Original subtitles

[doorbell rings]

-[gasps, screams]

Les: Lindy?

I'm opening up the dollhouse.

Lindy: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the fuck, Les?

-It was an accident.

-Restore me!

Now, please!

-It's just gonna take a day,

uh, or two.

-[grunts]

-I feel very small.

No, no, no! -You'll be safe

in the dollhouse.

But I have to go to the lab

so I can fix you.

-Is everything all right at home?

-I have to make things big again.

-Contract is for 30 days.

-That's insane!

-Shut it down.

I run this lab.

-I cannot spiral.

What? I gotta get out of here!

[grunts]

[screams]

[telephone ringing]

[siren wailing in distance]

[ringing continues]

-What?

Les: Did you fall asleep?

-No.

Les: Are you face down on the desk?

-I'm thinking. Les: Uh-huh.

It's been over an hour.

-No. Has it? Les: Uh-hmm.

I haven't heard any typing.

Typing "fuck" over and over doesn't count.

-[sighs]

Les: You told me to lock you in.

-I know. -So do you want out?

Lindy: Yeah, of course, I want out.

But I have to write.

[sighs] Keep me locked until dinner.

-Okay.

Do you want me to let you out?

-No, that was a test.

-Write! -I can't.

-Okay. Here.

Inspiration.

-[Lindy chuckles]

-[Les laughs]

That's the spirit.

Love you. -[sighs]

Fuck you too.

[soft music playing]

-[sighs]

[keyboard clacking continues]

[soft music continues]

-[chuckles]

-Does it suck? Les: No.

No, it's great.

-And Diane? Um, the mother?

-It's gold.

Trust me.

-[sighs]

-[chuckling]

[phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

-[gasps]

There's a phone.

Hello? Les, hello?

Les: Yeah, it's me.

Look outside.

Lindy: Okay. Well, the door is still locked.

-I know. After I found you

dangling from the garden hose,

I think that we both agree,

it's safer inside, right?

-Am I? -Yes.

I did a thorough inspection,

um, no bugs of any kind.

-What about Roomba? Les: Shut down.

-Magoo? -Uh, boarded.

-Are you going to work?

-Yeah, I have to. Lindy: Please don't.

I'll--I'll hide in your pocket. I won't make a sound.

-The lab is a very dangerous place.

There's a lot of uncontrolled variables.

-What am I supposed to do, sit around and wait?

I'll go crazy.

-Well, you could explore the dollhouse.

-Explore the-- it's just our house

with bad drapes and broken chairs.

-I know everything isn't perfect, but look closer.

There's more. -There is?

-Yeah. What about the 162-bottle dual-zone,

fully stocked wine fridge?

And I bet you just walked right by

the total-body massage chair

that a former investor gifted Martin that I miniaturized.

-Martin didn't want it? Les: No, no.

He's allergic to touch.

-[sighs]

-But the dollhouse started as kinda just

a miniature research and I got carried away.

-I don't know.

Les, my heart is-- it's racing, you know?

Am I--am I okay?

Does it have to do with my size?

Do I need to be worried? -No.

Just a little panic attack, maybe.

But it'll pass. Just breathe.

-[inhales then exhales]

Les: There you go.

Lindy: Okay.

But, Les, are you really so close?

-Yes.

-But really though?

-Really.

Trust me.

[soft dramatic music playing]

-Bye.

[sighs]

-[exhales]

[dial tone beeping]

[Les closes door]

-I'm in a dollhouse.

I'm safe.

I'm just--I'm just anxious.

Need a cappuccino.

Yeah.

I have food.

[gasps]

Oh, my God.

[groaning]

[voice quavering] I am safe.

I can relax.

I can, yeah...?

-Hey, have you ever thought

about miniaturizing a human being?

-Jesus Jolly Christ!

Like, are you--are you nuts?

Vivienne has got this place on lockdown

and you want to shrinky-dink Johnny Q. Public?

-It was just a question. I wasn't going...

-Okay, great. Well, here's a question.

We have 28 days before we lose our shirt.

-Yeah. -So can you stick to corn?

Yeah? Head in the other direction.

Make corn big. -It was just a passing thought.

-Great. Well, we will pass. -Okay.

-All right. Les, you know, hey, I don't wanna quash

creativity, you know, look.

But there'd likely be hundreds of animal trials,

maybe thousands.

And realistically... -Yes, of course!

Animal trials. -Yeah.

-Yeah. What was I thinking? -Well, you had me scared there

for a minute. -Martin, I would never

miniaturize a human being

without, say,

using, I don't know, a cat

or some other animal as a test case first.

That would be insane. -Yeah. Negligent, even.

-You're my rock. Where would I be without you?

-High school physics teacher.

-[laughs]

[suspenseful music playing]

Les: You're in my office.

-It was unlocked. -Well, it shouldn't be.

Vivienne: I unlocked it. -Why?

-I wanted to make sure you got this.

Your protocols and procedures in print,

so there's no misunderstanding.

You'll find an electronic copy in your inbox.

And this.

So I can keep track of your every movement.

No more secrets, Dr. Littlejohn.

-I don't have secrets.

-Everyone has secrets.

[cat meows]

-Is that a cat? -No.

My chair, it squeaks.

[jazz music playing]

Hold on. It'll squeak.

-I do not have time for this.

Neither do you.

-Hey. -[cat meows]

-You ready to go on a fantastic voyage,

Mr. Magoo?

Help me and help Lindy? Yeah.

[cat meows]

-[gasps]

Wait.

I donated all of this to Goodwill.

Didn't I, Space Colon?

[beeps]

Les shrunk everything.

[scoffs]

[gasps] This was my night.

[beeps]

But what if it doesn't fit?

But what if it does?

[slow music playing]

-[indistinct chatter] -[camera shutters clicking]

-Do I look good? man: Yes, and look down, please.

[indistinct chatter]

photographer: Beautiful. Okay.

Can we get one of just Ms. McMichael?

Les: Littlejohn. Lindy: Yes.

Um, can you hold this for me?

-Here. Hold mine too, will you?

Oh, it goes with your pocket square.

And your next big idea, tomato red.

man: Look down.

-He is not a coatrack...

-He's fine. -...you know.

-And fuck him for moving you

to the ass crack of the country.

-Can you believe it? [both giggle]

These are the moments when every fiber of my being

urges me to retreat, -[guests laugh]

-to remain unseen, unexamined,

comfortably small.

But this incredible prize...

is a beacon of courage,

reminding me that when you take that risk

and when you make that leap,

and when you refuse to be small,

that is when great things happen.

I need to thank my agent and my publisher,

and most importantly,

my book editor, Terry.

Girl, we did it.

-[guests laugh] -[laughs] Thank you so, so much

from the bottom of my heart.

I could not have done it without you.

And with that, I am speechless.

Thank you. Love you.

[applause]

[inaudible]

-Oh, my goodness. One more, one more.

Sorry, I saved the best for last

because I'd never forget. My husband, Les.

Les Littlejohn, you did it. No, seriously,

he chained me to my computer and locked me in my office

so that I would finally finish this book.

There is no book without you,

so love you, thank you.

[applause]

[sighs]

[slow music playing]

[suspenseful music plays]

-[gasps] Terry.

Oh, God! Oh!

[cloth ripping]

Fuck! [sighs]

What? This is--

this is--

Ugh.

Uh, 917.

Um, 917...

5--

[grunts] Who remembers anyone's number anymore?

[dial tone beeps]

[beeps]

Star 69.

Is that still a thing, maybe? Star 69? Okay.

Star 69.

[phone vibrates]

-Lindy? Lindy, is this an emergency?

-My life is an emergency. -What happened? What happened?

Lindy: Okay. Listen. I didn't wanna tell you, okay?

But I did something bad. Well, I didn't do it.

I mean, it wasn't my fault.

But I just need-- I need Terry's number.

-Terry? Lindy: It's a long story

and I'm not gonna say anything about, you know.

I just--but I need to speak to her.

-Okay. Well, just take a breath

and I won't say relax or calm down.

-Please don't. Les: But just know

that I am taking care of everything,

and it will only be a couple more days,

and then call Terry, okay?

-No, Les-- Les: But until that time,

just, you know, enjoy the house

and eat and drink, and try on another dress.

[chuckles]

And I'll be home before you know it.

-[mouthing] "Another dress"?

-Lindy, are you still there? -Yeah, I'm still here.

-Okay. Well, enjoy the staycation. [chuckles]

-[whispering inaudibly] We're being watched.

-[beeps]

-Okay. You know what? You're right. I will.

All right. Bye, Les.

We need to retrace our steps.

-[knocking on glass] -Yes?

-Um, sorry, sorry to impose,

but, um, uh, Carl's having trouble accessing

the, uh, chemical freezer.

-Who are you again? -I'm Janet.

In Richard's department.

-Yes, Richard. Where is Richard?

-He's, um, having a polyp removed.

He'll be back shortly. -So what do you need, Janice?

-Janet. Uh, um, sorry.

Uh, Carl, Carl, the, um, chemical freezers,

the new protocol.

-Oh, the fucking protocol.

-It's, um... -What is that?

-Oh, um, I think that was installed overnight.

-What for? -For, um, motivation?

-What? -For the 30-day deadline,

uh, as per the contract. -Yes, I got it!

Carl,

I'll talk to Vivienne about

upping your security clearance, okay?

-[beeping]

-What?

Something wrong with the reader.

-Um, it says employee.

-What does yours say?

-Employee?

-My badge is the same as Janice's?

Fuck.

-Dozens.

Hundreds.

[gasps] Eight packs of economy-sized toilet paper?

Eight times twenty-four?

-[beeps]

-Couple of days, my ass, Space Colon.

[mockingly] "Trust me."

Is it wrong I don't wanna go?

-No, it's not wrong, but...

-New York, St. Louis, New York.

-I think you're gonna love it.

I mean, the house is huge.

We're gonna have so much space

and your office is bigger than this apartment.

And we have a pool.

-I love pools.

-And I love you.

-And I love you.

Why else would I leave New York for St. Louis?

-Lindy, I get it. I do get it.

You just got to the top and we're leaving New York.

-But I'll be missed... -Uh-hmm.

-...right? And then-- and then, I'll be back.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

How long again, do we think?

-Two years, maybe three, tops.

-Two, three. That's perfect. -Yeah.

-My next book will be written, Terry will be thrilled.

-It's gonna be great. Trust me.

-I do.

I don't.

-[beeps]

-I bet he could make me big right now, but he won't.

I'm his fucking lab rat.

I'm his six-inch-tall Nobel Prize!

-[doorbell rings] -Ah!

Someone's here.

Richard: Hello? Lindy? It's me, Richard.

-Richie! Richie!

[muffled] Richard!

-Hello? -[doorbell rings]

Lindy: Richard!

Richie!

-The office.

-[sighs] Come back.

-Lindy!

I'm gonna go around the back.

[whimsical music playing]

-[grunting]

Lindy, wherefore art thou?

Lindy? Lindy? Oh. Oh!

[grunts]

[groans] -[dog barking in distance]

Richard: [softly] Ow.

-Hey. -Huh? Huh?

Lulu: Who are you? -No.

-What--what the fuck are you doing?

-Huh? No. -What the fuck are you doing?

-No, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, ha ha!

You must be Lulu.

-Why do you know my name? -Because I work with your dad

at the lab.

My name's Richard.

-Okay, Richard from the lab.

Are you stalking us?

-Stalking? No, no. No, no, no. No, no.

Shh. No, no, I'm not stalking.

I was--I was in the neighborhood,

and I just thought I'd come by and wish

the family merry Christmas and, you know?

-And peep into the windows?

My dad's not even home,

which you should know, working in his lab and all?

-Uh--oh.

See? -Okay.

-I am an employee and a physicist.

-Hmm. And a creep.

-Okay. Okay.

I am seeing this from your vantage point

and I--and I understand the intimations therein.

So I will not bend your ear any longer. [chuckles]

Okay. So, uh, maybe you can just, uh, take these

to brighten up the home and, uh, you know,

wish your mother merry Christmas for me.

Is she home, writing? I've-- -My mom doesn't write.

-She doesn't write. Okay. That's not--

-You can go now, Richard from the lab.

-I am gonna go. I'm just gonna go.

Yeah. Sorry for your troubles.

And merry Chrimbo.

Okay.

-[scoffs]

Whatever.

[slow music playing]

Les: One semester down, seven to go.

Unless you graduate early like me. Love, Dad.

-[muffled scream]

-In the name of science, these protocols must end.

-No.

-No?

-No.

-I cannot do my work with these protocols in place.

How can you not see that?

-I see a frustrated employee.

-[sighs]

I'm also just a scientist,

standing in front of another scientist,

asking her if she really believes

the protocols are more important than changing the world.

Do you remember the feeling

of being so close to a breakthrough,

on the precipice of something monumental,

and the only thing that matters is the work?

You don't--you don't eat, you don't sleep,

you don't see your family.

What family? It's just the work.

It's the--it's the science,

it's the math, it's the vision.

Come on.

You feel it, too.

You know I'm gonna crack this wide open

and change the world, so join me as partners,

not corporate versus labor,

but scientist to scientist.

Let's make history together.

-Partners.

-Partners.

[cat meows]

-Is that a cat? -What? No.

-I hear everything, I see everything.

I can even smell everything,

Dr. Littlejohn.

Show me. -Show you? Um...

-In the name of science, show me.

-It was the last unauthorized experiment, I swear.

I don't even know what I was thinking.

-[quirky music playing] -[cat purring]

-I do.

You're thinking bigger than fruit and vegetables,

Dr. Littlejohn. Les: Am I?

-I don't usually underestimate men.

-Oh. Well, um, yes, I am.

-I am going to have to confiscate her.

-Is that necessary? -She's now company property.

-She's a he, Mr. Magoo.

-You named him.

[quirky music playing]

[cat purring]

-How wonderful.

[cat meows]

I would consider lifting

a few of the protocols,

should certain missing lab equipment and chemicals

find their way back to the lab ASAP.

-Uh-huh. -One water truck,

one remote control, two Anvil cases.

-Yeah, I did hear something about that.

Let me see what I can do.

-He's so warm.

-He is warm.

Of course, -[cat meows]

-the temperature.

Um,

so you'll take good care of him?

-Oh, the best.

I mean... [clears throat] yes.

-And you'll keep track

on his vitals? -Yes.

-And this will be our little secret

animal trial, yeah?

And you will inform me immediately

of any abnormal results, yes?

I love this cat.

-Fine, yes. Go.

[light music playing]

-We'll be best friends forever.

[quirky music playing]

Les: Hey, Lindy, it's me.

Um, just picking up a few things,

then I'm heading back to the lab.

Are you okay? Lindy: Uh, yeah, good.

Yeah, I found the wine.

I'm gonna take a nap.

[laughs]

-[parrot squawks] -Well, hello to you, too, Doris.

-I can get to the lab,

see what he's hiding.

-[beeps]

-Yeah, it's a long way down, but...

fuck it, right? I agree.

[chuckles] Let's do it.

[fabric tearing]

[Lindy grunts]

[sighs]

[laughs]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[quirky music playing]

-Dad.

-[gasps]

Les: Lulu... [laughs] you're home.

-Yeah, you told me to come home...

for the vows at the gray house?

-Oh, yes, of course. The vows.

Yeah. Yeah. -Where's Mom?

-Oh, Lulu, it's so good to see you.

It's so good to see you.

So how was the--how was the last semester and your finals?

-Uh, good, good. -Yeah?

-Um, fantastic. -Good.

Yeah, it runs in the genes.

You love science. Yeah.

-Um... Les: Um...

-...hey, some, some weird guy

from your lab came here. -What? Who?

-Richard. Les: Why?

-I don't even think he knew.

-Oh, well, he's harmless.

He's an odd duck, but he's a good scientist.

-Dad? Les: Yeah?

-You're being really weird.

-I am?

-We've been hugging for like...

-Oh. Sorry. -...five minutes.

-I'm just-- I'm happy to see you.

And work's been crazy and...

-Speaking of crazy... -Yeah.

-...where's Mom? -Oh, she's--

[coughing]

I gotta get a bit of water from the kitchen.

Come on. -We're in the kitchen.

-Uh, the deeper kitchen.

Um, so I think Mom,

uh, has... [coughs] had, um...

-An emotional breakdown? -She--no, no, no, no. Shh.

Lulu: Oh. -She is not.

-Oh, is she upstairs?

-Yeah, yeah-- no, no, she's not.

She's, she--yeah, she's-- your mom has gone

to the--to the-- to the gray house. Yeah.

-Okay. -Yeah.

-So Hurricane Lindy

is tracking northeast. -No.

-What category is she? -[laughs]

-Don't say that. I don't know... -Dad...

-what you're talking about. -...come on, come on.

She's gotta be like at least

a five, am I right? -I don't know

what these phrases you're using.

That's not a nice thing to say at all.

[clears throat]

-What's with the dollhouse? -She--huh?

-What's that tube for?

-Well, I'm cleaning it for--

'cause I wanted to decorate it

for the holidays, like festive.

-You're still shrinking things

for the dollhouse? -Oh, fuck.

Lulu: Let me see. -Oh, no.

Oh, oh, look out, look out, look out. Uh...

-Dad? -Yeah.

-What? Uh, are you okay? -No, nothing.

Yep. I'm okay. I'm fine.

But you, I think--

I think you should rest.

I think--you gotta rest.

You gotta rest, honey, because you've been traveling

from college and it was a lot.

And I'm--you know what? I'm gonna fill

your fridge downstairs

with so much--so much good stuff

that you won't even feel the need to come upstairs.

And better still, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna give you my card,

uh, so you can just get whatever you want.

Does that sound good? Maybe not, but I...

-I knew it.

I'm the villain.

-[beeps]

-Yeah.

Fuck them.

Stick to the plan.

That's my ride.

[quirky music playing]

Terry: Shit.

Yeah, it's good.

Nate: Right?

-Get me Deborah. -At The New Yorker?

No, no. -I know what I said.

Get her. -Okay. So, two words.

George Saunders.

-Two more. Get her.

-I've got Deborah.

[receiver beeps]

-Deborah, hi.

The happiest of holidays to you and yours.

Deborah: Absolutely not. -Oh, hear me out.

This isn't about me.

I, um--I didn't submit Lindy's story vis-à-vis,

my, uh, misstep

regarding Mr. Saunders.

And allow me to sincerely apologize once again

for besmirching

The New Yorker 's reputation in the process.

Uh, my humble request

comes at the behest of the author,

who has a few minor tweaks,

and would love to hold off publishing until a later date.

Deborah: I heard a rumor you may be getting

your own publishing imprint.

-If there's anyone that you think I should meet,

say the word.

Deborah: Oh, quite the opposite,

vis-à-vis your humble request,

fuck right off.

[dial tone]

-Hey, so that was brutal.

-Get me David Remnick.

-Oh, God.

Going over Deborah's head.

Can't wait. Okay.

I got David.

-David Remnick, my old pal.

Happiest of holidays to you and yours.

Deborah: Yeah, it's Deborah.

Nice try. Fuck off.

-So... -Don't.

[birds chirping]

-Lindy?

Lindy?

[dramatic music playing]

[Lulu opens & closes the door]

[Les opens the door]

[Les closes the door]

-[sighs]

[suspenseful music playing]

[dramatic music playing]

-What the fuck?

[dramatic music playing]

So weird.

[quirky music playing]

[zipper closing]

[beeps]

-[sighs]

Please.

Richard, here are my--

were you at my house earlier?

-Hmm? Um, no.

I--well, I was in the, uh-- I was in the neighborhood,

that was because I... -Stop. Stop!

I don't care. Don't do it again.

-No. -Reset.

Richard, here are my thoughts.

The regrowth reaction has become too exothermic,

and so we have introduced solid ammonium nitrate

into the solution to control the temperature

to aqueous ammonium

and nitrate ions.

Thoughts complete.

-Bobs, implement his thoughts.

-NH4 enter free solid,

added to form NH4 positive

and NO3 negative ions.

Complete. Richard: Carl,

implement his thoughts.

[dramatic music playing]

-Complete.

[dramatic music playing]

-Let's make history.

[dramatic music playing]

[liquid squirting]

[sizzling]

-It's big.

[tense music playing]

Bob the Explainer: Five seconds.

[tense music playing]

Bob the Explainer: 10 seconds.

-I knew it. He can do it.

Bob the Explainer: 15 seconds.

-Yay! -20 seconds.

-Fuck. [gasps] [corn explodes]

[Les grunts]

[people gasping]

-[gasps]

No.

I'm human popcorn.

Oh, my God.

-A significant success.

Subject expanded to regular size

for 30.8 seconds,

an increase of 28.7 seconds.

Richard: Yeah! Let's go.

-Huge progress in the name of science, Richard.

man: Yeah, it's all there. That was awesome.

-Oh, Bob The Explainer.

[objects clattering]

-That sounded like it came from in there.

woman: Well [indistinct]

-Spooky. woman: ...that was strange.

I don't know. man: He is...

[dramatic music playing]

-Lindy! -You fucking liar!

-Um, maybe we should give him some privacy.

-I'll grow in 30 seconds and explode.

-Oh, you don't know what you saw.

-"I'm so close," my tiny fucking ass.

-Oh, I would never let you explode.

I... -Fuck you!

-No, no, Lindy.

Lindy: I'm gonna expose you!

[gasps]

You can't keep me prisoner.

I'm not a fucking lab rat! -Lindy, no.

Listen to me. -No, never!

I'm gonna tell the world what you've done to me.

-Lindy, no.

-I don't trust you.

-Lindy. -How long

until you can fix me?

For real,

I need the truth.

-I don't know.

-You don't know.

That's the truth.

You can't say when.

-It could be tomorrow,

but it could be weeks, months, or...

-Never. -No, not never.

My theory is sound.

I just need to figure out the math.

And, I know this must've looked like a disaster,

but I'm making really good progress.

You know, yesterday was two seconds, today was over thirty.

-I'm scared. Is this my new life?

-No, it's temporary.

I promise.

-I wanna trust you, but I can't.

[knocking on door]

-In a minute!

-Well, just go. Les: Okay.

Well, I'm gonna need you

to get in my desk drawer to hide.

-My height, my autonomy,

and now my dignity.

-Please. Lindy: Fun.

-Thank you. Lindy: Uh-huh.

I'm gonna need something too.

-Anything. Lindy: Stop locking me

in the dollhouse. -Well, that's for your safety,

but fine. -Lose the cameras.

Yeah, I know you're spying on me.

-Also for your safety.

And I'm not spying on you. There's no audio.

I'm doing a series of daily check-ins.

-Oh, like a mental patient.

-Like a loving husband with a miniature wife.

-Fine. But then I need a working laptop,

and toothpaste that I like,

and--and my lipstick.

My favorite lipstick's in my purse.

[knocking on door]

-Coming! -Ah!

-Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Too loud. Yes, yes. Fine.

Deal. Make a list.

Okay.

[soft music playing]

-Love you.

-Fuck you too.

[dramatic music playing]

[quirky music playing]

[phone vibrates] -[gasps]

Oh, God.

[gasps]

A phone.

Terry.

Come on. [grunts]

Oh, for God--fucking shit.

Come on.

[groans]

[gasps, laughs]

Okay.

[line trilling] [Lindy chuckles]

[phone vibrating]

-Is she dead? -What? Who? Is who dead?

-Lindy?

Lindy: You thought I died?

-It's the only reason Les would call me.

-You sounded scared.

Terry: I was.

-Aw. That means the world to me.

You have no idea. [sighs]

Wait, how do you think I died?

What were you imagining?

-Threw yourself in front of a bus in order to avoid

a career-ending plagiarism scandal.

-[laughs] Yeah, but you're gonna fix that.

-Lindy, I tried.

-Tried? Terry, that sounds very defeatist.

That's not you. Come on.

I really, really, really, really, really need this, so...

-I hate to say it, but this isn't my fucking problem.

Your ex-emotional...

whatever the fuck, sent the story in.

I'm about to get my own imprint.

I cannot be associated with this shit.

-But what about our friendship?

-Is this friendship or business?

-Both. Terry: Well, that's...

that's the problem, isn't it?

The--the lines have blurred.

And we haven't conducted business in 15 years.

Look, Lindy, I love you.

I always will. But...

-But?

-You're toxic.

It doesn't matter who sent the story to The New Yorker.

It's out there.

And if it's out there and you have to deny it...

You're toxic.

-I see.

Well, then by that logic,

if I were to put it out there

that you knew about the story

and encouraged me to submit it anyway

and then you had to deny it,

you're toxic.

-But you wouldn't.

-No, not if it's friendship.

But if it's just business...

-I'll keep you posted, friend.

-Oh, thank you, friend.

[dial tone]

-Oliver! Oliver: Your friendship

is so toxic, I love it.

-Get me Jackie fucking Baldwin

in my fucking office fucking tomorrow.

-Thank you, God.

Les: Conclusions.

The regrowth process induced

excessive molecular tension

surpassing sub-structural limits of the plant cells.

[phone vibrating]

This tension, compounded by a sudden and extreme rise

in temperature, triggered a chain reaction.

This is key... -Hello?

-Richie, it's me. I've been miniaturized.

I'm in the laboratory. I'm in Les' desk drawer.

He's taking me home to a dollhouse.

Help me. Les: ...culminating

in a detonation.

Bang. And so...

-Wait, what? Les: ...recommend--Richard.

-Huh? What, what? -Is that a personal call?

-Oh, no, no, no. Um, no, no, no.

-Hang up. -I'm sorry.

Lindy: Richard, don't hang up.

Come get me. I'm in the drawer.

I'm in the drawer. Open the top--hello?

[sighs]

-Apologies. It was--um,

it was my mother.

Just a tiny issue.

-Recommendations.

Immediate suspension

of regrowth experiments involving Compound X44,

do we agree?

[dramatic music playing]

Lindy: Do you think you'll tell your daughter about me?

-Lindy.

Lindy: Wouldn't want Hurricane Lindy

blowing through your special bond.

What was it? Category 5? -[sighs]

-What category is shrinking your wife to six inches tall?

-It was a 5,

and I'm very sorry.

-What does it matter now anyway?

-I think it would traumatize her.

-[scoffs]

I think she'd blame me.

-I should probably move the dollhouse.

-Yeah. My prison within my prison.

-You know, uh, Dr. Carmichael says...

-Fuck that bitch! -Whoa, Lindy.

That is a red-light reaction.

Can we please try to achieve a yellow light

on the road to a green-light response?

Silence is the silent killer

of a relationship.

-[sighs] I will take my foot off the brake.

And although I may sit here quietly,

it's not silence.

-I feel that we have achieved a yellow light

and we'll proceed with caution.

As Dr. Carmichael says,

why don't we revisit us

in the morning?

-I, as half of us, agree.

[sighs]

[quirky music playing]

Les: Not at all.

Well, this, um,

this is the GMO tomato.

That stands for genetically modified organism.

And, um, this GMO tomato really has the power to,

uh, revolutionize agriculture

and food production as we know it.

The GMO tomato, um,

is disease- and pest-resistant.

Um, it has a longer shelf life.

It has enhanced nutrition.

And it reduces the need for fertilizers.

So win, win, win, win, win.

[laughs] -[laughs]

[clears throat] Les: Smells good too.

[dramatic music playing]

-Sam, incarcerated.

Bill, grandpa.

Warren, great-grandpa.

Jeff...

gross.

[dramatic music playing]

[cat meows] -That's not how you spell

Littlejohn, Mr. Magoo.

[dramatic music playing]

[man on TV screams]

-[laughing]

At least he gets out...

feeling help.

[dramatic music playing]

[wine bottle drops]

[pensive music playing]

[Lindy groans]

[clock ticking]

[doorbell dings]

[Lindy groans]

It's just gonna be Les

and his big, dumb, green-light face.

[music rises and fades]

-Richie?

Uh--wait, are you real?

-I come bearing me, my love.

And these.

-[laughs] Richie!

♪ Wouldn't it be nice ♪ ♪ if we were older? ♪

♪ Then we wouldn't have ♪ ♪ To wait so long ♪

♪ And wouldn't it be nice ♪ ♪ To live together ♪

♪ In the kind of world ♪ ♪ Where we belong ♪

♪ You know ♪ ♪ It's gonna make it ♪

♪ That much better ♪

♪ When we can say good night ♪

♪ And stay together ♪

♪ Wouldn't it be nice ♪ ♪ If we could wake up ♪

♪ In the morning ♪ ♪ When the day is new ♪

♪ And after having spent ♪ ♪ The day together ♪

♪ Hold each other close ♪ ♪ The whole night through ♪

♪ But happy times together ♪ ♪ We've been spending ♪

♪ I wish that every kiss ♪

♪ Was never-ending ♪

♪ Oh, wouldn't it be nice ♪

♪ Maybe if we think ♪

♪ And wish ♪ ♪ And hope and pray ♪

♪ It might come true ♪

♪ Run, run, we-ooh ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪ ♪ Then there wouldn't be ♪

♪ A single thing ♪ ♪ We couldn't do ♪

♪ Oh, we could be married ♪

♪ Oh, we could be married ♪

♪ And then we'd be happy ♪

♪ And then we'd be happy ♪

♪ Oh, wouldn't it be nice ♪

♪ Good night, my baby ♪ ♪ Sleep... ♪