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1
00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:05,098
America's 250th birthday
is coming up,
2
00:00:05,164 --> 00:00:06,500
which means fireworks.
3
00:00:06,535 --> 00:00:07,570
Woo-hoo!
4
00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:09,541
But if you're a dog, boo-hoo.
5
00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:12,580
We're not expecting you
to stop firing off explosives.
6
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,481
This is still America.
7
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,385
But here's how
to keep your pet safe,
8
00:00:15,418 --> 00:00:18,525
even while the world
around them gets loud.
9
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:21,397
Dress your dog in
a weighted vest and earmuffs.
10
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,334
Works a charm.
Right, Shred?
11
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:26,073
I've never felt
so calm in my life.
12
00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:28,310
Startled dogs often
make a run for it.
13
00:00:28,344 --> 00:00:31,751
So, microchip your pet
or else this will happen.
14
00:00:32,754 --> 00:00:34,056
Go. Run.
15
00:00:34,558 --> 00:00:36,292
Go! Come on,
you're embarrassing me.
16
00:00:36,293 --> 00:00:38,598
Play soothing music
to keep your pooch calm.
17
00:00:38,599 --> 00:00:41,136
Or if you're like me
and you have perfect pitch,
18
00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:42,506
just sing to them.
19
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:45,278
There's nothing to be afraid of.
20
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:49,186
Just because the sky is on fire.
21
00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:52,091
And when in doubt,
cuddles go a long way.
22
00:00:52,092 --> 00:00:54,296
And on an unrelated
but mandatory note,
23
00:00:54,329 --> 00:00:57,570
Seattle is experiencing a boom
in waterborne anal worms.
24
00:00:57,603 --> 00:01:01,209
So make your vaccination
appointment soon, and...
25
00:01:01,243 --> 00:01:03,749
Happy birthday, America!
26
00:01:33,775 --> 00:01:35,511
Okay. Listen up, people.
27
00:01:35,546 --> 00:01:37,649
The Animal Control
Officers Association is
28
00:01:37,683 --> 00:01:40,622
sending a representative today
to observe our two
29
00:01:40,656 --> 00:01:41,824
ACOOTY nominees.
30
00:01:41,825 --> 00:01:42,492
ACOOTY?
31
00:01:42,660 --> 00:01:44,229
Animal Control Officer
of the Year.
32
00:01:44,262 --> 00:01:46,066
And why didn't you
just say that?
33
00:01:46,099 --> 00:01:47,368
Err... because ACOOTY
saves time.
34
00:01:47,369 --> 00:01:48,104
And yet, here we are.
35
00:01:48,304 --> 00:01:50,308
Anyways, they're sending
Wayne Peters.
36
00:01:50,342 --> 00:01:52,244
Ooh, they're bringing
in the big dog.
37
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:54,116
He was the first person
to ever win the award,
38
00:01:54,149 --> 00:01:56,153
and he endorsed eight of
the last nine winners.
39
00:01:56,186 --> 00:01:57,556
He's a bit of a kingmaker.
40
00:01:57,557 --> 00:02:00,796
If you win Wayne's vote,
you win officer of the year.
41
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:01,664
Stay alert.
42
00:02:01,764 --> 00:02:03,902
He's been known to Undercover Boss it
with disguises.
43
00:02:04,102 --> 00:02:06,439
He could be an old man
looking for a dog.
44
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,077
And one time in Eugene...
45
00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:09,112
he was the dog.
46
00:02:09,146 --> 00:02:10,381
When is he coming?
47
00:02:10,415 --> 00:02:11,751
He's already here.
48
00:02:12,653 --> 00:02:14,489
That's right.
Always observe an animal
49
00:02:14,524 --> 00:02:16,561
before you enter their habitat.
50
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:18,798
Great to meet you, sir.
51
00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:20,267
Officer Dudge.
52
00:02:21,169 --> 00:02:22,540
Officer Shaw.
53
00:02:22,574 --> 00:02:24,811
Two nominees
from the same precinct.
54
00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:26,279
That's rare, almost like...
55
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,117
an albino rattlesnake.
56
00:02:28,150 --> 00:02:28,819
Whoa!
57
00:02:28,985 --> 00:02:30,856
Is it hemotoxic or
neurotoxic venom?
58
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:31,791
Neuro.
59
00:02:31,825 --> 00:02:32,793
You're a badass.
60
00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:35,999
Well, I am here to identify
the person who best demonstrates
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00:02:36,033 --> 00:02:39,306
professionalism, integrity, and
a commitment to animal safety.
62
00:02:39,339 --> 00:02:41,344
And whoever shows me
these qualities will get
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00:02:41,377 --> 00:02:43,815
my recommendation as
one of the 10 finalists
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00:02:43,848 --> 00:02:45,384
for this year's award.
65
00:02:45,418 --> 00:02:47,356
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to hit the head.
66
00:02:47,389 --> 00:02:49,193
I've been in this onesie
all morning.
67
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,562
Okay, Wayne is gonna
do a ride-along
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00:02:50,595 --> 00:02:51,363
with both you and Templeton.
69
00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:53,501
I need you to impress him,
'cause if Templeton
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00:02:53,535 --> 00:02:55,337
wins this award,
he's coming for my job.
71
00:02:55,338 --> 00:02:56,073
Yeah, he's gotten bolder.
72
00:02:56,273 --> 00:02:57,643
I caught him
eating lunch here yesterday,
73
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,446
doing a pretend Zoom
with the mayor.
74
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,349
Is that why there was feta
on my keyboard?
75
00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:02,452
Frank, you have to win.
76
00:03:02,485 --> 00:03:05,191
Guys, this comes down
to personality.
77
00:03:05,224 --> 00:03:06,661
I got it in the bag.
78
00:03:06,695 --> 00:03:07,529
Hmm.
79
00:03:09,266 --> 00:03:10,301
What is these looks?
80
00:03:10,334 --> 00:03:12,338
Guys, I'm diligent.
I'm smart.
81
00:03:12,372 --> 00:03:14,008
I'm quick with a zinger, like...
82
00:03:14,009 --> 00:03:16,180
Emily, you'd be taken more
seriously if your sentences
83
00:03:16,213 --> 00:03:17,282
didn't sound like questions.
84
00:03:17,315 --> 00:03:18,084
Okay. Ouch?
85
00:03:18,317 --> 00:03:20,288
Yeah, I hate to say it,
but I think Templeton
86
00:03:20,321 --> 00:03:21,758
has a very pale leg up on you.
87
00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:24,129
The terrible stuff that
he says seems like jokes
88
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:25,164
if you don't know him.
89
00:03:25,198 --> 00:03:26,366
Maybe you need to do something,
90
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,237
I don't know, a little extra.
91
00:03:28,271 --> 00:03:30,576
Something that makes Templeton
look worse.
92
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:33,280
I'm sorry, is there something
wrong with your stomach?
93
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,752
No, I think she wants Frank
to sabotage Templeton.
94
00:03:35,753 --> 00:03:38,690
As your boss,
I would never suggest that.
95
00:03:38,691 --> 00:03:39,960
On the record.
96
00:03:39,994 --> 00:03:40,829
Yeah, I'm in.
97
00:03:41,063 --> 00:03:42,767
Shred, what ideas do we have
left in the dossier?
98
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,502
There's the one where
we convince Templeton
99
00:03:44,503 --> 00:03:46,506
he's becoming the smallest man
on Earth.
100
00:03:46,507 --> 00:03:47,342
But that could take years.
101
00:03:47,576 --> 00:03:50,181
See, I would never
condone anything like that.
102
00:03:50,515 --> 00:03:52,251
Because that would be cheating.
103
00:03:52,252 --> 00:03:54,222
I got it, just please
don't wink again.
104
00:03:55,258 --> 00:03:57,162
So, Maya's been hounding me
for a double date
105
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:57,963
with you and Parker.
106
00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:00,000
I've been trying to hold
her off, but she just...
107
00:04:00,001 --> 00:04:01,203
she's got this couples therapist
108
00:04:01,237 --> 00:04:02,672
wrapped around her finger.
- Hmm.
109
00:04:02,673 --> 00:04:05,410
Usually when Parker and I
meet up with other couples,
110
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,982
group sex is involved.
111
00:04:07,015 --> 00:04:10,823
Yeah... no, this would be like
a corner booth at P.F. Chang's.
112
00:04:10,856 --> 00:04:12,192
Say, 5:45.
113
00:04:12,225 --> 00:04:13,762
One bottle of wine,
split four ways.
114
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,465
You know,
then we take home the rest.
115
00:04:15,498 --> 00:04:18,404
'Kay, wow. This is all very...
heteronormative,
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00:04:18,437 --> 00:04:20,341
trad-wife, norm-core.
117
00:04:20,374 --> 00:04:22,478
Which would make it
kinda the freakiest thing
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00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,418
that Parker and I had done
in a whi... you know what?
119
00:04:25,452 --> 00:04:26,753
Tell her we're in.
120
00:04:26,754 --> 00:04:27,488
Are you sure?
121
00:04:27,690 --> 00:04:29,025
Parker could tuck his shirt in.
122
00:04:29,026 --> 00:04:30,729
Oh, my God! With a belt.
123
00:04:31,998 --> 00:04:33,434
Hilarious. That's so good.
124
00:04:33,467 --> 00:04:36,373
For the record, I don't love you
mocking my lifestyle.
125
00:04:36,407 --> 00:04:38,845
Old Navy's having a sale. Huh.
126
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,018
I know what I'm doing
on Saturday.
127
00:04:45,492 --> 00:04:47,262
Somebody's gotta go first.
128
00:04:47,295 --> 00:04:49,232
Then again,
somebody's gotta go last.
129
00:04:49,265 --> 00:04:50,100
Doesn't matter to me.
130
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,271
Either way, he's gonna
be eating a delicious éclair
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00:04:52,338 --> 00:04:53,140
from his favorite bakery.
132
00:04:53,407 --> 00:04:55,812
You're bribing him
with an eclair after lunch?
133
00:04:55,813 --> 00:04:56,681
That's embarrassing.
134
00:04:56,715 --> 00:04:58,484
- I'll go first.
- Fine by me.
135
00:04:58,517 --> 00:05:00,921
All right, that's classic
reverse psychology.
136
00:05:00,922 --> 00:05:02,292
I will go second.
137
00:05:02,325 --> 00:05:03,459
Mmm! Figured me out.
138
00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:05,799
Now, that is reverse psychology.
139
00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:07,034
I will go first.
140
00:05:07,903 --> 00:05:09,807
- What is that?
- Hey!
141
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:13,112
Like a violin.
142
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,753
Hey, Shred. I had dinner with
my friend Cassie last night.
143
00:05:15,786 --> 00:05:18,859
I showed her one of your
snowboard clips. She's in.
144
00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:19,860
- In?
- To you!
145
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,231
And you'd love her.
She's so athletic
146
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,335
and pretty and shorter than you.
147
00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:25,673
So I sent her a text
this morning,
148
00:05:25,706 --> 00:05:26,808
and she's open to a setup.
149
00:05:26,841 --> 00:05:29,747
Yeah, that's really sweet
and cool.
150
00:05:29,748 --> 00:05:31,651
5'7" is also the global average
for men.
151
00:05:31,684 --> 00:05:32,586
Not that that matters.
152
00:05:32,886 --> 00:05:34,924
Um, but I don't think I'm
really in a place right now...
153
00:05:34,957 --> 00:05:35,626
No, listen!
154
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:37,595
I've known her forever
from church.
155
00:05:37,596 --> 00:05:38,831
She's like my little
church daughter.
156
00:05:38,832 --> 00:05:40,803
You're like my work son.
It's perfect!
157
00:05:40,836 --> 00:05:42,606
Unless... are you
seeing someone?
158
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,375
No, no, he's not seeing anyone.
159
00:05:44,409 --> 00:05:46,346
No, you should do it.
She sounds perfect.
160
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:47,617
Um...
161
00:05:47,950 --> 00:05:49,085
Yes.
162
00:05:49,086 --> 00:05:50,622
Okay, yeah. I'd take her
163
00:05:50,656 --> 00:05:53,828
for... a spin. Ride.
I... I'd go out with her.
164
00:05:53,862 --> 00:05:56,332
But, can you tell her I'm shy
and I don't like to kiss
165
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,235
on the first date.
166
00:05:57,469 --> 00:06:00,709
Ooh, nothing makes undies drop
faster than a gentleman.
167
00:06:00,742 --> 00:06:01,343
Ah!
168
00:06:01,544 --> 00:06:03,046
I got a good feeling about this.
169
00:06:04,082 --> 00:06:05,752
Uh, sorry.
What is happening?
170
00:06:05,786 --> 00:06:07,956
Hello? It looks suspicious
if you won't go on a setup
171
00:06:07,957 --> 00:06:08,825
with the perfect woman.
172
00:06:09,126 --> 00:06:10,761
Yeah, or we could just
tell everybody we're together,
173
00:06:10,762 --> 00:06:12,632
and I don't go on
the weird, fake date.
174
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,704
It's just, it's not a good time,
with Wayne Peters,
175
00:06:14,737 --> 00:06:16,673
and the ACOOTYs and there's
a supermoon tomorrow.
176
00:06:16,674 --> 00:06:18,510
So this is a better plan,
just trust me.
177
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:19,946
I didn't know about
the supermoon.
178
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,082
- Yeah.
- Okay.
179
00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:22,118
I will go on the date.
180
00:06:22,352 --> 00:06:25,559
But, while I'm holding her hand,
I'll be imagining it's yours.
181
00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:27,529
Why will you be
holding her hand?
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00:06:28,029 --> 00:06:30,969
This is a very confusing
assignment you've given me.
183
00:06:32,673 --> 00:06:34,710
And here I thought
my greatest disguise
184
00:06:34,777 --> 00:06:36,547
was hiding my sweet tooth.
185
00:06:36,581 --> 00:06:38,450
Ehh, a good officer does
his research.
186
00:06:38,483 --> 00:06:40,354
Whoa!
187
00:06:40,387 --> 00:06:42,793
Bat. Rousettus aegyptiacus.
188
00:06:42,826 --> 00:06:43,762
Unconfined.
189
00:06:43,795 --> 00:06:45,130
How do we proceed, officer?
190
00:06:45,131 --> 00:06:46,567
Uh, okay.
Wet road conditions.
191
00:06:46,601 --> 00:06:48,838
School bus on my six.
Too dicey to brake.
192
00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:51,009
I'm gonna confuse
its echolocation.
193
00:06:51,042 --> 00:06:52,111
Whoo!
194
00:06:52,144 --> 00:06:54,082
Whoo! Whoo!
195
00:06:54,115 --> 00:06:55,652
Wee-wee-oh!
196
00:06:58,992 --> 00:06:59,994
Textbook.
197
00:07:01,631 --> 00:07:03,400
I'll give you that one.
198
00:07:03,433 --> 00:07:05,204
I said that, I did say that.
199
00:07:05,237 --> 00:07:07,809
Wayne, just want to apologize
on behalf of the precinct
200
00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:09,813
for what you experienced
on that ride along.
201
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,951
Questionable jokes,
unnecessary lip licking,
202
00:07:11,984 --> 00:07:14,389
giggling and whispering
like a farmhouse ghost.
203
00:07:14,423 --> 00:07:15,525
Au contraire.
204
00:07:15,558 --> 00:07:16,895
Wayne and I had a fine time
205
00:07:16,928 --> 00:07:18,798
controlling the animals
of Seattle.
206
00:07:18,832 --> 00:07:20,368
He caught a bat while driving.
207
00:07:20,401 --> 00:07:22,572
I've never seen
such deft fingers.
208
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:23,942
Um...
209
00:07:23,975 --> 00:07:25,779
well, I'm glad
you enjoyed your opener,
210
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,949
because your headliner's
about to melt your face off.
211
00:07:27,950 --> 00:07:29,920
Unfortunately, that bat took
a huge chunk of our day.
212
00:07:29,954 --> 00:07:32,526
Why don't we just grab
a hotel lobby coffee tomorrow?
213
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,462
I'm rolling out
for Boise around 9:00.
214
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,967
- I'll be there at 7:00.
- I wake up at 8:15.
215
00:07:36,968 --> 00:07:39,105
T-Bag, impressive
stuff today, buddy.
216
00:07:39,138 --> 00:07:40,107
Thanks.
217
00:07:40,875 --> 00:07:42,612
Nice try, Frank.
218
00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:47,021
And the ACOOTY goes to
Dirk Templeton Dudge.
219
00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:49,827
Why doesn't he just go by Dirk?
220
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:53,968
This is out of control.
221
00:07:54,202 --> 00:07:56,574
Thanks to your little prank,
Templeton looks like
222
00:07:56,607 --> 00:07:58,277
gosh dang Captain America.
223
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,214
How was I supposed to know
that living Squishmallow
224
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,218
was gonna be competent
for the first time in his life?
225
00:08:02,251 --> 00:08:04,021
When he takes my job,
they'll probably move me
226
00:08:04,022 --> 00:08:05,891
to city planning,
which we all know is
227
00:08:05,892 --> 00:08:07,930
a never-ending argument
about bike lanes.
228
00:08:07,963 --> 00:08:09,800
Don't worry, Frank still
has his coffee date,
229
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,269
and my man is great
in the mornin'.
230
00:08:11,270 --> 00:08:13,541
He wakes up just a chittering
like a field mouse.
231
00:08:13,575 --> 00:08:14,844
I'm not your man and don't lie.
232
00:08:14,877 --> 00:08:16,980
6:00 to 8:00 PM
is my golden hour.
233
00:08:16,981 --> 00:08:17,616
Wait a minute.
234
00:08:17,783 --> 00:08:19,018
Why don't I just invite
Wayne over
235
00:08:19,019 --> 00:08:20,689
for dinner and drinks
at my place?
236
00:08:20,723 --> 00:08:22,092
No...
237
00:08:22,459 --> 00:08:23,862
Why are you doing that again?
238
00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:25,665
'Cause you're a sad man
with a sad house.
239
00:08:25,699 --> 00:08:28,604
Wait, what if we could
dilute the sadness with us?
240
00:08:28,605 --> 00:08:30,876
We could throw a dinner party,
sing Frank's praises,
241
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:32,912
and then maybe Wayne wouldn't
even notice that you have
242
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,416
an entire room for your dog
and your cat.
243
00:08:34,449 --> 00:08:36,688
Mmm, I couldn't do tonight,
'cause Maya, she bullied me
244
00:08:36,721 --> 00:08:37,489
into a double date
with Victoria.
245
00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:39,926
I'm doing that for ironic
cosplay reasons,
246
00:08:39,927 --> 00:08:42,132
so rolling that into
a work thing kinda works.
247
00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:44,069
What are you doing?
248
00:08:44,302 --> 00:08:46,874
You guys plotting?
You-you have plotting energy.
249
00:08:46,908 --> 00:08:49,011
Somebody close the blinds
right now.
250
00:08:50,081 --> 00:08:51,149
Sorry.
251
00:08:52,853 --> 00:08:55,859
And his name was
Doctor Tarantula.
252
00:08:56,226 --> 00:08:58,130
Cassie, this is Shred.
253
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,535
Oh, my God, he's so cute.
254
00:09:00,536 --> 00:09:01,871
Ooh, the cat's not
too bad either.
255
00:09:01,904 --> 00:09:03,473
Don't worry,
we've both been dewormed.
256
00:09:03,474 --> 00:09:06,681
Oh, well, why don't I take this
little fur baby so you two
257
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,483
can get going on your date?
258
00:09:08,517 --> 00:09:09,920
Ooh, is it date time already?
259
00:09:09,953 --> 00:09:12,692
Yay... go have fun, you two.
260
00:09:13,060 --> 00:09:14,730
Ye... yes.
261
00:09:14,764 --> 00:09:16,867
Okay. After you.
262
00:09:17,536 --> 00:09:18,504
Ooh.
263
00:09:18,772 --> 00:09:21,844
After you! I bet he's doing that
so he can look at her butt.
264
00:09:21,845 --> 00:09:23,915
Ah! Yeah.
For sure, for sure.
265
00:09:23,949 --> 00:09:25,851
You know, as long as you're
matchmaking, feel free
266
00:09:25,852 --> 00:09:27,789
to throw some strange my way.
267
00:09:27,823 --> 00:09:29,192
Girl, they got apps for that.
268
00:09:29,225 --> 00:09:30,127
Yeah.
269
00:09:31,163 --> 00:09:32,565
So glad you could make it.
270
00:09:32,566 --> 00:09:34,536
Figured you're on the road
300 days a year.
271
00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:35,605
Home cooked meal,
272
00:09:35,639 --> 00:09:36,607
toasty Italian red
might be nice.
273
00:09:36,874 --> 00:09:40,214
Yeah, my dinner was gonna be
the cold bagels that I pocketed
274
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,017
from the Ramada, so.
- Oh!
275
00:09:43,888 --> 00:09:44,723
Ramada.
276
00:09:44,724 --> 00:09:46,025
- May I?
- Please.
277
00:09:46,059 --> 00:09:47,863
I am so glad this worked out.
278
00:09:47,897 --> 00:09:49,767
I've been trying to get us
all together for ages,
279
00:09:49,801 --> 00:09:51,403
but Amit keeps telling me
you're too busy.
280
00:09:51,436 --> 00:09:54,576
No, he's totally right.
We're crazy busy these days.
281
00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:57,649
Um, candle shopping and
Container Store and...
282
00:09:57,682 --> 00:10:00,655
racing each other
to finish the Wordle.
283
00:10:00,688 --> 00:10:02,091
It was so hard today.
284
00:10:02,124 --> 00:10:02,726
- It was.
- Not for her!
285
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,830
She got it in
two guesses. Exile.
286
00:10:04,864 --> 00:10:06,499
Oh, well, don't
give 'em the answer!
287
00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:07,770
What? Let me brag on you, baby.
288
00:10:07,803 --> 00:10:09,038
- Oh, stop.
- No, you stop.
289
00:10:09,072 --> 00:10:11,678
- Stop.
- You stop. You stop.
290
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,614
Stop. No, you stop.
291
00:10:13,615 --> 00:10:14,315
You stop!
292
00:10:14,550 --> 00:10:16,119
Are you as turned on
as I am right now?
293
00:10:16,152 --> 00:10:17,756
Stop it, I've got
such a headache
294
00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:18,857
from doing all that laundry.
295
00:10:18,858 --> 00:10:20,193
Ooh, stop. We're getting there.
296
00:10:20,227 --> 00:10:21,230
I'm exhausted.
297
00:10:22,198 --> 00:10:22,866
If I may.
298
00:10:23,066 --> 00:10:25,905
I just wanted
to give a little toast.
299
00:10:25,939 --> 00:10:29,346
And thank Frank for not only
hosting this lovely dinner
300
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,916
for all of us, but also...
301
00:10:30,949 --> 00:10:34,856
being one of the best officers
I've ever known.
302
00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:38,931
His courage, quick thinking,
calm under pressure.
303
00:10:38,965 --> 00:10:43,575
If I ever get that dreaded
wolf in an orphanage phone call.
304
00:10:43,608 --> 00:10:45,612
Frank's my guy. So.
305
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,547
To Frank.
306
00:10:46,581 --> 00:10:47,181
- To Frank.
- To Frank.
307
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:48,885
- To the big catch.
- Cheers.
308
00:10:48,918 --> 00:10:50,621
- Stop, stop, stop.
- He's the best.
309
00:10:50,622 --> 00:10:52,960
Stop. Compliments make
me uncomfortable.
310
00:10:52,993 --> 00:10:55,732
Your co-workers have a lot of
nice things to say about you.
311
00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:56,634
Oh, well, wait till you
meet Shred.
312
00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:59,105
He has a bit of a partner
crush on me. Where is he?
313
00:10:59,138 --> 00:11:01,910
Oh, Shred is on a date,
but he should be here soon.
314
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:05,118
And I mean, it's only been,
um... oh, three hours.
315
00:11:05,151 --> 00:11:05,819
Wow.
316
00:11:06,019 --> 00:11:07,788
You know what we should
do next time?
317
00:11:07,789 --> 00:11:09,125
Taste of Seattle.
318
00:11:09,159 --> 00:11:10,762
It's the last Sunday
of every month.
319
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,200
And this month,
the theme is cheese.
320
00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:15,037
Yeah, but they only
let you sample
321
00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:17,107
three cheeses, and you guys
probably have plans, so.
322
00:11:17,141 --> 00:11:18,812
No, we'll be there.
I'll bring my Lactaid.
323
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,115
See, babe, I told you
they'd be into it.
324
00:11:21,149 --> 00:11:22,785
She did, she told me.
325
00:11:22,786 --> 00:11:24,856
All right, couples selfie time.
You ready?
326
00:11:26,025 --> 00:11:27,929
I am extremely horny right now.
327
00:11:27,963 --> 00:11:30,367
Your sensible sneakers are
driving me absolutely insane.
328
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,236
Stop.
329
00:11:32,639 --> 00:11:34,508
It's always good to be
back at my old frat.
330
00:11:34,509 --> 00:11:37,649
I noticed you guys are getting
a little soft with your hazing.
331
00:11:37,682 --> 00:11:38,516
When I was a freshman,
332
00:11:38,751 --> 00:11:40,854
The senior brothers
convinced me to get a tattoo
333
00:11:40,855 --> 00:11:42,358
to match theirs.
334
00:11:42,391 --> 00:11:43,360
Then theirs washed off.
335
00:11:43,628 --> 00:11:46,700
Hey, remember you told me to
follow Patel's wife's socials?
336
00:11:46,734 --> 00:11:47,969
Well, it's finally paying off.
337
00:11:48,003 --> 00:11:48,971
I got a discount at Madewell,
338
00:11:49,205 --> 00:11:51,978
and I just found out that Frank
is hosting a dinner party
339
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,681
with Wayne right now.
340
00:11:53,715 --> 00:11:54,816
I knew it.
341
00:11:54,817 --> 00:11:56,386
That was plotting energy.
342
00:11:58,691 --> 00:12:01,697
I present... Salmon a la Shaw.
343
00:12:01,730 --> 00:12:02,799
Wow!
344
00:12:02,832 --> 00:12:04,468
What's everyone else eating?
345
00:12:07,274 --> 00:12:08,243
So good.
346
00:12:09,446 --> 00:12:11,449
Oh! Uh, Shred's finally here.
347
00:12:14,923 --> 00:12:16,359
There he is!
348
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:22,137
My lawn is
a National Lampoon movie.
349
00:12:22,171 --> 00:12:24,174
Frank! Frank! Frank!
350
00:12:24,175 --> 00:12:26,145
No! Get away!
351
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,886
This has Templeton's dandruff
sprinkled all over it.
352
00:12:38,538 --> 00:12:41,075
That's Doc Whiskers'!
353
00:12:45,017 --> 00:12:47,253
Throwing a rager on a Tuesday?
I'm appalled, Frank.
354
00:12:47,254 --> 00:12:49,726
I just rushed here from Bible
studies as soon as I heard.
355
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,832
Save it, officer Dudge, I know
you're responsible for this.
356
00:12:52,866 --> 00:12:55,104
You told me you're
a legacy member of this frat
357
00:12:55,137 --> 00:12:56,206
when we were on our drive.
358
00:12:56,239 --> 00:12:57,174
You even taught me
the handshake!
359
00:12:57,441 --> 00:13:00,047
He had to rush twice, he didn't
get in his first semester.
360
00:13:00,081 --> 00:13:01,884
'Cause it went with my mom
the first time.
361
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:02,819
Frank put the bat
in your pastry.
362
00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:05,090
Okay, I guess I'm dealing
with a couple pranksters here.
363
00:13:05,123 --> 00:13:07,763
You're both missing
the esprit de corps
364
00:13:07,796 --> 00:13:09,331
that makes
Animal Control special.
365
00:13:09,332 --> 00:13:11,168
We put the animals
before ourselves,
366
00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:12,872
and you've both
lost sight of that.
367
00:13:12,906 --> 00:13:15,143
So, neither of you
are getting my endorsement.
368
00:13:16,947 --> 00:13:18,751
Wayne, please!
369
00:13:19,285 --> 00:13:21,088
Do not drink outta that vase!
370
00:13:21,089 --> 00:13:22,725
What are you doing? No!
371
00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:24,194
- Hey!
- Oh, my gosh, you're here.
372
00:13:24,195 --> 00:13:24,930
- Thank God.
- Yeah.
373
00:13:25,131 --> 00:13:27,368
Our plan to impress Wayne
is a disaster.
374
00:13:27,401 --> 00:13:28,203
I'm so sorry I'm late.
375
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:30,241
Coffee went long,
and then we went to mini golf.
376
00:13:30,274 --> 00:13:31,109
- It was a whole thing.
- No, it's okay.
377
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:34,248
It doesn't matter.
What matters is you're here now.
378
00:13:34,983 --> 00:13:36,486
And so is Cassie.
379
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:37,455
Cassie's here.
380
00:13:37,723 --> 00:13:39,960
Yeah. Frank texted while
we were at the batting cages.
381
00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:41,429
He said to come right away.
382
00:13:41,463 --> 00:13:42,766
The batting cages?
383
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,967
I played softball in college.
384
00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:46,106
At Princeton.
She gets weird about it.
385
00:13:46,139 --> 00:13:46,941
Just say you went there.
386
00:13:47,175 --> 00:13:49,245
Why are you weird about it?
It must be so nice
387
00:13:49,312 --> 00:13:51,951
to be so pretty
and smart and athletic.
388
00:13:51,984 --> 00:13:53,487
Do you wanna get something
to drink?
389
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,090
Um...
390
00:13:55,123 --> 00:13:56,059
Emily, do you want anything?
391
00:13:56,259 --> 00:13:58,898
No, thank you. I'm good.
Just worry about your date.
392
00:13:58,931 --> 00:14:00,467
Okay.
393
00:14:08,317 --> 00:14:10,555
Who would've thought that
living out my worst nightmare
394
00:14:10,589 --> 00:14:12,024
could be so hot?
395
00:14:12,057 --> 00:14:14,062
Nightmare's a little strong.
396
00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:16,032
They gave us the number
for their gutter guy.
397
00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:18,135
But, like, on a physical card.
398
00:14:18,136 --> 00:14:19,205
Why do they have this?
399
00:14:19,238 --> 00:14:20,875
Did they just ask him
for extras?
400
00:14:20,876 --> 00:14:23,246
I get that it's sad stuff,
but is it?
401
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,152
I mean, I'm actually excited
about Taste of Seattle.
402
00:14:26,186 --> 00:14:27,988
Wait... are you still doing
a bit?
403
00:14:27,989 --> 00:14:29,959
- We're not going to that.
- Why not?
404
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,264
Because we're not Maya
and Patel.
405
00:14:32,265 --> 00:14:35,772
Yeah, but would it be
that bad if someday we were?
406
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:39,045
Okay, we're not
the mom and dad types.
407
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:40,381
Okay, but this quarter-zip
408
00:14:40,414 --> 00:14:42,151
has awoken something
inside of me.
409
00:14:42,184 --> 00:14:43,654
Like a... like a werewolf.
410
00:14:43,687 --> 00:14:46,391
But with a mortgage and
little league on the weekends.
411
00:14:46,392 --> 00:14:49,466
Oh, um... yeah.
I need some air.
412
00:14:49,499 --> 00:14:51,102
Babe, wait.
413
00:14:51,135 --> 00:14:53,140
Wait, where does that leave us
for the cheese thing?
414
00:14:57,114 --> 00:14:58,250
- It's hot.
- Back it up.
415
00:14:58,283 --> 00:15:00,053
Back it up, back it up,
back it up.
416
00:15:00,054 --> 00:15:01,354
- What? What?
- What?
417
00:15:01,355 --> 00:15:03,325
Oh, wow. Okay.
418
00:15:03,326 --> 00:15:04,897
Oh...
419
00:15:04,930 --> 00:15:07,100
Love this song, too.
It's so good.
420
00:15:07,134 --> 00:15:08,904
You can't help but dance.
421
00:15:08,905 --> 00:15:09,973
Oh, my god!
422
00:15:10,007 --> 00:15:12,111
Oh, my god, Cass.
I'm so sorry.
423
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,282
That's so crazy that
that happened.
424
00:15:14,316 --> 00:15:16,319
Oh, it's... it's really...
it's okay.
425
00:15:16,353 --> 00:15:18,155
I have another shirt
in my work bag.
426
00:15:18,156 --> 00:15:21,062
- Okay.
- She's a pediatric oncologist.
427
00:15:21,096 --> 00:15:22,865
Ahh! You are?
428
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,603
Wow, you're saving
the little ones.
429
00:15:24,636 --> 00:15:25,503
That's outta sight.
430
00:15:25,805 --> 00:15:29,044
Wow... I myself, I volunteer
at a women's shelter, so.
431
00:15:29,078 --> 00:15:30,180
- Saint Augustine's?
- Uh-huh.
432
00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,150
I'm there, like,
four times a week.
433
00:15:32,184 --> 00:15:34,857
Yeah, it has been a minute
since I've been there.
434
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:38,430
I used to go Saturdays, but I
found this one yoga class, so...
435
00:15:38,463 --> 00:15:40,500
There's actually
a guest bedroom upstairs
436
00:15:40,501 --> 00:15:41,537
if you wanna change.
437
00:15:41,571 --> 00:15:43,105
Yes! Yes, Shred.
438
00:15:43,106 --> 00:15:44,677
But she doesn't know the house.
439
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,346
So, why don't you be
a gentleman and show her
440
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,350
where the second bedroom is?
441
00:15:48,918 --> 00:15:50,287
You know what?
I'll take you.
442
00:15:50,321 --> 00:15:51,990
- Oh, you're so sweet.
- I gotcha.
443
00:15:52,024 --> 00:15:53,393
- Yeah.
- You remind me of my aunt.
444
00:15:53,394 --> 00:15:54,228
Aww.
445
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:56,867
- Whoops. Gotcha again.
- Oh!
446
00:15:57,234 --> 00:15:58,938
Let's get you changed.
447
00:15:59,539 --> 00:16:02,378
...remember your
technique in slicing
448
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:04,983
into the onion
making some level...
449
00:16:05,017 --> 00:16:06,587
Sorry. Wrong room.
450
00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:08,122
Okay. Yeah.
451
00:16:09,893 --> 00:16:12,097
So, Shred seems great.
452
00:16:12,098 --> 00:16:14,168
Yeah. Yeah. Shred, he's...
453
00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:16,405
Not great. Nuh-uh.
454
00:16:16,439 --> 00:16:18,611
He's-he's pretty problematic.
455
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,346
Yeah, he's a real hound dog.
456
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,284
He seemed so nice
at the batting cages.
457
00:16:22,317 --> 00:16:24,989
I'm sure he was.
That's one of his moves though.
458
00:16:24,990 --> 00:16:28,931
It's toxic respect.
It's the new gaslighting.
459
00:16:28,965 --> 00:16:30,000
- Is that a thing?
- If I were you,
460
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:33,006
I would put on several
layers of clothes, like...
461
00:16:33,039 --> 00:16:34,475
just right now.
- Yeah.
462
00:16:34,509 --> 00:16:37,549
And maybe just, you know, leave
without even saying goodbye.
463
00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:39,385
- Yeah.
- Let's just bundle you up and...
464
00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:41,322
- No, that's a good idea.
- And get you outta here.
465
00:16:41,355 --> 00:16:42,960
- You know?
- Thank you so much.
466
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,965
That award came with
a $10,000 prize.
467
00:16:45,999 --> 00:16:48,036
I was gonna travel to Turkey.
468
00:16:48,102 --> 00:16:50,140
I assume for hair transplants
and all the Botox
469
00:16:50,141 --> 00:16:51,409
your brow can hold?
470
00:16:51,442 --> 00:16:52,378
Lip filler.
471
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,382
You can't put a price
on being a legend.
472
00:16:54,416 --> 00:16:56,319
I was blinded
by my hatred for you.
473
00:16:56,352 --> 00:16:57,989
I lost sight of the animals.
474
00:17:04,402 --> 00:17:06,974
Hey, look. I stole our mascot.
475
00:17:07,008 --> 00:17:08,109
Free the humps!
476
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:10,982
That's my big bro!
477
00:17:11,015 --> 00:17:13,320
Not cool, Trey.
Get off the camel!
478
00:17:13,353 --> 00:17:14,021
Okay.
479
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,428
Yeah!
480
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,515
Flank him!
I'll go left.
481
00:17:28,516 --> 00:17:30,989
Hey, Siri,
play My Humps by Fergie.
482
00:17:31,022 --> 00:17:31,824
Calling Mom.
483
00:17:31,924 --> 00:17:34,394
No, don't call Mom.
Play My Humps!
484
00:17:34,395 --> 00:17:36,667
Hey. Cassie texted.
She left the party.
485
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:38,336
- What? Oh...
- Really?
486
00:17:38,337 --> 00:17:41,109
I teed that up for you.
She was perfect.
487
00:17:41,142 --> 00:17:43,413
Smart, family money,
tight little church body.
488
00:17:43,447 --> 00:17:44,249
How tight was that body, Emily?
489
00:17:44,515 --> 00:17:47,120
Honestly, very tight.
Did you say family money?
490
00:17:47,154 --> 00:17:48,991
Baby boy,
what the hell happened?
491
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:50,160
She wasn't right for me.
492
00:17:50,193 --> 00:17:51,495
Because...
493
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:53,200
I'm in love with someone else.
494
00:17:58,443 --> 00:17:59,546
Who is it?
495
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:00,648
I want names.
496
00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:03,385
My ex.
497
00:18:03,386 --> 00:18:04,355
Camila.
498
00:18:04,589 --> 00:18:07,294
She's an Olympic snowboarder
and I still have feelings.
499
00:18:07,327 --> 00:18:09,064
Okay, I need some eyes
on this ice queen.
500
00:18:09,065 --> 00:18:10,300
Yeah.
501
00:18:10,467 --> 00:18:12,706
Oh, you still have photos
of her on your phone.
502
00:18:12,739 --> 00:18:14,408
That's nice.
503
00:18:15,243 --> 00:18:16,446
And she's an Olympian?
504
00:18:16,479 --> 00:18:18,382
Oh, you're not getting
any better than this.
505
00:18:18,383 --> 00:18:19,285
Come on, let's go get a drink,
506
00:18:19,519 --> 00:18:21,690
and we can game-plan on how
we're gonna get her back.
507
00:18:21,723 --> 00:18:22,491
Okay.
508
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:23,794
- 'Kay.
- Go do that.
509
00:18:23,828 --> 00:18:25,665
- Yeah.
- Go get her back.
510
00:18:27,536 --> 00:18:29,238
- Hey.
- Hey.
511
00:18:29,271 --> 00:18:31,409
Sorry I sort of freaked out.
512
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,614
You caught me off guard.
513
00:18:33,648 --> 00:18:36,218
I think I caught myself
off guard, too.
514
00:18:36,653 --> 00:18:39,224
Do you really want
all that stuff?
515
00:18:39,225 --> 00:18:41,196
Kids. House.
516
00:18:41,229 --> 00:18:43,466
A belt that's not rope.
517
00:18:43,901 --> 00:18:45,904
I've been a drifter all my life.
518
00:18:45,905 --> 00:18:49,578
And tonight I got a preview of
what it would be like
519
00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:52,384
to settle down with a girl
that I really like.
520
00:18:52,417 --> 00:18:55,591
And I really liked it.
521
00:18:57,128 --> 00:18:58,429
Hmm.
522
00:18:59,131 --> 00:19:00,400
See...
523
00:19:00,702 --> 00:19:02,503
That scares me,
524
00:19:02,504 --> 00:19:04,709
because I don't want
those things.
525
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,581
Damn.
526
00:19:07,582 --> 00:19:08,550
Damn.
527
00:19:14,262 --> 00:19:16,165
I don't want to stand
in the way of you
528
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,568
chasing what you want.
529
00:19:18,938 --> 00:19:21,843
So, what does that mean,
are we breaking up?
530
00:19:23,714 --> 00:19:25,350
I think we are.
531
00:19:31,563 --> 00:19:33,433
Make way for the dromedary!
532
00:19:33,466 --> 00:19:37,341
Listen up, all you Aidan, Brayden,
Caden, Jadens and Noahs.
533
00:19:37,374 --> 00:19:40,114
This thing has a 15-foot
spit radius.
534
00:19:40,147 --> 00:19:41,684
That's a 30-foot diameter.
535
00:19:41,717 --> 00:19:42,885
Math major, bitches.
536
00:19:46,326 --> 00:19:49,265
So, now would probably be
a good time to tell you
537
00:19:49,298 --> 00:19:51,770
I have a bit of
a jealousy problem.
538
00:19:51,837 --> 00:19:52,739
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
539
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:55,243
Yeah, you really scared
the crap outta that poor girl.
540
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,447
I know. I had to, though,
because no one told me
541
00:19:57,481 --> 00:20:00,020
she was this athletic doctor
with generational wealth
542
00:20:00,053 --> 00:20:02,759
who saves sick kids and
is also, like, super hot.
543
00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:04,929
Yeah, but that's not
what I want.
544
00:20:04,930 --> 00:20:06,299
I want you.
545
00:20:06,533 --> 00:20:07,635
Whoa.
546
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:08,903
No! No.
547
00:20:08,904 --> 00:20:09,839
- You're hot.
- Okay.
548
00:20:10,073 --> 00:20:12,411
Obviously, you're like this
incredible boss that works
549
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,148
with disadvantaged women
550
00:20:14,215 --> 00:20:15,751
when it works
with her yoga schedule.
551
00:20:15,785 --> 00:20:16,519
Shut up!
552
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,557
And that's what I like.
553
00:20:18,724 --> 00:20:19,860
So...
554
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,131
You're in love with someone?
555
00:20:22,398 --> 00:20:24,435
I did say that, didn't I?
556
00:20:24,803 --> 00:20:27,575
Might I ask who? Or...
557
00:20:41,168 --> 00:20:42,672
Well. Enjoy this.
558
00:20:42,706 --> 00:20:44,642
It'll be the last time
I offer you a drink
559
00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:46,547
that doesn't require
an antidote.
560
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,818
That might be the first ever
dual scooter
561
00:20:48,851 --> 00:20:50,387
frat party camel rescue.
562
00:20:50,421 --> 00:20:52,559
Too bad Wayne wasn't here
to see it.
563
00:20:52,592 --> 00:20:54,829
He saw everything, brah.
564
00:20:57,702 --> 00:21:00,373
You two put your petty
squabbles aside,
565
00:21:00,407 --> 00:21:01,509
and you put the animals first.
566
00:21:01,543 --> 00:21:03,614
And that is what
this award is all about.
567
00:21:03,648 --> 00:21:06,419
You both get my endorsement
to be in the final 10 nominees.
568
00:21:06,452 --> 00:21:07,889
- Congratulations.
- Sir.
569
00:21:07,922 --> 00:21:08,791
Thanks.
570
00:21:08,991 --> 00:21:11,061
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to be in Boise
571
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:13,499
in the morning, or should I say,
a vending machine guy
572
00:21:13,534 --> 00:21:15,270
named Rocko does.
573
00:21:15,838 --> 00:21:18,209
We did it!
We're back in the game.
574
00:21:18,242 --> 00:21:19,378
You know, and for those
ten minutes,
575
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:20,782
I didn't abhor your presence.
576
00:21:20,815 --> 00:21:21,650
Samezies.
577
00:21:21,884 --> 00:21:24,623
You know, it's nice seeing
you two work together.
578
00:21:24,656 --> 00:21:27,260
Maybe we can bring that energy
back to the precinct?
579
00:21:27,294 --> 00:21:29,198
Hey, Trey.
Celebratory keg stand.
580
00:21:29,232 --> 00:21:31,435
I want a brother on every limb.
581
00:21:31,436 --> 00:21:32,939
Let's do it, boys.
582
00:21:32,972 --> 00:21:35,510
T-Bag! T-Bag!
583
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:37,447
Bury that man.
584
00:21:37,448 --> 00:21:38,884
Oh, he's already dead.
42245
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