Original subtitles

(chatter)

- EXCUSE me, come OH.

(police radio chatter)

This related to the rash of smash

and grab robberies in the area?

- Come on guys, give me a break.

- We're just doing our job.

The public has a right to know.

- Yeah, did they have a right to know

that your anchor woman was once a topless dancer?

Think about that.

How is he?

- His chests a mess.

Probably caught a hollow point.

- When do you figure he'll be able to talk?

- Who knows?

Keep checking with General.

(sirens)

- So?

- Armed robbery, deluxe edition.

The clerk didn't move fast enough.

- Description?

- Male, cauc, 6' 4", approximately 170.

" And?

- And he was wearing a ski mask.

- Oh no, what's he doing here?

Hang on.

Max, why are you here?

- I can be anywhere I want.

There's no law against that.

I haven't done anything.

- Well, why don't you do us all a favor

and move to another district.

You can play this game with a whole new bunch of cops.

Max, I'm shocked.

This doesn't even go with your jacket.

- Go ahead, read me my rights.

But I don't want any handcuffs.

- All right, come on, in case you haven't noticed,

I've got other priorities to deal with right now.

Look outside, it's a beautiful, brisk San Francisco day.

Take a walk, sit in the park.

This is what passes for a police man nowadays?

No wonder the city is in so much trouble.

(police siren)

- Uh, excuse me, is this a mistake?

- No, it's $120.

(upbeat music with saxophone)

(soft music)

(soft music)

- Great.

- Smith, it's Hooperman.

Smith?

- Coming, just a sec.

(dog whimpering)

Sorry, I just got out of the shower.

Here.

That's beautiful.

Nice, I mean, it's nice to take a shower.

This is my doorknob.

- You're kidding.

- It came off in my hand.

I'm locked out.

I thought you could.

- I can but not with this.

This is now officially junk art.

Come on in.

Hooperman.

Well, the threads are stripped.

You're going to need a new one.

- Okay-

- Question is, what kind?

Now, there's the button ones, you know,

they have the long pin that slides in and out.

- Sounds good.

- And I like the twist kind too,

there a lot rounder and smoother.

- I'm ready, let's do it.

I mean let's, you do it, I'll pay for it.

Well, good night Smith.

- Hooperman, don't you want the screw driver?

- Yeah, why?

- To open you door.

- Just unscrew the rest of the housing,

stick it in and it'll pop right open.

- Yeah, right, thanks.

- Goodnight, Hooperman.

Hooperman?

- Oh.

This is total crap.

- I know but it's the only clean shirt I got.

- May I come in?

- Sure, what?

- That conversation we just had, what was that all about?

- Weren't you listening?

It was about door knobs.

- No, forget door knobs, that was a fake conversation

and that fake conversation took place

because we can't have the real conversation.

- The real conversation?

- The one about you and me, mostly about you

and how terrific and sexy and beautiful you look

and your hair and your bathrobe

and how I love looking at you when you look like that

and how I'd love to look at you without the bathrobe.

- Hooperman.

- And how I stupidly agreed not to say these things to you.

- You are embarrassing me.

- I'm embarrassing you, I'm embarrassing me.

Come on Susan, there's heat here, I can feel it.

You could toast bread between us.

- I thought I made myself clear last time this came up

and I thought you respected that.

- I do respect it but I hate it.

- (Exhales) Look, I don't understand

why you can't understand.

- It's not just sex you know, I want to take you out.

I want to travel with you.

I want to share some of that food with you.

I want to watch TV in bed and rub your little feet

and your naked shoulders and kiss your beautiful back.

Susan, I don't know what I'm saying.

I just want a relationship, that's it.

- I want you to leave.

- You want me to leave.

Get out, good night Hooperman.

You see, that's how you handle all the tough stuff.

If you don't mind, I'd rather kick my door in.

(dog whimpering)

- I want it noted, I came peaceably.

Like a citizen.

- You got it Max.

- You take him, I'll start the paperwork.

(chatter)

- I can't believe you brought him in.

- Had to, the other guy is filing a complaint.

- We're not wasting tax payer money on Max Estron.

Silardi.

- Oh, thanks to Max here, I'm about to log

my first salami boost.

Who says police work is dull, huh?

- Took it right in front of me.

Bold as brass.

Grant, Arnold Grant.

I manage the store.

- Harry Hooperman.

- I also had a jar of mustard, imported dijon.

He missed that.

- Want to run with this one?

- Yeah, I think we can take the cuffs off.

(camera goes off)

Arnold, lets take a walk.

You really don't want to take this to trial.

- I don't?

- First of all, if we hold him,

we're going to have to delouse him, that's humiliating.

Then we toss him into a cell with god knows who.

Are you really gonna have a sound sleep tonight

knowing you did that to a poor old man?

- He dared me to have him arrested,

in front of a crowd.

What could I do?

I didn't even want to come here.

You know the neighborhood, I had to do something,

otherwise it would have been open house on my shelves.

- Here, this should cover it.

Now if I were you, I'd get back to the store.

You know the neighborhood.

- Well, if you say so.

Thank you.

In the future, shop somewhere else.

- Come on in here, I like (muffled).

- Is that where I go?

- No, you go home.

- These are yours, compliments of the SFPD.

Now, I don't want to see you for at least a year.

- Hooperman, line three.

- Wait a minute, isn't anyone gonna take my statement?

- You can go, it's all right.

- I smell salami.

Why do I smell salami?

- It's mine, I stole it from a store.

- Max, why are you here and why are you here with salami?

Never mind, please, just get out of my squad room.

- Wait a minute, I think I can help you.

I saw the guy in the store.

The man who shot the clerk.

I was there.

- He was wearing a ski mask.

- I saw him just before he put it on.

- So why didn't you tel the police yesterday?

- Maybe I was scared to get involved.

- Hooperman.

- Bobo, how's it going?

- This is the last book.

All we got left is women.

- It wasn't a woman.

I can still tell the difference between a man and a woman.

- Why don't you look through this one again.

It's got some of my personal favorites.

I'm for puttin' Pops in a black

and white and sending him home.

- Keep him here any longer and he might confess

that he shot that guy.

- Yeah, I don't think he saw a damn thing.

- Listen Sonny, you can't just shuffle me off.

I'm performing a civic duty.

How many people would come forward like this?

I thought you people would be happy

to get someone like me?

- And we're eternally grateful but let's face it,

we didn't exactly find a suspect did we?

- You didn't show me enough books.

Maybe you should take me to the FBI.

- They've got the same books.

Please go home.

- Come on Max.

I'll give you a ride in a police car.

- Hooperman, line two.

- Inspector Hooperman.

Yeah?

McNeil, wait up.

Oh god, yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Our ski mask just graduated to felony murder.

- Clerk died?

- About 20 minutes ago.

- See, now you really need me.

- Get him out of here.

- Come on, Pop.

- Don't call me Pop.

- Sir.

(phone ringing)

- Yo.

(dog whimpering)

Hey Clarence, no.

You're kidding, what channel?

- Just before he put the ski mask on,

it took a full second, maybe longer.

I'd recognize his face anywhere.

- What?

- [Reporter] And then you went to the police?

- Of course, but they don't pay attention to old people.

They don't think old people have good memories.

Mine is plenty good.

I remember everything that happened in this store.

- When we finally contacted the SFPD this morning,

a low level official, a Captain C.Z. Stern

told us they didn't believe you

could identify the murderer, that.

- Why would I make that up?

- There you are, another concerned citizen

who tried to do his duty to no avail.

Thanks Mr. Estron.

- Yeah, thanks a lot Max.

- Inspector Hooperman?

This is Cynthia Diamond, she heads

the Mayor's Community Relations Task Force

and you know Harmon Bradley from the Chiefs office.

- Hi.

- It seems Max Estron's 15 minutes of fame

have turned into a cause celeb.

Everyone's phones are on overload.

- We've got to diffuse this negative public opinion

so we're calling a press conference for this afternoon.

It is imperative that we get this Estron person

to retract his statement.

- Someone has to turn him around

and since you have a rapport with him.

- Me, he doesn't even like me.

- Make him like you Hooperman

and get him here this afternoon.

(slow music)

- Keep your shirt on, I'm coming.

- Hey Max, may I come in.

- You're the hotshot with the badge and gun,

you can do whatever you want.

(phone off-hook tone)

- Your phone's off the hook.

- So what?

Who's gonna call me?

- Max, he called you didn't he?

There is a guy out there, a killer,

who thinks you can ID him.

He's calling to see if you're home.

- Is that why you came here, to frighten me?

- You did a very foolish thing going on TV like that.

Whether you saw the man or not.

Okay, maybe with all the excitement,

you may have thought you saw something.

That can happen, even to people my age.

- People your age.

You're all cut from the same cloth.

I don't exist for people your age.

You see right through me.

And even if you do see me, you think

you're seeing the right thing,

an old man who steals to eat, who eats cat food.

I don't eat cat food, I don't steal to eat.

I have social security, I have a savings account.

This place, just temporary.

I'm looking for a better one where I can see the bridge.

- That's great but.

- Did you here your friend yesterday?

Come on Max, I want to take you for a ride in a police car.

I'm not a child.

I'm not feeble minded, I'm a person.

I had a life.

I was in the army.

I got to be Captain, Signal Corps.

I should have stayed in, been a general by retirement.

People listen to generals.

Those reporters listened.

You have no idea how good it felt

to have someone, anyone listen,

to pay some attention, some respect.

- It got you in a lot of trouble Max.

- I should have stayed in the army.

My son died in Vietnam.

A freak accident with a weapons carrier.

Twenty-two.

- I'm sorry about your son

and I'm sorry that we find ourselves in this situation,

but the truth here is that you never saw that man

but because you said you did, we look bad

and your life is in danger.

- My life is in danger when I get out of a chair.

You want some ginger ale?

- If you're having some.

- I'm having scotch.

You want me to say I lied, don't ya?

- That's why I'm here.

I want you to come with me to a press conference.

- All right, I'll do it but I've got conditions.

- Absolutely not, no conditions.

- Well. - Hooperman.

- They're not actually conditions,

they're more like accommodations.

We give a little, he gives a little.

- What?

- Max, work with me, okay?

- The TV reporters and news people are getting restless.

- Send McNeil out to make a statement

that we're planning to make a statement.

- Okay-

- This is Max Estron, Mr. Estron this is.

- We're cutting it close.

Let's get right to it.

- Mr. Estron has some accommodations he wants to discuss.

- First of all.

- I can speak for myself.

First, a parking permit good for anywhere in the city,

then a driver's license, no test.

- You don't have a driver's license?

- I don't even have a car, yet.

- We're giving him a car?

No way.

- I can buy my own car.

- He can buy his own car.

- You'd probably give me your stupid one anyway.

Next, the school kids need a light

at Green and Divisadero.

You didn't know that, I bet.

I did, I notice a lot of things.

- Now that we can provide, we have a special budget.

- And another thing, I want a street named after me.

- You may have crossed the line on that one Max.

- You probably think you have us behind the eight ball

but don't assume for a minute we're going

to give into extortion.

I'm sure I speak for the Mayor's Office

and the Chief of Police when I tell YOU,

you can take your demands and shove them.

- And the same to you.

And now if you'll excuse me,

I have places to go and things to do.

- Max, um.

- Do you have any idea the trouble you've caused?

We're going to have to protect you

from Mr. Ski Mask now when we're shod

of man power as it is.

Plus the TV spot you did made the very people

who are gonna risk their lives for you look like idiots.

Not fair, trust me Max.

That's no way to leave your mark on society.

You're not leaving footprints behind,

you're leaving scuff marks.

Max?

- [Max] If you don't mind, this is not

a good time for a conversation.

(soft music)

Hooperman?

(dog whimpering)

Hooperman?

Hi, it's me Smith.

No, no, don't, don't move.

Keep the covers on, if I don't see your eyes,

I'll be able to get through this.

I tried writing you a note but it

didn't really express what I'm feeling.

You see, I, I've been thinking about what you said

and you're words moved me, they touched me.

Now regardless of what you think,

I'm not made of stone.

You know, there've actually been times when I've

pictured you and I making love.

(dog whimpering)

Oh god, I can't believe I'm saying this.

See, half of me wants

a relationship with you,

the other half is committed to my work.

That's the part that's holding me back.

That's (inhale) the part that keeps me

from sharing my life.

Usually I have that under control,

but tonight, tonight I just don't know what to do.

Help me, Harry.

(inhales sharply)

- Miss, I don't know who you are

but I'll do the best I can.

(upbeat music)

- Freeze, police.

- Drop it.

- Don't do anything stupid.

Better to leave here on your feet than in a bag.

(suspenseful music)

- Let's rip the mask off and see

what this sewage looks like.

- I don't know, I think it ruins the look.

Move it.

- (Humming)

(door shut)

- Hooperman.

- Uh, hi.

- Hi, look.

- We gotta talk. - I need to talk with you.

- Come, come in.

- I didn't get a chance to finish the other night

'cause I got steamed.

I apologize for getting steamed

but I got a lot more stuff in here about you and me

and if it doesn't come out of my mouth

it's gonna come through my skin.

- I, I'm sorry for the way I acted to.

- Good, I'm just gonna say this quick

and then I'm outta here.

You wanna hang on to your fears about subordinating

yourself to some guy, I, do it

and I'll get on with my life,

a life which includes the possibility of me

getting blown away by some drug crazed,

gun wielding maniac and if I do,

you're gonna hate yourself because you never had

the guts to find out if this could work.

You'll never know.

- That is the lowest form of manipulation.

It's really primitive.

- That's what I'm down to.

- You think you've got X-ray vision when

it comes to human behavior don't you?

Well, you don't know anything about what

I have the guts to do or not do.

For your information, I went to your apartment tonight

to talk about my feelings in terms of this relationship,

feelings that I didn't get to express the other night

because you were doing all the talking.

- You could have interrupted me.

- I never interrupt, it's my upbringing, I can't help it.

Look, I am not an idiot.

I feel what's happening here but you're not just

a quick affair Harry, you're,

you're someone to fall in love

with too, become obsessed with.

- Wait a minute, that's bad?

- I'm trying to keep my life to one obsession

at a time and the current one is sitting

right here on my desk.

Look, I'll admit to being a little

confused right now about us.

It's not going to get solved in this conversation.

I got a lot of thinking to do.

- Stop right there.

- You're willing to think about it.

That's a step.

Listen, I just got to first base on a cheap single.

I'll take that.

I suggest we go back to

the superficial conversations we know and love.

So, what's new in the world of literature

and apartment management?

- Okay, but you're not going to like it.

- I am tonight.

- The (mumbles) in 15 skipped out on us last night.

Midnight movers took the moldings and everything.

Now we have another vacancy.

- Right now, I don't care.

- I do, she was scratching at the door.

I thought I'd take her out.

Did I hear the young lady say

there was a vacancy in this building?

- Yes. - No.

- Hooperman, there are two.

- Well, yeah, but you, you can't afford them.

They're really outrageous.

- Try me.

- Uh, they're about 1,200 a month.

- I can handle that.

- Where are you going?

- I'm gonna take Bijoux for a walk.

If we keep up a good pace,

we'll probably make Colorado by the weekend.

(soft music)

(upbeat music)