Original subtitles

Wow.

I know.

I can't believe it. You slept with our nanny?

Not when she was your nanny. See, I told y 'all. This is why you should hire a

big old Polish woman as your babysitter.

Y 'all talking about Doc Marlowe?

Boy, I miss that woman. Right?

Remember when she lifted up the truck with everybody in it so I could change

flat?

Well, your son slept with the nanny.

Dagmara?

Well, I mean, you're a grown man, but Dagmara? No, not Dagmara.

Our nanny. Who was not your nanny at the time. Okay, it's just a weird

coincidence. Weird coincidence? Or inevitability, considering you slept

approximately 95 % of the female population of Los Angeles?

You know us butler men, boy.

Tell me how the butler men are. We know when to shut up.

We searched for a month to find the perfect nanny, and we finally did.

And then Malcolm comes along and screws everything up. OK, Courtney, I am not

proud of how I behaved. But that was three years ago. I'm a different guy

will talk to her and clear the air.

You know, clearly your mom was right.

You need a nanny that's less .

It's more like... So

you think she's a...

I've never seen her, baby. Yes, you did, Dad. You said she looked like Meg Thee

Stallion.

I said I've never seen the woman.

Welcome to the block. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Welcome to the hood.

You have got to taste my pickle.

Say what now?

Dave, you want to try that again?

Yeah, I would recommend that. Well, look, Calvin, I have realized when you

caught up in that nine -to -five grind, you don't have time for the things that

make life worthwhile, like pickling.

Behold, a flight of pickles. Seven individual pickles chosen just... For

Full sour, half sour, cornichon, bread and butter, spicy dill, garlic dill, and

spicy garlic dill. All fresh from the laboratory.

It's not a laboratory.

It's our kitchen, laundry room, and now living room. There are jars everywhere.

Oh, poor girl.

I mean, smell my hair. Yeah, I don't want to say anything.

Oh, my brine's on simmer. I'll be right back. In the meantime, enjoy the

succulent seven.

You know, we definitely will, Dave.

Let me get these out of here before our house starts smelling like Jimma's hair.

Jimma, um, should we be worried about Dave? Yes, absolutely.

He's been a mess since he lost his job. This is the first time he's left the

house in three days.

And he calls himself the Pickler, like some kind of Batman villain.

Don't worry, Jim. Whatever we can do to help, we will.

Absolutely.

Calvin, you'll take Dave out with you tomorrow night.

Of course. You know, if only there was... Tomorrow is Wednesday, and that

work late Wednesday.

I know, and maybe Dave can join you at work.

I'm sorry, what work are we talking about? Calvin has a weekly space game

he doesn't want you to know about.

Taylor!

to play cards with you?

Wow.

It be your own people.

Timmy, come on.

Timmy, come on.

Look, you just gotta understand, Dave has infiltrated my whole life. I mean,

he's at my barbershop. He all up in through the yardicues.

He saw sinners before I did and spoiled the ending.

I didn't know vampires river dance.

I get it.

So Spades is your last black thing?

I mean, you say that, not me. I mean, you're the one that made it racial.

Calvin, just cut the crap.

The sooner you say yes, the sooner she can go home and shower and I can get the

air freshen up.

Okay, fine. Oh, thank you, thank you. Okay, all right. Fair, fair.

This is so great.

Yeah, we have a nanny who speaks French.

Oui, oui, we do.

Oh, hey.

Welcome. What? Oh, so did you give her a heads up? No, we were too scared.

What if she flips out? Well, Courtney, that's a strong possibility.

Get out of here right now. We don't have to leave anywhere.

Hey,

Everett.

It's been a while.

Oh.

Hey.

It's me.

Malcolm.

Malcolm.

We went out.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Yeah, you know, it's good to see you.

She don't remember you. It was three years ago. Rose Bowl Flea Market.

I bought you an Italian ice.

Of course.

Italian ice.

She don't remember you at all.

Thanks for inviting me, Calvin. It feels good to get out.

Hey, look, my pleasure.

Just, um...

Be cool, man. Look at the setup.

It's two tables, Dave.

Why have you been keeping this from me?

Hey, guys.

What's shaking, Bacon?

That's why.

Wow, Calvin. So I couldn't bring my mama, but you bring Dave?

Yeah, new blood, man. Now, who wants to be his partner?

Come on, Calvin. You know the rules.

Whoever brings a new dude has to be his partner.

Who made that rule?

You.

Well, I'll just unmake it. Yeah, you can't unmake rules.

That's a rule.

That's stupid. Who made that rule?

You.

She went down like a rock.

Everett and her baby Pilates really wore her out. Hey now.

Uh, hello.

No, I'm sorry. I just don't remember you at all.

And I can't believe this. I am a very memorable man.

You are.

Plenty of girls remember you. And hate you.

This is a blessing.

No, it really is. I was so worried we were going to lose Everett. Let's just

take the win.

Maybe she doesn't remember me because my beard is different.

It's exactly the same.

It is much thicker and more defined.

Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm.

Maybe you don't do sex well.

Tina, this has been so hard.

Thank you so much for helping me through it.

You are my rock and my bestie.

Oh, my girl wants to hang.

Oh.

K.

One letter? K?

I open myself up to my best friend, and all I get is a kiss.

could just drink this whole

What is a Boston?

It means they beating our ass, Dave.

All right, I'll bid three books.

I got four.

Yeah, I got three.

One.

One?

That's all you got?

No, it's like I always say, Calvin. Under -promise, over -deliver.

That's not how it works, Dave. If we over -deliver, then we're penalized.

All right, come on, let's play.

Jack of Diamonds.

Eighth of diamonds. Oh, you're coming in hard.

Well, I'm about to come in harder. No one is as hard as me.

Hey, Calvin, get your boy, man.

Four diamonds.

Okay.

Eighth of spades.

Dave, why would you play that? I already won the hand.

I know, but now we both won it.

How it works.

You know what?

Time out.

I need another drink.

Oh, well, come on.

We've got those.

No, we don't. See, I knew this was going to be an issue. That's why I didn't

really want you here. No, no, no. I'm a fast learner.

It's not about that.

Well, what do you mean?

Check this out.

God is good.

All the time.

Whoop. There it is.

Don't stop.

Get it, get it.

Okay, you know what?

Now I'm double hurt, Calvin.

Okay, first of all, I knew the God was a good thing. I just wasn't ready.

And second of all, after all that we've been through, you are still keeping me

at an arm's length.

Look, Dave, you're my man 50 grand.

But there's a vibe that you and I don't have.

It's a certain... Genesic what?

Definitely not.

Dave, what he's saying is...

You're not like us.

What does that mean?

You don't have a black bond.

Whoop, there it is.

It works!

Wow, Dave, you're pretty good with those cars.

Yeah, well... I was a birthday party magician for six years, but you wouldn't

know that, Calvin, because apparently we don't vibe.

Come on, Dave. Can we just win one game, please?

Oh, oh. So you're admitting that you can't do this without me?

Yes. You literally have to have a partner to play.

Whatever, y 'all. I'm getting four books.

I got three.

Then I got five on you.

Ten.

Oh, Dave, that means we would have to win every book.

Come on, man. You got to take that back.

No backsies. Your rule.

Look, Calvin, we can do this. We have made such a great team so many times

before. Look, we've done escape rooms together.

We've pop locked together. The only thing we haven't done together is golf

because I don't have any clubs of my own.

Dave, what are you talking about? You never told me you wanted to golf. Right.

Because I don't have any clubs.

Okay.

Well, I guess the next time we go, we'll have to use mine.

But after that, we'll finally catch up on those last two Kevin Hart movies.

Okay, can we stop talking about y 'all's date night and get back to the car

game?

Don't be a hater, Trey.

Oh, that's it? Okay.

Yep. Jack of clubs. That's your walk right there. Man, that's all you got?

Okay, well, uh, two of spades.

Sorry, guys.

Dave, no, no, you don't say sorry.

This is spades. You're supposed to talk trash.

Okay, well, two of spades. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Courtney, can I talk to you?

Sure.

Alone. It's a girl thing.

Oh, uh, okay.

I'll just go around the block.

Oh, hey, Gemma.

This is going to be hilarious.

Next time you see Malcolm, act like you don't remember him at all.

Are you leaving or what?

You text, right?

Yeah, I text. Oh, great. If you were reaching out to a friend about something

emotional, you texted them, I love you, how would you feel if they sent back a

thumbs up?

Just a thumb?

Jeez, that's harsh.

Right? And then I texted, maybe we can hang, and she sent back a K.

A K? Yes, Courtney, a K.

And then this person LOL'd at me.

Gemma, I'm sorry, but she is not your friend.

So I should call her out, right?

This person is toxic.

You have to call her out. Oh, I'm going to let her have it. Good. Right now.

Tina? She's no friend, right? Your word.

Tina Butler, is there anything you can't do?

Tina Butler, the toxicity ends now.

I'm sorry, what?

You know how vulnerable I am. My husband lost his job. He's spiraling. This

afternoon, he pickled a yam.

I'm at my most fragile, and you LOL at me?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gemma, slow down.

What are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

Ring a bell?

No, it doesn't. Then heck, I opened my heart to you, and you sent back a thumbs

up and then a K.

Gemma, I was painting my nails.

So you couldn't type?

No! I was poking the phone with my knuckles! So

you weren't being mean?

Oh, man.

You are a white girl that needs a hug.

Oh, my gosh.

Look, I know you're going through a lot right now. I mean, anybody would be

freaking out.

I also have a gut full of pickles and chardonnay.

You know what? I'll get you some ginger ale. And let's agree, text messages are

a terrible way to talk about emotional stuff.

You know, there's no context.

You're right.

And I shouldn't have let Courtney get me all riled up.

What?

There it is.

Twelve books in a row.

Come on, Julian, we gotta win this last one.

Okay, thanks, Trey. That's helpful.

Come on, now. Show me what you got.

Yeah.

Bam!

There it is!

That's too sweet, baby!

How the hell did they do that?

Well, I think it's quite clear, Trey.

Calvin and I have a bond of our own.

Well, I don't like it.

Malcolm. Yes. Well, listen. I was just in the neighborhood. Thought I would

bring you an Italian ice.

Maybe jog the old memory.

Cherry.

That's my favorite.

How'd you know that? Because we dated.

Right. Look, I'm really sorry about that. I just have no recollection.

Which is weird because I usually have an uncanny memory for most things. Like,

check this out. Wesley Snipes? His birthday is July 31st. Crazy, right?

that is crazy.

You know what else is crazy is that we watched Passenger 57 at your apartment.

Look, I'm sorry.

Okay, girl, please sit down.

Listen, it was a Saturday night. We had Thai food, we watched a movie, and then

we went to Dave & Buster's.

Did we play that basketball game? Yeah, pop a shot.

That was you?

That was me.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

I beat you.

Wait. And you said your machine wasn't working right.

Okay, well, that does sound like a legitimate concern.

So you switched machines, and I beat you again.

And then your friend Trey laughed at you, and you had a complete meltdown.

Okay, but I did buy you mozzarella sticks.

No, it was by far the worst date I've ever had.

Are you sure that was me?

Oh, hey, you ate all the pickles.

Yeah, let's go with that.

Well, I hope you enjoyed them because the pickler is hanging up his cape.

Yeah, he had a cape.

Which I don't need anymore, thanks to Calvin.

You know, I don't know if you know this, Gemma, but I've actually been in a bit

of a weird place since I lost my job.

Really?

I know I've put on a brave face, but I was feeling like a loser, and I don't

know, last night Calvin made me feel like a winner.

You're damn straight.

Hey, you know, you're the best face partner I ever had.

Wasn't it amazing? We were like Butch and Sundance. Like chicken and waffles.

Like Crate and Barrel.

Okay, that's on me, guys. I encourage you.

Well, the dream is over.

Yeah, a month to find the perfect nanny, two days for her to quit.

Oh, no, that's a shame.

Yeah, it sure is.

You know, I'm still Facebook friends with Dagmara. I can reach out.

How old is she now?

Mrs. B, we may be in need of a little help with Daphne next week until we can

find a replacement.

I don't know.

Are you sure you want a babysitter who's toxic?

Gemma. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.