Original subtitles

Previously on Georgie & Mandy's First Marriage...

Look, I don't know what's going on

- in your personal life... - She broke up with me.

I know what I need to do now.

You try and call her, I will kill you.

No. I'm gonna buckle down and focus on my music.

Oh, you're gonna start a band?

I'm gonna write some songs

and send them to Dr. Demento.

And he is...

a psychiatrist?

He's a DJ.

He plays all kinds of cool,

underground stuff on his show.

I finished my song.

Play it.

It's called "Do the Axolotl."

I'm already confused.

Did you find it?

No, it ain't anywhere.

Did you try giving her a different stuffed animal?

She's been crying for over an hour

and I never thought of that. Thank God you're here.

Maybe she's crying 'cause her mother's so mean.

Don't take it out on him.

Yeah, he didn't lose Wawa.

So you're saying that I did?

No, I'm sure a stuffed monkey

just got up and walked away.

- Is that helpful? - Feels bad, don't it?

Y'all, let's not turn on each other.

Found it in the car.

Does that look like a monkey to you?

Well, it's brown, it's fuzzy,

she ain't gonna know the difference.

She'll know.

She's fooled by "got your nose." She ain't the brightest.

She's three.

Exactly. She'll cry it out tonight

and in the morning she'll have forgotten all about it.

- Found a ring. - Oh, that's mine.

You said you were getting that cleaned.

And now that I found it, I will.

Finally fell asleep.

Ugh. Thank God.

She really loves that little monkey.

I know. It's kind of sweet.

I hate that stupid monkey.

Uh, excuse me, where are your Beanie Babies?

Sold out.

Shoot. Let's try Walmart.

Good luck. They're sold out everywhere.

Really?

People are going crazy for 'em.

We had a fight in here the other day.

What? Kids are fighting over them?

No, moms. It was hot.

Okay, well, do you know when you're gonna get more in?

'Cause we really need the monkey.

Okay.

This is not a laughing matter.

Our daughter won't sleep without hers.

Yeah, we need that monkey.

Did you say you have the monkey?

No, they're sold out.

If you get one in, can you set it aside for me?

- Maybe. - Whoa, whoa, hey.

We were here first.

I'll give you 60 bucks.

Hey, lady, back off. Okay? If there's a monkey, it's ours.

Here we go.

All right, Dementites and Dementoids,

this next one's becoming

a real earworm around here.

Here's Connor McAllister with "Do the Axolotl."

- Oh, my God.

He played my song. He played my song on the radio.

Who? Captain Demented?

I think it's Dr. Demented.

It's Dr. Demento,

and he played it more than once.

That's amazing.

He said it was his favorite song

about an amphibian from the whole year.

Do you know what this means?

That you're finally gonna make some money?

Not a dime.

Then I don't know what it means.

This is just the first step.

You know, Weird Al got his start on Dr. Demento.

You see?

You know who Weird Al is?

I'm assuming one of Connor's friends.

He's the biggest star in novelty music.

Maybe you can be Weird Connor.

Maybe?

Here's me and Dale in front of the St. Louis Arch.

And here we are at Mount Rushmore.

Looks like you had a nice trip.

Yeah. But I'll tell you,

making love in an RV is a young woman's game.

Mom.

Oh, come... I said "making love," you prude.

Oh, hey, Connie. How was your trip?

- Just wonderful. - Oh, good.

So she gets "wonderful," and I get "making love in an RV"?

Sorry. We had a lot of sex.

So tell me, how's my great grandbaby?

Well, that's actually why I'm here.

- Mary, I need your help. - What's going on?

You know that stuffed monkey that she loves?

Well, she lost it, and now none of us can sleep.

- Wawa's lost? Did you look... - Yes, I looked.

- Did you try buying... - Yes, I tried.

Sorry, haven't slept in a couple days. I'm a little cranky.

- A little? - Yes, a little.

What can I do?

Well, you sew. Do you think

you could make one that looks like that?

Doesn't look too hard.

I'll just need to hit the fabric store.

Way ahead of you.

Okay. I guess I'll get right on it.

Thank you.

- Where you going? - Take a nap. Keep it down.

Jim!

How does she even know that I...

Come listen to this.

What?

Hey, Connor, it's Chloe.

I heard your song on the radio,

and I just wanted to say congratulations.

If you ever want to catch up sometime, give me a call.

- I don't believe her. What are we gonna do? - What can we do?

- We can erase it. - No, we can't do that.

She only wants to get back with him now that he's successful.

Is successful the right word?

I don't want him to get hurt again.

He's a grown-up. Okay? He can make his own decisions.

Maybe he won't call her.

She's a woman who had sex with him. He's gonna call her.

- Call who? - No one. - Chloe call...

- Oh. - She left a message.

Which you could erase. Or I could erase.

- I'll erase it. - Wait.

I want to hear it.

Okay.

Can I have some privacy?

I understand.

But no.

We'll be in the bedroom.

She just wants you back 'cause you've got a song on the radio.

- That ain't what she said. - It's what she meant.

A mother knows.

Well...

Mary did a great job.

I know. CeeCee couldn't even tell the difference,

and she's pretty smart.

CeeCee, don't eat the sand.

Don't eat... She's eating the sand.

Where'd you find a Beanie Baby?

Oh, uh-uh, it's my great-granddaughter's.

I'll give you 40 bucks for it.

What? For this thing?

Fifty.

Oh, I... I-I couldn't. She loves it.

So does my son, and the dog ate his.

- Oh. - Sixty?

I couldn't possibly sell it.

For less than a hundred.

Deal.

Easy money.

Hey. Where's Wawa?

I sold it to that broad over there.

Are you crazy? CeeCee's gonna lose her mind.

Just calm down. We'll get Mary to make her another one.

Connie.

She gave me a hundred bucks for it.

Seriously? It's not even a real Beanie Baby.

She don't know that.

Why do you need 20 of 'em?

Well, we were at the park with CeeCee,

and this woman saw the one

you'd made for her

and, as it turns out,

she runs a charity for sick kids.

Really sick, really sad.

And she said, you know, the kids go nuts for 'em,

but of course, the real ones are so hard to find.

Oh. Well, of course

I can make more.

You said 20?

Twenty... Uh, 50...

Fifty?

Lot of sick kids out there.

Really sick, really sad.

Thank God my mom can sew or CeeCee'd still be crying.

I get it. One time, my dog lost his favorite squeaky toy.

It was rough.

Every time I tell you about my daughter,

you tell me about your dog.

You should be honored. I love that dog.

One's a person, one's an animal.

- CeeCee eat stuff she shouldn't? - Yeah.

- You clean up after her? - Yeah.

- She happy to see you when you get home? - Course.

There's literally no difference.

- Hello. - Hey.

Oh, what brings you by?

I need some advice about a girl.

Hit me.

Don't talk to the married guy

about girls.

Talk to someone who's still in the game.

Or someone who won the game.

You got her pregnant. You won on an error.

Anyway, Chloe called.

Wow.

- Is this the ex? - Yes.

She heard my song on the radio and wants to catch up.

Nice.

Not nice.

She broke his heart and now she's poking around

'cause he's got something going on.

Yeah, that's why you write songs... to get girls.

She's just gonna use him.

Exactly. Go get it, son.

You weren't there last time. He was a wreck.

- I was. - And he's just getting over her.

- I am. - So, he definitely does not want to see her again.

I might.

Dude.

Yeah, I got to say, you raised a really good counterfeiter.

Just think how much fun she'd been

if Jesus hadn't gotten his hooks in her.

Oh, Mandy.

Boy, it's a good thing I got on pants.

The mailman got quite a show the other day.

Hey, what's all this stuff?

Oh, uh, it's for charity.

Sick kids.

That don't sound right.

What do you mean?

Come on. What's the angle?

No angle.

I'm just trying to give back.

That's a load of BS.

Aw, he really gets you.

Fine. They're counterfeits.

We're selling 'em for a bundle to desperate mothers.

You see, that's why we got our lawyer's number on the fridge.

- Hello. - Hey.

- Sorry I'm late. - It's okay.

I actually got here early, but then thought too early

might seem weird, so I took a walk around the block,

then ran into a guy I went to high school with.

He was always really mean to me,

but he acted like we were old friends,

which was confusing, but I played along.

Anyway, here I am.

It's nice to see you.

You too.

I wasn't sure you'd call me back.

I wasn't sure either.

Kind of figured your family might hate me.

They do. Big-time.

Do you?

I did.

I probably should, but I don't.

Oh.

Kind of awkward, isn't it?

Even for me, and that's saying something.

So, what do we talk about?

I heard your song.

- So good. - Thanks.

I had to look up what an axolotl is.

Well, you know what they say,

every good song requires homework.

So why'd you write about that?

They can regrow their hearts.

That's interesting.

'Cause I had mine torn out,

stomped on, and smashed into the dirt.

Sorry.

Hey, it's awkward again.

Looking for Beanie Babies?

This is the third store I've been to.

They're hard to come by. Unless you know somebody.

Be cool, be cool.

One for 60, two for 100.

That's outrageous.

- Are those Beanie Babies? - They sure are.

Well, how much? Oh, I don't care. I'll take 'em all.

- Ooh. - Hang on, hang on. I want one.

You said 60?

Sorry, lady, price just went up.

Look what I got for CeeCee.

Oh, that is so sweet,

but she already has this one.

Oh, shoot.

I'll buy it from you.

Oh, you don't have to do that. We'll just keep it as backup.

Please, my kid's begging for one.

Oh. What do you think?

Well, it does seem like the Christian thing to do.

Amen.

Hundred dollars.

Thanks so much. Tell your friends.

- What are you doing? - I'm counting.

Have I taught you nothing? We don't count in public.

- How much we got? - A lot.

I heard you were selling Beanie Babies.

Yeah, we got a few left.

That's gonna be one lucky kid.

They're not just for kids.

A lot of adults collect them. It is not weird.

Nobody said it was weird.

Tell that to my mother.

"You're never gonna get a man with a bedroom full of dolls."

A whole room?

Sounds cool to me.

So, how many would you like?

Hang on. Where's the tag?

What do you mean?

All Beanie Babies have a heart-shaped tag.

This is fake.

Just keep your voice down, and you can have it for free.

Don't insult me.

Like I would put this in my room.

Oh.

Hi.

Hey.

You remember Chloe.

I sure do.

Hi, Mr. McAllister.

We're gonna go up to my room and play music.

Well, have fun.

- Be safe. - Dad!

Roll the dice. What do you want me to say?

Don't freak out,

- but he brought her home. - What?

They just went up to his room to play music.

That's how it started last time.

Then the music stopped and he got his heart broken.

He's a grown man, Audrey. What do you want me to do?

That grown man is still my precious baby boy.

And you wonder why he's weird.

We sound good.

We do.

Um...

I missed this.

Me too.

Don't.

Uh...

I'm sorry. I thought we were having fun.

We are, uh, it...

It's just...

What?

You really hurt me.

I know. I'm sorry.

You think maybe we could try again?

Someone has to go check on them.

Go ahead.

You're the scary one.

You think I'm the scary one?

Hey.

Georgie,

of the two of us,

which one are you more scared of?

Um...

I guess I'll say him,

but that's just because you terrify me.

- Hello. - Oh, hi, honey.

So... how's it going up there?

She left.

For now? For good? I need more information.

She wanted to get back together, but I told her no.

Oh, thank God.

Good for you, son.

At first, I thought she'd be the only girl to ever like me.

Oh, that ain't true.

I know. 'Cause if one song on the radio got her back...

there's no telling how many girls I can get.

- Damn straight, bubba.

Oh, excuse me. You dropped this.

Thank you so much.

I recognize that monkey.

Oh.

How is your little guy feeling?

Fine.

Praise the Lord.

Although, I like to think I had a little hand in it.

You should've seen him.

He was so happy, you would never even know

he was sick.

Sounds like a miracle.

Doesn't it feel good

knowing you're making a difference?

I just wish we could do more.

Or stop now before you regret

doing too much good.

There's no such thing as too much good.

I agree.

We need to find ways to ramp this up.

Oh, what are you thinking?

What if we included all the kids from Sunday school,

like a little assembly line?

Kids helping kids. I love it.

I am gonna call Pastor Jeff right now.

Do you mind if I use your phone?

Go for it.

So now you're turning Sunday school into a sweatshop?

They're little. They don't sweat much.