Original subtitles

[atmospheric music playing]

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

-[laughter] -[comedian on stage muffled]

[comedian on stage muffled]

-You know... -[comedian continues muffled]

if you don't listen to what he's saying,

how he says it, is fucking tedious.

See, do we need that in the documentary or we don't?

[speaking gibberish]

[laughs] But it's his craft.

That's what makes him great.

[speaks gibberish]

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

[Marc] I'm just trying to start trouble.

That's all.

You're gonna destroy me

with this stupid movie

that I let you do that I'm resisting

because you're annoying.

So, like, what's gonna happen is by the end of this,

you're gonna hate me, you're gonna be like, "Fuck him.

I'm gonna post all this nasty shit he said

about everybody on YouTube,

or on my personal Vimeo."

[cheers and applause]

[rock music playing]

Anyone doing drugs in the '80s anymore?

[cheers and applause]

Okay. I'll hang out with you guys later.

[man] Here we have Marc.

[David] I met Marc in the early '80s.

That's, uh, that's me, of course.

And I was one of a handful of people,

there weren't many, uh, who could tolerate him.

Oh, God. What?

It's not that sick. Is it?

Marc is his own worst enemy,

which is why we enjoy him

because he also acknowledges that.

For 15 years of my life, I used to smoke,

I used to drink, I did drugs.

I used to eat lard right out of a can occasionally.

[Conan] Please welcome the very funny Marc Maron.

[cheers and applause]

[Nate] He's probably underrated, to be honest.

But he's not an arena act.

[chuckles] Imagine an arena full of people,

you're just like, "Good night."

[makes buzzing and clicking sound] Oh.

[makes gun cocking sound, blows] Good morning.

-[laughs] -[laughter]

Marc's having a bad time all day.

Then gets on stage

and completely owns the audience.

[Marc] I'm a 51-year-old man,

twice divorced, I have no children,

-and I live with two cats. -[laughter]

-And it's fucking amazing. -[cheers and applause]

Talk about the podcast, it's like a thing.

Well, it's much like this show, only a much smaller production

that takes place in my garage.

It was born out of complete desperation and failure.

Here, I, uh, had these fortune cookies

left over, let's open them.

I got "Good things are coming to you

-in due course of time." -[Mindy] That's great.

-Yeah. It's taking a while. -[Mindy laughs]

[Laurie] When he started WTF, I think he was pretty broke.

It didn't seem like any...

it just seemed like a waste of time.

[Marc] Then the president was in my garage.

-[Tig] What did you wear? -[Marc] Just a plaid shirt.

-[Tig] That sounds right. -Yeah.

Apparently, he's very successful.

But when he talks about being an actor, I'm like, "What?"

Luckily, I've never seen anything that he's been on.

[laughs]

[Marc] Come on!

What do you got? What do you got?

Lock the gates on these fuckheads!

[Arthur] I just thought it'd be good for my act.

For your act? Didn't you hear what happened on the subway?

-Some clown got killed. -[woman] What is it like

when you have someone tell you, "I wrote a role just for you"?

Uh, that it might be not that challenging.

-[laughs] -Sounds perfect.

[woman] Lynn Shelton and Marc Maron, let's hear it.

[singer] ♪ I can't take myself ♪

♪ And you and me ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ And you... ♪

How are you? Are you guys okay?

Do you have enough toilet paper?

Do you have enough food? Are you self-quarantined?

Probably gonna be shut down another three months.

Nothing's ever gonna be back to normal again.

There's not gonna be any live shows for probably a year.

Lynn figured out how to, um, freeze leafy vegetables

for the long haul.

[singer] ♪ I can't take myself ♪

[keyboard typing]

[Marc] Um...

it's been a rough few days, man.

The girlfriend's been ill,

cat's not doing great.

But we're getting it done, taking care of it.

[sips]

Okay. Hey, it's Marc.

I imagine most of you know

that, uh,

that Lynn Shelton died,

um, Saturday morning.

She was my partner, she was my friend,

and I loved her.

And she loved me, and I knew that.

And I don't know that I'd ever felt

what I felt with her before.

I do know, actually, I did not, I have not.

I was definitely a better person

when I was... engaged with her.

I was better in Lynn Shelton's gaze.

Oh. I'm just like having a hard time figuring it out.

I forgot how to do this.

This is the thing I forgot how to do?

Come on, man. Come on, dude.

I mean, what the fuck did it?

Like, I'm so fucking sick of this shit.

I mean, how does this happen now?

Does this happen to everybody? Sure, sure. Okay.

Maybe it does. Maybe it does.

Crapos.

Come on. This piece of shit. [grunts]

[car beeps]

Boom.

Fuck this.

Now I'm all sweaty.

[rock music playing]

[Marc] What am I gonna do out there?

What's the plan?

Hey, if we hit one shitty one, what we gonna do? Who cares.

-[Steven] It doesn't matter. -Do you know?

Better off, right?

Better off to tank it?

Please welcome to the stage, Marc Maron!

[cheering and applause]

You know, within a month of being here in the pandemic,

I'm like, "Uh, maybe I don't need to do stand-up

anymore because I don't fucking miss it."

And that was followed by the thought of like,

"I think I'm all better." So, like...

[laughter]

I don't know. Like, I really don't know...

Like, I feel, like, challenged

to, you know, discuss, you know, grief somehow

because I've been dealing with it

and it's difficult, you know?

I lost, uh, a person I loved

at the beginning of the pandemic.

Uh, you know, three months in, she got a, you know,

weird blood disease that no one knew about,

so like at least she was, you know, an original.

[chuckling]

I don't know how to talk about

some of this stuff that I went through.

I don't even know if it's appropriate to do it,

but I'm okay.

Mm.

You know, uh, the weird thing is,

when somebody you love dies, you know, it's horrible.

But what's really going on is like, "I'm gonna die."

So, you know, that's how it goes.

Right?

Um, where am I going with all this?

Yeah. I... you know, look.

You know, uh,

I know a lot of you, uh, have been here for me

and supported me, and I... and I appreciate it.

And I... and I do think I've gotten

a little hard around it,

you know, as this thing evolves

and I can find, uh, some form of, uh, courage

to discuss it in a thorough way.

Um, may... maybe it'll help people.

But I don't know how to do that quite yet,

so I'm just, uh, going for the laughs.

[laughter]

[cat meows]

What?

Did you call me?

Whoa.

I had a dream, man. I had...

Lynn came to me in a dream last night.

It was always... it's always good to see her.

She's like kind of half laughing

and I just, I grabbed her cheeks

and I held her face right up to mine,

and I said, "I miss you."

And she said, uh...

she walked away towards that door in the kitchen

and she said, um...

and she said, "It's real. It's real."

[sips]

[cup hits table]

Anyway...

Do some music for the thing.

[electric guitar tuning]

[electric guitar music playing]

All right. Let's do this. Hmm.

How are you, What The Fuckers,

What The Fuck Buddies, What The Fuckniks?

What's happening? I'm Marc Maron,

this is my podcast. Again, thank you

for all the positive feedback

for, uh, our canceled comedy episode.

These anti-woke guys and gals

are just fucking hacks.

Now if they can't get work

or they can't get over on a crowd,

it's because "it's just too controversial," you know?

"Hey, man, I'm not getting work because of what I have to say."

No, probably not.

Maybe you're just not fucking funny.

You're not thinking your own thoughts,

you're a hack.

With an excuse for why you're failing.

Anyway, how's everybody?

Are you struggling with grief, relationships, stress,

or having trouble sleeping?

WTF is sponsored by Better Help.

This is Amazon's first free hands-free TV

with all your favorite free TV and Alexa... mm, cunt.

[scoffs]

-[Steven] What's the matter? -Huh?

[Steven] What's the matter?

Nothing. I'm just thinking.

Now let's talk to the lovely, uh, Lynn Shelton,

film director.

[Lynn] I shoot movies in seven-and-a-half,

-ten days. -[Marc] I like your movies.

-[Lynn] Do ya? -[Marc] I do.

[Lynn] I was hoping you might.

[Marc] I met Lynn because,

you know, I knew she had done movies,

I knew that my ex-wife was working with her.

I just booked her on WTF.

And when we met, it was kind of...

you know, we got along right away.

[Lynn] In Seattle, there's this

great filmmaking community.

Seattle's where I live,

and there are a bunch of filmmakers.

And all... you know, the crew that have crewed my films

and all the other filmmakers, those were my buds,

like those were everybody that...

I hang out with and I loved that.

[Marc] You never lived down here?

-[Lynn] No. -[Marc] Huh.

She was just starting to sort of takeoff, you know.

I mean, she did a lot of independent movies

and she was very capable, and she just started

to direct big-level television.

[Lynn] Here's the thing I love about television.

It keeps me on the set, that... like, I love being on set.

-[Marc] Yeah. -[Lynn] I love directing.

-I love directing actors. -[Marc] You do?

[Lynn] I live for it. That... I... it's my favorite thing.

[Michaela] When I was on a show called Casual,

Lynn came on to direct episodes.

And from that point, the friendship hatched.

She, you know, was unlike any director

at that point in terms of her sensitivity

towards women, women in their 40s.

It was so different from any other...

most directors I had worked with at that point.

[Lynn] It was late in life. I was 39

-when I made my first feature. -[Marc] Uh-huh.

[Lynn] And so, I sort of self-actualized

-quite late in life and... -[Marc] Me too.

[Lynn] Late bloomers unite. I love it.

-Marc? -[Marc] Yeah?

-[Lynn] Thank you so much. -[Marc] Thank you.

[Lynn] Thank you so much for letting me do this

and for crying.

[Marc] Well, I'm at a weird point in...

I don't know what's going on with me.

-It's not hard to make me cry. -[Lynn] Oh, yeah.

-Well, I'm the same way. -[Marc] Um, good talking to you.

[Lynn] It was really great talking to you, Marc.

[Marc] You know, I was very kind of like,

right away, very taken with Lynn,

but, you know, it was not,

you know, in the cards for a few years.

What are you doing, bud?

Come on. Come here, Sam.

And... oh, no, no, no, no. Don't chew the mic wire, stupid.

He just loves wires. Okay, okay.

It's all about you.

I did comedy last night

for the first time in over a year.

And it felt fine.

It was like, "Oh, this part of me is back."

"This part of me is home."

I wouldn't say it was a great set,

but I think it didn't matter.

Anybody's expectations...

Nothing fucking matters right now.

[somber guitar music playing]

-What's up, pally? -[Rick] How's it going, Marc?

-I'm okay. You? -[Rick] Eh, same old shit.

-[Marc] Yeah? -[Rick] Good.

-[Marc] You all right? -Yup.

Long fucking day.

[Marc] Every day is a long day now.

The pandemic completely fucked my sense of time up.

I still don't know what day it is

or what I'm supposed to be doing.

[Rick] The only way I know now is because I have sets

-coming this week. -Right, exactly. Exactly.

I feel like I got a couple of jokes

-that are happening. -[Rick] Whoa.

The fucking thing about jokes, like joke jokes,

it's like once you make 'em work,

it's like they're kind of done for me.

-[Rick] Yeah. -I like, you know,

the long-form rambly bullshit.

Look, you guys, I'm just trying to be entertaining,

but there's... you know, things aren't okay.

[laughter]

We're all sitting here pretending.

We're fucked. It's so fucked.

We're like... it's like... it's... the plague

wasn't back in the day.

-It was like two weeks ago. -[laughter]

Two fucking weeks ago and we're like,

"We're back, we're back."

No, we're not, this is a reprieve.

If you live here, you know, like, this entire state's

gonna be on fire in two weeks.

Did you have this day where you're like,

"How do you make hand sanitizer?"

-[laughter] -"How do you make it?"

"They're running out of it everywhere."

"What is it? Like lotion and alcohol?"

If you really think about it in your heart,

like, you know... Stop it, drunkie, stop talking.

-If you really think about it... -[man] Thank you.

[applause]

Oh, yeah, look at the asshole talking to her is applauding.

Yeah, we know who you are, fucker.

What, you think I've been doing this, like,

started last week? Shut the fuck up.

I'm serious. You see me?

I'm serious. Shut up.

There's a whole show ahead of us.

You wanna stay for the show? Okay.

[all] Whoo!

[cheering and applause]

But let's not end on that. Let's end on something upbeat.

There's reasons not to have children.

[laughter]

I was happy that I still had it in me to be like,

"No, I'm serious. Shut the fuck up."

They're so used to watching Zooms where they can talk and...

No, they're not. It's the same stupid shit

that's been going on since we started.

It doesn't...It's got nothing to do with Zoom.

These are just the drunk, dumb idiots.

[laughter]

[woman] I love you, Marc.

I've seen you so many times. It's great seeing you.

[Marc] Did you like getting yelled at by me?

[woman] I did. I fucking love it.

Oh, good. Well, thanks for coming.

[woman] You're welcome. I'm talking to my friends.

We're having a good time.

Okay, just be careful with the other people.

-[woman] You're right. -Okay.

How many times did it happen to you

where they're like, "Oh, it was so good."

Now I feel like an asshole for losing my shit,

'cause I... she made me go... "Fuck you."

Right? 'Cause I wanted her to shut up.

And then she's all nice and drunk. And I'm like...

-[Jeff] She loves you. -..."I'm the asshole."

And she's my biggest fan.

[jazz music playing]

[people chattering]

I knew this guy when I was in college.

He used to do a bit. Jackie Diamond.

Like this... like an old showbiz lounge act.

I think he became an Orthodox Jew.

This guy used to paint the place.

He used to do handiwork for Mitzi.

They're just... they're gonna leave

the D'Elia pic up?

This is Jeff when he was attractive.

He used to look like a normal fucking person,

now he looks like a goddamn alien.

A lot of these people are around.

And a lot of them are dead now.

It's wild.

["Can't Stand It" by The Greenhornes playing]

[Marc] I always wanted to be a comic since I was a kid.

You know, I grew up in Albuquerque,

raised by emotionally erratic, panicky parents.

Went to college in Boston.

Did some stand-up in Boston.

And after I graduated college, I went to LA.

["Can't Stand It" continues]

[Marc] I got a job as a doorman at The Comedy Store,

and I basically lived at the place.

You'd see Damon Wayans, Jan Hart,

Cathy Ladman, Louie Anderson was here.

And then I met Kinison.

He's gonna see some action, goddammit.

Put a helmet on him!

[Marc] Sam was a powerful presence.

I wouldn't say all good, I would say mostly bad.

I kind of got sucked into some sort of weird

cocaine initiation process.

And I thought I was pretty good at doing coke,

but I did my graduate studies with Sam.

It's a long story, but Sam peed on my bed

because he was mad.

There was a Satanist involved.

Now I had no friends.

And then the drug dealer pulled up,

and I'm like, "I don't know what to do, man."

"I got kicked out of the group." And he was like,

"Well, yeah, you got to get out of here, man."

And when the drug dealer tells you to leave,

it's... you know, it's time to go.

["Can't Stand It" continues]

[Marc] See, the way I'm picturing this documentary

is clearly a little different than you.

I... it just seems like there's plenty of footage...

It's just like, you know, you start to load up

with animation on top of everything

you already have in terms of footage.

It's just, it's like you overpack it.

It just looks stupid.

Like what, you're gonna animate the Kinison story?

Like, what parts are you thinking about?

[Steven] That would have been one, yes.

Oh, God, just the even thought of that being animated

-is ridiculous. -[Steven] I know.

[Marc] I've noticed that somehow

you're kind of transitioning into something

that isn't fundamentally,

you know, club work.

[Gary] Right. A hundred percent. Yeah.

And there is sort of this point

where either you have more to say

or you want to speak to something,

you know, personal in a way

that you feel supported by your audience.

The goal was always to find your own audience

so you could be your most authentic self.

Yeah. But, like, I still force myself to go out

-and do regular club comedy. -[Gary] No, I know that. And...

And I... and I don't always know why

but I still got some kind of weird, dumb,

you know, old-school working-class comic disposition

where it's sort of like you gotta be able to go up

in front of any audience and do the fucking job.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's also part of the challenge for me.

It's like, "Can I just do it with these people

that don't really know me necessarily?"

"And bring them to this human place

to have this experience of humor

in a deeper way?"

[upbeat music playing]

[overlapping chatter]

-[Marc] I didn't even know that. -The south club's open.

Anything goes down south.

But, uh, yeah, this rules, man.

Opening night back.

-Brand-new staff. -Fucking A.

[Sam T] I've heard they're mostly incompetent.

[man]...your host on stage, Sam Tallent.

[cheering and applause]

It's gonna suck.

You know, I'm doing this to myself

like I always do to myself.

Some sort of stupid,

self-flagellating training procedure

that I've gone through my entire life.

Fuck me, dude.

What am I trying to do to myself?

Working this shit out in these places.

Wow.

-[Sam T makes sound] -[laughter]

-[Sam T makes sound] -[laughter]

[Marc] This guy's like handing me my ass,

relatively on purpose.

[Sam T on stage muffled]

[cheering and applause]

[Sam T] You guys probably have heard of him, right?

This guy means so much to so many comedians.

He was the, uh, the inner voice

that we heard for so long coming up,

and it's an honor to work with him.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage,

Marc Maron.

[cheering and applause]

[Marc] Thank you. Thank you so much for coming out.

I feel like, uh, I need to un-pump you.

[laughter]

You know, I've been delicately working

-on my sad fucking act... -[laughter]

for a few... couple months now,

and then I'm walking out

into a cloud of shit and butt-fucking.

[laughter]

I work like this.

There's an urgency to it.

There are post... you know, Post-its involved.

Like, the bigger writing is me going like,

"Fuck, fuck, I gotta write that down."

Now, for some reason, I wrote "gaslighting parenting."

[laughter]

We were gaslit from the beginning.

And let's ease up on the word... the phrase gaslighting, okay?

-Ladies, let's ease up. -[laughter]

Sometimes we're just lying to save our ass.

I don't think it's gaslighting.

And look, you can love two people.

-So, um... -[laughter]

It doesn't end well. You know, I can...

I can only keep it going for so long.

So, whatever you're trying to do,

you know what I mean?

One hates me and the other's dead.

Didn't work out. Didn't work out. So...

Too much?

It was too soon for you to hear about me

talking about my dead girlfriend.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm trying to deal with it, man. I'll be honest with you.

It's a fucking nightmare.

It's horrible, grief,

and there's no right or wrong way to do it.

And you know what? Nobody can give you

any fucking advice either. You just fucking deal with it.

Like, you know, you just deal with it.

You know, you just let the feelings happen.

Someone... people try to be helpful.

Someone said, "Well, you know, her...

you know, they... the... their energy

doesn't leave the earth. Like they're dead,

but they're still here energy-wise."

I'm like, "Not the shape I'm used to."

-[laughter] -You know, like, I mean,

I appreciate the poetry of that,

but I... I'd rather she'd be the whole person.

As just random energy, I can't bring it together.

[laughter]

But then you start doing weird things like, you know,

there's the... I don't know if it's a common thing,

but you do the... like I was on my porch once

and I'm like, "Ah, it's a bird. It's... she's in the bird."

"She's a bird." And I see a hummingbird.

I'd be like, "Lynn. Hi, Lynn."

And then the next day there's like four birds.

I'm, like, "Wait, which one is Lynn?"

[laughter]

"Is Lynn bringing all her dead friends here?"

"What's happening?"

"I gotta... I gotta put some more sugar water

in the dead people feeder."

Thanks a lot, you guys.

[cheering and applause]

Keep it going for Sam. I appreciate...

[Laurie] Figuring out a way to make something funny

feels like the emotion isn't a waste,

that you aren't just being pummeled by this grief.

It's a way to at least

make this feeling feel useful

instead of just devastating.

I'll take off the table

that audiences can't deal with it.

I think that was a subject

and that was an event in his life

that I was more like... it's rare I feel this way,

but I thought, you know,

uh, "We're all here. Your audience and...

is totally along for the ride if you wanna go there,

but it's just so sad."

I... you got the... you just got the sense, like,

Marc really liked her.

I mean, loved her, but also really liked her,

just liked being around her.

[Marc] So let me ask you, like, as somebody

who has dealt with similar stuff,

what was the arc of your grief around Michelle?

[Patton] It was... it was very odd for me to see you.

I knew what you were going through,

and I knew part of this healing process

is to now, he's gotta be by himself for a while.

-[Marc] Yeah, yeah. -[Patton] And I was like,

"Maybe comedy isn't what I should be doing right now."

"Because, like, if I go on stage, my wife has died,

is that disgusting that I'm still doing jokes?"

Or, like, I didn't know if I would ever do comedy again.

-[Marc] Well, that's... -[Patton] It will... really...

did you ever go through that,

like, "Well, I guess I'm done doing that?"

[Marc] Well I... what I go through

and I talk about on stage,

that feeling of, you know, you just want to...

-you wanna be relieved. -[Patton] Yes.

[Marc] Because you get... when you're in it,

you can't really see that it's gonna go away,

but you can see... you know,

the one sort of realization you have is like,

"There's nothing unusual about this."

"It's just... it's just my fucking turn."

But, you know, it's just really dealing with,

you know, "When do I write a joke?"

-"When does the funny happen?" -[Patton] Yeah. Exactly.

Check one, two, three. Hey, hey, hey.

All right. So this is a... I... goddamn this thing.

[Kamau] The thing we love about Marc

and the thing that we love about the first

15 minutes of WTF

is that he sort of, like, is going through his journey

and showing you how these are all the ways

in which I fucked up in the last ten days. [laughs]

And I think that's really helpful

for a lot of us who feel like we're always fucking up

but don't... but feel like we're alone.

You cannot call yourself a true fan of Maron

unless you listen to the first ten to 15 minutes

of him being like... [groans]

Now I'm not unhappy I don't have kids.

I'm just too selfish and anxious and panicky.

I just am. I never had them.

And I couldn't make marriages work for whatever reason.

And I come up at the end of it at 59 years old

with, you know, a string of some good relationships,

some bad, some I screwed up,

some we screwed up together, some they screwed up.

It's like... it's a mixed bag,

but it's a life of that.

And I'm tired.

And I obviously do not know how to do it...

do it correctly.

And now I'm old.

So what happens now?

All right.

[upbeat music playing]

[Marc] How did I lose a pair of glasses?

It doesn't add up.

Did you throw them somewhere?

Who cares?

Cage The Elephant, what are they?

This is another one.

I don't care about The Who.

This guy sent me 20 records.

You're like, "What am I gonna do with that?"

Okay.

Head rush.

I guess I should go on a sugar detox.

But some part of me is sort of like,

what's the point, man? Let's just end this already.

Like, you know, eat what you want.

Have a heart attack already. And then one day you're like,

"But I don't really want to have a heart attack."

"There's so much to live for."

Is there? Make me a list.

-How's it going? -Good. How are you?

-I'm all right. -Yeah?

-This is, uh, the crew. -Crew.

[Steven] This is Jordan, I'm Steve.

-How's it going? -[Steven] How's it going?

Good to see you.

[man] What are you guys documenting?

-[Marc] Me. -[man] Yeah, for what though?

It's just an ongoing nightmare.

Where'd you get all the Maiden records, dude?

-One guy? -[man] One guy, yeah.

He was done?

Oh, I think I need 20...

I think I need this Rush record.

-[man laughs] -Oh, yeah, that's a classic.

Don't tell anybody.

[electric guitar music playing]

[Marc] In LA, you know,

I eventually, uh, cocaine-d myself

into a psychotic state

and I was living in kind of a mystical conspiracy

of what Hollywood was manifesting in my mind.

Go.

But I was in trouble.

So I kind of got in my car with all the voices in my head.

I just drove home.

I told my parents I'm fucked up,

and I did check in to a drug rehab program

for the first time.

Getting up, getting the things going,

having some coffee, having some cigarettes,

getting the lungs working,

getting pulmonary system working.

There's a way to do this. You see, some people think

it's fitness, but I know what it is.

You drink three cups of coffee, have a couple of cigarettes,

then you feel good. I mean...

I hung out for the summer.

[man] Marc's gonna light another cigarette here.

[Marc] I got sober for the first time.

[dramatic music playing]

[Marc] I've been here a couple days already,

and I think I'm going out of my fucking mind.

My relationship with my dad was always difficult.

There was always sort of a dynamic

where I wanted, you know, his approval

and I wanted to make him laugh and stuff,

but ultimately, you know,

he was not that present and, you know, he was volatile.

So after a few months in New Mexico after rehab,

I just went back to Boston, got a job at a coffee shop

and started my comedy career over again.

You know the murder rate and the suicide rate

both go up over Christmas?

I think I figured out why. You know, sometimes

you just don't know what to get everyone

and you get a little crazy, maybe a little frustrated.

I guess it's just a viable alternative for some people.

It's like, "Mom, Dad, I didn't know what to get you."

[mimics gunshots]

"But thanks for the gun."

-[laughs] -[laughter]

[Marc] And then I was in the Comedy Riot competition.

Put your hands together for contestant number one,

Mike... I blew it, Marc Maron.

Please forgive me, Marc. Marc Maron.

[cheering and applause]

Just say no to drugs. If you drink and drive,

you get just short of the electric chair.

If you have sex, you can die.

You can't smoke in most public places anymore.

Self-destruction is not what it used to be, folks.

-[laughter] -[upbeat music playing]

[Marc] And I came in second in 1988

and that's when I really started working as a comic.

Doing one-nighters, you know, doing half-hour spots

in bars and grills and discos and bowling alleys.

You know, in '89 I moved to New York

and helped start the alternative comedy scene.

["Look Who's Back" by The Nude Party playing]

♪ Back down from Mars With an armful... ♪

[newsman] Something very different

is going on these days

in New York on the comedy circuit.

It's called alternative comedy.

On Monday nights, the Luna Lounge is the place to be.

Luna showcases some of the brightest

comedic talent working today.

You'll also find Marc Maron,

an edgy comic who bears his soul.

[laughter]

What are you laughing at?

I don't know if he intends for it to be this way,

but he's really talking at you, you know?

Marc was one of the few people

who had a foot in each scene.

There was alternative comedy,

that, you know, had a different approach.

And then the older school, comedy club,

you know, quick delivery. Just joke, joke, joke, joke.

Marc was one of those guys who could ride both camps.

[Marc] Got an agent and a manager.

I hosted a TV show.

That was the beginning of real show business.

Hello. I am Marc Maron

and this is Short Attention Span Theater

coming to you from the vault

in the basement of Comedy Central.

In 1995, I did an HBO half-hour.

We're in the Fillmore. This is the Fillmore.

Can you believe that? This is like the grand temple

of hallucinogenic partying.

[laughter]

[Marc] Certainly in the mid-90s,

I was doing coke pretty regularly.

And at that time,

it was kind of a life-or-death situation really.

I guess this shit's taken off.

Because when I saw them, I'm like,

who the fuck's gonna buy water,

you know, called Liquid Death?

But it shows you what I know.

-[Steven chuckles] -[cat meows]

[Marc] Whoa, what are you doing, Sam?

What are you doing?

-He's trying to get out? -[Steven] There's a bug.

[Marc] Was it a bug?

It's good that he has cats.

You know, I mean he's like 70 or something with cats.

Sam, come on in.

Sammy. What are you doing?

[Nate] You're glad that someone's there,

'cause he runs everybody else off, so...

Come here, come here, come here. You're all right.

Sam. Oh, my God.

Come on.

[Sam L] He kind of really talks to them like they're roommates

that are annoying him at the time.

And I think that shows more respect in a...

in a certain way, you know, that he's cohabitating

with these other mammals.

And, you know, he expects something from them.

And, uh, you know, there's...

there needs to be this mutual understanding.

And as long as that's working, everything's fine.

Charlie? Charlie?

Charlie, what are you doing?

Do we have to play on the stairs?

Hey, hey.

I've had many cats over the years,

and I always complain

about how like, why do I always get these weird, tweaky cats?

Why are they all nervous and fucked up?

[laughter]

I... it took me years to realize it was me,

'cause I don't talk to cats right.

I'm like, "What's going on?"

[laughter]

And the cats are like, "What are you talking about?"

"We're okay."

"Where you at? What... what's the problem?"

"Come on, what are we doing?"

"Why is he... why is he... what does he want?"

[playful music playing]

[Marc] Who do I ask to, uh, try to order prescription food

of a certain kind?

Okay. So Burbank or Pasadena.

[phone rings]

[man on phone] Petco in Burbank.

Hey, buddy. Can you check and see if you have

a prescription food for me?

[man] Sure, what was the prescription?

It's for... I like the Royal Canin Renal,

D as in David, for cats.

[man] Yeah, we've got maybe like 25, 30 of them.

Oh, yeah, will you... will you...

will you put them aside for me? I'll come get them.

[man] Unfortunately, we can't put the prescription on hold.

No shit.

-All right, I'm coming, man. -[man] It's in high demand.

-All right. Thanks, buddy. -[man] Okay. No worries.

-Bye. -[man] Yep.

Motherfucker.

Maybe if I drop my name... if he knew who I was.

This is Marc Maron.

[chuckles] My cat is dying.

Look at this, it's so pretty, the palm trees

and the garbage cans.

Yeah, so, Godspeed through your day

if you believe in that kind of stuff.

I just feel like I'm gonna lose my connection.

Not just to you.

Not just to the phone.

To all of it.

[instrumental music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[woman] Oh, my God, you actually did.

[laughter]

[woman] I thought you were joking.

[Marc] It's weird. When you get old,

even if your weight is good, your body's a different shape

than it used to be.

It's all right. Too much information? All right.

No one's listening? Doesn't matter.

[upbeat music playing]

[yelling to audience]

[crowd cheering]

[Shane] Good evening, Montreal. How are you feeling?

-[crowd cheering] -It's Saturday night.

We're gonna get up. We're gonna party.

Let's bring Marc Maron the cheer.

Are you ready, Montreal Just For Laughs?

[crowd cheering]

Have a great show. Let's go.

Oh, that's very nice.

Look, I'm happy to be up here.

I swear to you, I'm moving here.

And I'm not even trying to pander.

I'm not trying to kiss your ass.

I'm applying for a permanent residency, you know?

And, uh, yeah, yeah.

[cheers and applause]

Where's my camera? Right here. Excuse me.

Is there any way we can accelerate

the application process?

Look at me. I'll bring a lot to this country.

I wore this.

[cheers and applause]

Let me tell you, I come... I mean,

if there's anybody in the office that processes

those applications, I'm willing to do this.

[laughter]

I don't know.

I have a lot going on in my head.

How long does this go on for?

-But... -[Steven] The documentary or...

No, just like...

my stand-up.

I don't have any other big plan.

Like, I'm just doing it 'cause, like,

it's what I do, you know?

That's the one thing I realized,

like, when I was sitting with Hader and Mulaney

and Conan and stuff like...

I'm not playing in that league, dude.

They seem savvy to the business in a way

that I'm still somehow not.

But like, what difference does it make?

What am I gunning for?

He said the other day, he's like,

"I don't know, we don't... who said that

we have to do this forever?"

And I was like, "We do."

"We all do. We all... if you're a real comedian,

you have to do it forever."

There's no retiring.

[David] He's like The Who.

Didn't they have like 11 last tours ever?

[John] That's what he called his last tour?

What an exhausting thing.

What, is he gonna get a boat

and sail around Corsica or some shit?

As if he's gonna move to Vancouver

and just be Marc Maron.

This insane idea.

I don't know where fucking anything is.

So you wanted pictures of when I got back from LA?

Me and Dave Cross.

That's me in Queens.

This is some weird fucking shot from just post-LA.

Uh, fuck.

-[exhales sharply] -[Steven] How you feeling?

-Huh? -[Steven] How you feeling?

Like I've had enough of this shit.

What do you mean how am I feeling?

It's like never-ending.

I'm fucking floundering in insecurity

and fear right now.

"Marc, what's wrong with you?"

I was in an unhappy marriage.

I was kind of doing coke a few times a week.

Drinking, I always smoked weed.

I did burn bridges, certainly.

I'd sort of gotten very bitter

and kind of surrendered to my lot in life.

It was starting to kill me.

I was done.

I was done with being married.

I was done with drugs.

Everyone's got demons, you know?

I realized that I had all of them.

-And, uh... -[laughter]

And they were tired, my demons. A little tired.

I mean, there used to be that one that would come out

and be like, "Whoo! Ow."

[makes sound]

"Let's go get an eight ball,

some booze, and some pussy."

-"Come on!" -[laughter]

About a year ago, that guy comes out

and he's like, "Whoo."

"How about some ice cream?"

[laughter]

"And a porno, that'd be good."

[laughter]

[Marc] I got sober in 1999 for the last time.

I left my first wife.

I had an affair with a woman who helped me get sober,

and I fell in love with her.

And she became my second wife.

She had got me into AA and kept me focused.

I was very depressed and very broke.

Marc, the... I wanna ask you about your personal life.

The first time that you used to come on the show...

-Yeah. -...you had just gotten married.

-Oh, yeah. -[Conan] What happened?

-Did it work out? -Well, it... Well, no, it didn't.

-[laughter] -Um, getting married,

it's sort of like seeing a beautiful wild animal

just right over there.

Just like, "Oh, my God, look at it."

"It's perfect, it's beautiful."

[gasps] "Give me the gun."

[laughter]

[Marc] My wife, uh, left me,

it got very ugly, and it cost me a lot of money.

And I wasn't getting enough comedy work.

I couldn't draw,

no matter how many Conans I did.

Professionally, I was nowhere.

Got ten seconds.

Who's coming out of the music?

[woman] You do.

[Marc] Air America was this radio network counterpoint

to the right-wing talk radio in like 2004.

I got brought in. I really learned

how to be on this type of mic.

But it wasn't successful. There were a lot of problems.

Welcome to Breakroom Live. I'm Marc Maron.

I'm jacked on coffee and nicotine gum.

And I'm Sam Seder and I have to deal with it.

In those days, he was having a tough go of it.

Marc was professionally jealous

of a lot of people.

We would just sit right next to each other

and I would be talking about a story

and you could just hear him go... [scoffing]

[Marc] And I was devastated from a divorce.

I was emotionally drained.

I didn't really have a future, that I could see, as a comic,

and that was part of the beginning

of the podcast.

[Brendan] When Marc came to me,

we were getting fired from Air America.

He felt like comedy was a career

that had maybe passed him by.

And so he came to me and said,

"Uh, what do you think about doing a podcast?"

He was like, "Do you know what this is?"

Can we do that?" And it was just a no-brainer.

Like, "Yeah, I will... let's do it. Let's get it going."

We were still at Air America.

My producer, Brendan McDonald, and I,

we used to have to basically break in.

We knew the night tech.

Sometimes we'd bring guests up the freight elevator.

Early on, WTF really sort of served as a way

for me to actively make amends with a lot of people

I thought I had, you know, not wronged as much,

just been a dick to.

And that's how I developed my style of interviewing.

[Marc] Lock the gates!

The only thing negative I ever said about you, ever,

"He's an empty vessel full of fuel."

And people would say,

"Hey, do you ever bump into Marc?" And I'd go,

"That guy is like an ominous demon."

Why are you taking the other side of everything I say?

-I'm not. I'm just saying that... -You are.

You're done?

We were having a good conversation.

Oh, come on, Gallagher.

-[Keith] Yeah. -Don't you play, Tele?

[Kamau] The whole metaphor of the garage

is like you're coming to...

entering in my space, you have to do it my way.

So you can't just promote your movie,

you have to have a real conversation with me.

[Brendan] From the start, the show has been,

this is the audio diary of one man.

When that pays off with a guest

relating to him on that level,

that's the kind of magic of the show.

-[Conan] I was not easygoing. -[Marc] From 4th grade

-till when? -[Conan] Not an easy...

Till like now.

I mean, I'm not an easy going...

[Marc] Me neither.

When we started the podcast,

there was no real podcasts.

I mean, there were podcasts around

but it was not a viable thing.

We were just ahead of the curve

and my cosmic timing was good.

There were a lot of high-profile celebrities

who were kinda making their way to Highland Park,

not even knowing what they were doing,

'cause no one knew what the podcasts were.

But they were coming.

Do you think this is the best work

you're doing of your life right now?

That's kinda difficult, you know,

'cause I was in The Beatles.

I don't know where it comes from.

I don't know where the jokes come from.

I don't know how I stand up there and get the laughs.

Yeah, but, you know... but it's a weird thing of when it...

when it comes from that place you don't know.

When you find a new thing, isn't it a bit like...

it's like a high and like an endorphin

"what the fuck" moment?

[Marc] Try not to freak out.

I feel a little hazy in the mind

because the President of the United States

is on the show today.

I was panicking all morning.

You know, I don't imagine you were flying in here

on the chopper thinking, like,

"You know, I... I'm nervous about Marc."

-[Obama] No, I wasn't. -[Marc] Okay. Well, that's good.

-That makes... -[Obama] 'Cause that would be

-a problem... -[Marc] It would be a problem.

[Obama] ...if the president was feeling stressed about...

-[Marc] Coming to my garage. -...coming to your garage.

[Marc] Is that... are we good? We're good?

-[Obama] That was fun. -[Marc] I appreciate it,

Mr. President. It was great.

[Obama] All right, man.

This thing was blowing up.

And then, you know, look, I'm partially

responsible for unleashing this on the world.

Isn't it great that, you know, we've all been able

to live our dreams as, you know,

mediocre radio personalities on our own terms?

-[laughter] -So like I've been making

-fun of you guys. -Yeah.

It's like a human centipede in Austin.

It's like Elon Musk, Joe Rogan, and three middle acts, you know?

-So... -[laughter]

But you seem to do your own thing.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, we have our own,

-you know, our own... -See, people are gonna see that

and go like, "Look at Maron. He's bitter."

It's like, why wouldn't I be? Why?

A hundred million dollars for going, "I don't know."

"Really?"

-[laughter] -[Marc] I don't know, man.

I'm feeling like insecure and aggravated,

you know, for some reason. Like two days ago,

I'm on fucking Tom Segura's podcast and I'm like,

"I'm gonna take a few shots at Rogan."

"Why not?" Right in his fucking yard basically.

And... no. You know, you're all clapping,

but now I gotta deal with fucking a week

of trolling bullshit of people completely destroying

my entire sense of self.

[laughter]

Be called a bitch man, a whiny,

bitter, dried up, irrelevant...

Their idea is like you're just jealous.

I'm like, "I wouldn't know what to do

with a hundred million dollars

or the responsibility of having an army

of fucking meatheads..."

[laughter]

"...and then trying to tell them what to do."

Like these fucking like weird army of tattooed man babies.

Just broken men... broken men that have mutated

in the human knots of muscle.

I am not that kind of broken man.

I'm a different kind.

[laughter]

You have to be able to do more

than just shit on

whoever the most super popular comedian is.

That can't be your whole point of view.

But it's very fun that it's part of his.

["Another Good Year for the Roses" by Kurt Vile playing]

This is the first hour in a long time

that I'm building just to do the job of performing.

I haven't got a deal on the table so I don't know

anything about the special or if it even exists.

I'm not thinking in those terms.

[singer humming] ♪ All right ♪

They're telling my followers... right now,

Instagram is telling my followers

that I've gone live.

Highly caffeinated in Salt Lake City.

I like performing here.

I like the owner of this club, Keith.

I always sort of... I always kind of dig it here.

Sorry. I'm looking around.

Feinartz is fucking recording me for the documentary.

Well, yeah, so the IG Live said, you know,

I was in a lot of, you know, grief because,

you know, I was 'cause Lynn had died

and I was, you know, pretty much alone here.

And I realized that people could do those things,

so I just started doing them.

And it would kind of force me into a mindset

of being engaged with an audience,

which I needed to do and thinking on my feet

in that way and improvising.

So it was exciting and it was fun

and people dug it.

And then I started thinking about the day before

and waking up early to sort of do it.

You know, then I started to resent the audience

'cause like they expected it.

I got tired of seeing the same people.

I got tired of the trolls.

I got... you know, I had several stalkers.

Christy, lay off

with the fucking bracelets, all right?

You know, I get it.

You think the bracelet would look good on me,

but I'm not your puppet and I'm not...

I'm not in a bracelet period of my life,

and I say all of that with a certain amount of affection.

[man on stage muffled]

[Marc] There's some things that I'm very glad are over.

I got very tired of crying in front of strangers.

Not a great experience.

Like, I didn't know my neighbors,

but they read about it in the paper,

and they were just coming over.

It's nice, but, like, you gotta stand six feet away.

And I'd just be outside taking my garbage out.

They'd be like, "Hey, I'm Troy from across the street."

"How's it going?"

"Not good. Not good at all."

And they'd just stand six feet away and watch me cry.

I'm like, "Okay, thanks."

It was nice of them but it was weird.

[laughter]

People I did know would come.

They'd visit me and I'd sit on my porch.

It was... they'd come by and it was almost like,

"Just look, it's the sad guy zoo exhibit."

You know, I just... they're like, "You okay?"

"No. All right. Thanks for coming."

Look at that.

Someone painted that of me.

Oh, Monkey.

How 'bout that?

I'm on top of it. Fuck you, QAnon.

Oh, look.

This is rough, man.

Those are Lynn's boots

and her jacket and her hat.

Oh, man.

Um...

Okay. So...

[door opens]

enough of that.

[door closes]

What did I do to myself just now?

See, it just opened the grief portal.

I'll shield myself from all emotion.

That's the exciting thing about this is that, um,

this not only stops, like, virus and spit,

but it stops emotions from getting out or in.

It said that on the website where I bought it.

[printer starting]

[Marc] I'm trying to get a deal for a special.

We'll see.

[printer whirring]

If they step up...

[Steven] You wanna shoot it pretty soon, huh?

No. It's not gonna happen, dude.

What is going on with this fucking printer?

[printer whirring]

Jesus Christ.

Maybe I don't understand

the whole nature of companionship.

You know what I mean? It's, like, I don't feel

the need for companionship to ride out the rest of life.

Hopefully, you know, my money will hold up

and, you know, when I become ill,

I have enough money to be taken care of.

But I don't wanna watch someone die again

or have somebody watch me die, you know?

It's, like, fuck that.

[reporter] You're doing a new movie?

-[Lynn] Yes. -[reporter] And you have

a lot of chemistry, comedy-wise.

-With? -[reporter] Each other.

-Do we? -[laughs]

Good, 'cause we're about to perform in a minute.

I'm really good at making her laugh.

Oh, thanks, Marc.

That gives... give me a lot of credit.

[reporter] That was my next question.

Who made who laugh more as you were making this movie?

Oh, it's definitely... he made me laugh, yeah.

[Marc] We had a friendship for a long time

that, you know, was...

always on the edge of becoming something else.

But she was married and I was involved with somebody.

But she was always down here

and, you know, we just spent a lot of time together.

I had her come in and direct a couple episodes of Maron.

She got hired to do GLOW.

Sorry. What's GLOW?

Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

She did, I think, two or three of those.

Then we worked together on my stand-up special.

Like, if my girlfriend wants to watch a movie

I don't wanna watch, I'm like, "I don't know."

"I don't wanna die during that."

-"I don't wanna... " -[laughter]

If you're ever asking me this question,

"Have you seen that documentary

with the"... Stop right there.

I don't know how much time I got left.

And then we did Sword of Trust.

[Lynn] You owe me dinner.

Have you ever had his guacamole?

-[man] Nope. -It is amazing.

He still got a little New Mexico in him.

I'm wondering how you two mesh because you feel

like very different personalities to me.

-Hmm. -Really?

-You... don't... -No.

[laughs] Oh, you're... now you're mocking me.

I don't know what you're talking about.

-I get it. -He's so optimistic.

-He's Mr. Cranky. -Can't stop smiling and...

I think of you as, like, this cranky truth teller

and you're this genial, welcoming presence.

-Like... -I know, it's annoying, right?

[laughs] Exact, drives you crazy, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Lynn found his fussiness so endearing

and heartening and he made her laugh so hard

when he was being so pugnacious

and, like, pissy about something, you know?

And I was like, "Are you trying to push her away?"

"Well, what are you doing? 'Cause you just...

you sound, like, such a pain in the ass, you know?"

And the more of a pain in the ass he was,

the more she thought it was so charming

and so funny.

[Marc] She honored her feelings

and I fought mine for a long time.

You know, it just came down to, well, you know,

we can't do this

unless we're gonna do it on the level,

and eventually we got it on the level.

She's a very persistent woman.

I mean, you know, she...

if she got her mind on something,

she's gonna get it, and I was one of those things.

We decided to change our lives to be together

and then she moved down here.

Something happened when he met her.

There was a new kind of expansiveness,

a new kind of tenderness.

One of my favorite Marc Maron jokes was

you wake up in the morning

and your first thought is, "Not again."

And I felt, with Lynn,

like that "not again" was fading a little bit

and he was greeting the day in a different...

in a different manner.

Lynn?

Lynn?

-[Lynn] What? -Where... what happened?

Where'd you go?

Is there a problem?

[Lynn laughs]

No.

Do you wanna stick your head in here?

Go ahead. Stick your head in.

Have you shown this picture yet 'cause that's a good one?

I did. I did. I showed that.

That's a really good one.

-See... -What's going on there, Marc?

I love that Mona Lisa shirt.

That's when I was getting sober for the first time.

Oh, it's covered with Mona Lisas?

Yeah, but she's cracking up.

What happened to the bandana? You... so you don't have

-any bandanas left anymore. -I don't have any bandanas.

Okay. That was good.

[Lynn laughs]

I have intimacy problems.

That was an experiment... in intimacy.

[Lynn laughs]

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to the stage, Marc Maron.

[cheers and applause]

[Marc] Lynn did the last comedy special

that I did before COVID, which was End Times Fun.

It's pretty clear the world is ending.

I don't wanna shock anybody.

Like, isn't there something that could bring

everyone together and just realize, like,

we've gotta put a stop to, like,

almost everything, right?

Oh, my God. What would it take?

Something terrible.

Then the COVID thing happened...

and we were just sort of locked in here.

And then that day... the night before that

she was supposed to go to the doctor,

she just... she collapsed,

and I had to call the ambulance, and it was horrifying.

And that... and then that was it.

She was dead 18 hours later.

It was all very horrible.

Just unexpected and horrible.

And I... you know, a day doesn't go by

where I don't kind of deal with it.

I think something in me relaxed with her finally.

You know, like, all right, you know, this is... this is

who I love and this is good and this makes sense.

You know, after all that time, after that... all that life,

you know, where you finally kinda land in something

that makes total sense and seems, like, this is,

you know, this is okay.

This is gonna be how the rest of it goes.

I was more comfortable with myself, you know,

when I was, you know, with her, somehow.

Everything was supposed to work out, dude...

[sniffles]

and it didn't.

♪ I've heard There was a secret chord ♪

♪ That David played And it pleased the Lord ♪

♪ But you don't really care for music, do you? ♪

♪ It goes like this the fourth The fifth ♪

♪ The minor fall And the major lift ♪

♪ The baffled king Composing Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

So this is the room that Lynn got sick in.

This is the last room she was in.

These were some of her books

that I've kept here.

This is her tambourine.

That's her ukulele.

And a lot of the other stuff I put into a suitcase.

This was her luggage.

Some masks.

These were all the things that were going on.

Doctor's names,

people I had to send,

you know, the announcement

that she had passed away.

These are...

it seems to be notebooks,

but a lot of them are just empty.

Oh, this has stuff in it.

Yeah, I don't know what one does with this stuff.

I guess I didn't really realize I had it.

I just kind of, you know,

let her family deal with a lot... almost all of it.

I don't... 'cause I didn't feel, like, it was my place

to really...

to have... to have this stuff.

I didn't realize those journals were in there.

She left some, you know, books, you know,

some... not heavy journals around,

but, you know, just doodles and writings there.

And I'm just flipping through this one like notebook

and it just says right there, like the whole page,

"If I could just get Marc to love himself,

maybe he could love me."

[groaning, laughing]

And I'm like, "You know, you gotta get to a meeting."

Um, no, uh, the, uh...

[laughter]

No, it's horrible, right?

-Isn't that sad? -[woman] Yeah.

I'm sorry.

[laughter]

But I have to be honest with you.

[whispers] No one's gonna get Marc to love himself.

[laughter]

I'm in a very difficult space right now

in terms of what I'm doing on stage.

It seems a little angry and cynical and weird.

My brain's just on fire, and I'm just not sure

what the point of anything is.

Like I can be funny, but, you know,

it's like what satisfies me is pushing.

You know, pushing.

So I don't know, man.

Like, now I'm in the process and it's fucking...

You gotta be careful not to hurt anybody.

Work, good.

Once more.

And done.

-Great. -So I was doing this

all the way through

when the pandemic... when the lockdown started.

Um, I just had to keep... I had to keep running.

And then after Lynn died, I was still working out.

Like, I think I went over there, like, a day or two after.

I didn't know what else to do with myself.

It's pretty awful, crying and trying to work out.

-[trainer] Jesus. -It's fucking fucked up.

I didn't know what else to do.

But like, doing this stuff,

I guess it was a routine to keep your sanity.

Good. Two more.

Doesn't matter anymore.

People are weird, man.

Nothing's enough right now.

People know they're fucked.

[trainer] Ten seconds.

The greatest indication that it's fucking over

is Chappelle spending an hour and ten minutes

-shitting on trans people. -[trainer] Two, one, and relax.

I mean, with everything going on, that's the choice?

But whatever.

Hey, man.

It's a free country.

-We good? -[trainer] Yeah.

-We're good. -[Marc] Thank you.

[trainer] We're solid. Good job.

I don't know. I don't know about my head

in relation to other comics right now, in general.

I'm old, you know, and I never was huge.

I just don't... I don't think my stand-up ever really

kind of, like, breaks the ceiling, you know,

and becomes, you know...

monumental, you know?

I'm just a guy doing the job on my own terms,

in my own way to a,

you know, a reasonable amount of success, right?

[upbeat music playing]

Oh, God. I feel disgusting. Let's go.

You know, they lock in with me.

I'm like wide open.

I'm just a portal for lunatics.

That guy is right on top of it. What's going on?

Did they drag you down here? I didn't tell them to do that.

I didn't... no one dragged me anywhere.

-[Marc] What? Huh? -I just...

I got my hair and makeup done,

so I was excited to be on this.

Look at her. Huh?

Can you do the... a pretty face?

[laughs]

To film? Sure.

I think so. That was his choice.

-Shut up. We're filming. -[laughter]

-My stepbrother's Zach Braff. -[Sarah] All right.

-[Marc] What am I? -Tonight might be the night.

-[Marc] Ugh. -[Sarah] Ugh.

It might be the night. Just a cowboy hat, cowboy boots.

[Marc] I just wanna do the material I'm working on.

I don't wanna distract people with whatever that is.

-"What's going on?" -[Marc] Yeah, exactly.

-A lot of that. -[Sarah laughs]

-Eyes squinting. -[Marc] "Is this part of it?"

-"Is this part of it?" -[laughs]

[Marc] I don't know what kind of old man I'm gonna be.

Like, I don't... I think there's...

I've decided that there are two kinds of old men.

You know, like, I'm talking men in their 80s.

There's only two.

There's a kind of dude who's in his 80s

and no matter what kind of life he had,

he knows where he's at.

He has humility. He has acceptance.

He's grateful to be alive.

And that... that's the kind of guy who's just like,

"Yeah, you know, life was good. It was okay."

"I'm just happy I have some time left,

and I'm just gonna sit here and watch the water."

-You know, there's that guy. -[laughter]

And then there's the other kind of guy

who's like, he's 80... in his 80s

and no matter what kind of life he had,

somehow in his mind, he got fucked. So...

-[laughter] -Like, "Yo... "

"I've been married three times. I have no money."

"I have no money."

"My kids don't talk to me from the second marriage."

"They can go fuck themselves."

"I left them the business. They fucked it."

"The whole thing was bullshit. It was bullshit."

"I'm just gonna sit here and watch this asshole

-watch the water." -[laughter]

I actually had a conversation with my dad and he goes,

"Well, you know, you heard about this actor?"

And I'm like, "You're gonna have to be more specific."

He's like, "He had to move to Greece

because he was part of the pedo ring."

I'm like, "I don't know."

"I don't know what you're talking about,

and it's probably not true."

And he goes, "Well, I don't know."

"I just need to, you know,

you're not part of that, are you?"

And I go, "Part of what?"

He says, "Deep state."

"Deep state? No."

"Well, I mean, I'm trying to get in."

"You know, I'm waiting... I've applied for a card."

"I'm number 48 on the waiting list

to get into deep state."

[upbeat music playing]

[Judd] I mean, it's not, like, your comedy career is ever

-gonna get off the ground. -I'm doing fine.

Nobody's ever heard of you.

I bring you up to my customers, nothing.

I got things going on. I got a podcast.

A pod what?

It's like a radio show on the computer.

So how do you listen to it?

You listen to it on the computer.

Nobody's ever gonna do that.

[Marc] My dad is newly demented.

I like to say that as opposed to has dementia

because newly demented you're like, "Here we go."

You know, his wife... he is married

to a born-again Christian Latina woman

who was actually... it's an interesting story.

She was his first secretary

when we moved to New Mexico in 1971.

And this woman used to cover for my dad

when he was fucking around on my mom.

Like, she's known him forever.

Yeah, my dad was that guy.

So... and then he ends up with her.

And it's crazy. It's...

that this woman who found Jesus, you know,

later in life has decided that her burden to bear,

her cross to bear is this miserable Jewish man

who now has dementia.

And I don't believe in Jesus,

but I thank Jesus every day for her.

[laughter]

[indistinct chatter]

["99 Luftballons" by Nena playing]

-How you doing? -I'm good.

Yep.

-Hi. -[Marc] Hi.

-[Rosie] You look good. -[Marc] Thank you.

He's ready, man. He's ready for his close-up.

-Ready for my what? -Your close-up.

-My close-up? -Yeah. All right?

Yeah.

[Marc] We're going this way.

I'll do some jokes about you tonight

-but you won't remember them. -[laughs]

The reason I... I'm so good at doing comedy

or the type of comedy I do was that... like, he would...

he would be depressed and my mother would say,

"Why don't you go up and make your father laugh."

"You're the only one who can."

So that was sort of that relationship.

I could always make him laugh,

which was... which is good.

You know, it was helpful, I think, to everybody.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

It's a good way to communicate.

And it allows me to make fun of him

right to his face.

-Right? -You did that.

How was that for you?

Did not bother me.

[Marc] It didn't bother him.

Not too bad. I remember, like, he got mad at me

'cause of some stuff I wrote in my book.

That was the... that was the only time

I really upset him was there was stuff

I wrote in my book about him.

And he got mad. And I remember he called me up.

He's all pissed off. And I was like,

"What do you want me to do? Pay you?"

And you're like... you said, "Yeah."

And I'm like, "How much?"

You said, "A hundred thousand dollars."

-I said, "I'll give you five." -[laughs]

And I did. I sent him five.

And then he... then he said, "I didn't cash it."

They cashed it. They cashed it.

-Right? -They did? I don't remember.

-Yeah, Rosie cashes the money. -Huh.

I'm sending you money. Is she not giving it to you?

[laughter]

[Marc] So my dad was recently diagnosed with dementia.

We're all pretty excited. And, um...

[laughter]

It's a terrible disease. I get it.

All right? But I gotta be honest with you.

He's right at the beginning of it.

You know, he's got most of his old memories,

the day of stuff is a little rough.

But he's very nice.

He's kinda fun to be around.

He's emotionally available. He's vulnerable.

I'm just saying, look, I know it's a terrible disease

but don't miss the sweet spot, okay? It's...

[laughter]

I think it's right at the beginning.

It's just great right now. It's sad.

And I know that, like, you know,

at some point, he's not gonna know who I am anymore

and on that day,

I will be truly free.

[laughter]

I've got three boxes in this fucking house.

Three litter boxes, two cats.

They use every fucking box.

Buster, he always knows when I'm leaving and it's sad.

Fuck, man. I kinda feel, like, I need to wash some underwear.

I'm definitely bringing the... I'm bringing my new jacket.

That jacket's too fucking cool.

I don't know.

This is too many fucking shirts.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I really don't know

from one fucking day to the next.

Like, it's very anxious for me.

I don't know what I'm closing with, dude,

so... it's all relative.

Someone's gonna be there from HBO, but I don't care.

I don't care if this... I don't care if this

gets made a special.

I really don't.

You know, whatever.

I think I hide my anxiety pretty well.

-Um... -[laughter]

[Marc] A working metaphor for my anxiety is,

the call's coming from inside the house.

[laughter]

Grief is a fucked up thing

'cause it keeps coming back around

and you don't really know how to process it.

But... my parents not great, not great with the grief.

[laughs] I'm sorry.

[laughter]

Literally, literally, three days after she died,

before my dad got bad, like... I was like...

you know, I called him up and he goes,

"How you doing? You seeing someone else?"

[laughter]

No. Not yet.

[laughter]

Thank you. Thank you for coming.

I appreciate it. Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

[Marc] Yeah, there's gonna be a new special.

And it looks like I'm gonna do it with HBO,

which is very exciting because that was like...

that was the dream back before there was nothing but HBO.

That was the thing.

Got about half a year

to get an hour and a half or more of material

down to like 73 minutes for the special.

Fuck them all. Are you kidding me?

"What about, you know, QAnon makes sense."

Doesn't make sense. You're stupid.

"Well, you know, if you believe in God and you understand..."

Well, that's your first fucking problem, isn't it?

[laughter]

And that maybe sounds insensitive.

I'm not really...I don't know. If you don't like my tone,

it's a... it's a character I'm working on.

-It's called "Me Half the Time." -[laughter]

Are you saying you wanna see him on blow?

[Marc] Yeah.

I think he's got one more run in him.

[Denis] That's your next movie.

An old guy decides to do one more run on blow.

Yeah.

You're getting good shots of my pants falling down?

All right. Good.

That's important for the documentary.

-Is that an old guy thing? -I thought that's a look.

[Marc] Why can't I sit on a stool like a regular person.

[laughter]

I've been sitting on stools like this my entire career.

And I have to assume that part of my lack of success

in the big world of comedy is that a lot of the audience

is like, "I just couldn't stop thinking

about how he was sitting on that chair."

[laughter]

♪ With nobody else ♪

[rock music playing]

-[Marc] Yeah. -Why?

-It feels good. -[laughs]

-Love feeling my bones. -[laughs]

Like I see pictures of myself, I'm like,

"Look at that old head."

Like no matter what I wear underneath it,

it's just... there's just gonna be an old head on top of it.

[laughter]

Hey, that's a cool Western shirt and an old head.

[rock music playing]

[Marc] Now I gotta worry about a whole other set of shit

'cause I decided to be a rock star.

-I heard you're good. -[Marc] I'm okay.

-Yeah, yeah. -[rock music playing]

Yeah!

[cheers and applause]

-What do you got? How many? -[man] Do you mind signing this?

-Okay. -[man] Thank you so much.

[Marc] You're not one of those weirdos

-with the Joker posters? -No.

-Okay. -[man] Awesome.

-Thank you so much. -Are you a weirdo

-with the Joker poster? -[man] Here come the eBay-ers.

-Oh, yeah? -You don't need this, do you?

-Oh. You're gonna make me cry. -I mean, she used to ask...

[Marc] This is us when we were on stage?

[man] Correct.

She only laughed like that at me.

[man] Okay. Then it's you.

Yes, you're right. You're right.

Laughing at me right there.

Look, if you would like it... if you...

-Yeah. -If you would like it,

-you can have it. -I can have it?

-Oh, yeah. -Oh, thanks. I love it.

You know, the photo.

[Marc] She was something.

A lot of you know, you know,

and also loved the woman

I was in love with who passed away.

[cheers and applause]

Look, everybody deals with pain and loss,

you know, like a divorce or a breakup.

You deal with heartbreak and loss.

Everybody deals with it.

But the difference between a breakup

and someone dying is that

you're pretty sure she's not fucking anybody.

[laughter]

I don't... I don't know how the afterlife works.

Maybe I'm wrong and God bless. I... you know,

if that's what's going on,

I hope she's having a great time.

'Cause I know that, at some point,

I'll be fucking somebody

and that woman will look out the window and go like,

"What's that hummingbird doing out there?"

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

-[Marc] Everybody good? -[woman] Hi.

[man] Well done, Marc Maron.

-[woman] Marc Maron. -Thank you. Hey.

-Thanks. -[woman] Long-time fan.

-Thank you. -[woman] Well done, you.

[man] I just wanted to say hi

but I just wanted to tell you I love you.

-Thanks, pal. -I love how you

-processed everything. -Oh, thanks.

I love Lynn. I miss her.

-And I'm proud of you. -Yeah.

[Michaela] He keeps her so alive,

processing out loud.

Marc's not exploiting grief.

Marc is doing the generous lifting

of processing his grief.

He's on stage making thousands of people laugh

and laughing himself.

Like, that's something I need to see.

It sounds like I'm selling a product of Marc Maron.

"You should get one too."

"Get a grief surrogate."

[Marc] You know, it comes and goes

and, you know, you feel visceral feelings

of missing them.

But then, like, something new is happening

around living with the absence.

[Andrew] Yes. I'm curious about your relationship

with the absence and what it's giving you

and what... yeah, if I can ask that.

[Marc] I... well...

[breathing shakily]

There's no explaining it.

Once you get past the trauma and, you know,

through that tunnel of the extreme grief

at the beginning, you can sort of,

like, you have a certain amount of control

over, you know, how you want to experience those feelings.

Like, I just got flooded with them, right?

-[Andrew] Yeah. Mm-hmm. -[Marc] But you can't live

-like that every day. -[Andrew] Right.

[Marc] Like I feel that the presence

of-of what we had together,

you know, still informing my life.

[silverware clanging]

Pie crusts are hard, dude.

I was feeling a little peace

but, you know, I don't know, it went away,

because, you know, I'm an idiot.

And, you know, that's my life.

You know, it's the same as it ever was.

And it's, you know...

I just wanna be done, dude.

I don't know with what.

[sighs]

I don't know. I was pretty happy about this stuff,

but I think it's kind of a sad set, you know?

Now, I'm like, I'm not even sure

what the fucking set is anymore, you know?

Got a million fucking recordings.

I don't listen to them.

I'm just waiting for something to destroy me,

and I think it's me.

[rock music playing]

How do you love somebody else

if you really can't love yourself?

I think it's a key to understanding

my ability and relationships.

Oh, no. What happened here?

It's a way to protect yourself from vulnerability,

and from being hurt by other people

is if you're constantly freaked out

about something bad happening or beating yourself up.

[dramatic music continues]

[indistinct chatter]

[Marc] Not a proud moment.

I shouldn't be doing this right now.

I gotta get off of these things after this.

And I was so good about it for years.

Now I'm all fucked up.

-[woman] It's just the lead up. -Huh?

[woman] It's the lead up to this.

I know. I know.

[dramatic music playing]

I have moments where I love myself, I think.

Like, I love myself. I did good work.

Oh, shit.

Something bad's gonna happen.

Like, it literally gets taken away from me that quickly

when something good happens.

I'm like, wow, this is great,

but this other thing could happen.

There's a part of my brain that just hijacks that.

[indistinct chatter]

-What are we doing? -When Marc first comes out,

where will that be?

When I come out, like, generally I'll say,

you know, "How's everybody doing?"

I'll pull this out.

I can leave this there.

I'll wave over here.

I can wave over there.

And then we'll figure out where to set this.

And then when I move to the stool,

like, let's just fucking glue this thing down.

[man] Yeah. We're tacking it down.

Tack that down. You know, mark that.

[man] It's probably gonna come back a little bit farther.

-All right. Wherever. -[man] Yeah. Right around here.

-Yeah. We're gonna... -Just give me one place.

Now, the only problem is...

[Lynn] ♪ Get down on it ♪

♪ Get down on it ♪

♪ Get down on it ♪

[Marc] I drove down 12:30, one o'clock,

went into the ICU.

She was already gone, but I was able to, you know,

spend time with her for a minute,

and it was terrible.

I think it was the right thing to do for closure,

but it was devastating.

Uh...

You know, I don't feel like losing my shit on the...

on the video.

But like, you know, there was... like one of the first jokes

I wrote to try to...

you know, it's amazing how a comedian's brain works,

but like, you know, just... did I tell you that joke?

The joke was, you know, I went down there to the ICU.

And, you know, it was in the middle of the night.

It was quiet. And she was there, you know,

covered in, you know,

in a medical environment.

She was still intubated.

And it was, you know, it was rough, man.

But I was able to touch her forehead and say goodbye

and spend a second there.

And, you know, as I was walking out,

you know, I was like, "Selfie?" "No, no selfie." [laughs]

Obviously, I didn't actually think that.

Like, I don't know what to do with that bit,

like, 'cause I think it might be fundamentally...

like, I've told it to people that have lost people before

and they think it's funny.

Everyone I tell it to think it's funny.

But is it... the reason I've never done it

is, is it disrespectful?

I don't know.

Would Lynn like that joke?

[Steven] Would... do you think Lynn would like that joke?

Yeah. Probably.

[indistinct chatter]

[Marc] All right. Let's do this. How are you, folks?

[crowd cheering]

Marc will be out in a few... like, yeah, I don't know.

Two minutes. It's me. It's me.

-[laughter] -I'm glad you're here.

Uh, just hang tight

and you'll know when the thing is gonna start.

It'll be very obvious. Thank you for coming.

[crowd cheering]

[rock music playing]

[man] All right.

[crowd cheering]

[upbeat music playing]

[Marc] So, look, I don't wanna be negative

but I don't think

anything's ever gonna get better ever again.

-[laughter] -[Marc] People wanna help you.

You wanna be helped.

You wanna feel better.

You want it to go away, but it doesn't

because it happened.

But she did. She passed away,

and it was the most horrible thing that's ever happened to me

and I'm sure to her.

-And... -[laughter]

At some point, like a bird,

you know, built a nest right above

where I walk into my house.

And they just shit so much. It's like astounding.

And, at some point, I said, "Hey, baby,

I...I'm not gonna forget you."

-"Is there a different way?" -[laughter]

[Marc] "The shit thing's kinda tired, I think."

I say goodbye, and I'm walking out.

You know, I'm thinking, "Selfie?" "No, right?"

[laughter]

[crowd cheering]

[singer] ♪ The hotel above And the street below ♪

♪ You've been gone a week ago ♪

[Marc] You know, this is me reclaiming stand-up for myself

in a very aggressive, very defined way.

Now, all these people that were not dubious

but didn't see my stand-up as primary,

it's like there you go.

[singer] ♪ You say your heart Has a rhythm ♪

[Marc] Thank you for watching the special.

Thank you for all the nice things

that are being said about it.

Came together. The set was tight.

I went as deep and dark as I could.

I got every... it was all fucking joke-heavy,

and worked out. Fuck it.

Hello.

[Rosie] Hi.

I got me and the camera crew.

Very exciting.

-How you feeling? -Good.

-Good? -Yeah.

What's going on? Where's the... where's the cane?

-What are we doing? -[Barry] The cane's over there.

-How you feeling? -I'm fine.

What do you want? Chinese food?

Yeah, whatever you want.

You good? You need to go to the bathroom, you all right?

-I'm all right. -All right. Fine.

-Okay. -Bye.

-Let's go. -Be careful when his nose runs

and he doesn't... he's not aware.

-Yeah. Okay. -So please...

-Give me some Kleenex. -Okay.

I'm trying to think if I've talked to anybody

-that you know. -Probably not.

-[Marc] Ben Kingsley? -No.

I talked to Joan Baez.

-Yeah, I heard that. -That was good.

-Yeah. -Arnold Schwarzenegger.

He's kinda cagey about his dad being a Nazi.

Yeah.

I didn't ask him right up... I didn't ask him straight up,

but he went out of his way to talk

about how many Jewish friends he had.

[laughs]

[Marc] Feeling good?

You still like being here, alive?

-[Barry] Yeah, yeah. -That's good.

Are you happy?

I'm okay.

I would say I'm pretty happy.

I mean, if I really break it down,

you know, I did all right.

[phone dings]

Oh, someone just said that... she's a GRAMMY voter.

She just said, "Disappointed Bleak to Dark

didn't make it through."

Trevor, Wanda, Chris Rock,

Silverman, and Chappelle.

I'm not destined to win any prizes, Dad.

-Does that bother you? -[Marc] Yeah, it does.

The only reason I wanna win

is so...

I can say, "Fuck you."

"I won." But I don't even know who I'm saying that to.

That assumes there's a lot of people out there

that just wanna see me fail or don't wanna acknowledge me.

I think I...I'm making them up. I don't know...

I don't know that there's... that exists.

You did great. You did very well.

Here. Wipe your nose.

I got one.

["The Ticking is the Bomb" playing]

[singer] ♪ The falling is the rain ♪

♪ And the ticking is the bomb ♪

[child coughs]

♪ The falling is the rain ♪

♪ And the ticking is the bomb ♪

[announcer] You can see his HBO special,

From Bleak to Dark, on Max.

Please welcome Marc Maron.

[crowd cheering]

[Marc] I'm getting old.

-I don't think I'm... -[woman] Whoo!

-Yeah. Thank you. -[laughter]

[Marc] But I always wonder about my relevance.

This is the arc of my relevance.

At best, maybe two of you will leave here

and one of you, an hour later,

will say something like under your breath

like, "It was funny what that guy said."

[laughter]

And then maybe a few months from now,

you'll be in conversation with friends

and they'll be talking about something

that I had talked about and you'll say,

"Oh, shit. Do you know that comic Marc Maron?"

And they'll be like, "I don't think so."

[laughter]

And then you'll paraphrase my joke badly

-and it won't get any laughs. -[laughter]

And in your mind, you'll be like,

"Is that guy even funny?

Fuck, I don't trust that guy at all anymore."

And then eventually it'll end with, "Fuck, Marc Maron."

[singer] ♪ And if we stand And watch the waves ♪

Our hands are cold... ♪

[Marc] Pretty weird. Mentally a little weird.

But then something becomes undeniable at 60.

I was panicking that no one was gonna show up.

-[Fred] How? -So, yesterday, I'm like,

"I'll invite Slash."

-[laughter] -So...

Yeah. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

-It's very moving. -[person] Really.

[Marc] You know, I was pretty shattered and lonely

and that's when Kit came into the picture.

-[Kit] Oh, yes, I know. -[Marc] You know, she was...

had her own sadness and troubles and I had mine.

And we just kind of started hanging out

without any real definition or commitment.

[cheering]

[Marc] I am who I am.

I don't think, at any other age,

I really knew that.

On a good day, with all of my insecurities,

I can sort of realize, "Well, this is who you are

and you're not gonna be anybody else,

so you better continue accepting that."

-That's not a good sign. -[laughter]

Thank you all for coming. And I never do this.

And I'm very moved and I really appreciate you all coming.

-It's beautiful. Thank you. -[man] Whoo!

-[woman] Yeah. -[applause]

[Marc] I actively try not to dwell.

But I also try sometimes to remember.

But not in a way that's, you know, too sad.

I try to remember what her spirit was like,

and what she was like as a person, you know?

But as time goes by,

it doesn't go away really,

but, you know, I have to choose to do it.

I didn't wanna do this hike today.

How much of this shit can I take?

[Marc] Well, I had to shave for the end of that movie

that I shot, so I can't really worry about your continuity.

Lynn, she tried to do this hike once.

She couldn't do it.

She went out and bought those little poles and everything.

But I think it was one and done.

I still got the poles though, but I don't use them.

You know, like I'm a kind of a cranky guy,

and I'm resistant, and I'm guarded.

But she would just like stare that down

and just wait until I would kinda, you know,

give way emotionally.

I mean, that was the whole nature of us getting...

ending up together. She just would wait it out.

And then once I... it became more of a habit

of just like giving it up,

you know, I felt a little more at ease with it

and, you know, and I felt that that...

like I could have, like, stayed there.

So it was really just about, like, you know...

I think she really did love me

and really kind of believed in me in a way

that got through, you know?

And I was totally impressed

and in awe of her too, you know?

So, yeah, I remember that stuff.

["Change" by Big Thief playing]

We didn't have long enough time together, you know?

[groans]

All right.

You got it?

Are we good?

[singer] ♪ Change like the wind ♪

♪ Like the water, like skin ♪

♪ Change like the sky ♪

♪ Like the leaves ♪

♪ Like a butterfly ♪

♪ Would you live forever Never die ♪

♪ While everything Around passes? ♪

Would you smile forever Never cry ♪

♪ While everything You know passes? ♪

♪ Death's like a door ♪

♪ To a place We've never been before ♪

♪ Death, like space ♪

♪ The deep sea the suitcase ♪

Would you stare forever At the sun ♪

♪ And never watch The moon rising? ♪

♪ Would you walk forever In the light ♪

♪ To never learn the secret Of the quiet night? ♪

In homage to Marc,

I will answer every question that you have about him

by talking about myself.

I think I met him either in '89 or '90,

and he was repulsive,

repelling,

and so sexy.

And we just hated each other

and couldn't stop making out in the back of a car.

I don't know if Marc has the capability

of shutting his brain off.

If you like him. Is he okay?

Is... are we good?

Are We Good? is such a great name.

It's a great final summation of a conversation.

that I've had to, like, resist saying out loud

'cause it's Maron's.

You know, it's just an, "Are we good?"

In your head for an hour.

I mean, just people at the popcorn stand just...

"I just need a break from..."

"I think he's been crying for... there's a lot of crying."

Marc's cool.

And that matters.

He wears cool boots. He listens to cool music.

He hates shit that's lame.

He doesn't like sell outs.

And it's really important that some people stay cool

and expand their voice.

Grow and grow and grow as an artist,

but at the end of the day, be a cool dick

who knows that some stuff sucks.