Original subtitles

[man] We've recruited an interstate detective to lead the case.

Detective Eddie Redcliffe is my name.

I'm from Darwin. I'm running the show.

And I want to get this thing wrapped up in record-o time-o.

[Dulcie] Deadloch has a serial killer.

He has been living under my nose for five years.

I probably know him.

-You are not my partner. -I am. It is deeply unfortunate.

[♪ Elton John sings "Crocodile Rock"]

♪ I remember when rock was young ♪

♪ Me and Susie had so much fun...

[woman 1] Sorry! We went to the wrong croc tour.

Fuck are those Land of Croc cunts doing now?

Oi! You lot! You rack off!

The border is the big white rock!

[Amber] Bullshit it is, Spud!

Ram 'em, babe. Ram 'em!

[passengers exclaim]

[Amber] You look like a shaved dick!

[Troy] No! Amber!

What?

Holy shit!

Which bull is it? Is it Goliath?

Use your pole, Troy. Flip him! Fuckin' flip him!

Come on, give a big one!

It's not Goliath, thank fuck!

Wait, Troy...

What the fuck's that in its mouth?

[passenger screams]

[theme music plays]

-[whistle blows] -[cheering]

♪ Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree ♪

♪ Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee ♪

♪ To the left, to the...

[screams] Here comes a big one!

Um, I think I might--

[Eddie] Collins! Collins!

[Dulcie] No, Eddie, don't get in--

-Collins! -I was gonna get out, Eddie!

Hey, that new, uh...

that new superintendent down at Police HQ, what's his name?

-Col Culkin. -Macaulay Culkin, yeah, yeah.

He just called, he said we could talk about Bushy today!

Come on! I'll break the surface tension. Follow the slipstream.

Alright, here's the plan, OK? We go into HQ, and we go,

"Oi, listen up, cunts, Bushy's death was sus as fuck, OK?

We reckon he was definitely investigating something,

and that's what got him killed."

And then we go, "You lot have obviously been too busy

sitting around, licking your own fuckin' dickholes

to see what's been happening here,

so you need to tootle-fuck and let us run the case.

Capisce? Or comprende?"

-Uh-huh. -Mmm.

Let's give those lazy cunts a razz!

-Hey! -Ow!

-Fuck's sake, Collins, that's... liquid gold! -That was not...

I didn't think that you were doing what you ended up doing!

-I didn't know you were gonna dance! -[Eddie speaks indistinctly]

[Dulcie] Can you tell me if my ponytail is straight?

-[Eddie] Straight as it can get for a lesbian. -[Dulcie] Oh, don't do that.

Look, there's no easy way to say this, but Detective Bushman committed suicide.

The bullet they found in his skull matched ballistics,

which confirmed that it was discharged from his own service weapon.

I am... I'm terribly sorry.

Nah. Nah.

Someone got the... wrong end of the dick with that one. [laughs]

Ah, well, the brief from Bushy's psychologist

also said that he was struggling with depression,

uh, hypertension, complex PTSD, suicidal ideation.

Yeah, but that's just cop stuff.

Everyone talks about blowing their brains out after a few beers.

That's just a regular Friday night, isn't it?