Original subtitles

- This is a Giuseppe Giorgio.

Inspector Hooperman, his suits are like fingerprints.

No two are alike.

Oh, it's you.

Oh, it cries out "you".

- Do you have anything that kinda whispers "corduroy"?

- Corduroy.

You wear corduroy to a football game

or when you want people to hear you coming.

This is Italian linen.

It'll be the finest suit hanging in your closet.

- It'll be the only suit in my closet.

- My God, you're a suitless man?

- No, no, well I have a pair of pants

that I wear with my sports coat and if the sun

hits just right the colors are pretty close.

I guess, you know, on a foggy day

from about 20 feet you could call it a suit.

- Buy it, Harry.

You always did look good in that color.

- Blaster.

Cheryl, oh God.

God, I haven't seen you since you and George were married.

- Hi, Harry.

- This is unbelievable, I was just thinking

about you the other night at Camile's.

- Do they have the same guitarist?

- Yeah, same guy.

Every song still sounds like Milligania.

(laughing)

God, you look fantastic.

- Thank you.

- Can I take it from your barren finger

that you and George are no more?

- No more.

- Ah, gee, I'm sorry.

- It was fine.

- Well.

- It was uh, friendly.

- Those things are you know, never easy.

- Oh, I am so late.

I would love to talk but, ugh.

It was wonderful running into you.

(lips kiss)

(sighs)

I gotta run.

Listen Harry.

Buy the suit.

- Now that is some woman.

- Cheryl Blaste.

- Oof, you're a single guy right?

- Yeah.

- You're crazy to let that one go.

- I almost married that one.

- You're a lucky guy, you got a second chance.

She liked you in this suit.

You won't blow it if you buy it.

- Maybe.

- But if you do blow it, can I have her phone number?

(upbeat music with saxophone)

(dramatic jazz music)

(knocking)

- Uh, hi.

- How ya dam"?

- Edwin, right?

- Reed.

- Close, is Smith around?

(door closing)

- She's just getting ready.

- Ready, I see.

- How's it going?

- Good, real good.

- Hooperman, right?

- Right, it's an easier name to remember I guess.

- Hi, Hooperman.

Bijoux is all set.

She's been the perfect canine as usuaL

- So, you guys steppin' out tonight?

- Yes.

I told you, we're going to La Traviata.

Reed went to school with the tenor.

- Oh, I bet he did.

Smith, could I see you out in the hall

for apartment business?

Listen, there's a full-length mirror

in the other room in case, you know, there's an emergency.

(footsteps)

Okay-

What's Mr. Aftershave doing in there?

- What do you mean, "what is he doing in there"?

- Aren't we what my mother would call "an item"?

I thought we had something special.

- Look, Hooperman, Reed is a friend.

He had some tickets and I know you don't like the opera.

You're into jazz.

And besides, you're out doing your cop thing

and I wanted to go.

Okay, you and I do have something special,

but we don't own each other.

- That's the way you want it, fine.

- It is.

- Fine. - Fine.

- How we doin'?

- [Both] Fine.

- What do you mean, "how did I find you"?

I'm a cop, I'm good at finding people.

Yeah, it was great seeing you too.

Listen, Cheryl, if you're still the Blaster I remember

and you sure looked like her the other day,

you're gonna love this new little restaurant I found.

So let's have some lunch.

What do you say?

Yeah?

Terrific.

Okay, I'll meet you there.

How about one o'clock?

- See them out there through the glass?

They're like my children.

The only difference being they hate their mother.

- These feelings of hate, when do you experience them?

- They're constant, Dr. Kenwood.

I know the names they call me.

I can read lips.

(sighing heavily)

Dragon Lady,

Drill Sergeant,

and every female mammal in God's kingdom.

- That brain peeper's been in there for over an hour.

The pit bull must really be spilling her guts.

- Yeah, he better not take that long with me.

- This is stupid.

Just another way for City Hall to waste tax dollars,

having some lousy shrink interview cops about stress.

Jeez, everybody knows we got buckets of stress.

- You ever spoken to a shrink, Bobo?

- Who needs them?

Know what I do when I'm feeling depressed?

I go to the roller derby.

Last time, I'm sitting between a woman with red hair

growing out her ears and a man with three teeth.

Compared to them I'm aces.

- I'm like a magnet.

I seem to attract low-Iifes.

Cheeseheads, slimeballs, my husband.

- Do you know what I'm getting here?

Low self-esteem.

Does that seem accurate to you?

(sighing)

- Well, yes, kind of.

- Yeah, kind of, huh?

The picture that you have of yourself is not

the same picture that other people have of you.

In fact I'll tell you something.

What I see is a responsible, determined,

tough yet sensitive, and if I may

step out of my professional posture

forjust a moment, an attractive woman.

- Really?

- You still do your watercolors?

- Mostly as a hobby.

I think I'll let someone else

paint San Francisco for awhile.

(chuckles)

I'm in business for myself now,

kind of a consulting thing.

- And how long have you been back in the single ranks?

- About three years.

- You mean to tell me you wasted

three available years without contacting me?

- Well, I didn't want to get back into anything.

Besides, I figured that you'd be settled down by now.

- Oh yeah, right.

- Is there a relationship in your life, Harry?

- Uh, no, not really.

You couldn't really call it a relationship.

- Mmmmm.

- Do you know what I miss the most about us?

- What?

- Sunday mornings, French coffee, the Hooperman omelette.

- Oh right, the Hooperman omelette.

- And how about the Sunday paper?

Reading Doonesbury.

- Football.

Remember halftime during the 'Niner Redskin game?

- Shh, please, please.

A smile still breaks out on my face every time

I think of Brent Musburger going to therapy.

(laughs)

Ah, Cheryl.

Cheryl, why did it end?

It seemed as if all of a sudden

I turned around and it was over.

- I don't know.

I guess we were just scared.

- Something like that happened now,

I wouldn't be scared.

- I wasn't hunting, I was protecting myself.

Oh look at me, I'm a normal guy,

why would I be toting a rifle in public?

- That's what we're trying to find out.

- You're trying to hide this thing,

you're trying to cover it up, aren't you?

- We are not trying to hide anything Mr. Gregory.

We've been telling you this for the past half hour.

- Oh, yes you are.

You know they're coming down to the cities

from the Sierras, Mount Tamalpais

and it's those jerks in the RVs and the off-readers

driving them out, but I shot it

and you can't tell me I didn't.

- Shot what?

- Bigfoot in North Beach.

- Lock him up, I'm gonna call the emergency room,

see if there's any gunshot victims.

- You're going after the wrong guy.

I'm trying to tell you there's Bigfoot at large in the city.

You gotta get him, otherwise he's gonna

wander into some gay bar down on Castro Street

and cause some serious problems.

- The vision is the same all the time.

I'm cornered in a blind alley.

No weapon.

My sweat is filling up my shoes.

A street gang comes around the corner,

tough guys, chest you could strike a match on.

Tattoos, mean, scarred.

My adrenaline's pumping.

I'm like a trapped animal.

One guy takes a swing.

I duck and grab the dude's arm

and rip it off at the socket.

I take the arm by the wrist

and wail on the other crud with it

till there's nothing left and I'm holding bare bone.

- Stress sometimes manifests itself in recurring nightmares.

- Nightmare?

That's a fantasy.

(suspenseful jazz music)

(knocking)

- Seven o'clock on the dot.

You've acquired the only trait missing

from an otherwise flawless person, punctuality.

Take off your coat, I got some wine.

I tried to make a spinach souffle.

- [Cheryl] How'd it come out?

- Well, what is your favorite takeout?

Chinese chicken salad or pizza?

I notice you haven't taken off your coat.

That's an indication that we're facing a very short stay.

- Hoop, I didn't wanna tell you over the phone

but after I hung up I, well I thought about this.

And my life really isn't ready for any kind

of permanency right now and I can see that

that's what you're looking for here.

I'm still spinning from this divorce

and I figure...

why start something you can't finish.

I wanna see you again but not right now.

- I understand.

Or I will understand.

Well, we have our wine, might as well toast something.

I'm not very good at making toasts.

May your recovery be short

and may your legs remain long.

(glasses clink)

I told you I wasn't any good at these things.

(lips kiss)

- Come on, walk me to my car.

Excuse me.

- Hooperman. - Smith.

Susan Smith this is Cheryl Blaste

and, uh, Randy.

- [Both] Reed.

- Reed, yeah.

Someday that name is going to sink into my grey matter.

- Hello.

- Hello, Cheryl.

- How ya dam"?

- [Susan] So, you two heading out?

- Yeah, that's kind of the direction we're going.

Heading out, looks like you're heading in.

- Yeah, we're heading in.

(keys jangling)

- [Cheryl] Nice meeting you.

- You too.

(truck engine)

- So tell me, where does a guy like you

go to school to learn brain shrinkage?

- I went to Ohio State, Class of'70.

- Oh right, yeah, yeah.

That was when Archie Griffin won the Heisman trophy right?

- Right, right, I went to every game.

In fact, I used my student loan money

to fly out to the Rose Bowl.

- No kidding?

- No kidding.

Excuse me, Inspector Hooperman,

I'll be with you in five minutes.

- You got it.

- When did Archie Griffin win the Heisman trophy?

- Lately I'm starting to envy a monk.

I mean, every time I'm getting close

to a woman I really care about

I have this little romantic Chernobyl-thing happen.

I mean, I don't even think it's me.

- Why is that?

- I mean, I don't change.

My attitude's the same, they change.

- Do you ever think of trying the approach,

I'm just gonna let it happen?

See where things go.

See, sometimes the brain

interferes with the flow of behavior,

we let the mind do too much thinking.

There's a saying,

"Too much analysis leads to paralysis."

- That's good.

That's real good.

I like that, yeah.

- Captain, can I speak to you about the psychologist?

- Relax, McNeil, he's not gonna bite you.

As a matter of fact, Dr. Kenwood and I went out

and we had a very nice, long, tension-relieving evening.

- I wish you hadn't said that, Captain.

Archie Griffin won the trophies in '74 and '75.

- What is this, like Jeopardy?

I have to think of the question?

- Dr. Kenwood said he went to school

with Archie Griffin in 1970 so I ran a make on him.

There's something I didn't like

about that man from the beginning.

He's a bunco artist, Captain, he's not a doctor.

He's been arrested in three states posing as doctors.

Look there.

- Oh my God.

- But that's me and women.

I guess it's just how I relate.

- Well you can't change their feelings.

The only person's feelings you

can handle and control are your own.

- Dr. Kenwood, I am placing you under arrest.

- Clarence.

- This man's not a psychologist.

He's a bunco artist, he's got a rap sheet thicker

than \/\/ar and Peace and he's taking the city for about 50K.

Come on.

You know I can't believe you'd pull

this scam in a police department.

- This was gonna be my last big one.

- Damn, we were just about to have a breakthrough.

- You know, I have really enjoyed this.

I mean, postal workers, I've done them.

Dogs are right, there are some real anal retentives there.

- Let's go.

- Admittedly, I don't have the credentials,

but what is that, a piece of paper?

Did I not help in the universal-brotherhood-of-man sense?

(Qfunts)

- Analyze that.

- Excuse me sir, may I help you?

Oh my God, you're dripping vital bodily fluid.

- That's him.

That's Bigfoot.

That's Bigfoot.

(screaming)

- A little help here.

(screaming)

- All right, hold it.

I got one question to ask you.

- What?

- How do you take your coffee?

Regular or decaf?

In your case I'd recommend decaf.

- He shot me in the butt.

- I'm hip, but you gotta calm down,

okay, you been shot so you're probably in shock.

Look, I know you're thinking of different ways

to tear that guy apart aren't you, aren't you?

I know, I know.

That's stressing you out.

You know, sometimes we let our minds do too much thinking.

I mean, you can't change his feelings.

The only person that you can handle and control is you.

You know?

Get it?

So just take a nice deep breath.

(exhaling)

Good, just remember,

too much analysis can lead to paralysis.

- What?

- Just shut up, it's working.

First thing we have to do

is get you to an emergency hospital.

- What's going on?

- No, everything's under control, Captain.

Silardi, DeMott, you wanna take our friend here

down to San Francisco giant, general hospital?

- Hooperman, Pritzger, McNeil, in my office.

(officers chatting)

Close the door.

What I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this room.

Councilman Burke just died of a heart attack.

- Big Bully Burke?

- It's the circumstances and the scene

of the death that are sensitive.

He died with a prostitute in a high-class brothel

in Pacific Heights. - (scoffs)

- Beats getting hit by a bus.

- I want it handled carefully, quickly, quietly,

before the newshounds sniff it out.

(dramatic jazz music)

- This guy's gonna be a two-sheeter.

- You're gonna have to take him out the back.

We don't want any publicity on this.

- This is the second one that I've killed.

I never knew I was that good.

- You didn't do it.

His ticker lost a grudge match to his libido.

- At least he didn't die of foul play.

- Yeah, just foreplay.

- We'll have to take everybody in.

- Where's the house mother?

- In there Inspector, she's got all the details.

- [Woman] Quit pushing.

- Madame.

Cheryl.

So, this is why a quiet evening

at home with me wasn't in the program.

Cheryl.

- It's a long story, Harry.

- I hope so.

- Okay-

Right after the divorce I looked at my possibilities.

I mean, what could I have been?

A secretary'?

Sold cellular phones, a beautician, or,

or I could have married another guy

who'd leave me five years down the line, no.

I went for this.

- So your career aptitude test came up madame?

- I don't consider myself a madame.

- Oh, okay.

What do they call them now, pleasure hostess?

Den mother?

Cheryl, were you ever actually.

- It's like any job, you have to work your way up.

Look, I am not going to pretend to be remorseful

about my life so that you can be all right, Harry.

Anyway, I think I've said enough without my attorney.

- Yeah.

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to cuff you.

You'll probably be out in the morning.

Gotta good lawyer.

- I do.

And a few judges.

(sentimental jazz music)

(door slamming)

- Hooperman.

- Hi.

- Let's clear the air.

I know exactly what you've been doing.

It is so blatantly obvious.

- You're kidding, really?

I try to make sure no one ever knows

when I'm sorting my socks.

Who tipped you off?

- There it is, there it is, the quick Hooperman wit.

It gets you out of a lot of confrontation, doesn't it?

Well, not this time.

- What did I do?

- Don't play innocent.

Your little game is so transparent.

Harry goes outwith Susan, Susan goes outwith Reed,

so, Harry goes outwith Cheryl

thinking he'll make Susan crazy.

Well, you picked the wrong woman

'cause I am not gonna fall for something so infantile,

so high school, so beach blanket bingo.

You are a game player Harry and a bad one.

- I'm a game player?

I'm a game player, what about you?

You've been playing games since the day I met you.

- Don't you dare try to turn this around on me.

I am not one of your dumb bimbos.

- Dumb bimbo?

What about Reed?

- Oh good, good, avoid the real issue by attacking Reed

who's almost never said anything bad about you.

- What did he say?

What did Mr. Aramis say?

- I came up here expecting to have an adult dialogue.

Obviously you don't have the maturity to hold up your end.

- You know why you really came up here?

Because you're jealous.

Yeah.

And you're not woman enough to admit it.

- This discussion is over.

(door slamming)

- You know something, I have had it with you.

I have finally had it.

- You're hurting me.

- I'm not hurting you.

- If I pull away you'll hurt.

- That's all you know how to do is pull away.

- That's because you crowd me.

- Because I crowd you?

What are you talking about?

I've given you enough space to park an 18-wheeler in.

- I do not want to get into a shouting match.

- It's about time we had a shouting match.

Enough sensitivity, I want to get animal.

I wanna talk from in here.

I don't even wanna talk, I wanna throw you

against the wall and slam some sense into you.

- I have a green belt in karate.

- Take your best shot.

- Give me a break.

Take your best shot?

Mr. Macho Animal.

Where was the animal the other day when Reed was here?

Why didn't you toss his ass out of here,

throw me on the kitchen table and take care of business?

That's animal, you're not even close.

You are a eunuch.

- You are the most messed up person I have ever met.

There are not enough shrinks

in the world to straighten you out.

- You come back here.

- Go to hell.

- Hooperman.

- Get off my back.

(scuffling)

- I am crazy but you make me crazy.

- You make me crazy.

- You make me crazy.

(heavy breathing)

(dramatic orchestral music)

Oh, you make me crazy.

(heavy breathing)

- No wonder this building has a reputation.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(sentimental jazz music)

(crunch)

(trum pets)