All language subtitles for stedsoster_fra_planet_saer

Wind. There's nothing else like it.

Pulling you across the water like you're
flying.

It's totally, well, extreme.

That's me, Megan Larson.

You're a fairly average teenage girl.

And that's Cutter. There's nothing even
remotely obvious about him.

That was sick, Megan. You gladly rolled.

Thanks, Cutter. You my girlfriend?

Um, okay.

Mom, Dad.

Dad and I have decided to get back
together, Megan.

And I'm never going to act like a little
freak again.

Cool.

Megan, as the most popular girl in
school, I, Heather Hartman, hereby

you into the popular group.

You rock.

Dear Diary.

If only life were like my dream.

Die, alien, die!

I'm just saying, you can't be a man in

black, Trev. Why not?

Because you're only one person.

I want to be a man in black.

Fine,

whatever. I want to be a mailman. Why
not mailmen?

Dad, we don't see much anymore.

He's always busy, it seems like.

Sometimes I can barely even remember a
time when we were all together.

But then I always do.

Okay, grab your stuff.

Rocky, come on.

Trevor? Okay, we're off.

Fun in the sun.

Uh, let me get this.

Just a second.

Hello, Fred Larson?

Yeah, no, no, no. Come on, let's go.

No, that's what I know. If you can just
get rid of them, I... Whoa!

Keep it back a minute!

That's fun!

I've got it in the car.

Just bear with me one second while I
just... With me just one second here.

I've got a book here.

If you have any problems, just give me a
call.

No, I... Anytime.

Okay, then.

Great talking to you.

Take care.

Okay, then. Bye.

Well, diary, if you're wondering why my
folks split up, there you have it, I

guess.

And then there's Mom.

Probably the only person on the planet
who loves windsurfing as much as I do.

She's definitely not your typical mom.

Crackers? Cool, I love crackers.

So do I, but not for breakfast.

Is that it?

Don't be silly, Megan. What kind of
mother gives her kids just crackers?

Without soup.

Mom, you can't have soup for breakfast.

Why not, Megan? Soup is good food.

Rokey likes soup for breakfast, don't
you?

Rokey's a dog. He drinks from the
toilet.

Okay, let's see what else I can make
you, Meg.

I can make a wonderful tuna sandwich.

Okay, I don't want you to get the wrong
idea.

Mom's not usually this bizarre.

It's just ever since Dad left, she's
been a little distracted.

And I mean, if you think about it, our
life is really cool in lots of ways.

Maybe

Mom's

lonely. But then she's had a couple of
dates.

You are so enthusiastic.

That's nothing.

The last guy my mom dated is still in
the body cast.

Body cast?

They say I make a full recovery.

But I have my doubt.

Okay, I'm not in the Popsicle's diary. I
should tell you that right now.

I mean, well, I was in it for a week
last year.

They thought I was related to Jewel or
something.

Well, actually, I kind of told them that
I was, but when Heather Hartman found

out that I wasn't, it was bad.

You're not Jewel's cousin, Megan.

Well...

I have a cousin who sort of looks like
Jewel, and she thinks pretty well.

You can't sit at our table anymore.

I'm telling you, retractable claws would
be totally cool.

That would be lame, I think.

What about x -ray vision?

Shape -shifting.

That'd be fresh.

The truth is, though, Diary, I really
only want to be in the popular group for

one reason.

Cutter Coburn is the most extreme kid in
high school.

Last year, he skated down an entire
mountain.

Well, he fell mostly, but it was still
totally wrecked.

So does anyone know the answer?

Cutter?

Mr.

Singh? Do you know the answer?

Mr. Singh, I don't even know what the
question is, sir.

For a long time, I don't think Cutter
even knew I existed.

But then he started windsurfing and
coming to Mom's store.

Man, you should have seen the air I was
getting yesterday. It was nuking like

big time. I was hitting ramp after ramp,
dude.

Uh,

hey.

Oh, hey.

I remember you from school.

What's your name again?

Corrigan? Vegan?

Fagin? Megan.

Megan.

Hey, do you think I could have some of
those chips? Yeah, go ahead.

Oh, man, these rule. What are they?

Barbecue. I mean, sour cream. Sour cream
and onions.

Wind surfing's cool, like, you know,
because there's wind, right?

And then also you're surfing.

So you're like wind surfing.

I never thought of it that way.

Well, thanks for the chips, Megan.

I'll see you on the water.

I like your hair.

Oh, thanks. Please.

I know.

But that's all ancient history now,
Derry.

Because everything's changed.

What do you mean you met a guy?

His name is Cosmo.

Cosmo Koa. He sounds like an alien from
space. Is he, Mom?

Well, not that I've noticed, Trev.

Wait a minute. Where did you meet this
guy, Mom?

Oh, it's very silly.

I was windsurfing.

It

was

ridiculous, but it was really great,
too.

Meg, he wanted to rescue me from the
waves.

Mom? You weren't drowning.

Sure. But that's not the point. He was
willing to.

I have a very bad feeling.

We started talking, and we just clicked.

Are you all right?

I saw you being blown about by the wind.

I'm windsurfing.

I'm Carl.

Nice to meet you.

We talked for hours, I guess. I mean, he
has this childlike quality that I

find so refreshing.

Sandy?

I'm sure.

Okay, where is this Cosmo Cola from?

Canada. The Yukon of all places.

Mom, no one lives in Yukon.

It's like deserted. It's a missile range
or something.

Well, he and his daughter live there.

His daughter?

Ariel. She's 14 too, Meg. Isn't that
great?

Possibly. Meg!

Now look like a geek.

Okay, bye.

I'll be home soon.

Why won't you let anyone listen to your
music?

Cut.

Well, at least you have good reason.

So tonight's a big night, huh?

Everybody's finally going to meet.

Aren't you excited?

Don't I look excited?

Come on, you. Help me clean up.

I wouldn't be ambitious and cook a whole
chicken.

Boston calls really like hot dogs.

A gourmet, huh?

Megan, be nice.

I am always nice. New people aren't
always so bad, you know.

I mean, sometimes change can be a good
thing if you welcome it.

You're not going to call me grasshopper
now, are you?

She's got such a sharp tongue.

You should hear all the things I think
and don't say.

Honey, I gotta say, it would mean a
whole lot to me if you would at least

Cosmo makes me really happy, you know,
Meg?

And maybe you'll like him, too, if you
give him a chance.

You know what, Mom? You're right.

I'll try. I really... I really will.

Thanks, sweetie.

And maybe I'll think that he and Aaron
will look great.

If you like them, then they must be
great, right?

Of course, you also like Lord of the
Dance, but we won't go there.

That'll be them.

You want to get the door, Meg?

Sure.

It's going to be great. It's going to be
great.

It's going to be great.

Please be great.

Megan Larson!

Megan Larson!

Mom! You have no idea how happy I am to
finally meet you.

Are you Cosmo?

She'll be in a game show, Megan.

I like Hollywood squares myself.

Whoopie for the blocks!

It was worse than I could have possibly
imagined, diary.

Are you a good alien?

Or a bad alien?

Good, mostly.

But... Sometimes bad.

Like now.

I love dogs.

Tiny brains with such large, powerful
bodies.

Cosmo. Kenny.

I'm so happy to see you.

Me too.

I have got it. I mean, Rupert.

These are for you.

Thank you, Cosmo.

Uh, where's Ariel?

Uh, she's out in the car. She doesn't
like the wind.

She doesn't like the wind?

Actually, the wind can be very
frightening if you don't understand it.

And if you're an alien, the wind can
just blow you away.

Exactly, right.

Of course, wind can also be a wonderful
way of meeting people.

You want to go help her in, huh, Mick?

Mom?

Megan?

Okay.

What are you doing under there?

I feel the wind.

Oh.

Dear diary, I cannot make sense of this
strange planet called Earth.

Every time I look at this horrid
vehicle, the rubbery flesh, the flat

ghastly yellow hair that grows out of
this hideous scalp, I can only think, I

grotesque.

The same dream comes to me most every
night. I am back on my home planet of

Zircalon. I am once again a beautiful
pink ball of gas, floating next to my

beloved vanilla.

fine, handsome, intelligent Fanuel.

Oh, I miss floating with you.

Oh, I miss my true self, my essence, how
I long to be Suiza of Zerkalon once

again.

And mother and father are there as well,
floating by my side.

Oh, the joy, the rapture, the bliss.

I knew that we were going to have to
leave Zerkalon Diary.

I knew that Daddy's life was in danger
because he was a freedom fighter.

I knew as well that Zavod was a
repressive emperor and that we were not

completely free on Zerkalon.

Still, I never expected to have to leave
so suddenly, Diary.

It all happened so incredibly fast.

And in that one brief moment, my mother
was lost forever.

Now just a part of the great cosmic gas.

Strangely, Diary, with all its horrors
and bizarre customs, Earth seems to

possess a wonderful abundance of the one
substance these earth colonians need to

survive.

The element known as CO2.

At least I still have gas.

Monstrosity?

I became desperate, Diary.

Desperate for any help in navigating
this strange and frightening place.

That is when I turned to our neighbor,
the spiritual guide, Serena Sue.

Off, Gandhi.

Away, Picasso.

Ariel, I know what troubles you.

You do?

In the months since you and your
charming father have moved in, I've

that you are different.

Yes.

You don't feel that you belong here.

No. And in this, you are correct.

You have lived many, many times before,
Ariel. Most recently, you were a cowhand

on a large ranch in Montana.

You were crushed by a cow. You have not
yet psychically recovered from this.

Do you feel the truth of what I am
telling you? Don't speak.

I am a psychic.

I already know what you are thinking.

I can see very clearly exact...

I tried to tell Serena Sue about the
flying insect diary, but of course she

could not read my mind.

She's a ridiculous and pathetic person,
but she at least possesses a somewhat

gaseous manner.

But what does any of it matter now,
diary?

Now the dreariness and dread have so
utterly engulfed my life.

What do you think?

I hate it here, Daddy.

Everything here is so ugly and solid and
heavy.

I know it's hard, Ariel.

I miss our home, too.

There is truly nothing like a great day
of floating.

Expanding in the heat.

Contracting when it cools off.

Well, why can't we just go back then?

We'd be near Mommy.

Mommy has, uh...

Tinned out a little, Ariel.

Besides, I'd be in prison forever in a
frozen cube.

We came here to escape, to be free.

Free to be hideous.

Life on Earth is full of wondrous
possibilities, Ariel.

One can do or be whatever one wants
here.

Look.

This is a dummy.

An artificial human that one can speak
through.

How can one not love a world in which
such a thing exists?

You're completely imbalanced, Daddy.

And these names you have given us.

Ariel and Cosmo Cola.

Ridiculous. Pathetic.

And these earthlings. Can you pay money
for these worthless solids we brought

with us?

They're quite valuable here.

Fanul so terribly, Daddy.

Please may I communicate with him?

If he would not betray me, I know that
he would not.

Fanul is the son of the Emperor Svad.

You are my daughter.

It is not possible.

But, Daddy... I'm sorry, Ariel.

Life on Earth is fun, Ariel.

I only hope someday you'll feel the
same.

What could be less fun than this?

I want my boyfriend back, Daddy. I want
to see Vinul, and I want to go home.

The wind. The wind!

It can't hurt us, Ariel. It's... I'm
coming apart.

I'm really coming apart.

We fear the wind.

Oh, Fanul, Fanul, why must you be the
son of the emperor and I the freedom

fighter's daughter?

We're just like the tragic story of
Glaba and Grogna, the two star -crossed

bubbles.

But we will meet again, Fanul, for I
will come home to you.

Until I do, I must try to hold on to the
beauty and majesty of my Zircolonian

heritage.

Perhaps that will keep me going.

Zircolon, Zircolon, bubbles dance across
the moon.

Zircolon, Zircolon, make us free, will
you soon?

The wind was blowing her about, Ariel.

I haven't just saved her.

So, I jumped in.

But when I reached her, she wasn't
frightened at all.

I saw you being blown about by the wind.

I'm windsurfing.

She's the most remarkable creature.

Kathy Larson?

The most... Revenant intelligent!

Wonderful human on the planet, Ariel.

But it's unthinkable.

Mommy!

My mother was an extraordinary bubble,
Ariel.

And I will never forget her.

We had many wonderful memories together,
and I will always cherish those

memories.

Just as I will always cherish seeing
your mother in you.

But we live here now.

And I think we need to make a life here.

We're humans now, Ariel. We need to live
with other humans.

I don't think Mommy would want us to be
alone and unhappy.

Do you?

We visit Kathy and her children at their
home.

You're going to have a wonderful time, I
guarantee it.

But I didn't have a wonderful time,
Diary.

In fact, the evening was a hideous
torture right from the very start.

I fear the wind.

Okay.

Well, it's pretty much stopped, so,
like, you want to come out?

No, no, no!

Oh no!

Oh no!

Do not threaten me, monster!

He's just barking.

Silence, beast!

Your voice is loud and vulgar.

You're an alien too, aren't you?

I need water.

Is she all right, Cos?

She's just nervous.

Can you go and check on her, Meg?

Sure. Why not?

Ariel?

Are you okay?

You're all wet.

I fell in the sink.

In the sink?

Do you want to dry off?

Your room is hideously cluttered.

Thank you.

You can wear these.

They're far too large.

You can wear hers if you think they
would fit you better.

I wonder those.

Did you just drink that whole bottle?

No.

Yes, you did.

Why is your voice like that? Are you
trying to be funny or something?

Yes, I'm trying to be funny.

I am funny.

You're freaking me out.

Here, use it. Stop the wind! Stop the
wind!

You are incredibly neurotic about your
hair, you know that?

Everything okay back here?

Everything is very okay, Kathy Larson.
Thank you.

Right?

Dinner's ready.

She seems nice, doesn't she? I'll take
the fifth.

I love food.

Don't you like hot dogs, Ariel?

I do not like food.

Nothing?

Grilled cheese?

PB &J?

Pasta?

Food is messy.

Yeah, Mom.

Ariel's on that new root beer diet.

At that moment, Diary, I knew that the
creature called Megan Larson was to be

feared and despised.

At least I was prepared for her now.

What happened next to her was a shocking
and ghastly surprise.

Kids, Kathy and I have something we'd
like to tell you. Megan, Trev, Ariel,

Cosmo and I know we both come from very
different worlds.

And that we haven't known each other for
very long.

And we also understand that, well, this
dinner hasn't gone exactly as smoothly

as we would have all liked.

But when two beings, uh, people...

feel about each other the way we do.

Well, we just have to follow our hearts.
And even though this might seem really

sudden... Congratulations, kids! We're
engaged!

Do you want to say anything, Megan?

I was speechless when Mom asked me that.

The diary?

I definitely wasn't speechless later.

Mother, he's the freak! of all time.

Oh, Megan.

He is.

He's loud and bizarre and he dresses
weird.

It's like he's some insane clown or
something.

I like him. I'm pretty sure he's an
alien.

I think he's a good one.

He can share my room if he wants.

He's not going to be your new playmate,
Trev. He's going to be your new father.

Stepfather, Megan. And Ariel will be
your stepsister.

Let's not even go there.

Ariel's nice.

She's what, Mother?

I fell in the sink.

Well, maybe she meant the bath.

Oh, and that thing with the hairdryer.
What was that?

I think she's pretty.

Yeah, well, you're seven, Trev. You
don't know anything.

Oh, and the affected way she talks.

Oh, whore. Oh, misery.

It's like she's in some bad play.

I think you're being silly.

No, no, no. I think I'm being smart.

Mom, you're being silly.

Meg, I would never marry anyone that you
absolutely hated.

But I gotta tell you.

Kaz and I are very happy together.

I think this might be the real thing.

So I wish you'd at least give him a
chance and try to get along with Ariel,

Mama, I tried.

She is scary.

Well, I hear she likes to sing.

Maybe you could make music together.

Fine. Forget that.

Ariel's in a new place, Megan.

She's a long way from home.

Millions of light years, probably.

Trev. Uh -uh.

She lost her mom a few years back. Did
you know that?

She did?

So far from home.

She hasn't had it easy.

Give her a break, huh, Meg?

Great.

She starts school with you tomorrow.

Didn't you have bikes in Yukon? Of
course.

I am simply out of practice.

Dear Dyer, can you spell mortifying? I
just knew what everybody was thinking.

Who said Dweeb was Megan? Is that
Megan's friend? And if so, Megan must be

Dweeb, too.

But then the weirdest thing happened.

Can't you make yourself turn invisible?

Possibly. Should I try?

Too late.

Hey, guys. Hey, Megan. Who's your
friend?

Um, this is Ariel.

She's not really my friend.

How do you guys know each other?

Through our parents.

Ariel's from the Yukon. Oh, the Yukon.
Cool.

So, like Ariel, do you like skiing?

I like bubbles and I like gas and I'm
calm by water.

Cool. Can't argue with any of those.

I don't get this.

Hello. It's because she's gorgeous.

She is not.

Just because you don't want her to be
doesn't mean she isn't Megan.

I'd hate to have her first step, sister.

She must feel so inferior.

Inferior? To her?

She's a total psycho.

She can't even ride a bike.

With training wheels.

Maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe she's
being subversive.

Mikey, she fell on her face.

How is that being subversive?

The way she dresses.

It's so original, so fresh.

That is not original.

My Aunt Ida's been dressing like that
for years.

And I'll tell you one thing.

Cutter won't think she's cool.

Cutter thinks I'm cool.

Megan, as your friend, that's really
pathetic.

I want to go talk to her.

Why? I think she might be like a
visionary.

So, Ariel, how come you wear so many
layers?

I'm trying to protect my essence.

That's intense.

I can't believe this.

And what is the volume of the swimming
pool?

Megan? Huh?

The volume of the pool.

Oh, um... Medium?

Can anyone else answer the question?

Ariel?

I assume that you wish me to visualize
the trapezoid outside of the pool as a

base, Mr. Singh?

I assume also that the depth of the pool
is measured in meters and the fluid

volume is measured in kiloliters.

Well... Assuming that these things are
the case and the water temperature is no

higher than 32 degrees centigrade, then
the answer is 13 .34 kiloliters.

That is correct.

Ariel is a full -on goodwill hunting.

I hear her IQ is like 300.

I hear she dated Prince William.

Well, I hear she tutored Bill Gates.

They don't understand, Michelle.

Ariel is not any of those things.

She's like an alien from another planet.

Yeah, from the planet Rad.

No, from the planet Weird.

She fears wind, Michelle.

Well, wind is scary, in a way. I cannot
believe you just said that.

Unbelievable! Her first day, and she's
already sitting at the popular table.

Megan! Megan!

Heather Hartman's calling you.

Go.

Go!

I love the way you protect your essence,
Ariel.

Definitely. And you totally tore the
cover off. How, like, mundane bike

is. Ariel says you two are going to be
stepsisters, Megan. Well, that's not

really a short thing, Heather.

You are so lucky.

I just think that Ariel is such the
total package.

She's wise and deep and mature.

Plus, she has incredibly strong hair.

Do you know what kind of conditioner she
uses, Megan?

As far as I know, she just falls in the
sink.

Falls in the sink.

I should try that.

You can sit at our table tomorrow, too,
Megan.

If you want.

Thanks, Your Majesty.

I wonder if there are any sinks around
here I could fall into.

You are such a revolutionary.

This is nauseating.

She's like totally channeling Alfred
Einstein.

It's Albert.

Chill, Megan.

I miss you, my darling Snow.

Are you talking to that bubble, Ariel?

That bubble, as you so passionately call
it, is the love of my life.

What a poet she is.

She is not a poet. She's possessed.

Yeah, I know. Get to class.

becoming a nightmare of biblical
proportions, Diary.

By seventh period, Ariel could have set
her hair on fire and run around,

laughing her arms like a chicken, and
people would have thought it was cool.

Actually, that would have been kind of
cool, but you get the idea, Diary.

But the worst part was that the worst
part was yet to come.

Mom, I don't want to teach Ariel how to
win a service. It's something you guys

can share, Megan. I don't want to share
with her. Megan.

Mom. Megan. Mom. Megan.

This could go on for hours, you know.

Can't you try a bit more, honey?

But, Mom, Cutter might be there.

And Ariel, she's terrified of the wind.

How's she going to learn how to
windsurf?

She just needs to get past that thing.

I don't think you're being very mature,
Meg.

I'm not?

Mom, you're the Lenders' marrying
complete stranger.

Paz is not a stranger, Meg.

In fact, in some ways, I feel I know him
better than I've ever known any man.

Do you know the term soulmate, honey?

Mom, okay, I'll make you a deal.

I promise to take Ariel out of the water
if you promise never to use that word

again.

Deal.

I'm just going to, like, go out there,
and you can copy what I do afterward,

okay?

What?

I fear the wind.

Well, you're going to have to get past
that.

And then it happened.

From that moment on, Diary, it was war.

Dear Diary, just when I thought it
couldn't get any worse, I learned what

words high school mean.

Can't you make yourself turn invisible?

Possibly. Should I try?

Too late.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Megan. Who's your friend?

Um, this is Ariel.

She's not really my friend.

At feeding time, I was invited to sit at
a certain table which seems to possess

great importance to the humans.

At this table, the conversation was
pathetically empty and meaningless.

Everyone thinks you're like a total
enigma, Ariel.

But I know what you really are.

You do?

You're a major cosmetics representative.

Right?

Megan!

Megan! I love the way you protect your
essence, Ariel.

Definitely. And you totally tore the
cover off how, like, mundane bike riding

is.

Ariel says you two are going to be
stepsisters, Megan. Well, that's not

sure thing.

You are so lucky.

I bet Megan is so jealous of you.

Bet she wants to be just like you.

Why would anyone want that?

You're both quite vacuous.

Hideous. Monstrous.

Yukon rules!

You are such a revolutionary.

Well, you're going to have to get past
that.

When we got to the beach this afternoon,
Diary, I had had enough.

I was afraid for myself, yes, but I was
even more frightened for Megan Larson.

Would not the wind destroy her?

Watching her blown about on the water, I
felt myself begin to fall apart again.

I was just about to go rescue Megan
Larson when...

Do you know if your clothes are wet?

I intended to rescue Megan Larson.

Oh, no, she's fine.

What is your interest in this disgusting
bag of skin, huh, Hippocutter?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ariel, that is way
harsh.

I mean, I don't think it's disgusting.

I think it's very undisgusting, in fact.

That is because you inhabit a bag of
skin, too.

Okay, I guess I do. Well, what's the
alternative?

I wish to be gas.

Pure gas.

That's one weird ambition.

So, like, uh... You want to be my
girlfriend?

I find you vapid and shallow, Cutter.

All right. Hey, you know, maybe I am
those things. You know, shallow,

definitely.

Vapid.

Now, look, I don't know what that means,
but I'm sure if I did, I could be that,

too, you know? But listen, all right?

Vapid. Shallow people have feelings,
too, okay?

Oh, check it out. It's a party. Hey,
Megan, how was your ride?

Fine. Come on, Ariel.

Ariel! And now, diary, as we say on
Circle On... Bye, Megan. The clag really

the drum.

See you, Ariel.

I just want you to know that I'm onto
you, Ariel.

Onto me?

You may think you're fooling everybody
else, but you are not fooling me.

I see exactly what you're doing.

I do not understand.

Coming here with your root beer, Joan,
your effective way of talking, and your

whack song, and just, like, taking over.

You misapprehend me, Eva Megan Larson.

No. No, I think I apprehend you very
well, Ariacola.

You are, like, the total bad thief.

Why do you wish my destruction, Eva
Megan Larson? Why?

Because you have come in...

And you've taken everything I want.

Well, fine. Have it.

But leave Cutter alone.

I do not want Cutter.

I do not want any of it. All I want is
to go home.

What?

You just want to go home.

You do?

I would give anything to leave this
horrid place with its strange creatures

its solid objects and its callous
disregard for the natural dignity of

You don't like us because we're not nice
to Bubbles.

And we should only to go home.

To be manure.

To be gas.

So, you don't want your dad to marry my
mom?

Of course not.

And so in that moment, Diary, a strange
unholy alliance was born between Evil

Megan Larson and I.

When Daddy and Kathy Larson went out
this evening, Evil Megan Larson and I

volunteered to watch the small
noisemaker.

Time for bed.

Oh, Megan, it's not even six yet, and I
haven't even had dinner.

Bon appétit.

Good night. Oh, take Murphy with you.

Okay. The first thing we have to do is
convince our parents that we're the best

of friends.

I do not understand, evil Megan Larson.
How could two creatures who dislike each

other as we do possibly convey
otherwise?

There's this thing we have in the U .S.
Maybe you've heard of it, Ariel.

It's called...

Megan Larson revealed herself that night
as a truly evil architect.

All is fair in love and war, she said.

Sometimes the bubble that shimmers
brightest ascends the slowest, I

She did not understand the reference.

Surprised to say I liked it as well.

We had an extremely rad time together,
Daddy, and now we are the best of

friends. We can't wait to be
stepsisters, Mom. Please sample these

cookies we made, Daddy. And now that me
and Ariel are so close, she told me the

sweetest thing.

Kaz thinks that you're the funnest, most
refreshingly simple girl he's ever met.

And all he ever talks about is how
light, frivolous, and insubstantial you

In the best sense, of course.

Isn't that sweet?

And so our evil plan began in earnest.

Risotto, roasted fennel, and warm pear
salad.

Enjoy!

And his flight from Hiawatha and his
wondrous transmigrations and the end of

adventures.

Now chapter 16.

On the shores of Gitche Gumee, on the
dunes of Nagao Woodju, by the shining

sea water, stood the lodge of
Paupukkuas.

It was he who, in his frenzy, whirled
these drifting sands to... Cosmo,

what are you doing?

There's a spider in the wall there.

What? I'm just in the middle of my
phone.

But it caught a bug, Kathy. Look.

Cosmo. Hey!

Almost time for Hollywood Squares.

I think you're on to something.

I'll say. Being popular is the best
reason to do anything.

If you become an elephant, everyone
would love you. Then we can be... Are

making fun of me, Kaz?

Of course not, Kathy.

I mean, if you think I'm such an
airhead, why did you ask me to marry

How can you ask such a question, Kathy?

I love how fun and free you are.

And I like the way you look.

I'm fun and I'm free and I'm cute?

What about my mind, Cosmo?

I've never seen your mind, Kathy.

That is a very unkind thing to say,
Cosmo Cola.

Why are you acting like this, Kathy?

Like what?

Like the shrill and strident guest on a
daytime TV show.

Maybe it's because you're acting like an
inconsiderate snob, Cosmo.

I had no idea you could be such a
termagent.

Terma -what?

Termagent. Loud, obnoxious woman.

This date is over.

Kathy!

Kathy!

Kathy!

What are you two doing?

Nothing.

Of course, as Megan said, one fight was
not enough to end the relationship

entirely, Daddy.

Thus, The next move was mine.

As you know, Daddy, Megan and I are now
the best of friends.

We so long to be stepsisters.

And in this spirit, she has shared a
confidence with me.

Yes?

You see, Daddy, Kathy only acted the way
she did because she was testing you, I

told him.

She knows that you can be fun, like a
big carefree child, but she needs to

that you can be a real man, Daddy.

And you're only telling him this because
you want them to be happy, right?

Mm -hmm.

Perfect. Let's go see how it's working.

You look great tonight, little lady.

Why do you keep calling me little lady,
Cos?

Don't you worry your pretty little head
about that, ma 'am. I'll take care of

everything.

Except on Sundays when I'll be watching
football on TV all day. What on earth

are you talking about?

You looking at my woman, fella?

Cos?

No, sir.

Well, don't.

Then fetch me a steak, son.

Biggest one you got.

Raw.

We don't have steak, sir.

Oh, you don't, do you? Well, this is a
pizza parlor, sir.

Aha!

Well, uh... Well, bring me the manliest
pizza you got.

And put jelly beans on it.

What's up with Mom and Kyle?

They're having a grown -up talk.

How come you guys look so happy about
it?

Go play games, Trev.

Am I very strong, dummy?

Yes, very.

Am I dependable, dummy?

Absolutely.

Come on, little lady, let's dance.

Here in the U .S., we have a little
term, Ariel.

Mission accomplished.

In the Yukon, we say gaseous matter
expanded.

Right.

Well, gaseous matter expanded, then.

Your plan was wise, Megan.

I couldn't have done it without you,
Ariel.

Maybe I did misapprehend you.

The whole cutter thing notwithstanding.

Maybe I misapprehended you as well.

This was a strange diary.

Megan Loderson and I were sharing a
pleasant conversation.

We had just managed to make our parents
hate each other. And now, were we

starting to like, or at least tolerate
each other?

I only acted that way because I thought
you wanted me to.

You mean so much to me.

And I thought you wanted me to act the
way I did. Who said that?

Incoming looks.

Very not good.

Well, I thought that if Cosmo were like
that, and you were, you know, more like

this, we could be more something else.
That is the most ridiculous answer I've

ever heard, Megan.

Give me a few minutes. I can make it
sound more convincing.

Ariel, I...

nominee. I've disgraced myself and my
family all for my own selfish reasons.

Don't cry.

No, Ariel.

Ariel, don't cry.

We know this isn't easy.

We understand, don't we, Cos? Of course
we do.

I guess it's not easy being an alien.

I can endure this no longer.

Sorry, father.

My darling Fanul, please come save me
from this horrid place.

I wait for you expectantly.

Yours, Zoeza.

P .S.

Whatever you do, Fanul, you must not
tell your father the Emperor Sabad where

are.

Plan A went totally belly up, Barry.

But I definitely have a plan B.

Sometimes I wonder for a second if I'm
doing the right thing here.

I mean, Kaz is a complete freak of
nature.

But he kind of grows on you.

And Ariel?

Well, I mean, is it really her fault
that everybody mistakes her weirdness

coolness?

Still.

All we have to do is make him fall for
somebody else.

Like my mom? She's still totally in love
with my dad.

Well... Not in love, exactly.

Actually, they don't even seem to really
like each other much.

But they were married for ten years.
Plus, they had me and Ted together.

So that is what ended their
relationship?

Horrid.

Apollous. Grotesque.

Dreadful. Like to looter.

What about your dad?

Is there anybody you've met who's even
sort of like your mom?

Well, in fact, your mother.

Kathy Larson has a warmth and
pleasantness to her that are reminiscent

mother.

In essence, I can see why my father
enjoys her company when he's cheered by

For that matter, my mom seems to get
along better with your dad than she ever

did with mine.

I mean, she do laugh a lot more.

Yes, they do.

And Trev loves her dad. My father loves
Trev.

But anyway.

Yes, anyway.

There is one individual. Do you know the
spiritual guy, Trina Suess?

Did she believe she was like Napoleon or
something?

Well, she's quite misguided in her
beliefs, but... Her manners are at least

and harmonious.

That's perfect.

So here's the plan.

We'll tell her parents that we want to
throw them a party. You know, to make

things up to them.

Parents love it when you say you're
going to make things up to them.

We'll invite everybody in presto.
Chemistry takes over.

My dad has me and Chubb this weekend.

It's perfect.

I don't know how to tell you this, but
you were right, Trev.

Kaz is an alien.

I know that.

A bad alien.

He's not.

Trevor, when have I ever lied to you?

Every day.

Well, this time I'm not.

Cosmo is one seriously scary alien.

I didn't want to have to show you this,
but... Look.

My plain plan. My plan to take over the
world. By Cosmo Cola.

Chapter 1, Eat, Trevor.

What do I need to do?

Mom and Colin will be back in a couple
of minutes.

And my dad and Serena Sue will be here
too.

What are you doing?

I am preparing food.

I put the stuff in different bowls
because they're like actually different

of the meal. Do they not all end up in
the intestinal tract?

Yes!

I will be rid of her soon.

I am Serena Sue.

You must...

Must be Megan.

Hi. Come on in.

Ariel!

My sweet, it's been days.

Where is your father?

Can I come out yet?

Go back to bed, Trev.

Who's that lady?

She's a bad alien, too.

Go back to your room, okay?

You were Mickey Mantle, Wilkie, a famous
baseball player.

Maybe you two could get a game up. Oh,
my!

It was wonderful!

It was sick!

I wrote underneath the board. He really
did.

Wow, look at this.

Great job, girls.

Daddy, look who has joined us. Our
neighbor, Serena Sue.

What's the news, Serena Sue? You possess
great savage luster, Mr. Cola, and

yet... There's an inner child crying out
for tenderness and compassion.

Actually, I think that's my stomach.
Must be hungry.

Hi. I'm Kathy Larson. Kathy.

You wear a nimbus of distrust.

Right. I got it at the mall.

Humor can be such an effective defense,
can't it, Kathy?

Only against people who have no sense of
humor.

Would you like something to drink,
Serena?

I will have a chai.

Megan.

Ariel.

What are you girls up to?

I'll get it.

Daddy. Honey, hi.

Fred, what are you doing here today?

Megan told me to come today.

You did?

Well, I... I thought Daddy might want to
join us for dinner. About that, honey,

I still have some work to do. Is it okay
if I just pick you guys up and bring

you back to my place? I can bring my
stuff home and work while you guys watch

TV. What do you say?

But we can't, Daddy, because Trev, he's
sick.

Really, he is.

Come on, I'll show you.

Elizabeth! I'm coming to join you!

Elizabeth! Fred Sanford! Excellent!

Elizabeth!

Sanford?

If you and Mom get back together, can I
still play with Kaz sometimes?

Even if he is bad.

Who's Kaz?

Um, Dad, are you sure you don't want to
stay for dinner? As long as you're

already here?

Things were not going exactly as I had
planned.

And in the kitchen diary, it was even
worse.

I must tell you, Serena Sue, that many,
if not all, of your ideas are highly

improbable, if not impossible. You're
blocking the trauma, Cosmo. You did die

the Civil War.

I promise you I didn't. You really did,
and you were a raccoon in another life.

Where do you come up with these things?

I'm highly sensitive.

And I'm also prescient.

I know what is going to happen.

Do you?

Yes, it's a great... I don't know what
you kids are up to, Megan, but if you

want to come to my house for dinner,
we'd better get going. I've already lost

hour. Then you'll only be 23 -7 today?

Very funny.

Who are you?

Cosmo Cola.

Kathy's fiancé.

When did this happen?

It was... kind of sudden.

Cosmo and I met shortly after he and
Ariel, his daughter, moved here from the

Yukon.

No one lives in the Yukon.

Anyway, we're very happy together and
we've decided to marry.

I need an antacid.

It's not an antacid you need. It's
harmony.

What? Your soul is that of a warrior. It
needs to be calmed, not excited.

You are very perceptive.

I am Serena Sue.

Fred Larson.

Dinner time, everybody.

Okay.

Mom, you can sit over there next to Dad,
and Kaz and Serena Sue can sit right

here next to each other.

You know, for a nice mix and all.

Trevor, not there. You give and you give
and you give, Fred.

24 hours a day, seven days a week.

And what do you ask for in return? A
little respect, a little consideration.

It's true.

Well, girls, this looks very inventive.

They used my recipe.

Perhaps I could cleanse your aura.

I've never had anyone cleanse my aura
before.

Oh, you must let me do a psychic
reading. This had to be stopped, Ari.

Dad was right on the verge of falling in
love with the Blair Witch.

So I did the first thing I could think
of. I'm sure I could squeeze it a

I know, I know, it seems totally lame.

But at that moment, it was all I could
think of to at least get people mad at

each other.

But even that didn't work.

I've ever used the word debacle before
diary, but this was definitely one.

Or maybe it was a fiasco.

Whatever it was, it wasn't good.

I looked over at Ariel, and she looked
super strange.

It was like, I don't know, she was
falling apart or something.

And when I followed her, the weirdest
thing ever happened.

I'm not even really sure how to describe
it.

It's just like a blob.

What are you talking about, Megan?

Get away from me.

Megan, what is wrong with you? What is
wrong with you guys? Didn't you hear me?

She's an alien.

Maybe you feel like an alien sometimes,
Megan.

I've seen this reaction before.

It's hardly uncommon.

Many children fear change of this
magnitude.

Megan has gotten used to your current
living arrangement, not sharing you, at

least with another parent.

With your impending marriage, that
balance will be upset.

This alien story is merely an attempt to
prevent that from happening.

Then you think it's all right to go
through with the wedding?

As long as it's what you want.

I think it's imperative.

For her sake.

How do I look?

Great.

This is all going to work out, Meg.

I promise.

Mom, he's an alien.

I know.

But after we're married, he wants to
become a citizen.

That's not what I meant.

I know.

Isn't there anything I can do to stop
you from marrying Kaz?

Megan. It's just that you promised you
wouldn't marry him if I didn't learn to

like him.

Oh, Megan, honey, I have thought about
this long and hard. And I've talked to

the doctor about it.

If I for one second thought your fears
were justified, I know that he's

different.

It's part of what makes him so
wonderful.

Cosmo makes me so happy, honey.

And I know that this marriage is going
to make this family happy, too.

Do you think I'm going crazy?

We're all a little crazy around here.

That's what makes us so special.

I love you, sweetie.

I love you, too, Mom.

Everything is going to work out just
fine.

Megan, you look beautiful.

Yes, future daughter, you're more lovely
than cornflakes and root beer.

Thanks, I guess.

Where's Ariel?

Uh, she'll be joining us shortly. I
believe she needed a moment of

collect herself.

Or maybe she's just kicking back in the
sink.

Goodbye, Zerkalon.

Goodbye, Fanul.

Goodbye, Suiza.

Hello, Suiza.

Is it possible?

It is I, Fanul.

Fanul, powerfully grateful I am to see
you. Please, Suiza, such physical

proximity is repulsive to me.

I'm sorry, Fanul.

We must move quickly.

Daddy, or Cosmo Cola, as he's called
here... It's supposed to commit himself

marriage to the Earth woman, Kathy
Larson, less than an hour.

Your father is very dangerous to me,
Suiza.

He wants change.

What is our view of change, Null?

Change is bad.

Things should and must stay exactly as
they are.

But change is not always bad, Emperor.

Suiza.

Already this planet has poisoned her
mind.

Have you ever been frozen solid, Suiza?

It can be reversed, but only at my
pleasure.

You wouldn't want your father to be
frozen forever, would you, Suiza?

No.

Good. Then you will lead us to him,
won't you?

Won't you?

Hello, is Lou Akapato?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Wrong room.

Hello, Serena Sue.

Ariel, my sweet.

Who are your charming friends?

This is Mike.

And his father, Doug.

They're from Yukon also.

Pleasure. You will lead us to Cosmo
Cola.

Oh, there is no need to be so tense.

Would you like some nice, relaxing
herbal gum?

Be silent.

What annoying creatures these earthlings
are.

Emperor, perhaps you are right. Perhaps
we are annoying creatures.

We?

They.

But, Emperor, there's more to it than
that.

There's a warmth and kindness to these
humans. A bravery that might surprise

if you gave them a chance.

Sometimes one must be cruel in order to
be kind.

So is a renewal guard the prisoner.

I shall find Cosmo Cola myself.

No, please.

He is my father, Suiza. I have no
choice.

I wish I did.

Intruder alert!

Intruder alert!

Uh, cute kid. Excuse me. Where do you
want the 82 cases of root beer?

I will assist with the beverages.

Hurry back.

Come, young Trevor, we will vanquish the
villains together.

Megan, can you go see if you can find
Ariel? We're about to start.

In a minute.

Megan, the future misses Cola. I'm
telling you, it is a lovely day for a

wedding.

Yeah, of course, I'd rather be
windsurfing. No doubt.

Megan. I'm serious.

Go find your sister.

She's not my sister.

Oh, I'll go get her. Where is she?

Come on.

And is he fat free?

I mean, he looks fat free, but I've
never seen him such a golden brown

Chip?

What is that?

That is Serena Sue.

What are you talking about?

What's going on?

Who is that?

That is Fanul.

Fanul, your boyfriend, Fanul?

He and his father, the Empress of Bad,
have come for my father.

I knew that guy was invited.

What does he want with your father?

My father is a great freedom fighter on
Zerkalon, Megan.

Zerkalon? Zerkalon.

Our home planet.

You were entirely correct in all of your
inferences, Megan.

My father and I are aliens.

Why did you come here?

Just to make me feel nefarious or what?

We came to escape political repression
on Zerkalon.

We stayed because my father fell deeply
in love with your mother.

And that's it?

You're just a kid who got stuck on a
whole new planet where you didn't know

anybody?

That's bogus.

I changed homeroom last year and it
totally threw me off for like six

I guess I haven't been much of a help,
have I?

You can help me now, Megan.

Well, I can try.

What?

I was quite wrong about you.

You are not the cruel, heartless being I
once imagined.

You are, in truth, incredibly brave and
fearless.

Well, I'm hardly fearless.

You are compared to me.

Well, hey, who'd thought I made you a
dictator, dude?

Watch this one, too, Fanoul.

Yes, father.

You're extremely rude, you know that?

Silence.

Peel.

Man, I... Seriously got to improve my
vocabulary.

Check it out. It's a party. Hey, Megan,
Ariel.

That's pretty unusual.

Oh, thank you so much. I love that
you've come.

Hi.

Can I help you?

I'm looking for the one called
Cosmocola.

Oh, I think he's still out front. If you
see him, would you tell him the

ceremony's starting in 15 minutes?

You've taken me far from home.

Are you ready to pay for your crimes?

What? Emperor Zavad, to you.

You will come with me now.

Whoa.

I've never seen one like that before.

You want to trade?

This is my friend, Mr. Svad.

He, uh, he loves to play hide -and
-seek.

Cool, me too.

So why don't you let us count to a
hundred, and then we'll come find you.

Okay, but no cheating.

Will you please?

I cannot, Suiza. I'm sorry.

Look, dweeb, just let us out of here
now, okay?

Okay?

What? This dude's fully scamming on you,
Megan.

Mint.

is strong.

Oh, exactly.

You know, I find I like Megan's brown
head better than Ariel's yellow head.

I hear you, bro.

You see, that's the Betty and Veronica
thing.

I mean, that's freedom of choice. Right
on, bro. High five.

Never mind, man.

Have you decided yet how to best end
this treacherous captivity?

Maybe. But you gotta work with me here.

So, Fanul, you must have a lot of power
back in your home planet. You know,

being the son of the Emperor and all.
Well, it's a great honor to do my

bidding.

And time -consuming.

Well, don't you have any time for fun?

Well, my duties do come first, but
sometimes I'm allowed to power float.

It's most enjoyable.

Uh, how do you do that?

Well, first you need to be a bubble.

I don't think I could do that.

So, then it's kind of limited, isn't it?

Around here, we have lots of free time,
don't we, Cutter? Oh, yeah.

And lots of choices, like windsurfing,
skateboarding. Oh, hey, Fennel, you

like, mountain bike off a ledge into a
river and then, like, floated down the

rapids? Now, that is extreme.

It does sound recreational. Oh,
definitely, Fennel. We recreate

Like, that's one of the coolest things
about Earth. Oh, like last year, for

instance, I totally bladed down this
mountain.

You know, I mean, okay, I kind of fell
mostly, you know, but it was still cool.

I was all like, yeah.

And what other stuff can we do, Cutter?

Yes, Cutter, what other choices can we
make here?

Okay, well, like, oh, yeah, we have
fully 18 different flavors of potato

all of which are excellent, except
yogurt flavored. It's kind of weird.

You see, Fanul, this planet is all about
freedom of choice.

Can you imagine? People here have the
freedom to fall down mountains, eat the

chips of many flavors, be vapid and
shallow.

Exactly. But your dad, man, he's like a
full -on tyrant, dude.

Well, I didn't even know I knew that
word.

Tyrant. Cool.

He doesn't want any freedom at all.

He, like, froze that lady.

You know?

Okay, it may look really cool, you know,
but it isn't.

In fact, here it is the very antithesis
of cool, which I suppose will be uncool.

I think I understand.

Oh, righteous.

So then maybe it's time you stand up to
your father?

For, like, freedom and liberty, right?

Because this may be, like, the only
planet in this entire universe with,

18 different flavors of potato chips,
okay?

I mean, you've got to think of that.

Say it, Fanuel. I know you have it in
you. I know the goodness and

make up the very core of your being.

We're out of here, dudes.

I can see why you like him, though. He's
kind of cute.

I found him more appealing as a
shimmering gas bag.

Enter the teleportation grid, prisoner.

Svart, listen. Traitor.

For the crime of questioning my
authority, I hereby sentence you and

daughter to be eternally frozen.

Please, not Suiza. Take me.

Good. Vanur, did you bring the girl?

Yes, father.

What is this? It's not Suiza. No, but
I'm her stepsister.

And that happens to be my stepfather
that you have there.

So you better let him go now.

Okay?

Brownhead.

What is the meaning of this?

It's time to make some changes, Father.

Change?

Clearly your mind has been warped. When
we get home, I will remind you that the

price for change is eternal freezing.
Now enter the grid.

Not until you let them go.

Put the prisoner in the grid.

No! You're not taking Cosmo.

Hold it right there, gas bag.

Don't mess with my family, dude. No
doubt.

Police children do not question my
authority.

I'm sure they'll be here any minute now.

Your tiny machines have no effect on me.

Very not good.

Not the wind!

Not the wind!

Cabber, you bully rock!

Oh, Cabber, man, yeah! Go, Cabber!

Can't they see we're trying to have a
wedding here?

What nerve.

Does this dream cause him to go back to
being a good alien?

Cool.

Daddy! Thank you, Megan Lance. We're
family.

Or at least we're supposed to be. What
time is it?

It's time for you to get married.

Really, I thank you. I'm sorry. At any
minute. Kathy!

Mom!

So sorry to have kept you waiting.

I would wait forever for you.

Honey, have you seen Serena?

Cosmo, repeat after me.

I, Cosmo, take the Catherine to be my
wife.

I, Cosmo, take the Catherine to be my
wife.

To have and to hold from this day
forward.

To have and to hold from this day
forward.

To love.

Fred Larson. Well, diary, I guess some
things are just never going to change.

No, that's fine. No, ring me any time.
To love, honor, and cherish.

To love, honor, and cherish.

For richer. For poorer.

For richer.

Take my heart.

Rescue me. Let me be the one to love you
forever.

Forever.

Because nothing in this world can stop
us.

Do you really have to go back to Zircon?

With my father in his current condition,
it's up to me to govern our planet.

I'll come back, once I've made a few
changes.

Life on this strange planet continues to
confuse and amuse me, Diary.

It's odd.

I thought my life was completely over
when I came to Earth.

But now I can see that it was really
just beginning.

A new boyfriend, who as far as
cumbersome bags and skin go, is actually

appealing.

A new stepmother.

Even a new best friend.

Well, Darry, I guess this is the part
where I admit that I actually learned

something from these last couple months.

And I did.

But I think I'll just keep it to myself.

I mean, who would ever believe all this
anyway?

Let's just say, thanks to my new
stepsister, there's room for everybody

popular table.

Come on, sit with us.