Original subtitles

(dog whimpering) (door buzzer)

- Is she, dead?

- Actually through some miracle, I managed to

get her on her feet again.

- Thank God.

- But we both know that boiler is living

on borrowed time.

- Well, where there's life, there's hope.

So how about I take you to dinner tonight

to adequately express my appreciation?

- I don't think so.

Look, about the other night, if you got the impression

that I wanted you to kiss me,

that would be wrong.

- Really?

What would be the right impression?

- Okay-

Okay, I did want you to kiss me.

I was dying for you to kiss me.

Which is precisely why I can't go outwith you tonight

or any other night.

- That makes sense to me.

- I didn't expect you to understand.

(dog whimpering)

She really needs to go out.

- Susan, it's been a hell of a long time since

I've been as interested in anyone as I am in you.

Which means that you and I are going to sit here

until I do understand.

V\/hat's going on?

- Harry, I already have had two major relationships

in my life.

- I wasn't expecting a virgin.

- Hear me out, alright?

In both relationships, I completely lost my identity.

I became this weird creature bustling around the kitchen

cooking up tuna casseroles from women's magazines

and fretting about waxy yellow field ups--

- Susan, come on.

I couldn't care less about that kind of stuff.

- It's like this compulsion.

What a good woman should do

you know, old Ozzie and Harriet tapes playing

back in your head?

I mean, that's all crap.

The real truth?

It was the perfect excuse.

- For what?

- For never putting my butt on the line.

I mean, obviously it wasn't my fault I wasn't

making it as a writer.

Not with such a demanding man to take care of.

- Susan, I would never stand in the way of your career.

- If I let you in my life, I would get in the way.

Until I feel good about myself and what I am doing,

I cannot take that chance again, okay?

- Not okay, if you're telling me that the fate

of my romantic life rests in the hand of Johnny Bigg

private eye.

- I write other things too, you know.

And besides, it's not like I'm expecting you to wait for me.

You should date, have a life, enjoy yourself.

And in the meantime I can still be your friend.

Oh, and daytime dog sitter too.

It occurred to me that, well, as long as I am home

writing anyway, I can take care of her while you're

at work.

- Susan, this is nuts.

I'm not giving up this easily.

- Harry, this is the only relationship I can have

with you right now.

Please, please respect that.

You can pick her up after work.

- Susan,

thanks about Bijoux.

His leash is in the kitchen and he does need to go out.

- Not anymore.

(upbeat music with saxophone)

- All units, all units, proceed north on Gary.

152 code 152.

Seven Charlie four, proceed to intersection

Van Ness and Filbert.

Male cauc in surgical mask brandishing large knife

threatening to vasectomize passing motorists.

- Ever been camping, Silardi?

- Nah, isn't really my thing.

- You ought to try it.

You could like it.

Fresh air, nature walks, skinny dipping in

cold velvet smooth lakes, getting all snugly in

a down bag built for two.

- Look, Mo, you're a hell of a good cop.

But you're not a terrifically sensitive person.

- What'd I do?

- The passes, the sexual innuendo.

I don't like it.

It's disrespectful, it denies who I am.

- Well, just consider it banter in the workplace.

- You might wanna ask yourself

how it is that you only come on to GUYS

who aren't interested or available.

- That's not true.

- Silardi, DeMott, in my office.

- Think about it.

- Officers Rick Silardi, Mo DeMott, meet Vinnie Coral.

- Hi how you doing? - Hi.

- Oh my God.

You're Judd Hammersmith M. D, it's my favorite series.

- Thank you.

- Mr. Coral plays a uniformed officer in his next movie.

The Mayor's office wants us to help him

with his research by taking him out on a ride-along.

- Great.

- Captain, we can't baby-sit him and do our job

at the same time.

- Look, if it's a problem...

- No problem.

None at all, right?

- Right.

- Then he's all yours.

Have a good time Mr. Coral.

- Thanks, Captain.

Really looking forward to this.

- This is gonna be great.

- Excuse me, Vinnie?

Bobo Pritzker.

I'd just like to say it's a real honor to shake your hand.

- The honor's mine, Inspector.

You guys are the best.

- Bushkin!

Thanks.

This is gonna go right up on my piano--

- Excuse me.

Mr. Coral, I hate to bother you

but can I get an autograph?

- Thanks again.

- It's for the wife.

- Sure.

What's her name?

- Clarence.

- Harry, we got a jumper.

Patrero Hill.

Here's the address.

- Silardi, DeMott, crowd control, move it.

- Harry, Krieger was having a special on watermelons.

Nine cents a pound.

Here's the coupon.

- What's the deal with the watermelon?

- He goes out on the ledge.

Throws a watermelon over the side.

The jumper sees it go splat, squish all over the sidewalk,

he comes in off the ledge.

- A watermelon?

That's brilliant!

(police sirens)

(upbeat music)

(crowd hubbub)

- Mr. Turner, Harry Hooperman, SFPD.

Feel like talking?

(police radio)

(helicopter revving)

- [Officer] Stand back from the building.

Please stand back from the building.

- Look, Mr. Turner...

- You don't know what it's like being a Black man

living in a White man's world.

They say things getting better.

They ain't better.

The people still look at you like you're some

kind of animal.

They might not say nigger but they still thinking nigger.

Seem like the only time they ain't scared of you

if you're drilling, shuffling, shining their shoes

and eating watermelon.

I hate watermelon.

Can't stand the sight of no watermelon.

What you got in that bag?

- Nothing.

My lunch.

(screaming)

Look, Mr. Turner, if you basically didn't wanna live,

you'd have jumped already.

Am I right?

So what do you say?

We go inside, we talk a while.

If you don't feel any better you can always come back out.

- I don't know.

How do I know them cops ain't gon' jump me

the second I climb into that room?

- How about if I give you my gun?

That way you know no one's gonna try anything funny.

- Put it down there.

- [Harry] You ever handled one of these before?

- [Mr. Turner] No.

- [Harry] Be careful.

You could hurt yourself.

- [Inspector] I want that room cleared right now.

Go!

- [Officer] Got it, inspector.

- [Inspector] Everyone out of here, come on.

- What would you say to a deal Mr. Turner?

Give it two weeks.

14 lousy days.

Sometimes if you're just willing to hang in there,

things can look really different.

- I've been hanging in there.

55 years.

Ain't nothing gon' change.

Not in no two weeks.

Not ever.

- You know, I had a jumper once, Mr. Turner.

He was a banker in the financial district

and I told him exactly what I'm telling you.

Jumping is no answer.

Usually you change your mind on the way down.

Only it's too late.

And he looked at me exactly the same way

you're looking at me now.

This guy landed on top of a Buick convertible.

Broke his arm, both legs, but he lived.

And I went to see him in the hospital

and you know what he said?

You were right, Harry.

I changed my mind at the fourth floor.

It's a miracle.

Thing of it is, miracles like that don't happen twice

Mr. Turner.

And I would hate for you to jump off that ledge out there

and change your mind halfway down.

- Yeah.

- Bad as things look right now,

jumping off a building isn't the answer.

- Maybe so.

(gun clicking)

(crying)

Oh my sweet God.

Oh, you were right.

I did change my mind.

It really is a miracle.

- Mr. Turner, Alison Ivy, News Beat.

- Get back.

Alright, now they gotta take you downtown

for observation, okay?

You got my card.

They give you any kind of hassle, you call me.

- [Officer] We'll take him from here inspector.

- Officer.

- Inspector, Inspector Cooperman?

- Hooperman.

- I was just wondering if you might have some few words

to say regarding the heroic deed we all just witnessed.

Inspector Hooperman, how did you feel out there on

that narrow ledge five floors above the street?

- I felt scared.

And how do you feel asking stupid questions like that?

- Excuse me?

- I know you people have a job to do

but frankly, I think this stinks.

Capitalizing on human misery for some so-called

news show.

- Inspector, could you wait a minute?

Excuse me.

It isn't often that I meet someone who wouldn't

sell his soul just to get his face on the tube.

I want you to know I really admire

what you just said.

- Thanks.

- I also don't get to meet genuine heroes very often.

- I'm no hero.

- Yes, you are inspector.

- Ham'-

- Harry, look, I know I take the chance here

of you thinking me very forward, but well with

the hours I work and the public visibility,

I don't have the luxury of coyness or indirection.

So, cutting to the chase,

would you like to have dinner tonight, Harry?

- Tonight?

Yeah, I guess, sure.

- Great.

Okay, if I pick up some food and we eat at your place?

Mine's being painted and--

- I got a better idea, I'll cook.

- Perfect man.

Write your address down here.

And I will see you at 8 o'clock.

- Okay-

(light music)

- Don't get me wrong, I love my job.

But being a cop is mostly boring stuff.

- It sounds like my job.

- Are you kidding?

You've gotta have the most glamorous job in the world.

- Not hardly.

It's a lot of hurry up and wait like the army.

- I bet you I guess the pay is a little bit better.

- Yeah, a little.

Hey, let me ask you something else.

What about sexual stuff between partners?

- That would be highly unprofessional.

- [Radio] Three Adam 22, three Adam 22.

Proceed immediately to 10125 River Street.

See manager in front.

(police siren)

- It's Murphy, apartment six.

Right across the lobby.

- You get back in the car.

- I won't be in the way.

- Forget it.

Go!

(screaming)

" [Murphy] Get over here!

Come here!

- Police, open up.

- [Rosie] He's killing me!

He's killing me!

- Kick it.

- [Rosie] Help!

Oh God, help.

Help, help! (screaming)

- Let her go!

(screaming)

- Get out or I'll kill her.

- Just drop it, Murphy.

- He means it, he'll kill me.

- Come on Mr. Murphy, let her go.

- Get the hell out of here.

- Rosie, it's that actor.

- Vincent Coral.

- Yeah!

Vincent Coral.

I can't believe this, Vincent Coral in my house.

(laughing)

Yeah!

I can't believe this.

How the hell are you doing?

Vincent Coral!

- Hey, how the hell you doing?

- Mr. Coral, what's going on, are we on TV?

- Rosie, find the camera, get a picture here.

- Come on, Murphy, we gotta take you in.

- Yeah, sure.

As long as I get to sit with my man, my man Vinnie Coral

on the ride in.

- Cheese!

- What am I supposed to do?

Beg?

All right.

All right.

Standing here in front of people.

I'm humiliating myself in public.

How many times I gotta say it?

The blonde is history, I swear.

I wanna come home, Celeste.

- Celeste?

- Okay-

Okay, okay.

That's the way it is, that's the way it'll be.

I'm, I'm going.

22 years down the sinkhole.

History.

If...

You ever change your mind Celeste,

you say the word.

- Oh, boy.

- Hooperman, in my office.

How could he do that to me?

- Ma'am, for what its worth, it sounds like

he really regrets his mistake.

- Oh, please.

He's had these tawdry little affairs for years.

You don't have to be a vice cop to read the signs.

I pretended not to notice.

I guess I thought it was easier not to rock the boat.

- Ma'am really, this is none of my business.

- You know, finally, one night we're just sitting there

watching some mindless sitcom on TV and

I suddenly realized a person has a finite number of years

on this planet.

And this can't be all there is to it.

So I told him to get out.

He said he would as soon as the show was over.

- Maybe it's all for the best.

- Oh, sure, perfect.

He embarrasses me in front of my whole precinct,

making me look like the heavy?

- That doesn't make you a heavy.

That makes you a woman courageous enough to face the truth

and start a new life if you have to.

- Yeah, but they don't know that.

I mean, they probably think I'm Attila the Hun.

- These things blow over, Captain.

They've probably forgotten it already.

- You really think so?

- Not to worry.

I really think so.

- So what's with Attila?

- Why won't she take him back?

- Why would he wanna go?

- Is it really over with the blonde?

- Don't you people have anything better to do

than stand around and gossip?

- No.

- You were great out there.

You really diffused that situation.

- Believe me, pure luck is all.

Truth is, I was scared to death.

- Anytime you wanna cover my rear.

- Thanks for everything.

- You married?

- No.

- Involved?

- Not currently.

- You wanna get some dinner?

I could show you the city.

- I'd love to Mo.

But I'm catching the 6am back to L. A and

I've got to work on my script tonight, so.

- Hey, no problem.

- When we come back.

Promise me a rain check?

- Sure.

- Okay-

" See?

He's available.

He's interested.

He wants to date me when he comes back.

So much for your theory,

- Great.

- How's the leg?

- Its alright.

- Thanks for putting up with me today.

- Forget it.

- You don't much like me, do you?

- I like you just fine.

- Really?

So let me ask you, are you involved with anyone?

- Why?

- I was just wondering.

You like to dance, Rick?

Would you like to go dancing with me?

- Excuse me.

Is number eight upstairs?

- Hooperman?

- Hi.

- Top of the stairs.

- Thank you.

- Hi.

- Hi yourself.

Come on in.

- I got some chilled champagne.

- Wow, this is so nice.

It's gonna go great with the pasta.

Come on in the kitchen.

Let me take your coat.

You don't wanna overcook Angel here.

- Oh, that looks good enough to eat.

So do you.

(dog whimpering)

(door knocking)

- Hi.

- Hope it's not too late.

- No, I'm really on a roll just banging it out.

How about you?

- Fine.

- I've come up with this great sub plot.

It's about my hero's compulsive womanizing

and how his need to prove himself sexually

with every woman he meets nearly serves as his undoing.

How he brings this woman back to his apartment and--

- Susan, excuse me.

Are we talking about Johnny Big or are we talking about me?

- What exactly is it that you're insinuating?

- That maybe you're jealous.

Which is perfectly understandable if you and I

are having a relationship, but if we're not,

which is what you tell me and I am just playing

by your rules.

- I am not jealous.

I mean, you are entitled to have sex

with anybody you want.

- Gee, thank you.

And under the freedom of information act, I didn't sleep

with her.

I couldn't when I was thinking about someone else

the whole night.

- Oh, oh God.

Oh God, was that ever a mistake.

- Not as far as I can tell.

- Wait, what are we going to do now?

Just what in the hell are we going to do?

- Would you like to hear my idea?

- No.

What we are going to do is pretend that the

last five minutes never happened here.

Take your dog.

Yes, please.

Just leave.

Okay?

Just leave, please.

(light saxophone music)

- I don't get it.

This is a flashback to high school.

How...

You're a girl.

What do you think?

I'd appreciate your input.

(dog whimpering)

(mellow saxophone music)