All language subtitles for Ghosts s05e15 Michael Jackson Goes to HR.eng

ISAAC: It is sad, but you've
picked a wonderful place to die.

This is the library.

There are many fine works
of literature to peruse,

but of course we are limited

to whatever
the Livings are perusing

because of our inability

to interact with
the physical world.

[gasps]

Yeah, this being a ghost thing
is wild.

Oh, and that big Viking guy

was telling me something about
ghost powers.

Do you have one of those?

[smacks lips]

No.

[gasps] There she is.

NIGEL:
So it's true.

Um, hello.

I'm Nigel,
and this is Creepy Dirk.

We live in the basement.

We're kind of the social elite
of the house.

So, are you dating anyone yet?

I died two days ago.

There's always
a bit of a feeding frenzy

when a new ghost arrives.

Welcome. I'm Baxter, of
the Revolutionary shed ghosts.

I hear you're a musician.

Which is something
we have in common.

I play the fife.

Oh, that's nice. [chuckles]

ISAAC [chuckling]:
Okay, well,

now the competition's grown
too intense.

So it would be pointless for me
to throw my hat into the ring

at this late date. [laughs]

Darn! Darn!

[chuckles]
Anyway, may the best man win.

Isn't he...

-Oh, yeah.
-Big-time. -Very much so.

?

Jay, we're helping Trevor
brainstorm

some gift ideas for his boss.

If you were turning 50,
what would you want?

Batman action figure,

specifically
the 1966 Marx Bendable Batman.

Did it shrivel
your desire for him,

how quickly he came up
with that?

Okay, you don't ask nerd boy
for help picking out a gift

for a finance baller like Brett.

I need to get this right.

The pressure is on.

This is for my boss!

Gifts are tricky,
particularly for your superiors.

One time, a butler gifted me
a silk scarf,

and it actually earned him
a pay cut.

He should not be able
to afford a silk scarf.

Exactly. You don't want
to come on too strong,

or you'll be perceived
as a kiss-ass.

But you can't go too cheap,

like when Sam got Jay's mom
that beer cozy.

-[both groan]
-[Samantha scoffs]

That was supposed to be ironic.

Because she drinks tea.

Oh, so the joke is that
it's useless to her. Good one.

Ooh! What about a jaguar?

I think a car is
coming on too strong.

What? No, I'm talking
about the animal.

Once trained,
jaguars make excellent pets.

Though not
for the postal carrier.

Your jaguar attacked
your mailman?

Okay, that's got to be Hetty.

Let me guess:
They're also delicious to eat.

A little gamy, actually,
for my taste.

But their skulls make
handsome cocaine bowls.

Maybe one of those.

It's not too expensive,
and-and it's thoughtful,

given what you've said
about your boss's predilections.

Yeah, sure.
Sam, can you run over to Target,

see if they have
any jaguar skull cocaine bowls

left in stock?

See? This discussion
was fruitful after all.

What you doing?

I'm waiting for Pete
to get back.

He went to Jamaica to see if
any of my relatives are ghosts.

Pete also cross ocean for Thor,
but much further.

Greater risk he disappear.

-What's your point?
-Just that Thor special, too.

[sighs]:
Okay.

Howdy!

Uhp, pardon me, I'm a little
shorthanded. [chuckles]

[laughs]:
Oh, Pete, you're back!

THORFINN:
Glad you back from Jamaica,

-which is much closer
than Norway. -[laughs]

So, tell me everything.

How was your trip?
Did you locate any of my family?

As a matter of fact, I did.

Your grandmother, Hortense,
is a ghost.

-Oh, my God. You talked to her?
-Yep.

She is a peach of a lady.

And she has a message for you.
Do you want me to do her accent?

-No.
-Copy that.

Well, she was thrilled to learn
that you're a singer.

She still remembers you
as a three-year-old

belting out spirituals
on a summer Sunday.

Alberta, she was just beaming
with pride about you.

I'm touched that you would
do this for me.

-Honestly, I'm getting
a little choked up. -Aw, yeah.

Donna thought
you might react that way.

I'm sorry, what? You saw Donna?

Your ex-girlfriend Donna?

Yeah, yeah.
I was in the neighborhood,

so I thought, "Why not?"

Yeah. Why not? [chuckles]

Because they used to
have intercourse.

-Could be awkward.
-Oh, come on.

We're just friends.
It's not awkward at all.

If you say so.

Uh, Sam? We got to talk.

Oh. Trevor just came in
looking concerned.

Well, I settled on a
birthday gift for my boss Brett,

and it did not go over
how I'd hoped.

-What'd you get him?
-It's called a stripper-gram.

SAMANTHA:
Oh, my God.

Trevor got Brett a stripper-gram
for his birthday.

The Brettinator?
I bet he loved that, right?

He did. It's just,
Human Resources did not.

Okay, I'm taking from context
clues that a stripper-gram

is like a telegram,

but the message is delivered
by some sort of harlot.

She was dressed
as an HVAC repairwoman.

The bit being that she felt
it was so hot in Brett's office

that she could not perform
her duties clothed.

Forget the stripping,
I'm hooked on the plot.

Apparently, stupid Linda
from accounting happened by,

reported the whole thing.

Didn't even let Candi
get to the big finish.

So what does this mean?
Are you fired?

Not exactly, but it's bad.

HR wants to see me tomorrow,
in person.

But you can't go in person.

And even if you could,
they could not see you.

HR wants to see Trevor tomorrow,
in New York, in person.

Okay.

This is simple.

Young Jay must simply redon
his persona of Michael Jackson,

which he did so successfully at
the work retreat at Woodstone,

and head into the city
in Trevor's stead.

The ghosts are saying...

I know what they're saying, Sam.

They want me to get chewed out
by HR on Trevor's behalf.

Well, guess what.

I'm not doing it!

Uh, Jay...

No, don't "Jay" me, okay?

It's a nonstarter.

What do I care
if a ghost lost their job?

Frankly, I think it's weird
that a ghost has a job at all,

and I don't think
that's a controversial opinion!

Are you gonna tell him
or should I, Sam?

The thing is, we're sort of-
how do I put this?-

uh, dependent on Trevor's salary

-to stay financially solvent.
-[gasps]

Excuse me?

It's just, we've encountered
so many unexpected expenses,

and I tried to make
the numbers work,

but the math
wasn't mathing, Jay.

So No Pants has been
keeping us afloat?

Ironic for a guy who was fished
out of the bottom of a lake.

SAMANTHA:
I wanted to tell you,

but I also didn't want
to stress you out.

You've been working so hard,

trying to get the restaurant
up and running.

But what about the list?
We-we got on the list.

And it's helping some.
We're getting busier,

and that's great momentum
that we need to build on.

But we're not profitable yet.

What about your book?
You were a stocking stuffer.

And again, that's great,
but it's not exactly a windfall.

I mean, most authors
also have a day job.

Candi's an author.

It's absolute smut
but well told.

So, wh-what are you saying, Sam?

I'm saying we won't need
Trevor's money, eventually.

But if we want to make it
to summer,

we got to save Trevor's job.

Looks like Michael Jackson
is going to HR.

Let me ask you guys something.

Do you think it's okay for
someone to make a special trip

to see their ex when
they're dating someone else?

It wasn't a special trip.
I was in the neighborhood.

Is Saint Lucia in the
neighborhood, though? [chuckles]

I'm not a geography expert,

but I feel like
you have to go out of your way.

Well, you know, the Caribbean
isn't that big of a place.

Caribbean Islands span over
thousand miles east to west.

You know that because of
your Viking voyages?

No.

Captain Sandy sailed ship
out of Antigua,

season eight, Below Deck.

Reality TV is a fount of wisdom.
It doesn't get enough credit.

Donna and I are just friends.

It's still weird.
She might be into you.

But I'm not into her,
so it doesn't matter.

Okay, well, that
British shed ghost Baxter and I

had a thing back in '29.

Would it bother you
if he and I started hanging out?

As friends, of course.

I was there when they met.

It was love at first fife.

[chuckles] Actually, "love" is
a bit of an overstatement.

I needed it
for the turn of phrase.

You know what?

I-I think if you wanted
to catch up with your ex Baxter,

I would be fine with it.

Okay.

"Okay," like we're good
and that's the end of it?

Yep.

Thor not think
that the end of it.

Okay, Trevor is gonna give you
a crash course

in everything you need to know
about your character:

Michael Jackson,
financial analyst.

What the hell is my life?

Born on the outskirts
of the Motor City...

I don't think we have time

to go through
the entire backstory, Trevor.

Yeah, maybe just give me
the must-knows.

TREVOR:
Okay. [sighs]

First of all,
there's a major flirtation

with my coworker Maggie,

who you know from
the work retreat we had here.

So, there's a flirtatious thing
going on with Maggie.

But he says
to keep it respectful.

No, I didn't.

Trust me, Maggie does not
appreciate respectful.

Wait, time-out, Sam.

Why do I need to know
any of this?

I'm just going to ask HR
to forgive Michael Jackson

for sending his boss
a stripper-gram.

Okay, but you're going
into the lion's den, baby.

You have no idea
who you're gonna meet,

and you need to be prepared.

Also, can you find out
what happened

with Candi and the HVAC?

I am dying to know.

He says that
you just need to be ready,

in case you run into anybody.

Okay. Continue.

So, if he runs into
anybody on my team,

this is definitely
gonna come up.

Okay.

Michael Jackson is
currently closing a deal

for the McDaniels Corporation,
who makes soap,

to acquire the McCallister
Corporation, who makes sponges.

Now, McDaniels is
offering 30 million,

but McCallister wants 40,

but Trevor thinks
you'll close at 35

and then celebrate
at Peter Luger's with the CEOs,

Conan McDaniels
and Galen McCallister.

Sam, I'm not gonna remember
any of that.

Also, I told them
I could moonwalk,

so make sure
Jay is prepared for that.

-Seriously?
-What?

How are your moonwalking skills?

Not good, Sam.

Not good!

ALBERTA:
Well, it is really good

to catch up with you, Baxter.

[laughs]

Hey, guys.
What's, uh, going on in here?

Oh, just hanging out
with a friend,

doing a little catching up.
[chuckles]

-You okay with that?
-Of course.

Yeah, two friends catching up.

What could be more wholesome
or totally okay than that?

It's just, we have so much
in common, Alberta and I.

For instance,
the whole music thing.

Right.

You know, I played
a mean oboe in my day.

That's nice, although I died
with my instrument,

-so it's sort of
a different kettle of fish. -Mm.

Well, good for you.

Ha! You remind me
of my flatmate Jenkins.

He's always saying that.

"Goody for you."

[laughing]:
Oh, my God!

You do
the best Jenkins impression.

How was that an impression?

They're both just British.
He barely changed his voice.

This is an impression:

[imitating Richard Nixon]:
"I am not a crook."

Oh. Is that Trevor?

[normal voice]:
No, it's Nixon.

Here's one for you:

"How 'bout we all pop out
to the shed?"

-[laughs] Nigel! Classic!
-Ha!

-In one. Well done.
-[laughing]

It's not-
Th-They all sound the same!

Are you all right, Peter?

[mocking British accent]:
No! I'm not all right.

[normal voice]:
This is my girl, and if she's gonna be laughing

at any impressions,
they're gonna be mine!

Oh, my. I'm deeply sorry.

You know what?

Go fife yourself!

BRETT:
I'm sorry that you had to do

this whole, uh,
"come in and talk to HR" thing.

I mean, honestly, I thought
the stripper-gram rocked.

Oh, well, that's very kind
of you, Brettinator.

No, seriously,

no one has the balls to send
a real present anymore.

BRETT:
Hey, so how about McCallister

-with that counter?
-Oh, yeah.

Be honest, what do you think
about that termination fee?

Oh, it was brutal.

Or good, depending on if you are
McCallister or McDaniels,

vis-�-vis the counter.

Hey, you-you guys
want to see me moonwalk?

Uh... hell yeah, we do!

Okay.

-[laughs]
-Thought you'd never ask.

-[grunts sharply]
-Ooh!

-Ooh!
-Oh!

-You're the smooth criminal, MJ.
-[scatting]

Ow! ...are you doing?

I am Michael Jackson.

Anthony Valerie from HR.

Okay, so we'll just
leave you guys to it.

Good luck, MJ.

Thank you for coming in,
Mr. Jackson.

Oh, no, no, it's no problem.

And I just want to say
right off the bat

that I know that the
stripper-gram was in poor taste,

and it'll never happen again.

Here's the thing.

Once we started interviewing
people about the incident,

other complaints emerged
regarding your time here.

Take a seat, Mr. Jackson.
We have a lot to talk about.

October 4th, while referencing
a new Slack headshot

of a female coworker,
you commented,

"Giggity, giggity, giggity."

Which a quick Google search
reveals to be

the horny catchphrase of
a popular animated pervert.

[scoffs] Yeah, I was unaware
of that phrase's origins,

and I deeply apologize for that.

October 10th.

You asked your entire team
to, quote, "send nudes."

You know, I think I-I meant
to type, um, "send news."

[chuckles] You know,
I'm a huge news buff,

but I'm also so busy that
I don't have time to locate it.

It's a difficult combination.

Look, I get it-
boys will be boys,

and this is
the finance industry,

but it's not the '90s.

People don't act
this way anymore.

You're right.

I joined this industry at a time
when things were different,

and-and I've had
trouble adjusting,

but I am committed
to correcting my behavior.

My mother raised
a better man than this.

I hear that.

We're all just out here trying
to make our moms proud, right?

Right? My mom always says,

"You can't make
a perfect khichdi.

You just have to keep tasting it
and trying to make it better."

And that is how I treat my life.

Yeah. That's really good.

And kind of familiar.
Where have I heard that before?

I-I just came up with it.

No, it's
a pretty specific anecdote,

and I remember hearing it.

Uh, wait.

Have you ever listened
to The Todd Pod?

I'm not sure.

Huh, this chef said the
exact thing that you just said.

Yep, here it is.
Chef Jay Arondekar.

Wait a second.

This is clearly you.

No, not clearly.

What the hell is going on,
Mr. Arondekar?

Um... you want
to see me moonwalk?

Well, I got fired.
Or Trevor got fired.

Michael Jackson got fired?
I don't know.

-We're fired.
-Seriously? What happened?

You couldn't get Trevor
off the hook?

No, I managed that all
pretty well.

It wasn't easy.

This guy's got a lot
of complaints about him.

ISAAC:
Given the speed at which you type,

it's actually impressive

how prolifically problematic
you manage to be.

But then the HR guy
recognized me

from our appearance
on The Todd Pod.

Creepy Todd strikes again.

He was willing to overlook
some light sexual harassment,

but he drew the line
at identity fraud.

So that's it. I'm fired.

Security carried me out
mid-moonwalk.

It was humiliating.

Well, this day has taken a turn.

Michael Jackson's good name
dragged through the mud.

I'm sorry, Jay.

I shouldn't have put you
in that situation.

JAY:
It's not just that.

You lied to me.

There shouldn't be
financial consequences for us

if a ghost loses their job.

Why didn't you just tell me
what was going on?

I was just trying
to protect you.

I didn't want you to worry.

I don't need protecting.

He's right, Sam.

You don't hide secrets like that
from your spouse.

Didn't you keep kind of
a whopper from Beatrice?

The truth is,
I wasn't just protecting you.

I... I was also
protecting myself.

Oh, what does that
even mean, Sam?

I was embarrassed, okay?

You've made so much progress
on the restaurant,

and it's only been a year.

Meanwhile, on my side of things,

we're five years in, and
the B and B is still struggling.

Yeah, you're mad at me.

Well, I get it.
That makes two of us.

-So...
-So?

I think it's possible
that you were right.

A little louder.

You were right.

It bugged me.

Even though I know you're not
gonna do anything with Baxter.

You aren't, are you?

No.

[sighs]:
Okay, good.

Look, neither of us
did anything technically wrong

spending time
with Donna or Baxter,

but when you're in
a relationship, you have to

consider how it's gonna make
the other person feel.

I-I get that now. I do.

And don't worry,
I won't go to Saint Lucia again.

Thank you, Pete.

Or Stockholm.

Or Banff. Or Denver.

-Pete.
-Sorry.

I went on a bit of a tear when
I first discovered I could roam.

This was way before
we were together.

It's just kind of like,
everywhere I go,

I'm the new ghost,
and you know how that is.

-Oh, my God.
-But here's the thing.

Yes, I can go
anywhere in the world,

but there's nowhere I'd rather
be than right here with you.

Oh, Pete.

Hey, y-you didn't really think

any of Baxter's impressions
were good, did you?

Let it go.

It just gets me steamed.

I mean, it's an art form!
You got to respect it!

Sam, I just want to apologize.

I know I put you
in a really tough spot.

I just wish that there was
something that I could do.

Don't worry about it.
You were just trying to help.

I shouldn't be in a position
where I needed your help.

It's my fault
I can't run my own business.

Look, Samantha,
I know you're struggling,

but you're gonna
figure this out.

We believe in you.

TREVOR:
And when you do,

I think you're gonna
look back at this time

with a lot of fondness.

What do you mean?

This time, right now,

while you're grinding it out

and-and living
in that uncertainty,

I know it doesn't feel like it,
but that's the good stuff.

SASAPPIS:
He's right.

Having a goal, having a purpose,

like, that's such
a big part of life.

And I miss that.

Also eating.
[sighs] That was good.

Many times,
so-called "overnight success"

only come after
years of failure.

That's true. He's right, Sam.

This actually embarrassing
for Thor to admit,

but early in Thor's career,

I struggle to even kill
just one Dane.

But then Thor turn 13,

and blood run like river.

I guess tangentially
that's what we're saying.

Thanks, guys.

Oh, hey, babe.

I was thinking about
what you said before,

and I just want you to know

that there is
no your thing or my thing.

It's all our thing.

He is a keeper.

These kind words
will surely reap kind acts.

Sex, I mean.

JAY:
There are no sides.

We win as a team,
and we lose as a team.

Besides, there wouldn't be
a restaurant without you.

It was your idea.

I guess it was, huh?

I mean, it was right there.

It wasn't like
she invented calculus.

And we're making real strides
with the B and B.

We got on that prestigious list
of small hotels.

Thanks to the fact the list guy
was a huge cocaine fiend.

And now our bookings are up.

I mean, we're about to
turn a corner, I can feel it.

You know, some of the ghosts
were saying

we're actually gonna look back
on this time,

on-on the struggle,
and we're gonna miss it.

Sometimes they can be
pretty wise.

I recall one evening,

our wine steward dropped dead
right before a dinner party,

so I was forced to wield
the corkscrew myself.

In many ways, it was the
sweetest wine I've ever tasted.

Some of them struggled
more than others.

Am I crazy or is it, whenever
you're worried about money,

that suddenly
a bunch of bills show up?

No, we can keep complaining
or we can tighten our belts

and do something about it.

Look, you guys are resourceful.

You'll find a way to hustle up
some extra income.

Pete's right.

Your feet are one pumice stone
away from being Web-ready.

Okay, I meant like a bake sale.
My God, Trevor.

Okay, I appreciate everyone's
ideas, but we will handle this.

We're gonna be fine.

JAY:
Babe, this is a letter from the IRS.

Apparently, I'm being
investigated for tax evasion

because Michael Jackson hasn't
paid any taxes for two years!

What? Trevor, you didn't
pay your taxes?

I'm a ghost! I don't use
any government services.

Also, Isaac told me
I didn't have to.

He said it was taxation
without representation.

Yes, Sam, please tell Jay
that his nonpayment

stands on
firm philosophical grounds.

We are so screwed!

Uh, where exactly is Trevor
in the room?

He's on the couch,
on my other side.

Good. I want to make sure
I address this directly to him.

[exhales heavily]

Trevor, I forgive you.

Ah.

Right after I do this.

[screaming]

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