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1
00:00:04,534 --> 00:00:07,534
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,968
So you think you can
chug-a-lug, huh?
3
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,367
Uh-huh.
4
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,334
Okay, come on.
5
00:01:11,634 --> 00:01:13,567
And he says, "If I could do it
in my living room,
6
00:01:13,601 --> 00:01:15,634
I wouldn't have to do it
in the back of your cab."
7
00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:18,434
( laughter )
8
00:01:18,467 --> 00:01:22,000
Hey, Tony, this guy wants
to chug-a-lug against you.
9
00:01:22,033 --> 00:01:24,033
Oh, yeah? What's the bet?
10
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,133
Fifty.
11
00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:26,200
Fifty dollars?!
12
00:01:26,234 --> 00:01:27,400
( murmuring )
13
00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:28,567
Hey, we'll all chip in.
14
00:01:28,601 --> 00:01:29,367
Come on, ante up,
you guys.
Ten each?
15
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,033
A pitcher of beer
and two mugs!
16
00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:33,234
Okay, here's my ten.
17
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,367
Alex?
18
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,601
How do you feel, Tony?
19
00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:36,501
Thirsty.
20
00:01:36,534 --> 00:01:38,033
I'm in for ten.
That's good enough for me.
21
00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:39,701
All right.
Here we go.
22
00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:41,901
Okay, we got our bet.
23
00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,701
There's my 50.
24
00:01:43,734 --> 00:01:45,033
Excuse me, Alex.
25
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:46,367
Oh, sure.
26
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,601
So, they say after divorce
your life is empty
27
00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:53,534
and here I am watching
a chug-a-lug contest.
28
00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:56,334
Ready?
29
00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:59,667
One... two... three...
start.
30
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,834
Any time, gentlemen.
31
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,534
Let's get out of here.
32
00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:20,834
I don't want to be around
when he belches.
33
00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:23,901
Oh, come on, let's
forget it-- I'm buying.
34
00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:24,934
Same ol' rounds.
Okay.
35
00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:26,968
What'll you have, John?
36
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,000
John?
37
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:30,968
Hmm?
38
00:02:31,033 --> 00:02:32,334
What is it?
39
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:33,834
It's that girl.
40
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,167
ELAINE:
Which one?
41
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,167
You don't have to ask, do you?
42
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,901
No, I guess not.
43
00:02:40,934 --> 00:02:42,467
The blonde.
44
00:02:42,501 --> 00:02:43,968
No.
45
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,934
ELAINE:
The one with
the white blouse?
46
00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:47,267
JOHN:
No.
47
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,067
ELAINE:
Oh, the other one.
48
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,834
See? You picked her out.
49
00:02:50,868 --> 00:02:52,834
It's just that
I've never felt this way before.
50
00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,634
I mean, this is the first time
51
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:57,634
a girl sitting
across from me in a bar
52
00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:59,300
has gotten me all excited.
53
00:02:59,334 --> 00:03:01,300
What do you think, Alex?
54
00:03:01,334 --> 00:03:02,501
I don't think
you have to announce
55
00:03:02,534 --> 00:03:05,000
everything that's
happening in your body.
56
00:03:05,033 --> 00:03:07,133
You like her,
go over and talk to her.
57
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:08,000
Just like that?
58
00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:08,834
Sure.
59
00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:11,467
What would I say if I did?
60
00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:13,968
Say hello.
61
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,300
No, I couldn't say that.
62
00:03:16,334 --> 00:03:17,634
I mean
63
00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:20,300
I never know what
to say to girls.
64
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,400
I don't know, I just can't seem
to get started.
65
00:03:22,434 --> 00:03:23,767
Ah, just forget it.
66
00:03:23,801 --> 00:03:25,434
Okay.
67
00:03:25,467 --> 00:03:28,801
Okay, I'm going to do you
a big favor
68
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,400
and I hope you appreciate it.
69
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,100
What's the favor?
70
00:03:33,133 --> 00:03:37,834
I'm going to give you
the perfect line.
71
00:03:37,868 --> 00:03:40,067
Works every time, instantly
72
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,100
and with devastating results.
73
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,634
Here's what you do.
74
00:03:47,667 --> 00:03:50,868
You walk up to her,
tap her on the shoulder,
75
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:54,934
and when she turns around,
you say: "Why waste time?
76
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,934
Let's get married."
77
00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:01,000
I think that
should do it.
78
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:04,868
It's witty, it's entertaining,
and it's got "married" in it.
79
00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:07,501
( all chuckling )
80
00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,133
The line has everything.
81
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:11,968
Hey, you know,
I got a better one.
82
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:12,968
What?
83
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,968
You go up and you say:
84
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,367
"Let's cut the
preliminaries--
85
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,367
you want to get married?"
86
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,534
Hey, you know,
that is better.
87
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,300
Shorter anyway.
88
00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:26,834
We just improved
on the wheel, man.
89
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,133
A good line
really helps a lot.
90
00:04:30,167 --> 00:04:31,734
So?
91
00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:32,968
Nah...
92
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,133
John, there's a time when you
either do it or you forget it.
93
00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,467
You're absolutely right, Alex.
94
00:04:37,501 --> 00:04:39,000
Let's forget it.
95
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,067
I can't forget it.
96
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:41,901
BOBBY:
Just do it.
97
00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:42,901
ELAINE:
Just be sweet.
98
00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:44,200
Real nice.
99
00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:45,534
Get it right.
100
00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:47,267
Just smooth. Smooth.
101
00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:05,067
Yes?
102
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,767
Let's cut the preliminaries.
103
00:05:07,801 --> 00:05:10,200
You want to get married?
104
00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:15,934
Sure.
105
00:05:15,968 --> 00:05:17,634
What?!
106
00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:21,801
I was sitting over there and
I wanted to talk to you, and...
107
00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:24,934
I think there's a couple
of places at the bar.
108
00:05:24,968 --> 00:05:26,934
Do you want to take them?
109
00:05:26,968 --> 00:05:28,868
I thought we
were getting married.
110
00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:30,934
Oh, sure, but not right away.
111
00:05:30,968 --> 00:05:32,267
I mean marriage is important.
112
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,267
It can't just be jumped into.
113
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,100
Oh, I agree; yes.
114
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:37,434
So, we'll get married
in an hour.
115
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:38,467
Oh, perfect.
116
00:05:38,501 --> 00:05:41,033
Can I buy you that drink now?
117
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:42,133
Sure.
118
00:05:45,234 --> 00:05:47,234
Author, author.
119
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,467
Preliminaries--
that's the word.
120
00:05:57,767 --> 00:06:00,367
He said, "If I didn't
have to do it...
121
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,601
"If I could do it
in my living room,
122
00:06:01,634 --> 00:06:04,667
I wouldn't have to do it in
the backseat of your cab."
123
00:06:04,701 --> 00:06:07,300
( both laughing )
124
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,801
WOMAN:
I liked that, too.
125
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:10,834
( laughter continues )
126
00:06:13,133 --> 00:06:16,000
Is it ever going
to happen for me...
127
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:20,467
or am I just going to spend
the rest of my life alone?
128
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:27,534
Alone... alone...
129
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:28,801
alone...
130
00:06:28,834 --> 00:06:31,934
How did I get into this?
All I said was,
131
00:06:31,968 --> 00:06:35,801
"I'm going for a beer.
Does anyone want to come?"
132
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:37,133
Alone.
133
00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:39,801
When I came over,
did you get the feeling
134
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,467
something special
was gonna happen?
135
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,901
Yeah.
Me, too.
136
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:46,200
Wait-- before or
after you saw me?
137
00:06:46,234 --> 00:06:49,033
Both, but more after.
138
00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:50,234
Oh, me, too! Me, too.
139
00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:51,300
That's so amazing.
140
00:06:51,334 --> 00:06:54,267
Ah, Suzanne, is this the
best time you've ever had?
141
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:56,367
Absolutely.
142
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,200
You're not just
saying that, are you?
143
00:06:58,234 --> 00:06:59,901
Or have you really
had a lousy life?
144
00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:02,534
Oh, no.
145
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:04,534
No, I've had a great life.
146
00:07:04,567 --> 00:07:05,901
And this is your best time?
147
00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:07,400
Yeah.
Wow! Me, too.
148
00:07:08,868 --> 00:07:11,501
Okay, I want you to take
your time with this next one,
149
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:12,801
'cause it's real
important to me.
150
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:13,801
Oh.
151
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,367
How do you stand
on bowling?
152
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,767
Feet together,
knees slightly bent.
153
00:07:20,801 --> 00:07:22,334
I use a four...
154
00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:23,601
She bowls.
155
00:07:23,634 --> 00:07:25,868
She bowls!
156
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,167
So what do you
want to do first,
157
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,467
get married,
or go bowling?
158
00:07:32,501 --> 00:07:33,367
Bowling first.
159
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:34,701
That way, if the
marriage doesn't work,
160
00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:36,234
it won't screw up my game.
161
00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:40,467
Well, so long,
you guys.
162
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:41,667
We're going to go
get married now.
163
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:43,000
Oh, that's nice.
164
00:07:43,033 --> 00:07:44,334
Oh-- after bowling.
Good night.
165
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:45,667
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, good luck.
166
00:07:45,701 --> 00:07:47,000
Good bowling.
167
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:48,367
We're going bowling?
168
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,434
No, we're not
going bowling.
169
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:54,834
Would you mind if I joined you
and had a drink?
170
00:07:54,868 --> 00:07:56,400
No. Sit down.
171
00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:03,868
Thank you.
Good night.
172
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,434
LOUIE:
Hey, Wheeler!
173
00:08:17,467 --> 00:08:19,300
Hey, Wheeler,
come over here.
174
00:08:19,334 --> 00:08:20,634
Do I have to?
175
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,934
Yeah.
176
00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:24,567
We got a complaint...
177
00:08:24,601 --> 00:08:27,534
that one of our drivers
got fresh with a passenger.
178
00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:28,734
Was it you?
179
00:08:28,767 --> 00:08:31,934
Of course not.
I don't do that kind of stuff.
180
00:08:31,968 --> 00:08:33,267
Too bad.
181
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,601
I wanted to find out
who it was
182
00:08:35,634 --> 00:08:38,934
so I can give him some tips
from the old expert.
183
00:08:38,968 --> 00:08:41,167
You mean you used to get fresh
with the passengers
184
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,167
when you were a driver?
185
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,267
Only the women.
186
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:48,000
I used to pull over,
turn around, and ask them
187
00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:52,000
if they'd like to come
to my place for drinks and sex.
188
00:08:52,033 --> 00:08:54,234
Oh, yeah, the subtle approach.
189
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,234
Did it work?
190
00:08:56,267 --> 00:08:56,868
Yeah.
191
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,601
I don't believe you, Louie.
192
00:08:58,634 --> 00:09:00,434
Well, not every time.
193
00:09:00,467 --> 00:09:02,601
Exactly how many times?
194
00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:06,033
Once in 2,312 times.
195
00:09:09,701 --> 00:09:11,334
Oh, hi, John.
196
00:09:11,367 --> 00:09:12,667
Hey, John!
Look who's here.
197
00:09:12,701 --> 00:09:15,701
What have you been doing
the past few days, John?
198
00:09:15,734 --> 00:09:17,434
As if we didn't know.
199
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,367
Hey, stop it!
Come on!
200
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,100
You shouldn't be
doing this.
201
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:23,767
Why not?
'Cause I could
pulverize you.
202
00:09:23,801 --> 00:09:26,234
Oh, yeah.
203
00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,267
I'm sorry.
204
00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:31,868
I'm just kind of sensitive
about what happened.
205
00:09:31,901 --> 00:09:33,200
BOBBY:
Well, what happened?
206
00:09:33,234 --> 00:09:35,434
Remember that girl
I met in the bar?
207
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,267
BOBBY:
Yeah?
I married her.
208
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,601
You what?
Oh, my...!
What?!
209
00:09:38,634 --> 00:09:39,601
How could
you do that?
210
00:09:39,634 --> 00:09:40,934
How could you do
something like that?
211
00:09:40,968 --> 00:09:42,167
John, that was
just a line.
212
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,601
You weren't
supposed to do it.
213
00:09:43,634 --> 00:09:44,901
John, what's the
matter with you?
214
00:09:44,934 --> 00:09:46,300
How could you do
a thing like that?
215
00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:47,701
I don't know.
216
00:09:47,734 --> 00:09:49,701
There we were,
bowling and joking
217
00:09:49,734 --> 00:09:52,601
about whoever lost paid
for the marriage license.
218
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,400
The next thing I knew,
219
00:09:54,434 --> 00:09:57,734
we were eloping to Maryland
in her best friend's Volvo.
220
00:09:57,767 --> 00:09:59,133
John, how...
John, did you think?
221
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:02,133
Did you say to yourself,
"What am I doing?
222
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:03,701
This has to stop!"
223
00:10:03,734 --> 00:10:06,701
Yeah. Unfortunately,
I didn't say it to her.
224
00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:08,801
It was like
some game of chicken.
225
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:11,934
Each one of us thinking
the other would call it off.
226
00:10:11,968 --> 00:10:14,400
I kept thinking she'd brake
any minute
227
00:10:14,434 --> 00:10:18,400
as we drove through New York,
then through Lincoln Tunnel,
228
00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:19,434
then to New Jersey...
229
00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:20,601
John, do me a favor.
230
00:10:20,634 --> 00:10:23,367
Don't say every landmark
from here to Maryland, okay?
231
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,834
It's all so weird!
232
00:10:25,868 --> 00:10:27,400
It was so terrific
being with her
233
00:10:27,434 --> 00:10:29,267
that we were in Maryland
before we knew it.
234
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:32,267
Yeah, them Volvos
are great.
235
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:37,767
Anyhow, this morning,
we applied for the
license and...
236
00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:39,234
even bought
a couple of rings.
237
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:41,601
You know, still treating
the whole thing like a joke,
238
00:10:41,634 --> 00:10:42,968
you know...
239
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,234
and then we had dinner
240
00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:48,634
at this really neat
Maryland McDonalds.
241
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:49,801
The food's the same
242
00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:52,267
but it's served by people
from Maryland.
243
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:55,968
Then we checked into this
really nice six-dollar
244
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,501
motel...
245
00:10:57,534 --> 00:11:00,234
Hey, John, I hate
to be indelicate,
246
00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:02,300
but, uh... did you?
247
00:11:02,334 --> 00:11:03,901
Oh, no, no.
248
00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:05,901
We were too excited
for that.
249
00:11:05,934 --> 00:11:09,667
Anyhow, this morning,
we picked up the license,
250
00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:11,467
and found the Justice
of the Peace--
251
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:14,234
even then, I still felt
we'd never go through with it.
252
00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:16,567
When the Justice
of the Peace said,
253
00:11:16,601 --> 00:11:19,801
"Do you take this man
to be your husband?"
254
00:11:19,834 --> 00:11:22,801
I was sure that we'd both
laugh like crazy,
255
00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:26,067
or she'd say no,
but she didn't.
256
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:30,534
She said, "I will if he will."
257
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:31,934
The Justice of the Peace
asked me
258
00:11:31,968 --> 00:11:33,601
if I'd take her as my wife.
259
00:11:33,634 --> 00:11:36,167
I said no!
260
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,734
But somehow it came out yes!
261
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,834
And just like that,
we were married.
262
00:11:43,868 --> 00:11:45,167
I mean, married.
263
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,834
I mean, right away, we both knew
264
00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:48,534
it was the biggest mistake
of our lives.
265
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:51,100
All the way back,
we only said three words.
266
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,634
She said, "Need gas?"
267
00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:55,367
I said, "Yes."
268
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,801
When we got back to town,
269
00:11:58,834 --> 00:12:03,067
I let her off at my apart--
our apartment...
270
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:03,901
and there she sits,
271
00:12:03,934 --> 00:12:07,767
the woman Maryland
considers my wife.
272
00:12:13,968 --> 00:12:16,501
I'm married!
273
00:12:16,534 --> 00:12:18,000
I really am!
274
00:12:18,033 --> 00:12:20,367
Alex, what am I
going to do?
275
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,701
I'm half crazy.
276
00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:23,367
A conservative estimate.
277
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,701
Just relax.
278
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:27,734
I know it looks very bad
right now,
279
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:29,267
but somehow we're going
to figure out a way...
280
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,901
Oh, Burns...
281
00:12:31,934 --> 00:12:35,834
you decided to grace us
with your presence.
282
00:12:35,868 --> 00:12:38,467
Well, listen here--
283
00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:41,934
the next time you don't show
up for work for two days,
284
00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:42,834
you're fired.
285
00:12:42,868 --> 00:12:45,100
Hey, hey, Louie,
the kid just got married.
286
00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:48,100
Don't yell at him.
287
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,801
Oh, I'm sorry.
288
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:58,000
( sweetly ):
The next time you don't
show up for work for two days,
289
00:12:58,033 --> 00:12:59,467
you're fired.
290
00:13:11,901 --> 00:13:15,467
John, you got
to go home sometime.
291
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:18,067
I can't.
She's there.
292
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:21,334
Mrs. Me.
293
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:25,701
I don't want to be married,
Alex.
294
00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:27,067
I don't know--
295
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:30,467
it sounds crazy, but in my mind,
it's all connected.
296
00:13:30,501 --> 00:13:34,200
You get married, you have kids,
you grow old, and then you die.
297
00:13:34,234 --> 00:13:35,467
Somehow, to me,
298
00:13:35,501 --> 00:13:39,100
if you didn't get married,
you wouldn't die.
299
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,234
Hey, Fitz, how you doing?
300
00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:45,534
Ellen... Rudy!
301
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:46,601
Hey, how you doin'?
302
00:13:46,634 --> 00:13:48,567
Hey, Champ,
how's it going?
303
00:13:48,601 --> 00:13:49,901
Fine.
304
00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:52,100
You want to risk your title
against me?
305
00:13:52,133 --> 00:13:53,367
How much?
306
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,634
Let's see here...
307
00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,367
How about 20 bucks?
308
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,100
You're on.
309
00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:02,300
All right.
310
00:14:02,334 --> 00:14:04,100
Two beers, Rudy.
311
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:05,334
( panting )
312
00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:06,701
Hey, Louie.
313
00:14:06,734 --> 00:14:09,100
You still owe me money
on your tab.
314
00:14:09,133 --> 00:14:11,133
Oh, yeah, yeah, all right.
315
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,734
Well, come by the garage this
week and I'll give you a tire.
316
00:14:17,834 --> 00:14:19,133
Let's go.
317
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:20,133
All right, now...
318
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,801
I'll say, "one-two-three, go."
319
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:23,801
All right?
320
00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:24,968
Sure.
321
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,133
One...
322
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:27,400
two...
323
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,467
three.
324
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,767
Hey, Rudy, did they find
325
00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:32,801
the rest of that rat
that died in the beer keg?
326
00:14:32,834 --> 00:14:33,834
Go.
327
00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:43,534
The new champeen.
328
00:14:45,868 --> 00:14:49,200
Better luck next time,
Champ.
329
00:14:52,534 --> 00:14:54,000
Excuse me.
330
00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:56,167
Is this the
wedding party?
331
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,834
Louie!
332
00:14:57,868 --> 00:15:00,767
Louie, I never thought I'd say
this, but would you join us?
333
00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:02,033
No, thank you.
334
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:06,767
John, the little woman
came by the garage tonight.
335
00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:09,300
She left a letter for you.
336
00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:10,467
Well, let's have it.
337
00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:12,801
For a buck.
338
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:15,434
Hey, the post office
only charges 15 cents.
339
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:18,801
Yeah, and they're going broke.
340
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,133
Thank you.
341
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:24,300
Not bad-- I've been here
two minutes, had a beer,
and won $21.
342
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,467
Bye-bye.
343
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:30,801
Oh, by the way,
should I change your W-2 now,
344
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:34,701
or do you want to see
if you have kids by tonight?
345
00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,467
We didn't
order drinks.
346
00:15:45,501 --> 00:15:46,868
It's on the house.
347
00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:48,834
You know, I got a "Dear John"
once.
348
00:15:48,868 --> 00:15:51,033
Oh, that isn't what this is.
349
00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:55,133
"Dear John..."
350
00:16:00,868 --> 00:16:03,100
You want me to read the letter?
351
00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:04,100
Would you?
352
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:05,634
"Dear John,
353
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:08,734
"I'm leaving you this letter
because I'm ashamed to face you.
354
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:10,868
"I hate to think
of what you think of a girl
355
00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:13,701
"who runs off and
marries a total stranger.
356
00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:15,734
"I don't know why
357
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:16,868
"I do crazy things
358
00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:19,133
"but I do know you're too nice
a guy
359
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:21,767
"to be stuck
with an immature nut like me.
360
00:16:21,801 --> 00:16:24,734
Naturally, we'll have
the marriage annulled..."
361
00:16:24,767 --> 00:16:26,467
Oh.
Oh.
362
00:16:26,501 --> 00:16:30,601
"Looking back, it seems
like some bizarre dream.
363
00:16:30,634 --> 00:16:32,100
"Any minute,
364
00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:34,901
"I kept expecting
you would wake me up
365
00:16:34,934 --> 00:16:37,133
"but you didn't and I didn't.
366
00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:38,534
"So we did.
367
00:16:38,567 --> 00:16:42,334
"We sure did.
368
00:16:42,367 --> 00:16:45,200
"Right away, I knew it was
a terrible mistake
369
00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:46,934
"and I sensed you did, too.
370
00:16:46,968 --> 00:16:50,267
"I've decided to move back
with my folks for awhile,
371
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,267
"try and get my head together.
372
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,067
"I hope what happened
wasn't too hard on you.
373
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,334
"I'm sure someday
374
00:16:56,367 --> 00:16:59,300
"you'll meet someone
you really want to marry
375
00:16:59,334 --> 00:17:01,400
"and whoever she is,
I envy her.
376
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:04,100
"Anyway, thanks
for a special weekend.
377
00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:05,767
"I'll never forget it.
378
00:17:05,801 --> 00:17:07,801
Or you."
379
00:17:07,834 --> 00:17:10,634
And it's signed,
"Your future ex-wife, Suzanne."
380
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,601
It's a nice letter.
381
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,634
I read it nicely.
382
00:17:21,968 --> 00:17:24,567
And now, it looks like
your problems are solved, kid.
383
00:17:24,601 --> 00:17:26,634
Yeah.
384
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:27,934
You know, Alex,
385
00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:30,934
that's the classiest letter
I ever heard.
386
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:33,801
Open, honest, sensitive.
387
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,968
Just like she is.
388
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,634
I got to get her back.
389
00:17:38,667 --> 00:17:40,033
Help me get her back.
390
00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:43,167
I never wanted anybody back
so bad in my life.
391
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,567
Why do I come here so often?
392
00:17:46,601 --> 00:17:48,534
I almost never have a good time.
393
00:17:58,567 --> 00:17:59,901
( buzzer sounds )
394
00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:07,400
Yes?
395
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:08,634
Mr. Caruthers?
396
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:09,968
Yes.
397
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,801
We're the ones who phoned you.
398
00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:13,033
On the phone.
399
00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:16,200
I've been wondering
what that was all about.
400
00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:17,968
Um, can we come in?
401
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,567
I guess so.
402
00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:23,033
I think you'll have to open the
door a little more than that.
403
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:26,234
I'm sorry, but how do I know
I can trust you?
404
00:18:26,267 --> 00:18:27,267
Come here.
405
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:28,534
Look at him.
406
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:29,868
Hi.
407
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,367
Okay.
408
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,467
Now, what's this
all about?
409
00:18:39,501 --> 00:18:41,868
Mr. Caruthers,
my name is John Burns
410
00:18:41,901 --> 00:18:44,167
and this is my friend,
Alex Rieger.
411
00:18:45,467 --> 00:18:48,801
Alex will take over from here.
412
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:52,200
Oh, Mr. Caruthers, um,
has your daughter told you?
413
00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:53,334
Told me about what?
414
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:54,767
I guess she hasn't told you.
415
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,000
If you tell me what it is
you want to know
416
00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:58,267
whether or not she has told me
417
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,601
then I'll tell you
whether or not she has told me.
418
00:19:00,634 --> 00:19:03,934
I can tell
she hasn't told you.
419
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:05,100
WOMAN:
Oh, Mark, I...
420
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:06,200
Oh, Lillian,
421
00:19:06,234 --> 00:19:07,734
this is Mr. Burns.
Rieger.
422
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:09,734
And this is Mr. Rieger.
Burns.
423
00:19:09,767 --> 00:19:11,434
This is my wife, Mrs...
Caruthers.
424
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:12,434
Yes.
425
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:13,434
How are you?
426
00:19:13,467 --> 00:19:15,033
LILLIAN:
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
427
00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:16,934
They're friends of Suzanne.
428
00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:19,100
Oh, yes, well,
Suzanne's in her room.
429
00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:21,767
Oh, could you tell her that
I'm here and maybe I love her?
430
00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:23,133
Sit down.
431
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:25,367
First, I want to know
what's going on.
432
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:29,434
Mr. Caruthers...
433
00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:32,434
Mr. Caruthers, do you
like to hear things
with the lily gilded,
434
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:34,267
or straight
between the eyes?
435
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,133
Gilded.
436
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:40,033
You see, we've always tried
to instill in our daughter
437
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:44,067
the good grace to conceal
virtually everything from us.
438
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,467
She hasn't told
you anything?
439
00:19:46,501 --> 00:19:50,801
Not since 1971.
440
00:19:50,834 --> 00:19:52,067
Well, Mr. and
Mrs. Caruthers,
441
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:52,801
I think you better
brace yourself,
442
00:19:52,834 --> 00:19:54,534
because what I have
to tell you...
443
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:55,534
Someone come in?
444
00:19:55,567 --> 00:19:57,000
I heard the...
445
00:19:57,033 --> 00:19:58,501
Oh, John.
446
00:19:58,534 --> 00:19:59,767
Suzanne.
447
00:19:59,801 --> 00:20:00,567
Hold it.
448
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:01,734
Sit down.
449
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,133
This man is about
to tell us something.
450
00:20:04,167 --> 00:20:06,267
Well, go on, sir.
We're listening.
451
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:08,067
Oh, uh, yes, um...
452
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,067
You sure you don't
want it straight?
453
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:11,067
Absolutely.
454
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,067
Right.
455
00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:14,968
Okay, now,
let's see, um...
456
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,367
( clears throat )
457
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,100
Well, how's this:
do you believe
458
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,634
in love at first sight?
459
00:20:19,667 --> 00:20:22,567
I believe the notion
of love at first sight
460
00:20:22,601 --> 00:20:26,634
is a debasement of every moral,
spiritual, and ethical value
461
00:20:26,667 --> 00:20:28,868
that I and my family hold dear.
462
00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:36,501
This is no snap.
463
00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:38,000
Well, I have to give it
to you straight then.
464
00:20:38,033 --> 00:20:39,367
This is what happened:
465
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,000
Three nights ago,
John met your daughter in a bar,
466
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,267
they fell in love,
467
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:43,801
and after looking at each other
countless times,
468
00:20:43,834 --> 00:20:45,434
drove to Maryland
and got married.
469
00:20:46,501 --> 00:20:49,334
You were in a bar?
470
00:20:53,567 --> 00:20:56,200
Mark, don't you
understand?
471
00:20:56,234 --> 00:20:58,667
Our daughter is married.
472
00:20:58,701 --> 00:21:01,534
And this man
is our son.
473
00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:03,167
But they're going
to get divorced.
474
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,567
Oh.
475
00:21:04,601 --> 00:21:06,334
But John wants
to stay married.
Oh.
476
00:21:06,367 --> 00:21:08,000
But your daughter
wants to get an annulment.
477
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:10,334
Is this fun for you?
478
00:21:13,334 --> 00:21:15,534
Well, once you get into it.
479
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:18,834
No, listen...
look, now that we all know,
480
00:21:18,868 --> 00:21:21,834
why don't we all just leave
them alone together,
481
00:21:21,868 --> 00:21:23,300
so they could, uh...
482
00:21:23,334 --> 00:21:28,067
Or we could stay
and stare at each other.
483
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,501
That's not such a bad idea.
484
00:21:30,534 --> 00:21:35,367
I think I've spent too much time
ducking things like this.
485
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,834
Maybe the time has come
to forget my fears
486
00:21:37,868 --> 00:21:40,501
and pay attention
to my daughter.
487
00:21:40,534 --> 00:21:43,434
Yes, this is it.
488
00:21:43,467 --> 00:21:46,033
The time has come
to stay with her
489
00:21:46,067 --> 00:21:48,167
and face this
thing head-on.
490
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,167
Mr. Rieger?
491
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,200
Right.
492
00:22:02,834 --> 00:22:06,767
Suzanne, when we were in
that motel room in Maryland...
493
00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:09,701
Hup, that's it!
494
00:22:09,734 --> 00:22:10,767
Let's go, Lillian.
495
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,133
Mr. Rieger.
496
00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:14,467
Right.
497
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:17,167
Take your time, John.
Don't worry about me.
498
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,100
I'll be having fun
standing in the kitchenette
499
00:22:19,133 --> 00:22:20,367
with Mr. and
Mrs. Caruthers.
500
00:22:24,834 --> 00:22:26,968
You want to stay married?
501
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,334
I do.
502
00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:32,834
I figured you'd never want
to see me again.
503
00:22:32,868 --> 00:22:36,167
Oh... Look, Suzanne,
what happened
504
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,667
was just as much my
fault as it was yours.
505
00:22:38,701 --> 00:22:40,033
You know, I think
that's what
506
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:41,234
brought us
both together.
507
00:22:41,267 --> 00:22:42,534
We're both crazy.
508
00:22:44,367 --> 00:22:46,767
I just think that,
for some reason,
509
00:22:46,801 --> 00:22:49,868
we had the instinct
to be with each other.
510
00:22:49,901 --> 00:22:52,367
Now, I know it
doesn't make sense,
511
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,434
'cause we hardly
know each other,
512
00:22:54,467 --> 00:22:57,634
but right now, I'd
rather follow my instinct
513
00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:59,133
and not make sense.
514
00:23:02,534 --> 00:23:07,567
Suzanne, will you not
get annulled with me?
515
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,033
No.
516
00:23:10,067 --> 00:23:12,033
Oh, that's terrific.
517
00:23:12,067 --> 00:23:13,133
No! Wait a minute!
518
00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:14,133
No what?
519
00:23:14,167 --> 00:23:16,367
No, I won't get annulled.
520
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,934
I can't believe it.
521
00:23:17,968 --> 00:23:19,200
She said, "no."
522
00:23:19,234 --> 00:23:20,467
Oh, oh.
523
00:23:20,501 --> 00:23:24,200
Oh, boy, you better be
as nice as you seem.
524
00:23:24,234 --> 00:23:26,367
I am.
525
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:27,834
Hey, let's call
your folks.
526
00:23:27,868 --> 00:23:28,968
Oh, Dad, Mom!
527
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:29,968
Alex!
528
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,334
What's wrong?
529
00:23:32,901 --> 00:23:35,567
Mr. and Mrs. Caruthers,
530
00:23:35,601 --> 00:23:38,067
I'd like your permission
to marry my wife.
531
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,601
Hey, man, you
got rid of her.
532
00:23:52,634 --> 00:23:53,601
That's great.
533
00:23:53,634 --> 00:23:55,000
No, we're staying married.
534
00:23:55,033 --> 00:23:57,234
Congratulations,
she's a wonderful girl.
535
00:24:03,534 --> 00:24:06,367
( theme music playing )
536
00:24:30,534 --> 00:24:32,100
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
537
00:24:32,133 --> 00:24:33,467
( grunts )
36111
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