Original subtitles

ISAAC: It is sad, but you've picked a wonderful place to die.

This is the library.

There are many fine works of literature to peruse,

but of course we are limited

to whatever the Livings are perusing

because of our inability

to interact with the physical world.

[gasps]

Yeah, this being a ghost thing is wild.

Oh, and that big Viking guy

was telling me something about ghost powers.

Do you have one of those?

[smacks lips]

No.

[gasps] There she is.

NIGEL: So it's true.

Um, hello.

I'm Nigel, and this is Creepy Dirk.

We live in the basement.

We're kind of the social elite of the house.

So, are you dating anyone yet?

I died two days ago.

There's always a bit of a feeding frenzy

when a new ghost arrives.

Welcome. I'm Baxter, of the Revolutionary shed ghosts.

I hear you're a musician.

Which is something we have in common.

I play the fife.

Oh, that's nice. [chuckles]

ISAAC [chuckling]: Okay, well,

now the competition's grown too intense.

So it would be pointless for me to throw my hat into the ring

at this late date. [laughs]

Darn! Darn!

[chuckles] Anyway, may the best man win.

Isn't he...

-Oh, yeah. -Big-time. -Very much so.

?

Jay, we're helping Trevor brainstorm

some gift ideas for his boss.

If you were turning 50, what would you want?

Batman action figure,

specifically the 1966 Marx Bendable Batman.

Did it shrivel your desire for him,

how quickly he came up with that?

Okay, you don't ask nerd boy for help picking out a gift

for a finance baller like Brett.

I need to get this right.

The pressure is on.

This is for my boss!

Gifts are tricky, particularly for your superiors.

One time, a butler gifted me a silk scarf,

and it actually earned him a pay cut.

He should not be able to afford a silk scarf.

Exactly. You don't want to come on too strong,

or you'll be perceived as a kiss-ass.

But you can't go too cheap,

like when Sam got Jay's mom that beer cozy.

-[both groan] -[Samantha scoffs]

That was supposed to be ironic.

Because she drinks tea.

Oh, so the joke is that it's useless to her. Good one.

Ooh! What about a jaguar?

I think a car is coming on too strong.

What? No, I'm talking about the animal.

Once trained, jaguars make excellent pets.

Though not for the postal carrier.

Your jaguar attacked your mailman?

Okay, that's got to be Hetty.

Let me guess: They're also delicious to eat.

A little gamy, actually, for my taste.

But their skulls make handsome cocaine bowls.

Maybe one of those.

It's not too expensive, and-and it's thoughtful,

given what you've said about your boss's predilections.

Yeah, sure. Sam, can you run over to Target,

see if they have any jaguar skull cocaine bowls

left in stock?

See? This discussion was fruitful after all.

What you doing?

I'm waiting for Pete to get back.

He went to Jamaica to see if any of my relatives are ghosts.

Pete also cross ocean for Thor, but much further.

Greater risk he disappear.

-What's your point? -Just that Thor special, too.

[sighs]: Okay.

Howdy!

Uhp, pardon me, I'm a little shorthanded. [chuckles]

[laughs]: Oh, Pete, you're back!

THORFINN: Glad you back from Jamaica,

-which is much closer than Norway. -[laughs]

So, tell me everything.

How was your trip? Did you locate any of my family?

As a matter of fact, I did.

Your grandmother, Hortense, is a ghost.

-Oh, my God. You talked to her? -Yep.

She is a peach of a lady.

And she has a message for you. Do you want me to do her accent?

-No. -Copy that.

Well, she was thrilled to learn that you're a singer.

She still remembers you as a three-year-old

belting out spirituals on a summer Sunday.

Alberta, she was just beaming with pride about you.

I'm touched that you would do this for me.

-Honestly, I'm getting a little choked up. -Aw, yeah.

Donna thought you might react that way.

I'm sorry, what? You saw Donna?

Your ex-girlfriend Donna?

Yeah, yeah. I was in the neighborhood,

so I thought, "Why not?"

Yeah. Why not? [chuckles]

Because they used to have intercourse.

-Could be awkward. -Oh, come on.

We're just friends. It's not awkward at all.

If you say so.

Uh, Sam? We got to talk.

Oh. Trevor just came in looking concerned.

Well, I settled on a birthday gift for my boss Brett,

and it did not go over how I'd hoped.

-What'd you get him? -It's called a stripper-gram.

SAMANTHA: Oh, my God.

Trevor got Brett a stripper-gram for his birthday.

The Brettinator? I bet he loved that, right?

He did. It's just, Human Resources did not.

Okay, I'm taking from context clues that a stripper-gram

is like a telegram,

but the message is delivered by some sort of harlot.

She was dressed as an HVAC repairwoman.

The bit being that she felt it was so hot in Brett's office

that she could not perform her duties clothed.

Forget the stripping, I'm hooked on the plot.

Apparently, stupid Linda from accounting happened by,

reported the whole thing.

Didn't even let Candi get to the big finish.

So what does this mean? Are you fired?

Not exactly, but it's bad.

HR wants to see me tomorrow, in person.

But you can't go in person.

And even if you could, they could not see you.

HR wants to see Trevor tomorrow, in New York, in person.

Okay.

This is simple.

Young Jay must simply redon his persona of Michael Jackson,

which he did so successfully at the work retreat at Woodstone,

and head into the city in Trevor's stead.

The ghosts are saying...

I know what they're saying, Sam.

They want me to get chewed out by HR on Trevor's behalf.

Well, guess what.

I'm not doing it!

Uh, Jay...

No, don't "Jay" me, okay?

It's a nonstarter.

What do I care if a ghost lost their job?

Frankly, I think it's weird that a ghost has a job at all,

and I don't think that's a controversial opinion!

Are you gonna tell him or should I, Sam?

The thing is, we're sort of- how do I put this?-

uh, dependent on Trevor's salary

-to stay financially solvent. -[gasps]

Excuse me?

It's just, we've encountered so many unexpected expenses,

and I tried to make the numbers work,

but the math wasn't mathing, Jay.

So No Pants has been keeping us afloat?

Ironic for a guy who was fished out of the bottom of a lake.

SAMANTHA: I wanted to tell you,

but I also didn't want to stress you out.

You've been working so hard,

trying to get the restaurant up and running.

But what about the list? We-we got on the list.

And it's helping some. We're getting busier,

and that's great momentum that we need to build on.

But we're not profitable yet.

What about your book? You were a stocking stuffer.

And again, that's great, but it's not exactly a windfall.

I mean, most authors also have a day job.

Candi's an author.

It's absolute smut but well told.

So, wh-what are you saying, Sam?

I'm saying we won't need Trevor's money, eventually.

But if we want to make it to summer,

we got to save Trevor's job.

Looks like Michael Jackson is going to HR.

Let me ask you guys something.

Do you think it's okay for someone to make a special trip

to see their ex when they're dating someone else?

It wasn't a special trip. I was in the neighborhood.

Is Saint Lucia in the neighborhood, though? [chuckles]

I'm not a geography expert,

but I feel like you have to go out of your way.

Well, you know, the Caribbean isn't that big of a place.

Caribbean Islands span over thousand miles east to west.

You know that because of your Viking voyages?

No.

Captain Sandy sailed ship out of Antigua,

season eight, Below Deck.

Reality TV is a fount of wisdom. It doesn't get enough credit.

Donna and I are just friends.

It's still weird. She might be into you.

But I'm not into her, so it doesn't matter.

Okay, well, that British shed ghost Baxter and I

had a thing back in '29.

Would it bother you if he and I started hanging out?

As friends, of course.

I was there when they met.

It was love at first fife.

[chuckles] Actually, "love" is a bit of an overstatement.

I needed it for the turn of phrase.

You know what?

I-I think if you wanted to catch up with your ex Baxter,

I would be fine with it.

Okay.

"Okay," like we're good and that's the end of it?

Yep.

Thor not think that the end of it.

Okay, Trevor is gonna give you a crash course

in everything you need to know about your character:

Michael Jackson, financial analyst.

What the hell is my life?

Born on the outskirts of the Motor City...

I don't think we have time

to go through the entire backstory, Trevor.

Yeah, maybe just give me the must-knows.

TREVOR: Okay. [sighs]

First of all, there's a major flirtation

with my coworker Maggie,

who you know from the work retreat we had here.

So, there's a flirtatious thing going on with Maggie.

But he says to keep it respectful.

No, I didn't.

Trust me, Maggie does not appreciate respectful.

Wait, time-out, Sam.

Why do I need to know any of this?

I'm just going to ask HR to forgive Michael Jackson

for sending his boss a stripper-gram.

Okay, but you're going into the lion's den, baby.

You have no idea who you're gonna meet,

and you need to be prepared.

Also, can you find out what happened

with Candi and the HVAC?

I am dying to know.

He says that you just need to be ready,

in case you run into anybody.

Okay. Continue.

So, if he runs into anybody on my team,

this is definitely gonna come up.

Okay.

Michael Jackson is currently closing a deal

for the McDaniels Corporation, who makes soap,

to acquire the McCallister Corporation, who makes sponges.

Now, McDaniels is offering 30 million,

but McCallister wants 40,

but Trevor thinks you'll close at 35

and then celebrate at Peter Luger's with the CEOs,

Conan McDaniels and Galen McCallister.

Sam, I'm not gonna remember any of that.

Also, I told them I could moonwalk,

so make sure Jay is prepared for that.

-Seriously? -What?

How are your moonwalking skills?

Not good, Sam.

Not good!

ALBERTA: Well, it is really good

to catch up with you, Baxter.

[laughs]

Hey, guys. What's, uh, going on in here?

Oh, just hanging out with a friend,

doing a little catching up. [chuckles]

-You okay with that? -Of course.

Yeah, two friends catching up.

What could be more wholesome or totally okay than that?

It's just, we have so much in common, Alberta and I.

For instance, the whole music thing.

Right.

You know, I played a mean oboe in my day.

That's nice, although I died with my instrument,

-so it's sort of a different kettle of fish. -Mm.

Well, good for you.

Ha! You remind me of my flatmate Jenkins.

He's always saying that.

"Goody for you."

[laughing]: Oh, my God!

You do the best Jenkins impression.

How was that an impression?

They're both just British. He barely changed his voice.

This is an impression:

[imitating Richard Nixon]: "I am not a crook."

Oh. Is that Trevor?

[normal voice]: No, it's Nixon.

Here's one for you:

"How 'bout we all pop out to the shed?"

-[laughs] Nigel! Classic! -Ha!

-In one. Well done. -[laughing]

It's not- Th-They all sound the same!

Are you all right, Peter?

[mocking British accent]: No! I'm not all right.

[normal voice]: This is my girl, and if she's gonna be laughing

at any impressions, they're gonna be mine!

Oh, my. I'm deeply sorry.

You know what?

Go fife yourself!

BRETT: I'm sorry that you had to do

this whole, uh, "come in and talk to HR" thing.

I mean, honestly, I thought the stripper-gram rocked.

Oh, well, that's very kind of you, Brettinator.

No, seriously,

no one has the balls to send a real present anymore.

BRETT: Hey, so how about McCallister

-with that counter? -Oh, yeah.

Be honest, what do you think about that termination fee?

Oh, it was brutal.

Or good, depending on if you are McCallister or McDaniels,

vis-�-vis the counter.

Hey, you-you guys want to see me moonwalk?

Uh... hell yeah, we do!

Okay.

-[laughs] -Thought you'd never ask.

-[grunts sharply] -Ooh!

-Ooh! -Oh!

-You're the smooth criminal, MJ. -[scatting]

Ow! ...are you doing?

I am Michael Jackson.

Anthony Valerie from HR.

Okay, so we'll just leave you guys to it.

Good luck, MJ.

Thank you for coming in, Mr. Jackson.

Oh, no, no, it's no problem.

And I just want to say right off the bat

that I know that the stripper-gram was in poor taste,

and it'll never happen again.

Here's the thing.

Once we started interviewing people about the incident,

other complaints emerged regarding your time here.

Take a seat, Mr. Jackson. We have a lot to talk about.

October 4th, while referencing a new Slack headshot

of a female coworker, you commented,

"Giggity, giggity, giggity."

Which a quick Google search reveals to be

the horny catchphrase of a popular animated pervert.

[scoffs] Yeah, I was unaware of that phrase's origins,

and I deeply apologize for that.

October 10th.

You asked your entire team to, quote, "send nudes."

You know, I think I-I meant to type, um, "send news."

[chuckles] You know, I'm a huge news buff,

but I'm also so busy that I don't have time to locate it.

It's a difficult combination.

Look, I get it- boys will be boys,

and this is the finance industry,

but it's not the '90s.

People don't act this way anymore.

You're right.

I joined this industry at a time when things were different,

and-and I've had trouble adjusting,

but I am committed to correcting my behavior.

My mother raised a better man than this.

I hear that.

We're all just out here trying to make our moms proud, right?

Right? My mom always says,

"You can't make a perfect khichdi.

You just have to keep tasting it and trying to make it better."

And that is how I treat my life.

Yeah. That's really good.

And kind of familiar. Where have I heard that before?

I-I just came up with it.

No, it's a pretty specific anecdote,

and I remember hearing it.

Uh, wait.

Have you ever listened to The Todd Pod?

I'm not sure.

Huh, this chef said the exact thing that you just said.

Yep, here it is. Chef Jay Arondekar.

Wait a second.

This is clearly you.

No, not clearly.

What the hell is going on, Mr. Arondekar?

Um... you want to see me moonwalk?

Well, I got fired. Or Trevor got fired.

Michael Jackson got fired? I don't know.

-We're fired. -Seriously? What happened?

You couldn't get Trevor off the hook?

No, I managed that all pretty well.

It wasn't easy.

This guy's got a lot of complaints about him.

ISAAC: Given the speed at which you type,

it's actually impressive

how prolifically problematic you manage to be.

But then the HR guy recognized me

from our appearance on The Todd Pod.

Creepy Todd strikes again.

He was willing to overlook some light sexual harassment,

but he drew the line at identity fraud.

So that's it. I'm fired.

Security carried me out mid-moonwalk.

It was humiliating.

Well, this day has taken a turn.

Michael Jackson's good name dragged through the mud.

I'm sorry, Jay.

I shouldn't have put you in that situation.

JAY: It's not just that.

You lied to me.

There shouldn't be financial consequences for us

if a ghost loses their job.

Why didn't you just tell me what was going on?

I was just trying to protect you.

I didn't want you to worry.

I don't need protecting.

He's right, Sam.

You don't hide secrets like that from your spouse.

Didn't you keep kind of a whopper from Beatrice?

The truth is, I wasn't just protecting you.

I... I was also protecting myself.

Oh, what does that even mean, Sam?

I was embarrassed, okay?

You've made so much progress on the restaurant,

and it's only been a year.

Meanwhile, on my side of things,

we're five years in, and the B and B is still struggling.

Yeah, you're mad at me.

Well, I get it. That makes two of us.

-So... -So?

I think it's possible that you were right.

A little louder.

You were right.

It bugged me.

Even though I know you're not gonna do anything with Baxter.

You aren't, are you?

No.

[sighs]: Okay, good.

Look, neither of us did anything technically wrong

spending time with Donna or Baxter,

but when you're in a relationship, you have to

consider how it's gonna make the other person feel.

I-I get that now. I do.

And don't worry, I won't go to Saint Lucia again.

Thank you, Pete.

Or Stockholm.

Or Banff. Or Denver.

-Pete. -Sorry.

I went on a bit of a tear when I first discovered I could roam.

This was way before we were together.

It's just kind of like, everywhere I go,

I'm the new ghost, and you know how that is.

-Oh, my God. -But here's the thing.

Yes, I can go anywhere in the world,

but there's nowhere I'd rather be than right here with you.

Oh, Pete.

Hey, y-you didn't really think

any of Baxter's impressions were good, did you?

Let it go.

It just gets me steamed.

I mean, it's an art form! You got to respect it!

Sam, I just want to apologize.

I know I put you in a really tough spot.

I just wish that there was something that I could do.

Don't worry about it. You were just trying to help.

I shouldn't be in a position where I needed your help.

It's my fault I can't run my own business.

Look, Samantha, I know you're struggling,

but you're gonna figure this out.

We believe in you.

TREVOR: And when you do,

I think you're gonna look back at this time

with a lot of fondness.

What do you mean?

This time, right now,

while you're grinding it out

and-and living in that uncertainty,

I know it doesn't feel like it, but that's the good stuff.

SASAPPIS: He's right.

Having a goal, having a purpose,

like, that's such a big part of life.

And I miss that.

Also eating. [sighs] That was good.

Many times, so-called "overnight success"

only come after years of failure.

That's true. He's right, Sam.

This actually embarrassing for Thor to admit,

but early in Thor's career,

I struggle to even kill just one Dane.

But then Thor turn 13,

and blood run like river.

I guess tangentially that's what we're saying.

Thanks, guys.

Oh, hey, babe.

I was thinking about what you said before,

and I just want you to know

that there is no your thing or my thing.

It's all our thing.

He is a keeper.

These kind words will surely reap kind acts.

Sex, I mean.

JAY: There are no sides.

We win as a team, and we lose as a team.

Besides, there wouldn't be a restaurant without you.

It was your idea.

I guess it was, huh?

I mean, it was right there.

It wasn't like she invented calculus.

And we're making real strides with the B and B.

We got on that prestigious list of small hotels.

Thanks to the fact the list guy was a huge cocaine fiend.

And now our bookings are up.

I mean, we're about to turn a corner, I can feel it.

You know, some of the ghosts were saying

we're actually gonna look back on this time,

on-on the struggle, and we're gonna miss it.

Sometimes they can be pretty wise.

I recall one evening,

our wine steward dropped dead right before a dinner party,

so I was forced to wield the corkscrew myself.

In many ways, it was the sweetest wine I've ever tasted.

Some of them struggled more than others.

Am I crazy or is it, whenever you're worried about money,

that suddenly a bunch of bills show up?

No, we can keep complaining or we can tighten our belts

and do something about it.

Look, you guys are resourceful.

You'll find a way to hustle up some extra income.

Pete's right.

Your feet are one pumice stone away from being Web-ready.

Okay, I meant like a bake sale. My God, Trevor.

Okay, I appreciate everyone's ideas, but we will handle this.

We're gonna be fine.

JAY: Babe, this is a letter from the IRS.

Apparently, I'm being investigated for tax evasion

because Michael Jackson hasn't paid any taxes for two years!

What? Trevor, you didn't pay your taxes?

I'm a ghost! I don't use any government services.

Also, Isaac told me I didn't have to.

He said it was taxation without representation.

Yes, Sam, please tell Jay that his nonpayment

stands on firm philosophical grounds.

We are so screwed!

Uh, where exactly is Trevor in the room?

He's on the couch, on my other side.

Good. I want to make sure I address this directly to him.

[exhales heavily]

Trevor, I forgive you.

Ah.

Right after I do this.

[screaming]

Captioning sponsored by CBS

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Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0