All language subtitles for suburgatory.s01e19.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
In Chatswin, the grass
really is greener.

[The Cranberries
singing "Linger"]

The fruit sweeter..

The vegetables snappier.

Even the corn seems
crunchier.

It's a produce paradise,
a veritable garden of..

Eden. Nice to meet you, Frank.

- 'Nice to meet you.'
- Gorgeous braeburns.

- Thank you.
- 'They really are.'

And since we're introducing
ourselves, I'm George Altman.

Frank De Luca.
De Luca Orchards, Route 9.

- Hello.
- And this is Eden.

- Eden?
- Apple, George?

I'm tempted, but, uh,
won't it get me kicked out?

Don't be stupid.
It's a free sample.

Would you be interested in
may be grabbing a cup of coffee?

Mm.

I don't drink coffee.

You know, between the chemicals,
pesticides, and exploitation

of workers,
it's basically the devil.

- But I'll do you one better.
- Better?

Than a cup of the devil?

My treat.
What would you like?

Oh.
Uh, um, alright.

Well...It all looks...Terrible.

[chuckles]
Sorry. I'm clueless when
it comes to this health crap.

You...you pick.

Two kitchen sinks
with bee pollen, acidophilus

and extra brewer's yeast.

Ah! Yes, extra, please.

Nothing quenches
like a good cup of yeast.

Am I right?

Alright.
Thank you. And thank you.

But ju-just so you know, if I
wasn't trying to impress you

there is no way
this would touch my lips.

- You're gonna love it.
- Oh.

Alright, here we go.

Oh.
Oh.

- Okay, not bad.
- Right?

It tastes like..
My throat's closing.

My throat's closing. Ah!

I think you might be allergic
to something in this drink.

- You think?
- Nettle juice.

Someone run and get
some nettle juice!

[strained voice]
Call an ambulance.
I can't breathe.

- I feel awful.
- Me, too.

I've never seen someone
react like that

to all-natural ingredients.

- Uh, well, I'm a New Yorker.
- I'm sorry, George.

I should never have pushed
you into that smoothie.

No, it's-it's good.

I convulsed on your shoulder,
I wheezed in your lap.

I really feel like we know
each other now.

[knock on door]

- Mr. Foreman?
- No.

- "George Foreman?"
- George Foreman?

I couldn't remember,
and it was the first George

that popped in my head.

Look, "George cute smile"

wasn't gonna get your
treated.

Okay, Mr. Cute Smile,
you're free to go.

We've prescribed some
antihistamines

and an epipen in the event--

Another woman tries
to make me drink poison?

(female #1)
'I'm afraid I can't prescribe
anything for the googly eyes'

although I'd like to...
because they're making me sick.

I've been up for 40 hours.

So this was fun.

[vomits]

[chuckles]
On our second date,
I'll slam your hand in a door.

[laughs]
Second date?

That means I get another
bite of the apple, Eden?

Call me when
your face clears up.

[chuckles]
Bye.

Bye.

[giggles]

[instrumental music]

Sorry.
I have to kiss you now.

Just removed an 85-year-old
man's catheter.

♪ Last night
I had a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da
da da da da ♪

I still can't believe people
buy broken shards of glass.

They don't. They buy
"crystal tears from Heaven."

- Hey.
- Hey, Lisa.

Can I get a half-pound of
the "crystal tears from heaven?"

And also, I need
something for Malik.

It's our month-anniversary,
so it needs to be special.

Mommy, I need money.

I'm with a customer.
I'll be right with you.

Lisa, does Malik have
a holographic image

of you set in crystal?

I-I'm embarrassed to say no.

[glass shards crunch]

You just walked straight
through my pile.

- Your "pile" isn't my problem.
- No, I agree.

You have much more
serious problems

that predate this pile.

You can't talk to me
like that.

I'm your boss.

I work for you mother, not you.

I came out of my mother.

That's not how it works.

- Tessa, you're fired.
- Wanna bet?

Mommy, I just fired Tessa
without severance.

What? Dalia,
what has gotten into you?

- Tessa's not fired.
- But look.

She did a terrible job
sweeping.

How would you know, Dalia?

You've never swept
a day in your life.

You know what, mommy?
You can forget the money.

I don't even want it
any more.

[shards crunch]

Okay, what about a reptile?

- Too cold?
- Mnh.

How about a parrot?
They're clever.

They can talk.

Not everything
that talks is clever.

I just think that
having a pet would make us feel

more like a family.

[sighs]
Roommates
shouldn't have pets.

What if one roommate
moves out?

Then the pet
has to choose sides.

- "Roommates?"
- That's another thing.

Why do you insist on
calling us roommates?

And how come you always
put an empty seat

between us at the movie theater?

For popcorn. I-I've told you,
that's the popcorn seat.

I feel like
you are ashamed of us.

And saying no to a pet
is just your way

of saying no
to a real commitment.

[sighs]
Look, Nora and I had a cat.
After the divorce--

You always bring up Nora
whenever I try to talk about

our relationship.
I'm not Nora!

Well, how about
we get an area rug?

If things don't work out,
we can always cut that in half.

I'm telling you, man,
that kiss took my breath away.

Noah, I have not felt
a connection

like this since..
Well, maybe ever.

[laughs]

Look, I don't wanna one-up ya.

But I'm gonna.
Jill and I are expecting.

- A baby?
- A baby, man!

A goo-goo ga-ga baby.

[laughs]
Of course,
we needed some help.

- Jill is of a certain age.
- But she's alright?

- She's feeling good?
- She's amazing.

[laughs]

Okay! Alright! Wow!

That's great, man!
Look at us, huh?

It feels like we're...
I don't know...starting over.

Let's have dinner tomorrow night
to celebrate, alright?

We can meet your new lady,
and we can toast my seed.

Huh?
Up top!

Come on!

[sizzling]

Smells like burnt rubber.

Yes, that is what I'm making you

for dinner, burnt rubber.
'Cause I'm going out.

Are you just stir-frying
the nonstick coating or what?

- My baby's missing!
- What?

My baby's missing!
She's gone!

No one would kidnap Dalia.
Did she run away?

Not Dalia!
Yakult!

- Oh.
- Yakult's missing!

She's missing, y'all!
I've looked everywhere.

Inside the house,
outside the house

inside the guest house,
outside the guest house

inside the pool cabana,
outside the pool cabana.

She's gone! Oh!

I can't breathe!

I can't find breath.

- Dallas?
- Don't touch me!

Don't touch me!
I feel confined!

If something happens to that
dog, I don't know what I'll do.

I don't know how I'll press on.
I won't!

Okay, D-Dallas, hey,
you need to calm down and sit

and tell us exactly
what happened.

I'm sure Yakult is okay.
We'll put up fliers--

Tessa, you have to find
my girl. Promise me.

She's out there alone!

What will she eat
come dinner?

Where will she sleep
come night?

Where, Tessa?

- Hey! Sorry we're late.
- Hey!

Milady was blow-drying her hair
for three-quarters of an hour.

[chuckles]
Hey. Here you go.

Oh. Why, thank you, George.

- Well, of course.
- Hey.

Hey, what is this?
You trying to steal my gal?

[laughs]
Where's yours?

Oh, she should be here
any minute, hopefully.

I'm starting to think
she got cold feet.

Hey, you think it was too soon
to do a double date?

Did I mess up?

Can I start you off with
some cocktails this evening?

I'll have a scotch.
Neat.

Really?
Is...is that allowed?

I'm gonna have a lemon drop,

uh, and sugar up the rim
for me, Angel.

We're celebratin' tonight.

[chuckles]

Thank you.
So...how far along are you?

I gotta tell you, Jill,
you barely look pregnant.

Pregnant?
I look pregnant?

Ya...am I missing something?

Isn't that what
we're celebrating?

You told me she was pregnant.

I told you
we were having a baby.

What's the difference?

George, we hired a surrogate
to carry the baby for me.

I wanted to carry it myself,
but I'm simply too busy

with my new book,
"Making Time For What Matters."

[sighs]
You never mentioned
a surrogate.

She's farm-raised, sun-kissed,
and completely organic.

Uterine walls of concrete.

(all)
Oh, there she is.

Well, the conversation may
have run dry, but my swordfish

was exceptionally moist.

Exceptionally.

Look...this is silly.

Alright, you guys
only had one date.

'George didn't know
you were pregnant.'

You didn't know that
George was my best friend.

And now that we all know
what we know, it's over.

We can all put this
uncomfortable mess behind us.

Is that how you feel, George,
that is an uncomfortable mess

that we should put behind us?

I don't know
if it's a mess, but..

...I certainly am uncomfortable.

Good-bye, George Foreman.

It was nice
almost knowing you.

[instrumental music]

Come on.

You cannot date a woman
that has my baby inside of her.

'Come on. I know I'm preaching
to the choir here. Right?'

'Right?'

Yeah.

[closes car door]

She didn't even look
pregnant.

Did she look pregnant to you?

That's the photo you chose?

She looks haggard.

'Why couldn't you pick
one of her smiling?'

Yakult has a beautiful smile.

Is that a security camera?

Yeah, Steven
had it installed to make sure

everyone took off their shoes
when they came in the house.

I don't know if you recall,
but he had a real shoe thing.

It was kinda
his defining characteristic.

Is it recording?
It looks like it's recording.

Oh, my gosh,
it's always recording.

[gasps]

Oh, my gosh,
it's always recording!

To the control room!

[instrumental music]

Don't see a lot
of those anymore.

At the time,
joystick-based security

'was considered cutting-edge.'

'This model came
with "asteroids."'

[electronic beeping]]

(Dallas)
Let's just check
some old footage.

There's Yakult right there!

'What is she doin'?'

Did...did she just..

[gasps]

Dalia Oprah Royce,
get down here right now!

I'm inverted!

I said, get down here now!
I can't believe this.

My own daughter,
my own flesh and blood.

What, mommy?
I just got upside down.

- You swept Yakult.
- I did not.

We just watched you do so
on surveillance footage.

You swept that poor,
innocent dog! How could you?

You thought it was so great
when Tessa swept.

I can't believe
you're my child.

I can't believe I have raised
such a selfish

vindictive little girl.

You better pray
that dog is unharmed

or else..

[sighs]

Tessa..

Thank you for being
who you are.

Somebody raised you right,
and clearly, it wasn't me.

[instrumental music]

[whimpers]

- Alan! Come quickly and see!
- What...what's wrong?

I was just about
to get in the shower.

I was out buying an area rug,
just like you said.

Low pile, modern, geometric.

When all of a sudden,
I felt something lick me.

In the heart.
I turned around to find this.

- You went out and got a dog?
- Absolutely not.

He got me.
Or more specifically, us.

This dog was sent here,
Alan, to make us a family.

Just look at those
pretty brown eyes.

[laughing]

Alright, I just got licked, too.

[laughs]
Well, now the two of us
get to put

our heads together
and come up with a great name.

I already named him.
His name is Hanson.

♪ Mmm bop ba duba dop ♪

♪ Ba duba dop ba duba dop ♪

♪ Ba duba dop ba duba dop ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Mmm bop ba duba dop ♪

♪ Ba duba ♪♪

- Deep cleansing breath.
- 'Did you hear that?'

'She just took a deep
cleansing breath.'

Guys, just come in.
I can hear you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

We'd just like to touch
base about last night.

To sum up, George,
not the man we thought he was.

Noah,
didn't handle things great.

I don't handle things great.

[laughs]
I don't.

We just don't want you
to feel any resentment.

Yeah, because that resentment
will flow through your body

and drench our fetus.

Guys,
you don't have to worry.

There's nothing happening
between George and me.

Yes!

I'm sorry you're alone.

Namaste.

(Dalia)
'You guys, we need to figure out
where Yakult is'

so I can bring her back
to mommy so she won't be sad

and mad at me.

You guys, we seriously need
to brainstorm, you guys.

[dramatic music]

What was that, Kimantha?

Nothing.

No, I-I just,
I shifted my weight

from my left foot
to my right.

Ohh.
Good idea.

(A.J.)
Word on the paddle courts
is Noah knocked up your lady.

Are you homeschooled or what?

Hey, you think you're the first
fella to fall for a bird

with someone else's egg
in her nest?

Look at Heidi Klum and seal.

She had someone else's bun
in the oven

just like your girl.

Alright, so what's your point?

Sarah Jessica Parker
used a surrogate.

If Broderick can deal,
so can you.

Alright, for the record,
I don't have a problem

with surrogacy.

I'm just trying to...
wrap my head around

the idea of dating someone
who's carrying a baby..

...Jill and Noah's baby.

It's...it's complicated, A.J.
Even you must see that.

Chalk up your tip, George,
and you'll have better control

over your balls.

Mr. Wolfe? Could you make
an announcement at the assembly?

A friend of mine
lost her dog.

- Um, is-is that the dog?
- Yeah.

- Her name's Yakult.
- Yakult?

That dog doesn't look
like a "Yakult" to me.

- Have you seen her?
- No.

No, I certainly have not.

[school bell rings]

Tessa,
aren't you supposed to be

in forensic science
right now?

Why, yes, I am.

Yes...I...am.

Alright, look, man,
I've been thinking.

I-I made a decision.
I wanna be seal.

Not how he is now,
but how he was then.

And I want you
to be okay with it.

Buddy, I love you,
but you're no seal.

Okay, he's my desktop image.

Okay? And I ran into him once
at a D'agostino's. So--

Noah, I wanna see Eden,
and I want your blessing.

Alright, I don't want to be
a hard-ass about this

but I strictly forbid it!

Look, I know, you're caught up
on the sex stuff

but it's not about that.

I just...
I just like her, you know?

I...I can't stop
thinking about her.

So you'll keep it platonic?

[chuckles]
I didn't say that.

How would you feel if Jill
and I wanted to have sex

on top of Tessa?

That's not the same thing.

I hope you know that.

I want you to be happy.

I want you to be happy,
too, man.

Okay, let's make a deal.

Alright, you keep all
the physical stuff on the back

burner until my baby
is birthed

and I'll be completely
supportive.

Okay, she'll never
take you back.

[laughs]
Come on, buddy!

Yakult's
in that welfare hotel?

That's not a welfare hotel.
It's a condominium.

Just trust me.

I'm trying to help you.

I think you knew I was grounded,
so you lied so you could lure

me into East Chatswin so you
could murder me so you could

get plastic surgery
so you could assume my identity

so you could be cool.
Yakult isn't even here.

Oh, my God.
There she is.

[intense music]

[music continues]

[elevator door rings]

[music continues]

- Mr. Wolfe! Stop!
- You didn't see anything!

- That's my mom's dog.
- No, it isn't.

- This is Hanson.
- What's going on here?

Alan, they're trying
to take our dog!

That is the Royces' dog!
Her name is Yakult.

She is not Hanson. She doesn't
even have a boy part. Look.

She doesn't have a boy part.

[gasps]
Hanson!

This is exactly why I
didn't want to get a dog.

I guess maybe you were right.

No, no, I-I was wrong.

God, Alan, you're so contrary!

I think what you and Hanson
have taught me is

you can't not get a dog
forever.

Sooner or later,
someone's gonna come along

and lick your heart

the way you licked mine.

So if you want a new dog,
I'm open to it now.

But you said
that roommates shouldn't--

We're not roommates.

[sighs]

We're homosexual lovers

and it's time
I started acting like one.

Can you guys wait
till we leave?

Well, part of the problem was

I didn't show Mr. Wolfe

public affection, so, no.

Okay, we're gonna go.

[San Cisco's singing
"Golden Revolver"]

♪ Woo oo-oo ♪

But these are all
homosexual boy clothes.

Yakult was living as a gay
male dog in East Chatswin.

I can't thank you enough,
Tessa.

It really wasn't me.

- It was Dalia.
- Dalia?

She's the one
who spotted Yakult.

- Good eyes.
- She gets that from my side.

Steven has astigmatism.

I'm sorry I swept, mommy.

I promise I'll
never sweep again.

From now on, I'll leave
all that up to Carmen, okay?

Okay.

[barks]

Oh, my God!

It's like you can't stand
if someone else

get attention for two seconds,
Yakult!

We get it!
It's your big day!

Frank, you have any
olive branches?

I think you know
damn well I don't.

Eden, wait.
I'm sorry.

Look, hear me out, please.

George, you don't
have to explain. I get it.

You know, it's a weird situation
and you feel uncomfortable.

Didn't work out.
Well...It sucks.

- I know I acted--
- Narrow-minded.

Yeah.

I didn't expect
that from you.

- Kind of blows.
- Well, which is it?

Does it suck or does it blow?

Both.

Eden, I've never been
in a situation like this before.

I don't...exactly know how
to navigate it, but I have a

feeling I'm gonna regret
it if I don't try.

Do you have any other
allergies I should be aware of?

Like, where do you stand on
steamed squash blossoms?

I reserve
the right to be allergic

to anything
that sounds gross.

Okay.

You know, I'm gonna
start showing soon.

Let's just worry about
squash blossoms for now.

[laughs]
Okay.