Original subtitles

- [Pedestrian] Hey, man, watch out!

- Pritzger, he's going down the alley!

Cut him off at the side street, Pritzger!

Halt!

Pritzger!

- What are doin, huh?

- Halt!

Freeze!

Right now, you're busted!

Assume the position!

Oh, God.

- What if I don't?

- Come on, not today, okay?

We've been running 10 blocks.

Do us both a favor and assume the position!

- No.

No, I ain't gonna do it.

I'm going over this fence, pal.

Now, you got a problem with that,

you try and stop me.

Come on, man,

come on, right now!

Me and you.

Let's find out who's top gun in this alley.

- Let's not.

Let's make it an easy day, alright?

Look, you come with me, I get my collar,

I go on with my life.

Three months from now, you can be back stealing wallets.

- Eat my shorts.

- Come on.

- Hooperman,

where'd he go?

- Ah, he had some other commitments.

- What?

(upbeat music with saxophone)

- Hey!

What'd that bag ever do to you?

You looking for a trainer?

- You picked me out pretty quickly, huh?

- Well, you don't exactly look like

the downtown type even in those rags.

Besides, I know everybody here.

- Harry Hooperman.

- Freddie Romano.

My friends call me Tomato Can,

so do my enemies, so does my mother.

- I've seen one of your fights.

- You did?

Blink and you could've missed me.

My fights don't last too long.

I walk into the ring and boom,

everything gets dark real fast.

But don't worry, I'm a better trainer than a fighter.

Come on.

Okay, I see your problem.

See, what you're doing is you're dropping your shoulder

and you're pulling away

when you should be shooting a jab,

you're never gonna hit anything that way.

What you gotta do is you gotta get

your shoulders up and move on in.

- That's probably how I got clocked.

- Was it a jealous boyfriend or some guy in a bar?

- No, I was just careless during an arrest.

' He)', You're a cop!

- Yeah, but not so loud.

- Hey, you should be proud that you're a cop, man.

No, really, people respect cops,

they look up to policemen.

They do good things and they help people out.

You know, I wanna ask you a question.

You guys make a lot of money?

- It's not a bad living.

- Hey, that's good, you're backing me up, come on.

Do you know, I wanted to be a cop,

but I got into boxing instead,

my family needed the money.

I guess it's too late for me now.

- No, not really.

You can still apply to the Academy,

if you're a good age and in great shape.

- I could.

- Hey, you think you can help me get in?

- Not if you keep hitting me like that.

- Hey, McNeil, what volume are you up to?

_E

- You really think reading all that stuffs

gonna help you out on that game show?

- Can't hurt.

- [DeMott] If you win the Hawaiian vacation,

can I go with you?

- No.

- We're bothering you, huh?

- Yes.

- I guess we should go now.

- Good.

- Inspector McNeil, I hope those encyclopedias

are for research on police business

and not that ridiculous game show.

- Oh, well, actually, captain,

I was looking up John Dillinger.

I was checking out his MO.

- You're going to have to be quicker than that

on your little quiz show if you want

to win the matching luggage.

And if you do, I can only hope

you don't jump up and down like one

of those goofball contestants.

And if you jump up and down,

I only hope you don't say you're a policeman.

- Captain, I think you would've made

a wonderful contestant on that Pot o'Gold--

- Bushkin!

- No, it was really unfair of them

to reject you like that.

- Bushkin, there is an empty seat

next to your console.

Fill it.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Apparently, it doesn't matter if you know

all the answers.

You have to be perky,

you have to be able to fake an orgasm

over a household appliance.

I guess it takes a certain type.

- I guess so.

- Don't let her dampen your spirits,

we're all very proud of you.

You're a winner, I can feel the energy.

But, just in case I'm wrong,

you know, when you ask Peter Amery

for the autographed picture,

remember the one,

"Love Betty, from Peter,"

could you do that before you go on

because I understand that once you lose

they blast you right into the parking lot.

- Knowing, the answer is only half the battle.

If you want to win on Pot o'Gold,

you gotta have a quick trigger finger.

Worry about whether you know the question afterward.

- Give us another one, this is fun.

- Yeah, fun for you because you're winning.

- Come on, Clarence, good sportsmanship

and a good attitude, that's what game shows

are all about.

V\fithout them, you cannot cover up the fact

that you're basically as greedy

as everybody else.

_ okay, okay.

- Okay, contestants, here's your next question.

Name three men in JFK's cabinet.

(horn blows)

- McNamara, Salinger and Ribicoff.

Wrong!

- No way, I am right!

- McNeil, can you take it?

- McNamara, Ribicoff and Rusk!

- [Hooperman] Correcto!

- Salinger!

- Salinger was Kennedy's press secretary

and not a member of his cabinet.

- I knew that, I don't know why I said Salinger.

I saw Rusk clearly but I said Salinger.

- Congratulations, Clarence, you actually tied

our house know-it-all.

And you've won the big prize!

Maybe he'll split it with you, Smith.

Whoa, oh, oh!

I see ourjudge is eating the big prize.

Get away from there!

That's my third lesson, I think I'm getting worse.

- Hey, I'm really sorry about that punch,

it was just a reflex.

But you know something?

You're getting real good.

You got up just like that.

- It's okay, I could use a facial scar,

give me a little character.

So, you're really serious about becoming a cop?

- Oh, yeah, I'm getting married.

- [Hooperman] No kidding!

- I really would like

to make my wife proud of me.

Right now, I'm just a punching bag

for these guys on their way up.

You know what I really like is,

just a little success, you know, like you got.

- [Hooperman] Now, am I punch struk

or is that a pretty girl coming up to you?

- Hey-

- Hi.

- Hey, this is my girl, Maria.

- You're Inspector Hooperman?

- [Hooperman] Well, it's nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

So, you think this big lug will make a good cop?

- I don't know, I'm kind of a medium lug

and I made it, so.

- Hey, you know, I'm gonna try real hard.

- Well, that's one thing he does well,

he tries hard.

I've held enough ice packs to that face to know.

- Hey, I'll be back in a minute.

- Freddie, don't.

- I'm just going over to talk to him

just for a minute.

- [Maria] I don't like those guys.

- I guess it's safe to assume they're not stockbrokers.

Then again, maybe they are, it's been

a pretty bad year for the market.

- All units vicinity Sycamore in mission

respond to car alarm.

Parked vehicle, use caution,

shots being fired from neighboring building

apparently to deactivate car alarm.

- Hey, hey, you're hurting my arm, hey!

You're hurting my arm!

- Let's go, keep it moving!

Way m gm.!

See, that's the way to handle this guy, DeMott.

You been working out or something?

- Thanks for all the help, Silardi.

- [Silardi] Come on, you know every team's

gotta have a tough guy and I think

that should be you.

From now on, you handle the armed robbers

and I'll take care of the jaywalkers.

What do you say?

- Hey, I guess that's what it's all about,

bringing in the bad guys, huh?

- Yeah.

- Hey, excuse me, what did this guy do?

- He tried to stick up a lunch truck.

- Did you get him right there?

- No, we had to chase him a little.

- How much did he get?

- Oh, big bust.

Guy tried to get away with 22 bucks and some change.

- How many of these guys do you bag a day?

- On a good day, one, then you spend

the rest of the day filing out the paperwork.

- Paperwork?

I thought you had people handle that for ya.

- Are you kidding me?

We won't see that in our lifetime.

Not a bad idea though, huh?

Wait a minute, who the hell are you?

- Oh, I'm Freddie Romano,

most people call me Tomato Can.

- How can we help you, Mister Can?

- Yo, Freddie!

- Officer candidate Romano reporting for duty.

- Got your application right here.

- Great.

- [Hooperman] Some day you might have a desk like this one

with your name on it.

- Oh, no way, no indoors for me,

I wanna be on the bikes.

- Oh, you'd be safer going against Haggler,

but hey, we can always use another nut ball.

- I'm your man.

- Here you go.

- I'll just take this home and I'll

bring it to you tomorrow at the workout.

- No, Freddie, let's do it now,

get things moving quicker.

- No, I kinda rather do it at home.

- [Hooperman] Come on, take a minute, sit down.

Something the matter?

- Oh, nothing.

- Freddie?

Can you write?

- Not all that great.

- [Hooper] Not all that great or not at all?

- Not at all.

Can't read either.

- You gotta be able to read and write to be a cop.

- Oh, but you don't understand.

I mean, I can ride bikes,

I can ride bikes real well

and I can shoot--

- That's all good, but, it doesn't cut it, I'm sorry.

I mean, I'm sorry.

- You know, one night,

I'm fighting Frezno,

the place smells like a toilet,

cracks nothing but animals,

and I get knocked out.

I go in there and I get knocked out

because that's what I'm good for.

And this time I come to in the ring,

and I'm half in outer space and you know what I hear?

Laughing-

Everybody's laughing at me.

I guess they were always laughing.

I don't wanna go back to that.

- There're lots of other jobs

you can always--

- What?

To sweep floors,

be a cut man for 35 bucks a night, right?

Or maybe throw the drunks out of

a mud wrestling place.

Don't you understand?

That was a job!

- I wish there was something I could do to help you.

- Don't worry.

I'm used to getting knocked out, remember?

- Look, you are going on that game show

for one simple reason.

The Clarence McNeil I know is not a quitter.

- You must have me confused with somebody else.

I'm not going on that television show.

I can't remember my own name now.

What's gonna happen when all those

television cameras go on?

- You're gonna smile, you're gonna

answer those questions,

you're gonna win the Pot o'Gold and you're

gonna make us all proud of you.

- I'm gonna freeze, I'm gonna sit there

like a box of cornflakes.

- Clarence, come on, now,

seriously, you got a responsibility here,

not just to yourself but to the entire force.

Now, you are an intelligent, highly educated man

and you can do a lot to show people

that cops are not a bunch of big,

beefy, dumb thugs who just like to hand out

parking tickets and eat donuts.

This is for all of us, man.

- Sounds good, but I'm not buying it.

- Look at it this way.

How's your MasterCard balance?

- It's over the limit.

- There you go.

Don't you wanna win the car?

- I got a car.

- Do you don't, you got a car loan.

Plus, what about the 200 bucks you owe me?

McNeil, be a man, do it for the money.

- [Announcer] And now back to Peter Amery

and Pot o'Gold!

Peter, say hello to our current champion,

Carl Dorfman.

- Thank you, Johnny.

Alright, Carl, champion, big guy.

- [Announcer] Our challenger is one

of San Francisco's finest.

Meet Inspector Clarence McNeil.

(audience applauding)

- Welcome, friends, welcome.

Well, it says right here that you

have been a member of the police force

for 13 years.

- Uh huh.

- It also says right here that you enjoy

sport fishing.

- Uh huh.

- Well, I'm an angler myself, Clarence.

What do you usually go after?

- Fish,

from the ocean.

- That's the place to look for 'em.

Okay, I guess it's time to get on to our game.

As you know, you'll be trying to light UP

the colors of our rainbow by answering questions correctly.

The first contestant to light up an entire arch

reaches the end of the rainbow

and gets a shot at that pot of gold filled with

loads of cash and lots of prizes.

Carl Dorfman, you're our champion,

you get to decide first.

What'll it be?

- I'll try the yellow arch, Peter.

- Very good, so, the yellow arch question.

(beeping)

Oh, boy!

Holy toledo!

Oh, boy, you know what those glorious sounds mean.

That's right, it's our lucky leprechaun question!

Oh, this is for the Chrysler LeBaron.

How about that LeBaron, gentlemen?

- Well, it could sure class up my driveway, Peter.

- [Peter] What do you think, Clarence?

- It's good.

- [Peter] Okay, hands on buzzers.

This is your question.

K2 is the second biggest in the world.

What is K2?

Carl.

- K2 is an Irish rock group.

- Oh, Carl,

I'm so sorry, K2 is not an Irish rock group.

- Wait, you didn't let me finish.

(laughs)

- Easy, Carl, turnabout is fair play.

Clarence, now you--

- I didn't press my buzzer.

I didn't even touch it, actually.

I mean, why would I do that?

Why would I touch it if I didn't

know the right answer?

- Carl, Carl, I know this is disappointing--

- Hey, shove it, horse mouth,

that car belongs to me, I want the car!

- Carl, you're a Pot o'Gold champion, act like one.

- I want the car!

You understand, it's my car!

- [Woman] Stop him!

- [Peter] Shut that camera off!

Get him off!

- [Carl] I want that car!

- Get him off me!

- K2, K2, K2 is a mountain.

K2!

K2!

K2 is a mountain,

it's the second largest mountain in the world, ha!

- McNeil, did you see that?

Just like Tomato Can taught me,

one punch, I'm cured!

- It's a mountain in Nepal.

- What is?

- K2.

- Oh, my God, my vocal chords, what if they're damaged?

I'm a singer too, you know,

I got a Vegas act.

No one sings “My Way", my way.

Where do I press charges against this maniac?

- Hang tight for a while.

- We gotta process the Pot o'Gold strangler first.

- Look, I don't know what came over me,

I'm not a violent person,

you can ask anybody who knows me,

I'm not a violent person.

- I knew it.

One day, one of you people will go over the line.

You ought to be put in a straitjacket!

- Alright, come on, let's go.

- Where can I use the phone?

I gotta call my agent.

- Oh, you can use mine.

- It's, oh, my God, it's Peter Amery!

- How are you?

Nice to see you.

- Would you sign my hands, please?

- I have to use the phone.

- What you got there?

- Case of Rice-A-Roni

They gave it to me, plus a home version

of the game.

- You spend two weeks memorizing encyclopedias,

studying your brains out, staying up late

for a box of this?

You're a real all-American success story, McNeil.

- Merry Christmas.

Alright who wants a box of pickins?

Here you go, Rice-A-Roni for you.

Who else?

Yay, alright, Ken!

- Yes, it's Peter Amery.

Is Norman there?

Yes, I'll hold.

Hi.

- Hi.

(laughs)

- You know who I am, don't you?

- You look familiar.

- I'm on television.

I'm at the 120 markets, it's 85% of the country.

Peter Amery.

Who are you, babe?

- Officer DeMott.

I'm in the other 15% of the country.

- Mister Amery.

When they said that you're gonna bring me back

on the show,

do they mean soon or what?

- How do I know, I just wear the free suits

and read the questions.

Norman, Peter.

I'm With the SFPD.

Don't worry, it's not that again.

- When I got the question wrong, I just went berserk.

- If you don't mind my asking,

what was the question?

I mean, the one that got you so upset.

- I didn't know that K2 was a mountain.

- You've gotta be kidding.

Anyone with halfa brain knows that.

You mean, you blew the whole shooting match

over a simple question like that?

What a doofus.

- That does it!

- Hey, hey, break it up!

_ Hey, hey.

Well, you're just Mister Short Fuse, aren't you?

You know, those of us in law enforcement

might forgive an assault on a game show host,

but she is a police captain.

- You put a fingerprint on her and we'll

put you behind door number two for life.

- I'm sorry.

So, maybe you better lock me up, huh,

for my own good.

- [Hooperman] Inspector Hooperman?

- Silardi, do him a favor.

- Yeah, let's go.

- Maria,

let's go over there.

We can talk privately here.

Can I get you something?

- No,

I'm alright.

I'm just a little afraid.

When he finds out I told you this,

he'll hate me, he's gonna leave me.

- Maria, does this have anything to do

with those two choir boys at the gym?

- Freddie is a good man, inspector,

you must believe me.

He's not like those two friends, he calls them.

They're not his friends,

you are his friend.

He trusts you.

You must promise me that you won't

do anything to hurt him.

- Maria, I can't make any promises

until I know what this is about.

- They're going to rob a jewelry store.

Freddie is supposed to be driving the car.

You have to talk to him, please,

he won't listen to me.

- Tonight?

(smooth music)

Freddie, how you doing?

Ah, here we go.

Bacon cheeseburger

and a little jumbo supply of fries.

You wanna roll up the window?

It's a little cold in here.

- Maria told you, didn't she?

- Hey, listen,

before you start badmouthing Maria,

she loves you and she's just looking out for you.

You want the coffee or the malt?

You take the coffee, I really want the malt.

- You gonna arrest me or what?

- I'm here to have dinner with you,

a little food, a little talk.

- Talk about what?

- About how close you are to screwing UP

your entire life.

- You got a life, Hooperman

and I got nothing.

At least tonight I could've made some good money.

- Come on, Freddie, life isn't a prize fight.

You know, a big score for one night's work.

Are you gonna eat those fries?

- You know, this might seem funny to YOU,

but this is the best career opportunity I got.

- Wrong, you got a lot of things going for you.

You still got your brains, although you

didn't wear 'em tonight.

You got heart and you got Maria.

- Don't you understand?

There's nothing she can do, there's nothing I can do.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute,

don't give me that one way ticket

to Palookaville thing.

You can do a lot of things.

You can bite the bullet,

you can take a dumb job even if it means

throwing guys out of mud wrestling joints.

You can go to night school, you can learn to read,

and you can learn to write.

You know what else you can do?

- What?

- You can start the engine and get us

the hell outta here.

The cops are coming for your friends.

I called them.

See, I'm a law enforcement kind of 9W-

Did I tell you, I knocked a guy out today?

One punch.

- [Freddie] No kidding.

- [Hooper] Yeah, it's on videotape.

(sirens blaring)

(upbeat saxophone music)