All language subtitles for The Miniature Wife s01e09 Janet Reno.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,266 --> 00:00:09,293 Lindy: New year, new us. 2 00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:11,795 I've arranged to get the Vermont gang back together. 3 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:13,046 Les: Are Gary and Meg gonna be there? 4 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,048 Lindy: Terry, girl, we did it. 5 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:16,717 Jenna: You famously fictionalized 6 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,510 your difficult relationship with your mother. 7 00:00:18,544 --> 00:00:20,470 Diane: I can barely show my face 8 00:00:20,504 --> 00:00:22,139 at Wine Club Wednesday. 9 00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:24,182 Walter: Your mother needs her Wine Club Wednesdays. 10 00:00:24,216 --> 00:00:25,250 -That's not a stretch. 11 00:00:25,284 --> 00:00:27,853 -Your mother was protecting you from your father. 12 00:00:27,886 --> 00:00:30,147 -You are, without a doubt, your father's son. 13 00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,983 Lindy: I would rather die a six-inch death 14 00:00:33,016 --> 00:00:36,528 than see Les win a fucking Nobel. 15 00:00:36,562 --> 00:00:39,990 Martin: Hilton is going to sell the tech to the military. 16 00:00:40,023 --> 00:00:42,159 We can't be party to that. 17 00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:44,036 -Let's finish what we started. 18 00:00:44,069 --> 00:00:46,246 Limitless stabilization! 19 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,541 -It is time you knew the truth about Les Littlejohn. 20 00:00:49,575 --> 00:00:53,136 -You have no choice but to eliminate them. 21 00:00:54,246 --> 00:00:57,558 -Tell me why. Why Les? 22 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:02,679 ? We'll take Manhattan ? 23 00:01:02,713 --> 00:01:05,182 Lindy: Slow down. Terry, be clear. 24 00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:06,516 Les: What is she saying? Lindy: Shh. 25 00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:07,517 Les: Lindy? Lindy: Quiet. Okay. 26 00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:09,561 Oh, hell. Oh, God. 27 00:01:09,595 --> 00:01:11,071 Oh, I know. Okay. 28 00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:14,066 She said yes. -Yes? 29 00:01:14,099 --> 00:01:15,233 -Yes. -She said yes? 30 00:01:15,267 --> 00:01:17,027 -Yes! -She said yes! 31 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:18,578 [both laughing] 32 00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,247 Les: Oh! 33 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,033 -Congratulations. 34 00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,284 You're getting married. Good luck. 35 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,869 -No, no, no, no, no, no. -Married? No. 36 00:01:25,902 --> 00:01:27,579 -She wrote a novel. -And it's getting published! 37 00:01:27,613 --> 00:01:28,705 -Yes! -Nobody cares. 38 00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:30,040 It's New York. Swing a cat. 39 00:01:30,073 --> 00:01:32,042 -I love this city. 40 00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:33,710 -Married. -Oh. 41 00:01:33,744 --> 00:01:36,129 Why would we ever ruin us by getting married? 42 00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,756 -I know. -It's ridiculous. 43 00:01:37,789 --> 00:01:39,383 -I mean, we live together, we love each other. 44 00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,551 What more do we need? I mean, it's silly. 45 00:01:41,585 --> 00:01:43,720 -Silly. Right. 46 00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:45,722 -Lindy, will you not be my wife? 47 00:01:45,756 --> 00:01:48,308 -Les, I will not. 48 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,936 -And will I not be your husband? 49 00:01:50,969 --> 00:01:54,272 -You will not, Les. -And will you... 50 00:01:54,306 --> 00:01:55,532 -[chuckles] What? 51 00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,112 [laughing] What is this? 52 00:02:00,145 --> 00:02:01,571 -Watch this. 53 00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:03,657 -Uh-huh. Whoa, some fast fingers there, professor. 54 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:04,992 -And you will now... 55 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,118 -Uh-huh. 56 00:02:06,151 --> 00:02:07,411 ? The great big city's ? 57 00:02:07,444 --> 00:02:10,330 -...not marry me? -[laughs] 58 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,834 -Absolutely not. Never, ever. 59 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,129 ? Just made ? ? For a girl and boy ? 60 00:02:17,162 --> 00:02:18,680 -What the fuck is happening? 61 00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:24,227 -Well, I thought we could maybe make it not official. 62 00:02:24,628 --> 00:02:26,596 ? Into an isle of joy ? 63 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:31,068 -Are we not doing this or are we not not doing this? 64 00:02:31,468 --> 00:02:32,694 -I don't know. 65 00:02:33,128 --> 00:02:35,522 I mean, we always said we wouldn't do 66 00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:37,274 the icky marriage stuff, but... 67 00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:40,110 -But? -...but maybe, 68 00:02:40,143 --> 00:02:41,662 maybe two nos make a yes? 69 00:02:43,146 --> 00:02:47,784 -We've sworn for years that we were never, ever... 70 00:02:47,818 --> 00:02:49,119 -I know. I know. But maybe, -...gonna get married. So... 71 00:02:49,152 --> 00:02:51,671 maybe the really defiant, 72 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,509 nonconformist, rebellious thing would be for us to... 73 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,512 -Get fuckin' married. -Yeah. 74 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,297 But... -But, but 75 00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:02,007 like a non-traditional, 76 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,885 non-bridezilla, non-wedding wedding. 77 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:05,936 -Yeah. 78 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,063 ? We'll stroll ? -Yeah. 79 00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:16,279 ? Where first ? ? A kiss we stole ? 80 00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:21,201 [suspenseful music playing] 81 00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:24,621 [bird screeching] 82 00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:31,878 Lindy: Perfect. 83 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,255 [Les chuckles] 84 00:03:34,698 --> 00:03:36,583 -I cannot believe that you did all this. 85 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,418 I mean, I... -Alice? 86 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,420 -Right here, ma'am. -Oh, there you are. 87 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,672 -Always, ma'am. -Let's put this someplace... 88 00:03:42,706 --> 00:03:44,674 both: ...safe, under lock and key, 89 00:03:44,708 --> 00:03:46,093 nothing can happen to them. 90 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,344 -Check. -Next. 91 00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:48,762 -Flowers. -Flowers. 92 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,222 After the ceremony? -Transfer to the tables. 93 00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:51,848 -Low stem, vases only. -Vases only. 94 00:03:51,882 --> 00:03:53,517 -To review, rehearsal dinner rundown. 95 00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:55,685 Drinks and hors d'oeuvres on arrival. 96 00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:57,562 Bride and groom welcome speech. 97 00:03:57,596 --> 00:03:59,356 Appetizers and various toasts. 98 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:00,857 You have the approved list? -Yes, ma'am. 99 00:04:00,891 --> 00:04:03,527 -Okay. Dessert. Done. Everybody fucks off. 100 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,695 I get my sleep. We good? -Good. 101 00:04:05,729 --> 00:04:07,864 -Good. Wait, just good? -Great. 102 00:04:07,898 --> 00:04:11,034 -Great. Oh, one more thing. Agh! 103 00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,537 Videographer, so very important. 104 00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:14,871 One question only. What is it? 105 00:04:14,905 --> 00:04:16,706 -"What is the secret to a happy marriage?" 106 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:17,607 -What do I not want? 107 00:04:17,641 --> 00:04:19,543 -Advice, "remember when," well wishes. 108 00:04:19,576 --> 00:04:20,710 -Gold fuckin' star. 109 00:04:20,744 --> 00:04:22,587 -Okay, ma'am. Excuse me. 110 00:04:22,621 --> 00:04:24,589 Kevin, classic rectangle, not bishop's hat. 111 00:04:24,623 --> 00:04:25,757 -Oh, good catch. 112 00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:28,552 Jesus. Alice. 113 00:04:28,585 --> 00:04:31,555 -The font, spelling, placement? -Placement. 114 00:04:31,588 --> 00:04:35,225 My dad cannot sit next to my mom. 115 00:04:35,258 --> 00:04:38,228 -We were informed that a Walt was assuming 116 00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,730 the father-of-the-bride responsibilities, by... 117 00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:42,232 -Fucking Diane. -...Diane, 118 00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,900 mother of the bride. -Yeah. No, that is incorrect. 119 00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:45,485 We need to start again. Kevin. 120 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,486 -Kevin, we need to begin again. 121 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,779 -Hold on. What are you doing? 122 00:04:47,813 --> 00:04:50,740 -I am preventing a nuclear fallout. 123 00:04:50,774 --> 00:04:52,075 She always does this. 124 00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:53,618 -Who? -Diane. 125 00:04:53,652 --> 00:04:55,412 -Does what? -Pushes my dad out. 126 00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:56,997 -But he's coming, right? -Right. 127 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,917 So, we need to seat Jim, father of the bride 128 00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:04,963 next to Nancy. Nancy, mother of the groom 129 00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:08,967 from a normal, stable, functional family 130 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,638 and not my house of lies, madness, sadness family, okay? 131 00:05:13,672 --> 00:05:15,182 Kevin? Okay, Kevin? 132 00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,641 -Champagne or cocktails before dinner? 133 00:05:16,675 --> 00:05:19,436 -Cocktails. Thank you, Alice. -What?! 134 00:05:19,469 --> 00:05:21,438 -Champ--no. -Champagne! 135 00:05:21,471 --> 00:05:23,940 -Champagne. Champagne. Thank you, Alice. 136 00:05:23,974 --> 00:05:25,609 -Diane and cocktails. 137 00:05:25,642 --> 00:05:27,110 No food, no absorption. 138 00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:28,528 We talked about this. -Whoa. Whoa. 139 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,155 -She can... -Let's take a breath. 140 00:05:30,188 --> 00:05:33,033 We're losing sight. We're losing sight. 141 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,534 -Thank you for using "we." 142 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:35,535 -Yeah. -Oh, my God. 143 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,454 -We... -What is happening to me? 144 00:05:37,487 --> 00:05:38,622 -...hate--we hate this. 145 00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:39,831 -Right. Right. -All right? 146 00:05:39,865 --> 00:05:41,499 -Oh, my God. -We do not want this 147 00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:44,502 -and that's why it's fun, okay? -[groans] 148 00:05:44,536 --> 00:05:46,630 Everything that goes bad is good... 149 00:05:46,663 --> 00:05:47,505 -Uh-hmm. -...because it makes 150 00:05:47,539 --> 00:05:48,506 for a better story. 151 00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:50,133 Our not-wedding wedding 152 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,302 for our not-marriage marriage, 153 00:05:52,335 --> 00:05:54,137 it's all nots, okay? 154 00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:56,973 Rebels of the altar. It's just us. 155 00:05:57,007 --> 00:05:58,642 -Right. -It's you and me. 156 00:05:58,675 --> 00:05:59,851 -You and me. -You and me. 157 00:05:59,885 --> 00:06:01,403 -Okay. -Okay? 158 00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,980 -[sighs] Yeah. Okay. 159 00:06:04,014 --> 00:06:06,816 But, like, what if I lose control? 160 00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:07,817 -Yeah, what if you lose-- That's right. 161 00:06:07,851 --> 00:06:09,319 -Because I'm really on the edge. 162 00:06:09,352 --> 00:06:11,488 -I think--I think that perhaps we need a safe word. 163 00:06:11,521 --> 00:06:12,405 -That'd be good. 164 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:15,033 -Yeah. -Okay. Like, um... 165 00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:17,369 -Um... -...uh... 166 00:06:17,402 --> 00:06:18,745 -I know. -What? 167 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,414 -Like, like, um, Halloween 1999... 168 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,416 -Yeah. -...in a sea of Bill Clintons 169 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,001 and Monica Lewinskys... -Uh-huh. 170 00:06:25,035 --> 00:06:27,170 -...and Linda Tripps, there were only two... 171 00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:28,672 -Janet Renos. -Yeah. 172 00:06:28,705 --> 00:06:31,258 -Oh. Janet Reno. -Janet Reno. Safe word. 173 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,759 -I love it. -I love you. 174 00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,053 -I fucking love you. -Okay. 175 00:06:35,086 --> 00:06:38,181 -Okay. Okay. But that flower is not... 176 00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:39,516 -Hey, hey. -...in the center. 177 00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:41,017 -Hey, come on. -Okay. I'm gonna... 178 00:06:41,051 --> 00:06:42,285 -Cool. Let's go. Come on. -I'm gonna let it go. 179 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:46,523 -Countdown to guest arrival, T-minus 25 minutes. Twenty-five. 180 00:06:46,556 --> 00:06:47,357 -I did. I did. 181 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,358 -No. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 182 00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:49,609 -Hey, hey! -Martin. 183 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,279 -Hey, how are you? -Congratulations. 184 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:55,782 Ohh. Mwah. Oh! 185 00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,868 Oh. Oh, sweet redeemer. Am I the first? 186 00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:00,203 -Always. -You're punctual. 187 00:07:00,236 --> 00:07:01,788 -Oh. -And where's, uh--is it Dana? 188 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:05,583 -No date, or...? -Uh, Dana and I are exploring 189 00:07:05,617 --> 00:07:07,377 our options in a good way. 190 00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:08,461 -Cool. -Okay. 191 00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,713 -I need you in the kitchen. 192 00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,047 -Uh, I'm greeting guests. 193 00:07:11,081 --> 00:07:12,215 I'm supposed to be here. 194 00:07:12,248 --> 00:07:13,925 -[mouths words] 195 00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:15,093 What? 196 00:07:15,126 --> 00:07:16,936 -[mouths words] 197 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,357 -Okay. 198 00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:22,726 It's nothing. -Okay. 199 00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:23,893 -Nothing. -Is everything okay? 200 00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:26,062 -Yes, good. -Um, so, well? 201 00:07:26,096 --> 00:07:27,897 -Oh, Dana felt that she needed... 202 00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,566 -No, no, no, about the... -Oh, oh, oh. 203 00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:31,067 You--you know what? Let's not talk tomato. 204 00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:32,569 -Oh, they passed. -No, it's.... 205 00:07:32,602 --> 00:07:34,738 -They fucking passed. What? -It's fine. It's fine. 206 00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:36,448 -VC assholes. 207 00:07:36,481 --> 00:07:38,658 They've got no vision, they've got no fucking... 208 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,459 -Hey. -...balls. 209 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,952 -Hey, hey, we'll get there, okay? 210 00:07:40,986 --> 00:07:42,245 I know a guy at Monsanto. 211 00:07:42,278 --> 00:07:44,581 -Kill me if we end up at Monsanto. 212 00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:45,749 [Lindy chuckling] 213 00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,083 Hey. -Hi. 214 00:07:47,117 --> 00:07:48,585 -Hey. So how was your nothing? 215 00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:50,170 It's fine. Yes, it'll be fine. 216 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,504 -Good. 217 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:52,922 -How is everything? Everything fine? 218 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,257 -Fine, fine, fine. Good. 219 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:55,592 -Oh, they passed? 220 00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:56,926 -No, no, no, it's Dana. 221 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,803 We're hoping she'll come through, right? 222 00:07:58,837 --> 00:08:02,265 -Um, yeah. Um, hey, you know, I'll be at the bar. 223 00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:03,733 -Cool. Okay. -Yeah. 224 00:08:05,677 --> 00:08:07,103 -Diane, Walt. 225 00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:09,647 -Walt needs to use the restroom. 226 00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:12,108 The signage here, lacking. 227 00:08:12,142 --> 00:08:14,486 -Uh, down the hall, first left on the left. 228 00:08:14,519 --> 00:08:17,322 -Left? Right. -No, left. 229 00:08:17,355 --> 00:08:20,283 -Okay. Right. 230 00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:22,168 -Good luck. Walter: Thank you. 231 00:08:23,028 --> 00:08:24,087 -Okay. 232 00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:28,124 -Snub. Noted. 233 00:08:28,158 --> 00:08:30,043 Les, has he cancelled yet? -Who? 234 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:32,670 -Jim. -Uh, no, no, no, he's confirmed. 235 00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:34,464 -Who said? -Lindy said. 236 00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:36,508 -No, he's not coming. You need to prepare. 237 00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:37,509 -Prepare for what? 238 00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:39,636 -Heartbreak, drama, tears. 239 00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,513 Walt will walk Lindy down the aisle. 240 00:08:41,546 --> 00:08:42,555 -I think Lindy wanted her dad... 241 00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:43,640 -It's handled. 242 00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:45,225 Walt will step in for Jim. 243 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,861 Crisis averted, less drama, fewer tears. 244 00:08:51,723 --> 00:08:53,074 [Lindy laughs] 245 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,749 [haunting music playing] 246 00:09:00,949 --> 00:09:02,200 [camera whirs then beeps] 247 00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:05,245 woman: Ready? And what is the secret 248 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,747 to a happy marriage? 249 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,875 -There is no secret. Walt? 250 00:09:10,909 --> 00:09:12,043 -Nope. -No. 251 00:09:12,077 --> 00:09:14,546 And happy? Unsustainable. 252 00:09:14,579 --> 00:09:15,713 Enough said. 253 00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:17,257 But I will say, 254 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,134 I know it's fashionable these days 255 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:23,054 for everyone to express every single feeling 256 00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:25,723 at every single moment, but as far as I'm concerned, 257 00:09:25,757 --> 00:09:29,269 it doesn't do anyone the slightest bit of good. 258 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:32,822 And marriage--Walt? 259 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,067 -Be nice. 260 00:09:36,101 --> 00:09:41,206 -And if you can't be nice... be silent. 261 00:09:41,773 --> 00:09:43,208 Walt? 262 00:09:47,278 --> 00:09:49,297 [jazz music playing] 263 00:09:50,949 --> 00:09:53,001 [Lindy chuckling] 264 00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:54,836 -Why the fuck are you two doing this? 265 00:09:54,869 --> 00:09:56,254 -Terry. 266 00:09:56,287 --> 00:09:58,339 -You mean, why are we doing marriage? 267 00:09:58,373 --> 00:10:00,133 Hey, hey. -Uh-hmm. Hi. 268 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,927 -Hi, hi. -Okay. Be nice. Okay. 269 00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:05,688 -I do have the greatest wedding present ever. 270 00:10:06,548 --> 00:10:07,682 Open it now. 271 00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,017 -No, we're doing gifts, like, after... 272 00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:10,151 -Now, damn it. 273 00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:12,320 Lindy: Okay. Is this what I think it is? 274 00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:14,772 Terry: We have a ton of work to do. 275 00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,491 Les: Oh, no, we don't--hey. -Stop, it can't wait. 276 00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:22,280 -No, it has to wait. I mean, I have to be here. 277 00:10:22,313 --> 00:10:23,531 -Well, you want to be here. 278 00:10:23,565 --> 00:10:24,991 -Yes, I want to be here. -Yeah. 279 00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:26,451 -I want to... -You have to be here? 280 00:10:26,484 --> 00:10:28,328 All right, Stepford. -I want to be here. 281 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,787 It's my wedding. 282 00:10:29,821 --> 00:10:30,872 -And we agreed that we wouldn't do any work 283 00:10:30,905 --> 00:10:32,499 on the wedding. -Right. 284 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:34,042 -Uh, does your book go to print Monday, Tomatohead? 285 00:10:34,075 --> 00:10:35,885 -What? You told her about the tomato? 286 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,879 -Was it a secret? -Yeah. 287 00:10:37,912 --> 00:10:39,797 Word could get out. -We don't have any secrets. 288 00:10:39,831 --> 00:10:41,883 Get used to it, Leslie. -"Word can get out"? 289 00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:42,967 -You have no right to call me Leslie. 290 00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:43,968 -Is it not your name? 291 00:10:44,002 --> 00:10:45,512 -You have no emotional right. 292 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,638 -Okay. Hey, hey, baby. Hey, look who's here, 293 00:10:46,671 --> 00:10:47,939 your mom and dad. 294 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:49,858 Les: Oh. 295 00:10:50,992 --> 00:10:53,478 Lindy, Mom and Dad are here. -I--I'm right behind you. 296 00:10:53,511 --> 00:10:54,779 -Okay. -I'm right behind you. 297 00:10:56,514 --> 00:10:58,358 -"Mom and Dad." How sweet. 298 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,235 -Yeah, I am going all fucking in 299 00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:01,819 on this new normal family. 300 00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:02,887 -There is no normal. 301 00:11:02,921 --> 00:11:04,489 Do you want your book in Barnes & Noble or what? 302 00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:05,823 -Yeah, of course I do. Take a drink. 303 00:11:05,857 --> 00:11:07,367 -I'm getting blurbs from France, 304 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,910 I'm getting blurbs from Donna Tartt. 305 00:11:08,943 --> 00:11:10,328 -What? -She doesn't blurb. 306 00:11:10,361 --> 00:11:12,330 And here you are worrying about fucking canapes. 307 00:11:12,363 --> 00:11:13,631 -Oh, my God. 308 00:11:14,866 --> 00:11:16,301 -What happened to our pact? 309 00:11:16,768 --> 00:11:18,336 -Terry. -We marry our careers. 310 00:11:18,369 --> 00:11:22,223 We breed success only. We date and dump. 311 00:11:22,624 --> 00:11:24,926 No marriage, no traditional gender roles, 312 00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,345 no Midwesterners, no cowboys. New Yorkers... 313 00:11:27,378 --> 00:11:28,680 need only apply. -Need only apply. 314 00:11:28,713 --> 00:11:31,599 We were young and we were not serious. 315 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:33,351 -We were deadly serious. 316 00:11:33,384 --> 00:11:34,769 -Yeah, but that was when I didn't think 317 00:11:34,802 --> 00:11:36,854 I was ever gonna... -No, no. Don't say love. 318 00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:38,439 -...have actual love in my life. 319 00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:40,283 -I will throw myself off the roof of this hotel. 320 00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:42,744 -Is it the wedding you're mad about? 321 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,447 Or is it Les? -Fine. I don't like either. 322 00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:49,867 But my concern is less about Les and more about you 323 00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:52,287 moving to the fucking suburbs and being unable to write. 324 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,746 -I am not moving to the suburbs. 325 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,290 Les doesn't want that either. 326 00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:57,584 I will never not write, and I don't vacuum, 327 00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:58,927 so I will be me. 328 00:11:59,661 --> 00:12:01,421 -Now I know I'm fucked. 329 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,881 -It's a wedding. It's not a death sentence. 330 00:12:03,915 --> 00:12:05,642 -Mm, they're one and the same. 331 00:12:08,086 --> 00:12:09,721 -Yeah, thank you, Mrs. Littlejohn. 332 00:12:09,754 --> 00:12:11,139 -How was the journey down? -Oh, no, no, no. Nancy, dear. 333 00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:12,390 Or Mom, you can use. -How was the drive down? 334 00:12:12,423 --> 00:12:13,766 -Uh, long. Long. My leg cramped up. 335 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,892 -I don't wanna stir the pot and upset Diane. 336 00:12:14,926 --> 00:12:16,102 -Oh, no. -Well, I--Mom, it is. 337 00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,812 -Aww. Yay. -Can I get you anything? 338 00:12:17,845 --> 00:12:19,147 Like ice or aspirin? Or... 339 00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:21,065 -Oh, no, no. I'm not crying about it. 340 00:12:21,099 --> 00:12:22,900 -The Littlejohns are here! Les: Hey! Whoa! 341 00:12:22,934 --> 00:12:23,968 [laughing] 342 00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:25,403 -Hey, where can we get a real drink in this dump? 343 00:12:25,436 --> 00:12:28,906 Hey. Good to see you. -Hey, buddy. 344 00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:31,576 -Mm, Lindy, looking hot. Lindy: Okay, Sam. 345 00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:33,953 Well, your wife's right there. Okay. [laughs] 346 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,913 -Congrats, bro. -Thanks, buddy. 347 00:12:35,947 --> 00:12:38,249 [Les groans] Lindy: Jesus! 348 00:12:38,283 --> 00:12:40,335 Watch the family jewels, there. 349 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:41,961 -Boys, leave your brother alone. 350 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:45,423 -Mommy's not gonna come to your defense anymore, Leslie, eh? 351 00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:47,091 -That's Lindy's job now. 352 00:12:47,125 --> 00:12:50,428 -Yeah, well, I'm gonna... Ha, ha, ha. Okay, guys. 353 00:12:50,461 --> 00:12:51,804 Get in the bar, you know. -Come on, let's get a drink. 354 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:54,098 Come on, come on. Lindy: Yeah, get a drink, huh? 355 00:12:54,132 --> 00:12:55,300 Great to see you. 356 00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,435 Frank Jr.: Did you see his face? Oh, my God. What a loser. 357 00:12:57,468 --> 00:12:59,103 -Do you need ice or anything? 358 00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:00,822 Are you gonna throw up? 359 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,579 -Okay... here we go. 360 00:13:09,647 --> 00:13:11,783 Thank you. 361 00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:14,827 Welcome, everyone. Welcome. Lindy: Welcome. 362 00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,954 Um, we can't tell you how honored we are 363 00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,706 to have you all here. Uh... -Yes. 364 00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:20,883 Many of you know that Les and I 365 00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:23,378 never planned to do any of this. 366 00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,629 -Nope. -Nope. 367 00:13:24,662 --> 00:13:26,714 -Nope. Not at all. No way. -Nope. 368 00:13:26,748 --> 00:13:28,466 Uh, but I did know, I did know, 369 00:13:28,499 --> 00:13:30,301 I will tell you this, that I did know that when, 370 00:13:30,335 --> 00:13:33,021 um, the first moment that I--that I met her, 371 00:13:33,454 --> 00:13:36,516 something inside me changed. 372 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,643 And I knew that I wanted to, um... 373 00:13:38,676 --> 00:13:40,194 I wanted her in my life forever... 374 00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:44,532 and ever. -And ever, yes. Thank you. 375 00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:48,027 Um, well, alcohol and a sexy Halloween costume 376 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,245 will do that to you. 377 00:13:49,612 --> 00:13:50,988 That's what got me. 378 00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:54,158 -Um, I will say that our first date, 379 00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:55,868 like, got off to a bit of a rocky start, though. 380 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,995 -Ohh. -Because I had asked her to, 381 00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,330 um, the classiest restaurant 382 00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,499 that my-- my grad student stipend 383 00:14:01,532 --> 00:14:03,209 would allow, the Olive Garden. 384 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,503 Lindy: Ohh. Les: Wonderful. 385 00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:09,507 I was so scared, anticipating Lindy's arrival. 386 00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:12,593 I was sitting there waiting, waiting, and waiting, 387 00:14:12,627 --> 00:14:14,595 until it became obvious to me, 388 00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:16,889 and to the entire restaurant, that she wasn't coming. 389 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,058 And she had stood me up 390 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,269 at the Olive Garden. -[crowd groans] 391 00:14:21,302 --> 00:14:23,271 Uh, and finally a waiter came over 392 00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:26,691 and asked if there was anything else I needed, um... 393 00:14:26,724 --> 00:14:28,860 My dignity, my pride, maybe. -[crowd laughs] 394 00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:31,028 Um, and I was about to ask for the check 395 00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:34,198 when a voice rang out... 396 00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:37,201 -"Your finest house red, unlimited breadsticks, 397 00:14:37,235 --> 00:14:38,870 and an apology for the sad, 398 00:14:38,903 --> 00:14:41,205 sexy sack at table nine." 399 00:14:41,239 --> 00:14:43,416 [crowd laughs] Les: I'm glad I waited. 400 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,259 Because those breadsticks were really good. 401 00:14:48,329 --> 00:14:49,305 To you. 402 00:14:49,939 --> 00:14:52,809 And to me, and to forever. 403 00:14:54,919 --> 00:14:59,557 -To all of those things and to you, to you for... 404 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:01,225 -To you. -...making the trip. 405 00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:02,602 We really-- we love you all so much. 406 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,145 Thank you. -We do. Let's eat. 407 00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:05,613 -Yes. -[crowd cheering] 408 00:15:08,099 --> 00:15:10,485 -Aww, lovely speech. Thank you both. 409 00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:11,903 -Thank you. 410 00:15:11,936 --> 00:15:14,122 Aww. Well. Cute, right? 411 00:15:14,722 --> 00:15:16,958 [sighs and clears throat] 412 00:15:22,113 --> 00:15:23,664 -Uh, attention. 413 00:15:23,698 --> 00:15:26,334 We're having a small issue in the kitchen, 414 00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:28,252 a tiny delay with dinner. 415 00:15:28,286 --> 00:15:29,837 So we're bringing cocktails for everyone 416 00:15:29,871 --> 00:15:31,422 to enjoy in the interim. 417 00:15:31,456 --> 00:15:32,423 [men cheering] -Great. 418 00:15:32,457 --> 00:15:36,427 -No, I have to go. -No, no, no. We hate this. 419 00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:37,929 -More cocktails? 420 00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,472 You know how many cocktails she's already had? 421 00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:40,932 -We hate this. -This is a recipe for disaster. 422 00:15:40,965 --> 00:15:42,183 -We hate this. 423 00:15:42,216 --> 00:15:44,602 -Gasoline. The match is lit. 424 00:15:44,635 --> 00:15:47,738 -The match is lit. Thank you. 425 00:15:48,673 --> 00:15:50,983 -It is what it is, isn't it? [fakes laughing] 426 00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,035 [clears throat and sighs] 427 00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,834 -[chuckles] Keeping romance alive. 428 00:16:00,368 --> 00:16:03,621 Les is a hopeless romantic at heart. 429 00:16:03,654 --> 00:16:06,874 Do you remember those sweet poems he used to-- 430 00:16:06,908 --> 00:16:09,001 he used to write when he was little, dear? 431 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,670 -Mm. -He would--he would put them 432 00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,046 on our pillow every night... 433 00:16:12,079 --> 00:16:13,464 -Uh-hmm. -...before he went to sleep. 434 00:16:13,498 --> 00:16:15,892 -Glad he grew out of that one, or... 435 00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,636 -I-I remember, um, 436 00:16:18,669 --> 00:16:21,305 "Twinkle, twinkle, little me, how I wonder... 437 00:16:21,339 --> 00:16:22,723 -Yeah, okay. The rest of it, -"...what I'll be." 438 00:16:22,757 --> 00:16:25,401 -they get it. They get it. -[both chuckle] 439 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,485 -Bride or groom? -Lindy. Best friend. 440 00:16:34,519 --> 00:16:36,988 -Oh. Oh, yeah. Les is my best friend. 441 00:16:37,021 --> 00:16:39,657 Yeah, how come our paths have never crossed? 442 00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:41,542 -Oh, I don't like him. I mean, do you? 443 00:16:43,194 --> 00:16:46,205 -I never thought about it. -Huh. You didn't say yes. 444 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,541 -Oh, well, now, you... you caught me off guard. 445 00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,377 Well, isn't-- doesn't best friend imply yes? 446 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,671 -Not always. 447 00:16:53,704 --> 00:16:56,215 -I get the impression you don't wanna be here? 448 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,100 -Lindy wants me here, so I'm here. 449 00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:01,938 -You here with a plus-one? 450 00:17:03,464 --> 00:17:05,066 -Why, no. 451 00:17:05,366 --> 00:17:06,567 Where's your date? 452 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,160 -It's complicated. 453 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,738 -Ugh, complicated leads to all of this. 454 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,407 -You're very direct. 455 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:16,410 -You like it? -I don't know if I do. 456 00:17:16,944 --> 00:17:18,863 -You will. Lindy: Hi. 457 00:17:18,896 --> 00:17:21,832 Martin: I don't know if I will. Terry: Just wait. 458 00:17:25,403 --> 00:17:27,288 -So you're ready for the show? -Oh, yes. 459 00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:28,873 Gary, when do you think the show will start? 460 00:17:28,906 --> 00:17:30,291 -What show? 461 00:17:30,324 --> 00:17:31,792 -Wait, is this your first McMichael event? 462 00:17:31,826 --> 00:17:33,711 -Have you never been to a McMichael event? 463 00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:36,422 -Yeah, I--no. Why? -Things are gonna get nuts. 464 00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:38,716 -Oh, we guarantee it. Nuts. 465 00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:42,553 -I predict blood. -Yes. Blood. 466 00:17:42,587 --> 00:17:43,638 both: Mm-hmm. 467 00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:46,223 -What kind of blood? What? 468 00:17:46,257 --> 00:17:49,277 -Look at me. Tell me. 469 00:17:50,595 --> 00:17:52,280 [whispers] Is this what you really want? 470 00:17:55,349 --> 00:17:58,569 -Terry. -Ha, you didn't say yes. 471 00:17:58,603 --> 00:18:00,905 -Are you working at your wedding? 472 00:18:00,938 --> 00:18:02,957 -My book goes to print Monday. 473 00:18:03,257 --> 00:18:05,459 Hi. Welcome. How many is that? 474 00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:12,249 -I told Les, Walt will walk you down the aisle. 475 00:18:12,283 --> 00:18:13,793 -Dad will. 476 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:16,462 -Optimism is naive and not you. 477 00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,923 -You have been perfectly cast as negativity. 478 00:18:18,956 --> 00:18:20,633 -Typecast. Hi, Diane. 479 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,643 -You're not helping. Hi, Terry. 480 00:18:23,110 --> 00:18:25,930 Need I remind you how many times your father was a no-show? 481 00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:28,349 Pick an event. -Mom, your grievances 482 00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:29,767 are not my grievances. 483 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,770 -I was the one left to pick up the pieces. 484 00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:34,981 -Oh, you mean kick the pieces 485 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,657 and say "I told you so." 486 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,028 -If you don't wanna follow in your father's footsteps, 487 00:18:41,062 --> 00:18:43,489 you should be over there with your husband-to-be. 488 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,826 That is your duty as wife-to-be. 489 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:49,086 Don't mess this up, too. 490 00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:56,711 -Mother of ice. 491 00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,095 What an exit. 492 00:18:58,496 --> 00:19:01,799 -Duty? -Well, you are a wife-to-be. 493 00:19:01,832 --> 00:19:04,468 -Oh, is that the book? -Yeah. 494 00:19:04,502 --> 00:19:06,637 -Am I in it? -Okay, no one's in it. 495 00:19:06,671 --> 00:19:07,638 It's fiction. 496 00:19:07,672 --> 00:19:09,557 -I cannot believe 497 00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,809 that you are getting married, 498 00:19:11,842 --> 00:19:14,061 when you always said you never wanted to. 499 00:19:14,095 --> 00:19:15,946 And I always wanted to. 500 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,066 But I could never find the one, not that there is, like, a one, 501 00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,985 but I found him. 502 00:19:21,018 --> 00:19:21,986 -Oh. 503 00:19:22,019 --> 00:19:23,371 -Tim, this is my-- 504 00:19:25,189 --> 00:19:26,991 Has anyone seen Tim? 505 00:19:27,024 --> 00:19:30,461 -Um, Erin, is that him? 506 00:19:30,861 --> 00:19:34,415 -Oh, God. Uh, yeah. Isn't he great? 507 00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:36,167 -Yeah, he's... -I'll be right back. 508 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,551 Hi, Terry. -Hi. 509 00:19:38,452 --> 00:19:39,879 [jazz music playing] 510 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,506 -I don't know what love is. I don't know. 511 00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:45,259 None of us do. But they know. They know. 512 00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,053 -Last time I spoke to this many people 513 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:49,055 was for the launch of the Ford Taurus, 514 00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:51,265 as some of you probably know I-I designed. 515 00:19:51,298 --> 00:19:53,934 -Sorry, I'm gonna bring this down to human height. [laughs] 516 00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:55,611 -I've known you a long time. 517 00:19:56,245 --> 00:19:59,949 Long time, 'member? Les: Yeah. I do. 518 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,693 -Oh, this, um, was Les' favorite song 519 00:20:02,727 --> 00:20:03,903 when he was little. 520 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,529 You'll remember it, Les. 521 00:20:05,563 --> 00:20:07,406 ? I u-lu-lused to pla-lay-lay ? ? The ol-old banjo-lo ? 522 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,533 ? And re-te-lest it ? ? O-lo-lon my knee-lelelelee ? 523 00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:12,036 -But honestly, when I first saw you two together, 524 00:20:12,069 --> 00:20:14,538 I was like, "Mm-mm, no way, never gonna happen. 525 00:20:14,572 --> 00:20:16,248 It's never gonna happen." 526 00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:17,541 Meg: We're so happy for you. 527 00:20:17,575 --> 00:20:20,544 both: So happy for you. 528 00:20:20,578 --> 00:20:22,880 -To my much older sister, 529 00:20:22,913 --> 00:20:26,050 who found the one so easily. 530 00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:27,251 'Cause of course. 531 00:20:27,284 --> 00:20:30,888 -Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, Lindy, you are... [inhales sharply] 532 00:20:30,921 --> 00:20:32,473 You are hot. 533 00:20:32,506 --> 00:20:33,599 -? And now-lo-low ? ? The stri-li-lings ? 534 00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:34,734 ? Are metal and so-lo-lo ? 535 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,652 ? This so-lo-long ? ? I si-li-ling for you ? 536 00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:41,107 -Anyway, I'm hopeful, you know. 537 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,400 I have my Tim. -[microphone whines] 538 00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:46,487 -We should ask them what love is, right? 539 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,791 -[glass shatters] -Oh! Drunk. [chuckles] 540 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,126 -Has anyone seen Tim? 541 00:20:52,159 --> 00:20:53,494 -? This so-lo-long ? ? I si-li-ling ? 542 00:20:53,527 --> 00:20:55,212 ? For you-lu-lu-lu-lu ? 543 00:20:58,866 --> 00:21:02,803 -Love. It's a beautiful thing. 544 00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:10,469 -Where the fuck is the food? -Minutes away, ma'am-- 545 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:11,929 I mean miss. 546 00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:13,430 -Alice, you said that five minutes ago. 547 00:21:13,464 --> 00:21:15,149 -I know, I know, it's... Jim [on mic]: Peas and carrots. 548 00:21:18,135 --> 00:21:19,353 -Daddy. 549 00:21:19,386 --> 00:21:21,147 -You know, Lindy was born on my birthday, 550 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,524 stealing my thunder from day one. 551 00:21:23,557 --> 00:21:24,725 [laughter] 552 00:21:24,758 --> 00:21:28,329 From the moment my baby girl breathed air, she screamed. 553 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,823 And not just-been-born scream, no. 554 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:34,001 This one, this one had something to say. 555 00:21:34,535 --> 00:21:37,121 And I thought, "Holy shit... -[both mouthing] 556 00:21:37,154 --> 00:21:38,622 ...now I got two women screaming at me." 557 00:21:38,656 --> 00:21:39,623 Hi, Diane. 558 00:21:39,657 --> 00:21:42,009 [laughter] 559 00:21:42,409 --> 00:21:44,887 Then I held her in my arms 560 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,298 and she suddenly stopped screaming. 561 00:21:47,331 --> 00:21:48,632 Silence. 562 00:21:48,666 --> 00:21:49,842 The nurse said she'd never seen 563 00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:51,135 anything like it. 564 00:21:51,168 --> 00:21:53,687 She said, "You two belong together. 565 00:21:54,922 --> 00:21:57,641 Like peas and carrots." -[people clapping] 566 00:21:57,675 --> 00:21:59,643 -He was in Milwaukee the day she was born. 567 00:21:59,677 --> 00:22:00,778 Jim: And to see her now, 568 00:22:01,679 --> 00:22:03,355 young, in love, 569 00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:05,074 getting married, 570 00:22:06,183 --> 00:22:07,576 bright futures ahead of you. 571 00:22:08,143 --> 00:22:11,238 It makes a man feel a little bit, uh, giddy 572 00:22:11,272 --> 00:22:12,531 just sharing the air with you. 573 00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:13,908 [chuckles] 574 00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:15,034 As long as there's no screamin'. 575 00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:17,244 [laughter] 576 00:22:17,278 --> 00:22:19,547 -You know, when you got kids... 577 00:22:20,698 --> 00:22:23,467 you see a little bit of you in them. 578 00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:27,338 And when they find someone 579 00:22:27,371 --> 00:22:30,883 who loves them, it's... 580 00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:32,384 it's like that little piece of you 581 00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:34,436 is getting that love, too. 582 00:22:36,255 --> 00:22:38,232 It makes this old man feel... 583 00:22:41,218 --> 00:22:42,519 very proud. 584 00:22:42,553 --> 00:22:43,729 [crowd awwing] 585 00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,731 Congratulations to you both. 586 00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,399 I couldn't be happier. 587 00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:50,236 Hey, you're the peas and carrots now. 588 00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:51,445 [chuckles] 589 00:22:51,478 --> 00:22:54,415 [applause] 590 00:22:57,234 --> 00:22:59,703 -Speech of the night. -Speech of the night. 591 00:22:59,737 --> 00:23:00,955 -At least he didn't regale us 592 00:23:00,988 --> 00:23:02,798 with his so-called baseball career. 593 00:23:05,993 --> 00:23:08,429 -Oh, baby. [chuckles] 594 00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:13,133 -Oh, I'm so happy you're here. 595 00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:14,852 -Gotta have someone on your team, kiddo. 596 00:23:15,452 --> 00:23:19,223 -Daddy, [clears throat] this is Les. 597 00:23:19,256 --> 00:23:21,058 -Mr. McMichael, an honor, sir. 598 00:23:21,091 --> 00:23:22,893 -Jim, never sir. 599 00:23:22,927 --> 00:23:24,144 [chuckles] -Oh. 600 00:23:24,178 --> 00:23:26,272 -And the honor is mine. -Okay. 601 00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:27,898 -But there's an obligation I have as a father. 602 00:23:27,932 --> 00:23:30,109 And that is that if you break her heart... 603 00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:32,620 Les: Uh-hmm. -...I will break yours, son. 604 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,657 I'm kidding. [both laughing] 605 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:40,411 -Clear, direct, threatening, uh, with warmth and jest. 606 00:23:40,444 --> 00:23:42,338 I can see where Lindy gets it. 607 00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:45,499 Hey, hey. 608 00:23:45,532 --> 00:23:46,917 -Diane. 609 00:23:46,951 --> 00:23:48,127 -Jim. 610 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,169 -Walt. 611 00:23:49,203 --> 00:23:50,754 -Jim. -Les. 612 00:23:50,788 --> 00:23:52,339 -Oh, uh, Kevin! 613 00:23:52,373 --> 00:23:53,590 -Mom. 614 00:23:53,624 --> 00:23:54,683 -Lindy. 615 00:23:59,046 --> 00:24:01,265 -So, how about that book of hers? 616 00:24:01,298 --> 00:24:03,350 -My--you read it? -Read it? 617 00:24:03,384 --> 00:24:05,811 -It's incredible. You're a big talent, Lindy. 618 00:24:05,844 --> 00:24:07,938 -Dad. -Chip off the old block. 619 00:24:07,972 --> 00:24:09,773 And, boy, did you get the Diane character 620 00:24:09,807 --> 00:24:11,442 down to a tee. Lindy: Dad. 621 00:24:11,475 --> 00:24:13,360 -Yeah. It kept me looking over my shoulder, kiddo. 622 00:24:13,394 --> 00:24:14,945 -I'm--I'm--I'm in it? 623 00:24:14,979 --> 00:24:16,488 -No, nobody's in it. It's fiction. 624 00:24:16,522 --> 00:24:17,823 -I'm a--I'm a character in your book 625 00:24:17,856 --> 00:24:19,033 and you managed to send him 626 00:24:19,066 --> 00:24:20,117 an advance copy 627 00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:21,785 to address unknown, 628 00:24:21,819 --> 00:24:23,379 but not me? -Mom. 629 00:24:24,321 --> 00:24:25,339 -Walt? 630 00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:28,092 -Diane. -Mom. 631 00:24:29,368 --> 00:24:30,678 -Kevin! 632 00:24:34,832 --> 00:24:36,633 -Leslie, show Dad what you were showing me. 633 00:24:36,667 --> 00:24:38,218 -Oh, no, no. It's early days. 634 00:24:38,252 --> 00:24:40,137 It's not--no, no. -Show him. It's extraordinary. 635 00:24:40,170 --> 00:24:42,556 Frank. Yeah. -Yeah, show me. Come on. 636 00:24:42,589 --> 00:24:44,850 -Okay. If you're sure. -Food's not here yet. 637 00:24:44,883 --> 00:24:47,144 -See? It's the perfect time. Go on, dear. 638 00:24:47,177 --> 00:24:49,897 -Okay. Well, um, Dad, 639 00:24:49,930 --> 00:24:52,649 I... [chuckles] I am on the brink 640 00:24:52,683 --> 00:24:56,028 of inventing the GMO tomato. 641 00:24:56,061 --> 00:24:57,821 -Oh. -It's the... 642 00:24:57,855 --> 00:25:00,032 So the genetically modified tomato really has the potential 643 00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:03,160 to, um, change agriculture as we know it. 644 00:25:03,193 --> 00:25:05,496 And Monsanto, uh, is interested, actually. 645 00:25:05,529 --> 00:25:07,247 -Hasn't the tomato already been invented? 646 00:25:07,281 --> 00:25:08,665 -Yeah, but this is a new kind of-- 647 00:25:08,699 --> 00:25:10,000 this is a different kind of tomato. 648 00:25:10,034 --> 00:25:11,668 -You love tomatoes, Frank. 649 00:25:11,702 --> 00:25:13,470 -I do love tomatoes in the sandwich. 650 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,258 Does it-- does it look like a tomato? 651 00:25:18,292 --> 00:25:20,219 -Yeah, but it's genetically modified. 652 00:25:20,252 --> 00:25:21,678 -And it tastes like a tomato? 653 00:25:21,712 --> 00:25:23,230 -Yes. But--yeah. 654 00:25:24,381 --> 00:25:26,016 -It's a tomato? -It is. It is. Yeah. 655 00:25:26,050 --> 00:25:27,067 Frank: Nice. 656 00:25:28,093 --> 00:25:29,603 -Yup. Yup. 657 00:25:29,636 --> 00:25:31,355 -You see? He's impressed. 658 00:25:31,388 --> 00:25:33,157 -[laughs] Yeah. 659 00:25:43,734 --> 00:25:45,869 -Uh, bullshit to marriage, bullshit to happy. 660 00:25:45,903 --> 00:25:48,789 Do you wanna know what genre I file romance under? Fantasy. 661 00:25:48,822 --> 00:25:50,374 And as for Lindy and the Nutty Professor, 662 00:25:50,407 --> 00:25:51,917 science fiction. 663 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:53,377 I'm just waiting for the day my phone rings 664 00:25:53,410 --> 00:25:55,262 and she's accidentally got two heads. 665 00:25:56,914 --> 00:25:59,308 -Attention, distinguished guests. 666 00:25:59,808 --> 00:26:02,094 The food is on its way. all: Whoo! 667 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:03,637 Alice: Please return to your seats 668 00:26:03,670 --> 00:26:05,055 in a timely manner and we'll-- 669 00:26:05,089 --> 00:26:06,523 [microphone squeals] Diane: "Chapter Nine, 670 00:26:07,466 --> 00:26:09,726 Mother of Ice." 671 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,228 -Oh, fuck. 672 00:26:11,261 --> 00:26:14,481 -"My mother was not kind or warm." 673 00:26:14,515 --> 00:26:16,108 -Walt, go stop her. -Yeah. 674 00:26:16,141 --> 00:26:17,901 -Do something. -I'm no hero. 675 00:26:17,935 --> 00:26:19,403 Diane: "...emotional icicle." Lindy: Okay. All right. 676 00:26:19,436 --> 00:26:20,988 Everybody, take your seats. Sit down. 677 00:26:21,021 --> 00:26:22,489 Don't worry, everybody. Mom. 678 00:26:22,523 --> 00:26:23,949 -"Her feelings frozen into harsh..." 679 00:26:23,982 --> 00:26:25,659 -Okay. We're gonna eat. -"...jagged edges..." 680 00:26:25,692 --> 00:26:27,077 -Let's, uh... Diane: "...ready to impale 681 00:26:27,111 --> 00:26:28,745 anyone who got too..." 682 00:26:28,779 --> 00:26:30,330 Lindy: Stop it. -Diane. 683 00:26:30,364 --> 00:26:31,290 -You're ruining--Mom, what the fuck are you doing? 684 00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:32,749 You're ruining my wedding. 685 00:26:32,783 --> 00:26:34,251 Les: Diane, would you like some coffee? 686 00:26:34,284 --> 00:26:35,502 Where is, uh, Kevin? Diane: "As soon as..." 687 00:26:35,536 --> 00:26:36,837 Lindy: You know what? Let's just... 688 00:26:36,870 --> 00:26:38,338 Les: Kevin? Kevin? -I'm--I'm-- 689 00:26:38,372 --> 00:26:39,631 "as soon as my mother..." -Diane. Diane. 690 00:26:39,665 --> 00:26:40,591 -Kevin! -"...temperature dropped, 691 00:26:40,624 --> 00:26:41,625 the air sparked." 692 00:26:41,658 --> 00:26:42,926 -When you want him, he's never freakin' there. 693 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,761 Kevin! We need coffee. 694 00:26:44,795 --> 00:26:47,097 -Okay. Let's just--can I unplug this? 695 00:26:47,131 --> 00:26:48,932 -Yeah. It's a good idea, great idea. 696 00:26:48,966 --> 00:26:50,309 Diane: "...scorned my mother's love." 697 00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:51,602 Lindy: Unplug it. Mom. 698 00:26:51,635 --> 00:26:52,519 Jim: What are you doing? 699 00:26:52,553 --> 00:26:54,021 -"Hell hath no fury 700 00:26:54,054 --> 00:26:57,441 "like a repressed middle-aged mother scorned. 701 00:26:57,474 --> 00:26:59,151 "My mother's love, conditional. 702 00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:00,944 "It had to be earned, it had to be controlled." 703 00:27:00,978 --> 00:27:02,446 -Kevin! Diane: Unhand me. 704 00:27:02,479 --> 00:27:05,282 Diane: Ah! -[screams] I'm burning! 705 00:27:05,315 --> 00:27:07,993 -He's fine. He's fine. He's not burning. 706 00:27:08,026 --> 00:27:11,121 -"My mother was not one to forget or forgive." 707 00:27:11,155 --> 00:27:13,624 -Mother, stop! 708 00:27:13,657 --> 00:27:15,334 -We're getting out of here. Walt. 709 00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:18,629 -[crowd gasps] -Oh, Jesus! Fuck, Diane! 710 00:27:18,662 --> 00:27:21,465 -Drop the knife, Mom. Put the knife down. 711 00:27:21,498 --> 00:27:24,384 -Oh! Ow, ow, ow, ow! -[crowd gasping] 712 00:27:24,418 --> 00:27:26,011 I've been stabbed! -Oh, Les. 713 00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,221 man: Oh, fuck! Les: I've been stabbed! 714 00:27:27,254 --> 00:27:28,680 Femoral artery, I could bleed out! 715 00:27:28,714 --> 00:27:29,615 -I gotta pull it, right? 716 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:31,141 -No, don't pull it out. Lindy: It's okay. 717 00:27:31,175 --> 00:27:33,477 Les: I don't think it's gonna be fine with me! 718 00:27:33,510 --> 00:27:34,478 Lindy: I'm gonna take it out. 719 00:27:34,511 --> 00:27:35,245 -I really don't think you should take it out. 720 00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:36,113 -Three, two, one! -No, Lindy! 721 00:27:36,146 --> 00:27:39,358 [all gasp] [Les and Lindy screaming] 722 00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:41,485 -Everybody's getting stabbed. 723 00:27:41,518 --> 00:27:43,487 -Oh, let's get you out of here, dear. 724 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,205 [grunts] [microphone squeals] 725 00:27:46,064 --> 00:27:48,325 [gasping] 726 00:27:48,358 --> 00:27:49,993 -[screaming] -Oh, my God. 727 00:27:50,027 --> 00:27:52,162 -Walter, could you restrain your fuckin' wife! 728 00:27:52,196 --> 00:27:53,914 -Walt. Walt. -Don't tell me what to do. 729 00:27:53,947 --> 00:27:56,667 -Come on! Go there! -I'm telling ya... [grunting] 730 00:27:56,700 --> 00:27:58,669 -I fuckin' will. 731 00:27:58,702 --> 00:27:59,545 -Dad! -Frank! 732 00:27:59,578 --> 00:28:00,921 -Jim! -Frank! 733 00:28:00,954 --> 00:28:02,923 -[screaming] 734 00:28:02,956 --> 00:28:04,675 [indistinct shouting] 735 00:28:04,708 --> 00:28:07,427 -Holy Gracious Savior, you called it. 736 00:28:07,461 --> 00:28:09,012 -A double stabbing. 737 00:28:09,046 --> 00:28:10,097 -Should've put money on it. 738 00:28:10,130 --> 00:28:12,432 -Marriage. Blood sport. 739 00:28:12,466 --> 00:28:14,893 -Will everybody please sit down 740 00:28:14,927 --> 00:28:18,272 and enjoy the fucking tuna tartare?! 741 00:28:18,305 --> 00:28:21,325 [indistinct chatter] 742 00:28:24,478 --> 00:28:27,581 officer: Uh, what happened exactly? 743 00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:30,250 -Rehearsal dinner. 744 00:28:32,236 --> 00:28:33,170 -Got it. 745 00:28:34,446 --> 00:28:37,841 -By the way, I liked your speech a lot. 746 00:28:39,409 --> 00:28:40,594 -By the way... 747 00:28:41,662 --> 00:28:45,515 I liked your face a lot. 748 00:28:46,416 --> 00:28:48,477 -My room, let's go. Now. 749 00:28:49,753 --> 00:28:51,688 -Bless this shepherd. 750 00:28:52,422 --> 00:28:54,057 I should probably introduce myself... 751 00:28:54,091 --> 00:28:55,442 -Don't. -...I'm--oh. 752 00:28:58,428 --> 00:29:00,981 woman: What's the secret to a happy marriage? 753 00:29:01,014 --> 00:29:02,783 -Being in sync. -Being...in sync. 754 00:29:04,768 --> 00:29:06,737 [Les laughing] 755 00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:09,957 -Such a shit... -What a shit show. [laughs] 756 00:29:11,358 --> 00:29:13,543 -Oh, my God, my family. 757 00:29:14,211 --> 00:29:16,121 Always with the drama. -Oh, my God. Fuck. 758 00:29:16,154 --> 00:29:17,914 -I mean, I only wanted to get married 759 00:29:17,948 --> 00:29:19,583 to join your normal family 760 00:29:19,616 --> 00:29:23,503 so I could escape from the madness of my own. 761 00:29:23,537 --> 00:29:24,554 -Only? 762 00:29:27,291 --> 00:29:28,308 Only? 763 00:29:29,459 --> 00:29:31,428 [tense music playing] 764 00:29:31,461 --> 00:29:32,521 -Les. 765 00:29:33,555 --> 00:29:37,150 -You only wanted to get married to join my normal family? 766 00:29:38,677 --> 00:29:42,155 Do you have any idea how small that makes me feel? 767 00:29:44,141 --> 00:29:45,367 -Whoa, hey. 768 00:29:46,977 --> 00:29:48,662 Nothing's changed. 769 00:29:50,147 --> 00:29:51,698 And I love you. 770 00:29:51,732 --> 00:29:55,369 -Not enough to not work 771 00:29:55,402 --> 00:29:57,454 at our rehearsal dinner, right? 772 00:29:57,487 --> 00:30:00,382 Maybe I could--maybe I could still feel my thigh. 773 00:30:01,216 --> 00:30:04,294 -What happened to, "Everything that goes bad 774 00:30:04,328 --> 00:30:05,962 is good, makes for a better story"? 775 00:30:05,996 --> 00:30:10,133 Are-- We're not even doing this for real, are we? 776 00:30:10,167 --> 00:30:11,852 -I don't know. Are we? 777 00:30:13,337 --> 00:30:14,971 -What's happening? 778 00:30:15,005 --> 00:30:17,683 Is this maybe the drugs talking? 779 00:30:17,716 --> 00:30:21,645 -Uh, maybe, maybe. But maybe not. 780 00:30:21,678 --> 00:30:22,813 -Hang on. Where are you going? 781 00:30:22,846 --> 00:30:24,815 -Going to my room. 782 00:30:24,848 --> 00:30:26,733 -I mean, come-- Les, let's just fuck that 783 00:30:26,767 --> 00:30:28,902 traditional wedding superstition stuff. 784 00:30:28,935 --> 00:30:30,704 -Well, you wanna-- you wanna fuck the wedding? 785 00:30:33,357 --> 00:30:34,658 -That is not what I just said. 786 00:30:34,691 --> 00:30:36,159 -But that's what you meant. 787 00:30:36,193 --> 00:30:37,377 -No. -Wait. 788 00:30:38,445 --> 00:30:39,913 What's this? 789 00:30:39,946 --> 00:30:41,832 Lindy: I--come--I...I... 790 00:30:41,865 --> 00:30:45,043 -"Let"-- That's your vow? "Let's do this thing"? 791 00:30:45,077 --> 00:30:46,420 -Come on. I... Les: That? 792 00:30:46,453 --> 00:30:47,838 -That's--I--I'm-- 793 00:30:47,871 --> 00:30:49,005 tomorrow I'm gonna-- I wanted to be... 794 00:30:49,039 --> 00:30:50,173 -I got it. I got it. 795 00:30:50,207 --> 00:30:52,008 It really is a fucking wedding. 796 00:30:52,042 --> 00:30:53,510 I understand. 797 00:30:53,543 --> 00:30:54,728 -Hey, where--where-- Wait. 798 00:30:57,923 --> 00:30:59,349 Am I gonna see you tomorrow? 799 00:30:59,383 --> 00:31:00,734 -Am I gonna see you tomorrow? 800 00:31:10,894 --> 00:31:13,747 [soft music playing] 801 00:31:17,734 --> 00:31:18,702 -Hey. 802 00:31:18,735 --> 00:31:19,795 -Hey. 803 00:31:20,987 --> 00:31:22,005 Cold feet? 804 00:31:22,614 --> 00:31:23,757 -Maybe. 805 00:31:24,783 --> 00:31:25,792 -Drink? 806 00:31:25,826 --> 00:31:27,969 -Yeah. -All right. 807 00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:35,594 -I'm sorry about your arm. 808 00:31:35,627 --> 00:31:37,637 -Aw, she's been waitin' 20 years 809 00:31:37,671 --> 00:31:39,022 to stab me with something. 810 00:31:39,756 --> 00:31:40,774 It's okay. 811 00:31:43,593 --> 00:31:45,320 -I think this wedding was a mistake. 812 00:31:47,431 --> 00:31:49,491 -The wedding or the marriage? 813 00:31:51,768 --> 00:31:53,278 I gotta say, I never thought I'd see 814 00:31:53,311 --> 00:31:56,123 my little firecracker settle down. 815 00:31:57,441 --> 00:31:58,959 -But you like Les, right? 816 00:32:00,277 --> 00:32:02,621 -You chose dependable over exciting. 817 00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,122 -Is that bad? 818 00:32:04,156 --> 00:32:06,383 -We don't do dependable, me and you. 819 00:32:09,786 --> 00:32:10,804 Hmm. 820 00:32:12,372 --> 00:32:13,974 -I wanted normal. 821 00:32:15,292 --> 00:32:16,393 I've never had normal. 822 00:32:18,962 --> 00:32:21,097 -Well... [sighs] 823 00:32:21,131 --> 00:32:23,692 not-normal fueled your talent. 824 00:32:24,659 --> 00:32:28,605 Hell, you wrote a fantastic book because of it. 825 00:32:28,638 --> 00:32:30,991 Normal can kill a creative spark. 826 00:32:33,310 --> 00:32:35,662 -That's why I can't write my vows maybe. 827 00:32:36,646 --> 00:32:39,166 -Could be. Jeez, I should know. 828 00:32:41,401 --> 00:32:44,120 Before I met Diane, I was a lock for the majors. 829 00:32:44,154 --> 00:32:46,456 But you know the story. -Yep. 830 00:32:46,490 --> 00:32:48,792 Yeah. You got married, and then, the armoire... 831 00:32:48,825 --> 00:32:50,293 -The armoire, whatever, -...to go... 832 00:32:50,327 --> 00:32:51,795 that dresser thing she wanted upstairs. 833 00:32:51,828 --> 00:32:53,129 Had to have it upstairs, 834 00:32:53,163 --> 00:32:55,841 and then, tore a ligament and... 835 00:32:55,874 --> 00:32:57,300 that was that. 836 00:32:57,334 --> 00:32:59,052 -Yeah. -Goodbye, baseball career. 837 00:32:59,085 --> 00:33:01,221 -You really think you would've been a baseball star 838 00:33:01,254 --> 00:33:02,731 if you hadn't married Mom? 839 00:33:04,382 --> 00:33:05,442 -Hm. 840 00:33:06,676 --> 00:33:08,228 After we divorced, 841 00:33:08,261 --> 00:33:10,480 I started playing down in the Mexican Pacific League. 842 00:33:10,514 --> 00:33:12,065 Everyone thought I was washed up. 843 00:33:12,098 --> 00:33:13,984 The coach was, uh, forced to sign me. 844 00:33:14,017 --> 00:33:16,695 So, yeah, he benched me game after game. 845 00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:20,207 And one day, their star player 846 00:33:21,358 --> 00:33:22,826 got injured, and coach had no choice 847 00:33:22,859 --> 00:33:24,794 but to send me in to bat. 848 00:33:25,295 --> 00:33:27,163 First pitch, swing and a miss. 849 00:33:27,197 --> 00:33:29,666 Second pitch, another whiff. 850 00:33:29,699 --> 00:33:31,835 If I blow it, I'm done. 851 00:33:31,868 --> 00:33:33,670 The next pitch, I hit that goddamn ball 852 00:33:33,703 --> 00:33:36,506 so hard it smashes out the stadium lights, 853 00:33:36,540 --> 00:33:39,676 sparks flying onto the field, crowd goes wild. 854 00:33:39,709 --> 00:33:41,678 And I knew. 855 00:33:41,711 --> 00:33:44,314 I mean, I remembered in that moment 856 00:33:45,715 --> 00:33:47,726 for great talent to thrive, 857 00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:49,778 you gotta put you first. 858 00:33:51,054 --> 00:33:52,572 You hear me, kiddo? 859 00:33:54,558 --> 00:33:57,694 -Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah? 860 00:33:57,727 --> 00:33:59,696 -I'll have the car running tomorrow morning 861 00:33:59,729 --> 00:34:01,248 if you wanna make a run for it. 862 00:34:03,066 --> 00:34:04,701 We both know this isn't you. 863 00:34:04,734 --> 00:34:06,419 Peas and carrots. 864 00:34:08,071 --> 00:34:10,457 Uh, I'll be right back. I gotta see a man about a horse. 865 00:34:10,490 --> 00:34:11,508 [chuckles] 866 00:34:16,288 --> 00:34:19,549 -Um, you do know that was the plot 867 00:34:19,583 --> 00:34:21,434 of The Natural, right? 868 00:34:22,252 --> 00:34:24,854 -Oh, yeah, Kevin. I know. 869 00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:31,111 [dramatic music playing] 870 00:34:36,850 --> 00:34:40,120 [Les sobbing] 871 00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:52,132 [knocking] 872 00:35:00,457 --> 00:35:02,726 -Are you crying? -No. 873 00:35:03,543 --> 00:35:05,729 Are you smoking? -No. 874 00:35:07,714 --> 00:35:09,316 -Is it because I stabbed you? 875 00:35:09,849 --> 00:35:12,986 -No. Is it 'cause you stabbed me? 876 00:35:13,803 --> 00:35:14,821 -Yes. 877 00:35:18,642 --> 00:35:21,036 What did she say or what did she do? 878 00:35:23,063 --> 00:35:26,666 -She was so, uh, excited. Yeah. 879 00:35:27,901 --> 00:35:29,452 -Mm. 880 00:35:29,486 --> 00:35:33,048 Fear cloaked in excitement. 881 00:35:34,824 --> 00:35:37,669 And now she wants to run. 882 00:35:37,702 --> 00:35:39,129 -Well, she didn't say that. 883 00:35:39,162 --> 00:35:40,180 -She didn't have to. 884 00:35:41,831 --> 00:35:44,009 Lindy is like Jim, but she's more like me 885 00:35:44,042 --> 00:35:45,218 than she realizes. 886 00:35:45,251 --> 00:35:47,137 The more she loves someone, 887 00:35:47,170 --> 00:35:51,141 the more she fears they will run. 888 00:35:51,174 --> 00:35:55,311 We have the endlessly charming Jim to thank for that. 889 00:35:55,345 --> 00:35:58,815 Say what you will about me, but I stuck around. 890 00:35:58,848 --> 00:36:02,035 I know I am not easy or charming. 891 00:36:03,770 --> 00:36:07,415 And contrary to popular belief, I am not a monster. 892 00:36:08,692 --> 00:36:10,160 After Jim left... 893 00:36:10,193 --> 00:36:12,128 [tender music playing] 894 00:36:13,613 --> 00:36:14,881 my heart broke. 895 00:36:16,783 --> 00:36:19,836 Yes, Mother of Ice has a heart. 896 00:36:19,869 --> 00:36:22,889 I vowed I'd never marry again. 897 00:36:24,249 --> 00:36:25,392 Then I met Walt. 898 00:36:26,543 --> 00:36:28,053 He's a good one. 899 00:36:28,086 --> 00:36:30,180 I may be the only one who sees that, 900 00:36:30,213 --> 00:36:31,931 but everyone else can fuck right off. 901 00:36:31,965 --> 00:36:33,400 -[chuckles] 902 00:36:33,666 --> 00:36:35,110 -Now, you, Les... 903 00:36:37,721 --> 00:36:39,406 you are one of the good ones, too. 904 00:36:43,935 --> 00:36:45,412 And Lindy knows it. 905 00:36:46,079 --> 00:36:50,750 And that's why she's trying so hard not to run. 906 00:36:56,322 --> 00:36:58,174 This conversation never happened. 907 00:36:59,409 --> 00:37:01,469 -Diane, thank you. 908 00:37:02,170 --> 00:37:05,432 -Not bad for an emotional icicle. 909 00:37:15,633 --> 00:37:18,853 [orchestral music playing] 910 00:37:18,887 --> 00:37:20,572 [music muffled] 911 00:37:24,559 --> 00:37:25,577 -[sighs] 912 00:37:30,732 --> 00:37:31,916 Fuck. 913 00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:47,265 [sighs] 914 00:37:51,836 --> 00:37:53,888 [car horn honking] 915 00:37:53,922 --> 00:37:55,148 -Oh, Daddy. 916 00:37:56,758 --> 00:37:59,319 Les [on megaphone]: Janet Reno! 917 00:38:03,681 --> 00:38:05,325 Janet Reno! 918 00:38:06,768 --> 00:38:07,786 -[chuckles] 919 00:38:09,771 --> 00:38:11,664 [orchestral music continues] 920 00:38:12,774 --> 00:38:14,876 Janet Reno! 921 00:38:15,276 --> 00:38:17,245 Oh, you're my hero. 922 00:38:17,278 --> 00:38:19,547 -Let's do this thing. Lindy: Whoo! 923 00:38:20,615 --> 00:38:22,383 Les: Let's go! 924 00:38:28,456 --> 00:38:31,593 -You took my fucking bullhorn! 925 00:38:31,626 --> 00:38:33,144 Kevin! 926 00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:40,935 -What did-- We end up here--? -How about... 927 00:38:40,969 --> 00:38:43,271 [laughs] 928 00:38:43,304 --> 00:38:45,156 -This is not us. It's not us. 929 00:38:49,352 --> 00:38:50,537 -But is it you? 930 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:53,832 Be honest. 931 00:39:00,363 --> 00:39:01,506 -Yeah. 932 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,842 I wanted to get married, to you. 933 00:39:07,161 --> 00:39:08,555 And I wanted a wedding. 934 00:39:13,084 --> 00:39:15,803 I did. But you? Um... 935 00:39:15,837 --> 00:39:17,063 -Didn't. -No. 936 00:39:20,758 --> 00:39:22,477 So why did you say yes? 937 00:39:22,510 --> 00:39:24,687 -Because I didn't wanna lose you. 938 00:39:24,721 --> 00:39:26,314 -Or my family. 939 00:39:26,347 --> 00:39:27,649 -But you see why now, right? 940 00:39:27,682 --> 00:39:28,866 -[snickers] 941 00:39:32,228 --> 00:39:33,288 -I just wanted... 942 00:39:34,898 --> 00:39:38,993 was longing for some sense of... 943 00:39:39,027 --> 00:39:40,495 -Normal. 944 00:39:40,528 --> 00:39:42,922 -Yeah. I said I'd do 945 00:39:43,556 --> 00:39:45,925 what I had always said I wouldn't do 946 00:39:47,619 --> 00:39:49,587 'cause I didn't want you to go. 947 00:39:49,621 --> 00:39:50,722 -Go? 948 00:39:52,123 --> 00:39:56,427 I am an overly educated, uh, science nerd nobody 949 00:39:56,461 --> 00:40:00,765 with--with one dumb idea 950 00:40:00,798 --> 00:40:02,517 no one gives a shit about. 951 00:40:02,550 --> 00:40:04,894 -You are brilliant 952 00:40:04,928 --> 00:40:07,689 and you're gonna change the world. 953 00:40:07,722 --> 00:40:09,691 I truly believe you will. 954 00:40:09,724 --> 00:40:12,360 And I can't wrap my head around 955 00:40:12,393 --> 00:40:16,748 why you wanna stay with a dum-dum like me. 956 00:40:18,399 --> 00:40:20,752 -When you tell me I can change the world, then I believe it. 957 00:40:24,072 --> 00:40:25,623 And there is nothing I want more 958 00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:27,208 than to be with a dum-dum like you 959 00:40:27,241 --> 00:40:28,426 forever. 960 00:40:29,577 --> 00:40:30,845 Fuck the paperwork. 961 00:40:31,312 --> 00:40:32,180 -But you want the paperwork. 962 00:40:32,213 --> 00:40:35,141 -But you don't. You don't. So fuck it. 963 00:40:38,419 --> 00:40:41,439 -But you saying fuck it really makes me fucking happy, though. 964 00:40:42,507 --> 00:40:44,108 -I fucking love you. 965 00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:47,654 -I fucking love you. 966 00:40:48,021 --> 00:40:49,948 [lighthearted music playing] 967 00:40:53,935 --> 00:40:56,371 But now, I just wanna un-fuck it and just get married. 968 00:40:57,647 --> 00:41:01,075 -[laughs] Wow. What, fucking for real? 969 00:41:01,109 --> 00:41:03,503 -But for us, like our... 970 00:41:04,137 --> 00:41:06,122 our thing. Our... -Yeah. 971 00:41:06,155 --> 00:41:08,166 -...our normal. Our version. 972 00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:10,335 And--and no drama. 973 00:41:10,368 --> 00:41:11,419 -Yes. No violence... -No. 974 00:41:11,452 --> 00:41:13,171 -...no police. -No family. 975 00:41:13,204 --> 00:41:14,305 -No. 976 00:41:16,165 --> 00:41:17,183 [chuckles] 977 00:41:19,127 --> 00:41:20,895 -And I know a perfect place. 978 00:41:23,297 --> 00:41:24,265 -The gray house. 979 00:41:24,298 --> 00:41:25,316 -The gray house. 980 00:41:32,724 --> 00:41:34,108 -[gasps] -[screams] 981 00:41:34,142 --> 00:41:36,160 [tires screeching] 982 00:41:40,398 --> 00:41:42,000 -The secret? 983 00:41:42,984 --> 00:41:44,419 Not having a wedding. 984 00:41:45,236 --> 00:41:46,329 [Diane scoffs] 985 00:41:46,362 --> 00:41:47,880 -Having two. 986 00:41:48,247 --> 00:41:51,175 -Diane, don't make me come over there. 987 00:41:55,163 --> 00:41:57,882 -I, Les Littlejohn, 988 00:41:57,915 --> 00:41:59,801 do not take you, 989 00:41:59,834 --> 00:42:02,637 Lindy McMichael, to be my wedded wife. 990 00:42:02,670 --> 00:42:04,806 -And I, Lindy McMichael, 991 00:42:04,839 --> 00:42:09,143 do not take you, Les Littlejohn, to be my wedded husband. 992 00:42:09,177 --> 00:42:10,395 -Not? 993 00:42:10,428 --> 00:42:11,813 -Never. -Never, ever. 994 00:42:11,846 --> 00:42:13,147 -You are signing the papers, yes? 995 00:42:13,181 --> 00:42:14,982 -Yes. -Yeah. 996 00:42:15,016 --> 00:42:18,152 -Okay. Well, I now pronounce you 997 00:42:18,186 --> 00:42:19,737 not husband and wife. 998 00:42:19,771 --> 00:42:22,540 [cheering and applause] 999 00:42:25,693 --> 00:42:27,211 [tender music playing] 1000 00:42:29,197 --> 00:42:30,923 [crowd cheering] 1001 00:42:40,917 --> 00:42:43,936 [music continues] 1002 00:42:43,986 --> 00:42:48,536 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 70225

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.