Original subtitles

Exclusively subtitled for CINEMAGEDDON

By Spinal September, 2010

- No! - What happens?

- What is it? - What happens?

What will happen to us?

We must flee from here run!

Josafat...

What you want at this untimely hour, your excellency?

I don't care

I just saw a fantastic thing

What was that?

A vampire A real vampire, of flesh and bones

I'll be in a moment.

It's a vampire!

No, this way!

You must do what I command

You must go to the capital city

And send someone right away

But this is too hasty.

Do not argue with me.

Go right now.

This event will become the most famous in Brazil!

Hurry!

Back! Get away!

I'm blind!

He had a deep look.

He had very sharp teeth.

He took us completely off guard.

As we speak, he must be terrifying to someone else.

He moved away when I made the sign of the cross.

And that's how they could be saved.

I, the prefect Macieu Proudly

I say I will capture that being.

I will undertake this task

And I promise to show it to people

for all to see that this creature really exists

Mr. Massieu, if you let us

I ask you a favor. We are a student film crew

and want to make a work of fiction, based on this case of vampires.

Can we shoot an experimental film?

in 8mm film format

Here at the town?

Of course, I am responsible here.

You can shoot, all necessary millimeters.

Moreover, take as much time as necessary.

The vampire remains at large. Continues to attack

" Little Vampire Taints "

What are you cooking, eh?

At this crap you call food? You're crazy.

Leave to pull everything. - Sorry, I was careless.

Okay, I'm going.

Oh, baby...

What a day!

But it was very productive.

- But it was too much work. - Do not complain more.

The vampire did not appear.

Despite this, we achieve some good shots.

- Care for a cigar? - Yeah, sure.

Ha ha ha, it's a joke.

- This is getting interesting. - I hope that vampire appears soon.

You must be present on all days of production.

I am doing my work very well. But I must be absent some days.

Slut!

Is this the place?

They sent us out of addresses. How do I know?

There...

Attention.

Beautiful mare!

I'm about to burst!

Hey, young boy!

What a fuck.

He is the only person who could guide us.

Be careful. I'm going to pee.

Sex!

Oh, is the mini-vampire!

Run!

Hey! Wait for me!

You should be. The brave vampire slayer.

How did you guess?

A simple deduction.

To the point.

Where have you seen the vampire?

How big is it?

How many people were actually killed?

How many has sucked?

Calm down! One question at a time

There are a producer crew who has come from the capital.

Not that I do not trust you.

What is your working method.

Long you have not been modernized. I fear failure.

Oh, Prefect, sir! A vampire!

- Horrible! - How come?

- What did you do? - He wanted to hit him!

Calm down!

Now you can all breathe a sigh of relief.

No more reason for so much anguish.

Batatao Prefecture

We have had the audacity and daring.

To hire this person here. that has come from the capital.

And that is a vampire hunter.

Ok. Let's do this neatly.

Is this a very large vampire?

It is not very large.

This is it!

You are going to hear some things

Should not be discussed in public.

Of course, I understand.

You know, My work has two dimensions

On the one hand, protect the interests of the people

And also take care of our own interests.

No problem.

Go straight to the point.

I want the Recognition of having been

The person who put Batatao on the map.

And it did thanks to the vampire.

I'm not following you.

Once again

Do not kill the vampire

Don't kill publicity that flies through the whole country.

And maybe even abroad.

But don't forget that I'm a vampire hunter.

That's the spot

It will do so for our beloved city.

Let's put it this way

For our heads, appear to make a great effort.

For the people: you are doing what you can.

We'll talk later.

Stop, spawn of satan!

What are your intentions?

You see, sir. No need to show me the cross...

Long ago I do not drink blood

I have not bite anything.

Your life is about to end.

Give me a chance, you should hear my sad story.

And why should I? I'm a vampire hunter.

Listen to my story. Then decide what to do.

Remove these garlic around your neck. I tell you my life.

You will understand me.

The Americans are interested in vampires.

Well, I think they will be disappointed!

What?

I have located this vampire

It has the fangs broken!

But that shouldn't be that bad!

It's worst, He will not scare anymore.

Must to catch him alive. We must fix this.

We can not disappoint the Americans.

Raise your skirt. Shows more leg.

Very good. And now...

bend a little. Do not exaggerate.

Here is our friend the vampire hunter.

What are you doing? Preparing another stroke?

More or less.

That's right. Now, closer.

Oh look who's here.

Let me introduce the crew.

That is Tony, The producer.

She is our actress.

And I'll take care of the editing.

This work will win the first place in the film festival.

That's it.

Look at all this.

It is so interesting.

You are very handsome.

And you will be very helpful.

How come?

I'll explain later.

I don't know why I live this way.

And doesn't seem to have purpose.

I understand

What I can do for you?

Help me find someone who doesn't worry about a nibble.

I can think of something.

After all. If not for us, vampires

What would become of writers, novelists

and film makers.

Excuse me. Have you seen the girls?

Wait, wait.

I'm sorry... She started it.

This means nothing.

All right.

No matter.

But, I want you.

How are you?

I'm always goooood.

Don't you realize?

Of course.

And how is work?

Good. Business are goooood.

I have important friends. Could recommend to them

My mood is goood.

Me...

There's a vampire

Can attack us...

A Vampire bite

But this vampire must be careful.

A vampire bite!

And he's drunk.

Sweet Lord.

Tell him to take care of me.

Should try cocaine

Or perhaps LSD

Or pot.

What happens? I nailed my fangs into the jugular.

I'm done!

Try this

Attention! Attention.

Very clever. What a great way to work.

That was the biggest box I could find.

You're a wreck. Americans shouldn't see this.

We've take great care with his look.

When the Americans arrive, care should be taken with the details.

If we do the right thing. There will be a lot of tourism in the city.

We may even pay a commission.

Gone are the days anguish and suffering.

As we take him to the dentist

The first thing you should do is to give him this letter.

For him to know that I authorize treatment

As well as using the best material possible.

What we do all this?

Because, we want that when the Americans arrive...

Come here.

Careful, ah.

And you

have to make clear that we have many difficulties...

to catch the vampire

We will do everything

to capture the vampire as soon as possible.

Make it clear that...

we sacrifice for the good of all.

I'll tell you about the vampire of Batatao

That vampire is elusive, intelligent...

n my experience, it is very difficult to catch one of these vampires

And this is a big vampire?

No, he is small.

He's actually a very very small vampire.

He comes from a rare species. Very rare.

This makes it difficult. Being small is easy to hide.

And it's harder to find him.

Maybe this is the hardest to catch.

I have fought three Japanese vampires

Ah, then you have experience.

Sure, I have 30 years being vampirologist.

I'm a graduate of Transylvania University.

And it's possible for a vampire to spread AIDS?

Well, we haven't depth studies on that.

But, on second thought

is possible if a gay attack occurs

Please enter.

Vampires tend to feed on blood soup

I had a letter for you.

But I don't know where I left it.

Well what a surprise. Take a seat, please.

- What? - Oh, doctor I'm...

Okay, agreed. I have limited time.

Hey dude

I will fall, I need help

Cut the rope.

Please help with the rope.

How could I know you're telling the truth?

I do not want to stay here

Calm. I'll be back.

Now, you can fall here.

All the time I knew you were a vampire.

This vampire is mine!

- No, he's mine! - I Saw him first

What is it?

Calm... Calm...

This is your share. More to come, wait for americans.

Thank you! Thank you so much!

Look what you've received.

My misfortune is to be a brazilian movie vampire...

If I were an American vampire, I would be rich.

But here I'll never be a star.

Come here

You must have patience, and patenting your style.

Please, Donha

I need to approve this request

to establish "the square of the Vampires"

You must hurry.

We must approve this, before the Americans arrive.

We have finally completed the job.

But all has gone well.

- No reason to get stressed. - We should be happy.

Help filmmakers to pick all this.

- What will you do? - Find a different scheme, you know?

- The vampire hunter is here. - Let me know about that scheme...

Hunter, I want a word with you.

Remember the vampire?

I wonder if you want him in your movie.

What? A real vampire in a movie?

Yes, in flesh and bones.

What an idea.

I would do anything for having a real vampire in the film

It was already enrolled in a festival at bay.

Now go to Transylvania.

For only 2 liters of safe blood

The vampire will look beautiful in your film.

But it has to be done, NOW!

Everyone at the hospital, now.

A real vampire...

Is going to revolutionize the world cinema.

We'll all go to Sao Paolo to donate blood

The actor is hired!

Excellence: five american vampirologist

internationally renowned

have arrived in the morning to this city.

They will go to lunch with the governor.

The reason for the visit. Is to know Batatao vampire.

An official delegation will visit your city soon.

You see this hammer?

And this spike

You're going to nail this in the heart of the vampire.

And thank you very much for your collaboration.

Why used the green one?

It was specifically requested.

Everything seems in order. For me, all right.

- What do you think? - Everything in order.

Be prepared.

Come this way.

Right there.

What are you doing there?

Go there. You are ruining the take.

Act according to script.

That's out of place.

Now. Attention. Ok.

Camera... action!

Good!

But he was my vampire!

Yes, and I have killed him!

Oh. This is not possible!

I've killed him. The entire crew has seen.

And I must be paid for this.

How is that possible? I check this!

The experts... They are about to come

He is dead! Sons of bitches!

Shame on you!

How dare you kill my vampire?

I'm going to kill all of you. You'll see.

Idiots! Cowards! Bastards.

I had to figure this out.

The music of this film " The attack of 'lil Vampire " by Walter Alvarenga

T H E E N D?

Subtitled exclusively for CG by Spinal

Sorry guys. This was a truly disgusting!

More oddities to come.