Original subtitles

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- Mom, if you're going to order like that,

I'm not gonna take you to my favorite bagel place anymore.

- Oh, what's the big deal?

I don't want both sides toasted,

so I order a nice, cool bottom with a piping hot top.

- Speaking of a hot top, that's mine.

- What? No.

I've had this thing forever.

- No, look, look, there is a mustard stain on the elbow.

And the tag is still on it in case I could return it

without them noticing the elbow.

- Well, that's what's been sticking me.

[grunts]

There, that's better. - [groans]

Okay, Mom, you cannot just wear my clothes

whenever you want.

- Well, you can't blame me.

If your apartment was bigger,

we wouldn't have to share a closet.

- You're right. It's my fault.

How can I expect you to recognize your own clothing

in such a small space?

[Gabby mouths words] - I forgive you, my dear.

But the good news is,

I think it looks best on me, don't you?

- I'm just the accountant.

- Hey, hey.

My eyes are up here.

[chuckles]

And if you'll excuse me, I have a stain to get out.

- Oh, my God. Hand me that lemon.

Hand me the lemon!

[grunting]

That's better.

- You know, if I knew Val when I was studying narcissism,

I could have brought her in for extra credit.

- Ironically, the first thing you think of

is how a narcissist could have helped you.

- Hey, can you take care of this for me?

The property taxes on Daddy's house are due again.

- [sighs] Bobbie, as your accountant, I have to say,

you either have to sell that house

or don't tell me and burn it down for the insurance money.

- I can't believe you haven't sold that yet.

We cleaned it out over a month ago.

Remember?

I moved stuff while you looked through stuff.

- It's on the market.

I'm just waiting on the right person to make an offer.

- You know who's the right person?

The one who makes an offer.

- Just take care of that, please.

- Looks like someone could use some help

dealing with their feelings.

- No, thanks.

I'll talk about it with a real therapist.

- Hey. [snaps fingers]

My eyes are up here.

- ? Sometimes it feels like a big ol' fight ?

? To get through the day ?

? And sleep on through the night ?

? But here you'll find a place ?

? That'll surely lift your spirits ?

? You belong at Happy's Place ?

- Ooh, that's a nice gift basket.

I didn't know we knew any classy people.

- It's from a family who wants the house,

like I'm some good-time Sally they can just buy with popcorn.

- Uh, I think they meant it as a nice gesture.

- Oh, really?

Well, it just so happens that popcorn gives me gas.

What do you think about that now, huh?

- I think that you're having a hard time

picturing someone else living in Happy's house,

that they'll replace all your memories

with ones of their own.

- Oh, my gosh, you've solved the problem.

I'm cured.

You can go now.

- I'm just saying, I know this is hard.

- Yeah, it is.

I think I could let the house go

if I knew that the people living there were gonna fill it

with love and happiness.

- Hey.

Steve told me that you haven't sold Happy's house yet.

Well, congratulations.

I have your buyer.

- I don't like where this is going.

- My mom. - And it just got worse.

- She's got money.

She says she screwed Dad in the divorce.

Which normally would bother me,

but I have got to get her out of my apartment.

- I thought she was staying with you so the two of you

could work on your relationship.

- Yeah, well, we can't work on our mother-daughter issues

if we're working on roommate issues.

Like how I hate the sound of her chewing,

which is even worse when she's eating.

I mean, who can chew milk? [panting]

- I don't think this is a good idea, Gabby.

- No, please, Bobbie.

Please, I am desperate.

We just need a little space between us.

I think she'd be easier to take if she was half a city away

and not attached to me like a barnacle

with chardonnay breath.

- Barnacles actually try to support

the ecosystems they're attached to, you know,

like coral reefs and-

I'll be quiet now. [mutters]

- Huh? Hmm?

- Okay, I'll let her look at the house.

But I can't promise anything.

- Okay. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Ah, freedom!

- Uh, Val doesn't sound like the buyer you were looking for.

- What was I supposed to do?

You saw how important that is to Gabby.

- Maybe Val won't like it.

- Are you kidding? [chuckles]

The house is quaint, charming, and homey.

She'll hate it!

- So you're going to let Val be the villain?

- You mean, am I gonna let Val be Val?

Yup.

- Takoda, can you cover the kitchen

tomorrow night at dinner?

I've got a, uh, thing.

- No problem. - Appreciate it.

- A thing?

Emmett doesn't have things.

[gasps] I bet this is his date with Monica.

Oh, I don't know if we're ready.

- We?

- This is your date with Monica, isn't it?

Isn't it? - What about it?

- Okay.

I wish we had more time, but I guess we'll have to work fast.

- I'll bring you back a doggie bag, but you can't come.

- Okay, there's a men's store in Kingston Pike

where we can get almost everything,

but we'll have to make the alterations overnight,

so expect to pay extra for that.

- So while I'm there, you can go to Italy

and buy me some custom-made shoes.

It's a long flight, so you should leave now.

- Emmett, what you wear tomorrow is important.

Haven't you heard the expression,

clothes make the man?

- Yeah, and I'm pretty sure it was invented

by a man who made clothes.

- I'm trying to help you.

So tell me, what are you planning on wearing?

- Uh, this?

And I might take the apron off.

- I forbid it.

- [laughs] You forbid it?

- Let me take you shopping.

Let's at least get you a decent top.

- Steve, I have lived my entire life

without buying "a top," so.

Don't worry about me, all right?

Nobody pays attention to clothes.

- Don't listen to the bad man.

.

- Come on in.

- Well, are you sure we're okay

to leave the car parked out here?

- Of course, Mom.

It's an adorable little street.

- Next to a "community garden"?

I think we all know what that means.

Willie Nelson's bus'll be pulling up twice a week.

- Well, I hope you like the house

better than you like the neighborhood.

- I hope so, too, Bobbie.

Thank you.

- Well, let's get this tour started.

This is the living room.

- Wow. Mom, look at all of this space.

- It is quite big.

The tip of the tongue, lips, and teeth.

The tip of the tongue, lips, and teeth.

- What are you doing?

- I'm checking the room's resonance.

- And? - It's very bad.

- Yeah, most of the rooms don't resonate right.

That's why we've had trouble selling the place.

Plus, it's drafty.

- You know, which is something you can easily fix,

right, Bobbie?

- Oh, absolutely.

We used to just roll up a towel

and stick it underneath the front door.

- Well, if it's good enough for a frat house.

- There you go.

- Hey, Mom.

Mom, look at this beautiful built-in bookshelf.

- Oh.

- It'd be perfect to display your decorative bowls.

- And my Belleek vases would look lovely here as well.

Hmm.

- Well, there used to be more shelves,

but the termites decided we didn't need that top one.

- Uh, termites?

Well, we'll get to put up one of those big, fun tents, huh?

Hey, Mom, why don't you go check out the kitchen, okay?

- I hope, at the very least, there's decent natural light.

- Be prepared to be disappointed.

- Hey, Bobbie, why are you being so honest

about everything that is wrong with the house?

- Well, I'm sorry, but as a responsible seller,

I need to give her all the information.

- It's my mother.

If she's not bound by the truth, why should you be?

- Bobbie, is this cutting board built right into the counter?

- Yes, it is, super convenient-

and impossible to clean.

[upbeat music]

? ?

- Hello, everyone.

- What the hell is this?

- I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.

- Why are you dressed like me?

- How could you notice how I'm dressed...

[imitating Emmett] When nobody pays attention to clothes?

- You know, if you put him on your lap,

you two could do a ventriloquist act.

- [normally] Emmett, people do notice clothes.

Monica definitely will.

- Knock it off.

I'm already nervous enough about this date.

- You didn't seem nervous before.

- I was lying.

- Hold on-I thought you were ready

to put yourself out there.

- Well, I'm not.

I mean, I know who I am here,

and I know who I am at the fishing shack

and a football game.

The problem is, I don't know who I am out there.

- You be yourself.

Emmett, to me, clothes are a shield

I get to put on before I face the world.

The right turtleneck sweater can change my mood from

"life is a hellish carnival" to

"maybe being human isn't so bad."

- That's one hell of a sweater.

- It's not the sweater.

It's the confidence it gives me.

And that's what I was trying to give you.

But the most important thing, Emmett,

is that you feel like yourself because you are magnificent.

- Hey, Emmett, Takoda,

Emmett.

[upbeat music]

? ?

- Oh, and you're welcome to keep the rug.

We only bought it to hide the water damage.

- You should have bought something to hide the rug.

- Well, I could tell you just to buy another one, Mom,

but I'm sure there's a reason that's stupid.

- People will still know that what's underneath is flawed.

Wearing a pretty dress didn't get you invited to prom,

did it?

- There it is.

- Okay, well, have you seen all you need to see?

- I think I have. - Okay.

Don't feel like you need to spare my feelings.

These older homes aren't right for everyone.

- An old home?

I should have put her in an old home.

Come on, Mom, back to hell.

- Wait, wait, wait.

With my follow-through and attention for detail,

this is the perfect home for me.

Congratulations, I'd like to buy it.

- Hallelujah!

- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Did I tell you we have rats?

You can't even get a cat because the rats will kill it.

- I never met a rat I couldn't drive away.

- It's true. All animals, really.

- What about the flooring and all the water stains

and all the other things that made you go, ugh?

- I love a project.

And this house has great bones.

All I have to do is get rid of the old skin and the organs.

- Organs? You mean, like the heart?

- Speaking of hearts, mine is bursting with joy.

- But I'll start with the backyard.

It's a complete do-over.

I mean, that ramshackle shed has to go.

- That shed is where my mama made her pottery.

- Ah, my Belleek vases are pottery.

I'm pretty sure your mother was just playing with clay.

- [laughs nervously] Oh, Mom, you are hilarious.

Look at her, already filling this place with laughter.

- That shed is where my mama made things out of love.

And I'll be goat of thunder if I'm gonna let

a cold, heartless woman tear it down!

- Excuse me?

- Bobbie, please.

- I'm sorry, Gabby.

Sale is off.

- [scoffs]

[sighs]

Well, you know how I hate to criticize anyone.

But your friend is an awful person.

? ?

.

- I thought you said popcorn gives you gas.

- It does.

I'm punishing myself.

- Okay.

Except in a way, you'll be punishing me too.

- I feel terrible.

You should have seen Gabby's face

when I told her I wasn't gonna sell

Daddy's house to her mother.

- I'm sure she understands.

She knows how hard it is for you to let go of Happy's house.

- It's not just Daddy's house.

If anything, it's more Mama's house.

- Oh.

So this is about your mother.

- Everyone forgets about her,

like she didn't matter, but she did.

She mattered a lot.

- Do you wanna tell me about her?

What was she like?

- Well, Daddy had the personality,

but Mama was the glue.

She filled our house with love

and made it a home.

- That's why you haven't been able to sell.

You know, you have the tavern to keep Happy alive for you,

but the house is where you remember your mother.

- Well, I never thought about it like that, but yeah.

- And you want it to be filled with love and happiness

the way she always did.

- And don't get me wrong, we had our share of fights.

Some of them were doozies.

I mean, you've met me. Imagine me as a teenager.

- [laughs]

Yeah, Red Thunder on steroids.

- I don't like that.

- Right. Sorry.

- The point is, Mama never let anybody leave the house

until they talked it out.

She always said that you can't fix a problem

unless you're in the same room with it.

- Well, let me ask you this.

Who would your mom want to have the house?

The perfect family or the family that

needed a place to fix their problems?

- Perfect family.

I know that's not right, but I wanted to give it a shot.

[upbeat music]

- You heard anything from Emmett about the date?

- No.

And I'm sick about it, sick and nervous.

Sick, nervous, and worried, and filled with regret.

Sick, nervous, worried, filled with regret and sad and-

- Steve!

So the answer's no.

- Emmett, you are beautiful.

- Looking sharp, my brother.

- Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.

- Nobody's laughing. You look fantastic.

So how'd it go?

- Well, I'll be honest, I felt silly at first.

I kept waiting for her to ask,

but why the hell are you dressed like that?

- If she had asked that,

I would have fought her for you.

- But I felt good.

I might even say I felt handsome.

- So are you two going to go out again?

- Yeah, well, that didn't come up,

so maybe it didn't go so well on her side.

- How could it not?

You're a goateed fox.

[phone buzzes]

Is it from Monica? Tell us.

Tell us!

- "Most fun I've had in a long time.

Can't wait for my next date

with the best-dressed man in Knoxville."

- The goateed fox scores!

- As a dear friend of mine once said,

clothes make the man.

[upbeat music]

? ?

.

- Well, I have to say something.

When you drive fast, it reflects poorly on me.

- Yes, but the ride ends much sooner.

- Someday, you'll be speeding, have a horrible car crash,

end up under a truck,

and then what man will want you?

- I think I swallowed a crown.

Hey, Bobbie.

- Gabby.

Val.

- Hello.

- Well, I was thinking about what I said yesterday, and...

Val, if I was rude, I'm sorry.

- No, that's all right.

And you were.

- Mm-hmm.

- But I'm not the one who has to live with your guilt.

- Listen, I might be willing to sell you the house-

- Really? Done. Get the papers.

- On one condition.

- Oh, Bobbie, I have to stop you right there.

I can't agree not to change a lot of things.

And I know your parents meant well,

but I can't let people think

I did this.

- This house held our family together,

and I think Mama would wanna pass that on.

- Great. All right.

Should I get a lawyer, or will a handshake do?

- What-what exactly are you saying, Bobbie?

- Okay, I'm willing to sell the house to you

if you agree that you and Gabby live here together.

- Like, with cameras?

For a reality TV show?

You know she doesn't show up on film.

- Gabby, you wanted to deal with your issues

with your mother.

- Issues?

What is she talking about?

- [chuckling] I'll tell you later.

- You two don't need to be in a place

where you're away from each other.

You need space, yes,

but you can't fix a problem

if you're not in the same room with it.

- I'm sorry. I should be taking notes.

I didn't realize this was going to be a lecture.

- That's the deal. Take it or leave it.

- [sighs]

- Well, what do you think, Mom?

It is a big place.

Three bedrooms, two bathrooms.

You won't have to wait to use one

while I finish quietly screaming.

- Well, God knows I could never say no to my daughter.

- [scoffs] You never said no to me?

- Even when it hurt me.

A mother's pain begins with labor,

and it never really ends.

- Please.

You said you had an epidural for conception.

- I don't like that.

Bobbie, it's a yes.

- Well, then, welcome to your new home.

- And, Bobbie, I want you to know

that I will do everything in my power

to finally make this a home to be proud of.

- [chuckles drily] Okay. Excuse me.

I need to go quietly scream in the bathroom.

- So should we hug?

- No, we did that last week.

[upbeat music]

? ?

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