Original subtitles

[SANSKRIT] No lady is more beautiful,

than the wife of the neighour!

Meaning... no woman is more beautiful than the neighbor’s wife.

Since the dawn of time, men’s bodies and lives

have gone through countless changes.

But one truth...

has remained the same through four ages,

and shows no sign of changing.

That is, for every man,

more than his own wife,

the neighbor’s wife always seems

more charming, more intoxicating.

And the moment he sees her…

his senses simply abandon him.

Since ancient times, this tradition has carried on…

and in today’s Kalyug, it is kept alive with utter devotion

by our two very special residents of Modern Colony, Kanpur.

Good morning Tiwari ji.

Good morning Bhabhuti ji.

What happened? No milk in your pot today?

Actually, the milkman ran out of milk.

Oh...

So I thought, maybe Bhabhi ji could spare a little...

milk...

What?

I mean, you get 4–5 kilos of milk every day.

If Bhabhi ji could give me just half a kilo...

Of course, why not?

After all, neighbors should help each other.

[VIBHUTI]: Hmm Just imagine, we ran out of sugar at home.

Oh...

So I thought of borrowing...

a little sweetness from Bhabhi ji.

What?

I meant sugar...

Why not?

[BOTH LAUGH]

- Stupid... - Moron...

- Are you home Bhabi ji(Sister-in-law)? - Are you home Bhabi ji?

[ANITA]: Tiwari ji I’m in the lawn... [ANGOORI]: Bharbhuti ji I’m here...

Mommy, the damn pot just toppled!

Oh my!

[VIBHUTI LAUGHING]

Tiwari ji...

[ANITA]: Come here...

Why are you standing there?

[TIWARI LAUGHING]

Hello Bharbhuti ji... What brought you here?

Your love Bhabi ji...

Sorry, what?

Nothing Bhabi ji. It’s just that...

I needed some milk...

[FUMBLING] Bhabi ji I was looking at your...

I mean... I... I was looking at you doing Yoga...

[LAUGHS] Tiwari ji, Yoga keeps your body agile.

Yeah... And watching you do yoga,

keeps my eyes energized...

Tiwari ji...

Bhabi ji what’s wrong?

Why do I see sadness on your beautiful face?

[SIGHS]

What do I tell you, Barbhuti ji?

I am totally set!

Bhabi ji you keep saying that but you never are.

Sorry what?

I mean you want to say you’re upset.

That’s right! - Yes.

Yoga is a good exercise...

Is it? - Yes.

Well in that case, join me.

Let’s do yoga together.

Oh yeah! Why not? With pleasure!

One moment.

Yes Bhabi ji... - Wait a minute...

Yes. - Before we start,

Yeah?

Let me introduce you to my kids.

When did this happen?

Come on Tiwari ji!

My plants...

Ohh!

Look.

This is Sonu, Bittu, Rani, Anushka, Neelam and Radha!

Kids, say hello to uncle...

Hello kids! Hello! How are you?

You know what happened yesterday? - No.

Laddu ke Bhaiya and I were walking after dinner.

Okay. - Suddenly a goon came,

and started teasing me.

So Laddu ke Bhaiya must have beaten him up?

No...

In stead he held my hand and said,

Pagli let’s go home quickly.

I’ve got gas.

Make me tea. I need to clear my stomach.

Tiwari ji, breathe in...

Breathe out...

Bhabi ji, why did you marry this coward?

What kind of man can’t protect his wife?

Bhabi ji. Do one thing,

Dump him!

[FAKE ACCENT] and hold onto me.

Oh god! Don’t say that.

He’s my husband.

He’s not a husband. He’s a howlet!

Tiwari ji now stretch.

See how I’m doing it.

Like this.

Stretch...

[TIWARI FARTS]

[ANITA GASPS]

OH MY GOD!

Can I tell you something else?

Please do.

I heard about this temple,

It’s in Uttarakhand. - Okay.

Temple of Baba Lakkadnath.

They say that if a married woman

does a full circle of that temple,

her husband becomes very powerful and brave.

I was thinking of visiting that temple.

But how do I go there?

But I can’t tell Laddu ke Bhaiya. It has to be a secret.

I’ll take you there. We’ll elope.

What did you say? - Bhabi ji,

You get ready. I’ll arrange the car.

Stay blessed.

Dada ji, greetings. - Grab digestive powder for me.

Stay blessed. - It’s okay. It’s okay.

MY LORD!

HEY HEY!

Who the hell are you?

Stay away or I’ll shoot you.

[BOTH]: No no no...

My lord, Gajjan Pandey has sent us.

How do you know him?

We came with his recommendation.

Just lend us your taxi for 12 hours...

I never say no to him.

But what can I do, every car is booked.

There’s one car...

[BOTH SMILE]

But it’s very special...

Hmm. - Okay

Very precious.

Close to my heart...

Hmm...

My Bua ji (aunt).

But... We just saw her leaving.

That’s her daughter-in-law!

Then who’s Bua ji?

[CROWD MURMURING]

[CAR STOPS]

[TILLU]: Drive properly you moron.

[TEEKA]: Zip it, loser. You think you can teach me?

Come madam, please come!

Come.

[TEEKA HUMMING]

This wasn’t necessary, madam... - Why?

Actually we need it.

Keep coming back! - Yes.

Wherever you want... Hey...

[VIBHUTI]: Can’t see a single taxi here! All pauper prince!

[MOCKING] Wasn’t necessary...

What are these two doing here? [TILLU]: Royalty runs in my blood. I’m from Rampur.

Oh really? Shove your royalty in your...

Here’s your fifty. Out of five hundred... Hey who’s that?

Where’d you lads dig up this vintage aunty from?

Mind you language...

We didn’t dig her up, we’re driving our own car, okay?

We have rented it for 12 hours.

We are running business of ecs-taxi!

We’ve got no change.

I am giving all of it.

Then hop in, boss.

We’ll drop you wherever you say... - No no no...

I don’t want your faces inside the car.

I’ll take her to Uttakhand alone and will get her back alone.

What nonsense!

Have you gone mad?

Look it’s a lot of money!

Lot of money? And what about Bua ji? - Bua....

It's been a while. Bhaiya (brother) hasn’t come out yet.

What if the operation failed?

SHUT UP!

I can tolerate failing myself.

But I’ll never accept failure for Bhaiya...

Today his happiness... his life will return.

If today his hair transplant fails,

I’ll burn the whole city down.

Wow!

Bhaiya... [SHANTI]: Yeah?

On this barren field of your scalp diabetes had eaten the roots.

But this farmer toiled hard - sowed seeds and,

made it fertile again. See?

No matter how much you stop Juliet,

- to meet Romeo, she will still go to the forest.

I think your crop will die, before the harvest!

No no no, what are you saying?

Let me show you a demo.

Wardboy Tina...

Demo...

Wow, lifting dumbbells with hair now!

See Bhaiya!

This too grew from the same scalp-field!

[KISSES]

Look!

Today, an age-old dream has come true chhote (younger one).

Remember bhaiya?

Ramprakash uncle had a jingle for you.

All man... No mane!

[LAUGHS]

Let it...

Let it go Chhote.

I won’t Bhaiya! That...

Remember Ativeer Mausa’s (Uncle) son-in-law?

He’d often ask,

“Where do you roll your rotis?

on the rolling board or rolling bald?” - Let it go chhote. Forget the past.

Today the years of pain have ended.

Look! New hair!

A new life begins today!

[BURPS]

YOU...

Chhote... Hey... Chhote... [SHIVERING & WRITHING]

Chhote... Chhote... - YOU MORON...

Chhote... No.. It’s okay...

Chhote... Come sit... - Baba (father)... Baba...

Kranti, don’t you know? - Baba no... Baba...

Farting and burping is not allowed in this house!

Don’t you understand?

Baba no... Baba...

- GRUNT [YOUNG KRANTI] : Baba... Baba...

Baba... Baba... - Baba is not here chhote...

Baba is long gone chhote... Baba is gone...

Baba is gone!

Baba is gone!

Baba is gone!

Why did you stop the car? We’re going to the temple.

Bhabi ji...

This place is so refreshing, so beautiful!

If paradise is real, it must be this place.

Yes I agree.

Bhabi ji you also take a seat and join me.

Oh god no! My saari will get wet!

Bhabi ji do you even know what happens

when beautiful lady’s saree gets wet?

Cold happens! What else?

And Barbhuti ji I don’t want to wet my saree.

Because how will I fry it?

The way you are frying my mood right now!

What did you say?

Bhabi ji you wanted to say dry.

You got it right!

Let’s go. We are getting late for the temple!

Come on Bhabi ji. Be a sport!

Okay do one thing.

Lift up your saree.

What did you say? - I meant lift it up a bit.

Okay, I’ll do one thing.

I’ll close my one eye.

What?

Will close both the eyes. Okay?

Alright.

Come Bhabi ji.

The time, the vibe and the location - It’s perfect!

Okay...

Bhabi ji, today we will...

unite in ‘waternity’!

[SHIVERS]

Oh god!!!

Oh god!!!

Bhabi ji...

you are getting naughty!

Bhabi ji,

your touch is setting fire to the water!

What if we both burn in this fire?

Let’s not cross the line Bhabi ji. Please control yourself!

I’ll never forgive myself.

Let’s play it safe.

Oh God Bhabi ji! You are killing me!

Where did Bhabi ji go?

Beware of crocodile!

If you survive - 5000 rupees fine!

MOMMY!

Bhabi ji... Let’s go!

That’s what I have been saying.

God Bharbhuti ji. You look quite fresh.

Yeah absolutely. Come on let’s go.

Yes. Let’s ‘alligate’ the car. Let’s move.

- What? Bhabi ji you mean ‘accelerate’ the car.

You got it right! Come on let’s go.

[VIBHUTI WHIMPERING]

[VIBHUTI]: Come on Bhabi ji. Let’s hit the road!

[CARS STOP]

Can I say something Bhaiya?

Go ahead.

Bhaiya you’ve never set eyes on any girl.

Especially since Bubli took that dig at you.

A bald man and a broke boss are both worthless!

Let it go Chhote.

Forget the past, move forward...

Bhaiya this is the time to move forward.

Only when you move forward, will my gates open

I've moved way beyond love and affection...

Now no girl will come into my life like a whirlwind.

[MUSIC]

Bhaiya, she has arrived.

Who?

She’s the last spark of your dying engine...

Last spark of dying engine?

Yes Bhaiya.

After this, your silencer’s gonna rust.

No whistle will blow again.

Because your parts are already losing their edge.

Go now!

Spill that pot of emotions you’ve been simmering for years.

Chhote… this won’t be… weird, right? - Bhaiya...

You have my word, Bhaiya. Please.

Go ahead. Let it out.

I’ll be in the corner.

May I sit here?

Waiter, two coffee please. - No... I’m not a waiter.

I’m the person who has been waiting...

for many years for a beautiful face, and it looks like

today that wait is coming to an end.

I don’t understand...

Neither do I understand what’s happening to me...

How are you?

I’m not well. I’ve been sick for years.

Oh god!

Do you have jaundice?

No.

But you just said that you are not well.

I was... But...

Now I think I’m getting better.

No. I was asking Who are you...

You meant who are you.

Right! Who are you?

My name is Shanti.

Shanti?

What about you? What’s your name?

I am Angoori.

Angoori? - Yes.

Such a beautiful name!

Thank You.

A special couplet is coming to mind after seeing you.

May I share it?

Couplet?

Ahmedabad... Ahmedabad...

You mean irshaad?

You got it right!

Who the hell is this guy?

You’re a traveler and your destination awaits with pride...

You’re a traveler and your destination awaits with pride...

But before this cold starts messing with your mind and spine

Down two pegs, Angoori — before it’s sister-cussing time!

Bloody...

[VIBHUTI]: YOU...

You're getting really romantic, brother.

Horse hair—

Did you just sneak in a filthy insult through that horse-hair?

You’re roaming with a broom on your head, What else should I call it—horse hair?

Ah, in that sense horse hair.

Let me say it in that sense… horse hair.

Seems there is a misunderstanding. By the way, I’m Shanti Sharma.

Not Shanti Sharma. You should be called Shanti Shameless.

And who are you? Her brother?

Not at all. I’m her neighbor. Her friendly neighborhood.

[ANGOORI]: Yes.

Ah, friendly neighborhood. - Yeah.

Then why don’t you come a little closer, friendly neighborhood?

I never bow to anyone.

But since Bhabhi ji is here, I will. Here you go.

[SLAP] - MOMMY!

Bhabhi ji, did he just hit me?

Yes, and really hard.

That was just the beginning.

Even I’m ready to beat you up.

Step out and see.

Don't go anywhere. I’ll deal with him right now.

Alright - Bhabhi ji, just watch me sparring.. Come on!

Okay.

You don’t know me buddy!

[SLAP] - MOMMY!

[SLAP]

You bas****!

Try to understand man! Bhabi ji is watching. Peace, peace, peace.

No peace. I’ll make your mutton piece!

[SLAP]

[SLAP]

Hey Shanti, live up to your name. Show some peace!

This Shanti...

Won’t listen to you now!

But why won’t you?!

Time please, time please, time please!

Would you like to have something?

Sure.

What will you have?

Whisky, brandy, gin, vodka? What will you have?

Blood! - Okay. 30ml, 60ml or 90ml?

Half litre! - That’s too demanding!

Yes! [VIBHUTI GRUNTS]

[COAL FLYING IN THE AIR]

I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.

[VIBHUTI]: Sorry but the horse-hair is on fire!

BHAIYA!

Bhaiya...

Why the hell is your head on fire?

[VIBHUTI]: No. Not me. Not me.

Oh god. Barbhuti ji...

No, Chhote, the bullet might hit Angoori! - You!

Bhaiya!

Bhabi ji you got it right for the first time! - Thank you!

I love you. - What did you say? - Let’s go!

Come on Bhabi ji. Let’s go.

[ANGOORI]: Yes. Let’s go. [VIBHUTI]: Yes.

BHAIYA! [GUNSHOT]

[VIBHUTI SCREAMS] - I’ve been shot, Bhabi ji.

Catch those bas****!

Bharbuti ji... Get in...

[VIBHUTI]: Bhabi ji push me in...

Bharbuti ji... The keys!

[TIRES SCRECH & CAR REVS]

[ANGOORI]: OH GOD!

[BACCHU]: OH GOD! BUA JI!

What happened son?

Bau ji (Father)...

I had a bad dream about Bua ji.

Oh God...

Please protect our daughter, Lord...

Please protect our daughter, Lord...

[TEEKA BURPS]

[TEEKA HUMMING] [PHONE RINGING]

[WHISPERS] - Hey...

What? - Bacchu bhaiya...

Pick up... Pick up... Pick up...

[SLURRY VOICE] - Greetings Bacchu bhaiya...

Greetings Bacchu bhaiya...

Listen...

Where is my Bua ji?

Is she safe?

Bhaiya ji...

Bua ji is absolutely safe.

We’re protecting her more than our own lives.

You better be careful.

If even a single hair on my Bua’s head is harmed

I’ll leave your heads so bald that...

not even a single strand will be left.

Oh no...

The wildfire has destroyed the whole jungle.

All that’s left is barren land.

Then plant new trees in that land... Let flowers bloom again.

In this barren land, forget flowers — not even thorns can grow.

Don’t exaggerate, doctor. If you can’t grow hair on my brother’s head...

I’ll sprinkle oil on your silky hair and set it on fire!

If that could help grow his hair back, please, go ahead.

So what are you saying, doctor? Is there no hope?

Brother, hope was the fertile soil — but diabetes has eaten it away.

If we try anything now, your brother might go straight up…

Why don’t you just use a wig?

Bhaiya is allergic to wigs.

He tried once —

People get pimples on their face, he got them on his bald head.

People started calling him “Bumpy” instead of “Shanti”! - [SHANTI] : SCREAMS

Bhaiya...

Don’t worry...

You’ll still marry that Bhabhi...

Even if I have to pile up dead bodies for it.

Chhote... - Yes bhaiya...

Now my life has only one mission…

Death of that Ba****d...

Done, Bhaiya.

Barbhuti ji, are you okay?

Ouch.

Bhabhi ji, please drive faster!

What can I do, Barbhuti ji? I’m driving, but see how many potholes there are.

I don’t want the car to fall into one, and we both start ‘humping’!

Bhabhi ji, do you have a dictionary of alternate words?

It’s not ‘humping’, for God’s sake! It’s ‘jumping’!

You got it right!

Vibhu, where the hell are you?!

Anu baby, I’ve been shot!

WHAT?

HOW?

Baby, some goons were teasing Bhabhi ji.

[VIBHUTI] : I intervened… And they shot me.

And do you know where they shot me?

Right in the butt!

Oh God! Vibhu, you always end up in the weirdest situations!

Okay, tell me one thing — why’d they shoot you in the butt?

Baby, he didn’t give me a choice!

He just picked the spot he liked and shot!

Okay, alright. Just tell me — what hospital are you in, Vibhu?

Baby, I’m not in a hospital. I’m on the run.

[VIBHUTI] : I’m on Highway 47E.

I’m sending you my location.

Please come pick me and Bhabhi ji up, baby.

[VIBHUTI] : Come and pick me up... - Oh god!

Okay okay okay.

Damn it Vibhu...

Police!

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Happu Singh ji...

This is Anita Mishra speaking.

[SURPRISED]

Oh fair madam...

How did you remember me?

Happu Singh ji, there's a big problem…

[LAUGHS]

Fair madam, how should I say…

Being too beautiful and fair is a problem in itself.

Not that, Happu ji. Vibhu has been shot!

What?

Where did he get shot?

In his butt.

Dude’s butt got burst!

Happu Singh ji, that’s not the point!

His life’s at risk—he’s on Highway 47E right now!

Is he?

Please immediately reach there...

Alright, fair madam! I’m leaving right away.

Please don’t worry. I’ll be there.

Fair madam bye...

Manohar, give me the keys. Give me the keys you fool!

What happened sir?

[MANOHAR]: Fuel’s low, don’t go too far ahead!

Manohar... - Hmm?

My memory’s playing tricks on me...

I asked for the keys in hurry...

Rushed to the vehicle...

I started the car - and the moment I put it in gear...

Why did I put it in gear?!

I forgot where I was going in all this hurry!

You sure this won’t tear?

[CHUCKLES]

It’s a secret!

It won’t tear, it’ll shred everything!

[BOTH LAUGH]

[TIWARI] : GROANS

[PHONE RINGING]

Hi Bhabi ji...

[ANITA] : Tiwari ji, Vibhu has been shot! - What?

Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, Tiwari ji. - Yes Bhabi ji...

Let’s go. - Yes Bhabi ji...

[TIWARI] : GROANS

Bhabi ji...

I’m sorry... actually, I kinda left the loo mid-way.

Can I go finish real quick?

Tiwari ji, while you’re finishing your business, Vibhu might finish his life!

We don’t have time. Let’s go!

Okay guys, get down here.

What happened brother?

I’ll take a left from here. You catch another ride from this spot.

But you said you’d drop us a bit further.

OFF YOU GO, IDIOTS! Get down.

[TILLU]: Yeah yeah.We are...

But brother... Brother...

Come, let’s find Vibhuti sir... Come...

[TEEKA HUMMING]

[TILLU] : WHERE ARE YOU VIBHUTI SIR...?

[CAR SCREECHES AND STOPS]

[ANGOORI]: Oh god!

[SIGHS]

[VIBHUTI]: Mommy plus Daddy...

Bhabi ji... - SIGHS

Bhabi ji... - SIGHS

I’ve been trying to ask you -

Where did you learn to drive? Who on earth taught you?!

No no, I haven’t learned at all, Barbhuti ji.

I just watched driving ‘tit-oral’ on Mutube.

Bhabhi ji, look at the moment, look at the condition...

You mean ‘tutorial’ Bhabi ji... - You got it right!

Oh my!

Listen to me Bharbhuti ji... - Yeah?

You’ve got shot! -Yeah.

Your life could be in danger… -Yeah!

So...

So I must remove the bullet myself.

What?!

One minute, let me show you something.

[VIBHUTI GROANS]

[ANGOORI SIGHS]

As you all know, our channel is specially for those unfortunate souls -

- who get shot in places where

there’s no hospital nearby.

Yeah...

First, carefully examine the bullet wound.

Okay. So, where exactly are you shot, Barbhuti ji?

What do I even say, Bhabhi ji?

Look, right now I’m your doctor.

You don’t need to be shy in front of your doctor.

Now tell me, where?

Bhabi ji hypothetically...

Imagine you're walking on a flat road.

Suddenly, two sand dunes appear.

Leaving those dunes behind - comes a narrow pass…

When you exit that narrow pass...

- you‘ll find a wilted cactus vine hanging…

- and just beyond that, a small pit...

Right next to that pit is where I got shot.

I didn’t understand a single word of what you just said, Barbhuti ji...

Take off your pants. Go on—off with it.

[WHIMPERS] - Take them off...

Yeah.

Tiwari ji, hurry up! - Yes yes yes…

[TIWARI LAUGHING]

Oh god, what a ride!

[BOTH SCREAM]

Tiwari ji, not that fast!

We have to reach Vibhu, not heaven!

D-d-don’t worry, Bhabhi ji.

Don’t worry. - Useless you are! Keep driving.

Don’t know where those scoundrels disappeared.

Swallowed by the sky or the ground?

Wherever they hide, we’ll dig them out.

How wii you fix the stains of allegations on pants?

He wrecked me for life — you’re just throwing chants.

Chhotey! We are stopping. I need to lighten myself for two minutes.

Here? Seriously?

I know brother ...

You didn’t stop to pee.

You stopped to cry!

I dreamed of being a groom -

- but now I have no hair to comb.

In the fate of my stove -

you had to ignite the fire of family!

but instead, you burned my damn head!

Why?!

Let’s begin the operation. First, close your eyes.

Yes.

This guy’s a complete idiot.

[DOCTOR]: Now take deep breaths…

Do Anulom-Vilom (inhale-exhale).

Bhabhi ji, that’s not Anulom Vilom. You’re doing Kapalbhati!

Shhh! I’m the doctor. Let me listen to the expert.

Now silently pray to God.

[DOCTOR]: “Oh Lord, I know I’m no real doctor…

[DOCTOR]: but please make this surgery a success.

[DOCTOR]: And if not,

[DOCTOR]: then at least give peace to this soul."

[GROANS] - Mommy...

[PHONE RINGING] - Damn it!

Who the hell is calling at a moment like this?

What the hell… who is it?!

One tight slap shall explain that!

Yes Amma… how come you’re calling?

I can’t reach bahuriya (daughter-in-law). I need to talk to her.

She’s fine, Amma. Her phone’s just acting up.

Low battery and all.

I’ll make her call you once we reach home.

Don’t worry, she’s alright.

I wanted to give her a surprise!

Then go ahead and do it Amma. [TIWARI] : Ow ow ow!

What happened now?

Gas, Amma. I’m getting gas. Call you later!

[AMMA]: Your stomach’s always...

[TIWARI GROANING] [ANITA SCREAMING] - Tiwari ji!

Oh Lord!

You’ve already taken his hair…

Now send some lady-luck into his life!

His lamp is running on the last bit of oil.

After this, it will die.

If it goes out,

- I’ll be forced to extinguish my own.

There must be someone out there for me...

[BOTH SCREAMING] [ANITA] - Tiwari ji... Careful... Watch out...

[TIWARI] : BHABHI JI... [ANITA SCREAMING]

Wow, such quick service, God!

You just dropped an angel straight from the sky!

Will you help me get down? - Sure.

Easy… slowly. - Thank you so much. And...

I’m not some angel, by the way. - Then?

Well... my name is Anita Mishra.

Alright, let’s start the operation.

[DOCTOR]: Obviously, you’re not in a hospital -

[DOCTOR]: so you probably don’t have proper surgical tools.

Yes. We don’t have any. [DOCTOR]: If there’s any car nearby -

[DOCTOR]: quickly open the trunk and grab the toolbox.

Yes, there’s a car!

[DOCTOR]: Now take out something sharp from the toolbox.

[DOCTOR] : Like a screwdriver. - That’s right.

Now push that screwdriver deep into the wound...

[DOCTOR] : And wiggle it hard. - MOMMY!

[VIBHUTI]: Bhabi ji... your’e killing me!

What next, Doctor?

Chintu Chaat Masala...

[CHEF]: When life gets bland, Chintu gives a hand!

Chintu’s here… What ridiculous masala are you selling?

[CHEF]: Put it on fruits, salads...

How many seconds? Thirty seconds... [CHEF]: You can even put it on raw paneer...

You’ll be blown away...

Oh my God! Even on raw paneer?

Forget the paneer, focus on saving my body!

[CHEF]: Chintu Chaat Masala - Why don’t you just leave already, Chintu?!

Sir, I need a small favor. - Go ahead.

Can you give me a lift?

I just did! - BHABI JI...

Bhabi ji... Bhabi ji...

Are you okay? Everything alright?

You don’t need to worry, Tiwari ji. I’m fine.

And, this kind man is giving us a lift.

And this is that neighbor.

Hello. - Hello.

Is he a drunkard as well? - What?!

Chhote, what’s all this? Who are these people?

That’s big brother. Bhaiya, one minute -

They need a lift. Please give them one. I like her.

Can’t you control yourself?!

Oh, Chhote, getting naughty huh? - Bhaiya stop it!

Okay. Go ahead.

Have a seat. - Come.

Get in the car. [ANITA]: Thank you.

[TIWARI BURPS]

YOU MORON!

Better thank your stars you didn’t burp in front of Chhote...

He’d have shoved so many bullets in the gas openings -

- that brass will start flowing out!

Tiwari ji control... - GET IN!

[ANITA]: Go!

[KRANTI]: Please get in. Sit.

[ANITA]: Thank you.

For stitches, take out a sharp tool from the box.

[DOCTOR]: Like a nail. - This? - That’s right, that’s right.

[DOCTOR]: Find a peace of wire. - That’s right, that’s right.

[DOCTOR] : Tie that wire to the nail.

Done. Now what?

[DOCTOR] : Now shove it right into the wound. - Okay.

[VIBHUTI SCREAMS]

[FAINTS]

[ANITA]: With all due respect may I ask,

Hmm?

What exactly happened to your brother?

I mean, his hair seems burnt...

And he looks quite depressed.

We got into a scuffle somewhere...

Okay.

Someone poured burning ember on his head.

That’s how his hair got singed.

Okay. - Hair specialists had already given up —

Said this barren land was no longer fertile.

[ANITA]: So what?

I mean, losing hair isn’t the end of the world, right?

You speak very beautifully.

[SMILES]

I run grooming classes.

Bhai saab is a little sensitive.

Well, so are you, when it comes to gas.

Why are you talking, huh?

What’s your problem with gas?

Actually, we used to have 10 horses. And a stable.

But one day, when Chhote was little, he ate a horse’s black gram feed.

And after that… gas started escaping from every pore of his body.

Father was furious. He beat him up -

- and locked him in the stable for the whole night.

So imagine—on one side, the horses were passing gas… and on the other, Chhote.

The gas had such an effect on his brain, that now…

- at the very mention of gas, he gets gas-triggered seizures.

Whoa!

This, madam, is the whole story. Got it?

Tiwari ji, please control...

Teeka... - Hmm?

I’m scared Bua ji might’ve fallen into some pit or something...

You wretched ba*****d.

Ayy we're doomed, doomed!

[GRUNTS] - I like it! Haha.

Saxena ji? You're here? - Saxena bhaiya, you?

What’s up, Teeka, Tillu?

Tell us... what are you doing here?

So boys...

This is the T-Rex moped.

I built this T-Rex myself.

It's my startup.

I’m on a trial run.

A Japanese company is interested.

Saxena ji, tell us one thing— - Hmm?

How is your moped different from all the others?

Mine is different because -

I built my moped.

- Hmm... And the others’ moped...

The others... I didn’t built. - Okay. What?

Excuse me Saxena Bhaiya. - Yes?

What’s so special about this?

It runs on banana peels.

Banana peels?! - Hmm... - Like... what?

Saxena bhaiya... The thing is we gotta go ahead a bit.

Can we get a lift on your T-Rex?

Come, come. Hop on! - Thank You Saxena ji...

[TEEKA HUMMING]

[TILLU]: VIBHUTI SIR... [TEEKA]:Where art thou?!

[TIWARI FARTS] - Who said that?

Mor (PEACOCK). It was a mor sir. - I like mor. Once more please!

Bhaiya, stop here. We need to get off.

We can drop you further if you want.

Kranti, we have to take the left. We’re running late.

Don’t forget your brother’s mission.

It’s fine, really. This is our stop anyway. Thanks a lot!

Let’s go. - Actually, I wanted to ask...

Come, let’s go! We’ll meet later, meet properly. Please come, bhabhi ji!

Listen... at least take my number.

You never know—you might need us sometime.

Absolutely! Please give the number.

[TIWARI]: Number? - WRITE DOWN!

Yes.

Let’s move. [ANITA]: Thank you so much. [TIWARI]: Thank you, Bhaisaab.

And you—be strong, okay? - Yes, ma’am. I will.

[TIWARI]: Hurry up bhabi ji...

How long are you going to stare at her?

[PHONE RINGING]

Why’s the fair madam calling now?

Fair madam hi....

Happu Singh ji, where have you reached?

[SHOCKED]

Arre Dada, I remembered!

Fair madam’s in trouble!

Fair madam I’m leaving, I mean, I’ve left already.

More than halfway there. You hang up—I’m reaching.

[HAPPU]: God! I’m dead!

Saxena ji, your shortcut has gotton us stuck in the middle of the jungle!

Boys, the biofuel - basically, the fue - is over.

Now this T-Rex won’t move an inch without banana peels.

Where the hell will we find banana peels in this jungle?

[SELLER GIRL]: Take some... Take some...

What?

Heh. Beautiful lady offering it in the middle of jungle!

What’s this girl saying?

[SELLER GIRL]: Buy some bananas… Bananas…

[SAXENA]: Sister... Sister... - You dirty mind!

[SAXENA]: We found bananas! We got them! - She’s selling bananas.

- She was talking about selling bananas. [SAXENA]: We found bananas!

We got bananas! It will work now.

[SELLER GIRL]: What are you doing?!

[SELLER GIRL]: Hey! - God is with us.

You, madam, are a prince with a shining armour. Sorry, princess with an armour.

We really needed bananas.

See this basket of bananas?

Yeah.

We don’t want to buy the bananas.

We want to buy the banana peels.

But sir, if you only take the peels, what do I do with the bananas?

You take the bananas.

I like it!

Start peeling! Start peeling!

Wait!

Oh no… Bacchu Bhaiya! Bacchu Bhaiya's calling! - You also start peeling.

[TEEKA]: Greetings, Bacchu bhaiya.

Hey, make a video call.

It’s not connecting from my end.

Bacchu bhaiya...

Bua ji is completely safe.

Standing right next to us, all calm and happy.

Stop talking rubbish.

[BACCHU]: Make the video call. I won’t relax until...

I see her with my own eyes.

We can’t show you. [BACCHU]: Why not?

Because… she’s bathing right now.

And how can you watch your own Bua ji taking a bath?

What nonsense are you saying! Hello? Bacchu Bhaiya? There’s a network issue.

Hello hello hello... Bugger off!

Bloody...

Something’s definitely fishy…

Aaahhhhhhhhhh....

What happened, Bharbhuti ji? I already took the bullet out.

Then why are you groaning so much?

Bhabi ji...

Bhabhi ji, getting shot didn’t hurt as much as your surgery!

The way you cut it open— by God, you tore it apart!

Oh god!

What are you saying, Bharbhuti ji?

I removed the bullet with so much efforts

and you're blaming me?

You’re such a...

What did you say? I didn’t hear that. Say it again?

You’re such a...

Aahh… one more time, Bhabhi ji? [ANGOORI]: You are such a...

[VIBHUTI]: Oh god...

[ANITA]: VIBHU... [TIWARI]: Angoori...

[ANITA]: VIBHU...

She always comes at the wrong time, every time.

[ANITA]: VIBHU... [ANGOORI]: LADDU KE BHAIYA... [TIWARI]: Angoori...

[ANITA]: VIBHU... [TIWARI]: PAGLI (Angoori)...

[ANITA]: VIBHU... [VIBHUTI]: Easy, easy. I got shot.

[ANITA]: Okay okay. Are you okay?

Sort of...

Pagli...

Why did you get involved with this lunatic?

Excuse me Tiwari ji...

This lunatic risked his life to save Bhabhi ji.

I took a bullet for her!

Big words are for those who take bullets on their chest, not on the butt!

SHUT UP TIWARI JI!

Vibhu, let’s go. We’ll get a doctor to remove the bullet ASAP.

No baby, no. Bhabhi ji already took it out, personally, with her own hands.

Yes, I did.

Excuse me, Bhabhi ji, come here for a second.

Come come. - What are you doing?

- Hey [ANITA]: What the hell?

Stay calm. - Aaaaahhhhhh

Vibhu, let’s go home. Let’s go now.

No baby, no. Not possible. This is gangster territory. They might still be nearby.

Yes Anita ji, Bharbhuti ji is right. It’s too whiskey to go out now.

It’s time for whiskey but Pagli, it’s risky, not whiskey!

You got it right!

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello, what’s the matter?

Put Anita ji on the phone.

Tiwari ji, give it to me.

Hello, this is Anita Mishra.

Where are you?

Far away right now… but I wish I was...

We need your help.

That old ruin near where you dropped us—

—please come there immediately.

What happened, Anita ji? Is everything okay?

We’re in big trouble.

Some goons are after us. Please come quickly.

Bhaiya...

Who was that Anita ji? - An angel.

Angel?

Tell me, Bharbhuti ji... - What now?

Man to man…

Did you take off your whole pants in front of Angoori or just half?

Tiwari ji, I only took off half. Bhabhi ji didn’t see my knees.

Can I get some peace now? - Who's stopping you?

[TIWARI]: Any spot, any time, legs apart and the fountain’s on.

Tiwari ji...

Bhabi ji... - Those goons are here.

Oh god. - Oh god.

Tiwari ji, phone!

[PHONE RINGING]

Pick up.

Yes Anita ji? - Where are you?

The goons followed us here.

[KRANTI]: They don’t know who they’re messing with.

Just chill, Anita ji. Bhaiyya...

[MUFFLED SCREAMS] - Shush...

Something’s stuck… - Where?

Down there… down low…

It’s tickling...

Found it.

Oh god! - Cigarette!

Bhabi ji, is a reaction really necessary?

Laddoo ke Bhaiyaa smoked a cigarette!

Run!

[VIBHUTI WHIMPERS] [TIWARI]: What happened?

[MUFFLED SCREAMS] Oh god!

What happened?

Right where the bullet was… Now there’s a nail stuck in it.

[ANGOORI]: Oh god!

[ANITA]: It’s okay. It’s okay.

[PHONE RINGING]

[SONG PLAYING]

Where’s Angoori? Hey, who are you?

Who are you? And what are you to Angoori ji?

I’m her mother! Who are you?

Oh, saasu maa(mother-in-law)! Greetings!

Why are you calling me saasu maa?! Who are you?

[GUNSHOT]

Vibhu! That’s him! That’s the angel! Come, come, all of you! - Come laddoo ke bhaiya.

[WHISPES] Kranti ji... Kranti ji...

Oh my god!

Oh dear, Laddoo ke Bhaiyaa! He’s the one who attracted us!

Bhabhi ji, attracted? You mean attacked, right?

You got it right!

[FOOTSTEPS]

OH GOD!

Here’s one for you:

With burning embers,

you lit my desires...

So many holes I’ll put in your body,

A tractor could drive right through!

Wow! So much weight in your potty!

Bhabhi ji, not potty, you meant poetry!

You got it right! Your poem has such weight truly!

So does this gun.

Now, breathe your last breath.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry!

[BURPS]

[WRITHING]

[ALL SCREAMIMG] - Chhote chhote....

[ALL SCREAMIMG] - Chhote chhote....

[VIBHUTI]: Make him sniff shoes! - Baba is gone up chhote...

[VIBHUTI]: Beat him with shoes! [ANGOORI]: I’ll drive.

[ANITA]: Oh god Tiwari ji... [ANGOORI]: Oh god Laddoo ke bhaiya...

[ANGOORI]: Oh god ... [ANITA]: Tiwari ji come out!

[ALL COUGHING]

[ANGOORI]: Eww... -TIWARI JI...

You've turned the whole car into a gas chamber!

Truly, laddoo ke bhaiya! - Tiwari ji...

Do one thing— go behind those bushes and relieve yourself first.

Only then we'll move ahead.

You stole my words, Bhabhi ji.

Because we’ve sniffing it for long!

Yours, you scoundrel!

[GROANING] - Careful Laddoo ke bhaiya...

Vibhu, you should let your wounds get some air too.

Tiwari ji’s "air" was pointed at my wounds itself!

[SIGHS]

[WHINING]

BHABI JI....

Tiwari ji... [TIWARI]: BHABI JI...

[ANITA]: Tiwari ji... Laddoo ke bhaiya...

What happy-end Laddo ke Bhaiya...

He won’t have a happy ending. You mean ‘happened’.

You got it right! What happened?

What do I tell Bhabi ji...

The moment I sat down to relieve myself,

I felt like someone -

- stuck two needles into my butt. - What?

Then I saw a snake crawl out from under me...

and slither into the nearby bushes!

[ANGOORI]: Oh god!

I’m going to die... - No no...

If something happens to laddoo ke bhaiya, I'll give up my life too!

Vibhu, do you know how to suck out poison?

NO.

Then I’ll suck out the poison from laddoo ke bhaiya...

No Bhabhi ji, that’s not a juicy mango!

So should I let laddoo ke bhaiya die?

I’m going to suck out the poison!

No Bhabi ji!

You won’t suck out his poison!

If someone will suck out the poison - it’ll be me!

Vibhu, be careful not to swallow even a drop of the venom!

Never mind. - Hurry up. I’m about to die!

[GROANING] - Hurry up.

[VIBHUTI GROANING]

Vibhu...

[BOTH GROANING]

[VIBHUTI]: Lift up your bum.

[TIWARI]: It’s tickling.

[TIWARI] : It's the first time anyone’s tongue has touched that spot! - Oh god!

[ANGOORI GIGGLES] [VIBHUTI]: Stop talking nonsense and lift up!

[TIWARI]: How much more?

[VIBHUTI]: As much as you can.

[TIWARI]: Here! [VIBHUTI]: This much is enough.

Oh god!

Are you okay? - Yeah.

Bhabi ji...

I’ve sucked out all the poison.

Madam...

Listen...

What happened?

I lost my pet snake.

Have you folks seen it around? - Oh yeah...

One snake bit me and crawled into those bushes!

Don’t worry about the bite! It’s totally non-venomous!

Nagendra! Where are you, son? Nagendra!

[SPITS]

Fair madam... Fair madam... Fair ma...

Hey stop! Brother!

Listen... Fix it quick, quick! - Yes.

Why did this inspector stop us? - Who knows?

Fair madam... Fair madam... Fair madam...

What’s the matter, Inspector ji? Why are you chanting "fair madam"?

Actually listen, have you seen a very fair-skinned lady around?

So fair that if she walks into a dark room, you won’t need to turn on the light, I swear!

She’s just that fair.

And with her, there’s this scoundrel...

Stuck to her like a leech.

If you see him once, you won’t feel like seeing him again.

Inspector, we haven’t seen anyone.

Greetings. - Greetings... Wait... Forget greetings—listen to me…

If there’s any check post nearby, please drop me off.

Inspector ji, we’re in a hurry. Please let us go.

Such a hurry? What’s going on?

[HAPPU]: Yeah?

Going to bury a dead body...

- or already buried one, brothers?

[LAUGHS]

[HAPPU]: I was just kidding.

Listen, start the car. Drop me near the check post.

[HAPPU]: Let’s go quickly. Start the car.

He’s brazen.

[MECHANIC]: Sir...

Yeah? - Your car’s ready.

My car? This is my car? - Yes. [KRANTI]: He’s a giant scoundrel.

Brother...

Thank you. See you again.

Let’s go, brother.

[ANITA]: Angoori ji, stop the car...

Inspector sir! We... we need your help!

Sir, some goons are after us, really bad ones!

Those two are brothers.

Shanti and Kranti! - Yes.

Don’t worry.

I’ll call for backup.

We’ll drop you all home safely.

Thank you ‘chapter’ sir. - What are you saying?

It’s inspector, not chapter! Are you trying to get us killed?

[ANITA SMILES] - You got it right!

Get them some tea or something!

[TIWARI]: Thank you.

Don’t worry, Vibhu.

We’re safe now. - I know.

[INSPECTOR]: You take care of the blockade.

Looks like the back up’s here, right Inspector sir?

[ANGOORI]: Oh god. [INSPECTOR]: Yes, the back up.

[TIWARI SHOUTS] [ANGOORI]: Oh god!

Greetings bhaiya. Stay blessed. Are you okay?

Are you okay? - Greetings Kranti bhaiya.

The cop is working with them!

Here they are.

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

[MUSIC PLAYING] [BACCHU HUMMING]

[GOON]: Come on...

[GOON]: Sit...

[MASTER GRUNTS]

[BACCHU HUMMING]

Brother, what is this behavior?

Why were we brought here like this?

Tell us… Tell us… Tell us!

Hmm...

Heard that Teeka and Tillu are your friends?

Look, if those people took money from you and ran off,

I'll repay you.

Because… I have lots of money, okay?

But let me go.

Look, we really don’t know where those guys are.

[BACHHU]: Really?

Then I must introduce you to Gulabia.

Gulabia...?

Brother, where is this Gulabia? Call her.

Gulabia...

FIRE!

Now tell me, friends...

But if we don’t know anything,

how can we recall anything?

So, you won’t remember.

Alright. Boys, apply the intoxicating perfume on them.

But we don’t see any lady around,

- worthy of such seductive scent!

This intoxicating scent is not for a woman,

We use it on our cows and buffaloes.

When we spray it on them,

Brother Zorawar gets,

- aroused by the fragrance. And then...

By the way, who is this Zorawar?

Zorawar is the bull of our cattle shed.

[ALL SCREAM]

[KRANTI]: What do we do with them now, Bhaiya?

[SHANTI]: Mamaji’s house is nearby.

[SHANTI]: Let’s take them there first, then figure out the rest.

Based on how many peels people throw,

[CARS WHIRRING] we can calculate how many fuel stations we can set up.

[TEEKA & TILLU]: BUAJI! BUAJI! BUAJI!

Saxena ji! Stop the bike!

Our Buaji is gone!

Brother this is a sharp turn. Can’t take a U-turn!

Work’s going on here. This is a trial run!

Turn the bike! I like it!

[SHANTI & KRANTI]: Maasab! Maasab!

[SHANTI]: Maasab!

Are you asleep?

Hey. - Maasab...

Shanti-Kranti...

After so long! - Yeah...

[MAASAB LAUGHS] [SHANTI & KRANTI] : Pranaam! [MAASAB] : What?!

What happened to your hair?

Looks like a rat chewed on it!

Maasab…

Yes Maasab. These are the rats that did it.

You bloody...

How dare they?!

Do you even know who they are?

Motherf... [VIBHUTI] : MOMMY... [SHANTI] : Maasab!

Maasab… What are you.. You’re a teacher!

Forgive me…

I got a bit carried away.

Show me their faces!

[CHUCKLES]

Okay!

Oh God!

Mamaji!

Angoori!

Mamaji! - Daughter!

What’s going on? - No Idea!

[GLASSES CLINK] [SHANTI & KRANTI] : Cheers...

Shanti...

You know Angoori is my niece, right?

Kids make mistakes...

- then why?

We’ve already forgiven them (ladies).

We’re not punishing them, Maasab.

No! Tell him Chhote.

Bhaiya will marry your niece, and I’ll marry her neighbor.

But… they’re both already married!

And tomorrow they’ll be widows, Maasab

What? - We’ll kill their husbands off.

Relax.

And marrying a widow is a noble deed Masaab.

Mother... - Masaab...

You are master ji...

I’m sorry. I got carried away.

But son... - No ‘ifs’ and no ‘buts’ masterji.

[KRANTI]: Start the preparations for the grand wedding.

Bless us. Give away your daughters to us.

If you don’t do it... We’ll give you away to the gods.

Stay blessed. God bless you. All the best.

We should have gotten the Banana girl with us.

Tillu...

Wait...

That same familiar bad smell is back.

Could it be…? Isn’t this from Inspector?

[CAR APPROACHING]

IT’S HIM!

[BOTH]: Inspector...

All hail Inspector!

[HAPPU]: Boys! [TEEKA]: Greetings Inspector!

What are you doing here with this idiot?

Forget that, what are you doing here?

Well... out of the blue, I got a call from a fair madam.

Hmm? - Sounded like she was in trouble.

I’m trying to find her.

I went to the address she gave me, but there was nobody there...

Of course not… - What?

We saw her go this way. - She went this way?!

Yes. This way! - Come on, fast then! Get in!

Come on fast! [SAXENA]: Boys...

What about my T-Rex?

Your T-Rex? This bike folds? - Yes it does.

Then fold it and shove it up your...

Forget it, you nut! Get on! We’re getting late.

We have to find Vibhuti Seth. [HAPPU]: All aboard?

[TEEKA]: Let’s go. [TILLU]: We’re already in deep trouble.

Shoving T-rex up my...

I like it!

Shanty… Shanti ji, look, what’s happened has happened.

I regret what happened. I’m really very sorry.

We can’t bear to see anyone in pain. So today...

I’m going to free you both from your suffering.

Thanks.

But I’m not suffering at all!

Not suffering?! You scoundrel! You're not in pain?

You bas*****! See the pain!

You turned my bald head into a barbecue and played with embers!

And you say you're not in pain?!

No no! We’re in pain, great pain! Both of us.

Please, don’t kill us!

Who said anything about killing you?

I won’t kill you.

See? I told you, he won’t kill us!

He’s a nice guy.

We’ll play a game between you two.

Russian Roulette.

Russian Roulette?

Umm... What does that mean? Rule in Russian?

You donkey! It means,

This revolver has six slots.

I’ve loaded only one bullet.

You both will take turns firing at each other.

One slot has death, the others…

life...

[ANGOORI]: Anita ji, start!

He’s coming.

[FAKE CRYING]

Anita ji, please don’t cry.

Otherwise, people will say Anita was crying before the ‘marinate’.

[SOBBING] Angoori ji, it’s marriage, not marinate.

You got it right.

What happened? Why are you crying?

[SOBBING CONTINUES]

What else can we do?

You’re about to kill our husbands before our wedding.

Why the rush to kill them, huh?

What?

I mean…

- can’t you drill our husbands after the wedding?

Angoori ji, not drill… they want to kill.

You got it right!

Hold it straight…

Aim it at his skull.

Shoot!

Look...

Look... he’s Bhabi ji’s husband.

How can I shoot him? - Shoot!

[ANGOORI]: Bharbuti ji...

Bhabi ji...

What are you doing here? - Barbhuti ji...

Laddu ke Bhaiya… he's gone off.

Was he ever on? - Huh? What did you say?

Continue.

I can’t live such a colorless life anymore.

Here’s sindoor. Fill my hairline.

Okay.

Sure.

Bhabi ji... I’ll do it.

Do it, baby. - Baby?!

Alright...

Bharbhuti ji.... Come here! - What?

What are you doing?

MOMMY!

Shoot! - Sure.

I’m sorry Tiwari ji...

[TRIGGER CLICKS]

He survived!

Now your turn.

Give him the revolver.

Shoot.

Tiwari ji, not in the eye, please.

Dead body will look ugly. Try the temple or somewhere nicer.

[ANITA]: Tiwari ji...

Bhabi ji, you? - Tiwari ji...

Vibhu loved this lollipop a lot.

But he’s not alive anymore.

Will you suck it?

Tasting a lollypop from your hand...

Will send ripples of joy through every cell of my body!

Bring it on!

[ANITA]: Yes Tiwari ji...

He’s sucking your finger?

He’s sucking your finger? - Why?

I don’t know. He’s a sucker.

Tiwari ji, you’re sucking her finger!

Come here!

Eeeee!

Fire!

Come on, shoot!

[GUNSHOT ECHOES]

MOMMY!

KRANTI!

Hey... Thanks... - Thank you.

Brother, how do we find Buaji now?

I could walk faster than this!

Bloody idiot! A bloody half-dead dog can walk faster than this!

Shame on you and your bike!

Rip off two tyres and go die, you moron!

Cheers. - Cheers.

Bhaiya, I’ve called dancers tonight.

Especially for you. - Oh no!

Your would-be Bhabi is upstairs. No no no...

Bhaiya, at least take a look!

[CLAPS]

[MUSIC STARTS]

Oh God!

Angoori... - Hmm?

Why are your lips so stony?

Because I’m a man. - A man!

Hey... What... You... [KRANTI LAUGHING]

What are you...? [KRANTI LAUGHING]

Bhaiya... - You made a man kiss me!

Off you go! - Get lost.

Tiwari ji... I’ve been shot in the butt. I can’t move it.

At least you do it properly.

How can I? My stomach’s already bloated.

If I burp, he’ll stab me with scissors!

What a mess we’re in, Tiwari ji.

It’s all because of you!

Was it necessary to throw the coals?

I didn’t throw! It jumped on its own.

How does that even happen?! You’ve dragged me to hell.

Move! Move! Get out of here!

He told me to!

Bhaiya, come on! You get out!

That’s called tit-for-tat, Chhote!

Mama ji...

Look...

How they are forcing

Laddoo ke Bhaiya and Barbhuti ji to dance!

And in the morning, they’re planning to kill them!

I don’t know what to do!

Mama ji, if anything happens to Laddoo’s Bhaiya,

I swear I’ll give up my life right here!

No dear!

Don’t say that.

I understand your helplessness.

But those mother.... - Oh god!

Sorry dear.

I got carried away.

Actually, I won’t be able to help you directly.

But there is a way.

If you take that path, something might happen.

Mamaji, just tell us the way. We’ll do whatever it takes!

Leave from here and head south.

Just a short distance away is our ancestral temple.

There’s an ancient idol there.

Below that idol is a secret tunnel.

You can escape through it.

What’s happening here?

Shanti beta... [SHANTI]: Yeah?

I’ve spoken to both the girls.

Oh yeah?

[MAMAJI]: I’ve found a solution.

Even if you kill these two now... - Yeah...

- they’ll still be married women.

What? - No.

So here’s a better plan...

There’s an ancient temple just nearby.

It’s from our ancestors' time.

We’ll take these four there.

Hmm.

We’ll conduct a ritual there to severe all their marital ties.

Once that's done, they’ll be free from their husbands.

And then you two can marry them. I’ll also be guilt-free!

Wow! Is that really possible?

Of course it is! - No!

No! I won’t leave my wife!

She’s the love of my life! I won’t let her go!

Mother... - Mother or Father...

I won’t divorce her!

Vibhu… Try to understand. Vibhu...

It’s okay. - And pagli, I won’t leave you either. No matter what!

Laddoo ke Bhaiya, try to understand…

What’s there to understand?! I told you I won’t divorce you.

Are you done?! Everyone done with their drama?

Beat them up!

Kranti...

Tomorrow, you go to the temple—

Finish all the rituals and end this marriage.

Yes Bhaiya. - Absolutely.

[SHANTI]: Great!

[VIBHUTI GRUNTS]

Kranti ji, stop.

Stop right there. You can’t go any further.

Why? - The thing is that temple tradition says that

- only people who have a ‘fartner’ can go beyond this point.

Your ‘fartner’ is with you, right?

What did you say? - She means ‘partner’ man.

You got it right!

Kranti ji, for now he is my partner.

You’re not yet, so please don’t come further.

I’m not going up there with you! - Vibhu, come on!

I’m not going up. Count me out.

Laddoo ke Bhaiya... [TIWARI]: No. - Nope. Count me out.

I’m also not coming. - Hey!

If not here, then up there! [TIWARI]: Eee...

Why are you being so stubborn? Let’s just go!

Come on. Let’s go. - Let’s go ladies.

[TIWARI FARTS]

Who said that? - The peacock. It was a peacock call.

You said it right.

[ANITA]: Vibhu, hurry!

[VIBHUTI]: Yes baby. I’m coming.

[ANITA]: Come on.

[ANGOORI]: Come come.

Vibhu, Tiwari ji, how are you two so dumb?

W-w-what do you mean, Bhabhi ji?

I kept winking at you, over and over! And you didn’t get the signal at all!

What are you saying, Bhabhi ji?

This view... this signal… how did I miss it?

But why were you winking at him?

So you wouldn’t refuse to come to the temple!

The thing is - Mamaji told us...

from beneath this temple,

runs a secret underwear .

Bhabhi ji, he sells underwear and vests.

You meant an ‘underground’ tunnel!

You got it right!

Tiwari ji, move this thing.

Move it! - Let’s go. Come on.

[ALL CHEERING]

We’re gonna be saved!

Bhaiya?

Isn’t it getting a bit late?

Oh god, it’s so dusty and hot!

[ANITA]: Careful. [VIBHUTI]: Careful Bhabi ji.

Careful, Bhabhi ji!

Tiwari ji... [ANITA]: Tiwari ji come...

[VIBHUTI]: Come out!

[ANITA]: Come quickly.

Oh god.

[ANITA]: Come quickly.

[ANITA]: Let’s go.

Tiwari ji... [TIWARI]: Yeah?

I think this is the opening.

Let’s try to push it.

[VIBHUTI]: Yes! This is the opening. But Tiwari ji...

Tiwari ji, we need to be careful. There are two possible outcomes:

[ANGOORI]: Yeah? - If the lid opens on the highway,

you might get run over by a truck.

Oh my god! - Oh my god!

Second scenario, if it opens

and someone’s sh***ing, and your mouth is open!

So, please keep your mouth, shut!

Yes. [ANGOORI]: Oh my god!

Come on. Push. [ANITA]: Stop it. Just open it!

[DOOR THUDS]

[SHANTI]: Wait.

What happened bhaiya?

[ALL SHOCKED]

[ANGOORI]: Oh my god! [ANITA]: Oh god!

We thought fate would shine bright...

But who knew...?

I swear...

Open the eyes and...

Fate will be ready - to bite!

Come out!

[SHANTI]: Come out!

Angoori... - Yeah?

You took advantage of my trust.

It’s just that, Shanti ji, I’m also feeling ‘green tea’.

Bhabhiji, it’s guilty, guilty. - You got it right!

Bhaisaab take a seat.

Bhaisaab, just take a little it's very strong.

You think this is a pleasure party? Some mujra going on here?

Give me the pistol.

There's only one punishment for betrayal… Death.

Oh my god!

Sh-Shanti ji, please, don’t do this to us!

Shanti ji, we beg of you. Don’t make us widowers please.

Please, it’s a humble request. It's not their fault!

Then whose fault was it? - Vibhuti ji’s!

[ANITA]: Tiwari ji?! - No no—I mean partially mine too. Both of us, a little.

Look, we admit, it was our fault. Yes, our mistake.

But Bhabhi ji is very innocent. - What?

No no, I mean both our wives are innocent.

They only found out about our

escape plan after entering the temple.

Yes.

In fact, they pleaded with us not to betray you.

But we are the ones who pushed them into the tunnel.

Is it the truth,

or your chest is swelling with love, you traitor?

No no, he’s telling the truth. Not an ounce of lie!

Bhaiya, I also feel these women are really naive.

It’s these two rascals who are the real players.

Kranti! Don’t interrupt today, okay?

This betrayal deserves punishment.

Okay. Alright.

We admit our fault.

But we have a small request.

Please don’t lock me up in a dark cell.

Because I have a fear of darkness.

I’m… I’m claustrophobic.

- Yes. Please don’t hang me from a height.

Because I’m terrified of heights. Terrified!

Yes.

And please don’t push me into water.

I have a fear of drowning.

It’s called hydrophobia.

No no, let’s do one thing.

We’ll give both of you a punishment menu card.

He’s so understanding.

[SHANTI]: Scoundrels!

We’ll lock both of you in a dark room.

Until the marriage happens,

you won’t get a drop of water...

or a single grain of food.

Only hungry and thirsty, Bhaiya?

That’s a very easy punishment for them.

Shut up, Kranti, shut up.

What did you go to the temple to do?

What were you doing there?

He must’ve gone to steal slippers, the idiot.

What?!

God bless you, son. Carry on.

[MASTERJI]: I’m proud of you.

Didn’t expect this from you.

Sorry bhaisaab.

Angoori ji, listen listen! -Yes?

I’ve got a fantastic idea.

What is it? ‘Affair’ with me too?

Angoori ji, it’s not ‘affair’. It’s ‘share’.

You got it right! What is it?

Angoori ji, have you ever noticed,

these brothers, Shanti and Kranti...

there’s always a bit of a tiff between them.

Yes, I’ve seen it.

Shanti ji scolded Kranti ji quite harshly.

Exactly!

So what if… we pour a bit of oil...

into those sparks and light a proper fire?

The whole problem could be solved.

What do you say? - Yes!

Yes, the plan is good.

But how will we do it, Anita ji?

What? - Angoori ji… Angoori ji…

Hari om, hari om, hari om...

Mama ji you can not go in.

You dare stop me?

Mother... - Maa saab...

Master ji!

What are you saying?

Forgive me. I got a little...

- carried away.

Son, my son-in-law is locked inside.

To fix his head in his last moments,

- I want to bless him with some wisdom.

What wisdom, Mamaji?

Leave it to me.

You came with nothing child...

What? - Wildfire is almost wild!

Even a tall date palm is useless if no bird can perch..

Go ahead, Mamaji. - Yes yes. Go ahead.

[TIWARI FARTS] Tiwari ji, what are you doing?! Have some mercy. I’m lying in your lap!

What can I do, Bhabhuti ji? I’ve lost control... You... huh?

What’s going on, kids?

What is this? Why are you cuddling so tightly?

You came empty-handed again, didn’t you?

We’re dying of hunger in here, and you brought nothing?

I did bring something. - What?

Parathas and pickle! - Where?! Where?!

Right here… mmm… Yes...

Hot parathas!

Catch!

And pickle too—wait—

Eww!

[MAMAJI]: Seems like the packet burst.

Pickle leaked into my underwear.

Whole damn underwear is ruined.

Anyway, take it. Enjoy.

Pickle and paratha. [GIGGLES]

What a psycho sadist Mama.

Here! Eat. You were saying,

- "If there’s life, there’s hope." Now eat it!

Shanti ji…

Shanti ji…

What?

I brought you some water.

You must be feeling hot in this heat.

Yeah. Wasn’t feeling hot before,

but now a little…

Give it to me. - Oh my god!

Can I say something?

Go on.

See, now I’m going to be your wife.

So it really upsets me when someone else ‘molests’ you.

What?

The way your brother insults you in front of everyone,

I really don’t like it.

When did Bhaisaab insult me?

I mean, when you were talking,

he kept interrupting you,

making random comments…

Don’t you even have the right

to make suggestions?

To ask questions?

You even told him not to,

and still he intercoursed

That’s what I’m in love with - your stupidity.

What did you say?

It’s not intercoursed, it’s interfered!

You got it right!

Krantu...

Ahh… Oh wow…

Both of them are cuddled up asleep.

Looks like the pickle-paratha combo really hit the spot!

Mamaji...

if you’ve brought food again,

pulled from some ‘crotch’ pocket,

then I’m not interested. I don’t know about him.

How many times will I bring food?

Aren’t your stomachs full?

Well we did finish it,

but now we’re dying of thirst.

Yes yes, son.

I’ve brought water too.

Where’s the bottle? I don’t see it.

Mother- - Mamaji...

Sorry, sorry. I got carried away again.

I’ve used great intelligence to bring this water…

Yeah.

From ‘upper dam’!

Ahh… come, drink! Who wants to go first?

Cheers. - Cheers, Bhaiya.

Chhote, today our father must be so happy,

watching from above.

That...

his sons and their future wives...

are out in the jungle having a picnic together… Right?

Yes, Bhaiya. - Isn’t it right?

Finally...

it feels like we’ll finally get

to live a proper family life.

Yes, Chhote.

Angoori ji... - Yeah?

The time has come. Time to pour fuel into the fire.

Let’s start. - Shall I begin? Is that okay?

Look, Anita ji, enough is enough!

I won’t hear another word against Shanti ji.

Your nonsense ends now.

Angoori ji, speak respectfully! You’re talking with such rudeness!

No manners at all.

What happened?

Look, Kranti ji. This is so insulting.

Angoori ji just said that -

you’re your brother’s lackey,

his little shadow,

a tail-wagger,

and even said you’re the fifth wheel of a car!

Oh really?

And you’re not going to tell

what you said about my Shanti ji?

Of course you won’t! Let me tell you.

Shanti ji, do you know what she said?

What?

She said you’re very sly, cunning,

a scoundrel, and that you take advantage of your younger brother.

And even called you… bald. Twice!

[TIWARI FARTS] - Tiwari ji your canon ball is headed towards to me!

Come on. Have some mercy!

[SELLER]: Bhabhi ji, look at these! One lehenga better than the next.

Look at this color!

And this one, it’s brand new in the market. Totally trending right now.

[SELLER]:And this, this one has special zari work.

[SELLER]: Will suit you perfectly.

And you too.

I like this one, brother.

No no, I touched this one first!

No no, I like this one.

This purple color suits Bhabhi ji so well.

She looks very ho.. good in it.

Bhabhuti ji... -Yes?

My wife is getting married to someone else,

and you’re helping her pick a lehenga?

Look, Anita ji,

now your say doesn’t matter.

[ANGOORI]: You’ll have to get used to listening to me from now on.

WHY?

Because I’m marrying the elder brother.

So technically, I’m now your Jethani (elder sister-in-law).

That’s right.

She is the Jethani.

Here, take this.

So what you’re saying is that,

- the younger brother and his bride,

deserve no respect?

No no! The younger one also deserve respect.

That’s true. Here, take this.

I’ll take this one. -No, I’ll take this one.

I’ll take this one. -No, I’ll take this one.

I’ll take this one. -No, I’ll take this one.

[ANGOORI]: I’ll take this one.

Oh my God!

Both fighting over one lehenga.

[SHANTI]: But the brotherly bond...

- will remain purer than glass.

God bless you, son. Carry on. Love you too.

You didn’t do right by us, Bacchu ji.

The first time, Zorawar just kissed you.

What?!

The second time,

he’ll cross all the limits of love!

[SHOUTS]

So you better tell me,

where is my Bua ji?

Father...

Mummy told me you’re looking for Bua ji?

Why didn’t you ask me?

How would you know where Bua ji is?

I’ve put trackers on all our taxis.

Even on Bua ji.

Want me to check her location on the phone?

Do it! Do it now!

Thank you, son...!

Roll them thinner, please. These are too thick.

The samosas won’t be crispy.

Yaar, my wife’s getting married and you’re worried about samosas?

So what?! Even my wife is getting married?

So... - Tiwari ji today,

I’ll die 14 times during this wedding. 14 times.

There are only 7 pheras(rounds). Why 14 deaths?

7 times when Annu takes the pheras…

And 7 times...

when Bhabhi ji takes hers.

[VIBHUTI SOBBING]

Same! Same here.

Me too!

Stay strong. Let’s go. [TIWARI FARTS]

Oh my God, Tiwari ji!

Look at the timing,

look at the place, look at the situation

and you still won’t stop?

What can I do? I’ve totally lost control.

This wedding cannot happen.

Chhote, you’re not going to get married either.

What are you saying, Bhaiya?

Why can’t this wedding happen?

Because if this marriage happens,

seven lives will be destroyed together.

Seven? Who are the seven, Bhaiya?

These two...

these women, aren’t happy with the wedding.

They love their husbands deeply.

And when they’re unhappy,

how will they keep us happy in marriage? So two of us..

Then those two of them, their husbands.

But Bhaiya,

that’s just six. Who’s the seventh?

That’s...

You’re questioning me? You’re doubting my math now?

No Bhaiya.

But I like her.

Liking someone is one-sided love, Chhote.

Marriage… marriage means joining the hearts. Not breaking.

It was me who’d lost his mind.

I thought of forcing a marriage.

What would we gain from forcing this wedding?

Just her body? Would you get her soul, Chhote?

Nope.

Bhaiya...

if you don’t marry her…

then who will marry you?

Someone will…

Someone who...

Someone who won’t need my hair.

Someone who’ll fall in love with the soul inside me. Not my hair.

And even if there isn’t. It’s okay.

I’ll stay single...

but I won’t be pitiful. No!

And I’m not building the Taj Mahal on anyone’s grave, Chhote.

No! Never!

God bless you son. -What?

Let’s go Chhote.

Sorry.

[ALL CHEERING]

Listen, listen, listen!

I’m going to seek blessings from the Lord.

Going to thank Him.

Okay? See you all over drinks in the evening!

[ALL LAUGHING]

He is a two-face.

Hey, Vibhuti Bhaiya! -Hey, Tiwari Seth…

Teeka, Tillu! What are you doing here?

This Vibhuti seth...

kidnapped Bacchu Bhaiya’s bua ji (aunt).

and we had to come all the way here because of it.

Vibhu...?

What nonsense are you guys talking?

Why would I kidnap someone’s Bua ji?

If I’d kidnap someone, it would be Bhabhi!

I mean… your Bhabhi ji (my wife).

Who said Bacchu’s Bua ji is a woman?

Who said that?

We’re talking about the taxi you took from us.

Bacchu Bhaiya really loves that taxi.

Don’t what’ll happen now.

And you’ve smashed it to bits! We just saw it outside.

What’s your Bacchu Bhaiya gonna do to me, huh?

[GUNSHOT ECHOES - ALL SCREAM]

Who’s this guy now? [TEEKA & TILLU]: BACCHU BHAIYA!

Great!

A brand-new headache.

[BACCHU SPITS]

What did you people do with Bua Ji?

[TILLU]: Bachhu ji... - I told you!

[BACHHU KICKS] - BACCHU BHAIYA....

Forgive us.

Bauji brought Bua Ji home on Bhai Dooj with such love.

He loves her dearly.

Even a scratch on her...

and it would break him.

[BACCHU]: He can't see her like this.

He’s seen her.

[BACCHU’S FATHER CRYING] - What?

[BACCHU’S FATHER CRYING]

Bauji... - I warned you!

I told you not to give my sister to these thugs.

But you still did it. - Bau ji... Bau ji...

I made a mistake. Forgive me, Bau ji.

There’s a nail stuck in her.

She must be in so much pain.

A nail in Bua Ji’s ear.

Bhabhi ji, you drove very roughly.

What could I do?

Remove it... remove it! -Yes yes Bauji...

Done, father. I’ve removed it.

Done, father.

This nail. - Now she’s out of pain.

[CAR BREAKS DOWN]

[ALL SCREAM AND SHOUT]

[CRIES PROFUSELY] - God she’s gone!

She’s gone. Your Bua is gone.

And this happened all because of you...

[BAU JI]: YOU WANT ME TO GET UP?

[BACCHU]: No Bau ji... You can’t get up.

[BACCHU]: No Bau ji...

No Bau ji...

Bau ji...

No Bau ji...

Bau ji you can’t get up!

You can’t get up Bau ji!

Because of all of you...

Bau ji has gone up forever!

I won’t spare anyone!

I WON’T SPARE ANYONE!

Bacchu Bhaiya, we're really sorry...

for what happened...

[VIBHUTI]: It was wrong.

Actually, your Bua Ji...

- she was a bit... F***... I mean, ‘used’...

I mean old and worn out...

We only pray to the go that,

her soul rests in a better place.

Yes, Bacchu Ji... May she rest in two piece.

Eeee...

I would love to see you in two piece. - What did you say?

Bhabhi ji, two-piece means bikini. You meant to say "rest in peace."

You got it right!

[BACCHU]: No!

His soul will wander!

HIS SOUL WILL WANDER!

Oh god! What’s happening?

Bhabhi ji, something’s happening.

The lights are flickering. Something’s wrong...

[VIBHUTI]: Bhabhi ji, are you okay?

Are you okay Bhabi ji?

Bhabi ji this is getting a bit too obvious.

Even Laddoo ke bhaiya and Annu are here.

Some other time...

[KISSING SOUNDS]

Please Bhabhi ji. Don’t.

It's quite embarrassing for me. But I’m loving it.

[HOARSE VOICE]: SHOULD I GET UP?!

What?

The old man is over there,

but the voice is here!

Looking at her lips, it seems father’s soul,

has entered Angoori Bhabhi maa.

I don’t like it!

Bau ji...

PAGLI...

OWWW!

What a lucky man, Vibhuti bhaiya!

Bhabhi ji...

you hit me with a fridge!

[MUFFLED] MUMMY!

[MUFFLED] Jack and Jill went up the hill

[MUFFLED] to fetch a pail of wa...

Bau ji, what are you doing?

He has shaken the foundation of our entire lineage.

Vibhuti bhaiya, you're so lucky... getting to experience so much pain...

I wish I could feel it too.

Almost open wire.

[ELECTRIC BUZZING]

[SHAKING & GROANING]

I like it!

What are you doing, PAGLI?!

[TIWARI]: Control your hands!

Uncle, what are you making Bhabhi ji do?

She never held my hand before. And now she’s holding my...

What are you doing uncle?

But it’s okay, the body is still Bhabhi ji’s... Here... Go ahead...

[VIBHUTI SCREAMS]

[ANITA]

[ANITA]: Vibhu... Angoori ji let him go...

DO YOU WANT ME TO GET UP! - No no, please sit. I’m already up!

[VIBHUI]: Mummy... [ANITA]: Vibhu...

Angoori ji...

What’s going on?!

Something weird is happening.

Annu...

Now the old man has entered Annu too.

YOU WANT ME TO GET UP!

OWWW - WHOA!

What a jump!

I like it!

Uncle...

Uncle...

Don’t make Annu cross any limits.

Such a beautiful,

tender feeling...

I’ve never experienced before... [FARTS]

[HIDEOS BURPING] - Eeee...

He’s not going to survive today.

I wish I got that body slam.

He’s gonna die for no reason.

From her lips, looks like father’s soul is now in the buffalo.

There goes Tillu.

There goes Teeka.

[ALL GROANING & MOANING]

Bhaiya, I’ve I listened to you all my life.

But what you did today... was wrong.

You misused your position as the elder.

Because of you, my marriage also broke!

Chhote...

Didn’t you love Angoori too?

Those grapes turned out to be sour, Chhote.

But what about my grapes?

They weren’t sour!

You don’t care about me at all!

Bhaiya...

- please, just once.

Just once!

This guy again...

Even if Bau ji has forgiven you,

- even if he’s got his vengeance,

- I’m yet to have my vengeance!

I will have my vengeance!

Listen Bacchu Ji,

If you want to shoot someone, shoot me.

I was the one driving the car. Nobody else.

Okay.

Nooo!

How can you shoot such a beautiful woman?

Before killing Bhabhi Ji,

you'll have to go over my dead body.

Yeah... Yeah...

[ANITA]: No! Vibhu, are you mad?

As long as I’m alive, you can't touch him.

If you want to kill, KILL ME!

[TIWARI]: STOP... STOP... NEVER!

If you want... Kill me...

[TIWARI FARTS]

[ALL GROAN AND WINCE]

O god, Tiwari ji!

Before him, you’re going to kill us!

Kill me...

[ANGOORI]: No Laddoo ke Bhaiya...

Kill me Bacchu ji...

It all happened because of me. Shoot me...l

Let the rest go. Shoot me...

[GUNSHOT ECHOES] - Bhabhi maa.... - ANGOORI...

Bhaiya... - Chhote...

Shanti ji, you have no idea,

what a huge favor you’ve done to me by saving Bhabhi Ji.

I mean a favour to us all.

Shanti Ji, why did you take cutlet for me?

Bhabhi Ji, he didn’t take a cutlet for you,

he took a bullet for you. - You got it right!

But why take a bullet for me?

It must be so painful.

Angoori Ji,

where there is love, there is pain.

Without pain,

love is noodles without the chow mein.

Wah Bhaiya, wah. - Haha! What a line!

Your poetry got deep right towards the end.

What do you mean "towards the end," Tiwari Ji?

He’s been shot, he’s going to the hospital. Nowhere else!

No one is going anywhere.

You all will go to hell.

Sorry. It’s empty.

Your bullet is already inside me.

Bhaiya... Too much violence in the world [SHANTI]: You fool...

Now get ready to die!

O brother, stop! Stop! Stop!

There’s no need for violence. I’ve never liked violence.

Don’t take law in your hands. I’m Inspector Happu Singh.

Be a cop in your house.

Because of these people, my father died.

They must all die!

No no, listen! Calm down and listen to me.

Let’s sit and have a healthy discussion.

Let me at least say hello to the old man, brother.

Hello old man! Oh brother......

[BAU JI GASPS]

Oh it’s all broken!

Oh Bau ji has awoken!

[ALL CHEER IN UNISON] - WE ARE FREE!

[BACCHU]: Brother...

I wanted to ask something.

The woman you shot me for...

and you took bullet as well for her

was she your sister?

They both are the love of our lives.

Then why did it feel weird?

Both husbands ignored their wives,

and were more into their Bhabhis.

That’s how the world works.

Every man...

is a crazy puppy behind the Bhabhi.

Bhabi ji... - Yeah?

Are you okay?

I’m alright Bharbhuti ji. How are you?

Bhabi ji, we all got saved because of you.

What did you say?

Let it be Bhabi ji. Wish you all the very best.

You too Bharbhuti ji...

Bhabi ji you are not hurt right?

No Tiwari ji. I’m absolutely fine.

You didn't get beaten up a lot, did you?

Not at all.

I’ll endure everything.

For you. - My hero!

Our special agents, Salim and Kalim, have completed their plastic surgery.

Now no one can stop us from destroying India.

Yes sir.

Send Salim and Kalim in.