Original subtitles

What is it?

It's a cat jumping off a fence.

Ma, my mom wants to say hi.

Hi, ma 'am.

Hi, ma. How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm good. I'm good. Are you taking care of my son?

Yep, she's good.

Yep. That's enough.

Bye, ma 'am. Love you.

Mia?

What are you talking about?

Gout.

Anyways, um, thank you, Mum.

How cute with your mum.

Jesus,

Liz, can you like stop being places? Oh my God.

Sorry. Rachel, let me in. I have coffee.

Thank you.

Rest in peace, pussy.

Forever in our hearts.

For you.

For you.

Thank you.

Do you talk to your mum often?

Yeah, kind of.

You missed it. Then he fell off the boarding. Then Megatron's like, no, no!

Sling, sling, sling, sling. But in Optimus Prime, he comes out of Optimus

like, no, you will never kick.

Can you sit down, please?

There's something I need to tell you.

Cool, cool, cool.

This is kind of awkward to say after the break -up.

Yeah, nah, all good.

I mean, I get it.

We're just in different stages.

Yeah, because I'm, like, thwarted, and you're thwarted.

Kind of.

But also... Still washing my undies in the shower?

Yeah. Yeah.

But we're really good mate.

Yeah. I mean, we are good mate.

I'm Papu.

Morning. Morning.

Where's your Nutri -Grain at?

I told you, stop!

It is the Nutri -Grain! Man!

Hey, I'm... I'm sorry.

Sorry about the naked guy or sorry about the baby?

No, no, no, not the baby.

Actuals?

Because I was thinking I'm going to keep it.

Uh, does that mean we need to rethink our breakup?

Oh, I mean, I've got my whānau and I've got, like, a really good job and my own

place where there isn't a naked pākehā man walking around eating dry cereal.

So not really.

I just thought it would be really good for you to be in baby's life.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yep.

I want to do that.

I mean, my whānau would be happy to help. And my nana, she would love a

Another one.

We got the... Congrats, guys.

So exciting.

Sam!

Aunty!

Did you try the tapping technique that I taught you last week?

Uh, yeah.

And how did that go?

Can you explain?

Yeah, I kind of forgot we told me to tap, so I kind of just guessed it.

Okay, but did you talk through how you were feeling when you were tapping?

Yeah, but then I got distracted by the tapping and just ended up tipping the

shit out of my face.

I see.

Were you whakamā?

No. I want this experience to be mana enhancing.

Why don't we talk that through?

Yeah, okay.

Sorry,

I'm just fucking with you, Pauline.

Mom, I have something to say to you. I raised you better than to look like a

Sasquatch. Poor.

Well, look, girl, you've been doing good on your changes. You're not having any

more of those, you know.

You mean my panic attacks?

Yeah, whatever you hold on to.

Yeah, well, I haven't had one in a while.

But I have started wanking again.

You know, you grotty bitch.

Language.

Sorry.

I'm just wanking for mental clarity.

Oh, shit. Okay, look at me.

There's no greater motivator than fear. So, brace yourself.

Breathe.

Element of surprise.

Art of war.

Hoo -ha, hoo -ha.

My entire ground.

Step your pussy up.

How do you feel? Yeah, good.

I got that.

Good luck, love.

Thanks, Dad.

You're welcome.

Oh, it's you.

Can you go out to the car and get the bags, please?

No, Mum.

I need to talk to you.

In the laundry.

Now.

Run it up the guts, come on!

Up the guts? Is it his first time?

It means to run it straight.

Oh, up and straight. Yeah, my favourite.

Ah, I got that one.

You with your innuendos.

Ah, I mean, you're doing pretty good. Usually it takes you up to ten minutes.

Because you come up with new ones every day.

Ah, well, you've got to keep up, Rude.

So, how's life?

Yeah, good.

Your daughter's still living with me.

Oh, yeah? How's that?

Challenging.

Oh, well, she's still figuring herself out.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

Mum, I know you've invested a lot in my success.

You sent me to private school, you paid for my profs, which were expensive, I

know, because you tell me every week, but I want you to know that I'm proud of

the choices that I've made in my life.

I failed my profs.

I stopped looking for jobs as a lawyer, and I'm working full -time at the cafe.

I understand that you wanted more for me, but...

I'm learning how to grow on my own terms and you need to give me the space to do

that.

You owe me $6 ,000.

Get in the bubble I build.

So will you.

Well, you normally get a rainbow paddle pop.

Well, today I want something different.

Ooh, yummy.

You okay?

I have a secret.

Me too.

Really? Yeah, but I just don't know how to keep mine a secret.

I need this.

Well, my dad always said, if you have big feelings, you make them bite -sized

you can get through the day, and then you talk about it over pudding.

We got ice cream.

Does that count as pudding?

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, how about I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours?

Okay. On three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

You're going to be a dad?

Yep.

Your mum got in contact?

Yeah.

So, what now?

Well, I don't really know what to do with my thing.

Me too.

I mean, I want to tell hips, but, you know. Oh, tinfoil.

I can't because he's on the down bus.

I mean, this is good.

We can keep each other's secrets between each other.

You mean like Harry Potter?

Oh, my God.

Exactly like Harry Potter.

Okay, cool. Well, how about pinky promise?

Shit, that bad?

No, it was like a non -event.

Oh, so good.

Strange.

It's like she kind of expected it.

Ma, relax.

She's given up.

What? Do you think she's given up, Aubie?

Well, why do you even care, girl?

I mean, she's off your back.

I don't care.

It was really interesting, mum. So we started with a karakia and started to

open. And so now I'm going to start exploring performance using my body as a

tool for revolution.

Is that why you took a fat shirt in the street as a protest?

Yes, ta.

So I've been militarising my body so that those who are comfortable feel

discomforted. Okay, or maybe they're just comforted because they saw, I don't

know, your asshole?

Hey, language at the table, poor. Sorry.

Are they just comforted because they saw your bumhole?

Mum, did you want some muckle chowder? No, I'm good, bub.

Kia ora e te whānau.

Oh, well,

kia ora ngā ki te reiki. Sorry, I'm late.

My phone's out, so I just popped in to say that I can't stay. I've got a friend

waiting in the car.

Oh, well.

Oh, good. Go get your friend. Come and have a kai.

Oh,

that's all good. We've just got to make our way.

Go and get him.

Come and have a kai now.

All right.

Kua, tell us what's new.

Well, I've done job searching as of late, and I think I'm going to apply for

new policy job. Wow.

It's a tiny bit out of my league, but as you say, Amor, reach for the stars,

because stars don't have arms to reach for you. Well, good on you, poor.

I thought of Ma a lot while I was reading about it, and it's kind of in

wheelhouse why I thought that maybe she could help me while I was applying.

Oh, no, she's too busy growing on her own team, dear.

No, I have time. I choose to help you, poor.

On my own team.

Um, this is Nikki.

Thanks for inviting me.

Oh, uh, come on in, dear.

You come and sit here, darling.

Oh, thank you.

oh i'm sorry i wouldn't want to be annoying do we eat cream power um no

sorry i thought so

i

just love the hard work oh you watch this one here she's good yeah i love

where's she from up north i think yeah they'd be right actually

If you were a root vegetable, what do you think you would be?

Um, I've never really thought about it.

But I think maybe I'd be a potato.

I'm the potato.

I think you're more of a capsicum.

That's not a root vegetable.

Exactly.

It's a true story.

His undies were right up his arm.

Half a drop of beer.

Here we go.

Watch me play.

If you don't know, get a far no.

If you don't know, oh, hell no.

You can't rhyme no with no.

Yeah, I did. Cut up. Go. Damn.

Go, go.

I don't know why it's customary. All my bitches love cheese and dairy.

Happiness is imaginary.

Cornflakes was made by sanitarium.

Okay, okay, keep going. Get a bench.

Who is that girl that likes to have fun?

Baby, when you're ready, I'll let you get some.

Beat it like a drum.

Great, but you can't beat Syphilis.

I'm talking about Syphilis.

What? It's not the actual STD. It's their cringe -ass rap group from Crime

Angel. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Syphilis was the one, Louis.

Was it, though?

Anyway, you know who did probably have Syphilis? Who?

Hamish Fitzpatrick.

Oh, that was that racist fella. Nah, that was, wasn't it Connor Blackwell?

Connor Blackwell was the fella that called.

Who else? Harry Munster. Oh.

That's racist.

Yeah, where?

My God, do I have to buy him a shirt? You're 13 camp.

Pull up.

Shut your home. I walked in, and she was like, yeah, my boyfriend.

And he was like, well, shut the fuck up.

I haven't. Oh girl, you will.

Wait, is hate sex actually a thing? Yeah!

Yeah.

Man, high school was fucked.

Everyone just kind of left me alone in high school.

Well, I had food.

Do you

remember

when the cops thought we were gay?

Like, what kind of gang has four people, bro? Oi, straight up, I mean, we were

ten, five foot four.

I mean, what were we going to do? Ram raid a kindergarten?

What? I swear there was cops nuanced by name at one point.

I wonder what Kex is up to.

I bet he's on the road to Vegas.

Nah, he's dead.

Wait, Axel?

How do you know?

Mate.

You know who else is dead?

Roy Munson's dad.

He died last year.

Isn't that the one that offered you a ride for a gobby?

Oh, my God, Paul, what did you do?

I bet you got a ride home.

He was, like, 50.

Um, where were your parents during all this? What do you mean?

I mean, like, this stuff is kind of fucked, right?

So?

Well, actually, my dad's dead, Nicky.

Yeah, and I was raised by my nan, who's actually my uncle's second wife, I

think. And my parents are always at work, so, you know.

What about babysitters?

Here's money for babysitting.

Well,

my mum doesn't care, so... You're being so dramatic.

Am I? She thinks I'm useless.

Well,

it's all good.

We should talk about something that we're all grateful for.

Excuse me?

Like, find the happiness in what you've been given.

Okay, Nikki.

What if you've been given a bag of shit?

Well, make lemons into lemonade.

I didn't say lemons, I said a bag of shit.

What are you going to make?

Shit -ade.

Well, at some point you have to stop laughing and start healing.

Too bad.

Oi! Pack up all that shit and get out! It is four o 'clock in the bloody

morning!

What are they doing?

I put down.