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1
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:06,606
- He's not gonna show, the
guy's probably in Mexico by now.
2
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,009
- Come on, how far can the
guy travel with no money?
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,076
He's in town.
4
00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:12,546
And you're forgetting a
very important element.
5
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:13,547
- [McNeil] Yeah, what's that?
6
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,015
- The guy is stupid.
7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,183
A teller who tries to rob his own bank,
8
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,120
botches the job, then shoots
his way out, that's stupid.
9
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,054
- He got away, didn't he?
10
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,355
- He'll show.
11
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,424
- I still think we're
wastin' our time here.
12
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:27,093
- McNeil, look, girlfriend.
13
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,596
We both can agree, she's a
major piece of geography.
14
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:30,797
You've seen the guy's wife.
15
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:32,632
Whose bedpost would
you hang your pants on?
16
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,134
- [McNeil]All right, you got a point.
17
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:34,968
- Even if he doesn't show,
18
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,703
haven't you enjoyed watching her do
19
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,906
her nude aerobics every afternoon,
hm?
20
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,275
We could pull worse duty.
21
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,043
- That's true.
22
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,244
It's just about showtime, isn't it?
23
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,379
So, step aside, son, I
go first today, right?
24
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,414
- Nice try, nice try.
25
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,149
I go first, you went first yesterday.
26
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:49,983
- Thought it was day before yesterday.
27
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,584
- Come on now, don't worry, don't
worry.
28
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:54,754
I will give you the
first half play by play.
29
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,052
Here she is now.
30
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,225
She's putting in the video.
31
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,760
Hey, no no, no no no, don't--
32
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,462
- [McNeil] Hey, hey, hey, hey!
33
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:03,296
- [Hooperman] Back off!
34
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,898
- [McNeil] You can't park here!
35
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:08,732
(upbeat music with saxophone)
36
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:07,461
(upbeat jazz music)
37
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,472
- Well, hello.
38
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,307
- Hi, look, can you take her?
39
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,742
I got an emergency, Danny
SchlageFs mother broke her hip.
40
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,177
Can you believe my luck?
41
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:26,179
- I think Mrs. SchlageFs got you beat.
42
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:27,513
- He's filled in for me before,
43
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,148
and besides, this is
really kind of my case.
44
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,483
- Then don't let me keep you.
45
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,518
- Thanks.
46
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,720
Oh listen, how you feeling?
47
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:34,854
And how's the, uh?
48
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:35,722
- The baby?
49
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:36,589
- Yeah.
50
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,092
- I'm healthy, I'm assuming
the baby's the same.
51
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:42,195
- Good, that's good for you, and for
you.
52
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:43,763
Listen, we're really gonna
have to talk about the baby,
53
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,532
what life's gonna be like, and all.
54
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:47,166
But not tonight, 'cause I
have to go do this thing.
55
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,234
But soon!
56
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:50,337
We just can't keep avoiding the issue.
57
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,104
- Hold it.
58
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,338
- Hm?
59
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,341
- It takes two to have a discussion.
60
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,910
Anything less is either
schizophrenia or ventriloquism.
61
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:59,779
You haven't been here long
enough to discuss anything.
62
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,414
- Really, where have I been?
63
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,684
- On streets, doing your cop stuff.
64
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,954
I have seen you maybe 15
minutes in the last week.
65
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:12,058
Now, I'm here, I'm pregnant, I'm
single.
66
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,627
I'm barely employed.
67
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:16,062
The father of my baby
is basically a roomer
68
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,631
in his own building.
69
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,399
If you don't think I've got a few things
70
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,768
to get off my chest, then you are
crazy.
71
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,236
- Have I been gone that much?
72
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:24,637
No, okay, you're right.
73
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,474
Look, tomorrow night, just for us.
74
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,476
What we'll do is, we'll make some
dinner,
75
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:31,110
and we'll spend the whole night
talking.
76
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,812
And we'll get some things settled.
77
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,981
I don't care what comes
up at the precinct.
78
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:35,982
Tomorrow night.
79
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,316
- Shall I pencil you in?
80
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,843
- Pen, this is solid, in stone.
81
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,389
- [Susan] How do you live with him?
82
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:43,723
- Shouldn't you be lying down?
83
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,094
- Hooperman, that's how we
got into this situation.
84
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,762
(Captain sneezing)
85
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,830
- Captain, you don't look well at all.
86
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,800
- Oh, thank you, Bushkin, you're
my little morning bluebird.
87
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,568
- Captain, if you don't mind my saying
so,
88
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,337
I think you should turn
around and go right home.
89
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,304
- I can't.
90
00:03:58,305 --> 00:03:59,906
- [Bushkin] Think about your health.
91
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,774
- I have too much work to do.
92
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,409
- Then, think of our health.
93
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,678
You're blasting millions of nasty
microbes
94
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,747
into your co-workers breathing space.
95
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,282
- Well, look on the bright side,
Bushkin,
96
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,917
if you catch my cold, you can go
home.
97
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,019
- Well, good morning, Captain.
98
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:13,919
- McNeil.
99
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,154
(Captain sneezing)
100
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,456
- Bless you.
101
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,758
- What is the latest on
our amateur bank robber?
102
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,427
- Well, our stakeouts at Clyde's house
103
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,662
and his girlfriend's
apartment have been a bust.
104
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:23,863
Nothing.
105
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,132
- I can't understand it,
the man's an amateur.
106
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,634
A nine-to-fiver.
107
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,969
We should have nabbed him the first
day.
108
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,171
(Captain sneezing)
109
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,472
- Bless you, Captain.
110
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,273
- You don't have to keep saying that.
111
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,777
One bless you will hold
you for the whole day!
112
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,781
Why aren't you on stakeout with
Hooperman?
113
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,784
- Oh, well, I switched with Pritzger
114
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,718
because he wanted to check--
115
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,152
- I know why Pritzger's there.
116
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:49,055
Apparently, Captain, our
suspecfs main squeeze
117
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,390
does her aerobics el buffo.
118
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:54,127
Pritzger was begging to see it.
119
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,028
(Captain sighs)
120
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:59,260
- Read the sign, it says Captain Stern.
121
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,737
Not, Captain McNeil, I'm in charge
here.
122
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,705
I make up the duty roster.
123
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:08,240
Nobody amends it without
checking with me first.
124
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,842
Is that perfectly clear?
125
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:10,710
(Captain sneezes)
126
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:12,337
- Bless, yes, ma'am.
127
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,214
- [Bushkin] Central, Bushkin speaking.
128
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,049
- Thanks a lot.
129
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,417
- You guys are so mature.
130
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:20,887
Peeking in windows, trying
to catch a little skin.
131
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,422
Someday, someone's
gonna call a cop on you.
132
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,092
- Clarence, Clarence, we got a 9-1-1
call.
133
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:29,662
It's a woman, it's
that, it's a girlfriend.
134
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,431
It's the bank robber's girlfriend.
135
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:32,665
She seems very upset.
136
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,268
- Okay, get Hooperman on the horn,
huh?
137
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,602
- [McNeil] She said Herb contacted
her
138
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,237
and is on his way over, she's freaked
out,
139
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,406
she wants protection.
140
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:41,941
- All right, we'll check it out.
141
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:44,344
How about that, she's on our side.
142
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:48,081
- Does this mean I don't
get to see the aerobics?
143
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:49,248
(knocking)
144
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:50,516
- [Woman] Who's there?
145
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,552
- [Hooperman] Police!
146
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,888
- [Woman] Oh, come in, thanks
for getting here so quick.
147
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,084
- Our pleasure.
148
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:04,230
- Okay, boys, sit your butts down.
149
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,365
We're gonna be here awhile.
150
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,966
- Oh, geez.
151
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:11,063
- Let's have guns, real slow,
one at a time, you first.
152
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:14,474
- This may seem like a good idea now.
153
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:15,608
But you're gonna regret--
154
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,977
- I hate people that interrupt me,
155
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,078
and if you do it again,
156
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,980
I'm gonna make a sunroof for your
brains.
157
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,148
- \/\/hatta you think?
158
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:25,451
- I think I'm happy with
my present ventilation.
159
00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:28,422
I think we should sit our butts down.
160
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,287
- Now, handsome.
161
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:37,464
I want you to call your station.
162
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:40,266
I want you to tell them
this was all a false alarm.
163
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,436
And say it in plain
English, no police code.
164
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,304
- I think you should know this.
165
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,939
It's a toll call from here.
166
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:47,807
(pistol cocking)
167
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,175
Where's the phone?
168
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,234
- Breathe deeply, Captain.
169
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,148
- [Captain] All it's doing
is making my eyes water.
170
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,350
- It's an old Navajo Indian remedy.
171
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,685
It's, I don't know if you've
been around any Navajos.
172
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:03,189
But they never have runny noses,
here.
173
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:04,089
- What's that?
174
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,758
It looks like something
out of a pool filter!
175
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,594
- We gotta build up your defense
system
176
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,330
by reinforcing your antibodies, drink it.
177
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,031
- Ooh, I'm not gonna swallow that,
ugh.
178
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,134
- Captain, it's a wonder cure!
179
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,836
You wanna get better, don't you?
180
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:18,103
- Captain?
181
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,171
- Who is it?
182
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,339
- McNeil.
183
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,108
- V\/hat's the latest from Hooperman?
184
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,376
- Oh, false alarm on a 9-1-1, Captain.
185
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,177
- [Captain] Oh, well,
186
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,013
we're gonna have to put
more bodies on this.
187
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:30,449
Grab Silardi and DeMott, they should
help.
188
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,319
- All right, yes, okay,
feel better, Captain.
189
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,621
- Thank you.
190
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,956
You see, Bushkin, why I can't go
home?
191
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:37,753
- Yeah.
192
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:43,563
- How long does this old Navajo cure
take?
193
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,292
- Well, I'm not sure.
194
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,291
How does two moons sound?
195
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,840
- You know, you take
away the badge, the gun,
196
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:57,543
and you're nothin' but a bunch of
wimps.
197
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:01,214
I was busted once, by one of
you protectors of society.
198
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,549
He told me if I did the nasty with him,
199
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,152
that he'd let me walk, so I did.
200
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,888
But he busted me anyway.
201
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,118
Well, now, I got the power.
202
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,027
Watch it, doofus, you're
gettin' polish on my toe!
203
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,597
- I never done this before.
204
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:21,233
- You know, I hate people
that always have an excuse.
205
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:24,937
Get the polish remover
and clean up your mess.
206
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,440
Hooperman, how long does
it take to cook eggs?
207
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,373
- Comm' up.
208
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,168
There you go.
209
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:33,174
- So.
210
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:37,917
Did you perverts have a good
time watchin' me exercise?
211
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,551
- I didn't get to see it.
212
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:40,348
- Shut up!
213
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:45,525
You know, I made you punks the first
day.
214
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:50,025
Maybe you guys should do
a little sweatin' now.
215
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,723
Up and at 'em, boys.
216
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,701
Let's see some calisthenics.
217
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,670
(gasps)
218
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:01,541
Start with some jumpin' jacks.
219
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,441
- It's only fair, right?
220
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,316
Look, stop me if I'm wrong.
221
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,785
But, I'm getting a totally
different message from you
222
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,554
than you're putting out.
223
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,657
See, my guess is, that
you're doing all this
224
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,793
to impress Herb, and maybe, I don't
know.
225
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,763
Maybe you're even a little afraid of
him.
226
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,165
He's got power over you.
227
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,502
And you wanna break away, but you
can't?
228
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:30,903
I think I'm right, I mean.
229
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:35,008
You know, it's up to you,
am I kinda in the ballpark?
230
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,272
- Drop down and give me 20.
231
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,983
- Excuse me, I gotta go to the can.
232
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:44,783
' [Woman] So?
233
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:45,651
"So!
234
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:47,186
- So you'll have to wait,
unless you want all of us
235
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,488
to go in there together.
236
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,256
- I can't do that.
237
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,553
- Suit yourself.
238
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:54,861
- Trudy.
239
00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:57,263
- [Trudy] It's about time.
240
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,561
- Trudy, who are these guys?
241
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:01,963
- Cops.
242
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,437
(door slamming)
243
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,872
- Cops, are you out of your mind!
244
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:09,475
- They're our hostages.
245
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:12,645
- Hi, Inspector Harry Hooperman,
SFPD.
246
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:15,014
You must be Herb Clyde.
247
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,315
- Yes.
248
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,218
I'm sorry, how rude of me.
249
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,354
- My colleague, Boris Pritzger.
250
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,150
- Boris.
251
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,417
Trudy, what are we going to do?
252
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,463
- We're going to Canada in their car.
253
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,198
- It's not gonna happen, Herb.
254
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:33,832
You'll never make it.
255
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,968
- Yeah, we will.
256
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,904
'Cause you're goin' with us.
257
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:41,602
(dramatic orchestral chords)
258
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:46,107
(grunting)
259
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,808
(footsteps clicking)
260
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:01,857
- This is a nightmare.
261
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,031
(coughs)
262
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,900
I'm kidnapping a cop.
263
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,936
My life's a nightmare.
264
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:10,836
- Don't worry.
265
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,239
They're not gonna touch
us with a cop in the car.
266
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,407
Straighten yourself out,
we're in it now, babe.
267
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,375
We're in it deep.
268
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,678
- Oh god, oh god, oh god.
269
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,545
- She's right, Herb.
270
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:22,048
You might as well buckle up and enjoy
it.
271
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:25,284
- I was a married man, a family man.
272
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,588
I putted around the house on the
weekends.
273
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,556
I'll never putter again.
274
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:36,796
Never buy a drink for a
woman in a leather skirt.
275
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:37,930
- This is what happens
276
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,699
when your brain drops below your
belt.
277
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,300
- Quit fillin' his head with that crap!
278
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,969
Herb and I got somethin' special.
279
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,198
Don't we, Herb?
280
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,501
Herb!
281
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,236
- Yes, special.
282
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,077
- Start the car, Herb.
283
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,980
- Herb, I know I'm an outsider,
284
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,316
and I don't pretend to know
all the little subtleties
285
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,652
of your relationship with, um?
286
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:00,552
- Trudy?
287
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,155
- Trudy here, but think about this.
288
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:07,293
If you continue in this
unlawful direction,
289
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:10,786
you'll probably never see your wife
again.
290
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,690
- I knew there was a upside to this.
291
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:18,170
(engine revving)
292
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,605
- Clarence, I told you!
293
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:20,740
I don't how else to put this.
294
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,242
Inspector Hooperman does not
respond.
295
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,611
- Are you sure this thing is working?
296
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,145
- I take very good care of my
equipment.
297
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:27,312
Believe me, it's working.
298
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,348
- Well, I'm worried, they
haven't reported in for lunch.
299
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,149
- So?
300
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:33,018
- So, Pritzger's in that car.
301
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:33,919
- There must be a problem.
302
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,822
It's way past his feeding time.
303
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:39,792
Five George 35, please respond,
Hooperman!
304
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:41,426
Pick up the damn mic!
305
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,496
Excuse the damn, but pick it up, will
you!
306
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,932
- Don't you think he
should respond, honeybunch?
307
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:51,170
I mean, do we really
want them looking for us?
308
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:54,973
- Take the call, tell
'em everything's okay.
309
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:58,277
And remember, you can either
take a nice scenic trip
310
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:02,215
to the Great Northwest, or
end up as freeway pizza.
311
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,182
Your choice.
312
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,454
You better take me seriously.
313
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,989
I've shot a couple of guys in my time.
314
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,858
- This is five George 35, reporting in.
315
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:13,793
We're going to lunch,
316
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:17,196
heading to Pritzger's favorite
restaurant, Health Hut.
317
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:19,565
He needs his daily dose of tofu.
318
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,866
- [Betty] 10-4, five George.
319
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:24,360
- Trudy, you never told
me you shot people!
320
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,905
- Never came up.
321
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,170
(grunting)
322
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:34,274
(auto horn blaring)
(tires squealing)
323
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:37,883
- [Herb] Did you see that?
324
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:40,186
It's probably some maniac on PCP.
325
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,855
- We oughta chase him down,
and give him a ticket.
326
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,423
Huh, Hooperman?
327
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,392
(Trudy chuckles)
328
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:48,160
- I think we should take the Bay
Bridge.
329
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,096
- Take the Golden Gate.
330
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,597
- The Bay Bridge is faster.
331
00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,165
Oh, thank you.
332
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,736
- Forget the Bay Bridge,
we're takin' the Golden Gate.
333
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,772
- No, just no, I'm not gonna do that.
334
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,373
- Herb, bein' on the lam is hard
enough,
335
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,275
without all this constant bickering.
336
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,710
- [Radio Voiceover] All units, 2-12,
337
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:08,014
armored car robbery, $500,000 in
currency.
338
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,915
Suspects are traveling north on
Finestra
339
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:12,018
in a late model blue
van, California license,
340
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:15,318
one Paul Charles Edward three one
eight.
341
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,624
- That must be the
maniac that just flew by.
342
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:21,321
Isn't this Finestra, yeah it is.
343
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:26,497
Herb, I want that money, let's go get it.
344
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,101
- That's not a bad idea, you know.
345
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,204
Canada's getting really expensive.
346
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,239
- Haven't we committed enough
crime?
347
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:34,740
What more do you want?
348
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:38,044
- Hit the siren, Herb, and let's roll.
349
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,479
- All right, but when we get to Canada,
350
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,316
we are going straight, I promise.
351
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:44,841
- [Boris] Help me!
352
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,780
I can't breathe, oh!
353
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:53,159
(grunting)
354
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,394
- Bobo, it's us, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
355
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,130
Man, it's a good thing you hate tofu.
356
00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:01,067
- Hurry, I really, I
really gotta get in there.
357
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,396
(siren wailing)
358
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:17,249
- I gotta hand it to you, Herb.
359
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,784
You're a real good wheel man.
360
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:21,447
(siren wailing)
361
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,760
(tools clattering)
362
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,496
(siren wailing)
363
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:33,295
(tires squealing)
364
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,470
- Okay, what do we do now?
365
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,972
- Don't ask me, man, I'm just a
hostage.
366
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,808
- Here, go out there and get that
money.
367
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:43,609
- What?
368
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,475
- [Trudy] You heard me.
369
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,216
- I really don't wanna go out there
alone.
370
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,518
- I'm not goin' with you.
371
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,953
Forget it, they may have shotguns, no
way.
372
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,189
- [Herb] Did you hear that,
they probably have shotguns!
373
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,858
- We'll all go out there, together!
374
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,059
Move!
375
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:00,855
NOW!
376
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:07,900
(horn beeps)
377
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,535
(Trudy sighs)
378
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:11,837
- [Herb] What do I say?
379
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:14,674
- Out of the car, police.
380
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,042
- Out of the car, please!
381
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,176
- [Hooperman] Police!
382
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,043
- Police.
383
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:20,346
- Put a little more authority into it.
384
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,144
- Out of the car, now!
385
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:25,250
You're surrounded.
386
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:26,116
- Not bad.
387
00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:34,726
- Look at this.
388
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,562
They have their hands
up, they're giving up.
389
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,865
Trudy, they're giving up, I'll be
damned.
390
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,201
- Tell them to put the guns on the
ground.
391
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,937
- [Herb] Put your guns on the ground.
392
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:45,904
- [Hooperman] Now.
393
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:46,701
' NOW!
394
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,543
(guns clatte ring)
395
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:54,707
Okay, just don't do anything,
just stand like that.
396
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,016
- [Trudy] V\/here's the cash?
397
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,183
- In the back.
398
00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,218
_ Okay, you guys can go.
399
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:00,886
- No, stay there, wait
a minute, wait, wait.
400
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,289
Wait a minute, they can't go.
401
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,357
Herb, no, look at me, Herb.
402
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,625
They can't go.
403
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:07,927
I've kept quiet for a long time,
404
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:08,961
but I gotta say something here,
405
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,129
because this has really
gotten out of hand.
406
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:14,032
Let's say you make it to
Canada with the money.
407
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,768
What kind of a life you gonna have,
Herb?
408
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:19,238
This woman already has you busting
banks,
409
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:21,873
kidnapping cops, and robbing
robbers,
410
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,542
and you're only dating!
411
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,877
You were right, back there in the car.
412
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:25,978
What is next, Herb?
413
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,045
Murder?
414
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,213
- Shut up, Hooperman.
415
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,448
- No, I'm not gonna shut up.
416
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,416
You wanna shut me up, go
ahead and shoot me, go ahead.
417
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:33,786
Go ahead, blow away your only
hostage.
418
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,654
You know how you're gonna wind up?
419
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,157
Shot to death by a Mountie.
420
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,792
- Excuse me, were you
serious, can we go now?
421
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,461
- Shut up, and stay there.
422
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:43,495
- Let him go.
423
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,832
Herb, shoot him, he's causing trouble.
424
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,634
Herb, if you don't shoot him, I will.
425
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:53,105
(ominous orchestral music)
426
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:54,506
- Put the gun down, Trudy.
427
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,269
- No way!
428
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,410
- [Herb] Put it down.
429
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,079
- I'm warning you, Herb.
430
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,280
I blew away two other guys,
431
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,650
and I loved them more than I love
you.
432
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,451
(pistol cocking)
433
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,654
- Put the gun down.
434
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,989
(suspenseful orchestral music)
435
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,992
(sirens wailing)
436
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,757
(tires squealing)
437
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,098
- Timing is everything, isn't it.
438
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,601
- Captain Stern, Hooperman's all right.
439
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,270
They got everybody.
440
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,938
They got the bank robber,
they got the girlfriend,
441
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,173
they got a couple of guys
from an armored car hold up.
442
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,642
All in the same alley.
443
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,276
We're gonna have a full house
tonight.
444
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,545
Isn't that great, Captain?
445
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,342
Captain?
446
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:36,515
Captain?
447
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:37,607
Captain Stern!
448
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,746
- Bushkin, what did you give me?
449
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,918
- Oh, you mean the remedy?
450
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,727
Well, let's see, it's orange juice,
451
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,731
lemon, honey, cloves, cactus pulp,
452
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,533
and the other two thirds
is an alcohol compound
453
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,368
made from potatoes.
454
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:57,131
- Vodka.
455
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:01,473
- Oh, Captain, I'm so sorry,
I should have told you,
456
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,143
just take a few teaspoons every few
hours.
457
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,145
You're gonna have quite a hangover.
458
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,979
But, I have got a great
remedy for a hangover.
459
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,919
- Bushkin, hand me that paperweight.
460
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,820
I wanna throw it at you.
461
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,589
(knocking)
462
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:21,360
- Excuse me, I need to
speak to somebody in charge.
463
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,761
My name is Susan Smith.
464
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,930
- Oh, you're Hooperman's friend.
465
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,366
- Yes, yes, I just heard
about this on the television.
466
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:31,403
What's happening, is he all right?
467
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:34,940
- You need to calm down, my dear.
468
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:37,466
Bushkin, give her some of this.
469
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,804
(precinct cheering)
470
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,351
- Okay, this is it, guys.
471
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,520
I gotta tell you, it's been a real slice.
472
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,089
Next time, I'll bring my camera.
473
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,691
- You know, this whole thing is about
sex.
474
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:53,859
I always thought there was more to
life
475
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,194
than just great sex, then I met Trudy.
476
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,763
And I realized there wasn't.
477
00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:00,232
- You're a real pioneer, Herb.
478
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,801
Smith, what are you doin' here?
479
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,538
- I came to see if you were still alive.
480
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,106
- I'm fine, look.
481
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,942
- You can't just say, I'm
fine, like nothing happened.
482
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,476
You were a hostage!
483
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,912
Your little adventure was
on every TV set in the city.
484
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,109
I was going out of my mind.
485
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,581
(phones ringing)
486
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:26,591
- What was that for?
487
00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:29,895
- For this, for what you do here.
488
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,260
- Oh, here we go.
489
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:35,134
Hey, you know what, this is good.
490
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,301
Let's get this settled.
491
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,437
Let's put this thing to bed, come on.
492
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:39,199
Come on.
493
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:41,135
Sit down.
494
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,143
Okay, let's hear it.
495
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,777
Let's hear the Hooperman,
we can't be together
496
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,846
because you're a cop speech.
497
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,748
- What about your speech?
498
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:53,486
The one about wanting to
be a father, and husband?
499
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,020
I guess that's only if
you don't have something
500
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:57,255
more important to do,
like getting kidnapped
501
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,724
or getting killed.
502
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,056
- Okay-
503
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:06,999
Occasionally, I do have a dangerous
job.
504
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:09,668
So do firemen, so do test pilots,
505
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:11,336
and people who work with asbestos,
506
00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:13,539
and window washers on the
Transamerica Building.
507
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,974
You buy me, you buy what I do.
508
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,309
We can't spend the rest of our life
509
00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:19,277
hassling about my job.
510
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,646
- Well, then, maybe we can't have a
life.
511
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:26,385
- Maybe we can't.
512
00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:27,853
But I'm not takin' the rap for it.
513
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:31,448
You've gotta take some
responsibility, too.
514
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,459
Even if I were a milkman,
515
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:37,196
you'd still be on the fence about us.
516
00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:38,830
If you don't love me,
517
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:42,067
if you have a problem spending
the rest of your life with me
518
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:45,628
just say that, but
don't hang it on my job.
519
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,476
- I got hit with reality today.
520
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:52,308
It's scary.
521
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:56,682
At any moment, any time, you
can be taken away from me
522
00:21:56,682 --> 00:22:00,141
and I would have to raise our child
alone.
523
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:04,556
I actually even said to myself,
524
00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:07,860
if he doesn't make it, if he dies,
525
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:11,854
at least I'll always have
a part of him with me.
526
00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:18,536
- I'm dead, here.
527
00:22:18,537 --> 00:22:20,171
I keep arguing after
a statement like that,
528
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:23,742
I'd be the lowest form of life on earth.
529
00:22:23,742 --> 00:22:26,945
Besides, I can't discuss this here.
530
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,348
This is not a good discussing place.
531
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,318
(soft violin music)
532
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:39,358
I just figured out what we have in
common.
533
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:40,959
' [Susan] What?
534
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,520
- We disagree about everything.
535
00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:47,433
- No, we don't.
536
00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:48,832
- I rest my case.
537
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,303
If all's fair in love and war,
538
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:53,670
why did we have to pick war?
539
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:58,310
- These last few hours
didn't feel like war to me.
540
00:22:58,310 --> 00:23:00,278
- A temporary ceasefire.
541
00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:05,113
(smooching)
542
00:23:06,785 --> 00:23:10,789
- Would you want me to
be Susie Cream Cheese,
543
00:23:10,789 --> 00:23:13,658
and agree with everything you say?
544
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:17,220
Oh, Hooperman, you're
so wise, so wonderful.
545
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:22,000
I just wanna put on
naughty underwear every day
546
00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:25,237
and wait for you to come home.
547
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:26,938
Would you want that?
548
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:29,942
(romantic jazz saxophone music)
549
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:33,779
- [Hooperman] Well, maybe
just for the first 25 years.
550
00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:36,414
(Hooperman and Susan laughing)
551
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:36,681
(Hooperman and Susan laughing)
552
00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:40,448
(jaunty jazz saxophone music)
553
00:24:07,313 --> 00:24:09,648
(crunching)
554
00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:13,278
(dramatic orchestral music)
39317
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