Original subtitles

Um, thank you very much. Thank you.

Um, thank you very much. Thank you.

Um, thank you very much. Thank you. Please relax. It's Thank you for joining

Please relax. It's Thank you for joining

Please relax. It's Thank you for joining us here in Los Angeles at our studio. We

us here in Los Angeles at our studio. We

us here in Los Angeles at our studio. We are back at it after a week off. It's

are back at it after a week off. It's

are back at it after a week off. It's hard to believe it was only a week off.

hard to believe it was only a week off.

hard to believe it was only a week off. It seems like we've been gone for a

It seems like we've been gone for a

It seems like we've been gone for a year. So much stuff happened while we

year. So much stuff happened while we

year. So much stuff happened while we were off. I mean, it's Have you been

were off. I mean, it's Have you been

were off. I mean, it's Have you been following the news, GMO?

following the news, GMO?

following the news, GMO? >> Yeah. It's crazy to me.

>> Yeah. It's crazy to me.

>> Yeah. It's crazy to me. >> Oh, please. You have not.

>> Oh, please. You have not.

>> Oh, please. You have not. >> No. No.

>> No. No.

>> No. No. >> No. Have you found basketball?

>> No. Have you found basketball?

>> No. Have you found basketball? >> You've been playing basketball?

>> You've been playing basketball?

>> You've been playing basketball? >> No. I was follow that March Madness

>> No. I was follow that March Madness

>> No. I was follow that March Madness basketball.

basketball.

basketball. >> Oh, you're following March Madness.

>> Oh, you're following March Madness.

>> Oh, you're following March Madness. How'd you do in the in the office pool?

How'd you do in the in the office pool?

How'd you do in the in the office pool? >> Terrible. I'm number 38.

>> Terrible. I'm number 38.

>> Terrible. I'm number 38. >> Oh, all right.

>> Oh, all right.

>> Oh, all right. Well, I'll tell you what you missed. We

Well, I'll tell you what you missed. We

Well, I'll tell you what you missed. We learned um a lot of things. We learned

learned um a lot of things. We learned

learned um a lot of things. We learned that there are two people with

that there are two people with

that there are two people with inflatable boobs in Christine Gnome's

inflatable boobs in Christine Gnome's

inflatable boobs in Christine Gnome's house. We learned Tiger Woods had a

house. We learned Tiger Woods had a

house. We learned Tiger Woods had a throwback Thursday. The Super Mario

throwback Thursday. The Super Mario

throwback Thursday. The Super Mario movie made $130 million, which means we

movie made $130 million, which means we

movie made $130 million, which means we now have a plumber leading the box

now have a plumber leading the box

now have a plumber leading the box office and the Department of Homeland

office and the Department of Homeland

office and the Department of Homeland Security.

In the middle of the war, Senator

In the middle of the war, Senator

In the middle of the war, Senator Lindsey Graham took a break from months

Lindsey Graham took a break from months

Lindsey Graham took a break from months of mongering to go to Disney World. Here

of mongering to go to Disney World. Here

of mongering to go to Disney World. Here he is with a Little Mermaid bubble wand.

he is with a Little Mermaid bubble wand.

he is with a Little Mermaid bubble wand. It can get lonely in those Orlando

It can get lonely in those Orlando

It can get lonely in those Orlando hotels.

hotels.

hotels. Here in LA, Kanye rose from the dead for

Here in LA, Kanye rose from the dead for

Here in LA, Kanye rose from the dead for a soldout seder at Sofi Stadium on

a soldout seder at Sofi Stadium on

a soldout seder at Sofi Stadium on Friday. JD Vance revealed that he

Friday. JD Vance revealed that he

Friday. JD Vance revealed that he believes that what are reported as alien

believes that what are reported as alien

believes that what are reported as alien sightings are actually demons living

sightings are actually demons living

sightings are actually demons living among us and no one even noticed because

among us and no one even noticed because

among us and no one even noticed because his boss baby has been filling his

his boss baby has been filling his

his boss baby has been filling his diaper in the bigliest way probably

diaper in the bigliest way probably

diaper in the bigliest way probably ever. He fired his attorney general Pam

ever. He fired his attorney general Pam

ever. He fired his attorney general Pam Bondi for not doing enough illegal stuff

Bondi for not doing enough illegal stuff

Bondi for not doing enough illegal stuff for him. And out this is how well-liked

for him. And out this is how well-liked

for him. And out this is how well-liked she is. hours after she got the axe, her

she is. hours after she got the axe, her

she is. hours after she got the axe, her official photo was reportedly found in

official photo was reportedly found in

official photo was reportedly found in the trash

the trash

the trash at the DOJ. And you know what? Honestly,

at the DOJ. And you know what? Honestly,

at the DOJ. And you know what? Honestly, she's in a better place. And and then

she's in a better place. And and then

she's in a better place. And and then yesterday on Easter Sunday, of all the

yesterday on Easter Sunday, of all the

yesterday on Easter Sunday, of all the days, we woke up to this. Tuesday will

days, we woke up to this. Tuesday will

days, we woke up to this. Tuesday will be power plant day and bridge day all

be power plant day and bridge day all

be power plant day and bridge day all wrapped up in one in Iran. There will be

wrapped up in one in Iran. There will be

wrapped up in one in Iran. There will be nothing like it. Open the straight, you

nothing like it. Open the straight, you

nothing like it. Open the straight, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in

crazy bastards, or you'll be living in

crazy bastards, or you'll be living in hell. Just watch. Praise be to Allah,

hell. Just watch. Praise be to Allah,

hell. Just watch. Praise be to Allah, President Donald J. Trump. I believe

President Donald J. Trump. I believe

President Donald J. Trump. I believe that's a letter from Paul to the

that's a letter from Paul to the

that's a letter from Paul to the Corinthians.

You know,

You know,

You know, we've heard the word unhinged a lot this

we've heard the word unhinged a lot this

we've heard the word unhinged a lot this weekend, probably more than any weekend

weekend, probably more than any weekend

weekend, probably more than any weekend ever. But I just want you to imagine,

ever. But I just want you to imagine,

ever. But I just want you to imagine, let me set the scene, okay? You're

let me set the scene, okay? You're

let me set the scene, okay? You're finishing your Easter brunch, cleaning

finishing your Easter brunch, cleaning

finishing your Easter brunch, cleaning up. The kids are running out to the yard

up. The kids are running out to the yard

up. The kids are running out to the yard to find jelly beans. And suddenly your

to find jelly beans. And suddenly your

to find jelly beans. And suddenly your 79year-old grandpa stands up and he

79year-old grandpa stands up and he

79year-old grandpa stands up and he yells, "Open the straight, you crazy

yells, "Open the straight, you crazy

yells, "Open the straight, you crazy bastards,

bastards,

bastards, or you'll be LIVING IN HELL. JUST WATCH.

or you'll be LIVING IN HELL. JUST WATCH.

or you'll be LIVING IN HELL. JUST WATCH. PRAISE BE TO ALLAH."

PRAISE BE TO ALLAH."

PRAISE BE TO ALLAH." You'd put him in the car and drive him

You'd put him in the car and drive him

You'd put him in the car and drive him straight to the emergency room, right? I

straight to the emergency room, right? I

straight to the emergency room, right? I mean, the whole family will be crying.

mean, the whole family will be crying.

mean, the whole family will be crying. And not the chumps. No.

And not the chumps. No.

And not the chumps. No. Four hours later, he posted again an

Four hours later, he posted again an

Four hours later, he posted again an ultimatum. He wrote, "Tuesday, 8:00 p.m.

ultimatum. He wrote, "Tuesday, 8:00 p.m.

ultimatum. He wrote, "Tuesday, 8:00 p.m. Eastern time."

Eastern time."

Eastern time." He's the only president who teases a

He's the only president who teases a

He's the only president who teases a bombing the same way ABC promotes new

bombing the same way ABC promotes new

bombing the same way ABC promotes new episodes of Will Trent.

episodes of Will Trent.

episodes of Will Trent. And then today, he changed that

And then today, he changed that

And then today, he changed that deadline. He said Iran could be taken

deadline. He said Iran could be taken

deadline. He said Iran could be taken out by midnight tomorrow, but he didn't

out by midnight tomorrow, but he didn't

out by midnight tomorrow, but he didn't specify if that's our tomorrow or their

specify if that's our tomorrow or their

specify if that's our tomorrow or their tomorrow. He could start a World War II

tomorrow. He could start a World War II

tomorrow. He could start a World War II over a time zone error. Things are

over a time zone error. Things are

over a time zone error. Things are running like a Swiss watch, folks. And

running like a Swiss watch, folks. And

running like a Swiss watch, folks. And then to make this all even more

then to make this all even more

then to make this all even more ridiculous, today the president and the

ridiculous, today the president and the

ridiculous, today the president and the first lady presided over the annual

first lady presided over the annual

first lady presided over the annual White House Easter egg roll. This is a

White House Easter egg roll. This is a

White House Easter egg roll. This is a tradition that dates back to 1878. And

tradition that dates back to 1878. And

tradition that dates back to 1878. And what you're about to see, even though we

what you're about to see, even though we

what you're about to see, even though we did not have video back when Rutherford

did not have video back when Rutherford

did not have video back when Rutherford be Hayes was running the show, I have to

be Hayes was running the show, I have to

be Hayes was running the show, I have to believe that this would rank among, if

believe that this would rank among, if

believe that this would rank among, if not at the top of the most preposterous

not at the top of the most preposterous

not at the top of the most preposterous moments in White House Easter egg roll

moments in White House Easter egg roll

moments in White House Easter egg roll history. They were giving me a briefing

history. They were giving me a briefing

history. They were giving me a briefing about that and they said normally when

about that and they said normally when

about that and they said normally when you're in very hostile territory and I

you're in very hostile territory and I

you're in very hostile territory and I don't think it gets much more hostile

don't think it gets much more hostile

don't think it gets much more hostile than Iran. They're capable fighters.

than Iran. They're capable fighters.

than Iran. They're capable fighters. They are very tough people and there are

They are very tough people and there are

They are very tough people and there are others like that. You don't mind when

others like that. You don't mind when

others like that. You don't mind when the enemy is weak but that enemy is

the enemy is weak but that enemy is

the enemy is weak but that enemy is strong. Not so strong like they were

strong. Not so strong like they were

strong. Not so strong like they were about a month ago. I can tell you in

about a month ago. I can tell you in

about a month ago. I can tell you in fact right now they're not too strong at

fact right now they're not too strong at

fact right now they're not too strong at all in my opinion. But we're soon going

all in my opinion. But we're soon going

all in my opinion. But we're soon going to find out. Aren't we

to find out. Aren't we

to find out. Aren't we having fun? kids. Are you

having fun? kids. Are you

having fun? kids. Are you okay?

I want you to take another journey with

I want you to take another journey with

I want you to take another journey with me if you will. Can you imagine the new

me if you will. Can you imagine the new

me if you will. Can you imagine the new Ayatollah sitting in his bunker,

Ayatollah sitting in his bunker,

Ayatollah sitting in his bunker, eating his yogurt and potatoes, watching

eating his yogurt and potatoes, watching

eating his yogurt and potatoes, watching TV, watching this lunatic, bragging

TV, watching this lunatic, bragging

TV, watching this lunatic, bragging about blowing them up while with no

about blowing them up while with no

about blowing them up while with no explanation, standing next to a man in a

explanation, standing next to a man in a

explanation, standing next to a man in a bunny suit.

WHAT IS THIS CAR?

WHAT IS THIS CAR?

WHAT IS THIS CAR? That's bunny and Farsy. I looked it up.

That's bunny and Farsy. I looked it up.

That's bunny and Farsy. I looked it up. I did some research there. And by the

I did some research there. And by the

I did some research there. And by the way, you know who was in that bunny

way, you know who was in that bunny

way, you know who was in that bunny suit? Marco Rubio.

suit? Marco Rubio.

suit? Marco Rubio. I assume today we have more than 40,000

I assume today we have more than 40,000

I assume today we have more than 40,000 eggs supplied by all of the great egg

eggs supplied by all of the great egg

eggs supplied by all of the great egg farmers that are with us. So, it eggs is

farmers that are with us. So, it eggs is

farmers that are with us. So, it eggs is a big thing and it was a big thing to

a big thing and it was a big thing to

a big thing and it was a big thing to our great first lady who's here

our great first lady who's here

our great first lady who's here someplace. Let's see. I think this is

someplace. Let's see. I think this is

someplace. Let's see. I think this is our first lady. What do you think of our

our first lady. What do you think of our

our first lady. What do you think of our first lady? She's a movie star. Eggs is

first lady? She's a movie star. Eggs is

first lady? She's a movie star. Eggs is a big thing. And eggs is a big thing. I

a big thing. And eggs is a big thing. I

a big thing. And eggs is a big thing. I think that's our first lady. One of

think that's our first lady. One of

think that's our first lady. One of these two is

these two is

these two is you know, we've all forgotten which one

you know, we've all forgotten which one

you know, we've all forgotten which one our wife was at an Easter egg hunt.

our wife was at an Easter egg hunt.

our wife was at an Easter egg hunt. >> He was very focused on the eggs because

>> He was very focused on the eggs because

>> He was very focused on the eggs because last year eggs were like $8 a piece. So

last year eggs were like $8 a piece. So

last year eggs were like $8 a piece. So then he went down to chat it up with the

then he went down to chat it up with the

then he went down to chat it up with the folks who brought the yolks.

folks who brought the yolks.

folks who brought the yolks. >> Are you egg?

>> Are you egg?

>> Are you egg? >> Everybody's an egg person. I never saw

>> Everybody's an egg person. I never saw

>> Everybody's an egg person. I never saw so many egg.

so many egg.

so many egg. >> It tells you it's a big industry. How

>> It tells you it's a big industry. How

>> It tells you it's a big industry. How did I do with the voters that do eggs?

did I do with the voters that do eggs?

did I do with the voters that do eggs? >> You say 100% or 99?

>> You say 100% or 99?

>> You say 100% or 99? >> 100%.

>> 100%.

>> 100%. >> Did anybody in the egg industry vote for

>> Did anybody in the egg industry vote for

>> Did anybody in the egg industry vote for Kamala?

Kamala?

Kamala? >> A low IQ. She's a low IQ person. Who's a

>> A low IQ. She's a low IQ person. Who's a

>> A low IQ. She's a low IQ person. Who's a lower IQ person? Biden or

lower IQ person? Biden or

lower IQ person? Biden or >> Every time he speaks, it makes me wonder

>> Every time he speaks, it makes me wonder

>> Every time he speaks, it makes me wonder how Melania is able to not jump off that

how Melania is able to not jump off that

how Melania is able to not jump off that balcony in front of everyone. This is

balcony in front of everyone. This is

balcony in front of everyone. This is quite an event. The first lady lady read

quite an event. The first lady lady read

quite an event. The first lady lady read the children in Easter book and the

the children in Easter book and the

the children in Easter book and the president

president

president educated the kids on some recent

educated the kids on some recent

educated the kids on some recent history. And before we show this, I want

history. And before we show this, I want

history. And before we show this, I want to assure you the words you are about to

to assure you the words you are about to

to assure you the words you are about to hear coming out of the president's mouth

hear coming out of the president's mouth

hear coming out of the president's mouth were not altered. We did not script

were not altered. We did not script

were not altered. We did not script this. This is not AI or a Donald Trump

this. This is not AI or a Donald Trump

this. This is not AI or a Donald Trump impersonator. This is our president

impersonator. This is our president

impersonator. This is our president chatting with children on the White

chatting with children on the White

chatting with children on the White House lawn. You

House lawn. You

House lawn. You >> know, Biden would use the auto pen.

>> know, Biden would use the auto pen.

>> know, Biden would use the auto pen. >> We have an autopen follow, you know, Joe

>> We have an autopen follow, you know, Joe

>> We have an autopen follow, you know, Joe Biden. He didn't sign He was incapable

Biden. He didn't sign He was incapable

Biden. He didn't sign He was incapable of signing his name. So they'd follow

of signing his name. So they'd follow

of signing his name. So they'd follow him around with this big machine. You

him around with this big machine. You

him around with this big machine. You know what it was called? An auto pen.

know what it was called? An auto pen.

know what it was called? An auto pen. And he'd have the auto pen sign for him.

And he'd have the auto pen sign for him.

And he'd have the auto pen sign for him. He'd take the paper, hand it to his

He'd take the paper, hand it to his

He'd take the paper, hand it to his guys, they'd sign it with an auto pen

guys, they'd sign it with an auto pen

guys, they'd sign it with an auto pen jam pack. Not too good, right? Better to

jam pack. Not too good, right? Better to

jam pack. Not too good, right? Better to sign.

sign.

sign. >> Jesus. H Christ. Are you out of your

>> Jesus. H Christ. Are you out of your

>> Jesus. H Christ. Are you out of your mind?

mind?

mind? >> Okay, that's the fake news.

>> Okay, that's the fake news.

>> Okay, that's the fake news. >> Air Force. Who likes the fake news?

>> Air Force. Who likes the fake news?

>> Air Force. Who likes the fake news? >> All right, we may have added one line

>> All right, we may have added one line

>> All right, we may have added one line from one kid, but other than that, it

from one kid, but other than that, it

from one kid, but other than that, it was all Donald

was all Donald

was all Donald talking about auto pen and fake news

talking about auto pen and fake news

talking about auto pen and fake news with fouryear-olds. Trump was also

with fouryear-olds. Trump was also

with fouryear-olds. Trump was also spotted walking around with a drawing of

spotted walking around with a drawing of

spotted walking around with a drawing of a monument he is building to honor

a monument he is building to honor

a monument he is building to honor himself, that arch he wants to construct

himself, that arch he wants to construct

himself, that arch he wants to construct on the Washington Mall. The picture's

on the Washington Mall. The picture's

on the Washington Mall. The picture's crumpled because he'd been kissing it

crumpled because he'd been kissing it

crumpled because he'd been kissing it all morning.

all morning.

all morning. Oh man, if he builds that thing, I hope

Oh man, if he builds that thing, I hope

Oh man, if he builds that thing, I hope that on the day he leaves office, I hope

that on the day he leaves office, I hope

that on the day he leaves office, I hope that on that day they knock it down. I

that on that day they knock it down. I

that on that day they knock it down. I as they swear the next president in as

as they swear the next president in as

as they swear the next president in as his or her hand goes on the Bible. I

his or her hand goes on the Bible. I

his or her hand goes on the Bible. I want to see a wrecking ball just whack

want to see a wrecking ball just whack

want to see a wrecking ball just whack it down in the background. And then just

it down in the background. And then just

it down in the background. And then just to cap it off, Trump gave us an update

to cap it off, Trump gave us an update

to cap it off, Trump gave us an update on that war we won six weeks ago. This

on that war we won six weeks ago. This

on that war we won six weeks ago. This time with musical accompaniment.

time with musical accompaniment.

time with musical accompaniment. >> Israel would have been gone,

>> Israel would have been gone,

>> Israel would have been gone, extinguished. Israel would be would have

extinguished. Israel would be would have

extinguished. Israel would be would have been wiped off the face of the earth.

been wiped off the face of the earth.

been wiped off the face of the earth. And the entire Middle East would have

And the entire Middle East would have

And the entire Middle East would have been at a minimum in big trouble. But I

been at a minimum in big trouble. But I

been at a minimum in big trouble. But I did it. That was phase one. We killed

did it. That was phase one. We killed

did it. That was phase one. We killed Solomoni. Without Solomi. If they had

Solomoni. Without Solomi. If they had

Solomoni. Without Solomi. If they had Solommani would be a whole different

Solommani would be a whole different

Solommani would be a whole different thing. Maybe would still be winning, but

thing. Maybe would still be winning, but

thing. Maybe would still be winning, but it would have been harder because we are

it would have been harder because we are

it would have been harder because we are obliterating that country. And I hate to

obliterating that country. And I hate to

obliterating that country. And I hate to do it, but we're obliterating. And they

do it, but we're obliterating. And they

do it, but we're obliterating. And they just don't want to say uncle. They don't

just don't want to say uncle. They don't

just don't want to say uncle. They don't want to cry as the expression goes

want to cry as the expression goes

want to cry as the expression goes uncle. But they will. I like it. I think

uncle. But they will. I like it. I think

uncle. But they will. I like it. I think it's that could be an album, right? him

it's that could be an album, right? him

it's that could be an album, right? him boasting about war crimes to the tune of

boasting about war crimes to the tune of

boasting about war crimes to the tune of Stevie Wonder.

Stevie Wonder.

Stevie Wonder. You know, there's a rumor going around

You know, there's a rumor going around

You know, there's a rumor going around over the weekend that Trump had been

over the weekend that Trump had been

over the weekend that Trump had been hospitalized at Walter Reed because he

hospitalized at Walter Reed because he

hospitalized at Walter Reed because he didn't appear in public from Wednesday

didn't appear in public from Wednesday

didn't appear in public from Wednesday to Sunday. The White House was

to Sunday. The White House was

to Sunday. The White House was aggressively defensive. They wrote,

aggressively defensive. They wrote,

aggressively defensive. They wrote, "Deranged liberals cook up insane

"Deranged liberals cook up insane

"Deranged liberals cook up insane conspiracy theories when pus goes 12

conspiracy theories when pus goes 12

conspiracy theories when pus goes 12 hours without speaking to press." Which

hours without speaking to press." Which

hours without speaking to press." Which maybe that's because our deranged

maybe that's because our deranged

maybe that's because our deranged president never goes more than 12

president never goes more than 12

president never goes more than 12 minutes without speaking to press. But

minutes without speaking to press. But

minutes without speaking to press. But uh to be clear, Trump was not

uh to be clear, Trump was not

uh to be clear, Trump was not hospitalized this weekend, even though

hospitalized this weekend, even though

hospitalized this weekend, even though he definitely should have been. He made

he definitely should have been. He made

he definitely should have been. He made it up. He made up for today with a

it up. He made up for today with a

it up. He made up for today with a lengthy press conference/proof of life.

lengthy press conference/proof of life.

lengthy press conference/proof of life. And since the autopen bit was such a hit

And since the autopen bit was such a hit

And since the autopen bit was such a hit with the kids, he served up a second

with the kids, he served up a second

with the kids, he served up a second helping of Biden bashing. This time when

helping of Biden bashing. This time when

helping of Biden bashing. This time when talking about his old pal, Kim Jong-un.

talking about his old pal, Kim Jong-un.

talking about his old pal, Kim Jong-un. >> Kim Jong-un, who I get along with very

>> Kim Jong-un, who I get along with very

>> Kim Jong-un, who I get along with very well, as you know. Do you notice he said

well, as you know. Do you notice he said

well, as you know. Do you notice he said very nice things about me? He used to

very nice things about me? He used to

very nice things about me? He used to call uh Joe Biden a mentally

call uh Joe Biden a mentally

call uh Joe Biden a mentally person. Okay. So, don't tell me about

person. Okay. So, don't tell me about

person. Okay. So, don't tell me about your stuff. Joe Biden, he said he's a

your stuff. Joe Biden, he said he's a

your stuff. Joe Biden, he said he's a mentally person. He was so

mentally person. He was so

mentally person. He was so nasty to Joe Biden. It was terrible. But

nasty to Joe Biden. It was terrible. But

nasty to Joe Biden. It was terrible. But to me, he likes Trump. Oh, well,

to me, he likes Trump. Oh, well,

to me, he likes Trump. Oh, well, who doesn't really? You know, this is a

who doesn't really? You know, this is a

who doesn't really? You know, this is a banner day for Dandy Don. Coming off a

banner day for Dandy Don. Coming off a

banner day for Dandy Don. Coming off a full Easter Sunday meltdown, he answered

full Easter Sunday meltdown, he answered

full Easter Sunday meltdown, he answered questions from reporters for a full

questions from reporters for a full

questions from reporters for a full hour, which we have whittleled down to

hour, which we have whittleled down to

hour, which we have whittleled down to the juiciest McNuggets. And here he is

the juiciest McNuggets. And here he is

the juiciest McNuggets. And here he is in full cognitive decline, our

in full cognitive decline, our

in full cognitive decline, our commanderin-chief.

This is one of our better easters, I

This is one of our better easters, I

This is one of our better easters, I think, in a lot of different ways. I can

think, in a lot of different ways. I can

think, in a lot of different ways. I can say militarily,

say militarily,

say militarily, it's been one of the best. You know, the

it's been one of the best. You know, the

it's been one of the best. You know, the old days to the victim.

old days to the victim.

old days to the victim. Okay, you know that to the uh to the

Okay, you know that to the uh to the

Okay, you know that to the uh to the winner belonged the spoils. We won and

winner belonged the spoils. We won and

winner belonged the spoils. We won and then they came. They came at speeds like

then they came. They came at speeds like

then they came. They came at speeds like we've never seen. They came at 17

we've never seen. They came at 17

we've never seen. They came at 17 different angles. That was a lot of

different angles. That was a lot of

different angles. That was a lot of angles. And we were watching and we said

angles. And we were watching and we said

angles. And we were watching and we said that's amazing. Somebody said, "Oh, he

that's amazing. Somebody said, "Oh, he

that's amazing. Somebody said, "Oh, he doesn't have a plan. I have the best

doesn't have a plan. I have the best

doesn't have a plan. I have the best plan of all." How about gays for Iran?

plan of all." How about gays for Iran?

plan of all." How about gays for Iran? We want Greenland. Osama bin Laden. You

We want Greenland. Osama bin Laden. You

We want Greenland. Osama bin Laden. You no longer have credibility at the New

no longer have credibility at the New

no longer have credibility at the New York Times. It used to be the old gray

York Times. It used to be the old gray

York Times. It used to be the old gray lady. It was great. If you read my book,

lady. It was great. If you read my book,

lady. It was great. If you read my book, I wish you'd read the book. I will go to

I wish you'd read the book. I will go to

I wish you'd read the book. I will go to Venezuela. I'm going to run for

Venezuela. I'm going to run for

Venezuela. I'm going to run for president. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. God

president. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. God

president. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. God doesn't like what's happening. Let's go.

doesn't like what's happening. Let's go.

doesn't like what's happening. Let's go. Come on. Get in. Let's go. No. No. No.

Come on. Get in. Let's go. No. No. No.

Come on. Get in. Let's go. No. No. No. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Bye-bye. Okay. Thank you very much

Boom. Bye-bye. Okay. Thank you very much

Boom. Bye-bye. Okay. Thank you very much everybody.

everybody.

everybody. >> I don't know about you. I find it very

>> I don't know about you. I find it very

>> I don't know about you. I find it very comforting to know those tiny badly

comforting to know those tiny badly

comforting to know those tiny badly bruised hands are on the wheel of this

bruised hands are on the wheel of this

bruised hands are on the wheel of this country. And there was some good news

country. And there was some good news

country. And there was some good news today. Something Americans can be proud

today. Something Americans can be proud

today. Something Americans can be proud of. And that is a space mission. The

of. And that is a space mission. The

of. And that is a space mission. The Artemis 2 astronauts have reached the

Artemis 2 astronauts have reached the

Artemis 2 astronauts have reached the far side of the moon. It is the farthest

far side of the moon. It is the farthest

far side of the moon. It is the farthest any human being has ever traveled with

any human being has ever traveled with

any human being has ever traveled with only one hiccup and that was a toilet

only one hiccup and that was a toilet

only one hiccup and that was a toilet malfunction. The commode on the ship is

malfunction. The commode on the ship is

malfunction. The commode on the ship is not working. The line to flush the pipe

not working. The line to flush the pipe

not working. The line to flush the pipe was blocked by ice. Uh not that ice,

was blocked by ice. Uh not that ice,

was blocked by ice. Uh not that ice, just regular. They're really They're out

just regular. They're really They're out

just regular. They're really They're out of control.

of control.

of control. Um they're hoping that the astronauts

Um they're hoping that the astronauts

Um they're hoping that the astronauts can befriend a cute little stone alien

can befriend a cute little stone alien

can befriend a cute little stone alien to fix it like they did for Ryan

to fix it like they did for Ryan

to fix it like they did for Ryan Gosling. But if if not that, they'll

Gosling. But if if not that, they'll

Gosling. But if if not that, they'll either have to um pee in bags or hold it

either have to um pee in bags or hold it

either have to um pee in bags or hold it till they get home. I guess it's a

till they get home. I guess it's a

till they get home. I guess it's a situation that the Fox 11 News team in

situation that the Fox 11 News team in

situation that the Fox 11 News team in San Antonio reminded us could be and has

San Antonio reminded us could be and has

San Antonio reminded us could be and has been worse.

been worse.

been worse. >> Over the weekend, the mission passed

>> Over the weekend, the mission passed

>> Over the weekend, the mission passed some key milestones.

some key milestones.

some key milestones. >> But it's not all smooth sailing. The

>> But it's not all smooth sailing. The

>> But it's not all smooth sailing. The Orion space capsule is experiencing some

Orion space capsule is experiencing some

Orion space capsule is experiencing some toilet problems. You know, I did a deep

toilet problems. You know, I did a deep

toilet problems. You know, I did a deep dive into this and in 1969,

dive into this and in 1969,

dive into this and in 1969, >> the Apollo mission, there was literally

>> the Apollo mission, there was literally

>> the Apollo mission, there was literally floating poop

floating poop

floating poop >> in the capsule. Floating feces, if you

>> in the capsule. Floating feces, if you

>> in the capsule. Floating feces, if you will.

will.

will. There's floating poop in the castle,

There's floating poop in the castle,

There's floating poop in the castle, everybody. That's

everybody. That's

everybody. That's what's the opposite of a fun fact.

what's the opposite of a fun fact.

what's the opposite of a fun fact. And there was one other news story we

And there was one other news story we

And there was one other news story we missed over the break. Uh it comes to us

missed over the break. Uh it comes to us

missed over the break. Uh it comes to us once again from the Funshine State. And

once again from the Funshine State. And

once again from the Funshine State. And here it is, another edition of This Week

here it is, another edition of This Week

here it is, another edition of This Week in Florida.

>> The Flaggler County Sheriff's Office

>> The Flaggler County Sheriff's Office

>> The Flaggler County Sheriff's Office caught William Murphy driving backwards.

caught William Murphy driving backwards.

caught William Murphy driving backwards. Now, he told deputies he had a

Now, he told deputies he had a

Now, he told deputies he had a mechanical issue and his car was stuck

mechanical issue and his car was stuck

mechanical issue and his car was stuck in reverse. I didn't think that was that

in reverse. I didn't think that was that

in reverse. I didn't think that was that that bad when you know what I'm saying.

that bad when you know what I'm saying.

that bad when you know what I'm saying. I wasn't I wasn't even smurfing or

I wasn't I wasn't even smurfing or

I wasn't I wasn't even smurfing or anything like that or driving faster.

anything like that or driving faster.

anything like that or driving faster. >> Driving backwards on the road.

>> Driving backwards on the road.

>> Driving backwards on the road. >> I mean, it's the same thing as if you

>> I mean, it's the same thing as if you

>> I mean, it's the same thing as if you were to dude.

were to dude.

were to dude. >> His arrest report shows more than 10

>> His arrest report shows more than 10

>> His arrest report shows more than 10 prior convictions for that same charge.

>> More than 10. A lot of states 10's the

>> More than 10. A lot of states 10's the

>> More than 10. A lot of states 10's the limit, but in Florida you can go up to

limit, but in Florida you can go up to

limit, but in Florida you can go up to 25. Hey, we got a fun show tonight. Lisa

25. Hey, we got a fun show tonight. Lisa

25. Hey, we got a fun show tonight. Lisa Anne Walter from Abbott Elementary is

Anne Walter from Abbott Elementary is

Anne Walter from Abbott Elementary is here. We have Laura May sitting in with

here. We have Laura May sitting in with

here. We have Laura May sitting in with the Cleon tonight. And we'll be right

the Cleon tonight. And we'll be right

the Cleon tonight. And we'll be right back with Jason Seagull. So stick

back with Jason Seagull. So stick

back with Jason Seagull. So stick around.