All language subtitles for suburgatory.s03e03.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
With the right attitude,
a bad breakup

can turn into a fresh start.

Post Ryan, I was doing great
and looking better

if I do say so myself.

After all, being single
is what you make it

and I was making it my bitch.

Unfortunately,
George was another matter.

What are you eating?

hamburger.

Functioning people
hamburgers

before 9 a.m.

They also don't go outside
in their pajamas.

So? It's not like
I'm trying to impress anyone.

Yeah. No risk of that.

Hey.

If I wanna walk
the drive-through

for a breakfast burger,
so be it.

- Burger, please.
- 'I'm sorry, sir.'

(female #1)
'But we're
still serving breakfast.'

'You can order anything on the
left side of the menu board.'

'Anything at all.'

[car honks]

Burger, please.

Let that be
a lesson to you, Tessa.

If you hold up the drive-through
line long enough

you can change the world.

How long till you
change your clothes?

I'm a bachelor, baby. I'm free!

This is what freedom looks like,
right here.

Oh, so freedom has pit stains?

Nobody said freedom was pretty.
Have you seen Syria lately?

George doesn't wanna admit it

but his behavior
is a direct result

of his breakup with Dallas.

When a long-term
relationship ends

people tend to freak out.

After Malik and I split

I spent a lot of time
in car washes

more time
than I'm comfortable admitting.

Nobody knows better than me
about epic breakups.

I get it. I just wish George
would follow my lead.

After all, I am doing great

and looking better

if I do say so myself.

I guess
it's easier for me, though

because I'm completely
over Ryan.

Completely?

- Totally.
- Good.

(Sheila)
Because Ryan is coming home

I'll need you to sweep the attic
from top to bottom, Lisa.

Use my good broom.

I doubt Ryan will be
going up to the attic.

Oh, but he could, he could.

So it needs to be RR.

Ryan ready.

Your father is out
buying driveway sealants

so Ryan makes a smooth entry.
That is done.

Oh, and I have made a chart

with everyone's
sleeping arrangements.

Victor, Ryan will be
sleeping with you

like a couple of real brothers.

I actually have a real brother.

He was left behind in Cambodia.

Fred will be bunking down in
the rumpus room on the pullout.

Well, why can't he just
sleep in his bed?

Because, ding-dong,
Ryan's new girlfriend is coming

and she'll be
sleeping in with me

so I can keep an eye on her.

Ryan has a girlfriend?

And heaven has angels.

His gal pal will be locked
in my sleep chamber

with the only key
tucked safe and sound

in my prison purse.

Your father bought it for me on
our honeymoon trip to Alcatraz.

I usually keep my tampons in it.

[theme song]

♪ Last night I had ♪

♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da ♪♪

(Tessa)
Hi.

[doorbell rings]

(Tessa)
Hey, that's the dog groomer.

[indistinct chattering on TV]

Allow me. I see you have
your hands full sitting.

I'm-I'm watching
the Chilean mine disaster.

Another one? Those guys
need to stay above ground.

No, no, the same one.

I didn't have time to follow it
when it first happened

but now I am not leaving this
couch until the last man is out.

They do get out, right?

- Oh.
- He's a puller!

- I know. Sorry.
- Hell, no.

[chuckles]
He looks like Howdy Doody.

I recommend walking him
more regularly on pavement.

It's gonna keep his nails under
control in between groomings.

Uh-huh.

Monique had a difficult time
clipping his nails.

She described them
as long and thick.

I brought you some shards
so you could see.

That's very thoughtful of you.
Thank you.

To be honest,
his condition alarms me.

There's considerable matting.
His ears are waxy.

I wouldn't be surprised
if there was a flea infestation.

I-I-I don't, I don't understand.

I thought he got the works.
He-he looks great.

- I'm talking about your dad.
- Oh. Yep.

Do you mind my asking? What's
his feeding schedule like?

Oh, we just have
an open-bowl policy.

I'm not sure that's best.

In my opinion,
he's overindulging

and not getting enough exercise.

Okay, I'll try to walk him more

but like you said,
he is terrible on the leash.

- Still talking about your dad.
- Mm..

I feel for you, Tessa.

It's an upside-down world when
a kid has to parent a parent.

Tell you what.

I'm gonna enroll Biederman
in our daily-walk service

since you're gonna be at school

and your father
will apparently be

spread eagle on the couch.

That would be really great.
Thank you.

One last thing.

I'm concerned about worms.

Now, the only way to rule
that out is to check his stool.

I don't wanna check
my dad's stool.

This time
I was talking about the dog.

Oh. Okay.

Thank you. Bye.

[door opens]

- What's that smell?
- I don't smell anything.

[sniffs]
How can you not?
It's oppressive.

Well, it's definitely
not my stadium buddy.

- Your what now?
- My stadium buddy.

I'm just saying
the smell can't be from that

because of its odorless,
money-back guarantee.

Don't wanna miss the rescue.

Are you urinating

in a bag strapped to your leg?

Not at the moment.

Okay. Well, I guess we know
what that smell is.

Rock bottom!

Hey, hey, I told you,
I am not getting off this couch

until ever man is out,
every man!

What? Don't judge me.

I-I've seen
how you greet your friends.

(Tessa)
George hitting rock bottom
left me no choice

but to call in reinforcements

someone who is a master
of the mature dating scene.

Oh!

- Altman.
- Hello, grandpa?

(Tessa)
'And I'm just worried about him,
you know?'

I mean, what about
when I go to college?

You know,
he's gonna be all alone.

[door opens]

Dad. Hi. I didn't..

I didn't know
you were coming up this way.

I wasn't.

[door shuts]

Are you sick?

Sick of wearing pants.

You were out and about
like that?

I may have caught a movie.

Sno-Caps?

I think we both know
the answer to that.

So h-how long
are you visiting for?

TBD.

What was that?

I saw that.
That was, that was a look.

No look.

- 'No look?'
- No look.

Did you..
Are you..

Did you tell my dad on me?

Yes, George, I did!

I did and I would do it again.

Oh, brother.

Dad, I'm sorry Tessa dragged you

'all the way over here
for nothing.'

She's crazy, okay?
I'm great. Everything's great.

No, you're not great

and everything is not great.

- Hey.
- There's a child in the house.

Have you thought about what kind
of impression you're making?

Other than the one on the sofa?

You hush your lips.

George, I'm worried about you.

I hate to see you like this.

Now, you're never gonna
attract a dynamite gal

wandering around
in your bed clothes.

I-I'm not interested in
attracting a dynamite gal, okay?

I'm taking a break! What?

- From showering.
- Shut up, traitor.

Look, George,
Tessa explained what happened.

And I'm here to tell you

that nothing gets you over
an old flame quicker

than igniting a new one.

Now, I want you to go
get yourself all cleaned up.

There's a swingles event in town
that I've RSVP'd for.

Okay, sorry, dad--

Look, a man's RSVP is his word.

I-I didn't RSVP.

And Jane Seymour said she didn't
have time for a daiquiri

but we both know
how that turned out.

Bam.

She had one daiquiri with you
at the airport

and then flew home
to her husband.

Bam!

[knocking on door]

- 'Whoo-hoo!'
- 'Yay!'

Hold your mirth!
It's just Tessa.

Sorry. Just me.

Victor, dust-bust the entry

while I dice
confetti.

Nobody wants
Tessa's sloppy seconds.

Tessa, what are you doing here?

Hi, I just came over
to see if you wanted

to walk into town
and get some yogurt.

Oh, that's so sweet. No.

What is going on in here?

Nothing.

[vacuum cleaner running]

Is, um...Ryan coming home?

No.

So that "Welcome home Ryan"
banner is just..

Preparation for the future

if and when the day should come.

Okay. Yeah. Ryan's coming home.

He's coming home
to meet Victor Ha.

- What?
- Victor, I beg you.

I had hoped
to shield you from this.

Lisa, I told you
I'm fine with seeing Ryan.

Fine with seeing Ryan
with his new girlfriend?

Also, Ryan has a new girlfriend.

Ryan has a girlfriend?

Ryan has a girlfriend.

Of course, he does.

And you know what?
I think that is great!

Really? I mean,
you don't feel threatened or--

Not at all. I'm..

I'm tickled that Ryan
has followed my example

and moved on.

But you're not seeing anyone.

- But I have moved on.
- Sure.

The long-distance thing
never works

and I was mature enough
to realize that.

Besides, it's not like
we don't know exactly

who this chick is, right?

- Oh.
- Deep tan.

Bleach-blonde hair

big boobs, s-small IQ.

It'll be good to see Ryan.

While I was bracing for
an encounter with my old flame

George had been dragged out
in search of a new one.

- Uh, George.
- Yeah?

Have you introduced yourself
to the beautiful girl

seated next to you?

Hi.

You want shrimp?

No, thanks.

- They're free.
- Still no.

Uh, George, uh,
perhaps you'd like to, uh

set aside the shrimp
for a moment

and take this pretty gal

for a spin on the dance floor.

I've a feeling
this young lady loves to dance.

- I do. I love to dance.
- Yeah, I don't. I-I don't.

I always feel like
a, like a T.rex, you know

like my arms
are too short for my body.

What if we went back to my place
for a little..

[chuckles]

Come on. We're leaving.

Thank God,
I'm literally so full of shrimp

I think I'm gonna throw up.

[instrumental music]

Can I get you
something to drink?

Uh, yeah.
I-I will take a ginger ale

and directions to the toilet..

...gorgeous.

I can, I can hold it.

Ryan Shay's back!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Aah!

Oh, I botched it!
Oh, I botched it.

- It's okay.
- I botched the arrival.

It's okay, mom.
It's good to see you.

Oh..

Oh, you always know
just what to say.

Oh. Oh, gosh.

- Tessa.
- Hi.

Hi.

♪ It was a fine day
in the fifth grade.. ♪

Um, this is my girlfriend, June.

I'd been expecting a Ryan type

but she was more like

a Tessa type.

Cool boots.

♪ So time to time ♪

♪ Now you can think of me ♪♪

Scoot over here for a minute,
will you, love bug?

Hey, George, remember how
you used to hate mushrooms

swore up and down,
you were allergic, even?

And one day
I forced you to try 'em

pizza--

I order extra mushrooms.

So listen to someone
older and wiser.

- Try some mushrooms.
- Really, dad?

She is not mushrooms. Sorry.

And romancing women
is not the answer

to all of life's problems.

Well, we got to use
what Mother Nature gave us

before Father Time
takes it away.

Well, I guess
we see things differently.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Exactly how do you
see things, George?

- What is your master plan, hm?
- You know what?

It's normal to feel bad
when bad things happen.

- You know what's not normal?
- Now, don't you dare.

Moving on so fast, it's like

your whole marriage
never existed.

- Is that what you think I did?
- No.

That's what I watched you do.

Mom wasn't gone a month

and you were already
back out there

in the, in the dating pool.

Hey, don't you splash me.

Oh, I'll splash you all I want.

Hey, let me tell you
something, mister.

When your mother
was on this Earth

I loved her every day of my life
with every inch of my soul.

We were supposed
to grow old together

but it didn't work out that way,
did it?

No.

It didn't.

Life is for the living, George.

And sitting in the dark,
eating Sno-Caps..

...it's not how I intend
to live mine.

Hold still.

This has to be completely level.

Ryan, by a mile, not even close.

- But I'm only nine!
- Don't be a sore loser, bro.

What's next? I know. Let's see
who can carry mom longer.

Oh, that's good. Yeah.

I'll go first. Ready? Go!

♪ Now I've had ♪

♪ The time of my life ♪♪

Isn't it obvious?

She's like a poor man's me!

Oh, don't tell me
you don't see it.

She's completely Tessa-like.

- W-we don't even know her.
- Don't we?

Military boots, snarky attitude

lightly flushed cheek

and a, and a natural lip.

Side part.

It's like, it's like
he's trying to recreate.

[knocking on door]

Lisa, is it okay

if I sleep in here
instead of with your mom?

- What-what did she say?
- Of course, it's fine, June!

Come on! Come in,
make yourself comfortable.

Oh. Would you look at that?

Uh, June has a book
tucked under her arm.

Apparently, June likes to read.

Who else likes to read, Lisa?

Uh, billions of people?

Just a little Poe.
He's my favorite.

Ditto. So, June, um..

How did you and Ryan first meet?

Actually, we met
at an advanced screening

of "Sea Of Anguish II."

- Do you know it?
- Absolutely.

I'm, uh,
very, very, very familiar

with that indie series.

In fact, Ryan never knew
those type of films existed

until he met me.

I'm the one who took him to see
"Sea Of Anguish I."

Oh. Cool!

- Favorite band?
- 'Mm, hard to say.'

I like so many
different types of music.

Same. Same. Same.

But I am really into this group
that Ryan turned me on to.

- Average Shelf Life?
- Yeah. Yeah, how did you know?

Because that's my band.

What do you mean
that's your band?

That's my band.

I'm the one
who turned him on to them

so get this, June

everything you like about Ryan
stems from me.

So, uh, what I'm trying
to say is, basically

you are in love with me.

I think I might just sleep
in your mom's room, after all.

You know what? Don't worry.
She's not staying.

Boy, oh, boy, Ryan must have
searched high and low

to find a Tessa-type in Florida.

Oh, I'm not from Florida.

I actually live
a couple of towns over.

- What?
- Yeah.

The long-distance thing sucks,
but it's worth it.

When you find a guy like Ryan,
you don't let him get away.

- Right?
- Right.

I guess we weren't
that much alike, after all.

♪ So much time has passed.. ♪

- 'Hey, you okay?'
- I'm okay.

- Tessa, stop.
- Why?

What? What is there left to say?

Can you judge
our push-up contest?

I'm lighter, but I still think
he's gonna beat me.

♪ Guess he never really
gave up hope.. ♪

Why don't you ask June to judge?
I'm sure she'll be better at it.

♪ Goes to show you never know ♪♪

[instrumental music]

"Sugar, water,
juice concentrate."

What the hell
kind of wine is this?

Oh, that's not wine.
It's wine product.

Real wine can't be sold
in markets here.

No, I was looking for a, uh

host gift for my son.

No need to toss out good manners
just because we aren't speaking.

Oh, dear.
I'm sorry to hear that.

- What grade is he in?
- Oh, no, he's full grown.

Although he doesn't always
act like it.

Yeah, it's been
rough between us.

I try, but sometimes
I think not hard enough.

Well, what matters
is that you keep trying

that you're there.

I believe it was
Kelly Ripa-Consuelos who said

"Your children need
your presence

not your presents."

Uh, it looks better
when you see it on the page.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

- So, uh, no wine?
- No wine.

But if you insist on going there

I'd do a salted caramel
artisanal ice cream.

It heals all wounds.

It is a shining beacon
in the darkness.

You see, I want my son
to be able to enjoy

some nice warm conversation

with a beautiful lady
like yourself.

I, uh, I don't suppose you'd be
interested in meeting--

Oh, hell no. Don't look at me.

I am done with men
and on to salted caramel.

Toodles.

So...that's it?

Yeah, I'm gonna get out
of your hair.

You don't need me around
telling you what to do.

But, George,
if you ever need me around

not telling you what to do,
just pick up the phone.

I'm sorry I splashed you.

Nah. Nah, I had
that splash coming.

My only excuse is you're my kid
and I wanna see you happy.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot,
I left you

some fancy ice cream
in the freezer.

Some fox I ran into
at the grocery store

panacea.

You can't push a grocery cart
without hitting one.

- Is that right?
- No, she was a good one.

I'm telling you,
but I'll tell you this.

I loved your mom more
than all of them put together.

Okay, I'm sorry I brought up
all the mom stuff.

I was lightheaded from
the hot tub and too much shrimp.

Yeah, well, you did have
a lot of shrimp.

- They were free.
- Seriously, uh..

I know you're not ready
to start dating

but, uh...leave the door open,
will you?

Just a crack.

And if love comes a-knocking

don't be afraid to answer.

Deal.

I thought we agreed you were
gonna leave the door open.

I thought that was a metaphor.

You want me
to leave my actual door--

Well, no, I guess you're right

but if someone comes knocking--

No, I-I got it.

[knocking on door]

Okay, that was a test.
You passed.

- Goodbye, dad.
- Goodbye.

[knocking on door]

Okay, this is getting
ridiculous.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Hi.
- Hello.

I'm just..
I'm here picking up.

Your dog.

- For his walk.
- Oh, right. Yeah.

Biederman. Come here.

Alrighty. You ready to go on
your walk? Here you go.

You're, uh,
looking very dapper today.

Oh, thank you.

You know what?
I could use some fresh air.

- You mind if I join you?
- Oh, that'd be great.

I can show you
some of my on-leash corrections

and you can be the bag man.

I am not gonna ask
what that means

'cause I think I already know.

[indistinct chattering on TV]

Hey, did you know

it was over a 90 degrees
underground?

Not to mention the humidity.

Having some morning ice cream?

It's so good. You want some?

No. Thank you.

I, uh, I ran into Ryan outside.

Guess he's back for a visit.

Mm. Guess so.

Look, Tessa,
I know how you feel

but the less time
you spend on the couch

the better.

And I'm not just saying that
'cause it's a beautiful day out

but also because
it could truly use a cleaning

after the spill.

- What spill?
- I-I didn't have an accident.

But my stadium buddy did.

I think I'm gonna go shower.

It's not exactly true,
but she's my kid

and I wanna see her happy.

You know what?
I can't take your judgment.

Go lay down on your mat.

[instrumental music]