Original subtitles

* Oh, when the saints *

* Oh, when the saints... * Come on, guys.

Okay, uh, what about "Just the Two of Us"?

And we can sing that together.

Mm, nope. They don't have that.

"Reunited"?

Nope. Don't have that either.

"You're All I Need," Meth and Mary?

They have "Fr�re Jacques."

-"Fr�re Jacques"? -DAVE: All right.

-Who's next? Gemma? -Uh-uh.

Uh, David,

it seems like your karaoke machine only has

public domain songs.

Okay, they got, uh, "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

Ooh, ooh. Do not let Dave see that one.

Guys, it was $15 at a yard sale.

And, hey, if you guys want to borrow it

for the bachelor party, you just say the word.

The word is "no," Dave.

No, no, no. We already have a plan.

Okay? It is going to be the Butler boys'

last hurrah as bachelors.

-And we are doing all our old-school favorites. -Mm-hmm.

A sprinter van will come pick us up,

and the first stop- the batting cages.

Yes, where I will retreat indoors and play Donkey Kong Jr.

But then the real action starts.

I'm talking laser tag, Jell-O shots, go-karts.

MALCOLM: Yes.

-In that order, and there will be crashing. -Yeah.

I'm telling you, Daddy, you're missing out.

That's the goal.

Sorry, guys, my job has been crazy.

You do not want to work at a private school

during parent tour season.

And of course, Stephen, my vice principal,

is out on paternity leave, 'cause dads do so much.

(phone rings)

Oh, God, it's Jessica. She's the worst.

Hi, girlie.

Dave, what, what's with all the work calls on Sunday?

That's just how things are these days.

You know, you're expected to be reachable 24-7.

Well, that's ridiculous 'cause I own my own business

and I don't take calls on no Sunday.

That's because I do.

Well, you don't watch football, Marty.

(indistinct chatter)

Look, Calvin, everything's different now.

You know, I'm actually joining the gig economy tomorrow,

making my own hours.

Oh, that's great, Dave. Where?

A telehealth website. Serenditude.

Yeah, I'm doing video counseling sessions.

Oh, so like Uber for crazy people?

(laughs)

No. It's where people in distress use the app

to get matched up with a professional provider, like me.

So like I said.

* Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood *

* Welcome to the hood. *

Just put 'em in my office. I'll be there soon. (sighs)

Uh... excuse me.

(chuckles)

You forget something?

Oh, my gosh. Thank you.

Hey, um, what does this dashboard light mean?

Oh.

Oh. Oh, yeah, I know that one. That means, uh,

"Show me to Marty."

(sighs)

Perfect. I'm already flooded with work calls,

and now I got to get the car fixed.

Oh, why can't Dave just bring it in?

(sighs) It's his first day doing that telehealth thing.

Oh. Okay.

-You know what? I'm sure it's nothing. -(sighs)

Just, uh, follow me to the Fusebox.

I'll get you in and out in no time.

(sighs) Great. Thank you. I cannot be late for work.

-Okay. -Wait, wait, w-w-wait, wait.

Where are my sunglasses?

-Uh... -(groans)

On your head.

-Sure, you're looking at me. -(chuckles)

Uh, M-Marty, Marty.

Gemma has the little red squiggly

with the lightning bolt.

Oh, uh, the regenerative braking system

needs a firmware update.

Yeah, I was gonna say that before you cut me off.

Yeah, can you get it done in a half hour?

I'll give her all I've got, Captain,

but I can't change the laws of physics.

-Star Trek? Star Trek. -Yeah.

I-I-I don't have time for your nerd games, Marty,

okay? Every trustee

at the school wants a VIP tour

for their lawyer's money manager

or their golf buddy's accountant

or their money buddy's golf lawyer.

Oh, great, my battery's dying. Can I plug in?

-Thanks. -Yeah, you can- Oh, no!

(powering down)

Gemma, you just unplugged the diagnostics charging system.

I'll plug it back in when I'm done.

Gemma, is there something wrong with your eye?

(scoffs) Uh, probably. I put on my mascara while I was driving.

No. No, no, no. Uh, you have a twitch.

Yeah, I wasn't gonna say anything, but it is creepy.

Gemma, okay, look, you are going

90 miles an hour. Take a deep breath.

I don't have time for that.

Do you know how long deep breaths take?

Okay. You know what? I'm taking your phone.

Leave the laptop. You need to unplug.

-No, no, I have work to do. -(winces)

Your nails are drawing blood.

-Oh. I'm sorry. -CALVIN: Okay.

Okay, maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a-a teensy little break.

Come on, let's go into the lounge.

-All right? Okay.

Damn, is she a wolverine?

Julian, you remember Gemma here.

Could you make her a nice latte? On the house.

Uh, triple espresso, please.

(whispers): Decaf.

-Knock, knock. -Oh, geez.

Malcolm, congratulations. You are now a brand.

What? How so?

Well, now that you are marrying a Trophy Diva of Brentwood-

great career move, by the way.

It's not a career move, Lisa. I did it for love.

(gasps) Yes, that's so good. Say it like that.

-Okay. -Anyway, I have got

brands lining up to be in the Malcolm Butler business.

Watches, colognes, underwear.

-Ooh. Look at these sunglasses. -What about them?

They turn clear when you come indoors.

(laughs) Lisa, those lenses have been around for decades.

No, no, no, no. These are AI-enabled.

They just came out. Nobody has these.

Well, George and Amal have them, but they're in Italy, so...

Okay, well, uh, those are still dark.

(scoffs) Yeah, they don't work.

That's not the point. You wear these in public

with Mercedes? Ka-ching.

-What? No, Lisa, I- Oh, God. -Yeah.

(stammers) Oh, man. I don't want

to make money off my relationship with Mercedes.

(scoffs)

Okay. (chuckles) Wow, ethical dilemma.

We will put a pin in that and circle back.

Now, bachelor party.

You're not having one. What you are having

is a bachelor blowout.

In Vegas.

All expenses paid.

Brought to you by Don Julio Tequila and Fan Duel.

-Okay, that does sound great. -Right?

And all you have to do is post pics

of all this crap on Instagram.

The thing is... (chuckles)

Marty and I- we have a dope party planned. (laughs)

(laughs) Okay.

Does your party include a penthouse suite

at the Cosmopolitan?

Kobe tomahawk steaks at Boa?

Driving actual NASCARs at the Vegas Motor Speedway?

Whoa. Damn. No. No.

NASCAR beats the hell out of go-karts.

-All right, I'm in. -(gasps) Yeah.

-Excuse me. -Yeah.

We're looking for Principal Johnson.

(sighs) So am I, but she's not answering her phone,

and some idiot parked a Cybertruck in the crosswalk.

That's us. It's electric.

Now we have a tour, and Principal Johnson's late.

(sighs) I am so sorry. It's just been crazy around here.

You know, I will track her down while you move your car.

It's fine. It's electric.

Okay, Donna. Let's see if we can get to the root

of the issue. Now, I understand

you want to bring your rabbit on the flight to Rochester?

That's why I need a letter from you.

Okay, I hear you, but first tell me,

how do you feel when you're separated from Mr. Nibbles?

I have anxiety. It's crippling.

So, the letter, you email it right away, right?

My flight's tomorrow.

Well, sure, but, you know,

l-let's start from the beginning.

Now tell me how Mr. Nibbles first entered your life.

I came back from Petco with him.

Look, can we get on with this?

I paid $40, and your site says "hassle-free."

-(phone ringing) -Uh...

Sorry, Donna. I'm, I'm just gonna mute myself for a second.

Yeah, uh, Tina, what's up?

No. Gemma is at the Fusebox. I'm with a patient,

and I am so close to a breakthrough

with her on her weird obsession with this rabbit.

You're not muted.

And how does that make you feel, Donna?

-(Calvin speaks indistinctly) -(Malcolm cackles)

So, Marty,

have you talked Pop into coming to the bachelor party yet?

In what world do you see me running around

an empty Circuit City

while y'all chase me with toy guns?

In a perfect world?

Well-well, Pop,

thanks to me being a, uh, future trophy husband,

we got a new plan.

-We do? -Oh, yeah.

We are getting comped rooms at the Cosmopolitan in Vegas.

No way.

-Kobe tomahawks at Boa. -Oh, that's the only tomahawk to have.

And drumroll, please.

-Dr-Drumroll, Marty. -Oh... yeah, okay.

There you go. Bam.

We are driving actual NASCARs.

-Hell yeah. -(laughs) -(stammers)

What-what was wrong with our original plan?

Nothing, this is just a much better plan.

And we are going to Floyd Mayweather's

private tasting room to sample his new spiked punch.

Marty, you hear that? Floyd "Money" Mayweather.

Yeah, okay, well, you know, I get it, you can't...

can't say no to a hookup like that.

-Right? -You know, a-a chance to hang with a-a famous...

baseball player? Thank you, Malcolm.

I remember the first time I taught a child to read.

I felt like I was changing the world

one kid at a time.

Now all I do is write fundraising emails.

Hit me again.

Are you sure? You've already had three.

What are you, the coffee police? Hit me.

Gemma, you can't let your work define you.

Okay? I used to do that.

And then, one day, I was like, "What am I doing here?"

So I took my headset off,

walked away from the control tower, and never looked back.

You were an air traffic controller?

Yeah, why is that so hard to believe?

(scoffs) No, it's not.

I'm just saying, the point is,

I wasn't feeling it so I bounced.

What happened to the airplanes?

I don't know. I guess they got diverted to Burbank.

Excuse me.

Paul and I were sitting there,

and now those people say they have the 11:00 tour,

and we're still waiting.

Let me, let me find Ms. Johnson, okay?

Just give me a sec.

Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

-(phone rings) -Yeah, what's up, babe?

Don't you "what's up" me. Is Gemma's car fixed yet?

Uh, yeah, we just finished it.

All right, good, because

I got a bunch of rich people all up on my back, man.

-Just find Gemma, please. -(phone beeps)

Hey, Gemma. You are good to go.

We are bringing your car around.

Don't bother, I'm good here.

But Tina's been calling.

There are people at your school waiting.

Hey, Calvin, leave her alone.

She's following her bliss.

-Mm-hmm. -Well, she needs to follow her bliss back to her job.

No way. Now that my eye stopped twitching,

I can finally see clearly,

and I am never going back.

Mm.

What did you put in her coffee?

Nothing but love, baby.

Hol-Hold up, Gemma.

You have a full plate at work, remember?

Julian didn't just serve me coffee. He served me truth.

Well...

he was supposed to serve you decaf.

Julian has a saying about work.

You ain't punching the clock.

The clock is punching you.

Do you know this man left an air traffic control tower

in the middle of a shift?

Yes. And it was inspiring.

-Inspiring? -Mm-hmm.

Airplanes all in the air, just flying around willy-nilly?

He doesn't deserve all the credit.

You're the one who unplugged me. Thank you.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

-If you want to thank me, go back to work. -(gasps)

-Ooh, the massage chair's free. -Gemma. Gemma.

(laughs)

Well...

Thanks to you, now I have to do something

that I always regret-

texting Dave.

It is invigorating to be back in the workforce, Josh.

I m- You know what it's like to lose a job.

I-I don't.

This is my first job.

Well, actually, I was a CIT at summer camp.

Oh. (chuckles) And now you're my boss.

What a trajectory.

Our consultants, on average, handle

eight to ten clients an hour.

So far, you've had two in three hours.

That's less.

Well, you know, there are no shortcuts

when-when it comes to mental health.

Your job is to sign off on whatever they need.

Whether that's an excuse for jury duty

or a handicap parking spot.

That's how Serenditude makes its money.

(scoffs) Well, um,

I think that's really quite appalling.

Um, I do this not because it's my job

but because it's my passion.

I-I-I'm a person, Josh, not a rubber stamp.

I don't know what that is.

-Gotta dip. -Well...

-Josh? -(phone chimes)

Oh, look at that. Calvin's texting me.

Oh, thank God, Dave. What took you so long?

Well, Gemma has our car, and you can't rush a bus, Calvin.

All right, now get me up to speed.

Well, Gemma doesn't want to go back to work,

and it's not my fault.

Why would I think it's your fault?

Uh, you wouldn't because it's not.

And make sure you tell Tina that.

Oh, okay. Calvin.

Hey, uh...

Hon, you okay?

I'm totally fine, Dave. I'm following my bliss.

Meaning?

I have so much to contribute, and I'm feeling like nobody...

Okay, okay, can we maybe turn the-the chair off?

-Yeah. -(chair turns off)

(sighs)

Thank you.

Uh...

I think I understand how you're feeling.

You feel like you are trapped in this job,

but we are never trapped.

I mean, think about when we first moved in together,

and you were a second grade substitute teacher.

Aw, and you were at Blockbuster, running the rewinder.

And we were worried that we were gonna be broke forever.

We couldn't even afford groceries.

-Remember one-egg omelets? -Yes.

And look at us now.

You know, we never lost faith.

And this morning

I had a four-egg omelet.

Is that why there were no eggs for me?

-Sorry. -(scoffs)

But we're gonna get through this.

And we're gonna find our next thing. We both are.

We will. I know we will.

You want to take a turn?

(sighs) You know, my teenage boss is really stressing me out,

so yes.

So my car's ready?

Yes, it is.

And more importantly, Tina's looking for your ass.

Thank you for helping.

-Both of you. -Oh, you're welcome.

I'll just need a credit card.

-I thought you said the latte was on the house? -Yeah.

Oh, yeah, the first one was, but you had four.

All right.

It's gonna ask you a question.

40%? Who checks that one?

(tablet chimes)

-Really, Gemma? -He helped me.

There you are. I mean, you good?

What, what? You needed a little downtime?

Yeah, I realized I've been really burnt out...

All right, now, good. Now get your ass back to school.

(sighs)

The Arnoldsons have been waiting for you.

-The Arnoldsons? Oh, God. -Yes.

Is Paul angry?

He is not happy. Now go.

-Okay... -Please go. Okay. Bye, babe!

All right, let's go. Get your bag.

Okay. Good-good seeing you, too.

You know, Julian, it's been a crazy day.

-I'll take a macchiato. -Coming right up.

It's gonna ask you a question.

-Hey, Marty, there you are. -Hey.

-Look, uh, about our party, I was thinking... -Oh, hey.

It, it's all good. Okay? Vegas it is.

It'll be fun to do things there that have to stay there.

Marty, I have known you your whole life.

Look, man, I...

I'm really happy for you.

Honestly.

I guess I just thought...

this would be a classic Butler boys adventure, you know?

One last time.

Marty, it's not the last time.

Come on, Malcolm. We're both getting married,

and your life is going in a whole new direction.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean

things are gonna change between us.

Won't it?

I mean, you'll have your life and I'll have mine.

We'll always be brothers, but it'll never be the same.

Hey. Check it out.

(laughs)

-(laughing): Hey. -There it is, there it is.

-Okay. -Now-now, you-you got to imagine that this is

-a luxurious, plush, designer robe, all right? -MARTY: Yeah.

I got a pocket full of soaps and conditioners

and-and-and bed candies,

-you know, you know. -(laughing): Yeah.

I got the comfortable slippers on.

(laughing): Yeah.

Hey.

This is gonna be fun, man.

-Yeah. Yeah. (laughs) -Gonna be fun.

Actually, Pop.

Nuh-uh. Don't. Don't.

Don't. Do not "Actually, Pop" me. Don't, don't.

Okay, I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? But...

me and my brother Marty

are gonna have a classic Butler boys adventure.

-We are? -Yeah, man.

Laser tag, Jell-O shots, go-karts.

Oh, it's gonna be so awesome!

-It is going down. -(laughs) Oh, oh, oh, but remember,

on the track there are no brothers.

Oh, okay. (laughs)

Hey, so you in, Pop?

Daddy?

All right. Watches going back.

Sunglasses going back.

Yeah...

-Look, don't be annoyed. -I'm not annoyed.

-This stupid booze with gold in it... -Mm-hmm.

...going back.

Lisa, I know you went through a lot of trouble.

No, no. It's fine. I don't blame you.

I blame you.

What? What did I do?

You played the brother card.

It's too bad, too, because

if you'd gone to Vegas, I had a surprise for you,

but I might as well just tell you now.

Criss Angel was going to do a private Mindfreak.

What? Are you serious?

Why didn't you lead with that?

Marty, don't worry, we're gonna have a great time.

Classic Butler boys, you know?

Shut up, Malcolm.

Just let me grieve in peace.

I could've had my own private Mindfreak.

(muffled scream)

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