Original subtitles

And you look like a jihadi, but are a camel sphincter.

Tahira, the rest of the kebabs I'll bring tomorrow, okay?

I have to go to Harrods now to meet with a personal shopper.

Oh, will you need my silverware tomorrow?

Your silver set? No, thanks.

It'll look nicer, though.

I have some. Some things we do have.

Yeah, but yours are old.

Shaju, son.

Aren't you going to be late, Naila?

Look who is here! Does anyone recognise him?

Come down Ainy, his Highness is here!

No, no it doesn't matter. When I'm dead, just visit my grave once.

Have you eaten anything?

God forgive you.

Have you seen your belly?

Do you know what's going on here?

Naila's doing my head in with stories of Salim in Dubai.

He bought a car, he bought a house, blah, blah, blah.

Did he buy his mum some Botox as well?

I was thinking the same.

Is work stuff going okay?

I haven't had any Google alerts for a while.

I pray for you night and day, my child!

What do you even do?

I watch TV all day, you're never on it.

Must take up all your time, of course.

Getting all those white women to kiss you.

She straightened her hair, not as fun anymore.

If you pay the fuckers that much, of course they'll find something!

Don't talk like that! Brother Rafeeq is a very good man.

Did Craig Daniel die?

Didn't I always say? Super James Bond, my Shaju!

Shut up, you bastard! Always giving my son the evil eye!

I'm the bastard?

All he does is sex!

So what if he does?

I'm the bastard and he's shagging?

It's their country, don't provoke them!

Be quiet.

Hey, stay a minute.

Give us a sign. Give us a sign, my Lord,

to find the right path. We have strayed.

Forgive us all, Lord.

Rid us of our misfortunes.