All language subtitles for Hooperman S02E01 Requiem for an S.O.B.

(phone ringing)

- All units, Richmond district,

proceed to Golden Gate Park.

Approximately eight to ten nude
skydivers

gliding into location.

Estimated touchdown, three to six
minutes.

Landing site looks to be

the Hell's Angels Defense Fund
picnic.

Expect a confrontation.

- But to me, flirting with
a guy from a squad car

is conduct unbecoming.

- I wasn't flirting.

- You weren't flirting?

- We were at a stop sign.

He smiled, I smiled.

- You blew him a kiss.

I saw you.

What do you call that?

- Community relations.

- Don't worry, ma'am.

Your husband's still in custody.

Well, dropping a loaded
golf bag from four stories

could be attempted murder, yes.

Yes.

Ma'am, we're all sorry about your
poodle,

and I know you're grief stricken,

but you still have to come
in and file a complaint.

Ma'am.

Ma'am, I think you should
call him back yourself.

Was she in the navy?

- Justine, my hand to god,
I wasn't trying to hurt you.

I was aiming at the dog.

- Hey, picked up your lottery ticket.

I owe you for my last one,

so mine will reap.

- How do you expect to
win a $28 million jackpot

with just one ticket?

This is a game of coverage.

You think those cheese
balls that win by only one?

They put their whole paycheck on the
line,

these guys.

- Look sharp, girls!

This pansy precinct is
now under inspection.

- I know that voice.

I hate that voice.

- Hey, choir boy.

Long time no see.

- I vote to extend that.

- What are you supposed to be?

The world's first inflatable cop?

So, where's our Lady of Eternal PMS?

- If you mean me, Greenwood,

I'm in my office, waiting for you.

Get in here.

You too, Hooperman.

- Before we roll, let's
get a few things straight.

- Yeah, let's.

We may be in support of your
special narcotics detail,

but this is my station,
and I give the orders here,

so you can take this roster, and stuff
it.

- Hey, babe, I hand pick
every man on my details.

That's the way it is.

- Not here.

And it's not babe.

It's Captain Stern, meat whistle.

- My luck, the bus goes down
in this candy ass district.

Okay-

But I'm not going out there with him.

- Mutual.

- You two are gonna put your
personal relationship aside,

and act like policemen.

I want to hear it!

- Yeah, okay.

Yeah, okay.

Fine.

- Fine.

Where do you keep your brains?

In your shorts?

We don't know who's in there, how
many.

I'm not moving until we get more
backup.

- We go now, or we blow the bust.

Admit it, man.

You just don't have the
stones for this job.

- You touch me one more time--

- Hey, hey, hey!

- I say We 9°-

You taking us in, or you gonna
hide behind Dorothy, here?

- This is not the OK Corral.

We sit tight until this area is secure.

- You sit tight.

- I'm gonna go start something.

- Are you looking to get yourself
killed?

- I'm looking to get the
job done before lunch.

If I do buy it,

I want you to give my eulogy.

Wouldn't that be the last laugh.

(suspenseful music)

(Qunfire)

(shouting)

- God, Archie.

- I'll be listening for
that eulogy, choir boy.

(upbeat music with saxophone)

- You know, this place looks
a lot better covered up

than it did with furniture.

No offense, but,

you still haven't finished that yet?

- I'm almost done.

I just gotta find some shoe polish.

- I'll admit, it is the first
eulogy I've ever written.

It was hard, but I think it's really good.

- Well,

it's just a little too
wonderful, you know?

I mean, this line here about
going to a sweeter place,

a garden where the flowers
of compassion and peace

blossom eternally.

That's something you
say at Bambi's funeral.

- That was my favorite line.

- I know you worked hard on this,

and I really appreciate your help.

God knows I couldn't think of
anything,

but the truth is, the guy
was a scum bucket, you know.

I mean, I can't sell any of this.

Not to his family, not to his friends,

not to my friends.

- Most people can find something
good to say about the dead.

- You know what most people
would say about Archie?

He's dead. Good.

He never had a kind word
to say about anybody.

He bragged that he cheated on his
wife.

He was abusive, violent.

You know, the man had a framed
picture

of the choke hold in his den.

I would give anything to get out of
this.

- If that's the way you feel,

then why are you going?

Why don't you just shine the whole
thing on?

Let's go to the wharf
and get some oysters.

I'm sure somebody else will
stand up and say something.

- I can't.

Smith, the man died in my arms.

I've gotta.

Will you change your
mind, and come with me?

- No.

Look, I don't want to get into that
scene.

Not now.

- Wait a minute.

What scene?

- The cop scene.

- What the hell is that supposed to
mean?

- It means, I'm pregnant.

You know, my hormones are flying
around

like popcorn in a microwave oven.

I've got this involuntary
nesting thing going on.

I want to bring things in.

Close and warm and secure.

I don't want to go to a police funeral,

and be reminded that it
was just pure dumb luck

that you weren't the first man to walk

through that door.

- It was not pure dumb luck.

It was a dumb move made by a jerk

who thought he was Robocop.

Come on.

Come with me to the funeral.

I need you.

- Oh, no, Harry.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

- Okay-

- So, do you really think my eulogy
sucks?

- [Stern] So what do you got?

- That's Crowl.

Couple of drug-related
arrests, no convictions.

From what Archie's team tells us,

he's probably our shooter.

The slugs they pulled are from an UZI,

Crowl's weapon of choice.

- Let's hope he hung on to his
weapon,

so ballistics can tie him in,

when we get him, if we get him.

- Well, we tripled the area's sweeps,

and we're saturating the
neighborhood with that mug.

He won't get away from us.

- He's already gotten away from us.

- What's this?

Ranger Bob sharpshooter?

- It's my nephew's.

It looks good.

Nobody reads these things, anyway.

- Dear, friends.

We are gathered here today
to pay final tribute.

- You guys look terrific today.

Really hot.

How am I gonna keep my mind on my
grief?

- This pomp and
circumstance, it's overkill.

When I go, I just want to
be scattered over the ocean.

- You really want to spend
eternity inside a carp?

- No matter what you do, these
things are always a drag.

- How often do you get an afternoon
off?

- I can't believe what I'm hearing.

Sure the man was a pig,
but he was a human being.

A fellow officer.

He leaves a family behind.

(phone ringing)

All you care about is
time off and dressing up.

Where's your humanity, where's your
soul?

- Where's my hat'?

All right, everybody.

Let's plant this joke r.

(phone ringing)

- That's her.

That's the one I've
been telling you about.

- Shopping at a bail bonds man.

She's the one that's
been shutting you down?

- It's her way of checking me out.

That's a classy lady.

Someone you can respect,

and there's some serious
hooters under that blouse.

How do I smell?

- Like an evening in Paris,

Texas.

- Inspector Pritzger.

- So, Bev.

Just think about what I
said, about you and me?

- Well, Boris.

I'm not the sort of
person that's comfortable

making excuses.

- You can talk turkey to Bobo.

- I'm not looking for a relationship,

but if one came along,

I'd want it to be with
a sensitive, caring man,

and you, well.

- We all have to put on
a character to survive

in this jungle.

You spend some time
with me away from here,

and I'll show you the sensitive
side of Boris Pritzger.

- I don't know.

- What are you doing this afternoon?

- Oh, my god, in thee I trust.

Let me not be put to shame.

Let not my enemies exult over me.

When good men die, their
goodness does not perish.

It lives, though they are gone.

As for the bad, all that was theirs dies

and is buried with them, so
we must remember, friends,

any man's death diminishes me,

because I am involved in mankind.

Therefore, never send to
know for whom the bell tolls.

It tolls for thee.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,

and dust to dust.

Ensure in certain hope of the
resurrection

unto eternal life.

(crying)

Bless you.

(birds chirping)

Inspector Hooperman.

- That's okay.

You can let someone else go.

I'll go last.

- There is no one else.

- Ah.

Okay, then.

Excuse me.

(birds chirping)

Dear friends, we are
gathered together here today

to pay tribute to Archie Greenwood,

a man who, a man who we all knew.

Though he was ripped from our
bosom

by a brutal act of violence,

we can almost envy Archie
Greenwood,

for he has traveled to a gentler place,

of everlasting compassion and peace,

a fitting reward for an exemplary life.

- I may vomit.

- For the record, Inspector
Greenwood

was one of the most decorated
officers in this city.

He received the Medal of Valor,

two Distinguished Service Awards,

and a Citizen's Award.

He served the city well, and,

I was proud to serve with him.

- Are you gonna be all right?

- I just had to get out of there.

I feel like such a doofus.

- No, no.

It's all right to be sensitive.

Just let it go.

- Hold me.

- It was Thoreau who said,

I think it was Thoreau, yeah.

Even the death of friends shall inspire
us

as much as their lives,
and will be encrusted over

with sublime and pleasing thoughts,

and that's what we have
about Archie today.

And you know what else?

This is a crock.

Everybody here knows that
Archie Greenwood and I

hated each other.

It's very hard to find
anything nice to say about him.

I'm sorry, Lucille, but that's the truth.

I can't fake this.

He may have been an animal,

but sometimes, you need an
animal out there on the streets.

Crazy as he was, he was a good cop.

He took a bullet that could
have dropped any one of us,

and I pledge to you, Lucille,
and to everybody here.

(door closing)

That I will do all I can to
find the guy who killed him.

And,

that's pretty much it.

Amen.

- [Man] Firing party, fire three volleys!

- Civilization is officially over.

' [Man] Ready!

Aim! Fire!

(Qunfire)

Ready, aim, fire!

(Qunfire)

Ready, aim, fire!

(Qunfire)

(moaning)

- You know why God invented
Sundays?

_ [Alex] “my?

- Because he knew that Sunday
newspapers

would be so thick, they'd
take a day to read.

- I can't sit here anymore.

I've gotta do something.

- You should rest.

- That's just something
your doctor tells you,

but your body keeps saying,
get up, do something.

Make a quilt.

Bake bread, rearrange your closet.

Eat, eat, eat again.

(laughing)

I know, Hooperman.

Let's paint.

- No, no.

Paint fumes and pregnant women do
not mix.

Let's just hang out together.

You know, nest.

- No, Hooperman, I've gotta
do something right now.

Or, I might be forced to make a
lasagna,

and it won't be a pretty sight.

- Don't make the lasagna,
please, come here.

You want to get into some
creative time wasting,

all right, you just do
whatever I do, okay?

Follow me.

- Okay-

(laughing)

Come here.

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Clarence, yes.

How you doing?

I'm painting the apartment.

I'm covered with paint, I'm exhausted.

What?

You kidding me?

Positive ID? Where?

All right, I'll be there in 20 minutes.

L gotta g0-

Big break on the Archie Greenwood
case.

Looks like somebody
finally spotted the guy

we're looking for.

I'm sorry.

Listen, next week,

we'll start celebrating
Sunday on Saturday.

(bell ringing)

Did you see which way he went?

- [Clerk] No, not really.

- [Hooperman] Did he get in a car?

- I just stayed behind my counter.

Took me a little while to stop shaking.

He grabbed me and started
screaming at me.

I didn't short change him, but I gave
him

the money anyway, just
to get him off of me.

- Did he look ill?

Wounded in any way?

Did he buy any bandages?

Anything medical?

- He looked fine.

Ugly, but healthy, and
he bought the usual crap,

some beer, and, oh, a lottery ticket.

- My luck, the guy'll probably win.

- Excuse me, I have a customer.

- At least we know he's still in town.

- We know he was in town.

- He bought a lottery ticket.

That doesn't sound like
he's going anywhere.

I got it.

- What?

- How we can flush out our guy.

- How?

- He wins, he comes in
to cash in his ticket,

bingo, we nail him.

- Great.

That's only a 20 million to one shot.

(people talking)

- I don't know what you
two are so nervous about?

I'm the one who's going on television.

- I'm not worried about that.

I'm just not sure Crowl's
gonna buy this scam.

Course he'll buy it.

Millions of dollars?

Are you kidding? I'd buy it.

- It's too late to worry about that.

- [Man] Places, everybody!

Here we go!

(people talking)

- In five, four,

three, two.

(theme music)

- Hi. Hello, everybody!

Good evening!

It's time, once again,

to play the Golden State Lottery!

My name is Lance Ruby Rosa,

filling in for Dick Smute tonight.

Jackpot is worth $2800.

I mean, billion, million dollars.

Jackpofs even got me a little nervous.

Some lucky Californian is going to
receive

$1.4 million a year for the next 20
years.

Okay, well.

Go to machine. Go to machine.

That's right.

I'm going over to our
lottery number machine.

Hello, machine.

- What a Waldo.

- Because we're going to end the
suspense,

and find a winner.

Somebody out there is
holding the lucky ticket.

In a moment, we'll know the magic
numbers

that will change that
person's life, forever.

Let's find out.

What do you say?

(cheering and applause)

Now remember, and this is important.

You must validate your winning ticket

at the location where it was
purchased.

Okay, let's see our first number now.

(bell ringing)

- Charcoal starter, 2.49,

and this is, what would you say?

A couple of dollars?

We'll call it two bits, all right?

- Clarence.

Check out the street.

Any suspicious cars out there?

- In this neighborhood,
they all look suspicious.

- Where is the guy?

He just won $28 million.

- Maybe he saw the show,
looked at his ticket,

had a heart attack, and yacked.

- Clarence, for god's sake.

You don't think that happened, do
you?

- I don't know what I'd
do if I heard the news.

Maybe I wouldn't have a heart attack,

but I'd have a bodily
function of some kind.

(doorbell jingling)

- Hey, you gotta validate my ticket,
man.

I'm the big winner.

Come on, I won the lottery.

I hit all the numbers.

- Yes, sir.

May I see your ticket, please?

- I'll hold it.

You just read the numbers.

- Hold it, ladies and gentlemen!

Could this be our big winner!

I think so!

Hi, there!

Lance Ruby Rosa!

- You're the dude from TV.

(laughing)

- So are you, big fella.

- I'm on television?

Am I on television?

I'll be damned.

- Watch your language there, sir.

This is live.

What do they call you, besides Mr.
Lucky?

- I'm Bart Crowl.

- Uh-Huh, and what do you do, Bart?

- Uh, I'm kind of unemployed.

- Well, too heck with
looking for that new job now,

right?

(laughing)

Bart, babe, share with
our audience, if you will,

exactly how you felt,

when you found out that
you won $28 million?

- I was blown away.

I don't know.

I guess I was shocked.

- And where were you?

- I was in a bar, having a beer.

- Drinking, huh?

Listen, I'd like you to
follow this microphone

with your eyes, right
to left, up and down.

Let's see, can you?

(laughing)

He's sober, folks.

Bart, on a more serious note,

I think it's time that
you officially joined

the ranks of the rich, and the famous.

You've heard of that expression,
the check is in the mail.

Well, sir, not for you.

We're gonna take you right to it!

Everyone at home is waiting
to see you count those zeroes,

so let's not keep them waiting.

- Mr. Crowl, Mr. Crowl, your
life is about to change,

drastically.

In what ways do you think?

- I'll get a lot more women.

- Do you plan to travel?

- Yeah, I'll go to a resort, you know?

Vegas?

- You plan to donate any money to
charity?

- Charity begins at home.

(laughing)

- You'll have plenty of
time to interview him,

right after he picks up the jackpot.

Bart, one more thing, if I may.

Can I shake your hand?

- Hey, what is this?

- This is your life.

You're a cop killer, I'm a cop.

- Congratulations, Mr. Crowl.

- [Man On Radio] Five
George 35, please respond.

- This is five George.

What's up?

- [Man on Radio] You
got an emergency call.

A Susan Smith at Golden Gate
Hospital.

I think you better get over there.

(police sirens)

- [Woman On Loudspeaker] Nurse
Barrows

to pediatrics, nurse
Barrows to pediatrics.

- Hi.

(orchestra music)

- I lost our baby.

- I know.

It's gonna be all right.

- The doctor said it was an
abnormality of the fetus,

and it, there's nothing they can do.

I'm gonna be all right, Harry.

I want to have another baby, right
away.

- Shh.

Shh.

(tempered music)

UaZZy music)