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1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:05,755
(Tessa narrating)
Little-known fact
about the town I live in..
2
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:09,009
Chatswin is the silly trend
capital of the world.
3
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,428
There was
the male nanny trend..
4
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:16,933
The spotted owl trend..
5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,601
[owls hooting]
6
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,395
The British royal hat trend..
7
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:23,481
[laughing]
8
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,483
Your husband's suits,
Mrs. Royce.
9
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,402
It's Ms. Royce now, Javier.
10
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,696
And the latest trend..
11
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:35,035
[singsong]
I'm divorced, y'all.
12
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:37,037
That was the thing
about Chatswin.
13
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:40,832
You never knew what
trend was gonna hit next.
14
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,585
[thud]
Aah! Aah. Aah.
15
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:46,171
- 'Noah.'
- Yes, my love.
16
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,798
I asked you to fix
the damn shower head.
17
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,385
'Fix the shower head, Noah.'
18
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,636
Jill, you're bleeding!
19
00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,096
Fix it!
20
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,015
(George)
'So did you fix it?'
21
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,641
I don't know how to fix it!
22
00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,477
I'm a tooth guy.
If, uh, if the shower had
23
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:03,480
a receding gum-line
or...or an abscess..
24
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:04,898
You know, she should have
married a plumber.
25
00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:06,149
So call someone.
26
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:07,942
Let her call somebody,
alright?
27
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,152
Or...or let her use
the upstairs shower.
28
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,029
Noah, come on, man.
29
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,198
She asked you to fix it.
Just fix it.
30
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,866
You know what? I asked her
to fix dinner last week
31
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,201
but evidently she's
a modern woman.
32
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,495
She doesn't cook.
She doesn't clean.
33
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:20,371
She doesn't climax.
34
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,707
Listen to me, man. Sometimes
they say they're upset
35
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,042
about one thing
but they're really upset
36
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,376
about something else entirely
37
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,629
so just don't give her
any excuses.
38
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,172
Excuses for what?
39
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,174
Just fix the shower head.
40
00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:49,734
[theme music]
41
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:55,073
♪ Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪
42
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,826
♪ Da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪♪
43
00:01:57,867 --> 00:01:59,327
[indistinct chatter]
44
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,871
She's doing a side fishtail
braid, you guys.
45
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,873
I don't know
if I could pull that off.
46
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:06,167
- This is a town of followers.
- I know, right?
47
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,920
[instrumental music]
48
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,091
What?
49
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,218
Who is she waving at?
50
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,594
It looks like
she's waving at--
51
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,139
- Hi, Lisa.
- Is there another Lisa?
52
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,890
- Hi, Lisa Shay.
- That's me. I'm Lisa Shay.
53
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,267
Hi, Dalia.
54
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,685
- Lisa, sit down.
- How are you today?
55
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,019
I'm good. How are you?
56
00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:28,982
Excited about the school
dance, and yourself?
57
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:31,317
- Did you guys see that?
- Yeah. Everybody saw that.
58
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:32,402
'That was amazing.'
59
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:34,654
(Malik)
'That was embarrassing.'
60
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,615
Yeah. Lisa, Dalia's just
being nice to you
61
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:41,035
to get back at me
for "stealing" Scott Strauss.
62
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:43,163
So? Who cares? I've waited
for this my whole childhood.
63
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,623
- Lisa--
- I didn't choose my way in...
64
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:50,044
But this is a way in.
65
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,130
She's joking, right?
66
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,717
[water running]
67
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:57,177
[clatter]
68
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,469
Ohh..
69
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,221
Oh no.
70
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,223
Jill..
71
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,894
Ugh.
72
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,605
[sighs]
73
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,441
This should be
a relatively quick procedure.
74
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,943
Take your time, doctor.
Money's no object.
75
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,070
We're not paid by the hour.
76
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,114
Well, even if you were,
I would say
77
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,116
take all the time
that you need.
78
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,119
She's worth every penny.
79
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,288
Our main concern is that
the break heals cleanly,
80
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:28,625
so we'll re-break the nose
and set it properly.
81
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:31,085
That said, there could be
some residual bruising.
82
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:34,839
Okay. Honey,
since you're going under
83
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,801
is there anything else
you want to have done?
84
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:43,681
Any sprucin' up we could..
85
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,558
Now's the time..
86
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,312
In three... two..
87
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,315
One. Okay, just the nose.
88
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,151
[gasps]
Jill? Is that you?
89
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,195
Oh, you're
a bloody mess, girl.
90
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,780
Are you
pre, post, or mid-op?
91
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,615
I had an accident in the shower.
92
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,701
No.
I am sorry to hear that.
93
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:04,994
I must say, Dallas,
94
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,122
that sounded
uncharacteristically sincere.
95
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,708
What exactly did you
have done?
96
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,169
I went up a half a cup size
to celebrate the divorce.
97
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,712
You're positively glowing.
98
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,632
Well, I also had
a dash of botulism
99
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:21,010
a few squirts of collagen,
a handful of lowlights
100
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,595
and a gel-icure
101
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,639
but primarily
it's the divorce.
102
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:27,642
Leaving Steven has done
wonders for me.
103
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:31,020
I haven't felt this good
in years. Bye, Jill!
104
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,606
In Chatswin, a trend could
start just about anywhere,
105
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,275
even in the operating room.
106
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,610
On second thought, I'll have
what Dallas Royce had.
107
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,737
[monitor beeping]
108
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,406
[indistinct chatter]
109
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,826
[chuckles]
Lisa, hi. Come sit with us.
110
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,998
Well, this is
an unexpected delight.
111
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,083
(both)
You talk like our grandmother.
112
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,627
She calls things "marvelous".
113
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,297
Are you seeing this?
She wasn't joking.
114
00:04:57,338 --> 00:05:00,216
What a sellout.
115
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,010
(Malik)
'I'll talk some sense
into her at practice.'
116
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,803
We're workin' on a routine
for the school dance.
117
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,555
We rehearse every night.
118
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,140
Well, except
for Wednesday nights
119
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,058
because that's when
the "Medium" Fan Club meets
120
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,810
to re-enact scenes
from the TV show "Medium".
121
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,854
Malik, I know.
122
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:15,648
Okay.. Stay calm.
123
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:17,984
The most important thing
here is not to give Dalia
124
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,111
the satisfaction of knowing
she's getting to me.
125
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,280
Smart..
126
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,282
But she's definitely
getting to you.
127
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,367
- Shut up, Malik.
- Just sayin'.
128
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,119
You and me are like
twins, Lisa.
129
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,039
We both have
long, blonde hair
130
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,083
we both have names that start
with the letter "D"
131
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,627
and we both hate
Tessa Altman.
132
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,505
Right?
133
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,639
Come on!
134
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,350
[clears throat]
135
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,477
You'd better talk
to your girl Dallas.
136
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,895
She's out of control.
137
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,104
What are you talking about?
138
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,439
She's filling Jill's head
139
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,107
full of these crazy ideas.
140
00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,984
I thought those two hated
each other.
141
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,361
Not anymore.
Ever since their surgeries
142
00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:02,737
it's like they've bonded.
143
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,405
Now they talk every night
on the phone
144
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,700
about Dallas'
hot, new boyfriend Yoni.
145
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,410
- Yoni?
- Yeah.
146
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,537
Some young Latin dude.
Does reiki.
147
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,165
I met him.
Real trim. I don't trust him.
148
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,376
- How trim?
- Noticeably trim.
149
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:18,252
- Ah.
- And another thing..
150
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,589
He says he can heal energy
with his hands.
151
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,092
Jill says she wants him
to "work on her".
152
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,468
I wouldn't let him
work on her.
153
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,011
Why can't Dallas deal
with her divorce
154
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,013
the way you did?
Curling up into a little ball
155
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,932
and screeching like
a wounded an..
156
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,725
[thud]
Ohh!
157
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,018
I'm just sayin'..
158
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,020
And it's in! Ohh!
159
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,569
[gasps]
There's the man
I was hopin' to see.
160
00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:46,114
[Spanish accent]
There is my crystal queen.
161
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,740
Give me sugars.
162
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,908
[door closes]
Mm.
163
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,034
- Mm.
- Mm.
164
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,994
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm. Mm.
165
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,247
I have an incandescent
lighting fixture.
166
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:57,041
Oh. Thank you, George.
Just go do your thing.
167
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,584
And I go do mine.
168
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:02,672
[Yoni and Dallas moaning]
169
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:06,300
(Dallas)
'Ohh. Yoni!
That is too much tongue.'
170
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:07,885
(Yoni)
'Not in my country.'
171
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,054
[clattering]
"Yoni."
172
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,140
Did you call to me?
173
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,350
What? No. I just, uh..
Wh-where'd you two say you met?
174
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:17,103
Yoni's doing a reiki unit
with the junior class.
175
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,980
We met once upon
the gymnasium.
176
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,565
And it felt
love at first sight.
177
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,525
It felt that to me, too.
178
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,026
So just, uh,
a complete disregard
179
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,070
for the English language
with you two, huh?
180
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,781
His energy is cloudy,
like the winter in Romania.
181
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,616
"Romania"?
182
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:32,076
Oh, you think because
I'm from South America
183
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,370
I cannot reference
Eastern Europe?
184
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,581
George, you're being rude.
185
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,166
I see you
didn't waste any time.
186
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,792
Back in the saddle, huh?
187
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:43,087
Ride 'em, Ms. Royce.
188
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:46,466
Yoni, would you mind stepping
outside for a moment
189
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:48,426
so I can express my irritation
with George in private?
190
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,594
(Yoni)
Please be brief.
191
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,013
For every second
we don't be together
192
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:53,389
my heart screams for you.
193
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,349
And mine, you, Yoni.
194
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,392
- Yoni.
- Yoni.
195
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,894
[whistling]
196
00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:59,896
Yakult, let's go.
197
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,230
Yakult, you can stay.
198
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,524
[whines]
199
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,151
I said, "let's go", Yakult.
200
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,777
Yakult!
201
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,821
On your bed, girl.
202
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,907
[whines]
203
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,412
[barks]
204
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,498
I did not have
a white leash anyways.
205
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,044
Why'd you have to drag
Yakult into this?
206
00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,670
The divorce has been hard
enough on her.
207
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,506
[door closes]
Dallas, who is that clown?
How old is he?
208
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:27,924
And what is
with the all white?
209
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:29,425
You two have to dress
in all white, is that it?
210
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,886
It is
the color of positivity
211
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,055
and you're just jealous
because we pop.
212
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:36,307
- We pop and you don't.
- I pop.
213
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,601
I will thank you to remember
that I'm not a child.
214
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,811
I am a full-grown woman, George.
215
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,647
Full-grown!
And I don't need you
216
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:45,024
telling me
what or whom to do.
217
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,863
No. You know what? This is
my dazzling crystal emporium.
218
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,865
You leave!
219
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,002
Oh. Hello, Dalia.
220
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,004
Are you looking for the
comfort of a stable home?
221
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,839
Or for Ryan?
Because he's at practice.
222
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,883
- Actually, I'm here for Lisa.
- Who?
223
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:14,387
[enunciates]
Lisa. The girl one?
224
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,846
You leave Lisa alone.
225
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,181
She never did anything
to anyone.
226
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,600
Me and Lisa have plans
to hang out.
227
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,229
This can't be happening.
This...this isn't real.
228
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,231
Excuse me.
You ready?
229
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,441
- Is that a purse?
- Ready.
230
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,068
Lisa, did you finish
all your homework?
231
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,653
No.
232
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,364
You can do it later then.
She has no curfew.
233
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,075
You can bring her back whenever
you're done with her.
234
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,202
[gasps]
Fred, it's happening!
235
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:48,087
Dalia was so desperate
to get back at me..
236
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,634
...she didn't care
who she hurt along the way.
237
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,558
Ow.
238
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,018
Ow. Ow.
239
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:03,519
It's not my fault.
240
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,896
Your eyeball is so big,
it keeps getting in my way.
241
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,857
Sorry.
242
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,817
Almost done.
243
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,193
There.
244
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,487
Now your eyelashes
aren't so stumpy.
245
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,701
Wow.
246
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,954
I-I don't even
recognize myself.
247
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:26,459
That's what
I was going for.
248
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,461
Thanks, bitch.
249
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:36,052
Jill, you're
four shades blonder.
250
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,803
Who brought you
that buttery?
251
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,180
Noah, I'm leaving you.
252
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,473
Was it Aliyah?
253
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,308
She typically stays
within the Ash family.
254
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,643
I'm going to stay
with Dallas
255
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,353
until I figure out
what I want to do.
256
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,146
[chuckles]
Dallas. Okay.
257
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,190
See, I knew... I knew she
would pull something like this.
258
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,984
Dallas isn't
to blame, Noah. You are.
259
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,778
Yoni tried to heal
my energy and couldn't.
260
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:55,780
He said you're toxic.
261
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,990
- I'm toxic?
- "Like winter in Romania."
262
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,325
He's from South America.
263
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,785
He also said you're
constipating.
264
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,287
- Constipating?
- According to Yoni, yes.
265
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,290
Yes, you are, and it makes
perfect sense to me.
266
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,959
I partake in a diet
that is very high in fiber
267
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,628
yet I seldom see results.
268
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,130
You think you're gonna go
more without this guy?
269
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,051
Well, let me tell you
something.
270
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,512
You're not
a regular girl, Jill!
271
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:21,806
You never have been.
You never will be.
272
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,224
Good-bye, Noah.
273
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,309
Fine.
I'm fine with that. Fine.
274
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:30,189
He's been like this for hours.
The... the tears come and go.
275
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,899
Constipating?
276
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:35,236
I mean, how can another
person be constipating?
277
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,322
Where were you? I had
a court reserved and everything.
278
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,448
I'm standing there
like a moron
279
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,825
holding my balls
in my hand.
280
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:43,244
A.J., my wife left me, okay?!
281
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,037
I don't need it
from you today!
282
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,372
Do me a favor.
283
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,790
Get me some curly fries
and a diet anything.
284
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,417
Uh, I'm off the clock, A.J.
285
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,710
And a Shirley Temple
for red.
286
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,920
I-is that supposed to be me?
287
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,922
A.J., never love.
288
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,424
Come on.
289
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,676
You think 'cause I'm 9 3/4
I haven't been there?
290
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,136
I've been there.
291
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,637
I went through
a similar thing with this girl
292
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:02,930
from my Hebrew school
293
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,348
but did I lay
on the bottom bunk
294
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,016
and cry
my fat little eyes out?
295
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,768
Absolutely not.
296
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,562
I went on the field trip,
as scheduled
297
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,564
and held hands with
her best friend.
298
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:14,567
What happened? Did it work?
Did you get her back?
299
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,485
Let's just say this visor
I'm wearing is from her.
300
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,487
Okay, that.. That is
a pretty sweet visor, but..
301
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,489
I don't know if you can tell
from where you're standing
302
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:21,532
but the accents are leather.
303
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,200
Leather. George.
304
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,202
Yeah, I-I'm not sure
you should be taking
305
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,871
marital advice from A.J.
306
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,622
Do you have
any better ideas?
307
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,000
Yeah, do you, George?
308
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,461
(Tessa)
Maybe A.J. was on to
something.
309
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,713
Even Shakespeare agreed
with his approach.
310
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,882
- Psst.
- '"Be fire with fire.'
311
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:41,927
'"Threaten the threatener
and outface the brow'
312
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:44,305
of bragging horror."
313
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,974
'What Shakespeare's
trying to say is to fight back.'
314
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,685
Excuse me.
315
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,771
'He doesn't want King John'
316
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,482
'to just lie down and take it.'
317
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:58,486
'Good. Uh, turn
to Act Four, Scene Two.'
318
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:03,365
You want a snack?
319
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:05,785
No, thanks. I had some string
cheese on the way over.
320
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,287
Good. Then I'm just gonna
jump right in.
321
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,164
As you know
from the note I passed you
322
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,666
Dalia is using Lisa
to get back at me..
323
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:13,959
Correct.
324
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,503
And I can imagine
Lisa's probably
325
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,838
really getting on your
nerves by now.
326
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,840
Let's just say...I hate her.
327
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,468
Understood.
328
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,969
So now let me ask you
two questions.
329
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:26,514
How far are you willing to go
to get rid of her?
330
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,643
And how do you feel
about corduroy?
331
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,483
(boy #1)
'What's up, Chatswin?'
332
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,652
[cheering]
333
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,362
Throw them fists in the air.
334
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,156
I can't believe Lisa bailed
on dance practice twice.
335
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,991
You have a new dance partner
now.. Kimantha.
336
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,201
Kimantha can't dougie.
337
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,619
You have
to teach her, Malik.
338
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:49,745
I tried.
339
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:50,996
Look, we're in
crisis mode, okay?
340
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,623
Hey, guys.
341
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,042
Kimantha's our Lisa
until Lisa stops being Dalia.
342
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,752
Fine.
Did you practice the arms?
343
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,420
I did, Malik. I swear.
344
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:00,422
[instrumental music]
345
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:03,717
[chuckles]
346
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,929
Ladies, I buy drinks
for to make your throats wet.
347
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,389
Thank you, Yoni!
348
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,683
My throat hasn't been
this wet in years.
349
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,393
Oh, good news, Jill.
350
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:15,563
There's so much more wetness
coming towards your face.
351
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:17,982
I started a tab at the bar.
352
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,024
Noah, I do not
feel good about how much
353
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,484
chest hair we are showing.
354
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,486
- Why three buttons?
- Why not three buttons?
355
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,530
- You look sexy, man.
- Thank you.
356
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,323
Sexy as hell..
357
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:29,034
And I'm not the only one
who's noticing.
358
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:30,077
♪ I don't know
where I'm going ♪
359
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,787
♪ but I know that I don't
360
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,455
I really don't think you're
gonna make Jill come back
361
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,040
by hitting on other women
in front of her at a club.
362
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,458
Did the tale of A.J.
and the girl
363
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,627
'from his Hebrew school
mean nothing to you?'
364
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,296
Those are children.
365
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:43,507
Jill just glanced over here,
and she looked pissed..
366
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,717
...and hot!
367
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,051
♪ This my song tonight ♪
368
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:47,761
♪ Money, so long tonight ♪
369
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:48,804
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
370
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,180
♪ But you already know ♪
371
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:51,557
♪ Because she got
money to blow ♪
372
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,142
(Tessa narrating)
As it turns out,
373
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,602
adolescent behavior
doesn't work so well
374
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,353
outside the walls
of high school.
375
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,898
Lucky for me,
I was still a sophomore.
376
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,357
♪ Smooth what? ♪
377
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,483
♪ Can you teach me
how to dougie? ♪
378
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,193
♪ You know why? ♪
379
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,862
♪ 'Cause all the girls
love me, hey ♪
380
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,156
♪ All I need is a beat
that super bumpin' ♪
381
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:08,616
♪ And for you, you, and you ♪
382
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:09,825
It's working, Evan.
383
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:10,868
You're falling in love
with me?
384
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,077
- What?
- What?
385
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,662
♪ Lean side to side, yeah ♪
386
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,122
♪ They gonna be on you
when they see you ♪
387
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,165
I know you're
really uncomfortable.
388
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,334
I'm uncomfortable, too.
389
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,544
I had no idea my ex-boyfriend
was gonna be deejaying.
390
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,921
♪ With thunder okay ♪
391
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,130
♪ I ain't from Dallas ♪
392
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,340
♪ But I d-town boogie-woogie ♪
393
00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:25,925
When I get hurt feelings
394
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,260
I bury them by ordering
riding boots online.
395
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,887
Wanna try?
396
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,014
(Tessa)
Lisa may have temporarily
397
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:34,016
forgotten who she was
but she certainly
398
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,434
hadn't forgotten
who she wanted to be.
399
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:36,477
Aah!
400
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,479
[mellow music]
401
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,024
Don't let me catch you
402
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,943
with that thirsty little
swag-jacker again.
403
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,027
[instrumental music]
404
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,695
[slurping]
405
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,698
Look, I'm not even seeing
Scott Strauss anymore
406
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,867
so can this just be over?
407
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,161
Because trying to use Lisa
against me was low
408
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,579
even for you, Dalia.
409
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,414
My parents are getting
a divorce, you know.
410
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,541
[music continues]
411
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:02,586
I know..
And that sucks
412
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,588
and I'm...sorry.
413
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:05,923
I'm sure
it's really painful.
414
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,841
You know what's gonna
be painful?
415
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,218
When my mother
remarries your father
416
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:10,886
and I'm your new sister
417
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,305
and dad likes me best,
and then we send you away
418
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,432
to an all-girls boarding school
where you find true love
419
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:19,186
and on visiting day, I come up
and steal your new girlfriend.
420
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,647
[slurping]
421
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,732
The following spring,
we marry in a civil ceremony
422
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,901
which you are forced
to cater
423
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,778
and everyone hates
your catering
424
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,780
and you get
a bad review on Yelp
425
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,323
which pretty much sinks
426
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:35,786
your organic lesbian
catering venture.
427
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,371
[slurping]
428
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,790
Okay.
429
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,209
Well, enjoy the rest
of your dance.
430
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,794
Mmm!
431
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,713
Mmm-mmm!
432
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,882
This reminds me
of the old days..
433
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:51,135
Piggin' out after the clubs
at 4:00 A.M.
434
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,720
Yeah. It's 8:45.
435
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:54,263
And I have heartburn.
436
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,639
You are welcome
to crash here.
437
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,057
You are,
but I would be remiss
438
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,434
if I didn't tell you..
439
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:01,395
You are acting like
a Grade "A" jackass.
440
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,605
Jill is the love
of your life.
441
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,274
You know it, and I know it,
and if she doesn't know it
442
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:07,568
then, man, you are doing
something wrong.
443
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,194
You know how stubborn she is.
444
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,281
Don't you be stubborn, Noah.
It's gonna slip away.
445
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:14,408
If you don't do everything
you can to save it
446
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,910
it's gonna slip away,
and you're gonna regret it.
447
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,373
Take it from someone
who knows.
448
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,005
(Tessa)
In life, there are firefighters
449
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,757
and there are arsonists
450
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:32,885
and if you don't want
to watch it all burn down
451
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,262
you'd better know how
to put out a blaze.
452
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,765
Thanks for letting me stay.
453
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:39,892
Are you sure
that Dalia won't mind?
454
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:42,061
Mind? She won't even know
you were here.
455
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,395
There's a school dance tonight
456
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,064
so she won't be home
till morning, if at all.
457
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:49,151
Would you like to wear one
of her tiaras to bed?
458
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,904
Oh. Oh, I shouldn't.
459
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,698
(Noah over megaphone)
'Mrs. Jill Werner'
460
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,533
'are you in there?'
461
00:17:56,575 --> 00:18:01,288
'Is my wife,
Mrs. Jill Werner, in there?'
462
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:05,292
Mrs. Jill Werner,
are you in there?
463
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:06,710
[horse whinnies]
464
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,921
Noah, what the hell
are you doing?
465
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:12,091
I fixed the showerhead!
466
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,843
And now I'm here to sweep you
off your feet.
467
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,345
[Dallas gasps]
468
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,846
Where did you get
that horse?
469
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,100
I, uh, it's.. Never mind.
470
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:25,437
Now we will go
to our castle
471
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,898
and I will take you
upstairs
472
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,275
and make love to you
473
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,277
and you are going
to let me..
474
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:33,779
And afterwards
475
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,239
you're going
to make me a sandwich!
476
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,699
He still thinks
he's calling the shots.
477
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:40,953
Steven would have never
ridden a horse for me..
478
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:43,163
And we had one. But..
479
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,457
No "buts" about it,
Jill Werner.
480
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,792
You get your skinny ass
up there
481
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,628
on that horse,
or I'll do it for you.
482
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,713
That man loves you.
483
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,472
[sighs]
484
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,724
[horse whinnies]
485
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:05,602
(Tessa)
Chivalry was alive and well
in Chatswin.
486
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,146
As it turns out...
487
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,189
I'll have a small vanilla
with mango to go.
488
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,567
You got it.
489
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,652
It may have become
the latest trend.
490
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,905
I'll..
I'll pay for hers, too.
491
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,323
Thanks.
492
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:19,783
[indistinct chatter]
493
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,661
Hi. I'll have
a small vanilla with mango.
494
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,329
Uh, yours
has already been paid for.
495
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:27,249
It has? By whom?
496
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:31,420
♪ I wish I had a mango tree ♪
497
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:35,924
♪ In my backyard ♪
498
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:40,846
♪ With you standing next to me ♪
499
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:45,058
♪ Take the picture ♪
500
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:49,563
♪ 'Cause from her lips
I heard her say ♪
501
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,356
[boxes clattering]
502
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,358
[siren blaring]
503
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,361
I learned something tonight.
504
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,779
What's that?
505
00:19:57,821 --> 00:20:01,241
Don't try to beat
a yellow light on horseback.
506
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,619
Right. Thank you
for breaking my fall.
507
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,537
I would break every bone
in my body for you.
508
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,080
I hope you know that.
509
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:09,082
You could have just fixed
the shower instead.
510
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,338
One more on my mouth.
511
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:18,217
Come on, you hard-ass!
One more on my mouth.
512
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:19,760
Mm.
513
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,929
[horse sputters]
514
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,514
I love you, woman!
515
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,266
I love you, too.
516
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,809
Oh, if you want to do
any sprucing up
517
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:30,896
while you're under,
now's the time to say so!
518
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:34,483
(Tessa)
After our trial separation,
I had to admit
519
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:35,817
it was nice
to have Lisa back.
520
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:37,819
Her room smells like
newborn babies.
521
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:38,862
I've been in there.
It doesn't.
522
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,405
It did to me.
523
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:43,116
Look, I know that you guys
are probably still mad at me
524
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,368
for going to hang
with Dalia
525
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,953
but I just want to say
526
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:48,538
that if I had to do it
all over again..
527
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,499
...I would still go hang
with Dalia
528
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,334
because I know you guys
are my real friends
529
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,253
and real friends can take
each other for granted.
530
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,421
She's joking, right?
531
00:20:56,463 --> 00:20:57,923
Of course.
532
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:02,844
Now go get me something
to drink.
37879
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