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1
00:00:01,216 --> 00:00:03,755
Wave bye-bye to your DNA donor daddy.
2
00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:04,820
That's me.
3
00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:06,709
More than an Uncle, less than a husband.
4
00:00:06,709 --> 00:00:07,944
Barely an employee.
5
00:00:08,121 --> 00:00:10,062
We have a day of grocery shopping
6
00:00:10,062 --> 00:00:11,244
ahead of us, don't we Charlie?
7
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Yes we do.
8
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A whole day?
9
00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:15,708
Are you crawling there?
10
00:00:15,918 --> 00:00:17,753
You know Charlie can't crawl yet Rose.
11
00:00:17,806 --> 00:00:18,282
Ha ha.
12
00:00:18,282 --> 00:00:19,951
With a baby everything
takes triple the time,
13
00:00:19,951 --> 00:00:21,259
and double the barf.
14
00:00:21,343 --> 00:00:22,965
And ten times the complaining.
15
00:00:23,078 --> 00:00:25,415
Well, all of mommy's hard work is worth it
16
00:00:25,415 --> 00:00:27,260
because you're so special.
17
00:00:27,296 --> 00:00:28,793
Oh, yes he is...
18
00:00:28,804 --> 00:00:30,096
you're the cutest baby in town...
19
00:00:30,111 --> 00:00:31,385
Oh, yes he is...
20
00:00:31,385 --> 00:00:32,186
Harry's going to help me at the
21
00:00:32,186 --> 00:00:33,074
grocery store today...
22
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:34,374
Oh, yes he is...
23
00:00:34,558 --> 00:00:35,858
Oh.
24
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:50,691
Synced and corrected by Mastermonger
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:00:57,675 --> 00:00:59,137
What's wrong?!
26
00:00:59,137 --> 00:01:01,571
That scale is broken,
you can't believe it...
27
00:01:01,571 --> 00:01:03,423
I found porn under Billy's bed.
28
00:01:03,423 --> 00:01:05,337
Honey that's not porn, that's just a
29
00:01:05,337 --> 00:01:06,440
men's magazine.
30
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:07,673
Billy's not even ten.
31
00:01:07,673 --> 00:01:08,754
And ten is not 'men.'
32
00:01:08,754 --> 00:01:11,119
We caught Billy in a strip club last year.
33
00:01:11,119 --> 00:01:12,957
At least these women
are wearing bikini tops.
34
00:01:12,957 --> 00:01:16,320
Or carefully balanced soda crackers.
35
00:01:16,338 --> 00:01:19,005
No, it's not the nudity, it's the fakeness.
36
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Look at...these women are
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00:01:19,974 --> 00:01:21,732
so airbrushed, it creates
38
00:01:21,732 --> 00:01:23,366
unrealistic expectations.
39
00:01:23,366 --> 00:01:24,843
They might as well be Barbies.
40
00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:26,409
But you bought Billy a Barbie?
41
00:01:26,409 --> 00:01:29,440
That was landscaper Barbie and
she has very realistic hips.
42
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:32,646
This is shocking behaviour
coming from the son of a
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00:01:32,646 --> 00:01:34,974
loving, well-adjusted lesbian couple.
44
00:01:34,974 --> 00:01:36,951
When Billy was born, we both knew there
45
00:01:36,951 --> 00:01:39,232
would be a good chance he
wouldn't grow up to be a lesbian.
46
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:42,309
But how did he even get
a hold of this garbage?
47
00:01:45,011 --> 00:01:46,223
Harry.
48
00:01:49,495 --> 00:01:51,629
Obviously, the magazine is mine.
49
00:01:52,902 --> 00:01:53,751
Magazine?
50
00:01:53,751 --> 00:01:56,081
Why don't you just use your
cellphone the way God intended.
51
00:01:56,711 --> 00:01:58,036
To look at boobs in the bathroom.
52
00:01:58,198 --> 00:02:01,633
Harry, we discussed this,
porn stays behind the bar.
53
00:02:01,633 --> 00:02:02,852
It's not porn.
54
00:02:02,852 --> 00:02:05,631
It's got interviews with serious
Emmy award winning actresses.
55
00:02:05,631 --> 00:02:09,754
Who just happen to be greased
up and wearing string as clothes.
56
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,028
I have that in red.
57
00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:12,830
Well I applaud you Michelle.
58
00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:14,803
I wish my mom had given me stuff like this.
59
00:02:14,803 --> 00:02:16,596
Ew, I didn't give it to Billy.
60
00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:18,412
He must have found it,
and then unfortunately
61
00:02:18,412 --> 00:02:20,187
Zoey found it in his bedroom.
62
00:02:20,187 --> 00:02:21,972
Oh come on Harry, you've gotta help me.
63
00:02:22,816 --> 00:02:24,340
Oh, no.
64
00:02:24,340 --> 00:02:26,353
I'm not taking the fall for this one.
65
00:02:26,353 --> 00:02:27,343
This one's all on you.
66
00:02:27,343 --> 00:02:30,080
But Zoey would be so hurt
if she knew this was mine.
67
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,761
But if it's yours, it's just the same
68
00:02:31,761 --> 00:02:34,870
sexist male B.S. she's
always railing against.
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00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:36,090
And she loves that fight.
70
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:38,119
Come on, do it for Zoey.
71
00:02:38,649 --> 00:02:39,961
Just come clean.
72
00:02:40,648 --> 00:02:41,721
About being dirty.
73
00:02:43,559 --> 00:02:45,657
Ugh, three already?
74
00:02:45,657 --> 00:02:46,218
I'm late.
75
00:02:46,218 --> 00:02:48,939
Cool, your pocket porn
machine also tells time.
76
00:02:48,939 --> 00:02:50,138
Ah ha ha ha.
77
00:02:51,128 --> 00:02:53,605
I know this is taking forever, Charlie,
78
00:02:53,605 --> 00:02:55,535
but the stupid grocery
store puts the stupid
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baby stuff at the opposite
ends of the stupid aisles.
80
00:02:58,342 --> 00:02:59,814
So here we stupid are.
81
00:03:06,123 --> 00:03:07,698
Excuse me, could you...
82
00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:12,859
Oh, hi, would you mind, I can't...
83
00:03:13,308 --> 00:03:14,436
Beep beep!
84
00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:16,410
You're not the only one shopping, you know.
85
00:03:22,395 --> 00:03:24,738
Oh, you're not done yet?
86
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:25,547
Wow.
87
00:03:25,977 --> 00:03:27,750
People are jerks.
88
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,450
Will you watch Charlie for a second?
89
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:37,226
Aw, you modern fathers!
90
00:03:37,226 --> 00:03:39,896
Look at you two, shopping on your own.
91
00:03:40,204 --> 00:03:42,059
Do you know where the butter is?
92
00:03:42,662 --> 00:03:45,780
Take mine, you sweet sweet man, you.
93
00:03:49,386 --> 00:03:51,518
Did that old meanie actually help you?
94
00:03:51,518 --> 00:03:52,698
You're just tired, Rose.
95
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,593
People love helping people with babies.
96
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:55,495
Right?
97
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:56,840
Don't they Charlie?
98
00:03:59,762 --> 00:04:01,102
Oh, just take the whole tray there,
99
00:04:01,102 --> 00:04:01,760
super dad.
100
00:04:02,497 --> 00:04:03,281
Thanks!
101
00:04:12,015 --> 00:04:13,542
Oh hi, Michelle.
102
00:04:13,855 --> 00:04:15,448
They'll be right down.
103
00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:20,586
It's so nice that Ana has a little brother
104
00:04:20,586 --> 00:04:22,003
to take under her wing.
105
00:04:22,318 --> 00:04:24,054
Ana's teaching him the difference between
106
00:04:24,054 --> 00:04:25,462
angora and cashmere.
107
00:04:25,462 --> 00:04:26,777
Billy didn't mention anything
108
00:04:26,777 --> 00:04:28,610
out of the ordinary, did he?
109
00:04:29,025 --> 00:04:29,910
Not today.
110
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:31,935
But last time he said he wants to be
111
00:04:31,935 --> 00:04:34,384
a "taxidermist, but for people."
112
00:04:35,701 --> 00:04:38,982
Did Billy seem to have anything...
113
00:04:39,728 --> 00:04:41,551
inappropriate on his mind?
114
00:04:41,551 --> 00:04:43,947
Mention any reading material?
115
00:04:43,947 --> 00:04:46,143
Ah, he found your porn?
116
00:04:46,143 --> 00:04:47,159
It's not porn.
117
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:50,208
It's a men's magazine.
118
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:51,410
For gross men...
119
00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:53,359
Or refined lesbians.
120
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:57,520
Look, Zoey is worried that Billy saw it and
121
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,208
got the wrong idea about the human body.
122
00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:02,132
This isn't about Billy,
this is about you and Zoey.
123
00:05:02,132 --> 00:05:03,246
Excuse me?
124
00:05:03,246 --> 00:05:04,548
Everyone has something.
125
00:05:04,548 --> 00:05:07,344
Porn, erotica, secret toys.
126
00:05:07,723 --> 00:05:09,572
Extra-spousal fantasies are part of any
127
00:05:09,572 --> 00:05:10,579
healthy relationship.
128
00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:14,104
Would you do me a favour and
tell all that to Zoey for me?
129
00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:15,617
Mom, look.
130
00:05:15,617 --> 00:05:17,096
Anastasia's shrug fits me.
131
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:18,422
This is angora.
132
00:05:18,422 --> 00:05:19,998
I'm wearing the skin of a bunny!
133
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:21,930
I accidentally shrank it.
134
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,786
So I accidentally have to buy a new one.
135
00:05:23,786 --> 00:05:24,503
In black.
136
00:05:24,516 --> 00:05:25,946
Like I wanted in the first place.
137
00:05:26,399 --> 00:05:27,156
Bye mom.
138
00:05:28,648 --> 00:05:30,069
Thank you Janet.
139
00:05:34,119 --> 00:05:36,206
I overheard what you said to Michelle.
140
00:05:37,053 --> 00:05:39,893
That was a very sweet
lie about how everyone
141
00:05:39,893 --> 00:05:42,033
fantasizes about being with someone else.
142
00:05:42,304 --> 00:05:43,940
Jonathan, I wasn't lying.
143
00:05:43,940 --> 00:05:44,758
It's true.
144
00:05:45,133 --> 00:05:46,585
Fantasies are no cause for concern.
145
00:05:47,142 --> 00:05:48,199
Well, I'm concerned.
146
00:05:48,644 --> 00:05:51,144
Not everyone fantasizes
about being with other people.
147
00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:51,914
I don't.
148
00:05:51,914 --> 00:05:52,633
You don't?
149
00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:53,298
No.
150
00:05:54,056 --> 00:05:56,749
I fantasize about my beautiful smart wife.
151
00:05:57,164 --> 00:06:00,160
Wait, are you seriously
telling me that you've never
152
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:04,318
thought, never thought, about "being" with
153
00:06:04,318 --> 00:06:05,049
someone else?
154
00:06:06,609 --> 00:06:08,808
Oh, really?
155
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:09,674
No.
156
00:06:10,276 --> 00:06:11,375
Never.
157
00:06:17,347 --> 00:06:20,103
The pictures in this magazine
do not tell the truth.
158
00:06:20,103 --> 00:06:22,246
Women don't look this perfect in real life.
159
00:06:22,246 --> 00:06:22,975
I know.
160
00:06:22,975 --> 00:06:24,521
Women in real life look like you.
161
00:06:24,521 --> 00:06:25,598
Thank you...
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00:06:26,128 --> 00:06:27,270
I think.
163
00:06:27,986 --> 00:06:28,404
You know what?
164
00:06:28,404 --> 00:06:30,648
It's really Harry we should
be talking to about this.
165
00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:32,378
He must have left it
here in the first place.
166
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:37,856
Yes, that's obviously
exactly what happened.
167
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:38,608
Case closed.
168
00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:41,159
Is Harry in trouble
because of this magazine?
169
00:06:41,159 --> 00:06:42,228
- Not this time...
- In a way.
170
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,348
We just need to have a big chat with him.
171
00:06:44,348 --> 00:06:45,030
Huge.
172
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:47,961
Okay, look, the magazine is...
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00:06:47,961 --> 00:06:48,541
mine.
174
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:49,856
What?
175
00:06:49,856 --> 00:06:51,322
I got it from a kid at school.
176
00:06:51,906 --> 00:06:52,965
Bradley Tanner.
177
00:06:54,094 --> 00:06:55,218
Don't be mad at Harry.
178
00:06:55,432 --> 00:06:56,841
Billy, are you trying to protect Harry?
179
00:06:56,841 --> 00:06:58,649
We don't need to interrogate the poor kid.
180
00:06:58,764 --> 00:07:00,840
No, I totally got it from Bradley.
181
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,513
Billy, we are very disappointed in you.
182
00:07:02,513 --> 00:07:04,316
We don't lie about these types of things.
183
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:06,474
Do we mommy Michelle?
184
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:09,549
Correct.
185
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:12,942
Byyyye!
186
00:07:12,942 --> 00:07:15,058
Wave bye to the nice employees Charlie!
187
00:07:16,729 --> 00:07:18,969
The manager said if I ever need
a sitter to give her a call.
188
00:07:19,864 --> 00:07:21,259
Ha-ha, of course she did.
189
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,376
Did I do something to annoy you?
190
00:07:23,824 --> 00:07:25,427
No, society did.
191
00:07:25,447 --> 00:07:26,854
It's not being a single parent that's hard,
192
00:07:26,854 --> 00:07:27,776
it's being a single mom.
193
00:07:27,776 --> 00:07:29,100
Single dads have it easy.
194
00:07:29,112 --> 00:07:30,485
Single mom, single dad,
195
00:07:30,485 --> 00:07:31,105
what's the difference?
196
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,616
Free babysitting, extra samples.
197
00:07:33,616 --> 00:07:34,816
Do you know how many strangers asked to
198
00:07:34,816 --> 00:07:36,069
take my photo with Charlie today?
199
00:07:36,069 --> 00:07:36,779
Seven...
200
00:07:37,609 --> 00:07:38,270
three?
201
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:39,710
Zero.
202
00:07:40,199 --> 00:07:41,543
Everywhere you go, it's like the father
203
00:07:41,543 --> 00:07:42,388
of the year parade.
204
00:07:42,388 --> 00:07:44,027
Any man who hasn't abandoned his baby
205
00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:45,342
is like some kind of hero.
206
00:07:45,383 --> 00:07:47,119
Trust me, single fatherhood
207
00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:48,510
isn't a total cake walk.
208
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:50,291
Can you pop the trunk?
209
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:55,858
Do you need a hand with those?
210
00:07:55,858 --> 00:07:57,550
Oh, sure.
211
00:07:57,550 --> 00:07:58,238
Thanks.
212
00:07:59,505 --> 00:08:00,209
You work here?
213
00:08:00,209 --> 00:08:01,137
Nope.
214
00:08:04,088 --> 00:08:04,940
You're right.
215
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:07,139
Being a single dad rules.
216
00:08:15,832 --> 00:08:17,415
Harry, I'm worried Billy's falling in
217
00:08:17,415 --> 00:08:18,321
with the wrong crowd.
218
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:19,966
He's in fifth grade.
219
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,083
What does the wrong crowd even do,
220
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,742
not line up nice for library?
221
00:08:22,742 --> 00:08:25,427
No, Bradley Tanner gave
him a dirty magazine.
222
00:08:25,961 --> 00:08:27,369
I thought Bradley moved to Des Moines...
223
00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:30,074
to de beat of de music.
224
00:08:30,952 --> 00:08:32,288
Bradley moved?
225
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:34,341
Billy lied about where he got the magazine!
226
00:08:34,341 --> 00:08:37,932
Look, he must have been protecting Harry.
227
00:08:39,110 --> 00:08:40,917
Is this magazine yours Harry?
228
00:08:41,850 --> 00:08:42,969
Absolutely not.
229
00:08:43,531 --> 00:08:44,315
Really?
230
00:08:44,784 --> 00:08:45,497
You sure?
231
00:08:45,527 --> 00:08:47,667
You're not at all going to take
232
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:48,913
responsibility for this?
233
00:08:49,451 --> 00:08:50,535
Well, we need to find out where that
234
00:08:50,535 --> 00:08:51,880
magazine really came from.
235
00:08:54,398 --> 00:08:55,766
I wish I could stick around for this,
236
00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:56,827
but I gotta run errands.
237
00:08:57,165 --> 00:08:59,003
Hey, good luck getting
to the truth Michelle.
238
00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:00,629
You too, Zoey.
239
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:09,268
Single dads have things freakishly easy.
240
00:09:09,268 --> 00:09:11,693
I returned that onesie
for you without a receipt.
241
00:09:11,772 --> 00:09:14,083
The clerk just handed me cash.
242
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:15,096
Cash?
243
00:09:15,732 --> 00:09:17,154
For the onesie I washed?
244
00:09:17,154 --> 00:09:19,274
And when I asked her if she
had a diaper change station
245
00:09:19,505 --> 00:09:22,840
she cried and said she wished
she'd had a dad like me.
246
00:09:23,139 --> 00:09:25,404
Then the manager congratulated me for
247
00:09:25,404 --> 00:09:27,197
not dropping Charlie even once.
248
00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:28,784
Seriously?
249
00:09:29,171 --> 00:09:30,409
You're like a V.I.P.
250
00:09:32,028 --> 00:09:36,144
You are a king among men when
it comes to getting things done.
251
00:09:36,261 --> 00:09:37,392
Is this one of those compliments where you
252
00:09:37,392 --> 00:09:38,365
want something from me?
253
00:09:38,743 --> 00:09:39,089
No.
254
00:09:39,089 --> 00:09:40,616
Here's your list of errands to run today.
255
00:09:41,658 --> 00:09:42,728
My list?
256
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,442
This is only half of what we need to do?
257
00:09:45,442 --> 00:09:47,376
Yes... half.
258
00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:51,107
Ugh, back to easy street Charlie.
259
00:09:51,438 --> 00:09:53,831
Curse my single dad powers.
260
00:09:53,831 --> 00:09:56,257
Why couldn't I have just
been born a single mom?
261
00:10:04,216 --> 00:10:10,134
Jonathan, you have no
gift for the clandestine.
262
00:10:10,851 --> 00:10:11,682
Don't open that.
263
00:10:11,682 --> 00:10:12,396
Darling.
264
00:10:12,396 --> 00:10:13,400
I've already told you.
265
00:10:14,033 --> 00:10:16,094
Don't be embarrassed by your fantasies.
266
00:10:16,094 --> 00:10:18,425
It's not fantasy, it's Sci-Fi.
267
00:10:18,425 --> 00:10:19,864
There's a big difference.
268
00:10:21,877 --> 00:10:25,012
"Sentient time machine of the night?"
269
00:10:25,012 --> 00:10:28,420
"Revenge of the venusian tripods"?
270
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,158
It's pronounced "tripids".
271
00:10:30,158 --> 00:10:32,964
Please put those back, the
humidity isn't good for them.
272
00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:34,199
I don't know what to say.
273
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:35,290
How about, "thank you"?
274
00:10:35,924 --> 00:10:37,548
While other guys are
sneaking around reading
275
00:10:37,548 --> 00:10:40,298
their porno blogs, I've
only fantasized about you.
276
00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,798
You're all the porno I need.
277
00:10:42,798 --> 00:10:43,767
Well thanks a lot.
278
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:44,976
Well you're very well...
279
00:10:45,574 --> 00:10:47,203
was that sarcasm?
280
00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:49,007
Do you have any idea how much pressure
281
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:50,060
that puts me under?
282
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:52,401
I don't want to be solely responsible for
283
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,929
your imaginary satisfaction.
284
00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:55,930
But if I imagined being with anyone else,
285
00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,308
it would be like cheating on you.
286
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:59,164
Real cheating is sleazy.
287
00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:02,898
Imaginary cheating is... kind of hot.
288
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,490
Really?
289
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:07,177
Imagine I've been dead for years.
290
00:11:08,136 --> 00:11:10,240
A woman comes over to fix the cable.
291
00:11:10,948 --> 00:11:15,104
You let her in, she brushes close to you,
292
00:11:15,704 --> 00:11:18,480
your eyes meet, then what happens?
293
00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:20,389
I cry.
294
00:11:20,887 --> 00:11:22,348
Because I miss my dead wife.
295
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,531
Oh God!
296
00:11:23,531 --> 00:11:25,408
And I wouldn't need my cable fixed without
297
00:11:25,408 --> 00:11:26,961
you alive to watch TV with.
298
00:11:26,961 --> 00:11:28,818
Oh my God, is something wrong?
299
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,148
Oh, Ana, it's okay.
300
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,460
Your mother is healthy and fine.
301
00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:32,486
We're all fine.
302
00:11:32,486 --> 00:11:33,315
Everything's fantastic.
303
00:11:33,315 --> 00:11:35,101
Your father is just burdening me with his
304
00:11:35,101 --> 00:11:36,548
unrealistic devotion.
305
00:11:36,548 --> 00:11:37,990
So the cable's not broken?
306
00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:39,412
Okay thank God.
307
00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:47,197
We know you didn't get that magazine from
308
00:11:47,197 --> 00:11:47,984
your friend Bradley.
309
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:49,644
Where did you get it, Billy?
310
00:11:51,431 --> 00:11:52,811
He probably doesn't remember.
311
00:11:52,947 --> 00:11:55,268
Kids' memories are like gold fish.
312
00:11:55,268 --> 00:11:59,020
A couple of minutes and zap, deleted.
313
00:11:59,248 --> 00:12:01,020
Whose side are you on, anyway?
314
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:01,941
I'm not on any side...
315
00:12:02,537 --> 00:12:03,757
Except for your side.
316
00:12:04,285 --> 00:12:06,045
I want what's best for women?
317
00:12:07,106 --> 00:12:11,122
I got it from... I got it from...
318
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,405
The convenience store on Walnut.
319
00:12:14,652 --> 00:12:15,418
Wow.
320
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:16,814
Finally the truth.
321
00:12:16,814 --> 00:12:17,961
Only one thing to do now.
322
00:12:17,961 --> 00:12:19,343
Boycott that store.
323
00:12:19,343 --> 00:12:21,113
Stay away from it.
324
00:12:21,113 --> 00:12:22,558
Pretend it never existed.
325
00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:23,466
That's a great idea.
326
00:12:23,466 --> 00:12:24,053
Really?
327
00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:24,588
Great!
328
00:12:24,926 --> 00:12:25,948
In principle.
329
00:12:26,668 --> 00:12:28,028
But they can't get away with selling
330
00:12:28,028 --> 00:12:29,362
magazines to minors like that.
331
00:12:29,362 --> 00:12:31,279
We need to talk to that
convenience store owner.
332
00:12:31,279 --> 00:12:33,154
Sure, yeah, I'll set something up...
333
00:12:33,216 --> 00:12:34,098
Now!
334
00:12:39,736 --> 00:12:42,276
Aren't you just the cutest pair?
335
00:12:42,276 --> 00:12:45,403
Look at you two out on your own.
336
00:12:45,637 --> 00:12:46,121
Yep.
337
00:12:46,121 --> 00:12:48,148
Even though I'm a man,
I am watching this baby.
338
00:12:48,448 --> 00:12:49,800
By myself.
339
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:52,126
Would you like to try
one of our massage chairs?
340
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,319
Ohhh.
341
00:12:54,319 --> 00:12:56,112
I couldn't...
342
00:12:56,112 --> 00:12:59,604
But.. Maybe just for a brief second.
343
00:13:04,976 --> 00:13:05,968
Ohhhhh yeah.
344
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:07,022
That's the stuff.
345
00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:08,994
Running errands for your wife, too?
346
00:13:10,244 --> 00:13:11,572
Doesn't it look like I'm running errands?
347
00:13:15,329 --> 00:13:17,649
Hi pumpkin, daddy's right here.
348
00:13:17,649 --> 00:13:18,863
Hey, little buddy.
349
00:13:18,863 --> 00:13:20,130
Lookin' good.
350
00:13:22,986 --> 00:13:23,569
Hello.
351
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:24,622
Harry, I need your help.
352
00:13:24,622 --> 00:13:26,614
Janet's mad about my porn collection.
353
00:13:26,614 --> 00:13:28,032
Mad I don't have one.
354
00:13:28,417 --> 00:13:29,258
Seriously?
355
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:29,741
Come on.
356
00:13:29,741 --> 00:13:30,930
You must have something.
357
00:13:30,930 --> 00:13:32,380
A DVD under the mattress?
358
00:13:32,380 --> 00:13:34,583
A couple of MPEGs in a
folder named receipts?
359
00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:36,060
I have nothing of the sort.
360
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,811
You don't even have a draft email with a
361
00:13:37,811 --> 00:13:38,990
link to dirty gifs?
362
00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:41,074
No, and it's "jiffs", but I didn't call
363
00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:41,781
for a fight.
364
00:13:41,781 --> 00:13:43,736
Janet's being crushed
under the burden of my
365
00:13:43,736 --> 00:13:44,841
faithful fantasy life.
366
00:13:45,536 --> 00:13:46,803
How do I make it up to her?
367
00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:48,904
You gotta porn up, my friend.
368
00:13:48,904 --> 00:13:51,848
Janet needs unrealistic
expectations to live up to.
369
00:13:52,892 --> 00:13:54,287
I need to buy porn...
370
00:13:54,287 --> 00:13:55,555
To save my marriage.
371
00:13:55,555 --> 00:13:57,120
That's what it's there for, buddy.
372
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,267
Buy it, hide it, and let her find it,
373
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:01,528
she'll thank you for it.
374
00:14:01,528 --> 00:14:02,454
You got a pen?
375
00:14:02,454 --> 00:14:03,608
I'll give you a couple of titles.
376
00:14:04,402 --> 00:14:05,686
Okay.
377
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:08,682
Did you say hot, wet skunks?
378
00:14:09,401 --> 00:14:11,851
Oh. Yep. Okay.
379
00:14:14,082 --> 00:14:16,345
Do I need to know what
these letters stand for?
380
00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:17,416
Good luck, buddy.
381
00:14:18,374 --> 00:14:20,016
Try setting your chair to nine.
382
00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:22,731
Oh nine is good.
383
00:14:23,784 --> 00:14:25,291
Nine is good.
384
00:14:26,506 --> 00:14:27,914
Nine is good...
385
00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:33,792
Do you want to come in with me?
386
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:36,175
I'll stay here with Billy so you
387
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:38,296
can use whatever words you
want to use on that guy.
388
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:39,936
You mean swear words?
389
00:14:39,936 --> 00:14:40,892
Which ones?
390
00:14:40,892 --> 00:14:41,683
All of them.
391
00:14:55,673 --> 00:14:57,282
I didn't get the magazine here.
392
00:14:58,613 --> 00:14:59,802
I found it at home.
393
00:14:59,802 --> 00:15:01,756
And I just wanted to protect Harry.
394
00:15:02,518 --> 00:15:05,841
Billy, there's something
I need to tell you...
395
00:15:07,626 --> 00:15:09,104
I believe you.
396
00:15:11,265 --> 00:15:13,872
Angry curses and profanities!
397
00:15:14,326 --> 00:15:16,249
I'm pretending to yell at you!
398
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,139
I'm not really yelling at you.
399
00:15:19,426 --> 00:15:20,984
Miss, are you almost done?
400
00:15:20,984 --> 00:15:22,425
Look, when the guilt gets to be too much
401
00:15:22,425 --> 00:15:24,668
for my wife she will
admit this is her magazine.
402
00:15:24,668 --> 00:15:26,788
I mean I can't believe
how she's kept this going.
403
00:15:27,283 --> 00:15:28,200
I'm mad!
404
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,484
Mad about photoshopped butts!
405
00:15:32,218 --> 00:15:34,202
You need to look more confused sir.
406
00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:35,998
Yes, like that.
407
00:15:36,593 --> 00:15:39,843
I'm so not really yelling at you!
408
00:15:42,686 --> 00:15:43,385
Hullo?
409
00:15:44,314 --> 00:15:46,236
Oh hey Rose.
410
00:15:46,587 --> 00:15:48,403
Busy, busy.
411
00:15:48,717 --> 00:15:51,365
Yeah, no well, a little bit delayed.
412
00:15:51,725 --> 00:15:54,054
Someone decided to take a nap.
413
00:15:54,401 --> 00:15:56,432
I burped him, he's in his stroller!
414
00:15:57,592 --> 00:15:59,000
No, yeah, we're headed to
415
00:15:59,000 --> 00:15:59,690
the car now.
416
00:15:59,907 --> 00:16:01,209
How are you doing with your errands?
417
00:16:01,242 --> 00:16:04,000
I might need a little more time.
418
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,983
At the bank, I mean.
419
00:16:05,983 --> 00:16:09,144
This mortgage stuff is more
complicated than I thought.
420
00:16:09,144 --> 00:16:10,112
The red one, please.
421
00:16:10,112 --> 00:16:11,640
The red mortgage.
422
00:16:12,292 --> 00:16:13,737
But you rent.
423
00:16:14,303 --> 00:16:15,378
It's a...
424
00:16:15,378 --> 00:16:17,842
Rentally mortgaged situation.
425
00:16:17,842 --> 00:16:19,361
I don't have time to explain money
426
00:16:19,361 --> 00:16:20,155
to you, Harry.
427
00:16:20,155 --> 00:16:21,777
Your nails are really awful.
428
00:16:22,205 --> 00:16:23,730
Is it your first time in shades of pink?
429
00:16:25,074 --> 00:16:27,246
You sound pretty busy.
430
00:16:27,991 --> 00:16:30,632
Yeah, single mom's work is never done.
431
00:16:31,088 --> 00:16:32,394
Uh huh, uh huh.
432
00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:35,624
I can't believe she's still
yelling at the poor guy.
433
00:16:36,035 --> 00:16:36,921
Is...
434
00:16:37,649 --> 00:16:39,062
Is he crying?
435
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,226
So how much longer are you
going to be at the bank?
436
00:16:45,226 --> 00:16:47,744
Oh, just signing the financial papers now.
437
00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:49,317
At the bank, huh?
438
00:16:49,479 --> 00:16:51,280
Did you go for the chequeing manicure...
439
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:53,212
or savings?
440
00:16:55,894 --> 00:16:56,826
What are you doing here?
441
00:16:56,826 --> 00:16:58,876
Slaving away on your errands.
442
00:16:58,876 --> 00:17:00,266
I'm sorry.
443
00:17:00,266 --> 00:17:01,998
I just wanted a little me-time,
444
00:17:01,998 --> 00:17:03,761
and everything's so much easier for you.
445
00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:04,907
You used me.
446
00:17:04,907 --> 00:17:06,201
I screwed up.
447
00:17:06,789 --> 00:17:08,844
But you got a little
extra time with Charlie.
448
00:17:09,823 --> 00:17:11,094
What?
449
00:17:11,094 --> 00:17:13,451
That's not Charlie.
450
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,323
Oh, boy.
451
00:17:18,906 --> 00:17:19,764
Girl?
452
00:17:20,369 --> 00:17:21,209
Oh boy.
453
00:17:25,983 --> 00:17:27,390
Looks like mom's using a lot of
454
00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:28,323
bad words in there.
455
00:17:28,323 --> 00:17:30,354
Poor poor innocent man.
456
00:17:32,186 --> 00:17:34,587
Ugh, wait here.
457
00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:38,321
Blah blah blah!
458
00:17:38,793 --> 00:17:40,776
Leave that poor man alone.
459
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,030
The magazine is mine.
460
00:17:44,554 --> 00:17:46,234
He didn't sell it to Billy.
461
00:17:46,234 --> 00:17:48,278
I bought it and Billy found it.
462
00:17:48,727 --> 00:17:52,184
But at least I had the
courage to tell the truth.
463
00:17:52,626 --> 00:17:55,127
And that counts for something.
464
00:17:56,906 --> 00:17:59,463
You don't look nearly
as shocked as I expected.
465
00:17:59,463 --> 00:18:00,494
You knew?
466
00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:03,649
You used one of your
business cards as a bookmark.
467
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,668
Excuse me?
468
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:06,497
Do you have any other pornography?
469
00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:09,029
You're missing some of
these recommended titles...
470
00:18:09,817 --> 00:18:11,121
Oh gosh!
471
00:18:12,137 --> 00:18:13,326
Oh God!
472
00:18:23,141 --> 00:18:23,939
Charlie!
473
00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:25,851
Such a nice baby.
474
00:18:25,851 --> 00:18:27,169
Oh, thank you.
475
00:18:28,117 --> 00:18:30,566
I am so sorry I left him here.
476
00:18:30,566 --> 00:18:31,658
But he's fine.
477
00:18:31,658 --> 00:18:32,682
Look at him.
478
00:18:32,844 --> 00:18:34,068
I can't believe you lied to me.
479
00:18:34,269 --> 00:18:34,848
I lied?
480
00:18:35,570 --> 00:18:37,061
You said you were getting a mortgage,
481
00:18:37,061 --> 00:18:38,342
not a mani-pedi!
482
00:18:38,342 --> 00:18:40,883
But you live in single dad Shangri-la.
483
00:18:40,883 --> 00:18:42,950
I was taking a break
from being a single mom.
484
00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:44,290
What were you taking a break from?
485
00:18:44,765 --> 00:18:45,399
Walking.
486
00:18:47,773 --> 00:18:48,939
It's a big mall.
487
00:18:51,466 --> 00:18:52,265
Where is he?
488
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,401
All I see is a hobo with a nosebleed.
489
00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:56,799
Wait. Dad?
490
00:18:58,019 --> 00:18:58,857
I'm here.
491
00:18:58,857 --> 00:18:59,793
I'm okay.
492
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:00,875
Oh my God.
493
00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:01,625
What happened?
494
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,509
It's really hard to explain.
495
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,355
Oh no, he just had a mishap while
496
00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:07,014
buying these pornographic magazines.
497
00:19:09,452 --> 00:19:10,124
Oh!
498
00:19:10,124 --> 00:19:11,660
Dad that is so gross.
499
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:12,809
Oh my God!
500
00:19:12,809 --> 00:19:13,727
No, you don't understand.
501
00:19:13,727 --> 00:19:15,176
I did this all for your mother.
502
00:19:16,494 --> 00:19:17,897
I know what you're going to say...
503
00:19:17,897 --> 00:19:20,253
I have never loved you as much as I
504
00:19:20,253 --> 00:19:21,293
love you right now.
505
00:19:22,099 --> 00:19:23,626
That's not my first guess.
506
00:19:35,188 --> 00:19:37,095
I'm really, really sorry, Billy.
507
00:19:37,909 --> 00:19:40,000
And hopefully we've all learned
508
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:40,982
a lesson from this.
509
00:19:40,982 --> 00:19:41,916
Yep!
510
00:19:41,916 --> 00:19:44,085
I learned that pictures of people are bad,
511
00:19:44,085 --> 00:19:45,503
because bodies are bad.
512
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,887
I guess that's why people wear clothes.
513
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,491
To hide their ugly bodies.
514
00:19:50,884 --> 00:19:52,272
No. No.
515
00:19:52,272 --> 00:19:54,896
The magazine is only bad
because it doesn't show
516
00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:56,198
how bodies really look.
517
00:19:56,198 --> 00:19:59,660
And real bodies are beautiful in every way.
518
00:20:01,964 --> 00:20:03,004
Oh! Ahhh!
519
00:20:03,004 --> 00:20:03,826
Hey, guys.
520
00:20:06,261 --> 00:20:07,200
Ewww.
521
00:20:10,473 --> 00:20:11,329
There!
522
00:20:11,329 --> 00:20:12,992
That's the guy who stole my baby!
523
00:20:12,992 --> 00:20:15,068
Found him: Lone male, early thirties.
524
00:20:15,068 --> 00:20:15,978
Requesting back up.
525
00:20:15,978 --> 00:20:18,032
I repeat: Lone male has the missing infant.
526
00:20:18,032 --> 00:20:19,406
No! No back up!
527
00:20:19,406 --> 00:20:20,895
I'm not a lone male!
528
00:20:20,895 --> 00:20:21,729
I'm with her!
529
00:20:22,777 --> 00:20:23,538
What's going on?
530
00:20:23,538 --> 00:20:25,107
We're a family.
531
00:20:25,107 --> 00:20:26,161
I'm not a lone male.
532
00:20:27,178 --> 00:20:29,411
It's just a simple baby mix up.
533
00:20:31,391 --> 00:20:32,758
Cancel that, dispatch.
534
00:20:33,134 --> 00:20:35,378
Not a lone male, just a
regular guy and his family.
535
00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:43,682
It's probably best if I don't run any
536
00:20:43,682 --> 00:20:44,794
more errands for you.
537
00:20:44,794 --> 00:20:46,499
Ugh. Darn.
538
00:20:53,371 --> 00:20:54,819
"Damsel of desire?"
539
00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:56,188
"Passion pirates?"
540
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:58,336
You've been reading
heterosexual romance novels?
541
00:20:58,336 --> 00:20:59,592
I know it's wrong.
542
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,028
But that's what makes it so irresistible!
543
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:03,246
I'm going to need a little time.
544
00:21:03,246 --> 00:21:04,341
You're filthy.
545
00:21:07,003 --> 00:21:08,862
Being a single parent is tough.
546
00:21:09,383 --> 00:21:11,464
You gotta take time out for
yourself every now and then.
547
00:21:11,714 --> 00:21:12,998
I couldn't agree more.
548
00:21:12,998 --> 00:21:14,992
Ooh! That tickles!
549
00:21:19,286 --> 00:21:20,197
Whoops!
550
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:24,882
Looks like you found my secret
folder of fantasy videos.
551
00:21:24,882 --> 00:21:26,914
How careless of me.
552
00:21:26,914 --> 00:21:28,494
Why would your secret folder be
553
00:21:28,494 --> 00:21:29,605
right out there in the open?
554
00:21:29,605 --> 00:21:32,742
A real secret video folder
would be buried somewhere
555
00:21:32,742 --> 00:21:33,675
like right over there.
556
00:21:33,675 --> 00:21:34,566
Don't click on that!
557
00:21:35,447 --> 00:21:37,091
I can't un-see that.
558
00:21:38,448 --> 00:21:39,706
Don't hurt me.
559
00:21:41,252 --> 00:21:42,890
Synced and corrected by Mastermonger
www.addic7ed.com
37246
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