Original subtitles

People always say you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.

And then you can get your friends to look after your family. The silly pigeon

had run away forever.

And leave everybody behind.

This made him a sad silly pigeon.

It's a bit grim, no?

I am.

Time got it for me when Dad died so I'd understand.

You know someone is a proper friend when they're there for you when you need

them the most.

Everyone needs a friend.

Where's mine?

I only had enough money for one, so we're going to have to share.

I'm so sick of this place.

Cork is just a dead end.

We're broke.

We can't get jobs.

We're still living at home with my annoying man dickhead guard in the

can't even get any sleep because that baby's crying all the time.

We always said we needed to get out of this place.

And tried.

But here we are, still, years later, sharing a lolly. What about Star, like?

Well, you don't even have access to her.

If you go abroad and make shitloads of money, you can prove yourself and be a

proper dad.

You'll never be able to do that here.

No, no, you are right. You are right. I just, I obviously had to ask her or else

I wouldn't be a good dad.

All right, where do we go?

All right.

Tenerife. Tenerife. Think about it, boy. It's like going on holidays, but you

never have to come home. Yeah, and you can work in the sun, boy, and smoke

fags in Ireland. Exactly, boy. Can you imagine living on an island?

That would be unbelievable, boy. Tenerife's clad. Surrounded by water.

unreal. Here, we've got an announcement to make.

We are moving to Tenerife.

That's a great idea.

Aw, thanks, Healy.

Not?

You wouldn't your whole survive in Tenerife. Better than surviving in this

shithole. We might actually thrive in Tenerife.

Conor, you can't go anywhere. The farther you go from this house, the more

trouble you get in. You belong here. Even I have come to terms with that.

All right?

Can you do that somewhere else?

No, I can't. All right? I'm up against Lara Gibson for this promotion, and he

perfect.

Not in a woman way, in a guard way.

What was that for? For being a shit friend.

What did you hit me for?

Guilty by association.

I got stuck in the floor of my house for two days. Two fucking days.

It's not funny. It's not funny. Don't laugh.

I almost soiled myself.

I could have died on my own and you didn't even show up for me.

Billy, since when is it my responsibility to check if you're alive

haven't seen you?

Since we're friends, you'd show up for him, though. Yeah, that's different.

We always know where each other are, so that would be impossible. Billy, why are

you here? Did you come here just to punch us or what?

No.

Look, I've got this big...

job on and who's going to offer you first refusal because we're friends.

We are still friends, aren't we? Yeah, we're still friends.

I have a heist.

It's in a whiskey distillery. Some of the bottles are sold for 20 ,000 euros

each. 20 grand? And they make a shit ton of them. They wouldn't even know if

some of them weren't missing.

And as far as the job is concerned, a fucking monkey could do it.

That's what he thought of you.

Well, I'm not a monkey. I'm a primate. No, but honestly, it's the easiest money

you're ever going to make.

Hi. We're in.

Yeah, we're in.

We? Yeah, we. Yeah, we. There's no we.

Oh, he comes swanning back in like a, like a, like a fucking swan. No, no, no,

no. Two -man job. Me, you.

Billy, I'm not doing it unless Jack's involved.

That's the plan. We're walking.

All right, but I don't want to hear nothing from you about an equal split.

right.

33%, that's it.

Each. Yeah, Grant. Not a chance, Billy. That's not fair at all. Yeah, no.

That's it.

Very funny.

You mean?

It's really dead. Quite, really.

I'm fairly nervous. I was only doing the hand thing. Yeah, it's kind of our

thing, all right? All right.

Let's go to work.

Come on, Jack.

I'll say it again.

I have a cousin who's working on the inside.

And he's going to sneak us in like the Greeks did with that big Trojan horse

thingy in Troy. Oh, yeah. What would that call you in?

A big sneaky wooden horse of Troy.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. What we're looking for are these beauties.

Pilvera. 50 -year -old triple distilled whiskey.

Very, very rare.

That's for 20 grand.

Once we have these, we get changed in to the security guard uniforms that my

cousin has stashed off.

Then we set off the fire alarm and we just walk out the door in all the

confusion. What's going on here? Oh, what's going on here?

Nothing. We're, um...

It sort of felt like we were in

Austin's Eleven.

I haven't seen the first ten, but they made it look kinda sexy.

Instead, we were in the dark, getting rolled around in old barrels and ended

with a load of splinters in our holes.

Are you

serious?

Oh, shit.

In and out.

Easiest money you'll ever earn. A monkey could do it. Don't blame me. My cousin

said the alarm was going to be deactivated all day Wednesday.

By Tuesday.

It's hardly a foolproof plan, are you, Billy?

You calling me a fool?

Hello? Go, go, go, go.

Hello?

Who's there?

Come out now.

I have a taser.

I know you're there.

I can hear you.

I can smell you.

There's no point in hiding like a chicken shit.

Who are you calling a chicken shit?

Right!

Hey! Better have your taser.

We needed a change of plan.

And if there's one thing me and Jock can do, it's blend in. Don't be afraid of

it. We're going to get properly stuck into it.

Everyone knows Americans can't drink till they're 20 wine. But they have to

over here to learn how to do it properly.

They've got to learn from the best, I suppose.

Excuse me. This is the private tour for our American guest.

Well, fully aware.

That it is a private tour, sir.

My friend and I here are Americans.

What? Isn't that right, Kyle?

G'day, mate.

I need to go for a piss, so I'll go a little loose. But back now.

You're what?

I can't do Americans. Just go on, all right?

Please continue.

Can you hurry up? We're going to the Blarney Stone early in the morning.

Yeah, always learn, isn't it?

So we're going to take a sip.

I can't believe you two pricks ran off and left me trapped in there.

There's no point blaming it, you know, is it?

Attention, there's been a break -in. Be on the lookout for three men acting

suspiciously. We need to move over here as quickly as we possibly can.

Excusez -moi.

Do you have a description?

Yes. Two in their 20s and one in their 50s.

50s? I'm in my prime.

Copy that.

That's them all right. They're on the tour.

No, no. Okay.

Everybody be cool.

Put your hands up in the air.

That's a 20 -year -old triple distilled single pot whiskey.

Is that one of the good wines?

Yeah.

Where do you keep the shitter wine?

Middle shelf there.

Jack, you take this one.

Hands in the air. Yeah. Don't move.

Don't move.

Hands up. Hands up. Relax.

Relax. Keep your hands up. Yeah.

Operation nap time complete.

Conor and Jack are out and the baby's asleep.

We give the whole house to her now.

Great, isn't it? Yeah.

I'm going to polish my baton.

Maybe I can polish your baton for you. No, you're grand. It's a specific

technique. You kind of got to do it in circles.

For a guard, you are really bad at taking cues.

Do you want to write?

Yeah, of course.

Developing scenes here in Cork this evening as a robbery turns into a

situation. Three male suspects are holding a group of tourists hostage.

Love, there are thousands of criminals in Cork, okay? Not every crime is Connor

and Jock, yeah? But, I mean, I've been paranoid. ...TV footage from the scene

shows the suspects.

They have now been identified as Connor McSweeney... Tony!

...Jock O 'Keefe... Oh, great.

Look, Mom!

What's on the telly? Jesus Christ!

He's been out for five minutes!

Let's end this with a stupid idea. We have you surrounded.

Look, they're going to want to negotiate.

The most important thing is we don't let them get in our heads.

Connor, my name is Sergeant Gibson.

You're too emotional.

Aren't you? Fine, yeah, fine, go.

Okay.

All right.

Conor speaking.

Show ahead, Conor.

I just wanted to get to Tenerife, all right? I didn't know this was going to

happen. I just broke the seatbelt.

I didn't mean to... Relax, relax.

If they hear fear in your voice, they're going to know.

They're going to think we're amateurs.

Well, we are amateurs. What they're going to need is clear and precise

They're going to run in here and kill every one of us.

Not all of us.

Stay with me, Conor.

They're still there.

Conor again.

We have some very clear and precise demands.

We would like... Three... Pockets.

And three motorbikes as well.

That's going to take time to organise, Conor.

No, but that's a good thing, that's a good thing. Say more weird shit and

they'll buy our time.

We want three cock jerseys and... A portable tree. A portable tree.

House. A portable tree house. Yeah. And a plane to get us out of here.

That can land on water. One of those planes that can land on water so you can

land near an island.

Yeah. The ones in Indiana Jones.

I'll see what I can do.

But in the meantime, as a sign of good faith, I'm going to need you to release

two hostages, Connor.

Just give them.

Two of the most unhealthy looking ones.

I got

here as soon as I could.

Right. The little one trusts me now and he's scared. I'm in his head.

Good work, Sergeant Gibson.

What can I do to help?

You can start by standing on the other side of that tape.

He can't be involved considering his conflict of interest.

I don't have conflicted interests. Two of the three suspects live with you. One

of them is your stepson.

If those two boys were curry, your arsehole would be burning.

Yeah, I can't eat curry, so the joke's on you, Gibson.

She's right.

Stand down. He's not my stepson, okay? He's my wife's fuck -up of a son, all

right? That's just an unfortunate circumstance.

My priority is my job.

The missus doesn't look too happy to hear that.

Nice, Tony.

Mireille, I didn't mean it like that, okay?

Come here, come here.

I was thinking, okay, I've seen this thing on the telly, right?

Where people fall in love with their kidnappers, okay? It's called Stockdown

Syndrome, right?

They're most of them a bit old to be trying to get the shift.

What? No, not the shift, you idiot, boy.

I'm saying, though, if we can get them to like us, boy, surely that's a good

thing. Get them on our side.

Cavalry, how can we get them to like us?

The same, boy.

All Irish people get foreigner to like them.

Billy's uncle is actually Michael Collins.

Yeah, but not Dean Michael Collins.

Michael Collins, he used to have a chip for embarrassment.

My stepmom's aunt is from Donegal.

So you are Irish?

I love Ireland. It's so beautiful.

It's a bit shit when you don't have any money. Come on, that's everywhere,

sweetie.

How come you didn't move here at all?

Well, you know, it's not...

Home is where you feel safe and complete.

Besides, the water here gives me the squirt.

Beam. USA!

USA! USA!

Very real!

Very real!

What a chance, boy. That was the 20 grand bottle, you idiot.

What? Sure doesn't taste like 20 grand.

He wouldn't have used that one if you had told him, all right? You just...

to be likeable, remember? Calmed down.

You just cost me 20 grand. Why did I drag you two along?

We didn't ask to come here, all right? You invited us.

I was being a good friend, and look where that got me. Oh, a friend. Why,

throw punches around like it's confetti, all right? You're the worst friend I've

ever had. You forgot all about me when he swanned back into town, and then you

just mess up my heist. I'm not the one who triggered the alarm, because I can't

tell the difference between Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

Oh, watch it. Or what, mate?

Oh, let me guess. You're going to kick the shit out of us.

I thought, you know what? Maybe Billy's all right.

Maybe he's changed.

Oh, and then you go full psycho Billy and make everyone around you suffer.

Oh, here we go. The truth is that we're not friends now, are we? Oh, you want

the truth, mate? Friends don't do bad shit to each other to make themselves

good. Friends do good things to big each other up.

You've never been a good friend in your entire life. Kind. Kind.

Connor!

Connor, come to the door, Connor.

Mine? Ma 'am,

I'm sorry.

I didn't think we were going to get caught.

That's the problem, Connor.

You never think.

All the things you've done, this is the worst.

The hostages?

This is only going to end one way.

We don't even have anything to show for it and there's no way out.

Look, we're going to turn ourselves in.

What? Oh, well, we can't do it. I'll never see Star again.

Ma 'am's right.

The only way to get out of this is to do the right thing.

You better hope none of those hostages are hurt.

They're not violent boys, okay? They're just idiots.

They never hurt any of them.

Is that right?

Thanks for that.

Wait, Con, Con.

Remember the bedtime story I used to read you?

Ma 'am, I don't think now is the right time to be bringing up big boys do we.

Oh, shut up. Not that one.

Do you remember the silly pigeon?

Yeah. Con, I think you need to be the silly pigeon.

But isn't that the one where the pigeon runs away and doesn't come back?

Forever.

What do you want?

Can you put Star on the phone there, please?

It's a bit cheeky calling from a crime scene asking to talk to Star. Sorry, I'm

sorry, okay? But me and Con, we messed up, all right? And we're going to have

probably go away for a while.

And it's not fair to you to tell Star. So can you just put her on the phone? I

should do it. I'm her dad.

Star, come here.

I guess you're not okay.

Hi, Dad. I saw you on the TV.

Hoist there.

Myself and Con are probably going to have to go away for a little while,

Like a holiday?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like on a holiday, yeah.

I'll go pack my swim togs in my bag.

No, love.

It's just a me and Con holiday.

But I'm going to miss you, Ari. I really love you, Con.

And I'll always have your back.

I love you too, man.

I love you to the moon, alright?

And all the way back?

All the way back, always.

Because you're my star.

Bye, love.

Please tell me you talk some sense into him. If by sense you mean I told him to

run. You can't be serious.

I did the right thing for my son.

If you can't support that, then maybe I'm not right for you.

Get into position.

Connor! Connor!

Connor, they're coming!

Connor! They're coming!

Jesus, lad, you've got to get out of here. It's useless.

There's no way out.

No, no, there is one way out.

Why didn't you say that earlier?

I thought you were assholes before, but you're actually all right.

See, I never had any friends. Where is he?

That barrel's fake.

There's a ladder on the side that leads to a secret passage.

And did you know that passage actually dates from 1821?

Yeah, shut up. I don't care.

I think I'm just bad, and that's the way I am. Billy, no is not the time, all

right? Why don't you raise the ladder?

Raise the ladder!

Because I'm beginning to think it might be better off in prison.

I mean, there's good food, a great fight, regular bedtime.

And if you've no friends, you don't have to notice other people who are there.

You know what I mean?

Come on, Kyle!

There's no way around it.

I'm going to go on now.

I'll hold him off.

Go on!

What are you doing?

Being a friend.

Just because

someone says destructive doesn't mean they're a ticket.

It all depends on when they decide to dead -destruct.

If done at the right time, it can be a gift to those they care about.

Stop right there!

Healy boy, you have to let us go.

I have to do what I have to do.

All right.

Well, if you have to do what you have to do, then we have to do what we have to

do.

Punch me.

What? This goes against everything that I stand for.

But your mother is more important to me than anything.

Ever since the first day.

I said, fuck me.

Go away.

Hey, you can't go that way, you morons. You're surrounded.

You're going to go back inside and hide. All right. Thanks, boy. Thanks, boy.

For God's sake.

What happened?

They overpowered me and got away.

He can't take a punch.

And she doesn't know how doors work.

Set up roadblocks all over the city.

What was that for?

I can always tell when you're lying. The hostage takers have now been identified

as Connor McSweeney.

Jock O 'Keefe, both convicted drug smugglers, and local petty criminal

Murphy. Do you like that?

Get your hands off my penis!

This is Democracy Manifest!

Sharon, Sharon, it's Billy Murphy, not Willie!

B -I -L -L -Y!

Billy!

Gard, do you think the coast is clear?

I think so.

Where the fuck are we, mate? Where are we moving?

I think we're on a ship.

We're on a boat.

Where are we going?

John, where are we going?

I can't. I don't dwell on the water.

I know, I know. I understand, okay? Look, stay calm, okay? I want to go

Hey,

hey, hey. We have each other, okay?

We have each other. I want to go home. I want to go home.

We figured I'd drink that up.

Relax. We need you to relax for me, okay? Look, we can't be going far.

We must be going down to... Boy, that's smooth.

Beyond Belfast or England, maybe?

Jack! It wouldn't go farther than that. Jack! Maybe they needed more petrol.

What? What's that?

What do you mean? One of the wicked, rare things?

That's 20 grand.

Give me two seconds, two seconds.

Very rare 50 years limited release.

I'm crying.

Just stay calm when I tell you this.

Billy put four bottles of that in there.

That's 60 grand in here.

20 grand there, that's 80 grand.

We're rich!

We're rich!

I will ring the bell.

Billy Murphy!

Oh,

sure.

Nice one.

If you ask me, home isn't a place.

Home is the people who mean the most to you.

The ones that make you feel like you're not facing the world alone.

Somos dueños de esta chucha.

Es nuestra.

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