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♪♪

Hot dog!

I could smell them biscuits a mile down the road!

Mmm!

You remember why you went into town?

Y-Yes, sir. What did I go to town for?

The mail.

Oh, yeah, the mail. Uh...

Pa, you got a letter here from a...

Judge Dean Benton Sylvester from Houston, Texas.

You know him?

Yeah. Dean's an old friend of mine.

Hey, listen to this.

"Dear Ben, two of my very dear friends

"will arrive in Virginia City on the third of next month,

"where they plan to do some investing in land.

"Their names are Phil Axe and Henry Morgan.

"These men are honest as the day is long, Ben,

"and I would take it as a personal favor

"if you would act as their sponsor

"and introduce them around your community.

Dean Benton Sylvester."

Well, what do you know.

Isn't this the... isn't this the third of the month?

- It sure is, Pa. - Mm-hmm.

I'd better get into town and make some arrangements

for them for a place to stay.

Pa, you want to know the best place to stay?

- Where's that? - At Widow Hawkins'.

She takes in boarders, doesn't she, Pa?

Yes, sir, and, Pa, she sets the best table in town.

She's the best cook I ever saw in my whole life.

Uh, except for Hop Sing here.

She's very neat, too.

The only person in Virginia City

that changes her guest's towels once a week.

If you don't mind, gentlemen,

I would prefer not to discuss Widow Hawkins.

Now, wait a minute, Pa,

she's got the only decent place in town.

You can't expect the judge's friends to stay anywhere else.

Mm... I suppose you're right about her...

having the best place in town to board.

Well...

well, I'll... I'll go in and talk to her.

Adam, would you, uh... would you care to come with me?

Wh-Why, Pa?

Protection?

Now, Pa doesn't need

any protection against the widow.

He spent a whole day with her

last year at the June picnic, had a wonderful time.

I spent the whole day with her at the June picnic

because I happened to draw her name out of a goldfish bowl

in which were the names of 50 other ladies!

I hear tell, Pa, around town that...

you sort of arranged that.

Now, just one long minute!

And you look at me when I talk to you.

Yes, sir.

I know that half the people of Virginia City

are trying to get me married off to Widow Hawkins.

Now, maybe I have to take their smirks and innuendos,

but I don't have to take it from my own family, you hear?!

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

"Yes, sir."

You coming along, Adam?

I'm with you every step of the way, Pa,

right down the aisle.

♪♪

Oh!

Oh! Benjamin, dear boy,

how nice of you to come calling.

Well, Clementine, it's... very nice to see you.

You, uh... you know my son Adam.

Oh, yes, I know all your sons.

Especially the big one,

who looks like a peeled grizzly bear.

Oh, that's, uh, Hoss.

Oh, yes, I remember him very well.

But, uh, then you have another son, um...

- Oh, you... - uh, Tiny Tim, is it?

Uh, no, Widow Hawkins, that's Little Joe.

Oh, of course, Little Joe.

I have the most frightful time with names.

But do come in, and I'll brew you a nice cup

- of sassafras tea. - Clementine, I, uh, actually,

we really don't have time to...

Now, Benjamin, that is not being very neighborly.

For years I've been trying to show you the inside of my house,

and now is the time.

And I shall not take no for an answer!

Why, it will be jolly having your friends ensconced here

as paying guests.

Oh, the tea will be ready!

♪♪

You know, there's only one thing missing from this room.

What's that?

A trapeze bar hanging from the ceiling.

Well, Benjamin, I see you've been admiring

some of my posters.

Yes, uh... My, I do miss the theater so.

You know, that was how I met my late departed.

Oh, uh... Mr. Hawkins.

Coo. He were a fine gent, he were.

Thank you.

A better husband no lady could ever wish for.

Courteous to the extreme,

generous to a fault, and all muscle!

Oh, I do miss Harry so very much.

You have no idea how lonely it gets

living in this huge place...

without a man around the house.

Uh, Clementine, thank you very much for the tea.

Oh, not at all.

With your friends staying here and you visiting them,

it'll give us a chance to catch up on our talking.

Well, good-bye, ducky.

Come again... soon.

Uh...

since I'm in town, I might as well tell Mr. Jefferson

Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan are coming to Virginia City.

All right, ducky.

What was that again?

Oh, I said we better not be late.

Uh, Hop Sing is serving stuffed duck for dinner.

Yeah.

You water these horses and meet me at the bank.

Morning.

Ah. Howdy, Smiling Sam.

Oh, howdy, Ben.

Uh, that's a little crooked there, Sam.

How's the electioneering going?

Fair to middling.

Give me another crack at the mayor's office

and I'll put every crook in Virginia City behind bars!

As head of the reform ticket

that is my platform!

What are you doing in town?

Oh, I, uh, I came to see, uh, Clementine Hawkins.

Oh... Sam... it was strictly business.

Oh-ho, sure, business.

Yes, business.

Now, it just so happens

that there are two wealthy businessmen

coming here to Virginia City to invest in land.

And I'm fixin' for them to board at Clementine's place!

So you see, it was strictly business.

- Oh! - I beg your pardon, Ben.

Sorry, Harry. Listen, uh...

a couple of things I'd like to talk to you about.

I'll tell you, you go in my office.

I've got some business to attend to.

- I'll be back in about ten minutes. - Harry...

my business won't wait.

Are you in that much of a hurry to get out of town?

Yeah.

Oh, very well.

- Oh. - I'm sorry, Harry. I...

Ah.

There it is.

750 acres of river bottom land.

Fella that owned it let it go for taxes.

Shouldn't cost us more than 50 cents an acre.

Oh? Excellent, Sam!

But... that's excellent.

Yeah.

Well...

you think we should get about $25 an acre for it?

Well, now, Sam, let's not be greedy.

Uh, let's ask, uh, $20 an acre and...

then we could settle for $15.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Well, you see, it's not only conveniently close to the town,

but over yonder, just beyond those trees,

there's a lovely creek that flows through the property.

We call it Sunny Acres.

Well, it's beautiful, just bee-u-tee-ful.

And it appears to be exactly what we've been looking for.

What price are you asking for it?

Well, sir, we've decided to let it go at a sacrifice.

Uh, shall we say $20 an acre?

Well, that sounds fair.

- And, uh, equitable. - We'll buy it.

Now, uh, gentlemen, do you wish to pay for the land

in money or by check?

Oh, uh, by cash, of course.

Yes, as, uh, soon as we sell our nest egg.

Nest egg?

An emerald... one of the world's largest and most perfect.

See, it's called the Burma Rarity,

and by consolidating our cash, gentlemen,

in this beautiful gem,

we eliminate the hazard of carrying

large sums of currency upon our persons.

Well, how much is it worth?

Well, it's been appraised at $50,000,

but we are so anxious to get our land project development started

we are willing to let it go at $25,000 cash.

$25,000?!

Precisely.

Well, uh, gentlemen, uh,

my bank... will be happy to, uh,

to purchase your gem.

Of course, I'll have to have the approval

of the board of directors, but...

that will require only a few days.

Uh... gentlemen, if you were to ask Clementine Hawkins,

I'd say this should go as "first come, first serve."

Do I understand that you want to buy the emerald?

Coo. And wouldn't I be a foolish one

to let pass such a quick profit.

Where are you gonna get the money?

I have $15,000 cash, and I'll borrow the other ten.

Mr. Jefferson,

do you think your bank would mortgage my boarding house

and the 125 acres beyond it for $10,000?

Well, I... I suppose so.

If-If I have to.

Good. Then I shall come down to your bank today

and get the cash.

Oh, um... but perhaps I ought to have this appraised first.

Oh, uh, very wise precaution, madam.

Positively flawless.

Magnificent stone.

Allow me to read you this little card.

"The Burma Rarity...

"a replica of the famed Emerald of Burma.

"Lately, a part of the collection

of J. Willoughby Smythe, San Francisco financier."

Now, madam, we wish you to have this handsomely engraved

little card absolutely free of charge,

along with this genuine fake replica of the Burma Rarity.

Now, madam, I would advise that you keep this replica

on the table here under glass.

Yes, it will add to the decor of your room, ma'am.

Yes, indeed.

Now, of course, the, uh, the genuine jewel

you will keep locked in your safe.

What do you estimate the value of this stone to be, Mr. Nagel?

Oh... possibly as high as $50,000.

Certainly no less.

Coo!

Then I am to make a clear profit of $25,000.

And my dear Benjamin made all this possible.

The Burma Rarity... and the imitation...

alike as two proverbial peas in a proverbial pod.

- Oh, I beg your pardon. - Gesundheit.

And, uh, now, madam,

shall we complete the transaction?

Oh, yes, of course.

$25,000.

Thank you very much.

Oh, how clumsy of me!

- What happened? - Uh, the emerald.

I've dropped the Burma Rarity.

- What happened? - What happened here? I'll go...

Over there, Mr. Morgan, on your side.

I've got it.

Oh. It's all right.

Oh.

Here you are, ma'am, the Burma Rarity.

Oh, Mr. Nagel, I believe that will be all.

I wish to thank you for your cooperation,

wish you good luck, and good afternoon.

Thank you, sir.

- Uh, good day, ma'am. - Good day.

And, uh, now, gentlemen, if you'd care

to pay us for the property.

That's 750 acres at $20 an acre:

exactly $15,000.

Uh... well, Mr. Jefferson,

we dislike to transact business this late in the day.

Yes, if you'd be willing to come to our room

the first thing in the morning with the deed to the property,

we'll be more than happy to transact the entire deal.

Well, I'd hoped to finish the transaction at this time.

Uh, Mr. Jefferson, shall we say 7:00 in the morning?

Oh, very well, 7:00 in the morning.

Good day, gentlemen.

- Very well. - Mr. Morgan.

Coming, Mr. Axe.

Uh... good day, Mrs. Hawkins.

Good day.

- Smiling Sam. - Good day.

Good day.

Ah, you beautiful moneymaker.

Isn't that gorgeous?

Isn't that beautiful?

Mr. Axe, do you realize this is the fifth time

since the first of the year that we've sold the emerald?

Yes, Mr. Morgan, I realize that.

And do you realize that our total profit to date

is exactly $125,000?

By the way, who is scheduled to be our next suc... uh, customer?

Well, I believe, uh, Ben Cartwright mentioned

a rancher friend of his up in Oregon.

Yes. And also remind me that I've got to order

some more gla... uh, emeralds.

Oh, yes, put it back.

♪♪

- Good morning, gentlemen. - Widow Hawkins.

- Do come in. - Mrs. Hawkins.

We want to talk to Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan.

We have here the deeds and titles to Sunny Acres.

Now, all we have to do is to get their signatures.

And their money.

It seems my erstwhile boarders

left bright and early this morning.

Left this morning?

Yes, but only for a few days,

just to complete some unfinished business.

They left a note, and they told me they would return in one week

at which time they will complete

their business transaction with you.

- Return within the week. - Mm-hmm.

And in the interim, they want you to prepare Sunny Acres

for a town site.

Prepare Sunny Acres for a town site?

What do they mean?

Well, they request that you stake out individual lots

on which they wish to build homes,

and each lot is to be exactly one-half acre in size.

Each lot one-half acre in size?

There are 750 acres...

They want us to stake out 1,500 lots?

Oh, dear.

Precisely. And in case you don't know it,

they borrowed your horse and wagon

for "necessary transportation."

So far this deal has cost us one wagon and two horses.

Coo, gentlemen!

Think of all the money you'll make.

Now, Mrs. Hawkins is right, Sam.

Well, we'd better get to it.

We've certainly got our work cut out for us the next few days.

- Good day, Mrs. Hawkins. - Good day, gentlemen.

Good day, gentlemen. Good day.

♪♪

♪♪

- Hey, Pa? - Yeah?

Pa...

I was just out rounding up some strays

over on the other side of Virginia City,

and you know that little old strip of land down there,

kind of the creek-bottom place?

Yeah, I've been there a couple of times.

Yeah. I just saw Mr. Jefferson from the bank

and that Smiling Sam out there driving stakes in the ground

- and marking off lots. - Oh, yeah, well,

those land promoters are gonna buy about 750 acres from them.

They're gonna divide them up into building lots.

For who, fish?

Pa, have you ever seen that land in the springtime?

No, it's always nice and green in the summer.

Well, it ought to be nice and green in the summer...

It's under six foot of water in the spring.

- What? - Yeah.

Smiling Sam and his reform ticket!

And he's gonna put every crook in Virginia City in jail!

Well, we better find Axe and Morgan in a hurry.

I still got them strays to round up, Pa.

You come along with me... these human strays are more important.

♪♪

You mean, th-they left early this morning?

Bright and early.

I, um, I believe they'll be back in about a week.

I think I overheard them say something about... Reno.

Re...

Now, look, Clementine,

when they return, warn them they must buy no property

until they've had a chance to talk to me.

I shall tell the gentlemen that very thing.

- Thank you very much... - Meanwhile,

why don't you and your son sit down,

and I'll get the tea things.

No, Clementine, uh, Hoss and I...

- It will only take half a mo. - We really don't have any...

Now, Benjamin, do sit down.

Wha... What?

Let me help you with that, Clementine.

Oh, thank you so much, Benjamin.

Uh, Clementine, I-I've got to explain something.

That loud crash that you heard, now, Hoss here..

Yes, I know, everyone wants to try the weights.

That's the third table I've lost this month.

Well, of course, I'll replace the table for you.

Now, here's a little dainty for Hoss.

I don't suppose your celestial chef Hop Sing

makes anything like that.

No, ma'am, he-he sure don't.

I could never understand about Chinese cookery.

Sautéed kumquats

and hummingbird's tongues under glass.

Hey, Clementine, this... this bauble, that wasn't here

the last time I was here, was it?

Bauble, indeed!

You are referring to the Burma Rarity.

Burma Rarity?

Yes. Your charming friends, Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan

sold it to me for $25,000.

'Course, I had to mortgage the house

to make up the rest of the money.

But it's a good buy,

and Mr. Nagel, the jeweler, estimates its value

to be... $50,000.

Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan sold you this for $25,000.

They did.

They... they took a $25,000 loss.

They did.

And went to Reno.

- They did. - Clementine...

I'm sorry to have put you to all this trouble, but...

But you haven't even tasted your cake.

Clementine, perhaps some other time. Hoss and I...

- Are you sure? - And I'm sorry about the table.

But there are many things that we-we really should do.

- You come back again, Hoss. - Thank you, ma'am.

And you, too, ducky!

- Pa? - What?

Did she say "ducky"?

Come on, I got to send a telegram.

- To who? - Judge Sylvester!

She did say "ducky."

"They fleeced me of $25,000.

"Stop. Pretended to sell me a genuine emerald,

"but during the transaction, switched an imitation

"for the real gem. Stop.

"Catch the crooks. Stop.

"See that they're hanged. Stop.

"Immediately. Stop.

Best regards, Dean Benton Sylvester."

And in his letter, Judge Sylvester said

that Axe and Morgan were honest as the day is long.

Well, the days are getting shorter all the time.

Well, obviously, Axe and Morgan forged that letter.

Eh... poor Widow Hawkins.

Mortgaged her place just to buy that fake emerald.

Boys, I, uh, I feel morally responsible

for what's happened to... to Clementine Hawkins.

I-I sponsored the crooks, I introduced them to her.

And, this is as much my problem as it is hers.

Now look, news of this must not get out to Virginia City.

Why stall about her being swindled?

They'll find out about it sooner or later anyway.

Yeah, first let's find the crooks

and get the money back for Clementine.

Now Adam, you stay here and take care of things,

Hoss, Little Joe, you come with me.

Right, Pa.

Hey, Pa, Pa.

- What? - Wait a minute, listen.

That telegraph fellow told me that the Widow Hawkins

has sent a telegram to an insurance man

to come out and appraise that gem.

What?

Yeah, he's gonna be here at 8:00 on the stage.

- I forgot all... - 8:00?

It'll be 8:00 by the time we can get to Virginia City.

Looks like we got here too late.

What are we gonna do now?

I don't know,

but I can't let that insurance man

get a look at that hunk of glass.

You stay here.

Well, he seems to be doing all right so far.

I sure hope he doesn't try to kick it under the table.

Yeah.

Dad-burn it.

Oh, I knew it.

Look, Joe, it's up to me and you.

We got to get that fake emerald.

You shoot the light out,

and I'll jump through the window and grab it.

Right.

Now.

Come on!

Get out of here.

Benjamin, go after them, Benjamin.

Shoot them, shoot them, Benjamin.

Yeah, oh, yes, yes, yes, I'll shoot them.

The emerald, they got the emerald!

I... They-they got clean away, Clementine.

He left his hat.

Madam, I would suggest that you take this hat to the sheriff.

It's a clue to the thief's identity.

Oh, th-this is my hat.

Hmm.

Well, I still think you should report this to the sheriff.

I-I think so too, yes.

Um, when you recover the gem, madam,

if you will write to me,

I will return and make another appraisal.

From what little I saw of it, it is a superb emerald.

Well worth the $25,000 you paid for it.

You mean that was a genuine emerald?

Oh, I'd stake my professional reputation on that, sir.

I bid you good night.

Ducky,

did you perhaps think it was an imitation?

Now, um, this hat that you claim is yours.

Bend down.

Bend down, Ducky.

I think we should sit down, the both of us,

and have a nice cozy chat.

You just wait till I get my hands on those two.

You just wait.

How did the widow take the news?

How'd the widow take the news?

Well, when she discovered that...

that those brothers of yours stole that emerald,

she gave me an ultimatum.

Which is?

She that said she would never

turn her relatives over to a sheriff.

Do you mean what I think you mean?

She said that the whole incident would be forgotten

if I... if I marry her.

She even had the gall to suggest

she come over here to the house tomorrow

and rearrange the furniture.

Coo... Coo?

I'm going after those two brothers of yours

and you stick right here.

Uh, Pa, I was wondering.

Um... Well, where do you think Clementine

will want the bar bells?

Over the fireplace,

or would Harry's tights look better there?

Hey, good morning.

Oh! Dad-burn it.

This thing's been punching holes

in my back all night, Joe.

You see him, go get him.

Run and get him.

That's it; sic, Fido.

I knew I'd find a good purpose for that thing.

Hey, hey.

Come on.

Come on, come on, don't go back to sleep.

We got to get those crooks

before they get too far ahead of us.

Dad-burn it, Joe.

I'm so hungry I could eat a pack mule.

How come we didn't stop by the ranch house

and pick up a sackful of grub before we left?

Well, thanks a lot, pup.

Hey.

Hey, Joe, I smell grub cooking.

You smell grub?

You know, I think I do.

Yeah.

Hey.

Joe... Hey, Hoss.

Come on, we got some trading to do.

Look, chief, you got 'um trust me.

I'm having a hard time getting through to the chief.

Look, chief, chief,

big medicine in piece of green glass.

It'll cure-cure warts and dandruff.

Make your hair shiny.

Heap big totem for chief.

Here, here, Joe,

let me... let me try some sign language.

Uh, look here, chief.

Am I to understand that you gentlemen wish

to dispose of this bauble?

Yeah.

In exchange for food?

Well, that's what we sort of had in mind, yeah.

Very well.

There's mutton stew in the pot.

- Help yourselves. - Hot dog!

Thank you.

Perhaps on the next stage coach,

there will be a tourist gullible enough

to take this piece of glass off my hands

at a small profit.

Mr. Morgan, allow me.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Axe.

You know, when I think of those two petty crooks

out there measuring lots and pounding stakes into the ground,

it warms the cockles of my heart.

Mine, too, Mr. Morgan.

They were such rank amateurs.

Imagine not being able to tell the difference

between a cheap piece of glass and a real emerald.

The Burma Rarity.

Ah, a beauty.

Ah, uh, what's the matter, Mr. Axe?

Um, I don't know, Mr. Morgan,

but it seems to have lost weight.

Oh?

- Oh, my. - Uh, one moment.

Mr. Morgan, this is a fake.

What?!

Oh, that is a fake.

Try this one.

Oh, a fake.

This one?

Yeah, yep, yep, a fake.

That one?

Yeah, a fake.

Mr. Axe, I'm afraid we goofed.

We goofed, Mr. Morgan?

- You goofed. - I goofed?

Yes, you were supposed to pull the switch.

Now, now, who switched who?

Now. enough of this soul-searching, Mr. Axe.

I suggest we return to Virginia City

and try to recoup our property.

- Posthaste. - Or faster.

- We came for the real emerald. - Um...

Now, let's have it.

The, uh, did you gentlemen say the, uh...

You came for the real emerald?

- That's right. - That's right.

The one you sold to the Widow Hawkins,

and then stole back from her.

Every time I think about the way you two crooks

took that poor, little widow woman,

it makes me mad enough to bite a porcupine.

Oh, I'd sure like to see that.

Yeah?

Uh, Mr. Morgan,

uh, I believe they have us dead to rights.

Uh, if you'll permit me, sir.

When I started on my career of swindling,

Mother warned me that retribution

would catch up with me some day.

Would that I had taken her advice.

Come on, give me that.

That's the real one.

Yeah, you can tell it's a real one

just by looking at it, can't you?

Yeah, if we didn't have to get this back to the widow

to save our pa's neck,

I'd-I'd skin you two alive.

Well, I sure wouldn't like to see that.

Oh, uh, young gentlemen,

uh, would you mind telling me, uh,

what you did with the, uh, the imitation emerald

that we left with the widow?

We traded it for grub.

Would you mind saying to whom?

Yeah, a fella named Chief Crazy Fox.

- Chief Crazy Fox. - Chief Crazy Fox...

I believe he's that noble redskin

that's also in our profession.

Yes, he runs that concession stand

down there between here and Virginia City.

Mr. Morgan, I suggest that we renew our acquaintance

with that worthy.

- Posthaste. - Or faster.

Right.

You saw the buckboard go by?

And the other two went by early this morning?

Thank you very much, chief.

Heap cheap.

Hmm. Heap cheap.

How much do you want for this?

Me get 'um ten dollars.

For you, make 'um five.

How would you like to gamble it for five dollars?

Gamble?

Poker or dice?

Aha! Neither one.

There's a new game in the west, Mister,

it's called the shell game.

And it is played very simply with...

one, two... three little shells,

and one very small, little pea.

Now, the object of the game, sir,

is to tell me under which shell

the pea lies.

Now, watch very closely, because if you can tell me,

you win.

Hey!

Hmm.

Uh.

Hey. Here it is, Pa.

I'm certainly glad I caught up with you two highwaymen.

Let's have a look at this thing.

Is this the emerald you stole from Clementine Hawkins?

Oh, no. You know that one was a fake.

This is the real thing. We got the two crooks in Reno

and got it back from them.

Boys, the one you stole was the real thing.

This is another one of the imitations.

Huh?

Yeah.

Are, are you sure, Pa?

I'm positive.

Just a minute.

What did you do

with the one that you so shrewdly stole from the widow?

The one which is a real Burma Rarity?

Speak up!

We traded it for some grub.

For some grub?

Dag burn it, Pa, we was starving.

Psst. Let's go.

Yeah. We'll get it back, Pa.

- What? - Come on.

♪♪

Ha!

Now, uh, uh, you say you gave it to this, uh, girl?

Yeah, which way did she go?

Yeah, it's imperative that we find out.

- Yeah. - Imperative?

Mmm. In times of stress, such as this,

my memory sometimes fails me.

Yeah, I figured that.

Would a ten dollar bill help you to remember?

It all comes back to me now.

She was on the stagecoach

bound for Virginia City.

- Virginia... that way? - Virginia City.

Let's go.

Ha! Yep!

Blonde.

But as to which way she went,

in times of stress, such as this,

my memory sometimes fails me.

Would a ten dollar bill help relieve the stress?

Virginia City.

Ha! Ha!

All right, Joe, You take this street,

and you check the registry at the hotel.

- Right. - Hoss, take this street

as far as you can go.

If you find any girl that fits the description,

you let me know immediately. I'll be around here somewhere.

- Yes, sir. - Go on. Get going.

Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

You weren't watching very closely.

It is such a lovely watch.

Is there something else...

- No thanks. - You'd care to wager?

Let, uh, somebody else win the money.

Good afternoon, sir.

Would you care to wager one small silver dollar

to prove that the hand is not quicker than the eye?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I think I would

like to wager that.

Very good, sir.

Now, watch the pea.

Under the shell. Gentlemen,

watch the pea and watch the shells.

Watch me move them quickly about the table,

and tell me where the pea is.

Uh... under the little one.

I'm so sorry, sir.

Uh, that, that, uh, gem

that you're wearing interests me.

Would you, uh,

you care to wager say, five dollars against that?

As you like, sir.

Again, watch the pea under the shell.

We move the shells around.

Now, under which shell does the pea lie?

I'll say, uh, under the middle one again.

Must be under the middle one.

Obviously you've played this game before, sir,

because the pea is under the middle shell.

Thank you.

Oh, you forgot your five dollars.

OH, honey, you keep that.

But it's just a chunk of glass.

Well... but such nice glass.

Pleasure to meet you again, Mr. Cartwright.

Now, if you'll kindly hand over the Burma Rarity.

Yeah, hurry up.

Well, you, you want... I guess if you,

you want the Burma Rarity, I guess I'll,

I'll just have to give it to you!

Let him go, Hoss, he's all mine.

Ain't you gonna help him?

Nope.

Here, this one's a fake.

Another fake, another, and another.

They're all fakes.

Ah!

Now, this is the one I examined the other day.

The genuine emerald.

And what a beauty it is.

Uh, Madame, uh, would it be amiss if I presumed

to ask you a question?

Uh, could it have been possible that... oh, no.

Uh, what Mr. Morgan is trying to say, Madame,

is how could a sweet, little old lady like you...

Old lady?!

Look here, you two crooks, I knew you were crooks

from the very beginning.

Your modus operandi gave you away.

You see, Mr. Morgan, what did I tell you?

Yeah, but look at her, Mr. Axe,

who would've ever suspected that...

Gentlemen, many years ago when I was in the theater,

I was billed as a female prestidigitator.

I knew you were planning the switcheroo,

exchanging the real emerald for the fake.

So I just... pulled the switcheroo first.

- Mrs. Hawkins. - How do you do?

Well, sir, mighty glad to see you back, mighty glad.

We've got the 1,500 lots staked out for you.

And now, are you ready to complete the deal?

Gentlemen, I'm afraid that Mr. Morgan and I

must leave town again.

Leave town?

Where are you going this time?

I'm escorting them to San Francisco, Mayor.

But we've gone to a lot of work,

preparing Sunny Acres as a town site.

When will you get back to Virginia City?

And take over Sunny Acres?

About 20 years.

Clementine, you're an amazing woman.

Absolutely amazing.

Oh, Benjamin, how gallant.

And in front of all these people.

I just knew, when we had our little talk yesterday,

that you and I would see eye to eye.

Now, Clementine...

we, uh, we did get the...

get the emerald back for you, didn't we?

Yes, but I... And, uh...

we did have some sort of an agreement.

You mean...?

Mm-hmm.

Coo!

I won the war and lost the peace.

Well, as we say in the theater:

There's always another booking for a good act.

An amazing woman!