Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.BZ
2
00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:08,704
NARRATOR: New York City,
Fashion Week.
3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ
4
00:00:08,746 --> 00:00:10,096
But something's missing.
5
00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:12,708
Danger, excitement...
6
00:00:13,577 --> 00:00:14,926
Zoolander!
7
00:00:18,321 --> 00:00:19,149
[ALL GASPING]
8
00:00:21,672 --> 00:00:22,891
Windburn!
9
00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:29,071
I think we
hooked 'em, Zoo-Crew.
10
00:00:29,115 --> 00:00:30,899
Now let's show them
the Four Wonders
of the Modern World.
11
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:32,771
[ALL CHEERING]
12
00:00:37,472 --> 00:00:39,168
Derek, Hansel!
13
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:41,344
You saved my show!
14
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:44,478
No, Nani.
Your amazing clothes
saved the show.
15
00:00:44,521 --> 00:00:46,262
It's an honor to
wear the designs of
16
00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:47,786
the fashion
world's boy genius.
17
00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:50,527
I'm a girl!
18
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:53,182
Derek! Hansel!
You're not going
to believe this!
19
00:00:53,226 --> 00:00:55,924
One of the Kardashian sisters just got attacked by an alien.
20
00:00:56,664 --> 00:00:59,101
Oh, no! Was it Khloe?
21
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,929
I don't know
the name of the alien.
22
00:01:00,972 --> 00:01:03,411
But you gotta stop that thing before it strikes again!
23
00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:04,846
We're on it, Maury.
24
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,370
Falcon Claw!
25
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,415
[FALCON SCREECHING]
26
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:12,201
Always through the ceiling!
27
00:01:12,245 --> 00:01:13,855
Yeah, I'll talk to him about it.
28
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,162
[HANSEL WHOOPING]
29
00:01:18,164 --> 00:01:20,427
NARRATOR: In a loft in
the heart of SoNoWoNoBoHo,
30
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:22,646
there lives the world's
most handsome hero,
31
00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:25,128
Zoolander, Super Model!
32
00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:29,567
I'm not just a model.
I'm also a superhero.
And a model.
33
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:32,614
And his hot partner
in sexy crime-fighting,
Hansel.
34
00:01:32,656 --> 00:01:35,399
Anybody up for
a quick quinoa break?
35
00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:38,054
Derek's looks
are as powerful
as they are beautiful.
36
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:39,186
Chillwave!
37
00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:45,278
Together, they face down
the dark forces of fashion.
38
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,670
[NARRATOR READING]
39
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:47,497
[SCREAMING]
40
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:49,760
[NARRATOR READING]
41
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:52,329
[NARRATOR READING]
42
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:56,854
[NARRATOR READING]
43
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,117
And Gorilla Galliano.
44
00:01:58,813 --> 00:02:00,816
[ROARING]
45
00:02:00,858 --> 00:02:02,557
Wherever good-looking people
are in danger,
46
00:02:02,599 --> 00:02:03,906
Derek and Hansel
will be there.
47
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,343
Volumizing Hold!
48
00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:11,174
With the help of
their trusted agent
49
00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:13,088
Maury Ballstein.
50
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,396
You want my boys
to work for scale?
What am I, a schmendrick?
51
00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:18,007
Ace reporter
Matilda Jeffries.
52
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,921
Cool, bronzer.
53
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,575
Why do I date you?
54
00:02:21,618 --> 00:02:24,579
Their faithful
sidekick, Accessory.
55
00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,493
Their android stylist,
Frankie J-PEG.
56
00:02:29,235 --> 00:02:32,239
Ech! Those outfits
are like Ech! Destroy.
57
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:37,591
And your narrator,
me, Tim Gunn.
58
00:02:37,634 --> 00:02:39,115
It's the thrilling
adventures of
59
00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:41,204
[ECHOING]
Zoolander, Super Model.
60
00:02:42,944 --> 00:02:45,121
An alien
attacking celebrities?
61
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:47,210
Yikes! Maybe this
flashback will explain.
62
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:50,647
[EXPLOSION]
63
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,614
Hot tomato soup!
64
00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:00,657
[LAUGHS]
65
00:03:02,355 --> 00:03:03,574
[ROARING]
66
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,358
[SCREAMING]
67
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:06,968
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
68
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,151
Where you going,
tomato soup?
69
00:03:16,891 --> 00:03:18,414
Tonight,
we're launching the first
70
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:20,983
celebrity-branded
particle accelerator.
71
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:24,290
Advanced particle physics isn't just for the Kardashians anymore.
72
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,901
For years, my sisters and I have been smashing
73
00:03:25,943 --> 00:03:27,945
subatomic matter
to recreate
74
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:30,034
the energies that existed a fraction of a second
75
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,733
after the Big Bang.
Now you can, too!
76
00:03:32,341 --> 00:03:35,344
Oh, my God!
77
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:38,043
You mean the "God particle," also known as the Higgs boson.
78
00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:39,522
The red carpet!
79
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,307
It's alive!
80
00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:42,918
[ROARING]
81
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,093
[SCREAMING]
82
00:03:44,135 --> 00:03:45,268
[CHOMPING NOISE]
83
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,009
Not Khloe!
84
00:03:47,051 --> 00:03:48,139
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
85
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:51,926
[WHIMPERS]
86
00:03:51,969 --> 00:03:53,493
Devoured!
87
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:57,280
The night she finally finds
a flattering schmatta!
88
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,674
Carpets gave man their friendship, yet we walked all over them.
89
00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:04,026
Cops couldn't capture it.
They said
90
00:04:04,068 --> 00:04:05,680
it was some kind of,
like, alien.
91
00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:08,943
It came from the stars,
now it eats the stars!
92
00:04:08,986 --> 00:04:11,512
Eh... What's next?
93
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,948
Okay, get this.
Jake Gyllenhaal, [WOLF WHISTLING]
94
00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,210
picking up after
his dog, right?
95
00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:14,992
And then...
96
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:19,170
We're not going to watch
the story of Jakey Gylls?
97
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:23,000
Never mind. Downloaded.
98
00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:26,918
You gotta stop this fakakta space rag before it shuts down the town.
99
00:04:26,961 --> 00:04:29,704
Okay, bro-migo, ready to go munch on this carpet?
100
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,531
First we have to find it.
101
00:04:31,574 --> 00:04:34,447
If you liked the taste of celebrity flesh, where would you go?
102
00:04:34,490 --> 00:04:37,886
A deli that serves sandwiches named after celebrities.
103
00:04:37,928 --> 00:04:40,367
Ooh! Have you had the Ryan Seacrest at Langer's?
104
00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:43,326
It's like Ryan Seacrest is in your mouth.
105
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,327
Leighton Meester
is having a party tonight
106
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:46,329
for her new perfume,
107
00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:47,808
"Meestery,"
108
00:04:47,851 --> 00:04:49,550
which is named
after her name.
109
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,812
Good thinking,
you big pile of bolts!
110
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,816
[DINGING]
111
00:04:54,858 --> 00:04:57,731
Well, it's no "Meestery" where we'll be tonight.
112
00:04:57,774 --> 00:05:00,343
Getting our weekly in-home deep-tissue pedicure and hot-rock colonic.
113
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,913
Or, we could go
catch that Red Carpet.
114
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:08,002
You mean
reschedule the colonic?
115
00:05:08,045 --> 00:05:10,658
NARRATOR: Will our
good-looking do-gooders
stop the carnivorous carpet?
116
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:13,355
Will Frankie J-PEG confess
his confidential crush?
117
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,271
And what about that colonic?
118
00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:17,838
Find out in
our next episode!
119
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,927
My schedule is insane,
but I'll try to make it.
120
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,327
Broccoli again? Yuck.
121
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,372
Yuck indeed.
122
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,331
Derek Zoolander!
123
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,725
Growing bodies like yours
need non-yucky food.
124
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:37,379
But you won't find it here.
Come with me.
125
00:05:40,077 --> 00:05:41,557
Suzie,
school lunches are filled
126
00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:43,254
with things you
should never eat.
127
00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:47,608
Like broccoli,
apples and yellow stuff.
128
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,783
Look what happens
to this kind of food
when it enters your body.
129
00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:54,701
Your stomach is
like a VIP club,
130
00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:57,269
and only certain
food gets in.
131
00:05:57,312 --> 00:05:59,620
Get the hell outta here with your beta-carotene.
132
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,403
Ah! Freakin' carrot thinks he can get in the club.
133
00:06:01,447 --> 00:06:04,059
Nugget, please!
134
00:06:04,101 --> 00:06:07,454
But anything from the Derek Zoolander food triangle is a-okay-o.
135
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:09,281
The first food group
is pills.
136
00:06:09,324 --> 00:06:11,545
The second is latte.
137
00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:14,677
And the third
and most important
is energy drinks.
138
00:06:14,721 --> 00:06:16,375
Now, I know
you're thinking,
139
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,115
"Can I still have
a cigarette between meals?"
140
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,639
Ew! No!
141
00:06:19,682 --> 00:06:22,903
That's right,
smoking is bad for you.
142
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,384
That's why nicotine comes in delicious flavors of gum,
143
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,951
like Mint, Cinnamon Surge
and Orange Mocha.
144
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:31,216
My mom says
nicotine's addictive.
145
00:06:31,259 --> 00:06:33,305
Well, Suzie,
is your mom a scientist?
146
00:06:33,348 --> 00:06:36,004
No, she's a social media consultant for non-profits.
147
00:06:36,351 --> 00:06:37,571
Exactly.
148
00:06:37,613 --> 00:06:39,310
Who wants bubblegum?
149
00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,749
[KIDS CHEERING]
150
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:45,970
So in collusion,
nutrition, gum,
club inside your body.
151
00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:48,058
And that's Model Behavior.
152
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:56,240
NARRATOR: The launch party
for Leighton Meester's
new perfume.
153
00:06:56,284 --> 00:06:57,851
It's light,
classic, elegant.
154
00:06:57,894 --> 00:06:59,896
Like putting Grace Kelly
up your nose.
155
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,290
Leighton!
156
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,466
Matilda Jeffries, Celebrity Scandal Magazine,
157
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,600
but formerly Time and other serious things.
158
00:07:06,642 --> 00:07:08,514
Are you afraid
that the Red Carpet
might strike tonight?
159
00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:09,994
The only thing
I'm afraid of is
160
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:11,995
running out of my
new signature scent.
161
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,824
It's called "Meestery."
162
00:07:14,694 --> 00:07:15,913
[COUGHING]
163
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:17,524
Because of my name.
164
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,002
"Meester."
165
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,744
Right, I got it. Thanks.
166
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,617
And also,
the word "mystery."
They sound alike.
167
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,706
Yeah, no, totally clear on that.
168
00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:27,228
[CROWD CHEERING]
169
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,495
Please.
We are here tonight
as your protectors,
170
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,716
not as super beautiful celebrity models.
171
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,718
Hey. Get me from
this side, boys.
172
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,545
My right dimp is
6 millimeets deeper.
173
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,159
Oh. Hello, Matilda Jeffries.
174
00:07:45,202 --> 00:07:46,944
Reporter for Celebrity Scandal Magazine,
175
00:07:46,987 --> 00:07:48,728
but formerly other stuff.
176
00:07:48,771 --> 00:07:50,992
Derek. I didn't
know you were coming.
177
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,908
How have you been
since we broke up?
178
00:07:54,951 --> 00:07:58,826
I haven't been crying every night, if that's what you're asking.
179
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,827
Derek, I still
want to be friends.
180
00:08:00,870 --> 00:08:02,656
I was so worried when I heard about the accident
181
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,918
with your new look,
"Multi-Vitamin."
182
00:08:04,961 --> 00:08:07,182
Inventing new looks
can be dangerous.
183
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:09,576
They're not your
run-of-the-mill
cookie-cutter looks.
184
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,968
Except for "Run of the Mill" and "Cookie Cutter."
185
00:08:12,012 --> 00:08:14,014
And me and you,
just "friends"?
186
00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:17,018
Excuse me,
but back in the real world,
187
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,802
I have to go fight
a big pile of red goo
that eats people.
188
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:32,729
[GRUNTS] [GASPS]
189
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,688
What are you doing?
190
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:37,734
I'm saving you
from this alien.
191
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:40,868
That's a faux leather shawl!
192
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,479
[STUTTERING]It won't be
bothering you again,
193
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,871
and nice job
being cruelty-free.
194
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,136
Scarlett Johansson! Over here! Who are you wearing?
195
00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:55,143
Matilda, look out!
Chai Latte!
196
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,280
Derek!
What's gotten into you?
197
00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:05,283
That was a L'Wren Scott!
198
00:09:05,326 --> 00:09:07,894
I'm sorry. I was l'wrong.
199
00:09:07,937 --> 00:09:11,072
And the past 30 seconds have made me realize
200
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:13,856
that I've been l'wrong about a lot of things.
201
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,254
This launch party's
a diseester.
202
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,562
Mmm.
A hint of seawater.
203
00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:27,304
[SCREAMING]
204
00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,263
[CHOMPING]
205
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,394
They're gone!
206
00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:31,745
We're too Leighton!
207
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:35,225
She will be meesed.
208
00:09:35,269 --> 00:09:38,577
NARRATOR: Such a sweet girl. Between her death and that L'Wren Scott tragedy,
209
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,361
the celebrity world
grinds to a halt.
210
00:09:46,323 --> 00:09:48,587
Everyone is
seriously freaking out
about the Red Carpet.
211
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,371
Even I'm staying home,
212
00:09:50,414 --> 00:09:51,981
and I'd go to the
opening of an envelope.
213
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,768
I mean, not literally.
Envelopes are boring.
214
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,943
This is awful.
Movie stars afraid
215
00:09:56,986 --> 00:09:59,642
to take a stance
against tornadoes.
216
00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:02,035
Uh-oh. They just
canceled the launch party
217
00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:04,298
for that cola based on
Vin Diesel's new novel.
218
00:10:04,341 --> 00:10:06,866
The Red Carpet is threatening our way of life.
219
00:10:06,909 --> 00:10:10,347
If celebrities stay home, how will society malfunction?
220
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,480
Well, if everyone's afraid to host an event,
221
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,264
then maybe we have to.
222
00:10:14,308 --> 00:10:17,006
Our own party.
Great plan, Hansel!
223
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,096
A trap to lure
the Red Carpet.
That makes sense.
224
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,578
[STAMMERS] That's what we meant.
225
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,798
Yeah, okay, sure.
226
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:25,581
We're on the same page.
227
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,408
Red Carpet trap.
228
00:10:27,451 --> 00:10:28,235
[CHITTERS]
229
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,894
NARRATOR: Derek
and Hansel are luring
the Red Carpet to them
230
00:10:34,937 --> 00:10:37,636
by staging a launch
for a fake energy drink.
231
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,942
You know, I was approached
for my own energy drink.
232
00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:42,903
It was called "Put This Gunn
In Your Mouth." Anyway...
233
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:45,905
Enjoy! It'll put the pep
back in your pupik.
234
00:10:45,948 --> 00:10:47,908
Anything out of the ordinary?
235
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,649
Well, Sarah Jessica Parker
has really let herself go.
236
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,650
But other than that, no.
237
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:59,745
Oh! Tomato soup.
We meet again.
238
00:10:59,788 --> 00:11:01,095
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
239
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,707
Why you treat me
like that, soup?
240
00:11:05,751 --> 00:11:07,100
WOMAN: Hansel! Over here! Hansel!
241
00:11:09,232 --> 00:11:10,321
[ROARS]
242
00:11:13,236 --> 00:11:14,282
[SCREAMING]
243
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,155
What's wrong,
not into heavy metal?
244
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,288
Because that's
what I'm made of.
I'm an android.
245
00:11:27,033 --> 00:11:28,904
Hey! Red thingy!
246
00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:30,994
Time for red to meet blue.
247
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,299
Blue Steel, that is.
248
00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:38,000
[CHEERING]
249
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:41,570
We did it!
250
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:44,268
I was thinking,
what if we actually
did make an energy drink?
251
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,400
People seem pretty jazzed
about the concept.
252
00:11:46,443 --> 00:11:48,490
And the can's
already designed.
253
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:51,623
DEREK: But I'm coming out with a line of premium fruit-infused vodkas.
254
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,059
We don't want confusion in the marketplace.
255
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,717
[SCREAMS]
256
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,676
It's going after Sarah Jessica Porker!
257
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,166
Sorry, Carpet, looks like this is one party we're...
258
00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:17,823
Can't get clean shot!
259
00:12:17,866 --> 00:12:20,826
Derek, don't!
You'll hit me!
260
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,524
I'm sorry, did you say,
"Do it, hit me"?
261
00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:27,658
No! I said, "Don't do it, you'll hit me!"
262
00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:29,966
Hansel,
I can't hear you because
263
00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:32,360
you're being eaten
by the Red Carpet.
264
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:35,231
Okay, I'm gonna use
my Hot Mess look
and risk your life,
265
00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:36,538
because you made me do it.
266
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:39,019
No! Not Hot Mess!
267
00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:47,201
How could you do that?
268
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,419
I know. Somehow
I found the courage.
269
00:12:50,159 --> 00:12:51,770
That was a close one.
270
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,903
I thought I'd
never hold you again.
271
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,514
I mean...
Error 404 not found...
272
00:12:56,557 --> 00:12:58,298
...see you again.
273
00:12:58,341 --> 00:13:01,432
Beautiful people! Thank you for being our bait.
274
00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:03,477
The threat is over.
You are safe once again.
275
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:04,304
[CHEERING]
276
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:08,048
But not if you sipped this fake energy drink.
277
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,745
It's melted ice from the seafood case at D'Agostino's.
278
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:11,485
No one drank it, did they?
279
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,707
NARRATOR: Is this
the last we've seen
of the Red Carpet?
280
00:13:16,751 --> 00:13:19,450
Yes. I can definitely say
the Red Carpet is no more
281
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,017
and won't return
to seek revenge.
282
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,235
And you can quote me on that.
283
00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,373
Derek Zoolander?
284
00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:32,158
Hey, Jeremy. How's the beverage business?
285
00:13:32,201 --> 00:13:35,030
Terrible.
It's like no one
wants lemonade.
286
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,772
That's because you're
not selling lemonade.
287
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,426
I'm not?
288
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:41,384
No, you're selling Jeremy.
You just don't know it.
289
00:13:41,428 --> 00:13:42,865
You see,
290
00:13:42,908 --> 00:13:45,868
the key to any
successful product
is branding.
291
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,827
What you sell
is less important
than how you sell it.
292
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:52,352
That's why celebrities
will attach their
name to anything.
293
00:13:52,395 --> 00:13:54,398
Two weeks on the market,
it's already
294
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:55,790
the best-selling
brand of camel milk.
295
00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:57,619
Bucket or jar.
296
00:13:57,966 --> 00:13:59,229
Wow!
297
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,447
You can do it, too!
298
00:14:06,453 --> 00:14:08,195
Who's ready to
suck down some Jeremy?
299
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:09,413
[ALL CHEERING]
300
00:14:09,456 --> 00:14:11,371
Now isn't that better?
301
00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:13,504
I've already expanded into new flavors.
302
00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:15,767
Cherry, Watermelon and Appletini!
303
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,812
Just don't sell
any camel milk.
304
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,162
You'll put me
out of business.
305
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,903
And that's Model Behavior.
306
00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:32,740
Perfect. It's blowing up on
the celebrity baby blogs,
307
00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:33,828
and I knew you'd love it.
308
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,004
[WHIMPERS]
309
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,918
Lunch time!
310
00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:40,400
My favorite, tofu on the cob and a diet water. Yum!
311
00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:42,097
Fresh protein powder?
312
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:42,969
Sold!
313
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,450
Oops.
314
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:49,149
My bad. Guess I owe you an apology.
315
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,673
That's what people do when they endanger their friends.
316
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,024
Apologize?
317
00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:59,072
Why should I apologize
for saving your life
from the Red Carpet?
318
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,942
You almost set me
on fire last night!
319
00:15:00,986 --> 00:15:03,859
Okay, you want
me to apologize?
320
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,123
Fine.
I'm sorry that your looks
don't give you superpowers,
321
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:09,385
and you have to rely
on your little gizmos.
322
00:15:09,429 --> 00:15:10,431
[MIMICS ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
323
00:15:11,126 --> 00:15:13,173
Giz'mo you didn't!
324
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:16,350
You want to put your super-looks up against my Hanselventions?
325
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:19,004
Sustainable harvested
bamboo nunchuks.
326
00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,006
Chain's made of hemp.
327
00:15:21,049 --> 00:15:23,966
Please, no fighting
in front of the monkey!
328
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:26,229
Which look you going to pull out of your bag of tricks,
329
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,100
Multi-Vitamin?
330
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,798
We agreed
we wouldn't talk about
the Multi-Vitamin incident.
331
00:15:30,841 --> 00:15:33,235
You mean, when you ruined our orgy by almost dying?
332
00:15:34,236 --> 00:15:36,326
Oh, quit your
bickering, boys!
333
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:38,240
How did you know we were arguing?
334
00:15:38,284 --> 00:15:41,201
What?
I was talking to my
prostate and my urethra.
335
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,072
They are mixing it
up today, I tell ya!
336
00:15:43,115 --> 00:15:44,421
Just a few drops.
Something.
337
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,989
We got an emergency.
338
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,990
You guys get your
tucheses down to the
339
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,993
Gunther Geiger
Grooming Gifting Suite!
340
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,428
On such short notice?
341
00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:54,475
If we don't
mentally prepare,
342
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:58,392
one look at all those
new conditioners and we
will totally freeze up.
343
00:15:58,434 --> 00:16:00,567
You're not going for
the free hair care products.
344
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:02,438
It's the Paparocto!
He's holding
345
00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:04,528
everyone in
the suite for ransom!
346
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,662
That's horrible!
Has he harmed any of the
free hair care products?
347
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,405
NARRATOR: The Paparocto.
348
00:16:12,448 --> 00:16:14,842
A camera-toting
creep of criminality!
349
00:16:14,885 --> 00:16:16,932
Only such a foul
photographic fiend
350
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,977
would violate the sanctity
of a gifting suite.
351
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,157
I hit the jackpot here, man. Look at you idiots.
352
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,158
Kellan Lutz! Gotcha.
353
00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:28,422
Bethenny Frankel! Bang!
354
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:31,773
Season 15 Bachelorette Emily Maynard!
355
00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:34,601
And here's a real
big celebrity...
356
00:16:34,644 --> 00:16:36,734
Rachel Bilson.
357
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,909
What is with all you ladies gaining weight?
358
00:16:38,953 --> 00:16:40,302
Need my wide lens for this.
359
00:16:40,346 --> 00:16:41,913
Ka-blam!
360
00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:44,046
Okay, you know the drill.
361
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,048
I want $5 million,
unmarked, out of sequence.
362
00:16:47,092 --> 00:16:48,832
I want a chopper, two guns,
363
00:16:48,876 --> 00:16:50,835
and a beautiful
girl to escort me
364
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:53,011
who's very mean
but then she's nice.
365
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,188
You got an hour
before I start putting
these suckers down,
366
00:16:56,231 --> 00:16:58,408
starting with the D-listers.
367
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,758
5 million? In an hour?
368
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,456
That Bachelorette is toast. If she's not dead already.
369
00:17:03,543 --> 00:17:05,633
She's fine
for now, sir, look.
370
00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,678
Now that's what
I call fresh gossip.
371
00:17:07,721 --> 00:17:09,897
No one beats Definitely Darren for hot scoops, sir.
372
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:10,986
I check it every morning.
373
00:17:13,683 --> 00:17:16,077
Bethenny, show me your hostage face!
374
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,775
Why are you
taking our pictures?
375
00:17:17,818 --> 00:17:19,559
Haven't you done enough?
376
00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:23,346
Check it, Rachel Bills, I got two revenue streams, girl!
377
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:26,567
Commit awesome crimes, sell photos of said crimes to the tabloids.
378
00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:29,743
That's how 'Rocto gets paid.
379
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,702
Ever since...
Ever since the accident.
[ECHOING]
380
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:35,836
NARRATOR: Before he
became the Paparocto,
381
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,665
Brock Principato was
the most prolific paparazzo
382
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,755
from Sao Paulo to Pago Pago.
383
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,844
Whew! That's a mouthful.
384
00:17:42,886 --> 00:17:44,366
Hey, gay kid from Glee!
385
00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,934
[CHUCKLES] Booyah!
386
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,676
Until one day,
Brock met a celebrity
who'd had enough.
387
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,894
Katy Perry!
388
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,247
C'mon, one nip slip!
389
00:17:54,289 --> 00:17:55,813
Flash me a whale tail!
390
00:17:55,856 --> 00:17:57,163
Give me some pepperoni.
391
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:01,905
Stupid scumbag
paparazzi piece of shit!
392
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,344
Leave me alone!
I'm in a really
emotional place.
393
00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:05,605
My Tamagotchi just died.
394
00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:11,786
Okay, Katy Perry
can hit, no doubt.
395
00:18:11,828 --> 00:18:12,568
Very painful.
396
00:18:13,482 --> 00:18:14,180
Two ribs cracked.
397
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:15,963
Ow!
398
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,142
Katy Perry don't
fuck around, bitch!
399
00:18:21,186 --> 00:18:22,752
NARRATOR:
Unfortunately for Brock,
400
00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,232
neither does
the US Military,
401
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,105
who happened to
be transporting
402
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,061
radioactive waste
that very night.
403
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:32,588
No! No!
404
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:36,244
Gotta sell these shots to
405
00:18:36,288 --> 00:18:37,942
In Touch!
406
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:41,771
[GROANS]
407
00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,747
What have I become?
I'm a friggin' monster.
408
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,923
Oh, flavor-saver. Nice.
409
00:19:06,231 --> 00:19:08,756
Hey, Demi Lovato! Don't you turn away from me!
410
00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:14,326
Lindsay Lohan,
show me your
privates by accident.
411
00:19:18,417 --> 00:19:20,070
So that's my origin story.
412
00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:21,986
Now who should I kill first?
413
00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:23,074
[LOUD CRASHING]
414
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,952
Let them go, Paparocto!
415
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,912
You've brought
fear and destruction
to a place of peace.
416
00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:37,132
Hostage-taking goes
against everything
we believe in.
417
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,047
Like product placement. Ooh!
418
00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:40,395
They have
Gunther Geiger Grooming
419
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,528
Extra-Hold
Texturizing Hair Putty
420
00:19:41,570 --> 00:19:43,007
and Volumizing Gel.
421
00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:43,964
Oh!
422
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:49,491
Ah! I can't see a thing!
423
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:50,971
Which way is the putty?
424
00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:53,626
Yes!
425
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:54,627
No!
426
00:19:58,761 --> 00:20:00,634
See, that's how you save a friend.
427
00:20:02,156 --> 00:20:04,115
I'm not having
this conversation now.
428
00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:06,640
We need to
rescue those samples.
429
00:20:07,509 --> 00:20:08,468
Liquid Ice!
430
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:13,777
You could take that pretty little face right back
431
00:20:13,820 --> 00:20:17,390
to SoHoNoWo... Wherever the hell you live.
432
00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:20,261
Because ain't no way you're taking down the 'Rocto.
433
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,611
Ow!
434
00:20:27,355 --> 00:20:30,229
I count four hostages but only one of them
435
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:33,101
famous enough to get invited to a gifting suite of this quality.
436
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,929
You know, I wasn't going
to say anything,
437
00:20:34,971 --> 00:20:37,105
but a Bachelorette
and a Real Housewife?
438
00:20:37,147 --> 00:20:38,498
Seriously?
439
00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:39,412
Maybe they know somebody.
440
00:20:41,195 --> 00:20:42,675
Gotcha!
441
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,807
I can't reach
my weapons, Zoo.
442
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:47,028
And he's turned
out the lights!
443
00:20:47,070 --> 00:20:49,160
No, you idiot, I'm covering your face
444
00:20:49,203 --> 00:20:51,031
so you can't make
your stupid looks.
445
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,076
Ah! My one weakness.
446
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:55,515
My Achilles' face.
447
00:20:55,557 --> 00:20:58,605
Time to take the most valuable paparazzi shots ever.
448
00:20:58,647 --> 00:21:01,520
The deaths of Zoolander and Hansel!
449
00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:04,785
Celebrity Scandal
will pay a fortune.
450
00:21:04,827 --> 00:21:06,742
I have an on-again,
off-again relationship
451
00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:09,093
with a reporter
there if you need an in.
452
00:21:09,136 --> 00:21:11,008
NARRATOR: Can our
models/heroes
escape the clutches
453
00:21:11,051 --> 00:21:12,880
of this multi-armed menace?
454
00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,750
Will I ever find
something to wear to
455
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,797
Barry and Diane's
thing tonight?
456
00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:19,103
It's not like
I didn't have time to plan.
457
00:21:19,146 --> 00:21:20,974
Tim, why do you always
wait until the last minute?
458
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:30,375
Hi, kids.
I'm celebrity artist
and pop star Katy Perry.
459
00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:32,551
You may know me
from my hit songs,
460
00:21:32,595 --> 00:21:35,903
my movies, or my many
restaurant reviews on Yelp.
461
00:21:35,945 --> 00:21:37,904
I never knew there were
so many shades of gray.
462
00:21:40,472 --> 00:21:43,605
My friend Derek
Zoolander asked me
to talk to you
463
00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:46,173
about an important
skill every child
needs to learn.
464
00:21:46,217 --> 00:21:48,262
No, not reading.
465
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,830
Katy Perry! Katy Perry!
Over here!
466
00:21:50,874 --> 00:21:53,181
Dealing with the paparazzi.
467
00:21:53,223 --> 00:21:55,226
Here's a trick that
always works for me.
468
00:21:55,269 --> 00:21:56,923
Let your
People's Choice Award
do the talking.
469
00:21:57,619 --> 00:21:59,361
[GRUNTS]
470
00:21:59,404 --> 00:22:01,319
If you don't
have that handy,
471
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,583
your MTV Australia Award for Breakthrough Video will do.
472
00:22:04,539 --> 00:22:05,585
Aah!
473
00:22:07,064 --> 00:22:08,761
Katy! Darling!
What do you think about
474
00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:10,894
that thing that
happened in the news?
475
00:22:10,938 --> 00:22:13,896
If you left your awards
in your other limo,
don't worry.
476
00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:15,508
There are lots of ways to hurt these douchebags.
477
00:22:17,596 --> 00:22:19,772
[SCREAMS]
My eyes! I need those!
478
00:22:20,817 --> 00:22:22,471
Mmm. Yum!
479
00:22:22,515 --> 00:22:25,473
I give this four Yelps!
480
00:22:25,518 --> 00:22:29,086
So remember,
kids, the paparazzi
are soulless scum
481
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,611
who don't
deserve to be treated
like human beings.
482
00:22:31,653 --> 00:22:34,177
What if you don't have
a People's Choice Award?
483
00:22:34,221 --> 00:22:37,747
[CHUCKLES] Even Selena Gomez has a People's Choice Award.
484
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,314
You're funny.
485
00:22:39,357 --> 00:22:41,621
And that's Model Behavior.
486
00:22:41,663 --> 00:22:42,490
See ya!
487
00:22:44,884 --> 00:22:46,146
[KATY PERRY SONG PLAYING]
488
00:22:50,019 --> 00:22:51,979
Hey! She was my ride.
489
00:22:56,983 --> 00:22:58,768
NARRATOR: When last
we left our heroes,
490
00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:01,336
I needed something to wear
to Barry and Diane's thing.
491
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:04,295
I settled on
a fitted navy blazer
with a paisley ascot.
492
00:23:04,338 --> 00:23:06,689
And that Hermes belt
really tied it together.
493
00:23:06,732 --> 00:23:09,212
Meanwhile,
Derek and Hansel
sure are in trouble.
494
00:23:09,257 --> 00:23:11,127
Hurry up and die.
495
00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:13,304
Pictures of you two going tits up will be my biggest payday
496
00:23:13,347 --> 00:23:14,567
since fat Rihanna.
497
00:23:14,609 --> 00:23:16,220
Listen, the Paparocto.
498
00:23:16,263 --> 00:23:18,527
Product placement will make your photos more valuable.
499
00:23:18,570 --> 00:23:20,528
Move us in front
of those bottles
500
00:23:20,573 --> 00:23:23,053
of Gunther Geiger Grooming Citrus Hydrator and Smoothing Wax.
501
00:23:23,096 --> 00:23:24,490
You're giving him pointers?
502
00:23:24,532 --> 00:23:26,491
I mean, you're right,
it's Modeling 101,
503
00:23:26,535 --> 00:23:28,842
but Earth to Derek,
he's trying to kill us.
504
00:23:28,884 --> 00:23:32,279
Fine.
Take your last breath,
you gorgeous idiots.
505
00:23:32,323 --> 00:23:36,632
Am I right in
front of the display?
506
00:23:36,675 --> 00:23:39,113
Not sure why you
care so much, but yes.
507
00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:43,203
[SCREAMS]
508
00:23:43,247 --> 00:23:44,509
Double Rainbow!
509
00:23:48,904 --> 00:23:50,124
Helvetica Bold!
510
00:23:53,910 --> 00:23:55,041
ALL: Hooray!
511
00:23:59,307 --> 00:24:00,874
Oh, man!
512
00:24:00,916 --> 00:24:02,179
They took all
the Gunther Geiger
513
00:24:02,222 --> 00:24:03,615
Ultra Moisture
Cucumber Body Paste.
514
00:24:04,877 --> 00:24:07,270
Nice work, models. You saved the day.
515
00:24:07,315 --> 00:24:09,143
No hard feelings,
right, Derek?
516
00:24:09,185 --> 00:24:11,144
We should get
bottle service sometime.
517
00:24:11,188 --> 00:24:13,016
Yep, everything's back to normal.
518
00:24:15,061 --> 00:24:19,108
Or is nothing
normal whatsoever?
519
00:24:19,153 --> 00:24:23,896
Halle Berry, Eva Mendes,
Rosie Huntington-
Whiteley-Huntington.
520
00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:26,160
Even Milla Jovovovich
is joverweight.
521
00:24:26,813 --> 00:24:28,554
It makes no sense.
522
00:24:28,596 --> 00:24:30,381
Look, I know
you're still angry
523
00:24:30,424 --> 00:24:32,383
because I almost
burned your face off.
524
00:24:32,426 --> 00:24:35,647
But this crisis
requires us to put aside
such petty concerns.
525
00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:37,345
Fine. But the second these ladies
526
00:24:37,387 --> 00:24:38,738
are back to being fine as hell,
527
00:24:38,780 --> 00:24:40,130
I get to be mad again.
528
00:24:40,173 --> 00:24:41,044
That is the mature choice.
529
00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:43,438
Pinkie shake.
530
00:24:43,481 --> 00:24:45,875
So, what do we do about
the yucky fat people?
531
00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:48,529
Mmm. Lure them
into a sweat lodge?
532
00:24:48,574 --> 00:24:52,272
It'll shed those pounds,
and bonus, vision quest.
533
00:24:52,316 --> 00:24:55,405
No, we need to get
to the bottom of this.
Let's really think.
534
00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:02,761
Anything?
535
00:25:02,805 --> 00:25:07,375
Yes. I'm thinking about
the new Marc Jacobs line.
536
00:25:07,417 --> 00:25:08,942
He's doing wonderful things with alligator vinyl.
537
00:25:12,858 --> 00:25:15,688
Yes, the number of overweight models and celebrities has spiked.
538
00:25:15,730 --> 00:25:17,690
But I still
don't see how that's
a national security issue.
539
00:25:17,732 --> 00:25:20,779
No, no. National "insecurity" issue.
540
00:25:20,823 --> 00:25:24,131
It makes them in-secure,
not secure-rer-er.
541
00:25:24,173 --> 00:25:26,525
No, that's not...
Forget it.
542
00:25:26,567 --> 00:25:29,135
Is there anything else,
because I have to
get back to this story on
543
00:25:29,179 --> 00:25:32,487
summer's flirty new tampons. God, I hate this job.
544
00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:36,056
Matilda, celebrities
don't just gain weight.
545
00:25:36,098 --> 00:25:39,538
Can't you find
a link or a pattern
or... Wow.
546
00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:41,409
That is a flirty new tampon.
547
00:25:41,451 --> 00:25:42,627
Fine, you want me to
look for a pattern,
548
00:25:42,671 --> 00:25:43,932
I'll look for...
549
00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:45,979
Wait a minute.
550
00:25:46,021 --> 00:25:48,241
What? Did you
"hack into a mainframe"?
551
00:25:48,285 --> 00:25:49,808
Are we in
the Matrix right now?
552
00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:51,636
Matilda, can you hear me?
553
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,160
"Chloe, triangulate the signal!"
554
00:25:54,943 --> 00:25:56,510
There might
actually be a link.
555
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,730
These women all
see the same doctor.
556
00:25:58,773 --> 00:26:00,993
Dr. James Bentex
of Beverly Hills.
557
00:26:01,037 --> 00:26:03,038
Hmm. A plastic surgeon.
558
00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:06,128
How do you know that? [CHUCKLES] Matilda...
559
00:26:06,173 --> 00:26:08,305
You think there's a doctor in Beverly Hills
560
00:26:08,348 --> 00:26:10,916
fixing a cold or
a broken arm or
561
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,962
anything other
than wrinkle lines?
562
00:26:14,007 --> 00:26:17,140
"Oh! I have all this cancer. I better go to Beverly Hills."
563
00:26:18,968 --> 00:26:22,798
Honestly, Matilda,
sometimes you can
be such a ding-a-ling.
564
00:26:22,842 --> 00:26:24,365
[SIGHS] I'll go
print out his address.
565
00:26:25,321 --> 00:26:26,888
So, ready to go to California?
566
00:26:26,932 --> 00:26:28,673
Honestly,
I don't think we should
567
00:26:28,717 --> 00:26:30,371
go on a vacation
until we check out
568
00:26:30,413 --> 00:26:33,026
this Doctor Bentex in Beverly Hills.
569
00:26:33,068 --> 00:26:34,854
Good point. California will have to wait.
570
00:26:38,552 --> 00:26:41,556
NARRATOR:
Beautiful Beverly Hills.
Land of sunshine,
571
00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:45,472
palm trees and...
Look, it's the guys
fromEntourage!
572
00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:47,648
So I booked this laxative commercial, which is great.
573
00:26:47,692 --> 00:26:50,217
But it's not exactly what I ran away from home for.
574
00:26:50,259 --> 00:26:52,872
Well, becoming
a fashion model
doesn't happen overnight,
575
00:26:52,914 --> 00:26:54,916
even with a face
as pretty as yours.
576
00:26:55,961 --> 00:26:58,486
SHRILL VOICE: She's hideous!
577
00:26:58,528 --> 00:27:00,227
I mean,
you have a few blemishes.
578
00:27:00,269 --> 00:27:02,055
A crease here and there...
579
00:27:02,097 --> 00:27:03,403
Excuse me?
580
00:27:03,446 --> 00:27:05,405
We need to fix her.
581
00:27:05,449 --> 00:27:06,929
I need to fix her!
582
00:27:08,931 --> 00:27:11,193
Just go, go, don't worry about the co-pay!
583
00:27:11,238 --> 00:27:12,500
But what about
my labioplasty?
584
00:27:19,246 --> 00:27:21,943
You weakling!
We have so much work to do.
585
00:27:21,988 --> 00:27:23,554
No! I won't!
586
00:27:23,597 --> 00:27:24,598
Oh, really?
587
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:28,384
Are those
crow's feet, Doctor?
588
00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:32,346
Ooh! A few more gray
hairs today, Doctor.
589
00:27:32,388 --> 00:27:34,740
I look distinguished.
Leave me alone.
590
00:27:34,782 --> 00:27:36,349
I want to help you, James.
591
00:27:36,393 --> 00:27:38,439
Help you look your best.
592
00:27:39,919 --> 00:27:42,835
That's it.
Make yourself beautiful
593
00:27:42,877 --> 00:27:45,489
and uncage me!
594
00:27:45,532 --> 00:27:48,578
[KNOCKING ON DOOR] Mr. Doctor? Hello.
595
00:27:48,623 --> 00:27:50,669
[EXCLAIMS]
Just a moment!
596
00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:55,194
What an honor it is to
have the great Derek
Zoolander in my office.
597
00:27:55,238 --> 00:27:57,109
And Hansel!
598
00:27:57,153 --> 00:27:59,112
Yeah,
about the pictures...
599
00:27:59,154 --> 00:28:01,548
Hmm. They are
a cause for concern.
600
00:28:01,592 --> 00:28:03,333
I'll talk to my
patients and stress
601
00:28:03,376 --> 00:28:04,987
the importance of
regular exercise
602
00:28:05,030 --> 00:28:06,902
and sound
nutritional choices.
603
00:28:06,945 --> 00:28:08,643
But they know all that stuff, Doctor.
604
00:28:08,686 --> 00:28:11,253
They're celebrities, not regular people.
605
00:28:11,298 --> 00:28:12,646
I don't know what...
[CLEARS THROAT]
606
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:13,821
What else I can tell you.
607
00:28:17,957 --> 00:28:20,046
Okay, you've
been very helpful.
608
00:28:20,088 --> 00:28:21,742
Yeah, we'll get
out of your way.
609
00:28:21,787 --> 00:28:23,788
They're on to us, you fool!
610
00:28:23,832 --> 00:28:26,138
No, stop!
I won't look at you!
611
00:28:27,967 --> 00:28:31,057
Dr. Bentex,
it's my chin, isn't it?
612
00:28:31,099 --> 00:28:32,711
You think it
needs re-sculpting?
613
00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:36,714
[STAMMERING]
What? No, it looks fine.
614
00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:38,846
Doc, do you do
eyeball bleaching?
615
00:28:38,891 --> 00:28:40,282
Let me handle them!
616
00:28:40,326 --> 00:28:42,285
No, I won't!
617
00:28:42,328 --> 00:28:44,983
Okay, what about ball waxing? Nipple reduction?
618
00:28:45,593 --> 00:28:48,943
Release me!
619
00:28:48,988 --> 00:28:50,031
Taint rejuvenation?
620
00:28:50,076 --> 00:28:51,424
Nostril removal?
621
00:28:51,468 --> 00:28:53,122
Armpit extensions? Kneecap lifts?
622
00:28:53,165 --> 00:28:54,297
Eyelash rejuvenation?
623
00:28:54,340 --> 00:28:55,429
Belly button reversal?
624
00:28:55,471 --> 00:28:56,778
Earlobe extensions?
625
00:28:56,822 --> 00:28:57,997
Placenta implantation?
626
00:28:58,039 --> 00:28:59,127
Belly button removal?
627
00:28:59,172 --> 00:29:00,346
Earlobe-ectomy?
628
00:29:00,390 --> 00:29:01,478
Circumcision removal?
629
00:29:01,521 --> 00:29:02,784
Butthole enhancement?
630
00:29:02,827 --> 00:29:04,699
Forehead tucks? Urethra tightening?
631
00:29:04,742 --> 00:29:05,787
Urethra loosening?
632
00:29:05,830 --> 00:29:06,832
Just leave me alone!
633
00:29:09,137 --> 00:29:10,400
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
634
00:29:12,445 --> 00:29:15,057
Is that equine Botox?
I've been trying to
get my hands on that.
635
00:29:15,101 --> 00:29:17,406
You mean, your hooves.
636
00:29:17,451 --> 00:29:19,670
How long have you thought that?
637
00:29:19,713 --> 00:29:23,935
Sorry, gentlemen, but the office is now closed.
638
00:29:23,979 --> 00:29:26,765
Okay, then could we
get a forehead shot
for the road, or...
639
00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:28,635
Hey!
You look different.
640
00:29:28,679 --> 00:29:30,769
You have some
work done, Dr. Bentex?
641
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:35,034
Bentex?
He's more wrinkled than
a turtle scrotum. I am...
642
00:29:35,076 --> 00:29:37,557
[SHOUTING]
Dr. Botoxo!
643
00:29:44,433 --> 00:29:46,609
Dude,
equine Botox is intense.
644
00:29:47,654 --> 00:29:49,569
You'll never stop me,
you ugly freaks!
645
00:29:51,484 --> 00:29:52,790
Norwegian Fjord!
646
00:30:03,976 --> 00:30:07,240
You're insane, Botoxo! How could you think we're ugly?
647
00:30:14,334 --> 00:30:15,422
[SCREAMING]
648
00:30:18,207 --> 00:30:19,338
Zoo!
649
00:30:20,775 --> 00:30:22,211
Stone Phillips!
650
00:30:24,997 --> 00:30:28,304
Listen? No, you listen.
Are you listening to me?
651
00:30:28,347 --> 00:30:31,699
[ALARM BLARING] [STAMMERING] Wait.
Jared, say that again,
652
00:30:31,741 --> 00:30:33,353
there's some kind of
superhero battle going on.
653
00:30:33,395 --> 00:30:34,528
What is going on?
654
00:30:38,575 --> 00:30:39,402
[WHIMPERS]
655
00:30:49,891 --> 00:30:50,718
[SCREAMS]
656
00:30:59,944 --> 00:31:00,858
[GASPS] [GASPS]
657
00:31:07,734 --> 00:31:08,953
Hashtag Zoolander!
658
00:31:10,780 --> 00:31:11,869
[YELLS]
659
00:31:15,655 --> 00:31:17,962
[THUD]
660
00:31:18,006 --> 00:31:21,836
You're a disgrace to
the noble profession
of plastic surgery.
661
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,577
I'm starting to
think it was you who
fattened up the hotties.
662
00:31:24,621 --> 00:31:27,885
You're... You're only
realizing that now?
663
00:31:27,929 --> 00:31:30,192
Got him, got him,
that was a confession,
that counts.
664
00:31:30,236 --> 00:31:32,325
Now tell us
how you did it.
665
00:31:32,367 --> 00:31:34,631
Even better,
I'll show you!
666
00:31:37,765 --> 00:31:42,248
Clothes getting tight! And not in a hipster way.
667
00:31:48,557 --> 00:31:51,257
No. No! [CACKLING
668
00:31:51,299 --> 00:31:53,301
Come on, we have to stop him!
669
00:31:57,785 --> 00:32:00,875
Please, small child, help me! I won't eat you.
670
00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:01,832
[SCREAMS]
671
00:32:03,398 --> 00:32:05,488
NARRATOR: Derek and
Hansel turned zaftig?
672
00:32:05,531 --> 00:32:07,663
Could anything be
more embarrassing?
673
00:32:07,708 --> 00:32:10,405
Now who will save
America's fabulous femmes?
674
00:32:10,450 --> 00:32:13,234
Please don't let
this be the end!
It's not? Oh, good.
675
00:32:21,590 --> 00:32:23,070
They're all so beautiful.
676
00:32:24,637 --> 00:32:26,291
Hi, Suzie! [YELLS]
677
00:32:26,335 --> 00:32:28,816
It's me, Derek Zoolander.
678
00:32:28,858 --> 00:32:31,775
I know who you are.
How did you get
into my house?
679
00:32:31,818 --> 00:32:34,473
It looks like
someone needs to
improve her self-esteem
680
00:32:34,517 --> 00:32:36,779
so she can be
happy with herself.
681
00:32:36,824 --> 00:32:38,478
And the best way
to be happy with yourself
682
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,045
is through plastic surgery.
683
00:32:40,393 --> 00:32:41,828
What?
684
00:32:41,872 --> 00:32:43,830
If you start
saving your allowance,
685
00:32:43,874 --> 00:32:46,094
you could afford a nose job by the time you're 12. Look!
686
00:32:49,141 --> 00:32:53,492
And how about a face peel? Tummy tuck? Brow de-browing.
687
00:32:53,536 --> 00:32:56,844
Dimplantation.
Boob enlargification.
Tushy lift.
688
00:32:58,411 --> 00:33:01,021
Once you look beautiful,
you'll feel beautiful.
689
00:33:01,066 --> 00:33:03,285
Just ask my beautiful friend Leighton Meester.
690
00:33:04,939 --> 00:33:08,073
Derek, I thought
we were here to talk
about self-esteem.
691
00:33:08,115 --> 00:33:10,465
Children getting
plastic surgery
is not cool.
692
00:33:10,509 --> 00:33:14,078
Oh, seriously?
You don't think this girl
needs plastic surgery?
693
00:33:14,122 --> 00:33:17,430
She's clearly already had plastic surgery.
694
00:33:17,472 --> 00:33:19,300
And now she needs
dimple extraction,
695
00:33:19,345 --> 00:33:21,259
boob un-bigging
and a tushy drop.
696
00:33:21,303 --> 00:33:23,435
So, we agree?
697
00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:24,959
Yes. That you are wrong.
698
00:33:25,654 --> 00:33:26,787
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
699
00:33:27,875 --> 00:33:29,571
Exactly, Suzie.
700
00:33:29,615 --> 00:33:31,965
Some people need
plastic surgery
of the brain.
701
00:33:34,490 --> 00:33:37,492
So remember,
get a checkup from your
family plastic surgeon.
702
00:33:37,537 --> 00:33:40,583
And that's Model Behavior.
703
00:33:40,626 --> 00:33:41,976
Wait a second, I don't condone that at all, that's...
704
00:33:47,676 --> 00:33:50,332
NARRATOR: Derek Zoolander,
the biggest model
in the fashion universe,
705
00:33:50,375 --> 00:33:53,682
is now the biggest model
in the fashion universe.
706
00:33:53,727 --> 00:33:57,730
He and Hansel are
blubbery victims of
Dr. Botoxo's fat ray.
707
00:33:57,773 --> 00:34:00,516
Good Lord,
what would happen
if I became obese?
708
00:34:00,559 --> 00:34:02,823
Don't think about it, Tim,
don't think about it,
don't think about it.
709
00:34:04,912 --> 00:34:06,218
[GRUNTING]
710
00:34:07,871 --> 00:34:08,829
[BLOWING]
711
00:34:16,445 --> 00:34:19,840
[GROANS] This weight is gunking up my chakras.
712
00:34:19,882 --> 00:34:20,884
[GRUNTS]
713
00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:27,326
Octavia! You spent
the night? Right on.
714
00:34:27,369 --> 00:34:30,851
'Tave? 'Tavy? Derek, what are we going to do?
715
00:34:30,893 --> 00:34:32,940
I'm so fat, it's like I have my own area code.
716
00:34:32,983 --> 00:34:35,028
I'm so fat,
if I stood on a scale,
717
00:34:35,072 --> 00:34:37,335
it would say,
"To be continued."
718
00:34:37,378 --> 00:34:41,079
Dude, I'm so fat, I have more rolls than a pastry truck.
719
00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:43,951
Look at me. I'm so fat,
I have more chins
than a phonebook
720
00:34:43,994 --> 00:34:45,822
for a neighborhood
like Chinatown
721
00:34:45,865 --> 00:34:48,434
that's home to
a lot of people with
the last name "Chin."
722
00:34:48,476 --> 00:34:51,088
You guys
wanted a makeover?
723
00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:54,135
I don't know what
I'm going to make over.
Your big fat bodies?
724
00:34:54,179 --> 00:34:56,355
Yeah, something
fresh and fun.
725
00:34:56,398 --> 00:34:59,487
To take the attention off the morbid obesity of it all.
726
00:34:59,532 --> 00:35:01,795
Honestly,
you don't look...
727
00:35:01,838 --> 00:35:03,231
That bad...
You know, just...
728
00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:06,713
Initiate vomit sequence.
729
00:35:10,063 --> 00:35:11,239
Sorry, that was an over...
730
00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:14,851
...reaction.
731
00:35:20,204 --> 00:35:21,293
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
732
00:35:39,179 --> 00:35:41,139
There's Hansel.
He's so fat right now.
733
00:35:41,181 --> 00:35:42,313
Didn't that used to be Derek Zoolander?
734
00:35:44,315 --> 00:35:45,230
[TIRES SCREECH] [CRASHING]
735
00:36:09,862 --> 00:36:12,257
Mila! Mila, over here.
736
00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:14,824
What do you think about
Rachel Bilson getting fat?
737
00:36:14,867 --> 00:36:17,000
I can't let Mila Kunis see me like this.
738
00:36:17,043 --> 00:36:18,784
She'll never
orgy with me again!
739
00:36:21,657 --> 00:36:22,918
Dr. Botoxo!
740
00:36:26,226 --> 00:36:27,184
[BOTH PANTING]
741
00:36:31,710 --> 00:36:32,929
[LAUGHING]
742
00:36:35,628 --> 00:36:37,195
Derek, Hansel!
743
00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:39,458
What do you think about
Mila Kunis getting fat?
744
00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:41,416
What do you think
about you getting fat?
745
00:36:41,460 --> 00:36:44,027
Fat, fat, fat!
[LAUGHS]
746
00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:47,378
Jackals! You're monsters! Fabrizio, how's the new baby?
747
00:36:47,422 --> 00:36:48,161
Leave us alone!
748
00:36:50,469 --> 00:36:51,469
[ENGINE REVVING]
749
00:36:58,389 --> 00:37:01,914
Look, it's not that bad. No publicity is bad publicity.
750
00:37:01,958 --> 00:37:03,612
I beg to differ
Maury Ballstein.
751
00:37:06,353 --> 00:37:08,661
There was no pizza
floating in the air.
752
00:37:08,704 --> 00:37:11,271
I definitely
would've remembered
pizza in the air.
753
00:37:11,315 --> 00:37:14,884
Okay, I booked some work to show people you can still move product.
754
00:37:14,927 --> 00:37:17,539
We're going to turn this thing around like it's a tranny hooker!
755
00:37:17,583 --> 00:37:20,976
I knew Balls Models
wouldn't let us down.
What have you lined up?
756
00:37:21,021 --> 00:37:24,545
You two are the new poster butts for Chunky Boy Sweatpants.
757
00:37:24,590 --> 00:37:27,157
And local news needs more stock footage
758
00:37:27,201 --> 00:37:28,507
of fat people from the neck down.
759
00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:33,686
WOMAN: Grim statistics
tonight on diabetes.
Are you at risk? Yes.
760
00:37:35,034 --> 00:37:38,733
They wouldn't even show our fat faces?
761
00:37:38,777 --> 00:37:40,909
And we're at risk
of diamond-beanies.
762
00:37:41,302 --> 00:37:42,389
Derek!
763
00:37:42,434 --> 00:37:43,913
Matilda!
764
00:37:43,956 --> 00:37:45,567
I knew you of all people wouldn't judge me.
765
00:37:45,610 --> 00:37:47,351
No, of course not.
766
00:37:47,873 --> 00:37:48,875
[SNIFFS]
767
00:37:49,918 --> 00:37:51,572
Is that hot dog water?
768
00:37:51,617 --> 00:37:52,965
Where? Do you have more hot dogs?
769
00:37:53,009 --> 00:37:55,315
I'll take a hot dog.
770
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,320
Oh, Matilda, this is
literally the worst thing
that could happen to us
771
00:37:59,364 --> 00:38:00,755
or to the millions
who look to us for
772
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,322
moral guidance
and grooming tips.
773
00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:03,976
Okay, first of all,
being overweight
774
00:38:04,019 --> 00:38:05,282
is not the worst
thing in the world.
775
00:38:05,326 --> 00:38:06,893
I was once fat.
776
00:38:06,936 --> 00:38:09,635
Ew! We agreed you'd never talk about that.
777
00:38:09,677 --> 00:38:11,853
Second, having a few overweight celebrities
778
00:38:11,898 --> 00:38:13,987
might be a positive.
779
00:38:14,030 --> 00:38:17,730
For years, we've been fed media images of impossibly skinny models.
780
00:38:17,773 --> 00:38:20,907
Maybe now, women won't
feel as much pressure
to starve themselves.
781
00:38:20,949 --> 00:38:22,342
[CHUCKLES]
782
00:38:22,387 --> 00:38:25,041
Awesome joke, Matilda. But let's focus.
783
00:38:25,085 --> 00:38:26,128
[SCREECHES]
784
00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:30,045
What is it, Accessory? Do you need to make poo poo?
785
00:38:32,570 --> 00:38:33,920
[ICE CREAM TRUCK
MUSIC PLAYING]
786
00:38:41,579 --> 00:38:45,931
Oh, no. Matilda's right. Women are emulating these obese celebrities.
787
00:38:45,974 --> 00:38:47,976
This could trigger a fat epidemic
788
00:38:48,021 --> 00:38:50,239
the likes of which we haven't seen since the Cola Wars.
789
00:38:50,284 --> 00:38:52,634
Or the Cuban
pudding crisis. Hansel?
790
00:38:54,679 --> 00:38:57,596
Sorry, there's an episode of Unwrapped on Hostess Fruit Pies.
791
00:38:57,639 --> 00:39:00,119
Apple's the most popular. Who knew?
792
00:39:00,163 --> 00:39:03,601
But wait,
why would Dr. Botoxo
want women to gain weight?
793
00:39:03,644 --> 00:39:05,952
Plastic surgeons
make women thinner.
What's in it for him?
794
00:39:11,173 --> 00:39:12,349
Nani?
795
00:39:17,833 --> 00:39:19,965
Mmm. Could use a tuck here.
796
00:39:22,447 --> 00:39:24,231
Ooh! Now who's gorgeous?
797
00:39:30,454 --> 00:39:32,369
Ugh! Botoxo, you're gross.
798
00:39:35,764 --> 00:39:37,331
How are the fat boys?
799
00:39:40,289 --> 00:39:41,422
[BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
800
00:39:43,119 --> 00:39:44,686
They used to be like...
801
00:39:44,730 --> 00:39:46,471
[WHIMPERING]
802
00:39:46,514 --> 00:39:47,427
Now they're more like...
803
00:39:47,472 --> 00:39:48,864
[GROWLING]
804
00:39:49,822 --> 00:39:52,432
Nani? Put on
your coat, honey.
805
00:39:52,476 --> 00:39:55,175
Don't want you catching cold in your drafty play lair.
806
00:39:55,217 --> 00:39:58,438
Dad! It's not a "play" lair. It's just a lair.
807
00:39:58,483 --> 00:39:59,744
And do you
think I'd wear this?
808
00:39:59,788 --> 00:40:01,355
It looks like Badgley
Mischka on Adderall!
809
00:40:01,746 --> 00:40:02,791
[SCREAMS]
810
00:40:03,661 --> 00:40:05,619
I only wear my own dresses!
811
00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:07,360
Or Rodarte!
812
00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,971
Oh, I thought you'd like the panda.
813
00:40:09,014 --> 00:40:10,103
Did you see the panda on it?
814
00:40:10,146 --> 00:40:12,322
You're an idiot, Dad.
815
00:40:12,365 --> 00:40:14,934
And you dress like
a greeter at Sam's Club
who got fired by Walmart
816
00:40:14,976 --> 00:40:17,023
for dressing like a dipshit.
817
00:40:17,065 --> 00:40:19,938
Khaki pleats?
Are you kidding me?
Seriously!
818
00:40:19,981 --> 00:40:22,420
Are you kidding
me right now?
819
00:40:22,463 --> 00:40:25,771
You know, if it fits okay and the price is right, what more do I need?
820
00:40:25,813 --> 00:40:28,686
Anyway, you two talk about the final phase of your evil plan.
821
00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:30,905
I'll just sew this back together and return it to the mall.
822
00:40:30,949 --> 00:40:33,126
Ugh. Dads are the worst.
823
00:40:33,168 --> 00:40:35,257
I actually have
a good relationship
with mine.
824
00:40:37,304 --> 00:40:40,960
NARRATOR: What is Nani's ultimate plan?
Can fat Zoolander stop her?
825
00:40:41,003 --> 00:40:43,483
And why does she have to be
so hard on her dad?
826
00:40:43,527 --> 00:40:46,181
I mean,
I don't have kids myself...
That I know of!
827
00:40:51,536 --> 00:40:53,972
My own computer!
So cool!
828
00:40:55,713 --> 00:40:58,934
Look out, Jeremy!
829
00:40:58,978 --> 00:41:01,762
I just saved you
from catching a virus.
You're welcome.
830
00:41:01,806 --> 00:41:03,590
My parents just bought me that.
831
00:41:03,635 --> 00:41:05,898
Are your
parents evil monsters?
832
00:41:05,940 --> 00:41:08,465
Because computers
are the most dangerous
danger in your house.
833
00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:10,032
Let me show you how stupid your parents are.
834
00:41:12,382 --> 00:41:14,907
Frankie, access the
wide world of web.
835
00:41:14,949 --> 00:41:17,952
Okay, but the Wi-Fi
in here is really just
a big bag of "ugh."
836
00:41:20,652 --> 00:41:24,612
Jeremy, rule number one.
Never Internet on
socialized media.
837
00:41:24,655 --> 00:41:26,440
Because my privacy
will be compromised
838
00:41:26,483 --> 00:41:28,485
by unscrupulous marketers?
839
00:41:28,528 --> 00:41:31,880
No, because you'll
see photos of parties
you weren't invited to.
840
00:41:31,923 --> 00:41:35,101
Turn it off,
they're having so
much fun without me!
841
00:41:35,143 --> 00:41:37,755
You think that's bad,
you should see
the animated GIF
842
00:41:37,798 --> 00:41:40,846
of Taylor Swift
trying on fake glasses.
843
00:41:40,889 --> 00:41:43,369
But computers'
even worse problem
is this.
844
00:41:43,413 --> 00:41:45,938
Cats. Trapped inside.
And they look hungry.
845
00:41:48,331 --> 00:41:49,114
[YOWLS]
846
00:41:49,985 --> 00:41:51,813
Gosh, Derek Zoolander.
847
00:41:51,856 --> 00:41:54,250
And I thought the worst
thing about computers
was all the trolls.
848
00:41:54,293 --> 00:41:56,121
[YELLS] Trolls! Where?
849
00:41:57,471 --> 00:41:59,733
And finally, but last,
850
00:41:59,777 --> 00:42:02,170
the most important computer safety rule of all.
851
00:42:02,215 --> 00:42:05,347
Don't watch
tiny cartoons based on
regular-sized movies.
852
00:42:05,391 --> 00:42:07,262
You have much better things
to do with your time.
853
00:42:11,615 --> 00:42:13,574
Who are you looking at?
854
00:42:13,617 --> 00:42:15,184
And that's Model Behavior.
855
00:42:20,625 --> 00:42:23,322
NARRATOR: Nani,
the dastardly damsel
of design,
856
00:42:23,365 --> 00:42:26,195
number one on
Vogue's "Top 12
Couturiers Under 12,"
857
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,588
is the fiend
behind the fat!
858
00:42:28,632 --> 00:42:30,635
But why turn the world's
most glamorous celebrities
859
00:42:30,677 --> 00:42:32,201
into pudgy piggies?
860
00:42:32,244 --> 00:42:33,942
If I ever stop talking,
maybe we'll find out.
861
00:42:36,641 --> 00:42:39,251
That's it, fatten up,
just like your idols.
862
00:42:39,295 --> 00:42:41,559
Soon you'll only
be able to wear
my new clothing line.
863
00:42:41,601 --> 00:42:43,603
Size Triple Extra
Mega Large!
864
00:42:48,434 --> 00:42:51,612
Three times the material,
four times the price!
865
00:42:51,655 --> 00:42:54,614
It's the most awesome fashion crime since Juicy made it cool
866
00:42:54,659 --> 00:42:55,833
to have a word on your butt.
867
00:42:55,876 --> 00:42:57,965
[CHUCKLES] Butt.
868
00:42:58,010 --> 00:43:01,360
Just tell me who
I get to inflate next.
Jessicas Alba and Biel?
869
00:43:01,403 --> 00:43:03,188
Kates Hudson and Bosworth?
870
00:43:03,231 --> 00:43:04,842
Jones January and Cusack?
871
00:43:06,105 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaking of inflated...
872
00:43:11,675 --> 00:43:13,721
Oops. My apologies.
873
00:43:13,764 --> 00:43:16,681
Oh, you don't have
to apologize. Dad!
874
00:43:16,724 --> 00:43:19,900
You apologize to
Dr. Botoxo right now!
875
00:43:19,945 --> 00:43:23,688
Okay. Uh, I'm sorry that I got your cellulite on my face.
876
00:43:25,559 --> 00:43:28,257
Leave it on, Dad!
You leave that
man's fat on your face.
877
00:43:28,996 --> 00:43:30,389
[GROANS]
878
00:43:31,478 --> 00:43:33,349
Sure thing, sweetie.
879
00:43:33,393 --> 00:43:36,525
Doctor B, our next target is the bestest one yet.
880
00:43:36,570 --> 00:43:38,920
The leading light of fashion.
881
00:43:38,963 --> 00:43:41,574
Once she's ginormous, millions of women will be like...
882
00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:42,750
[MIMICS CHOMPING]
883
00:43:44,838 --> 00:43:48,494
Tonight, at the No More Tubby Toddlers fundraiser, you will obesify
884
00:43:50,715 --> 00:43:52,063
Heidi Klum.
885
00:43:56,068 --> 00:43:57,547
[RINGING]
886
00:43:58,722 --> 00:43:59,811
[GROANS]
887
00:44:04,076 --> 00:44:04,989
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
888
00:44:05,032 --> 00:44:06,382
Pizza!
889
00:44:10,952 --> 00:44:12,998
Hi. You order 20 pizzas?
890
00:44:13,041 --> 00:44:15,827
And 8,000 breadsticks.
891
00:44:15,869 --> 00:44:19,221
They're backing up the truck now. Yeah, so, it's, like, done.
892
00:44:20,570 --> 00:44:22,181
[GASPS]
893
00:44:22,224 --> 00:44:25,923
Hansel! It's Accessory! He's infiltrated Nani's lair.
894
00:44:25,967 --> 00:44:27,795
It says, "Tonight at fumdraiser..."
895
00:44:28,708 --> 00:44:32,103
[SCOFFS]
"Fundraiser."
896
00:44:32,146 --> 00:44:34,541
Honestly, what is the point of having a monkey who can't type?
897
00:44:34,583 --> 00:44:37,021
"Target is Heidi Klum."
898
00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:39,851
[GASPS] Heidi is the leading light of fashion.
899
00:44:39,893 --> 00:44:42,070
Nani's scheme is even more horrific than we thought.
900
00:44:42,114 --> 00:44:42,983
We have to do something.
901
00:44:43,942 --> 00:44:45,813
"We"? We can
barely stand up.
902
00:44:46,596 --> 00:44:48,119
This is our duty.
903
00:44:48,163 --> 00:44:50,688
With great cheekbones comes great responsibility.
904
00:44:50,731 --> 00:44:52,820
Every schoolchild knows that.
905
00:44:52,864 --> 00:44:56,693
Earth to Derek,
our cheekbones,
they're gone.
906
00:44:56,737 --> 00:44:59,958
Buried. And I think
I'm starting to get acne.
907
00:45:00,001 --> 00:45:02,134
It's like backne
for your face.
908
00:45:02,177 --> 00:45:04,005
I can't go out
in front of people
like this, Z.
909
00:45:04,048 --> 00:45:05,353
I won't. I won't.
910
00:45:05,398 --> 00:45:06,878
It's too painful.
911
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,358
So you're going to stay here and eat pizza all day?
912
00:45:09,402 --> 00:45:11,882
Of course not.
I'm also going to
have a hamburger.
913
00:45:11,925 --> 00:45:13,666
You mean, soyburger.
914
00:45:13,710 --> 00:45:17,583
No, Derek. A hamburger.
Made out of real ham.
915
00:45:17,626 --> 00:45:22,023
[GASPS] Look at you. You've given up on everything you hold sacred.
916
00:45:22,067 --> 00:45:24,547
Everything that makes Hansel Hansel.
917
00:45:24,590 --> 00:45:26,592
I'm sorry, but I'm a model.
918
00:45:26,635 --> 00:45:29,335
If I'm not
dangerously thin anymore,
then I'm nothing.
919
00:45:30,248 --> 00:45:31,684
[CHAIR BEEPING]
920
00:45:50,181 --> 00:45:52,271
It's wonderful to have such an esteemed designer
921
00:45:52,313 --> 00:45:54,708
supporting our
anti-obesity efforts.
922
00:45:54,751 --> 00:45:57,231
I guess you
know what it's like
to be a kid yourself.
923
00:45:57,275 --> 00:46:00,148
First of all,
I'm 126 months old.
924
00:46:00,192 --> 00:46:03,324
And second,
I think it's
important to stay fit.
925
00:46:03,369 --> 00:46:05,284
Even a model like you must
struggle with your weight.
926
00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:07,460
Oh, no, I'm naturally thin.
927
00:46:07,503 --> 00:46:09,896
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
We'll see about that.
928
00:46:10,418 --> 00:46:11,637
Excuse me?
929
00:46:11,681 --> 00:46:14,293
I said,
"We'll see about that."
930
00:46:14,335 --> 00:46:16,034
Because I'm not sure that will always be the case.
931
00:46:18,775 --> 00:46:22,300
What I mean is,
I'm not convinced that
you will be thin forever.
932
00:46:22,344 --> 00:46:23,302
Something might
happen to you.
933
00:46:25,869 --> 00:46:27,306
Uh, I have to
give my speech now.
934
00:46:27,871 --> 00:46:29,090
[ALL APPLAUDING]
935
00:46:31,135 --> 00:46:34,835
Thank you, you are so kind. Rich ladies and gentlemen,
936
00:46:34,878 --> 00:46:36,836
tonight we have a chance
to do something good
937
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:39,318
about a thing that is bad.
938
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:42,364
Your support of No More Tubby Toddlers tells childhood obesity
939
00:46:42,407 --> 00:46:44,235
that it can hit the road!
940
00:46:44,278 --> 00:46:46,760
We want to say, "Goodbye, childhood obesity.
941
00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:48,849
"You dropped by, and you crashed with us for a while,
942
00:46:48,893 --> 00:46:50,329
"but it's, like, enough already..."
943
00:46:50,371 --> 00:46:51,634
[HEART BEATING SLOWLY]
944
00:47:07,998 --> 00:47:09,130
[WAITER WHISTLING]
945
00:47:11,916 --> 00:47:13,918
No!
946
00:47:18,096 --> 00:47:19,400
[ALL GASPING]
947
00:47:19,445 --> 00:47:21,141
Zoolander!
948
00:47:21,186 --> 00:47:24,623
Nani. And to think I once
modeled your clothes.
949
00:47:24,666 --> 00:47:26,452
How could a little
boy be so heartless?
950
00:47:26,494 --> 00:47:29,106
I'm a girl!
951
00:47:29,150 --> 00:47:31,195
You're certainly
acting like one.
952
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:34,068
It's too late. Not even you can stop
953
00:47:34,112 --> 00:47:36,809
the obesification
of Heidi Klum. Henchmen!
954
00:47:39,117 --> 00:47:41,119
Squeeze him like a blueberry.
955
00:47:41,161 --> 00:47:43,990
More like
a Blue-Steel-Berry.
956
00:47:44,034 --> 00:47:45,253
[GRUNTING]
957
00:47:47,255 --> 00:47:50,563
Oh, no! My face is too fat!
My looks don't work.
958
00:47:51,302 --> 00:47:52,913
Hansel was right.
959
00:47:52,956 --> 00:47:54,219
Hansel was wrong!
960
00:48:01,878 --> 00:48:03,706
You came!
961
00:48:03,750 --> 00:48:06,666
I may be depressed, ashamed, and covered in face backne.
962
00:48:06,708 --> 00:48:08,449
But I couldn't fit the couch into my bedroom. So...
963
00:48:10,364 --> 00:48:12,846
Hansel,
let's never argue again.
964
00:48:12,889 --> 00:48:14,195
Unless we disagree
on something
965
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:15,762
or have
a difference of opinion.
966
00:48:15,804 --> 00:48:17,806
That leaves it pretty wide open, doesn't it?
967
00:48:17,851 --> 00:48:20,201
Hey! I make the rules on
when we get to argue!
968
00:48:20,244 --> 00:48:22,463
What? Says who?
969
00:48:22,507 --> 00:48:24,335
You guys are so over!
970
00:48:28,992 --> 00:48:32,518
Oh, no!
It's speeding up
our metabocalysms!
971
00:48:32,561 --> 00:48:36,391
I guess this is it. Vaya con Dios,DZ.
972
00:48:36,434 --> 00:48:39,742
I know we fought a lot, but... Are those bacon-wrapped dates?
973
00:48:39,786 --> 00:48:41,005
Oh, score.
974
00:48:46,532 --> 00:48:47,315
[SQUEALS]
975
00:48:55,628 --> 00:48:57,978
We're alive!
And we're really, really
976
00:48:58,021 --> 00:49:00,153
ridiculously
good-looking again.
977
00:49:00,197 --> 00:49:03,070
Stupid chimp! Why must you be so cute?
978
00:49:05,463 --> 00:49:06,813
Magnetic North!
979
00:49:12,905 --> 00:49:17,128
Dr. Botoxo won't be terrorizing anyone again.
980
00:49:17,170 --> 00:49:20,086
Thank you, Mark Wahlberg.
Oh, Hansel, how can I
repay you?
981
00:49:21,523 --> 00:49:24,003
BOTH: Threesome. Gruppensex.
982
00:49:24,047 --> 00:49:26,963
Nani, you're triple extra mega caught.
983
00:49:30,576 --> 00:49:31,577
Nani?
984
00:49:32,925 --> 00:49:35,972
Nani? Where'd that little boy go?
985
00:49:41,500 --> 00:49:42,588
[SCREAMING]
986
00:49:44,197 --> 00:49:48,333
It's okay, pumpkin. Sometimes evil plans don't work out.
987
00:49:48,376 --> 00:49:51,989
Now who wants
some of Daddy's double
choco s'mores bars, huh?
988
00:49:52,032 --> 00:49:54,556
Who does? I think you do. Do I have a customer here? [LAUGHING]
989
00:49:55,079 --> 00:49:56,427
Let's do it.
990
00:49:56,471 --> 00:49:57,951
How does he not
know I'm a girl?
991
00:49:59,387 --> 00:50:02,172
Get out!
I'm sick of
your stupid face.
992
00:50:02,215 --> 00:50:04,610
It's a stupid,
stupid face, Dad.
993
00:50:05,349 --> 00:50:07,003
Yeah, no argument there.
994
00:50:08,831 --> 00:50:12,009
Now I'll never achieve
global fashion domination.
995
00:50:12,052 --> 00:50:13,226
Or get my own phone.
996
00:50:20,364 --> 00:50:22,844
Dad? The ceiling's
leaking blood again.
997
00:50:29,373 --> 00:50:30,679
[ROARS]
998
00:50:32,594 --> 00:50:34,422
Well, hello, kitty.
999
00:50:34,465 --> 00:50:36,119
[MEOWING]
1000
00:50:36,163 --> 00:50:38,469
We are going to
be best friends.
1001
00:50:38,512 --> 00:50:39,731
[LAUGHS]
1002
00:50:46,130 --> 00:50:48,480
Earth to Jeremy,
what was that all about?
1003
00:50:48,523 --> 00:50:50,568
I recycled
my water bottle.
1004
00:50:50,612 --> 00:50:53,311
Why use a water
bottle when you can
carry a reusable thermos
1005
00:50:53,353 --> 00:50:54,485
and be better
than everybody?
1006
00:50:58,097 --> 00:50:59,534
Thanks, Frankie.
1007
00:50:59,577 --> 00:51:00,840
No problem.
Just give me, like,
1008
00:51:00,882 --> 00:51:02,581
five minutes and
we can go again.
1009
00:51:02,623 --> 00:51:04,322
Come along, Jeremy,
and I'll show you
1010
00:51:04,364 --> 00:51:05,974
other tricks to
stop the environment.
1011
00:51:09,152 --> 00:51:11,590
Turning on your car
uses up lots of energies.
1012
00:51:11,632 --> 00:51:14,157
That's why I keep
mine running all day.
1013
00:51:14,201 --> 00:51:16,028
Hey, Accessory.
Circle the block
1014
00:51:16,072 --> 00:51:17,682
a few times to
keep the tires warm.
1015
00:51:17,726 --> 00:51:19,032
I'll only be
another several hours.
1016
00:51:20,380 --> 00:51:22,818
You're welcome, trees!
1017
00:51:22,862 --> 00:51:25,994
Did you know your plasma TV also causes the environment?
1018
00:51:26,039 --> 00:51:27,735
That's why I only
turn it on to watch
1019
00:51:27,780 --> 00:51:29,041
important things
like the news.
1020
00:51:29,911 --> 00:51:31,739
I love 1996.
1021
00:51:31,784 --> 00:51:33,742
Dude, remember Tamagotchis?
1022
00:51:33,786 --> 00:51:36,048
A hot tub
generates lots of hot,
1023
00:51:36,092 --> 00:51:37,963
and that's
before people take off
their bathing suits
1024
00:51:38,007 --> 00:51:40,226
to reveal their
bathing suit areas.
1025
00:51:40,271 --> 00:51:42,577
You can harness that hotness to enwarmulate your house.
1026
00:51:42,621 --> 00:51:43,577
Come on, girls.
1027
00:51:45,188 --> 00:51:46,059
Whoa!
1028
00:51:46,798 --> 00:51:48,539
[SHRIEKS]
1029
00:51:48,583 --> 00:51:52,586
Flying in the Z Plane
is super cool, but it's
tough on Mama Earth.
1030
00:51:52,630 --> 00:51:54,197
Especially when we use it
to go to the store.
1031
00:51:55,677 --> 00:51:57,025
[CAR ALARM BLARING]
1032
00:51:57,070 --> 00:52:00,117
Wait, this store
doesn't sell thermoses.
1033
00:52:00,159 --> 00:52:02,293
Let's go to that
great little thermos
boutique in Ibiza.
1034
00:52:02,335 --> 00:52:04,295
Um, you can just
let me off here. Oh!
1035
00:52:06,123 --> 00:52:09,255
And that's Model Behavior.
1036
00:52:10,387 --> 00:52:11,737
[COUGHS]
1037
00:52:17,612 --> 00:52:19,614
NARRATOR: Milan, Italy.
According to Wikipedia,
1038
00:52:19,657 --> 00:52:22,400
it's the international
capital of fashion.
1039
00:52:22,443 --> 00:52:27,405
Also according to Wikipedia,
I'm 63 years old? Oh, please.
1040
00:52:27,447 --> 00:52:29,057
Danielle,
how do I fix this?
1041
00:52:29,797 --> 00:52:30,929
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1042
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:36,717
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1043
00:53:11,492 --> 00:53:12,623
[CHOKING]
1044
00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:18,847
Sweetie? Yeah,
the Italian fella's dead.
1045
00:53:18,891 --> 00:53:22,068
I still don't understand why I had to dress up as a woman.
1046
00:53:22,110 --> 00:53:24,070
Okay, you're the boss!
1047
00:53:42,610 --> 00:53:44,655
How does it feel to be the stars of Fashion Week again
1048
00:53:44,699 --> 00:53:46,570
after your horrifying brush with obesity?
1049
00:53:46,614 --> 00:53:49,661
It feels pretty amazing,
D'Jangelo.
1050
00:53:49,704 --> 00:53:51,880
Like when I went
wind-cycling over the Andes
1051
00:53:51,923 --> 00:53:54,405
with Noam Chomsky
and Earl Sweatshirt.
1052
00:53:54,447 --> 00:53:58,322
Or like
the softness of your skin.
Do you moisturize?
1053
00:53:58,364 --> 00:54:00,889
Just three times a day
with pomegranate extract.
1054
00:54:00,932 --> 00:54:04,240
I would love to
get some of that
all over me,
1055
00:54:04,284 --> 00:54:07,373
and by "that,"
I mean your skin.
1056
00:54:07,418 --> 00:54:10,115
Yes, and we'd like
to say to everyone
watching this TV show...
1057
00:54:10,159 --> 00:54:11,813
Webcast.
1058
00:54:11,856 --> 00:54:14,119
Bless you.
That after what
we went through,
1059
00:54:14,163 --> 00:54:16,818
we have newfound respect
for the morbidly obtuse.
1060
00:54:16,862 --> 00:54:19,298
Now if you'll excuse us, we have masseusseses waiting.
1061
00:54:23,389 --> 00:54:26,219
Oh, no. There's been
another tailor murder.
1062
00:54:26,262 --> 00:54:30,440
Matilda? We don't talk
about murder during
our post-show cooldown.
1063
00:54:30,483 --> 00:54:32,530
Unless it's like, "Hansel, you totally
1064
00:54:32,572 --> 00:54:34,313
"murdered those flat-front capris."
1065
00:54:34,358 --> 00:54:35,967
Which I did.
1066
00:54:36,010 --> 00:54:38,405
Listen. All five victims
were official tailors
1067
00:54:38,449 --> 00:54:40,059
for the leaders
of their countries.
1068
00:54:40,101 --> 00:54:43,235
Brazil, France, China, England, now Italy.
1069
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,108
This could be the biggest fashion conspiracy in history!
1070
00:54:46,152 --> 00:54:47,719
If I crack this story,
I might get
1071
00:54:47,762 --> 00:54:49,329
snapped up by
a real magazine again.
1072
00:54:49,373 --> 00:54:51,679
Like Men's Health for Women?
1073
00:54:51,722 --> 00:54:54,507
Derek, I need to go to Europe to investigate. Will you come with me?
1074
00:54:54,552 --> 00:54:57,902
Europe? Well, I have always wanted to see the Grand Canyon.
1075
00:54:57,945 --> 00:54:59,818
Hold it, he's not going anywhere.
1076
00:54:59,860 --> 00:55:01,385
It's the middle
of Fashion Week,
1077
00:55:01,427 --> 00:55:03,561
and we need to replace
all the revenue we lost
1078
00:55:03,603 --> 00:55:05,389
when these boychiks
were bloated.
1079
00:55:05,431 --> 00:55:08,914
That's right, Matilda.
I can't just put
my career on hold.
1080
00:55:08,956 --> 00:55:12,221
Why is it always
the man who has to
sacrifice his ambitions?
1081
00:55:12,264 --> 00:55:14,833
Fine. Never mind.
I'll bring you back
a baguette from Paris.
1082
00:55:15,876 --> 00:55:18,097
You know
I can't have carbs!
1083
00:55:18,139 --> 00:55:21,447
Forget about her.
You're better off
without that... Oof!
1084
00:55:21,492 --> 00:55:24,190
You're right, Maury,
she is such an oof.
1085
00:55:24,233 --> 00:55:26,409
No, it's my kidney. It's got arthritis.
1086
00:55:27,976 --> 00:55:29,543
What's that?
1087
00:55:29,586 --> 00:55:31,065
Experimental meds from Mexico.
1088
00:55:31,110 --> 00:55:32,284
Dangerous and cheap.
1089
00:55:36,768 --> 00:55:39,510
These could choke a rhino.
Biggest throat in
the animal kingdom.
1090
00:55:42,425 --> 00:55:43,556
What is this?
1091
00:55:43,601 --> 00:55:45,994
Ah! That's my bronzer!
1092
00:55:46,038 --> 00:55:48,387
This cooldown is torquing into the ground, hard.
1093
00:55:48,431 --> 00:55:50,869
Worst cooldown ever.
1094
00:55:50,911 --> 00:55:53,088
Yeah, tell me about it.
You want to get out of here?
1095
00:55:53,132 --> 00:55:55,829
Maybe we just go, like,
change each other's oil?
1096
00:55:55,873 --> 00:55:58,789
It's just an idea.
But, like, probably
a really good one.
1097
00:55:58,833 --> 00:56:01,269
It says "Not for
human consumption."
1098
00:56:01,313 --> 00:56:03,315
Maury, did you
human-consumpt it?
1099
00:56:03,969 --> 00:56:05,012
[YELLING]
1100
00:56:15,284 --> 00:56:17,155
Oy vey!
1101
00:56:18,244 --> 00:56:20,463
Maury? Don't freak out,
1102
00:56:20,507 --> 00:56:22,117
but I think you might be
allergic to something.
1103
00:56:23,248 --> 00:56:24,510
Oh!
1104
00:56:24,554 --> 00:56:27,340
Giant Ballstein!
1105
00:56:27,949 --> 00:56:28,733
[ROARING]
1106
00:56:31,996 --> 00:56:35,130
Kishka! Bubkes! Fakakt!
1107
00:56:35,173 --> 00:56:37,262
Are you okay? You came very close
1108
00:56:37,306 --> 00:56:39,744
to his ridiculously oversized genitals.
1109
00:56:39,786 --> 00:56:41,353
He's heading for
Alberta Ferretti's
fall collection!
1110
00:56:42,224 --> 00:56:43,704
Oy gevalt!
1111
00:56:43,748 --> 00:56:45,489
Gunther Geiger Grooming!
1112
00:56:49,188 --> 00:56:49,971
I got sponsored.
1113
00:56:55,367 --> 00:56:56,195
[ROARS]
1114
00:56:58,110 --> 00:56:59,110
It's gonna be okay, clothes!
1115
00:57:02,070 --> 00:57:03,202
Hey!
1116
00:57:04,856 --> 00:57:05,987
Hey!
1117
00:57:07,119 --> 00:57:09,730
Okay, Maury, this has to stop.
1118
00:57:09,773 --> 00:57:12,429
You're supposed to
represent models,
not kill them, remember?
1119
00:57:16,432 --> 00:57:18,913
They're like
cantaloupes with afros!
1120
00:57:18,956 --> 00:57:21,088
This is D'Jangelo
reporting live
1121
00:57:21,132 --> 00:57:23,483
from the Giant
Ballstein attack
at Fashion Week.
1122
00:57:23,527 --> 00:57:25,179
Well, it's not
actually live,
it's a webcast,
1123
00:57:25,224 --> 00:57:26,443
we upload it later.
1124
00:57:26,485 --> 00:57:28,313
God, I wish I was
on regular TV.
1125
00:57:28,356 --> 00:57:31,490
Can someone
please give this online
series a TV deal?
1126
00:57:31,534 --> 00:57:32,536
[YELLING] [SCREAMS]
1127
00:57:34,275 --> 00:57:37,192
D'Jangelo! I'm coming, d'jon't panic!
1128
00:57:37,931 --> 00:57:38,802
[D'JANGELO SCREAMING]
1129
00:57:44,635 --> 00:57:46,505
Don't hit the girl!
1130
00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:48,507
What about the well-endowed giant with the back hair?
1131
00:57:48,552 --> 00:57:49,813
Fire at will.
1132
00:57:51,076 --> 00:57:52,556
Static Cling!
1133
00:57:57,081 --> 00:57:59,387
Sorry, but he's our agent.
1134
00:57:59,431 --> 00:58:01,695
Our lifeline to free eye de-puffering products.
1135
00:58:01,739 --> 00:58:03,001
You understand.
1136
00:58:04,436 --> 00:58:06,570
Maury, put her down!
1137
00:58:06,612 --> 00:58:08,396
She's too hip and
multiracial to die.
1138
00:58:13,489 --> 00:58:14,402
[LAUGHS]
1139
00:58:15,099 --> 00:58:16,101
These are his pills.
1140
00:58:17,755 --> 00:58:20,583
"Deoxy, maltose."
1141
00:58:21,322 --> 00:58:23,021
[STUTTERING]
1142
00:58:28,460 --> 00:58:29,505
"Drink with milk"!
1143
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:34,335
Lyrical Beauty of
a Terrence Malick Film!
1144
00:58:38,601 --> 00:58:39,820
Help!
1145
00:58:41,342 --> 00:58:43,389
Hansel! Slash and splash!
1146
00:58:50,788 --> 00:58:51,614
[GROANING]
1147
00:58:56,619 --> 00:58:59,405
I don't remember
taking a shvitz.
1148
00:58:59,447 --> 00:59:02,364
[GRUNTS] Hey, caramel.
Mocha? Caramel.
1149
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,324
Oh, God, his enormous balls
grazed you, didn't they?
1150
00:59:07,195 --> 00:59:10,068
So much texture.
1151
00:59:14,637 --> 00:59:17,902
Yes, it is awful
what happened to
the President's tailor,
1152
00:59:17,945 --> 00:59:20,818
but it will not affect
Monsieur President at all.
1153
00:59:20,860 --> 00:59:23,342
I assure you, he will have enough clothes
1154
00:59:23,385 --> 00:59:25,952
for tomorrow's
Global Economic Summit.
1155
00:59:25,996 --> 00:59:27,302
[LAUGHS]
1156
00:59:28,521 --> 00:59:30,217
Did Henri
have any enemies?
1157
00:59:30,262 --> 00:59:33,525
He was a tailor,
not Juliette Binoche.
1158
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:36,181
I suppose you could
ask his replacement.
1159
00:59:36,224 --> 00:59:37,704
His replacement?
1160
00:59:37,748 --> 00:59:39,487
There he is now.
1161
00:59:39,532 --> 00:59:42,534
The French President's
new wardrobe consultant.
1162
00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,188
Nani's dad!
1163
00:59:44,231 --> 00:59:47,148
Oh, hey, Matilda Jeffries!
Great to see you!
1164
00:59:49,106 --> 00:59:50,543
Oh, no.
1165
00:59:52,849 --> 00:59:54,981
I was filled
with such rage.
1166
00:59:55,025 --> 00:59:56,853
The last time
I was that angry
1167
00:59:56,896 --> 00:59:59,596
was when Katz's phased out
the lamb tongue.
1168
00:59:59,639 --> 01:00:01,728
Where's a guy gotta go
to get a slab of tongue
1169
01:00:01,771 --> 01:00:04,121
with a side
of floymn tzimes?
1170
01:00:04,164 --> 01:00:06,036
You know,
you did kill a model.
1171
01:00:06,079 --> 01:00:07,646
We should probably
deal with that. [CELL PHONE RINGS]
1172
01:00:08,429 --> 01:00:09,780
[GASPS]
1173
01:00:09,822 --> 01:00:12,130
Oh, my God! What is it?
1174
01:00:12,172 --> 01:00:15,786
Rachel Zoe just tweeted
that blacks and whites
are in for fall?
1175
01:00:15,829 --> 01:00:18,222
Oh, and I just
got a text.
1176
01:00:18,266 --> 01:00:20,311
Matilda has been kidnapped!
1177
01:00:27,275 --> 01:00:30,974
Oh, hello, I'm Frankie J-PEG,
fabulous robot stylist
1178
01:00:31,018 --> 01:00:33,454
for Derek Zoolander
and the beautiful Hansel.
1179
01:00:33,498 --> 01:00:36,371
That guy's like
a white chocolate bonbon.
1180
01:00:36,414 --> 01:00:39,157
Today, I want
to talk to all the
young robots out there
1181
01:00:39,199 --> 01:00:41,898
who are bullied,
who are confused,
1182
01:00:41,942 --> 01:00:45,032
who feel like
they're the only
robots in the world.
1183
01:00:45,076 --> 01:00:48,469
Let me tell you,
there's nothing wrong
with your programming.
1184
01:00:48,514 --> 01:00:51,255
There's no reason to
deactivate yourself.
1185
01:00:51,298 --> 01:00:54,954
I'm here to tell you
that it gets upgraded.
1186
01:00:55,476 --> 01:00:58,742
[TUNE PLAYING]
1187
01:00:58,784 --> 01:01:02,570
Like many of you,
I was manufactured
in a small town.
1188
01:01:02,614 --> 01:01:06,706
And I felt alone.
There were no
other robots around.
1189
01:01:06,750 --> 01:01:09,534
I was mistreated
by the other kids.
1190
01:01:09,577 --> 01:01:12,364
They didn't like me,
just because I was
a machine
1191
01:01:12,407 --> 01:01:14,800
capable of
carrying out a complex
1192
01:01:14,844 --> 01:01:17,369
series of actions
automatically.
1193
01:01:17,411 --> 01:01:19,980
I retreated into myself
and my robot music.
1194
01:01:22,416 --> 01:01:23,635
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1195
01:01:29,206 --> 01:01:31,775
My parents
didn't understand me.
1196
01:01:31,818 --> 01:01:33,951
"Why can't you accept me
for who I am?"
1197
01:01:33,994 --> 01:01:36,387
[BUZZING]
1198
01:01:36,431 --> 01:01:39,913
Then I moved
to New York City,
a robot paradise.
1199
01:01:39,956 --> 01:01:41,958
I discovered
robot dance clubs,
1200
01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:43,612
robot bathhouses,
1201
01:01:47,181 --> 01:01:49,967
and of course,
the Robot Pride Parade.
1202
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:03,371
And every day,
old prejudices get deleted.
1203
01:02:03,414 --> 01:02:05,416
We're winning the right
to be legally compatible,
1204
01:02:05,460 --> 01:02:08,594
and to execute commands
for our military.
1205
01:02:08,637 --> 01:02:11,858
So all you robots out there,
and toasters and blenders,
1206
01:02:11,902 --> 01:02:14,731
and even you guys
collecting pebbles on Mars,
1207
01:02:14,773 --> 01:02:18,255
remember, it gets upgraded.
1208
01:02:18,298 --> 01:02:20,474
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING] Oh!
1209
01:02:20,518 --> 01:02:24,130
This is my jam!
Initiate Funkiness Protocol.
1210
01:02:35,315 --> 01:02:38,057
NARRATOR: Ah, Paris,
a city without equal.
1211
01:02:38,101 --> 01:02:41,105
A city of culture,
of thought, of love.
1212
01:02:41,148 --> 01:02:43,672
Hemingway called it
"a moveable feast."
1213
01:02:43,715 --> 01:02:45,543
[SPEAKING FAST] And this
is where the 10-year-old
fashionista Nani
1214
01:02:45,586 --> 01:02:47,284
has captured Matilda
because she was investigating
1215
01:02:47,327 --> 01:02:49,112
the murdered tailors,
which is part of some scheme
1216
01:02:49,155 --> 01:02:50,679
relating to
the Global Economic Summit.
1217
01:02:50,722 --> 01:02:52,594
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
1218
01:02:52,637 --> 01:02:55,074
[SPEAKING NORMALLY]
Is any place more
romantic than Paris?
1219
01:02:55,119 --> 01:02:56,860
Why, Nani?
Why kill those tailors
1220
01:02:56,902 --> 01:02:58,731
and replace them
with your minions?
1221
01:02:58,775 --> 01:03:00,559
Because I want
these world leaders
to dress their best
1222
01:03:00,601 --> 01:03:01,864
at the
Global Economic Summit.
1223
01:03:01,907 --> 01:03:03,648
In my neckties!
1224
01:03:04,257 --> 01:03:05,085
[ROARING]
1225
01:03:05,824 --> 01:03:07,565
The Red Carpet?
1226
01:03:07,608 --> 01:03:09,873
I was able to
replicate it, control it.
1227
01:03:09,916 --> 01:03:12,831
We're kindred spirits,
this alien and I.
1228
01:03:12,876 --> 01:03:16,009
We both crave power.
We both hate
Derek Zoolander.
1229
01:03:16,052 --> 01:03:18,271
Oh, and we both
love One Direction.
1230
01:03:18,315 --> 01:03:20,753
You're going to
kill the world leaders?
1231
01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:23,887
Because of their
restrictive tariff policies
on industrial textiles?
1232
01:03:23,929 --> 01:03:26,672
Okay, I am so not trending you right now.
1233
01:03:26,715 --> 01:03:29,630
I'm after something bigger.
Something I've wanted
since I was a kid.
1234
01:03:31,023 --> 01:03:34,592
Global fashion domination!
1235
01:03:35,985 --> 01:03:37,900
With the Red Carpet
around their necks,
1236
01:03:37,943 --> 01:03:40,425
I can force
the world's leaders
to outfit their armies,
1237
01:03:40,467 --> 01:03:44,168
their policemen, doctors, fast-food cashiers in Nani-wear.
1238
01:03:44,210 --> 01:03:47,561
Think about it,
the entire world,
wearing my designs!
1239
01:03:47,606 --> 01:03:50,914
You're insane. Dad, bring in the models.
1240
01:03:50,956 --> 01:03:53,525
Absolutely. But if we
did want to go check
out the Louvre,
1241
01:03:53,568 --> 01:03:55,309
it closes in an hour.
1242
01:03:55,353 --> 01:03:57,789
Dad!You're right.
Evil plan, then museum.
1243
01:03:59,661 --> 01:04:02,141
When my super cool scheme is complete,
1244
01:04:02,186 --> 01:04:04,884
everyone from soldiers in Sri Lanka to mailmen in Mexico
1245
01:04:04,927 --> 01:04:07,103
will wear my uniquely outrageous designs,
1246
01:04:07,146 --> 01:04:09,889
which Vicemagazine called "Holla!"
1247
01:04:09,932 --> 01:04:12,195
I will dress the globe!
1248
01:04:12,239 --> 01:04:14,719
And if the government
people refuse,
1249
01:04:14,762 --> 01:04:17,375
then they'll get a Windsor
knot they'll never forget.
1250
01:04:17,418 --> 01:04:20,117
Your plan won't work.
Derek and Hansel
will stop you.
1251
01:04:20,159 --> 01:04:22,728
Oh, they'll try,
but this time,
1252
01:04:22,771 --> 01:04:24,903
I've brought backup!
1253
01:04:24,947 --> 01:04:26,514
To, like, kill them.
1254
01:04:26,557 --> 01:04:27,864
[CHUCKLES]
That's my girl!
1255
01:04:31,998 --> 01:04:35,871
I've totally triangulated
Matilda's phone to
the Palais Garnier.
1256
01:04:35,914 --> 01:04:38,918
These satellite images
show Nani arriving in Paris
1257
01:04:38,961 --> 01:04:41,137
with what appears
to be the Red Carpet.
1258
01:04:41,181 --> 01:04:43,661
They must be
planning to attack
the Global Economic Summit.
1259
01:04:45,969 --> 01:04:48,449
Me and Banksy checked
into a day rehab for
shroom-balling,
1260
01:04:48,492 --> 01:04:51,016
and I walked by a TV
showing CNN, okay?
1261
01:04:51,061 --> 01:04:53,541
I tried to drown it out,
but some of it got through!
1262
01:04:53,585 --> 01:04:55,673
Matilda is our priority.
1263
01:04:55,717 --> 01:04:58,503
She's in this mess because I put my career above her.
1264
01:04:58,545 --> 01:05:01,244
If anything happens, I'll never forgive myself.
1265
01:05:01,288 --> 01:05:03,115
It'll be up to you
guys to forgive me.
1266
01:05:03,159 --> 01:05:04,856
Already forgiven, pal.
1267
01:05:04,900 --> 01:05:05,989
[LOUD EXPLOSION]
1268
01:05:06,945 --> 01:05:08,164
We've been hit![ALARM BLARING]
1269
01:05:08,208 --> 01:05:10,123
[CHITTERING]
1270
01:05:10,166 --> 01:05:12,342
A missile?
But I thought this plane
was missile-proof.
1271
01:05:12,385 --> 01:05:14,344
[CHITTERING]
1272
01:05:14,387 --> 01:05:16,521
Missile-resistant? What's the difference?
1273
01:05:19,697 --> 01:05:21,829
Hansel, if we're
about to die,
1274
01:05:21,873 --> 01:05:23,789
I need to upload my
true emotions about you.
1275
01:05:25,485 --> 01:05:26,748
[CHITTERING] [BUZZES]
1276
01:05:38,891 --> 01:05:40,762
You saved us, Accessory,
1277
01:05:40,806 --> 01:05:43,068
but the new plane
will have to come out
of your banana budget.
1278
01:05:43,112 --> 01:05:45,463
Sorry, but we can't
make ejecting out of
planes a habit.
1279
01:05:45,505 --> 01:05:46,985
[CHITTERS SADLY]
1280
01:05:47,030 --> 01:05:49,335
Either the people of
France hate planes,
1281
01:05:49,380 --> 01:05:50,989
or Nani knew
we were coming.
1282
01:05:51,034 --> 01:05:53,123
WOMAN: Of course she knew.
1283
01:05:53,166 --> 01:05:55,342
That's why she sent
us to welcome you.
1284
01:05:55,385 --> 01:05:56,429
The Slit Skirt!
1285
01:05:58,954 --> 01:06:01,958
NARRATOR:
From around the world,
well, LA and New York,
1286
01:06:02,001 --> 01:06:04,568
Nani has recruited
Derek Zoolander's
deadliest foes.
1287
01:06:05,222 --> 01:06:06,266
[NARRATOR READING]
1288
01:06:17,451 --> 01:06:19,931
How are we possibly gonna beat them? I mean, we'd have to...
1289
01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:22,065
[NARRATOR CONTINUES READING]
1290
01:06:33,771 --> 01:06:35,773
The Star Fucker.
1291
01:06:35,817 --> 01:06:38,646
So I was
in the Virgo cluster
with Olivia Wilde,
1292
01:06:38,690 --> 01:06:40,474
you know Livvy.
Yeah, she's great.
1293
01:06:42,998 --> 01:06:45,088
Okay, we need to come up with a strategy.
1294
01:06:45,130 --> 01:06:46,436
If we're gonna get past them and find Matilda...
1295
01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:47,438
[NARRATOR READING]
1296
01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:56,447
[DUBSTEP PLAYING]
1297
01:07:02,322 --> 01:07:03,106
[GROWLS]
1298
01:07:07,545 --> 01:07:09,199
Everyone spread out.
1299
01:07:09,242 --> 01:07:10,722
We'll have to
pick them off
one by one if...
1300
01:07:10,764 --> 01:07:12,114
NARRATOR:
Muffin Top, Butterface,
1301
01:07:12,157 --> 01:07:14,030
The Blazer, Psy-Clops,
1302
01:07:14,072 --> 01:07:16,161
Kate Moth,
Tyra-saurus Banks,
1303
01:07:16,206 --> 01:07:18,077
Darc Jacobs, Skinny Gene,
1304
01:07:18,121 --> 01:07:19,947
The Uggs, The Crocs,
1305
01:07:19,992 --> 01:07:22,559
Count Drake-ula
and Werewolf Blitzer.
1306
01:07:22,603 --> 01:07:25,170
Breaking news,
I am going to eat you.
1307
01:07:30,045 --> 01:07:31,786
Let's do this.
Wait, not yet.
1308
01:07:35,572 --> 01:07:37,791
My tuches!
1309
01:07:37,835 --> 01:07:40,447
NARRATOR: It's about to
go down, the epic battle
1310
01:07:40,490 --> 01:07:43,320
of good-looking
versus evil to decide
the fate of fashion.
1311
01:07:43,362 --> 01:07:45,496
But there appears to
be room for one more.
1312
01:07:46,974 --> 01:07:48,280
Tim Gunn?
1313
01:07:49,891 --> 01:07:52,110
Let's make it work,
you sons of bitches.
1314
01:07:59,161 --> 01:08:00,163
Hey, Suzie.
1315
01:08:03,469 --> 01:08:05,123
Hey, Jeremy.Oh!
1316
01:08:05,168 --> 01:08:07,126
Again? Now what?
1317
01:08:07,170 --> 01:08:09,519
Looks like Suzie's not
giving you the time of day,
1318
01:08:09,563 --> 01:08:11,478
which I think
is noon-thirty.
1319
01:08:11,521 --> 01:08:13,567
Yeah. I even wore
my new shorts.
1320
01:08:13,610 --> 01:08:15,873
The problem is,
you're walking by her,
1321
01:08:15,916 --> 01:08:18,442
but you need to
be walking by her.
1322
01:08:25,188 --> 01:08:27,581
What are you
talking about?
[YELLING]
1323
01:08:29,930 --> 01:08:33,109
To get people's attention,
you need to have
confidence and style.
1324
01:08:33,152 --> 01:08:35,154
Unreal cheekbones
don't hurt.
1325
01:08:35,198 --> 01:08:37,113
Look how I
own this room.
1326
01:08:38,417 --> 01:08:39,506
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]
1327
01:08:44,815 --> 01:08:45,643
[GROANS]
1328
01:08:48,253 --> 01:08:49,560
[WHISTLING AND CHEERING]
1329
01:08:49,994 --> 01:08:51,344
Now you try.
1330
01:08:55,609 --> 01:08:58,264
Be more confidental!
No smiling!
1331
01:08:58,307 --> 01:09:00,744
This is a fashion show,
not a hot-rock colonic.
1332
01:09:04,444 --> 01:09:05,576
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]
1333
01:09:11,625 --> 01:09:12,844
[ALL CLAMORING] Jeremy!
1334
01:09:12,886 --> 01:09:13,845
Over here, over here.
1335
01:09:24,725 --> 01:09:27,597
That's the spirit.
Now, what was that
problem you were having?
1336
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:28,903
Something about a girl?
1337
01:09:28,947 --> 01:09:30,470
Who cares?
1338
01:09:30,514 --> 01:09:34,082
And who are you?
Where's my diet water?
1339
01:09:34,126 --> 01:09:36,171
And that's Model Behavior.
1340
01:09:42,395 --> 01:09:44,528
NARRATOR: When we last left
our stylish ensemble,
1341
01:09:44,570 --> 01:09:47,095
little Nani, the felonious
fashion phenom,
1342
01:09:47,139 --> 01:09:49,314
had recruited all
of Derek Zoolander's
most evil foes
1343
01:09:49,359 --> 01:09:51,708
for a battle royal
in the heart of Paris.
1344
01:09:51,752 --> 01:09:53,275
Move over, guys!
1345
01:09:53,319 --> 01:09:55,146
Oh, screw this.
1346
01:09:55,190 --> 01:09:57,149
Maury-Hulk smash!
[ROARS]
1347
01:10:05,548 --> 01:10:06,288
[SCREECHING]
1348
01:10:06,810 --> 01:10:07,594
[GRUNTING]
1349
01:10:13,818 --> 01:10:16,037
Oh, such withering glares.
1350
01:10:16,081 --> 01:10:18,692
If Derek and his friends can't defeat these creeps of couture,
1351
01:10:18,735 --> 01:10:20,694
the leaders at the Global Economic Summit
1352
01:10:20,738 --> 01:10:23,175
will be defenseless against Nani and the Red Carpet.
1353
01:10:23,219 --> 01:10:24,306
[SING-SONG] Recap.
1354
01:10:30,313 --> 01:10:32,618
Nani's friends are doing
a bang-up job out there.
1355
01:10:32,662 --> 01:10:33,967
Good on them.
1356
01:10:36,014 --> 01:10:38,537
How could you
let your daughter do
something so despicable?
1357
01:10:38,582 --> 01:10:41,279
[CHUCKLES] I take it
you don't have children?
1358
01:10:41,323 --> 01:10:42,934
You see,
I believe in encouraging
1359
01:10:42,976 --> 01:10:44,283
what your child
is interested in.
1360
01:10:44,327 --> 01:10:45,979
I have an
older son, Elliott.
1361
01:10:46,024 --> 01:10:48,331
He loves the clarinet.
1362
01:10:48,373 --> 01:10:51,072
So we pay for his lessons,
take him to the orchestra,
1363
01:10:51,115 --> 01:10:53,378
I chaperoned
his jazz trio when they
got to play at SeaWorld.
1364
01:10:53,900 --> 01:10:55,599
Now with Nani,
1365
01:10:55,641 --> 01:10:57,470
she's always
been interested in
1366
01:10:57,514 --> 01:10:59,297
fashion-based
criminal activity.
1367
01:10:59,341 --> 01:11:01,126
So that's what
I help her with.
1368
01:11:01,168 --> 01:11:04,042
That is what being
a dad's all about.
1369
01:11:04,085 --> 01:11:05,912
Anyway, let's get
that gag back in.
1370
01:11:05,957 --> 01:11:07,262
[MUFFLED YELLING]
1371
01:11:08,828 --> 01:11:09,655
[YAPS]
1372
01:11:13,311 --> 01:11:14,139
[CHITTERS]
1373
01:11:14,792 --> 01:11:16,010
Jungle Fever!
1374
01:11:35,073 --> 01:11:35,899
Oops.
1375
01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:46,431
Gentlemen, we just
solved world hunger
and global warming.
1376
01:11:46,475 --> 01:11:49,347
This is the most productive meeting we've ever had.
1377
01:11:49,391 --> 01:11:51,394
Who's up for ending discrimination of any kind? [GASPS]
1378
01:11:51,872 --> 01:11:54,047
[GROWLING]
1379
01:11:54,091 --> 01:11:57,355
Hi, guys! Is it too
late to add something
to your agenda? LOL.
1380
01:12:00,619 --> 01:12:03,536
So guess what? You're going to outfit all your grown-ups,
1381
01:12:03,579 --> 01:12:05,712
I'm talking
armies, navies,
1382
01:12:05,756 --> 01:12:07,583
the lady who gives you
the sticker at the doctor,
1383
01:12:07,627 --> 01:12:10,890
exclusively in Nani couture.
1384
01:12:10,935 --> 01:12:14,939
Korea, your cops
are going to rock
my two-tone fur tuxedos.
1385
01:12:14,981 --> 01:12:17,420
Uruguay,
I've designed chenille
and nylon jumpsuits
1386
01:12:17,462 --> 01:12:19,377
for your firefighters.
1387
01:12:19,421 --> 01:12:21,337
But that is
highly flammable!
1388
01:12:21,380 --> 01:12:24,818
OMG, what was I thinking?
1389
01:12:24,862 --> 01:12:26,863
Fashion over function,
Uruguay!
1390
01:12:27,430 --> 01:12:28,604
[CHOKING]
1391
01:12:31,128 --> 01:12:35,350
Anyone else want to be all like, "That is highly flammable"?
1392
01:12:35,394 --> 01:12:36,481
How about you, Finland?
1393
01:12:38,310 --> 01:12:40,573
Good. Then give
the order to your
1394
01:12:40,617 --> 01:12:42,966
interior secretaries
or treasury people...
1395
01:12:43,010 --> 01:12:44,969
Look, I'm a fourth grader,
1396
01:12:45,011 --> 01:12:46,622
I don't know how to run
your dumb countries.
1397
01:12:46,666 --> 01:12:48,189
Just pass a law
or whatever.
1398
01:12:55,545 --> 01:12:56,676
[GROWLING]
1399
01:13:01,288 --> 01:13:04,988
Tim Gunn pulled
into the Glory Hole...
1400
01:13:05,032 --> 01:13:08,252
There's a joke
to be made here,
but I'm not touching it.
1401
01:13:08,296 --> 01:13:09,079
Oh, my God!
1402
01:13:10,472 --> 01:13:12,170
Yo. Give me a boost, Evil Kanye West!
1403
01:13:16,609 --> 01:13:17,828
[SPEAKING APE LANGUAGE]
1404
01:13:29,882 --> 01:13:32,451
You're in the
Situation Room!
1405
01:13:32,494 --> 01:13:33,452
[HOWLING]
1406
01:13:39,371 --> 01:13:41,372
Doesn't look good, amigo. We're outnumbered.
1407
01:13:41,851 --> 01:13:43,287
Or are we?
1408
01:13:43,331 --> 01:13:44,506
Yeah, there's
like 20 of them.
1409
01:13:44,550 --> 01:13:45,985
And there's only four of us,
1410
01:13:46,029 --> 01:13:47,378
plus a monkey and Tim Gunn.
1411
01:13:47,422 --> 01:13:49,119
Or is there?
1412
01:13:49,162 --> 01:13:50,251
I'll count again
if you want, but...
1413
01:13:50,295 --> 01:13:51,862
Wait a minute, DZ.
1414
01:13:51,904 --> 01:13:53,819
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
1415
01:13:53,863 --> 01:13:56,735
I haven't actually
said it, but yes.
1416
01:13:56,779 --> 01:13:59,783
You can't try that look. It almost killed you.
1417
01:13:59,826 --> 01:14:03,264
I'm more powerful now.
I can do it.
I have to do it.
1418
01:14:03,307 --> 01:14:04,962
For Matilda.
1419
01:14:05,005 --> 01:14:07,573
Okay. For Matilda.
1420
01:14:07,617 --> 01:14:10,662
I'll distract them. I hope I'll be seeing more of you.
1421
01:14:11,925 --> 01:14:14,145
Multi-Vitamin!
1422
01:14:14,188 --> 01:14:15,407
[GRUNTING]
1423
01:14:24,850 --> 01:14:26,896
Hey. Great cheekbones.Nice outfit.
1424
01:14:26,939 --> 01:14:28,463
You work out? What's your
moisturizing regimen?
1425
01:14:28,506 --> 01:14:30,161
You can hardly tell
you've had work done.
1426
01:14:30,203 --> 01:14:31,554
Are you a member
of Soho House? I have to borrow those pants.
1427
01:14:31,596 --> 01:14:32,511
Didn't we meet at
that thing for Gisele?
1428
01:14:37,385 --> 01:14:38,516
[SHRIEKING]
1429
01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,997
Take that, Hipster Beards!
1430
01:14:41,041 --> 01:14:44,435
You can't kill me!
I've got a listening party
tonight for CeeLo!
1431
01:14:47,046 --> 01:14:48,047
[ROARS]
1432
01:14:53,444 --> 01:14:54,314
Ahh!
1433
01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:07,458
That's not possible!
A whole truck of pate?
1434
01:15:08,328 --> 01:15:09,853
We are definitely in France.
1435
01:15:11,158 --> 01:15:12,769
Let her go, Nani's dad!
1436
01:15:14,552 --> 01:15:15,466
Derek!
1437
01:15:28,305 --> 01:15:30,046
No! You killed him!
1438
01:15:30,090 --> 01:15:33,180
Oh, no. No. Oh!
1439
01:15:33,224 --> 01:15:36,182
Trevor, what have
you done? Ah!
1440
01:15:36,226 --> 01:15:38,533
I just wanted my beautiful little girl to be happy.
1441
01:15:38,577 --> 01:15:40,536
I didn't want to kill Derek Zoolander. Geez.
1442
01:15:41,579 --> 01:15:43,103
Well, only one thing
left to do!
1443
01:15:43,146 --> 01:15:44,060
[GUNSHOT]
1444
01:15:44,627 --> 01:15:45,975
[SCREAMING]
1445
01:15:48,891 --> 01:15:51,676
Gosh darn it, Trevor, can't you do anything right?
1446
01:15:52,765 --> 01:15:54,462
Ohh!
1447
01:15:54,506 --> 01:15:57,203
I am so sorry about all of this.
1448
01:15:57,247 --> 01:15:58,510
Would you mind finishing me off?
1449
01:16:00,467 --> 01:16:02,122
Sorry, half-head.
1450
01:16:02,166 --> 01:16:03,341
There'll be no more
shame-shooting today.
1451
01:16:05,082 --> 01:16:08,301
Derek? But how did...
1452
01:16:08,345 --> 01:16:10,521
Multi-Vitamin?
I thought that
was too risky.
1453
01:16:11,349 --> 01:16:13,046
You're worth the risk.
1454
01:16:17,354 --> 01:16:19,139
He was a good Zoolander.
1455
01:16:21,140 --> 01:16:22,664
I'm just gonna take his watch. It's a Movado.
1456
01:16:24,274 --> 01:16:25,057
[CHOKING]
1457
01:16:26,451 --> 01:16:28,018
This is epic!
1458
01:16:28,060 --> 01:16:30,454
China's entire military
1459
01:16:30,497 --> 01:16:33,109
in deconstructed dolphin skin wedding dresses.
1460
01:16:33,153 --> 01:16:35,416
They're inspired
by Siamese Dream,
1461
01:16:35,460 --> 01:16:38,418
which is like my
all-time favorite
Smashing Pumpkins album.
1462
01:16:38,462 --> 01:16:40,203
I'm into a lot of stuff
from before I was born.
1463
01:16:41,640 --> 01:16:43,162
Hansel?
1464
01:16:43,207 --> 01:16:45,948
Nani, your fashion
show is over!
1465
01:16:45,992 --> 01:16:48,604
You killed Jose Artitas,
President of Uruguay!
1466
01:16:48,646 --> 01:16:49,692
Damn it, CNN.
1467
01:16:53,260 --> 01:16:54,871
I love your look.
1468
01:16:54,913 --> 01:16:57,046
The sandals give
it a flowy, '70s,
1469
01:16:57,090 --> 01:16:59,396
Joni Mitchell,
Laurel Canyon vibe.
1470
01:16:59,439 --> 01:17:01,617
But you're not
going to stop me.
Red Carpet, reassemble!
1471
01:17:08,014 --> 01:17:10,320
You're going to
fight with a hairbrush?
1472
01:17:10,363 --> 01:17:12,627
Or do you just want to look good before I make you all dead?
1473
01:17:12,671 --> 01:17:14,194
Oh, I always look good.
1474
01:17:21,810 --> 01:17:23,639
I mean, sure, I need
a spirulina smoothie
1475
01:17:23,681 --> 01:17:25,552
in the morning to
feel good, but...
1476
01:17:26,466 --> 01:17:27,773
[LAUGHS]
1477
01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:30,470
Where do you think you're going?
1478
01:17:30,515 --> 01:17:31,994
As soon as it's done eating Hansel,
1479
01:17:32,037 --> 01:17:32,908
it's going right back on your necks.
1480
01:17:33,300 --> 01:17:35,171
LOLOL.
1481
01:17:35,215 --> 01:17:37,435
You use LOL
at strange times.
1482
01:17:37,913 --> 01:17:39,002
[GROWLING]
1483
01:17:39,567 --> 01:17:40,612
Hansel!
1484
01:17:43,570 --> 01:17:45,269
Frankie, what are you doing?
1485
01:17:45,311 --> 01:17:48,837
Hansel, you hacked
into my heart drive,
1486
01:17:48,881 --> 01:17:52,971
and so remember this fabulous
bucket of bolts and circuits
1487
01:17:53,015 --> 01:17:56,323
was capable...
Capable of loving you.
1488
01:18:00,327 --> 01:18:02,807
Initiate self-destruct.
Oh, there's the
Musee d'Orsay!
1489
01:18:08,073 --> 01:18:11,643
Oh, Frankie. If only I had
been gay and into robots,
1490
01:18:11,686 --> 01:18:14,471
but everyone knows
I'm bi and into mannequins.
1491
01:18:17,082 --> 01:18:20,260
My Red Carpet!
He was just
a deadly alien monster.
1492
01:18:20,304 --> 01:18:21,347
What did he
ever do to you?
1493
01:18:21,391 --> 01:18:22,305
Ow!
1494
01:18:23,916 --> 01:18:26,222
That's my fashion-designing hand!
1495
01:18:26,265 --> 01:18:28,965
Without the Red Carpet,
you've got nothing, Nani.
1496
01:18:29,007 --> 01:18:30,748
You're just
a scared little boy.
1497
01:18:30,792 --> 01:18:34,360
Girl, girl, girl!
1498
01:18:34,404 --> 01:18:36,015
A scared,
confused little boy.
1499
01:18:38,496 --> 01:18:40,759
Don't come any closer,
Zoolander,
1500
01:18:40,802 --> 01:18:42,412
or the President of the Republic of Chad gets it!
1501
01:18:44,894 --> 01:18:48,854
Good try, but there is no
"Republic of Chad."
1502
01:18:48,898 --> 01:18:51,465
Here's a message from
the Commonwealth of Derek.
1503
01:18:51,509 --> 01:18:52,770
Crushed Denim!
1504
01:18:54,207 --> 01:18:55,252
[SCREAMS]
1505
01:18:55,295 --> 01:18:57,253
No!
1506
01:18:58,515 --> 01:19:00,212
We did it, Hansel.
1507
01:19:00,256 --> 01:19:02,606
The world is safe from Nani's fashion terrorism.
1508
01:19:02,649 --> 01:19:05,783
But Derek,
Chad is a real country.
1509
01:19:05,828 --> 01:19:08,395
I know because I once
had a three-way with
a model from Chad,
1510
01:19:08,439 --> 01:19:10,092
and Chad Lowe.
1511
01:19:10,136 --> 01:19:12,529
Oh, well, it sounds pretty fake.
1512
01:19:12,573 --> 01:19:14,096
Don't worry.
I caught Chad.
1513
01:19:14,140 --> 01:19:15,402
Good work, Derek!
1514
01:19:17,448 --> 01:19:18,362
Take him away!
1515
01:19:19,711 --> 01:19:24,454
"Take her away."
I'm a girl.
1516
01:19:24,497 --> 01:19:27,283
I've got a feeling
we'll be seeing Nani again.
1517
01:19:27,327 --> 01:19:28,458
[MOANING]
1518
01:19:30,765 --> 01:19:32,636
Nice. You earned it, guys.
1519
01:19:37,033 --> 01:19:38,207
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
1520
01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:51,569
A toast!
To Matilda's new job
at The New York Times.
1521
01:19:51,612 --> 01:19:54,136
Well, technically, it's captioning their Instagram feed,
1522
01:19:54,180 --> 01:19:55,442
but there's a lot you can get across
1523
01:19:55,485 --> 01:19:56,529
when you're limited to just a few...
1524
01:19:56,573 --> 01:19:57,836
Frankie Two? A refill?
1525
01:20:03,755 --> 01:20:05,844
Hey! Frankie Two?
1526
01:20:05,887 --> 01:20:09,891
Oops. I guess I was
rebuilt with, like,
80% more cattiness.
1527
01:20:09,935 --> 01:20:11,719
Now D'Jangelo has to take off her shirt,
1528
01:20:11,762 --> 01:20:14,287
which will lead to us having sex, so,
1529
01:20:14,331 --> 01:20:15,636
thanks, Frankie Two.
1530
01:20:16,594 --> 01:20:18,509
[BUZZING]
1531
01:20:18,551 --> 01:20:21,511
That's fantastic! No, you're the schmuck.
1532
01:20:22,338 --> 01:20:24,210
That was Donna Karan.
1533
01:20:24,253 --> 01:20:27,256
She wants you to be the new faces of her spring line.
1534
01:20:27,300 --> 01:20:30,128
That is, if you can take a break from stopping no-goodniks
1535
01:20:30,172 --> 01:20:32,653
and finally focus
on your careers.
1536
01:20:32,697 --> 01:20:34,524
Of course, Maury.
We don't need
1537
01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:36,309
to solve every
crisis that comes along.
1538
01:20:36,353 --> 01:20:37,614
We're just models. [CRASHING]
1539
01:20:40,922 --> 01:20:44,448
Attention! Our day of
vengeance is at hand!
1540
01:20:44,490 --> 01:20:48,452
All models who
have ever worn the
skins of our brethren
1541
01:20:48,494 --> 01:20:50,279
line up against the wall!
1542
01:20:55,632 --> 01:20:58,417
NARRATOR: How will
our heroic hunks stop these
blood-crazed critters?
1543
01:20:58,462 --> 01:21:00,855
Tune in next time...
Oh, what's that?
1544
01:21:00,899 --> 01:21:02,770
This is the last chapter?
1545
01:21:02,814 --> 01:21:05,381
Well, someone
write some fan fiction.
Please! I need closure!
1546
01:21:34,063 --> 01:21:36,368
All right, Accessory,
we'll be out all night
1547
01:21:36,412 --> 01:21:38,980
at this benefit for children with bad fashion sense.
1548
01:21:39,024 --> 01:21:41,765
I don't want you getting
into any trouble
while we're gone.
1549
01:21:41,809 --> 01:21:44,029
Don't break my trophies
for Most Best Model,
1550
01:21:44,073 --> 01:21:46,248
or spill Hansel's jar
of gluten-free gluten.
1551
01:21:46,292 --> 01:21:47,945
And whatever you do,
1552
01:21:47,989 --> 01:21:50,034
don't open this box
of poisonous snakes
1553
01:21:50,078 --> 01:21:52,255
I received as a gift
from Harmony Korine.
1554
01:21:52,297 --> 01:21:53,690
I don't even
want to think about
1555
01:21:53,734 --> 01:21:55,387
how much trouble
that would cause. [CHITTERS]
1556
01:21:55,431 --> 01:21:56,868
Okay, bye!
1557
01:21:57,476 --> 01:21:58,216
[DOOR CLOSES]
1558
01:22:32,337 --> 01:22:35,471
MAN: [ON RADIO] Private
equity fund managers are
reducing their investments
1559
01:22:35,515 --> 01:22:37,864
after news of
the government bailout.
1560
01:22:37,908 --> 01:22:39,997
The European rescue fund
1561
01:22:40,042 --> 01:22:42,347
would protect France
and Italy from any risk
1562
01:22:42,391 --> 01:22:45,264
spreading from
the crisis in Spain.
1563
01:22:45,307 --> 01:22:49,225
But in the US Congress,
the joint "Super Committee"
has only
1564
01:22:49,268 --> 01:22:51,792
three weeks
to come up with
a deficit-reduction plan.
1565
01:22:52,967 --> 01:22:54,011
[HISSING]
1566
01:23:21,082 --> 01:23:23,301
You stayed out of
trouble like always.
1567
01:23:23,345 --> 01:23:26,131
No matter how
crazy life gets, you
really keep me centered.
1568
01:23:26,697 --> 01:23:28,524
Good night, son.
110163
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof