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Previously on Georgie and Mandy's First
Marriage.
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What'd Missy do now?
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I came home from church early and found
your sister in her bedroom with a boy.
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Were they doing it? They were trying.
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What's that mean?
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There were pants on the floor, that is
all I'm saying.
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So what'd you do?
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What do you think I did? I took off my
shoe and I hit him with it.
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It's your mom. She sounds mad.
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Probably Missy.
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Hello. I am so upset with your sister.
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Missy.
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What'd she do now?
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I found condoms in her room.
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What? It is worse. The box isn't full.
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What's happening? Did you talk to her?
She is at school.
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Who's the boy?
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What boy?
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My mom found condoms in Missy's room.
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I don't know who he is.
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What are you going to do?
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Ground her, kill her? I haven't decided.
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How about this? You ground her, I'll
kill him.
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Deal.
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Give me. Why?
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I think I can help.
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Hey, Mary.
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If you're okay with it, I can talk to
her.
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Why? Well, she trusts me. Maybe I can
find out what's going on. I know what's
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going on. There's a three -pack of
condoms and only two left.
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Well, that can mean a lot of things.
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Like? Like...
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Let me talk to her and get back to you.
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Okay. Thanks.
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I cannot believe this.
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Well, at least she was being careful.
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Careful is keeping your pants on.
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She's a teenager.
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It's going to happen sooner or later.
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Later. I love later.
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And when you talk to her, get the name
of this guy and where he lives and if
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he's bigger than me.
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One step at a time. Where did she even
get condoms?
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Drugstore, I guess.
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Really? I never had the courage to buy
them at a drugstore.
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Which is why I had to buy a pregnancy
test.
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Why was she stupid in my room?
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More importantly, you cannot tell her I
gave them to you.
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She's gonna kill me.
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Probably.
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What do I do?
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Well, she doesn't know you did anything.
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She knows there's a condom missing.
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Right. So, I guess that means you...
Yeah.
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So, how'd it go?
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Over so fast, I'm not sure it counted.
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Yeah, get used to that.
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I'm dead.
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I think we have two options here. We
come clean and we hope she understands,
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we lie our asses off.
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That one. Asses.
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Okay, I'll tell your mom that you stole
them from the drugstore.
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Why? Well, shoplifting. It's a
distraction, like pleading guilty to a
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offense. Smart.
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Mm -hmm, and you were curious how they
worked, so you took one out and you put
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it on a banana.
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A banana?
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A cucumber, a carrot, it doesn't matter.
What matters is you weren't having sex.
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Right.
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Thank you.
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I got your back.
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Someday I hope I can do this kind of
thing for Cece.
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What is wrong with you? No!
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You don't need anything
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else. I'm going to head out.
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Already? I work part -time for free. I
leave when I want.
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Can I ask you a personal question?
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Sure. When Mandy was a teenager, how did
you keep boys away from her?
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Your daughter craps in a diaper. That
ought to take care of the boys for a
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while.
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It's my sister.
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With my dad gone, she's my
responsibility.
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Yeah, I get that.
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When the fellas used to come around and
see Mandy, I'd shake their hands so hard
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I could see tears in their eyes.
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I think I missed my window to scare the
boy off.
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Oh. Well, in that case, I find living in
denial to be an excellent coping
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strategy.
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So stick my head in the sand? Oh, yeah.
Deep as you can go.
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I don't think I can do that.
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You sure?
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Got me through finding out that my
daughter got knocked up by some dumbass
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-year -old.
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But now you love me, right?
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Check my head. Let me show you how much.
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You know I don't like gossip, but
there's a nasty rumor going around about
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of our younger parishioners.
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Really?
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Anyone I know?
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00:05:04,460 --> 00:05:05,460
Actually, yes.
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Mark Delfino.
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00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,460
Word on the street is he's selling
marijuana cigarettes.
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Everybody knows that. He's a terrible
child.
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Oh, you're here.
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Hey. Hey, Mandy. What brings you by?
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She doesn't need a reason to visit her
mother -in -law.
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Nice. How's little Cece doing? I bet
she's gabbing up a storm. Oh, yes, she
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real chatterbox. Okay, bye.
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What have you got?
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It's not as bad as you think.
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There was no sex.
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Oh, thank the Lord.
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Wait.
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Why then was there a condom missing?
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Oh, well, you're going to laugh.
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She was curious, so she took one out and
she put it on a banana.
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That's what she told you?
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Yeah.
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And you believed it?
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You don't?
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No. That is the stupidest story I've
ever heard.
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No, it's a good story. It's very
plausible.
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Oh, and she stole them from the
drugstore.
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Well, that part I buy.
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What are you going to do?
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I am going to put the fear of God into
that girl is what I'm going to do.
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What exactly does that entail? Well, for
starters, I'm going to ground her, take
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her door off her bedroom.
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That should do it. Then I'm going to sit
her in front of the TV and make her
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watch videos of childbirth.
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Try and find some big -headed babies.
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Wow, you've really thought about this.
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Every day for 16 years.
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Oh, Cece's getting cuter by the day. You
know, when she was born, she was bald
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and chunky like Jim, but now she's all
me.
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00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,060
Hey, Mom, I need the phone.
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In a minute, I'm talking to your Aunt
Louise. Okay, this is important.
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00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,140
Well, so is this.
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00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:04,920
It's Amanda.
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00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:06,940
Aunt Louise says hi.
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Oh, let me talk to her.
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00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:10,660
Hi, Aunt Louise. Bye, Aunt Louise.
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Amanda! Yes, I know, I'm terrible. I'll
be right back.
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Hey, she didn't believe the banana
story, which is crazy because it's so
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Melissa Cooper, where are you? I gotta
go.
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Oh, but she did believe you stole it, so
run with that.
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What was that all about?
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Oh, I'd rather not say.
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Amanda.
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Missy got caught shoplifting.
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I believe it.
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Who is the boy? There is no boy.
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Was that him on the phone?
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No. You had better start explaining
yourself.
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Why? You're just going to tell me I'm
going to hell.
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Well, sex before marriage is a sin.
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You did it.
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And God punished me with a disrespectful
daughter.
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I'm not talking about this.
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But you'll talk to Mandy?
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Yes. She listens and doesn't lecture me.
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Did she know about this?
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Assault.
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Hello?
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Huh? No. Oh.
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Sorry.
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You okay?
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00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:26,020
Yeah, fine.
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Here's some good news. I may buy a
trombone.
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How's that good news?
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I don't own one, and now I might.
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Anyone else lost?
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I'll get it.
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Hello? She'd headed your way, and she'd
pissed.
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Hang on.
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you tell her?
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I'll get it.
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Hey, we're eating dinner. Don't be rude.
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You're on the phone.
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Thought my trombone news would have made
a bigger splash.
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Where is your lying wife?
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Can you come back later? We're having
dinner.
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00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,040
Mary, I know you're mad.
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Oh, I am way past mad. I am ticked.
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About what?
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00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:26,050
You don't know about this one giving
your sister condoms?
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00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:29,570
What? How could you do that? She's just
a kid.
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Should we give them some privacy? Shut
up!
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What were you thinking?
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She was thinking that it was her place
to make decisions about my daughter.
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Hey, she came to me.
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00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:42,270
Then you lied about it?
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Only because I didn't want to get her in
trouble.
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Or get me in trouble?
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You? Stay away from Missy.
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Wow.
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I've never seen her so upset.
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She ain't the only one.
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Whoa. I'm with Mary on this.
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00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,060
Whoa.
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00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:13,060
Are you avoiding me?
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00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:14,340
Trying.
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00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:15,949
Okay, listen.
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00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:18,930
Missy was talking to me about this guy
she's seeing. It was starting to get
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00:10:18,930 --> 00:10:20,890
serious, so I wanted to make sure she
was safe.
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00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:23,310
Did you try telling her not to do it?
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00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:25,870
If anybody had told you that, would it
have worked?
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00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:27,250
That's different. I'm a guy.
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00:10:28,430 --> 00:10:32,470
So, it was okay for you to have sex in
high school, but not the girls you were
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00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:33,750
with? Yes.
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00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:38,350
And I, for one, was disappointed in
their lack of self -control.
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00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:41,650
I'm sure they were disappointed, too.
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00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:45,570
This ain't about me. This is about you
keeping secrets.
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00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:48,590
You honestly want to know about your
sister's sex life.
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00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:51,210
No, but I need to. She's my
responsibility.
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00:10:52,770 --> 00:10:53,770
Fine.
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00:10:54,270 --> 00:10:57,690
She's been seeing this guy for a while.
She really likes him. They've been
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00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,730
fooling around mostly over the clothes
stuff. You're right. Don't want to hear
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00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:01,730
it.
220
00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:03,590
Which is why I was handling it.
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00:11:03,990 --> 00:11:05,650
She's my responsibility, too.
222
00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:07,590
My mom don't see it that way.
223
00:11:08,110 --> 00:11:09,830
Well, then you need to make her
understand.
224
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,130
I ain't taking your side in this.
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00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:14,610
You have no choice. I'm your wife.
226
00:11:15,070 --> 00:11:18,910
So I don't get to decide the side I'm
on? No, the side was decided and the
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00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:19,910
is mine.
228
00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:23,150
What about the boy? Can I at least kick
his ass?
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00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,190
Should my brother have kicked your ass?
230
00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:26,910
Connor, please.
231
00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:32,230
Like I had time to beat up every guy
Mandy had sex with.
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00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:39,690
So just because I'm married, I'm
supposed to tell my mom she's wrong?
233
00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:41,450
You can't go against your mom.
234
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:42,900
What about my wife?
235
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,780
Dude, you only get one mom. You can have
tons of wives.
236
00:11:47,380 --> 00:11:50,080
Seriously? Fine. Two, three tops.
237
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,860
Maybe four. You started young.
238
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,900
Since you have none wives, maybe pop
down.
239
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:58,600
What would you do?
240
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,600
Rule of thumb.
241
00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:04,220
If you have to pick between two women,
always pick the one you sleep with.
242
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,900
Aw, you can only sleep with one woman?
243
00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:08,320
I sleep with several.
244
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,080
No, you don't. I could.
245
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:15,740
So you always side with Mrs. McAllister
over your mom?
246
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,140
Exactly.
247
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,200
You know, I've never met your mom.
248
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:21,420
Exactly.
249
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:25,260
Well, I'm not cutting out my mother. I
want her and Mandy to get along.
250
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:27,740
I really could.
251
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:35,100
I have tried so hard to raise Missy with
good Christian values.
252
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:36,780
Not your fault.
253
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,380
Kids these days are faced with all sorts
of temptation.
254
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:44,260
Tell me about it. Just the other day, I
saw a music video about a man who liked
255
00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:45,260
Big Butt.
256
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,640
Lord. He was honest about it.
257
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,780
But it's still very troubling.
258
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:55,520
And Mandy's not helping making Missy
think that this kind of behavior's
259
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,520
acceptable.
260
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,880
Well, we'll continue to pray on this.
261
00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:02,440
Thank you for listening.
262
00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:05,180
God didn't give me these just for
holding up sunglasses.
263
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,540
Hey, Georgie. Shh.
264
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,540
I don't want my mom to know I'm here.
265
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:16,920
What's going on?
266
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,280
She's mad at Mandy. I'm caught in the
middle, and I'm hoping you can smooth
267
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,159
things out.
268
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,400
Won't that put me in the middle?
269
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:23,600
Yep. So what's the plan?
270
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:28,000
Well, your mother's unhappy that Mandy
overstepped her bounds.
271
00:13:28,420 --> 00:13:30,640
I didn't ask for a recap. I asked for a
plan.
272
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:36,180
Suppose I could sit down with all
parties and open up a line of
273
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,020
Great. Let me know how it goes.
274
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,280
You're one of the parties.
275
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,500
Oh. Come on. Does anyone really think
I'll be helpful here?
276
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,280
You're not putting me in a room with
three angry women, Georgie. You're
277
00:13:53,940 --> 00:14:00,620
First of all, I just want to thank
everyone for being here.
278
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:05,580
In a family, nothing is more important
than honest and open communication.
279
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:06,860
Oh, just start.
280
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,400
I'll start. I don't want to be here.
281
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:12,880
Well, you should have thought about that
before you took your clothes off.
282
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,400
Please let me leave.
283
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,920
Suck it up.
284
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,720
You are so lucky your father's not alive
because this would have killed him.
285
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,140
And you wonder why she doesn't want to
talk to you.
286
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,480
Mandy. What? She's making it worse.
287
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:26,880
So you're making it worse.
288
00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:28,880
Georgie, let's keep it civil.
289
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,440
You're right. I should take a walk
around the block and sit.
290
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:37,780
The reason we're here is not to rehash
the past. What's been done is done.
291
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:42,120
It's for y 'all to find a way forward as
a loving Christian family. This isn't
292
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,220
fair. Georgie had sex in high school. No
one crazy.
293
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:48,020
Hey, I was not happy about that, but at
least he married her.
294
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,800
I wasn't talking about Mandy.
295
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,540
Hey, how did I go so wrong with my
children?
296
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,800
Oh, well, if it makes you feel any
better, Sheldon will probably die a
297
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,360
That is not true.
298
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:03,840
When the time is right, he will find a
wife and have a beautiful family.
299
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,720
Oh, come on, Mom.
300
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:12,000
Just leave Shelly out of this, and you
stay away from Missy. It's not her fault
301
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,020
I asked her for help.
302
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,180
Yeah, because she couldn't come to you.
303
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,160
Why? Because I have values that you
think are a joke?
304
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,580
I don't think they're a joke. I think
they're unrealistic.
305
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,240
Teenagers have sex.
306
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:25,420
Excuse me, most save themselves for
marriage.
307
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,520
Most? Many.
308
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,280
How many?
309
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,660
The point is, abstinence is cool.
310
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:37,280
Missy, I hope you understand your mother
is just trying to keep you safe.
311
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,480
So was I.
312
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:40,140
I'm talking about her soul.
313
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:42,020
And I'm talking about her not getting
pregnant.
314
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,900
There is only one sure way to not get
pregnant. Being Sheldon's future wife.
315
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:47,720
That's enough out of you.
316
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,560
Really? You're on Mom's side?
317
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,660
No, I'm on Mandy's side.
318
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:53,900
Is that so?
319
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:59,540
Seriously? So you're okay with your wife
giving your sister prophylactics?
320
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:00,820
Yes.
321
00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,450
Just to be clear, that's what old people
call condoms, right?
322
00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:06,590
Right. Then yeah, I guess I am.
323
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:10,530
Georgie! Hey, I don't like the idea of
her doing stuff with boys either.
324
00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:12,630
It's not boys, it's just boy.
325
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:13,929
What's his name?
326
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:14,869
Nice try.
327
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:18,210
See, she can't talk to me because I just
want to kick this kid's ass. She can't
328
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:20,490
talk to you because you're just going to
pray at her, so it's good she's got
329
00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:23,230
Mandy. She can always talk to me.
330
00:16:23,970 --> 00:16:25,270
I'm being serious right now.
331
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:29,110
So if you're going to be mad at Mandy,
then be mad at me too, because we're a
332
00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:30,110
team.
333
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:32,030
Done. Can I leave now?
334
00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:33,610
This meeting, yes.
335
00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:37,290
You're room not for the next 20 years.
336
00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:46,370
I know we may not have solved
everything, but I think we made some
337
00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:48,170
Abstinence is cool.
338
00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:49,830
If you'd ever tried it, you'd know.
339
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:53,870
Oh, Mary, that was uncalled for.
340
00:16:54,990 --> 00:16:56,410
But we were all thinking it.
341
00:17:08,970 --> 00:17:10,250
You can't do that here.
342
00:17:10,950 --> 00:17:12,569
It's okay, officer. We're married.
343
00:17:12,829 --> 00:17:13,829
Then go home.
344
00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:19,430
Sorry. He took my side over his mother's
tonight and I couldn't keep my hands
345
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:20,430
off him.
346
00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:22,230
You took her side?
347
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:23,750
Yes, ma 'am.
348
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,510
Then knock yourselves out.
349
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:46,420
In his defense, he did warn us.
24798
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