All language subtitles for suburgatory.s03e02.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
A lot can be learned
about a family

by their breakfast table.

After recently navigating
out of a rough patch

George was determined to have
our relationship go smoothly.

As a result, our breakfast
table was set with guilt.

I should have made you
something hot.

It's fine, I like cereal.

I know, but I had time.

I'm better than this.

George, it's cool.

Hey, why don't I make you
a nice lunch to take to school?

Because it's Friday
and the cafeteria

will be selling
parmesan-crusted tator tots

which I will be buying
a dozen of

like any self-respecting
American.

I'm gonna make her
a nice lunch.

(Dallas)
'Open.'

- Mnh..
- 'Open.'

Uh-oh, look here, Dalia.

I'm about to have a big old bite
of your eggs carmenara.

Mmm!

Quick, you better have some
before I finish it.

You can finish it.

Dalia, this hunger strike

cannot persist.

Sorry, mommy.

Ever since you
and daddy Altman broke up

I just haven't
had an appetite.

Heed this, Dalia.

You will undergo nourishment

even if I have to ingest,
digest

and straight retch
this egg dish into your mouth

like a ruby-throated
hummingbird.

Now open.

Open.

- Hmn-mnh.
- Dalia.

Open it!

[instrumental music]

Lisa, call your brother.

On the phone?

Don't be a wisenheimer.

- 'Call your brother.'
- He's in Florida.

For the love of Pete,
just call him.

Ryan. Breakfast.

[laughs]

And then, Fred, remember?

He'd come bounding
down those stairs

like a Carolina Clydesdale.

He loved to bound.

'And how I loved
watching him bound.'

So glorious and graceful!

[sighs]

Unlike this one,
she's like a crippled turtle.

'Would it kill you to trot,
Lass?'

Is occasional skip
too much to ask?

I have an idea.

'Since apparently
this house is--'

Nothing but a sad,
lonely, childless vestibule

that used to be filled with joy.

So why not plan
a couple's retreat?

'Leave these hollow walls
behind.'

(Fred)
'Ooh, not a bad idea.'

You know, Dr. Oz says
after the kids move out

the genitals can often think

they're no longer needed.

They can wither and die.

'He would advise
your mother and I'

to engage in rigorous
sexual love-making

to trick our genitals
into staying robust.

So maybe a trip
to the Catskills.

♪ Last night I had ♪

♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da-da da ♪♪

(Dalia)
Okay.

Hey, you looking for somebody?

Yeah, do you know
where Tessa is?

Oh, you must mean Tessandra.

She's our new exchange student.

- No.
- Tessandra, your father's here.

My name's Susan.

She's just jiving.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Daddy Altman,
you came for me.

Uh, hey, Dalia,
it's good to see you.

Thank you for saying that.

It's literally so good
to hear you say that.

You're feeling exactly
what I'm feeling

and by that, I mean,
it's good to see you, too.

Okay, good, well, I gotta--

I know you and mommy
hate each other now

and I just want you to know

I stand with you.

Okay, D-Dalia,
she and I don't..

You know, it's more complicated
than that.

She had a totes eclipse
of the heart

but I totes didn't.

I just wish things could go back
to the way they were.

Yeah, well..

You know, I feel badly
about how things ended, too.

[stomach growling]

I think I just got
my appetite back.

Oh, well, when was
the last time you ate?

What day is it today?

Right, um,
you know what, here.

Is this a poor man's sack?

It's a tuna-fish sandwich,
if that's what you mean.

I made it for Tessa,
but if you're starving..

[indistinct mumbling]

- Pardon?
- Thank you.

You're welcome.

Slow down.

- Okay.
- Mmm.

(woman on speakers)
"Poor Little Bitch Girl"

by Jackie Collins.

Belle Svetlana,
surveyed her nude image

in a full-length mirror
readying herself

for a $30,000-an-hour
sexual encounter

with the 15-year-old son
of an Arab oil tycoon.

Oh, an oil tycoon.

Her eyes were a spectacular

emerald green, her body..

...a playground of delights.

Ryan, used to love
the playground, remember?

Sheila, how can you
think about Ryan

when Svetlana is about
to climb upon--

His package.

Do you think Ryan
ever got his package?

[sighs]

There were perishables in there.

It's been so warm.

- He got the package.
- How can you be so sure?

'Cause we tracked it, Sheila.
It was delivered.

I know, but with those
giant dorms

who knows if it got
into Ryan's hands?

Some backwater Floridian
could be eating

all of my homemade
salted sesame shove 'ems!

We've already spoken with him
once today, Sheila.

You gotta give the boy
some space.

This was supposed to be
a romantic weekend.

And it will be.

[sobbing]

(Tessa)
Just as Fred was about
to give up

and turn the car around,
he saw it.

The one thing that might
make a difference

just sitting there
on the side of the road.

[tires screeching]

[instrumental music]

And I told Kimantha,
she was doing it wrong

but she wouldn't listen.

Hair feathers
are super complicated.

And now she looks like a duck.

Well, you know,
you tried to warn her.

Yeah, and she was all
"you're just jealous

because I was the first person
to start wearing hair feathers."

And I'm all, "I guess you didn't
see the photos from Hedonism II"

when I was totally wearing hair
feathers all over the place."

And she was all..

Don't let me stop you,
she's all what?

Hey, Tess.

Hey, dad.

So weird to bump into you
at my cafeteria

hanging out with the girl who
gave me a subcutaneous hematoma.

Do you mind?
I'm still eating your lunch.

- Actually, I do mind.
- I'm sorry.

You don't have to apologize,
Daddy Altman.

But she was very, very hungry.

I eat your sandwich, Tessa.

Your daddy made it for you

but I eat it.

I see that.

And I drink your milk box.

[slurping]

I drink it all up.

See, George, this is why

you don't bring lunch
to Dalia Day-Lewis.

Who's that?

I couldn't help
but feel sorry for her.

She said
she hadn't been eating.

That's because you don't
need to eat

when you are the world's
biggest bitch.

The suffering of others
is your breakfast.

Backstabbing is your lunch

and the tears
of the innocent

are your beverage.

Well, it sounds like
you've put a lot of thought

into Dalia's meal plan.

But I can't help but feel
like she's, you know

crying out for help,
like she needs someone.

Oh, well, too bad.

George, you may be
too blind to see this

but she is just trying
to get between us.

And you are feeding the beast.

And you were feeding her
my tuna sandwich.

[indistinct chatter]

[gasps]

(Sheila)
'Oh, Fred, look.'

I can also sing.

♪ I wanna know what love is ♪

♪ I want you to show me ♪

Fred, this is amazing.

I feel like a kid
in a candy store.

How many can I have?

Well, with, uh,
with our luggage

and our travel games
in the back

I would say one,
comfortably.

Can I help you find
what you're looking for?

Um, yes, you don't happen
to have any

European models, do you?

No, but we did get some new

one-year-olds in
the other day.

They're sleeping through
the night

and they won't last.

Oh, you hear that?

- What is your name?
- Victor.

And you help out here?

When you get to be
a certain age

you try to stay useful.

I see.

- Sheila, the one-year-olds.
- Fred, just a second.

Victor, do you like sports?

Yes.

Have you ever wrestled?

Only all the time.

- And what about football?
- That's my favorite.

And how would you
describe your body?

Above average?

What do you think, Fred?

(Fred)
'Personally, I would have
gone with a white one.'

You're right, black seemed
so appealing in the show room

but in practice,
it's a little

"Look at me,
I'm doing something different."

Right, right.

Alright, let's, let's talk
about the remodel.

What do you hope to achieve?

Ooh, okay.

I was inspired

by this wonderful HBO movie.

Prior, I had only thought of my
bathtub as a place to get clean

without ever realizing
the possibilities

for entertaining friends,
family, colleagues.

I think, I think I know
the movie you're talking about.

- Mm-hm.
- You want something grand.

- The Grand Canyon.
- Something dramatic.

Cute little slut.

That means yes.

How do you feel about columns?

A Greek bath house vibe.

George, you are speaking
my language

and speaking it fluently.

I'm so glad,
I took that referral.

Oh, I didn't know
this was a referral.

- Who do I have to thank?
- Mm, well..

And then Kimantha was all

"You photoshopped
those hair feathers

into those photos
after you saw me wearing mine."

- And I was all--
- Dalia, you, you did this?

Now we can hang out here
together

free from Tessa's judgment.

This is a "no judgment" space.

What happens in the bathroom
stays in the bathroom.

Look, Dalia, I'm sorry

'but I-I can't use
this renovation'

as a way of spending time
with you.

But you said it was good
to see me, remember?

Isn't it good to see me?

Look, if you work things out
with Tessa

then maybe you and I
could be friends.

But until then,
I'm afraid

I'm gonna have to be
all, "no."

You're doing it wrong.

Did all the empty-nest talk
hurt my feelings?

Was I wounded when
they refused to acknowledge

my very existence?

No.

Small price to pay, Tessa.

This is the first time
in my whole entire life

I've had this house
to myself.

And you wanna spend it sitting
on the couch talking to me?

That was not the intention.

No, it was not.

Oh.

That's my cue to leave.

Yeah, you best get to steppin'

because let it be known..

...I'm about to do surgery.

'I need to prep this man
for the OR.'

[door opens]

Oh, boy!

(Sheila)
'Guess who's back early?'

We cut our romantic weekend
short because we fell in love..

...with Victor Ha!

What the hell is this?

This is your new brother,
Victor.

Victor, we forgot to mention
we also have a daughter.

- Yeah.
- I love football.

[laughing]

Of course you do.

How could they do this to me?

I don't know.
He seems pretty sweet.

Probably bounced around
a lot, huh?

- Poor guy.
- Poor guy, what about Malik?

I was about to give his
fine ass a transfusion.

You are really committing

to this whole surgery
sex-talk thing, huh?

You absolutely have to.

Weird, Dallas just texted me

to pick up my final paycheck.

What's weird about that?

I haven't seen her
since the break-up.

I hope it's not awkward
between us.

Do you mind if I stop in?

"See ya, wouldn't wanna
be ya."

That's a 90s diss.

Hey!

Dallas, that's a '90s diss.

So is your face.

Did you just see that?

Yeah, that was weird.

But no weirder than a grown boy

calling two perfect strangers
mommy and daddy.

Did I tell you Victor did that?

I wonder if Dallas
is trying to punish me

for the whole
"George and Dalia" thing.

Yeah, well,
Sheila's definitely punishing me

for the whole
"being born" thing.

(Tessa)
Lisa had a bone to pick
with Victor.

And the next morning

she decided to pick it.

- Aah!
- Hello, Victor.

Oh, Lisa, you startled me.

You're a bit jumpy on your own
though, aren't you?

Uh, no.

No? My mistake.

Guess I don't have
a real clear sense

of who Victor is just yet.

Would you say you're a loner,
wanderer?

Grifter of sorts?

- What's a grifter?
- Are you a conman?

Because I'm getting
some mighty weird vibes

coming from your direction
and it's not the onesie..

...entirely.

How old a man are you?

Nine and three quarters, why?

Let's call it ten,
you're pushing ten.

I guess so, yeah.

Great, so do me a favor.

Cut the "mommy, daddy" crap

'cause if you ask me,
it reeks.

Oh, that's because
I just went number two.

That's another thing

bathroom seniority.

I go first, understand?

Sure, sis.

And there's no hot breakfast
on school days

so don't get your hopes up.

We get breakfast?

Yes, Victor, we do.

Victor, how about some
cinnamon toast this morning?

- Oh, boy!
- He's not even sick.

Lisa, your brother has a big day
ahead of him.

He might even be playing
some football after school.

Isn't that right, Victor?

Hut, hut, hike!

[Shelia laughing]

Oh, Victor,
you are a treasure.

Lisa, did you stink up
this bathroom again?

(George)
'And it turned out Dalia
referred me for the job.'

But I told her not to bother
contacting me again

unless she was able to make
things right with you.

And how did she take it?

Honestly, she looked crushed.

But I didn't get sucked in.

She was probably just trying

to manipulate me,
like you said.

Yeah.

What's wrong?
I did everything you said.

Did I mishandle something?

No.

I think maybe I did.

On the one hand,
I hate her guts.

On the other hand,
it sucks being dissed

by someone
that you used to have

a close personal
relationship with.

I don't know what to do.

Have you considered vaginal
reconstructive surgery?

- Why would I consider that?
- I don't know.

I just keep seeing these
pamphlets at my doctor's office.

At the home, they used to serve

steamed cauliflower
on Wednesday.

It was my favorite.

That's nice, Victor.

Unfortunately, the other kids

weren't too wild about it

and they complained.

Eventually, they stopped
serving it.

Well, we're all very sorry
to hear that.

They started serving
cabbage rolls instead.

Cabbage rolls
make my throat itch.

Sure, that makes sense.

But I never complained, because

I knew some of the other kids

really like cabbage rolls.

Right.

Just because I hate cauliflower

doesn't mean no one else
should be allowed to eat it.

That's kind of the way
I see life, Tessa.

Thanks.

Thanks, Victor.

Wow.

That is not what I took away
from that story.

(Tessa)
I may have welcomed
Victor and his advice

but Lisa was still
determined to undo him.

Perfect little son.

We'll see about that.

Everybody's got a bone
in their closet, Victor.

'And I just found yours.'

I can explain.

This is a Bionicle.

I know.

I'm just holding it
for a friend.

I hate those things.

Those are for losers.

This is Takanuva

the Toa of Light.

I wouldn't know.

I'm more interested
into football, wrestling

and throwing touchdowners.

I love touchdowners.

You know, Takanuva
was my favorite Bionicle

when I was your age.

Really?

Victor, my whole life
I've lived in a house

where no one understood me.

I know how it feels to be
ashamed of your Bionicles.

They taught us to just say yes
to whatever the parents ask.

Your parents, they wanted
a football player

with a great body.

That's not me.

I know.

It's okay.

You're doomed.

(Sheila)
'How was football practice
today, son?'

- Did you "go long"?
- Did I ever?

Do you think you'll make
quarterback?

I know it's hard, Victor,
but tell them.

Mom, dad.

I'm not who I said I am.

I'm a grifter.

No, no, no, no.

How could we have been
so stupid?

Sheila, did you tell him
your social security number?

I don't think so.

But we did discuss
my mother's maiden name

and the street
that I grew up on

'and the make
of my first car.'

That's all he needs.
We're finished!

He did not steal
your identity.

But he did steal
someone else's.

Yeah, I'm sorry, do I cancel
my credit cards or not?

Not.

But I'm afraid
Lisa's right.

You see,
my body's not as great

as you think it is.

And I don't love football

I love Bionicles.

He's not a Ryan,
he's a Lisa.

I understand if you don't
want me anymore.

And I'm sorry I lied.

- I'll get my things.
- Victor, you stop right there.

You didn't steal our money.

But you did steal our hearts

which is only possible because
you didn't steal our money.

[laughs]

To be honest, we're relieved

that you don't like football.

- You are?
- You are?

(Sheila)
'The last thing we want'

is to lose another son.

And I never heard of anyone

getting a Bionicle scholarship,
have you?

Nope, there's no such thing.

[both laughing]

Now, tell us all about

this favorite hobby of yours.

Well, when the Shadow Leeches
swamped Takanuva

they underestimated
his cunning--

Wait a minute, I have tried
to discuss Bionicles

at this dinner table for years
and it was forbidden.

Victor makes it sound
more interesting than you did.

Victor knows
how to frame a story.

Plus, you never mentioned
the Shadow Leeches, Lisa.

If there are Shadow Leeches

you lead with Shadow Leeches!

(Victor)
Well, Takanuva, he wasn't..

(Tessa)
With a bitter, deep-seated
rivalry now firmly in place.

Lisa and Victor were starting

to feel like
siblings after all.

[doorbell rings]

Just a sec.

Oh, no.

Tessa, talk to the hand

'cause the face
don't give a damn.

Relax, Dallas.
I'm here to see Dalia.

I don't have your dad

if that's what
you're looking for.

No.

I wanted to let you know
that I have been rethinking

my stance on your friendship
with my dad.

Just because I hate you

doesn't mean he has to.

He could never hate me.

He thinks
it's good to see me.

Ask him.

You can ask him yourself.

And in return

can you please tell your mother

to stop slamming me with--

Whoop! There it is.
I thought you knew.

I'm sorry. I'll stop.

She made me, I..

(Tessa)
Looking into her icy blue eyes

I wasn't sure what this
all meant to Dalia.

If anything.

I had no idea
if things between us

would be any different.

Hey.

I've been meaning
to ask you.

How did things go
with your mom?

She left.

I know. I just wanted
to hear you say it.

Thanks.

But everything's good
with Ryan, right?

Okay, see ya.

[door closes]