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1
00:00:08,458 --> 00:00:09,916
[distorted] We've kidnapped your son.
2
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,166
[hip-hop playing]
3
00:00:11,250 --> 00:00:12,541
-[Charly] Papa!
-[Toni] Charly?
4
00:00:12,625 --> 00:00:15,208
[Charly crying] Please save me!
5
00:00:17,208 --> 00:00:18,041
Shit.
6
00:00:18,958 --> 00:00:19,875
[engine starts]
7
00:00:26,125 --> 00:00:26,958
[tweeting]
8
00:00:27,041 --> 00:00:28,750
I'm driving as fast as I can, okay?
9
00:00:29,416 --> 00:00:33,250
Almost there, almost there, almost there.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
10
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,291
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
11
00:00:38,541 --> 00:00:40,750
[tires screeching]
12
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:43,083
[elevator music playing]
13
00:00:44,833 --> 00:00:47,791
ALL RIGHT, KIDS, WE CAN CROSS NOW.
14
00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:48,750
BUT DON'T RUN!
15
00:00:53,041 --> 00:00:55,125
(CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER)
16
00:00:56,083 --> 00:00:57,666
Agh, hurry up, you idiots!
17
00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,541
COME ON, LITTLE TIMO!
18
00:00:59,625 --> 00:01:00,500
[Toni] Shit.
19
00:01:01,958 --> 00:01:03,625
-[quacks]
-I can't, they're in danger.
20
00:01:03,708 --> 00:01:05,291
[honking horn]
21
00:01:05,375 --> 00:01:06,500
Ugh!
22
00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:09,916
THE NICE MAN IS LETTING YOU CROSS.
GO AHEAD, TIMO!
23
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:10,875
[honking horn]
24
00:01:10,958 --> 00:01:12,291
Fuck, fuck! Oh, finally.
25
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:15,375
[revving engine]
26
00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:18,916
[hip-hop playing]
27
00:01:19,541 --> 00:01:20,375
Shit!
28
00:01:20,458 --> 00:01:21,541
[chirping]
29
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:27,583
[tense music playing]
30
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:37,916
[music stops]
31
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,833
[Toni wheezing]
32
00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:41,583
[Charly whimpering]
33
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,708
[music restarts]
34
00:01:43,791 --> 00:01:45,750
-[Charly] Help!
-[Toni] I'm here!
35
00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:50,791
[gasping]
36
00:01:50,875 --> 00:01:52,416
[music stops]
37
00:01:53,083 --> 00:01:54,791
[Toni wheezing]
38
00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:57,291
[music restarts]
39
00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:59,416
[Charly, muffled] Help! Papa!
40
00:02:00,708 --> 00:02:03,375
-[distorted] Stop! Don't move.
-[Toni groans]
41
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,333
-Man, you're really out of shape.
-[Toni panting]
42
00:02:06,875 --> 00:02:08,666
You should be doing more cardio.
43
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,750
I know, I know, yeah. Sorry.
44
00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:12,208
Please, please don't hurt him!
45
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:14,416
-You care about your son?
-Yes, of course!
46
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:18,666
Then I demand three hours of quality time.
47
00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:19,875
[Charly clears throat]
48
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:24,750
Four hours of quality time.
Every day. Just you and him.
49
00:02:24,833 --> 00:02:28,125
-What? Who are you? What's going on--
-Family road trips, once a week.
50
00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:29,666
To the countryside, with picnics.
51
00:02:30,291 --> 00:02:31,708
-[man laughs]
-[Charly] Mm.
52
00:02:32,458 --> 00:02:33,833
[man] No, no, uh…
53
00:02:33,916 --> 00:02:35,541
[stammering] Don't move!
54
00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:40,083
-Johnny.
-Uh, what? [clears throat]
55
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:44,000
Who's this cool cat Johnny Carrera
everyone keeps mentioning? [laughs]
56
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,916
-Is this a…
-Uh, no.
57
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,250
[sniffs]
58
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:50,708
-Uh…
-[crunching]
59
00:02:52,833 --> 00:02:54,208
[muffled] Chocolate.
60
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,208
[laughing awkwardly]
61
00:02:57,125 --> 00:02:58,166
Pranked!
62
00:02:58,250 --> 00:02:59,083
[both laughing]
63
00:02:59,166 --> 00:03:01,041
-I wasn't tied for realsies.
-It was me, Johnny.
64
00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:02,833
Are the two of you completely nuts?!
65
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:06,000
I was really worried.
I was panicking here, man!
66
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:07,750
God, Teddy Bear, look at you. You're so--
67
00:03:07,833 --> 00:03:09,333
-Don't touch me!
-Mm…
68
00:03:10,375 --> 00:03:11,333
Sorry.
69
00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:15,041
I think we all learned
a valuable lesson here.
70
00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:16,625
This prank went too far.
71
00:03:16,708 --> 00:03:17,541
Prank?!
72
00:03:17,625 --> 00:03:20,541
Papa! Papa, we just wanted to get you
to do stand-up paddleboard limbo.
73
00:03:20,625 --> 00:03:22,000
-The season kicks off today.
-What?
74
00:03:22,083 --> 00:03:23,458
With enough practice, we could be
75
00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:26,416
father-and-son stand-up
paddleboard limbo champions, right?
76
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:28,708
Stand-up paddle limbo?
77
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,708
We call it SUPLI.
78
00:03:30,791 --> 00:03:34,791
Charly, I enjoy spending time with you,
but things are fucking hectic right now.
79
00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:37,916
I'm supposed to come up with a hit
in a couple of days,
80
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,500
and I don't have time right now, okay?
Not for your pranks,
81
00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:45,083
and not for something
as stupid as stand-up-paddleboard limbo.
82
00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:47,291
[Johnny] But this is important to Charly,
you know?
83
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:49,375
-I don't care, okay?
-Please just try-- Okay.
84
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:50,875
[Tupac] I can't stress enough
85
00:03:50,958 --> 00:03:53,000
how terrible Charly is
at dealing with rejection.
86
00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:54,458
[Toni] Bye.
87
00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,166
[Johnny] Teddy Bear, did you remember
to switch on the alarm system--
88
00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:02,291
-Shh! Shh! Shh!
-[Johnny] Okay.
89
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:07,375
[Tupac] And slowly but surely,
he was getting angrier and angrier.
90
00:04:07,458 --> 00:04:10,583
[Johnny] Always turn the alarm on when you
leave the house. If someone breaks in--
91
00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:13,125
-[Toni grunts in frustration]
-[Johnny] Okay.
92
00:04:13,208 --> 00:04:16,458
CRAP HAPPENS
93
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:22,916
[Tupac] Toni was totally flustered
after the fake abduction.
94
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,291
The ticking clock
was ticking louder than ever,
95
00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:29,958
and he still had no idea
how to make a hit.
96
00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:31,250
How do you make a hit?
97
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,916
-Ahh! Okay.
-[Tupac quacks]
98
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,041
Why? Tupac, I don't wanna
listen to the radio right now.
99
00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:40,166
-[quacking continues]
-[Toni exhales]
100
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:41,958
[radio jingle playing]
101
00:04:42,041 --> 00:04:44,041
[man on radio]
This is Schitten Radio, back again,
102
00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:47,416
the station that always knows
what's happening… with you.
103
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:50,166
We're back with a presumably
relevant breaking news report.
104
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:51,708
For the fourth time in a row,
105
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,541
the national award of honor
for outstanding achievement in rap
106
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,416
goes to Rick Schmandtke.
107
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,208
Rick Schmandtke.
108
00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:02,083
[man] For those of you
who don't know who that is,
109
00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:03,333
Richard "Rick" Schmandtke
110
00:05:03,416 --> 00:05:07,125
is the most successful
German music producer of all time,
111
00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:10,458
and much is said about him.
An unpredictable personality…
112
00:05:10,541 --> 00:05:11,708
[voice echoing] Unpredictable.
113
00:05:11,791 --> 00:05:13,375
[man] …very confusing work methods.
114
00:05:13,458 --> 00:05:14,333
[voice] Confusing.
115
00:05:14,416 --> 00:05:16,416
[man] …a strong obsession
with anything gold…
116
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,333
[voice] Gold.
117
00:05:17,416 --> 00:05:20,416
[man] …and an outstanding
instinct for a hit.
118
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,458
[voice] Hit.
119
00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:23,333
[man] An eccentric musical genius.
120
00:05:23,416 --> 00:05:25,958
Kinda like Kanye West,
only from Wuppertal.
121
00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:27,416
[voice] Wuppertal!
122
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,791
[man] And a little less problematic,
politically speaking.
123
00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:33,166
In short, Rick Schmandtke
is a hit machine.
124
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,458
I repeat, Rick Schmandtke
is a hit machine.
125
00:05:36,541 --> 00:05:38,333
-Here comes one of his biggest hits…
-[quacks]
126
00:05:38,416 --> 00:05:39,833
…of the last five years.
127
00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:42,416
-You know where his country house is?
-[quacks]
128
00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:46,208
I can't just show up at Rick Schmandtke's
place. He doesn't even know me.
129
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,416
[chitters]
130
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,541
What do I have that he would want?
131
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:55,333
[celestial music playing]
132
00:05:55,916 --> 00:05:58,416
-[Tupac chitters]
-I can't take the Trabi.
133
00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:00,333
[quacking inquisitively]
134
00:06:02,083 --> 00:06:03,666
Of course I want a hit.
135
00:06:03,750 --> 00:06:06,708
[celestial music continues]
136
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:17,000
-I think we went a bit too far, didn't we?
-Yeah.
137
00:06:17,083 --> 00:06:19,250
[Tupac] Charly didn't think
they went too far.
138
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,583
Might be best to let him be
for a day or two, right?
139
00:06:21,666 --> 00:06:22,541
Yeah, for sure.
140
00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,666
[Tupac] Charly had no intention
of letting him be.
141
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,166
Maybe for an hour or two, tops.
142
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,291
Do you wanna do
some stand-up-paddleboard limbo?
143
00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:31,791
Carsten Maria Schrammel.
144
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,958
You know how I feel
about stand-up paddleboard limbo.
145
00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:38,291
Stand-up-paddleboard limbo is a completely
dumb, insanely dangerous sport, all right?
146
00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,458
-Grandpa, it's so not dangerous.
-Oh!
147
00:06:40,541 --> 00:06:41,375
Tell that to those
148
00:06:41,458 --> 00:06:44,541
who survived the stand-up
paddleboard limbo massacre of 2017.
149
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:47,125
[dramatic music playing]
150
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:49,000
It was a windy day.
151
00:06:49,666 --> 00:06:51,291
Too windy for that time of year.
152
00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,541
[phantom laughter echoing]
153
00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:55,083
But they got in the water anyway.
154
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,250
I tried to warn them, Charly.
155
00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:01,083
I was yelling,
"No, wait, don't go in the water!"
156
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:03,583
"Don't go in!
Don't set the limbo bar so low."
157
00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:05,416
-[man screaming]
-"That's too difficult!"
158
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,833
-[people screaming]
-Screams, water, blood.
159
00:07:08,666 --> 00:07:11,000
"I won't let you go, Jack."
160
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:14,958
Jack!
161
00:07:15,041 --> 00:07:16,333
Who's Jack?
162
00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:21,125
[shakily] On that dark day,
19 people met with misfortune.
163
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,541
So they're dead?
164
00:07:23,916 --> 00:07:28,000
No. But they dislocated
their vertebrae, actually.
165
00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:30,500
Uh… And the town's chiropractor
was on vacation.
166
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,166
Those were dark days, all right?
167
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:35,125
I refuse to go back on
that deadly paddleboard.
168
00:07:35,208 --> 00:07:36,875
And you shouldn't do it either.
169
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:41,958
[mariachi ringtone playing]
170
00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:43,958
!ALARM! PEDRO ELECTRO
AUTOMATIC ALARM SYSTEMS
171
00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:46,208
Pedro.
172
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:51,041
Charly. Charly. Charly. Charly. Charly.
173
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:52,166
What is it?
174
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:55,958
The alarm went off.
Someone broke in, we need to go home.
175
00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:57,583
I'll stay here for a bit.
176
00:07:57,666 --> 00:08:00,000
This is Electro-Pedro's panic trombone.
We need to go.
177
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:01,291
We're being robbed! Thieves!
178
00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:03,666
You go ahead. Take 'em out, Grandpa.
179
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:04,750
Okay.
180
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:08,208
Ahh!
181
00:08:08,291 --> 00:08:09,541
Don't go in the water!
182
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:12,208
[Tupac] Charly didn't even
hear Johnny's warning.
183
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,166
He had only one thing on his mind,
184
00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,625
his rival.
185
00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:17,708
[Charly] Köbi.
186
00:08:17,791 --> 00:08:20,750
-[Köbi's father] Oh yeah!
-[Tupac] And his rival's father,
187
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,583
[maliciously] Köbi's father.
188
00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:27,333
[sinister music playing]
189
00:08:27,416 --> 00:08:30,500
Ahh!
190
00:08:31,416 --> 00:08:34,750
Ahh!
191
00:08:34,833 --> 00:08:38,083
-[high-pitched alarm sounding]
-Ahh!
192
00:08:38,166 --> 00:08:40,166
Ahh…
193
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:43,125
-[alarm continues]
-[panting]
194
00:08:43,208 --> 00:08:44,833
What's going on?
195
00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:47,958
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
196
00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:49,083
Not the golden Trabi!
197
00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:53,458
[Tupac] And so Toni stole the Fleischer
family's most precious heirloom.
198
00:08:53,541 --> 00:08:56,958
[screaming]
199
00:08:57,041 --> 00:09:01,333
Toni's mother, Wera,
hadn't always been dead, or old. Nope.
200
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,500
When she was young,
she was celebrated as a long-throw prodigy
201
00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:06,708
and won the East German
discus-throwing championship
202
00:09:06,791 --> 00:09:08,333
six times while still in school.
203
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,541
A humongous achievement,
204
00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:15,833
for which she was awarded
the only golden Trabi that ever existed.
205
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:21,791
Back then, she chose family
and a stable career over a life in sports.
206
00:09:22,666 --> 00:09:26,333
Still, her golden Trabi became
an important symbol for the Fleischers.
207
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,583
-Ahh! [crying]
-[Tupac] And now it was gone.
208
00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:31,250
But Wera's spirit was back.
209
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,833
-[screaming]
-Damn right, Johnny Carrera!
210
00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:38,000
-Wera?
-Stop screaming and get in here.
211
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:41,375
Oh! Oh.
212
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,458
[celestial music playing]
213
00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:54,875
[Johnny] Doh!
214
00:09:54,958 --> 00:09:56,750
-[Wera giggles]
-[Johnny groaning]
215
00:09:57,375 --> 00:09:58,375
Wera?
216
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,833
-[celestial music continues]
-Hello, Johnny.
217
00:10:00,916 --> 00:10:03,458
You're back, Wera. I missed you so much.
218
00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:05,416
I missed you too, Johnny.
219
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,291
But we don't have
the time for that right now.
220
00:10:07,375 --> 00:10:09,375
Toni stole my golden Trabi.
221
00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:10,291
How do you know that?
222
00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:12,125
-I know these things, I'm a ghost.
-Oh.
223
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:14,625
[Wera] And I got
Electro-Pedro's panic trombone.
224
00:10:14,708 --> 00:10:15,750
[mariachi music playing]
225
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,083
Wow.
226
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:19,416
Toni's lost, and he's about
to go off the deep end.
227
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,625
-Terrible things will happen.
-Oh no.
228
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:25,083
You need to make sure
Toni becomes a better father, Johnny.
229
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,958
And for a millennial like him,
there's only one way you can do it.
230
00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:31,041
You have to plan an intervention.
231
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:32,208
[celestial music swelling]
232
00:10:32,291 --> 00:10:33,958
Plan an intervention.
233
00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:35,833
[music climaxes]
234
00:10:35,916 --> 00:10:37,083
[music stops]
235
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:41,125
[Tupac] If he'd known he'd be punished
236
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,375
with something as brutal
as an intervention,
237
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:46,916
Toni probably wouldn't
have stolen the Trabi.
238
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,708
But Rick was his last hope.
239
00:10:56,125 --> 00:10:57,541
[engine stops]
240
00:11:03,416 --> 00:11:05,833
-[static crackles]
-[man] Mr. Schmandtke isn't here.
241
00:11:09,208 --> 00:11:10,875
Do you know when he'll be coming back?
242
00:11:10,958 --> 00:11:13,000
Never. Leave the premises.
243
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,166
[man 2 in awe] Is that… gold?
244
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:19,750
Mr. Schmandtke?
245
00:11:22,041 --> 00:11:25,333
This is the only golden Trabi
that was ever produced in the world.
246
00:11:27,625 --> 00:11:29,375
Help me and it's all yours.
247
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:35,458
[gate clatters]
248
00:11:36,041 --> 00:11:36,958
Yes!
249
00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:41,166
[intriguing music playing]
250
00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:49,666
[whispers] What the fuck…
251
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,041
[distant bird cawing]
252
00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:11,208
The keys.
253
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,208
Are you sure you wanna do this?
254
00:12:16,708 --> 00:12:18,583
Uh… I think so.
255
00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:20,041
Good. Come in.
256
00:12:22,583 --> 00:12:26,666
[Tupac] Toni had no idea
what he was getting himself into.
257
00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:29,458
Meanwhile, on the Havel…
258
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,083
Charly was steaming with rage.
259
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:39,291
Köbi.
260
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:44,041
[sinister music playing]
261
00:12:47,625 --> 00:12:48,666
Ahoy!
262
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,000
Ahoy. [laughing]
263
00:12:55,916 --> 00:12:57,916
[straining and grunting]
264
00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:03,791
♪ Homie, this is Toni ♪
265
00:13:03,875 --> 00:13:07,958
♪ You can learn a lot from me, Padawan
Like Obi Wan Kenobi ♪
266
00:13:08,041 --> 00:13:11,541
[song continues, muffled and indistinct]
267
00:13:14,666 --> 00:13:18,458
[phone playing obnoxious ringtone]
268
00:13:18,541 --> 00:13:19,833
CHARLIE (SON)
269
00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:22,541
-[ringtone continues]
-[call clicks off]
270
00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:26,250
♪ …creature
First I'm gonna beat ya ♪
271
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:28,833
-[song continues muffled and indistinct]
-[sighs]
272
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:38,666
I appreciate you listening
to my music, Mr. Schmandtke…
273
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:44,250
[intriguing music playing]
274
00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:57,583
Do you like ladybugs?
275
00:13:57,666 --> 00:13:59,750
-Ladybugs?
-Yeah.
276
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:02,291
Um… Yeah, they're okay.
277
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,708
You sure?
278
00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:09,166
The… Um… Yeah. Y'know, I'm not
a fan or anything, but they're okay.
279
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,458
Here's the thing.
280
00:14:10,541 --> 00:14:16,041
When a ladybug is stressed,
it secretes a smelly yellow substance.
281
00:14:16,625 --> 00:14:18,625
-Okay.
-You… are stressed.
282
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:21,291
-Am I?
-Yeah, you're the ladybug here.
283
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:22,958
And your music is the secretion.
284
00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:24,833
A mixture of feces and pus.
285
00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:26,625
So, not good.
286
00:14:26,708 --> 00:14:27,791
[Rick] Total garbage.
287
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,416
It's just stressy shit in my ears.
288
00:14:31,375 --> 00:14:32,958
-[Toni clears throat]
-I hate it.
289
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,083
And I hate you.
290
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,875
-Okay, fine.
-[man] Sit down!
291
00:14:36,958 --> 00:14:39,166
-I thought I--
-Sit your ass down
292
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,916
when Rick is talking to you!
293
00:14:42,666 --> 00:14:43,916
Thanks for the Trabi.
294
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:46,208
I like gold.
295
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:48,541
Obviously. [chuckles]
296
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:50,958
-W-what's your name?
-Toni.
297
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:52,458
I don't give a shit, Toni.
298
00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:55,708
-But you just asked--
-I couldn't care less.
299
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:58,500
-But--
-No buts. I couldn't care less!
300
00:14:58,583 --> 00:14:59,833
He couldn't care less.
301
00:14:59,916 --> 00:15:02,541
All I care about is taking
your stress-driven defense secretion
302
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:04,916
and channeling it into creative flow.
303
00:15:06,291 --> 00:15:07,291
Okay.
304
00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:08,708
Can you, like, maybe repeat that?
305
00:15:08,791 --> 00:15:09,750
Repeat it.
306
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:11,500
"I couldn't care less--"
307
00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:13,291
Not that,
the thing about the creative flow.
308
00:15:13,375 --> 00:15:16,541
Okay, well,
my creative flow needs channeling.
309
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,541
-Okay, that was good, right?
-Eh…
310
00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,125
-I think that was good.
-Okay, awesome.
311
00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:23,791
Can we just hit the studio now?
312
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:33,208
[laughing uproariously]
313
00:15:33,291 --> 00:15:36,833
You still have a long way to go,
my ladybug.
314
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:40,666
FOR RICK FROM JOHN LENNON
315
00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:44,125
[Rick] Dogs.
316
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:46,583
Cats.
317
00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:48,958
Social inequality.
Babies crying in airplanes.
318
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:51,750
People who say shit like,
"Goodbye-namite."
319
00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:52,916
"See you later, alligator."
320
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,750
"In a while, crocodile."
"San Fran-see you."
321
00:15:54,833 --> 00:15:56,083
"In a shake, rattlesnake."
322
00:15:56,666 --> 00:15:57,791
Or this sound…
323
00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:59,875
[high-pitched vocalizing] Hee…
324
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,208
[obnoxious ringtone playing]
325
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:03,791
Hee…
326
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,708
Um, sorry, give me a second.
327
00:16:05,791 --> 00:16:06,791
[grunts]
328
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:08,541
Charly, I can't right now.
329
00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:11,250
But the weather's so nice, please.
330
00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:13,375
Look, I don't care if the weather's nice.
331
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:16,333
[Charly] But Köbi is here too.
With his dad.
332
00:16:16,416 --> 00:16:18,000
I don't care about Köbi
333
00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,583
-or his stupid dad either.
-[Rick sighs]
334
00:16:19,666 --> 00:16:21,291
-Papa, that's not what--
-I…
335
00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:25,083
I can't, okay? I'm getting my…
creative secretion flowing right now.
336
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:26,250
Ugh. Secretion?
337
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:29,583
[line disconnects]
338
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,583
[Tupac] "Okay," Charly thought to himself.
339
00:16:33,666 --> 00:16:36,583
"I guess I'll have to play it
the hard way."
340
00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:39,833
Sorry, Rick. I'm back. We can, uh…
341
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,916
-[Toni grunts] Ow.
-[Rick takes deep breath]
342
00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:44,000
Tax law.
343
00:16:44,666 --> 00:16:47,416
The painful realization of
how small and insignificant you are
344
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,875
in an ever-expanding
and unforgiving universe.
345
00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:54,250
-Bananas.
-Rick, what's happening here?
346
00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:57,541
I need an empty vessel for my music, okay?
347
00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:00,666
-Uh-huh.
-And you're not empty, you're full.
348
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:01,916
Full of stress.
349
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,583
[man] Rick wants to find out
what your fucking problem is.
350
00:17:04,666 --> 00:17:06,583
By spewing out random nonsense?
351
00:17:06,666 --> 00:17:09,625
-[man] Don't question his methods.
-Okay, yeah, sorry, but…
352
00:17:09,708 --> 00:17:13,166
I mean, I've been lying here for a while
and I desperately need a song.
353
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:14,500
[Rick] Okay.
354
00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:17,458
Um… Rick, I didn't mean to be rude.
355
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:19,291
Uh…
356
00:17:28,375 --> 00:17:29,791
Uh, Rick?
357
00:17:29,875 --> 00:17:30,958
[Rick exhales]
358
00:17:31,916 --> 00:17:33,708
[Rick] You need a good beat, right?
359
00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:38,333
-[choir music starting]
-Yeah.
360
00:17:38,416 --> 00:17:40,583
[hip-hop beat starts]
361
00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:44,125
-Yeah, that's good.
-[Rick] Do you like it?
362
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:45,833
Yeah, it's awesome. Can I have it, please?
363
00:17:45,916 --> 00:17:47,541
-[music stops]
-[Rick] No, you can't.
364
00:17:48,625 --> 00:17:51,708
Here comes one
with even more hit potential.
365
00:17:51,791 --> 00:17:52,791
[music starts]
366
00:17:52,875 --> 00:17:55,500
[distorted voice singing]
♪ Higher and higher and higher ♪
367
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:57,583
♪ We want to lift you higher ♪
368
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,583
-[beat drops]
-♪ Higher and higher and higher ♪
369
00:18:01,666 --> 00:18:04,083
♪ We want to lift you higher ♪
370
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,333
Okay, Rick, that's perfect.
371
00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:07,875
Can-can I please have it?
Can we work on that beat, please?
372
00:18:07,958 --> 00:18:08,791
[music stops]
373
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:12,041
You can't have that one either
because you're not cooperating.
374
00:18:12,541 --> 00:18:15,083
Hey, I'll cooperate.
No problem, I'll cooperate.
375
00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:16,250
I'll cooperate.
376
00:18:16,333 --> 00:18:17,458
Lie down.
377
00:18:17,541 --> 00:18:19,750
Sure, I'll lie down. I'll cooperate.
378
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:21,458
Ow, ow.
379
00:18:21,541 --> 00:18:23,916
[Tupac] Toni had a hard time
adapting to Rick's methods…
380
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:24,916
[exhales]
381
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,583
…and Johnny's mission ended up
being trickier than he thought.
382
00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:32,750
In-ter-ven-tion. In-ter-ven-tion.
383
00:18:33,458 --> 00:18:36,916
Nancy! Nancy-pants! Nancy! Nancy!
384
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:40,583
-Hi, my little cuddle sheriff!
-Don't call me that.
385
00:18:40,666 --> 00:18:43,708
Okay. Remember that alarm
I had Electro-Pedro install?
386
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:45,250
Well, it went off today, and I…
387
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,375
Holy mackerel! What do you have there?
388
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:50,750
That looks really illegal,
like some designer drug. [laughs]
389
00:18:51,583 --> 00:18:52,833
Drugs.
390
00:18:52,916 --> 00:18:54,250
[Johnny] Is it a drug?
391
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,625
Really? [gasps]
392
00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:58,250
Nancy, do we have
a drug problem in Schitten?
393
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:01,166
Don't know what's in it.
394
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:03,208
[Johnny] What? You haven't checked?
395
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:05,916
Aren't even a little curious?
396
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,500
Well, the Mayor won't allow it.
397
00:19:11,041 --> 00:19:12,291
[gasps softly]
398
00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:15,041
Hmm.
399
00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:17,375
Anyway, the alarm goes off.
400
00:19:17,458 --> 00:19:19,708
I run home like a total idiot.
But nobody's there.
401
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:21,000
No Toni, nothing. And then…
402
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,333
Then the ghost of your dead mother
suddenly shows up
403
00:19:23,416 --> 00:19:26,125
and tells me to organize an intervention.
404
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,583
I think I need to drink some wine.
405
00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:32,666
Okay. Um…
406
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:35,000
Did you hear what I just said? Oh. Uh…
407
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:37,500
-Our little Tonifant needs our help.
-[Nancy sighs]
408
00:19:37,583 --> 00:19:38,916
Nancy. Pl…
409
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:42,250
All right. Let's go see the twins.
410
00:19:46,416 --> 00:19:50,583
[exhaling]
411
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:53,583
[Rick] What is your problem?
412
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:55,708
It's the bananas, right?
413
00:19:55,791 --> 00:19:57,416
[obnoxious ringtone playing]
414
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,750
Sorry. Just a sec.
415
00:19:58,833 --> 00:19:59,916
UNKNOWN (DON'T KNOW THEM)
416
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,041
Um… Sorry. It's an unknown number.
I don't know if… Um…
417
00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:05,041
I'll just answer real quick. One second.
418
00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:06,125
Yes?
419
00:20:06,208 --> 00:20:07,875
[distorted voice] Your son is dead.
420
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:08,916
What? Charly?
421
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,000
Dead serious that he needs you to come
do stand-up paddleboard limbo with him.
422
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,708
-Charly?
-Pranked! It's me, Charly.
423
00:20:14,791 --> 00:20:17,166
Charly, do you want me to have
a fucking heart attack?
424
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,166
Stop with your stupid pranks, okay?
It's not cool.
425
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:22,166
-[line disconnects]
-Hello?
426
00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:24,208
Papa?
427
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,041
Did you seriously hang up on me again?
428
00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:31,041
[Köbi] Papa, this is Charly.
429
00:20:31,541 --> 00:20:34,541
Hey. Hi. I've heard so much about you.
430
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:37,375
I woke Köbi up today and said,
"Look out the window."
431
00:20:37,458 --> 00:20:38,583
"Hey, I'm not going to work."
432
00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:40,791
It's a beautiful day and
I'm spending it with my son."
433
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:43,708
So, you wanna go paddling
with us later? Or…
434
00:20:43,791 --> 00:20:46,583
Stand-up-paddle board limbo
is really dangerous.
435
00:20:46,666 --> 00:20:49,291
But with a papa like mine,
we're perfectly safe, so…
436
00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:51,708
[Tupac] Charly was so angry at Toni,
437
00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:54,125
and at Köbi, and at Köbi's cool buddy dad,
438
00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:56,666
and at the cool father-son
camera panning they were getting.
439
00:20:56,750 --> 00:20:59,583
-I mean, just look at that.
-Aw.
440
00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:03,291
Thank you.
441
00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:07,416
But I… I'm good on my own.
442
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,166
[Köbi's dad] Mm, okay.
443
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:12,208
Hey, It's been a mega joy
getting to know you, Charly.
444
00:21:13,666 --> 00:21:14,791
-[Köbi] See you.
-[Charly] Hm.
445
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:17,916
[Tupac] And that's when
Charly decided to punish Toni.
446
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,000
"I'm just gonna win the father-son
paddleboard limbo championship
447
00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:26,083
all by myself, and Toni's gonna regret
not spending the day with me," he thought.
448
00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:29,291
Little did he know
the plan would lead to something terrible,
449
00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:32,166
and all of Schitten
was going to witness it.
450
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:33,708
[woman] ♪ News from Schitten ♪
451
00:21:33,791 --> 00:21:35,541
[announcer] Live
from Schitten's Open Channel…
452
00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:36,708
PRESENTED BY VERONICA FERRES
453
00:21:36,791 --> 00:21:39,916
…the Father-Son Stand-up Paddleboard
-Limbo Championship.
454
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,250
And there's the signal
for the Swiss delegation.
455
00:21:43,333 --> 00:21:48,250
Köbi… very good job on the first obstacle.
456
00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:49,416
And Köbi's father.
457
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,500
Ah, what was that? A little hesitation,
but he made it through.
458
00:21:52,583 --> 00:21:55,666
That was a fantastic run,
the judges are loving it.
459
00:21:55,750 --> 00:21:56,708
Great scores.
460
00:21:56,791 --> 00:21:59,333
And next up is Carsten Maria Schrammel,
461
00:21:59,416 --> 00:22:03,041
along with his father… Uh… Where is he?
462
00:22:03,125 --> 00:22:05,458
[Tupac] Even I was
sitting in front of the TV thinking,
463
00:22:05,541 --> 00:22:08,041
"Toni can't let Charly
go into the water alone!"
464
00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:11,250
[commentator] So it turns out
that Schrammel's starting without his dad.
465
00:22:11,333 --> 00:22:14,541
I don't know,
it sounds like a bad omen to me.
466
00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:18,416
And right at the first obstacle
you can already see he's kind of wobbly,
467
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:22,291
but as we all know it's only
going get harder from here on out.
468
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:25,291
-[stressful music building]
-Oh, you can see the fear in his eyes.
469
00:22:25,375 --> 00:22:27,041
-[joints cracking]
-Ahh!
470
00:22:27,125 --> 00:22:28,375
-[commentator] Oh no.
-[grunting]
471
00:22:28,458 --> 00:22:30,416
-[crowd reacting]
-[commentator] This is terrible.
472
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,166
-[Charly coughs]
-The boy is in the water.
473
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,708
Oh God, these are terrible images.
474
00:22:33,791 --> 00:22:35,375
[Tupac] Oh no, Charly.
475
00:22:35,458 --> 00:22:37,458
-[commentator] Where is this boy's father?
-[quacks]
476
00:22:37,541 --> 00:22:41,000
[Toni] Sorry, Rick,
that was just a prank by…
477
00:22:41,083 --> 00:22:42,166
my son.
478
00:22:42,791 --> 00:22:45,000
Okay, I figured out what your problem is.
479
00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:47,000
[man] You're a fucking genius, Rick.
480
00:22:47,083 --> 00:22:48,458
I know.
481
00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:50,541
And I figured it out all by myself.
482
00:22:50,625 --> 00:22:52,916
So what's the reason?
Why am I writing crap?
483
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,291
Why am I so successful, Toni?
484
00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,833
Um, 'cause you're talented, I mean,
485
00:22:57,916 --> 00:23:01,208
and focused and well-connected,
and because you have good instincts?
486
00:23:01,291 --> 00:23:03,166
Because I'm free.
487
00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:06,791
No family, no kids, no wife.
488
00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:10,125
Okay? So, like, nobody's giving me stress.
Except for Bob.
489
00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:11,083
[Bob] Only Bob.
490
00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:13,000
[Toni] Really?
491
00:23:13,083 --> 00:23:16,250
Family tears you apart,
and it also makes you old and ugly.
492
00:23:16,333 --> 00:23:18,250
And you, Toni, are old and ugly.
493
00:23:18,333 --> 00:23:19,500
[Bob] Ugly.
494
00:23:19,583 --> 00:23:21,625
-Okay.
-You probably wear a bike helmet.
495
00:23:21,708 --> 00:23:22,833
I don't ride a bike.
496
00:23:22,916 --> 00:23:24,750
I never wear bike helmets. You know why?
497
00:23:24,833 --> 00:23:25,958
Looks like shit, that's why.
498
00:23:26,041 --> 00:23:27,833
[Bob] Looks like shit.
499
00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:30,750
There are two types of people
in this world, only two.
500
00:23:30,833 --> 00:23:33,166
Either you're a little ladybug,
with little dreams,
501
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:37,000
who plays by the rules
in a little house with a little family,
502
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:40,541
leading a shitty life and
wearing a bike helmet.
503
00:23:42,416 --> 00:23:43,333
Or?
504
00:23:44,916 --> 00:23:45,791
You're a buzzard.
505
00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:48,125
-Sorry?
-Buzzard.
506
00:23:48,208 --> 00:23:50,000
Sorry, what is a buzzard?
507
00:23:50,083 --> 00:23:51,083
Kinda like an eagle.
508
00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:52,833
Why didn't you just say eagle, then?
509
00:23:52,916 --> 00:23:54,791
-Buzzard's cooler!
-Okay.
510
00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:57,375
So, what are you, Toni?
511
00:23:58,250 --> 00:23:59,875
Um… A buzzard.
512
00:23:59,958 --> 00:24:01,583
No, Toni.
513
00:24:01,666 --> 00:24:04,333
You are a wapper.
514
00:24:04,416 --> 00:24:05,375
A what?
515
00:24:05,458 --> 00:24:06,541
A rapper.
516
00:24:08,458 --> 00:24:12,041
I, uh… I thought my two choices were
buzzard or ladybug, right? I didn't--
517
00:24:12,125 --> 00:24:13,666
You're a wapper. Say it.
518
00:24:13,750 --> 00:24:15,541
-[stirring music starts]
-"I'm a wapper."
519
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:17,500
I am a rapper.
520
00:24:17,583 --> 00:24:18,500
What are you?
521
00:24:18,583 --> 00:24:20,000
I am a rapper.
522
00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:21,750
-Louder!
-I am a rapper.
523
00:24:21,833 --> 00:24:22,666
What? What are you?
524
00:24:22,750 --> 00:24:25,041
-I'm a rapper, damn it, come on!
-[music peaks]
525
00:24:25,125 --> 00:24:27,458
[Rick] You're a great creator.
526
00:24:30,125 --> 00:24:33,083
But your family doesn't see
how good you really are.
527
00:24:33,166 --> 00:24:35,083
A great creator.
528
00:24:35,583 --> 00:24:36,916
-Thank you, Bob.
-[Bob] Hm.
529
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,375
[Rick] Kawaaa.
530
00:24:38,458 --> 00:24:40,250
-Kawaaa?
-[Bob] Kawaaa.
531
00:24:40,333 --> 00:24:42,625
-The call of a buzzard.
-The metaphors are confusing, sorry.
532
00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:43,791
-[Rick] Kawaaa.
-Kawaaa.
533
00:24:43,875 --> 00:24:45,083
-[Bob] Kawaaa.
-Kawaaa.
534
00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:46,208
-Kawaaa.
-Kawaaa!
535
00:24:46,291 --> 00:24:47,875
-Kawaaa!
-Kawaaa!
536
00:24:47,958 --> 00:24:50,000
-Kawaaa!
-Kawaaa!
537
00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:51,208
[Bob] Kawaaa!
538
00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:53,541
-Kawaaa.
-[Tupac] While Toni was feeling truly seen
539
00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:55,333
-for the first time in his life…
-[gunshots]
540
00:24:55,416 --> 00:24:58,583
…Johnny caught the twins
at their daily shooting practice.
541
00:25:01,958 --> 00:25:03,083
Hi there, twins.
542
00:25:03,166 --> 00:25:04,541
-[shot fires]
-Gah!
543
00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:11,500
Okay. Um, I'll stay over here. Uh…
544
00:25:11,583 --> 00:25:13,958
[muffled] I need your help.
Wera's ghost showed up.
545
00:25:14,041 --> 00:25:16,166
[normal] Things are serious,
snuggle crackers.
546
00:25:16,250 --> 00:25:17,666
[muffled] He stole the golden Trabi.
547
00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,791
Wera told me to organize
an Intervention for Toni
548
00:25:19,875 --> 00:25:22,000
because he's being
a terrible father to Charly.
549
00:25:22,083 --> 00:25:23,583
[normal] So, you in or what?
550
00:25:24,166 --> 00:25:26,333
[screams, gasps]
551
00:25:26,416 --> 00:25:28,583
Okay, I get it. I'll come back later.
552
00:25:29,458 --> 00:25:31,958
[hip-hop music playing]
553
00:25:32,041 --> 00:25:33,416
[bird calling]
554
00:25:33,500 --> 00:25:38,791
[music continues]
555
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:43,375
FAMILLY
556
00:25:43,458 --> 00:25:46,583
All of those little ladybugs
out there are going to be jealous of you,
557
00:25:47,125 --> 00:25:49,416
of the soaring buzzard wings
of your creativity.
558
00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:51,083
[munching]
559
00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:53,791
-And they're gonna try to drag you down.
-[crunching]
560
00:25:54,750 --> 00:25:56,791
-You must free yourself…
-Uh-huh.
561
00:25:56,875 --> 00:25:58,625
from your family.
562
00:25:58,708 --> 00:26:00,041
FAMILLY
563
00:26:01,166 --> 00:26:03,916
Rick, there's just one L in family.
564
00:26:09,583 --> 00:26:10,875
[Rick] Yeah.
565
00:26:10,958 --> 00:26:14,666
Of course it's spelled
with just one L… Bob.
566
00:26:18,041 --> 00:26:19,166
It's no biggie.
567
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:23,000
Next time they stress you out,
you tell your family, "Hey!"
568
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:26,291
Can you… Can you repeat that?
569
00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:27,791
Oh, sorry. Um…
570
00:26:27,875 --> 00:26:28,791
Hey!
571
00:26:28,875 --> 00:26:31,916
Hey, family, this is your shit.
572
00:26:32,416 --> 00:26:35,125
Hey, family, this is your shit.
573
00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:38,500
Then you punch them in the chin.
574
00:26:40,416 --> 00:26:42,583
-So I pun--
-With everything you've got. [grunts]
575
00:26:42,666 --> 00:26:43,541
-Now?
-Yeah.
576
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:52,500
-[clangs]
-Fuck! Ow! Shit!
577
00:26:52,583 --> 00:26:55,291
Um… Is that gold?
578
00:26:55,375 --> 00:26:57,083
Uh, yes, that's gold.
579
00:26:57,166 --> 00:26:59,000
-It's all gold. I like gold.
-Sure.
580
00:26:59,083 --> 00:27:00,458
[obnoxious ringtone playing]
581
00:27:00,541 --> 00:27:01,791
Shit.
582
00:27:02,666 --> 00:27:03,958
Not again.
583
00:27:04,041 --> 00:27:05,625
It's probably my son.
584
00:27:05,708 --> 00:27:07,291
What should I do now, Rick?
585
00:27:07,375 --> 00:27:09,083
-Please answer.
-Okay.
586
00:27:09,166 --> 00:27:11,916
-Yeah.
-[silly voice] Hello, this is Dr. Snuts.
587
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,291
There was an accident on the river.
588
00:27:14,375 --> 00:27:17,625
I told you last time, Charly.
Enough with these stupid pranks.
589
00:27:17,708 --> 00:27:19,416
No, this is Dr. Snuts.
590
00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:21,583
-Repeat after me…
-You've got to get here immediately.
591
00:27:21,666 --> 00:27:23,291
-"I'm a buzzard."
-Your son was in a--
592
00:27:23,375 --> 00:27:24,833
I'm a buzzard.
593
00:27:24,916 --> 00:27:26,166
-"Let me fly."
-What's a buzzard?
594
00:27:26,250 --> 00:27:27,541
Let me fly.
595
00:27:27,625 --> 00:27:28,458
-Snuts!
-Kawaaa.
596
00:27:28,541 --> 00:27:29,458
Kawaaa!
597
00:27:29,541 --> 00:27:30,791
-This is Dr. Snuts!
-Now hang up.
598
00:27:30,875 --> 00:27:32,125
Now hang up.
599
00:27:32,208 --> 00:27:33,250
-No, you hang up.
-Hello?
600
00:27:33,333 --> 00:27:34,583
-Oh.
-He's--
601
00:27:34,666 --> 00:27:36,916
-Okay, I hung up, I did it.
-Okay.
602
00:27:37,625 --> 00:27:39,541
And how do you feel
about this new situation?
603
00:27:39,625 --> 00:27:41,208
Um, really good, actually.
604
00:27:41,291 --> 00:27:43,583
Very good, to the rapmobile!
605
00:27:43,666 --> 00:27:45,166
Let's rap!
606
00:27:45,916 --> 00:27:46,750
What?
607
00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:51,500
-[Bob making vrooming sounds]
-Oh God. Oh God.
608
00:27:51,583 --> 00:27:53,333
This thing flies like a buzzard,
doesn't it?
609
00:27:53,416 --> 00:27:55,416
-All-wheel drive!
-[Bob making engine noises]
610
00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:57,375
-[honks horn]
-[Bob continues vrooming]
611
00:27:57,458 --> 00:27:59,708
[Rick shrieks and giggles]
612
00:27:59,791 --> 00:28:00,791
Whoa!
613
00:28:00,875 --> 00:28:02,750
[Bob continues making engine sounds]
614
00:28:02,833 --> 00:28:03,916
Just go with it.
615
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,916
Rick hasn't left the house
in two whole years.
616
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,250
-Why not?
-Bob? We've arrived.
617
00:28:09,333 --> 00:28:10,666
[Bob] Mm.
618
00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:14,958
Toni, there's a real star in you.
619
00:28:15,041 --> 00:28:15,916
Really?
620
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,583
[Tupac] No one had ever seen
anything in Toni, other than a loser.
621
00:28:19,666 --> 00:28:20,875
Thanks, Rick.
622
00:28:22,041 --> 00:28:23,166
I love you.
623
00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:26,250
There, now it's out.
I've said it. I love you.
624
00:28:26,333 --> 00:28:27,333
[laughs]
625
00:28:28,666 --> 00:28:29,750
Out of the car.
626
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:36,916
[exhales]
627
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,583
[Toni] He's fucking nuts,
but he knows how to make hits.
628
00:28:40,666 --> 00:28:43,083
[Rick] Your song is deep inside you.
629
00:28:43,166 --> 00:28:45,625
And we have to flush it out.
630
00:28:45,708 --> 00:28:49,708
It has to flow out of you,
no matter the orifice.
631
00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:53,208
You have a choice.
632
00:28:53,791 --> 00:28:56,666
Either you get the enema of awareness,
633
00:28:56,750 --> 00:28:57,791
this right here…
634
00:28:57,875 --> 00:28:58,875
Uh…
635
00:28:58,958 --> 00:29:01,625
…or… you get to drink a raw buzzard egg.
636
00:29:01,708 --> 00:29:02,958
[Toni] Why?
637
00:29:03,458 --> 00:29:05,666
[Bob] Don't question Rick's methods.
638
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,375
[Rick] Choose wisely.
639
00:29:08,458 --> 00:29:13,458
[suspenseful music playing]
640
00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:19,500
[Tupac] There are only
three things you need to know
641
00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:21,041
about Rick's buzzard egg cocktails.
642
00:29:21,125 --> 00:29:21,958
Good choice.
643
00:29:22,833 --> 00:29:24,208
-[Tupac] Number one.
-[gags]
644
00:29:24,291 --> 00:29:26,541
They're spiked with
strong bull tranquilizers.
645
00:29:27,041 --> 00:29:27,875
Number two…
646
00:29:27,958 --> 00:29:30,541
-Wait, actually just the one thing.
-[slurping]
647
00:29:30,625 --> 00:29:32,291
-Lots of yolk…
-[gags]
648
00:29:32,375 --> 00:29:36,125
…and some seriously strong
bull tranquilizers.
649
00:29:36,791 --> 00:29:38,250
[gulps]
650
00:29:40,166 --> 00:29:41,166
And?
651
00:29:42,458 --> 00:29:43,958
[distorted] Something's wrong with me.
652
00:29:44,041 --> 00:29:46,916
[uneasy music playing]
653
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,000
[Rick, distorted] That's totally normal,
Toni. Soon you'll--
654
00:29:50,625 --> 00:29:51,750
[thudding]
655
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,708
You forgot the mat again, Bob.
656
00:29:57,125 --> 00:29:58,333
Toni!
657
00:29:58,416 --> 00:30:00,583
[trippy music playing]
658
00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:03,708
Release yourself from
the chains of your family,
659
00:30:03,791 --> 00:30:07,166
and your hit will come to you.
660
00:30:07,250 --> 00:30:09,625
Release yourself from the chains…
661
00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:10,833
[bird calling]
662
00:30:13,416 --> 00:30:15,416
[wind whistling]
663
00:30:17,750 --> 00:30:19,750
[bird calls]
664
00:30:25,416 --> 00:30:27,083
[Wera] Enough with this nonsense.
665
00:30:27,166 --> 00:30:28,458
You're almost 40.
666
00:30:29,375 --> 00:30:30,916
This is getting embarrassing.
667
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,083
[bird screeches]
668
00:30:32,166 --> 00:30:34,958
-[hip-hop playing]
-♪ I'm so fly, I'm so nice ♪
669
00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:36,333
[Rick] Kawaaa!
670
00:30:37,083 --> 00:30:40,250
[Johnny] Teddy Bear,
don't you wanna do the sensible thing?
671
00:30:40,333 --> 00:30:41,625
[screeching]
672
00:30:41,708 --> 00:30:44,250
[rapping] ♪ Buzzard's come to take you
To new height ♪
673
00:30:44,333 --> 00:30:47,250
-♪ I'm so fly, I'm so nice ♪
-[Toni breathing deeply]
674
00:30:47,333 --> 00:30:49,541
♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
675
00:30:49,625 --> 00:30:51,500
[Charly] ♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho ♪
676
00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:52,458
Papa!
677
00:30:52,541 --> 00:30:54,750
♪ I'm so fly… ♪ [slows, then stops]
678
00:30:54,833 --> 00:30:56,916
-♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
-Papa!
679
00:30:57,916 --> 00:31:01,333
You need to take care of me.
I want your attention.
680
00:31:02,666 --> 00:31:05,708
[Rick, distorted] You have
to free yourself from your family.
681
00:31:07,041 --> 00:31:10,708
[psychedelic music playing]
682
00:31:10,791 --> 00:31:12,125
[Rick] Kawaaa!
683
00:31:12,208 --> 00:31:15,000
-[screeching]
-♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
684
00:31:15,083 --> 00:31:16,208
Kawaaa! Kawaaa! Kawaaa!
685
00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:18,208
♪ Want to lift you higher ♪
686
00:31:18,291 --> 00:31:20,916
-He's got it! You've got it!
-[echoing] Kawaaa!
687
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:22,458
He's ready for this, Bob.
688
00:31:22,541 --> 00:31:24,708
-Fire up the machines!
-♪ We want to lift you higher ♪
689
00:31:24,791 --> 00:31:26,166
Kawaaa! Kawaaa! Kawaaa!
690
00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:28,916
♪ I'm so fly
I'm so nice ♪
691
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:32,041
-Kawaaa!
-♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
692
00:31:32,125 --> 00:31:35,458
-Kawaaa!
-♪ Wild and free, taking flight ♪
693
00:31:35,541 --> 00:31:37,416
♪ The buzzard's come
To take you to new heights ♪
694
00:31:37,500 --> 00:31:39,041
Kawaaa! Kawaaa! Kawaaa!
695
00:31:39,125 --> 00:31:41,708
♪ I'm so fly
I'm so nice ♪
696
00:31:41,791 --> 00:31:42,750
Kawaaa!
697
00:31:42,833 --> 00:31:44,916
♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
698
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,583
-Kawaaa!
-♪ Wild and free, taking flight ♪
699
00:31:47,666 --> 00:31:48,625
ASSFACE
700
00:31:48,708 --> 00:31:50,416
♪ Buzzard's come
To take you to new heights ♪
701
00:31:50,500 --> 00:31:51,333
42 MISSED CALLS
702
00:31:52,291 --> 00:31:54,458
♪ I fly away with the words
That I'm speaking ♪
703
00:31:54,541 --> 00:31:55,375
Kawaaa!
704
00:31:55,458 --> 00:31:57,750
♪ The sky is the limit and I am leaving ♪
705
00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:58,750
Kawaaa!
706
00:31:58,833 --> 00:32:00,916
♪ In my hood I am king
I'm not kidding ♪
707
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,666
-Kawaaa!
-♪ Every evening ♪
708
00:32:02,750 --> 00:32:05,166
-♪ Yeah, we ascending ♪
-Kawaaa! Kawaaa! Kawaaa!
709
00:32:05,250 --> 00:32:07,583
♪ I am a buzzard, I am a buzzard
And I have traveled far ♪
710
00:32:07,666 --> 00:32:09,333
-Buzzard!
-♪ My aerial attacks ♪
711
00:32:09,416 --> 00:32:11,416
-♪ Will leave you with battle scars ♪
-Battle scars!
712
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:13,125
♪ Pushing only the flyest whips ♪
713
00:32:13,208 --> 00:32:14,791
-♪ I never rent a car ♪
-Flyest whips!
714
00:32:14,875 --> 00:32:17,500
♪ I am legend in the labyrinth
Spitting bars with the minotaur ♪
715
00:32:17,583 --> 00:32:18,541
♪ Eating up bastards ♪
716
00:32:18,625 --> 00:32:19,916
PLEASE CALL ME. IT'S AN EMERGENCY
717
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,958
♪ Chewing up busters
I stay fly with my peoples… ♪
718
00:32:22,041 --> 00:32:23,541
Ladybug is gonna be a star.
719
00:32:24,208 --> 00:32:26,791
♪ The buzzard has come
To turn up the party ♪
720
00:32:26,875 --> 00:32:28,750
♪ I'm gliding through smooth ♪
721
00:32:28,833 --> 00:32:29,916
♪ Shitting on everybody ♪
722
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:31,833
♪ I'm so fly ♪
723
00:32:31,916 --> 00:32:32,916
♪ I'm so nice ♪
724
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:33,833
Kawaaa!
725
00:32:33,916 --> 00:32:36,666
-♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
-Kawaaa!
726
00:32:36,750 --> 00:32:39,458
♪ Wild and free
Taking flight ♪
727
00:32:39,541 --> 00:32:41,541
♪ Buzzard's come
To take you to new heights ♪
728
00:32:41,625 --> 00:32:43,125
Kawaaa! Kawaaa! Kawaaa!
729
00:32:43,208 --> 00:32:45,875
♪ I'm so fly
I'm so nice ♪
730
00:32:45,958 --> 00:32:48,875
-Kawaaa!
-♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
731
00:32:48,958 --> 00:32:52,333
-Kawaaa!
-♪ Wild and free, taking flight ♪
732
00:32:52,416 --> 00:32:54,833
♪ Buzzard's come
To take you to new heights ♪
733
00:32:55,916 --> 00:32:59,041
♪ Yeah, I'm cuckoo
Don't know how to act, bro ♪
734
00:32:59,125 --> 00:33:01,958
♪ Swoopin' down on you
Like a pterodactyl ♪
735
00:33:02,041 --> 00:33:03,166
♪ Here for the cashflow ♪
736
00:33:03,250 --> 00:33:05,166
♪ Back in at the backdoor
Back door ♪
737
00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:06,708
♪ Talent sharper than X-Actos ♪
738
00:33:06,791 --> 00:33:08,791
♪ These type of rap flows
Blessin' these assholes ♪
739
00:33:08,875 --> 00:33:10,000
♪ Oh! I spot my prey ♪
740
00:33:10,083 --> 00:33:12,208
-♪ And then I swooped in ♪
-♪ Swooped in ♪
741
00:33:12,291 --> 00:33:14,750
♪ I know you know
That we got that new shit ♪
742
00:33:14,833 --> 00:33:17,500
♪ Risin' up like the phoenix
From the fire ♪
743
00:33:17,583 --> 00:33:19,958
♪ Watch me burn the flame
Now that the buzzard has come down ♪
744
00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:21,833
♪ I think that it's time
You learned my name ♪
745
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:24,708
♪ I'm still gettin' higher
I'm still gettin' higher ♪
746
00:33:24,791 --> 00:33:28,000
♪ Superhuman glider in the sky
Fuelin' the fire ♪
747
00:33:28,083 --> 00:33:31,083
♪ Watch me fly higher
Watch me fly higher ♪
748
00:33:31,166 --> 00:33:34,333
♪ Taking flight away
On the wings of desire ♪
749
00:33:34,416 --> 00:33:36,916
♪ I'm so fly, I'm so nice ♪
750
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,000
Kawaaa!
751
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:40,500
-♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
-Kawaaa!
752
00:33:40,583 --> 00:33:43,541
♪ Wild and free, taking flight ♪
753
00:33:43,625 --> 00:33:45,583
♪ Buzzard's come
To take you to new heights ♪
754
00:33:45,666 --> 00:33:47,166
Kawaaa! Kawaaa! Kawaaa!
755
00:33:47,250 --> 00:33:49,666
♪ I'm so fly, I'm so nice ♪
756
00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:50,625
Kawaaa!
757
00:33:50,708 --> 00:33:53,583
-♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
-Kawaaa!
758
00:33:53,666 --> 00:33:56,333
♪ Wild and free, taking flight ♪
759
00:33:56,416 --> 00:33:58,375
♪ Buzzard's come
To take you to new heights ♪
760
00:33:58,458 --> 00:34:00,000
Kawaaa! Kawaaa! Kawaaa!
761
00:34:00,083 --> 00:34:02,833
♪ I'm so fly, I'm so nice ♪
762
00:34:03,583 --> 00:34:05,833
♪ Buzzard, buzzard, this is my advice ♪
763
00:34:06,416 --> 00:34:09,125
♪ Wild and free, taking flight ♪
764
00:34:09,208 --> 00:34:11,666
♪ Buzzard's come
To take you to new heights ♪
765
00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:14,250
Kawaaa!
766
00:34:14,333 --> 00:34:16,333
[intriguing music playing]
767
00:35:56,166 --> 00:35:57,291
Kawaaa!
56211
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