All language subtitles for suburgatory.s03e12.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
Okay, so, in case
you don't remember

my ex-boyfriend, Ryan,
came back but not for me.

He moved on
with his girlfriend, June.

Lisa and Malik
were determined not to let

the same thing happen to them.

And after a rough patch

they surprised everyone with..

Lisa Marie Shay..

...will you marry me?

Yes.

[all applaud]

And as maid of honor..

...I had no other choice
but to get with the program.

I don't think
we need a program.

No program.

But I do wanna discuss
my walk down the aisle.

- Okay, I just assumed that--
- I have something else in mind.

Did you happen to see
the season three

finale of "Game of Thrones?"

(Lisa)
I walk amongst my people,
greet them.

They scream my name
with devotion.

(Tessa)
I see...and where is Malik
during all this?

(Lisa)
Oh, he's there, too.

We exchange our vows as my
young dragons circle overhead.

[dragons roar]

And then we exit
to Malik's favorite song

by Rich Homie Quan.

Look, even if we could
afford newly freed

Yunkish slaves and dragons
and Rich Homie Quan.

I just don't think
that our venue is going

to allow for that
kind of re-enactment.

Now, I wanna go over the
dimensions of your backyard.

And the budget
your mom gave me.

- Money is no object.
- I'm sorry?

We are having
a private conversation

that doesn't include you.

- Tell her, Lisa.
- Tell me what?

Tell her how
I'm queen of honor.

Oh...Dalia has decided to be
queen of honor at our wedding.

And I have decided not to die
on this hill.

What exactly does
queen of honor do?

She basically just, like,
looks extremely pretty

and is, like,
very, very honored.

I see.

And the maid of honor..

...cleans up after her
and then checks to see

if there's anything
the queen might need.

Like a clear Pepsi.
Or some edamame.

Why did you agree to this?

Because Dalia graciously
volunteered to donate

all of the China, silver,
glassware and spirits.

And also to perform
"Suddenly Seymour."

And also to perform
"Suddenly Seymour."

It's in my range.

[theme song]

♪ Last night I had ♪

♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da da da ♪♪

(Tessa)
Okay.

Okay, so I'm thinking

the groom's family

will be on this side.

And the bride's family..

...you guys will be
seated over here.

Now, how many people
do you think

we can fit
back here comfortably?

Well, let's see..

We hosted 60 nudes last summer

for our Bottom Knockers event.

Ooh.
Ouch! She said comfortably.

[both chuckle]

- It was a tight squeeze.
- Yeah.

Things got a little messy.

Actually, I'm not comfortable.

Tessa, it may sound saucy,
but the Bottom Knockers

is simply a mature group
of Christian Potters

who prefer to spin
in the nude.

Together, we nudely celebrate
our faith in the Lord

and...our love of glazed
earthenware.

Okay, so, um..

- No more than 40?
- 40's safe.

(Tessa)
But 40 might have been
a little ambitious.

All those in favor of Malik
throwing away his future

to marry his 17-year-old
classmate say "Aye."

Aye.

- All those opposed, say "Nay."
- Nay.

- Nay.
- Looks like the nays have it.

Nay, they don't.
Look...I'm sorry that

the family doesn't approve.

'But Lisa and I are
getting married.'

The state says
I'm old enough to decide

for myself, and I've decided.

- The man's decided.
- Well, then so have I.

Hear that? Edmond's decided
something, too.

You want to be a...big man?

You wanna disregard
the counsel of your parents?

Then next year,
you're on your own.

[scoffs]
So-so what? So you're not gonna
pay for college?

- You're not gonna pay for--
- Any of it.

You want to play house,
play house.

Get a job
and support your family.

What? So, you're gonna
my future just because I don't--

Oh! You're the one sabotaging,
Malik! You!

- Miles, sit your ass down.
- Sit your ass down, Miles.

Really, no one asked you, Miles.

Fine. No, I hope
you all can live with this

decision you 've made,
because I don't intend to.

[all murmuring]

[door slams]

[both sigh]

Okay.
I told you it wasn't gonna work.

- I told you.
- Ah.

[sighs]
Hey...I did my part.

- Do you like it?
- I do.

But I don't.

It needs more tulle
and 50 more feet of train

and animatronic birds
that sing my name.

[grunts]
Okay.

This here is
dinner service for 40.

Just do me a solid and ask the
staff not to stack the goblets.

You can ask them yourself.

Oh, I won't be
in attendance.

What?
You're not coming to my wedding?

I'm not going to Lisa
and Malik's wedding

because, quite frankly,
I'm a wedding jinx.

Every wedding I've ever been
to has ended in divorce.

Including my own.

Mommy, that is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.

Marriages fail because of
poor communication and poorness

and sexy assistants
and diminished returns

and letting yourself go
and GMO's and HBO

and Catherine Zeta Jones.

And Catherine Zeta Jones'
personality.

And the way she, like, thinks
she's better than everyone.

- Oh.
- It has nothing to do with you.

I mean,
how narcissistic can you be?

Okay, so I crunched
some numbers.

You crunched some numbers?

Tessa, I can't help
but feel that

you're approaching
this the wrong way.

Yeah, we're not preparing
our tax returns.

We're preparing to make a note
of eternal and undying love.

Even so, the budget
your parents

gave me just isn't
gonna support it.

Oh, what about
my dowry chest?

Have you opened it?
Because I have.

And it's mostly just coupons

for a free birthday cone
at Friendly's.

Now we're talking.

No, that is of no use
to anyone.

'Look, something's gotta give.
I have an event to put on here.'

People got to get fed,
pictures got to get snapped.

And I'm assuming
you'll want people to shake

their bodies
in time to the music.

That is customary, yes.

Okay.
There's got to be music.

'Okay, now, after all
those invoices are paid.'

I'm hoping there's gonna
be enough in the kitty

for a bell or a whistle.

But it's probably
not gonna be both.

What kitty?

So I am asking you what is

the single most valuable add-on

I can provide to make
this wedding

reasonably special?

(in unison)
Fireflies.

- As in bugs?
- Lightning bugs.

- They're incredibly romantic.
- They're beetles.

The whole point of their
bio-luminescence

is to attract a mate.

I mean, that's their
whole reason for living.

And that's the most
important part of our wedding.

But you guys have already
attracted a mate.

Oh, but we want someone
to hook up at our wedding.

Yeah, if someone hooks up at
your wedding, it's a good omen.

And anyone who cares about me
knows that I am very

superstitious
when it comes to omens..

...good or bad.

(Malik)
'If Lisa were to find out
my parents aren't coming'

she'd think it was
a bad omen.

Is there any chance of your
mom and dad coming around?

I-I really don't think so.

That being said I have a..

...slightly awkward
question to ask you.

Oh. Okay.

[chuckles]
Well, right.

Well, look, man, the, uh,
the wedding night

doesn't have to be about that.

You know, you guys could
just order in, watch a movie.

- And then when it feels right..
- Oh, no, no. No, no.

It's-it's not that.

That, I don't need
any help with.

Oh.
Good for you.

I was wondering
if maybe you could

walk me down the aisle.

Does the groom
get walked down the aisle?

What?
You want me to walk alone?

No. No.

I don't want that at all.

But..

[sighs]
I got to believe your parents.

Listen, my parents
are boycotting this wedding.

My entire family is.

If you don't wanna walk
with me, it's..

Are you kidding me?

I absolutely
wanna walk with you.

Please.
I'll walk you silly.

I'll walk like an Egyptian
if you want me to.

Just regular walking is fine.

Well, I got that.

So, the price you're
quoting me is for the pupa?

And there's
no guarantee that they'll

hatch before the wedding?

I'm sorry, I can't do that.
That's insane.

That's more than plated
dinner service. No deal.

But midway through French,
it was still nagging at me.

Maybe I had made
the wrong choice.

Maybe I was supposed to
gamble on the pupa.

Why did romance feel
like a foreign language?

I was unable to speak.

I was fluent in it once before.

And it was still happening
all around me.

[instrumental music]

Jacob accidentally
dropping his papers

so he could lock eyes
with Elise.

Or the way
Mademoiselle Mimi looked

bathed in the afternoon sun.

[woman singing in French]

And was that an accident,
or was it fate?

And more importantly..

...where did that sexy janitor
come from?

Apparently, love was
in the air.

And I owed it to Lisa and Malik
to stop thinking with my head

and start thinking with my..

Pupa! You heard me!

Give me every one you've got!

The heart wants what it wants.

And in this case,
it's baby beetles.

Okay.
Here are her dental records.

As you can see, she had
a cleaning three months ago.

So you should be set
until summer.

Uh, this is her,
uh, menses calendar.

She's on a 28-day cycle.

Uh, the red dot indicates
when the curse commences.

Now, about the week before,
I would, uh..

- Pretty much steer clear.
- Yes.

- Just stay out of her way.
- That's a wise man.

Oh! She had that
stomach flu last month.

Got pretty dehydrated.

Yeah, uh, but we topped off
all her fluids.

And she shouldn't be
giving you any problems.

- Okay.
- Should be running smoothly.

- Yeah.
- Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad.

[sobs]

Oh, dear. I'm sorry.

I don't know how that
slipped out.

[chuckles]
I usually keep my emotions

buried deep within my
recto-uterine pouch.

But, uh, this is
very unexpected.

Fred can be emotional
at times.

Me, I'm your rock.

[laughs]

How are your folks doing
with all this?

Uh, you know what?
I-I should get going.

It's-it's getting late,
and I still

got to file all this stuff.

Malik, I can't tell you
how delighted

we are to welcome you
into our family.

And I think I speak
for all the Shay's when I say--

No backsies!

[laughs]

That is exactly
what I was gonna say.

No backsies!

[laughs]

Unbeknownst to the Shay's

Malik still wasn't speaking
to his parents.

But with the wedding
approaching

George knew he had to.

I don't know if you
guys have made a decision

about attending
the wedding or not.

But...as someone who has
spent a fair amount of time

estranged from his own daughter

I can tell you,
it is not worth it.

We're worried about him, George.

Yeah, we're worried
that he's biting off

more than he can chew.

And he-he probably is.

Look, marriage is-is tough

no matter what age you are.

But having the support
of your family can help.

Why not give him
every advantage?

Oh, he had every advantage,
George.

advantage.

Miles, not now.

Please, Miles, take it easy.
It's time for your bath.

Okay.
But I'm not getting my hair wet.

That's fine.

Kids and their afros.

Ah, don't get me started.

So, George,
if Tessa decided tomorrow

that she was ready
to tie the knot.

I'd be terrified...Tracy, yes.

And I would be sick about it.

But...I'll tell you one thing.

No one would walk her down
that aisle...other than me.

The stage was set.

French music..

...fireflies that with
any luck would hatch.

Le Macaron.

And my ex-boyfriend, Ryan.

[instrumental music]

Seeing him standing there..

...it all came
flooding back to me.

The racing heart,
the sweaty palms.

The feeling of magic.

And in that moment,
I was fluent again!

[woman singing in French]

[speaking in French]

(June)
'Tessa.'

What the hell was that
out there?

- What the hell was what?
- What are you doing?

- What am I doing?
- I'm on to you, bitch.

Okay, that's not a nice
thing to say.

You think I don't see
what's happening?

You creating this
super-romantic environment--

For Lisa and Malik
to get married in!

- Looking extra cute.
- No! I always look this cute!

With that one stupid tendril.

This? Okay.
This...is not a tendril.

This...is a flyaway.

Bull crap!

Stop trying to French
my boyfriend.

'Cause it ain't gonna happen.

Only one of us is leaving
here alone tonight.

And that's you.

June was right.
It wasn't appropriate.

Ryan was her boyfriend now.
Not mine.

And it was time to let go.

[knocking on door]

- 'Lisa?'
- No. Don't come in.

It's bad luck
for us to see each other.

(Malik)
'I don't believe in bad luck.'

'Wow.'

I'm glad I came in.
You look beautiful.

Oh.

So do you.

Well, it's time to get started.

We can't get started.
Your family isn't here.

You're wrong.

My family is here.

Right...here.

But...where are your
mom and dad?

It, um...it doesn't
look like they're coming.

And, look, before you say
it's a bad omen.

It's-it's-it's not.

It just means
that it's you and me now.

Forever and always.

But I already knew that.

[knocking on door]

Hey, oh, sorry.
You ready, buddy?

- You know it.
- Alright.

[humming]

I said we weren't gonna
do that.

- You look dapper, Mr. Shay.
- Oh.

- Mwah!
- Thank you.

- Oh, there she is.
- Oh.

Lisa, what's wrong?

Malik's parents...
aren't coming.

They aren't
coming to the wedding.

I guess they don't want
me to be in their family.

- What?
- Fred, let me handle this.

Let me tell you something,
young lady.

If those people
don't realize that you..

...are the sweetest,
kindest, most loving wife

that their son
could ever hope for.

Then screw 'em, Lisa.

Sincerely, screw 'em.

Because Malik,
landed in the tall grass.

And that's the truth.

Mom, thanks.

Sheila Shay wasn't
the only one to prove

that sometimes your
parents can surprise you.

Dad?

You didn't think
I was gonna let some other man

walk my son down the aisle.

Thanks.

You're still not getting
the money next year.

Oh, Edmond, please.

[applause]

Ladies and gentlemen,
please stand for the bride.

[Rich Homie Quan
singing "Type Of Way" ]

♪ Think it's a game ♪

I knew Lisa was crazy about
Malik, and she proved it.

When she walked down
the aisle to Rich Homie Quan.

♪ That car I'm driving
make you feel some type of way ♪

♪ That custom Breitling make
you feel some type of way ♪

♪ This bitch I'm with got me
feeling some type a way ♪

♪ Is it 'cause my homies
rich you feel some type of way ♪

♪ That right too ♪

♪ Make you feel
some type of way ♪

♪ Okay now let's be real I know
you feel some type of way ♪

♪ I think you love it ♪♪

Hey.

Hey.

I didn't know
where you wanted me.

How about right there?

In the audience?

People aren't gonna be
able to see me there.

I think that's okay.

Alright, you can go ahead.

Friends, family

Lisa, Malik, welcome.

Tonight we come together
to witness the commitment of

Lisa Shay and Malik LeFrique.

Wait.
Your last name's LeFrique?

Okay. Hey. Shh.

Lisa, do you take Malik

'to be your
lawfully wedded husband?'

I do.

Malik, do you take Lisa
to be your wife?

I do.

And within moments..

...it was over.

Lisa and Malik were married.

And it was perfect.

By the power vested in me
by New York state

and the firm of Lansky,
Lansky & Schulman.

- I now pronounce you--
- 'Wait!'

I have something really
important I need to say.

A speech?

I lost my glasses, you guys.

I seriously lost my glasses.

If you could all look around
you or under your seat.

'I wouldn't make
such a big deal.'

But they're
prescription sunglasses.

- Oh! Prescription.
- Yeah.

And I seriously,
seriously need them, you guys.

Okay, you can finish.

Husband and wife!
Mazel tov!

[chuckles]

[cheering]

We did it.

[laughs]
We got it.

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah!

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Mm mm ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Happiness feels like this ♪

♪ Your heart
upon your sleeve.. ♪

Most romantic night
ever, Tessa.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

I hoped it would be.

What?

Don't tell June, but..

...I was secretly hoping
it would be you and Ryan

that hooked up at our wedding.

Well, sorry to disappoint you,
but that's not gonna happen.

No.

But a girl can dream.

I love you, Tessa.

Love you.

♪ Lucky you ♪

♪ Lucky lucky me.. ♪

- Go.
- Okay.

- Tess?
- Hey.

- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I was actually just gonna
go get some, um..

I was actually gonna
go get an ice bucket.

Could you maybe get me
one from across the street?

Yeah, sure.

[whistling]

[laughter]

♪ Have you found.. ♪

- Hello?
- 'Hello.'

Dallas?

That was a beautiful wedding.

- I-I wondered where you were.
- I didn't wanna jinx it.

I'm bad luck at weddings.

Okay, that is ridiculous.

It isn't.
It's true.

- Well, you-you look very nice.
- Oh! Thank you.

Wait, you dressed this nicely
to hide in the bushes?

You know I did.

[chuckles]

I can't believe
how superstitious

everyone in Chatswin is.

Lisa thinks if two people
don't hook up at her wedding..

...the entire marriage
will be jinxed.

- Now, that's ridiculous.
- That's what I said!

- That's what I'm saying.
- Yeah.

We're both
saying the same thing.

♪ Oh lucky you ♪

♪ Lucky lucky me ♪

♪ Life is just a dream ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Mm mm mm mm ♪

♪ Lucky lucky me ♪♪