not be?

Monsters are in books, not scottish lochs.

- But you saw the photo. - A trick of the light,

A log in the water, a monster-Shaped swarm of midges.

Oh, there's a card from donald.

What's the old fella up to?

- ( shutter snaps ) - He says his pal,

The luxury hotel owner, turns out to be running a naturist center in the french alps.

- ( shutter snaps ) - Ooh la la!

I'm trying to get you to open your mind to the possibilities, paul.

Don't bother. My mind is only open for business.

He says everything is going swimmingly, even in the pool,

- Until there was a sudden cold snap... - Sounds painful.

- But that's what i'm trying to say... - And someone got frostbite...

Damn!

- Lovely scrambled eggs, ewan. - Thanks, molly.

I made that recipe with pecorino cheese and double cream.

Look at this lot. Anyone would think we're living at the savoy!

"portrait of angry man."

What am i doin' here? I'm not even hungry.

Hamish is coming, you see.

Paul, i have to tell you something.

No, enough is enough!

Okay, i'll move out tomorrow.

What? No, i'm sorry. I was just, um—

Never mind.

- Did you sleep well? - Yeah, great, thanks.

Yeah, you look like you slept well.

I mean, um,

Very awake-Looking.

Why, do i normally look sleepy?

No! No no, no, not at all.

I'll catch you later.

Hamish is coming. Paul!

- Paul? - What?

- I think you ought to know— - There's a boat coming up the drive.

- A boat? - That's very clever.

They usually arrive on water.

What in heaven's name is going on now?

Hamish is coming.

- Hello there. - Hi. We come in peace.

Sorry, how can i help you?

Paul, paul...

This what i've been trying to tell you.

Hi.

You see the lozenge-Shaped head, the elongated neck,

Typical of cryptoclidids and elasmosaurs,

Plesiosaurids too, obviously, but my gut feeling

- Is veering away from the upper jurassic— - Simon...

Oh, i'm sorry.

What i'm saying is

That this sighting is entirely consistent

With the plesiosaur hypothesis.

What's that, some sort of dinosaur?

No, absolutely not.

No no no, marine euryapsids may be mesozoic, but anyone—

Sorry.

Yes, more or less, miss macdougal.

But this is what i really wanted to show you.

Thank you, bill. This is what brought us here

In such hope and excitement.

- Amy's photograph. - Ta-Da!

This could be the most famous photograph in the world.

Here's why.

You could have got it in focus, amy.

Watch.

There!

- Isn't that something? - Goodness me!

Ladies and gentlemen, you could be sitting

On the most important discovery

In the natural history of these islands.

Hold on, how is it possible?

How could it have survived for all these millions of years?

Species long thought extinct turn up from time to time.

The coelacanth, for example—

A fish in the indian ocean. Strange-Looking kind of thing.

The loch is big and deep enough to support a viable population.

So how come no one's seen any of them, then?

They have. Your father swore they were there.

"each-Uisge" he called them— "the water horse."

There's pictures of them in the old history books.

How fascinating!

So, dr. Cotter, you and—

Bill. Short for william.

You want to spend a few days surveying the loch?

- With your permission. - Jess?

No motorboat in the loch, no. No, it would disturb the wildlife.

And i'm not talking about the monster.

Golly?

- It's a fairy tale. - I'm sorry, dr. Cotter,

You've heard what my ghillies have said.

This is a distraction from the real business of running glenbogle.

But please stay and have some lunch. Amy, you're late for school.

Excuse me. I have another appointment.

Hamish!

Mr. Macdonald.

Hamish.

- Congratulations. - Yeah?

These are without doubt

The most catastrophic set of accounts

I've seen in 50 years.

Enjoy.

Oh, the page for thickos,

Otherwise known as "the executive summary," is on page five.

My god.

Aye, i'm afraid

He's the only one who might be able to help you.

Turning your bank manager into a pillar of salt

Might be a useful diversion.

I thought you were supposed to be on my side.

Accountants are never on any side

But their own, mr. Macdonald.

But if the bank sees these figures they'll never extend the loan.

You made it look as if we're going bankrupt.

We just need a little time. Things are bound to improve.

- I cannot falsify the accounts. - I'm not asking you to.

But couldn't you be a little more... Creative?

Creative?

Oh, i'm a number cruncher, not a writer of fiction.

Or maybe i'm just a little old-Fashioned.

Maybe you'd be better off with one of the new breed.

They don't worry too much about irritating details,

- Like facts and figures. - Maybe you're right.

Good day, mr. Macdonald.

I'd present you with my bill

If i had any confidence you'd be able to pay it.

Not making them a proper lunch, then, ewan?

They want to spend what little time they have here by the loch.

Look, i'm sorry if you're disappointed.

You're the one who's always going on about the estate and pulling our weight,

But when someone comes up with a good idea, you squash it flat.

- I don't believe it. - Think of the tourists.

Word gets out there's a monster in the loch, we'll be bussing them in.

There isn't a monster in the loch.

You just don't get it, do you? That doesn't matter.

I'm talking business, here, paul.

You talk to him, iona.

- Well? - Well?

Ewan's got something to offer.

Like everyone else.

I'm sorry, i got a bit—

I'll take these out.

No, no, i'll do it.

Have you ever had an obsession, mr. Macdonald?

( chuckles ) it's all around you.

I mean gripped by it, so it consumes your every living moment?

It means that much to you?

I think i must be getting worse.

- Here. - Oh, sandwiches.

Thank you very much.

Yes, with every setback,

Every derisive comment from my scientific colleagues,

I just get more determined.

Delicious.

It must be hard to understand.

No, no not at all.

I know people think i'm two theses short of a doctorate,

But... ( chuckles )

I know they're out there.

I just have to find them.

What exactly do you need...

To do your work here?

Well, you got your way.

It's my job to make sure the wildlife isn't disturbed.

I think i could have guaranteed a stress-Free experience for all.

Maybe even pleasurable for some.

- I doubt that very much. - For the salmon, anyway.

They're even more sensitive than scotsgirls and that's really saying something.

You're an expert, are you?

Well, my doctorate was on the breeding cycle of oncohrynchus nerka.

I've had a number of papers published on platycephalus

And assiminidae in general, so i suppose...

To that extent i guess i sort of am—

An expert, that is.

Sorry, i didn't catch your name.

Mackenzie.

Jess mackenzie.

- Problem? - I'm all fingers and thumbs.

May i?

That seems to have fixed it.

Some knots you can't untie.

Bill?

Bill! We're on!

We're on!

Pretty pleased with himself, isn't he?

The bill fellow.

In my opinion, he needs cutting down to size.

And what exactly are you up to, as if i didn't know?

Giving the natural process a little nudge.

- It'll be good for jess. - Molly, just leave well alone.

Too late, i've lit the touch paper.

All we need to do now

Is retire to a safe distance and watch.

Morning.

Iona's a homebody all right.

She'll be right glad to get back.

Even though i say it myself the boys have done a good job.

I'm sure she'll be pleased.

Give it a thorough clean when we've finished.

Folk appreciate that.

Is there a problem?

- Yeah, a number. - Like what?

The floor needs another layer of varnish,

The skirting board needs beating,

That light switch is on the wrong side, and the door handle is shaky.

It's never shaky.

Shaky.

- You moved the window? - Yeah, it used to be there.

- Why'd you do that? - Where it was it let in very little light.

- Here it opens onto a nice view, so— - Move it back.

- You're kidding! - No, i'm not.

And i don't want to be billed for it, either.

I've given you more than enough work recently.

It should justify a little good will.

So i told him "no tenant of mine is getting a second-Rate job.

I want it done again, and i want it done properly."

That was kind of you.

Yeah, well...

So, where are you off to today?

Amy left her bag, so i'm just gonna drop it in.

You don't have to do that.

I know, but i've got errands to run anyway.

I want to get some groceries,

And i don't want to be a complete stranger.

You don't mind, do you—

You know, staying here a bit longer?

Oh, no, i don't mind at all— if you don't mind.

Me? No, not at all.

You're about the only one that keeps me sane around here.

Oh. Well... I'm glad i'm earning my keep.

- Right. - Right.

Yeah.

- Iona maclean. - Mrs. Obrie?

And what did i say about wearing jeans in school?

Oh...

Good one!

Dear me, was i really that scary?

Well, you had your moments.

- It's lovely to see you. - And you.

You'll be here about amy?

- Yeah. - How's the wee soul feeling?

- Sorry? - My sister's girl had m.E.

It's an awful illness.

How long do you think she'll be off?

The old laird of glenbogle

Was a true believer in the existence

Of the other ancient resident of the glen.

And he liked nothing better than to wander around the gardens

After a good dinner and look out for his old friend.

This is the perfect spot for a monster-Viewing zone, as you'll see.

- Ewan? - Excuse me.

- Who are those people? - Chief reporter from the "glenbogle bugle,"

Bloke from the tourist board, coach tour operator, manager of inverness hilton

And a novelty goods manufacturer.

- What are they doing here? - I'm giving them the tour.

They love it. I'm telling you, paul.

By friday this place will be thronged with people

With their wallets hanging open.

- I never agreed to this. - I thought it was what you wanted—

Enterprise initiative, cash.

Excuse me. If you'll follow me into the family dining room,

I'll serve you the glenbogle monster high tea.

- Hi. - Huh.

- Hi. - Hello there.

Any idea where i might be able to grab some milk?

Yeah, if you turn right around here,

Up the hill, you'll come to a cottage.

Golly and jess live there.

All right.

- Good evening. - Oh!

Sausage and beans?

- Chilean sauvignon? - ( chuckles )

Better not let ewan see you.

He'll charge you a tenner for that.

- Hmm. - You home late?

I had this session at school with my art teacher.

I showed them my photos.

Obviously, not the one of the monster. She liked them.

Said i had a real flare for composition and—

Tellin' porkies?

What do you mean?

Well, how could you show her your photos if they were in your bag

And you left your bag here, amy?

I... Had copies.

Amy, don't. Look, you never went to school.

I know.

So are you in some kind of trouble

- Or is somebody bullying you? - Don't wanna talk about it.

Amy, maybe i could help you.

I don't want to talk about it.

Hi.

I was wondering if you had a spare pint of milk

For the lonesome traveler.

Sure you don't need a cup of sugar with that?

Sweet enough as it is.

Please— just wait there.

You could have invited him in, lass.

Keep him where he belongs— on the outside.

Molly, i don't understand.

If you want them to get together,

Why do you keep running him down?

Golly, you really ought to get out more.

Thank you, fair maiden of the milk.

- Just cut it out, will you? - I'm sorry?

I can read you like a book— a cheap paperback.

- I don't understand. - I know exactly how you operate—

Another loch, another monster, another girl.

- No, that's not how i— - Well, i don't want to be

Another notch on your echo sounder.

You may have...

Good... Muscle definition,

But you do nothing for me— nothing, zero, zilch.

You don't even register on my radar,

- Okay? - I was going to ask you out on a date.

I'd rather have pins stuck in my eyes.

Wow.

He is the limit, that one.

Devastatingly attractive, but utterly insufferable.

You obviously get funding for your work?

Yes.

I'd be quite happy to pay a facility fee,

If it's what you're thinking.

- No, i'm not. - Oh, i'm sorry.

- I-I didn't mean— - No, i know, dr. Cotter.

Simon, please.

If there is something significant out there,

Then we'll be able to tap into all manner of new sources.

Then we're talking real money.

I'm sorry if i was a bit rude earlier on.

Oh, good heavens,

I quite understand.

No, you don't.

No one does.

Explain?

It's just...

When you're trying to save... Paradise,

Preserve and protect it for the people you love...

Everything goes wrong.

You're carrying such a responsibility under so much pressure...

It gradually ceases to be a paradise.

You fall out of step with those people,

And the place itself.

And you end up lost.

That's how i feel, simon.

Gosh.

Please, don't mention this to anyone.

Oh, good heavens, no, not a word.

It's sometimes easier to talk to complete strangers

About important things, isn't it?

I better go.

Yes, and i better find that plesiosaur.

Well, i won't hold my breath.

Paul—

We know more about the moon

Than we know about this loch.

It's almost a thousand feet deep in places

And no one has ever been down there— ever.

I would be more surprised if it didn't hold some extraordinary secret.

Have you ever seen anything yourself?

No.

Sadly.

Paul?

I think i'm going mad.

I saw the water horse last night.

Ah.

Right.

I'll get my jacket.

Where are we going?

- Golly: are you ready? - For what?

The water horse. What's it doing here?

They've been in that loch a long long time, son.

You're not the first person to have seen it.

- Have you? - Nope.

You still believe in it?

I've never seen the queen either, but i believe in her.

But you never said anything. Even yesterday.

I don't talk about it, never have.

At best, folk'll think you're mad.

At worst, they'll believe you.

The place gets overrun.

No, i've never seen it...

But you hear it from time to time...

A weird sound,

Like nothing you've ever heard before.

You're a very lucky man, blessed you might say.

You really don't understand what it means, do you?

No.

No, i don't understand.

What do you want from the water horse, paul?

- Want? - Mmm.

I don't know what you mean, golly.

I've got work to do.

- Good day for it. - Ah!

Well now, you're assuming she likes sunshine.

I reckon she prefers rain.

"she," oh. You think it's female, do you?

An elusive creature pursued by men

At great cost for little reward? No no no,

She's a female all right. Redhead, probably.

You've got room for a little one?

- You wanna come? - Yeah, why not?

Don't tell me you've been bitten by the bug in the night!

Well, let's just say... I woke up with an open mind.

This might be a bit cramped.

No, you wanted to be back by midday anyway.

So, why not let paul on?

Yeah. Right.

- Are you sure it's okay? - Are you kidding?

I haven't had a day off in months. Happy hunting.

Right.

Hello, folks, and welcome to glenbogle,

Ancient home to the lairds of the glen and an even older resident,

A plesiosaur we call "old bogley."

Thank you!

Oh, no.

That's done that good and proper, hasn't it?

- I'll get us off. - Right.

I've got a feeling we're gonna find something, you know?

Yes. Paul, there's something you ought to know.

I've spent 10 years searching for the smoking gun.

I don't think we're going to find it on the first morning.

I saw her, simon.

- Last night. - Really?

Just as the sun was setting. Not far from here.

- You saw a plesiosaur? - I can't tell you what it was like—

The way it made me feel.

Hold on, paul. There's something i have to tell you.

What you saw...

No, you were in a highly suggestible state.

You'd had half a bottle of wine—

No, i know what i saw.

You saw what you wanted to see with all respect.

I saw her, simon.

Excuse me, i'd rather trust my instruments.

Golly? What are you doing?

What the devil is he up to?

Golly, you're spying on bill! That's awful!

What's he doing?

I'm going to find out.

Wait.

I wondered what the smoke was.

You know, where i come from, it's kind of a signal.

It looks nice. Where'd you get the trout?

Your river.

You wanna watch out. I hear the ghillie's pretty tough on poachers.

- And visiting scientists. - I won't detain you.

Oh, please do. I'll come quietly.

You're pretty damn sure of yourself, aren't you?

Not as much as you think.

I know you think this job is a blessing

For the kind of guy you think i am.

It isn't. Don't get me wrong.

The work fascinates me, but...

Pay's lousy, i live in a tent...

And as strange as it sounds, i don't really fancy simon.

Jess...

You're wonderful

And beautiful. And in that order,

- So why don't— - For goodness sake, bill, will you just shut up?

What about lunch?

Something for starters?

- ( crackling ) - ( squeaking )

Let's you and me go for a little stroll over here.

What is it?

Pass me the computer, will you?

Thank you.

You see, this is a serious scientific investigation

Being carried out by two world famous experts.

The difference is here at glenbogle house,

We believe the public should be able to come and watch them at work—

Breathe in the unique atmosphere of this ancient loch,

And maybe even catch a glimpse of old bogley himself

Here at glenbogle house.

Am i dreaming or are there fireworks going off somewhere?

Simon.

He's found something. Come on.

We found her! We found her!

Yeah! They found her!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Who are all these people?

We've found it! We've found it!

Forget loch ness! Eat your heart out!

This is the future!

The number one tourist attraction— glenbogle!

There— the lungs

Of a massive air-Breathing creature.

I've never seen anything like it. It's so clear,

- So sharply defined. - Simon: this is only the beginning, of course.

We need an intensive program of testing and research.

Which could take weeks, maybe even months.

- If that's okay with you, paul. - Yeah, of course.

I mean, you'd obviously get funding for it, right?

With this and amy's photograph...

- I'm certain of it. - Fantastic.

Couldn't it be an old wreck or something?

Something with air pockets?

- No way. - Well, what about weeds then?

- Rotten vegetation? - Anything is possible, iona.

But some things are more possible than others.

Oh right, like a survivor from pre-History, you mean.

- Iona. - No no, that's all right, paul.

I'm used to skepticism. In fact, i often practice it myself.

No, i hope that one day i will be able

To prove my hypothesis to you beyond all doubt.

Where did you find it then?

What i want is a science center,

You know, research, education—

- ( phone ringing ) - I'll go to the news.

- They'll want an interview. - Good idea.

- Must we? - Marketing's important, simon.

For you as well as us. If we handle this right, we'll be world famous.

- As big as— - Disneyland?

Paul, phone.

So... Come for dinner.

I'll cook this time.

I'm starving already.

Hello?

Oh hello, mrs. Obrie. What can i do for you?

What?

Sam, can you bring up some household cleaner?

Yeah, sure.

16.50 please. Thank you.

Your change.

- ( screaming ) - Diver: stop it!

So these are the monster's "lungs" then, are they?

It's not as simple as you think.

Paul trusted you.

He believed in you.

So are you gonna tell him or shall i?

I don't believe it.

You lied to me.

I welcomed you here as a friend...

- I'm sorry. - ... And you treat me like a fool.

Do you think i enjoyed it?

It's the worst thing i've ever done.

Then why?

I had to.

The money's run out, paul. Bill and i have reached the end of the road.

The oil drums just bought us a little more time.

It's called fraud, simon.

So i bent some of the rules.

I did it not just for my benefit,

But for bill and the rest of the research team.

Have you never felt tempted to do the same when you were in trouble, paul?

I am sorry,

But i did it because i believe passionately

In what we're doing here.

Please let us finish it.

- I saw the water horse. - Simon: yes.

Okay, i'll think about it.

Well, i better go and get changed.

Thanks, iona.

Nothing's changed, paul.

We still have amy's photo.

It's just as it was this morning.

- Okay, ewan. - This could be the best thing

That ever happened to the estate.

Don't throw it away, boss.

What's that?

Our takings for the day.

Okay, this morning

When you asked me what i wanted from the water horse,

What did you mean?

It's always been said that it appears to people

Who are in some kind of trouble.

What do you want, paul?

Comfort, succor...

Or a steady income stream?

Help me.

You look like a man who's made a decision.

I respect you, simon, despite what you did.

- I like you too. - But?

I won't say anything about what happened yesterday,

But i think it's better if you and bill just leave quietly.

I see. I've really messed things up, haven't i?

I wish you luck and i hope you find what you're looking for.

Yes, one day.

I'll say goodbye then.

Thank you, and good luck to you, too.

Oh, paul—

What was it like to see her?

Why don't you wait and see for yourself?

Another pint of milk?

Or do you want the gorgeous meal you didn't show up for last night?

Only if the dessert is humble pie.

You heard?

I'm sorry, jess.

Not just about the date.

Like i said, bill,

"some knots you can't untie."

You're going already?

- Another loch, another monster. - ( chuckles )

- Another girl. - No...

I don't think so.

I meant what i said.

You're wonderful.

Let's hope i meet someone who agrees with you.

Bye, jess.

Hey—

We like to say a proper goodbye around here.

Now away with you.

Turn left at the end of the drive

And loch ness is about an hour away.

Have a nice day.

- Ewan— - I was making it work!

- I was doing something! - I know you were.

- I've learned more about you in the last few days— - Then why?

Because you have to listen to your conscience, do what you think is right.

I couldn't live with myself if i didn't.

All right?

As a matter of fact...

- Yeah? - ... How's about a silver lining?

You have to start

Dipping your foot in the water again sometime.

- I agree. - I can't go on pining for duncan forever, can i?

That is just what i was saying to your father.

And there is something i will never forget.

Oh, what's that?

He was a lovely kisser.

I'm not sure i wanted to know that.

Mr. Macdonald,

The curse of modern life is that we complicate things

That are actually very simple.

You mean i can exist without an accountant?

Of course not. Don't be absurd.

But if "mr. Macawber" can grasp the point,

I'm sure you can. To wit—

If you cannot earn more,

You must spend less.

Spend less?

If we pull our belts any tighter, our legs will fall off.

Ah... You have bad eyesight.

- No. - Yet you have two lamps on.

Do you own a thick woolen sweater?

- Yes. - Then...

I suggest you wear it.

- Anything else? - You always pay your bills promptly—

Garage, insurance, household maintenance—

Did it never occur to you to negotiate?

- Negotiate? - Haggle.

You'd be surprised how accommodating people can be.

Oh.

Oh, i see.

Well, perhaps we can start with your fee then.

Shall we say 75% of what you asked for?

I have a painful sensation

Of having just been hoist by my own petard.

Perhaps we'd better look at the income again.

£110.

Amy. Amy! What was that about?

I didn't do it for me. I did it for you.

I know it's not much, but every little bit helps, doesn't it?

Amy. Amy, come here.

You shouldn't have done that,

- But i'm grateful that you did. - I just wanted to help.

I know, and you have.

And i'm not just talking about the money.

But it's back to school tomorrow

And from now on, complete honesty between us, okay?

- You sure about that? - Yeah, of course i'm sure.

- That shirt's shocking. - ( chuckles )

I'm gonna help ewan with something. Are you coming?

Yeah, yeah, in a minute.

What are you doing?

Well, the work's all done now,

So i'm moving back home.

Well, what about the window?

I think the window's probably fine where it is,

But thanks for your helpful suggestion.

I'll be sad to see you go.

I'm—

I'm gonna miss you.

I thought that you might be

Sick of the sight of me by now.

( chuckles ) anyway, it's not far away

And you're welcome anytime.

Listen, thanks for...

Well, everything,

Especially the last few days.

You seem different somehow.

I don't quite know what it is, but...

- Do i? - Yeah.

Well, i feel...

I feel at peace, iona.

Hmm.

Well, come on, you have to help me get this couch in.

A couch? I'm not lending you a couch.

( laughing ) you are, you said.

So this guy comes up to me and he says,

"i like your chocolate monsters."

I said, "thanks very much."

He says, "what's your recipe?"

I said, "that's between me and my moulinex."

Then he says, "i'll make it worth your while, son."

It turns out he runs a confection business in dundee.

So he's asked me to develop

A whole range of the beasties, different flavors and stuff.

And he's prepared to pay big time for the recipes.

- Hooray, excellent. - That's great!

Pay to the estate, that is.

- No, go on, 50-50. - Very generous of you.

All right, so now we've come to the tasting.

Now, it's a speed tasting, so the first to gulp down the monster gets a second.

Now we have marzipan, peppermint,

Orange, lime, raspberry and for golly, the haggis flavor.

- ( chuckling ) - Hey hey, he hasn't said go yet.

On your marks...

Set... Eat those monsters!

- Oh! - ( all laughing )

- And it's paul by a long neck! - ( all cheering )

- Cheat! - Very nice.