Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(moody guitar solo)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(crowd cheering)

(delicate, sad guitar music)

Francine: Hey, Darla.

Darla: Hey.

Francine: What's goin' on?

Darla: Nothin' much.

Francine: Nothin' much?

You're supposed to be makin' moves!

Darla: I'm working on it.

Francine: Mm-hmm.

Ready for your reading yet?

Darla: (sighs) No, I'm fine. Thanks.

Francine: All right.

You're really missing out.

Darla: Sorry.

Maybe next time.

Francine: Okay.

Maybe next time.

Darla: Hey, Zumie, it's Darla.

Zumie: Hey, how's it goin'?

Darla: I'm good. How 'bout you?

Zumie: Pretty good.

Darla: Cool. Zumie: What's up?

Darla: Um, so I heard you guys needed a guitarist, and...

Zumie: You know what? We just found somebody.

Darla: Oh.

Zumie: Yeah, sorry about that.

Darla: No, it's good that you guys found someone.

Zumie: Yeah, she's really good.

Oh, you know, I'm getting a call on the other line.

Darla: Oh. Zumie: Yeah, uh, can you hold on?

Darla: Nah, it's cool.

I'll just talk to you later.

Zumie: Then, um, I'll see you around!

Darla: All right. Bye.

(sighs)

(delicate, sad music)

(knocking)

(door creaks) Francine: Hey, girl.

Darla: Hey. Elisa: What you doin'?

Darla: Hey!

Elisa: Ahh!

Darla: What are you doing here!

Elisa: I kind of moved back!

Francine: Yeah!

Darla: What happened?

Elisa: Me and James had some creative differences.

Darla: Oh. Elisa: No, it's okay.

You know, all good things go up in flames, right?

Francine: Yeah...

You know what? I gotta run.

So why don't you two... you know.

Elisa: Ooh (laughs), nice set up you got here, Dar!

Darla: Thanks.

Elisa: Francine says you've been getting all serious

with music lately, is that true?

Getting all serious on me?

Darla: Ah, no way! (scoffs) Not me.

Elisa: Good, 'cause you know

how I feel about serious musicians.

Darla: Yeah.

Want a beer?

Elisa: Shoot, yeah!

(Darla laughs)

(lively, fun rock music) Elisa: Do you want to hear

what my old band sounds like?

Darla: Do I have a choice?

(music gets louder)

Elisa: Come on.

Oooohhh!

Dar, um, is it cool if I crash

on the couch for a couple nights?

Darla: Uh...

Elisa: Well, I'm kind of in between places right now,

so, you know what I'm saying?

Darla: Yeah, totally!

(lively, fun rock music)

Elisa: Cheers?

Darla: Cheers.

(girls laugh)

Elisa: Mm.

This is the best taco ever!

Darla: Mm-hmm.

(mellow rock music)

Serge: I'm gonna need a large helmet

or headdress type of thing,

Giovanni: All right, all right.

Serge: and make me thinner.

Giovanni: Thinner?

Serge: Yeah! I'm going to lose weight for this film.

Giovanni: All right.

Serge: And I'm going to need large gauntlets

with repulsor blast power.

Giovanni: Perfect.

Serge: And I have my space vamp chicks.

Giovanni: Awww, son!

(sexy ringtone)

Serge: Hey, baby.

(indistinct female voice) (laughs) yeah?

Oh, really?

Right now?

Okay, sounds like good times.

Okay, until then. Au revoir.

Yowza!

Giovanni: Fat playa has been summoned.

Dante: Where you goin'?

Serge: Out!

I gots me a date!

Dante: With who?

Serge: Her name is Penelope.

And she drives a race car!

Giovanni: Hey, Serge, uh, you comin' home, right?

Serge: Giovanni, Giovanni: Eh?

Serge: I'm not coming home, okay? Giovanni: Mm.

Serge: I am getting lucky.

Giovanni: Fat playa has some nifty moves.

Nifty.

("I'll Steal the World")

Elisa: It sucks.

Darla: So, what happened?

Elisa: He, basically, was texting

back and forth with my fucking drummer.

Darla: Oh!

Elisa: Yeah, I found a bunch of nasty messages

on his phone, so I kind of freaked out.

Darla: You freaked out.

Elisa: Yeah, I kind of lost it.

Darla: What does that mean?

Elisa: I pretty much burnt the apartment down.

Darla: What!

Elisa: I was burning all these fucking love letters

he used to write me, Darla: Yeah.

Elisa: yeah, and one of them flew up

and caught the curtain on fire.

And that was it. Darla: Wow.

Elisa: Yeah.

We got in a big ol' fight, and then,

he tells me he wasn't really cheating on me.

Darla: What? Elisa: But he was going to,

and that's the fucked up part of it.

Darla: Yeah.

Elisa: Yeah.

I mean, I was just totally over it at that point.

Darla: It's for the best.

You're better off without him.

Elisa: Totally.

He was making me all fucking domesticated and shit.

Darla: Bastard.

Elisa: Yeah.

You're telling me.

("I'll Steal the World")

♪ (lyrics) With you by my side ♪

♪ I'll steal the world ♪

♪ With you by my side ♪

♪ I'll steal the world ♪

♪ With you by my side ♪

♪ I'll conquer the world ♪

(music fades) Darla: Francine says

that a UFO landed over there.

Elisa: Where?

Darla: Over there.

Elisa: Cool.

She would know.

Darla: So, are we gonna start a band?

Elisa: What are you thinkin', Dar?

Darla: I don't know, just you know, like...

Elisa: Like we need to kick some rock 'n' roll ass?

(Darla laughs) Yeah?

Darla: All over the world!

(girls laugh) Elisa: That's awesome.

We need someone to whack the tubs though.

You know? Beat the skins?

Darla: I know somebody.

Elisa: Yeah?

Darla: Yeah!

Elisa: Is she any good?

Darla: Is HE any good.

("I'll Steal the World")

Elisa: You sure you want to do this?

Darla: Hell, yeah! (laughs)

Elisa: (laughs) Craziness.

(funky, fun keytar music)

Oh! My God.

Darla: Okay, here we go.

(drums come in)

(quiet guitar playing)

Elisa: Come on, Dar!

Turn it up!

Cut loose, come on!

(guitar gets louder)

Yeah!

I guess you're good enough.

We'll let you join the band.

Dante: Oh, gee, thanks.

Elisa: Before you sign up, you should know

that this girl right here,

she has a massive crush on you!

Darla: I do not.

Elisa: (laughs) Yes, she does!

Darla: That's a lie! Elisa: That's what she said!

(Dante laughs) Darla: That's a lie!

Elisa: Well, if she doesn't want you,

then I'll take you.

Darla: So, what kind of band are we?

Elisa: We're a rock 'n' roll band!

(scoffs) Enough said!

Dante: Works for me, I mean...

Elisa: All right then. Let's drink!

Dante: To rock 'n' roll.

Elisa: That's right! Rock 'n' roll, baby!

(loud rock, dub music)

(low-key, slinky rock music)

Guess what?

We started a band! (laughs)

Francine: Oh, yeah?

What are you guys called?

Elisa: The Crumbles!

Francine: Cool!

I like it!

Elisa: So what do you see for The Crumbles?

Darla: No, let's just let it play out.

Elisa: Come on! I wanna know! Francine: I see...

Darla: Francine, it's okay.

Don't worry about it. Francine: Just cover your ears.

I see

you guys traveling far and wide.

Elisa: Listen! It's good!

It's good. Darla: No, I just don't want

to be influenced by anything that she sees.

Francine: Don't be afraid!

Darla: I'm not afraid!

I just...

Elisa: Okay, okay. Forget it.

I want to hear about the UFOs. Please?

Francine: The UFOs, huh? Elisa: Yeah.

Francine: I don't think you're ready for that.

Elisa: Come on, Francine, please don't hold out!

Francine: Mmm...

(text message bells) Sorry.

Maybe next time.

Elisa: What the hell?

Darla: Where are you going?

Francine: My old man's waiting for me.

Elisa: So? Let him wait.

Francine: See ya!

Darla: Okay. Yeah, go ahead.

We understand.

Elisa: Yeah, we understand

that you're soft.

Darla: And domesticated.

Elisa: And that you're married!

Francine: I'm not married!

Elisa: (laughs) You might as well be.

Francine: Well, you're just jealous.

Elisa: Pft. Darla: Why would we be jealous

of somebody who's married?

(Darla and Elisa laugh) Francine: Piss off.

Single bitches.

Elisa: (laughing) Married wench!

Darla: (laughing) Comfort slut!

(Darla and Elisa laughing)

(plastic hits floor) Darla: Shit!

(Elisa laughs) I can't believe Francine!

Elisa: Yeah, what a sucker, right?

Darla: Eh, relationships are for losers!

Elisa: Yep, you're telling me.

What do you think about our band?

Darla: Mm, that we rule.

Elisa: That's right!

We're going places, right?

Darla: Straight to the top.

Elisa: Yes! That's what I wanna hear!

Hey, Darla, let's, uh,

let's drink until the sun comes up!

Darla: You're crazy!

Elisa: Come on! Like old times!

It'll be fun!

Darla: I have work tomorrow.

Elisa: So?

Call in sick.

You look sick to me, oh.

Darla: Maybe next time.

Elisa: All right.

Darla: Good night.

Elisa: Night, night, Dar.

(chill, funky music)

Serge: Dante, what are you doing here?

Dante: What does it look like I'm doin'?

Serge: (sighs) Don't you got to practice

with your chick band or somethin'?

I'm serious. Don't you gotta be somewhere?

Dante: Why?

Serge: (laughs) Dude, do I have

to explain everything to you?

Dante: Fine, but you owe me big time.

Serge: Whatever you want, buddy.

Giovanni!

Giovanni: Yeah? Serge: Where you going?

Giovanni: The races.

Serge: Bitchin'. Win me some money!

Giovanni: You got it, big boy!

Poof!

Dante: That dude's crazy.

Serge: Giovanni ain't crazy.

He's misunderstood.

(muffled rock music)

(lively rock music)

Elisa: Hey, Dar!

Darla: I see you had a productive day?

Elisa: I kind of got a late start,

so I figured, what the hell?

What's one more day?

(volume of rock music lowers)

Darla: What's this mess?

Elisa: What?

Darla: This mess.

Are you going to clean it?

Elisa: Yeah, I'll clean it.

Darla: Let's get something to eat.

Elisa: I would, but I'm kind of broke.

Darla: I got money.

Elisa: All right then.

(kids and mom talking indistinctly)

Oh, this is overflowing.

God, they hook it up!

Mm, thanks, I was so hungry!

Darla: It's okay.

Elisa: Mm.

(simple, bumbling music)

(Darla sighs)

(bottles clank)

(bottles bang on top of table)

(bottles and glasses bang on top of counter)

(cupboard door slams)

(banging)

(peeing)

(water pouring)

(toilet flush)

Darla: There's coffee.

Elisa: No, thanks.

[I'll be awake for the party.]

[Fancy a] cigarette?

(Darla sighs) Ahh. Yeah.

(bumbling, sleek music)

Darla: Oh.

Francine: Hey, Darla, what's wrong?

Darla: Nothing.

I'm fine.

Francine: Why are your eyes all red?

Darla: I don't know.

(muffled chill rock music)

(Serge and Elisa laughing)

Elisa: (laughing) Oh! Look who survived!

(European accent) It's Darla!

Serge: (European accent) Little Lord Darla has returned

from safari in Los An-guh-les.

Elisa: (laughing) And [Bang-us]!

(Serge and Elisa laugh)

Would you be a darling and fetch me some more beer?

Serge: Certainly, darling!

(Elisa laughs)

Darla: So?

Did you get a job?

Elisa: Why, yes I did.

Darla: Really?

Elisa: Yep!

Darla: Doing what?

Elisa: I'm the new creative visionary

for the world's most awesome band.

Check it out!

You like it?

Darla: I like!

Elisa: I spent all day on it.

Darla: So, what about a real job?

Elisa: Real job?

This is real as it gets, right here.

Serge: Care for a spirit, darling?

Darla: No thanks, not right now.

Elisa: (European accent) Oh, Mother, you simply must!

Darla: Um, I'm not your mother.

Elisa: Oh, Dar, what's up your butt?

Serge and Elisa: Come on.

Serge: Please. Drink it.

It's super delish.

I brewed it myself.

(Serge and Elisa indistinctly laughing and talking)

(water rushing)

(Serge and Elisa loudly laughing and talking)

Darla: You need to take Elisa for a while.

Francine: Oh, hell no.

Darla: You're the one who got me into this.

Francine: It's not possible!

Darla: Why not?

Francine: 'Cause Elisa drives my old man up the wall.

You know that.

Darla: Well, what am I going to do?

Francine: Look. I know you're frustrated,

but everything's going to work out fine.

I can totally see it.

Mm.

(lively, fun rock music)

Elisa: Yeah!

(Darla laughs) Awesome!

Darla: That's what I'm talking about.

Where you goin'?

Elisa: Break time!

Who wants a beer?

Darla: Those are my beers.

Elisa: I'll put 'em back.

Darla: Better.

(light guitar playing) Elisa: Yeah!

Here you go, drummer boy!

Dante: Nah, no thanks.

Elisa: Come on! Live it up!

Besides I wanna get you drunk

so I can take some liberty!

Yeeaah! Drink it!

Drink it, drink it!

(light guitar strumming) There you go!

Yeah!

Meow, meow, meow...

Dar, come on!

Play with some attitude!

Darla: Why are you always telling me what to do?

Elisa: It's my job?

Hey.

Dar!

(door creaks)

Serge: It's all you. Elisa: I...

Hey, Dar...

Dar?

(upbeat, happy rock music)

Darla: It's your turn to take care of Elisa.

Serge: You're out of your mind.

Darla: Come on, just for a little while.

Giovanni: Fuck that, there's already three

of us living here already.

Darla: So what's one more?

Serge: She ain't gonna fit in.

Darla: Yeah, she will!

Giovanni: No, she won't.

Serge: Listen.

We got some nasty habits up in here.

Giovanni: Especially this one.

Darla: You've gotta help me.

Serge: Sorry.

Darla: Well, what am I supposed to do?

Serge: Just cut the lover's quarrel crap

and get to rockin'.

Giovanni: Yeah, get to rockin'!

Darla: She's too much trouble!

She won't take it seriously.

Serge: Well, I think you need her.

Darla: Why?

Serge: Because.

She's got a certain je ne sais quoi,

and you're more of a... an everyday girl.

Darla: Why do I even talk to you?

(door opens)

(door slams)

Serge: Jeez!

Giovanni: So sensitive.

(simple, bright instrumental)

Elisa: The system's fucking corrupt!

Francine: Yeah, and?

Elisa: I'm not selling my soul

for eight bucks an hour!

Francine: Elisa, how else are you going to survive?

Elisa: With music.

Francine: Okay, well, you're not quite there yet.

And Darla's ready to give you the boot.

Elisa: What?

Already?

What should I do?

What should I do, Francine?

Francine: Well, first of all, give her some respect.

I mean, friendships are about give and take, right?

Elisa: Right.

Francine: It's time to start giving.

Elisa: Start giving.

Francine: I know it's tough times out there,

but you got to look for a job!

(Francine's voice fades) Even if it's part time,

that's somethin'.

(Francine's voice at normal volume) Elisa!

Kinda looks like James.

Elisa: He does?

I didn't even notice.

Um, wait, what were you saying?

Uh...

Oh, oh, start giving. Francine: (sighs) Just get to work.

Elisa: All right, right.

I'm all over it.

(chill, fun rock music)

Darla: What do you think?

Elisa: Hi.

Cafe manager: Oh, hi.

Elisa: Um, you wouldn't happen to be hiring, would you?

Cafe manager: No, not right now.

Elisa: Oh, okay, cool.

Cafe manager: But uh, you could leave an application.

Elisa: Cool, thanks.

Cafe manager: There you go.

Elisa: Oh, thank you.

(delicate rock music)

Hey! What you doin'?

Are you by yourself?

Hm? You want some?

Peanut butter.

Mm! Whoa! You're hungry, aren't ya?

You seem really cool, huh?

You want to hang out?

(dog barking)

Darla: Whose dog is this? Elisa: Come here!

She's ours.

I found her on the street.

Isn't she the coolest?

She's super smart.

Look, I already taught her a trick.

Watch.

Do you think you can mess with me, doggy?

Well, think again!

Bang, bang, bang, bang!

Bang.

Yes! Good doggy!

Good!

Darla: Who's going to take care of this dog?

Elisa: I am.

The band needs a dog, don't you think?

Aw, Dar.

Come on, Dar! Pet her!

Look at her!

She's so cute!

You like her.

Right?

(Darla laughs)

(simple, bumbling music)

Francine: All right.

Let's just take some time to be silent

so I can feel your vibes.

Serge: Okay, I'm vibin'.

'Kay, talk to me, Francine.

Francine: Mmm...

Serge: Francine, I'm all freaked out over here.

Francine: Okay, okay, okay.

I see

nasties.

Lots of nasties.

Serge: Oh yeah, baby.

Francine: Followed by danger.

Serge: Danger?

Francine: And devastation.

Serge: What!

Francine: And finally,

a long, dry season.

Serge: Lies.

All lies.

Francine: Serge, it's all based on what you told me!

Serge: Well, I want my money back.

Francine: You didn't give me any money, fool!

Darla: What's going on?

Serge: Francine's full of shit.

That's all you need to know.

(door slams)

Francine: Anyways. (laughs)

Did you hear about Giovanni?

Darla: No, what happened?

Francine: He won big at the track.

Darla: Really?

Francine: Yep, he's gonna throw a party.

(fun, silly music)

Giovanni: Yo, yo, yo, listen up, people!

No one's leaving until we drink all this fucking beer, okay?

Crowd: Yeah!

Serge: It took you long enough, but you finally did it!

Now we're going to make our movie, right, buddy?

Giovanni: That's the plan, big boy.

Francine: So what's your movie about?

Giovanni: (laughs) Check it, all right?

It's about these aliens that come down from space, right?

Serge: And they promise eternal life to anybody

who wants to return with them to their planet.

Giovanni: But this is the thing, that these aliens

are really vampires looking for blood supply.

Serge: Hence the title:

Giovanni: Space Vamps!

Serge: In blood-sucking 3D.

(Giovanni makes sucking noise)

(Francine laughs)

Giovanni: So what, you think it'll fly?

Francine: Sure! As long as you put your heart into it.

Giovanni: Eee! Clink! (long snort)

(slinky, bass-featured rock music)

Dante: Hey.

Darla: Hey.

Dante: You ready to play?

Darla: Um, not yet.

Dante: Are you sure?

Darla: Yeah, maybe later.

Dante: Hey, Elisa, are you ready to play?

Elisa: Shoot, yeah!

Let's go! Dante: Elisa's ready to play.

Darla: Okay.

("Everyday Girl")

(a few people in crowd indistinctly cheering)

♪ (lyrics) I move but can't seem to get anywhere ♪

♪ On streets where nobody ever seems to care ♪

♪ Drive my car, go to work, repeat what I just said ♪

♪ Now I'm glum 'cause the city stole my heart again ♪

♪ I need a drink ♪

♪ Some time to think ♪

♪ I'm on the brink ♪

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

(crowd cheers)

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

(crowd cheers)

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

♪ The longer I suffer, the closer you get ♪

♪ A night with me maybe full of deep regret ♪

♪ Push and pull, let me go, hold me close again ♪

♪ Close my lips, close your eyes, and then you count to 10 ♪

♪ I need a drink ♪

♪ Some time to think ♪

♪ I'm on the brink ♪

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

(crowd cheers)

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ I'm an everyday girl ♪

(crowd cheering)

(music ends) Giovanni and Serge: YEAH!!!

(crowd cheers)

("Everyday Girl" instrumental)

(Darla and Elisa screaming and laughing)

Elisa: I love you!

Darla: I love you!

Elisa: No, no, no, they loved us!

Darla and Elise: They loved us!

Elise: They loved us! Dante: They loved us!

(all three screaming)

(indistinct screaming)

(music stops)

(guitar picking) Darla: Come in.

Dante: Hey.

Darla: Hey.

Dante: Where's Elisa?

Darla: Uh, she should be here.

(drumsticks clanking together)

Darla: (clears throat) You want a beer?

Dante: Sure, if you're having one.

So, you want to play?

Darla: Just you and me?

Dante: Yeah.

Darla: Okay.

Dante: Cool.

Darla: You want to lead?

Dante: No, you should.

Darla: Okay.

How about...

(moody guitar progression)

(moody kick drum and snare hits)

I can't believe she flaked on us.

Dante: Yeah, well, she totally missed out.

Darla: Yeah, she did. (laughs)

Dante: (laughs) Yeah.

So, uh, what are you going to do now?

Darla: I don't know.

Sleep, probably.

I have work tomorrow, so...

Dante: That's cool.

Yeah, so, I guess, uh... (laughs)

So...

See you later, I guess.

Darla: Yeah. Dante: Yeah, just...

Oh God... (indistinctly muttering)

(door closes)

(solemn guitar rock music)

(guitar picking)

Bianca: Hello?

Darla: Hey, Bianca.

Bianca: Yes?

Darla: It's Darla.

Bianca: Oh, hey, what's up?

Darla: Not much, how about you?

(solemn electric guitar)

Elisa: Hey, Dar!

Check it out! (laughs)

I'm rich! Ah!

Darla: Where were you?

Elisa: With Serge.

We went to Vegas!

He taught me how to play Craps.

Look how much money we made!!

I have enough for dog food

and to give you some, for rent money.

Darla: Keep it.

Elisa: No! Uh-uh.

Darla: No, you'll need it.

Elisa: No!

Where you heading?

Darla: Jam session.

Elisa: Really?

With ...?

Darla: A friend.

Elisa: What friend?

Darla: Bianca.

Elisa: Huh?

Darla: Bianca.

Elisa: (snorts) Bianca?

The hippie chick?

The one with the really horrifying band, right?

Wait, wait, wait, what are they called again?

Darla: Distant Thunder.

Elisa: (laughing) Distant Thunder, that's right.

You're jamming with them?

Darla: You missed practice yesterday.

Elisa: I'm sorry!

It slipped my mind!

Darla: It slipped your mind?

Elisa: Yeah, Dar!

I have to be reminded of these things.

Darla: Elisa, nobody would have

to remind you if you actually gave a shit.

Elisa: I give a shit, Dar!

Don't tell me I don't give a shit!

Dar!

Okay!

I'm going to go buy some beers!

And play some REAL music!

Darla: You're too much.

(ominous bass hum) Serge: Inhabitants of planet earth!

Who among you is deserving of eternal life?

Giovanni: Okay, cut!

Serge: Was I good?

Was I sexy enough?

Giovanni: Yeah, you were great, you were fantastic,

but um, I'm going to have to take that one again.

Serge: Again!

You just said I was great.

Giovanni: I know, you were great,

you were fantastic, you really, really are,

but I just want another take, okay?

Oh, and, uh, this time,

can you dial it down just a little bit?

Serge: Dial it down?

Giovanni: Just a notch.

Serge: Okay, the talent is heading back to one!

Giovanni: Here we go! That last one was great,

but I need to dial it down a notch

for Mr. Scorsese over here.

Giovanni: All right.

Cue smoke!

ACTION!

Serge: Inhabitants of planet earth!

(voice becomes distant) Who among you

is deserving of eternal life?

Darla: Maybe she has a fear of success.

Giovanni: (from a distance) Okay, cut!

Francine: Maybe.

It's doubtful.

Darla: A fear of failure?

Francine: Possibly.

Giovanni: (from a distance) Cue smoke!

Action!

Francine: Hey, Darla.

Guess what I got.

Darla: The Dead Flowers?

Tonight?

Francine: Yup, it's a secret midnight show.

Darla: How did you get these?

Francine: You know, got a good hookup.

Thought you might want to go.

Darla: Me?

Francine: Yeah, you and your band!

Darla: Oh.

You know what, it's okay.

Francine: Oh, come on.

You know how Elisa feels about The Dead Flowers.

What else you got to do tonight?

Go home and mope?

(Dante muttering)

Dante: I just don't want you to, to think that I...

Hey.

Darla: Hey.

Dante: Let's go, heh.

Darla: Okay! Let's go.

Dante: Uh, yeah, so, I had a really good time

rehearsing the other night.

Darla: Yeah, it was fun.

Dante: Yeah.

Darla: Oh, your ticket.

Dante: Yeah, um.

Yeah, so, uh, who are The Dead Flowers?

Darla: You've never heard of The Dead Flowers?

Dante: No.

Darla: They're, like, my favorite band.

Dante: So, like, what kind of music do they play? Or...

Darla: It's, like, really upbeat.

Um, like, you know, the kind of stuff

that Elisa likes to play.

Dante: Oh, so it's like a big influence.

Darla: Yeah! Totally.

Dante: Oh.

Darla: Hello?

Elisa?

(simple, jazzy melodica music)

(ominous instrumental) Serge's voice: The [saving] feature

about these creatures is their inhumanity

toward one another.

They have yet to experience true carnage.

Giovanni.

Giovanni: Mm?

Serge: You are a cinematic genius.

Giovanni: Thanks, Serge.

Serge: I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

Giovanni: It's okay, babycakes.

(delicate, quiet music)

Francine: What's up with Elisa?

Darla: What do you mean?

Francine: I haven't seen her for awhile.

Darla: Well, you know, she comes and goes.

Francine: When's the last time you saw her?

Darla: Last week.

Francine: Last week?

Darla: Seven days ago.

Francine: She hasn't called?

Darla: No.

Francine: Crazy-ass Elisa.

We need to find her!

Darla: I think she went back with James.

Francine: How do you know?

Darla: I don't, but you know how weak she is!

Francine: Exactly, that's why we need to find her.

(foreboding, moody music)

Serge: Dude.

Giovanni: Eh? Serge: I almost died.

Giovanni: She give it to you real good?

Serge: That's how good.

Giovanni: Oh, yeah? How good?

Serge: So good that parts of me are swollen.

I'm chafed.

Do you have any Neosporin?

Giovanni: It's in the bathroom.

Serge: Can you get it for me?

Giovanni: No!

Serge: I can't walk.

Come on, baby.

Fetch me some Neosporin.

(laser guns firing, indistinct voices)

(knocking)

Dante: Hey.

Darla: Hey.

Dante: No Elisa?

Darla: Not yet.

Dante: Um, still want to practice?

Darla: I forgot.

Dante: That's cool, I mean, we don't have to.

(Darla sighs)

Darla: What if she's dead?

Dante: She's not dead.

Darla: I feel so bad.

I kicked her out.

Dante: Well, she was taking advantage of you.

Darla: I should've been nicer.

Dante: You did what anyone would've done.

Darla: She's super talented.

Dante: Yeah, she's super talented,

but you're just as good.

Darla: Thanks.

Dante: No, I'm serious.

I mean, you sound amazing.

Darla: Thank you.

I had a dream last night.

We were on tour.

We were playing in Milwaukee. (laughs)

Dante: Mil-wau-kay.

(both laugh) Darla: Yeah.

And it was nice.

Dante: Well, uh, maybe we should go.

Serge: EWWW!!!

(Serge loudly laughs)

So this is what you do at band practice! (laughing)

Look who I found.

So, can we kiss and make up?

'Cause all this negativity is really fucking

with my good times.

Can we do this?

Darla? Please?

Can you do this for me? Please?

All right.

Let's go, stud.

(slap)

Darla: Where the hell were you?

Elisa: I was out and about.

Darla: Cool.

Elisa: I wrote a new song.

Check it out!

Darla: That's nice, good for you.

Elisa: Dar.

Dude, I'm sorry!

I'm really sorry.

I was acting really shitty, and I swear I'll do better.

Darla: It's okay, I'm sorry.

Elisa: No, why are you sorry?

Darla: I don't know. Elisa: You didn't do anything.

Yay. Darla: I just feel bad.

Elisa: Mm, shut up. (laughs)

(Darla laughs) Elisa: Hey, I have some good news.

Darla: What?

Elisa: I got me a j-o-b!

Darla: Really! Elisa: Yes!

(Elisa laughs and claps) Darla: Doing what?

Elisa: Pouring coffee part time,

minimum wage, plus tips!

YEAH! (laughs) Darla: Great!

We should celebrate.

Elisa: Damn straight, we need to celebrate!

(loud rock, dub music)

(music gets louder)

Darla: Oh no! (laughs)

Elisa: Oh nooo!

You can have some of this first.

Darla: No, it's okay. Elisa: No, no, let's get more.

(loud bang)

(bright guitar music) Cafe manager: Elisa.

Phone. Elisa: For me?

Cafe manager: Mm-hmm.

Elisa: Who this?

Darla: What you doin'?

Elisa: What do you think I'm doing?

Darla: Screwing around?

Elisa: Exactly.

What do you want?

Darla: I wrote a new song.

Check it out.

(funky guitar jamming)

What do you think?

Elisa: Crunchy. I like it!

(Darla laughs)

Darla: Okay, yeah, go nuts. Elisa: Ready?

Darla: Okay. Elisa: So we go four first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that. Darla: Okay.

A cycle of that, Elisa: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Darla: and then we'll do the little turnaround.

(funky rock music gets louder)

(indistinct talking and laughing)

Elisa: What the fuck!

Dante: Ughhh.

Elisa: They're going to go real far with that name.

Freakin' lame.

Darla: We need promo material.

Elisa: We need a gig. Now.

Dante: We need band photos.

We'll talk to Giovanni.

Elisa: Yeah, Giovanni!

Dante: And Serge can line up some gigs.

Elisa: Serge can line up gigs!

Good job, Dante!

Dante: Yeah. (laughs) Elisa: Yeah! Biters!

(fun, upbeat music) Giovanni: Ohhh.

(Elisa yelling indistinctly) Giovanni: Come on, here we go,

here we go, yeah, yeah.

(Elisa yelling indistinctly)

Giovanni: Dante, stop smiling.

Elisa: You better not smile during a show.

Dante: I'm not!

Elisa: Okay.

Dante: All right. Darla: Yeah, 'cause we don't want

a drummer who smiles all cute.

Elisa: (garbles words) Crumble!

Dante: (garbles words) Crumble!

Yeahhh!

(quiet, muffled rock music)

Darla: Don't you think you've had enough already?

Elisa: Uh, not quite, Mom.

Darla: You had to take it there, didn't you?

Elisa: Well, I wouldn't have to if you didn't act like Mom.

Darla: You know what, just quit screwing around.

Elisa: Stop being a party pooper!

Darla: It's not a party! It's a gig.

There's a difference. Elisa: Dude, (scoffs)

We're having fun. Dante: Hey! Hey.

Should I, uh, play with my shirt off or on?

Elisa: Definitely off.

Darla: Totally.

Serge: It's show time, babies.

Elisa: Yeah! Show time!

Serge: Now get out there and rock some socks off!

Elisa: (laughs) Yeah!

(cool, relaxing rock music)

(music stops, tapping on mic, feedback whistles)

Elisa: Hey, guys! We're The Crumbles!

(feedback whistles) Brace yourselves!

(slow, weak cheers)

("The Crumbles")

(man in crowd yells "Yeah!")

♪ (lyrics) In the third-eye canoe ♪

♪ On the river of fury ♪

♪ The storm pillow daydream ♪

♪ What a beautiful scheme ♪

♪ [No] bad block ♪

♪ Feel the city rock ♪

♪ Tension release ♪

♪ Fuck the police ♪

(crowd cheers) ♪ Fire brewing ♪

♪ Crush powder ♪

♪ I just want to ♪

♪ Watch it crumble ♪

♪ Fire brewing ♪

♪ Smash power ♪

♪ I just want to ♪

♪ Watch it crumble down ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ [The] bad block ♪

♪ Feel the city rock ♪

♪ Tension release ♪

♪ Fire brewing ♪

♪ Crush powder ♪

♪ I just want to ♪

♪ Watch it crumble ♪

♪ Fire brewing ♪

♪ Smash power ♪

♪ I just want to ♪

♪ Watch it crumble ♪

♪ Fire brewing ♪

♪ Crush power ♪

♪ I just want to ♪

♪ Watch it crumble ♪

♪ Fire brewing ♪

♪ Smash power ♪

♪ I just want to ♪

♪ Watch it crumble down ♪

(crowd loudly cheers)

Giovanni: Hey, yo! Where my party people at!

(everyone yells and cheers)

(indistinct talking) Serge: Absolutely.

We'll see you there.

Elisa: Yes, yes, yes! Serge: Okay, big news!

I just set up our second gig.

We're playing Thursday night at the Blue Lagoon!

(everyone screams and cheers)

But this time, you ladies are showing some skin.

Giovanni: Oww! Elisa: Whatever.

Darla: Get out of here. Elisa: Uh-uh.

Serge: You gotta give the men folk something to look at.

Elisa: Um, if you want to party with us, Serge,

you gotta think BIG!

Darla: Yeah, 'cause we got ideas, and they're huge!

Serge: Like what?

Elisa: First of all, we're going to record our album!

And it ain't going to be any old album, right?

Darla: It's gonna be a double album.

Elisa: A double-concept album.

Serge: Not bad. Continue.

Darla: Then we're taking it on the road.

Elisa: That's right!

It's gonna be Crumbles craziness worldwide!

Everyone: Yeah!

(cheering)

Serge: I suppose I can drink to that.

Everyone: Yeah!

(cheering)

("Get Faded")

(indistinct yelling and cheering)

Giovanni: All the way, all the way, ohhh!

Elisa: Yeah!

(cheering)

(music ends)

(knocking)

Darla: James.

James: Hey, Darla.

Is Elisa here?

Darla: Yeah, but she's sleeping.

James: Can I come in?

Darla: Yeah.

(indistinct talking)

(slow, weary music) James: Look, are you happy?

'Cause I'm miserable.

Why don't we just make it simple?

Why don't we just go to the beach?

Smoke a j, and we'll watch the sun come up.

Just like old times.

Elisa: And that's it, it doesn't mean anything.

James: No. And after that, I'll leave you alone.

All right. Get your bag.

Darla: Hey, James.

James: Hey, Darla.

Darla: Where you taking Elisa?

James: (laughs) Uh, we're just going to go talk.

Darla: About what?

James: Darla, I don't... Darla: Listen, James, it's over.

She's done with you.

You blew it.

James: (sighs) You ever see the tide come in at the beach?

Darla: What does that have to do with anything?

James: Being with Elisa is like a day at the beach.

And then the tide came in, that was life,

and when it went back out,

we were separated, and she was gone.

You know, I thought I lost her.

Elisa: What you doin'?

Darla: Nothing.

Elisa: Are you ready?

James: Yeah.

Elisa: Yeah? Okay.

See you later. Bye.

Darla: See ya.

James: Bye, Darla.

Dante: So you think they're getting back together?

Serge: Don't be stupid.

Of course they are.

Darla: No, they're not; they're just talking.

Dante: Well then, why aren't they back yet?

Serge: 'Cause Elisa's weak.

Darla: What do you think, Francine?

Francine: I think she's still hung up.

(slow, weary rock music)

Radio DJ: It's a pleasure to have you in the studio.

Chicken Teriyaki Bingo! Welcome, guys.

CTB Member 1: Thanks! We're happy to be here.

CTB Member 2: Thanks for having us.

Radio DJ: As you can see, I'm wearing

my Chicken Teriyaki Bingo t-shirt today.

CTB Member 1: (laughs) We noticed.

CTB Member 2: It looks good.

Radio DJ: Thanks, I've been a big fan for a long time now.

CTB Member 1: That's awesome!

Radio DJ: Well, I want to start things off

by playing a little music.

Then we'll come back and talk a little bit more.

CTB Member 1: Sounds good! CTB Member 2: Let's do it!

Radio DJ: All right.

This is a track off the brand new release

from Chicken Teriyaki Bingo.

It's called "We Can't All Be Winners."

(synth sounds)

(slap, and music stops)

(doorknob jingles, dog barks)

Elisa: Hey, girl!

I missed you.

Hey!

Darla: Hey.

Elisa: What you doin'?

Darla: Nothin' much.

How was it?

Elisa: Freakin' fantastic.

We smoked a blunt, and I got laid, and we went to the beach.

Darla: That's nice.

Elisa: Uh, yeah, um, so, uh, I kind of need

to talk to you about something.

Uh, me and James, we kind of reconnected.

Darla: Okay.

Elisa: And we're talking about shacking up again.

Darla: What about the band?

Elisa: I, well, I just need

to take a break from music right now.

Darla: A break from music.

Elisa: (sighs) I know, I suck.

Darla: Beyond belief.

Elisa: (sighs) Look, Dar, I, uh, I kind of need

to give this another chance, you know?

I mean, we still love each other and shit.

Darla: You still love each other and shit.

That's real fucking cute.

Elisa: Up yours, all right?

Darla: You said it was over.

Elisa: It was over!

And I don't know, things happen!

And things change!

Darla: They sure do.

(Elisa sighs)

Elisa: I'm an asshole.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Dar.

Darla: You know, it's okay.

I understand.

Elisa: You sure?

Darla: I understand that you're soft,

and domesticated, and a big comfort slut.

Elisa: (laughs) I am.

You know me too well, Dar.

Darla: What about, Dog?

Elisa: She's better off with you.

Darla: You sure?

Elisa: Yeah. (laughs)

I can barely take care of myself.

(somber, slow electric guitar music)

Darla: You know what, Francine?

My mom's right.

I have no future in music.

Francine: You think so, huh?

Darla: I know so.

Band's over before it even started.

Francine: Well, don't be so sure of yourself.

After all, you got guitar licks pouring out of your behind.

Darla: I love you, Francine.

Francine: Oh, I love you too, girl.

(Darla moans)

(throwing up)

(slow, weary guitar music)

Giovanni: 'Sup, Dar?

Dante: Hey, you okay?

Darla: Yeah, I'm fine.

Where's Serge?

Dante: Uh, he's inside.

Giovanni: He's crying like a baby.

Darla: What happened?

Dante: Uh...

Giovanni: Well, it looks like

Francine's prediction came true.

Dante: His girlfriend dumped him.

Giovanni: Fuckin' hard.

And then her ex-boyfriend came over, and that was it.

Over. Finito.

Dante: No bueno.

Giovanni: And the long dry season awaits.

(Serge sobbing)

Darla: He's gonna be okay though, right?

Giovanni: Yeah. Dante: Yeah, I mean...

(Serge wailing)

Dante: He'll be fine.

Giovanni: No doubt.

(slow, weary music) Darla: Well, gotta go.

Giovanni: Bye, Darla.

(slow, moody electric guitar)

(Darla laughs)

(guitar gets louder)

(full band comes in)

("The Crumbles" instrumental)