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For Syd.

J good morning, a new day's dawning j

j and I'm through yawning now I get excited every day j

man 1: Syd.

J oohh j

yo, sign Syd's card.

Man 2: It's for Syd.

J 'cause it's all right for now j

j good morning a new day's dawning j

j and I'm through yawning now j

man 1: Hey, Syd!

Got something for you.

What's this?

A little something.

Aww.

- Guys. - From all of us.

Is it a Stanley 22 ounce anti-vibe framing hammer?

No. It's better than that. It's actually something you could use at college.

Come on.

I love it.

Thanks, you guys.

Don't spend all your time on it. I know you have a scholarship

to keep up with, but promise us you'll raise hell every now and then!

All: Yeah!

Don't worry, dad. I'll smile for my mug shot.

Hm

I'm gonna miss everybody.

Stu,

careful with the nail gun.

Big Ron. Mm.

Hold me, please.

Oh, all right!

Good hug!

Man 4: Back to work.

Okay, you're crushing me. Ow.

My collarbone.

Sydney: You know how people joke about being raised by wolves?

I was raised by construction workers.

- What you got? - Peanut butter. It's so good.

Man 5: Hey, mamacita!

Yeah!

I was only 9 when my mom died,

which means my formative years were left up to my dad.

Being a plumber did give him a certain unique perspective...

Now, these up here are your, um...

Your philippian...

That's not right.

Fallopian. These are your...

Let's just call them your lady tubes. All right?

Every month, you...

Ay an egg.

I ike a chicken.

My dad always did his best.

Understand?

But sometimes,

a qirl just needs her mom.

Paul: Sydney!

Time to get a move on, sweetheart!

Wow.

If your mom was here, she'd know exactly what to say.

She'd be so excited you're going to her school, her sorority.

I'm not in yet, dad.

Girl, you're gonna fit into that place like a...

Overflow tube in a pressure tank.

Come on, dad. We said no mushy stuff.

Right. No mushy stuff.

Come here.

I love you, dad.

Mom: Dear Sydney, I love you so much.

I'm so sorry I'm not there to see you off to college.

But since I can't be, I've put some of my favorite memories in this box.

Live every moment, Sydney.

Grab every opportunity.

And have fun in everything you do.

The friends you meet in college will be friends for life.

Perhaps you'll fill this box with your own memories

fo pass on to your daughter someday.

And know that though I can't be there with you now,

I'm always right by your side every step of the way.

J -ooh - I get you so hot &

- whoa - I get you going at a rock party j

j ooh, gonna get, gonna get gonna get, gonna get you hot, boy j

j gonna get you hot, boy j

j I chew gum with a warning baby I chew gum with a warning j

j boy, I'm dangerous so hazardous, so dangerous j

j yeah, baby, I chew gum with a warning, baby I chew gum with a warning &'j'

still the fairest of them all.

J too long until fall, sick summer in bed j

j you and a lazy mood j

j ten times the fall spread, sacked, and I've failed j

j can't stop, it's too late I'm feeling frustrated &

j' I see no sign of the fortress I see no sign of the fortress jf

Girl: Well, hello there. - Oh, hi.

- I didn't even know anyone was in here. - People sometimes don't see me.

- I'm dinky. - Oh, no, you're not.

- No, silly, that's my name. - Oh, dinky? That's your real name?

Of course not. My real name's demetria rosemead.

"Dinky" it is.

Hi, I'm Sydney white.

Sydney white?

The other kappa legacy? Daughter of Paul white and Deborah Lee,

kappa pledge class 19807

yeah

I'm sorry, I didn't order your background check.

I'm the other kappa legacy! Oh, my gosh!

This is so exciting! I should've known they'd room us together for rush.

Don't get comfortable. We're gonna move to the kappa house!

Ah! We're gonna be sisters!

- Yee! - Yay! We're jumping now.

I've been waiting to be a kappa. All the women in my family were kappas.

See, look. My momma gave me her when I was 5.

- She even has a little pledge pin. - She sure does.

- Does she come with a mini kappa house? - Oh. Oh, I wish.

What were you thinking about wearing to the first rush party? Let me...

- Let me show you what I was thinking. - Okay.

Wow.

I don't even have a top one.

- I might have a skirt in here somewhere. - Oh, no.

Did you have a luggage mishap?

- Well, what about in that bag? - Oh. Oh, this bag.

Oh, oh, wait until you see this!

My comic book collection.

- Oh. Oh, my. - Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, uh, you know what? Why don't you wear something of mine to the first rush party?

Oh, okay. Yeah. That might be best.

You know, this is gonna be fun.

I've never really had a lot of girlfriends before.

Not just girlfriends.

Sisters.

I'd like to welcome Tyler prince, president of beta omega rho fraternity.

Hey, everyone.

I've asked Tyler to come to talk about a very special project.

So, the plan is...

We have a golden opportunity right on Greek row.

The vortex? Where all those freaks live? That's the golden opportunity?

No

This is.

The witchburn-prince Greek life center will soon break ground.

Tyler's parents and my parents have already donated the funds.

We just need to deal with the current tenants.

I've been assured by the administration

that this is a priority for the university this year.

Okay. So text me.

This is silly.

- When are you come back to me? - You dumped me, remember?

It was middle school. I thought I was gonna marry a backstreet boy.

You still could.

I gotta go pick up the keg.

Yeah, well, I gotta go, too.

- I wish we had the same size feet. - Oh, it's okay.

Isn't the point of this sisterhood thing that they like you for who you are?

Um. Sure.

J shake your hips now, baby come on, shake them all night long jj

man: Oh, nice. Heh, heh.

Hello.

Welcome to sau

hello.

Nice

three's company. Whoa.

Oh, hang on.

Vortex freak show starring puppet boy. Oh, this is an official dork alert, man.

Oh. We got dork Skywalker.

Oh.

Target acquired.

Incoming moose missile!

Hey, you okay?

I... I... I...

You better keep this. You clearly need the practice!

- Whoa, dude! - Come on, dinks.

- You showed up the school's tight end. - I hope he's second string.

Tyler prince.

- Beta president. - Sydney white. No title.

Sorry. Heh, heh. This is dinky.

But we're gonna be late to our first rush party, so excuse us.

Oh, maybe he could help us find our way.

We're going to kappa. Mm-hm.

All right, ladies. Let me be your Greek guide.

Each house has a reputation.

There's the gamma phis.

They're, uh... perky.

Very perky.

Lots of cheerleaders.

And here's pi beta omega. Those girls can out-party any fraternity on campus.

What was the first house? The one with the junior tiger guide?

- Ah, the vortex. - Weird name for a fraternity.

It's not a fraternity. It started as overflow student housing.

Now it's just kind of there.

Here's our stop. Kappa phi nu.

- Well, thank you for the tour, Tyler - Yeah, th...

Sydney, I'm gonna meet you inside. Why?

The illegally blonds.

You? Really? Yeah.

Is... is it the shoes? No _ I love the shoes.

The kappas are just a little...

Intense.

- Well, it was actually my mother's house. - Ah. Legacy. She all over you about rushing?

No. She died nine years ago.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Kappas could use a girl like you.

I should know. They're our sister sorority.

Oh! We'll be like brother and sister!

Not in the related, familial way, but more in the fraternal, sororal...

Sororital? Is that a word?

Sorry. I over-talk when I'm nervous. It's a disease, one without a cure.

So, stop me any time, please. You're nervous?

Oh... no. Heh. No, it's not you. Tyler, was it? No, it's because of the whole rush.

The very term "rush" is an amper-upper. It amps up the old nerves.

I have to go.

Okay, ladies. Listen up.

The doors are about to open. Our objective is?

Target cute pledges.

Exactly. And what do we want to avoid?

Fat losers.

Now, now. We all remember the code.

When I ask you to show a girl to the "koi pond," ditch her.

We also have two legacies coming today, dinky hodgekiss and Sydney white.

When you meet them, find me immediately.

Okay, girls. Are we ready?

Here comes a kappa, queen of the row.

She's hot, she's cool, she ain't no ho.

She's got style, she's got class, and from behind a kicking:

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Excuse me, Amy. Don't you remember? You've been reassigned.

Kitchen duty.

(0 on.

That's what happens when you gain 27 pounds over the summer.

All: Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

- Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! - Kappa! Kappa! Hey.

Hey!

We've been dating for two years. I love him so much! And next week,

he's gonna pin me.

Pin you to what?

F335 fsi = sf

Katy: Hi there. - Oh, hi.

I'm Katy and this is Christy.

I'm Sydney white.

You're one of our legacies. Rachel's gonna be excited!

Rachel, we'd like you to meet someone.

Ohh. Hi

- girls, show this one the koi pond? - Oh, I love koi ponds.

Great. Off you go.

This is Sydney white.

Three words: Leg-a-cy.

Sydney, so pleased to meet you.

I'm so excited. My mom had a great experience here.

Katy, have you offered our guest a drink”

- I'm not that thirsty... - No, no.

Katy. The refreshment table?

We have a situation. That girl is not kappa material.

Christy: Really? I didn't see anything wrong with her.

You know you're not as perceptive as I am.

She wouldn't know her Gucci from her pucci.

Not to mention, I saw her all over Tyler before she came in.

It was embarrassing. We don't want a kappa who behaves that way.

See what I mean?

Christy: But we have to give her a bid. She's a legacy.

Her mom gets her the bid, but she has to survive pledging all on her own.

Oh, my gosh. I saw him outside, and he is the hottest guy on campus.

Who's the hottest guy on campus?

- Tyler prince, the beta president. - Oh, you know, I know that guy.

He was really nice. He showed me around Greek row.

Off limits. He's Rachel's boyfriend.

Oh.

- They're off now but they'll be on again. Christy: It's all part of Rachel's 20-year plan.

He'll be a top litigator, she'll be a senator. It's so romantic.

Yeah, it does sound romantic.

Because there is nothing more romantic than a 20-year plan. Am I right, ladies? Heh, heh.

So, Sydney, where does your dad work”?

Oh. He works mostly on construction sites.

Ohh. My uncle's made a mint building malls. So, your dad's a developer, too?

Yeah

something like that.

Night. Get your beauty rest. Now that you're kappa pledges, it's a requirement.

Sorority girls: J lay you down, dear sweet pledge j

j lay your head on the pillow j

j may you have lovely dreams j

j just as lovely as you are jj

shh.

Has anyone found the koi pond?

It's 12:01! Welcome to hell, skanks!

Over the next week, we'll be conducting what I like to call

- "pledge enlightenment.” - We're not allowed to call it "hazing,"

not after what happened to Suzie.

We're gonna find out which of you Prada princesses

has what it takes to be a kappa,

and which of you don't.

This is your first pledge task, the date dash.

You have until 12:15 to find a date and meet me at the state street diner.

No changing clothes, no makeup, no brushing your hair or teeth!

You have 15 minutes! Let's go!

Christy: Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

Girl: Come on!

- Dinky! Dinky! What do we do? - Oh, you just grab a guy.

Excuse me, sugar. Can I borrow you for a date dash?

- Hurry up, girl. Come on. Come on! - Okay.

Hello?

Hello? Man: Oh, sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hi. I'm sorry I startled you. Can you...? Can you help me?

Okay.

Thanks. Sure.

- Oh, sorry. Sorry, thanks. - What are you doing in a bush?

I don't know. I was walking home and this crazed pack of girls came toward me.

So I dove for cover.

Vision not impaired. Sense of balance restored.

- Feeling in fingers and toes. No visible... - Wait! You're a guy, right?

Yeah

- what are you doing? - Waiting for an antihistamine to work.

I need you to be my date.

Your date?

Yeah. Let's go.

- Oh. Um, when I get this excited, I throw up. - Keep moving, tell me when to duck.

Sydney: Let's go!

What's good? Wonderful.

You just made it.

Woman: How's the bit?

Mmm.

Oh, my god. Look at her with that pie. It's a so-rority, not a ho-rority.

So, tell me about the vortex. What's it like?

Uh

I guess you'd call it a haven for people who don't have anywhere else to go.

Some of us didn't get along with roommates, some made others feel...

Uncomfortable.

Some of us wet the bed.

Some of us wet the hallway.

All of us are outsiders.

Yeah, I know what that's like.

Are you serious? You're a kappa pledge, by definition, an insider.

Would all the kappa pledges join me over here?

Okay. I guess I'll be right back. Yes

okay, girls. It's time for your next pledge task.

The date-dash ditch.

This year's unsuitable date belongs to...

Sydney.

Sorry, you're gonna have to ditch him.

But my guy's really nice. And I dragged him all the way down here.

He has a sinus infection and his athlete's foot is flaring up. And he has glaucoma,

- he thinks. I cannot just ditch him. - I don't make the rules.

If being a kappa is important to you, then this is the price you pay.

Hey, "date."

- Hey. - I ordered you another cup of coffee.

I need you to meet me in the girls' bathroom. Another pledge ritual.

Oh.

Oh. Ohl

yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- Okay. - I'll meet you there.

Sydney?

Pervert! Ow.

Looks like you get stuck with the check.

Man: We live in a country that's considered to be the ultimate model of government.

By the people,

for the people,

and of the people.

But most Americans would be surprised to find how afraid

the founding fathers were of what a direct democracy could do.

Can anyone tell me why?

The young man snoring there, perhaps?

The founding fathers were afraid that direct democracy

would do to America what it did to Rome.

Alexander Hamilton even advocated a monarchy.

Exactly.

We're trained to think the more power the people have, the better.

Can any of you tell me some reasons why this isn't necessarily true?

Oh, Terrence.

Still here after eight years.

What do you say we give someone else a chance, huh?

Ms witchburn?

Most Americans don't educate themselves about the issues.

There are some valid arguments for keeping things a little bit more elite.

You could even argue a case for certain types of oligarchy.

Interesting.

I et's hear from someone else.

How about you?

Ms...? “White

ms white.

Any thoughts?

Um.

I guess I think that's...

Underestimating the masses a bit.

Not to mention overestimating the elites.

Apartheid was an oligarchy, and no one wants that again.

Fexcellent.

What year was kappa phi nu founded? 1902.

Very good.

J it's time, gotta start it up j

mmm. Want some breakfast?

Yeah

help yourself.

Breakfast is good.

Rachel: Ugh.

It's called moisturizer. Try some. Next.

Ugh. Your pores are enormous.

They have whitening toothpaste. Next.

Dinky. Kappa founder kitty Cooper's hometown?

[ Ittle rock

little rock.

Lose the big hair. This isn't Dallas.

Bye.

Eyebrows...

Meet tweezers. Tweezers, meet your worst nightmare.

J you know I'm just getting started j

next next next

okay, future sisters. Get your lazy asses up.

You're gonna clean the bathrooms.

Ugh.

At the beta fraternity house.

- Kappa phi nu colors? - Green and white.

Wrong. Emerald and Pearl.

Sorry, I'm still learning how to speak priss.

J just getting started looking at the real me j

j I'm just getting started and I like what I see j

j anytime I don't believe it j

j I'm just getting started j

You know what? Don't change a thing.

You just keep walking around, looking just like that.

J just getting started just getting started j

- You again. - Oh.

Morning. “Hi

sorry you had to do that.

- The girls are a little traumatized. Sydney: Yeah. It's okay. I...

I spend a lot of time in bathrooms.

No, no. I don't mean like that. I don't go to the bathroom a lot, I...

Sometimes I do. Kind of depends on what I eat.

Just to be clear, I spend 3 normal amount of time in the bathroom.

- Sydney. Time to get back to the house. - Okay.

Don't ask. We had to take her.

I think she's cool and cute.

Boy: Just admit they're cooler.

You don't know what you're talking about.

There is no way that a pirate is cooler than a ninja.

Ninjas live like monks. Pirates get Booty. End of discussion.

Hi, I need to return these. And I have poli-sci books on reserve.

I'm impressed.

I don't get a lot of pledges in here studying.

They probably don't have scholarships to maintain.

You and your drunken, whoring pirates,

represent the lowest common denominator in society.

All right. I think we can all agree that a pirate-ninja

would be the coolest thing ever.

Sydney: Hi

oh hi

hello.

I wanted to apologize for what I did to you in the bathroom.

What did she do to you in the bathroom? What did she do?

It was a stupid pledge prank, and I'm really, really sorry.

It wasn't exactly surprising behavior for a kappa.

Come on, let's go.

Excuse me.

If it makes you feel better, they threw bologna at us

while we sang céline Dion songs.

Girls.

It's been a long journey, but you're almost done.

Tomorrow night is our presents dance,

where you'll be introduced as official kappa sisters.

It's tradition for current sisters

to pass down their presents gowns to new pledges.

After all, we're all size two.

Except you, Amy.

As president, I will draw the first name.

This lucky girl's getting one of Milan's finest.

Sydney white.

Oh, my god.

Come, Sydney.

Hey, Christy, why don't you check your standing?

I'm sure you've cracked the top 20 by now.

What's that?

Just the school's "hot or not" ranking on MySpace.

It's just some dumb list.

Huh. That does sound dumb.

Really dumb.

I bet lame people just log on all day and vote for themselves.

No, we don't. We're only allowed to vote once a day.

Right, Rachel?

Hey, rach, you're still number one.

Am I? How cute.

It's been that way for forever.

You know people. They stick with the status quo.

- That's why new people never make it on. - Sydney's on it.

Number 213. Sydney: I am?

- Let me see that. - Cool.

You said new people never make it on the list.

Well, like you said.

It's just some dumb list.

Aren't we just so lucky to have you as a pledge?

And I think you're gonna look just gorgeous in...

Perfect. Totally you.

Practically screams number 213.

Hey, Tyler.

Ha oh you're so bad.

I have to take this.

Rachel: Jenny Robinson.

Dinky hodgekiss.

Alicia Fairchild.

Bunchy hathaway.

And finally, Sydney white.

I present to you, this fall's kappa phi nu pledge class.

J when I see you baby j

you look

incredible.

Thank you.

Dance?

J when I see you smile I can face the world &

who are you, Sydney white?

You throw a football like Matt leinart, fearlessly conquer fraternity bathrooms,

and clean up nice, to boot.

Well, I'm more of a Peyton Manning. Ll einart's a leftie.

Marry me.

So, they go all out for these shindigs, huh?

That's a weird word. "Shindig.” you eat? There are hors d'oeuvres over there.

I tried to eat a plastic flower once. It kind of hurt.

I'm rambling again, aren't I?

I'm starting to think I make you nervous.

No

J when I see you smile &7

congratulations. You are now a kappa sister.

Congratulations. You are now a kappa sister.

Congratulations. You are now a kappa sister.

You are now a kappa sister. You are now a kappa sister. Kappa sister.

Congratulations. You are now a kappa sister.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid we've a bit of a situation.

Every so often, it's the unfortunate duty of the president to act as judge and jury.

Sydney white has exhibited inappropriate kappa behavior.

- Is this a pledge prank? - It certainly is not.

You're guilty of the following infractions:

You brought an unsuitable date to the date dash,

cheated during a pledge quiz,

revealed a secret pledge ritual to the entire library,

and finally, lied about your background.

We all know your dad is actually a plumber.

As kappa president, according to statute 25a of the sorority charter,

I hereby dismiss Sydney white from the kappa pledge class.

I don't know what your mother got away with when she was here,

but you will never be a kappa.

You know what?

Thank you.

If this is what sisterhood is all about, then I don't want any part of it.

I want that dress back.

Take it

I will see your cobra commander, and I will raise you a mint

unopened, power of the force,

return of the jedi, Luke Skywalker in...

Battle poncho.

Wow.

We fold.

Which is better? Three a's, or two of the cards with the ladies on them?

You dope. “What?

If you have both, it's a full house.

How is it you always win at cards,

but you can't make it from junior tiger guide to tiger guide?

It's one badge, okay? It's one badge.

Knots are hard.

Does anyone know another word for "douchebaggery"?

- I don't want to repeat it a third time. - No one reads your whiny blog anyway.

Peoplespunisher.com is not about being read.

It's about being written.

Good morning, embele.

Where do you think he goes?

Outside, a lady waits. She wears Jean-pants and looks very sad.

There's a girl outside?

Yes. Am I looking good?

Yes

oh. It's the bathroom babe.

I'm gonna go work the spanky magic.

Sorry. You probably don't want me sitting out here.

And I understand. Especially you.

And you were right about the whole kappa thing.

I'll go.

Did they really make you sing céline Dion?

Yeah

do you need a place to stay?

Lenny: Guys, this is Sydney.

Uh, she needs a place to stay. She gave up her dorm room to pledge kappa.

Sydney, these are the guys. Gurkin.

Terrence.

George.

Jeremy.

Don't forget me. “Of course. Scoozer.

Jeremy's shy. He had several therapists as a kid.

One of them recommended a puppet.

He never stopped using it. You get used to scoozer.

Okay. As long as he doesn't hump my bunny slippers.

No promises.

Lenny: Uh uh...

That's embelackpo akimbatunde. We just call him embele.

He's from Nigeria and hasn't adjusted to the time change.

- His days and nights are reversed. - Jet lag, huh? When did he get here?

Three years ago.

Thank you.

Of course.

I have to invert the ratio.

Come on, bilbo.

And what exactly is he doing? “We have no idea.

Okay.

Welcome to the vortex.

Lenny: Sydney? - Hi come in.

Hi uh

I'm sorry, I know it can be a little spooky up here at night,

so I brought you this.

That nightlight has gotten me through some pretty tough times.

Thanks, that's really sweet.

Hey, is that dark fury, number four? Yeah

the one with the first appearance of the emerald mask.

You know, you may be more vortex than kappa after all.

So, uh, are you all set? Do you need anything?

A hypo-allergenic pillow? Humidifier? De-humidifier? Ionizer?

I'm all good on the medical supply front.

Are you sure”? A lot of dust.

I actually got loads of allergy medicine.

You? Allergies? Never would have guessed.

- Cats, shellfish, pollen, wood. - Wow, that's a lot of...

A few others.

But it's getting late. You're probably tired.

Yeah, public humiliation can be pretty tiring.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, um, I don't know if you need any sort of special...

- Lady products. - No, I'm good. Thank though.

Thanks for everything.

Hey. Heh, heh. I don't know if you need...

- Me to do anything. - Spanky, go on.

Sorry about that.

Let me know if he bothers you. Spanky's kind of...

He really likes girls, but he doesn't know many.

But he keeps himself happy.

You may find this hard to believe, but, um...

Most of the guys here don't have a lot of experience with girls.

Dudes.

That thing has touched boobs.

Of course.

The sturdy, breathable fabric is designed to maintain mammary elasticity.

Shut up, Terrence. You're ruining the moment for me.

Paul: Hello

- hey, dad. Did I wake you? - Are you kidding?

How was the big dance?

That's actually why I was calling.

Come on, I've been waiting up to hear. Tell me all about it

it was great.

Yeah, it's all very exciting.

Sydney, I'm sure your mom's right there taking it all in with you.

I know.

That's what I keep thinking.

- Good night, sweetie. - Good night, dad.

Ohl

this place is a death trap. How about some repairs?

- Sydney, don't start. - You know why we can't get any repairs?

I'll tell you why.

Campus-wide, systematic Greek oppression.

Read peoplespunisher. Com if you wanna know more. I did a series on it.

I don't know what this house has to do with the Greek system. It isn't Greek.

That's the problem. Rachel witchburn and the greeks run student council.

The student council dictates all budget appropriations.

Over the past 14 semesters, 87.3 percent of all campus event funding

has been devoted to the Greek system.

Are you kidding me?

I don't kid.

Oh!

Won't be long now.

Why is everyone on this campus willing to let Rachel witchburn run their lives?

She's kind of scary.

J oh, I'm getting what I want oh, gonna show it, gonna flaunt it j

hey, Rachel.

Check it out. The diet's working. I lost five pounds.

J gonna show it, gonna flaunt it ij

I think your ass found it.

Tyler: Hey.

Hey.

Sydney.

Sydney.

- Hi. - Listen. About last night.

Last night”? Hmm. Wait, let me think.

Oh, yeah. When your girlfriend humiliated me.

- Good times. - Trust me, Rachel's not my girlfriend.

Not everyone in Greek row is like her.

- Give me a chance to prove that. Girl: Sign up for student council.

You know, I'm actually kind of busy...

Juggling seven guys at the moment, so... “Whoa.

I gotta go.

Can I have a sign-up sheet?

- Yeah. - Actually, can I have seven?

Ladies, we won't have to deal with the public

once the vortex is torn down and my Greek center's built.

Oh. Is it 4:00 already?

Loser, loser,

kappa, kappa,

kappa, lose...

What?

This isn't happening.

Wow. I guess her little striptease act got some attention.

Rachel, Rachel, use your soothing words.

Prada.

(Succi.

Chanel

Sydney, Sydney, Sydney.

Ahh! “Whoa!

Hey. Sydney: Hey, guys.

Here, I'll open that for you.

There you go.

I found a way for you to get the vortex repaired.

We're signing up for student council, all seven of you.

Very funny, Sydney. Next you'll tell us admiral Adama's a cylon.

I have no idea what you said, but I'm serious.

You'll all run on a ticket and take over the entire student council

no non-Greek has won a student-council office since 1992

and look where that's gotten us.

- Ow. - Yes, George. Ow.

We've taken enough of their abuse.

I'll be your campaign manager. I'll be with you every step.

I am in.

Good. Who else is with me? Come on, guys.

Do you wanna spend the rest of college locked in this hole,

disenfranchised and powerless?

- Okay. - No. George, no.

You don't wanna be powerless. No.

Please don't give up.

Did the avengers give up when the black knight sprayed that foam

that left everybody stuck to the ground? No!

With the help of a criminal glue specialist, they freed everyone.

I'm your glue specialist.

Yeah. Yeah

oh, yeah. Yeah.

Who's running for president?

Not it. “Not it.

Oh. I never win at that game.

Sydney: Terrence it is.

Let's get started.

J I am temperamental [Ike a heart without a home j

I I am sentimental j

so”?

J but you don't know me at all &

j I have expectations I wanna be the one you call &

mm hmm.

J but you don't know me at all &

mm. Nice.

J I'm a revolution close your eyes j

j lam, I am I'll blow your mind j

j lam I'm a revolution I

j why do I have to explain who I am again and again j

lamb

j I know what you're thinking j

hey. You did it yes.

J but I think that you're pretending but you don't fool me at all »

hey, Terrence.

J hold on tight &

bye, Terrence.

J I'm a revolution close your eyes j

j lam, I am I'll blow your mind j

j lam I'm a revolution I

j why do I have to explain who I am again and again j

mlamds

This is the gym.

A lot of people hang out here.

We can work off some of those doughnuts and maybe even talk to a few people.

I don't know.

Come on, guys. It's Saturday. What else would you be doing?

Play fantasy video games and then reenact them.

Are you not entertained?

Mm. Tempting, but I think we are gonna stick with this.

Oh, I can't do it.

My arms ache. I think I may have muscular dystrophy.

Muscular dystrophy is a birth defect.

Lenny, they're two pounds.

Fach.

You got it?

- What? - I said yeah, I got...

Damn, embele. You're going to town.

- Where'd you get all that energy? - I just awaken an hour ago.

- You're gonna be fine. - It fell on my foot.

Man: Rachel witchburn has led student council to great heights

over the past two years. In addition to repaving Greek row,

Rachel beautified Greek row's grounds and expanded parking privileges for Greek row.

Re-elect Rachel witchburn. Vision. Leadership.

Progress.

I'm Rachel witchburn, and I approve this message.

Can you believe that? Who would fall for that?

George.

No

No

Prada.

(Succi.

Chanel

Armani.

J what, what? Pump the fist &

j what, what? Pump the fist &

j you don't want that do it like this I

j pump, pump, pump j

Sydney: Freedom! Spanky: Freedom to the 7th power.

Freedom to the 7th power, people. Come one, come all.

(Set down with freedom to the 7th power.

- Learn about freedom to the 7th power. - Yeah, check us out.

Spanky: This is the spot.

Freedom.

- I don't think we're making an impression. Sydney: I was worried about that

a-ha

free drinks free drinks over here.

Freedom to the 7th power. Free drinks.

Serve and socialize.

Who wants a burger?

=f

I just wanted to apologize for what happened.

I really am sorry.

It's okay.

So, how's life as a kappa?

Oh, you know, it's good.

- Is one of these...” - Yes, Lenny.

The greenish one is your gluten-free soy Patty.

- Excellent. - Do you have any extra of those?

- Are you allergic to gluten? - Oh, all my life.

It is so hard to find a decent gluten-free soy Patty.

Today's your lucky day. These are sensational.

- Lenny, this is my friend dinky. - It's nice to meet you.

Dinky. Right?

Nice to meet you, dinky.

Dinky?

We're over there.

Hi, Sydney. It's nice you found people you fit in with.

It is nice. If only there were a place where a materialistic bitch could fit in.

Oh, Walt, there is.

Whatever. It's so cute making your little friends run for student council

it is cute, and it'll be even cuter when we win.

Just so you know, non-greeks never win.

Like you said new people never make it on your hot or not list, right?

Let me give you one tip.

I am the last person you wanna mess with.

No

You're the first

come on, let's go.

It was nice seeing you, Sydney.

You too, Lenny.

Oh, I... I...

You realize she was flirting.

What? Yeah

no

Who's gonna win today?

All: Sharks gonna win today.

Who, who, who?

All: Sharks, sharks, sharks.

Who's gonna win today?

Well, when the temperature drops below 60 and there's a headwind,

forces on the ball create unfavorable magnitude and direction.

The resulting spatial vector leads to an increase in the fumble ratio.

I anticipate a double-digit loss.

Dude's a freak. I don't know about you, but I gotta change my bet.

We graduated with that dude. Huh

The election's coming up, and we could really use you.

Man: Hey, dudes, throw the frisbee back.

Go on. Someone pick it up and throw it on back.

Man: Right here.

- Ow. - Heads up.

Dude, I think you have the wrong desk.

You definitely have the wrong desk.

Js when I see you smile I can face the world j

j oh, you know I can do anything j

j when I see you smile j

j I see a ray of light, oh, oh j

j I see it shining right through the rain j

j when I see you smile j

j baby, when I see you smile at me jj

Tyler, have you lost your mind?

No, but I will keep singing unless you agree to go out with me.

Just one date.

No

J when I see you smile j

okay.

Pick me up at 7.

And it's not a date.

Done, but dinner's served at 5.

Nice work, beta freshmen. Dismissed.

So, what do you guys think? This is what I wore to my college interview.

I thought it would be 3 nice first-date outfit.

No, it's terrible. You look like Barbara Walters.

- You said this wasn't a date. - It is not.

We're just friends and, you know, I don't like him like that.

Only a little. You know, occasionally, when his shirt's off.

I have no idea.

Uh-huh! It's how it always starts. You never plan these things.

You're friends. Then, "are you here to fix the copier?"

- Next thing you know... - You are no help.

Why are you nervous? You must have been on dates.

I don't know if you guys figured this out, but I'm not the prom queen type.

- Yeah, but you're pretty, Sydney. Sydney: Thanks, George.

But I've had about as much dating experience as you guys.

Whoa, speak for yourself.

Lenny: I see what you mean. - You need something sexy.

- But warm. - Purple's pretty.

- My mom wore mauve. Jeremy: What about fuchsia?

George: No. Spanky: Looks like it itches.

George: Let me see. Lenny: Don't push.

Three quarters of dates end in disappointment

for one or both parties, studies show. I hope you beat the odds.

Me, too.

You try any funny stuff, I will unleash the Internet on you.

I will register you as a sex offender in all 50 states and Canada.

Yeah. And I'll kick your ass.

Sydney: Hi

Tyler: You look...

Thanks. “What was that all about?

Nothing. You should see the plumbing.

What was that? That's Terrence.

You get used to it. Let's go. Bye, guys.

Bye, Sydney.

All 50 states, pal.

J I don't want another pretty face I don't want just anyone to hold &

so, your idea of a date is to convert me?

Now it's a date, huh?

J your beautiful soul j

hey, guys.

I yeah j

You serve meals to the homeless? I had no idea.

He had no choice.

Not unless he had another plan to get that infraction off his record.

Me and the betas, we got in some trouble.

Let's just say a few campus ordinances were violated.

- A few? - And you're working your hours off here?

Nice to see you recruiting my best students.

- Sydney, happy to have you here. - Happy to be here.

So, do my hours tonight count towards working off Tyler's dirty deeds?

Actually, he fulfilled his requirement last year.

We can't seem to get rid of him.

Tyler: Watch your step. We're almost there.

J watch the season pull up its own stakes j

wow.

This is beautiful

j before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced j

if you look over there, you can almost see Greek row.

Which is the last thing you wanna see. Yeah

it's just growing up without my mom,

I was hoping that becoming a kappa would help me connect with her.

Sydney, you don't need kappa.

I know.

I feel close to her just being at the school.

You know, I found her name carved into my study carrel.

No way.

It's all in our hearts j'j'

hey, is this where you bring all your first non-dates?

Luring the babes with this do-gooder thing?

Oh, yeah. Sorority girls can't get enough of it.

"This place doesn't even have a maitre d"

"these plates are plastic. Touching them hurts my hands."

You're the first girl I thought would appreciate this place.

Well, I do, even if there was no bathroom attendant.

- I had to turn the faucet myself. - Ha.

Tyler: Here we are.

All right. Well.

Thank you.

I had a great time.

You're trying not to over-talk.

Yeah.

\whoal

I'm okay. My spleen broke my fall.

- Hi, guys. - Hey. Sydney.

Lenny: What a surprise.

We were just watching the...

The game?

Yeah, who's playing?

Um the. St Louis gorillas.

You were spying on me. For that, I'm not gonna tell you about my date.

- Oh, come on, Sydney. - Nope.

Good night, boys.

Oh, man.

I should probably see a doctor.

Oh.

- Hey, sexy. - Rachel, what are you doing here?

Besides reading your boring e-mails, nothing.

Tell me what you were doing out with her.

You know what, Rachel? I like Sydney. Deal with it.

I don't care if you like her. I care about our Greek life center.

Sydney and her goobers are screwing with our plans.

It's not like they have a shot at winning.

We should just leave them alone.

That dump is really important to them. I don't know why anyone would live there.

That firetrap should be condemned. Look.

We can find another location. Get out of here already.

One date and you're ready to blow the deal?

It was a hell of a date.

Normally at this time, I'd be reporting Rachel witchburn

- look. - Has a lock on student council presidency.

But now there's a new player on the scene.

Terrence lubinecki and his freedom to the 7th power party.

Do they have a shot? Can they even make a dent? Stay tuned.

- All right. - You're a good-looking guy.

Student: Check it out

- maybe I'll actually vote this year. - Yeah, cool.

Hey. Which of these should I wear?

- I don't care. - I have a date.

- I don't care. - Come and help me get dressed.

What is wrong with you?

Rachel, you can't come in here. I just farted.

Ew, Katy, you're disgusting.

- Get off me, you freaks. Katy: No. No.

Rach

What?

No

No!

Rachel, do you wanna try your soothing words?

I don't need my soothing words.

It's all become very clear to me.

Sydney white must die a social death

and take her seven dorks with her.

(Reat.

Here comes prince charming.

Guys, please. Just give him a chance.

That means you. Put the paintball gun away.

Hi. Come on in. Tyler: Hi

Hi

Hi

- You ready? - I have a better idea.

We hang here at the vortex and order pizza.

What?

Sounds good to me.

- Hey, is that medal of honor? Gurkin: No, it's not medal of honor.

Medal of honor is for wusses.

It's gurkin of honor. I made it.

It pays tribute to medal of honor, god of war, halo and viva piaata.

I'm good at those. Mind if I give it a shot?

Okay.

Shhi

Eat lead, sucker.

Gurkin, damn, he just kicked your ass. Yes

- nice. - I have to say, I'm impressed.

None of these freaks have come close to winning.

We betas play video games, too. You do?

- Yeah. What did you think we do? - Just have sex with girls all the time.

Hate to break it to you, but we're just reqular guys.

He's like a kid who found out there's no Santa.

What?

I mean, hypothetically, if there weren't a Santa claus,

which, of course, there is.

You should hang out sometime. Bring gurkin of honor.

We're having a party tomorrow. You wanna come?

J I'm breaking dishes up in here all night

j I ain't gon' stop until I see police and lights I'm a fight a man tonight &

j I'm a fight a man tonight I'm a fight a man &

you made it

the bar's over there. The dj's taking requests.

You think he has the doctor who theme?

- I'm thinking not. - That's okay.

I brought my own.

As for you... the dance floor is this way.

J and coming home lately at three thirty j

j I'm super cool I've been a fool I

all: Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven,

twenty-eight, twenty-nine,

thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two.

All right, all right, who's next? Anybody think they can beat that?

Yes

I do.

He thinks...

The dork thinks he can beat it.

Good luck, buddy. Whatever you say, man.

Come on.

No, no, no.

Start counting.

All: One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight...

Hope the guys are okay. I haven't heard any screams. I'm thinking we're good.

- Looks like it. All: One-forty-nine.

One-fifty, one-fifty-one,

one-fifty-two, one-fifty-three,

one-fifty-four, one-fifty-five!

That was badass.

Lenny: That was awesome.

Dinky: Lenny.

Hey.

Oh, wow, I love your new hairstyle.

L... I... yeah.

Dinky, Rachel needs you right away.

- Oh, but I just... - It's an emergency.

- Oh, no, okay. Bye. - Bye.

How come you boys haven't come party before?

You guys are so cool.

Really? Katy: Oh, yeah.

We've been watching. Where have you been hiding?

The building at the end of the road. The vortex. It sucks in losers.

That's sexy.

Well, boys, there's seven of us and seven of you.

- What's that sound like to you? - Fourteen?

Sounds like a party to me.

You know, there's a hot tub out back.

There's a study that leads right to it. You can leave your clothes there.

But we don't have any swimming trunks.

Neither do we.

We'll meet you back there.

Oh, boy.

Girls?

Where are you?

Where's the hot tub?

Marco.

J spin like a kid at a candy store j

Rachel: They're naked.

Oh, no.

It must be cold out there.

- Oh, no. Rachel: Thanks for putting on a show, guys.

This is low, even for you.

Oh, Sydney, so nice of you to care about them.

Since you're the mastermind behind their adorable student council campaign,

Terrence has been disqualified from running.

What are you talking about?

Terrence is not a student at Southern Atlantic.

He graduated six years ago.

I had to stay.

There was just so much more learning to do.

Terrence, maybe you should put on some clothes.

Man: Yeah. - Okay.

- Why don't you get out of here? - Oh, I love it when you get rough.

And, Ty, thanks for playing your part so well.

That's the other good news.

The witchburn-prince Greek life center is now a reality.

Witchburn-prince”? What...? You didn't tell her?

I thought you guys were so close. It's a little joint project of ours.

The only thing in our way was the vortex. So, like you suggested, Tyler,

I went and had it condemned.

You can eat with the homeless every night.

You had something to do with this?

No

I said that place was a dump, but... “Witchburn-prince?

So, you wanted to tear down the vortex.

- I did, but... - I don't wanna hear it.

- Sydney. - No_

Don't grovel, Tyler.

You're above it.

Things are looking grim, brothers.

I am so sorry about this, you guys.

You should've left us alone.

We were fine until you came and made us Guinea pigs.

You guys.

It's so important for us to stand up to the greeks

and show them that they can't trample all over us.

Well, uh, it's also important for us to have a place to live.

- Hello? - Dad?

Ha, ha. Got you. You've reached royal plumbing at the white house.

No, not that one. This is Paul and Sydney's. Leave a message.

Hi, dad.

I was just calling to say... I miss you.

And that's it.

Everything's great here.

Really great.

I love you.

Paul: It was that message last night.

Something wasn't right in your voice.

I got in the Van and drove through the night.

I was surprised you weren't at kappa house.

I wanted to tell you so many times.

But I kept thinking about mom. And I felt like I'd failed her.

And you always sounded so proud of me on the phone.

Sweetheart.

Following in your mother's footsteps is not about reliving her life.

It's about being the same kind of person she was.

Hey.

Your mom was much more than just a kappa.

She was a woman who fought for what she believed and so are you.

Nothing could make me prouder than that.

Not even when I installed that filtration system in under an hour?

That was pretty great.

Argh. But it says, "do not disturb.”

Up and at them, guys.

It's time to make some plans.

I know you're pissed, but come on.

You gonna wallow in this fleabag motel because some prissy girl

who probably doesn't know who Gandalf is screwed us over?

You're right. I bet she doesn't know who Gandalf is.

- We're mad at you. - That's okay. I want you to be mad.

I want you to get fired up. We can win this election.

The freedom to the 7th power party will prevail.

- Yeah. - With our new candidate for president.

Me. I'm gonna run against Rachel.

And we're gonna take her down.

I'm Sydney white, running for student council president...

I'm Sydney white, running for student council president

on the freedom to the 7th power ticket.

Your papers count for three quarters of your grade. No late papers accepted.

As you're writing these,

I want you to think about the mechanics of modern campaigning.

You may be wondering why you should care. Why vote?

Greeks win every year, one more way they run the school.

There's a lot of talk today about the need to cater to your base.

There's something to be said for thinking outside the box.

Freedom to the 7th power.

Good job.

Ahh! Ugh.

The fact is 80 percent of the student body at Southern Atlantic is hot Greek.

Eighty percent.

Take the Kennedy campaign in 1960. He was inherently an outsider...

A catholic had never been elected as president.

Who reached out to other outsiders.

Sydney: To those students, it's time for you to be heard.

Carleton: Minorities, women, the poor,

the disenfranchised won that election for John Kennedy.

"Naked pain."

An epic poem... in 12 parts.

It's time for you to be heard, and we're here to listen.

J get up, it's strong enough stand up, stand up &

it's a lesson worth remembering.

Js stand up, stand up j

j I gotta be strong enough j

j so stand up, stand up j

j brothers, be strong enough j

j we're trying hard to be ourselves j

j again, again j

j stand up, stand up stand up, stand up &

j stand up, stand up &'j

Rachel: Here you go. Don't vote for Sydney white.

Let's keep it Greek. Does this look like your next president?

Vote Rachel witchburn.

Hi, ho.

Bye, ho.

Don't vote for Sydney white.

Vote Rachel witchburn. Witchburn.

No way.

- You read people's punisher, too? - I write it.

Oh, my god. It's the most genius thing ever.

You know the brew house has a spoken-word night devoted to that blog?

Really? Yeah

and I know this is really embarrassing...

But I swore if I ever met the people's punisher guy...

Well, I'd hook up with him.

Damn it.

Tyler: Need some help?

Oh hi

listen, I'm really...

Is that a Stanley 22 ounce anti-vibe framing hammer?

- Yes, it is. - Can I touch it?

You can have it.

I saw you with the signs, thought I could help.

I'm sorry about what happened the other night.

I had nothing to do with Rachel.

I was involved in the Greek center. Rachel twisted everything around.

Yeah I know what that's like.

You're gonna do great at the debate.

I thought we might do 3 little business.

Uh-huh.

You finished carleton's paper last week.

I did. I wanted to add ideas from our campaign.

You are a dork.

What just happened? Wait, make it come back.

She just opened it.

Voila. One poisoned apple.

Computer: Self-destruct.

Lenny: Oh, my god.

Oh, no.

All right, pay up.

Yes

She's gone catatonic.

It's no use.

Fven I can't fix this.

My paper, due tomorrow.

The debate, tomorrow.

The guy knew what he was doing.

Jeremy: What about.? Ow.

I can't let her win like this.

But the debate starts in 12 hours.

I'm gonna have to pull an all-nighter.

Man: The debate's about to begin. Candidates, please report to the stage.

- We couldn't find her. - She should be done with her paper by now.

We need all candidates on stage now.

Sydney. Sydney, you gotta wake up.

I know you're tired, but you can't give up now.

You mean a lot to those guys.

You mean a lot to me.

- Okay. I'm awake now. - Come on.

All right. Well, I'm afraid we can't wait any longer for Ms. White.

I'm here I'm here.

Ms witchburn.

If you win another term as president,

what will you do differently?

Why fix what isn't broken?

This has been a great year.

I am proud to be breaking ground on the Greek life center very soon.

Ms. White, your rebuttal?

I guess your people couldn't make it. It's just you and your dorks.

Go, Sydney.

Girl 1: Go, Sydney.

Girl 2: Vote Sydney.

I vote for Sydney.

Band: Go.

Who take everything for themselves and leave nothing for us.

Sea

time for the rest of the school to take back the school

all: Yeah

I bet most of you have no idea how great the campus a cappella group is.

And why would you? The social and cultural landscape

is entirely run by the greeks.

Those guys are forced to practice in a basement

- that's hard on their vocal cords. Man: Yeah

- professor Carlton... - I et her finish.

I have met so many great and interesting people

I never would have met if I didn't step out of my own world.

Before, all I wanted was to fit in.

But I've learned that we're all searching to fit in.

And we. We all feel like outsiders.

We all do things and feel things that are

bizarre, and unconventional, and dorky.

All: Yeah. “We're all dorks.

All: Yeah

my name is Sydney white. My dad's a plumber.

I collect comic books, and I'm secretly terrified of balloon animals.

I'm a dork. All: Yeah

I'm Tyler prince.

I'm the current high scorer in gurkin of honor.

I'm a dork.

My name is...

Well, it's really sanford.

And I've never had sex with a girl before.

But I really, really want to.

I'm a dork.

Hi

My name is Jeremy.

I used to speak only through my puppet.

I'm a dork.

My name's moose.

When I was 13, I was the top-ranked male figure skater in New Jersey.

Man: Dude.

So, I guess that makes me a dork.

I've hated Rachel witchburn

ever since she told me I had "mom arms" freshman year.

I have a voodoo doll of her, and I stick pins in it.

Oh, and I'm a dork. All: Yeah

hi. My name is dinky hodgekiss.

And I think I'm in love with a dork.

I et's hear it for the dorks.

All: Yeah

Rachel witchburn,

you've exhibited behavior unsuitable for a kappa.

You've lied, manipulated and verbally abused your sisters and fellow students.

And you are just such a...

A bitch.

We

All of us, hereby strip you of the privileges of the kappa sisterhood.

But you can't. You can't just...

We just did.

Here comes a kappa, queen of the row.

She's hot, she's cool, she ain't no ho.

She's got style. She's got class.

Prada. Gucci

J you're looking for something you can't find if you give it up, you'll lose your mind &

j there's always something in your way what can you say? J

j you're gonna have good day j

j you're gonna have good day j

j you're gonna have good day j

oh, no. You're not getting sick, are you?

- No. It's just the mulch. - Oh.

=== -

j you're gonna have a good day j

Hey, we're from southeast state and we're lost. Can you help us?

I will be your guide.

Give me five minutes.

Take all the time you need.

Terrence: Okay. Bye.

Terrence. What happened?

Hey, guys. I finally perfected my predictive analytic probability theory.

It can predict anything from the behavior of amino acids

in a stable isotope peptide bond to the outcome of sporting events.

So, I sold it to ibet. Com for $10 million.

Are you kidding me?

You a rich man.

You know I helped. I did.

Oh, let's take a picture.

Come on.

Get together.

Say cheese.

All: Cheese.

Sydney: So, that's the story of Sydney white.

My mom was right. I did make friends for life.

And we all lived.

Well, do you even have to ask?

Dorkily ever after.

J I'm not worried man your stations, here it comes j

j I'm not worried I'm gonna stand down your guns j

j' I fear nothing I'm stepping out now, here I go j

I and I'm not worried I

js whoa, whoa, whoa j

J trying hard, tried it all to keep your head &

j in the game, in the game you're playing &

jd that was me I don't know that me no more j

j I got tired, fell asleep, now I'm back &

j I'm not worried man your stations, here it comes j

j I'm not worried I'm gonna stand down your guns j

J I'm not worried man your stations, here it comes j

j I'm not worried I'm gonna stand down your guns j

j' I fear nothing I'm stepping out now, here I go j

I and I'm not worried I

js whoa, whoa, whoa jj

J she's got a little bit of trouble in her eyes

j just enough to let me know she's a paradise j

j she's part soul sacred, part hellfire when you think she's peaked

j that's when she takes it higher and I fall apart &

j when she says goodbye

j she's such a beautiful surprise &

j and she's such a beautiful surprise &

j a flash of light across the cold black sky j

j a long cool rain on a hot summer night &

I eaves me mesmerized j

j she's such a beautiful surprise &

j she's such a beautiful surprise &

j a beautiful, a beautiful, a beautiful &

j she's such a beautiful surprise 8&7