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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,660
I want you to kill me.
I'm Julia. Paddy's daughter.
2
00:00:05,695 --> 00:00:09,293
This is very exciting, isn't it? Our
second assisted suicide in a week.
3
00:00:09,294 --> 00:00:11,133
And all together, now. Come on.
4
00:00:11,134 --> 00:00:13,213
Start finding people
at the old-age home
5
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,213
that want us to help them
finish themselves off, would you?
6
00:00:15,214 --> 00:00:16,573
Wouldn't you love to be back
with him?
7
00:00:16,574 --> 00:00:18,575
Do you ever worry, with her
being a copper, she might be a lesbo?
8
00:00:18,576 --> 00:00:20,894
My wife's not a lesbo. Ah!
9
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,813
Are you still going out
with that girl?
10
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,133
Didn't seem
like she'd be any good in the sack.
11
00:00:25,134 --> 00:00:27,735
Is this the boyfriend?
I don't have a boyfriend.
12
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:28,694
You're ripe.
13
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,733
I bet that pierced lip of yours
would feel good
14
00:00:30,734 --> 00:00:33,535
against the delicate skin
of my stinky pickle.
15
00:00:33,536 --> 00:00:35,734
Get off your brother right now!
16
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,053
There's more to life than money.
17
00:00:37,054 --> 00:00:38,895
What's wrong with him? He's in love.
19
00:00:55,447 --> 00:00:57,565
Condoms. Condoms. Yes, absolutely.
20
00:00:57,566 --> 00:01:00,927
Oh, I... I forgot condoms. Um...
I think I've got one in my purse.
21
00:01:01,023 --> 00:01:02,063
Oh, you're amazing.
22
00:01:14,303 --> 00:01:16,062
I got it.
23
00:01:16,063 --> 00:01:18,502
Argh! What's wrong?
24
00:01:18,503 --> 00:01:20,382
What? You screamed.
25
00:01:20,383 --> 00:01:22,223
With excitement!
26
00:01:26,823 --> 00:01:28,461
I usually wait longer than this,
Scott.
27
00:01:28,462 --> 00:01:31,221
I do. But this last week
has just been... amazing.
28
00:01:31,222 --> 00:01:33,341
I know.
Why couldn't I have met you sooner?
29
00:01:33,342 --> 00:01:35,221
It was my dad. He put us together.
30
00:01:35,222 --> 00:01:36,981
What? If he hadn't have died,
31
00:01:36,982 --> 00:01:38,221
we never would have met.
32
00:01:38,222 --> 00:01:40,823
He arranged this whole thing.
I sincerely believe that. Don't you?
33
00:01:40,824 --> 00:01:42,783
Course I do.
34
00:01:46,383 --> 00:01:48,902
So, you ready? Cos I'm ready.
35
00:01:48,903 --> 00:01:51,182
Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
36
00:01:51,183 --> 00:01:52,743
Oh, shit. Erm...
37
00:01:54,743 --> 00:01:57,222
Oh! Wait.
38
00:01:57,223 --> 00:01:59,103
Let me put it on, eh?
39
00:02:05,063 --> 00:02:07,983
Go away, go away, go away,
go away, go away, go away, go away.
40
00:02:07,984 --> 00:02:09,023
Scott?
41
00:02:09,943 --> 00:02:11,543
What? Um...
42
00:02:13,023 --> 00:02:15,063
it's not, um...
43
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,982
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
No, don't...
44
00:02:19,983 --> 00:02:23,341
It's not you. I swear.
It's fine. Honestly, it happens.
45
00:02:23,342 --> 00:02:25,423
What, you've seen this before?
Yeah, of course.
46
00:02:25,424 --> 00:02:29,782
I mean, never in person,
only on the TV. Yeah, but yeah.
47
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:32,181
Look, maybe we just need to...
to start again, you know?
48
00:02:32,182 --> 00:02:33,621
How about Saturday night?
49
00:02:33,622 --> 00:02:37,621
You come over, we have some wine,
dinner, maybe a bit of dancing?
50
00:02:37,622 --> 00:02:39,381
And then whatever happens...
51
00:02:39,382 --> 00:02:41,463
just happens. And it WILL happen.
52
00:02:41,464 --> 00:02:44,863
I promise.
Or I will cut the damn thing off.
53
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:13,382
Mm. Hello, Mr Science Man!
54
00:03:13,383 --> 00:03:15,382
Would you like some pussy?
55
00:03:15,383 --> 00:03:20,062
Cos I'M probably more pussy
than you can handle.
56
00:03:20,063 --> 00:03:24,183
Now, THAT is real comedy.
Yes, like Shakespeare, only wittier.
57
00:03:24,184 --> 00:03:27,342
You want to stick your hand
in some pussy?
58
00:03:27,343 --> 00:03:29,221
Cos you can stick your hand in me.
59
00:03:29,222 --> 00:03:31,421
Leave me alone.
I'm trying to concentrate.
60
00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:32,621
What you doing, anyway?
61
00:03:32,622 --> 00:03:34,741
You get 14 years
for assisting a suicide,
62
00:03:34,742 --> 00:03:36,741
so, basically, I'm saving our arses.
63
00:03:36,742 --> 00:03:38,181
See, after each suicide,
64
00:03:38,182 --> 00:03:40,581
I fill the empty Pemrutox bottles
with coloured water
65
00:03:40,582 --> 00:03:42,623
and place them behind
the real drugs at the clinic.
66
00:03:42,624 --> 00:03:45,862
That way, everything
always looks up to snuff.
67
00:03:45,863 --> 00:03:49,462
Then I order a new shipment
from the suppliers,
68
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:50,621
so by the end of the week,
69
00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:53,383
I can replace the water-filled
bottles with the new ones
70
00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:56,343
and Dr Jill never suspects a thing.
71
00:03:58,263 --> 00:04:01,221
Clever, eh?
You're the mutt's nuts, Scotty!
72
00:04:01,222 --> 00:04:03,101
I can't believe you kept that.
73
00:04:03,102 --> 00:04:04,981
He used to torture me with that
when we were kids.
74
00:04:04,982 --> 00:04:07,701
I can't get rid of it. Grandad gave
it to me the day before he died.
75
00:04:07,702 --> 00:04:09,581
Yeah, and the day AFTER he died,
76
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:12,061
he gave me a vintage watch
worth £10,000.
77
00:04:12,062 --> 00:04:14,623
Which you pawned five years ago
to lose in a poker tournament,
78
00:04:14,624 --> 00:04:16,622
you twat. Oh, so edgy.
79
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:20,103
Are you not relaxed since
you've been buttering the muffin?
80
00:04:20,104 --> 00:04:22,142
What muffin?
81
00:04:22,143 --> 00:04:27,022
The lady's? You know, docking
your dinghy in the hairy boathouse?
82
00:04:27,023 --> 00:04:28,903
It's none of your business.
He hasn't put it in.
83
00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:30,982
Not even the tip.
84
00:04:30,983 --> 00:04:32,662
Hello? Joey.
85
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:33,783
Mr Rothstein...
86
00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:37,901
So, what's going on with Julia?
She's not fridge-iligious, is she?
87
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:40,181
What the hell is fridge-iligious?
It's when you're religious
88
00:04:40,182 --> 00:04:42,861
and you're afraid God will strike you
down for having sex for fun,
89
00:04:42,862 --> 00:04:46,461
instead of for babies, so you go
frigid - you know, fridge-iligious.
90
00:04:46,462 --> 00:04:48,421
Oh, it's nothing to do with Julia.
It's me.
91
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:49,981
Oh, shit. You can't get it up.
92
00:04:49,982 --> 00:04:53,861
I can, just not with her. I've got
a kind of mental block or something.
93
00:04:53,862 --> 00:04:55,743
The kind caused by homosexuality?
94
00:04:55,744 --> 00:04:57,462
No. It's just...
95
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,381
Look, I helped Julia's dad
off himself and...
96
00:05:00,382 --> 00:05:03,103
I guess I feel guilty about having
a secret from her, that's all.
97
00:05:03,104 --> 00:05:06,702
Oh, yeah. Of course.
Impo-guilt. Very common.
98
00:05:06,703 --> 00:05:09,263
Guys... we've got another one.
99
00:05:10,783 --> 00:05:13,501
He's got some sort
of degenerative brain disease.
100
00:05:13,502 --> 00:05:16,181
Has it affected how he acts?
Oh, yeah. He's insane.
101
00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:19,461
He lights candles on Fridays, speaks
some strange foreign language,
102
00:05:19,462 --> 00:05:20,821
wears a little beanie on his head.
103
00:05:20,822 --> 00:05:22,301
Sounds like he's an Orthodox Jew,
you twat.
104
00:05:22,302 --> 00:05:24,501
Yeah, he's still a nut job.
Not the nuttiest, though.
105
00:05:24,502 --> 00:05:26,783
Right, Mr O'Malley?
I'm a little girl!
106
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,743
Yeah, sure you are.
107
00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:33,861
Mr Rothstein?
Ah, Joey, my son. Come in, come in.
108
00:05:33,862 --> 00:05:35,901
I didn't wake you, did I?
Ah, what difference does it make?
109
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,263
By the end of the week,
I should be asleep for ever.
110
00:05:38,264 --> 00:05:40,902
Now, then, which one's your brother?
111
00:05:40,903 --> 00:05:44,061
The one who looks like he hasn't had
anything to eat, or the one who looks
112
00:05:44,062 --> 00:05:46,941
as if he's had everybody else's food.
That's a bit mean.
113
00:05:46,942 --> 00:05:49,101
I'm Scott. I'm the one
who will be assisting you.
114
00:05:49,102 --> 00:05:50,981
Ah, Scott.
Have you ever heard of Moses?
115
00:05:50,982 --> 00:05:53,383
Baby in a basket with a beard?
Yeah, sure.
116
00:05:53,384 --> 00:05:55,462
He died on the 7th of Adar,
117
00:05:55,463 --> 00:05:58,463
exactly 120 years to the moment
he was born.
118
00:05:58,464 --> 00:06:01,102
The exact moment.
119
00:06:01,103 --> 00:06:02,462
A perfect circle,
120
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:05,263
symbolising completion,
wholeness and pure serenity.
121
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:08,942
Do you know why I'm telling you this?
Not a clue.
122
00:06:08,943 --> 00:06:14,142
Because this Sunday morning at 6:47
is the anniversary of MY birth.
123
00:06:14,143 --> 00:06:17,542
And it's also the moment
that I want to die.
124
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,742
This guy is Looney Tunes.
125
00:06:19,743 --> 00:06:21,782
And yet my hearing is fine.
126
00:06:21,783 --> 00:06:24,581
Now, this is very important to me,
Scott,
127
00:06:24,582 --> 00:06:26,821
and I'm willing to pay a lot of money
to make it happen.
128
00:06:26,822 --> 00:06:28,501
Can you do it? Of course I can.
129
00:06:28,502 --> 00:06:30,821
We'll get here early Sunday morning
so you're all hooked up
130
00:06:30,822 --> 00:06:33,061
and ready to pull the plug
any time you want.
131
00:06:33,062 --> 00:06:34,263
There is one caveat.
132
00:06:34,264 --> 00:06:37,022
I can't do it without a Jew here
133
00:06:37,023 --> 00:06:40,382
to say the Shema with me
before I die.
134
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:43,421
And considering
that what we're doing is illegal,
135
00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:47,141
I'm sure you wouldn't want me asking
any of my Jewish friends.
136
00:06:47,142 --> 00:06:50,783
Er... no, no, no, of course not.
But, er... that's OK because, er...
137
00:06:50,784 --> 00:06:52,622
Cozzo is Jewish. I am?
138
00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:55,222
I mean, I am, er...
139
00:06:55,223 --> 00:06:56,702
Oh, of course...
140
00:06:56,703 --> 00:06:58,822
it had to be the schmuck.
141
00:06:58,823 --> 00:07:01,022
Come here, schmuck.
142
00:07:01,023 --> 00:07:04,463
I want you to have this as a gift
for doing this for me.
143
00:07:04,464 --> 00:07:05,942
My father's tefillin.
144
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:09,341
He used to wrap them around his arms
every morning and pray.
145
00:07:09,342 --> 00:07:12,183
They're the holiest objects
I possess, and I hope you like them.
146
00:07:12,184 --> 00:07:14,062
Like 'em? Huh!
147
00:07:14,063 --> 00:07:17,422
These are at the top
of my Jew-wish list. Good.
148
00:07:17,423 --> 00:07:19,781
Now, get out of here, everybody,
and leave me alone.
149
00:07:19,782 --> 00:07:22,381
My daughter's bought me
all of Doctor Who on DVD,
150
00:07:22,382 --> 00:07:24,703
and I'm trying to catch up
before I die.
151
00:07:30,863 --> 00:07:33,981
So, I finally got to this Fifty
Shades Of Grey book, with the S&M.
152
00:07:33,982 --> 00:07:36,981
It's absolutely disgusting.
Well, hang in there.
153
00:07:36,982 --> 00:07:38,981
You might get a few ideas. Yeah.
154
00:07:38,982 --> 00:07:40,943
I could clamp your balls in a vice.
155
00:07:40,944 --> 00:07:43,782
Mm. Do you know any Jewish people?
156
00:07:43,783 --> 00:07:46,541
Jewish people?
Yeah, of course I do. Linda's Jewish.
157
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:49,701
Linda's Jewish? I can't believe it.
She seems so normal.
158
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:52,061
Cozzo! That's a terrible thing
to say.
159
00:07:52,062 --> 00:07:54,661
No, no, no, I'm not...
not trying to sound judgmental.
160
00:07:54,662 --> 00:07:58,101
What I'm saying is
Jewish people are bat-shit crazy.
161
00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:01,781
I mean, look at this. They've got
so many laws and customs.
162
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,981
Did you know
they're not allowed to eat bacon?
163
00:08:03,982 --> 00:08:05,341
Yeah, of course I know that.
164
00:08:05,342 --> 00:08:07,861
Well, then, how do they live?
Without bacon.
165
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,501
That's impossible. It's like trying
to live without air - you can't.
166
00:08:10,502 --> 00:08:13,823
What is with you? Why
the sudden fascination in Judaism?
167
00:08:13,824 --> 00:08:18,182
Why? Well, cos, you know,
with the little one on its way,
168
00:08:18,183 --> 00:08:20,981
I...I think it's important to study
all religions, you know?
169
00:08:20,982 --> 00:08:23,381
So we can teach him
to understand others and...
170
00:08:23,382 --> 00:08:25,941
and live together
in spiritual harmony.
171
00:08:25,942 --> 00:08:28,461
I mean, even the freaky ones
that cut off their dicks.
172
00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:31,461
If you're talking about circumcision,
they only cut the foreskin off.
173
00:08:31,462 --> 00:08:34,581
It's barbaric. I mean,
baby's lying there, big eyes,
174
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,061
brand-new to the world.
175
00:08:36,062 --> 00:08:39,381
"Oh, fantastic! I've just been born!
How exciting!"
176
00:08:39,382 --> 00:08:40,701
And then all of a sudden,
177
00:08:40,702 --> 00:08:43,181
someone just comes in
and slices off his knob.
178
00:08:43,182 --> 00:08:46,263
You know, Mike, my boyfriend
at university, he was Jewish.
179
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:48,862
He had the nicest penis I ever saw.
180
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:51,343
Except for mine, of course.
181
00:08:52,543 --> 00:08:55,103
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
182
00:09:00,983 --> 00:09:02,422
SLAP!
183
00:09:02,423 --> 00:09:04,302
Damn fleas.
184
00:09:04,303 --> 00:09:05,741
Oh, good. You're here.
185
00:09:05,742 --> 00:09:08,021
What is it?
Ginger's really declining.
186
00:09:08,022 --> 00:09:10,381
He won't even eat
the chicken and rice no more.
187
00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:13,263
I don't know what to do.
OK, let's get him into the exam room.
188
00:09:36,823 --> 00:09:39,941
The woman's a mess. I'm going
to need you to hold down her dog.
189
00:09:39,942 --> 00:09:42,343
You like holding down animals
that bite, don't you?
190
00:09:43,663 --> 00:09:44,983
Let's go.
191
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:52,783
He was always such an happy dog.
You can never be TOTALLY sure.
192
00:09:52,784 --> 00:09:55,582
I mean, they can't talk.
193
00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:57,342
Right.
194
00:09:57,343 --> 00:09:59,383
Here we go.
195
00:10:00,303 --> 00:10:02,342
Oh, Ginger, baby!
196
00:10:02,343 --> 00:10:04,462
My sweet, sweet Ginge!
197
00:10:04,463 --> 00:10:06,903
I'd do anything
to hear you bark again.
198
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,982
Holy shit!
199
00:10:11,983 --> 00:10:14,622
Ginge? You're back. He's back!
200
00:10:14,623 --> 00:10:16,742
He didn't want to die!
201
00:10:16,743 --> 00:10:19,263
It's a miracle! Hallelujah!
202
00:10:21,023 --> 00:10:22,383
Mwah!
203
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,381
I feel terrible.
There's a woman out there
204
00:10:25,382 --> 00:10:27,901
that believes her dog
is the second coming of Christ.
205
00:10:27,902 --> 00:10:30,221
Did you know Jews
don't celebrate Christmas?
206
00:10:30,222 --> 00:10:31,741
Of course not. They're Jewish.
207
00:10:31,742 --> 00:10:33,941
But Jesus was Jewish.
What a kick in the tits for the guy.
208
00:10:33,942 --> 00:10:35,861
Which reminds me,
did you ever get the drugs
209
00:10:35,862 --> 00:10:37,421
to help Mr Rothstein off himself?
210
00:10:37,422 --> 00:10:39,021
Couldn't. The horny bitch I work for
211
00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:41,821
was hovering over me my entire
shift, with her boobs in my face.
212
00:10:41,822 --> 00:10:44,861
Oh, my God, that sounds awful.
Is she taking anyone on?
213
00:10:44,862 --> 00:10:46,981
It's constant sexual harassment
in that place.
214
00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:49,661
Last night, when I was sweeping up,
she smacked me on my arse.
215
00:10:49,662 --> 00:10:52,063
Why don't you just poke her
so she can get you out of her system?
216
00:10:52,064 --> 00:10:53,782
I'd rather poke YOU.
217
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:56,301
I'm always open for business, Scotty.
You can come in the back door.
218
00:10:56,302 --> 00:10:58,061
Oh, I wish I could quit that job,
219
00:10:58,062 --> 00:11:00,381
but it's the only way
we can get the drugs.
220
00:11:00,382 --> 00:11:02,461
Actually, I know a guy
that can get 'em for us.
221
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,541
You what? Yeah, he gets everything.
222
00:11:04,542 --> 00:11:06,261
He got me
some super-strong painkillers
223
00:11:06,262 --> 00:11:09,181
for after my fingers were broken.
I felt so relaxed, I pooed my pants.
224
00:11:09,182 --> 00:11:10,701
How come you never mentioned this?
225
00:11:10,702 --> 00:11:12,983
It was embarrassing.
It went all down my legs.
226
00:11:12,984 --> 00:11:14,382
No, I mean the guy!
227
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,981
The only reason I've been putting up
with the sexual harassment
228
00:11:16,982 --> 00:11:19,421
is so I could have access
to the Pemrutox, you stupid knob!
229
00:11:19,422 --> 00:11:22,703
You know, a "thank you" would be
nice. Urgh! Ah!
230
00:11:28,103 --> 00:11:29,341
You all right? All right?
231
00:11:29,342 --> 00:11:31,301
So, Joey here tells me
you guys are interested
232
00:11:31,302 --> 00:11:33,261
in buying pharmaceuticals in bulk?
233
00:11:33,262 --> 00:11:36,383
Can you arrange that? I can get hold
of pretty much anything you like.
234
00:11:38,743 --> 00:11:42,343
Xanax, Vicodin, OxyContin, Adderall.
What's your poison?
235
00:11:42,344 --> 00:11:44,422
Er... er... Pemrutox.
236
00:11:44,423 --> 00:11:46,021
What the hell is that? It kills dogs.
237
00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:47,781
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You never said nothing
238
00:11:47,782 --> 00:11:49,701
about supplying you with stuff
to kill dogs.
239
00:11:49,702 --> 00:11:51,701
Oh, no, no.
We're not using it to kill dogs -
240
00:11:51,702 --> 00:11:53,943
we're using it to kill people.
Joey! People?!
241
00:11:55,063 --> 00:11:56,541
Well, that's all right, then.
242
00:11:56,542 --> 00:11:59,701
Oh, thank God! I can finally get
away from that arse-grabbing whore.
243
00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:00,861
Could you get it by Saturday?
244
00:12:00,862 --> 00:12:02,621
We've got a job first thing
in the morning.
245
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,901
The earliest I can do is 9pm.
Meet me here with a grand,
246
00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:06,821
and I'll sort you out with a full box
of shit.
247
00:12:06,822 --> 00:12:08,181
A full box of shit. Oh, no.
248
00:12:08,182 --> 00:12:10,461
I just remembered. I've got
a date with Julia, Saturday night.
249
00:12:10,462 --> 00:12:12,661
I absolutely cannot cancel.
Well, that's fine.
250
00:12:12,662 --> 00:12:14,221
Give me your share of the money,
I'll bring it.
251
00:12:14,222 --> 00:12:15,301
That's a great idea. Cozzo,
252
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:17,421
I'll give you my share of the money,
and you can bring it.
253
00:12:17,422 --> 00:12:18,703
Don't you trust me? Obviously not.
254
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:21,742
Fine. I'll see you then. Excuse me.
255
00:12:21,743 --> 00:12:23,621
Mr Drug Man, sir.
Er... while we've got you,
256
00:12:23,622 --> 00:12:25,501
you don't happen to have
any of those pills
257
00:12:25,502 --> 00:12:26,701
that give you an erection?
258
00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:29,021
It's just a, er... a friend of mine
is having trouble getting it up.
259
00:12:29,022 --> 00:12:31,183
Cozzo! What are you doing?
20 quid each.
260
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:34,023
- For a bloody boner?
- I'll take one.
261
00:12:42,143 --> 00:12:45,782
Cozzo? What is this
I found under the bed?
262
00:12:45,783 --> 00:12:46,822
Oh, shit.
263
00:12:46,823 --> 00:12:51,222
It's got boxes and leather straps.
What is it?
264
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:53,821
It's part of my religious research,
actually.
265
00:12:53,822 --> 00:12:56,861
Turns out Jewish people tie
themselves all up in it
266
00:12:56,862 --> 00:12:59,701
when they pray.
I'm sure your, er... ex-boyfriend
267
00:12:59,702 --> 00:13:02,143
with his beautiful penis
showed you that.
268
00:13:02,144 --> 00:13:05,782
Oh, my God. Look at you.
269
00:13:05,783 --> 00:13:07,902
You're jealous. No, I'm not.
270
00:13:07,903 --> 00:13:10,463
Yes, you are. Maybe a little.
271
00:13:12,383 --> 00:13:14,863
Oh, Cozzo. You're so silly.
272
00:13:16,943 --> 00:13:20,223
So, they really tie themselves up,
huh? Yeah, they do.
273
00:13:20,224 --> 00:13:23,583
Like on page 231 in my book?
274
00:13:24,663 --> 00:13:27,221
I've got a belt.
I've got some scarves.
275
00:13:27,222 --> 00:13:29,541
Don't you have handcuffs?
Ah! Yes, I have.
276
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,463
Let's do it! Come on, let's go!
277
00:13:39,743 --> 00:13:41,501
Hi, Neil. Where's the doctor?
Room 3.
278
00:13:41,502 --> 00:13:42,821
Can you work Saturday night?
279
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,981
I've got a... a magic convention
that I'd really like to go to.
280
00:13:45,982 --> 00:13:48,261
Sorry, mate. I'm disappearing
from this place for ever.
281
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:50,583
I'll teach you
how to shuffle cards...
282
00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:52,263
magically.
283
00:13:58,623 --> 00:14:00,502
There she is. Hello, Scott.
284
00:14:00,503 --> 00:14:02,301
Oh, don't "hello, Scott" me.
285
00:14:02,302 --> 00:14:04,301
I've had enough of your mouth
telling me what to do
286
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:07,341
and how to do it, especially
with your face in my arse.
287
00:14:07,342 --> 00:14:09,581
Well, that's all done with now,
"doctor",
288
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,861
cos when it comes to this stupid,
dead-end, getting groped
289
00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:14,861
by my way-past-her-prime-boss job,
290
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:17,023
you can blow it out of your arse,
291
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,782
you psycho-nympho bitch!
292
00:14:18,783 --> 00:14:21,303
Mummy, what's that man talking about?
293
00:14:25,423 --> 00:14:26,703
Hi.
294
00:14:27,703 --> 00:14:29,103
Sorry about that.
295
00:14:30,343 --> 00:14:31,543
And the dog.
296
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:35,143
Going to go now.
297
00:14:38,663 --> 00:14:41,742
I'm coming! Jesus! Hold on!
298
00:14:41,743 --> 00:14:43,981
Let's go.
Todd's waiting with the drugs.
299
00:14:43,982 --> 00:14:45,741
I don't think I can. What?
300
00:14:45,742 --> 00:14:47,861
Debbie's not feeling too good.
It's the baby. What?
301
00:14:47,862 --> 00:14:49,061
So you want me to go on my own?
302
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:50,941
Cozzo?
I'll be right there!
303
00:14:50,942 --> 00:14:52,981
She's, er... she's been throwing up
all night.
304
00:14:52,982 --> 00:14:55,901
I can't go to a drug deal by myself.
That's WAY too dangerous.
305
00:14:55,902 --> 00:15:00,021
Too dangerous?! Christ, Joey.
You're the toughest guy I know.
306
00:15:00,022 --> 00:15:02,783
- What, not even for an hour?
- My hands are turning blue!
307
00:15:02,784 --> 00:15:04,662
She's in a right mess.
308
00:15:04,663 --> 00:15:06,741
The blindfold's
just fallen off.
309
00:15:06,742 --> 00:15:08,701
Er... it's light sensitivity.
It means the baby's growing.
310
00:15:08,702 --> 00:15:10,261
Oh. Right, here's my money.
311
00:15:10,262 --> 00:15:12,103
And there's Scott's. Now go.
312
00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:14,062
Look, Cozzo... Shh. Just go.
313
00:15:14,063 --> 00:15:15,342
Cozzo... Go!
314
00:15:15,343 --> 00:15:16,382
Look...
315
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:17,982
I really need to pee!
316
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,503
Not in the bed!
317
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,382
Oh, shit.
318
00:16:11,383 --> 00:16:13,502
Shit! Shit! Shit!
319
00:16:13,503 --> 00:16:16,303
Erm... er... be... be right there!
320
00:16:22,743 --> 00:16:25,862
Scott? Erm... yeah.
321
00:16:25,863 --> 00:16:29,663
Give... give me a sec! I'm... I'm just
trying to make everything perfect!
322
00:16:35,823 --> 00:16:37,742
What's going on in there?
323
00:16:37,743 --> 00:16:39,663
I'm coming!
324
00:16:49,903 --> 00:16:50,943
Oh.
325
00:16:56,423 --> 00:16:58,702
Ugh.
326
00:16:58,703 --> 00:17:00,463
Eurgh.
327
00:17:01,863 --> 00:17:03,503
Well, hello, my lady.
328
00:17:07,623 --> 00:17:09,982
Oh, wow. This looks amazing.
329
00:17:09,983 --> 00:17:12,022
Yes, I did.
330
00:17:12,023 --> 00:17:14,342
I mean, er... yes, I did.
331
00:17:14,343 --> 00:17:17,062
Well... Someone's had some wine.
332
00:17:17,063 --> 00:17:19,982
Ah, just a pigeon. Er... spigeon.
333
00:17:19,983 --> 00:17:21,382
Spidge.
334
00:17:21,383 --> 00:17:23,582
Smidge!
335
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:26,422
I had a pigeon. OK, then.
336
00:17:26,423 --> 00:17:28,303
I just had one glass, I swear,
337
00:17:28,304 --> 00:17:34,142
but then I had another glass and...
then I just kept on not stopping.
338
00:17:34,143 --> 00:17:36,622
Everything's going to be fine.
339
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,662
Really? Yes.
340
00:17:38,663 --> 00:17:40,103
Do you think I'm cute?
341
00:17:41,263 --> 00:17:42,302
Very.
342
00:17:42,303 --> 00:17:45,343
You're welcome.
343
00:17:46,343 --> 00:17:48,342
Yes, coming.
344
00:17:48,343 --> 00:17:50,783
I'm on my way.
345
00:17:58,303 --> 00:18:00,302
How are YOU feeling? Good.
346
00:18:00,303 --> 00:18:05,142
Yeah, great. I just, um...
I feel bad about spilling the sauce.
347
00:18:05,143 --> 00:18:07,221
No, it's fine. They're only shoes.
348
00:18:07,222 --> 00:18:09,021
I can always... buy some more.
349
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:10,501
What about your handbag?
350
00:18:10,502 --> 00:18:12,943
You spilt something on my handbag?
IN your handbag.
351
00:18:14,863 --> 00:18:17,823
I'm sorry. I just... I just
want everything to be perfect.
352
00:18:17,824 --> 00:18:19,582
It IS perfect.
353
00:18:19,583 --> 00:18:21,583
Then we'll just wait till taze phoo.
354
00:18:21,584 --> 00:18:23,022
Taze phoo?
355
00:18:23,023 --> 00:18:26,382
"Phase two" is what I was...
356
00:18:26,383 --> 00:18:28,182
trying to say.
357
00:18:28,183 --> 00:18:31,263
First I'm going to lose the you.
358
00:18:32,183 --> 00:18:33,662
The toilet.
359
00:18:33,663 --> 00:18:35,142
Oh, right. Right.
360
00:18:35,143 --> 00:18:37,383
You're funny! Yeah.
361
00:18:44,343 --> 00:18:47,062
I got robbed!
362
00:18:47,063 --> 00:18:49,262
Jesus! God! What happened?
363
00:18:49,263 --> 00:18:50,741
Well, I was on the way to the drop,
364
00:18:50,742 --> 00:18:52,541
and these two enormous guys
came up behind me
365
00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:54,861
and hit me over the back of the
head and took everything!
366
00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:58,743
I tried to fight 'em, I really did.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
367
00:18:58,744 --> 00:19:02,142
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Where's Cozzo?
368
00:19:02,143 --> 00:19:03,622
Debbie's sick.
369
00:19:03,623 --> 00:19:06,341
And they got me on the floor and they
started punching me in the face.
370
00:19:06,342 --> 00:19:09,141
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You... you were alone with the money?
371
00:19:09,142 --> 00:19:10,621
I have never seen guys this big.
372
00:19:10,622 --> 00:19:12,863
It was like a weightlifter and
a basketballer screwed each other,
373
00:19:12,864 --> 00:19:14,262
and they had twins,
374
00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:16,541
and then THEY screwed each other...
Ketchup?
375
00:19:16,542 --> 00:19:18,863
Then they hit me over the head
with two ketchup bottles.
376
00:19:18,864 --> 00:19:20,702
Are you fucking kidding me?
377
00:19:20,703 --> 00:19:22,981
We've got a job first thing tomorrow
378
00:19:22,982 --> 00:19:25,421
and we don't have the drugs
because you gambled away the money!
379
00:19:25,422 --> 00:19:27,941
I nearly doubled it.
We've got to go now.
380
00:19:27,942 --> 00:19:30,703
- I was so close!
- Are you OK? It sounded like...
381
00:19:30,704 --> 00:19:32,662
Oh, my God! What happened?
382
00:19:32,663 --> 00:19:34,581
Er... Julia, this is my... my brother.
383
00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:37,221
Some... someone hit him on the head
with a ketchup bottle.
384
00:19:37,222 --> 00:19:38,861
Wow! You are proper sexy.
385
00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:41,381
Are you OK?
Yeah, he'll... he'll be fine.
386
00:19:41,382 --> 00:19:44,263
I just need to get him to hospital,
so someone can stitch his face,
387
00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:46,262
erm... but I'll be right back.
388
00:19:46,263 --> 00:19:49,301
Well, maybe I should just go?
Oh, no, no, no, no, please, please.
389
00:19:49,302 --> 00:19:52,181
Cos, look, I've been looking forward
to this night all my life,
390
00:19:52,182 --> 00:19:55,423
and... and I promise you,
please, I'll... I'll be right back.
391
00:19:55,424 --> 00:19:56,582
Mwah!
392
00:19:56,583 --> 00:19:58,023
See you later. No!
393
00:20:04,983 --> 00:20:06,902
Can I help you, sir?
394
00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:08,903
There's something very wrong
with my cat.
395
00:20:08,904 --> 00:20:12,182
What's the matter with it?
Here. Take a look.
396
00:20:12,183 --> 00:20:14,223
Miaow!
397
00:20:15,943 --> 00:20:17,022
Atchoo!
398
00:20:17,023 --> 00:20:18,941
Can you hear how sick she is?
It's a puppet.
399
00:20:18,942 --> 00:20:21,981
A puppet? What's that?
Is that a... a breed or something?
400
00:20:21,982 --> 00:20:23,423
No, it's... it's a puppet.
401
00:20:23,424 --> 00:20:25,102
Miaow!
402
00:20:25,103 --> 00:20:27,342
Urgh! Urgh!
403
00:20:27,343 --> 00:20:30,381
She's so sad. Your hand is inside of
its arse and you're making it move.
404
00:20:30,382 --> 00:20:33,303
What are you talking about?
What's he talking about?
405
00:20:33,304 --> 00:20:35,222
Miaow. Don't know.
406
00:20:35,223 --> 00:20:37,181
So, now it speaks English?
That was just an accident.
407
00:20:37,182 --> 00:20:39,703
You're out of your head. Go! Go on!
Miaow!
408
00:20:39,704 --> 00:20:41,702
Mee-ee-ee-eeh!
409
00:20:41,703 --> 00:20:43,182
Go! Go away!
410
00:20:43,183 --> 00:20:45,222
I don't like cats!
411
00:20:45,223 --> 00:20:48,142
Don't like...
Go, you stupid... stupid...
412
00:20:48,143 --> 00:20:50,702
Fuck off!
413
00:20:50,703 --> 00:20:53,462
Miaow! Ah! You hairy mess!
414
00:20:53,463 --> 00:20:56,062
Ah! Ah! Ah! Hairy mess!
415
00:20:56,063 --> 00:20:58,703
I'm not afraid of you!
416
00:21:04,143 --> 00:21:06,462
Scott? Oh, no.
417
00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:07,501
What the hell are you doing here?
418
00:21:07,502 --> 00:21:09,781
What are YOU doing here?
That's the question.
419
00:21:09,782 --> 00:21:11,541
You're drunk. You're tall.
420
00:21:11,542 --> 00:21:13,783
I'm phoning the police.
No, no, no, no. Please.
421
00:21:13,784 --> 00:21:18,342
I...I feel bad
about how we left things,
422
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:21,302
and I just wanted to come and...
423
00:21:21,303 --> 00:21:23,062
How can I put this?
424
00:21:23,063 --> 00:21:24,982
Don't say another word.
425
00:21:24,983 --> 00:21:26,863
Please don't call the police.
426
00:21:26,864 --> 00:21:29,743
I know exactly why you're here.
You do?
427
00:21:35,063 --> 00:21:36,543
Oh, shit.
428
00:21:39,983 --> 00:21:41,262
Oh! Oh, God!
429
00:21:41,263 --> 00:21:43,381
That was the worst thing
I've ever had to do in my life!
430
00:21:43,382 --> 00:21:45,341
And it was all because of you! You!
431
00:21:45,342 --> 00:21:47,581
What a waste
of a perfectly good boner.
432
00:21:47,582 --> 00:21:48,903
But you did get the drugs, right?
433
00:21:48,904 --> 00:21:51,022
Argh! Ah!
434
00:21:51,023 --> 00:21:52,902
Ah!
435
00:21:52,903 --> 00:21:54,223
Dick.
436
00:22:10,223 --> 00:22:11,663
Julia?
437
00:22:17,783 --> 00:22:19,463
Shit!
438
00:22:27,583 --> 00:22:30,981
OK, Mr Rothstein, you're all
hooked up and ready to go.
439
00:22:30,982 --> 00:22:33,301
It's a real mitzvah,
what you boys are doing -
440
00:22:33,302 --> 00:22:35,181
keeping a man from suffering
like this.
441
00:22:35,182 --> 00:22:38,223
A real blessing.
That's why we do it. And the money.
442
00:22:39,303 --> 00:22:41,823
Mind you, no-one ever said
you shouldn't earn a living.
443
00:22:41,824 --> 00:22:43,702
Come over here, Cozzo.
444
00:22:43,703 --> 00:22:46,821
Oh, it would be great to get a bacon
bagel for breakfast, wouldn't it?
445
00:22:46,822 --> 00:22:48,663
But we can't, cos we're Jewish.
446
00:22:48,664 --> 00:22:51,022
Are you ready to say the Shema?
447
00:22:51,023 --> 00:22:53,463
I've been ready
since my Bar Mitzvah.
448
00:22:54,783 --> 00:22:56,862
♪ Sh'ma Yisrael... ♪
449
00:22:56,863 --> 00:22:58,542
♪ ..Adonai
450
00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:01,262
♪ Eloheinu
451
00:23:01,263 --> 00:23:04,062
♪ Adonai
452
00:23:04,063 --> 00:23:07,302
♪ Ehad. ♪
453
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,782
Oh, that was beautiful.
454
00:23:09,783 --> 00:23:12,861
Thank you. Although,
I've never perfected that...
455
00:23:12,862 --> 00:23:15,421
"clearing your throat" sound
we all do so well.
456
00:23:15,422 --> 00:23:17,621
And you know what made it
even more beautiful?
457
00:23:17,622 --> 00:23:19,063
That you're not even Jewish.
458
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:21,542
What? No, of course I am.
459
00:23:21,543 --> 00:23:23,382
I'm a total munch. Mensch.
460
00:23:23,383 --> 00:23:24,621
Mensch! Yes, you are.
461
00:23:24,622 --> 00:23:28,343
Because you took the time to learn
the prayer, and that's all I needed.
462
00:23:29,583 --> 00:23:31,943
Now, bend over here
so I can touch your head.
463
00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:34,382
Why? Just come down here.
464
00:23:34,383 --> 00:23:37,583
How many times do I have to ask?
465
00:23:38,783 --> 00:23:40,423
May God bless you and keep you.
466
00:23:40,424 --> 00:23:44,342
May He shine His face on you
and be gracious to you.
467
00:23:44,343 --> 00:23:48,223
And may God lift His face to you
and give you peace.
468
00:23:49,463 --> 00:23:50,502
Amen.
469
00:23:50,503 --> 00:23:52,423
Amen. Amen.
470
00:23:55,463 --> 00:23:57,503
What time is it, Scott?
471
00:23:58,583 --> 00:23:59,862
About that time.
472
00:23:59,863 --> 00:24:02,942
Tell me when. Seven...
473
00:24:02,943 --> 00:24:04,542
six...
474
00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:06,222
five...
475
00:24:06,223 --> 00:24:09,183
four... three... two...
476
00:24:25,143 --> 00:24:27,063
These people are crazy.
477
00:24:33,343 --> 00:24:34,741
You're going to love the lattes.
478
00:24:34,742 --> 00:24:36,461
They make little animals out
of the foam,
479
00:24:36,462 --> 00:24:38,141
and when you pour sugar
on their faces,
480
00:24:38,142 --> 00:24:41,343
they kind of cave in and look
like mentally challenged animals.
481
00:24:41,344 --> 00:24:42,663
That's nice.
482
00:24:43,663 --> 00:24:45,181
You're still upset
about the other night.
483
00:24:45,182 --> 00:24:47,461
Look, I may not know a lot
about relationships,
484
00:24:47,462 --> 00:24:49,981
but I know when one's not working.
No, Julia. That's not true.
485
00:24:49,982 --> 00:24:52,743
Oh, come on, let's be honest.
You haven't been able to...
486
00:24:52,744 --> 00:24:54,662
Julia... Which is fine.
487
00:24:54,663 --> 00:24:56,182
And maybe it is me.
488
00:24:56,183 --> 00:24:58,541
My left breast is a little bit lower
than my right one.
489
00:24:58,542 --> 00:25:00,263
No, no! I love the smaller breast!
490
00:25:00,264 --> 00:25:02,582
I said lower. That one too.
491
00:25:02,583 --> 00:25:05,703
You got drunk and ran away.
No, that was my brother.
492
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:09,622
Look. Some things work out,
and others just don't,
493
00:25:09,623 --> 00:25:11,382
and that's life.
494
00:25:11,383 --> 00:25:13,102
But I love you. What?
495
00:25:13,103 --> 00:25:16,102
I do. I knew the second I saw you.
496
00:25:16,103 --> 00:25:19,181
And, look, maybe you're not supposed
to say this stuff so quickly,
497
00:25:19,182 --> 00:25:21,181
cos you'll scare the other person
away,
498
00:25:21,182 --> 00:25:24,503
but if I'm going to lose you anyway,
then you might as well know.
499
00:25:24,504 --> 00:25:26,062
Scott...
500
00:25:26,063 --> 00:25:28,181
Just give me another chance. Please.
501
00:25:28,182 --> 00:25:29,503
Look, shall I get down on my knees?
502
00:25:29,504 --> 00:25:30,782
No. I'll do it.
503
00:25:30,783 --> 00:25:31,983
Oh... I'll get down on my knees.
504
00:25:31,984 --> 00:25:33,982
Get up! Not until you say OK.
505
00:25:33,983 --> 00:25:35,022
Scott. Say OK.
506
00:25:35,023 --> 00:25:36,182
OK!
507
00:25:36,183 --> 00:25:38,022
Really? Yes. Get up.
508
00:25:38,023 --> 00:25:40,543
I actually quite like it down here.
Stop it!
509
00:25:40,544 --> 00:25:42,183
Here. Smile.
510
00:25:45,343 --> 00:25:47,421
Now, does that look like
a happy couple or what?
511
00:25:47,422 --> 00:25:49,663
Well, my left breast looks
a bit small.
512
00:25:49,664 --> 00:25:50,943
I'm sorry.
513
00:25:57,063 --> 00:25:58,382
I think I'm ready.
514
00:25:58,383 --> 00:26:00,742
What? Let's forget the lattes.
515
00:26:00,743 --> 00:26:02,742
Oh!
516
00:26:02,743 --> 00:26:04,461
Right. I'll grab our coats.
517
00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:06,223
We'll go back to my place. Perfect.
518
00:26:06,224 --> 00:26:08,543
Here you go, so you don't miss me.
519
00:26:14,103 --> 00:26:15,422
Come on, let's go.
520
00:26:15,423 --> 00:26:17,782
What's this?
521
00:26:17,783 --> 00:26:19,542
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
522
00:26:19,543 --> 00:26:22,061
"Had a great time last night.
Can't wait to do it again."
523
00:26:22,062 --> 00:26:23,583
No, no. I... I can explain.
524
00:26:23,584 --> 00:26:25,343
Two lattes?
525
00:26:28,663 --> 00:26:30,703
You don't understand. She's my boss.
526
00:26:35,743 --> 00:26:37,143
Shit.
527
00:26:39,943 --> 00:26:43,443
If it's a boy,
I want to have him circumcised.
40165
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