Original subtitles

Previously on Georgie and Mandy's First Marriage.

What'd Missy do now?

I came home from church early and found your sister in her bedroom with a boy.

Were they doing it? They were trying.

What's that mean?

There were pants on the floor, that is all I'm saying.

So what'd you do?

What do you think I did? I took off my shoe and I hit him with it.

It's your mom. She sounds mad.

Probably Missy.

Hello. I am so upset with your sister.

Missy.

What'd she do now?

I found condoms in her room.

What? It is worse. The box isn't full.

What's happening? Did you talk to her? She is at school.

Who's the boy?

What boy?

My mom found condoms in Missy's room.

I don't know who he is.

What are you going to do?

Ground her, kill her? I haven't decided.

How about this? You ground her, I'll kill him.

Deal.

Give me. Why?

I think I can help.

Hey, Mary.

If you're okay with it, I can talk to her.

Why? Well, she trusts me. Maybe I can find out what's going on. I know what's

going on. There's a three -pack of condoms and only two left.

Well, that can mean a lot of things.

Like? Like...

Let me talk to her and get back to you.

Okay. Thanks.

I cannot believe this.

Well, at least she was being careful.

Careful is keeping your pants on.

She's a teenager.

It's going to happen sooner or later.

Later. I love later.

And when you talk to her, get the name of this guy and where he lives and if

he's bigger than me.

One step at a time. Where did she even get condoms?

Drugstore, I guess.

Really? I never had the courage to buy them at a drugstore.

Which is why I had to buy a pregnancy test.

Why was she stupid in my room?

More importantly, you cannot tell her I gave them to you.

She's gonna kill me.

Probably.

What do I do?

Well, she doesn't know you did anything.

She knows there's a condom missing.

Right. So, I guess that means you... Yeah.

So, how'd it go?

Over so fast, I'm not sure it counted.

Yeah, get used to that.

I'm dead.

I think we have two options here. We come clean and we hope she understands,

we lie our asses off.

That one. Asses.

Okay, I'll tell your mom that you stole them from the drugstore.

Why? Well, shoplifting. It's a distraction, like pleading guilty to a

offense. Smart.

Mm -hmm, and you were curious how they worked, so you took one out and you put

it on a banana.

A banana?

A cucumber, a carrot, it doesn't matter. What matters is you weren't having sex.

Right.

Thank you.

I got your back.

Someday I hope I can do this kind of thing for Cece.

What is wrong with you? No!

You don't need anything

else. I'm going to head out.

Already? I work part -time for free. I leave when I want.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Sure. When Mandy was a teenager, how did you keep boys away from her?

Your daughter craps in a diaper. That ought to take care of the boys for a

while.

It's my sister.

With my dad gone, she's my responsibility.

Yeah, I get that.

When the fellas used to come around and see Mandy, I'd shake their hands so hard

I could see tears in their eyes.

I think I missed my window to scare the boy off.

Oh. Well, in that case, I find living in denial to be an excellent coping

strategy.

So stick my head in the sand? Oh, yeah. Deep as you can go.

I don't think I can do that.

You sure?

Got me through finding out that my daughter got knocked up by some dumbass

-year -old.

But now you love me, right?

Check my head. Let me show you how much.

You know I don't like gossip, but there's a nasty rumor going around about

of our younger parishioners.

Really?

Anyone I know?

Actually, yes.

Mark Delfino.

Word on the street is he's selling marijuana cigarettes.

Everybody knows that. He's a terrible child.

Oh, you're here.

Hey. Hey, Mandy. What brings you by?

She doesn't need a reason to visit her mother -in -law.

Nice. How's little Cece doing? I bet she's gabbing up a storm. Oh, yes, she

real chatterbox. Okay, bye.

What have you got?

It's not as bad as you think.

There was no sex.

Oh, thank the Lord.

Wait.

Why then was there a condom missing?

Oh, well, you're going to laugh.

She was curious, so she took one out and she put it on a banana.

That's what she told you?

Yeah.

And you believed it?

You don't?

No. That is the stupidest story I've ever heard.

No, it's a good story. It's very plausible.

Oh, and she stole them from the drugstore.

Well, that part I buy.

What are you going to do?

I am going to put the fear of God into that girl is what I'm going to do.

What exactly does that entail? Well, for starters, I'm going to ground her, take

her door off her bedroom.

That should do it. Then I'm going to sit her in front of the TV and make her

watch videos of childbirth.

Try and find some big -headed babies.

Wow, you've really thought about this.

Every day for 16 years.

Oh, Cece's getting cuter by the day. You know, when she was born, she was bald

and chunky like Jim, but now she's all me.

Hey, Mom, I need the phone.

In a minute, I'm talking to your Aunt Louise. Okay, this is important.

Well, so is this.

It's Amanda.

Aunt Louise says hi.

Oh, let me talk to her.

Hi, Aunt Louise. Bye, Aunt Louise.

Amanda! Yes, I know, I'm terrible. I'll be right back.

Hey, she didn't believe the banana story, which is crazy because it's so

Melissa Cooper, where are you? I gotta go.

Oh, but she did believe you stole it, so run with that.

What was that all about?

Oh, I'd rather not say.

Amanda.

Missy got caught shoplifting.

I believe it.

Who is the boy? There is no boy.

Was that him on the phone?

No. You had better start explaining yourself.

Why? You're just going to tell me I'm going to hell.

Well, sex before marriage is a sin.

You did it.

And God punished me with a disrespectful daughter.

I'm not talking about this.

But you'll talk to Mandy?

Yes. She listens and doesn't lecture me.

Did she know about this?

Assault.

Hello?

Huh? No. Oh.

Sorry.

You okay?

Yeah, fine.

Here's some good news. I may buy a trombone.

How's that good news?

I don't own one, and now I might.

Anyone else lost?

I'll get it.

Hello? She'd headed your way, and she'd pissed.

Hang on.

you tell her?

I'll get it.

Hey, we're eating dinner. Don't be rude.

You're on the phone.

Thought my trombone news would have made a bigger splash.

Where is your lying wife?

Can you come back later? We're having dinner.

Mary, I know you're mad.

Oh, I am way past mad. I am ticked.

About what?

You don't know about this one giving your sister condoms?

What? How could you do that? She's just a kid.

Should we give them some privacy? Shut up!

What were you thinking?

She was thinking that it was her place to make decisions about my daughter.

Hey, she came to me.

Then you lied about it?

Only because I didn't want to get her in trouble.

Or get me in trouble?

You? Stay away from Missy.

Wow.

I've never seen her so upset.

She ain't the only one.

Whoa. I'm with Mary on this.

Whoa.

Are you avoiding me?

Trying.

Okay, listen.

Missy was talking to me about this guy she's seeing. It was starting to get

serious, so I wanted to make sure she was safe.

Did you try telling her not to do it?

If anybody had told you that, would it have worked?

That's different. I'm a guy.

So, it was okay for you to have sex in high school, but not the girls you were

with? Yes.

And I, for one, was disappointed in their lack of self -control.

I'm sure they were disappointed, too.

This ain't about me. This is about you keeping secrets.

You honestly want to know about your sister's sex life.

No, but I need to. She's my responsibility.

Fine.

She's been seeing this guy for a while. She really likes him. They've been

fooling around mostly over the clothes stuff. You're right. Don't want to hear

it.

Which is why I was handling it.

She's my responsibility, too.

My mom don't see it that way.

Well, then you need to make her understand.

I ain't taking your side in this.

You have no choice. I'm your wife.

So I don't get to decide the side I'm on? No, the side was decided and the

is mine.

What about the boy? Can I at least kick his ass?

Should my brother have kicked your ass?

Connor, please.

Like I had time to beat up every guy Mandy had sex with.

So just because I'm married, I'm supposed to tell my mom she's wrong?

You can't go against your mom.

What about my wife?

Dude, you only get one mom. You can have tons of wives.

Seriously? Fine. Two, three tops.

Maybe four. You started young.

Since you have none wives, maybe pop down.

What would you do?

Rule of thumb.

If you have to pick between two women, always pick the one you sleep with.

Aw, you can only sleep with one woman?

I sleep with several.

No, you don't. I could.

So you always side with Mrs. McAllister over your mom?

Exactly.

You know, I've never met your mom.

Exactly.

Well, I'm not cutting out my mother. I want her and Mandy to get along.

I really could.

I have tried so hard to raise Missy with good Christian values.

Not your fault.

Kids these days are faced with all sorts of temptation.

Tell me about it. Just the other day, I saw a music video about a man who liked

Big Butt.

Lord. He was honest about it.

But it's still very troubling.

And Mandy's not helping making Missy think that this kind of behavior's

acceptable.

Well, we'll continue to pray on this.

Thank you for listening.

God didn't give me these just for holding up sunglasses.

Hey, Georgie. Shh.

I don't want my mom to know I'm here.

What's going on?

She's mad at Mandy. I'm caught in the middle, and I'm hoping you can smooth

things out.

Won't that put me in the middle?

Yep. So what's the plan?

Well, your mother's unhappy that Mandy overstepped her bounds.

I didn't ask for a recap. I asked for a plan.

Suppose I could sit down with all parties and open up a line of

Great. Let me know how it goes.

You're one of the parties.

Oh. Come on. Does anyone really think I'll be helpful here?

You're not putting me in a room with three angry women, Georgie. You're

First of all, I just want to thank everyone for being here.

In a family, nothing is more important than honest and open communication.

Oh, just start.

I'll start. I don't want to be here.

Well, you should have thought about that before you took your clothes off.

Please let me leave.

Suck it up.

You are so lucky your father's not alive because this would have killed him.

And you wonder why she doesn't want to talk to you.

Mandy. What? She's making it worse.

So you're making it worse.

Georgie, let's keep it civil.

You're right. I should take a walk around the block and sit.

The reason we're here is not to rehash the past. What's been done is done.

It's for y 'all to find a way forward as a loving Christian family. This isn't

fair. Georgie had sex in high school. No one crazy.

Hey, I was not happy about that, but at least he married her.

I wasn't talking about Mandy.

Hey, how did I go so wrong with my children?

Oh, well, if it makes you feel any better, Sheldon will probably die a

That is not true.

When the time is right, he will find a wife and have a beautiful family.

Oh, come on, Mom.

Just leave Shelly out of this, and you stay away from Missy. It's not her fault

I asked her for help.

Yeah, because she couldn't come to you.

Why? Because I have values that you think are a joke?

I don't think they're a joke. I think they're unrealistic.

Teenagers have sex.

Excuse me, most save themselves for marriage.

Most? Many.

How many?

The point is, abstinence is cool.

Missy, I hope you understand your mother is just trying to keep you safe.

So was I.

I'm talking about her soul.

And I'm talking about her not getting pregnant.

There is only one sure way to not get pregnant. Being Sheldon's future wife.

That's enough out of you.

Really? You're on Mom's side?

No, I'm on Mandy's side.

Is that so?

Seriously? So you're okay with your wife giving your sister prophylactics?

Yes.

Just to be clear, that's what old people call condoms, right?

Right. Then yeah, I guess I am.

Georgie! Hey, I don't like the idea of her doing stuff with boys either.

It's not boys, it's just boy.

What's his name?

Nice try.

See, she can't talk to me because I just want to kick this kid's ass. She can't

talk to you because you're just going to pray at her, so it's good she's got

Mandy. She can always talk to me.

I'm being serious right now.

So if you're going to be mad at Mandy, then be mad at me too, because we're a

team.

Done. Can I leave now?

This meeting, yes.

You're room not for the next 20 years.

I know we may not have solved everything, but I think we made some

Abstinence is cool.

If you'd ever tried it, you'd know.

Oh, Mary, that was uncalled for.

But we were all thinking it.

You can't do that here.

It's okay, officer. We're married.

Then go home.

Sorry. He took my side over his mother's tonight and I couldn't keep my hands

off him.

You took her side?

Yes, ma 'am.

Then knock yourselves out.

In his defense, he did warn us.