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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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It's gonna rain.
2
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Oh, it's totally not gonna rain.
3
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It's, like, never been about to rain
less in the history of the universe.
4
00:00:23,895 --> 00:00:28,060
Now, that looks great and it's
ready for some bridesmaid-y action.
5
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:30,925
By the way, living in Japan
has made me so effing good
6
00:00:30,936 --> 00:00:32,689
at folding, steaming, pressing, et cetera.
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My friend Satako says that
I'm, like, a complete natural
8
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and could totally compete
with the best of them.
9
00:00:36,519 --> 00:00:39,053
They have this reality TV show
there called "Fold Fold Press..."
10
00:00:39,069 --> 00:00:41,331
...which is kind of about being human.
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It seems like it's gonna rain, right?
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God damn it, what is
my mom doing out there?
13
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You don't understand something
here. I just want to show you.
14
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It's gotta be candle, flower,
candle, flower, candle, flower.
15
00:00:52,827 --> 00:00:55,186
Sorry I slept so late. Is
there anything I can do to help?
16
00:00:55,197 --> 00:00:57,411
Um, yeah, just keep the vibe,
like, super calm in here.
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00:00:57,422 --> 00:00:59,366
That'd be great. And then when the
hair and makeup artist arrives,
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00:00:59,377 --> 00:01:01,055
you can start maneuvering the appointments.
19
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Got it, on it.
20
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What do you mean by
"maneuvering the appointments"?
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Well, she can't do all of us at
once, right? She's not an octopus,
22
00:01:07,918 --> 00:01:11,419
so I figure we need an order
and you can create the order.
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Cool. I'll... I'm gonna... gonna do it.
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Thank you so much. I figure each bridesmaid
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should take no longer
than, like, 35 minutes,
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and that leaves me three and
a half hours, which is perfect.
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Great.
28
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- Hi.
- Hey.
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Oh, wow. You look so whimsical/beautiful.
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Thank you, I just bathed in the stream and
then I ran through the field to dry myself.
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Marnie, what's wrong?
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I'm worried it's gonna rain.
I had the option for a tent,
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but of course I didn't take it.
34
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Okay, so you made a mistake.
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We all make mistakes. It's okay.
36
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Yeah, everybody hates tents anyways.
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Like, what, is this a circus?
I don't want no big top.
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But you know that rain
on your wedding day means
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wonderful things for your fertility.
40
00:01:52,933 --> 00:01:55,485
So I hope that it does rain.
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I'm gonna go set out your dress.
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If anyone needs anything, I'll
be upstairs in the boudoir.
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I love tents.
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This is the day.
45
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This is my wedding day.
46
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- Hi!
- Hey.
47
00:02:26,819 --> 00:02:28,260
- How's it going?
- Good, how you doing?
48
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- Mm, good. Good to see you.
- You, too.
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00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,393
Hey, gals.
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00:02:32,404 --> 00:02:36,073
Ooh, Fran, you look so handsome.
That is beautiful suiting.
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Well done, sir.
52
00:02:37,362 --> 00:02:39,641
- Hey, Fran.
- Marnie, hey.
53
00:02:39,652 --> 00:02:42,539
Um, I just wanted to say how
grateful I am to be invited.
54
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:44,955
Oh, well, everyone who
asked for a plus one got one.
55
00:02:44,966 --> 00:02:46,716
Shosh didn't ask for one, though.
56
00:02:46,727 --> 00:02:49,627
Oh, yeah, I just... I take my
bridesmaids duties, like, super seriously.
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00:02:49,638 --> 00:02:51,252
Also, I'm in a long-distance
relationship, so, like,
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why rock the boat by seeing
each other, you know what I mean?
59
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,608
Well, Fran was just sitting in his car,
so I said he could come hang with us.
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00:02:56,619 --> 00:02:58,873
Um, but I can go if
this is not a good time.
61
00:02:58,884 --> 00:03:00,674
Well, you are here,
like, super early. So...
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No, it's a great time. We're
doing literally nothing.
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Sweet.
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00:03:04,581 --> 00:03:07,330
- How was your drive?
- Yeah, super easy.
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It's so pretty on the way up here.
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- Shosh!
- Yeah?
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Saw so many baby lambs running
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- in the field.
- Come here!
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Was there a mom or was it just like
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- a flock of little lambs?
- No, orphans.
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This is so inappropriate.
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My attire? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we
were, like, doing a PJ thing all day.
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- I mean, I have another outfit...
- No, no, no, no, no.
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Shh. Fran.
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- Oh, my baby got out!
- No.
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He has an actual penis.
He's a man and he's here.
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You have to go tell him to leave,
and then you have to tell Hannah
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that she's been so inappropriate
and unsupportive for me all day.
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Wouldn't you rather do that?
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00:03:39,016 --> 00:03:41,653
That kind of just seems like something
that you would really enjoy doing.
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00:03:41,664 --> 00:03:43,445
- Shosh.
- Okay, on it.
82
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:44,714
- ...had breakfast yet.
- What do you mean,
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- you didn't order it or it didn't show up?
- I mean it was fine...
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00:03:46,587 --> 00:03:48,827
No, no one just mentioned breakfast.
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Fran...
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um, so, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave,
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just 'cause it's women's hour.
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Shosh.
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No.
90
00:04:01,745 --> 00:04:03,048
Shosh.
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00:04:03,748 --> 00:04:05,583
Don't go, stay. It's fine.
92
00:04:05,594 --> 00:04:07,099
I mean, if you want him to go.
93
00:04:07,969 --> 00:04:12,844
But, as the bride, I just want you to
know that I'm fine and cool if you stay.
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00:04:12,855 --> 00:04:14,943
Totally fine if Shosh wants you to leave.
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Up to you.
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00:04:17,551 --> 00:04:22,110
Sync & corrections by PetaG
www.MY-SUBS.com
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00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,095
- Ugh, weddings.
- Hannah.
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00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:25,975
I'm sorry, it's just they're stupid.
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00:04:25,986 --> 00:04:28,604
They're so stupid and you know
what? Ultimately, they're selfish.
100
00:04:28,615 --> 00:04:30,169
Not all weddings.
101
00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:32,704
I mean, yeah, if you put too
much weight on the dumb details,
102
00:04:32,715 --> 00:04:33,952
- sure, but this is the...
- Marnie, like,
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passive-aggressively handed me a razor.
I was like, "I already shaved my armpits."
104
00:04:38,231 --> 00:04:40,848
To be fair, you're not great at it.
105
00:04:41,012 --> 00:04:43,561
- It's, like, pretty patchy under there.
- It's hard.
106
00:04:43,572 --> 00:04:45,865
- Consistently patchy.
- No.
107
00:04:46,157 --> 00:04:48,921
Look, just try and be positive, okay?
108
00:04:48,932 --> 00:04:50,726
And it's all gonna be over soon.
109
00:04:50,737 --> 00:04:52,716
Yeah, but then she's gonna be married.
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- To someone she barely knows.
- She barely knows him?
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00:04:56,387 --> 00:04:59,120
No, I barely know him. You're not
even listening to what I'm saying.
112
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:02,802
- Hey.
- Hey.
113
00:05:02,813 --> 00:05:03,913
- Hey.
- Hey.
114
00:05:03,924 --> 00:05:05,637
- Hey.
- What are they...
115
00:05:06,195 --> 00:05:08,399
Oh, ah, yeah, they're
actually not here right now.
116
00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:10,953
- Yeah, they're transcending.
- Got it.
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00:05:10,964 --> 00:05:13,754
Should be back any minute,
though. Just wait around.
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00:05:14,074 --> 00:05:17,425
Marnie kicked Fran out of
the house for female reasons,
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00:05:17,436 --> 00:05:19,311
so, um, can you take care of him?
120
00:05:19,322 --> 00:05:21,322
- Yeah, sure. Have a seat.
- Awesome.
121
00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:25,077
Yeah, settle in, son, and just
let the nightmare wash over you.
122
00:05:25,088 --> 00:05:26,630
- Yeah.
- It's nice in here. It's very, like,
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00:05:26,641 --> 00:05:29,462
Skull and Bones, secret
gentlemen's society.
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00:05:31,095 --> 00:05:33,870
- Hi.
- Hi, hi. Oh, hello.
125
00:05:34,454 --> 00:05:37,174
- Suit looks great. Very...
- ...serious.
126
00:05:37,185 --> 00:05:38,465
- I have to, um...
- Thank you.
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00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:41,495
...get back to the house or
everyone's boobs are going to explode.
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00:05:41,506 --> 00:05:42,706
Okay.
129
00:05:53,217 --> 00:05:54,942
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
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00:05:56,570 --> 00:05:58,361
I'm, uh, just...
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00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,372
Oh, how... how... how... um...
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00:06:01,383 --> 00:06:03,961
Uh, you know, nothing...
nothing doing, but...
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00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:05,311
Oh, good, good, good.
134
00:06:07,014 --> 00:06:08,797
Look, uh, if you need me to, uh...
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00:06:09,277 --> 00:06:12,496
- I can... I can just...
- No, no, no, no. No.
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00:06:12,846 --> 00:06:14,813
I didn't just... I'm
not... I didn't just...
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00:06:14,824 --> 00:06:16,246
No, I figured with the, with the...
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00:06:16,257 --> 00:06:17,929
- uh...
- Yeah, but it's...
139
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:19,549
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
140
00:06:20,062 --> 00:06:21,954
Why don't you guys try
a few complete sentences?
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00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,720
This conversation sounds like
a fucking E.E. Cummings poem.
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00:06:24,983 --> 00:06:27,725
Wow, I feel good, man. I feel incredible.
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00:06:27,736 --> 00:06:29,392
- All right.
- Thank you.
144
00:06:29,477 --> 00:06:32,938
Yeah, I thought meditation was just
naps, but it's like a whole thing.
145
00:06:33,141 --> 00:06:36,521
Well, you know, it is. It's
like naps where you wake up.
146
00:06:36,532 --> 00:06:39,101
And I'm so happy to be able to
share that with both of you.
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00:06:39,112 --> 00:06:40,876
And you, you, oh!
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00:06:40,887 --> 00:06:43,263
- I'm so proud of you, man.
- Oh, thank you, baby.
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00:06:43,274 --> 00:06:45,706
Yes, you guys, listen.
You guys, all of you.
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00:06:45,717 --> 00:06:48,073
One, two, three, four, five,
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00:06:48,084 --> 00:06:51,414
thank you for being here.
It means so much to me.
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00:06:51,425 --> 00:06:53,407
- Wolfie, my old, dear friend.
- Mm-hmm.
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My bald eagle, looking
out for me from on high.
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Adam, man, my comrade in
arts, my comrade-in-arms.
155
00:07:01,594 --> 00:07:03,688
- Mr. Rabbit.
- Yeah, yeah.
156
00:07:03,993 --> 00:07:06,177
Elijah, the lion.
157
00:07:06,188 --> 00:07:11,968
A comic persona as skilled
and radical as Lucille Ball.
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00:07:12,546 --> 00:07:13,746
I mean that.
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00:07:15,342 --> 00:07:18,792
Ray, when Marnie told me
that you should be here,
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00:07:18,803 --> 00:07:22,180
I thought it was a mistake, and, you
know, maybe it still will be a mistake,
161
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:26,042
but right now I feel like
I'm happy that you're here.
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Thank you for being here.
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Thanks.
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00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,830
- It's Fran.
- Fran.
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00:07:41,789 --> 00:07:43,887
- Hey, man.
- I'm Hannah's boyfriend.
166
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:46,689
- We met at Marnie's birthday.
- No, I know.
167
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,669
We went on a bike ride
together, just you and me.
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00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,675
- You don't...
- Yeah, Fran.
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00:07:50,868 --> 00:07:52,808
- I love that name.
- Yeah.
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00:07:52,894 --> 00:07:54,163
I love you, Fran.
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00:07:55,071 --> 00:07:56,552
I love you, too, man.
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00:07:56,848 --> 00:07:59,667
This is among one of the greatest
days of my life, you guys.
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00:08:00,176 --> 00:08:01,383
I'm getting married today.
174
00:08:01,394 --> 00:08:04,278
- Yes.
- Yep.
175
00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:06,283
Does anybody want a beer?
176
00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:07,994
I have got this really good brew
177
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:10,192
- that you can only get upstate.
- No, thank you, Fran.
178
00:08:10,203 --> 00:08:14,277
Yeah, I'm gonna take MDMA just
before the vows, so I shouldn't mix.
179
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:18,471
- Well, Fran, I'd fucking love one.
- Comin' in hot.
180
00:08:18,482 --> 00:08:20,819
So, I've been living in Japan
for, like, seven months now,
181
00:08:20,830 --> 00:08:22,856
and it has seeped into my soul.
182
00:08:22,866 --> 00:08:25,365
Like, I swear, influenced
me professionally,
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00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,351
spiritually, the way I bathe,
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00:08:27,362 --> 00:08:29,265
my choice of pens, everything.
185
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,611
But how do you understand, like,
186
00:08:30,622 --> 00:08:32,488
what the fuck they're
saying? I don't get it.
187
00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:34,908
Oh, no, they speak better
English than, like, any of us.
188
00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:36,835
- Do they, really? No kidding.
- Mm-hmm.
189
00:08:36,846 --> 00:08:39,308
- So, Bay-Bay...
- Yeah? No, Bebe, thank you.
190
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,547
Oh, I'm sorry, Bebe.
191
00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:41,866
I'm so happy you're here.
192
00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:43,508
Thank you for joining us.
193
00:08:43,519 --> 00:08:44,944
Aw, thanks. I'm happy to be here.
194
00:08:44,955 --> 00:08:47,121
- This is really fun.
- Oh, good, good, good.
195
00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:50,308
I saw on your website you did Sophia
Bush's makeup for her sister's wedding.
196
00:08:50,319 --> 00:08:52,673
I sure did. You know what?
That was such a treat.
197
00:08:52,684 --> 00:08:54,283
She is like a little angel.
198
00:08:54,294 --> 00:08:57,645
She let me bring my 30-year-old
daughter along and we had a ball.
199
00:08:57,656 --> 00:08:59,879
I gotta tell you what, those
Bushes know how to party.
200
00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,408
You have a 30-year-old daughter?
201
00:09:01,419 --> 00:09:03,479
- When did you have her?
- Oh, God, I don't know.
202
00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:05,549
Okay, well, let's just talk about
the aesthetic of the wedding.
203
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:07,774
- Okay.
- We're thinking Laurel Canyon classic.
204
00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:09,454
So, does that mean anything to you?
205
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:11,382
Like, a Selena Gomez kind of thing?
206
00:09:11,637 --> 00:09:13,691
Nope, let me try that one more time. Ah...
207
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,760
Let's do like a Ralph
Lauren and Joni Mitchell.
208
00:09:16,771 --> 00:09:19,685
Ah, artistic, but also with
a nod to my cultural heritage,
209
00:09:19,696 --> 00:09:21,513
which is white Christian woman.
210
00:09:21,524 --> 00:09:23,888
My fiancé and I, both musicians.
211
00:09:23,935 --> 00:09:27,863
Okay, so Jesus. Selena Gomez
meets Jesus. I can do it.
212
00:09:27,874 --> 00:09:33,500
Yeah, so, right now, ah, Shosh's hair
feels a little bit Japanese-y to me.
213
00:09:33,511 --> 00:09:35,494
Just getting started. Don't
worry, honey, it's gonna be great.
214
00:09:35,505 --> 00:09:37,053
- Okay, great.
- Just go have yourself a glass of wine.
215
00:09:37,064 --> 00:09:38,855
- Do whatever you wanna do.
- Relax.
216
00:09:38,866 --> 00:09:41,033
- I'm totally easy, easygoing girl.
- Okay.
217
00:09:41,044 --> 00:09:42,609
- You know me, right? And, um...
- Okay.
218
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,486
just make sure you run everything
by me before it's final.
219
00:09:44,497 --> 00:09:48,142
I just wanna make sure I sign off on
it before it's set in its spray, okay?
220
00:09:48,153 --> 00:09:50,017
Thank you so much for being here, good-bye!
221
00:09:50,028 --> 00:09:51,779
Oh, my God, it is so much fun.
222
00:09:58,288 --> 00:10:00,621
Oh, fuck you.
223
00:10:00,632 --> 00:10:02,054
It's horrendous.
224
00:10:02,065 --> 00:10:03,436
It's nice.
225
00:10:03,447 --> 00:10:05,357
I think when it comes down, I'm gonna...
226
00:10:05,368 --> 00:10:08,004
- Oh, oh, oh, it's not done?
- ...brush it.
227
00:10:10,269 --> 00:10:11,469
You look good.
228
00:10:11,868 --> 00:10:13,434
Thank you. I found this.
229
00:10:15,203 --> 00:10:16,702
Thanks, oh.
230
00:10:19,741 --> 00:10:23,279
Honestly, I feel really bad for Marnie.
231
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,970
- Why?
- Her mother's a fucking lunatic.
232
00:10:27,023 --> 00:10:29,846
Hannah is just being Hannah.
233
00:10:29,985 --> 00:10:34,473
Shoshanna, since she got back from Japan
is somehow even more like a cartoon.
234
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:39,565
I'm just trying to be a source of support.
235
00:10:40,317 --> 00:10:42,260
- Thanks.
- That's good.
236
00:10:42,271 --> 00:10:44,046
- Yeah.
- That's good, be of service.
237
00:10:44,057 --> 00:10:46,432
Mm-hmm. And how is it over there?
238
00:10:46,603 --> 00:10:50,467
You guys just, like, doing
circle jerks and pounding beers?
239
00:10:50,478 --> 00:10:51,928
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
240
00:10:51,939 --> 00:10:53,974
And what about Fran? Is it weird?
241
00:10:55,986 --> 00:10:57,313
Who's Fran?
242
00:10:57,946 --> 00:10:59,731
What do you mean, who's Fran? Fran.
243
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:03,092
Oh, yeah, he's... he's nice.
244
00:11:03,719 --> 00:11:05,124
What... what do you mean he's nice?
245
00:11:05,135 --> 00:11:07,652
He's nice. He's polite.
He's funny or whatever.
246
00:11:08,195 --> 00:11:10,751
You don't wanna take him out back
and show him what you're made of?
247
00:11:10,762 --> 00:11:12,362
- No.
- Buy him a ticket to the gun show?
248
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:15,270
Yes. No.
249
00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:16,846
You're a liar.
250
00:11:17,199 --> 00:11:20,766
No, no, no. I'm... I'm, ah, I'm evolved.
251
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,940
- That's good.
- I don't care.
252
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,207
- I'm happy for her.
- Cool.
253
00:11:25,556 --> 00:11:28,147
Great. I don't care either.
254
00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:33,594
Well...
255
00:11:39,987 --> 00:11:43,205
I... I can't.
256
00:11:58,379 --> 00:11:59,889
Okay, see ya.
257
00:12:08,873 --> 00:12:10,352
Shit.
258
00:12:15,439 --> 00:12:17,320
So, Fran...
259
00:12:18,910 --> 00:12:20,407
- Fran.
- Hmm.
260
00:12:20,546 --> 00:12:22,278
You seem like a nice guy,
261
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:27,616
but I have to ask... what are
your, um, intentions with Hannah?
262
00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:31,807
Uh, well, right now, I guess
we're just trying to figure out...
263
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:35,825
Well, here's the thing to know, Fran, is
that while she's painfully narcissistic,
264
00:12:35,836 --> 00:12:38,512
shockingly tone-deaf, and
just generally one of the most,
265
00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:42,319
you know, insufferable people you'll
ever meet, she means something to me.
266
00:12:42,531 --> 00:12:44,350
She's like a younger sister to me, Fran.
267
00:12:44,468 --> 00:12:48,946
So, what I want to know, from
you, is are you serious about this?
268
00:12:48,957 --> 00:12:52,936
Or are you just in it for a quick,
you know, push-push-in-the-bush?
269
00:12:52,947 --> 00:12:54,147
What?
270
00:12:54,158 --> 00:12:55,889
Are you trying to get to know this woman?
271
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:59,041
Are you trying to really connect to
this other individual in this world?
272
00:12:59,157 --> 00:13:01,044
Or are you just experimenting with
273
00:13:01,055 --> 00:13:04,202
more and more complex sexual
positions until her knees blow out
274
00:13:04,213 --> 00:13:06,132
- and her pussy turns to rubber?
- Oh, my God.
275
00:13:06,143 --> 00:13:08,456
I mean, do you ask her
how she feels about things?
276
00:13:08,736 --> 00:13:10,345
What she's thinking about?
277
00:13:10,461 --> 00:13:15,262
What are her opinions about, you know,
transgender politics, the afterlife?
278
00:13:15,499 --> 00:13:18,191
Because young men today, they
don't ask those type of questions.
279
00:13:18,202 --> 00:13:21,738
All they ask is what they can
get from a given situation.
280
00:13:21,749 --> 00:13:24,348
They demand faithfulness
281
00:13:25,421 --> 00:13:29,810
and then they suck the spirit out
of women who are so fucking spirited.
282
00:13:39,181 --> 00:13:40,381
Ray?
283
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,752
The love of my life is
getting married today.
284
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:51,497
Today, the love of my
life is getting married,
285
00:13:51,508 --> 00:13:55,423
and I don't have the
guts to pull a "Graduate."
286
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,595
I don't have it in me.
287
00:14:00,211 --> 00:14:01,449
Because I know
288
00:14:02,003 --> 00:14:03,968
I'm not the person that she wants.
289
00:14:04,354 --> 00:14:07,829
I can't do it. I can't do
it! I can't fucking do it!
290
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,018
- Desi, come on.
- I'm too fucking scared.
291
00:14:10,346 --> 00:14:11,647
I'm not fucking ready.
292
00:14:11,658 --> 00:14:15,086
- Take this rage and turn it into bravery.
- Don't try and follow me.
293
00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:17,860
Hey, hey, you've bailed seven times.
Don't make it eight!
294
00:14:17,871 --> 00:14:19,404
Desi!
295
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,214
What was that?
296
00:14:23,234 --> 00:14:25,235
Just a little bit of cold feet.
297
00:14:25,733 --> 00:14:29,089
You know, he's always quick
on the, ah, engagement trigger,
298
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,448
but I thought that eight
was the magic number.
299
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,213
And I thought that he
was actually into Marnie
300
00:14:34,224 --> 00:14:35,985
since they were going through with this.
301
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,428
But now is now.
302
00:14:40,063 --> 00:14:41,984
All right, I'll... I'll be back.
303
00:14:44,282 --> 00:14:46,480
Hey, be gentle on him, brother.
304
00:14:46,491 --> 00:14:49,112
He's got a really complicated
thing with his mom.
305
00:14:49,708 --> 00:14:51,311
Okay, here we go.
306
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:54,462
Ow.
307
00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:58,580
Okay, I'm sorry, but that
flower crown is corny as hell.
308
00:14:58,591 --> 00:15:00,420
Mom, no one asked you.
309
00:15:00,431 --> 00:15:03,132
You have a beautiful forehead.
Please do not cover it.
310
00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:06,429
And why do you want to look like the
Statue of Liberty in all your wedding
311
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,046
- pictures?
- No, Mom, it's super modern.
312
00:15:08,057 --> 00:15:10,231
Bill de Blasio's daughter
wears one all the time.
313
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,344
Ah, Bebe, that pin literally
went through my skull.
314
00:15:13,355 --> 00:15:14,618
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
315
00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:17,193
- Marnie keep it classic, please.
- Yes, Mom. Okay, okay.
316
00:15:17,204 --> 00:15:18,594
I wore shoulder pads to my wedding
317
00:15:18,605 --> 00:15:21,582
and I regret it every time
I look at those photos.
318
00:15:21,593 --> 00:15:24,298
More than you regret marrying the
sex addict who's also in those photos?
319
00:15:24,309 --> 00:15:27,223
Uh, yeah, 'cause that was fun for a while.
320
00:15:27,234 --> 00:15:29,547
Well, you know, I was on
the Vans Warped Tour this summer
321
00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:31,523
and I saw Vanessa Hudgens in the pit
322
00:15:31,534 --> 00:15:33,970
and she had one of these crowns
on and you look just like her.
323
00:15:33,981 --> 00:15:35,358
Well, that's just great and weird.
324
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:38,782
Just when we ask for second opinions,
we'll come to you right away, okay?
325
00:15:38,793 --> 00:15:40,001
- We're good.
- Okay.
326
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:42,390
And this is my daughter and this is my day.
327
00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:45,875
Okay, I'm gonna start on someone else while
you two work this thing out, all right?
328
00:15:45,886 --> 00:15:46,745
- Okay.
- Good idea.
329
00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:48,643
- Okay, good.
- Okay, yeah, that's good.
330
00:15:48,734 --> 00:15:51,117
- She's crazy.
- I'm gonna kill you.
331
00:15:51,128 --> 00:15:52,695
- Hey, sugar.
- Hi.
332
00:15:52,706 --> 00:15:54,418
All right, what are you
thinking for your look?
333
00:15:54,429 --> 00:15:58,418
Um, I don't know, just maybe wet
a comb and just neaten my hair up.
334
00:15:58,429 --> 00:16:00,936
I don't know. My hair's pretty short,
so you can't really do anything with it.
335
00:16:00,947 --> 00:16:02,894
But we have, like, all
the hair accessories.
336
00:16:02,905 --> 00:16:04,824
I'd rather just feel like myself.
337
00:16:04,835 --> 00:16:07,232
Okay, well, it's not really
about you, but whatever.
338
00:16:07,243 --> 00:16:09,044
Yeah, I mean, it's not
like you don't have options.
339
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:11,233
I pulled together a bunch of the
different looks from the mood board.
340
00:16:11,244 --> 00:16:13,920
They're all in the iPad. You can
flip through them one more time.
341
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,741
There's floral crowns, obviously.
342
00:16:15,752 --> 00:16:17,406
There's braid headband.
343
00:16:17,417 --> 00:16:20,736
Um, we have extensions.
We can give you a weave.
344
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,054
You forage for stuff outside
and put it in your fucking hair.
345
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,812
I don't care. You just
have to wear something.
346
00:16:24,823 --> 00:16:26,346
You know, I'd rather not.
347
00:16:26,357 --> 00:16:27,730
Oh, well, we'd rather you did.
348
00:16:27,872 --> 00:16:30,219
Mom, let me handle this.
Hannah, you have to!
349
00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:33,727
This is part of a very specific
vision that I had for this wedding.
350
00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:36,478
A vision from an Edward
Sharpe video and it is mine.
351
00:16:36,489 --> 00:16:38,849
Ow! Ow, ow. I'm sorry, you just burned me.
352
00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:41,035
- All right, sit still.
- No! No.
353
00:16:41,316 --> 00:16:43,834
- Jesus.
- I can't do this!
354
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:46,783
Marnie, why do you even
bother with that girl?
355
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,470
Honestly, you look like a Starbucks cup.
356
00:16:50,481 --> 00:16:51,681
Out.
357
00:17:07,371 --> 00:17:10,727
It's so awful in there, Fran.
It's like I can't even describe it.
358
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:13,000
It's like a Rom-com that
even I wouldn't want to watch.
359
00:17:13,011 --> 00:17:15,981
Can you please pull on my
sleeve... whatever the fuck this is?
360
00:17:15,992 --> 00:17:17,245
What are you doing here?
361
00:17:17,256 --> 00:17:19,760
- It's like a noose.
- It's like a really bad Rom-com
362
00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:22,593
that's, like, too obvious and not funny.
363
00:17:22,604 --> 00:17:25,506
I hate this dress. The straps
are longer than the dress.
364
00:17:25,517 --> 00:17:27,806
- Yeah.
- I mean, I guess you're right.
365
00:17:27,817 --> 00:17:30,274
At least soon she'll be
all married and happy and...
366
00:17:30,285 --> 00:17:33,836
Oh, Hannah, I just... I just learned
something kind of intense in there.
367
00:17:33,847 --> 00:17:35,609
Oh, yeah, Ray was
circumcised when he was 20,
368
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:36,820
- so his dick does this thing where it,
- No, no,
369
00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,772
- like, bleeds...
- I know. No, I know about that.
370
00:17:40,066 --> 00:17:41,963
No, um, it's Desi.
371
00:17:41,974 --> 00:17:44,631
This is his eighth engagement.
372
00:17:45,554 --> 00:17:46,758
What?
373
00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:48,103
Yeah.
374
00:17:48,239 --> 00:17:51,014
I mean, you know, never a wedding, but...
375
00:17:51,258 --> 00:17:53,372
...he's freakin' out.
376
00:17:53,383 --> 00:17:56,091
- And that ring, the ring for Marnie?
- Yeah?
377
00:17:56,102 --> 00:17:57,500
That was for his ex-girlfriend.
378
00:17:57,878 --> 00:17:59,692
- Clementine?
- Yeah.
379
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:01,370
I knew she had a fruit name.
380
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,453
Oh, my God, I have to
go tell Marnie right now.
381
00:18:03,464 --> 00:18:06,243
No, Hannah, you can't. No, no,
no, I just told you in confidence.
382
00:18:06,254 --> 00:18:07,596
I trusted you.
383
00:18:07,903 --> 00:18:10,190
I have to tell her.
There's no way she knows.
384
00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:12,424
- She must know. She... she...
- There's no way she knows.
385
00:18:12,435 --> 00:18:14,804
she must've picked up
on something, anything.
386
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,741
You'd be surprised how much she can miss.
387
00:18:22,016 --> 00:18:23,351
Oh, fuck.
388
00:18:28,414 --> 00:18:31,188
Now I don't have to tell her anything
'cause she's gonna kill herself.
389
00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:34,271
Hannah.
390
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,118
Desi!
391
00:18:48,832 --> 00:18:50,090
Desi!
392
00:18:52,179 --> 00:18:53,934
What the fuck are you doing?
393
00:18:54,546 --> 00:18:58,199
You're right! I don't deserve her!
394
00:18:58,210 --> 00:19:00,087
Get out of the pond!
395
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,779
I'm garbage!
396
00:19:02,396 --> 00:19:05,016
I'm a garbage person!
397
00:19:05,138 --> 00:19:08,758
Okay, let's wrap up the one-man show
and get you up to dry land, okay?
398
00:19:08,911 --> 00:19:11,200
Oh, what do you care? You still love her.
399
00:19:11,622 --> 00:19:15,437
Yeah, but I still don't want you
to die of a rare pond disease.
400
00:19:18,262 --> 00:19:19,876
Oh, what am I doing?
401
00:19:19,887 --> 00:19:21,304
Fuck!
402
00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:24,438
What am I doing, Ray? I don't
know how to be a husband.
403
00:19:24,449 --> 00:19:25,649
No.
404
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,448
No, you don't.
405
00:19:28,862 --> 00:19:31,097
But you know what being
a husband is about, Desi?
406
00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:33,346
It's about love.
407
00:19:33,791 --> 00:19:37,266
And love is about sacrifice and destiny
408
00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:44,169
and making a sacrifice for the one you
love that allows them to find their destiny.
409
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:45,613
You know?
410
00:19:46,437 --> 00:19:47,672
Yes.
411
00:19:47,971 --> 00:19:50,086
- Yeah.
- Destiny.
412
00:19:50,686 --> 00:19:51,902
- Yes.
- Yeah.
413
00:19:51,913 --> 00:19:53,113
- Destiny.
- Yeah.
414
00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:56,907
You sacrificed Marnie so
she could find her destiny!
415
00:19:57,064 --> 00:19:59,392
And I am that destiny!
416
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:03,272
And I'm not gonna let a couple of
fucking little botched marriage attempts
417
00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:06,505
on my part get in the way of her happiness!
418
00:20:06,852 --> 00:20:08,334
Well, that's not exactly what I'm saying.
419
00:20:08,345 --> 00:20:09,891
- What I'm saying...
- Thank you, Ray.
420
00:20:10,314 --> 00:20:12,294
- Thank you.
- Okay.
421
00:20:12,305 --> 00:20:14,600
But what I'm saying is
you should allow her...
422
00:20:14,611 --> 00:20:16,555
Let's ditch this pisshole!
423
00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:19,152
I got a fuckin' woman to marry!
424
00:20:19,643 --> 00:20:21,886
Okay, but... Desi?
425
00:20:23,572 --> 00:20:25,590
Hold.. h-hold on one second, though.
426
00:21:09,974 --> 00:21:12,020
I think I just need to
powder you and we're good.
427
00:21:12,031 --> 00:21:14,198
Uh, I think it's a little heavy.
428
00:21:14,209 --> 00:21:17,332
No, no, no, no, no, honey, this is
the exact right look for this dress.
429
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:20,070
You see, your dress is light, so
we gotta weigh it down on the face.
430
00:21:20,081 --> 00:21:21,918
- Even the lips?
- Yes.
431
00:21:21,929 --> 00:21:24,974
- Okay. Are you sure?
- I've been doing this for 25 years.
432
00:21:24,985 --> 00:21:26,940
- Hey.
- Hey.
433
00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:28,230
Oh, my God.
434
00:21:28,383 --> 00:21:29,917
What the fuck is your fuckin' problem?
435
00:21:29,928 --> 00:21:31,231
I don't have a problem.
436
00:21:31,242 --> 00:21:34,599
I just think that the
makeup is a little bit, um...
437
00:21:34,681 --> 00:21:35,881
shellacked.
438
00:21:35,892 --> 00:21:38,096
It looks like you went
to Hershey, Pennsylvania,
439
00:21:38,107 --> 00:21:40,456
- and just went, like...
- It's just a lot.
440
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,283
Well, have you ever
even worn makeup before?
441
00:21:42,294 --> 00:21:44,583
Yes, I wear mascara every Saturday.
442
00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:47,405
Yeah, um, the dress is light, so we
have to weigh it down with makeup.
443
00:21:47,416 --> 00:21:49,828
You guys think that maybe
this is a little bit heavy?
444
00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:53,370
You know what? You all are a
bunch of bitches. Do you know that?
445
00:21:53,381 --> 00:21:56,380
Sophia Bush, grateful. You, twats.
446
00:21:56,391 --> 00:21:58,390
Twat, twat, twat. An army full of twats.
447
00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:01,135
- Oh, no, fuck, no, Bebe.
- Why does Bebe do this to herself?
448
00:22:01,146 --> 00:22:03,975
- I look fucking insane!
- You look fucking beautiful!
449
00:22:03,986 --> 00:22:07,016
No, I don't, and it's fucking raining!
450
00:22:07,027 --> 00:22:08,276
But fertility!
451
00:22:08,287 --> 00:22:11,140
Everyone, shut the fuck up about fertility!
452
00:22:11,151 --> 00:22:12,914
"Oh, fertility. You're
gonna get fucking pregnant."
453
00:22:12,925 --> 00:22:15,561
What if I don't want to? I wear
an IUD for a fucking reason.
454
00:22:15,572 --> 00:22:17,539
And it's raining on my fucking wedding day!
455
00:22:17,550 --> 00:22:19,230
Fuck! Ahh!
456
00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:20,620
Fuck!
457
00:22:23,335 --> 00:22:26,941
It's weddings. It's to be expected.
458
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:32,925
Go away.
459
00:22:32,936 --> 00:22:34,244
- Marn?
- No!
460
00:22:34,255 --> 00:22:35,456
- Marn, please.
- No.
461
00:22:35,467 --> 00:22:37,383
Hannah, I don't feel like
getting in a fucking fight
462
00:22:37,394 --> 00:22:38,749
with you right now, seriously.
463
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,147
I'm not gonna get in a fight with you.
464
00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:43,469
I just want to say that you look beautiful.
465
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:44,802
Are you fucking kidding me?
466
00:22:44,813 --> 00:22:47,732
You do. You look so beautiful.
467
00:22:47,743 --> 00:22:49,451
My makeup is insane.
468
00:22:49,462 --> 00:22:50,810
It's not insane, okay?
469
00:22:50,821 --> 00:22:53,001
If we just take it down a little...
470
00:22:53,651 --> 00:22:55,305
around the face...
471
00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:58,479
I'm sorry.
472
00:22:59,163 --> 00:23:00,644
I'm so sorry.
473
00:23:00,655 --> 00:23:04,072
I have been so fucking awful today.
474
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:06,321
- Yeah.
- I don't know what to say.
475
00:23:06,342 --> 00:23:09,525
I don't have a good excuse
except that I was scared.
476
00:23:09,536 --> 00:23:11,380
What? What the fuck are you scared about?
477
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,224
Marn, you're getting married.
478
00:23:13,631 --> 00:23:15,393
That's a big deal.
479
00:23:15,662 --> 00:23:17,195
That's everything changing.
480
00:23:17,206 --> 00:23:19,865
And you're marrying Desi,
who I barely even know.
481
00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:22,320
That's because you haven't
even tried to know me.
482
00:23:22,855 --> 00:23:24,774
I don't know what that even means.
483
00:23:24,785 --> 00:23:27,656
Hannah, it has literally been
years since you checked in with me
484
00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:29,179
to see, like, where I'm at.
485
00:23:29,566 --> 00:23:32,008
I'm not dumb. I know you
guys are laughing at me
486
00:23:32,019 --> 00:23:35,843
and wondering what stupid fucking
mistake Marnie's gonna make next.
487
00:23:35,854 --> 00:23:37,778
But I have been there for you
488
00:23:37,789 --> 00:23:41,106
and I have stood by you while
you've made some huge mistakes.
489
00:23:41,117 --> 00:23:43,432
So the very least you could do right now
490
00:23:43,443 --> 00:23:46,099
is to pretend that I might
be doing the right thing.
491
00:23:50,646 --> 00:23:52,254
You're totally right.
492
00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:56,649
I have made a lot of really dumb mistakes.
493
00:23:58,722 --> 00:24:00,972
Do you think I'm making a mistake?
494
00:24:02,225 --> 00:24:04,142
I'm not the right person...
495
00:24:04,153 --> 00:24:05,723
Do you?
496
00:24:07,898 --> 00:24:09,204
No.
497
00:24:09,923 --> 00:24:12,749
No, I am with you every step of the way.
498
00:24:12,916 --> 00:24:14,165
Okay.
499
00:24:18,052 --> 00:24:19,653
I'm sorry.
500
00:24:21,342 --> 00:24:23,217
I'm excited.
501
00:24:24,552 --> 00:24:26,587
Yeah, good.
502
00:24:31,390 --> 00:24:34,717
Who's the guy with the beard and the
long hair who showed up in the Porsche?
503
00:24:34,728 --> 00:24:36,007
That guy. That one.
504
00:24:36,018 --> 00:24:38,174
Oh, um, I-I can't remember his name,
505
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:40,475
but I know that he splits
the Porsche with somebody.
506
00:24:40,486 --> 00:24:42,973
What about the guy with
the cane and the eye patch?
507
00:24:44,317 --> 00:24:45,815
Jesus, your faces!
508
00:24:46,012 --> 00:24:47,583
Excuse you?
509
00:24:48,645 --> 00:24:50,098
I love you.
510
00:24:51,522 --> 00:24:52,894
Oh, my God.
511
00:24:53,053 --> 00:24:54,991
It's okay. You look great.
512
00:24:55,002 --> 00:24:56,362
You look really great.
513
00:24:56,373 --> 00:24:58,689
- But my face.
- Okay.
514
00:24:59,857 --> 00:25:01,190
I'm gonna handle this.
515
00:25:01,201 --> 00:25:02,401
I think she looks great.
516
00:25:02,412 --> 00:25:06,621
It's like you take a tiny bit of
tissue and you've got this on lock.
517
00:25:07,521 --> 00:25:09,413
- What's that?
- It's...
518
00:25:10,608 --> 00:25:11,857
Ah.
519
00:25:24,358 --> 00:25:26,058
They're so nice.
520
00:25:34,528 --> 00:25:36,304
Mother of the bride!
521
00:25:36,315 --> 00:25:38,097
And the girls!
522
00:25:43,467 --> 00:25:44,957
It's all happening, gentlemen.
523
00:25:46,076 --> 00:25:47,626
Made it to the altar.
524
00:25:48,435 --> 00:25:49,833
And I owe it all to you.
525
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,718
Hannah, you coming?
526
00:26:47,577 --> 00:26:52,577
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