Original subtitles

Previously on Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage.

Look, I don't know what's going on in your personal life. She broke up with

I know what I need to do now.

You try and call her, I will kill you.

No, I'm going to buckle down and focus on my music.

You're going to start a band?

I'm going to write some songs and send them to Dr. Demento.

And he is a psychiatrist?

He's a DJ.

He plays all kinds of cool underground stuff on his show.

I finished my song.

Play it.

It's called Do the Axolotl.

I'm already confused.

Did you find it? No, it ain't anywhere.

Did you try giving her a different stuffed animal?

She's been crying for over an hour and I never thought of that. Thank God you're

here.

Maybe she's crying because her mother's so mean.

Don't take it out on him.

Yeah, he didn't lose Wawa.

So you're saying that I did?

Oh, no. I'm sure a stuffed monkey just got up and walked away.

Is that helpful?

Feels bad, don't it?

Yo, let's not turn on each other.

Found it in the car.

Does that look like a monkey to you? Well, it's brown. It's fuzzy. She ain't

gonna know the difference.

She'll know.

She's fooled by got your nose. She ain't the brightest.

She's three.

Exactly. She'll cry it out tonight, and in the morning she'll have forgotten all

about it. Found a ring.

Yep, that's mine.

You said you were getting that cleaned.

And now that I found it, I will.

Finally fell asleep.

Oh, thank God.

She really loves that little monkey.

I know.

It's kind of sweet.

I hate that stupid monkey.

Excuse me, where are your Beanie Babies?

Sold out.

Shoot. Let's try Walmart.

Good luck. They're sold out everywhere.

Really? People are going crazy for them. We had a fight in here the other day.

What? Kids are fighting over them? No, moms. It was hot.

Okay, well, do you know when you're going to get more in? Because we really

the monkey.

Okay.

This is not a laughing matter. Our daughter won't sleep without her. Yeah,

need that monkey. Did you say you have the monkey?

No, they're sold out.

If you get one, can you set it aside for me?

Maybe. Well, hey, we were here first.

I'll give you 60 bucks. Hey, lady, back off, okay? If there's a monkey, it's

ours. Here we go.

All right, Dementites and Dementoids.

This next one's becoming a real earworm around here.

Here's Connor McAllister with Do the Axolotl.

Oh, my gosh.

He played my song. He played my song on the radio.

Who, Captain Demented?

I think it's Dr.

Demented. It's Dr.

Demento, and he played it more than once.

That's amazing. He said it was his favorite song about an amphibian from a

year.

Do you know what this means?

You're finally going to make some money?

Not a dime.

Then I don't know what it means.

This is just the first step. You know, Weird Al got his start on Dr. Demento.

Is he?

You know who Weird Al is?

I'm assuming one of Connor's friends?

He's the biggest star in novelty music.

Maybe you can be Weird Connor.

Maybe.

Here's me down in front of the St. Louis Arch.

And here we are at Mount Rushmore.

Looks like you had a nice trip.

Yeah. But I'll tell you, making love in an RV is a young woman's game.

Mom? Oh, I said making love, you prude.

Oh, hey, Connie. How was your trip?

Just wonderful.

Oh, good. So she gets wonderful and I get making love in an RV?

Sorry. We had a lot of sex.

So tell me, how's my great -grandbaby?

Well, that's actually why I'm here.

Mary, I need your help. What's going on?

You know that stuffed monkey that she loves? Well, she lost it, and now none

us can sleep.

Well, I was lost. Did you look? Yes, I looked.

Did you try buying it? Yes, I tried.

Sorry, I haven't slept in a couple days. I'm a little cranky. A little? Yes, a

little.

What can I do?

Well, you sewed. Do you think you could make one that looks like that?

Doesn't look too hard. I'll just need to hit the fabric store. Way ahead of you.

Okay. I guess I'll get right on it.

Thank you.

Where are you going?

Take a nap. Keep it down.

Jim! How does she even know that I... Come listen to this.

What?

Can we do?

We can erase it? No, we can't do that.

She only wants to get back with him now that he's successful.

Is successful the right word?

I don't want him to get hurt again.

He's a grown -up, okay? He can make his own decisions.

Maybe he won't call her.

She's a woman who had sex with him. He's going to call her.

Call who?

No one. Chloe called.

Oh. She left a message.

Which you could erase, or I could erase. I'll erase it.

Wait.

I want to hear it.

Okay.

Can I have some privacy?

I understand.

But no.

Be in the bedroom.

She just wants you back because you've got a song on the radio.

That ain't what she said. It's what she meant. A mother knows.

Well, Mary did a great job.

I know.

Cece couldn't even tell the difference and she's pretty smart.

Cece, don't eat the sand.

Don't eat...

She's eating the pan.

Where'd you find a beanie, baby?

Oh, it's my great -granddaughter's.

I'll give you 40 bucks for it. What?

For this size?

50.

Oh, I couldn't. She loves it. So does my son, and the dog ate his.

60?

I couldn't possibly sell it for less than 100.

Deal.

Easy money.

Hey, where's Wawa?

I sold her to that broad over there.

Are you crazy?

Cece's going to lose her mind. Calm down.

We'll get married and make her another one.

Connie, she gave me a hundred bucks for it.

Seriously? It's not even a real beanie baby.

She don't know that.

Why do you need 20 of them?

When we were at the park with Cece.

And this woman saw the one you'd made for her, and as it turns out, she

runs a charity for sick kids.

Really sick, really bad.

And she said, you know, the kids go nuts for them, but of course the real ones

are so hard to find.

Oh, well, of course I can make more.

You said 20?

20, 50.

50? Lot of sick kids out there. Really sick, really sad.

Thank God my mom can sew or see if they'd still be crying.

I get it. One time my dog lost his favorite squeaky toy. It was rough.

Every time I tell you about my daughter, you tell me about your dog.

You should be honored. I love that dog.

One's a person, one's an animal.

See if she eats stuff she shouldn't?

Yeah. You clean up after her?

Yeah. She happy to see you when you get home?

Of course.

There's literally no difference.

Hello. Hey. Oh, what brings you by?

I need some advice about a girl.

Hit me. Don't talk to the married guy about girls. Talk to someone who's still

in the game.

Or someone who won the game.

You got her pregnant. You went on an error.

Anyway. Chloe called.

Wow. Yeah?

Yeah. She heard my song on the radio and wants to catch up.

Hmm. Nice.

Not nice. She broke his heart and now she's poking around because he's got

something going on. Yeah, that's why you write songs.

To get girls.

She's just going to use it.

Exactly. Go get it, son.

You weren't there last time. He was a wreck.

I was.

And he's just getting over her. I am. So he definitely does not want to see her

again. I might.

Well,

I gotta say, you raised a really good counterfeiter.

Just think how much fun she'd been if Jesus hadn't gotten his hooks in her.

Oh, Mandy.

Well, it's a good thing I got on pants.

The mailman got quite a show the other day.

Well, what's all this stuff?

Oh, uh, it's for charity.

Sick kids.

That don't sound right.

What do you mean?

Come on.

What's the angle?

No angle.

I'm just trying to give back.

That's a load of BS.

Aw, he really gets you.

Fine. They're counterfeits. We're selling them for a bundle to desperate

mothers. You see, that's why we got our lawyer's number on the fridge.

Hello.

Hey. Sorry I'm late. It's okay.

I actually got here early, but then thought too early might seem weird, so I

took a walk around the block, then ran into a guy I went to high school with.

He was always really mean to me, but he acted like we were old friends, which

was confusing, but I played along.

Anyway, here I am.

Nice to see you. You too.

I wasn't sure you'd call me back.

I wasn't sure either.

Kind of figured your family might hate me.

They do.

Big time.

Do you?

I did.

I probably should.

But I don't.

Kind of awkward, isn't it?

Even for me, I'm not saying something.

So, what did we talk about?

I heard your song.

So good.

Thanks. I had to look up what an axolotl is.

I know what they say. Every good song requires homework.

So why'd you write about that?

They can regrow their hearts.

That's interesting.

Because I had mine torn out, stomped on, and smashed into the dirt.

Sorry.

Hey, it's awkward again.

Looking for beanie babies?

It's the third store I've been to.

They're hard to come by. Unless you know somebody.

One for $60, two for $100.

That's outrageous.

Are those Beanie Babies? They sure are.

Well, how much?

I don't care. I'll take them all.

Hang on. I want one.

You said $60?

Sorry, lady. Price just went up.

Look what I got for Cece.

Sweet, but she already has this one.

Shoot. I'll buy it from you.

Oh, you don't have to do that. We'll just keep it as backup.

Please, my kid's begging for one.

Oh.

What do you think?

Well, it does seem like the Christian thing to do.

Amen.

$100.

Thanks so much. Tell your friends.

What are you doing?

Counting? Have I taught you nothing we don't count in public?

How much we got? A lot.

I heard you were selling Beanie Babies. Yeah, we got a few left.

It's gonna be one lucky kid.

They're not just for kids.

A lot of adults collect them. It is not weird.

Nobody said it was weird.

Tell that to my mother.

You're never gonna get a man with a bedroom full of dolls.

A whole room.

Sounds cool to me, so how many would you like?

Hang on.

Where's the tag?

What do you mean? All Beanie Babies have a heart -shaped tag.

This is fake.

Just keep your voice in and have it for free.

Don't insult me. Like I would put this in my room.

Oh.

Hi.

Hey.

You remember Chloe?

I sure do.

Hi, Mr. McAllister.

We're going to go up to my room and play music.

Well, have fun.

Be safe.

Dad! Roll the dice. What do you want me to say?

Don't freak out, but he brought her home.

What? He just went up to his room to play music.

That's how it started last time. Then the music stopped and he got his heart

broken. He's a grown man, Audrey. What do you want me to do? That grown man is

still my precious baby boy.

I wonder why he's weird.

We sound good.

We do.

I missed this.

Me too.

Don't.

I'm sorry. I thought we were having fun.

We are.

It's just... What?

You really hurt me.

I know.

I'm sorry.

You think maybe we could try again?

Someone has to go kick on them.

Go ahead.

You're the scary one.

You think I'm the scary one?

Hey.

Georgie, of the two of us, which one are you more scared of?

Um...

I guess I'll say him, but that's just because you terrify me.

Hello. Oh, hi, honey.

So, how's it going up there?

She left.

For now, for good. I need more information.

She wanted to get back together, but I told her no.

Oh, thank God.

Good for you, son.

At first, I thought she'd be the only girl to ever like me.

Oh, that ain't true.

I know.

Because if one song on the radio got her back, there's no telling how many girls

I can get.

Damn straight, Bubba.

Oh,

excuse me. He dropped this.

Thank you so much.

I recognize that monkey.

Oh.

How is your little guy feeling?

Fine.

Praise the Lord.

Although I like to think I had a little hand in it.

You should have seen him. He was so happy, you would never even know he was

sick.

Sounds like a miracle.

Doesn't it feel good knowing you're making a difference?

I just wish we could do more.

Stop now before you regret doing too much good.

There's no such thing as too much good. I agree.

We need to find ways to ramp this up.

What are you thinking?

What if we included all the kids from Sunday school like a little assembly

Kids helping kids.

I love it.

I am going to call Pastor Jeff right now. Do you mind if I use your phone? Go

for it.

Now you're turning Sunday school into a sweatshop.

They're little.

They don't sweat much.