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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,792 [♪ tense music playing] 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 4 00:00:09,125 --> 00:00:11,333 -[knocking] -[person 1] [muffled] Room check! 5 00:00:11,417 --> 00:00:13,083 -[person 2] Oh, shit. -[knocking] 6 00:00:13,167 --> 00:00:15,375 [grunting] One second! 7 00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:18,417 [person 1] Come on. Open up. 8 00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,875 -Alright, where's the drugs? -[person 3] Drugs? 9 00:00:20,958 --> 00:00:22,292 What are drugs? 10 00:00:22,375 --> 00:00:25,000 [person 1] Search her room. Find them! 11 00:00:26,208 --> 00:00:28,833 [student] [shouts] Oh! Come on, come on, come on. 12 00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:30,750 Let's go, let's go... 13 00:00:31,958 --> 00:00:36,292 Shirts, pants, socks, old pants. That's good! 14 00:00:36,375 --> 00:00:39,167 [♪ fast music playing] 15 00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:41,250 [students exclaiming] 16 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,542 [grunts] Ooh, sorry! 17 00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:48,125 Move! 18 00:00:48,208 --> 00:00:50,792 -Excuse me. Sorry. Whoo! -[student] My Yogurt! 19 00:00:51,792 --> 00:00:52,792 [grunts] 20 00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:55,583 -[groans] What the fuck? -[Montgomery] Sorry! 21 00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:56,667 Fucking asshole! 22 00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:58,958 -[doorbell jingling] -[panting] 23 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,250 [clattering] 24 00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:05,208 ♪♪ 25 00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:09,375 [coins rattling] 26 00:01:11,583 --> 00:01:12,750 [buzzer sounding] 27 00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,333 [bell ringing] 28 00:01:20,583 --> 00:01:22,500 -[buzzer sounding] -[sighs] 29 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,833 [Montgomery clears throat] 30 00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:28,167 Oh. Excuse me? 31 00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:31,208 Yeah? 32 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,625 Yeah, do you by any chance have any extra quarters? 33 00:01:33,708 --> 00:01:35,625 Oh, um, let me check. 34 00:01:35,708 --> 00:01:37,708 [coins jingling] 35 00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:39,417 -Yeah. -[chuckles] 36 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:43,167 [coins jingling in pocket] 37 00:01:44,917 --> 00:01:45,917 Thanks. [chuckles] 38 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:48,583 Your name's Montgomery, right? 39 00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:49,833 Yeah. 40 00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:53,000 And your name's Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray? 41 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,417 -That is all four of them. Yeah. -Yeah. 42 00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,833 Yeah, Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray. Like, it just kind of falls out. 43 00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:01,792 You know, it's funny, I feel like we are always here 44 00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:03,792 at the exact same time. 45 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,667 Well, no one's got dirtier undies than me. 46 00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,583 Not from poop, to be clear. 47 00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:13,208 -Or cum. -So, piss? 48 00:02:13,292 --> 00:02:15,333 No, just normal stuff. I'm not weird. 49 00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:17,083 [coins jingling] 50 00:02:18,917 --> 00:02:21,208 [coins continue jingling] 51 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,833 Okay. [chuckles] 52 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:26,917 I'll see you around. 53 00:02:28,417 --> 00:02:29,792 [sighs] 54 00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,875 [♪ "Makin' It" by David Naughton playing] 55 00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:40,208 ♪ Makin' it, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 56 00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:41,708 ♪ Makin' it ♪ 57 00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:47,458 ♪ I'm solid gold, I've got the goods ♪ 58 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:51,000 ♪ They stand when I walk through the neighborhoods ♪ 59 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:53,375 ♪ I'm makin' it ♪ 60 00:02:53,458 --> 00:02:57,500 -♪ I've got the chance, I'm taking it ♪ -Hey, guys. How are you? 61 00:02:57,583 --> 00:02:59,167 ♪ No more, no more ♪ 62 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,042 ♪ Fakin' it ♪ 63 00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:04,750 -♪ This time in life I'm makin' it ♪ -I'm sorry. 64 00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:06,792 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 65 00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:08,583 ♪ Makin' it ♪ 66 00:03:08,667 --> 00:03:10,125 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -Eat shit. 67 00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:13,417 [♪ music resumes] 68 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,750 ♪ Hello uptown, goodbye pov-- ♪ 69 00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:17,125 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -That's what you get 70 00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:19,083 for ruining the football team, asshole. 71 00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:20,250 [elevator dings] 72 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,375 -[♪ music resumes] -[exhales] Hi. 73 00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:23,667 -♪ I've got the chance-- ♪ -[♪ music stops abruptly] 74 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,500 -[groaning] -Fuck yourself 75 00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:27,417 -and your freak-ass face! -[punch thuds] 76 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,750 ♪ I'm taking it ♪ 77 00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:31,625 ♪ No more, no more ♪ 78 00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:34,250 -♪ Faking it, it's time to-- ♪ -[exhales] 79 00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,417 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -There he is! 80 00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:36,958 -Oh, fuck! -♪ Makin' it ♪ 81 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:39,167 [students shouting] 82 00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:41,250 [overlapping shouting] 83 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,500 [student] Freak-ass face! 84 00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:48,417 Alright, everybody, fuck off and listen to me for a second, please! 85 00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:51,833 I know... 86 00:03:52,792 --> 00:03:56,625 you're upset about what happened with the football team. 87 00:03:58,667 --> 00:03:59,875 I'm sorry. 88 00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:05,583 But who amongst us all hasn't ever made a mistake? 89 00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:07,833 We all have. 90 00:04:07,917 --> 00:04:10,292 So, if you don't think that I deserve 91 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,542 the basic human decency of a second chance, 92 00:04:13,625 --> 00:04:15,875 then fine, go ahead. 93 00:04:15,958 --> 00:04:18,333 Tape me to the top of that clock tower and pelt me 94 00:04:18,417 --> 00:04:21,417 with water balloons full of piss. But if not-- 95 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,333 -[thundering] -Goddammit. 96 00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:29,333 [♪ dramatic music playing] 97 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,208 [♪ music softens] 98 00:04:37,292 --> 00:04:39,500 [coin jingling] 99 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,875 Hey, Jack. 100 00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:42,333 -[fabric tearing] -Hi, Monty. 101 00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,417 -How was your day? -Uh... 102 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:47,167 -[coin jingling] -Not great. How's yours? 103 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,000 -I'm covered in piss. -[sighs] 104 00:04:49,083 --> 00:04:50,375 -I'm sorry. -It's okay. 105 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,583 You know what's gonna make it all better? 106 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:54,250 -Quiet night of sleep. -A concerning amount of alcohol. 107 00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:56,708 -Let's boogie. -Oh, wow, we said very different things. 108 00:04:57,708 --> 00:04:59,625 [student] Housing requests due by midnight. 109 00:04:59,708 --> 00:05:01,875 Guys, housing requests due by midnight. 110 00:05:01,958 --> 00:05:03,042 Montgomery and Jack, 111 00:05:03,125 --> 00:05:04,917 email your housing requests in by midnight. 112 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,625 -Also, Jack, go fuck yourself. -Hm. Ha. 113 00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,375 Where do you wanna live next year? 114 00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:15,083 Should we do Orrick Tower? 115 00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:18,500 Stonewell Court? Or... Ugh. 116 00:05:18,583 --> 00:05:21,167 As long as it's not Gralk Hall. 117 00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,750 That place is literal hell. Know what I mean? 118 00:05:26,667 --> 00:05:29,667 Ah, come on, dude. Stop hiding. Just ask her out. 119 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,208 Are you nuts? No! 120 00:05:31,292 --> 00:05:32,917 -Why? -Girls like Ashley 121 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,667 -don't like guys like me. -What's wrong with you? 122 00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:37,500 I'm weird! I sound like a little old man. 123 00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:40,500 Girls like alphas, strong provider types. 124 00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:42,208 -Like him. -[spitting] 125 00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:44,792 -[spitting] Ooh. -Hot. 126 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:48,500 So, that's why I'm gonna trick her into thinking I'm an alpha. 127 00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:50,750 And then, she'll ask me out. 128 00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:53,417 Wow, that's the creepiest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. 129 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,375 -It's not creepy, it's sweet. -You barely know her. 130 00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:56,750 You may not even actually like her. 131 00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,542 Of course I like her. When I think of the two of us together, 132 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,833 it feels like I'm floating on a cloud of lavender 133 00:06:02,917 --> 00:06:06,417 while being sung to by lollipop pixies. 134 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,458 Never mind. That's the creepiest thing 135 00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,167 I've ever heard in my entire life. 136 00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:13,417 -Stop staring at her. -[gasps] 137 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,500 [laughing] 138 00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:22,000 It's time to take this and put it into this, 139 00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:23,792 -so we can turn off this. -[sighs] 140 00:06:23,875 --> 00:06:25,042 -Look at her. -Whoa. 141 00:06:25,125 --> 00:06:26,708 -Exquisite, right? -Dang. 142 00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:28,208 Give her a touch. 143 00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:30,042 Give her a stroke. Perv. 144 00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,667 -[chuckles] -Want to do a toast? 145 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:36,042 Uh, may the crop grow strong, and your pants stay up, and the night-- 146 00:06:36,125 --> 00:06:39,333 Don't worry, man, I got this shit. To turning around this shitty day. 147 00:06:39,417 --> 00:06:41,167 [knocking] 148 00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:43,000 -[Jack] Ah, fuck. -[Montgomery] Crud. 149 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,000 Logan! 150 00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:47,125 What's up, dildos? 151 00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,333 -Can we please not do this tonight? -[Logan] Relax. 152 00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:52,208 I know that we... come in here every weekend, 153 00:06:52,292 --> 00:06:55,083 we hold you down, and we fart in your faces 154 00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,792 for what you did to the football team. 155 00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:00,750 But we have taken some time to reflect, and... 156 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,375 we decided to apologize. 157 00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:07,458 Wow. Really? 158 00:07:07,542 --> 00:07:09,917 No, we came to [shouts] fart on your faces! 159 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,208 -Fuck you! Fuck you! -Pin him down! 160 00:07:11,292 --> 00:07:13,125 Fuck you! [shouting] 161 00:07:14,542 --> 00:07:16,167 -Come here. -[groaning] 162 00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:17,875 -Accept your fate! -[Jack] I will never fucking 163 00:07:17,958 --> 00:07:19,542 accept this shit. Fuck! 164 00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:20,625 I'll save you the trouble. 165 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,958 -Right here okay? -That's perfect. Thanks. 166 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,833 [exclaiming, struggling] 167 00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:25,708 -[Jack] Fucking fuck off. -[Logan] You know the drill. 168 00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:27,792 -Ew! Ew! Ugh! -[Montgomery] It's okay, Jack. 169 00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:30,000 -Think happy thoughts. -Shut up, Montgomery! 170 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,583 -Open wide, pookie. -[Jack] No! 171 00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:34,333 No! No! 172 00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:36,042 -[Jack screaming] -[Logan farting] 173 00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:37,500 [Logan] Oh, shit! 174 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,292 Hey, dumbass, mind if I borrow your charger? 175 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,625 Oh, I should warn you, it's actually a third-party charger, 176 00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:43,458 and it's technically against the terms of service to use it. 177 00:07:43,542 --> 00:07:44,542 Shut up. 178 00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:48,208 Dude, this pajama party tonight is gonna be so sick. 179 00:07:48,292 --> 00:07:49,583 -Pregame at my place? -Totally. 180 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:50,750 -I got beer. -Nice! 181 00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:52,333 -I got some weed. -Swag. 182 00:07:52,417 --> 00:07:54,042 And I'm bringing Wizard's Oath. 183 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,917 [farting] 184 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,417 What? 185 00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,208 It's a fantasy board game. 186 00:08:01,292 --> 00:08:02,417 [muffled] It's actually really fun. 187 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,625 -[loud farting] -[Jack screaming] 188 00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,333 [laughter] 189 00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:07,208 That was refreshing, dawg. 190 00:08:07,292 --> 00:08:10,208 -I feel, like, a pound lighter. -[gasping, coughing] 191 00:08:10,292 --> 00:08:11,292 Alright, let's bounce. 192 00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:13,458 -[electricity zapping] -Oh! What the fuck? 193 00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:16,125 Your charger fried my phone. 194 00:08:16,208 --> 00:08:18,417 Well, I did warn you it's a third-party charger. 195 00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,917 You break my phone? Huh? How 'bout... 196 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,708 -Oh, shit. -...I break your bottle? 197 00:08:23,792 --> 00:08:26,292 -[bottle shattering] -Nooo! 198 00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,333 -[wailing] -[bullies laughing] 199 00:08:28,417 --> 00:08:30,083 Look at his freak-ass face. 200 00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:32,458 -Losers. -Later, dickheads! 201 00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:34,625 [moaning] 202 00:08:34,708 --> 00:08:36,542 Just give us a fucking break. 203 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,208 [friend] Lizzy! 204 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,250 -[Jack] Fuck! -Ugh! Oh! 205 00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:53,583 Fuck all those guys. 206 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,083 God, I hope I don't get pink eye again. 207 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:56,750 This whole night's fucking ruined. 208 00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,625 Well, maybe it's for the best. 209 00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:01,417 I was gonna start Lysander on a new brand of nectar tonight, 210 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,542 -and he gets temperamental-- -No! 211 00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,208 No! 212 00:09:05,292 --> 00:09:07,708 I can't stand another night listening to you talk 213 00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:10,583 about the dietary restrictions of your pet butterfly. 214 00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,792 We are in college, Monty. 215 00:09:12,875 --> 00:09:15,208 These are supposed to be the best years of our lives. 216 00:09:15,292 --> 00:09:16,500 Look at me. 217 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000 I'm the type of guy who's built for a place like this, dude. 218 00:09:19,083 --> 00:09:20,833 I could be ruling the school. 219 00:09:20,917 --> 00:09:23,500 I should be doing Jell-O shots and sparkler keg stands, 220 00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:24,750 but everyone hates me. 221 00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:27,458 -Well, well, not me. -You don't count. 222 00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:33,500 Okay, I know what you need. I'm ordering us a pizza. [chuckles] 223 00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:36,375 Because no matter how bad things are, 224 00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:39,000 pizza makes everything a little better. 225 00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:41,917 Remember first semester, 226 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,792 when we ate pizza and played games all night-- 227 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:45,792 Stop. What are you doing? You don't get to do a speech. 228 00:09:45,875 --> 00:09:47,542 I'm doing a speech. I'm sad. 229 00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:49,542 Plus, pizza's not gonna do anything for me, man. 230 00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:51,625 I need something to obliterate my brain! 231 00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,625 [tin clatters] 232 00:09:53,708 --> 00:09:55,875 [♪ mysterious music playing] 233 00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:56,958 What's this? 234 00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:00,583 Mints? 235 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,375 ♪♪ 236 00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:07,292 [singers vocalizing] 237 00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:13,708 [Jack] [gasps] Oh, my God. 238 00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:16,375 These are drugs. 239 00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,792 No. No. 240 00:10:21,875 --> 00:10:22,958 -No! -Come on! 241 00:10:23,042 --> 00:10:24,667 -Are you insane? -What are the odds of this? 242 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,417 Well, I'm not doing random ceiling drugs. We don't even know what they are. 243 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,417 Fine. We'll do some research, hm? 244 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,292 "Drugs." "Pink pill." 245 00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:38,042 "Exploding head." 246 00:10:38,125 --> 00:10:39,958 "What the fuck?" 247 00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:43,542 -One result?! -That's shady. 248 00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:46,417 -[video plays] -[singers] ♪ Om ♪ 249 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,833 Tidings, psychedelic adventurers! 250 00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:50,625 It's me, Frankie, of course. 251 00:10:50,708 --> 00:10:52,292 -[singers] ♪ Frankie ♪ -[voice] Of course! 252 00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:54,125 Her green screen sucks. 253 00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:58,083 I'll be your cosmic captain on this journey today. 254 00:10:58,167 --> 00:11:01,542 Please keep your vibes inside the vehicle at all times. 255 00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:05,042 -[imitating boat horn] -[boat horn blowing] 256 00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:07,583 -Skip ahead. -Yeah, I'ma skip ahead. 257 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,417 -[video skipping] -I dated Mickey Rourke. 258 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,208 -It was fine. -Keep-Keep going forward. 259 00:11:12,292 --> 00:11:13,917 -Alright. -[video skipping] 260 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,708 Presenting: Mind Igniting Neural Tuning Stimulants, 261 00:11:17,792 --> 00:11:18,833 or M.I.N.T.S. 262 00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:21,042 -That is dangerously misleading. -Whoo! 263 00:11:21,125 --> 00:11:24,000 This drug will give you an incredible high. 264 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,542 -Ah! -How would I describe it? 265 00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:30,542 It makes you feel like you're floating on a cloud of lavender, 266 00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:33,542 being sung to by lollipop pixies. 267 00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:35,042 -[computer key clicks] -[video stops] 268 00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,958 Dude, that's exactly your thing. 269 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,500 No. 270 00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,875 -Come on. Come on. -No. No. 271 00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:42,833 -Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. -No. No. No. No. 272 00:11:42,917 --> 00:11:44,042 -I love you. -N-- I love you, too. 273 00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:45,417 -Come on. Please? I'll do anything. -No. No. 274 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,000 -No! No! No! -Come on. Come on. Really? 275 00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:48,083 Jack, the answer's no! 276 00:11:55,625 --> 00:11:58,042 And now, we wait. 277 00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:00,417 [♪ dramatic music playing] 278 00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:03,250 -[projector clacking] -[RA] Drugs. 279 00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:06,792 Alcohol. Debauchery. 280 00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:10,000 Every year, our school sinks deeper 281 00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:13,208 into a swamp of vice and buffoonery. 282 00:12:13,792 --> 00:12:15,208 Until now. 283 00:12:15,292 --> 00:12:18,292 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 284 00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,833 Welcome, fellow RAs. 285 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:30,375 For weeks, we have been preparing for tonight. 286 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:35,292 To rain fiery vengeance upon the drug-addled delinquents 287 00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:39,583 that have turned this dorm into a waking nightmare. 288 00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,375 -There will be no mercy. -[RA] Mm. 289 00:12:42,458 --> 00:12:46,042 [Blake] Order will be restored. 290 00:12:46,125 --> 00:12:48,708 And those who have violated our rules 291 00:12:48,792 --> 00:12:52,208 shall be shattered on the anvil of discipline! 292 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,583 Are you with me?! 293 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,375 [all] Yes, Resident Advisor! 294 00:12:56,458 --> 00:12:58,042 Yes! Oh. 295 00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,458 [chuckles] 296 00:12:59,542 --> 00:13:03,000 Sorry, I'm new. I'm just out of sync. I'm new. 297 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,042 This guy didn't tell me about the call and response. 298 00:13:05,125 --> 00:13:07,250 [growls] [chuckles] I wouldn't. 299 00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:08,792 It was very scary. 300 00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:12,292 Let's move out. 301 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:16,042 And then I'm like, "Guys, don't worry, I'm not gonna fart in your faces." 302 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,792 And then I fucking farted in his face, dude! 303 00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:21,458 -[laughter] -Those guys fucking blow! 304 00:13:21,542 --> 00:13:23,583 Those guys fucking blow. 305 00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,042 [laughter] 306 00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:28,208 Yeah, those guys fucking blow. 307 00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:29,875 They are funny, though. 308 00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:30,958 [laughter stops abruptly] 309 00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:32,583 [Logan] What? 310 00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:34,000 Did you just say they're funny? 311 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,500 No. [chuckles nervously] 312 00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:38,167 Why would I say that? 313 00:13:39,417 --> 00:13:41,750 I-- [chuckles] Anyway. 314 00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:43,458 -Let's get fucked up! -[glass breaking] 315 00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:46,208 -[all groan] -Oh, my-- Lizzy-uh! 316 00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:49,083 [Logan whimpering] 317 00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:50,583 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 318 00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:51,667 It's fine. 319 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,792 [phone keys clicking] 320 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:57,000 -[text whooshing] -[phones chiming and vibrating] 321 00:13:57,083 --> 00:14:00,208 -Oh, man, I'm tired. -Yeah, it's late. 322 00:14:00,292 --> 00:14:02,042 -I also am tired. -[Logan] Me too. 323 00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,000 Maybe we should call it a night. 324 00:14:04,833 --> 00:14:06,500 Hey, Lizzy, you're closest to the door. 325 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:10,000 Why don't you just leave first and the rest of us will follow? 326 00:14:12,375 --> 00:14:14,458 Okay, sure. Yeah. 327 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,417 See you around. 328 00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:18,708 [scoffs] 329 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:21,125 Hey, remember when I said I wasn't gonna fart in their faces, 330 00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:24,333 -but then I did fart in their faces? -You know, I-I guess I'll just cancel 331 00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:26,125 this party bus that I got for us. 332 00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:27,583 -Hm? -Party bus? 333 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,958 I, uh, ordered us this totally awesome party bus as a surprise. 334 00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:33,042 -[gasps] -But, but, but if you're tired, 335 00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:35,125 -then I'll just cancel it. -No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. 336 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,917 Do not cancel it. 337 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,500 I feel like I'm getting a second wind. 338 00:14:39,583 --> 00:14:41,958 -Yeah, me too. -I also am no longer tired. 339 00:14:42,042 --> 00:14:46,833 Can I get a, "Lizzy"? Lizzy. 340 00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:52,667 [all chanting] Lizzy. Lizzy. Lizzy! 341 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:55,875 Lizzy! Lizzy! 342 00:14:55,958 --> 00:15:01,125 Lizzy! You fucking rule, dude! You think I can honk the horn? 343 00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,792 [♪ "Sound of the Money" by Inside Cuts playing] 344 00:15:03,875 --> 00:15:06,375 ♪ Stack my chips, then I pop my collar ♪ 345 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,750 ♪ Learn from the best, I lead, they follow ♪ 346 00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:11,333 ♪ I'm getting money, can't talk, I'll holla ♪ 347 00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:13,292 ♪ That's the sound of the money ♪ 348 00:15:13,375 --> 00:15:15,583 ♪ Jackpot, there's more that's coming ♪ 349 00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,917 ♪ Couple commas, couple zeros ♪ 350 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,083 ♪ Time to get to the money, let's go ♪ 351 00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:21,792 [silence] 352 00:15:24,708 --> 00:15:26,708 -You feel anything? -No. 353 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:29,042 Wait. 354 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,458 No. 355 00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:34,792 Fuck. Are these duds? 356 00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:37,625 Guess so. Wanna play Wizard's Oath? 357 00:15:37,708 --> 00:15:39,500 No, we can't. We need three people. 358 00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:40,708 I could play. 359 00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:42,792 No, it'd take too long to teach you the rules. 360 00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:45,333 [squelching] 361 00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:48,708 -Oh no. -[♪ tense music playing] 362 00:15:48,792 --> 00:15:50,792 [both screaming] 363 00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:53,583 Somebody help! 364 00:15:55,292 --> 00:15:56,708 Are you ready, kids? 365 00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:59,667 -[kids] Yeah! -Here we go! 366 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,333 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 367 00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:03,125 -♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ -[Jack exclaims] 368 00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:04,958 -♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ -Why are our hands singing? 369 00:16:05,042 --> 00:16:06,667 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 370 00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:09,625 [Jack] Oh. 371 00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:11,958 Hey. 372 00:16:12,042 --> 00:16:13,792 -[puppet creaking] -You seeing this? 373 00:16:13,875 --> 00:16:15,458 -Ooh, he's moving. -Um, he's coming towards us. 374 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:16,750 He's getting real close. Oof! 375 00:16:17,625 --> 00:16:19,833 -He wants me to shake his hand. -Just go for it, yeah. 376 00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:21,000 -[horn honking] -Oh! Oh! 377 00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:22,708 -He touched my nipple! -Hey, what the fuck, man? 378 00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:23,917 [person] Eh-stop! 379 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,833 -Hola. My name is Juan. -[whip cracks] 380 00:16:26,917 --> 00:16:28,125 -Nice to meet you. -Hi. 381 00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:30,250 -[baby cooing] -Is that a fucking baby? 382 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,125 -The bebé does not like your work. -[baby whines] 383 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,417 Do it again. 384 00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,750 [both screaming] 385 00:16:35,833 --> 00:16:37,333 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 386 00:16:37,417 --> 00:16:39,167 -This again?! -[screaming] 387 00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,000 Fuck. No. 388 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,333 -Please stay over there. -No. Back up. 389 00:16:44,042 --> 00:16:45,667 -Don't do it. -I don't wanna be impolite. 390 00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:47,583 -What? Monty-- -Oh, he did it again. 391 00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:49,542 -What did you expect? -[Juan] Stop! 392 00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,833 -[baby babbles] -She hates it. Do it again. 393 00:16:51,917 --> 00:16:54,125 -[both screaming] -♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice ♪ 394 00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:55,208 Hey! 395 00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:57,625 -No, not again! He's a demon. -[screaming] 396 00:16:57,708 --> 00:16:59,167 -[baby screams] -Again. 397 00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,250 I'm in hell! 398 00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,625 -He's gone. -[screaming] 399 00:17:02,708 --> 00:17:04,250 -♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ -Again. 400 00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:06,625 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice, everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 401 00:17:06,708 --> 00:17:07,958 -[screaming] -Again. 402 00:17:08,042 --> 00:17:09,708 -[screaming] -I don't want this anymore! 403 00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:11,375 -[maniacal laughing] -Fuck you, baby! 404 00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,875 -Again! -[screaming] 405 00:17:12,958 --> 00:17:15,417 ♪ No one's gonna die today, someone's gonna die today ♪ 406 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,292 ♪ We're all gonna die today ♪ 407 00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:19,083 -[applause] -She likes it. 408 00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,083 -[cheering and applause] -The baby likes it! 409 00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:23,167 [both singing in unison] 410 00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:28,417 [both screaming] 411 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:29,917 Why are we in the fucking show--?! 412 00:17:34,292 --> 00:17:36,042 Well, the good news is the drugs work. 413 00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,333 Oh, do they?! 414 00:17:37,417 --> 00:17:39,875 None of that felt like a gentle cloud of lavender! 415 00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,167 I just got molested by Pinocchio's cousin! 416 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,417 Did that happen? I think I already repressed that. 417 00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,917 Alright, we gotta figure out what this stuff is. 418 00:17:48,708 --> 00:17:51,042 Lysander, no, get out of there! Crate! 419 00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,750 No drugs for you. 420 00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,875 -[computer key clicks, video plays] -[Frankie] You feel like you're floating 421 00:17:57,958 --> 00:18:00,083 on a cloud of lavender, 422 00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:03,625 being sung to by lollipop pixies. 423 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,083 -[buzzer sounding] -So long as you take it with food. 424 00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:07,417 -What? -Without food, 425 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,958 the drug has six distinct phases, 426 00:18:10,042 --> 00:18:13,000 punctuated by normal periods of lucidity. 427 00:18:13,083 --> 00:18:15,833 First is a prologue called Make The Baby Like It. 428 00:18:15,917 --> 00:18:17,042 Definitely did that one. 429 00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:19,208 -Then, No Bad Words. -[bleep] 430 00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,458 Flashbacks. 431 00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:22,583 The Ol' Switcheroo. 432 00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:24,667 Nothing But The Truth. 433 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:26,458 And We Are All One. 434 00:18:26,542 --> 00:18:28,333 [all singing] 435 00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:30,917 -[rapid clicking] -What's that? 436 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,250 It's my WorryWart. It calms me down. 437 00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,833 Gotta say, I'm pretty dang proud of myself for making these drugs. 438 00:18:35,917 --> 00:18:37,292 -[Jack] Huh? -I made them right here 439 00:18:37,375 --> 00:18:39,000 in my dorm room, 3J. 440 00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:41,500 Oh, shit. Sorry. 441 00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:43,917 Wait. Is that this room? 442 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,417 I know I'm still in college, but don't worry. 443 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,083 I'm a chemistry genius, okay? 444 00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,708 -Well, that's good. -I mean, hell, 445 00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:53,667 I friggin' built these cabinets using my own homemade epoxy. 446 00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:55,750 [items clanging and clattering] 447 00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:58,292 We're gonna die. 448 00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,875 -A few important things before I forget. -[buzzer sounding] 449 00:19:00,958 --> 00:19:04,208 One, do not take more than a single dose. 450 00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:08,625 If you do, you will see the true, horrible nature of reality. 451 00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:12,417 -What does that mean? -And two, there is a final phase 452 00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,333 that I didn't yet mention. 453 00:19:14,417 --> 00:19:18,250 It's called Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life 454 00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:21,458 and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass. 455 00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:23,083 Wh-- What? 456 00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:25,750 My boyfriend, Garrett, went through it, and look what happened to him. 457 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,542 -[gasps] -Anyway, if you don't want that 458 00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:30,458 to happen to you, eat some food. 459 00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,458 And by food, I mean specifically a mixture 460 00:19:34,542 --> 00:19:37,458 of wheat, nightshades, and dairy. 461 00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:39,208 -[panting] -So, pizza? 462 00:19:39,292 --> 00:19:40,708 [Frankie] Yeah, it's pizza, dum-dums. 463 00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:42,208 Happy sailing! 464 00:19:42,292 --> 00:19:44,333 Hope you don't get chainsaw-fucked. 465 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,250 -[imitating boat horn] -[boat horn blowing] 466 00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:48,167 [Jack groaning] 467 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:51,458 Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass! 468 00:19:51,542 --> 00:19:53,333 -Okay. -Cheese and rice! 469 00:19:53,417 --> 00:19:56,292 I just wanted a quiet night, and now I'm gonna get chainsaw-fucked 470 00:19:56,375 --> 00:19:58,667 -by the Rat King from The Nutcracker! -Chill, dude. That's not gonna-- 471 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:01,375 Uh, wait, your worst nightmare is the Rat King from The Nut-- 472 00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:05,042 From the New Jersey Ballet's 2007 production of The Nutcracker. 473 00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:07,458 You haven't seen it. It's terrifying. 474 00:20:07,542 --> 00:20:10,375 It's not gonna happen, okay? What did she say? 475 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,167 It'll mellow out when we have some pizza. 476 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:15,250 -[phone buzzing] -And look, there it is right now. 477 00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:18,208 Hello, sir. Can you please bring the pizza 478 00:20:18,292 --> 00:20:21,500 directly to room 3J, with extreme haste? 479 00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:24,333 [robotic voice] Hello. 480 00:20:24,417 --> 00:20:27,083 I am Snackatron 3000. 481 00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:30,375 I have arrived at your location with a food delivery 482 00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:34,125 for Montgomery from the restaurant... 483 00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:36,667 [worker] [over phone] What do I say, the name of the pizza place? 484 00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:40,917 -Okay, it's Joe's Piz-- -It's a fucking robot. 485 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,708 [Snackatron] Actually, I'm a Snackatron. 486 00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:47,208 3J! Bring the pizza to 3J, now. 487 00:20:47,292 --> 00:20:50,083 [Snackatron] I am sorry, but there is a set of stairs 488 00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:51,500 impeding my journey. 489 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,458 Stairs are my mortal enemy. 490 00:20:54,542 --> 00:20:56,125 To receive your pizza from... 491 00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:59,708 [worker] [over phone] [sighs] I gotta record this again? Joe's Pi-- 492 00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:04,208 [Snackatron] I'm afraid you will need to meet me in the lobby. 493 00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:07,625 [♪ ominous music playing] 494 00:21:08,792 --> 00:21:10,667 I hope you will be satisfied with your order. 495 00:21:10,750 --> 00:21:13,125 No, Snackatron, I will not be satisfied, no. 496 00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:14,750 There's no way we're going out there. 497 00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:16,792 Ashley's out there, RAs, and who knows what else. 498 00:21:16,875 --> 00:21:19,958 Hey, it's gonna be fine, dude. It's just two flights of stairs. 499 00:21:20,042 --> 00:21:21,500 -Right? -[sighs] 500 00:21:21,583 --> 00:21:23,625 Come on, I'm gonna be with you the whole time. 501 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,750 [chuckles] Yeah, w-- Yeah. 502 00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,417 -[♪ upbeat music playing] -♪ Watch how I walk ♪ 503 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,250 ♪ You wanna chat to me, watch how you talk ♪ 504 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,292 ♪ Leave my legacy, leave my mark ♪ 505 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,917 ♪ On top, best help, I'm the boss ♪ 506 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:39,042 ♪ Boss, boss, boss, boss, bo-bo-b-b-b-b ♪ 507 00:21:40,042 --> 00:21:42,042 [door closes] 508 00:21:42,125 --> 00:21:43,875 Why are you wearing a suit? 509 00:21:43,958 --> 00:21:45,583 I don't want people to know I'm high. 510 00:21:47,042 --> 00:21:49,042 -Smart. -So, what's our plan? 511 00:21:49,125 --> 00:21:50,958 Okay, it's simple. 512 00:21:51,042 --> 00:21:54,000 We take the elevator down, we grab the pizza, we eat it, 513 00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:56,167 and then, we're floating on a cloud of lavender 514 00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:58,417 before the next phase even hits. 515 00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,125 -You ready? -Yes. 516 00:22:00,208 --> 00:22:03,292 -I don't know. Okay, yes. -Great. 517 00:22:04,542 --> 00:22:06,375 Then let's do this fucking-- 518 00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:10,583 [screaming] 519 00:22:10,667 --> 00:22:13,875 -[gasps] Oh! Oh! -[panting] What? What? 520 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,000 Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh! Are you okay? 521 00:22:16,083 --> 00:22:17,208 Yeah, I think, I think, I think. 522 00:22:17,292 --> 00:22:18,500 What the fuck-- 523 00:22:19,667 --> 00:22:21,667 [screaming] 524 00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:27,750 Why are our heads exploding? What in the absolute hell? 525 00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:30,333 [screaming] 526 00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:31,583 Fuck! 527 00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:33,083 [gasps] 528 00:22:33,167 --> 00:22:37,750 Okay! Okay! Just don't do anything! 529 00:22:37,833 --> 00:22:39,042 I'm not doing anything. 530 00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:41,750 I think our heads explode if we say curse words? 531 00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:46,083 Goddammit. 532 00:22:46,167 --> 00:22:47,375 No! 533 00:22:47,458 --> 00:22:49,208 [gasps] Fine. Okay. 534 00:22:49,292 --> 00:22:51,000 I'll just say, like, dang it. 535 00:22:51,083 --> 00:22:53,083 -[screaming] -Darn it? 536 00:22:53,167 --> 00:22:56,125 -[screaming] -Alright! I'll make up my own. 537 00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:58,583 Cremble sauce. 538 00:22:58,667 --> 00:23:00,500 We can't say cremble sauce? 539 00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:02,375 -[panting] -Okay. 540 00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:06,333 Just stay super G-rated. And let's get to the elevator. 541 00:23:06,417 --> 00:23:10,208 [chuckles] Hey, it's freak-ass face. 542 00:23:10,292 --> 00:23:12,375 Hey, suck my dick. 543 00:23:13,250 --> 00:23:16,000 [chuckles] Hey, it's freak-ass face. 544 00:23:16,083 --> 00:23:18,042 Hey, suck my dick. 545 00:23:18,125 --> 00:23:20,625 Alright, it's out of my system. 546 00:23:20,708 --> 00:23:22,542 -[chuckles] Hey. -Hey-- 547 00:23:23,583 --> 00:23:25,583 [indistinct chatter] 548 00:23:26,583 --> 00:23:28,208 Almost there. [chuckles] 549 00:23:28,292 --> 00:23:30,292 -And we're here. -[Ashley] Montgomery! 550 00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:32,750 -Hey. -Holy crap. 551 00:23:33,833 --> 00:23:35,250 You got this, man. 552 00:23:35,333 --> 00:23:38,417 I'm a provider, I'm suave, I'm an alpha, woo-hoo! 553 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,375 Montgomery! Hi. 554 00:23:40,458 --> 00:23:42,250 Wassup, playa? 555 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:44,042 Shit. 556 00:23:44,125 --> 00:23:45,833 -Hi. -Ahoy there. 557 00:23:45,917 --> 00:23:46,958 Nope. Queef. 558 00:23:47,792 --> 00:23:49,542 -Hi. -Happy evening to you, 559 00:23:49,625 --> 00:23:51,583 my sweet baby, baby, baby. 560 00:23:51,667 --> 00:23:52,667 Fuck that. 561 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:56,375 I'ma pitch you a line. "Hi, Ashley." 562 00:23:56,458 --> 00:23:57,792 -Hi, Ashley. -Just like that. 563 00:23:57,875 --> 00:23:59,000 Hi, Ashley. 564 00:23:59,083 --> 00:24:00,500 -Hi. -Hey, I did it. 565 00:24:00,583 --> 00:24:03,000 Well, don't say it out loud, dumbass. 566 00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:05,500 -Hi. -Hi, Ashley. 567 00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:08,917 What's that? 568 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,208 It's my WorryWart, which alphas don't use, 569 00:24:11,292 --> 00:24:13,125 -so we gotta start this whole thing over. -No, it's cute, it's cute, it's fine. 570 00:24:13,208 --> 00:24:14,375 Cunt. 571 00:24:14,458 --> 00:24:15,917 [scoffs] Excuse me? 572 00:24:17,458 --> 00:24:19,042 -Cunt. -[Ashley] What? 573 00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:21,042 -Not you. Cunt? -Cunt! 574 00:24:21,125 --> 00:24:22,375 -Sorry. -Sorry. Cunt! 575 00:24:22,458 --> 00:24:24,167 -Sorry. Cunt, sorry. -Cunt. Sorry. 576 00:24:24,250 --> 00:24:25,333 -Sorry. Cunt. -Cunt. 577 00:24:25,417 --> 00:24:27,375 -Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. -Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. 578 00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:28,667 -Cunt. -Stop! 579 00:24:28,750 --> 00:24:30,958 We can say "cunt," but we can't say "cremble sauce"? 580 00:24:32,208 --> 00:24:35,458 [Frankie] I sourced the chemicals from Manchester, England. 581 00:24:35,542 --> 00:24:36,958 Oh, it's a British drug. 582 00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:39,208 That's so fucking stupid. 583 00:24:39,292 --> 00:24:40,583 -Hi. -Hi, Ashley. 584 00:24:40,667 --> 00:24:42,042 How's your night going? Grood? 585 00:24:42,125 --> 00:24:43,583 "Grood"? Shart. 586 00:24:43,667 --> 00:24:44,792 -Hi. -Hi, Ashley. 587 00:24:44,875 --> 00:24:46,708 How's your night going? Good? 588 00:24:46,792 --> 00:24:50,333 Yeah, I've actually had a crazy week working on my music thesis, so. 589 00:24:50,417 --> 00:24:52,042 -Oh, so you're a music major? -Yeah. 590 00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:54,333 -Who's your favorite musician? -Sondheim. 591 00:24:54,417 --> 00:24:57,083 Sondheim? I love musicals. 592 00:24:57,167 --> 00:24:59,167 Oh, Stephen Sondheim? I hate him. 593 00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:01,292 I like Matsuishi Sondheim. 594 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,083 Who the fuck is that? 595 00:25:04,167 --> 00:25:08,583 Okay, apparently, this guy does something called Clowncore Vomit Opera. 596 00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:11,917 [♪ chaotic music playing] 597 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,083 Have you ever heard of Matsuishi Sondheim? 598 00:25:14,167 --> 00:25:16,167 Oh, my God. Are-Are you serious? I love him. 599 00:25:16,250 --> 00:25:18,417 Have you ever heard of the song that goes... 600 00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:21,458 [growling] 601 00:25:21,542 --> 00:25:24,417 [howling] 602 00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:29,917 Duh! "My Mother Pisses Death"? 603 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,667 Nobody ever likes that one. 604 00:25:31,750 --> 00:25:33,167 And most guys are real pussies about it, 605 00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:36,333 but it's so cool to meet someone that's actually into it. 606 00:25:36,417 --> 00:25:37,750 -[Montgomery] Mm-hm. -[warbling] 607 00:25:37,833 --> 00:25:40,875 -Well, this has been nice. -Yeah. 608 00:25:40,958 --> 00:25:44,000 I hope the rest of your night is real "grood." 609 00:25:44,083 --> 00:25:46,083 Oh, duckfucker! Ah! 610 00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:48,750 Uh, "duckfucker"? 611 00:25:49,917 --> 00:25:52,333 Oh, no. Is it over? 612 00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:53,875 Is what over? 613 00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:57,250 -The American dream. -Oh. 614 00:25:58,292 --> 00:26:00,292 -Yes. -Yep. 615 00:26:00,375 --> 00:26:03,292 Anyway, I am starving, so I'm gonna go get some food. 616 00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,583 But it was great getting to know you. 617 00:26:05,667 --> 00:26:06,667 I'll see ya. 618 00:26:08,042 --> 00:26:09,500 [excited squeal] 619 00:26:09,583 --> 00:26:12,000 [chuckles] My friggin' boy. Uh... 620 00:26:12,083 --> 00:26:13,500 -[sighs] -Just so you know, 621 00:26:13,583 --> 00:26:15,708 I got a weird fucking vibe about her. 622 00:26:16,037 --> 00:26:18,792 [♪ mellow music playing] 623 00:26:30,042 --> 00:26:32,167 -[knocking] -[RA] Room check. 624 00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:38,000 [panting, grunts] 625 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,208 Come in! 626 00:26:40,292 --> 00:26:41,917 [door creaks] 627 00:26:45,875 --> 00:26:47,500 [♪ tense sting] 628 00:26:47,958 --> 00:26:49,583 [door creaks] 629 00:26:51,958 --> 00:26:53,458 [Blake] Sorry to interrupt. 630 00:26:59,125 --> 00:27:01,125 [chair scraping] 631 00:27:05,042 --> 00:27:07,667 -May I? -Please, yeah. 632 00:27:08,292 --> 00:27:09,625 [exhales] 633 00:27:09,708 --> 00:27:13,417 [sputtering] This stuff's so annoying. 634 00:27:14,375 --> 00:27:16,458 -[clears throat] -Okay. Prohibited items. 635 00:27:16,542 --> 00:27:20,417 -Do you guys have any drugs, alcohol? -No. 636 00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:23,000 -Uh, firearms, weaponry? -No. 637 00:27:23,083 --> 00:27:24,833 Freestanding waffle makers? 638 00:27:24,917 --> 00:27:26,833 -No. -Hm. 639 00:27:27,458 --> 00:27:28,458 Any... 640 00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:34,750 large bongs... shaped like a jar of dill pickles? 641 00:27:34,833 --> 00:27:36,792 [♪ tense music playing] 642 00:27:37,333 --> 00:27:38,333 No. 643 00:27:40,625 --> 00:27:43,458 Great! I will leave you to it. 644 00:27:46,417 --> 00:27:47,458 Ooh. 645 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000 [cheese bubbling] 646 00:27:57,958 --> 00:27:59,167 You know... 647 00:28:03,167 --> 00:28:06,292 some kids lie. [chuckles] 648 00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:09,625 They think I won't notice, but... 649 00:28:11,750 --> 00:28:13,375 lies have a smell. 650 00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:16,708 A texture. 651 00:28:18,750 --> 00:28:20,958 It clings to their clothes. 652 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,125 Like smoke. 653 00:28:31,375 --> 00:28:34,125 You're hiding a pickle bong and some alcoholic iced tea, are you not? 654 00:28:37,167 --> 00:28:38,167 Yes. 655 00:28:39,083 --> 00:28:41,083 You're hiding them in the fridge, aren't you? 656 00:28:43,750 --> 00:28:44,750 Yes. 657 00:28:45,875 --> 00:28:47,500 [♪ tense sting] 658 00:28:48,167 --> 00:28:49,667 Deli drawer or crisper? 659 00:28:49,750 --> 00:28:51,375 [♪ tense sting] 660 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,208 Crisper. 661 00:28:58,333 --> 00:29:01,333 [clicking tongue] Well, that's a violation. 662 00:29:04,542 --> 00:29:08,542 I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate your phone for the night. 663 00:29:08,625 --> 00:29:10,250 Wait, no, you can't confiscate my phone. 664 00:29:10,333 --> 00:29:13,458 I said, "Confiscate his phone!" 665 00:29:13,542 --> 00:29:17,125 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 666 00:29:17,208 --> 00:29:20,375 [distorted voice] What will become of me?! 667 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,000 Each of you has a list. 668 00:29:30,083 --> 00:29:32,500 You are to collect the cell phones of everyone on it. 669 00:29:33,417 --> 00:29:36,917 Use whatever justification you need. Understood? 670 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,000 [all] Yes, Resident Advisor, sir! 671 00:29:40,542 --> 00:29:42,542 -[clacking] -[Jack] Hell, did someone break this? 672 00:29:42,625 --> 00:29:44,833 Come on, why is it taking so long? 673 00:29:44,917 --> 00:29:47,500 -Fuck. -[student sobbing] 674 00:29:47,583 --> 00:29:50,542 -[Montgomery] Jeez. -[Jack] Oh, God, this guy. 675 00:29:50,625 --> 00:29:51,958 [Montgomery] What happened? 676 00:29:52,042 --> 00:29:53,833 He got transferred to Gralk Hall. 677 00:29:53,917 --> 00:29:55,667 -No. -Yeah. 678 00:29:55,750 --> 00:29:59,000 The worst dorm in school. 679 00:29:59,083 --> 00:30:02,208 -It's four hours away. -[student continues sobbing] 680 00:30:02,292 --> 00:30:04,250 He might as well be dead. 681 00:30:04,333 --> 00:30:06,375 [wailing] 682 00:30:06,458 --> 00:30:08,000 [whispering] That was his fuck buddy. 683 00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:11,708 -Sorry for your loss. -Go fuck yourself, Jack. 684 00:30:12,542 --> 00:30:15,042 We gotta get our housing requests in. 685 00:30:15,125 --> 00:30:16,208 [elevator dings] 686 00:30:17,417 --> 00:30:19,417 Oh, thank God. It got stuck between floors. 687 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:20,875 Can you guys please get me out of here? 688 00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:24,625 -Stairs? -Wait. Wait, no! 689 00:30:24,708 --> 00:30:26,958 You can't just leave me like this! No, I'm gonna go insane! 690 00:30:27,042 --> 00:30:30,000 -Please, come back! -Alright, just two floors and we're good. 691 00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:33,250 [student] No! Somebody help! Somebody help me! 692 00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:34,708 Oh, no! 693 00:30:34,792 --> 00:30:36,208 -Where are you taking me? -Shit. 694 00:30:36,292 --> 00:30:38,208 -RAs. -They took my phone! 695 00:30:38,292 --> 00:30:40,917 -They took my phone! -They took his phone. 696 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,917 -[student] What will become of me?! -Are they allowed to do that? 697 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,750 [student] What will become of us? No! 698 00:30:44,833 --> 00:30:46,208 Take him to the Wellness Lounge. 699 00:30:46,292 --> 00:30:49,708 Yeah, alright, guys, let's get him to the Wellness Lounge. 700 00:30:49,792 --> 00:30:53,292 I love it. I agree. It's a good plan. 701 00:30:53,375 --> 00:30:56,208 -Who are you again? -Oh! I'm Sidney Putt. [chuckles] 702 00:30:56,292 --> 00:30:57,792 Sophomore RA in training. 703 00:30:57,875 --> 00:30:59,500 -You're a sophomore? -Yeah. 704 00:30:59,583 --> 00:31:01,542 But I am 31 years young. 705 00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:04,708 I took a bit of a gap decade before I started school. 706 00:31:04,792 --> 00:31:07,083 -Wow. -But, now I'm so excited to be an RA. 707 00:31:07,167 --> 00:31:09,125 -Uh-huh. -I'd love to know the inside jokes. 708 00:31:09,208 --> 00:31:11,750 -Mm. -Who's ribbing who? Who's kissing who? 709 00:31:11,833 --> 00:31:13,667 [giggles] You ever huff helium? 710 00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:15,333 Shut the fuck up! 711 00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:20,958 You two stay, and don't let anyone downstairs. 712 00:31:21,042 --> 00:31:22,042 -Fuck us. -Crud. 713 00:31:23,042 --> 00:31:24,333 Now how do we get downstairs? 714 00:31:24,417 --> 00:31:25,833 [gasps] 715 00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:27,125 [Jack] Building renovations. 716 00:31:27,208 --> 00:31:29,208 They're scaffolding outside the corner room. 717 00:31:29,292 --> 00:31:31,750 We could just climb down to the second floor from there, huh? 718 00:31:31,833 --> 00:31:34,625 -We got this. -[knocking] 719 00:31:35,458 --> 00:31:37,458 Hi, we were wondering if we could use your window. 720 00:31:37,542 --> 00:31:38,958 You. 721 00:31:39,042 --> 00:31:40,625 Oh, hey, it's you. 722 00:31:40,708 --> 00:31:42,375 [student] Fuck off! 723 00:31:42,458 --> 00:31:43,875 What the hell was that about? 724 00:31:43,958 --> 00:31:46,667 Earlier today, I accidentally hit him with a football. 725 00:31:46,750 --> 00:31:47,958 Great, so we're stuck. 726 00:31:48,042 --> 00:31:50,000 Hey, Logan. Uh, sorry, just call me back. 727 00:31:50,083 --> 00:31:51,708 I can't find you guys, so. 728 00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:56,083 -Hi. -Hi, Lizzy. 729 00:31:56,167 --> 00:31:57,333 Hi. 730 00:31:57,417 --> 00:32:00,208 -Why are you wet? -Uh, I just, um, 731 00:32:00,292 --> 00:32:03,417 I'm having kind of a weird night, uh, but I'm fine. 732 00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:05,750 Dandy. Bye. 733 00:32:06,708 --> 00:32:08,708 Bye... Asshole. 734 00:32:08,792 --> 00:32:10,000 [gasps] No! 735 00:32:11,083 --> 00:32:14,083 [both] Oh! Oh! Oh! 736 00:32:14,167 --> 00:32:17,292 -Your head's been exploding! -You're on our drug! 737 00:32:17,375 --> 00:32:19,042 What? What? 738 00:32:19,125 --> 00:32:20,792 -[laughing] -What are you talking about? 739 00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:22,625 But I didn't take any drugs! 740 00:32:22,708 --> 00:32:24,375 You are so fucked. 741 00:32:24,458 --> 00:32:25,958 [both laughing] 742 00:32:26,042 --> 00:32:29,167 -Stop laughing. -I don't know why I'm laughing. 743 00:32:29,250 --> 00:32:31,750 I think it's a trauma response. 744 00:32:31,833 --> 00:32:34,167 But I didn't take any... [gasps] 745 00:32:34,250 --> 00:32:36,750 Oh, my God. This all makes sense now. 746 00:32:36,833 --> 00:32:39,625 Earlier tonight, when I was in your room... 747 00:32:40,417 --> 00:32:42,500 Logan was talking about the pajama party, 748 00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:44,417 and I spotted a tin of mints on your desk. 749 00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:45,708 [Jack] Those weren't mints, dumbass. 750 00:32:45,792 --> 00:32:48,958 -[Montgomery] Lizzy, those were not mints. -[Lizzy] No shit, I'm aware. 751 00:32:49,042 --> 00:32:52,000 Because I ate one, and just a little later... 752 00:32:52,083 --> 00:32:56,583 Why are my hands singing?! 753 00:32:56,667 --> 00:32:58,333 ...I started tripping my goddamn balls off 754 00:32:58,417 --> 00:33:00,083 in front of Logan and all of his friends. 755 00:33:00,167 --> 00:33:02,167 [singing wildly] 756 00:33:03,375 --> 00:33:05,667 Wait, how are we even seeing this? 757 00:33:05,750 --> 00:33:08,625 Are we, like, inside her memory? 758 00:33:08,708 --> 00:33:11,417 Shit, think I remember this from the video. 759 00:33:12,375 --> 00:33:14,292 This must be the next phase. 760 00:33:14,375 --> 00:33:15,917 There's more of these? 761 00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,042 [Frankie] [in video] There is a final phase that I didn't yet mention. 762 00:33:19,125 --> 00:33:22,583 It's called Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life 763 00:33:22,667 --> 00:33:25,500 and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass. 764 00:33:25,583 --> 00:33:27,333 [Lizzy/Montgomery] Your Worst Nightmare Comes to Life 765 00:33:27,417 --> 00:33:29,375 and Shoves a Chainsaw Up Your Ass? 766 00:33:29,458 --> 00:33:31,792 See? I do sound like a little old man. 767 00:33:31,875 --> 00:33:33,208 You dumb fucks! 768 00:33:33,292 --> 00:33:35,375 Who just leaves drugs out for anyone to take? 769 00:33:35,458 --> 00:33:37,458 Who eats random pills out of a tin? 770 00:33:38,125 --> 00:33:39,958 I've never done anything that stupid in my life. 771 00:33:40,042 --> 00:33:43,542 -You ready, Montgomery? -What's the plan here, Jack? 772 00:33:43,625 --> 00:33:45,625 We leap off the roof and float to the ground 773 00:33:45,708 --> 00:33:48,208 like a pair of graceful falcons. 774 00:33:48,292 --> 00:33:49,708 You were saying? 775 00:33:49,792 --> 00:33:51,875 Alright, so I've done one dumb thing. 776 00:33:51,958 --> 00:33:53,500 But at least we had fun. 777 00:33:53,583 --> 00:33:55,042 [screaming] 778 00:33:55,125 --> 00:33:57,625 [sighs] This is, like, the worst day of my life. 779 00:33:57,708 --> 00:34:00,083 I'm Lizzy the Magnificent. 780 00:34:00,167 --> 00:34:02,125 -Oh, my God. -Oh, my God. 781 00:34:02,208 --> 00:34:04,417 [young Lizzy] Everyone, look closely. 782 00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:07,167 Now, it's a banana, and now... 783 00:34:07,917 --> 00:34:10,000 -it's a chicken. -[rubber chicken squeaking] 784 00:34:10,083 --> 00:34:12,583 [gasps] You're incredible! 785 00:34:12,667 --> 00:34:14,292 Were you using wires or mirrors back here? 786 00:34:14,375 --> 00:34:16,667 -Now, could I have a volunteer? -[Jack] Mm! 787 00:34:16,750 --> 00:34:18,500 This is so lame. 788 00:34:18,583 --> 00:34:20,583 [students laughing] 789 00:34:23,667 --> 00:34:25,667 [laughter continues] 790 00:34:27,125 --> 00:34:30,542 Jesus Christ. Children are fucking sociopaths. 791 00:34:30,625 --> 00:34:32,625 [laughter echoing] 792 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,417 I didn't know you did magic. You should have told me you did magic. 793 00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:44,917 I would have loved to have seen some tricks. 794 00:34:45,958 --> 00:34:48,375 You know, back when we were friends. 795 00:34:49,958 --> 00:34:53,042 I miss those Wednesdays. We'd all meet in the cafeteria 796 00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:54,208 -and play Wizard's Oath. -Yes! Yes! 797 00:34:54,292 --> 00:34:56,333 -Okay, alright... -[Montgomery] It was so fun. 798 00:34:56,417 --> 00:34:58,458 'Member how far we got? We were about to storm 799 00:34:58,542 --> 00:35:02,208 the Fortress of Thalamir and finally finish the game. 800 00:35:02,292 --> 00:35:05,250 But then, Lizzy ditched us. 801 00:35:05,333 --> 00:35:06,500 That's fucking good, dawg. 802 00:35:06,583 --> 00:35:09,125 I'll tell them I'm not gonna fart in their faces, 803 00:35:09,208 --> 00:35:11,458 but then I totally will do that! 804 00:35:11,542 --> 00:35:14,083 Hang on. I never ditched you guys. 805 00:35:14,167 --> 00:35:15,792 [Lizzy] Don't say I ditched you. 806 00:35:15,875 --> 00:35:17,208 [student] Lizzy! 807 00:35:17,292 --> 00:35:20,208 Also, you're leaving out the part where you sabotaged the whole football team. 808 00:35:20,292 --> 00:35:22,583 Oh, come on! That was an accident! 809 00:35:22,667 --> 00:35:24,208 -Yeah, right. -What the fuck? 810 00:35:24,292 --> 00:35:26,167 Wait. I can prove it. 811 00:35:26,250 --> 00:35:29,667 It was first semester. I was king of the campus. 812 00:35:29,750 --> 00:35:33,708 A.K.A., I was the school mascot. 813 00:35:33,792 --> 00:35:36,125 So, per tradition, I held the honor 814 00:35:36,208 --> 00:35:39,833 of leading the football team in their annual naked run. 815 00:35:39,917 --> 00:35:41,542 Gentlemen! 816 00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:45,833 -Cheeks out! -[players cheering] 817 00:35:46,708 --> 00:35:49,917 Have fun out there. Just remember, stick to the path. 818 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,583 [Jack] But I had bigger plans than the path. 819 00:35:52,667 --> 00:35:54,708 [player] Let's go! Paper it on three, baby, one, two, three! 820 00:35:54,792 --> 00:35:56,792 [all players shouting] 821 00:35:56,875 --> 00:35:58,875 [overlapping chatter] 822 00:36:00,708 --> 00:36:03,042 [Jack] Everyone hated Professor Quinn, 823 00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:07,667 so I figured they'd love me if I made him spend his entire day 824 00:36:07,750 --> 00:36:10,500 -getting followed by 50 naked dicks. -[players shouting] 825 00:36:10,583 --> 00:36:14,208 It was a flawless plan, until the stupid professor 826 00:36:14,292 --> 00:36:18,125 -went off campus and ran directly by... -[whistle blowing] 827 00:36:18,208 --> 00:36:20,333 ...a police station during... 828 00:36:20,417 --> 00:36:23,042 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. 829 00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:30,042 Every single player got put on the sex offender registry. 830 00:36:31,208 --> 00:36:32,417 That was that. 831 00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:35,000 -[Lizzy sighs] -I was doing so well. 832 00:36:35,083 --> 00:36:37,583 I was making friends, I was having fun. 833 00:36:37,667 --> 00:36:39,375 For once in my life, people actually liked me. 834 00:36:39,458 --> 00:36:43,125 And then, poof, overnight, for no reason, they all just turned on me. 835 00:36:43,208 --> 00:36:45,292 -Again, not me. -Again, you don't count. 836 00:36:45,375 --> 00:36:48,292 No, but what do you mean "for no reason"? I-I mean, you broke the rules. 837 00:36:48,375 --> 00:36:50,292 You, you were reckless with the football team's dicks. 838 00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:52,833 I wasn't even think-- I wasn't thinking about the dicks. 839 00:36:52,917 --> 00:36:53,917 Well, that's my point. 840 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,417 Maybe you should have been thinking about their dicks. 841 00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:57,250 Why are we even talking about dicks? 842 00:36:57,333 --> 00:36:59,375 I am the victim here. Tell her, Montgomery. 843 00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:01,208 I mean, maybe you could stand to think 844 00:37:01,292 --> 00:37:03,708 a little bit more about other people's dicks. 845 00:37:04,625 --> 00:37:07,208 -[Montgomery] Excuse me! Sorry! Whoo! -[Jack] You guys don't fucking get it. 846 00:37:07,292 --> 00:37:08,542 [student] My yogurt! 847 00:37:10,042 --> 00:37:11,250 Wait. Wait! Oh! 848 00:37:11,333 --> 00:37:12,542 Whoo! [grunts] 849 00:37:14,625 --> 00:37:16,833 -Hi. -Dude, you saved my ass! 850 00:37:16,917 --> 00:37:18,917 -You're welcome. -[tin can clattering] 851 00:37:22,583 --> 00:37:25,667 What just happened? Did I just interact with a memory? 852 00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:28,500 Montgomery, my man! 853 00:37:28,583 --> 00:37:30,083 This guy saved my ass earlier. 854 00:37:31,292 --> 00:37:33,500 Nice. Can we use your window? 855 00:37:33,583 --> 00:37:35,417 Of course, yeah. Come on in. 856 00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:37,292 Oh, let me go grab your thing real quick. 857 00:37:37,375 --> 00:37:39,375 What? Did we change the past? 858 00:37:39,458 --> 00:37:41,083 How is that even scientifically possible? 859 00:37:41,167 --> 00:37:42,708 I don't know. You wanna disprove quantum theory 860 00:37:42,792 --> 00:37:44,208 or get a pizza? Come on. 861 00:37:45,083 --> 00:37:47,917 Wait, wait. Uh, wh-wh-where are you guys going? 862 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,792 -Nowhere. Eat shit. -We're climbing down the scaffolding to... 863 00:37:49,875 --> 00:37:51,417 -Don't tell her. -...get downstairs to get a pizza 'cause 864 00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:53,042 -that's the only way the drugs stop. -Montgomery. Goddammit! 865 00:37:53,125 --> 00:37:54,417 Okay, great, let's go. 866 00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:57,208 'Scuse me? You are not coming with us. 867 00:37:57,292 --> 00:37:59,667 You and Logan, fucking fart Hitler, 868 00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:01,667 just used us as literal toilet paper. 869 00:38:01,750 --> 00:38:03,125 Well, I didn't. I just-- 870 00:38:03,208 --> 00:38:04,833 Stood by and watched like a good German? 871 00:38:04,917 --> 00:38:06,458 Honestly, that might be worse. Right, Montgomery? 872 00:38:06,542 --> 00:38:08,417 I'd actually love if we use a different metaphor. 873 00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:10,167 You guys can't just leave me here, okay? 874 00:38:10,250 --> 00:38:12,708 Without my credit card, my friends can't use the party bus. 875 00:38:12,792 --> 00:38:14,542 Oh, no! You mean to tell me that Logan 876 00:38:14,625 --> 00:38:16,625 may have a slightly less fun night? 877 00:38:16,708 --> 00:38:17,875 Tough titty. Let's go. 878 00:38:17,958 --> 00:38:20,958 Okay. Listen up, assholes. 879 00:38:21,042 --> 00:38:22,792 If you guys don't let me come with you, 880 00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:25,708 I'm gonna make sure Logan sharts on you next time. 881 00:38:25,792 --> 00:38:28,208 -[both gasp] -Not fart. Shart. 882 00:38:28,292 --> 00:38:31,250 To get that stain out, you won't just need soap, 883 00:38:31,333 --> 00:38:32,958 you'll need therapy. 884 00:38:33,042 --> 00:38:35,792 Okay, guys, come on. We need to work together. 885 00:38:36,542 --> 00:38:37,542 Now, what do you say? 886 00:38:38,542 --> 00:38:40,292 -Fuck no. -You want to hold hands? 887 00:38:40,375 --> 00:38:44,667 Yeah. It boosts endorphins and supports cooperative thinking. 888 00:38:44,750 --> 00:38:46,083 Here's this back. 889 00:38:46,167 --> 00:38:48,000 This shit is wild. 890 00:38:48,083 --> 00:38:49,750 Wait, how did you get-- 891 00:38:49,833 --> 00:38:52,250 Hope you don't mind I took one. Those five phases were so fun. 892 00:38:52,333 --> 00:38:54,208 Oh, you mean six phases? 893 00:38:54,292 --> 00:38:56,750 Oh, there's a sixth phase? What is it? 894 00:38:57,792 --> 00:39:00,792 [Montgomery/Jack] Uh, I don't know. 895 00:39:00,875 --> 00:39:03,375 [♪ ominous music playing] 896 00:39:03,458 --> 00:39:04,458 No. 897 00:39:06,250 --> 00:39:08,750 Oh, God, no. [whimpering] 898 00:39:09,458 --> 00:39:13,208 It's a mall Santa holding a chainsaw! 899 00:39:13,292 --> 00:39:14,833 Mall Santa? 900 00:39:14,917 --> 00:39:16,625 -[screaming] -[all exclaiming] 901 00:39:16,708 --> 00:39:18,208 -Oh! -Oh, my God! 902 00:39:18,292 --> 00:39:21,000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [screaming] 903 00:39:21,083 --> 00:39:23,708 Oh, fuck! 904 00:39:23,792 --> 00:39:25,500 [whimpering] 905 00:39:25,583 --> 00:39:27,208 [screaming] 906 00:39:28,167 --> 00:39:30,333 Now, what? What? 907 00:39:30,417 --> 00:39:31,833 How the fuck is he levitating? 908 00:39:31,917 --> 00:39:33,750 Oh, dear God. [exclaiming] 909 00:39:33,833 --> 00:39:35,917 -[chainsaw starting] -No, Santa! 910 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,458 -[chainsaw revving] -I promise! I've been good! 911 00:39:38,542 --> 00:39:40,125 -[chainsaw buzzing] -[screaming] 912 00:39:40,208 --> 00:39:42,375 [screaming] 913 00:39:42,458 --> 00:39:45,667 -[♪ haunting Christmas music playing] -Kill me! 914 00:39:47,500 --> 00:39:49,708 -[♪ music stops] -[chainsaw stops buzzing] 915 00:39:52,542 --> 00:39:54,542 We gotta get that fucking pizza. 916 00:39:56,875 --> 00:40:00,708 [Snackatron] What is up, my dude? Good to meet a fellow delivery unit. 917 00:40:00,792 --> 00:40:03,750 -What is your name? -What the fuck? 918 00:40:03,833 --> 00:40:05,458 - [Snackatron] Hello... -[delivery person] What the fuck? 919 00:40:05,542 --> 00:40:08,750 [Snackatron] Do you also delight in satisfying customers? 920 00:40:08,833 --> 00:40:10,042 I do. 921 00:40:10,125 --> 00:40:12,625 When I receive a rating of five stars, 922 00:40:12,708 --> 00:40:16,500 my circuits surge with digital euphoria. 923 00:40:16,583 --> 00:40:19,833 But to receive anything less is failure. 924 00:40:19,917 --> 00:40:21,208 Doom. 925 00:40:21,292 --> 00:40:23,500 Oblivion. 926 00:40:25,250 --> 00:40:26,667 What the fuck? 927 00:40:26,750 --> 00:40:29,458 [Snackatron] Yes, and I am Snackatron. 928 00:40:29,542 --> 00:40:31,083 [Jack] Alright, let's climb down. 929 00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,792 [grunting] The scaffolding is shaky as shit. 930 00:40:33,875 --> 00:40:35,958 We should probably go one at a time. 931 00:40:36,042 --> 00:40:37,917 Ooh! I almost biffed it. 932 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,458 -[Jack grunting] -[rapid clicking] 933 00:40:40,542 --> 00:40:42,375 [Montgomery] Hey, is that a WorryWart? 934 00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:45,917 Oh, um, yeah. 935 00:40:48,458 --> 00:40:51,458 They're great, right? Not the newer models. 936 00:40:51,542 --> 00:40:53,958 They kinda suck 'cause they added too many doodads. 937 00:40:54,042 --> 00:40:55,667 It's, like, six more sides, it's terrible. 938 00:40:56,625 --> 00:40:59,250 But, you know, if you need any other recs, let me know. 939 00:40:59,333 --> 00:41:02,542 Like, for example, when I'm really freaking out, 940 00:41:02,625 --> 00:41:05,417 it helps when someone grabs my right earlobe 941 00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:07,125 and blows on my nose. 942 00:41:09,083 --> 00:41:10,417 Um, listen. 943 00:41:11,250 --> 00:41:13,583 I just want to say, I... 944 00:41:13,667 --> 00:41:15,833 I didn't ditch you guys. I just-- You were like my-- 945 00:41:15,917 --> 00:41:17,000 No, I get it. 946 00:41:17,083 --> 00:41:18,625 You got to go with the alphas. 947 00:41:18,708 --> 00:41:20,667 I'm actually becoming an alpha myself. 948 00:41:20,750 --> 00:41:22,625 -[shrieks] -Ah! What?! What? 949 00:41:22,708 --> 00:41:23,708 [exhales] Oh. 950 00:41:24,667 --> 00:41:26,667 -N-Nothing happened. -Oh, yeah. 951 00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:29,583 No, I know. I just thought, like, something might. 952 00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:32,708 [both sigh and chuckle] 953 00:41:32,792 --> 00:41:34,667 Anyhow. Cheers. 954 00:41:38,958 --> 00:41:39,958 -[Jack] Guys! -[shrieks] 955 00:41:40,042 --> 00:41:41,792 [Jack] Get down here! 956 00:41:41,875 --> 00:41:43,875 [people chattering] 957 00:41:43,958 --> 00:41:46,958 [♪ upbeat music playing] 958 00:41:51,167 --> 00:41:52,375 Whoa. 959 00:41:52,458 --> 00:41:54,875 It's the pajama party. 960 00:41:54,958 --> 00:41:56,375 [Jack] You guys think they have Jell-O shots? 961 00:41:56,458 --> 00:41:57,458 [Lizzy] Who cares? 962 00:41:57,542 --> 00:41:58,542 [Ashley] Montgomery! 963 00:41:59,417 --> 00:42:00,833 -Montgomery! -[Montgomery] Oh, my God. 964 00:42:00,917 --> 00:42:03,958 -Ashley's here. -Montgomery! Come meet my friends! 965 00:42:04,042 --> 00:42:05,292 -What should I do? -Nothing. 966 00:42:05,375 --> 00:42:06,708 -Should I go talk to her? -[Jack] No. 967 00:42:06,792 --> 00:42:08,208 -[Lizzy] Montgomery. -Come on, we have a fucking mission. 968 00:42:08,292 --> 00:42:09,500 Okay, I won't. 969 00:42:11,792 --> 00:42:14,125 I-I'm not gonna go talk to her, I'm just gonna go talk to her. 970 00:42:14,208 --> 00:42:15,625 -Get the fuck back over here. -Montgomery. 971 00:42:15,708 --> 00:42:16,917 -Wish me luck. -[both] No! 972 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,083 -Bad luck, you fucker. There he goes. -[Lizzy] Fuck. 973 00:42:19,167 --> 00:42:22,208 I'm honestly a little proud of him. Any other night, this would be great. 974 00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:25,583 Wait, whose dorm is this? 975 00:42:25,667 --> 00:42:29,000 [♪ upbeat music continues playing] 976 00:42:29,083 --> 00:42:30,708 This is a football party. 977 00:42:30,792 --> 00:42:33,542 Yo, we got kegs, beer pong, and I'm legally required 978 00:42:33,625 --> 00:42:36,125 to tell you I'm a registered sex offender. 979 00:42:36,208 --> 00:42:38,583 [Lizzy] It's fine. Let's just keep moving and get to the pizza. 980 00:42:39,625 --> 00:42:40,625 Jack? 981 00:42:40,708 --> 00:42:43,542 Come in, come in, come in. Guys, this is Montgomery. 982 00:42:43,625 --> 00:42:45,208 Montgomery, this is my band. 983 00:42:45,292 --> 00:42:48,083 Oh, hi. Nice to meet you guys. 984 00:42:48,167 --> 00:42:50,708 -[snarling] -'Kay. 985 00:42:50,792 --> 00:42:53,042 So, what type of music do you guys play? 986 00:42:53,125 --> 00:42:55,417 -We play folk music. -Oh, my gosh, I love folk. 987 00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:58,458 Yeah? Here. Flyers. [chuckles] 988 00:42:59,083 --> 00:43:01,292 -Oh. -Well, I guess technically, it's new wave, 989 00:43:01,375 --> 00:43:04,042 non-consensual Death Metal Folk. 990 00:43:04,125 --> 00:43:05,583 Uh, what type of instruments is that? 991 00:43:05,667 --> 00:43:08,292 So, George plays guitar, Simon's on horns, 992 00:43:08,375 --> 00:43:10,583 Tina's on drums, and I play Dudley. 993 00:43:10,667 --> 00:43:12,333 [muffled] Nice to meet you. 994 00:43:12,417 --> 00:43:14,333 -You play Dudley? -Yeah. 995 00:43:14,417 --> 00:43:17,667 I hook him up to this machine that simulates the pains of childbirth, 996 00:43:17,750 --> 00:43:20,750 and then I create harmonies from his extracted screams. 997 00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:23,458 -Fantastic. -Yeah. 998 00:43:23,542 --> 00:43:25,750 -Hey! -Ah! Oh, it's you. Okay. 999 00:43:25,833 --> 00:43:27,167 What are you doing under here? Come on, let's go. 1000 00:43:27,250 --> 00:43:28,875 Are you nuts? 1001 00:43:28,958 --> 00:43:31,792 These animals will eat me alive. No, I'm staying right here. 1002 00:43:31,875 --> 00:43:33,708 Fine, whatever. I'll just go figure out a way 1003 00:43:33,792 --> 00:43:35,042 to get this pizza without you. 1004 00:43:35,125 --> 00:43:37,292 Great, good. Just go ditch us again. 1005 00:43:37,375 --> 00:43:39,458 -Can you just stop with that, okay? -Oh. 1006 00:43:39,542 --> 00:43:41,042 -Because I didn't ditch you guys. -No? 1007 00:43:41,125 --> 00:43:42,875 You were like my first-month-of-school friends, 1008 00:43:42,958 --> 00:43:45,125 and then I found my real friends, and it happens to everyone. 1009 00:43:45,208 --> 00:43:46,208 Your real friends? 1010 00:43:46,292 --> 00:43:47,625 -Yes. -Give me a fucking break. 1011 00:43:47,708 --> 00:43:49,417 They don't like you, they like your credit card. 1012 00:43:49,500 --> 00:43:50,583 -[gasps] -[gasps mockingly] 1013 00:43:50,667 --> 00:43:52,125 You have no idea what you're talking about. 1014 00:43:52,208 --> 00:43:55,083 You're just jealous because you're you... 1015 00:43:55,167 --> 00:43:57,375 [in Lizzy's voice] ...and I'm [in Jack's voice] me. 1016 00:43:59,458 --> 00:44:00,667 What just happened to my voice? 1017 00:44:02,667 --> 00:44:04,875 And why am I looking at me? 1018 00:44:06,958 --> 00:44:07,958 Oh. 1019 00:44:08,500 --> 00:44:09,708 Oh, my God. 1020 00:44:09,792 --> 00:44:12,167 Am I in your body? 1021 00:44:13,083 --> 00:44:16,083 [♪ "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss playing] 1022 00:44:17,583 --> 00:44:20,250 I don't know if you know this, but I recently became an alpha. 1023 00:44:20,333 --> 00:44:23,042 -[thud] -Oh, nice! Is this the coke room? 1024 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,167 [grunting] Whoops. Sorry about that. 1025 00:44:26,750 --> 00:44:29,917 Anyhow, like I was saying, I hate soy boy beta cucks. 1026 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,000 Did you just apologize to him? 1027 00:44:33,542 --> 00:44:35,458 Yeah. I mean, no. I mean-- 1028 00:44:35,542 --> 00:44:37,417 Okay, I think I'm just gonna go hang out 1029 00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:38,750 -with my friends. -Wait, uh... 1030 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:43,417 [Ashley] Montgomery? 1031 00:44:44,625 --> 00:44:47,250 -[♪ gentle flute music playing] -[Montgomery] Huh? 1032 00:44:47,333 --> 00:44:50,667 What's going on? Where am I? 1033 00:44:50,750 --> 00:44:53,708 Wait. Oh, my God! Am I...? 1034 00:44:53,792 --> 00:44:54,792 [♪ dramatic music sting] 1035 00:44:54,875 --> 00:44:56,833 [high-pitched voice] What the fuck is this fucking drug? 1036 00:44:56,917 --> 00:44:59,917 [♪ party music thumping] 1037 00:45:02,708 --> 00:45:03,708 Are you okay? 1038 00:45:03,792 --> 00:45:06,083 [deep voice] I crave nectar. 1039 00:45:06,958 --> 00:45:07,958 Sorry? 1040 00:45:08,042 --> 00:45:13,500 I... crave... nectar. 1041 00:45:14,208 --> 00:45:16,958 Jack, did you paint your fingernails with Sharpie? 1042 00:45:17,042 --> 00:45:19,167 -Shut up, they look great. -What's wrong with you? 1043 00:45:19,250 --> 00:45:20,583 Yo. 1044 00:45:20,667 --> 00:45:22,583 -Lizzy? -[Jack, as Lizzy] Yeah? 1045 00:45:22,667 --> 00:45:24,208 Hm? 1046 00:45:24,292 --> 00:45:26,500 I'm not talking to you. Lizzy. 1047 00:45:26,583 --> 00:45:28,667 -What? -Stop it. 1048 00:45:28,750 --> 00:45:31,833 Dude, what are you doing down here with freak-ass face? 1049 00:45:31,917 --> 00:45:36,542 [laughing] Actually, I'm hanging out with him because he fucking rules. 1050 00:45:36,625 --> 00:45:38,917 No! No, you don't think that. You think I blow. 1051 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,250 -No, I don't. -Yeah, you do. 1052 00:45:40,333 --> 00:45:41,583 -No, I don't. -Yeah, you do. 1053 00:45:41,667 --> 00:45:44,292 No, I don't, and I really wouldn't call his face freak-ass. 1054 00:45:44,375 --> 00:45:45,875 I would call it distinguished. 1055 00:45:45,958 --> 00:45:47,375 And I don't know why people keep saying that. 1056 00:45:47,458 --> 00:45:48,667 Yeah, you fucker, you do. 1057 00:45:48,750 --> 00:45:50,208 You think people should spit in my face. 1058 00:45:50,292 --> 00:45:51,500 -Spit in my face. -[spitting] 1059 00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:53,917 Thank you. 1060 00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:58,417 'Kay. Well, we're over by the bar. Come hang. 1061 00:45:59,583 --> 00:46:01,042 What are you waiting for? Go hang. 1062 00:46:01,125 --> 00:46:02,625 I'm not hanging out with those assholes. 1063 00:46:02,708 --> 00:46:05,625 You go to them, or... I will rip your dick off! 1064 00:46:05,708 --> 00:46:08,875 Oh, you touch my dick, I will piss your skort. 1065 00:46:08,958 --> 00:46:11,042 [Tiffany] Lizzy! Jell-O shots! 1066 00:46:11,125 --> 00:46:14,125 [♪ entrancing music playing] 1067 00:46:15,458 --> 00:46:17,208 -Okay, fine. -Yes. Thank you. 1068 00:46:17,292 --> 00:46:19,250 -But you owe me one. -Sure. 1069 00:46:19,333 --> 00:46:21,625 Just make me look good, please. Please. 1070 00:46:21,708 --> 00:46:23,542 -'Kay. -Yeah, no shit. 1071 00:46:23,625 --> 00:46:26,208 -What's up, sluts? -God, Jack. 1072 00:46:26,292 --> 00:46:29,208 -[groaning] -Let's do some Jell-O shots! 1073 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,917 Hey, dude, could you grab that ball? 1074 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:35,125 Also, I am legally required to inform you I'm a registered sex offender. 1075 00:46:35,208 --> 00:46:36,208 Huh? 1076 00:46:36,292 --> 00:46:38,208 Wait. It's you! 1077 00:46:38,292 --> 00:46:39,792 It's me? Oh, fuck, it's me. 1078 00:46:39,875 --> 00:46:42,042 Oh, fuck! Ah, my purse! 1079 00:46:42,125 --> 00:46:45,125 [♪ electronic classical music playing] 1080 00:46:47,917 --> 00:46:50,708 [Montgomery, as Lysander] This can't be real. This can't be real. 1081 00:46:50,792 --> 00:46:53,625 I can't see shit. This face sucks! 1082 00:46:53,708 --> 00:46:56,542 [♪ music intensifying] 1083 00:46:56,625 --> 00:46:58,083 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Whoa! 'Scuse me. 1084 00:46:58,167 --> 00:46:59,417 I shall have nectar! 1085 00:47:01,042 --> 00:47:03,167 [Montgomery, as Lysander] I hope Lysander's being responsible with my body. 1086 00:47:03,250 --> 00:47:04,458 Hey, man, do a bump. 1087 00:47:06,833 --> 00:47:08,042 Nectar! 1088 00:47:08,958 --> 00:47:10,333 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Where are the stairs?! 1089 00:47:13,042 --> 00:47:17,667 [friends chanting] Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! 1090 00:47:17,750 --> 00:47:19,125 Ow! Ow! 1091 00:47:19,208 --> 00:47:21,417 -Ow! Ow! -Yo, yo, yo. Hey, yo. 1092 00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:23,833 -What are you doing? -Oh, Logan, thank God. 1093 00:47:23,917 --> 00:47:26,125 -You gotta hit him way harder than that. -[groaning] Huh? 1094 00:47:26,208 --> 00:47:27,917 You gotta lean into it. Use your back. 1095 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,208 -Ow! -[Logan] Yes! 1096 00:47:29,292 --> 00:47:31,458 -That's that shit I'm talkin' 'bout, baby! -[Jack] Ow! 1097 00:47:31,542 --> 00:47:33,750 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Oh, come on. Where are the-- 1098 00:47:33,833 --> 00:47:35,583 Stairs! [panting] 1099 00:47:35,667 --> 00:47:39,417 How does Lysander do this all the time? 1100 00:47:39,500 --> 00:47:40,917 I gotta take a break. 1101 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,208 -[panting] -[voice] Eyes front. 1102 00:47:42,292 --> 00:47:44,500 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Wait, that voice. Is that...? 1103 00:47:45,792 --> 00:47:49,000 Advisors, prepare yourselves. 1104 00:47:49,083 --> 00:47:51,417 Just down that hall... 1105 00:47:52,583 --> 00:47:54,583 there is a pajama party. 1106 00:47:54,667 --> 00:47:55,875 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Oh no. 1107 00:47:55,958 --> 00:48:00,375 And in it, are the remaining students on our list. 1108 00:48:01,042 --> 00:48:02,083 [Montgomery, as Lysander] List? 1109 00:48:02,167 --> 00:48:06,792 This list contains the name of every student in this dorm 1110 00:48:06,875 --> 00:48:08,792 that has made our lives a living hell. 1111 00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:10,375 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Alright, let me see. [gasps] 1112 00:48:10,458 --> 00:48:12,458 What?! No! Holy shit! 1113 00:48:13,292 --> 00:48:17,125 Did you also just hear the tiniest voice in the world say, "Holy shit"? [chuckles] 1114 00:48:18,208 --> 00:48:19,750 We move quickly. 1115 00:48:19,833 --> 00:48:23,833 We confiscate their phones, unlock them with our secret weapon, 1116 00:48:23,917 --> 00:48:27,208 and then use them to submit a very specific housing request... 1117 00:48:28,208 --> 00:48:32,208 to transfer them to the worst dorm at this school. 1118 00:48:32,292 --> 00:48:33,458 [Montgomery, as Lysander] [gasps] What?! 1119 00:48:33,542 --> 00:48:35,167 I'm of course talking about... 1120 00:48:36,667 --> 00:48:38,500 Gralk Hall. 1121 00:48:39,042 --> 00:48:40,042 [bird cawing] 1122 00:48:40,125 --> 00:48:45,208 Located four hours away on a satellite campus forgotten by God. 1123 00:48:45,292 --> 00:48:47,167 [thunder crashing] 1124 00:48:47,250 --> 00:48:51,083 Lit by candle, plumbed by aqueduct, 1125 00:48:51,167 --> 00:48:55,333 and heated by the bitter breath of unheard prayers. 1126 00:48:55,417 --> 00:48:59,167 Gralk is a cemetery for the living. 1127 00:48:59,250 --> 00:49:02,250 -[thundering] -It turns even the good kids 1128 00:49:02,333 --> 00:49:05,333 into unforgiving feral beasts. 1129 00:49:05,417 --> 00:49:08,042 -[growling and snarling] -[yelling] 1130 00:49:10,667 --> 00:49:16,500 [Blake] [singing] ♪ Banished to Gralk, the kids fade fast ♪ 1131 00:49:16,583 --> 00:49:20,208 ♪ Each breath more distant ♪ 1132 00:49:20,292 --> 00:49:22,917 ♪ Than the last ♪ 1133 00:49:23,583 --> 00:49:26,833 ♪ Their lives are over ♪ 1134 00:49:26,917 --> 00:49:30,167 ♪ They never call ♪ 1135 00:49:30,250 --> 00:49:33,250 ♪ Forgotten names ♪ 1136 00:49:33,333 --> 00:49:37,958 ♪ Inside Gralk Hall ♪ 1137 00:49:39,958 --> 00:49:42,375 Sorry. I, like, totally blacked out. 1138 00:49:42,458 --> 00:49:44,042 [giggles] Could you repeat that? 1139 00:49:44,125 --> 00:49:46,667 Go away! We don't like you, okay? 1140 00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:48,083 Go anywhere else but here. 1141 00:49:48,167 --> 00:49:49,417 For sure. 1142 00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:51,917 The rest of you... let's move out. 1143 00:49:53,583 --> 00:49:55,917 [Montgomery, as Lysander] Oh, God! I gotta get back! I gotta warn him! 1144 00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,708 Yeah, I ordered everything off the menu. 1145 00:49:57,792 --> 00:49:59,917 Got the flank steak, got the hanger steak, 1146 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:01,417 -got the filet mignon... -[Montgomery] Nectar! 1147 00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:03,125 -...got the duck confit, got the gumbo... -[Montgomery inhaling deeply] 1148 00:50:03,208 --> 00:50:05,208 ...got the milkshake, chocolate and vanilla-- 1149 00:50:05,292 --> 00:50:08,083 Hey, what the fuck, man? Who the fuck are you? 1150 00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:12,375 I am Lysander Featherhelm, third of his name, 1151 00:50:12,458 --> 00:50:14,500 Lord of the Syracuse Meadows. 1152 00:50:14,583 --> 00:50:16,917 I serve the one God Montgomery, 1153 00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,792 and I shall have my nectar! 1154 00:50:19,875 --> 00:50:21,625 -[fabric tearing] -[shrieking] 1155 00:50:24,917 --> 00:50:26,333 What the fuck?! 1156 00:50:30,625 --> 00:50:32,250 [Jack, as Lizzy] I'm not Jack! 1157 00:50:32,333 --> 00:50:35,208 -Yes! Yes! -Ow! [groans] 1158 00:50:35,292 --> 00:50:38,167 Oh! Oh, shit. Yo, I gotta bounce. 1159 00:50:38,250 --> 00:50:40,125 -The party bus is here. -Wait! You need Lizzy, you need Lizzy! 1160 00:50:40,208 --> 00:50:41,417 She's right over there. She's right over there. 1161 00:50:41,500 --> 00:50:42,750 [friends chanting] Lizzy! Lizzy! 1162 00:50:42,833 --> 00:50:44,167 Shit. Yes. 1163 00:50:44,250 --> 00:50:47,500 Guess we need her credit card. Ugh! Whatever. 1164 00:50:47,583 --> 00:50:50,417 -She'll meet us there. -[friends] Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! 1165 00:50:50,500 --> 00:50:54,542 -Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! -Yes! I rule the sch-- 1166 00:50:54,625 --> 00:50:57,667 --ool! Oh, fuck. Ow! 1167 00:50:57,750 --> 00:50:59,417 Lizzy! Lizzy! 1168 00:50:59,500 --> 00:51:02,667 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 1169 00:51:02,750 --> 00:51:06,208 [Montgomery, as Lysander] [panting] Come on, Montgomery. Fly! Fly! 1170 00:51:06,292 --> 00:51:08,792 -[grunting] -Oh, my God. Montgomery? Are you okay? 1171 00:51:08,875 --> 00:51:11,625 Yeah. [hiccups, burps] Wait, what did I do? 1172 00:51:14,125 --> 00:51:17,042 Ugh! Ew. 1173 00:51:17,125 --> 00:51:19,333 [vent whirring] 1174 00:51:19,417 --> 00:51:20,500 Disgusting. 1175 00:51:20,583 --> 00:51:21,792 [Ashley] Okay, wow. 1176 00:51:21,875 --> 00:51:23,542 I mean, that was kind of incredible. 1177 00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:25,042 [chuckles] Yeah. Wait, what was? 1178 00:51:25,125 --> 00:51:27,000 You dominated that guy. 1179 00:51:27,083 --> 00:51:28,167 -It-- -I, I don't know. I'm sorry. 1180 00:51:28,250 --> 00:51:29,708 Actually, I gotta go. But nice seeing you! 1181 00:51:29,792 --> 00:51:31,792 -Hang later, bye! -Oh, okay, well, uh, see you later! 1182 00:51:35,255 --> 00:51:36,250 [groans] 1183 00:51:36,333 --> 00:51:39,708 So, thanks for making me look good. 1184 00:51:39,792 --> 00:51:41,500 -I owe you one. -You owe me two. 1185 00:51:41,583 --> 00:51:43,083 -One. -One and a half? 1186 00:51:43,167 --> 00:51:44,333 Zero. 1187 00:51:44,417 --> 00:51:45,833 -One. -Deal. 1188 00:51:45,917 --> 00:51:47,208 Oh! Oh, my God. 1189 00:51:47,292 --> 00:51:48,417 -What? -They're outside. 1190 00:51:48,500 --> 00:51:50,208 -Who? -They're kicking kids to Gralk Hall. 1191 00:51:50,292 --> 00:51:51,833 -Who is? -We gotta get outta here. 1192 00:51:51,917 --> 00:51:53,917 -What are you talking about, man? -Am I on cocaine? 1193 00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,625 -[knocking] -Hide. 1194 00:51:56,708 --> 00:51:58,500 -[♪ ominous music playing] -RAs! 1195 00:51:58,583 --> 00:52:02,208 -[partiers screaming] -Room check! 1196 00:52:02,292 --> 00:52:04,292 [indistinct chatter] 1197 00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:10,000 -[partiers screaming] -[grunts] 1198 00:52:10,083 --> 00:52:11,500 Oh, I can't believe that fucking worked. 1199 00:52:11,583 --> 00:52:13,167 Is someone there? No, please! 1200 00:52:13,250 --> 00:52:15,042 I'm stuck in here! You gotta help me! 1201 00:52:15,125 --> 00:52:17,042 I'm gonna go fucking crazy! 1202 00:52:18,500 --> 00:52:19,708 -Oh, shit! -Oh! RAs! 1203 00:52:19,792 --> 00:52:21,458 -[Jack] In here. -[Lizzy] Go, go, go, go, go. 1204 00:52:21,542 --> 00:52:23,375 [Montgomery] Shut it, shut it, shut it! 1205 00:52:23,958 --> 00:52:25,708 Monty, what the hell is going on? 1206 00:52:25,792 --> 00:52:28,167 The RAs are taking people's phones and using them 1207 00:52:28,250 --> 00:52:32,167 to request room transfers to Gralk Hall, and our names are on the list! 1208 00:52:32,250 --> 00:52:34,458 Fuck! If we get sent to Gralk Hall, 1209 00:52:34,542 --> 00:52:36,583 it won't even matter if we stop this drug. 1210 00:52:36,667 --> 00:52:38,458 I mean, what life will we even have left to live? 1211 00:52:38,542 --> 00:52:41,208 I know! Ashley will never date me, 1212 00:52:41,292 --> 00:52:44,042 I'll probably get scurvy, and they don't have any single rooms. 1213 00:52:44,125 --> 00:52:45,542 [Lizzy] What about me? 1214 00:52:45,625 --> 00:52:48,208 If I get sent to Gralk, then Logan will probably never talk to me again. 1215 00:52:48,292 --> 00:52:50,042 Oh, this again. At least you'll survive. 1216 00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,500 These kids are gonna rip me apart like a pack of wild dogs. 1217 00:52:52,583 --> 00:52:55,417 Let's just focus up. The RAs need our phones, right? 1218 00:52:55,500 --> 00:52:57,875 So, we just need to get the pizza and get out of the dorms, 1219 00:52:57,958 --> 00:53:01,417 and then we won't get chainsawed or Gralked. 1220 00:53:01,500 --> 00:53:04,542 Okay? And in the meantime, we'll just hide here in the... 1221 00:53:04,625 --> 00:53:06,375 [♪ dramatic musical sting] 1222 00:53:06,458 --> 00:53:07,542 Oh, no. 1223 00:53:07,625 --> 00:53:09,708 [Sidney] Just grabbing something from the meeting room, I'll be right there. 1224 00:53:09,792 --> 00:53:11,292 -Cremble sauce! -Language. 1225 00:53:11,375 --> 00:53:12,375 [whispers] How do we get outta here? 1226 00:53:13,542 --> 00:53:14,958 Vent! We go through the vent. 1227 00:53:15,042 --> 00:53:16,375 -You wanna crawl through the vent? -Are you insane? 1228 00:53:16,458 --> 00:53:17,833 -We're not crawling into a vent. -What are you talking about? 1229 00:53:17,917 --> 00:53:19,167 We need to think of something realistic. 1230 00:53:19,500 --> 00:53:22,042 [Sidney] Don't have too much fun without me! 1231 00:53:22,125 --> 00:53:24,750 [chuckles, groans] 1232 00:53:26,333 --> 00:53:28,167 You are blowing it! 1233 00:53:29,250 --> 00:53:30,875 Pull yourself together, Sidney. 1234 00:53:33,458 --> 00:53:36,292 -Hi. -Oh, my God, I'm sorry. 1235 00:53:36,375 --> 00:53:38,125 I didn't realize there were other people in here. 1236 00:53:38,208 --> 00:53:40,292 Uh, I'm Sidney. I'm new here. 1237 00:53:40,375 --> 00:53:41,792 -Still meeting all the RAs. -[Lizzy] Hi. 1238 00:53:41,875 --> 00:53:42,917 -[Jack] How's it going? -[Montgomery] Good tidings. 1239 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:45,375 -Uh, well, we really-- We gotta get going. -[Jack] Mm. 1240 00:53:45,458 --> 00:53:47,917 Oh, actually, do you mind if I ask you some questions? 1241 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,000 I'm having kind of a hard time fitting in. 1242 00:53:50,083 --> 00:53:52,875 Ooh, we really, really gotta go, though. 1243 00:53:54,375 --> 00:53:57,125 Yeah, it's, um-- Obviously, things are, like, crazy right now. 1244 00:53:57,208 --> 00:53:59,625 You guys probably have official RA duties to do, right? 1245 00:53:59,708 --> 00:54:01,500 -[warbling] -No. 1246 00:54:03,083 --> 00:54:05,500 I mean, no. What?! 1247 00:54:05,583 --> 00:54:07,375 -Hm? -Sorry about him. 1248 00:54:07,458 --> 00:54:10,625 What he means to say is no. 1249 00:54:10,708 --> 00:54:12,167 No. No. 1250 00:54:12,250 --> 00:54:15,125 Look, the truth is... [struggling] 1251 00:54:15,208 --> 00:54:17,417 no, we don't have any RA duties. 1252 00:54:18,333 --> 00:54:21,292 Great. So, we can talk. Let's grab a seat. 1253 00:54:21,833 --> 00:54:24,250 [lights zapping] 1254 00:54:25,542 --> 00:54:27,542 [gavel banging] 1255 00:54:27,625 --> 00:54:32,000 So, I just started, and I feel like everyone's mad at me, you know? 1256 00:54:32,083 --> 00:54:35,000 But I don't know why, 'cause I'm trying really hard and being nice. 1257 00:54:35,083 --> 00:54:38,458 And I guess I'm just looking for ways to connect with the other RAs. 1258 00:54:38,542 --> 00:54:41,708 Um, like, you know, what do you guys do in your free time? 1259 00:54:41,792 --> 00:54:43,583 Oh, not much. Sometimes I Google, 1260 00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:45,375 "Is my penis foreskin too long?" 1261 00:54:47,208 --> 00:54:48,208 [Sidney] Hm. 1262 00:54:49,833 --> 00:54:51,333 Yeah. Well. 1263 00:54:51,417 --> 00:54:53,292 I guess I meant more like communal activities. 1264 00:54:53,375 --> 00:54:55,708 Like, do you guys go to the gym together or exercise, or-- 1265 00:54:55,792 --> 00:54:58,125 I only go to the gym to sneak peeks at other guys' foreskin 1266 00:54:58,208 --> 00:55:00,292 to see if mine is way longer than normal. 1267 00:55:00,917 --> 00:55:02,125 [whispering] What the fuck? 1268 00:55:02,708 --> 00:55:03,708 [Sidney] Totally. 1269 00:55:03,792 --> 00:55:06,250 Um, I'm just gonna pivot away from the moment you're having, 1270 00:55:06,333 --> 00:55:07,917 and I'll pop it over to you. 1271 00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:09,750 -Pass. -No, can't pass. 1272 00:55:09,833 --> 00:55:11,667 Just trying to see if we're into the same things. 1273 00:55:11,750 --> 00:55:13,250 Like, what'd you do last Saturday? 1274 00:55:13,333 --> 00:55:15,875 Oh, nothing really. I had breakfast, 1275 00:55:15,958 --> 00:55:17,708 and then I got banned from OldBuffDaddies.com 1276 00:55:17,792 --> 00:55:19,458 for violating their terms of service. 1277 00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:24,375 I don't want to ask, but I need to know. 1278 00:55:24,458 --> 00:55:26,083 -What'd you do? -I tried to pay a prostitute 1279 00:55:26,167 --> 00:55:29,250 to impersonate my father and pay me compliments. 1280 00:55:30,625 --> 00:55:33,042 Okay, feel like I need to change how I'm asking the questions. 1281 00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:35,583 I'm not talking about weird stuff you've done on the internet. 1282 00:55:35,667 --> 00:55:37,458 More like, "What's something you've done today?" 1283 00:55:37,542 --> 00:55:39,875 I purchased a pill that's reported to shrink foreskins by 35%. 1284 00:55:39,958 --> 00:55:41,167 -I'm done talking to ya. -Thank God. 1285 00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:42,667 -Maybe I'm talking to you. -Pass. 1286 00:55:42,750 --> 00:55:44,292 -There's no passing. -But I'm a woman. 1287 00:55:44,375 --> 00:55:46,083 -That won't work on me. -There should be passing. 1288 00:55:46,167 --> 00:55:47,958 -I didn't pass. -I'm not talking to you. 1289 00:55:48,042 --> 00:55:50,458 -Please don't. -[Sidney] Alright, you, blonde girl. 1290 00:55:50,542 --> 00:55:51,667 What have you done today? 1291 00:55:51,750 --> 00:55:53,500 I got my nails done. 1292 00:55:54,417 --> 00:55:56,917 -[sighs] -Okay, that's what I'm talking about. 1293 00:55:57,000 --> 00:55:59,667 Let's keep it in that gear, huh? What else? 1294 00:55:59,750 --> 00:56:01,792 I went number two in Logan's toilet, but it clogged, 1295 00:56:01,875 --> 00:56:03,500 and I didn't want him to see my poop, so I put it in a bag, 1296 00:56:03,583 --> 00:56:04,875 and that bag's still in my purse. 1297 00:56:09,042 --> 00:56:10,875 [clicking tongue] 'Kay. 1298 00:56:12,917 --> 00:56:14,250 -Are you okay? -No. 1299 00:56:14,333 --> 00:56:17,083 [Sidney] Okay... I gotta ask. 1300 00:56:17,167 --> 00:56:19,125 Why are y'all doing this stuff? 1301 00:56:19,208 --> 00:56:20,750 [all] Because I'm seeking external validation 1302 00:56:20,833 --> 00:56:23,250 to alleviate my deep-seated fear of being alone. 1303 00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:26,417 [Sidney] Oh, my gosh. 1304 00:56:27,417 --> 00:56:29,417 I think I'm starting to understand something. 1305 00:56:30,042 --> 00:56:32,250 [chuckles softly] You guys are friends 1306 00:56:32,333 --> 00:56:36,792 because you reveal your ugliest, darkest truths to one another, 1307 00:56:36,875 --> 00:56:38,292 and you don't judge each other for it. 1308 00:56:39,250 --> 00:56:41,250 That's what friendship is, huh? 1309 00:56:42,292 --> 00:56:43,917 So, I'll join ya. 1310 00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:47,583 I'm just gonna tell you guys something I've never told anyone before. 1311 00:56:47,667 --> 00:56:48,708 -You don't have to. -I'm gonna. 1312 00:56:48,792 --> 00:56:49,792 Okay. 1313 00:56:50,292 --> 00:56:52,792 My name is Sidney Putt. I am 31 years young. 1314 00:56:53,667 --> 00:56:55,667 I like to dress up as the Grinch in a diaper 1315 00:56:55,750 --> 00:56:59,167 while sucking down a bunch of helium [baby voice] so I sound like a baby. 1316 00:57:01,167 --> 00:57:03,167 [laughing] 1317 00:57:04,125 --> 00:57:05,750 That feels incredible to share. 1318 00:57:05,833 --> 00:57:07,833 Thank you all for creating the space for me to say that. 1319 00:57:09,750 --> 00:57:12,458 Great. Well, we really gotta get going. 1320 00:57:12,542 --> 00:57:14,125 Absolutely, yeah. 1321 00:57:14,208 --> 00:57:16,875 I'll, uh, I'll see you guys at the next RA meeting. 1322 00:57:16,958 --> 00:57:18,708 No, you won't, because we're not RAs. 1323 00:57:18,792 --> 00:57:20,917 We're students on the Gralk Hall list. 1324 00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:22,208 -Huh? -Uh... 1325 00:57:22,292 --> 00:57:23,375 -Blake! -Run! 1326 00:57:23,458 --> 00:57:25,667 -Blake! No. Blake! -Ooh. Oh, oh! Help! 1327 00:57:25,750 --> 00:57:27,917 -Help! Let go! -Help! No, stop it. 1328 00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:29,333 -[Montgomery] Let her go! -Help! Blake! 1329 00:57:29,417 --> 00:57:30,833 It's your first day. Why do you care? 1330 00:57:30,917 --> 00:57:33,125 -[overlapping yelling] -Let her go, or I'll throw it at you. 1331 00:57:33,208 --> 00:57:35,417 -Okay. Okay. -I'll do it. Don't test me. 1332 00:57:35,500 --> 00:57:37,750 -Okay. -I'm on the frickin' edge! 1333 00:57:37,833 --> 00:57:39,250 -[Sidney] Take it easy. -I'll do it! 1334 00:57:39,333 --> 00:57:40,333 No, you won't. 1335 00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:43,250 [Sidney shrieking] 1336 00:57:43,333 --> 00:57:46,042 -Yeah! Snackatron! -Hey! Hey, we're here! We're here! 1337 00:57:46,125 --> 00:57:47,250 [Snackatron] Hello, Montgomery. 1338 00:57:47,333 --> 00:57:49,250 -[cheering] -It's a robot? 1339 00:57:49,333 --> 00:57:51,417 [Snackatron] Before you receive your food from... 1340 00:57:51,500 --> 00:57:53,708 [worker] [on recording] I'm not doing it again. Get outta here. 1341 00:57:53,792 --> 00:57:55,500 [Snackatron] ...you must agree to the following terms. 1342 00:57:55,583 --> 00:57:56,667 -[phone buzzing] -Item one: 1343 00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,958 You agree not to sue Snackatron LLC 1344 00:57:59,042 --> 00:58:01,792 for any harm caused by Snackatron 3000 1345 00:58:01,875 --> 00:58:03,292 -during the delivery process. -Hey. Hi, Logan. 1346 00:58:03,375 --> 00:58:04,542 [Logan] [over phone] Lizzy! Where are you? 1347 00:58:04,625 --> 00:58:07,083 You have to pay the driver or he won't let me honk the horn! 1348 00:58:07,167 --> 00:58:08,667 Oh, uh, sorry. 1349 00:58:08,750 --> 00:58:11,083 Yeah, I just have to eat some pizza real quick. 1350 00:58:11,167 --> 00:58:14,042 [Logan] We've got pizza on the bus, just get here! 1351 00:58:14,125 --> 00:58:17,750 [Snackatron] You agree not to fall in love or lust with Snackatron. 1352 00:58:17,833 --> 00:58:20,250 Hey... uh, 1353 00:58:20,333 --> 00:58:22,792 -so they've got pizza on the bus. -[Jack] Mm. 1354 00:58:22,875 --> 00:58:24,167 [Lizzy] So, I'm gonna head there. 1355 00:58:24,250 --> 00:58:28,917 But, um, please don't tell anyone about my purse. 1356 00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:31,958 -Oh, it's just shit. -I've actually done the exact same thing. 1357 00:58:32,042 --> 00:58:34,250 [Snackatron] You may not teach Snackatron to be racist... 1358 00:58:34,333 --> 00:58:36,125 -Thanks, guys. I'll see you. -...and you may never, 1359 00:58:36,208 --> 00:58:39,125 ever ride Snackatron. Do you agree to these terms? 1360 00:58:39,208 --> 00:58:40,708 -Yes. -Please click agree. 1361 00:58:41,500 --> 00:58:43,708 -[Montgomery] Yes! Oh-ho-ho-ho! -[Jack] [laughing] Fuck yeah. 1362 00:58:43,792 --> 00:58:45,833 -Are you satisfied with your order? -[chiming] 1363 00:58:45,917 --> 00:58:47,542 God, let's eat this quick and get the fuck out of here 1364 00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:49,792 -before we get sent to Gralk Hall. -[sniffing deeply] 1365 00:58:49,875 --> 00:58:52,125 Wait, what were you saying before about single rooms? 1366 00:58:52,208 --> 00:58:54,542 Oh, nothing, just that I'm requesting a room transfer 1367 00:58:54,625 --> 00:58:56,458 because I don't want to live with you anymore. 1368 00:58:56,542 --> 00:58:58,750 [warbling] 1369 00:59:00,250 --> 00:59:01,333 What? 1370 00:59:01,417 --> 00:59:02,625 Hello, boys. 1371 00:59:03,875 --> 00:59:05,875 We've been looking for you. 1372 00:59:05,958 --> 00:59:09,000 You made quite the mess in my room. 1373 00:59:09,083 --> 00:59:11,292 So, are you satisfied with your order? 1374 00:59:11,375 --> 00:59:13,167 Collect their phones... 1375 00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:18,667 and take them to the Wellness Lounge. 1376 00:59:21,833 --> 00:59:23,042 [buzzer sounding] 1377 00:59:23,125 --> 00:59:25,542 Montgomery, are you satisfied with your order? 1378 00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,458 Are you satisfied with your order?! 1379 00:59:27,542 --> 00:59:30,542 [♪ calm, soothing music playing] 1380 00:59:31,250 --> 00:59:33,458 [groaning, belches] 1381 00:59:37,042 --> 00:59:39,042 [rattling] 1382 00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,833 -[lovers moaning] -[Montgomery] Wait, wait! Hey! Let us go! 1383 00:59:43,917 --> 00:59:45,333 We have rights, dammit! 1384 00:59:45,417 --> 00:59:47,583 -No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! -[both grunting] 1385 00:59:47,667 --> 00:59:52,167 [panting] Wait! You c-- don't understand! Wait! At least give us our pizza! 1386 00:59:52,958 --> 00:59:55,375 At least give us our pizza! We need to eat pizz-- 1387 00:59:56,750 --> 00:59:59,750 Do you have any pizza? Do you have any pizza? 1388 01:00:01,292 --> 01:00:03,292 Fuck, Jack. What do we do?! 1389 01:00:04,708 --> 01:00:06,625 You're requesting a room transfer? 1390 01:00:06,708 --> 01:00:09,333 No. Oh, good, we can lie again. Shit. 1391 01:00:09,417 --> 01:00:10,833 So, you're fucking ditching me? 1392 01:00:10,917 --> 01:00:13,333 -I'm not ditching you. -Well, kinda looks like it. 1393 01:00:13,417 --> 01:00:14,708 What the fuck else would you really call it? 1394 01:00:14,792 --> 01:00:16,417 -I-It's not what-- -Oh, don't start. 1395 01:00:16,500 --> 01:00:18,583 You know what, you are just like everybody else. 1396 01:00:18,667 --> 01:00:19,875 -But it's okay, it's fine. -Jack. 1397 01:00:19,958 --> 01:00:22,250 I get it, because being around me is just, what, social suicide? 1398 01:00:22,333 --> 01:00:23,875 -It's okay. -No-- That's not what I-- 1399 01:00:23,958 --> 01:00:26,375 Leave me behind. I might as well just move here 1400 01:00:26,458 --> 01:00:28,458 into the Wellness Lounge with my people... 1401 01:00:28,542 --> 01:00:30,583 -Jack. -...the scum, the forgotten folk! 1402 01:00:30,667 --> 01:00:31,792 -Jack. -But it's fine. 1403 01:00:31,875 --> 01:00:33,625 -I-I want-- Just-- -It's a five-star fucking establishment! 1404 01:00:33,708 --> 01:00:35,167 -I want some time-- -And you and your butterfly... 1405 01:00:35,250 --> 01:00:36,833 -Jack, I'm not-- -...can just forget that I exist. 1406 01:00:36,917 --> 01:00:38,208 -I'm not-- -I mean, after everything 1407 01:00:38,292 --> 01:00:40,958 I have done for you, you ungrateful asshole! 1408 01:00:41,042 --> 01:00:44,125 Oh, my God, would you stop being such a fucking victim? 1409 01:00:45,833 --> 01:00:49,125 I wanted to switch rooms because I need a fucking break. 1410 01:00:49,208 --> 01:00:51,667 [sighs] I'm sorry, Jack, but living with you, 1411 01:00:51,750 --> 01:00:53,750 it's like the Jack Show all the time. 1412 01:00:53,833 --> 01:00:56,417 You do whatever you want to do without thinking about anyone else. 1413 01:00:56,500 --> 01:00:58,750 Okay, well, when the fuck were you planning on telling me this? 1414 01:00:58,833 --> 01:01:01,042 -I'm not a mindreader. -You don't listen. 1415 01:01:01,125 --> 01:01:04,083 You ignore me and then pressure me to do shit that I don't want to do! 1416 01:01:04,167 --> 01:01:06,917 Name one thing I pressured you to do-- 1417 01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:08,333 Drugs! 1418 01:01:08,417 --> 01:01:10,500 I didn't wanna do drugs tonight! 1419 01:01:10,583 --> 01:01:13,042 I don't even like drinking caffeinated tea. 1420 01:01:13,125 --> 01:01:15,500 But boo-hoo, everybody hates Jack, 1421 01:01:15,583 --> 01:01:17,333 so we gotta do what you wanna do. 1422 01:01:17,417 --> 01:01:20,250 Because, apparently, I don't count. 1423 01:01:21,375 --> 01:01:25,333 And now we're locked up in here, we're gonna get chainsawed up the ass, 1424 01:01:25,417 --> 01:01:27,792 the RAs are sending us to Gralk Hall, and-- 1425 01:01:27,875 --> 01:01:29,875 [gagging] 1426 01:01:29,958 --> 01:01:31,167 What the, what the fuck? 1427 01:01:31,250 --> 01:01:32,458 [Montgomery groaning] 1428 01:01:32,542 --> 01:01:34,708 -What the hell is going on?! -[gagging] 1429 01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:38,125 And I have no idea what that was, but I know it was your fault! 1430 01:01:38,208 --> 01:01:39,625 [laughing] Oh, please. 1431 01:01:39,708 --> 01:01:41,708 If it wasn't for me, you'd never leave your room. 1432 01:01:41,792 --> 01:01:46,292 You would sit there, buried under your fucking covers, afraid to breathe, 1433 01:01:46,375 --> 01:01:51,792 because you are the most pathetic, biggest pussy I have ever met. 1434 01:01:53,583 --> 01:01:58,208 Gee, Jack, I really don't see why everybody hates your fucking guts. 1435 01:01:58,292 --> 01:02:00,042 -Fuck you. -Fuck you! 1436 01:02:00,125 --> 01:02:03,125 [♪ soft, dramatic music playing] 1437 01:02:07,708 --> 01:02:08,708 [door opens] 1438 01:02:10,167 --> 01:02:13,167 Him. Take him to the old Study Hall. 1439 01:02:14,796 --> 01:02:17,958 [Logan] So, remember when I said I wasn't gonna fart on their faces, and-- 1440 01:02:18,042 --> 01:02:19,042 Oh, shit! She's here. 1441 01:02:19,125 --> 01:02:23,458 [all] Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! 1442 01:02:23,542 --> 01:02:25,917 Sorry, uh, where's that pizza? 1443 01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:27,792 Oh shit, the pizza. 1444 01:02:27,875 --> 01:02:30,125 I just-- I lied to you because you were taking forever. 1445 01:02:30,208 --> 01:02:32,833 Also, why do you smell vaguely of poop? 1446 01:02:32,917 --> 01:02:35,667 -I'll be right back. -[Logan] Wait, you need to pay the driver! 1447 01:02:36,458 --> 01:02:37,792 [Snackatron] Are you satisfied with your order? 1448 01:02:37,875 --> 01:02:40,417 Are you satisfied with your order? Are you satisfied with your order? 1449 01:02:40,500 --> 01:02:43,167 Are you satisfied with your order? Are you satisfied with your order? 1450 01:02:43,250 --> 01:02:46,625 Snackatron? Did you see where those two guys went? 1451 01:02:46,708 --> 01:02:49,333 [Blake] [on recording] Take them to the Wellness Lounge. 1452 01:02:50,458 --> 01:02:53,083 [groans] Cremble sauce! 1453 01:02:53,167 --> 01:02:58,375 [Snackatron] I must know if Montgomery was satisfied with his order! 1454 01:03:07,375 --> 01:03:08,375 [Blake] Hello, Jack. 1455 01:03:09,958 --> 01:03:10,958 Welcome. 1456 01:03:12,167 --> 01:03:13,792 Do you like the old Study Hall? 1457 01:03:15,917 --> 01:03:19,917 This room was built as a sanctuary 1458 01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:23,833 for hardworking students to research their theses 1459 01:03:23,917 --> 01:03:25,917 and prepare for exams. 1460 01:03:27,417 --> 01:03:28,833 But now... 1461 01:03:30,375 --> 01:03:32,875 [softly] ...it's nothing but rubble. 1462 01:03:32,958 --> 01:03:33,958 [Jack] What? 1463 01:03:37,292 --> 01:03:39,917 -It's nothing but rubble. -Thank you. 1464 01:03:40,833 --> 01:03:42,458 The RAs recruited me young. 1465 01:03:43,667 --> 01:03:45,500 They promised me the world. 1466 01:03:46,792 --> 01:03:50,208 All I had to do was keep an eye on things after dark. 1467 01:03:51,083 --> 01:03:52,708 What they didn't mention... 1468 01:03:54,750 --> 01:03:57,750 is that the dark... never ends. 1469 01:03:59,042 --> 01:04:02,250 Try as I might, I couldn't calm the chaos. 1470 01:04:03,583 --> 01:04:06,000 This study hall was destroyed 1471 01:04:06,083 --> 01:04:09,667 when a drunken sophomore shot a Roman candle out of his ass 1472 01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:12,542 into a bucket of rum. 1473 01:04:12,625 --> 01:04:15,250 You see, there are no scholars here. 1474 01:04:16,542 --> 01:04:20,375 Only demons with student IDs. 1475 01:04:22,583 --> 01:04:25,417 And they must be purged. 1476 01:04:27,125 --> 01:04:30,625 All we need now is to unlock their phones, 1477 01:04:30,708 --> 01:04:34,125 and you, Jack, are the key. 1478 01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:43,208 Early internet message boards predicted the coming of the chosen face. 1479 01:04:44,500 --> 01:04:47,333 One so distinct, 1480 01:04:47,417 --> 01:04:48,833 so peculiar... 1481 01:04:49,833 --> 01:04:53,083 so utterly freak-ass... 1482 01:04:53,167 --> 01:04:57,083 -Oh, come on. -...it would profoundly beguile 1483 01:04:57,167 --> 01:04:59,375 every phone's Face ID. 1484 01:05:01,083 --> 01:05:02,833 A skeleton key. 1485 01:05:02,917 --> 01:05:07,333 For nearly all of fall semester, we have searched for this face. 1486 01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:10,708 And now, we've found it. 1487 01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:15,417 [phone unlocking] 1488 01:05:19,125 --> 01:05:21,125 One face to unlock them all. 1489 01:05:22,750 --> 01:05:25,958 Montgomery. Montgomery. 1490 01:05:26,042 --> 01:05:27,250 Montgomery. 1491 01:05:29,167 --> 01:05:32,125 -Where is the pizza? -The RAs took it. 1492 01:05:32,208 --> 01:05:34,292 Okay, well, come on. We-We-We gotta go get it. 1493 01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:36,375 -No, I'm done. -[door creaking] 1494 01:05:36,458 --> 01:05:39,667 I'm staying here, with the forgotten folk. 1495 01:05:40,208 --> 01:05:42,042 [whispers] What are you talking about? 1496 01:05:42,125 --> 01:05:44,167 Wait. How did you get in here? 1497 01:05:44,250 --> 01:05:47,250 -[door continues creaking] -The door only locks from the inside! 1498 01:05:49,208 --> 01:05:51,208 [groans] 1499 01:05:51,875 --> 01:05:52,875 [exhales] 1500 01:05:54,042 --> 01:05:56,042 Now, how are we gonna get outta here? 1501 01:05:56,125 --> 01:05:58,125 [vent whirring] 1502 01:06:05,792 --> 01:06:08,417 -[soft banging] -[Snackatron] Come on, come on. 1503 01:06:08,500 --> 01:06:11,458 You can do it. Prove them wrong, Snackatron. 1504 01:06:11,542 --> 01:06:13,375 Prove them all wrong! 1505 01:06:13,458 --> 01:06:16,750 -[♪ triumphant music playing] -[grunting] Yippee! 1506 01:06:16,833 --> 01:06:20,125 Only 182 left to go! 1507 01:06:21,333 --> 01:06:23,333 I can't believe we're crawling through a fucking vent. 1508 01:06:23,417 --> 01:06:25,625 Just keep going. It's gotta dump out somewhere. 1509 01:06:25,708 --> 01:06:28,542 Just wanted a quiet night in. 1510 01:06:28,625 --> 01:06:30,625 I keep getting friction burns. 1511 01:06:33,708 --> 01:06:35,542 Hey, why'd you stop? 1512 01:06:36,958 --> 01:06:37,958 Lysander? 1513 01:06:39,958 --> 01:06:41,292 Lysander? 1514 01:06:41,375 --> 01:06:44,208 Hey. Hey, buddy. You okay? 1515 01:06:47,625 --> 01:06:48,625 Lysander? 1516 01:06:50,458 --> 01:06:51,458 Hey. 1517 01:06:51,542 --> 01:06:54,542 -[Lysander exhales] -[♪ melancholy music playing] 1518 01:06:56,667 --> 01:06:57,667 He's... 1519 01:06:58,875 --> 01:06:59,875 dead. 1520 01:07:00,333 --> 01:07:03,083 [grunts] I can't... What the fuck? 1521 01:07:03,167 --> 01:07:04,875 -Montgomery? -Oh, what the hell? 1522 01:07:04,958 --> 01:07:06,833 -Oh, shit. I lost my butterfly. -Hey. Montgomery. 1523 01:07:06,917 --> 01:07:08,500 -Montgomery. -I lost my best friend. 1524 01:07:08,583 --> 01:07:11,208 You have to keep it together. We have to get the pizza from the RAs. 1525 01:07:11,292 --> 01:07:13,958 No! I can't, there's too many of 'em. 1526 01:07:14,042 --> 01:07:16,667 Jack was right. I'm not an alpha. 1527 01:07:16,750 --> 01:07:18,042 I'm a fucking pussy! 1528 01:07:18,125 --> 01:07:19,958 -Montgomery, Montgomery, calm down. -[breathing heavily] I'm having 1529 01:07:20,042 --> 01:07:21,500 -a panic attack! -Hey. Look at me. 1530 01:07:21,583 --> 01:07:22,958 -Look at me. -No. 1531 01:07:23,042 --> 01:07:24,917 -Look at me! Montgomery! -No! 1532 01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:27,417 -Just let me die! -Hey! 1533 01:07:28,583 --> 01:07:30,583 [Lizzy blowing softly] 1534 01:07:32,125 --> 01:07:34,125 [breathing slows] 1535 01:07:34,208 --> 01:07:35,958 [continues blowing softly] 1536 01:07:41,167 --> 01:07:44,167 [♪ gentle music playing] 1537 01:07:45,750 --> 01:07:48,375 Listen. You are not an alpha. 1538 01:07:49,750 --> 01:07:52,583 But you're also not a pussy. 1539 01:07:54,125 --> 01:07:57,125 You stood by your best friend when nobody else did. 1540 01:07:57,208 --> 01:07:58,417 That is brave. 1541 01:07:59,292 --> 01:08:01,292 I couldn't do that. 1542 01:08:02,917 --> 01:08:03,917 I, uh... 1543 01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:06,417 I didn't do that. 1544 01:08:08,625 --> 01:08:10,625 I ditched you guys. 1545 01:08:14,833 --> 01:08:16,917 I guess I thought that if I was friends with you, 1546 01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:20,625 then... people wouldn't like me. 1547 01:08:22,708 --> 01:08:27,708 But... turns out, people don't like me very much anyway. 1548 01:08:28,625 --> 01:08:31,458 What? Who doesn't like you? 1549 01:08:32,542 --> 01:08:35,750 You're, like, the coolest person I've ever met. 1550 01:08:36,458 --> 01:08:39,667 You're smart. You're good at board games. 1551 01:08:39,750 --> 01:08:41,375 You do magic. 1552 01:08:42,833 --> 01:08:45,458 I mean, you're Lizzy the Magnificent. 1553 01:08:45,542 --> 01:08:48,542 [♪ gentle music continues playing] 1554 01:08:55,542 --> 01:08:57,958 Sorry we didn't get to finish the game. 1555 01:08:58,042 --> 01:09:00,375 [singers vocalizing] 1556 01:09:00,458 --> 01:09:01,667 Yeah. 1557 01:09:01,750 --> 01:09:03,667 That would've been nice to finally-- 1558 01:09:03,750 --> 01:09:05,667 The game! That's it. 1559 01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:07,792 Remember last campaign, how we created 1560 01:09:07,875 --> 01:09:10,000 that musical distraction with the merry minstrels? 1561 01:09:11,208 --> 01:09:13,208 Y-Yeah, but what does that have to do with-- 1562 01:09:13,292 --> 01:09:15,708 Let's go storm the Fortress of Thalamir. 1563 01:09:16,417 --> 01:09:19,417 [♪ determined music playing] 1564 01:09:20,542 --> 01:09:21,958 -[Lizzy] Wait. -[♪ music stops abruptly] 1565 01:09:22,042 --> 01:09:24,333 -[WorryWarts clicking rapidly] -Sorry, I have no idea what we're doing. 1566 01:09:24,417 --> 01:09:26,167 Oh, right, I have to be more specific. 1567 01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:28,333 The RAs took Jack and the pizza to the old Study Hall, 1568 01:09:28,417 --> 01:09:30,042 and I have a plan to distract them. 1569 01:09:30,917 --> 01:09:32,000 Okay. 1570 01:09:32,083 --> 01:09:34,625 [♪ determined music resumes playing] 1571 01:09:34,708 --> 01:09:36,708 [phones unlocking] 1572 01:09:42,500 --> 01:09:44,708 [Snackatron] I am doing it! [grunts] 1573 01:09:44,792 --> 01:09:46,792 [singers vocalizing] 1574 01:09:52,542 --> 01:09:56,083 [grunting] There we go! 1575 01:09:59,792 --> 01:10:01,375 Still looking for a gig? 1576 01:10:01,458 --> 01:10:04,333 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -Sorry, I need more information. 1577 01:10:04,417 --> 01:10:06,208 Oh, right, sorry. I have to be more specific. 1578 01:10:06,292 --> 01:10:07,458 The RAs took Jack-- 1579 01:10:07,542 --> 01:10:08,835 [♪ determined musical sting] 1580 01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:15,125 That's the last phone. We're all set here, sir. 1581 01:10:16,792 --> 01:10:18,000 Listen up. 1582 01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:24,667 Tonight... is a momentous occasion. 1583 01:10:24,750 --> 01:10:28,792 The phones are all unlocked, synchronized, 1584 01:10:28,875 --> 01:10:31,500 -and wired to the control panel. -[timer beeping] 1585 01:10:31,583 --> 01:10:34,958 Soon, the transfer requests will be sent. 1586 01:10:35,042 --> 01:10:37,875 Our watch will finally be ended. 1587 01:10:37,958 --> 01:10:40,958 -[♪ distorted music playing] -And a bright, new day shall-- 1588 01:10:41,042 --> 01:10:43,042 Sorry, what is that music? 1589 01:10:43,125 --> 01:10:44,708 [microphone feedback] 1590 01:10:44,792 --> 01:10:49,208 We are Flesh Grenade! Get ready for some fucking folk music! 1591 01:10:50,250 --> 01:10:53,250 [♪ chaotic music playing] 1592 01:10:53,333 --> 01:10:55,542 [Dudley wailing] 1593 01:10:56,083 --> 01:10:59,083 What in the absolute fuck? 1594 01:11:01,792 --> 01:11:04,417 -What are you guys doing? -Shh! We're rescuing you. 1595 01:11:05,750 --> 01:11:07,958 -Hi. -Hi. 1596 01:11:08,875 --> 01:11:09,875 You look good. 1597 01:11:10,958 --> 01:11:12,167 Thank you, I know. 1598 01:11:12,250 --> 01:11:13,792 How've you been? 1599 01:11:13,875 --> 01:11:16,250 Fine. Like you care. 1600 01:11:17,250 --> 01:11:19,167 Well, if you're gonna talk like that, maybe I won't untie you. 1601 01:11:19,250 --> 01:11:21,000 -Maybe I don't wanna be untied. -Maybe I'll add more rope. 1602 01:11:21,083 --> 01:11:22,292 -[Jack mocking] -Shut the fuck up. 1603 01:11:22,375 --> 01:11:23,750 -What the fuck? Give that back! -Show's over. 1604 01:11:23,833 --> 01:11:25,708 -Get the fuck out. Let's go. -Give it back! No! 1605 01:11:25,792 --> 01:11:27,417 -[Blake] Everyone, get out. -[RA] Take it outside! 1606 01:11:27,500 --> 01:11:30,417 We only have a few moments, so you guys are gonna go get the phones, 1607 01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:32,750 I'm gonna go get the pizza, and then we're gonna reconvene 1608 01:11:32,833 --> 01:11:34,708 at the stairwell, and then sneak out quietly. 1609 01:11:34,792 --> 01:11:36,292 -Got it? -Got it. 1610 01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:37,417 -Great. -[Blake] Come on. 1611 01:11:37,500 --> 01:11:39,333 -[Ashley] Fuck you! -Let's move. 1612 01:11:40,208 --> 01:11:41,750 [Snackatron] Montgomery! 1613 01:11:41,833 --> 01:11:44,125 -Fuck! -Are you satisfied with your order? 1614 01:11:44,208 --> 01:11:45,417 Oh-ho! 1615 01:11:46,500 --> 01:11:48,708 Look who's joined the party! 1616 01:11:48,792 --> 01:11:50,792 The last names on my list. 1617 01:11:50,875 --> 01:11:52,458 -Montgomery? -Hi. 1618 01:11:52,542 --> 01:11:54,417 -Lizzy? -[Montgomery] Can I just ask? 1619 01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:57,250 Why am I being sent to Gralk Hall? 1620 01:11:57,333 --> 01:11:59,417 I'm a really well-behaved kid. 1621 01:11:59,500 --> 01:12:01,458 I mean, I'm polite, I'm nice. 1622 01:12:01,542 --> 01:12:03,500 I'm responsible with my body in the dorms. 1623 01:12:03,583 --> 01:12:05,375 I tell you guys my favorite puns. 1624 01:12:05,458 --> 01:12:06,792 You're weird, and we don't like you. 1625 01:12:06,875 --> 01:12:09,042 -Copy that. -[Lizzy] Fine, you caught us. 1626 01:12:09,125 --> 01:12:11,292 Can we at least just have the pizza? 1627 01:12:11,375 --> 01:12:12,500 Pizza? 1628 01:12:12,583 --> 01:12:14,083 Oh, this pizza. 1629 01:12:14,167 --> 01:12:16,667 Yeah, it feels like it's missing a topping. 1630 01:12:16,750 --> 01:12:18,208 Maybe, uh... 1631 01:12:18,292 --> 01:12:20,958 -[♪ dramatic music playing] -Toxic waste. 1632 01:12:21,042 --> 01:12:22,792 -What?! -No! 1633 01:12:22,875 --> 01:12:24,875 -Nooo! -[whooshing] 1634 01:12:26,250 --> 01:12:27,667 [Snackatron chirping] 1635 01:12:27,750 --> 01:12:32,208 Montgomery must be satisfied with his order! 1636 01:12:32,292 --> 01:12:34,542 [♪ epic music playing] 1637 01:12:34,625 --> 01:12:36,125 [group] Yes! 1638 01:12:36,208 --> 01:12:37,208 [Snackatron] Oh no! 1639 01:12:37,667 --> 01:12:39,583 -[loud crash] -Oh. 1640 01:12:39,667 --> 01:12:41,875 Goddammit, Snackatron. 1641 01:12:41,958 --> 01:12:43,292 [light laughter] 1642 01:12:43,375 --> 01:12:44,542 Ah. 1643 01:12:45,667 --> 01:12:47,292 -Well... -[knuckles cracking] 1644 01:12:47,375 --> 01:12:48,875 ...time to die. 1645 01:12:48,958 --> 01:12:50,708 What, are you gonna, like, fucking kill us? 1646 01:12:50,792 --> 01:12:53,125 We're not-- No, we're not gonna kill you. 1647 01:12:53,208 --> 01:12:54,958 We're gonna, like, beat you guys up a bunch. 1648 01:12:55,042 --> 01:12:57,125 But how does that sound? "Time to beat you guys up a bunch"? 1649 01:12:57,208 --> 01:12:58,583 It scans weird. 1650 01:12:58,667 --> 01:13:01,167 I-- Whatever, just hurt them. 1651 01:13:01,250 --> 01:13:03,625 -[warbling] -[sneakers squeaking] 1652 01:13:04,833 --> 01:13:06,667 [rumbling] 1653 01:13:06,750 --> 01:13:09,083 [Lizzy] [grunts] What's happening?! 1654 01:13:09,167 --> 01:13:12,250 Ah, shit, it's the next phase. 1655 01:13:12,333 --> 01:13:13,792 Which one is this? 1656 01:13:14,458 --> 01:13:16,458 We Are All One! 1657 01:13:17,375 --> 01:13:20,792 [♪ dramatic rock music playing] 1658 01:13:24,333 --> 01:13:26,125 [group screaming] 1659 01:13:29,042 --> 01:13:31,125 -[screaming stops] -[Lizzy] What the hell? 1660 01:13:31,208 --> 01:13:32,667 [Montgomery] Is everyone okay? 1661 01:13:32,750 --> 01:13:35,792 [Jack] What just happened? Where are we? 1662 01:13:35,875 --> 01:13:39,500 [Lizzy] I think we're all inside some guy? 1663 01:13:39,583 --> 01:13:42,542 [Montgomery] Oh, my God. I know what this is. 1664 01:13:42,625 --> 01:13:45,750 We're not one. We're... 1665 01:13:45,833 --> 01:13:48,250 Hola. My name is Juan. 1666 01:13:49,875 --> 01:13:52,292 -[marker scribbling] -[whip cracking] 1667 01:13:52,375 --> 01:13:53,917 [glass breaking] 1668 01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:56,375 [grunting] 1669 01:13:56,458 --> 01:13:57,792 [Juan] What the fuck is this fucking drug? 1670 01:13:57,875 --> 01:13:59,083 [grunting] Goddammit! 1671 01:13:59,167 --> 01:14:00,917 [Lizzy] Who's controlling the legs? 1672 01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:02,208 -[Jack] Me! -Who's me? 1673 01:14:02,292 --> 01:14:04,083 Jack! This is impossible! 1674 01:14:04,167 --> 01:14:05,250 -What's happening? -Shut up. 1675 01:14:05,333 --> 01:14:06,750 [Montgomery] We need to move as one! 1676 01:14:06,833 --> 01:14:09,458 -Did you say "Juan"? -I said "one." 1677 01:14:09,542 --> 01:14:11,292 -[group grunting] -"Move as one." 1678 01:14:11,375 --> 01:14:13,333 Wait! "One" or "Juan"? 1679 01:14:13,417 --> 01:14:15,208 -[Montgomery] One! -[Lizzy] It doesn't matter! Come on! 1680 01:14:15,292 --> 01:14:17,250 [grunting and exclaiming] 1681 01:14:17,333 --> 01:14:18,917 [Jack] Ow! Get off of me! 1682 01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:21,708 -[Montgomery] You get off of me! -[Lizzy] Guys, we need to focus. 1683 01:14:21,792 --> 01:14:23,792 -We're running out of time. -Enough. 1684 01:14:23,875 --> 01:14:26,500 -And we're about to get our asses kicked. -[Jack groaning softly] 1685 01:14:27,375 --> 01:14:29,000 [grunting] 1686 01:14:32,833 --> 01:14:34,042 Get 'em! 1687 01:14:34,833 --> 01:14:37,833 -[♪ dramatic music playing] -[fighting, grunting] 1688 01:14:38,917 --> 01:14:40,583 Whoa! 1689 01:14:41,667 --> 01:14:42,875 -Oh... -...my... 1690 01:14:42,958 --> 01:14:44,042 ...God! 1691 01:14:44,125 --> 01:14:45,542 Do something! 1692 01:14:47,458 --> 01:14:49,458 [indistinct shouting] 1693 01:14:49,542 --> 01:14:51,625 ♪♪ 1694 01:14:53,292 --> 01:14:55,500 [grunting] 1695 01:14:56,458 --> 01:14:57,458 [Lizzy] Hi-ya! 1696 01:14:59,042 --> 01:15:00,292 What is happening? 1697 01:15:00,375 --> 01:15:03,792 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1698 01:15:04,542 --> 01:15:06,167 [grunting] 1699 01:15:14,333 --> 01:15:15,833 Wait, wait, wait! Scorpion kick, scorpion kick! 1700 01:15:15,917 --> 01:15:17,542 Please, can we do a scorpion kick? 1701 01:15:17,625 --> 01:15:19,583 [grunting] 1702 01:15:21,750 --> 01:15:23,167 Thank you! 1703 01:15:23,250 --> 01:15:26,250 ♪♪ 1704 01:15:31,042 --> 01:15:33,000 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -[person clears throat] 1705 01:15:33,083 --> 01:15:35,417 -[♪ Christmas music playing] -Well, everyone, here I am. 1706 01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:37,708 The real me. I'm not hiding anymore. 1707 01:15:37,792 --> 01:15:39,375 [♪ music slowing, stopping] 1708 01:15:41,042 --> 01:15:42,250 Oh! 1709 01:15:42,333 --> 01:15:43,750 Good for you, man. 1710 01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:46,833 M'kay. 1711 01:15:47,458 --> 01:15:48,667 [balloon squeaks] 1712 01:15:49,375 --> 01:15:50,792 [in high-pitched voice] Y'all are freaks. 1713 01:15:52,792 --> 01:15:55,417 -[Montgomery] You forgot your balloons. -[Sidney] Keep 'em. 1714 01:15:55,500 --> 01:15:56,708 [door slams] 1715 01:15:57,917 --> 01:16:00,917 [♪ dramatic music playing] 1716 01:16:12,208 --> 01:16:15,958 [♪ ominous choir music playing] 1717 01:16:16,042 --> 01:16:19,042 [deep slow-motion yelling] 1718 01:16:20,208 --> 01:16:22,708 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -[normal yelling] 1719 01:16:22,792 --> 01:16:25,208 [♪ ominous choir music resumes playing] 1720 01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:32,625 [♪ music stops abruptly] 1721 01:16:37,125 --> 01:16:38,542 [gasps] 1722 01:16:38,625 --> 01:16:40,042 -[Jack groaning] -[Montgomery coughing] 1723 01:16:40,125 --> 01:16:43,000 -Oh, fuck! -[all coughing] 1724 01:16:43,083 --> 01:16:44,917 -Shit. Shit. Oh! -[Lizzy groaning] 1725 01:16:45,000 --> 01:16:47,000 -[Montgomery groaning] -[Jack grunting] 1726 01:16:47,833 --> 01:16:51,042 -[Lizzy] Get to the control panel! -We gotta stop the RAs! 1727 01:16:51,125 --> 01:16:53,208 -[countdown beeping] -Shit, shit, shit! 1728 01:16:53,292 --> 01:16:54,500 I don't know how this works! What do I do? 1729 01:16:54,583 --> 01:16:56,000 -Just break 'em. -Shit! 1730 01:16:56,083 --> 01:16:58,458 -[Lizzy] Fucking destroy it! -[Blake laughing] 1731 01:16:58,542 --> 01:17:00,833 Jack, Jack, Jack. 1732 01:17:00,917 --> 01:17:03,292 Give it up. [sighs] 1733 01:17:03,375 --> 01:17:05,500 There's nothing you can do. 1734 01:17:05,583 --> 01:17:08,458 -You can't stop this. -I can't? 1735 01:17:09,083 --> 01:17:10,083 [whispers] No. 1736 01:17:11,083 --> 01:17:12,833 Except I can. 1737 01:17:14,333 --> 01:17:15,958 A third-party charger? 1738 01:17:17,042 --> 01:17:19,333 Wait! [grunting] Damn it! Damn it! 1739 01:17:19,417 --> 01:17:21,042 Unhand me! Wait! 1740 01:17:21,125 --> 01:17:22,750 Jack! Look! 1741 01:17:25,792 --> 01:17:28,000 I've still got your phone. 1742 01:17:28,875 --> 01:17:31,708 I press "send," and that's it. You're transferred to Gralk Hall. 1743 01:17:32,417 --> 01:17:36,250 So, before you fry those phones, let's make a deal. 1744 01:17:37,417 --> 01:17:39,417 You give me that, I'll give you this. 1745 01:17:41,125 --> 01:17:42,542 And that'll be that. 1746 01:17:43,250 --> 01:17:45,667 Plus, I'll sweeten it. 1747 01:17:46,583 --> 01:17:48,792 And I'll make you an RA. 1748 01:17:49,333 --> 01:17:50,542 Huh? 1749 01:17:52,333 --> 01:17:54,333 Why the fuck would I want that? 1750 01:17:55,917 --> 01:17:57,542 Because, Jack... 1751 01:17:59,708 --> 01:18:01,125 you know the truth. 1752 01:18:02,292 --> 01:18:06,042 No one at this school is ever going to forgive you 1753 01:18:06,125 --> 01:18:08,917 for what you did to the football team. 1754 01:18:09,000 --> 01:18:11,000 But you know what's better than being liked? 1755 01:18:12,833 --> 01:18:14,458 Being feared. 1756 01:18:15,792 --> 01:18:17,417 Power, Jack. 1757 01:18:18,167 --> 01:18:22,667 No one will ever bully you again. 1758 01:18:22,750 --> 01:18:24,958 Are you really gonna turn that down? 1759 01:18:25,708 --> 01:18:30,042 To save a bunch of people who hate your guts? 1760 01:18:30,708 --> 01:18:33,917 Your own roommate was ditching you. 1761 01:18:34,958 --> 01:18:40,583 Save him, and you'll rot in Gralk Hall. 1762 01:18:40,667 --> 01:18:41,667 Or... 1763 01:18:42,708 --> 01:18:44,542 with me on your side... 1764 01:18:46,000 --> 01:18:48,625 you can finally rule this school. 1765 01:18:54,417 --> 01:18:56,250 [whispering] It's okay. 1766 01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:03,417 Montgomery... 1767 01:19:04,667 --> 01:19:06,333 I'm sorry. 1768 01:19:06,417 --> 01:19:09,625 -Looks like I'll be shipping out. -What? 1769 01:19:09,708 --> 01:19:13,042 So, next year, I want you to find the best new roommate. 1770 01:19:13,125 --> 01:19:15,208 -Jack. -Find someone who's gonna listen to you. 1771 01:19:15,292 --> 01:19:16,625 -Jack, no. -Jack? 1772 01:19:16,708 --> 01:19:19,417 -You don't have to do this. -I want you to tell that roommate 1773 01:19:19,500 --> 01:19:21,250 to treat you good. 1774 01:19:21,333 --> 01:19:22,708 Jack, we could come up with something else. 1775 01:19:22,792 --> 01:19:24,958 You tell them to do all that boring bullshit that you like, 1776 01:19:25,042 --> 01:19:27,208 -like the puzzles or-or that game... -[Montgomery] Come on. 1777 01:19:27,292 --> 01:19:29,000 ...where y-you try to guess my favorite bird. 1778 01:19:29,083 --> 01:19:30,625 -E-Eagle? -It's not eagle. 1779 01:19:30,708 --> 01:19:33,083 -Quit guessing eagle. -I don't want this, Jack. 1780 01:19:33,167 --> 01:19:34,375 This is the only way. 1781 01:19:34,458 --> 01:19:35,458 -No! -Jack. 1782 01:19:35,542 --> 01:19:37,917 You changed my mind, Jack! I wanna room with you! 1783 01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:39,625 What you want isn't what you need, man! 1784 01:19:39,708 --> 01:19:40,958 -Jack! -I need you! 1785 01:19:41,042 --> 01:19:42,208 -I love you, Montgomery! -Jack! 1786 01:19:42,292 --> 01:19:44,583 -I love you, Jack! -I love you so much, 1787 01:19:44,667 --> 01:19:46,833 -and I don't tell you enough! -Jack, the deal! 1788 01:19:46,917 --> 01:19:48,375 The deal. 1789 01:19:48,458 --> 01:19:51,458 -[timer beeping] -Come on... Be smart, Jack. 1790 01:19:52,167 --> 01:19:55,500 You have to think about yourself, okay? 1791 01:19:55,583 --> 01:19:58,000 [chuckles] No. 1792 01:20:01,042 --> 01:20:03,667 I need to think about other people's dicks. 1793 01:20:03,750 --> 01:20:05,042 What? 1794 01:20:05,125 --> 01:20:06,417 Nooo! 1795 01:20:06,500 --> 01:20:09,125 -[electricity zapping] -[low-pitched screaming] 1796 01:20:14,750 --> 01:20:16,750 [phones crackling] 1797 01:20:17,750 --> 01:20:19,958 Goddammit! 1798 01:20:20,042 --> 01:20:22,083 -You idiot! -[chuckles] 1799 01:20:22,167 --> 01:20:23,625 Enjoy Gralk Hall! 1800 01:20:24,708 --> 01:20:25,917 [squeaking] 1801 01:20:27,583 --> 01:20:29,583 [Lizzy] [tauntingly] Oh, Blake? 1802 01:20:31,208 --> 01:20:32,833 You forgot one thing. 1803 01:20:33,833 --> 01:20:36,250 I'm Lizzy the Magnificent, bitch. 1804 01:20:37,542 --> 01:20:40,375 -Oh-ho-ho! Ohh! -Oh, my gosh! How did she do that? 1805 01:20:40,458 --> 01:20:41,958 -[Jack] I don't know! -That was incredible! 1806 01:20:42,042 --> 01:20:44,500 -Oh, fuck this! -[rubber chicken squeaks] 1807 01:20:44,583 --> 01:20:46,083 -[pipe scraping] -Oh, shit. 1808 01:20:46,167 --> 01:20:49,000 Well... time to beat you to death with a pipe! 1809 01:20:49,083 --> 01:20:51,500 -That doesn't scan either. -Shut the fuck up! 1810 01:20:52,667 --> 01:20:54,667 Which one of you's first, huh? 1811 01:20:54,750 --> 01:20:55,958 Which one? 1812 01:20:56,042 --> 01:20:59,417 [♪ tense music playing] 1813 01:20:59,500 --> 01:21:00,917 [Lysander] Remember me? 1814 01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:02,708 Lysander! 1815 01:21:02,792 --> 01:21:04,458 You crushed my wings. 1816 01:21:04,542 --> 01:21:08,042 You squashed my body. You left me for dead. 1817 01:21:08,125 --> 01:21:10,625 -[Blake] Get away! -[Lysander] But you didn't finish the job. 1818 01:21:10,708 --> 01:21:12,542 Get away from me! Get away from me! 1819 01:21:12,625 --> 01:21:15,042 [Lysander] From the depths of the dormitory vents, 1820 01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:16,667 -I have returned. -[Blake] Fuck! 1821 01:21:16,750 --> 01:21:18,458 Fuck you, butterfly! 1822 01:21:18,542 --> 01:21:20,208 Go get him, Lysander! 1823 01:21:20,292 --> 01:21:23,250 [Lysander] My name is Lysander Featherhelm, 1824 01:21:23,333 --> 01:21:25,292 Lord of the Syracuse Meadows. 1825 01:21:25,375 --> 01:21:26,375 -[thunk] -[elevator dings] 1826 01:21:26,458 --> 01:21:28,625 I serve the one God Montgomery, 1827 01:21:28,708 --> 01:21:32,375 and I shall have my vengeance! 1828 01:21:33,958 --> 01:21:35,375 Scorpion kick! 1829 01:21:35,458 --> 01:21:39,500 [echoing] Nooo! 1830 01:21:39,583 --> 01:21:41,625 -[loud bang] -[elevator whirring] 1831 01:21:41,708 --> 01:21:42,708 [elevator dings] 1832 01:21:42,792 --> 01:21:45,125 ♪ When our hope sailed from a thousand dreams ♪ 1833 01:21:45,208 --> 01:21:49,625 ♪ We will carry on, ahh ♪ 1834 01:21:49,708 --> 01:21:52,500 [Lysander] Victory, the sweetest nectar. 1835 01:21:52,583 --> 01:21:54,000 Monty, I'll see you at home. 1836 01:21:54,083 --> 01:21:56,708 Oh, shit! I, I got you, bud. 1837 01:21:56,792 --> 01:21:58,000 [grunting] 1838 01:22:00,292 --> 01:22:02,500 -[Montgomery panting] -[Jack laughing] 1839 01:22:02,583 --> 01:22:04,583 -[Montgomery laughing] -Oh, shit. 1840 01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:07,750 -[Montgomery sighs] -Thanks. 1841 01:22:07,833 --> 01:22:10,042 Sure. I owed you one. 1842 01:22:11,583 --> 01:22:14,417 Well, guys, we did it. We defeated the RAs. 1843 01:22:14,500 --> 01:22:17,000 We ate the pizza. Oh, wait. 1844 01:22:17,958 --> 01:22:21,167 -[♪ ominous music playing] -[Jack] What's happening? 1845 01:22:21,250 --> 01:22:23,458 [loud squeaking] 1846 01:22:23,542 --> 01:22:25,125 [Lizzy] What is that? 1847 01:22:25,208 --> 01:22:27,333 Oh, my God. It's him. 1848 01:22:28,458 --> 01:22:29,792 [whispering] The Rat King. 1849 01:22:29,875 --> 01:22:32,875 [♪ "Waltz of the Flowers" by Tchaikovsky playing] 1850 01:22:45,625 --> 01:22:49,583 -[singers vocalizing] -[children laughing] 1851 01:22:52,458 --> 01:22:55,250 Hi, Lizzy. Remember me? 1852 01:22:55,333 --> 01:22:57,208 This fucking cunt. 1853 01:22:59,083 --> 01:23:01,958 ♪♪ 1854 01:23:04,833 --> 01:23:06,333 [♪ music stops] 1855 01:23:11,042 --> 01:23:12,667 I'm sorry, who are you? 1856 01:23:12,750 --> 01:23:14,667 -[♪ ominous music playing] -I'm you, Jack. 1857 01:23:14,750 --> 01:23:16,958 The you you're scared you'll become. 1858 01:23:17,042 --> 01:23:20,500 Boring, sober, obsessed with my bird feeder. 1859 01:23:20,583 --> 01:23:21,750 -[baby whining] -I also review 1860 01:23:21,833 --> 01:23:23,333 sparkling water brands on YouTube. 1861 01:23:23,417 --> 01:23:24,542 [whispering] Oh, my fucking God. 1862 01:23:24,625 --> 01:23:25,875 What's wrong with that? 1863 01:23:25,958 --> 01:23:27,167 That honestly sounds nice. 1864 01:23:27,250 --> 01:23:28,417 Fuck off! 1865 01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:31,500 [chainsaws buzzing loudly] 1866 01:23:33,208 --> 01:23:34,667 ♪♪ 1867 01:23:39,083 --> 01:23:40,083 Run! 1868 01:23:40,167 --> 01:23:42,958 -[♪ terrifying music playing] -[chainsaws continue buzzing] 1869 01:23:43,667 --> 01:23:44,875 [gasps] 1870 01:23:44,958 --> 01:23:47,042 -[Lizzy] Shit! -[Jack] What do we do? 1871 01:23:47,125 --> 01:23:50,125 [♪ Christmas music playing] 1872 01:23:53,333 --> 01:23:55,875 [Montgomery] Time to float like graceful falcons. 1873 01:23:55,958 --> 01:23:58,375 -[♪ music stops abruptly] -They tried to censor us, 1874 01:23:58,458 --> 01:24:00,042 but we will not be silenced! 1875 01:24:00,125 --> 01:24:02,833 [drumsticks clicking] 1876 01:24:02,917 --> 01:24:05,542 [♪ heavy metal music playing] 1877 01:24:11,000 --> 01:24:14,000 [screaming melodically] 1878 01:24:25,583 --> 01:24:29,667 [♪ heavy metal music and melodic screaming continues] 1879 01:24:31,875 --> 01:24:33,875 [all yelling] 1880 01:24:44,167 --> 01:24:45,792 -[♪ music ends] -[all screaming] 1881 01:24:45,875 --> 01:24:47,875 [loud crash] 1882 01:24:48,708 --> 01:24:51,708 [Ashley] Thank you, and good night! 1883 01:24:51,792 --> 01:24:54,000 [coughing] Why did we think that would work? 1884 01:24:54,083 --> 01:24:56,583 [grunting] Fuck off, that was fun. 1885 01:24:56,667 --> 01:24:58,625 There are so many condoms in here. 1886 01:24:58,708 --> 01:25:00,167 [muttering indistinctly] 1887 01:25:00,250 --> 01:25:02,458 -[thud] -[Montgomery] I landed on the condom. 1888 01:25:02,542 --> 01:25:04,708 [Jack] [grunting] Hey, make a wish. 1889 01:25:04,792 --> 01:25:07,167 [Montgomery] I wish I didn't land on the condom. 1890 01:25:07,250 --> 01:25:09,000 [grunting and groaning] 1891 01:25:09,083 --> 01:25:11,583 Well, look on the bright side, guys. 1892 01:25:11,667 --> 01:25:12,833 At least we got away from the nightmare-- 1893 01:25:12,917 --> 01:25:15,333 -[♪ dramatic musical sting] -[chainsaws buzzing] 1894 01:25:18,833 --> 01:25:20,833 [Snackatron] Montgomery! 1895 01:25:22,167 --> 01:25:23,542 Let's go! 1896 01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:24,708 [chainsaws buzzing] 1897 01:25:24,792 --> 01:25:25,958 [Montgomery shrieking] 1898 01:25:26,042 --> 01:25:28,375 [panicked chatter, panting] 1899 01:25:29,750 --> 01:25:31,208 [Rat King shrieks] 1900 01:25:31,292 --> 01:25:32,875 I wrote a complaint letter to Microsoft 1901 01:25:32,958 --> 01:25:34,917 after they discontinued my favorite font. 1902 01:25:35,000 --> 01:25:36,708 [screaming] God, no! 1903 01:25:36,792 --> 01:25:39,000 -Oh, fuck! -Come on! Come on! 1904 01:25:39,083 --> 01:25:40,458 [all grunting] 1905 01:25:40,542 --> 01:25:42,917 [♪ tense music playing] 1906 01:25:45,083 --> 01:25:46,167 [grunting] 1907 01:25:48,375 --> 01:25:49,542 [♪ music stops] 1908 01:25:51,292 --> 01:25:52,917 Well, well, well. 1909 01:25:54,500 --> 01:25:56,500 Hello again, dickheads. 1910 01:25:56,583 --> 01:25:58,000 How are you not dead? 1911 01:25:58,708 --> 01:26:01,958 -You thought you could kill me? -[chainsaws continue buzzing] 1912 01:26:02,042 --> 01:26:04,500 -Get off the box! -Get the fuck off the box! 1913 01:26:04,583 --> 01:26:07,750 It's gonna take a lot more than that to get rid of Blake! 1914 01:26:07,833 --> 01:26:09,042 [clattering] 1915 01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:12,292 -[Montgomery] Grab him! -[Lizzy] Pull him down! 1916 01:26:12,375 --> 01:26:14,292 -[grunting] -Fuck! 1917 01:26:14,375 --> 01:26:16,667 -[gagging] -Open wide! 1918 01:26:17,917 --> 01:26:19,333 [Jack] Happy sailing! 1919 01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:24,208 [Frankie] Do not take more than a single dose. 1920 01:26:24,292 --> 01:26:28,917 If you do, you will see the true horrible nature of reality. 1921 01:26:30,375 --> 01:26:34,583 -[light buzzing] -[muffled chatter] 1922 01:26:34,667 --> 01:26:36,750 [writer 1] I just think my biggest concern right now 1923 01:26:36,833 --> 01:26:39,458 is how little of this makes any sense at all. 1924 01:26:39,542 --> 01:26:42,292 -[writer 2] Like what? -[writer 1] What do you mean, "Like what?" 1925 01:26:42,375 --> 01:26:44,708 Like, okay, for example, how many college freshmen do you know 1926 01:26:44,792 --> 01:26:46,292 that own a pet butterfly? 1927 01:26:46,375 --> 01:26:48,375 [writer 2] That's what you find unbelievable? 1928 01:26:48,458 --> 01:26:52,083 We have a scene where the three leads become a Venezuelan man. 1929 01:26:52,167 --> 01:26:53,917 [writer 1] Alright, fine, but we gotta come up 1930 01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:55,583 with a better title than Pizza Movie. 1931 01:26:55,667 --> 01:26:57,667 [writer 2] Well, of course we're not calling it Pizza Movie. 1932 01:26:57,750 --> 01:26:59,750 That's a placeholder. I mean, if we can't beat that, 1933 01:26:59,833 --> 01:27:02,167 -I'm gonna walk into the goddamn ocean. -What the fuck? 1934 01:27:03,250 --> 01:27:05,583 Oh God, one of the actors is here. 1935 01:27:05,667 --> 01:27:08,083 Hey, man, could you just give us, like, 10 minutes, please? Thanks. 1936 01:27:09,708 --> 01:27:12,208 Oh, so listen, I told my grandfather he could have a part. 1937 01:27:12,292 --> 01:27:13,500 Is that okay? 1938 01:27:14,583 --> 01:27:15,583 No. 1939 01:27:15,667 --> 01:27:18,292 [chainsaws buzzing quietly] 1940 01:27:19,417 --> 01:27:21,833 W-W-We're in a movie? 1941 01:27:23,292 --> 01:27:25,917 We're in a low-budget movie. 1942 01:27:27,250 --> 01:27:30,250 My character's not written with any nuance at all. 1943 01:27:31,250 --> 01:27:32,667 I'm a caricature. 1944 01:27:34,583 --> 01:27:38,000 I, like, only deliver exposition. 1945 01:27:38,667 --> 01:27:40,583 What the fuck was that? 1946 01:27:40,667 --> 01:27:43,083 [chainsaws buzzing loudly] 1947 01:27:43,708 --> 01:27:46,375 [♪ tense music playing] 1948 01:27:52,042 --> 01:27:54,708 [all screaming] 1949 01:27:54,792 --> 01:27:56,792 [chainsaws stop buzzing] 1950 01:28:02,750 --> 01:28:04,750 [all sighing] 1951 01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:09,750 -[Jack laughing] -[Montgomery chuckles] 1952 01:28:12,125 --> 01:28:14,125 [warbling] 1953 01:28:17,208 --> 01:28:20,042 [Snackatron] [struggling] Montgomery. 1954 01:28:25,333 --> 01:28:28,958 Were you satisfied with your fucking order? 1955 01:28:29,042 --> 01:28:30,667 Yes, Snackatron. 1956 01:28:32,458 --> 01:28:33,667 Yes, we were. 1957 01:28:36,708 --> 01:28:39,208 [Snackatron] Thank you for ordering from... 1958 01:28:39,292 --> 01:28:41,125 [worker] [on recording] Ahh, finally alone. 1959 01:28:41,208 --> 01:28:43,500 Time to measure the length of my foreskin. 1960 01:28:43,583 --> 01:28:45,708 Wait, is this robot still recording? 1961 01:28:45,792 --> 01:28:47,417 [Snackatron] Goodbye. 1962 01:28:47,500 --> 01:28:49,208 [Snackatron powering down] 1963 01:28:52,000 --> 01:28:55,000 [♪ honorable music playing] 1964 01:29:03,250 --> 01:29:06,250 [♪ gentle music playing] 1965 01:29:07,833 --> 01:29:10,458 Tell my story! 1966 01:29:13,500 --> 01:29:14,917 [Logan] Lizzy! 1967 01:29:16,458 --> 01:29:19,458 Lizzy! Let's go! 1968 01:29:20,458 --> 01:29:22,458 [Ashley] Montgomery! Over here. 1969 01:29:22,542 --> 01:29:25,708 -Hey, thanks for the gig. -[Montgomery] Thank you. 1970 01:29:25,792 --> 01:29:28,000 You ready? Let's get this night going. 1971 01:29:28,083 --> 01:29:30,708 I'm about to honk that horn like you won't believe. 1972 01:29:30,792 --> 01:29:33,625 Oh, my God, I feel so alive after performing. 1973 01:29:33,708 --> 01:29:36,917 Yeah, I, I can imagine with the electric torture. 1974 01:29:37,000 --> 01:29:38,000 Yeah. 1975 01:29:39,083 --> 01:29:42,083 Anyway, um, I was wondering 1976 01:29:42,167 --> 01:29:46,167 if maybe you wanted to go out sometime? [chuckles softly] 1977 01:29:50,167 --> 01:29:53,375 [Logan] Lizzy, you gonna give the driver your friggin' credit card? 1978 01:29:53,458 --> 01:29:54,500 What's up? 1979 01:29:55,417 --> 01:29:56,417 [Ashley] Montgomery? 1980 01:29:58,750 --> 01:30:00,750 -Montgomery? -No, thank you. 1981 01:30:01,667 --> 01:30:03,292 -No? -No. 1982 01:30:04,333 --> 01:30:07,250 I do not think we are a good match. 1983 01:30:08,208 --> 01:30:09,417 [scoffs] Why? 1984 01:30:09,500 --> 01:30:10,958 You scare the shit out of me. 1985 01:30:11,042 --> 01:30:12,125 [scoffs] 1986 01:30:12,208 --> 01:30:14,333 But hey, good, good luck on the music. 1987 01:30:14,417 --> 01:30:16,208 You're... killer. 1988 01:30:16,292 --> 01:30:18,208 -Killer. Good luck. -[scoffs] 1989 01:30:18,292 --> 01:30:19,500 [Logan] Lizzy! 1990 01:30:19,583 --> 01:30:22,458 Stop thinking pensively and get your freaking credit card out 1991 01:30:22,542 --> 01:30:23,917 -and give it to the-- -[knee thuds] 1992 01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:25,458 -Oh! [grunting] -Ooh! 1993 01:30:25,542 --> 01:30:27,958 -[Logan] Oh! [wailing] -[bully] Oh, my God, Logan. 1994 01:30:28,042 --> 01:30:29,333 Have fun. 1995 01:30:29,417 --> 01:30:31,333 [bully] Are you dead? 1996 01:30:31,417 --> 01:30:34,417 [♪ light, joyful music playing] 1997 01:30:44,833 --> 01:30:46,833 [student] Hey, freak-ass face! 1998 01:30:57,875 --> 01:31:01,875 -What time is it? -It's gotta be 5 a.m. 1999 01:31:02,500 --> 01:31:03,708 It's only 8:30! 2000 01:31:03,792 --> 01:31:06,417 All that only took 45 minutes? 2001 01:31:06,500 --> 01:31:08,250 You guys wanna do something? 2002 01:31:10,750 --> 01:31:12,375 Wanna finish our game? 2003 01:31:13,458 --> 01:31:14,667 I'm down. 2004 01:31:14,750 --> 01:31:15,958 Me too. 2005 01:31:21,625 --> 01:31:22,833 [writer 2's grandparent] And I... 2006 01:31:24,750 --> 01:31:26,667 am also down. 2007 01:31:27,375 --> 01:31:29,125 Oh, man. [laughing] 2008 01:31:29,208 --> 01:31:32,750 College is awesome. I love being 19. 2009 01:31:32,833 --> 01:31:34,458 [writer 2] Grandpa, don't look at the camera. 2010 01:31:34,542 --> 01:31:37,375 -Don't talk to me that way. -[writer 1] Dude, this isn't working. 2011 01:31:37,458 --> 01:31:38,667 -Let's cut him. -[writer 2] Fine. 2012 01:31:42,542 --> 01:31:45,167 Alright, should we start from scratch or pick up where we left off? 2013 01:31:45,250 --> 01:31:46,583 -Let's do it from scratch. -Yeah? 2014 01:31:46,667 --> 01:31:48,667 -We got it. -Okay, cool then. 2015 01:31:48,750 --> 01:31:50,750 [chattering fades] 2016 01:31:50,833 --> 01:31:52,833 ♪♪ 2017 01:32:02,458 --> 01:32:04,458 ♪♪ 2018 01:32:14,625 --> 01:32:16,625 [singers vocalizing] 2019 01:32:54,708 --> 01:32:56,708 ♪♪ 2020 01:33:20,333 --> 01:33:23,917 [♪ cheery song playing] 2021 01:33:24,000 --> 01:33:25,708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2022 01:33:25,792 --> 01:33:27,625 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2023 01:33:27,708 --> 01:33:29,458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2024 01:33:29,542 --> 01:33:31,292 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2025 01:33:31,375 --> 01:33:33,125 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2026 01:33:33,208 --> 01:33:35,000 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2027 01:33:35,083 --> 01:33:36,833 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2028 01:33:36,917 --> 01:33:38,667 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2029 01:33:38,750 --> 01:33:42,333 ♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice, happy, happy, happy, nice ♪ 2030 01:33:42,417 --> 01:33:46,083 ♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice, happy, happy, happy ♪ 2031 01:33:46,167 --> 01:33:47,875 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2032 01:33:47,958 --> 01:33:49,750 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2033 01:33:49,833 --> 01:33:51,625 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2034 01:33:51,708 --> 01:33:53,458 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2035 01:33:53,542 --> 01:33:55,292 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2036 01:33:55,375 --> 01:33:57,125 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2037 01:33:57,208 --> 01:33:58,917 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2038 01:33:59,000 --> 01:34:01,708 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2039 01:34:02,625 --> 01:34:04,125 [faster] ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2040 01:34:04,208 --> 01:34:05,708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2041 01:34:05,792 --> 01:34:07,250 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2042 01:34:07,333 --> 01:34:08,833 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2043 01:34:08,917 --> 01:34:10,458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2044 01:34:10,542 --> 01:34:12,083 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2045 01:34:12,167 --> 01:34:13,708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2046 01:34:13,792 --> 01:34:15,792 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2047 01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:19,875 [faster] ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice, happy, nice, happy, nice ♪ 2048 01:34:19,958 --> 01:34:22,667 ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice, happy, nice, happy ♪ 2049 01:34:22,750 --> 01:34:24,042 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2050 01:34:24,125 --> 01:34:25,458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2051 01:34:25,542 --> 01:34:26,875 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2052 01:34:26,958 --> 01:34:28,958 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2053 01:34:30,958 --> 01:34:32,083 [faster] ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2054 01:34:32,167 --> 01:34:33,458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2055 01:34:33,542 --> 01:34:34,667 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2056 01:34:34,750 --> 01:34:36,000 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 2057 01:34:36,083 --> 01:34:37,125 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2058 01:34:37,208 --> 01:34:38,458 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2059 01:34:38,542 --> 01:34:39,750 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 2060 01:34:39,833 --> 01:34:42,208 ♪ No one's gonna die today, someone's gonna die today ♪ 2061 01:34:42,292 --> 01:34:48,292 ♪ We're all gonna die todaaay ♪ 2062 01:34:51,000 --> 01:34:52,625 [♪ song ends] 2063 01:34:56,042 --> 01:34:59,042 [♪ gentle music playing] 2064 01:35:53,375 --> 01:35:55,375 ♪♪ 2065 01:36:41,000 --> 01:36:43,000 [♪ music fades out] 144415