Original subtitles

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

Watch me take a jump Yeah, I'm goin' for the dunk.

And I never been a punk but your girl called me hunk.

Straight to the hoop And I know how to shoot.

But if you wanna know the truth then you'd better get the scoop.

Comin' out to mess with the mike in my pants.

And everybody's different so you know I got it built.

You take me That can't be.

Sure feel good like all rookies.

So for all beginners if you wanna be a winner.

Then you'd better have some spinach with your dinner.

So just push your head to the sky if you wanna rise.

And keep your eye on the prize 'cause it's live - It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

What you see is what you get.

And what you got is a whole lotta sweat.

Blood and tears so have no fear

'Cause you ain't seen moves like these in years

I can shake and bake and show the fake.

But never perpetrate or the player'll hate my.

Name ain't right but I'm funkified.

My name ain't Luke but I can walk the skies.

So pick it over here, homey Loc and go for broke.

And watch my smoke and make sure ya don't choke.

Push your head to the sky if you wanna rise.

And keep your eye on the prize 'cause it's live - It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live ♪

The streets of the Big Apple...

must be on fire tonight with excitement.

The Atlanta fans extremely disappointed.

This was supposed to be an easy victory over the New York Knicks.

The Hawks' foul trouble has created a real opportunity for the Knicks...

but I have to wonder if the Knicks are doing enough to exploit it.

- Well, Marv, I'd say the answer is no. - No!

With a halfway decent coach, they'd probably be ahead by now.

Stacy Patton shoots! Air ball!

- Why didn't he hit the open man? - Damn it, Knicks, you suck!

Because Stacy Patton is a showboater...

- who only averages 0.2 assists per game, that's why. - Duncan steals!

- Stacy Patton and Drew Hastings. Yes! - Yeah! Yeah!

The Knicks take a two-point lead for the first time in the game.

The Knicks take the lead with 20 seconds to go.

It doesn't get any better than this.

Hold on, sports fans. We're experiencing technical difficulties.

Spud Webb to Doc Rivers.

Mike's Limo.

Oh, Achmed, it's you. Oh...

I need you to come in and get the white... Spud Webb shoots a three!

It's good! Come get the white stretch.

Knicks coach John Bailey calling for a time out.

Thank God. Bailey takes a 20-second time out with 12 long seconds to play.

After you make the Plaza drop...

drive through the wings, make the fast break down the F.D.R. to the Long Island Expressway.

- The Atlanta crowd is greatly upset... - We're back, sports fans.

- Mischa! - I say no more basketball! No!

Do you want to drive limo again?

You can fire me, take every cent I have, but don't fool around with the basketball game.

- No! - Move your hand.

- No! No, no, no! - Move your...

I pay you work, not watch T... No! No, no!

- Aaah! - Spud Webb to Doc Rivers.

Back to Webb. For the three!

- Yes! The Hawks regain the lead... - Okay, sports fans.

With six seconds left.

Coach John Bailey is disgusted as his star hands the Hawks the lead in this game.

- The Knicks still have a chance. - Come on, Hastings, you can do this.

There's your play. Pass to Duncan!

Hastings on the hop to D... Ohh!

Patton collides with Duncan, and at the buzzer it's the Atlanta Hawks by two...

over the New York Knicks.

- What a heartbreaker tonight as once again the Knicks... - We blew it. We blew it.

- Have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. - Ohh, God!

You drive... You drive a limo tomorrow!

Sports radio 66.

- The fan! - WFAN.

New York.

Hi, folks, this is Walt "Clyde" Frazier...

welcoming you back to WFAN, Fan Radio.

The sell rumors have heated up again.

The Knicks, who at 14-39 have sunk to new lows this season...

have announced a press conference in one hour...

so we won't be in suspense much longer.

Well, I don't give a shit how much it costs. I want it.

Oh, my driver's here at last.

- Are you the guy going to the Plaza? - Yes, I am.

- I'm really sorry. Traffic was abominable. - We'd better get goin'.

- Let me take this bag. - No, I got it.

- Ma'am, it's a very heavy bag... - I have it. Get in the car.

You know, I got an appointment in New York.

We'll maybe you oughta get in the car and we'll get there faster.

Sure.

- Excuse me, ma'am. - Sorry. Sorry.

- You know there's wheels on them things, hon. - Gee, thanks.

And don't call me "hon."

Sports radio.

ESPN

Chris Berman back with you live on ESPN Radio.

Remember the man that brought us all those pay-per-view spectaculars...

like "The Fracas in Caracas"...

"The Brawl in Nepal"?

And who could ever forget "The Feud in the Nude"?

He's sports entrepreneur Wild Bill Burgess...

and it's official, he's the new owner of the New York Knicks.

Knicks' coach John Bailey didn't exactly roll out the ol' welcome mat.

Look, I'm sure we'll get along fine, okay?

As long as he lets me coach my team my way, my style.

Yeah, right.

Well, we'll see, because live with us now is Wild Bill Burgess himself.

Bill, congratulations. But how do you expect to turn around this ball club?

Well, Chris, you're gonna see more entertainment...

you're gonna see better marketing, cuter cheerleaders.

- You know, the Knicks don't even have a mascot. - Bill, so what?

- What about changes on the team? - ESPN.

- Put me on with this putz. - We've got a hot one on line four.

- Eddie from Manhattan. - Eddie from Manhattan.

You're on live with Wild Bill Burgess.

Billy, you really want a mascot, baby?

You need to put a saddle on Bailey and ride his ass around Central Park all night.

That's what you need.

Well, you know, if that'd sell tickets I might consider it, hon.

Yeah, right. And don't call me "hon."

Uh, Wild Bill, you still with us?

Eddie. Eddie, you there?

Steve from Hartford, you're live with us on ESPN Radio. What can we do for you?

I'm tellin' you, Wild Bill, these guys are really good.

They have the potential to be a fabulous team, but they don't have any leadership.

No, you know what it is... The Russians only care about shooting.

That's why Ivan doesn't know anything about defense.

But you got a couple of rookies who are pretty good...

and then you got Patton, who's a fabulous player but knows he's a fabulous player.

He has no assists because he won't pass the ball.

- You've inherited a mess. Is there anything else I can tell you? - Yes, a lot more.

But I'm afraid I don't have the time. Thanks for the advice.

- Let me give you a little somethin'. - Oh, no, really...

Come on. I've always heard New Yorkers weren't kind people.

- You've been very kind. - Gee, Ben looks good.

It's been so long since I've seen him. Thank you.

Okay, it's an easy one today.

He was N.B.A. Rookie of the Year in 1968.

What was Earl Monroe's nickname?

Eddie, it's me. Pick up.

Eddie?

Okay, listen, sweetheart, I don't know if you noticed...

but men go to basketball games so, Eddie, please, please wear something sexy.

By the way, thank God you put an easy question on your machine...

'cause I met this cute guy and I gave him your number.

- See you tonight. Bye. - Hello?

Ah. Goddamn it.

Oh, I wish you'd stop giving out my phone number, Claudine.

Hi. Here's the question of the day.

How many consecutive games did Dolph Schayes play when he was with the Syracuse Nets?

Answer that, and magic can happen.

Right.

Ah! What's a "goil" to wear?

Monroe.

I know you're comfortable and I'm glad, but what are you doing to me, huh?

Do you know how long it takes me to get this gorgeous? Two hours!

You take ten seconds to throw on a jersey, you look like a bag lady.

As opposed to a $50 hooker? Hello!

Eddie, please. A hundred dollars at least, huh?

- Excuse me. - Hey, Odell.

- Hello, beautiful. How are you tonight? - Good. They warming up?

- For the last five seasons. - You're terrible! You're mean, man!

- Leave him alone, please. - What? He's cute.

"He's cu..." Everybody is cute to you.

I don't understand why every time we come to a basketball game you dress up.

We'll see whether the Knicks...

at home tonight with new owner Bill Burgess attending his first game...

can beat the Los Angeles Lakers...

who are on a six-game winning streak.

- What about Van Exel? - Play him tight.

- But Vlade's the problem. Always has been. - No, no, no, no.

You double up on Van Exel...

and play Vlade with Ivan, or "Ee-van" or whatever, tight, man-to-man...

Oh, uh, Coach Bailey, I wonder if I could have a moment, sir.

- Well, of course you can. It's your team now. - No, sir, it's our team.

Listen, I was watchin' the game on TV last night.

Our boys are movin' awful slow, don't you think?

Why don't you fire 'em up a bit? Give the folks a good show.

Hmm?

- Look, um, Mr. Burgess... - Oh, Bill, Bill. You can call me Bill.

Mr. Burgess, I am the head coach of the New York Knicks.

Now, if you're looking for a cheerleader...

those are the girls that run around in those short little skirts.

- Look, there's Bailey right there. - Eddie, wait.

Bailey!

- Bailey! - Yo, Eddie!

You gonna try something new tonight, like tryin' to coach?

It is the N.B.A., buddy: "No Buttheads Allowed."

But you keep comin' back. I don't understand it.

You looking good, though, babe. Don't look at me like that.

You see that sign that says "John 3:16"?

That is not a biblical quote, baby.

That's your sorry road record, 'cause you the anticoach!

All right, hey, let's go. Do your job and get her out of here.

- Come on. - Okay, ladies, please.

- Do you have "666" on your head? - Yeah, yeah. Bye-bye.

Come back again when you can afford a seat back here.

- As soon as you start winnin', I'll be back. - So long!

Hey, Zimmer! Get a life! Get a face! Get a new coat! You suck!

Ladies and gentlemen...

the starting lineup for the Los Angeles Lakers.

At forward, six feet, nine inches, Anthony "Pig" Miller.

Boo!

- Why do they call him "Pig"? - 'Cause he's not kosher.

At center, seven feet-one, Vlade Divac.

At guard, six feet, one inch, Nick Van Exel.

- Don't start on my chest. - That chest got us thrown out.

Your mouth got us thrown out. The chest almost kept us in the good seats.

You know what pisses me off?

I hate people that buy those $8,000 seats, then don't come 'til we start winning.

Introducing the starting lineup for your New York Knicks!

Hey, here we go!

From the Republic of Georgia, and I don't mean Atlanta, Ivan Radovadovitch!

Whoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

Let's go!

At six feet, eight inches, Stacy Patton!

At six feet, two inches tall, "Preacher Man" Taylor!

You all right?

Yeah, I'm good. I love this climb. It's good for my thighs.

Cool.

Let me tell you something, man. The Knicks do not stink. They're just a man short.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clark Kent. - That's your comeback line?

- Get a life! - Don't start with her. She's had a bad day.

You couldn’t be funny if your life depended on it.

One phone call to Staten Island... Ba-da-bing! Know what I'm talkin' about?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome your new Knicks City Dancers!

- Hey, Eddie. - Hey, girls.

Claudine. Wiener?

I'd rather be dead.

Nice dress you're almost wearing.

- Whoo! - Eric, Keith.

Hey, what's up? They switched seats.

- We thought it might help. - Couldn’t hurt.

New York, there's a new sheriff in town.

Say hello to Wild Bill Burgess!

Look at his shoes!

Howdy.

- "Howdy"? - "Howdy"?

Howdy, my ass. "Howdy"?

Let me hear you say "Howdy!"

Now, folks, I want you all to know...

that we're gonna give you a big-time N.B.A. show every night.

Right!

All right, now let's get the Wild Bill era off with a bang!

Whoa!

That was Walt Frazier's jersey!

That's Walt Frazier's jersey!

Hey! Yo! That's my jersey!

And that's just the beginning, folks! We got more surprises for ya!

Don't forget the honorary coach contest at halftime!

Let's play some basketball!

Say good-bye to tradition.

Wild Bill Burgess has just torched Walt Frazier's jersey.

A freak show.

He's gonna turn it into a freak show.

Come on, you guys. Let's go.

Let's remember we got a game we wanna win. Where's Taylor?

- He's praying. - Tell him to pray over here.

Darren! Amen! Come on!

Hastings! Wake up! If you're open, take the jumper!

If not, look down low for Ivan!

- Ivan. - Whatever.

- Ivan make basket. - Good. Yes. - Whoa, whoa.

If Stacy Patton don't shoot, Stacy Patton don't play.

Quit referring to yourself in the third person and pay attention, asshole.

- Come on, man. Watch your language. - Yo, you'd better back off.

Patton, I'm not warning you again.

- Ivan make basket. - Yes, yes!

- Excuse me, Coach. I'd look for Jamal. - Yeah, right.

Hey, logo-head, what are you lookin' at? Get in the game, will ya?

She used my tickets for her divorce lawyer.

- You mind gettin' in the game here? - Hey!

Play ball.

Okay. All right, you guys. Let's go!

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Yeah! Go, Knicks!

- This is basketball, right? - Let the torture begin.

Look at this! He's going to... Challenge him!

Don't watch him shoot! Ohh...

Right this way, Mr. Burgess.

This is your owner's box.

We can have this redecorated any way you'd like, of course.

This'll do for now.

Hey, get it together with the defense, Patton!

Bad defense!

No, don't take on all four, Patton! Don't do it!

Come on, get with it!

- Back! - Block him, block him!

Tonight's attendance figures, Mr. Burgess.

I don't need to see the numbers.

I know empty when I see it.

Jamal Duncan now at the foul line...

and wearing his shoe logo in his hair.

Let's see, he's shooting 55 percent from the free throw line.

We'll see if it helps.

Bailey! What's the matter with you?

Hey, Bailey! Open up your eyes!

If Duncan can't make his free throws and won't get back on defense, sit him down!

Putz!

She gets louder every year.

Let's stack the deck a little, shall we?

- Say "freaky girl" - Freaky girl.

- Say "sexy girl" - Sexy girl ♪

Well, the first half has mercifully ended...

for Coach John Bailey’s New York Knicks.

Unless he can get Stacy Patton to look for his teammates...

it does not look good for this young team.

Here's the, uh, honorary coach list for tonight.

The three lucky seat numbers tonight are:

section 109, row eight, seat three...

section 21, row four, seat nine...

and section 221, row "R," seat 15.

- It's you! - Ohhh! Ohh!

Ohh! Wait a minute! Wait! Oh, my God!

Wait! Wait! Oh, it's me! I won!

Oh, wait a minute! Wait, wait!

Whoo! I won! I told you!

Remember, anyone who makes the free throw...

gets to be honorary coach for the second half.

Wait, wait! Don't start without me! I'm comin'!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Move, man! Hey!

The ticket.

I got my ticket.

Move. I got the ticket.

Oh, shit. Excuse me.

Our first shooter tonight...

is 13-year-old Tracy Hogan from Flatbush.

I had to come from... Never mind.

I got the ticket, man!

Stand here and shoot for the hoop, okay?

Ow! Well, nice try.

- Let's give Tracy a hand! - Yeah, Tracy.

- Our next shooter is 31-year-old Sheldon Leonard from Astoria. - Shoot for the hoop.

Whoo!

A serious contender, folks.

Come on, man, you ain't no Globetrotter. Shoot the ball!

- Awww. - Just a bit outside!

Our last contestant is... 30-something Edwina Franklin from Manhattan.

I got it, I got it, I got it. Hey!

Eddie! Eddie!

Eddie! Eddie!

Wow.

She seems to have her own cheering section up there in 221.

- It just doesn't get any better than this. God! - Eddie! Eddie!

Everybody's ready.

Perhaps tonight?

- You got it, girl! - Come on!

- Shoot it! Shoot it! - Shoot the damn ball!

Guess what... we have a winner!

We have an honorary coach tonight!

Bring it on! The honorary coach!

Yes, I think I got it! Yes, I think I got it, 'cause I know I did!

Tonight's honorary coach, Edwina Franklin!

In the house! Yeah. Oh!

Hi.

- Hey. - How y'all doin'?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Hey, get rid of her.

Check it out, baby.

Oooh-oooh-ooh! Oooh-ooh-hoo! Whoo!

- Sit down and shut up. - What?

- Sit down and shut up. - All right, all right.

Oh. Sorry.

Whoo.

- No. Go back and sit down. - I'm not...

- Sit! Sit! - I'm... All right.

All right, screen! Screen! Get through!

Hold on! Wait! See, you gotta wait!

Yeah, Vlade, yeah! All right!

- Foul! - Everybody, get back!

- Pick it up, pick it up. - Move! Hey... Hey, Elvis! Move!

Hey, you with the $1.99 rug on your head, would you get out of my way, please?

Yeah, move.

- Ohh! - Oh! Excuse me!

- It just don't get no better than that. He is cute. - Right on.

Oh-ho, yeah!

Oh, good block, Vlade!

Get up, get up, get up!

Patton...

Come on, move it, move it. Look at the guys. They're missi...

Screen, screen! Get through!

By yourself! Ivan, by yourself!

Plant your feet, baby. Plant your feet!

- Good call! - Yeah! Blocking!

What you talkin' about? What is wrong with you? What, you Helen Keller?

- You blind, brother! - What are you doin'?

White, blocking! Zero-zero!

- Bad call! Bad call! - Bad call!

Worse than your pants, that's how bad the call was.

- That's a technical! - No! She's just a fan! She's a fan, Dave, please!

But she's on your bench. You either shut her up or get her outta here.

- Delighted. Right this way, ma'am. - No. Come on, Bailey, no.

No, no, no! Hey, don't!

Hey, don't! It's all right! Hey, man!

Now, what the hell is Bailey doing?

Look at her. She's as good as gold. The fans love her. Look at that.

The crowd is going crazy...

as Coach John Bailey is having Honorary Coach Eddie Franklin ejected from the garden!

- See you tomorrow night, Eddie. - Okay.

Go for the open man. What are you doin'? Why don't you listen?

Hit the open man! Hit him!

Go back, go back!

All right, all right, all right, let's go.

He's goin' that way! There's the basket! Go! Go!

Ah! Ah! Hey!

Where you goin', man?

Y'all are supposed to be over here! Come on!

Look, Eddie, they can't even get the ball! Let me go in. One play!

Yes! Yes!

Eddie! Eddie!

What in the hell's the idea of sittin' my boy for the entire game?

Excuse us for a second.

Listen, don't ever come up on me like that again in front of children.

- What's the matter with you? - Nothing's the matter with me.

- He's been sittin' there for the entire game. - The boy got a "D" in English.

- What's that got to do with him playin' ball? - A lot.

But your first question should've been, "Why'd he get the 'D' in English?"

You need to start paying attention to him in school...

or you're gonna be watching him in court instead of on the court.

- Okay? - Okay.

I understand.

All right.

Let's get something straight: I am not here to clean up your horse shit...

or to play second fiddle to some circus freak that you created.

Price of showmanship, Mr. Bailey.

To you, maybe. To me, this is the N.B.A.

And I don't like being embarrassed or having my team embarrassed.

Well, now, I kinda thought it was my team.

You wanna know somethin'? You're right.

You're exactly right. It is your team.

And I'm the coach of that team, a coach with a very large contract.

I'm here to tell you that if you pull another stunt like that, I'm walkin'.

Did you see the papers today, Mr. Bailey?

The fans love this little girl; the press loves this little girl.

Let me tell you somethin', Wild Bill...

or Buffalo Bill or whatever it is that you call yourself...

That doesn't impress me, and you don't impress me.

Well, you know, I'm gonna tell you what impresses me...

The fact that the papers said nothing whatsoever about you today.

That's a smart fella. He left just in time. I was about to fire him.

To fire him you'll have to pay him $1.2 million a year for three years.

Oooh-wee.

How much is it gonna cost me if he quits?

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention, please?

- I have a special announcement to make. - What do you want, cowboy?

Miss Edwina Franklin, come on down!

You did get a phone number.

Aaaaah!

You know, Mr. Burgess, I might just walk out of here right now.

Well, don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

Bubba. Get out of my way.

- You want us to play for her? - I can't work under these conditions.

- I'd hate to lose you too, Mr. Zimmer. - Oh, no, I wasn't saying that.

I was just commenting on the, uh... you know...

Stacy Patton's ass ain't playin' for no woman.

How much does Stacy Patton's ass make per game, if you please?

Uh, $43,000.

Forty-three thousand dollars?

Anybody else's ass not playin' tonight, huh?

- Ivan make basket. - Well, then, Ivan make money.

I'm glad we all agree, gentlemen.

Coach Zimmer's gonna take care of the basketball.

That little lady's just gonna hop up and down, make a big scene, make the folks happy.

Now, you give me some focus, huh?

You give me a victory. Win one for the Gipper.

Okay? Get back in there. Come on.

Forty-three thousand dollars?

- That's a lot of money. - They pay him a dollar a shot?

- Who's the Gipper? - Damn, you're stupid.

Hi, Eddie! How are ya?

- Am I Honorary Coach again? - Well, sort of. Here she is, folks!

Oh, my God!

Now, I'm afraid I have another announcement for you.

John Bailey has resigned as head coach.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yeah!

So let me introduce you to our head coach for tonight... Miss Eddie Franklin.

Aaaaaah!

- Aaaaaah! - Yes!

This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, and it didn't even happen to me.

There's nothin' in the rule book.

- You wanna file a protest, be my guest. - You're damn right I will!

They're all yours, Coach.

Hoo-hoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha!

Hi! The Knicks. Look at you. You're the real...

You know, I've been a fan for... I've seen a million games.

I've been watching you since college. I've been watching you since high school.

My dad was a Knicks fan.

My husband, who I met right up there wearing your jersey...

even when he was in the hospital all he wanted to do was watch the Knicks game.

I can't believe that you guys are here! I can't stand it!

- Whoo! - Well, history is being made tonight...

- here at Madison Square Garden... - Okay, that's...

- Where Miss Eddie Franklin... - We're playin' now!

- Is taking over for Coach John Bailey. - Zim! What's up, buddy?

- Now, I've seen surprises in the world of sports... - Kickin' booty! Let's go!

- But never have I seen the likes of this. - Come on, man!

A fan coming out of the stands to take the reins...

of an N.B.A. team.

What an amazing development!

Pick, Bobby, pick! Switch! Switch!

- What the hell was that? - Don't tell me, tell him.

Maybe a little louder next time.

- Hey, man, that your mama? - No, man, that's the coach.

Hey, hey! Mouse in the house!

I got a little one! Here we go! Here we go! Whoo! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, no! Here we go!

Come on, baby, you got the right idea.

What's the matter, Coach? Cat got your tongue?

To think I used to like him.

You got him, you got him! "D" him up, baby! Take it low!

Stace, Stace! I'm open, baby!

Here we go! Let's roll, let's roll!

Come on, man! Are you ever gonna give it up?

It was a good shot, man!

Come on, bust out! Bust it out! Let's go!

- Finish it, Terry! - Go!

- Yes! - How about that travel, Ref?

Go to town, baby.

Pick up! Pick up your man!

Defense!

- Defense! Defense! - Defense! Defense!

Defense! Defense!

- Defense! Defense! - Defense!

Another loss seems imminent for the struggling New York Knicks...

who don't seem to listen to their replacement coach...

any more than their former coach John Bailey.

Stacy, what are your thoughts on the game tonight?

Stacy Patton don't do interviews.

It just didn't seem like the team was playing as a cohesive unit.

Was there just lack of focus?

You got a guy takin' 38 shots and makin' eight? No wonder the coach quit.

And we got a Rasta runnin' along the sidelines acting like a coach now.

- It's a circus. - Howdy, folks.

- I brought you a little present. - Eddie. Eddie.

Eddie, I'm from People Magazine.

What is your previous coaching experience?

- Sir, can I have a word with you? - Certainly, Mr. Zimmer.

- Excuse me, please. - Uh, yeah.

- This is it? - That's every coach that's available.

It's an awful short list. What is this, their social security numbers?

- Uh, no, that's how much they each made last year. - Mmm. Thanks.

- It must've been great to be at the helm. - What's next for you now?

- How does it feel to be a woman? - Good!

How did you like your performance tonight?

All right, boys. Leave the little lady alone.

She's kinda shy.

Wild Bill, how are you gonna turn this team around?

The Knicks need a coach now!

Are you gonna hire a college coach, Wild Bill?

Quit... Quit pushin' and scratchin'.

Like we say back home, no amount of plannin' can replace dumb luck.

I just got me the biggest piece of luck I ever had: I found my new coach.

- Well, who is he? - What's his name? - Eddie.

- Say what? - Eddie who?

- I can't do this. - Yes, you can.

I cannot take a real N.B.A. team on the road!

- Do the guys know what you're... Does the N.B.A. know what... - Can I ask you somethin'?

Do you still think the Knicks can win?

- Yes, I do, but I think they deserve a real coach. - That's what you are, Eddie.

In your heart, you are a coach.

Why else would I be paying you $50,000 to finish the season?

So I want you to get on that plane, start takin' names...

and kickin' butt.

Go ahead.

- Yeah. - I believe in you, Eddie.

I believe you need the Knicks, and I believe the Knicks need you.

Hi.

Listen, guys, I just wanted to say how really excited I am about this.

This is the biggest thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know what to say.

It's so exciting.

I'm lookin' at you guys, and I see, you know, there's a great team here.

There's a really great team. I just don't understand why you're in last place.

I mean, you, Mr. Patton.

I mean, if you could just manage to pass the ball more...

then we'd feel like a more cohesive team.

I think you have to look at it as you're part of a whole, you know.

And you, Preacher, you know, I've seen you shoot from the outside.

You gotta go for it more, shoot from the perimeter. You have the capability.

That's my opinion, anyway.

And Mr. Duncan, you know you could lead the league in rebounds...

if you'd just get that foul shot together.

Frankly, it's really foul.

That's a little basketball humor there.

Hey, Mr. Hastings.

You're terrific. You're really a terrific player.

I just wish you could get your head more in the game.

No offense.

Hey, Nate. What can I say about you? You're just the greatest there ever was.

You know, you're just great.

I wish we could clone you, then your clones could teach these guys what I'm talkin' about.

Hey, Zim.

Hey, how you doin'?

Hey, Ivan...

Ivan.

Ivan.

Do you know what the word "defense" means?

Ivan make basket.

Cool.

- We'll work on defense. - Defense.

- Okay, cool. - Defense.

You know, I just wanna say...

that when we get to where we're going...

we're just gonna kick butt.

We're gonna kick butt.

We're on an away game. It's breather time now. We're travelling.

God knows we can do this.

Don't you think so?

Yeah! Yeah.

I don't get it, man. Is she the Gipper or not?

- Damn, you sure are white. - I can't help it.

Ladies, my room is right here.

I'll get to show you those championship rings I told you about.

Let's get it goin' now.

Hey, Ivan, remember what I said, all right? P-H-A-T.

Phat.

See how the superstar on a two-on-one fast break goes for the dunk.

You saw my moves out on the court.

Come inside and check out the rest of 'em.

I don't know if we should go in your rooms.

Yo, baby, you phat.

Oh, you're an animal.

- Phat. - You the man.

"Separation and divorce"?

Come on, man. I don't need these, man.

I been married too long for this, man.

Hey, yo, how phat was she, Ivan?

Phat!

I got 50 bucks on this one.

Look, I'm gettin' tired.

Can we hurry this up?

- I thought this was supposed to be a practice. - This is a practice.

- So how come nobody's practicing? - Well...

Jamal’s shooting an album cover...

Hastings is over there with his divorce lawyer...

- Stacy Patton's, uh... - Asleep.

- Asleep, yeah. - Does he sleep through every practice?

- No, just on game day. - Ah.

No wonder it takes him an average of four minutes before he can get his first shot off.

- So what are we gonna do about it? - "We"? Leave me out of it, Coach.

These kids are stars.

They do what they wanna do.

I got a mortgage and two kids in college. I don't rock the boat.

The only boat that doesn't rock is one that's not going anywhere.

Hey, you're the head coach.

You wanna get these million-dollar egos to practice their jump shots, be my guest.

Okay.

Ouch.

Come on, quit foolin' around and shoot from game situations, will ya?

I'll show you a game situation.

- Look, "T," ball! - All right. You go, man!

- That'll be four points from there! - Dribbles to the basket!

He shoots!

- Oh! - He scores! Yeah!

- Yes! - Oh, so now you clownin' me, huh?

- This is my game situation. - I see. How are the knees?

- They're old. I'm old, Eddie. - You're not that old.

In N.B.A. years, I'm 138.

- Really? - 138.

How old’s that make you in doggie years? Come on, let's go.

- All right, you got it. - Let's go, ladies. Come on.

Pass the ball!

Pass the ball!

Come on, get your head in the game!

Let's go!

This is just a publicity stunt for you! You are not a coach!

You not a player, lookin' like a little roach!

- Let's go, let's go, let's go! - Switch it!

Yeah!

Was that your mistake, Mr. Rodman? I think so.

Your team doesn't know how to play.

- Bad shots, bad coach... - Bad hair.

At least I look good.

For the moment.

Get your earrings, baby. You look naked.

Ball up!

Come on! Heads up! Come on, let's go!

Match up, match up, match up!

Mr. Patton, I need you to double-team the short guy, the cricket-looking one.

If you wanna talk to Stacy Patton, call his agent.

Match up! Match up!

Next time they come, they'd better bring a coach!

They play just as bad with a coach!

See? See what I told you?

You guys, if you'd listened to me, you would not have gotten slaughtered by the Spurs.

You don't wanna practice; You don't wanna hustle; You don't wanna do anything.

What, did that shrink up in the water?

I thought it was gonna be so much bigger. It's like this...

- It looks like he got a pimple on his thigh. - What's she talkin' about?

And the Knicks broke an all-time record last night.

They lost their 19th straight game.

This whole thing is getting ridiculous.

- So what's the hard hat take on Eddie Franklin? - It's a joke, an embarrassment.

It's a woman coach. I'm just gonna give my tickets to the wife.

- So the gender is inappropriate? - I got your gender right here. Know what I'm talkin' about?

Mr. Mayor, the new coach of the Knicks is a woman. Your reaction?

It's a real breakthrough for equal rights.

She'll bring something very special to it.

- Do you think she can get the team out of the basement? - She can't do any worse.

The Knicks were winning when I was mayor.

- You're a very photogenic young woman. - Well, thank you, Bill.

And I tell you what, no matter... I'm not gonna let you quit.

- Why not? I'm not doing anything better than Bailey did. - Oh, nonsense.

Advanced ticket sales are up 30 percent.

- And you know what? The fans love you, Eddie. - But the newspapers hate me.

So what? It's free publicity.

What are you talking about? We're losing.

Eddie, listen, the Knicks did not get into this mess overnight...

and they're not gonna get out of it overnight.

I have every confidence that you can do it.

- I just don't have the same confidence. - Let me tell you something.

I grew up in a one-horse town in Texas.

My folks were too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash.

If I can do it, Eddie, you can do it. Look where I got.

It's like we say back home:

"He that would have the fruit must climb the tree."

So I'm gonna ask you a question, little lady: You gonna let me down?

No, I'm not gonna let you down. Maybe with the home court advantage it'll...

Ah, that's my girl. That's what I like to hear. Come on, I'll walk you out.

Oh, yeah? Come on, man!

- Okay, now... Hey! Don't run! - Go, Knicks!

Hey, hey, watch it!

Hey, hey, calm down, calm down, calm down.

- Thank you. I got it. You guys look good. - Thanks.

Listen, the players are gettin' ready to go out. They're concentrating.

So I'm gonna take you and show you my office, and that'll be that, okay?

All right, I want you to be like gentlemen.

- We're gonna go in like we have some class, okay? - Okay.

- No problem. Oh, my pen. - Here you go.

- Hey, Mr. Duncan, can I get your autograph? - Not now, kids.

- I'm doin' business. - Well, they gotta have something to talk about.

We're gonna shoot this rap video at my place in St. Bart's.

- You know, me, you, the Jacuzzi. - Terry Hastings.

- Terry. - Terry.

- Excuse me. - Can I get your autograph?

Look, look, $35,000 is not alimony. That's the lotto!

Hey, hey, Mr. Patton, can we get an autograph, please?

Stacy Patton don't sign autographs.

You know what, you guys? Why don't you wait for me outside, okay?

- I'll take you to your seats and we'll go get some hot dogs. - Mm-hmm.

- All right, all right. - Excuse me.

Lawyers, agents, models, pseudo-models...

rappers, people with bad rugs...

if you're not wearing a jersey that says "New York Knicks"...

get up and get the hell out right now.

- Now. - Ooh! Bye, baby.

I'm gonna get up outta here, y'all.

Who the hell do you guys think you are?

I mean, really... Who the hell do you think you are?

I thought this was a professional basketball team.

Obviously I'm out of my mind.

I'm in here with rap artists and pitch men...

line-slingers and "ho" mongers and assholes.

Eddie, please!

No. Knicks, please, Preacher.

You remember that people pay to come and see you guys?

People spend $2,000 on season tickets up in the nosebleed sections...

because they think you guys are worthwhile.

And forget about the little kids who actually think you guys are heroes. Stupid them!

Two-thousand dollars for some season tickets?

That'll make you think.

Yeah. Homegirl has some shitty seats.

- What are you doin'? - Come on, Terry!

- Just pass me the ball! - Get back! Get back!

I can't recall any Knick team that has played this poorly.

You wonder, is there any hope on the horizon?

- Hey! Can't you guard somebody? - I am!

- Boo. - Ooh!

You almost got my karate move.

- I've been waiting for you. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - What you need?

- I need to ask you an honest question. - Okay.

Was that my loss?

Yeah, there's an old saying: players win, coaches lose.

I know, but seven in a row. It's not like I'm not trying.

I've tried talking. I've tried being nice. I don't know what else to do.

Well, look, Eddie, we're in a slump right now.

I know, but you guys are professionals. You're not supposed to have slumps.

We're not supposed to have slumps? Look, I know these kids make a lot of money.

And I know they're not supposed to be human, but they are.

They have problems like everybody else.

But just because they can put the ball in the hoop, no one cares.

Do you care that Hastings' life is falling apart?

Do you care that Ivan can't speak the language?

Well, if you don't care they're just gonna keep on doing it just to spite you.

You gotta understand something, Eddie.

That was Bailey’s problem, and it's yours too.

I'll see you tomorrow in practice, Coach.

Thanks.

- Ivan. - Da, Eddie.

Last night you had four defensive fouls in the first half of the game.

- Ivan make defense. - Yes, I know.

- Ivan make defense. - Yes, I know.

But you cannot continue to move your feet like that.

[ Speaking Russian ]

- Ivan make offense. - Yes, yes, yes.

But you're in America now. You need to make American defense.

[ Speaks Russian ]

A takoi.

- A takoi. A takoi. - A takoi.

Notice the feet.

- It's Red Auerbach. - A takoi.

Nyet! Nyet, nyet, nyet.

- We're gonna do it like we're playing a real game. - A takoi!

Nyet. Nyet.

[ Speaks Russian ]

- Can anybody drive the lane? - Yeah.

Stacy Patton would love to drive the lane.

I don't know why she want to do this. You wanna play with the big boys?

Mm-hmm.

Aaaah!

- Oh, shit. - Good Lord!

Now, Ivan, you see what I did?

I planted my feet.

That is called taking the charge. Okay?

Come on, get up.

She's gonna feel that later.

Nice drive, Mr. Patton.

- Yeah, try that on me, punk. - You next.

Come on, come on. Come on, girls, let's go. Let's go, let's go.

Good job.

Hey, Coach. I didn't think you'd get up after that.

I didn't think I was gonna get up either, as big as he was.

- Nice charge, Coach. - Thank you.

- It took a lot out of me. - Say, boy.

Wasn't it nice to have a real practice for a change?

- Come of think of it, yeah. - Yeah.

It was.

I gotta tell you, Terry, it seems like you took a pretty good hit too.

Uh, no, this is routine. This is every day for me, baby.

I'm not talkin' about that.

- Say, Brett, you wanna excuse us for one second? - Sure.

- What are you talkin' about? - I'm talkin' about your life.

- Oh, come on, Coach. - No, really.

I don't mean to pry, but I'm gonna.

Do you still love her?

Well, see, we're gettin' a divorce, so...

Yeah, but do you love her?

- Shake your head, 'cause you know it's "yes." - Yeah.

So, what happened?

What happened was, I had this thing on the road in Phoenix last year.

I, um, I cheated, and, uh...

See, that's all she thinks I do on the road now is run around.

Well, yeah. I know you understand that.

The woman thinks you don't love her.

The first thing you really need to do is apologize...

and keep apologizing every day.

Apologize, apologize, apologize...

until she says to you, "Stop apologizing."

And then you have to start apologizing for your apologies.

- That's begging. - Yeah.

Begging. That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Begging.

Then you gotta send her some flowers.

Okay, so I send flowers, and then she'll forgive me.

Hell, no, she's not gonna forgive you. But it's a good start.

Yo! Yo, yo! Here they come!

- On your left, man! - Hold up, man! Hold up!

- Don't force it! - Rebound! Go!

Run! Run!

Yeah, baby! Right in his mouth!

- Foul on double-zero... - Ivan!

- Ivan Radovadovitch, his fifth! - You moved your feet!

- Team's fourth. - Nyet! Nyet! Don't move the feet!

Sparks, get ready to go.

Where? Oh.

He can't possibly be that stupid.

Come on. What did I tell you?

What have I said to you every day?

Sit down!

Mama.

- Yeah! How's that for ya? - My goodness!

He really showin' you up, man.

- What's up with your boy, man? - It's a joke.

- Yo, yo, "B"! This boy's retarded, man. - You're a joke, Sparks.

You don't have to act like a rookie.

Hey, Patton, pass the ball! What are you, the black hole of basketball? Come on!

- You gonna let her call you a black "ho"? - Man, a hole, not a "ho."

- A black hole. - What's a black hole?

A black hole is a theoretical object in space.

It is so dense that matters collapses...

and light itself cannot escape.

I knew that.

What's a "ho"?

Now with Ivan in foul trouble, they'll have to rely even more on Stacy Patton.

I got two, I got two.

Hey! Yeah!

Yes! Yes!

Here we come. Here we come.

Pass the ball!

Drop, John, drop! Swing it, swing it!

- Stacy, hit the cutter! - Patton, Patton, pass the ball!

- Stacy, what the... - Let's go, baby! Get a stop!

Pick left, Darren! Ivan, you gotta talk, baby!

Hey, what you doin' in the game, sport?

Here we go! You know when they runnin'!

You know when they runnin'! Watch the pick!

- Hit the cutter! - He's open, he's open, he's open!

- Oh, man! Call the first foul! - Preacher, 20.

Twenty-second time out, white.

Mr. Patton, come here.

Come here. You got any juice left in those knees?

- Yeah. Why? - You're in.

- What are you doing? - I'm rockin' the boat.

- What you tryin' to say to Stacy Patton? - I'm not trying to say it.

I'm telling Stacy Patton to get his black ass off my court!

You are out of the game!

- It's about damn time. - Whoa, Darren, relax, relax.

- Sit down, clown. - Man, forget you.

- Yo, let's play together, let's win this game. - Lead us, baby, lead us.

Stacy Patton is being benched for the first time this year...

and he is not happy about it.

Now in for the Knicks...

number six, Nate Wilson for Stacy Patton.

- Coach. - Zim.

Get the ball! The ball!

- Pick up, pick up! - You better hope they ain't comin' to you.

Yeah, baby! By yourself, by yourself!

- Got you, got you, got you! - Short!

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Take your time! Talk to each other!

Hit the cutter! Hit the cutter!

Whoa!

Yes, sir, Nate! Good job, man!

Nate Wilson has awakened the sleeping Knicks, who look awesome!

Yes, baby! Get it goin'!

Come on! Come on!

I love that transition!

Post up! Post up!

Run with him! Run with him!

Watch the pick!

- Move, move, move, move! - Get a score, baby! Get a score!

- Trailer, trailer, trailer! - Put it up!

- Way to go, Nate! Way to go, baby! - Pretty good for an old-timer.

An extremely satisfying win for the New York Knicks...

and their new coach Eddie Franklin...

who, in a bold move, substituted veteran Nate Wilson...

for superstar Stacy Patton!

Good game, Nate!

- Thanks, Coach. - Those knees earned this.

- Eddie! - Here, kid.

Thanks! He gave me the ball! He gave me the ball!

- It's only one win, Zim. - Mmm.

Come on, let's go!

- Ten out, 17 out! - Bye-bye.

Thank you. Maybe next time.

- Fifteen, killed! - Okay, over!

Two, three, four, gone.

Hustle! Hustle!

Come on, Nate! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, I still got it. I still got it.

Yeah!

- It's only two wins. - Hmph.

- Six, out! - Thank you very much.

Okay, up and over.

- Yeah. - Out.

- Get out! - Yeah! Come on! Come on!

Aaaah! This is the one! I'm telling you, look at that...

Whoo!

He's so flexible!

Honey, flex your ass on up to my room later on, okay? Thank you.

Mr. Burgess.

Defense!

Come on! Defense!

Defense! Defense!

Defense! Defense!

Get up! Get up!

Get up!

Uh, the chicken chow mein.

- Throws it here, here... - Huh?

Comes back... Oh, I shouldn’t have done that.

Okay, so it was three in a row. Ha!

Hi! Ooh, I like this.

This is nice. Don't you just love a man in uniform?

All right, Miss Thing. Who's the big cheese?

Oh, my God.

I think it's a little much for the court. Don't you?

No, no, no.

What? What? No! It's, you know, good for you.

Am I late?

Don't look at me like that. I'm wearing Armani.

You go, girl.

Yeah, Preach.

- ♪ - You go! You go!

You go! You go! You go!

- Owww! - Nate, talk to that kid before he's out of the league.

Way to use your head, bro.

Excuse me, Miss Head Coach. Could you come over here for a minute?

Since you think you know everything, let's see if you know these steps.

- Look, I know... - Follow me. Come on. Here we go.

- ♪ - Huh! Walk back! Walk back!

Hey! Hey!

Wiggle with it!

- Hey! - What happened? Now you goin' off on your own thing.

- All right. You bad! You bad! - I know I'm bad!

- Okay, girl, you got it! - Yes, thank you.

- Thank you. - Hey! Hey! Okay, guys, let's go!

Sing it, baby! I believe it!

- What you got, boy? What you got? - Defense!

- You did that move ten years ago. - Defense!

Defense!

What?

- That's not a foul! - On the arm! White, six!

For what?

Get up!

What is this?

It's a living.

To me it looks like two of New York's most respected retailers love Eddie.

- Eddie is the best thing to happen to New York... - since David Letterman.

She's very nice.

- How much is the T-shirt? - Eighteen bucks.

Uh, how do you say "rip-off" in your language?

How are you feeling about Eddie Franklin now?

I wish I could get the tickets back from the wife, you know.

Actually, hiring Eddie was my idea from the beginning.

I'll let him know. Bye.

Guess what.

Bailey got the coaching job with the Charlotte Hornets.

- Bailey, huh? - Yeah.

- What's the matter, Zim? - No, it's... I was kinda up for that job.

Oh.

Really?

Did you want it?

Well, I thought they were interested, you know, uh, but...

Yeah, but you know what would happen if you left, right? You wouldn’t have me.

- I was just gonna say, I wouldn’t have you. - Come on, I'll buy ya a beer.

Los Angeles, welcome your Laker girls!

- Hey, Coach. - Good luck, Coach.

- Thanks. Listen, could I get an autograph? - Sure.

Not you! Nicholson, you fool! Can you hook me up?

Never mind. I'll do it myself.

[ Speaking Russian ]

The plane should be here about 8:00, which means she should be here by 9:00.

I had a hell of a time convincing her to come, but she's gonna surprise him.

So put these down.

I'll arrange 'em. You go get the rest of 'em.

I could get into big trouble for letting you in here.

No, because I'm the coach. I can go into any basketball player’s room I want to.

I could... really...

What is the matter? What is your... Leonard. What is wrong, Leonard?

What is this? You got a wrist ailment, or you think you gonna get some dough?

I'm not gonna give you money, because you're a sweet boy and this is being done for love.

I know you'd want me to do it for you. Now, come on.

- In the hall. - You're ready?

- In the hall. - Slam dunk. All right.

- What's the matter? - We gotta hide. Get under the bed.

Leonard, what... I'm not gettin' under the bed! Leonard...

- Right here. This is crazy. - Wow!

You like it?

- Excuse me. - Just checking the mini-bar, sir.

- This time of night? - Well...

You guys give good service. Take care, man.

- Wow. - You always let strange men bring you up to their room?

- Mmm, only if their team is on a winning streak. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Well, we are on a winning streak.

- Is that a fact? - And it is my team.

- Yeah? - And you are one beautiful woman.

Come here.

Whew! Baby, what's that?

- That's Coach, baby. - Coach?

Well... hello, Coach.

- Oh, shit. - You need to put "Coach" back into your pants, buddy.

You understand? I can't believe I fell for your bullshit!

- Coach, what are... - What am I doing here? What is goin' on here?

And who are you? Don't even bother to answer the question because it's rhetorical...

and I know your small brain doesn't know it doesn't require an answer!

Do you know this man is married? This is... Don't tap me like that.

This is a married man! This man has a wife!

Get your hand out of my face! I'm trying to talk to this basketball thing!

How would you feel if your husband, if you could even get a husband...

caught you with another man, huh?

And you got the nerve to talk about, "Oh, my wife, my wife. I love her so much.

Why doesn't she come back to me? I can't believe I'm without her."

What do I find you doin' up here?

Layin' up in this bed, rollin' around with this... this...

wife of yours.

I'm gonna pick my tongue up, throw it over my shoulder and take my ass outta here.

- I'm sorry. - Beth Hastings. It's nice to meet you.

- I tried to call you. - I'm sure you did.

- Oh, God, I'm sorry. - It's okay.

- No, I feel like an idiot. - I appreciate what you did, Coach.

- Thanks. And do me a favor? - Yeah?

- Don't call me "coach" anymore, okay? - Gotcha.

- Bye. - See ya.

And the number one reason why Eddie Franklin has the Knicks playing so well:

- ♪ - co-ed showers.

Yeah. Come on. Smile, smile.

Give 'em a smile. Come on. Smile. Good girl.

- Eddie! Eddie! - Eddie!

- Eddie! Eddie! - Eddie!

Eddie! Eddie!

The Knicks have finished their final road trip...

and now they're just one game out of the play-offs.

I thought I'd never say it, but they could go all the way.

And there's no other way to explain it except... Eddie!

Ivan learn important English words like...

"renegotiate," "eliminate salary cap"...

"union lockout."

That is why I am Hooked On Phonics.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

This ain't Penny Hardaway or Kareem Abdul.

It's Coolio and how But you can call me cool.

And I gotta keep it real for my peeps on the street.

You can feel it in your feet or bumpin' in your cheeks.

From sea to shinin' sea Where rose a century.

Like guns in Sicily I put it down for the "G".

Feel the fire Feel the funk.

And you'd better clear the lane when I'm gonna jump ♪

Hey, man, what damn route you takin' Stacy Patton? This ain't the way to practice.

- This is a shortcut, sir. - "Shortcut," my ass.

You very funny, Mr. Stacy.

- Oh, I got "D." - You better play some "D."

- I got "D." - You better play some "D."

- What you gonna do? - You gonna check the ball?

- You can't score! - You gonna check the ball?

Game point!

Aaaaaah!

- Whose house is this? Whose court is this? - My court.

- Yo. Check that limo out there. - What's happenin'?

Whose neighborhood?

Uh, what the hell's goin' on?

Uh, engine die.

Don't worry. I call for you another limo. Be here very soon.

- Hey, who is this car, man? - Who is this?

Donald Trump or somethin', man?

- Damn, it's... - Stacy Patton.

Mmm. Ain't gettin' no playin' time for the Knicks...

so now you wanna come down here and run with us.

Listen up, street boy. Stacy Patton'll whup your ass.

- Not from the back of no limo. - Get your ass out the car.

- And bring your game! - Let's get it on.

- Take your coat off. - We can do that.

It's show time!

Michigan. Final Four. Four years ago.

I'll see if you know it.

Aaah!

N.B.A. All-Star. First round.

You think you something, huh?

Come on. Come on.

- You still got a little bit of juice. - That's okay. Come on, baby.

Let 'im know! Let 'im know! Yeah!

Good jump, guy!

- Take it out. - Next point wins.

Next point.

- Not bad, kid. - Word.

- You pushed Stacy Patton. - Word.

Mr. High-And-Mighty Superstar forgot that there are other brothers...

who can put the ball in the basket.

- Come on, lady. - You gon' end up back on these streets if you don't stop ball-hoggin'.

Lady, he ain't got to listen to all your bullshit!

Hey, yo, watch how you talk to my mother.

Whoa. Sorry, ma'am.

Mama?

Get off of that bench, start passin' the ball and don't make me have to come out here again.

That's right. So we got this all straightened out now, right, Mrs. Patton?

- "We"? I haven't even started on you, honey. - Don't call me "honey"...

My boy is the best damn player you got on that team.

- I know, but... - He don't belong on the sidelines watchin'.

I'm the one who got him from the pickup games to the N.B.A...

and I surely didn't put in that time...

to have you come along, set him down and put a towel on his head.

- But he doesn't want... - Where's my limo?

Bye, Mama.

- I can't believe you called my mother. - Well, what did you expect?

Thank you kindly, Frank. That'll be all.

You know, someday, young lady, I'm gonna get you to eat somethin'...

other than mashed potatoes, corn and meat loaf.

Why? I'm a simple girl. I like simple food.

- All right, what's in the box? - It's a present.

- For me? - Yes.

- Good. I like presents. - I know. I'm countin' on it. Open it.

Now, this key opens the door to your buildin'...

and this key opens the door to your very own penthouse apartment...

as befits a young lady of means.

Bill, I cannot afford a penthouse.

Oh, yes, you can...

on the $1 million plus expenses you're gonna be earning...

over the next three years.

A million dollars.

A penthouse.

A catch. What is it?

Oh, there's no catch, Eddie.

If we make the play-offs, you're a good part of that victory.

It's worth it to me to see that you go on to better things.

- It's worth it to St. Louis to pay you that money. - What do you mean, St. Louis?

There are three gentlemen who are willing to pay me handsomely for the Knicks if we win...

so I negotiated great terms for you as the coach.

I knew you'd be grateful.

You can't move the Knicks.

Yes, I can. I own them.

No. You can't.

I mean, wait a minute, Bill.

You know, you own a lot of things, Bill, but, but...

you don't own the Knicks.

New York owns the Knicks.

You know, Eddie, I've grown very fond of you, but you're out of line here.

I do own the Knicks and I'll do what I want with them. They belong to me.

And you belong to me, little lady, and you'll go where I tell you to.

Oh, no, cowboy.

I don't belong to you.

I work for you, you pay me, we talk, but I don't belong to you.

What do you care where you coach as long as you coach?

You'll still have the team, you still have the fans.

Bill, ever since I was a little kid...

Madison Square Garden and the Knicks.

Maybe you don't get this because you don't have any roots.

What does anything matter to you?

You find something, you're done with it, you sell it.

I mean, you're just glitter and glamour.

Ya cruise in on that horse talkin' about "howdy" and that's your shtick!

- Why did you buy this team? - I bought the players for skill.

I bought the cheerleaders for tits and ass.

I bought Bailey for experience and I bought you... Well, what does it matter?

Oh, no, don't stop now. Why me?

Fun.

I bought you for fun, Eddie.

I got me a circus, and you're my clown.

You got no real skill, no profound talent.

You're loud. You got a big mouth. You're funny.

But you're an amateur, hon.

You're all hat and no cattle.

As long as you put on a good show, I'm gonna ride you just like I ride my horse.

And if he can't carry me, he's gone.

And if you can't carry me, the same thing's gonna happen to you.

You know, hon, like we say back home...

No. It's like we say here at home:

fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

- I got it. - Watch where you're goin'.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! Just go that way.

Where were you? Come on and blow the whistle. You supposed to be doin' it!

- Oh, yeah. - You got a man right there!

- Run that. - All right, come back, come back!

Pay attention!

Yes! Yes!

- He scores! He scores! - Yeah! Yeah!

Ho! All right!

Everybody gather around. Here's the deal.

The precinct gave us approval to start the team.

All right, they did their job. Now we have to do our job.

We have to clean this place up and make it spotless.

I want people to say, "This playground reminds me of Madison Square Garden."

- Yeah! - The Garden is home to the Knicks. This'll be our home.

I want everybody to put their hand on mine and make a promise...

that you'll work hard, have pride in yourselves and your home court...

and you'll never let the team down.

- Yeah! Yeah! - Are we a team?

- Yeah! Yeah! - Okay, let's hear it.

Ho! Ho! Ho-ho-ho-ho!

Break!

It doesn't get any better than this.

- Aahhhhh... - Don't do that!

Don't do that!

Tonight there's a showdown in Manhattan.

Hi, everybody, I'm Marv Albert. We are moments away...

from the Knicks and the Hornets battling for the final spot in the play-offs.

Knicks assistant coach Carl Zimmer...

twice passed over by the Knicks...

may have his chance to prove himself tonight.

Now, there's been no official announcement...

but Eddie Franklin does not seem to be here at this crucial game.

Hey, Zimmer.

Where's your coach? Still in the ladies' room?

I don't know where she is.

Well, if she doesn't show up here pretty quick...

you're gonna have an awfully big pair of shoes to fill, even if they are high heels.

- Let's go, move it. - Well, John, I've been around a lot of years.

- I learned from the best. - Well, thanks, Carl. I appreciate that. Really.

I wasn't talking about you.

Chump. All right. Come on, let's go.

Come right on in, gentlemen. My humble abode.

Not much, but I'm sure you're gonna do better for me in St. Louis, aren't you?

Rebecca, are you there? I'd like you to give these men anything they want, Rebecca.

You know, gents, like we say back home... Oh. Excuse me a minute.

- Yes? - She's not in the building. No one's seen her.

Little lady's got a burr under her saddle. Tell Mr. Zimmer to be prepared.

Sorry, gents. Must be the New York traffic.

But you know Eddie. She's gonna be here.

At forward, Larry Johnson.

And the head coach of the Charlotte Hornets, John Bailey!

And now the starting lineup for your New York Knicks!

- At center, Ivan Radovadovitch! - Let's go!

At guard, Jamal Duncan!

At guard, "Preacher Man" Taylor!

At forward, Larry Hastings!

And at forward, Nate Wilson!

And the assistant coach of the New York Knicks, Carl Zimmer.

Eddie's here.

And the head coach of the New York Knicks, Eddie Franklin!

Well, Coach Franklin, you showed up.

I'm so happy. You know why?

Because I don't like beating assistants.

Blow me.

Mugsy! Hi, baby.

- Look at you lookin' so good. - Thank you.

I could just eat you up with a spoon, Mugsy.

Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!

Coach, I heard a rumor.

Don't believe it.

Mr. Burgess.

You were right, as usual.

I know my girl.

She wants to win.

- Watch the push! - Hey, three seconds, Ref!

- Post up! - Nice feed, baby! Nice feed!

- Aaaaaaah! - Come on, Ivan, take that charge!

- Come on! Get up, baby! - Ohh!

Ivan!

Ivan! Pay attention!

Come on, come on, take care of the ball, baby.

Yeah! Yeah!

What's that shit, man? That's some weak-ass shit!

Way to go, young fella!

What you got, baby? I did that move ten years ago.

They didn't have TV back then.

By yourself! By yourself!

- Thread it down! Go! - I'm good, I'm good!

Look at that shit.

Shouldn’t have brought that shit!

Time! Time! Come on, time!

Come on!

What the hell is goin' on? Come on!

Nate Wilson is murdering us. We gotta stop him.

I want you to get out there and hammer Nate Wilson.

- Hammer Nate Wilson. You understand me? - I got it.

All right, now come on. Let's go.

These guys are nothin'!

- Buyin' yourself a hell of a team, boys. - Come on!

- Forty-four, red, to Wilson. - Amen.

Hey, let's go!

Come on! Back it up, Ivan!

- Yeah! - Good foul! Good foul!

- I liked that foul. - You okay?

That's a flagrant. They should throw him out of the game for that.

- I'm all right. - Y'all gonna pay for that.

- You okay? - Look at the clock. Look at the clock.

- Wilson will shoot two. - I got it, I got it.

Look at the time, Charlotte! Look what you got, Charlotte!

Watch the inbound. Watch the inbound.

- Hey! Hey! They got it. - Way to go, baby!

So it's the Hornets by two at the half.

Coach John Bailey’s Hornets exploiting every weakness of his former team...

but the Knicks fighting back hard...

led by Nate Wilson, who, incidentally, has started to limp noticeably.

Look, I'm just not sure about these knees.

Don't worry about it. I know what I'm doing. Who you gonna put in, Patton?

- No, but I also don't... Look at you. You're flinching. - Don't worry. I'm cool.

Just go ahead. I'm all right, Eddie. Go.

All right, girls, gather around.

The question of the evening is...

what are we going to do about the $84 million man?

- Hmm? - Let's make him earn it.

- Double down. - Exactement.

Hey, yo, yo! Yo!

Aaaaaah!

Where you at, man?

Hey, wait, wait, wait. Let me play it.

Clear out! Clear out!

Nate! Post up, baby! Post up!

Aaaah!

What, you trying to hurt somebody out here, man?

Ref!

Nate. You okay?

Oh, my God.

- How bad is it? - I don't know.

It's over. It's over, Eddie. Get me up.

- Ohh. - Let's get him off the floor.

Be careful.

Mr. Patton, have we resolved our problems, or do I need to call your mother again?

Stacy Patton is ready.

I mean, I'm ready to play, Coach.

- All right, go in. - All right.

Hey, hey, young fella. Do this one for me, all right?

I got it. You're the Gipper.

Oh! Nate, Nate, Nate. I'm sorry, man.

Keep the ball in the right hands, baby.

Substitution.

In for the Knicks, Stacy Patton for Nate Wilson.

- All I know is he's gotta pass the ball. - We playin' together, baby.

This is where we win it, right here. Let's go.

New York Knicks!

New York Knicks! New York Knicks!

I'm through that! I'm through that!

Now what? Now what?

Now whaaaaa...

- It's all right. - Come on, let's shut 'em down. Ball, ball, ball!

Pick up, pick up, pick up!

Don't drop it! Don't drop it... Rebound!

Let's go! It's me and you, Preach! Me and you, Preach!

- Come on, let's go! - Yo!

Ivan! Help out, Ivan!

Come on, man, don't worry about it! Go hard! Go hard!

Run it, run it!

Preach, here! I'm gonna post it!

Too small! Kill him!

Come on, let's go!

- Ohh! - That's a foul!

I'm coverin'! I'm coverin'!

Knock it down! Yeah!

Let's hear it for Terry!

Whoo!

Come on!

"D" up, man! "D" up! "D" it up! "D" it up!

- Preach! - You got a time-out!

I got a time-out! Time-out! Time-out!

Time-out on Knicks! Time-out, Knicks!

Well, boys, we're closin' in.

Show time.

You're looking good out there, girls, really, really good.

Inbound to Jamal. Stacy, you get to the top of the key...

Uh, Coach. Other way around.

Inbound the ball to Stacy. I know Bailey. He's gonna swarm you.

He thinks you're gonna take the shot, so look for the open man, probably Jamal.

I think that's the play.

Well done, Zim. Well done.

I learned from the best.

Okay, girls, are we in? All right.

Ho! Ho! Ohh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Let's go.

Right now, Scotty!

Make a good pass!

Stay low, Scotty!

Now what? Now what? Now what?

He's open! He's open!

- You don't got nothin' on this! - Aaaaaaah!

That's my baby! Whooo-ha-ha!

Time! Time! Time!

Well! Big time! Big time!

Time out, Charlotte!

Hey, hey Good-bye.

- Yo, I thought you were gonna force the shot. - While my mom was watchin'?

Big time pass, boy.

Okay, ten seconds, Coach.

- Coach. - Layups, man. Layups.

- Eddie. - New York Knicks!

- New York Knicks! - Uh, Coach. Coach!

Is this on?

Zimmer, go get her.

- We... Uh... Coach! - Where's she goin'?

New York Knicks! New York Knicks!

New York Knicks! New York Knicks! New York Knicks!

New York Knicks! New York Knicks!

New York Knicks! New York Knicks! New York Knicks!

She is full of surprises.

I tell you, boys, she's a real asset.

She's a real showman.

I know...

that it's a little strange for me to be standing out here...

with ten seconds to go.

But I just felt the need to pay homage...

to the man.

You all know who I'm talkin' about... Wild Bill. Howdy, Wild Bill.

Howdy!

This is quite a fella.

This is a guy who takes chances.

He took a chance on me.

Took me out of there and made me into a coach.

Took a chance on this team, which was losing.

And you know he takes a chance every time he comes riding out on that dumb ol' horse...

not realizing that eventually somebody's gonna hit him upside the head with a hot dog.

I tell you boys, this girl is pure gold. You tell 'em, Eddie.

He's a big ol' business guy, too. He owns a lot of stuff.

He owns this team, which means he could sell 'em if he wanted to.

Which is exactly what you wanna do, isn't it, Bill?

That is, if we win tonight.

If we win tonight...

he's going to sell this team and move it to St. Louis.

What's she talking about?

Fix yourselves a drink, gentlemen.

Mr. Burgess, don't go out there.

Shall I have security remove her?

You're not gonna move the Knicks!

You go to St. Louis! The Knicks stay here!

You hear that sound, Bill?

That's the sound of the fans.

You might've bought the team, but you didn't buy these people, these fans...

'cause they have a sign on 'em that you don't understand, Bill.

It says: "Not for sale."

- Go, girl! - No sale, cowboy!

And the bottom line?

- No fans, no fun. - Jerk!

No fun, no business.

We didn't bail when times were hard; We're sure not gonna bail now that times are good.

- 'Cause we're not letting you take the team like this, Bill. - Tell 'im, girl!

You're gonna have to haul my ass off this court, 'cause I'm not moving.

Coach, she's gonna cost us the game.

Exactly.

Oh, my God. Come on.

I didn't see my boy become a Knick to have you pack him off to St. Louis!

Come on! Go!

- Go back to Texas, chump. - Yeah!

- You going to do anything about this? - Damn right.

Come with me.

Coach...

if this floor’s not cleared in two minutes...

Knicks forfeit this ball game.

Forfeit? They think we came this way to forfeit? We forfeit nothin'.

So, what you gonna do, man?

May I have that, please?

Well, folks...

I don't know what gave this little lady the idea...

that I would ever, ever take this team out of New York City.

Seems to me I'm gonna profit a whole lot more if I stay.

Wait, wait. He's kidding, really.

I'm sure he'll... Any of you gentlemen into hockey at all?

Now...

if I may say so...

New York City Knickerbockers...

kindly leave this court so we can win this game!

Another bizarre twist from the Wild Bill show.

You win.

I haven't won yet. We still have a game to play. Sit down. You want a hot dog?

Get Bill a hot dog.

Ivan! Ivan, come here.

No, no. Come here.

[Speaks Russian ]

Good. Go on.

Now listen to me. Listen to me.

We gotta go after the Russian... Ivan, "Ee-van," whatever.

He never plants his feet. You understand me? Never.

Ho! Ho! Ho-ho-ho-ho!

- Let's go! - Ivan make defense!

It's not over yet...

as the Knicks and Hornets retake the court.

Ten seconds remaining in the fourth quarter.

- The Hornets are down by one. - Let's get some now! Let's get some!

Let's go, let's go.

Ho! Yeah! Yeah! I got it! I got it!

Force the base line! Force the base line!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

- That's no basket! - What? Come on, man!

Charge! Knicks win!

Yes! Yes! Whoo!

Ivan take charge!

He reversed again! You stink!

My baby is not gonna go to St. Louis!

- Howdy, Bill! - Why, howdy, ma'am.

Game over!

How dare you try to take my son away?

A victory for the New York Knicks!

The Knicks have won! The Knicks have won!

They are headed for the play-offs!

What a victory for Coach Franklin!

What a night! What a night!

Whoo! You did it, Coach! You did it! Yeah!

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

Watch me take a jump Yeah, I'm goin' for the dunk.

And I never been a punk but your girl called me hunk.

Straight to the hoop And I know how to shoot.

But if you wanna know the truth then you'd better get the scoop.

Comin' out to mess with the mike in my pants.

And everybody's different so you know I got it built.

You take me That can't be.

Sure feel good like all rookies.

So for all beginners if you wanna be a winner.

Then you'd better have some spinach with your dinner.

So just push your head to the sky if you wanna rise.

And keep your eye on the prize 'cause it's live - It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

What you see is what you get.

And what you got is a whole lotta sweat.

Blood and tears so have no fear

'Cause you ain't seen moves like these in years

I can shake and bake and show the fake.

But never perpetrate or the player'll hate my.

Name ain't right but I'm funkified.

My name ain't Luke but I can walk the skies.

So pick it over here, homey Loc and go for broke.

And watch my smoke and make sure ya don't choke.

Push your head to the sky if you wanna rise.

And keep your eye on the prize 'cause it's live - It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

When the music's in the groove.

It's the rap that makes you move

'Cause Lakeside sure know how to pack the party.

When the music's in the groove.

It's the rap that makes you move.

Coolio sure know how to pack the party.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

This ain't Penny Hardaway or Kareem Abdul.

It's Coolio and how But you can call me cool.

And I gotta keep it real for my peeps on the street.

You can feel it in your feet or bumpin' in your cheeks.

From sea to shinin' sea Where rose a century.

Like guns in Sicily I put it down for the "G".

Feel the fire Feel the funk.

And you'd better clear the lane when I'm gonna jump

I ain't livin' by protocol Got somethin' for all y'all.

To make you get your back up off the wall.

Just push your head to the sky if you wanna rise.

And keep your eye on the prize 'Cause it's live - It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live.

It's all the way live ♪