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1
00:00:06,666 --> 00:00:10,666
[wistful music playing]
2
00:00:10,750 --> 00:00:14,875
FUNERALS OF ALL KINDS
3
00:00:16,875 --> 00:00:21,625
[Tupac] Go inside.
Just go into the Fune-hair-eal Parlor,
4
00:00:21,708 --> 00:00:24,333
apologize, and everything will be fine.
5
00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:28,666
Don't just do your usual thing
and run off when it gets tough.
6
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,916
Toni, you wuss!
7
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:43,208
As expected, Toni didn't go inside.
8
00:00:43,291 --> 00:00:45,250
Instead, he wandered
aimlessly through the night
9
00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:48,541
and dragged himself home at dawn,
looking miserable.
10
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,666
See? Absolutely miserable.
11
00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:56,125
And Charly wasn't the only one
he had screwed things up with.
12
00:00:56,208 --> 00:00:57,500
[thunder rumbling]
13
00:00:57,583 --> 00:01:01,916
[Drehws] Dalia, I need you to call Toni.
14
00:01:04,041 --> 00:01:07,958
[obnoxious hip-hop ringtone playing]
15
00:01:08,958 --> 00:01:10,500
Dr. Drehws, hello.
16
00:01:10,583 --> 00:01:14,708
[Drehws] Toni, Toni…
Where do I even start?
17
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:17,375
Sunshine, good morning!
18
00:01:17,458 --> 00:01:19,708
I'm making a few pancakes
for my kids here.
19
00:01:20,666 --> 00:01:22,250
-More marshmallows, okay?
-Yes, sir.
20
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,083
Yeah, I think one of my kids
loves marshmallows.
21
00:01:25,166 --> 00:01:28,166
I'll admit,
when you suddenly vanished yesterday,
22
00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:30,125
I was pretty mad at you.
23
00:01:30,208 --> 00:01:31,958
But then your old man talked you up.
24
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He told me the truth. All of it.
25
00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:36,583
-The Swiss boy actor.
-[man yawning]
26
00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:38,541
The fight with your real son,
and why you left.
27
00:01:38,625 --> 00:01:39,916
So it got me thinking,
28
00:01:40,625 --> 00:01:44,250
"I guess Toni's doing
the best he can, right?"
29
00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:47,208
Plus, if you can't take responsibility
for your kids,
30
00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:50,833
you won't take responsibility
for your career either.
31
00:01:50,916 --> 00:01:52,083
Dalia!
32
00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:53,708
-Yeah?
-Oh.
33
00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:57,083
-How are we picking Toni up today?
-The pink porno limousine.
34
00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:58,875
Pink porno limousine.
35
00:01:58,958 --> 00:02:00,333
Sounds about right.
36
00:02:00,416 --> 00:02:05,916
Toni, you're going to be
the opening act at Pipo's concert tonight.
37
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,625
Fifteen thousand people
chanting your name.
38
00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:17,708
[all chanting] Toni! Toni!
Toni! Toni! Toni! Toni! Toni!
39
00:02:17,791 --> 00:02:20,083
Toni! Toni! Toni!
40
00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:22,458
Today could be a historic day,
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00:02:23,041 --> 00:02:25,541
or a total disaster, who knows. [chuckles]
42
00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:28,125
The car's on its way. Toodle-oo!
43
00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:30,541
"Toodle-oo"?
44
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:33,916
[Johnny] So?
45
00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:39,708
I haven't messed it up yet!
46
00:02:39,791 --> 00:02:40,875
-[laughs]
-Ahh!
47
00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:43,166
-Yeah!
-Yeah. Ow!
48
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,750
-Sorry. I…
-[both grunting excitedly]
49
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,666
Mm.
50
00:02:50,708 --> 00:02:51,708
-Mwah!
-Ugh…
51
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:53,666
-It's your time to shine, kid.
-[car horn honks]
52
00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:56,291
[hip-hop beat playing]
53
00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,166
[horn honks]
54
00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,125
-Oh my goodness.
-[laughs]
55
00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:21,458
My son… I'm really proud of you.
56
00:03:22,666 --> 00:03:24,083
Thanks for everything.
57
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:25,500
"Thanks for everything…"
58
00:03:26,125 --> 00:03:28,833
Thanks for everything… Papa.
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00:03:28,916 --> 00:03:30,750
[excited laughing]
60
00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:33,750
-Sure thing.
-Mm-hmm.
61
00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:39,083
Um… Do you want…
62
00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:41,250
To come along? Wha… Me?
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00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:43,375
[laughs] Well, nah.
64
00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:45,500
But maybe Charly wants to.
65
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:47,583
[intriguing music playing]
66
00:03:49,666 --> 00:03:52,416
-Thank you.
-[Tupac] He hadn't messed up with Drehws.
67
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:55,000
So maybe he still had
a chance with Charly too.
68
00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:57,083
[twittering]
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00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:59,875
Look at my Teddy Bear
in the pink porno limousine.
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00:04:00,583 --> 00:04:02,500
They just grow up so fast.
71
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,583
Excuse me, driver…
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00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:20,958
Can we stop somewhere?
73
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:25,000
[man] Anything you want,
my little superstar.
74
00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:27,375
Bruce Willis?
75
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:29,875
[Bruce] No, I'm just the car.
76
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,041
Why do you sound like Bruce Willis?
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00:04:33,125 --> 00:04:35,833
[Bruce] Because that's the voice
you want to hear right now.
78
00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:38,125
Sick. So true.
79
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:42,416
Can you… Can you say,
"Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker"?
80
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,166
[Bruce] Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
81
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:48,541
CRAP HAPPENS
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00:04:48,625 --> 00:04:49,916
[vibrating]
83
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,791
[Johnny] A call? For Johnny?
84
00:04:52,916 --> 00:04:54,500
Good morning, Jörgi.
85
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,791
-[Jörg] Hey, Johnny.
-What's going on?
86
00:04:57,875 --> 00:04:59,833
I'm worried about Nancy.
87
00:04:59,916 --> 00:05:01,458
What's wrong with her?
88
00:05:01,541 --> 00:05:03,958
She doesn't want
to brush her teeth anymore.
89
00:05:04,541 --> 00:05:07,541
[Tupac] What Jörg actually meant with
his dental hygiene concerns was this.
90
00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:10,041
After Nancy was fired
for her illicit investigations…
91
00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:11,583
I said you're fired!
92
00:05:11,666 --> 00:05:15,333
[Tupac] …she went, as any die-hard
law enforcer would, completely rogue.
93
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,958
She stopped showering,
got a bunch of little strings,
94
00:05:19,041 --> 00:05:20,583
and printed out photos and whatever.
95
00:05:20,666 --> 00:05:22,750
You've all seen crime shows before.
You know the drill.
96
00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:25,875
And looked off dramatically.
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00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:29,708
Oh, good Lord, Jörg! Listen closely.
98
00:05:29,791 --> 00:05:31,916
Stay where you are,
and don't move an inch, all right?
99
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Tupac, where are my pants?
100
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,125
-[quacks]
-Again?
101
00:05:36,458 --> 00:05:37,833
[exclaims]
102
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,416
FUNE-HAIR-EAL PARLOR
103
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:44,666
[radio DJ] This is Schitten Radio
back again, the station that always knows
104
00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:47,041
what's happening with you.
105
00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:48,666
With a song everyone loves.
106
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:50,750
♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
107
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,000
♪ Kawaaa… ♪
108
00:05:52,083 --> 00:05:54,083
[DJ] By a man everyone loves.
109
00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:55,750
Everyone loves Toni.
110
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Absolutely everyone. Right?
111
00:05:58,333 --> 00:05:59,500
-Mama…
-Someone doesn't?
112
00:05:59,583 --> 00:06:02,166
-Yeah?
-Can you please turn off the stupid radio?
113
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,250
♪ This is my advice ♪
114
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:06,541
-[DJ] No!
-Okay. You still mad at Toni?
115
00:06:08,875 --> 00:06:09,958
It was a stupid idea.
116
00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:13,125
No, it wasn't a stupid idea.
He's just an idiot.
117
00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:17,458
Yeah, but how hard is it
to just be there for your kid?
118
00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:19,041
That's all I ever wanted.
119
00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:20,208
I know.
120
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:24,291
I mean, it would've been so cool
if we could talk without words?
121
00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:26,250
-[Jana] Like us?
-[Charly] Like us.
122
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:28,666
[Jana] A telepathic
parent-child connection is so cool!
123
00:06:29,291 --> 00:06:30,458
[Charly] So cool!
124
00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:32,791
But I get nothing from him.
125
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:38,000
[Tupac] Charly wanted a sweet
and caring dad who was just there for him.
126
00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:39,583
But what he got was…
127
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,291
[hip-hop beat playing]
128
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,583
[Charly] What the hell?
129
00:06:45,083 --> 00:06:47,083
[Tupac] …a rapper
in a pink porno limousine.
130
00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,000
Hey. Hi.
131
00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:52,958
[Jana] Oh.
132
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,333
The Father of the Year is here.
133
00:06:58,333 --> 00:06:59,333
Charly…
134
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:02,625
I'm sorry.
135
00:07:02,708 --> 00:07:05,083
-I'm sorry I lied to you.
-Mm.
136
00:07:06,166 --> 00:07:09,166
I'm performing at this huge concert
tonight as the opening act, and,
137
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:13,958
you know, if it goes well…
then I'll get signed, and, well,
138
00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:15,833
everything will be a lot easier.
139
00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:18,916
And I'll have a lot more time for us.
140
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:23,458
No more lies, okay?
141
00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:26,125
[clears throat] That's it?
142
00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:29,500
Uh, I thought maybe
you'd wanna come along?
143
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,208
So you can see what I do
and why it's so important to me.
144
00:07:32,291 --> 00:07:34,208
[emotional music playing]
145
00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:38,166
[Charly] I told you. Your career or me.
146
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,250
[takes deep breath]
147
00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:44,000
Good luck at your concert…
148
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Toni.
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Leave.
150
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,333
Sorry.
151
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:12,208
[sighs]
152
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:24,666
[engine starts]
153
00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:30,750
[Jana] Hey, Snugglebug…
154
00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,958
We could just go
to Tropical Island together.
155
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,333
To clear your head a bit.
156
00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:44,833
[Charly] Can you stop with the commercials
for Tropical Island, please?
157
00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:46,375
-Sorry.
-[door closes]
158
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,500
[Bruce] Don't be sad, motherfucker.
159
00:08:51,583 --> 00:08:55,625
You remind me of myself in the '90s
art house masterpiece, Armageddon.
160
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:59,666
I had to leave my daughter
behind back then too.
161
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,583
Uh… Sorry, Bruce, I don't think
Armageddon's gonna help me right now.
162
00:09:04,666 --> 00:09:06,583
[Bruce] Armageddon always helps.
163
00:09:06,666 --> 00:09:08,750
My destiny was to drill asteroids.
164
00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:13,083
Your destiny is
to become a great rap star. Okay?
165
00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:16,541
-Okay.
-[crowd] Toni! Toni!
166
00:09:16,625 --> 00:09:20,458
-Then let's go to Berlin.
-[crowd] Toni! Toni! Toni! Toni!
167
00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:28,666
[country rap beat playing]
168
00:09:34,958 --> 00:09:36,666
PEDICURES
169
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:46,125
[Jörg] Nance-mouse?
I brought your papa, baby.
170
00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:49,791
-Princess?
-Don't call me that.
171
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:51,625
Okay. Um…
172
00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:56,041
Nancy, do you maybe wanna tell Daddy
what you're working on here?
173
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,458
You would never understand.
174
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,833
There are some things out there
that are so horrific…
175
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:09,416
Mysteries so… unexplainable,
so unspeakable, so inconceivable,
176
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:13,375
so… dark that
no one could ever unravel them.
177
00:10:13,458 --> 00:10:15,333
-Wait, I know what this is.
-What?
178
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:18,041
[mysterious music playing]
179
00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,916
It's asparagus.
180
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,375
Asparagus?
181
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:34,208
Blue asparagus. It grows in our garden.
I just toss it out in the garbage.
182
00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:35,916
But why is it blue?
183
00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,583
I think it's a mutation.
184
00:10:38,666 --> 00:10:40,791
That could be it,
considering Kaia's bomb experiments.
185
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:43,708
-Are you ready, you [bleep]?
-Yeah.
186
00:10:43,791 --> 00:10:44,958
BACK IN KAIA'S BOMBING PHASE
187
00:10:45,041 --> 00:10:46,416
[Kaia] Bomb experiment 473.
188
00:10:48,583 --> 00:10:49,708
[both] Yeah!
189
00:10:50,958 --> 00:10:52,583
-[Wera] Kids!
-[both] Man…
190
00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:56,250
-Enough of that crap! Dinner's ready!
-[Karo] What about the other bombs?
191
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,000
[Kaia] Don't be a [bleep] snitch!
192
00:11:02,833 --> 00:11:05,791
Why would someone turn our asparagus
into some sort of drug deal?
193
00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:08,458
'Cause there's an institution in Germany
that'd never allow
194
00:11:08,541 --> 00:11:10,833
genetically altered food
with who-knows-what inside
195
00:11:10,916 --> 00:11:12,083
to hit the legal market.
196
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:14,875
An institution that we all respect.
197
00:11:15,541 --> 00:11:18,916
The only authority in our country
that no one fucks with.
198
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,458
The National Dental Chamber.
199
00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:22,166
What? No, Jörg.
200
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,583
-The Department of Food Safety.
-[Johnny] Yes, exactly.
201
00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:27,041
[Nancy] But why are people
getting addicted to it?
202
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:28,750
That, Nancy-Pants…
203
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:31,791
we'll likely never learn.
204
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,083
Have you tried it before?
205
00:11:34,916 --> 00:11:35,916
What?
206
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,666
Of course not. I hate asparagus.
207
00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:39,291
Aw, just like Papa.
208
00:11:39,375 --> 00:11:41,291
Because of the texture, the smell…
209
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,750
-The hollandaise sauce.
-[both retching]
210
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:48,791
[retching continues]
211
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,208
I'll do it.
212
00:11:50,291 --> 00:11:51,375
What?
213
00:11:51,458 --> 00:11:52,333
I'll try it.
214
00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:56,375
-You'd do that for me, Jörg?
-Even the base. I'd eat it all for you.
215
00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:57,583
[retches]
216
00:11:57,666 --> 00:11:58,500
Oh, Jörg.
217
00:11:58,583 --> 00:11:59,916
-[Johnny retches]
-Nancy.
218
00:12:00,625 --> 00:12:01,625
[retches]
219
00:12:01,708 --> 00:12:03,875
[mysterious sitar music playing]
220
00:12:13,791 --> 00:12:14,958
[Johnny gags]
221
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,166
[Jörg] Hm.
222
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:19,583
[Johnny groans in disgust]
223
00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:22,250
So?
224
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,583
-[gulps] Yup, it's good.
-[Nancy sighs]
225
00:12:25,666 --> 00:12:27,666
Normally, I think
asparagus is pretty tasteless.
226
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,791
-But I can eat this one plain.
-[Johnny retches]
227
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,791
Do you feel anything?
228
00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:36,166
[indistinct voices echoing in Russian]
229
00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:37,833
Do you hear that voice as well?
230
00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:39,583
Yeah.
231
00:12:40,416 --> 00:12:41,791
-Jörgi!
-[woman speaking Russian]
232
00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:43,916
Don't forget, you have
an appointment next week.
233
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:46,125
[whispers] Goddammit.
234
00:12:46,208 --> 00:12:49,916
Well, maybe we just have to wait
a little before it starts kicking in.
235
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,208
[clock ticking]
236
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:58,333
[dynamic hip-hop beat playing]
237
00:12:58,416 --> 00:13:01,875
[Tupac] And while the three of them
waited for the asparagus to hit…
238
00:13:03,541 --> 00:13:06,291
Toni arrived in Berlin
like a real rap star.
239
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:27,750
[Pipo] ♪ Pizza Boy
Yeah, I bring that pizza, boy ♪
240
00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:31,166
♪ Delivered straight to your door
Hot and ready, hits ahoy ♪
241
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:34,541
♪ Pizza boy, pizza boy
Yeah, I bring that pizza, boy ♪
242
00:13:34,625 --> 00:13:38,000
♪ Bring only the purest joy
Pipo got the freshest toys ♪
243
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:41,458
♪ Pizza boy
Yeah, I bring that pizza, boy ♪
244
00:13:41,541 --> 00:13:44,791
♪ Delivered straight to your door
Hot and ready, hits ahoy ♪
245
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:48,208
♪ Pizza boy, pizza boy
Yeah, I bring that pizza, boy ♪
246
00:13:48,291 --> 00:13:51,125
♪ Bring only the purest joy
Pipo got the freshest toys ♪
247
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:53,333
Pipo, dude, how sick is this?
248
00:13:55,541 --> 00:13:57,791
-Stop the beat.
-[music stops]
249
00:13:58,458 --> 00:13:59,458
Who are you?
250
00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:01,833
Uh, Toni?
251
00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:06,125
Toni… Toni, right!
252
00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:08,000
Hey, I barely recognized ya.
253
00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:10,958
We worked together in that…
What was it? Pizza place!
254
00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:12,333
You mean last week?
255
00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:15,083
Jeez, I can hardly remember anymore.
Was that it?
256
00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:18,166
[Tupac] In just one week as a rap star
at Cutie Heart Records,
257
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:21,375
Pipo recorded eight songs,
played 16 concerts,
258
00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:24,208
opened three orphanages
and four furniture stores,
259
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:26,708
all on a whopping
six hours of sleep total.
260
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,416
How's your mom, bro?
Has she recovered from that… death?
261
00:14:31,416 --> 00:14:32,416
No.
262
00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:34,166
Give her my best, dude.
263
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,291
Thanks.
264
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:40,875
Yeah, dude. Congratulations.
I mean… Rapping for thousands, right?
265
00:14:40,958 --> 00:14:43,000
Number one on the charts?
266
00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:45,875
Pipo, are you okay?
267
00:14:47,416 --> 00:14:49,791
-Pipo?
-A little wisdom for you, bro.
268
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:55,333
Yo, run for your life, bro.
269
00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:59,041
This game… It'll eat you alive, bro.
270
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,083
I'm so tired.
271
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,958
-I don't have time anymore… for anything.
-What's going on?
272
00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:05,500
-What's wrong?
-[sobbing]
273
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:06,708
Susi's dead!
274
00:15:06,791 --> 00:15:08,958
[tragic music playing]
275
00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:14,333
-[sobbing continues]
-Susi? You're kidding.
276
00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:17,708
[Pipo] She's dead
'cause I didn't have time for her anymore.
277
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,250
Pipo, they need you backstage.
278
00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:22,500
Sleep. I just need to sleep
for, like, an hour.
279
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:25,125
You can sleep when the tour's over.
Go, hurry!
280
00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:27,500
-Go!
-Run away, bro.
281
00:15:28,583 --> 00:15:29,833
[footsteps receding]
282
00:15:29,916 --> 00:15:30,916
-Toni, hey!
-Hey.
283
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,875
Glad you made it. Come backstage.
284
00:15:35,375 --> 00:15:37,958
-Okay.
-[dynamic hip-hop beat playing]
285
00:15:38,041 --> 00:15:39,291
[Toni] Dalia, is Pipo all right?
286
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:41,333
[Dalia] Yeah, he'll be fine.
Here, this is for you.
287
00:15:41,416 --> 00:15:44,208
-Is this my contract?
-No, those are your appointments. Here.
288
00:15:45,291 --> 00:15:46,333
CONTRACT- GNARLY RAP CAREER
289
00:15:46,416 --> 00:15:47,416
My first rap contract.
290
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,083
And here's the marketing concept.
291
00:15:49,166 --> 00:15:50,708
-With even more appointments.
-Okay.
292
00:15:50,791 --> 00:15:52,875
If it goes well tonight,
we'll start with the album,
293
00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:56,291
pulling together the band,
internet presence, game shows, podcasts.
294
00:15:56,375 --> 00:15:58,375
Next year, festivals,
tour, and second album.
295
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,250
We'll keep it old school
the year after that,
296
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:02,875
meaning drug addiction,
rehab, recovery book, third album.
297
00:16:02,958 --> 00:16:03,791
Okay…
298
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:06,958
In eight years, we'll do
a biopic about your life. Hold on…
299
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,625
Here, the script's ready.
300
00:16:08,708 --> 00:16:10,500
Just stick to that.
It's all in there, okay?
301
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,958
AXEL STEIN AS TONI
EMILIO SAKRAYA AS JOHNNY CARRERA
302
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,541
DON'T RAP YOUR LIFE, LIVE YOUR RAP!
A FEEL-GOOD MOVIE FROM NETFLIX
303
00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:18,583
[Toni] Netflix? Okay…
304
00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:22,625
[hip-hop continues]
305
00:16:35,958 --> 00:16:36,791
Whoa.
306
00:16:36,875 --> 00:16:43,208
[DJ] Two hours and 34 minutes left until
Toni Fleischer's big performance tonight.
307
00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:48,583
Anyone in Schitten who still wants
to go last-minute should head out soon.
308
00:16:48,666 --> 00:16:51,708
Very soon. Like, now.
309
00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:57,500
Schitten Radio. The station
that serves you. And your feelings.
310
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,875
-Snugglebug?
-Hm?
311
00:17:00,833 --> 00:17:03,208
-Are you having a hard time?
-No, why?
312
00:17:04,708 --> 00:17:06,791
Maybe you should
take it easy on the cocoa.
313
00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:08,583
[Charly sighs]
314
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,750
[DJ] Hello?
You're going to miss the concert.
315
00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:16,916
I hope that's what you want,
'cause you won't get another chance.
316
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,458
Am I making a mistake?
317
00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:21,750
[DJ] You might be.
318
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:24,791
Honestly, you have every single right
in the world to be angry with him.
319
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:30,458
But at Tropical Island,
where everyday life takes a backseat,
320
00:17:30,541 --> 00:17:32,958
I learned it's okay
to listen to your heart,
321
00:17:33,041 --> 00:17:36,500
and to maybe give
your stupid rapper father one last chance.
322
00:17:36,583 --> 00:17:38,416
That's a super specific lesson.
323
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,625
-Yeah. That's Tropical Island.
-[DJ] Hello?
324
00:17:40,708 --> 00:17:42,625
Is anyone listening?
325
00:17:42,708 --> 00:17:45,375
Does anyone even listen
to the radio anymore?
326
00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:46,875
I'm so lonely.
327
00:17:46,958 --> 00:17:48,916
[Tupac] While Charly mulled it over,
328
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,416
the trio at the police station were
still waiting for Jörg to feel anything
329
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,916
other than the urge to cure cavities.
330
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,625
Well, Jörgi? Still don't feel anything?
331
00:17:57,708 --> 00:17:59,750
[clock ticking]
332
00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:01,000
I need to pee.
333
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:04,458
[chair scrapes]
334
00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:12,750
INVESTIGATIVE FOOD SAFETY ADMINISTRATION
335
00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,416
Y'know, I used to wanna work
with food safety.
336
00:18:17,541 --> 00:18:19,041
You don't say, Nancy.
337
00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:21,541
Mm-hmm. In the '90s, yeah.
338
00:18:22,291 --> 00:18:25,583
I wish I could flash back to those days,
just to feel how I felt then.
339
00:18:25,666 --> 00:18:27,666
["Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheatus playing]
340
00:18:28,625 --> 00:18:32,291
♪ I have a dream about her
She rings my bell… ♪
341
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:35,333
[Nancy] We were all crazy
about blue slushies.
342
00:18:35,416 --> 00:18:37,041
And we got
a hell of a lot of brain freeze.
343
00:18:40,791 --> 00:18:44,125
Little did we know
that damn thing was spiked with Molly.
344
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,250
[machine whirring]
345
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:50,250
-[Nancy] Then one day, they came.
-[slurping]
346
00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:51,166
[tires squealing]
347
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:56,166
♪ 'Cause I'm just
A teenage dirtbag, baby ♪
348
00:18:56,250 --> 00:19:01,500
♪ Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby ♪
349
00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:04,708
♪ Listen to Iron Maiden… ♪
350
00:19:04,791 --> 00:19:07,166
That's when I knew
I wanted to be a law enforcer.
351
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:10,666
But my mother said
the DFS only takes the best of the best.
352
00:19:13,333 --> 00:19:14,791
[rock song ends]
353
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:20,583
So I never sent my application to
the Department of Food Safety Academy.
354
00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:23,500
And became a local police officer instead.
355
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:26,708
Nancy, come here.
356
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,041
-I'll break your arms.
-Okay.
357
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:32,125
[Jörg] Johnny! Johnny!
358
00:19:32,208 --> 00:19:33,291
[Johnny] What is it?
359
00:19:37,375 --> 00:19:38,375
Smell it!
360
00:19:38,458 --> 00:19:39,958
Ew, no!
361
00:19:40,541 --> 00:19:42,666
-Please just smell it.
-Ew, Jörg, that's disgusting!
362
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:45,250
Johnny Carrera,
you are smelling my pee-pee.
363
00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:47,125
Oka… Uh, okay.
364
00:19:47,208 --> 00:19:50,500
[intriguing music playing]
365
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:55,791
[sniffing]
366
00:19:56,708 --> 00:19:57,708
[gasps]
367
00:19:57,791 --> 00:19:59,750
[inhales deeply]
368
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,666
There's no scent.
369
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,750
Yeah. See what I mean?
370
00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:08,458
-Oh! [laughs] Cool!
-[laughing]
371
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,791
Ah! That's it! Nancy! Follow me!
372
00:20:10,875 --> 00:20:11,833
-Nance-mouse!
-Nancy!
373
00:20:11,916 --> 00:20:13,000
-Nancy!
-Nance-mouse! Ahh!
374
00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:14,875
-[cheering]
-[hip-hop beat playing]
375
00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:18,708
[Pipo] ♪ I'm walking slow motion
From the pizzeria ♪
376
00:20:18,791 --> 00:20:21,583
♪ I'm ordering
Another round of Margheritas ♪
377
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:24,583
♪ Nah, nah
I ain't talking 'bout tequila ♪
378
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:28,958
♪ Me and my señoritas eating Margheritas ♪
379
00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:30,833
♪ Salami, salami, salami, salami, salami ♪
380
00:20:30,916 --> 00:20:33,750
[Tupac] 150 performances
in the first year alone,
381
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,916
300 promo dates, and 180 days on the road.
382
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,416
[Drehws] Knock, knock.
383
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,708
Nah… Don't get up.
384
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:46,375
So, you got any questions before
your first buzzard flight to the sky?
385
00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:51,208
Um… How does it work with kids?
386
00:20:52,875 --> 00:20:53,875
Ah…
387
00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:58,125
Listen…
388
00:20:59,416 --> 00:21:05,833
When a man and a woman…
like each other very much…
389
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:09,916
or when same-sex couples, y'know,
decide they're ready to have children--
390
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,250
-No, Dr. Drehws.
-It's possible--
391
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,291
What I mean, actually, is, uh,
392
00:21:13,833 --> 00:21:17,875
how can someone have a career like this
in rap and still be there as a father?
393
00:21:17,958 --> 00:21:19,791
How does it work? How do you do it?
394
00:21:20,750 --> 00:21:21,708
Oh.
395
00:21:22,291 --> 00:21:25,291
I don't have to work. I'm rich.
396
00:21:27,291 --> 00:21:29,291
Ah, so rich…
397
00:21:30,583 --> 00:21:31,791
Yeah, that makes sense.
398
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:34,583
-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.
399
00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:37,208
All right then.
400
00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:40,500
Break a leg.
401
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:43,250
[snorting laugh]
402
00:21:43,333 --> 00:21:46,708
[emotional music playing]
403
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:53,166
[Tupac] There's no way he could live
a normal life with a contract like this.
404
00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:57,000
It was either that or a family.
405
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:59,000
He couldn't have both.
406
00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:00,291
[woman clearing throat]
407
00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:01,833
Surprise.
408
00:22:01,916 --> 00:22:04,750
Hey. So you changed your mind?
409
00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:15,166
Well, you're not the father Charly wanted,
but you're the father he has. So…
410
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:16,833
work it out.
411
00:22:16,916 --> 00:22:22,291
And I am going to leave you alone.
412
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:25,000
[ominous music playing]
413
00:22:25,083 --> 00:22:26,500
[Johnny laughing]
414
00:22:26,583 --> 00:22:30,416
We've got it! We know
the secret behind the blue asparagus.
415
00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,916
[sniffing]
416
00:22:33,541 --> 00:22:35,208
-Huh?
-Smell-free urine!
417
00:22:35,291 --> 00:22:36,666
[gasps]
418
00:22:36,750 --> 00:22:39,625
[ominous music playing]
419
00:22:39,708 --> 00:22:41,416
[Johnny] I mean, think about it.
420
00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:43,708
Asparagus that actually has
some flavor for a change
421
00:22:43,791 --> 00:22:45,333
and doesn't make your urine stink.
422
00:22:45,416 --> 00:22:47,583
Of course everyone's
completely hooked on it.
423
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:49,125
Especially in Berlin.
424
00:22:49,208 --> 00:22:51,875
I want more. Give me more!
425
00:22:51,958 --> 00:22:53,875
Pull yourself together.
426
00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:55,416
What do you mean by that?
427
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:58,750
People in Berlin are
completely obsessed with their own pee.
428
00:22:58,833 --> 00:22:59,666
[gasps]
429
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:01,416
[sinister music playing]
430
00:23:03,375 --> 00:23:06,166
Urine parties here, urine tastings there,
431
00:23:06,250 --> 00:23:10,166
urine shakes in the a.m.,
or urine cream soup in the p.m.
432
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,791
I hate Berlin.
433
00:23:11,875 --> 00:23:13,000
[man outside] Hey!
434
00:23:17,416 --> 00:23:18,375
For Mama.
435
00:23:20,375 --> 00:23:22,375
-[shots firing]
-[screaming]
436
00:23:30,833 --> 00:23:32,666
[gunfire continues]
437
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:37,125
[ethereal music playing]
438
00:23:44,416 --> 00:23:47,416
[distorted] No!
439
00:23:52,666 --> 00:23:54,333
[screaming in panic]
440
00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:11,458
[crowd cheering]
441
00:24:11,541 --> 00:24:15,166
[Pipo] Okay, I'm gonna sing
one more song, and then it's Toni!
442
00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:17,250
[crowd cheering]
443
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:20,625
[Jana] Just talk to each other already!
444
00:24:24,625 --> 00:24:25,833
So, are you nervous?
445
00:24:25,916 --> 00:24:27,166
Nah.
446
00:24:27,958 --> 00:24:28,833
The honest answer.
447
00:24:28,916 --> 00:24:31,583
Actually, I think
I might've peed myself a little.
448
00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:36,250
[both laughing]
449
00:24:37,250 --> 00:24:40,541
Maybe I was a little bit unfair before.
450
00:24:40,625 --> 00:24:43,833
Maybe it could work, rap and me.
451
00:24:45,666 --> 00:24:46,958
[Jana] Keep talking.
452
00:24:47,041 --> 00:24:48,250
[slurps]
453
00:24:49,125 --> 00:24:50,500
Ahh.
454
00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:52,791
What's that?
455
00:24:53,791 --> 00:24:55,208
This is my contract.
456
00:24:55,291 --> 00:24:56,708
-Mm-hmm.
-And this thing here is
457
00:24:56,791 --> 00:24:59,708
a really, really thick marketing plan.
458
00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:02,791
With, um… lots of appointments.
459
00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:05,250
Toni! You're up in ten. Move it already!
460
00:25:06,166 --> 00:25:09,083
Yeah, uh, I'm talking to my son right now.
461
00:25:09,166 --> 00:25:10,958
Well, do that later!
462
00:25:11,041 --> 00:25:12,000
[scoffs]
463
00:25:13,166 --> 00:25:15,250
Sorry, Charly. I gotta go on stage.
464
00:25:16,083 --> 00:25:19,625
Um… Hey, we could watch
Armageddon tonight though, if you want.
465
00:25:19,708 --> 00:25:22,750
-I've already seen it. For school.
-What do you mean, for school?
466
00:25:22,833 --> 00:25:26,333
Um, Armageddon. It's my school play,
and I'm doing the music.
467
00:25:26,416 --> 00:25:28,791
Oh yeah. Totally forgot.
468
00:25:28,875 --> 00:25:29,708
Yeah, I know.
469
00:25:34,250 --> 00:25:37,250
But hey,
you'll have more time for me now, right?
470
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:41,958
Right?
471
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:44,041
[emotional music playing]
472
00:25:47,208 --> 00:25:49,375
-You said no more lies.
-Um…
473
00:25:51,208 --> 00:25:53,125
[Tupac] So there was Toni,
474
00:25:53,208 --> 00:25:55,958
just minutes away
from his big performance,
475
00:25:56,041 --> 00:25:58,916
the one that
would change his life forever.
476
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,541
He could already hear the crowd
chanting his name.
477
00:26:01,625 --> 00:26:03,166
[crowd] Toni! Toni! Toni!
478
00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:05,208
[Tupac] But how was he going to explain
to Charly
479
00:26:05,291 --> 00:26:07,791
that he wouldn't have time
for him anymore?
480
00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:10,666
"You said that today, remember?"
Charly would add.
481
00:26:10,750 --> 00:26:14,500
If Toni were to tell him the truth,
he would say,
482
00:26:14,583 --> 00:26:16,666
"I think it's going to be even worse."
483
00:26:16,750 --> 00:26:18,708
And that would break Charly's heart.
484
00:26:19,833 --> 00:26:22,125
Toni would try to stop him.
485
00:26:22,208 --> 00:26:26,833
He'd go after him and say,
"Charly, wait, we can do this. "
486
00:26:26,916 --> 00:26:30,583
But then Charly would answer,
"Do you really believe that?"
487
00:26:30,666 --> 00:26:31,500
[crowd] Toni! Toni!
488
00:26:31,583 --> 00:26:33,625
[Tupac] And the crowd
would chant even louder.
489
00:26:33,708 --> 00:26:36,958
Toni! Toni! Toni! Toni!
490
00:26:37,041 --> 00:26:39,750
And Charly would walk away silently…
491
00:26:41,458 --> 00:26:42,958
and he would never look back.
492
00:26:43,041 --> 00:26:45,250
[crowd] Toni! Toni! Toni!
493
00:26:45,333 --> 00:26:48,041
-[Tupac] Toni would lose Charly.
-Toni! Toni! Toni!
494
00:26:48,125 --> 00:26:50,375
[Tupac] Charly would go home.
495
00:26:50,458 --> 00:26:53,125
Jana would keep getting hammered.
496
00:26:53,208 --> 00:26:58,708
And Toni would walk onto the big stage,
like he'd dreamed of all his life.
497
00:26:59,375 --> 00:27:00,583
He'd be a star.
498
00:27:01,541 --> 00:27:05,458
But the whole time,
he'd think about nothing else but…
499
00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:10,333
["Wunder gibt es immer wieder"
by Katja Ebstein playing]
500
00:27:42,583 --> 00:27:48,708
[crowd] Toni! Toni!
Toni! Toni! Toni! Toni!
501
00:27:48,791 --> 00:27:52,000
[chanting continues]
502
00:27:52,083 --> 00:27:55,791
[Pipo] Toni, bro.
Come out, bro. Where are you?
503
00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:58,916
-Yeah, I don't know…
-Go back there and look for him, dammit!
504
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,000
[Pipo] Did you run away, bro?
505
00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:02,375
[chanting echoes]
506
00:28:02,458 --> 00:28:04,041
[Pipo] Take me with you, bro.
507
00:28:04,125 --> 00:28:06,291
[chanting continues]
508
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:07,291
[Pipo] Bro?
509
00:28:07,375 --> 00:28:08,416
Toni!
510
00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:10,500
[muffled chanting continues]
511
00:28:12,750 --> 00:28:13,833
[gasps]
512
00:28:18,833 --> 00:28:19,916
Shit.
513
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,291
["Jein" by Fettes Brot playing]
514
00:28:30,750 --> 00:28:33,208
[Toni] Hey, is there something
I could do in your school play?
515
00:28:33,750 --> 00:28:37,166
[Charly] Uh, you could move the crane.
It's like towing, only in a theater.
516
00:28:37,250 --> 00:28:39,041
[Toni] Oh, cool, perfect.
517
00:28:40,333 --> 00:28:41,291
Check this out.
518
00:28:42,750 --> 00:28:44,333
-Bruce?
-[Bruce] Yeah?
519
00:28:45,291 --> 00:28:48,125
-Drive us home.
-[Bruce] No problem, motherfucker.
520
00:28:49,166 --> 00:28:51,041
Oh, you guys are so cute.
521
00:28:51,125 --> 00:28:55,291
You remind me of my character
in the '90s masterpiece The Sixth Sense.
522
00:28:56,291 --> 00:29:00,166
I was faced with a choice back then,
and I also chose the weird little kid.
523
00:29:00,250 --> 00:29:01,791
Spent all my time with him.
524
00:29:02,416 --> 00:29:05,083
Seriously, every free minute.
525
00:29:05,750 --> 00:29:06,916
It was nice.
526
00:29:07,833 --> 00:29:09,541
No life of my own anymore.
527
00:29:10,041 --> 00:29:11,291
No hopes.
528
00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:13,083
No dreams.
529
00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:14,791
No passion.
530
00:29:15,750 --> 00:29:18,541
Only that kid. Every day.
531
00:29:19,875 --> 00:29:21,625
Turns out I was dead in the end.
532
00:29:22,458 --> 00:29:23,916
[both] Shit.
533
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,041
["Jein" continues]
534
00:29:29,333 --> 00:29:31,666
-[Johnny] You okay? Everyone all right?
-[Nancy] I think so.
535
00:29:31,750 --> 00:29:33,083
[Johnny] We're okay.
536
00:29:33,166 --> 00:29:36,583
-Wait! Oh no, Vladimir.
-[Vladimir groaning]
537
00:29:38,791 --> 00:29:40,583
I'm here. I'm a doctor.
538
00:29:40,666 --> 00:29:43,083
Come on, you're just a dentist.
539
00:29:44,583 --> 00:29:47,208
The mayor. She's behind this.
540
00:29:47,291 --> 00:29:48,791
It can't be the mayor!
541
00:29:48,875 --> 00:29:51,166
That's why she made me that offer.
542
00:29:51,791 --> 00:29:54,875
It's all about
that stupid blue asparagus, isn't it?
543
00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:56,958
What do we do now?
544
00:30:00,458 --> 00:30:01,625
We've gotta stop her.
545
00:30:02,125 --> 00:30:05,958
["Jein" continues]
546
00:30:07,291 --> 00:30:11,458
[singing in German]
547
00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:15,958
[rapping in German]
548
00:33:38,208 --> 00:33:40,208
["Jein" fades out]
40350
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