All language subtitles for suburgatory.s01e17.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
For Dallas Royce

spring cleaning meant
out with the old..

...and in with
the new crystal Joy Behar

she had commissioned.

You know what, Joy Behar?
You give me strength.

You truly do.

Am I nervous
about the store opening?

[chuckles]
Oh! You do ask
the tough questions, Joy Behar.

Yes. Yes, quite frankly,
I am.

I've never tackled
anything like this on my own

and unlike you,
I don't have a multicultural

cross-generational
female support system

although once upon a pledge week

I did experience
such sisterhood.

[barks]

[gasps]
Oh, my gosh, girl.
That's a great idea.

I should invite
my sorority sisters out

for the store opening.

Well, I suppose you're right.
They could stay with us.

We've got plenty of room now.

[barks]

Slow down, Yakult,
let me get a head count

before we worry about
the catering.

[whimpers]

You know, maybe I should crack
a window in here.

Sorry, Tess! Sorry.

I was buying groceries,
and I forgot my wallet.

I had to run
all the way home before--

What was the point of me
getting my license

if I never get to drive?

You get to drive
on the weekends.

Besides, there's
nothing wrong with walking.

It builds character.
And calf muscles.

Well, mine are already
the size of soup cans.

See?

So why couldn't I
walk home tonight?

Because it's dark out.

You think it's safer
for me to sit alone

outside a dark,
empty building?

You need to loosen
your grip, George.

In some countries,
I'm old enough to marry.

In some countries,
I could trade you for rice.

Hi, darlin'.
How was your day?

Anything from daddy?

Over there.

A motorcycle jacket?

You guys got divorced.

He's gonna have to do a lot
better than a motorcycle jacket.

Well, there's a motorcycle
in the garage that goes with it.

Oh. Now I feel better.

Speaking of feeling better

we're about to have
a house full of guests.

All my sorority sisters
are coming out for the opening.

We're gonna sack out here
right in the living room

like a bunch of teenagers.

Just six sorority
dream-sacks, Carmen.

One of my girls
won't be able to make it

on account of the fact
that I didn't invite her

on account of the fact
that she's a big ol' bitch.

Who's a big ol' bitch, mom?

You don't know her,
but you know her.

She's a backstabbin',
boyfriend-grabbin'

style-jackin',
bubble-gum-smackin'

husband-havin'-heart-attackin'..

What?

Her husband had a heart attack.

Oh.

Tessa! Dinner!

[birds chirping]

[instrumental music]

Mad respect, mother bird.

When your baby left the nest,
you didn't show up

outside her school
in your Prius.

You knew that it was time
for her to find her own worm.

Hey, what are you doing?

Finding my own worm.

I don't want you
making dinner for me.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

I can take care of myself.

Is this because
I picked you up late?

In the city,
I got around by myself.

There were buses and subways.

Well, in Chatswin
we have to rely on each other

a little more.
I think it's nice.

Well, I don't
think it's nice.

I want my own car
so I can be independent.

You wanna be independent?

Well, independent people
pay for their own things

so why don't you save up
and buy yourself some wheels?

- Fine. I will.
- Get a job.

I will.

And clean your dish.

I was going to.

Good. There you go.

- There you go.
- You gonna dry it?

That is what the rack
is for, you...dictator!

A dictator
would not use American.

[theme song]

♪ Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da
da da da da ♪♪

You're not a dictator.

You just force people
to do what you say.

Let her make
her own dinner. Who cares?

Everything's a fight.

[sighs]
Something going on at school?

No. I mean, I-I don't know.

She-she doesn't seem to want to
talk to me about anything.

So talk to her teachers.
I don't know.

'George, a teenage daughter
who doesn't want to deal'

with her dad, uh,
that's just part of growing up.

That's normal.

Hey, Jenna-girl!

'What? You just called to say
you love daddy?'

[chuckles]
Well, I love you, too.

I am? Well, you're the greatest
daughter in the whole world.

Ha. I'll talk
to you in the morning.

[chuckles]

Yeah, but that's not normal.

Honestly, I think she's drunk.

Suddenly, it was all
very clear to me.

I'd become lazy, spoiled.
Dad was right.

Asking him to get me a car
was just another handout.

I wasn't a Chatswin girl.

I was a New Yorker

and I could do it myself.

I had all the motivation
I needed.

[bird squawks]

I said I had
all the motivation I needed!

[instrumental music]

Dallas?

Oh, my gosh!
That keeps happening.

I've gotta watch my wingspan.

If I keep breaking things,
we won't open tomorrow.

I'm here because of your
help wanted

sign in the window.

Do you like it,
it's $2600

but it's an investment piece,
and you'd have it forever.

Oh. No.

Uh, I-I guess I misunderstood.
I thought you were hiring.

I am. I just haven't gotten
around to putting up a sign yet.

- Do you have a resume?
- No.

- Any references?
- You?

Oh.

And...in what way

are you like a crystal?

In no way.

Hold on. Let me think.

Uh..

We both have hard exteriors

and inner light.

Not like a crystal.

Wait. Look, I may not be
all that much like

a crystal,
but I need a job

and I promise
I will work really hard

if you give me a chance.

I want to be an independent,
self-sufficient woman.

Like you.

And you do have
to start somewhere.

Right, Joy Behar?

That doesn't
look like Joy Behar

and there's a really strong
chemical smell in here.

We agreed
on better ventilation.

We agreed
on a semiformal store uniform

which Dallas would provide,
and most importantly

we agreed
on a generous hourly wage

that meant I would be able to
afford some kind of used car

in the not-too-distant future.

- What's this?
- Your advance.

Your signing bonus,
and a little extra

for a moisture-rich mani.

Those hands are gonna be
cradling delicate crystals

on the regular.

Maybe I'd have some wheels
even sooner than I thought

now that I'd taken matters
into my own hands.

Splurge on
the paraffin treatment.

Get up all
in those little cracks.

Thanks for seeing me
on such short notice.

My door is always open.

- Except when it's closed.
- Understood.

When it's closed I really
do appreciate a knock first.

- Okay. Got it.
- I mean..

Who knows what could be
going on in here?

Yeah, that certainly
is none of my business.

I actually wanted to talk
about my kid, not you.

Understood.
That's not uncommon.

I wanted to check in,
see how everything is going

socially, academically.

Everything's great.
Why do you ask?

Oh. We're still
talking about Tessa.

She just seems
distant lately, prickly.

So you're worried something else
may be going on?

Drugs, hard drugs, sex,
sex to pay for the drugs

secondary health concerns
as a result of the two?

No, no. No-none-none of that.

I'm not worried about
any of that.

Don't be, because
I don't think that's it.

Look, if anything comes up,
just keep me in the loop.

I'll also lean on Malik
for information.

If there's one thing
everyone knows about him

it's that he's a snitch.

Uh, okay. Well, thanks.

- And, George?
- Yeah.

I'm glad to see
you have your antennae up.

If there were anything
going on with Tessa

I'm pretty confident
you wouldn't miss it.

Oh. Well. Well, thanks.
I appreciate you saying so.

- Hey, what's this?
- 'Oh, that?'

That's the soul-crushing poem
Tessa wrote

about the giant,
festering hole inside her

caused by the absence
of her mother.

That, that's not good.

[instrumental music]

I was still trying to figure
out a way to fly the Coop

while Dallas was busy
filling her empty nest

with some chicks
she hadn't seen in a while.

(all)
Ah, ah, ah.
Cheep, cheep!

(all)
Okay! Aah!

- We still got it, y'all.
- We still got it.

Your husband is gonna lose
his mind

with us making
all this noise down here.

Well, actually..

And when I found that great big
giant pair of panties, I knew.

- You said they were an M/L?
- An M/L.

That's just not right.

A dog is always
lookin' for a bone!

- Testify, teeny!
- 'Mm-hmm.'

And I'll tell you
something else.

I was not gonna grow old
with some dog

gettin' bit up on by fleas!

But, Dallas,
I would get so scared

being all alone in this
big ol' house. Don't you?

Maybe it just
hasn't hit me yet

or maybe I'm being
extra strong for Dalia.

(female #1)
'That's the same way I felt..'

...after my husband passed.

Hello, Dallas.
Room for an uninvited guest?

I think I'll just help myself
to one of these cake pops.

Hello, Tulsa.
Cheep, cheep.

Zebra?

Well, I always pictured you
more as a snake.

I don't want to bicker.

My heart can't take the stress.

Grievin' as I've been, Dallas

I was surprised that
you didn't reach out to me.

Well, maybe I was busy

dealing with
my own situation, Tulsa.

Still, being a divorcee

isn't nearly as tragic
as being widowed.

Wouldn't you girls agree?

Ever since he's been gone,
I've just been so alone.

Didn't your husband die,
like, five years ago?

That's right!

This weekend marks
the fifth anniversary

of his death.

Which is why I was surprised

that you chose to exclude me.

In such a hurtful manner.

Invitation must have got
lost in the mail.

That's what I figured

which is why I decided
to surprise you.

Surprise.

Where'd you get all that?

Is it meth money?

It that why you're always
so pale?

- Can you guys keep a secret?
- I can.

I got a job and an advance

and between this and the money
I have in the bank

I have enough to buy an old
scooter I found on Craigslist.

My mom says that scooters
scramble your ovaries.

They don't, but wouldn't you
be safer in a car?

Yeah, sure,
if I had it like that.

I'm not Dalia Royce.

Look, kids like us have
to work for what we want.

We're not just gonna get
stuff handed to us.

My parents bought me a 328i.

- I have $35,000 in trust.
- Oh.

Then it's just me.

"Girl turns three
on a store-bought cake

extinguished the candles
but not the hate?"

Yeesh. Heavy stuff.

Dark days, man.

Do you feel like Thai?

No, I don't feel like Thai

although I might do a satay,
if you're gonna order

but the point is,
Tessa is in pain

and I don't know how long
she's been keeping it from me.

'I tricked myself into thinking
it was about the car'

'but it's clearly this.'

[exhales]
Yeah.

You know what?

Why don't I just get
the order in?

I just think we'll both feel
better with food on the way.

I really want to hear
about this.

Just give me
a-a couple of seconds.

I'm right,
I'm right with you.

- What am I supposed to do now?
- A fat noodle?

You like-you like
a fat noodle, George?

Pork lad na,
that sound good? Hello.

I wonder
if she wants to see her.

Ooh, I can't believe
we're in East Chatswin.

We are slummin' it.

East Chatswin doesn't
look like a slum to me.

There's a garden gnome.

Want a cig?

Lisa, we don't smoke.

When in Rome, am I right?

No.

[gasps]
Look. There it is.

Anyone can advertise
on Craigslist.

Is that right?

Any crazy person can post an ad

luring unsuspecting innocents
into their lair?

This doesn't look like a lair.

Well, good lairs never do.

On the outside,
they look regular.

That's how a good lair
lures you.

If it doesn't lure,
it's not a lair.

Lisa, hold yourself together.

I'm gonna ring the bell now
and buy myself a scooter.

M-maybe there is no scooter.

Maybe there's just
some psychopath inside

waiting to make a suit
out of our skin.

Or a sundress.

[doorbell rings]

Or a sundress.

Ad said, "Contact Doug."

No psychopaths
are named Doug.

Doug's not home.
I'm Lucien.

He asked me
to take care of you.

[indistinct chattering]

Hello, Helen.
Thank you for meeting me.

[sighs]
You're looking well.

My goodness.
Look at all the wrinkles.

Well, yeah, that-that's
what happens when you grow up.

Oh. Here comes the high horse.

I didn't come here to fight.

No? What did you
come here for?

We have a couple
of a delicious soups today.

Uh, there's a country vegetable

a tomato basil,
a hearty lentil..

Could you give us a minute,
we're in the middle of something

but I would do a small tomato,
if there's no cream.

You got it.

[clears throat]

So...how is she?

Your granddaughter?

She's good. Yeah.
She's-she's great.

Sole physical custody,
George.

Oh. Quite a victory.

It was really
something to see.

I'm the bad guy?
Alex falls apart.

I pick up the pieces,
and somehow I'm the bad guy?

Aren't you even curious?

Isn't she?

Just tell me how to reach her.
I have a right to know.

Her daughter
has a right to know.

You made the decision, George.

Now you have to live with it,
just like we did.

Right.

You know what?
She's a great kid, Helen.

She's smart and she's funny
and she's strong-willed.

She's really strong-willed.

And she looks a lot like Alex

so...just tell her that for me.

There really was
no going home again

and Dallas
was discovering it, too.

Look, girls.
A must-have for Oscar season.

'The Billy Crystal.'

Other sisterhoods
may have traveled.

Oh, some people spend money
on just about anything.

After all, Steven spent years
subsidizing you.

[laughs]

But this one didn't.

Dallas, have you seen Tessa?

She's not at home, and I really
have to talk to her.

I thought she might have
stopped by here for the opening.

Well, I was expecting her,
George, but she was a no-show.

I must say, not the best way
to start a new job

and she had
such great references.

Wait. She works here?
And she didn't show up for work?

Okay,
now I'm getting worried.

Maybe Malik knows
where she is.

(all)
Cheep!

Okay. Malik. Hey.

You have any idea
where Tessa is?

She went to East Chatswin
to buy a scooter with Lisa.

I-I told 'em not to do it.
Don't-don't tell her it was me.

East Chatswin. Great.
I'm gonna go find her.

I'll come with.

Oh, you can't leave
all your friends.

You know,
I'm starting to realize

I only have one true friend
in this whole store

and he's on his way out.

Come on.

I can't believe he sold this
to you without any gas.

I can't believe you pushed me

into a shirtless stranger's
living room.

I'm sorry. I just happen to have
very strong survival instincts.

So let me get this straight,
you get a job and don't tell me

and then you go to East Chatswin

and buy a scooter
without my permission?

You told me to do
both of those things.

You said, "Get a job."
You said, "Buy some wheels."

I meant four wheels, not two.

You didn't make that clear.

You have to be real clear
with teenagers, George.

Would you let me, Dallas,
handle this, please?

I'm just trying to help, daddy.

If-if you want to help,
you can drive Lisa home.

Copy that.

Let me guess. Malik?

[indistinct chattering]

Well, thank you, Dallas.

Thank you for inviting
your sisters all this way

so you could ditch us to hang
out with your new boyfriend.

- He's not my boyfriend.
- Then maybe I'll make a move.

Word is, he's an architect

and I've been looking
for someone

to lay hardwood downstairs.

Well, that's a great idea,
but first you're gonna need

to pull up that musty carpet.

I've seen your downstairs,
and it needs some work.

I thought
she had tile down there.

Teeny, close your tiny teeth.

Honestly, Tulsa,
I'm not sure

George is ready to take on
a project that size.

Don't be silly.
I've actually lost weight.

In fact,
I'm down to an S/M

when just months ago,
I was an M/L.

[sighs]

If you're implying
what I think you're implying

no two people
deserve each other more.

Now if you'll excuse me

I'll take my cue from
menopausal icon Joy Behar

and storm out, leaving
my invited guests in the lurch.

So are you gonna let me keep it?

You're so busy
operating independently

and you're not
thinking things through.

Yes, I am.

Tessa, you need a different
kind of license to drive this.

- Fill her up, please.
- I don't work here.

Dalia?
Does your mother know..

Well, as always,
rules only apply to me.

Alright, look

I know what
you're really upset about.

- I, uh, I read your poem.
- What poem?

The poem that you
wrote about your mother.

What?

Oh.
George, don't read into that.

That was just for a grade.

Kinda hard not to read into it.

I mean, you never
talk about her.

I, I don't know how you feel.

Look, I, I don't know
what you want me to say.

I never think about her.
Ever.

I don't know her.

You can't really miss somebody
you don't know

and besides, George

don't take this
the wrong way, but..

'...you're all the mom I need.'

Alright. Now you're just
trying to butter me up

so you can keep the scooter.

Did you just say
I could keep the scooter?

'Cause that's what I heard.

- We'll see.
- "We'll see?"

- You wanna go for a no?
- No.

Dalia, I just got a troubling
phone call from George Altman.

Said you took that motorcycle
your daddy gave you

and took it out for a spin.

He's lying.
He's a known liar.

Well, I asked Carmen
to look into it

and she said the bike felt
warm to the touch.

She's a known liar.
She steals from us.

Listen here, girl.
I know you're hurting.

I am, too, but these
expensive gifts from your daddy

aren't gonna make
the pain go away.

I know.

That's why I want
a "Hangover" monkey.

A monkey?

I want one of those monkeys

like in the movie
the "Hangover."

Dalia, you can't just throw
"Hangover" monkeys

at the problem.

Mom, those monkeys
are really cute.

Those monkeys would
always be there for me.

You listen up.

I may not be a monkey

but I will always
be here for you.

There are few people in life

who truly have your back,
Dalia Royce

and I hope you know
your mother is one of 'em.

♪ Around the walkabout ♪

♪ It takes your breath away ♪

You swear there was nothing
to that poem?

If there was, you would tell me?

I would tell you, George.
I promise.

Dad was gonna
let me keep that scooter.

After all,
it was already in motion.

♪ Go in go out
go in go out yeah ♪♪