Original subtitles

I'm alright to walk.

Sure.

Bye. Bye.

Thank you.

More in it.

Oh, shit!

Leah! Sorry, the door was open.

Were we meant to do something today?

No, just visiting.

Oh.

Um, she was just an overnight friend.

She seemed nice.

With suitable qualities.

What's suitable qualities?

Someone who's thoughtful, kind, has a nice smile, can cook.

What do you look for in a woman?

Māori and not related.

Those are good qualities.

Well, Ma has an overnight friend too.

I'm not actually dating at the moment.

I'm trying to work on myself.

I'm learning about self -love.

It's hard though.

Um, cool.

What are your thoughts on self -love?

Well, I don't really think about it. It just comes naturally.

Really? I feel like the more that we all talk about it, the less alone we can

all feel.

Aren't you meant to do it alone?

No. You can do it anywhere with anyone at any time.

No, I don't think that's how it works, eh? I mean, well, I just do it in the

shower.

Wait, what are you talking about?

Wait, what are you talking about?

Loving yourself.

No, see, I was talking about the same thing too. Loving yourself.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, Mom?

Yeah?

I have a question to ask you.

Yeah?

Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?

No,

no, no, it's ah.

I'm doing that, aren't I?

You sound like a dying duck.

You all good?

Yeah, I'm just getting my game.

G.

Kia ora.

Kia ora.

I'm Henare.

Yeah, I met you yesterday morning, bro.

Oh, yeah.

It's nice to meet you.

Bro,

he is a Māori.

Is he not supposed to be?

No, no, no. See, Ma normally just kicks it with Pākehā guys.

Not always.

Well, I've never seen you with someone called Henare before.

Well, I guess you never know with Ma.

Whoa, judgy.

Hey, um, wanna hang out today?

Yeah.

Uh, um, gonna play touch with the rugby boys.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I'm in.

You wanna come play touch?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Okay. Okay.

I don't have those forms.

Okay, well, what I can do for you, sir, with the information that you provided,

I could begin processing your deposit. However, I will need you to fill out the

forms 073 and 1870.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Nicely done, Pura.

Thank you, Brendan.

Hello, ma 'am.

How may I help you?

Oh, it's me. Oh, how funny.

This is my friend, Ma.

Um, what banking will you need today, my love? Pray tell.

Huh? Look, bitch, what the fuck are you doing here?

Well, I know you've talked to me for like two minutes.

Yeah, well, look, I'm in the middle of an appraisal for my promotion, and if

fucking ruin it for me... Well, it's really important.

So I'm fucking this guy, right? Okay, shh.

It doesn't look like a fucking character. You either do some banking or

Um... I would like to take...

three dollars from my check account.

Please.

Three? Yeah.

How's it...

How's it?

What's up? Apparently I'm stopping you for someone today. You know I've got

stupid... Ow!

Oh, hell.

Still lucky, man.

Fuck it.

Fuck it. Mark.

Dick.

Stop!

Hey,

don't steal my weed this time.

You look tired. You want a cup of tea?

You sound like mum.

And yeah.

Why do you give her such a hard time?

Because she gives me a hard time. Don't get defensive.

I don't get defensive.

Okay, maybe that time I did.

Do you want to see my new painting?

Okay,

hold on.

It's a reminder.

To who and about what? Who cares? The real issue is our government's fucking

people in the heart.

Can't you do paintings that are less... aggressive?

I do have a series depicting the death of James Cook. See, this is why I get

mad. Because you do this and Mum thinks, oh, you're a genius. But if I was to do

that, she'd try and have me exercised.

That's because I'm high -functioning and you're damaged.

Well,

fairly for you.

You better show up and announce it.

Yeah, well, because I need advice, and everyone else is busy.

Oh, yeah?

So, there's this guy I'm kind of... Rooting?

Seeing. Oh, I thought it was a thing.

No, it's not a thing.

Go on.

Yeah, so, this guy, Henare, he wants me to meet his sister.

Henare?

He's Maori. That's new.

No.

Shut up.

Don't judge my hookups.

What are you doing?

Rearranging my dog.

You don't have a dog.

Yet.

What

are

you doing?

I'm miming eating a watermelon. It's my thing.

Fuck me. Have some watermelon.

It feels like I've cucked my pants. There's so much sweat.

Stop moving.

How's the bros?

Good.

How's Pua?

Fine. Let me tell you about my new protest.

Stop moving, Dad.

Okay, so imagine I'm on Courtney Place. It's busy and I'm in the middle of the

street in a dressing gown.

I rip it off.

I'm naked. I walk about 50 metres and I squat.

And I shit right there on the street.

What? Everyone's so distracted from the real world. All we ever do as humans is

shit on everything.

I'm just a mirror reflecting the truth.

Tawhiti? Yeah? You're not a mirror.

You're just a dickhead shitting on the street.

Well, I haven't set a date, so you don't have to worry for a while.

You said that about setting those rabbits free on the waterfront.

Well, that was spontaneous.

You know most of them drowned?

But they were free.

You all good bro?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, all good.

Well.

Hey, so, the other night at the bridge.

Oh bro, that was nothing.

It's just... Drunk, eh?

Actuals? Yeah, bro. I was just fucking around.

I mean, if you want to talk about it.

Nah, it's all good.

Just being stupid.

But if you want to talk about your cardiovascular fitness, then... Wow.

Arch. You're on top.

Shit. Too much hooey, not enough dooey.

Thank you, my love.

What's your thoughts on carrots?

I don't know what my thoughts on carrots are. Anyway, that bitch Ma is always

late. I can't believe she's meeting that guy's sister.

Wait, what?

That Hinari guy.

Does she have a Maori boyfriend and she didn't tell me?

I think they're just sleeping together.

All right.

Wait, does that mean that she's leaving early?

I think so. She texted me.

Oh, that fucking bitch. She sure knows how to ruin a promotion celebration.

Oh, my God, Pua, you got it.

Yay! Yay!

Thank you, thank you.

Anyways, why did she text you?

I mean, no offences, but Ma thinks that, you know, you're kind of... You're kind

of meh.

Wait, Ma doesn't like me?

You going out?

Yeah, I got into this dinner thing with Hennedy's sister.

Oh, true. I didn't know you used to wrap meat in the final stage yet.

Oh, we're not, like, at all.

What the fuck?

That is so shit. What even is that?

It's a kale smoothie.

What, just kale?

Yes. Don't laugh.

Don't. Oh shit, you look like her when you do that. You need to shut your face.

Oh come on, you know she's got good intentions.

Do I? She drops the what are you doing for your people line almost every phone

call these days.

That's just because she doesn't want you to be judged the same way she was.

What? Short and loud?

Maori and dumb.

Leave the door unlocked. I still haven't found my keys.

What are you talking?

See?

Hey, ladies.

Kia ora.

Kia ora.

What was that?

Oh, you know, Bugs, I got a cold.

I couldn't stand to see you sick.

And besides, I heard you've got a boyfriend.

Oh, Kennedy's not my boyfriend.

Right, okay, but you're seeing his sister.

You must give really good blowjobs.

I don't think that's why guys invite you to meet their families.

Not in my experience.

Oh my God, you're meeting the family. That's a big deal.

You know what's an even bigger deal?

Maybe perhaps telling your best friend that you have a boyfriend.

Well, I tried to tell you at work. Yeah, at work. Text me, bitch.

That's right, Ma. Pua got her promotion. Isn't that great?

Oh my gosh, Pua, congratulations.

Thanks.

Are you nervous about the sister thing?

It's intimidating.

You have to up your Maori game.

Well, I am Maori, so...

Game finished.

Once I sleep with this guy and he tried to dirty talk him to death. I could not

keep up. Wait, you've slept with a Māori boy?

Yeah, haven't we all?

Yeah. Yeah, but it's you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, what it means, my love, is that she thinks that you are far too palangi

be fucking these Māori boys.

Come on, love.

Not that I have to defend myself, but I have slept with five Māori boys.

Five?

Look at you.

Okay, now I know why she's mad. She's mad because you've slept with more Māori

boys than her. What the fuck is up your ass? What's your problem with me

sleeping with more Māori boys? I don't have a problem.

You're lying. She's lying. No, I just... Do you think you might be making it a

fetish thing?

No. I'm Māori too. We're related.

Yeah, Ma. And if anyone's making it a fetish, I think it's you.

Everyone knows that you're like a magnet for those weird white boys who are

into, like, crypto and, like, hentai.

Oh, yeah?

Okay, well, why don't you just go wank one out to Simon Bridges?

You know what? You're a fucking bitch. I told you that in confidence.

In confidence, all right? And you know what? Another thing.

I couldn't believe you didn't tell me about him at it. I couldn't believe that

you showed up to my work, ruined my appraisal, ruined my night, and you

even congratulated me.

Oh, my fucking God, I say congratulations.

Yeah, well, here's the thing.

This is my night, yeah?

So I'm sorry that I wanted to celebrate with my girlies, celebrate my success,

not talk about you playing fucking house.

No, I didn't... I didn't know that it meant that much for me to be here. Of

course it does.

You're my day one.

What do you think?

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

And I'm actually so proud of you for getting that new job.

Really?

Anyways, so how did the rest of the appraisal go?

You know, amazing.

So we're really wanting to diversify our staff and also find out any other

skills that they might have.

Would you be able to do your pipiha for us?

Why, of course.

Let's see.

Wow. Nothing I couldn't handle.

Bottoms up, cheers to that.

It's nice to see you while you're down.

Yeah, well, I don't get to see my little brother as often anymore since he moved

to the city.

Do you have any brothers?

Yeah, my younger brother, Tawhiti, he's a painter.

Anything I'd know?

Um, do you know much about art?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, well, maybe.

He mostly sells stuff in wellies, so... How old are you?

Oh, what?

No, no, it's all good. I'm 27.

Interesting.

So, what do you do?

Well... I work on our family farm.

A plethora of things, actually, but I work on our whānau farm as well.

Where are you from?

Ngāpuhi. Thought so.

Um... Odds is actually the best kapa haka performer.

She's the new up -and -coming thing.

He's just talking me up.

Uncle Reg actually told me that you got front row.

It's just the front row.

Well, I was the kaiha of my ropu. What's your ropu?

Queen Anne College.

Sorry, who?

Queen Anne College for girls.

I wouldn't say I'm a princess, but thanks.

A little.

I did.

Law. Sure.

Anything else?

I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick.

So you guys are rooting, eh?

I'm just winding you up. But you are, eh?

Okay. If you're going to be a thing with my brother, you'd better be looking

after him.

We're not a thing. We've only known each other for a month, so... So what are

you doing here, then? He nearly asked me.

All right.

So my brother's just a casual root.

Can you not say root so loud? I can't believe you're not important. You've got

clueless, hungry pen.

Excuse me?

Don't worry about it.

If you know, you know. And obviously, you don't know.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick.

There's this naked guy outside. You can see he's stuck in everything.