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1
00:00:07,266 --> 00:00:09,293
New year, new us.
2
00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:11,795
I've arranged to get
the Vermont gang back together.
3
00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:13,046
Are Gary and Meg
gonna be there?
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,048
Terry, girl, we did it.
5
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:16,717
You famously
fictionalized
6
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,510
your difficult relationship
with your mother.
7
00:00:18,544 --> 00:00:20,470
I can barely
show my face
8
00:00:20,504 --> 00:00:22,139
at Wine Club Wednesday.
9
00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:24,182
Your mother needs
her Wine Club Wednesdays.
10
00:00:24,216 --> 00:00:25,250
That's not a stretch.
11
00:00:25,284 --> 00:00:27,853
Your mother was protecting you
from your father.
12
00:00:27,886 --> 00:00:30,147
You are, without a doubt,
your father's son.
13
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,983
I would rather die
a six-inch death
14
00:00:33,016 --> 00:00:36,528
than see Les
win a fucking Nobel.
15
00:00:36,562 --> 00:00:39,990
Hilton is going to sell
the tech to the military.
16
00:00:40,023 --> 00:00:42,159
We can't be party to that.
17
00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:44,036
Let's finish what we started.
18
00:00:44,069 --> 00:00:46,246
Limitless stabilization!
19
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,541
It is time you knew the truth
about Les Littlejohn.
20
00:00:49,575 --> 00:00:53,136
You have no choice
but to eliminate them.
21
00:00:54,246 --> 00:00:57,558
Tell me why. Why Les?
22
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:02,679
♪ We'll take Manhattan ♪
23
00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:05,182
Slow down.
Terry, be clear.
24
00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:06,516
What is she saying?
Shh.
25
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:07,517
Lindy?
Quiet. Okay.
26
00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:09,561
Oh, hell. Oh, God.
27
00:01:09,595 --> 00:01:11,071
{\an8}Oh, I know. Okay.
28
00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:14,066
{\an8}She said yes.
- Yes?
29
00:01:14,099 --> 00:01:15,233
{\an8}- Yes.
- She said yes?
30
00:01:15,267 --> 00:01:17,027
{\an8}- Yes!
- She said yes!
31
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,247
Oh!
32
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,033
Congratulations.
33
00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,284
You're getting married.
Good luck.
34
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,869
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Married? No.
35
00:01:25,902 --> 00:01:27,579
- She wrote a novel.
- And it's getting published!
36
00:01:27,613 --> 00:01:28,705
- Yes!
- Nobody cares.
37
00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:30,040
It's New York. Swing a cat.
38
00:01:30,073 --> 00:01:32,042
I love this city.
39
00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:33,710
- Married.
- Oh.
40
00:01:33,744 --> 00:01:36,129
Why would we ever ruin us
by getting married?
41
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,756
- I know.
- It's ridiculous.
42
00:01:37,789 --> 00:01:39,383
I mean, we live together,
we love each other.
43
00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,551
What more do we need?
I mean, it's silly.
44
00:01:41,585 --> 00:01:43,720
Silly. Right.
45
00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:45,722
Lindy, will you not be my wife?
46
00:01:45,756 --> 00:01:48,308
Les, I will not.
47
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,936
And will I not
be your husband?
48
00:01:50,969 --> 00:01:54,272
- You will not, Les.
- And will you...
49
00:01:54,306 --> 00:01:55,532
What?
50
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,112
What is this?
51
00:02:00,145 --> 00:02:01,571
Watch this.
52
00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:03,657
Uh-huh. Whoa, some fast
fingers there, professor.
53
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:04,992
And you will now...
54
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,118
Uh-huh.
55
00:02:06,151 --> 00:02:07,411
♪ The great big city's ♪
56
00:02:07,444 --> 00:02:10,330
...not marry me?
57
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,834
Absolutely not. Never, ever.
58
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,129
♪ Just made ♪
♪ For a girl and boy ♪
59
00:02:17,162 --> 00:02:18,680
What the fuck is happening?
60
00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:24,227
Well, I thought we could maybe
make it not official.
61
00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,596
♪ Into an isle of joy ♪
62
00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:31,068
Are we not doing this
or are we not not doing this?
63
00:02:31,468 --> 00:02:32,694
I don't know.
64
00:02:33,128 --> 00:02:35,522
I mean, we always said
we wouldn't do
65
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:37,274
the icky marriage stuff,
but...
66
00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:40,110
- But?
- ...but maybe,
67
00:02:40,143 --> 00:02:41,662
maybe two nos make a yes?
68
00:02:43,146 --> 00:02:47,784
We've sworn for years
that we were never, ever...
69
00:02:47,818 --> 00:02:49,119
- I know. I know. But maybe,
- ...gonna get married. So...
70
00:02:49,152 --> 00:02:51,671
maybe the really defiant,
71
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,509
nonconformist, rebellious
thing would be for us to...
72
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,512
- Get fuckin' married.
- Yeah.
73
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,297
But...
- But, but
74
00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:02,007
like a non-traditional,
75
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,885
non-bridezilla,
non-wedding wedding.
76
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:05,936
Yeah.
77
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,063
♪ We'll stroll ♪
- Yeah.
78
00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:16,279
♪ Where first ♪
♪ A kiss we stole ♪
79
00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:31,878
Perfect.
80
00:03:34,698 --> 00:03:36,583
I cannot believe
that you did all this.
81
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,418
I mean, I...
- Alice?
82
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,420
- Right here, ma'am.
- Oh, there you are.
83
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,672
- Always, ma'am.
- Let's put this someplace...
84
00:03:42,706 --> 00:03:44,674
both: ...safe,
under lock and key,
85
00:03:44,708 --> 00:03:46,093
nothing can happen to them.
86
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,344
- Check.
- Next.
87
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:48,762
- Flowers.
- Flowers.
88
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,222
After the ceremony?
- Transfer to the tables.
89
00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:51,848
- Low stem, vases only.
- Vases only.
90
00:03:51,882 --> 00:03:53,517
To review,
rehearsal dinner rundown.
91
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:55,685
Drinks and hors d'oeuvres
on arrival.
92
00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:57,562
Bride and groom welcome speech.
93
00:03:57,596 --> 00:03:59,356
Appetizers and various toasts.
94
00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:00,857
You have the approved list?
- Yes, ma'am.
95
00:04:00,891 --> 00:04:03,527
Okay. Dessert. Done.
Everybody fucks off.
96
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,695
I get my sleep. We good?
- Good.
97
00:04:05,729 --> 00:04:07,864
- Good. Wait, just good?
- Great.
98
00:04:07,898 --> 00:04:11,034
Great. Oh, one more thing. Agh!
99
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,537
Videographer,
so very important.
100
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,871
One question only. What is it?
101
00:04:14,905 --> 00:04:16,706
"What is the secret
to a happy marriage?"
102
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:17,607
What do I not want?
103
00:04:17,641 --> 00:04:19,543
Advice, "remember when,"
well wishes.
104
00:04:19,576 --> 00:04:20,710
Gold fuckin' star.
105
00:04:20,744 --> 00:04:22,587
Okay, ma'am. Excuse me.
106
00:04:22,621 --> 00:04:24,589
Kevin, classic rectangle,
not bishop's hat.
107
00:04:24,623 --> 00:04:25,757
Oh, good catch.
108
00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:28,552
Jesus. Alice.
109
00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:31,555
- The font, spelling, placement?
- Placement.
110
00:04:31,588 --> 00:04:35,225
My dad cannot sit
next to my mom.
111
00:04:35,258 --> 00:04:38,228
We were informed
that a Walt was assuming
112
00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,730
the father-of-the-bride
responsibilities, by...
113
00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:42,232
- Fucking Diane.
- ...Diane,
114
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,900
mother of the bride.
- Yeah. No, that is incorrect.
115
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:45,485
We need to start again. Kevin.
116
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,486
Kevin, we need
to begin again.
117
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,779
Hold on. What are you doing?
118
00:04:47,813 --> 00:04:50,740
I am preventing
a nuclear fallout.
119
00:04:50,774 --> 00:04:52,075
She always does this.
120
00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:53,618
- Who?
- Diane.
121
00:04:53,652 --> 00:04:55,412
- Does what?
- Pushes my dad out.
122
00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:56,997
- But he's coming, right?
- Right.
123
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,917
So, we need to seat Jim,
father of the bride
124
00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:04,963
next to Nancy.
Nancy, mother of the groom
125
00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:08,967
from a normal, stable,
functional family
126
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,638
and not my house of lies,
madness, sadness family, okay?
127
00:05:13,672 --> 00:05:15,182
Kevin? Okay, Kevin?
128
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,641
Champagne or cocktails
before dinner?
129
00:05:16,675 --> 00:05:19,436
- Cocktails. Thank you, Alice.
- What?!
130
00:05:19,469 --> 00:05:21,438
- Champ--no.
- Champagne!
131
00:05:21,471 --> 00:05:23,940
Champagne. Champagne.
Thank you, Alice.
132
00:05:23,974 --> 00:05:25,609
Diane and cocktails.
133
00:05:25,642 --> 00:05:27,110
No food, no absorption.
134
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:28,528
We talked about this.
- Whoa. Whoa.
135
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,155
- She can...
- Let's take a breath.
136
00:05:30,188 --> 00:05:33,033
We're losing sight.
We're losing sight.
137
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,534
Thank you for using "we."
138
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:35,535
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
139
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,454
- We...
- What is happening to me?
140
00:05:37,487 --> 00:05:38,622
...hate--we hate this.
141
00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:39,831
- Right. Right.
- All right?
142
00:05:39,865 --> 00:05:41,499
- Oh, my God.
- We do not want this
143
00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:44,502
and that's why it's fun, okay?
144
00:05:44,536 --> 00:05:46,630
Everything
that goes bad is good...
145
00:05:46,663 --> 00:05:47,505
- Uh-hmm.
- ...because it makes
146
00:05:47,539 --> 00:05:48,506
for a better story.
147
00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:50,133
Our not-wedding wedding
148
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,302
for our not-marriage marriage,
149
00:05:52,335 --> 00:05:54,137
it's all nots, okay?
150
00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:56,973
Rebels of the altar.
It's just us.
151
00:05:57,007 --> 00:05:58,642
- Right.
- It's you and me.
152
00:05:58,675 --> 00:05:59,851
- You and me.
- You and me.
153
00:05:59,885 --> 00:06:01,403
- Okay.
- Okay?
154
00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,980
Yeah. Okay.
155
00:06:04,014 --> 00:06:06,816
But, like,
what if I lose control?
156
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:07,817
Yeah, what if you lose--
That's right.
157
00:06:07,851 --> 00:06:09,319
Because I'm really on the edge.
158
00:06:09,352 --> 00:06:11,488
I think--I think that perhaps
we need a safe word.
159
00:06:11,521 --> 00:06:12,405
That'd be good.
160
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:15,033
- Yeah.
- Okay. Like, um...
161
00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:17,369
- Um...
- ...uh...
162
00:06:17,402 --> 00:06:18,745
- I know.
- What?
163
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,414
Like, like,
um, Halloween 1999...
164
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,416
- Yeah.
- ...in a sea of Bill Clintons
165
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,001
and Monica Lewinskys...
- Uh-huh.
166
00:06:25,035 --> 00:06:27,170
...and Linda Tripps,
there were only two...
167
00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:28,672
- Janet Renos.
- Yeah.
168
00:06:28,705 --> 00:06:31,258
- Oh. Janet Reno.
- Janet Reno. Safe word.
169
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,759
- I love it.
- I love you.
170
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,053
- I fucking love you.
- Okay.
171
00:06:35,086 --> 00:06:38,181
Okay. Okay.
But that flower is not...
172
00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:39,516
- Hey, hey.
- ...in the center.
173
00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:41,017
- Hey, come on.
- Okay. I'm gonna...
174
00:06:41,051 --> 00:06:42,285
- Cool. Let's go. Come on.
- I'm gonna let it go.
175
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:46,523
Countdown to guest arrival,
T-minus 25 minutes. Twenty-five.
176
00:06:46,556 --> 00:06:47,357
I did. I did.
177
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,358
- No.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
178
00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:49,609
- Hey, hey!
- Martin.
179
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,279
- Hey, how are you?
- Congratulations.
180
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:55,782
Ohh. Mwah. Oh!
181
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,868
Oh. Oh, sweet redeemer.
Am I the first?
182
00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:00,203
- Always.
- You're punctual.
183
00:07:00,236 --> 00:07:01,788
- Oh.
- And where's, uh--is it Dana?
184
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:05,583
- No date, or...?
- Uh, Dana and I are exploring
185
00:07:05,617 --> 00:07:07,377
our options in a good way.
186
00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:08,461
- Cool.
- Okay.
187
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,713
I need you in the kitchen.
188
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,047
Uh, I'm greeting guests.
189
00:07:11,081 --> 00:07:12,215
I'm supposed to be here.
190
00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:15,093
What?
191
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,357
Okay.
192
00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:22,726
It's nothing.
- Okay.
193
00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:23,893
- Nothing.
- Is everything okay?
194
00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:26,062
- Yes, good.
- Um, so, well?
195
00:07:26,096 --> 00:07:27,897
Oh, Dana felt
that she needed...
196
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,566
- No, no, no, about the...
- Oh, oh, oh.
197
00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:31,067
You--you know what?
Let's not talk tomato.
198
00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:32,569
- Oh, they passed.
- No, it's...
199
00:07:32,602 --> 00:07:34,738
- They fucking passed. What?
- It's fine. It's fine.
200
00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:36,448
VC assholes.
201
00:07:36,481 --> 00:07:38,658
They've got no vision,
they've got no fucking...
202
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,459
- Hey.
- ...balls.
203
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,952
Hey, hey,
we'll get there, okay?
204
00:07:40,986 --> 00:07:42,245
I know a guy at Monsanto.
205
00:07:42,278 --> 00:07:44,581
Kill me
if we end up at Monsanto.
206
00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,083
Hey.
- Hi.
207
00:07:47,117 --> 00:07:48,585
Hey. So how was your nothing?
208
00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:50,170
It's fine. Yes, it'll be fine.
209
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,504
Good.
210
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:52,922
How is everything?
Everything fine?
211
00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,257
Fine, fine, fine. Good.
212
00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:55,592
Oh, they passed?
213
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:56,926
No, no, no, it's Dana.
214
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,803
We're hoping
she'll come through, right?
215
00:07:58,837 --> 00:08:02,265
Um, yeah. Um, hey, you know,
I'll be at the bar.
216
00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:03,733
- Cool. Okay.
- Yeah.
217
00:08:05,677 --> 00:08:07,103
Diane, Walt.
218
00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:09,647
Walt needs
to use the restroom.
219
00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:12,108
The signage here, lacking.
220
00:08:12,142 --> 00:08:14,486
Uh, down the hall,
first left on the left.
221
00:08:14,519 --> 00:08:17,322
- Left? Right.
- No, left.
222
00:08:17,355 --> 00:08:20,283
Okay. Right.
223
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:22,168
Good luck.
Thank you.
224
00:08:23,028 --> 00:08:24,087
Okay.
225
00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:28,124
Snub. Noted.
226
00:08:28,158 --> 00:08:30,043
Les, has he cancelled yet?
- Who?
227
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,670
- Jim.
- Uh, no, no, no, he's confirmed.
228
00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:34,464
- Who said?
- Lindy said.
229
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:36,508
No, he's not coming.
You need to prepare.
230
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:37,509
Prepare for what?
231
00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:39,636
Heartbreak, drama, tears.
232
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,513
Walt will walk Lindy
down the aisle.
233
00:08:41,546 --> 00:08:42,555
I think
Lindy wanted her dad...
234
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:43,640
It's handled.
235
00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:45,225
Walt will step in for Jim.
236
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,861
Crisis averted,
less drama, fewer tears.
237
00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:05,245
woman: Ready?
And what is the secret
238
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,747
to a happy marriage?
239
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,875
There is no secret. Walt?
240
00:09:10,909 --> 00:09:12,043
- Nope.
- No.
241
00:09:12,077 --> 00:09:14,546
And happy? Unsustainable.
242
00:09:14,579 --> 00:09:15,713
Enough said.
243
00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:17,257
But I will say,
244
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,134
I know it's fashionable
these days
245
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:23,054
for everyone to express
every single feeling
246
00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:25,723
at every single moment,
but as far as I'm concerned,
247
00:09:25,757 --> 00:09:29,269
it doesn't do anyone
the slightest bit of good.
248
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:32,822
And marriage--Walt?
249
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,067
Be nice.
250
00:09:36,101 --> 00:09:41,206
And if you can't be nice...
be silent.
251
00:09:41,773 --> 00:09:43,208
Walt?
252
00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:54,836
Why the fuck
are you two doing this?
253
00:09:54,869 --> 00:09:56,254
Terry.
254
00:09:56,287 --> 00:09:58,339
You mean,
why are we doing marriage?
255
00:09:58,373 --> 00:10:00,133
Hey, hey.
- Uh-hmm. Hi.
256
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,927
- Hi, hi.
- Okay. Be nice. Okay.
257
00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:05,688
I do have the greatest
wedding present ever.
258
00:10:06,548 --> 00:10:07,682
Open it now.
259
00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,017
No, we're doing gifts,
like, after...
260
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:10,151
Now, damn it.
261
00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:12,320
Okay.
Is this what I think it is?
262
00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:14,772
We have
a ton of work to do.
263
00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,491
Oh, no, we don't--hey.
- Stop, it can't wait.
264
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:22,280
No, it has to wait.
I mean, I have to be here.
265
00:10:22,313 --> 00:10:23,531
Well, you want to be here.
266
00:10:23,565 --> 00:10:24,991
- Yes, I want to be here.
- Yeah.
267
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:26,451
- I want to...
- You have to be here?
268
00:10:26,484 --> 00:10:28,328
All right, Stepford.
- I want to be here.
269
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,787
It's my wedding.
270
00:10:29,821 --> 00:10:30,872
And we agreed
that we wouldn't do any work
271
00:10:30,905 --> 00:10:32,499
on the wedding.
- Right.
272
00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:34,042
Uh, does your book go
to print Monday, Tomatohead?
273
00:10:34,075 --> 00:10:35,885
What?
You told her about the tomato?
274
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,879
- Was it a secret?
- Yeah.
275
00:10:37,912 --> 00:10:39,797
Word could get out.
- We don't have any secrets.
276
00:10:39,831 --> 00:10:41,883
Get used to it, Leslie.
- "Word can get out"?
277
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:42,967
You have no right
to call me Leslie.
278
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:43,968
Is it not your name?
279
00:10:44,002 --> 00:10:45,512
You have
no emotional right.
280
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,638
Okay. Hey, hey, baby.
Hey, look who's here,
281
00:10:46,671 --> 00:10:47,939
your mom and dad.
282
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:49,858
Oh.
283
00:10:50,992 --> 00:10:53,478
Lindy, Mom and Dad are here.
- I--I'm right behind you.
284
00:10:53,511 --> 00:10:54,779
- Okay.
- I'm right behind you.
285
00:10:56,514 --> 00:10:58,358
"Mom and Dad." How sweet.
286
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,235
Yeah, I am going
all fucking in
287
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:01,819
on this new normal family.
288
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:02,887
There is no normal.
289
00:11:02,921 --> 00:11:04,489
Do you want your book
in Barnes & Noble or what?
290
00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:05,823
Yeah, of course I do.
Take a drink.
291
00:11:05,857 --> 00:11:07,367
I'm getting blurbs
from France,
292
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,910
I'm getting blurbs
from Donna Tartt.
293
00:11:08,943 --> 00:11:10,328
- What?
- She doesn't blurb.
294
00:11:10,361 --> 00:11:12,330
And here you are worrying
about fucking canapes.
295
00:11:12,363 --> 00:11:13,631
Oh, my God.
296
00:11:14,866 --> 00:11:16,301
What happened to our pact?
297
00:11:16,768 --> 00:11:18,336
- Terry.
- We marry our careers.
298
00:11:18,369 --> 00:11:22,223
We breed success only.
We date and dump.
299
00:11:22,624 --> 00:11:24,926
No marriage,
no traditional gender roles,
300
00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,345
no Midwesterners, no cowboys.
New Yorkers...
301
00:11:27,378 --> 00:11:28,680
need only apply.
- Need only apply.
302
00:11:28,713 --> 00:11:31,599
We were young
and we were not serious.
303
00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:33,351
We were deadly serious.
304
00:11:33,384 --> 00:11:34,769
Yeah, but that was
when I didn't think
305
00:11:34,802 --> 00:11:36,854
I was ever gonna...
- No, no. Don't say love.
306
00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:38,439
...have actual love
in my life.
307
00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:40,283
I will throw myself
off the roof of this hotel.
308
00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:42,744
Is it the wedding
you're mad about?
309
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,447
Or is it Les?
- Fine. I don't like either.
310
00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:49,867
But my concern is less about Les
and more about you
311
00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:52,287
moving to the fucking suburbs
and being unable to write.
312
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,746
I am not moving
to the suburbs.
313
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,290
Les doesn't want that either.
314
00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:57,584
I will never not write,
and I don't vacuum,
315
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:58,927
so I will be me.
316
00:11:59,661 --> 00:12:01,421
Now I know I'm fucked.
317
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,881
It's a wedding.
It's not a death sentence.
318
00:12:03,915 --> 00:12:05,642
Mm, they're one and the same.
319
00:12:08,086 --> 00:12:09,721
Yeah, thank you,
Mrs. Littlejohn.
320
00:12:09,754 --> 00:12:11,139
- How was the journey down?
- Oh, no, no, no. Nancy, dear.
321
00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:12,390
Or Mom, you can use.
- How was the drive down?
322
00:12:12,423 --> 00:12:13,766
Uh, long. Long.
My leg cramped up.
323
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,892
I don't wanna stir the pot
and upset Diane.
324
00:12:14,926 --> 00:12:16,102
- Oh, no.
- Well, I--Mom, it is.
325
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,812
- Aww. Yay.
- Can I get you anything?
326
00:12:17,845 --> 00:12:19,147
Like ice or aspirin? Or...
327
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:21,065
Oh, no, no.
I'm not crying about it.
328
00:12:21,099 --> 00:12:22,900
The Littlejohns are here!
Hey! Whoa!
329
00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:25,403
Hey, where can we get
a real drink in this dump?
330
00:12:25,436 --> 00:12:28,906
Hey. Good to see you.
- Hey, buddy.
331
00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,576
Mm, Lindy, looking hot.
Okay, Sam.
332
00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:33,953
Well, your wife's right there.
Okay.
333
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,913
- Congrats, bro.
- Thanks, buddy.
334
00:12:35,947 --> 00:12:38,249
Jesus!
335
00:12:38,283 --> 00:12:40,335
Watch the family jewels, there.
336
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:41,961
Boys, leave your brother alone.
337
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:45,423
Mommy's not gonna come to your
defense anymore, Leslie, eh?
338
00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:47,091
That's Lindy's job now.
339
00:12:47,125 --> 00:12:50,428
Yeah, well, I'm gonna...
Ha, ha, ha. Okay, guys.
340
00:12:50,461 --> 00:12:51,804
Get in the bar, you know.
- Come on, let's get a drink.
341
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:54,098
Come on, come on.
Yeah, get a drink, huh?
342
00:12:54,132 --> 00:12:55,300
Great to see you.
343
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,435
Frank Jr.: Did you see his face?
Oh, my God. What a loser.
344
00:12:57,468 --> 00:12:59,103
Do you need ice or anything?
345
00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:00,822
Are you gonna throw up?
346
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,579
Okay... here we go.
347
00:13:09,647 --> 00:13:11,783
Thank you.
348
00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:14,827
Welcome, everyone. Welcome.
Welcome.
349
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,954
Um, we can't tell you
how honored we are
350
00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,706
to have you all here. Uh...
- Yes.
351
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,883
Many of you know
that Les and I
352
00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:23,378
never planned
to do any of this.
353
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,629
- Nope.
- Nope.
354
00:13:24,662 --> 00:13:26,714
- Nope. Not at all. No way.
- Nope.
355
00:13:26,748 --> 00:13:28,466
Uh, but I did know,
I did know,
356
00:13:28,499 --> 00:13:30,301
I will tell you this,
that I did know that when,
357
00:13:30,335 --> 00:13:33,021
um, the first moment
that I--that I met her,
358
00:13:33,454 --> 00:13:36,516
something inside me changed.
359
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,643
And I knew
that I wanted to, um...
360
00:13:38,676 --> 00:13:40,194
I wanted her
in my life forever...
361
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:44,532
and ever.
- And ever, yes. Thank you.
362
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:48,027
Um, well, alcohol
and a sexy Halloween costume
363
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,245
will do that to you.
364
00:13:49,612 --> 00:13:50,988
That's what got me.
365
00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:54,158
Um, I will say
that our first date,
366
00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:55,868
like, got off to a bit
of a rocky start, though.
367
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,995
- Ohh.
- Because I had asked her to,
368
00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,330
um, the classiest restaurant
369
00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,499
that my--
my grad student stipend
370
00:14:01,532 --> 00:14:03,209
would allow,
the Olive Garden.
371
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,503
Ohh.
Wonderful.
372
00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:09,507
I was so scared,
anticipating Lindy's arrival.
373
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:12,593
I was sitting there waiting,
waiting, and waiting,
374
00:14:12,627 --> 00:14:14,595
until it became obvious
to me,
375
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:16,889
and to the entire restaurant,
that she wasn't coming.
376
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,058
And she had stood me up
377
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,269
at the Olive Garden.
378
00:14:21,302 --> 00:14:23,271
Uh, and finally
a waiter came over
379
00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:26,691
and asked if there was
anything else I needed, um...
380
00:14:26,724 --> 00:14:28,860
My dignity, my pride, maybe.
381
00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:31,028
Um, and I was about to ask
for the check
382
00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:34,198
when a voice rang out...
383
00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:37,201
"Your finest house red,
unlimited breadsticks,
384
00:14:37,235 --> 00:14:38,870
and an apology for the sad,
385
00:14:38,903 --> 00:14:41,205
sexy sack at table nine."
386
00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:43,416
I'm glad I waited.
387
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,259
Because those breadsticks
were really good.
388
00:14:48,329 --> 00:14:49,305
To you.
389
00:14:49,939 --> 00:14:52,809
And to me, and to forever.
390
00:14:54,919 --> 00:14:59,557
To all of those things
and to you, to you for...
391
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:01,225
- To you.
- ...making the trip.
392
00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:02,602
We really--
we love you all so much.
393
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,145
Thank you.
- We do. Let's eat.
394
00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:05,613
Yes.
395
00:15:08,099 --> 00:15:10,485
Aww, lovely speech.
Thank you both.
396
00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:11,903
Thank you.
397
00:15:11,936 --> 00:15:14,122
Aww. Well. Cute, right?
398
00:15:22,113 --> 00:15:23,664
Uh, attention.
399
00:15:23,698 --> 00:15:26,334
We're having a small issue
in the kitchen,
400
00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:28,252
a tiny delay with dinner.
401
00:15:28,286 --> 00:15:29,837
So we're bringing cocktails
for everyone
402
00:15:29,871 --> 00:15:31,422
to enjoy in the interim.
403
00:15:31,456 --> 00:15:32,423
Great.
404
00:15:32,457 --> 00:15:36,427
- No, I have to go.
- No, no, no. We hate this.
405
00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:37,929
More cocktails?
406
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,472
You know how many cocktails
she's already had?
407
00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:40,932
- We hate this.
- This is a recipe for disaster.
408
00:15:40,965 --> 00:15:42,183
We hate this.
409
00:15:42,216 --> 00:15:44,602
Gasoline. The match is lit.
410
00:15:44,635 --> 00:15:47,738
The match is lit. Thank you.
411
00:15:48,673 --> 00:15:50,983
It is what it is, isn't it?
412
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,834
Keeping romance alive.
413
00:16:00,368 --> 00:16:03,621
Les is a hopeless
romantic at heart.
414
00:16:03,654 --> 00:16:06,874
Do you remember
those sweet poems he used to--
415
00:16:06,908 --> 00:16:09,001
he used to write
when he was little, dear?
416
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,670
- Mm.
- He would--he would put them
417
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,046
on our pillow every night...
418
00:16:12,079 --> 00:16:13,464
- Uh-hmm.
- ...before he went to sleep.
419
00:16:13,498 --> 00:16:15,892
Glad he grew
out of that one, or...
420
00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,636
I-I remember, um,
421
00:16:18,669 --> 00:16:21,305
"Twinkle, twinkle, little me,
how I wonder...
422
00:16:21,339 --> 00:16:22,723
- Yeah, okay. The rest of it,
- "...what I'll be."
423
00:16:22,757 --> 00:16:25,401
they get it. They get it.
424
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,485
- Bride or groom?
- Lindy. Best friend.
425
00:16:34,519 --> 00:16:36,988
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Les is my best friend.
426
00:16:37,021 --> 00:16:39,657
Yeah, how come our paths
have never crossed?
427
00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:41,542
Oh, I don't like him.
I mean, do you?
428
00:16:43,194 --> 00:16:46,205
- I never thought about it.
- Huh. You didn't say yes.
429
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,541
Oh, well, now, you...
you caught me off guard.
430
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,377
Well, isn't--
doesn't best friend imply yes?
431
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,671
Not always.
432
00:16:53,704 --> 00:16:56,215
I get the impression
you don't wanna be here?
433
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,100
Lindy wants me here,
so I'm here.
434
00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:01,938
You here with a plus-one?
435
00:17:03,464 --> 00:17:05,066
Why, no.
436
00:17:05,366 --> 00:17:06,567
Where's your date?
437
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,160
It's complicated.
438
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,738
Ugh, complicated
leads to all of this.
439
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,407
You're very direct.
440
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:16,410
- You like it?
- I don't know if I do.
441
00:17:16,944 --> 00:17:18,863
You will.
Hi.
442
00:17:18,896 --> 00:17:21,832
I don't know if I will.
Just wait.
443
00:17:25,403 --> 00:17:27,288
- So you're ready for the show?
- Oh, yes.
444
00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:28,873
Gary, when do you think
the show will start?
445
00:17:28,906 --> 00:17:30,291
What show?
446
00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:31,792
Wait, is this your first
McMichael event?
447
00:17:31,826 --> 00:17:33,711
Have you never been
to a McMichael event?
448
00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:36,422
- Yeah, I--no. Why?
- Things are gonna get nuts.
449
00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:38,716
Oh, we guarantee it. Nuts.
450
00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:42,553
- I predict blood.
- Yes. Blood.
451
00:17:42,587 --> 00:17:43,638
both:
Mm-hmm.
452
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:46,223
What kind of blood? What?
453
00:17:46,257 --> 00:17:49,277
Look at me. Tell me.
454
00:17:50,595 --> 00:17:52,280
Is this what you really want?
455
00:17:55,349 --> 00:17:58,569
- Terry.
- Ha, you didn't say yes.
456
00:17:58,603 --> 00:18:00,905
Are you working
at your wedding?
457
00:18:00,938 --> 00:18:02,957
My book
goes to print Monday.
458
00:18:03,257 --> 00:18:05,459
Hi. Welcome. How many is that?
459
00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:12,249
I told Les, Walt will walk you
down the aisle.
460
00:18:12,283 --> 00:18:13,793
Dad will.
461
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,462
Optimism is naive
and not you.
462
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,923
You have been perfectly cast
as negativity.
463
00:18:18,956 --> 00:18:20,633
Typecast. Hi, Diane.
464
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,643
You're not helping.
Hi, Terry.
465
00:18:23,110 --> 00:18:25,930
Need I remind you how many times
your father was a no-show?
466
00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:28,349
Pick an event.
- Mom, your grievances
467
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:29,767
are not my grievances.
468
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,770
I was the one left
to pick up the pieces.
469
00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:34,981
Oh, you mean
kick the pieces
470
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,657
and say "I told you so."
471
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,028
If you don't wanna follow
in your father's footsteps,
472
00:18:41,062 --> 00:18:43,489
you should be over there
with your husband-to-be.
473
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,826
That is your duty
as wife-to-be.
474
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:49,086
Don't mess this up, too.
475
00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:56,711
Mother of ice.
476
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,095
What an exit.
477
00:18:58,496 --> 00:19:01,799
- Duty?
- Well, you are a wife-to-be.
478
00:19:01,832 --> 00:19:04,468
- Oh, is that the book?
- Yeah.
479
00:19:04,502 --> 00:19:06,637
- Am I in it?
- Okay, no one's in it.
480
00:19:06,671 --> 00:19:07,638
It's fiction.
481
00:19:07,672 --> 00:19:09,557
I cannot believe
482
00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,809
that you are getting married,
483
00:19:11,842 --> 00:19:14,061
when you always said
you never wanted to.
484
00:19:14,095 --> 00:19:15,946
And I always wanted to.
485
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,066
But I could never find the one,
not that there is, like, a one,
486
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,985
but I found him.
487
00:19:21,018 --> 00:19:21,986
Oh.
488
00:19:22,019 --> 00:19:23,371
Tim, this is my--
489
00:19:25,189 --> 00:19:26,991
Has anyone seen Tim?
490
00:19:27,024 --> 00:19:30,461
Um, Erin, is that him?
491
00:19:30,861 --> 00:19:34,415
Oh, God. Uh, yeah.
Isn't he great?
492
00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:36,167
- Yeah, he's...
- I'll be right back.
493
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,551
Hi, Terry.
- Hi.
494
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,506
I don't know what love is.
I don't know.
495
00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:45,259
None of us do.
But they know. They know.
496
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,053
Last time I spoke
to this many people
497
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:49,055
was for the launch
of the Ford Taurus,
498
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:51,265
as some of you probably know
I-I designed.
499
00:19:51,298 --> 00:19:53,934
Sorry, I'm gonna bring this
down to human height.
500
00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:55,611
I've known you a long time.
501
00:19:56,245 --> 00:19:59,949
Long time, 'member?
Yeah. I do.
502
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,693
Oh, this, um,
was Les' favorite song
503
00:20:02,727 --> 00:20:03,903
when he was little.
504
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,529
You'll remember it, Les.
505
00:20:05,563 --> 00:20:07,406
♪ I u-lu-lused to pla-lay-lay ♪
♪ The ol-old banjo-lo ♪
506
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,533
♪ And re-te-lest it ♪
♪ O-lo-lon my knee-lelelelee ♪
507
00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:12,036
But honestly, when I first
saw you two together,
508
00:20:12,069 --> 00:20:14,538
I was like, "Mm-mm, no way,
never gonna happen.
509
00:20:14,572 --> 00:20:16,248
It's never gonna happen."
510
00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:17,541
We're so happy for you.
511
00:20:17,575 --> 00:20:20,544
both: So happy for you.
512
00:20:20,578 --> 00:20:22,880
To my much older sister,
513
00:20:22,913 --> 00:20:26,050
who found the one so easily.
514
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:27,251
'Cause of course.
515
00:20:27,284 --> 00:20:30,888
Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, Lindy,
you are...
516
00:20:30,921 --> 00:20:32,473
You are hot.
517
00:20:32,506 --> 00:20:33,599
♪ And now-lo-low ♪
♪ The stri-li-lings ♪
518
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:34,734
♪ Are metal and so-lo-lo ♪
519
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,652
♪ This so-lo-long ♪
♪ I si-li-ling for you ♪
520
00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:41,107
Anyway, I'm hopeful,
you know.
521
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,400
I have my Tim.
522
00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:46,487
We should ask them
what love is, right?
523
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,791
Oh! Drunk.
524
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,126
Has anyone seen Tim?
525
00:20:52,159 --> 00:20:53,494
♪ This so-lo-long ♪
♪ I si-li-ling ♪
526
00:20:53,527 --> 00:20:55,212
♪ For you-lu-lu-lu-lu ♪
527
00:20:58,866 --> 00:21:02,803
Love.
It's a beautiful thing.
528
00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:10,469
- Where the fuck is the food?
- Minutes away, ma'am--
529
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:11,929
I mean miss.
530
00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:13,430
Alice, you said that
five minutes ago.
531
00:21:13,464 --> 00:21:15,149
I know, I know, it's...
Jim [on mic]: Peas and carrots.
532
00:21:18,135 --> 00:21:19,353
Daddy.
533
00:21:19,386 --> 00:21:21,147
You know, Lindy
was born on my birthday,
534
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,524
stealing my thunder
from day one.
535
00:21:24,758 --> 00:21:28,329
From the moment my baby girl
breathed air, she screamed.
536
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,823
And not
just-been-born scream, no.
537
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:34,001
This one, this one
had something to say.
538
00:21:34,535 --> 00:21:37,121
And I thought, "Holy shit...
539
00:21:37,154 --> 00:21:38,622
...now I got two women
screaming at me."
540
00:21:38,656 --> 00:21:39,623
Hi, Diane.
541
00:21:42,409 --> 00:21:44,887
Then I held her in my arms
542
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,298
and she suddenly
stopped screaming.
543
00:21:47,331 --> 00:21:48,632
Silence.
544
00:21:48,666 --> 00:21:49,842
The nurse said
she'd never seen
545
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,135
anything like it.
546
00:21:51,168 --> 00:21:53,687
She said,
"You two belong together.
547
00:21:54,922 --> 00:21:57,641
Like peas and carrots."
548
00:21:57,675 --> 00:21:59,643
He was in Milwaukee
the day she was born.
549
00:21:59,677 --> 00:22:00,778
And to see her now,
550
00:22:01,679 --> 00:22:03,355
young, in love,
551
00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:05,074
getting married,
552
00:22:06,183 --> 00:22:07,576
bright futures ahead of you.
553
00:22:08,143 --> 00:22:11,238
It makes a man feel
a little bit, uh, giddy
554
00:22:11,272 --> 00:22:12,531
just sharing the air
with you.
555
00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:15,034
As long as
there's no screamin'.
556
00:22:17,278 --> 00:22:19,547
You know,
when you got kids...
557
00:22:20,698 --> 00:22:23,467
you see a little bit
of you in them.
558
00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:27,338
And when they find someone
559
00:22:27,371 --> 00:22:30,883
who loves them, it's...
560
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:32,384
it's like that
little piece of you
561
00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:34,436
is getting that love, too.
562
00:22:36,255 --> 00:22:38,232
It makes this old man feel...
563
00:22:41,218 --> 00:22:42,519
very proud.
564
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,731
Congratulations to you both.
565
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,399
I couldn't be happier.
566
00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:50,236
Hey, you're the peas
and carrots now.
567
00:22:57,234 --> 00:22:59,703
- Speech of the night.
- Speech of the night.
568
00:22:59,737 --> 00:23:00,955
At least he didn't regale us
569
00:23:00,988 --> 00:23:02,798
with his so-called
baseball career.
570
00:23:05,993 --> 00:23:08,429
Oh, baby.
571
00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:13,133
Oh, I'm so happy you're here.
572
00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:14,852
Gotta have someone
on your team, kiddo.
573
00:23:15,452 --> 00:23:19,223
Daddy,
this is Les.
574
00:23:19,256 --> 00:23:21,058
Mr. McMichael, an honor, sir.
575
00:23:21,091 --> 00:23:22,893
Jim, never sir.
576
00:23:22,927 --> 00:23:24,144
Oh.
577
00:23:24,178 --> 00:23:26,272
- And the honor is mine.
- Okay.
578
00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:27,898
But there's an obligation
I have as a father.
579
00:23:27,932 --> 00:23:30,109
And that is that
if you break her heart...
580
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:32,620
Uh-hmm.
- ...I will break yours, son.
581
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,657
I'm kidding.
582
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:40,411
Clear, direct, threatening,
uh, with warmth and jest.
583
00:23:40,444 --> 00:23:42,338
I can see where Lindy gets it.
584
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:45,499
Hey, hey.
585
00:23:45,532 --> 00:23:46,917
Diane.
586
00:23:46,951 --> 00:23:48,127
Jim.
587
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,169
Walt.
588
00:23:49,203 --> 00:23:50,754
- Jim.
- Les.
589
00:23:50,788 --> 00:23:52,339
Oh, uh, Kevin!
590
00:23:52,373 --> 00:23:53,590
Mom.
591
00:23:53,624 --> 00:23:54,683
Lindy.
592
00:23:59,046 --> 00:24:01,265
So, how about
that book of hers?
593
00:24:01,298 --> 00:24:03,350
- My--you read it?
- Read it?
594
00:24:03,384 --> 00:24:05,811
It's incredible.
You're a big talent, Lindy.
595
00:24:05,844 --> 00:24:07,938
- Dad.
- Chip off the old block.
596
00:24:07,972 --> 00:24:09,773
And, boy, did you get
the Diane character
597
00:24:09,807 --> 00:24:11,442
down to a tee.
Dad.
598
00:24:11,475 --> 00:24:13,360
Yeah. It kept me looking
over my shoulder, kiddo.
599
00:24:13,394 --> 00:24:14,945
I'm--I'm--I'm in it?
600
00:24:14,979 --> 00:24:16,488
No, nobody's in it.
It's fiction.
601
00:24:16,522 --> 00:24:17,823
I'm a--I'm a character
in your book
602
00:24:17,856 --> 00:24:19,033
and you managed to send him
603
00:24:19,066 --> 00:24:20,117
an advance copy
604
00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:21,785
to address unknown,
605
00:24:21,819 --> 00:24:23,379
but not me?
- Mom.
606
00:24:24,321 --> 00:24:25,339
Walt?
607
00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:28,092
- Diane.
- Mom.
608
00:24:29,368 --> 00:24:30,678
Kevin!
609
00:24:34,832 --> 00:24:36,633
Leslie, show Dad
what you were showing me.
610
00:24:36,667 --> 00:24:38,218
Oh, no, no. It's early days.
611
00:24:38,252 --> 00:24:40,137
It's not--no, no.
- Show him. It's extraordinary.
612
00:24:40,170 --> 00:24:42,556
Frank. Yeah.
- Yeah, show me. Come on.
613
00:24:42,589 --> 00:24:44,850
- Okay. If you're sure.
- Food's not here yet.
614
00:24:44,883 --> 00:24:47,144
See? It's the perfect time.
Go on, dear.
615
00:24:47,177 --> 00:24:49,897
Okay. Well, um, Dad,
616
00:24:49,930 --> 00:24:52,649
I...
I am on the brink
617
00:24:52,683 --> 00:24:56,028
of inventing the GMO tomato.
618
00:24:56,061 --> 00:24:57,821
- Oh.
- It's the...
619
00:24:57,855 --> 00:25:00,032
So the genetically modified
tomato really has the potential
620
00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:03,160
to, um, change agriculture
as we know it.
621
00:25:03,193 --> 00:25:05,496
And Monsanto, uh,
is interested, actually.
622
00:25:05,529 --> 00:25:07,247
Hasn't the tomato
already been invented?
623
00:25:07,281 --> 00:25:08,665
Yeah, but this is
a new kind of--
624
00:25:08,699 --> 00:25:10,000
this is a different
kind of tomato.
625
00:25:10,034 --> 00:25:11,668
You love tomatoes, Frank.
626
00:25:11,702 --> 00:25:13,470
I do love tomatoes
in the sandwich.
627
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,258
Does it--
does it look like a tomato?
628
00:25:18,292 --> 00:25:20,219
Yeah, but it's
genetically modified.
629
00:25:20,252 --> 00:25:21,678
And it tastes like a tomato?
630
00:25:21,712 --> 00:25:23,230
Yes. But--yeah.
631
00:25:24,381 --> 00:25:26,016
- It's a tomato?
- It is. It is. Yeah.
632
00:25:26,050 --> 00:25:27,067
Nice.
633
00:25:28,093 --> 00:25:29,603
Yup. Yup.
634
00:25:29,636 --> 00:25:31,355
You see? He's impressed.
635
00:25:31,388 --> 00:25:33,157
Yeah.
636
00:25:43,734 --> 00:25:45,869
Uh, bullshit to marriage,
bullshit to happy.
637
00:25:45,903 --> 00:25:48,789
Do you wanna know what genre
I file romance under? Fantasy.
638
00:25:48,822 --> 00:25:50,374
And as for Lindy
and the Nutty Professor,
639
00:25:50,407 --> 00:25:51,917
science fiction.
640
00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:53,377
I'm just waiting
for the day my phone rings
641
00:25:53,410 --> 00:25:55,262
and she's accidentally
got two heads.
642
00:25:56,914 --> 00:25:59,308
Attention,
distinguished guests.
643
00:25:59,808 --> 00:26:02,094
The food is on its way.
all: Whoo!
644
00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:03,637
Please return to your seats
645
00:26:03,670 --> 00:26:05,055
in a timely manner
and we'll--
646
00:26:05,089 --> 00:26:06,523
"Chapter Nine,
647
00:26:07,466 --> 00:26:09,726
Mother of Ice."
648
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,228
Oh, fuck.
649
00:26:11,261 --> 00:26:14,481
"My mother
was not kind or warm."
650
00:26:14,515 --> 00:26:16,108
- Walt, go stop her.
- Yeah.
651
00:26:16,141 --> 00:26:17,901
- Do something.
- I'm no hero.
652
00:26:17,935 --> 00:26:19,403
"...emotional icicle."
Okay. All right.
653
00:26:19,436 --> 00:26:20,988
Everybody, take your seats.
Sit down.
654
00:26:21,021 --> 00:26:22,489
Don't worry, everybody. Mom.
655
00:26:22,523 --> 00:26:23,949
"Her feelings frozen
into harsh..."
656
00:26:23,982 --> 00:26:25,659
- Okay. We're gonna eat.
- "...jagged edges..."
657
00:26:25,692 --> 00:26:27,077
Let's, uh...
"...ready to impale
658
00:26:27,111 --> 00:26:28,745
anyone who got too..."
659
00:26:28,779 --> 00:26:30,330
Stop it.
- Diane.
660
00:26:30,364 --> 00:26:31,290
You're ruining--Mom,
what the fuck are you doing?
661
00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:32,749
You're ruining my wedding.
662
00:26:32,783 --> 00:26:34,251
Diane,
would you like some coffee?
663
00:26:34,284 --> 00:26:35,502
Where is, uh, Kevin?
"As soon as..."
664
00:26:35,536 --> 00:26:36,837
You know what?
Let's just...
665
00:26:36,870 --> 00:26:38,338
Kevin? Kevin?
- I'm--I'm--
666
00:26:38,372 --> 00:26:39,631
"as soon as my mother..."
- Diane. Diane.
667
00:26:39,665 --> 00:26:40,591
- Kevin!
- "...temperature dropped,
668
00:26:40,624 --> 00:26:41,625
the air sparked."
669
00:26:41,658 --> 00:26:42,926
When you want him,
he's never freakin' there.
670
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,761
Kevin! We need coffee.
671
00:26:44,795 --> 00:26:47,097
Okay.
Let's just--can I unplug this?
672
00:26:47,131 --> 00:26:48,932
Yeah.
It's a good idea, great idea.
673
00:26:48,966 --> 00:26:50,309
"...scorned
my mother's love."
674
00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:51,602
Unplug it. Mom.
675
00:26:51,635 --> 00:26:52,519
What are you doing?
676
00:26:52,553 --> 00:26:54,021
"Hell hath no fury
677
00:26:54,054 --> 00:26:57,441
"like a repressed
middle-aged mother scorned.
678
00:26:57,474 --> 00:26:59,151
"My mother's love, conditional.
679
00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:00,944
"It had to be earned,
it had to be controlled."
680
00:27:00,978 --> 00:27:02,446
Kevin!
Unhand me.
681
00:27:02,479 --> 00:27:05,282
Ah!
- I'm burning!
682
00:27:05,315 --> 00:27:07,993
He's fine. He's fine.
He's not burning.
683
00:27:08,026 --> 00:27:11,121
"My mother was not one
to forget or forgive."
684
00:27:11,155 --> 00:27:13,624
Mother, stop!
685
00:27:13,657 --> 00:27:15,334
We're getting
out of here. Walt.
686
00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:18,629
Oh, Jesus! Fuck, Diane!
687
00:27:18,662 --> 00:27:21,465
Drop the knife, Mom.
Put the knife down.
688
00:27:21,498 --> 00:27:24,384
Oh! Ow, ow, ow, ow!
689
00:27:24,418 --> 00:27:26,011
I've been stabbed!
- Oh, Les.
690
00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,221
man: Oh, fuck!
I've been stabbed!
691
00:27:27,254 --> 00:27:28,680
Femoral artery,
I could bleed out!
692
00:27:28,714 --> 00:27:29,615
I gotta pull it, right?
693
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:31,141
No, don't pull it out.
It's okay.
694
00:27:31,175 --> 00:27:33,477
I don't think it's gonna be
fine with me!
695
00:27:33,510 --> 00:27:34,478
I'm gonna take it out.
696
00:27:34,511 --> 00:27:35,245
I really don't think
you should take it out.
697
00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:36,113
- Three, two, one!
- No, Lindy!
698
00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:41,485
Everybody's getting stabbed.
699
00:27:41,518 --> 00:27:43,487
Oh, let's get you
out of here, dear.
700
00:27:48,358 --> 00:27:49,993
Oh, my God.
701
00:27:50,027 --> 00:27:52,162
Walter, could you restrain
your fuckin' wife!
702
00:27:52,196 --> 00:27:53,914
- Walt. Walt.
- Don't tell me what to do.
703
00:27:53,947 --> 00:27:56,667
- Come on! Go there!
- I'm telling ya...
704
00:27:56,700 --> 00:27:58,669
I fuckin' will.
705
00:27:58,702 --> 00:27:59,545
- Dad!
- Frank!
706
00:27:59,578 --> 00:28:00,921
- Jim!
- Frank!
707
00:28:04,708 --> 00:28:07,427
Holy Gracious Savior,
you called it.
708
00:28:07,461 --> 00:28:09,012
A double stabbing.
709
00:28:09,046 --> 00:28:10,097
Should've put money on it.
710
00:28:10,130 --> 00:28:12,432
Marriage. Blood sport.
711
00:28:12,466 --> 00:28:14,893
Will everybody
please sit down
712
00:28:14,927 --> 00:28:18,272
and enjoy
the fucking tuna tartare?!
713
00:28:24,478 --> 00:28:27,581
officer:
Uh, what happened exactly?
714
00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:30,250
Rehearsal dinner.
715
00:28:32,236 --> 00:28:33,170
Got it.
716
00:28:34,446 --> 00:28:37,841
By the way,
I liked your speech a lot.
717
00:28:39,409 --> 00:28:40,594
By the way...
718
00:28:41,662 --> 00:28:45,515
I liked your face a lot.
719
00:28:46,416 --> 00:28:48,477
My room, let's go. Now.
720
00:28:49,753 --> 00:28:51,688
Bless this shepherd.
721
00:28:52,422 --> 00:28:54,057
I should probably
introduce myself...
722
00:28:54,091 --> 00:28:55,442
- Don't.
- ...I'm--oh.
723
00:28:58,428 --> 00:29:00,981
woman: What's the secret
to a happy marriage?
724
00:29:01,014 --> 00:29:02,783
- Being in sync.
- Being... in sync.
725
00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:09,957
- Such a shit...
- What a shit show.
726
00:29:11,358 --> 00:29:13,543
Oh, my God, my family.
727
00:29:14,211 --> 00:29:16,121
Always with the drama.
- Oh, my God. Fuck.
728
00:29:16,154 --> 00:29:17,914
I mean,
I only wanted to get married
729
00:29:17,948 --> 00:29:19,583
to join your normal family
730
00:29:19,616 --> 00:29:23,503
so I could escape
from the madness of my own.
731
00:29:23,537 --> 00:29:24,554
Only?
732
00:29:27,291 --> 00:29:28,308
Only?
733
00:29:31,461 --> 00:29:32,521
Les.
734
00:29:33,555 --> 00:29:37,150
You only wanted to get married
to join my normal family?
735
00:29:38,677 --> 00:29:42,155
Do you have any idea
how small that makes me feel?
736
00:29:44,141 --> 00:29:45,367
Whoa, hey.
737
00:29:46,977 --> 00:29:48,662
Nothing's changed.
738
00:29:50,147 --> 00:29:51,698
And I love you.
739
00:29:51,732 --> 00:29:55,369
Not enough to not work
740
00:29:55,402 --> 00:29:57,454
at our rehearsal dinner, right?
741
00:29:57,487 --> 00:30:00,382
Maybe I could--maybe
I could still feel my thigh.
742
00:30:01,216 --> 00:30:04,294
What happened to,
"Everything that goes bad
743
00:30:04,328 --> 00:30:05,962
is good,
makes for a better story"?
744
00:30:05,996 --> 00:30:10,133
Are-- We're not even doing this
for real, are we?
745
00:30:10,167 --> 00:30:11,852
I don't know. Are we?
746
00:30:13,337 --> 00:30:14,971
What's happening?
747
00:30:15,005 --> 00:30:17,683
Is this maybe
the drugs talking?
748
00:30:17,716 --> 00:30:21,645
Uh, maybe, maybe.
But maybe not.
749
00:30:21,678 --> 00:30:22,813
Hang on. Where are you going?
750
00:30:22,846 --> 00:30:24,815
Going to my room.
751
00:30:24,848 --> 00:30:26,733
I mean, come--
Les, let's just fuck that
752
00:30:26,767 --> 00:30:28,902
traditional wedding
superstition stuff.
753
00:30:28,935 --> 00:30:30,704
Well, you wanna--
you wanna fuck the wedding?
754
00:30:33,357 --> 00:30:34,658
That is not what I just said.
755
00:30:34,691 --> 00:30:36,159
But that's what you meant.
756
00:30:36,193 --> 00:30:37,377
- No.
- Wait.
757
00:30:38,445 --> 00:30:39,913
What's this?
758
00:30:39,946 --> 00:30:41,832
I--come--I...I...
759
00:30:41,865 --> 00:30:45,043
"Let"-- That's your vow?
"Let's do this thing"?
760
00:30:45,077 --> 00:30:46,420
Come on. I...
That?
761
00:30:46,453 --> 00:30:47,838
That's--I--I'm--
762
00:30:47,871 --> 00:30:49,005
tomorrow I'm gonna--
I wanted to be...
763
00:30:49,039 --> 00:30:50,173
I got it. I got it.
764
00:30:50,207 --> 00:30:52,008
It really is a fucking wedding.
765
00:30:52,042 --> 00:30:53,510
I understand.
766
00:30:53,543 --> 00:30:54,728
Hey, where--where-- Wait.
767
00:30:57,923 --> 00:30:59,349
Am I gonna see you tomorrow?
768
00:30:59,383 --> 00:31:00,734
Am I gonna see you tomorrow?
769
00:31:17,734 --> 00:31:18,702
Hey.
770
00:31:18,735 --> 00:31:19,795
Hey.
771
00:31:20,987 --> 00:31:22,005
Cold feet?
772
00:31:22,614 --> 00:31:23,757
Maybe.
773
00:31:24,783 --> 00:31:25,792
Drink?
774
00:31:25,826 --> 00:31:27,969
- Yeah.
- All right.
775
00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:35,594
I'm sorry about your arm.
776
00:31:35,627 --> 00:31:37,637
Aw, she's been waitin'
20 years
777
00:31:37,671 --> 00:31:39,022
to stab me with something.
778
00:31:39,756 --> 00:31:40,774
It's okay.
779
00:31:43,593 --> 00:31:45,320
I think this wedding
was a mistake.
780
00:31:47,431 --> 00:31:49,491
The wedding or the marriage?
781
00:31:51,768 --> 00:31:53,278
I gotta say,
I never thought I'd see
782
00:31:53,311 --> 00:31:56,123
my little firecracker
settle down.
783
00:31:57,441 --> 00:31:58,959
But you like Les, right?
784
00:32:00,277 --> 00:32:02,621
You chose dependable
over exciting.
785
00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,122
Is that bad?
786
00:32:04,156 --> 00:32:06,383
We don't do dependable,
me and you.
787
00:32:09,786 --> 00:32:10,804
Hmm.
788
00:32:12,372 --> 00:32:13,974
I wanted normal.
789
00:32:15,292 --> 00:32:16,393
I've never had normal.
790
00:32:18,962 --> 00:32:21,097
Well...
791
00:32:21,131 --> 00:32:23,692
not-normal fueled your talent.
792
00:32:24,659 --> 00:32:28,605
Hell, you wrote
a fantastic book because of it.
793
00:32:28,638 --> 00:32:30,991
Normal can kill
a creative spark.
794
00:32:33,310 --> 00:32:35,662
That's why
I can't write my vows maybe.
795
00:32:36,646 --> 00:32:39,166
Could be. Jeez, I should know.
796
00:32:41,401 --> 00:32:44,120
Before I met Diane,
I was a lock for the majors.
797
00:32:44,154 --> 00:32:46,456
But you know the story.
- Yep.
798
00:32:46,490 --> 00:32:48,792
Yeah. You got married,
and then, the armoire...
799
00:32:48,825 --> 00:32:50,293
- The armoire, whatever,
- ...to go...
800
00:32:50,327 --> 00:32:51,795
that dresser thing
she wanted upstairs.
801
00:32:51,828 --> 00:32:53,129
Had to have it upstairs,
802
00:32:53,163 --> 00:32:55,841
and then,
tore a ligament and...
803
00:32:55,874 --> 00:32:57,300
that was that.
804
00:32:57,334 --> 00:32:59,052
- Yeah.
- Goodbye, baseball career.
805
00:32:59,085 --> 00:33:01,221
You really think you would've
been a baseball star
806
00:33:01,254 --> 00:33:02,731
if you hadn't married Mom?
807
00:33:04,382 --> 00:33:05,442
Hm.
808
00:33:06,676 --> 00:33:08,228
After we divorced,
809
00:33:08,261 --> 00:33:10,480
I started playing down in
the Mexican Pacific League.
810
00:33:10,514 --> 00:33:12,065
Everyone thought
I was washed up.
811
00:33:12,098 --> 00:33:13,984
The coach was, uh,
forced to sign me.
812
00:33:14,017 --> 00:33:16,695
So, yeah,
he benched me game after game.
813
00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:20,207
And one day, their star player
814
00:33:21,358 --> 00:33:22,826
got injured,
and coach had no choice
815
00:33:22,859 --> 00:33:24,794
but to send me in to bat.
816
00:33:25,295 --> 00:33:27,163
First pitch, swing and a miss.
817
00:33:27,197 --> 00:33:29,666
Second pitch, another whiff.
818
00:33:29,699 --> 00:33:31,835
If I blow it, I'm done.
819
00:33:31,868 --> 00:33:33,670
The next pitch,
I hit that goddamn ball
820
00:33:33,703 --> 00:33:36,506
so hard it smashes out
the stadium lights,
821
00:33:36,540 --> 00:33:39,676
sparks flying onto the field,
crowd goes wild.
822
00:33:39,709 --> 00:33:41,678
And I knew.
823
00:33:41,711 --> 00:33:44,314
I mean,
I remembered in that moment
824
00:33:45,715 --> 00:33:47,726
for great talent to thrive,
825
00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:49,778
you gotta put you first.
826
00:33:51,054 --> 00:33:52,572
You hear me, kiddo?
827
00:33:54,558 --> 00:33:57,694
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
828
00:33:57,727 --> 00:33:59,696
I'll have the car running
tomorrow morning
829
00:33:59,729 --> 00:34:01,248
if you wanna make a run for it.
830
00:34:03,066 --> 00:34:04,701
We both know this isn't you.
831
00:34:04,734 --> 00:34:06,419
Peas and carrots.
832
00:34:08,071 --> 00:34:10,457
Uh, I'll be right back.
I gotta see a man about a horse.
833
00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:19,549
Um, you do know
that was the plot
834
00:34:19,583 --> 00:34:21,434
of The Natural,
right?
835
00:34:22,252 --> 00:34:24,854
Oh, yeah, Kevin. I know.
836
00:35:00,457 --> 00:35:02,726
- Are you crying?
- No.
837
00:35:03,543 --> 00:35:05,729
Are you smoking?
- No.
838
00:35:07,714 --> 00:35:09,316
Is it because I stabbed you?
839
00:35:09,849 --> 00:35:12,986
No.
Is it 'cause you stabbed me?
840
00:35:13,803 --> 00:35:14,821
Yes.
841
00:35:18,642 --> 00:35:21,036
What did she say
or what did she do?
842
00:35:23,063 --> 00:35:26,666
She was so, uh, excited.
Yeah.
843
00:35:27,901 --> 00:35:29,452
Mm.
844
00:35:29,486 --> 00:35:33,048
Fear cloaked in excitement.
845
00:35:34,824 --> 00:35:37,669
And now she wants to run.
846
00:35:37,702 --> 00:35:39,129
Well, she didn't say that.
847
00:35:39,162 --> 00:35:40,180
She didn't have to.
848
00:35:41,831 --> 00:35:44,009
Lindy is like Jim,
but she's more like me
849
00:35:44,042 --> 00:35:45,218
than she realizes.
850
00:35:45,251 --> 00:35:47,137
The more she loves someone,
851
00:35:47,170 --> 00:35:51,141
the more she fears
they will run.
852
00:35:51,174 --> 00:35:55,311
We have the endlessly charming
Jim to thank for that.
853
00:35:55,345 --> 00:35:58,815
Say what you will about me,
but I stuck around.
854
00:35:58,848 --> 00:36:02,035
I know I am not easy
or charming.
855
00:36:03,770 --> 00:36:07,415
And contrary to popular belief,
I am not a monster.
856
00:36:08,692 --> 00:36:10,160
After Jim left...
857
00:36:13,613 --> 00:36:14,881
my heart broke.
858
00:36:16,783 --> 00:36:19,836
Yes, Mother of Ice has a heart.
859
00:36:19,869 --> 00:36:22,889
I vowed I'd never marry again.
860
00:36:24,249 --> 00:36:25,392
Then I met Walt.
861
00:36:26,543 --> 00:36:28,053
He's a good one.
862
00:36:28,086 --> 00:36:30,180
I may be the only one
who sees that,
863
00:36:30,213 --> 00:36:31,931
but everyone else
can fuck right off.
864
00:36:33,666 --> 00:36:35,110
Now, you, Les...
865
00:36:37,721 --> 00:36:39,406
you are one
of the good ones, too.
866
00:36:43,935 --> 00:36:45,412
And Lindy knows it.
867
00:36:46,079 --> 00:36:50,750
And that's why
she's trying so hard not to run.
868
00:36:56,322 --> 00:36:58,174
This conversation
never happened.
869
00:36:59,409 --> 00:37:01,469
Diane, thank you.
870
00:37:02,170 --> 00:37:05,432
Not bad
for an emotional icicle.
871
00:37:30,732 --> 00:37:31,916
Fuck.
872
00:37:53,922 --> 00:37:55,148
Oh, Daddy.
873
00:37:56,758 --> 00:37:59,319
Les [on megaphone]:
Janet Reno!
874
00:38:03,681 --> 00:38:05,325
Janet Reno!
875
00:38:12,774 --> 00:38:14,876
Janet Reno!
876
00:38:15,276 --> 00:38:17,245
Oh, you're my hero.
877
00:38:17,278 --> 00:38:19,547
Let's do this thing.
Whoo!
878
00:38:20,615 --> 00:38:22,383
Let's go!
879
00:38:28,456 --> 00:38:31,593
You took my fucking bullhorn!
880
00:38:31,626 --> 00:38:33,144
Kevin!
881
00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:40,935
- What did-- We end up here--?
- How about...
882
00:38:43,304 --> 00:38:45,156
This is not us. It's not us.
883
00:38:49,352 --> 00:38:50,537
But is it you?
884
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:53,832
Be honest.
885
00:39:00,363 --> 00:39:01,506
Yeah.
886
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,842
I wanted to get married, to you.
887
00:39:07,161 --> 00:39:08,555
And I wanted a wedding.
888
00:39:13,084 --> 00:39:15,803
I did. But you? Um...
889
00:39:15,837 --> 00:39:17,063
- Didn't.
- No.
890
00:39:20,758 --> 00:39:22,477
So why did you say yes?
891
00:39:22,510 --> 00:39:24,687
Because I didn't
wanna lose you.
892
00:39:24,721 --> 00:39:26,314
Or my family.
893
00:39:26,347 --> 00:39:27,649
But you see why now, right?
894
00:39:32,228 --> 00:39:33,288
I just wanted...
895
00:39:34,898 --> 00:39:38,993
was longing for some sense of...
896
00:39:39,027 --> 00:39:40,495
Normal.
897
00:39:40,528 --> 00:39:42,922
Yeah. I said I'd do
898
00:39:43,556 --> 00:39:45,925
what I had always
said I wouldn't do
899
00:39:47,619 --> 00:39:49,587
'cause I didn't want you to go.
900
00:39:49,621 --> 00:39:50,722
Go?
901
00:39:52,123 --> 00:39:56,427
I am an overly educated,
uh, science nerd nobody
902
00:39:56,461 --> 00:40:00,765
with--with one dumb idea
903
00:40:00,798 --> 00:40:02,517
no one gives a shit about.
904
00:40:02,550 --> 00:40:04,894
You are brilliant
905
00:40:04,928 --> 00:40:07,689
and you're gonna
change the world.
906
00:40:07,722 --> 00:40:09,691
I truly believe you will.
907
00:40:09,724 --> 00:40:12,360
And I can't wrap my head around
908
00:40:12,393 --> 00:40:16,748
why you wanna stay
with a dum-dum like me.
909
00:40:18,399 --> 00:40:20,752
When you tell me I can change
the world, then I believe it.
910
00:40:24,072 --> 00:40:25,623
And there is nothing I want more
911
00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:27,208
than to be
with a dum-dum like you
912
00:40:27,241 --> 00:40:28,426
forever.
913
00:40:29,577 --> 00:40:30,845
Fuck the paperwork.
914
00:40:31,312 --> 00:40:32,180
But you want the paperwork.
915
00:40:32,213 --> 00:40:35,141
But you don't. You don't.
So fuck it.
916
00:40:38,419 --> 00:40:41,439
But you saying fuck it really
makes me fucking happy, though.
917
00:40:42,507 --> 00:40:44,108
I fucking love you.
918
00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:47,654
I fucking love you.
919
00:40:53,935 --> 00:40:56,371
But now, I just wanna
un-fuck it and just get married.
920
00:40:57,647 --> 00:41:01,075
Wow.
What, fucking for real?
921
00:41:01,109 --> 00:41:03,503
But for us, like our...
922
00:41:04,137 --> 00:41:06,122
our thing. Our...
- Yeah.
923
00:41:06,155 --> 00:41:08,166
...our normal. Our version.
924
00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:10,335
And--and no drama.
925
00:41:10,368 --> 00:41:11,419
- Yes. No violence...
- No.
926
00:41:11,452 --> 00:41:13,171
- ...no police.
- No family.
927
00:41:13,204 --> 00:41:14,305
No.
928
00:41:19,127 --> 00:41:20,895
And I know a perfect place.
929
00:41:23,297 --> 00:41:24,265
The gray house.
930
00:41:24,298 --> 00:41:25,316
The gray house.
931
00:41:40,398 --> 00:41:42,000
The secret?
932
00:41:42,984 --> 00:41:44,419
Not having a wedding.
933
00:41:46,362 --> 00:41:47,880
Having two.
934
00:41:48,247 --> 00:41:51,175
Diane, don't make me
come over there.
935
00:41:55,163 --> 00:41:57,882
I, Les Littlejohn,
936
00:41:57,915 --> 00:41:59,801
do not take you,
937
00:41:59,834 --> 00:42:02,637
Lindy McMichael,
to be my wedded wife.
938
00:42:02,670 --> 00:42:04,806
And I, Lindy McMichael,
939
00:42:04,839 --> 00:42:09,143
do not take you, Les Littlejohn,
to be my wedded husband.
940
00:42:09,177 --> 00:42:10,395
Not?
941
00:42:10,428 --> 00:42:11,813
- Never.
- Never, ever.
942
00:42:11,846 --> 00:42:13,147
You are signing
the papers, yes?
943
00:42:13,181 --> 00:42:14,982
- Yes.
- Yeah.
944
00:42:15,016 --> 00:42:18,152
Okay. Well, I now pronounce you
945
00:42:18,186 --> 00:42:19,737
not husband and wife.
62498
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