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Where am I?

Hey, hey, it's all right, Dorothea.

I'm here.

Oh, Patty, I had the most awful dream.

What was it?

My father, he's coming to take me soon.

I can feel it.

Did you do it?

Want the truth?

Yes.

Tell the whole world the truth?

Is that what you want?

Hell, why not?

One word that's been the scourge of feminine existence...

since the beginning of time.

No.

No, stop!

No!

No... no.

You're coming with me.

So I can keep an eye on you.

Please, Axel!

Fucking whore.

Are you gonna keep fucking all those, men?

You're a...

Filthy fucking whore.

OH...FUCK YOU!

That's right.

Stop.

Axel.

Please.

Dorothea?

"Mad Dog" by Zephyr

Went to a party party on Tuesday night

The girls were twistin Twistin the night away

It may sound funny it may sound weird but

My little girl, she wasn't there for me, for me, for me...

for me

I was a mad dog, mad dog I couldn't see

I was a mad dog, mad dog I couldn't see

I couldn't believe

I was a mad dog, mad dog they should've shot me.

But I'm all right now...

whoa whoa yeah

My girl was dancing, dancing across the floor

oh... she looks, so sweet

She was so happy happy with her new amour

The eyes of love were oh so clear, but my little girl...

she wasn't there for me. For me, for me, for me

for....me

I was a mad dog mad dog I couldn't see

I was a mad dog mad dog I couldn't believe

I was a mad dog, mad dog they should've shot me.

But I'm all right now...

whoa whoa yeah

But I'm all right now

Near threw my back out dragging the big lug.

But, anything worth while, usually involves a little pain.

I think, if it were a Woolrich or Cain novel that gave me the notion.

I think, if it were a Woolrich or Cain novel that gave me the notion.

Can't recall which at the moment...

...only that it stuck, like a burning ember within my head.

Is this the hospital?

Oh, God. I think it's his heart.

My husband...

...he's in the shower.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was making his breakfast, and I heard a crash.

No. I can't get in. The door is locked.

But he won't answer.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's 4840 Whitsett.

Please hurry.

It was that easy.

Worked like a charm.

No one suspected a thing.

Dorothea, you're bleeding.

Come here.

Water.

Come here.

Better?

Yes, thank you.

Patty.

Queenie's out of the hole.

She'll be looking to get ya.

Any suggestions?

Don't let her get you alone.

Okay, thanks, Beth.

See ya.

Trouble?

Queenie, the resident bull dyke.

She tried to make me her bitch.

I told the warden...

...and she gave her 30 days in solitaire.

When I first got here...

one of them lezzies, tried to pop my cherry.

I told her, "Sweetie, the whole pie is long gone,

but you're welcome to what crumbs is left."

Times were better then.

Weren't all puppy dogs and rainbows back when...

Even on the day, supposed to be the happiest day of a woman's life.

County Courthouse, 1966.

My handsome, third husband, Roberto Puente.

He was nineteen years my junior.

Sure, I robbed the cradle, can you blame me, look at him.

Woo!

Plus, he was from a good family

that owned property throughout California,

and just between you and me, gave me my first orgasm.

Life was looking up, right?

Ha! Wrong.

Our marriage was short.

Easy, baby.

Fuck her. You said you were going to leave her divorce her.

Shh!

I am.

Gotta be quiet, though.

Hurry.

Zephyr's "Someone Like You"

Clouds are much whiter since you came my way

Colors are brighter,

so are things that I say...

I've been lonely, I've been blue

Lookin' for someone, Someone like you

But, it's hard to find what you're looking for!

It's over?

What do you mean it's over?

You're not getting it.

Yeah, right, you speak some English.

Fuck you!

Is that good enough English for you?

No, it's not, what I do?

I didn't do anything!

Fucking pute!

Where are you going?

Adios, Dorothea!

What? I didn't do anything!

Oh! Oh!

Is that her? You cheatin' pig!

I can't believe you're doing this!

Bye-bye, Granny.

Zephyr's "Someone Like You"

I've been lonely, I've been blue... Lookin' for someone

Good riddance.

Though my next husband, Pedro Montalvo weren't no better.

Mean as the day is long and twice as drunk.

Two months of living hell that I won't relive.

I was good for something.

Tell him I got you probation for those 34 counts of treasury fraud.

Helped?

You bet your lily white gringo ass, honey.

Just because the judge took lenience on me,

after I told him how you beat the shit out of me,

and ran off with all my money.

Your money?

Stop.

Vaya con dios.

Cut it out. Parada. Parada.

Oh, sorry to bother you.

I'm here about the room for rent.

Who should I talk to?

She's...

Oh, she's down there in the hat.

Oh, great. Thank you.

Dorothea?

Yes?

The man on the porch told me that you were out here.

Oh, that's Chief.

Excuse me?

We call him Chief.

He's our resident handyman.

I see.

Um. Well, my name is Ruth Monroe.

And I'm here about the room for rent.

Is it still available?

I believe it is.

Ah, where are my manners.

Dorothea Puente.

Pleasure to meet you.

Let's go take a look a see at the room, shall we?

Splendid.

Chief!

Good job getting that old shed out of the garden.

Oh, thank you, ma'am.

Don't forget to dig a flower bed in its place.

Ah... ugh.

Today?

Yep. I'll be planting tonight.

Alright, then. You got it.

Hey, Dorothea, we need to talk.

"Be nice"

Malcolm, I would like you to meet Ruth Monroe.

Any relation to Marilyn?

"Game show theme"

Wait, it's back on.

Excuse me?

Say Charles, dipshit.

"Charles Nelson Reilly "

This way.

That was the living room.

Kitchen is that a way.

Refrigerator is shared.

I cook a large dinner for tenants every, which is ready by 6 p.m.

Oh, that's nice.

Currently we have four residents...

all are retired, quiet, well-mannered gentlemen.

Don't even know they're here most of the time.

Malcolm can be a bit of a curmudgeon,

but his heart is in the right place.

Just don't change a channel when he's watching Match Game.

Oh, I'm not much of a TV person.

I prefer to read.

Me too.

It's a beautiful home with a nice warm energy to it.

Thank you.

The key is respect. Respect yourself, your home, others.

That creates that warm environment.

I like that. And it's close to the hospital.

Here we are. Oh, do you work there?

No, my husband is under care there.

Oh.

Get some fresh air in here.

This room gets the best sunlight.

Nice firm mattress. Hardly used.

What is that smell?

Oh, it's a sewer pipe down the street that sometimes clogs.

Neighbors complain that it's the fish and mulch I use to

fertilize my garden, but they are wrong.

It's them old ground pipes.

Ah, I've spoken with the city they should have it repaired this week.

Oh, you said your husband was in the hospital.

Nothing serious, I hope.

I'm afraid it's terminal.

Stage four cancer of the brain.

Oh, that's dreadful.

Losing someone you care about is never easy.

Especially when they're taken away early.

So the rent is a hundred a week, correct?

That's right.

I'll take it.

Marvelous. When would you like to move in?

Now, if possible.

Um. I can pay four hundred for the month to simplify it.

Oh, well, there would also be a security deposit required,

in case of damage or...

Of course. Um. Four hundred, eight hundred total?

That works.

You see, um... we sold our home,

to pay my husband's medical expenses, and escrow closed.

I've been staying in a motel ever since.

You don't have to explain, Ruth.

Hard time's come upon us all.

It's hope that keeps us going.

Oh.

I'm sorry. It's all just so overwhelming.

Look at the bright side.

You now have a roof over your head.

And a new friend.

Thank you, Dorothea.

Come on now. Let's go get your keys.

Chief!

Oh.

I'm sorry, Miss Dorothea.

I didn't even see you there.

It's okay.

How's it coming along?

Ah.

Pretty good.

You think this is probably deep enough by now?

I'd say another foot wide and deep.

All right. You say so.

Ya, know.

I tell you, I...I always thought...

the flowerbed should only be about a foot or two deep.

That's before I met you.

Oh no.

They gotta be deep for the fertilizer.

And can't forget about the roots.

Plants need to eat and drink just like us, Chief.

Yeah, well, I reckon so.

Ugh!

Speaking of drink...

I brought you this... for doing such good work.

Oh!

Now that is very kind of you.

Miss Dorothea, I haven't had a drop for a month now.

Not since you've got me this job and let me stay here.

You know, I'm being good.

I'm trying to do the straight and narrow.

Yeah, know.

That's why it's important for you to think of this as a...

a reward for your efforts.

The Lord knows it's hard to stay straight and narrow.

Oh, tell me, I know.

That's good enough.

Yeah?

Oh!

Oh!

Whoa!

Sorry.

It's like...

Almost like I'm already soused.

Shh, the neighbors.

Oh, sorry.

Just sit back, relax...

and take a long, hard swig.

You earned it, my boy.

My boy?

My momma always used to call me my boy.

Oh...

...the good stuff, just for you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit!

No cussing.

Oh... ugh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean...

By the way, ah. What was old Malcolm was talking to you about?

Oh, oh, Malcolm.

Yeah, he was a, just asking about you.

What about me?

Well...

He would wondering, if I thought you might be stealing from him.

Mmmm.

He said the two of you got drunk... and he blacked out...

and then when he woke up, his money,

coins, ugh...

and, ugh... maybe... papers.

Oh, and his mother's wedding ring was gone.

So...

Is that so?

Yeah.

Oh, oh...

and if anybody else in the house was a getting Social Security checks turned over to you.

And what did you tell him?

Well...

I told him you helped me...

by turning over my Social Security checks to you through the government.

Yeah.

That's good, Chief.

That's cause...

You know...

Oh, excuse me.

So you can look out for my needs, you know, like you do.

You know, Miss Dorothea, I guess I don't...

I don't really feel so good.

I can't...

I can't even move my legs.

You won't meet them where you're going.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ah!

Ow!

What the hell?

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Loose lips sink ships.

Ow! Ow!

My... boy.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ah!

Ugh!

Ugh... ha!

Ow!

Ugh!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ah!

Ow!

Ow!

Aw!

UGH!

Ow!

Ow!

Oh, ow.

Ruth?

Are you awake?

Yes.

I was doing some gardening and saw your light on.

You and Chief like to work late.

Yes, it's cooler at night.

Why are you up so late?

Oh, I woke up feeling a little under the weather.

Would you like me to bring you some Tylenol?

Or I have some Codeine?

I always find that nips a cold in the bud.

Oh no, I'm highly allergic to Codeine, but thank you.

How about some warm milk?

If it's no bother.

Oh, it's no bother.

No bother at all.

Thank you.

Ruth?

Yes?

Your warm milk is here at the door.

Oh, you are a lifesaver, Dorothea.

Thank you so much for your kindness.

Goodnight.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Dear Dorothea,

I have given you every opportunity to resolve the matter of my missing belongings.

After speaking with Chief, I feel I have the proof needed to hold you accountable.

As you may have noticed, I've vacated your property...

Jesus H. Crackers.

...along with my personal possessions.

Except for the items that you stole.

I will be going to the proper authorities to get my beloved belongings back...

Ah..a... and to put you in JAIL!

Signed, Malcolm. P.S. I left the keys in the mailbox, period.

FUCK YOU, exclamation point.

Help!

What is it, Dorothea?

Oh, God.

Should I call for the ambulance?

Yeah. Yeah.

I will! I will!

When did she move in?

Last night...

I knew she was upset about her husband, but I...I...

I had no idea she would take her own life.

They bought it.

And why wouldn't they?

The police checked with the hospital,

knew the husband was on his death bed, and that...

ah... Ruth here was distraught.

She was a mess.

And I'm just a kindly grandmother that let her in.

They're coming!

Come on, Dorothea.

Let's get you away from this.

Come on.

Let's go.

Some coffee in you will do you good.

Yes. Yes, coffee.

But, a dark cloud was on the horizon

in the form of that walking pile of shit.

Oh, excuse my French.

Malcolm McKenzie.

And about a month later upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore.

Suddenly there was a tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping at my front door.

And no friends, it wasn't my sweet Lenore.

Dorothea Puente?

Yes, Officer.

Mr. McKenzie and Miss Osborne here have filed a complaint against you for felony theft.

Dorothea Helen Puente, I hereby sentence you to five years in state prison.

Not so bad.

If I mind my P's and Q's, I should be out in half of that.

I had Ricardo to look after the house, collect rent, pay bills.

Oh, and I found a nice pen pal,

Everson Theadore Gillmouth of Coos Bay, Oregon.

Ahoy Captain, may I come aboard?

Your ad has intrigued me.

I am also a widow in search of companionship

I run a boarding house in Sacramento,

where I have a beautiful garden,

that I'd love to show you one day.

I've enclosed a photo myself and my roses, hopefully you find one of them attractive.

P. S. I must confess... I am currently incarcerated on three counts...

Dear Dorothea, what a joy hearing from a fellow gardener.

A beautiful one at that.

And the roses ain't half bad either.

I am impressed with your honesty and your past mistakes are just that, in the past.

I did time myself in my youth and know how hard it can be for people to give a fair shake...

once they hear the word, ex-con.

Well, you have a clean slate in my book, lovely lady.

After almost three years of two to three love letters a week,

and a phone call once a month, we became an item.

Maybe having gardening and dead spouses in common was the key.

I didn't mention that I get sea sick in the bathtub.

Speaking of key, I had him get in touch with Ricardo to move into my house.

Even signed him onto my bank account to cover any repairs to the house.

Wait.

You put a guy you never met onto your bank account?

Yeah. Stupid, I know.

Oh.

But he looked so handsome in that photo.

Like Lee Majors.

Lee Majors?

Sorry, please continue.

1985 came.

So did my release.

And for the first time...

I can't remember when,

I slathered on the face paint.

Even got one of the new girls to help me.

The Cyndi Lauper look, she called it, whoever the heck that was...

really dolled me up.

Why not?

I was about to come face to face with the man of my dreams.

Had to look hip.

"My Hill" by Robert Miano

You got ears, I got ears. Ears are made to listen.

Ears are made to listen.

Lips are made for kissing.

Dorothea?

Is that you?

It's you, baby. Come here. Come over here.

I need love. This how you're gonna get your thrill

Oh my God, you look amazing. Look at you.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, I can't believe it, here we are.

Come on, your chaiot awaits you.

Here, get in, baby.

Thank you.

We're having fun today.

Uh-huh.

Oh yeah.

Come on, rock and roll.

Here we go.

All right.

All right.

Get this bucket going.

Yeah.

"My Hill" by Robert Miano

Start livin' it up, livin' it up, livin' it up

How's it feel to breathe in all that free fresh air?

Amazing.

I think we stop off in Los Angeles before we head to Vegas.

Las Vegas?

We'll get married by one of them Elvis impersonators.

Then a little gambling.

And a lot of nookie.

When we get back, we'll have a honeymoon voyage... on the SS Dorothea.

You bought it?

Just a down payment.

How can you afford this?

Don't worry.

We'll sell that old boarding house of yours.

Realtor says, we can get a pretty good price...

Calls it, a seller's market.

You okay?

You can never be too careful.

What's wrong, honey?

Take me home.

What about Vegas?

Home, now!

Alright, alright, alright.

Fucking hate country music.

Alright.

Alright.

Let's see now.

Did I miss the turn off?

Ugh!

No!

Dorothea, don't be so upset.

Ricardo?

Ricardo!

Where is everybody?

I threw them a couple of bucks and kicked them the hell out.

Realtor says, that's the way to go.

Where you going, darling?

I hope you're going to the bedroom.

Cuz I'm horney as hell.

Oh, God, look at this shit.

Oh, my God.

Ah!

I found your stash, darling.

And low and behold.

What have you done?

I used that money as a down payment for our boat.

Just go back and get my money back now.

There's no refunds, sweetheart.

But I made a great deal.

A fantastic deal.

A great deal.

Go and get my money back now.

No, you'll see.

We're going to Bali.

Bali and Fiji and Bora Bora.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is our future, honey.

You have no future.

Ugh!

Help me.

Dorothea?

Help me, please.

I can't move.

Of course not.

Your neck is broken.

Help me.

Dorothea?

Help me.

Help me.

None of that, thief.

Ain't love grand...

Coming.

Hola.

Oh.

English?

I hurry.

Please!

Hush.

You brought this on yourself.

Now, tie it up.

Voila.

Now to get the rest a your junk?

"Lover Man" by Robert Miano

Come on baby

Let me take you by the hand

Come on sugar, let me take you by the hand

You for me, let me be all your own lover, lover, lover man

Come on baby, lover man, lover man Mmmmm, baby...

Bon Voyage, darling.

Here.

Good.

Hey, good day, mates.

Hurricane Billy at your service.

Have a seat, ma'am.

Tidying up a bit around here, giving it an old makeover.

What's this?

Old Everson, yep.

Why, your Dorothea.

Yep.

See, there was a terrible mistake...

and I would like my money returned.

Ma'am, your husband got a ripper deal on this boat.

He's not my husband.

Well, alrighty.

But clearly on the receipt, my policy says.

See, Everson used my money, 20,000 to be exact, without my knowledge or consent.

Seeing that the boat has not exchanged hands,

I was hoping you could make an exception in this case and return my funds.

Now, if you want to go after Everson for a breach of contract...

then, that would be just fine.

You just got out of prison, didn't you?

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Old Everson got a big mouth, don't he?

Yeah.

He told me you just did a three year stint out of five for check fraud.

That has nothing to do with this.

Oh, but it does.

Yeah, it has everything to do with it.

See, I think your parole officer might be interested to know that you got

$20,000 in cash floating around that you haven't paid in restitution to your victims.

Victims?

So take your receipt, be on your way.

Please, please, please, Mr. Hurricane.

Mr. Hurricane.

Your boat'll be ready in a week.

I'm just a widow grandmother that...

Oh, don't turn the waterworks on me, lady.

Nah, cry all day.

And if you brought that wetback for strong arming you better have another think too.

No.

He's a patsy.

Patsy?

Hear that, fella, you're a patsy.

He don't speak English.

And the term wetback, coming from a funny talk in gringo,

has me itching to put a has me itching to put a bullet between your eyes.

Easy.

Now, give me my money.

Nice and slow.

Dorothea.

Nothing to get excited about you.

Just relax, lady, relax.

Your money's right here in the top drawer.

Nice and slow.

Right here's your cash.

Take it.

No.

$50,000 dollars.

No.

"Count On Me" by G Tom Mac

I never know where you've been all night

I don't question all those things you hide

who's there to blame baby there's no fight

ain't no sense in making this a crime

girl you don't have to use me nah cause you can always

Count on me if it's just some time to pass

Count on me if it's just some time to pass

Count on me cause it ain't something that will last-yeah!

You never lie baby you're just talk

when you ain't got no one left at all

What's on your mind when you when you break that hard

When you ain't got no one left at all

Yeah you'll come back here to me

Cause you can always

That was that. You know, I can still taste that cigarette.

Probably the best smoke of my life.

It's the little things in this world that make it... make it all worthwhile.

The cab ride home on the other hand... twenty dollars. Highway fuckin' robbery.

Excuse my French.

"Count On Me" by G Tom Mac

Count on me when you're weary down on your own

Count on me when you can't find your way home... yeah

Ashes to ashes, the Phoenix is rising.

Jesus H. Crackers.

Some a the sweetest words ever put to paper bout yours truly was going up in smoke

and at my hands to boot.

What am I complaining about, what's done is done, oh, back to the phoenix rising.

I started doing charity work.

In addition to donating my time, that Aussie's money went to good Hispanic causes

like the Mexican Chamber of Commerce, in my name of course.

Running low on cash, I started renting rooms again

to the less fortunate denizens of Sacramento.

Wonderful dinners where everyone cleans their plates and drinks their drinks.

I'm Alvaro Bert Montoya, 51 years old, and I'm gonna die by the hands of Dorothea Puente.

I'm Betty Mae Palmer, 77 years old, and I'm gonna die at the hands of Dorothea Puente.

I'm Leona Carpenter, I'm 78 years old, and I'm gonna die at the hands of Dorothea Puente.

I'm Vera Fay Martin, 64 years old, and I'm gonna die at the hands of Dorothea Puente.

I'm James Gallop, 67 years old, and I'm gonna die at the hands of Dorothea Puente.

My name is Benjamin Fink.

I'm 55 years old.

And I'm gonna die at the hands of Dorothea Puente.

I'm Dorothy Miller, 64 years old.

I'm going to die at the hands of Dorothea Puente.

I moved back in to dig the graves.

I mean the flower beds, right Dorothea?

Does everyone enjoying their soup?

You know what would be great?

There was a little meat.

That would be nice.

Unfortunately with the price of food, it's just impossible.

Here we go again.

Is there something wrong with spaghetti marinara?

Marinara, like as in no meat.

Yep.

Yeah, there's something wrong with it.

With the checks you're collecting from us, our socials...

and our disabilities, we should be having filet mignon every night.

Shit, yeah.

Betty, what have I said about that type of language in this

house let alone at the dinner table.

I am so sorry, Dorothea.

Now, who else is upset about our current system?

A raise of hands, please.

Ricardo.

If you could finish digging those flower beds, thank you.

Now?

Yes.

But I haven't even finished my soup.

I'll keep that and a plate of pasta warm in the oven just for you.

Excuse me.

Now let's have a discussion.

Your checks are for more than the roof over and pillows under your heads...

and the food in your bellies.

They're also to keep the booze, drugs, and other social maladies from reinfecting you.

Keeping us asleep and drugging our wine shouldn't be expensive.

Gooble gobble.

One of us.

One of us.

Cheers.

She gets it.

Skoal!

One of us.

One of us.

One of us.

Skoal!

I...I have one.

May the hinges of friendship never rust and the wings of love never drop a feather.

Amen!

Here. Here.

Cheers.

God, it's not a fucking prayer, Vera.

Well, It's nice.

Bert?

Bert.

Have you been taking your schizophrenia medication?

And what the fuck do you know about it?

Maybe you should go to your room if you an't manage a civil tongue.

Maybe you should make me.

Let's relax.

We all know there needs to be a change around here,

starting with a voice on how our money is being spent.

I feel like we can handle this diplomatically with a vote...

on how things should be run here on in.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

I...I cheers to that.

I knew then that I had a Simón Bolívar in my midst.

More wine?

Turning the peasants against me.

Well, this empire won't go without a fight, bitch.

Excuse my French. Keep a happy face.

All is fine.

Make them think that I'm listening to their grievances.

A benevolent leader.

Dorothea?

Like lambs to the slaughter.

It'll be a beautiful day.

Maybe.

My check come in?

Is that it there?

Suppose you all want to change our arrangement?

I just want my check.

I told the others to sleep on it and decide in the morning

how they want to handle their own affairs.

Fair enough.

Thank you.

Where are you headed?

The doctors.

Would you mind picking up some more Dalmane?

You already out?

Yes, we go through it to keep you all clean and sober.

Fine.

This is the last time.

Yes.

The last time.

Go around looking for something, once you find it, you worry about losing it.

Well, I say once you find that something slipping away,

wipe it out and look for something new...

Ricardo!

What is it?

I want three more beds dug along the fence.

And then, pick up the rose bushes, I ordered from Hammer Nursery.

And uh, place them in front of the beds.

bien. Okay.

"Talking Bout Girls" by G Tom Mac

Suddenly, they appeared before me.

I heared nothing from their frothing lips.

...but I knew they wanted their checks.

So that they could drink it, drink it all up.

Drink up every stinkin' penny.

I had to keep moving in fear of vomiting upon them from the thought of it.

I swallowed back the bile, to expel the words...

Have a drink on me!

"Talking Bout Girls" by G Tom Mac

Talkin' bout girls gets you wrapped in confusion

Talkin bout girls don't they have the solution

Talkin bout girls When your one in a million

My sisters getting out of hand my mamas out of control

My old man's sneakin' into porno flicks and whorin' round

I could care less I could get pissed off just like anyone

But I'm makin' money hustlin' pool and I'm just hangin' round

Talkin' bout girls some are there when you need them

Talkin' bout girls I've been searchin' and searchin'

Talkin' bout girls yeah you're nothin' without 'em

I could care less I could get pissed off just like anyone

But I'm makin' money hustlin' pool and I'm just hangin' round

Talkin' bout girls some are there when you need them

Talkin' bout girls I've been searchin' and searchin'

Talkin' bout girls yeah you're nothin' without 'em

Tallkin' bout girls go watch your double feature dad Dugh...

Oh behind these lenses ain't the bad guy that ya think I am

All day long, I heard them talking, yelling, getting blind drunk.

I sat and waited and waited. As they went silent, a calmness swept over me.

My head cleared and I prepared for her arrival.

Yes?

I got it.

Oh, please, come in.

Oh, it's late...I...

Have a drink.

Okay, just one.

Thank you.

Mmmmm.

Oh, that's good.

What's up with that?

Oh, a little spring cleaning.

Oh...

In October?

Oh, damn.

It's hitting me really hard.

I feel, I feel woosey.

Oh.

I lied about the spring cleaning, Dorothy.

What?

The tarp, the blankets.

I'm gonna wrap you up and bury you in the backyard.

God.

Oh, God.

I can't move.

Ha. I coated your glass with enough... ah...

Dalmane and florazepin to knock out a whole platoon.

Oh, you didn't have any left.

I lied.

Oh, don't, don't, don't do this.

Shh.

You're dead.

You just don't know it yet.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't.

Shh.

No.

Oh, oh.

Shh.

This'll help you sleep.

Ingrates. Not one of them defending me.

Ganging up like a pack of dogs.

Not a kind word among them for me, the one that bettered their miserable lives.

Judy.

Hi.

It's, it's Bert Montoya.

Yeah.

I, I know it's late.

I know what time it is.

Well, Judy, okay, listen.

Um...

You said I could call you if there was trouble.

And, um. Well, I need you to get me out of here.

The house.

Dorothea's house.

It's her.

There's something wrong with.

Hello?

Hello?

Dorothea?

Dorothea?

Hey.

You know there are no phone calls after 10 PM, Bert.

You took a bad fall, Bert.

This'll help with your pain.

No!

No!

The shovel knocked more than his teeth loose...

As his eyes rolled upon my face,

two and two finally added up fer 'ol Bert and he knew this were the end...

Judy, Judy, Judy.

Okay.

Hello.

Hello. Um.

May I speak to Bert?

Who is this?

I apologize.

I'm in social work with Judy Mois.

Bert called me late last night.

I'm worried that something--

He moved out.

Went back to Mexico to see his family.

Did he--

I knew there would be trouble the moment I hung up on that nosy slut.

I imagined her running to the police.

May I help you?

Yes, I would like to report a missing person.

Has it been 24 hours since you last seen a heard from the individual?

No, but, he called me last night, he sounded scared.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, ma'am.

You have to wait at least 24 hours before you can file a police report.

My name is Judy Mois.

I'm a social worker and identification.

Okay.

I'm sorry, there's not much I can do.

Unless it's been 24 hours, you have to--

I placed Mr. Montoya at Dorothea Puente's boarding house, 1426 F Street.

I'm afraid something happened to him.

See, he hates his family.

He would never move back there.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yes?

I'm Detective John Cabrera.

Did you just say Dorothea Puente?

Do you know her?

Yes.

As a matter of fact, I do.

Dorothy and Bert have moved out.

When?

Last night.

They didn't even say goodbye?

They told me to say goodbye to you all for them.

Oh, Leona.

Leona, you can have Dorothy's room now, if you like.

Get you off that sofa and into a room all your own.

How's that sound?

Really?

Wait, where did they go?

Bert went to Mexico.

Dorothy didn't say--

She told me the that she was going she was going to go to the doctor, I think.

That's great. Thank you, Ben.

Did she speak to you about our checks?

It was all sorted out.

Anyone that wants their check, just come to my room,

and we'll figure out what is owed, and work it all out.

May I move into there now?

Of course.

Oh, my gosh.

Here's the key back to the liquor cabinet.

Great booze.

Better than that wine.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Dorothea!

Over here.

I didn't mean to startle you.

I'm Detective John Cabrera.

Of course, I remember.

But no uniform.

You've been promoted.

Last year.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And you remember--

Judy.

Yes.

Pleasure to see you again.

Sorry if I was short with you on the phone this morning.

I'm a night owl, and your call woke me.

That's okay.

Water under the bridge.

Where are my manners?

Would you like to come inside?

Sure. If it's no bother.

It's no bother.

Actually, we're looking for Bert Montoya.

He moved out last night.

Went back to Mexico to see his family.

Um. The problem with that is he didn't get on well with his family.

I...I...I didn't know about that.

Did he leave a phone number or an address?

No, but he did say that he would call once he got settled.

Really?

Might have some fresh lemonade on the ready.

Come on inside.

That sounds lovely.

Where is Bert's room?

Room number one.

The door should be unlocked.

Feel free to chat with the residents.

I'll go get the refreshments.

Okay.

- Hi. - Hi.

Well, hello there.

Hey.

Yes?

Are you a real policeman?

A detective.

And who are you?

I am Betty Mae Palmer.

Well, hello there, Betty Mae Palmer.

Hello to you.

Who are your friends?

This is James.

This is Benjamin.

Hi.

Leona.

Hi, Leona.

Hi.

This is Vera.

Hi.

Hello, Vera.

And that's Ricardo.

Hey, Ricardo.

He's a real detective.

- Like Columbo. - Well, sort of.

I'm sorry.

I'm looking for information on your roommate, Bert.

Do any of you know how to contact him?

Sorry.

No.

Refreshments, everybody.

Hey, can I use your phone?

Right this way.

Hi.

Anyone know where Bert went?

No.

No.

You his social worker?

Yes.

Well, I wish I had a social worker to look like you.

Never mind him.

He just had a brain tumor removed.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You want to see my scar?

Yes.

Yes, I'll be right there.

I'm sorry I'm going to have to leave.

Duty calls.

Nothing serious, I hope.

It appears that a fisherman found a body in a box by the riverbank.

Really?

Yeah. The life of a detective never at all moment.

Judy, we got to go.

Oh, would you like a sandwich for the road?

Ah, no, thank you.

I ate it earlier.

If you hear anything about Bert, please let us know.

Haughty bitch, sobbing for that schizophrenic, derelict scum.

If Bert were still kicking, prolly rape her eight ways from Sunday given half a chance.

She should thank her stars fer me instead a stickin' her snout where it don't belong.

Of course, the moment I hear anything.

Thank you.

All right. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Okay.

My head was swimming with the grim task at hand.

Suspect too much sun didn't help the situation.

Fast or slow, they all was about to go.

My mind raced on where to bury 'em all.

But, one task at a time.

Through the years, I learnt to savor the moment...

and I were savoring this.

As they all drank their last drink,

the life drained from their eyes and all they had ever been was gone.

Thank you.

Though, Betty's identification would live on with yours truly's photograph.

I had her ID, so I continued to collect her military benefits.

Took the extra precaution.

Remove all identifying parts.

Then as before, wrapping the bodies, digging the graves,

the lye, the dirt,

and the beautiful roses.

In time, all just faded memories.

Oh, it's really cozy.

I think it might be perfect for me to get back on my feet.

But...

to be honest, all the other houses I've been at so far just really made me depressed.

We'll have none of that here, Eugene.

Plus, I'll help you get the most out of your Social Security benefits and Medicare.

Doctors are prescribing wonderful medicines these days,

like um, Amatripoline,

Nortripoline, Florazepan.

They'll help keep those blue days away.

Excuse me.

Dorothea, that Judy lady is on the phone again.

Donald, please show Eugene room number one.

I think he'll like that one best.

Brenda's room?

Yes, her parole was revoked, remember.

Oh, yeah. Come on, Eugene.

It's Eugene's room now.

Thank you, Dorothea.

Hello, Judy. How are you?

Any news on Bert?

Yes. His brother-in-law called just the other day.

I gave him your number.

He hasn't called you yet?

Someone named Michael Obergon left a message

saying that he picked up Bert from your house and took him to Utah.

Well, then that's that. Case solved.

Hello?

I'm afraid not, Miss Puente. Bert doesn't have a brother-in-law,

and the man that just answered your phone

sounded a lot like the man who left the message.

That's preposterous.

I'll be contacting the police again.

Fine. Do what you have to do.

Before I knew it, they would all be here.

And it would all be over.

Well, I think we'd better get started.

Detective, I can't bear to watch you dig up my precious roses.

Would you mind if I go down to the corner coffee shop and wait till you finish?

Yeah, I think that should be fine.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Alright, come on. Let's go.

Okie-dokie.

Hit a root?

I don't know.

It's in there good, whatever it is.

Hope it's not a gas line.

Oh, fuck.

Is that a leg bone?

Kowalski!

"Lover Man" by Zephyr

I knew it wouldn't be long before they tracked down the cab

I took from the coffee shop...

to a truck stop in Stockton. Hitched a ride on this here rig bound for the City of Angels...

in exchange for a spit and tug every hundred miles.

Heard on the radio that them cock sucking parasites, excuse my French.

News reporters, were already there...

and I was long gone.

"Seventh Moon" by Zephyr

Here you go.

Thanks.

Here you go, honey.

My pleasure.

Thank you, Mr. Willgues.

Call me Charles.

And I owe you a thanks for the wonderful advice you gave me

on increasing my benefits.

Why don't you come back to my motel and show me how grateful you are.

Donna, I like the way you think.

Let's go.

"Seventh Moon" by Zephyr

Dancing on streams of madness

Dancing on streams of madness

I swear this has never happened before.

It's okay. Too much booze is all.

Yeah.

Just because you can't cut the mustard don't mean you can't lick the jar.

I hate to repeat myself, but...

I like the way you think.

But they believe it's a former tenant of this boarding home,

one of the eight elderly people who lived here and was recently reported missing.

The woman believed responsible for the deaths is 71-year-old Dorothea Montavo-Puentes,

who had a previous record of stealing from the elderly after doping them.

Holy shit.

Authorities now suspect the woman killed at least five...

of the tenants and continued to cash their social security checks.

She was seen at the boarding house early yesterday,

hours after the first body was found in the backyard.

Police today tried to defend their actions

Charles, did you say something?

...of questioning Puentes, but not arresting her.

Do you think it was a mistake for you guys not to follow her?

No ma'am. She was free to go.

I have no more right to follow her than I have a right to follow you.

You have to understand that.

Nobody wants her in jail worse than I do, people, but I'm going to follow the laws.

LAPD!

I never killed anyone.

Checks I cashed, yes.

I used to be a very good person.

What took you so long, John?

Let's go home.

My trial began on February 9, 1993.

I was charged with nine counts of murder.

Ha, what a joke!

Maybe a female judge or some women my age on the jury would have helped.

... and don't get me started on the fuckin' lawyers...

excuse my French.

Here we go.

Have you reached the verdict?

Yes, Your Honor.

If you please.

We the jury, find Dorothea Puente, guilty.

Yep. I was convicted on three counts of murder.

Benjamin Fink, Leona Carpenter, and Dorothy Miller.

The jury, after deliberating for 35 days, remained deadlocked on six cases.

Ruth Monroe, Everson Theodore Gilmouth, Betty Mae Palmer,

James Gallop, Vera Faye Martin, and Alviro Bert Montoya.

That's right, old Bert, the schizophrenic bastard that got me into this pickle.

At least I was spared the death penalty.

Sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole.

Dorothea, are you okay?

Guard!

Guard, get a doctor in here.

Dorothea?

Did you get everything?

Yes, yes, it's amazing.

It's Pulitzer.

Feel ike a weight has been lifted.

Thank you.

Guard!

What?

She's dying.

Medic!

Dorothea.

Dorothea.

Hey. Hey.

Get her out of here.

Alright, come on.

Is she going to be alright?

Nothing. Start CPR, now.

Try again.

We're losing her.

Move it.

Hey, can't I please stay with her?

Where are we going?

Queenie. I didn't mean to... UGH!

Open up.

Done.

She looks happy.

Sure, I was happy and why not.

I lived my life on my own terms, good or bad.

MINE.