All language subtitles for suburgatory.s01e12.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

- Feel better?
- That feels better than better.

Feels like I can do this.

[instrumental music]

(Tessa)
Friday night in Chatswin

and a really dumb
charity event for a really

dumb charity
meant instead of seeing

my new boyfriend, Scott Strauss

I was forced
to watch parents dance

with their children
to "Rock Lobster."

I just don't think it's normal

'for parents to hang out
with their kids this much.'

Well, my mom says
that she's my only true friend

and that I should
tell her everything.

- And do you?
- I do.

And sometimes
she nods off, but..

Well, I'm a private person.

I don't like
people knowing my business.

[clinking]

Ladies and gentlemen,
I've just been told

by the Davenports that Amanda
got her first period today.

[cheering]

(Fred)
Attagirl!

Just wanted to share
that news with you.

Amanda is menstruating.
Mandi.

'Mazel tov.'

There's a real sense
of community.

[theme song]

♪ Last night I had ♪

♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da da-da da ♪♪

♪ Rock lobster ♪

♪ Motion in the ocean ♪

♪ Ooh ah ♪

♪ His air hose broke.. ♪

Wow.

Looks like things
are really heating up

between the two of you.

According to Alan,
there's no such thing

as being openly gay
in Chatswin.

Anytime we go out together

he's convinced
people are watching us.

People are watching you.
That's what people do here.

They watch each other.

♪ Rock rock ♪♪

Why don't you guys do something
outside of Chatswin?

At least you have
the option, that's..

...that's what I would do
if I were you.

[clinking]

Thank you, Chatswinians.

Living in a war-torn country

can put an enormous
amount of strain

on the lumbar region.

'Now with your help, the CWB'

can correct spinal alignment

regardless
of political alignment.

'Take a look.'

Boring! Raffle!

- Can we get the raffle going?
- Okay.

I know we're all anxious
to get to this

so without further ado,
let's raffle off

the all-expense-paid trip
to Atlantic City!

- Jersey, baby!
- 'Okay, we'll get started in..'

When I win, you're coming
with me, we're finally

gonna have a proper
guys' night out.

Oh, what are you,
what are you talking about?

We just saw "300" together.

"300" was like a million years
ago and it was a matinee.

And I treated you to Sno-Caps.

Of which I had three.

You were saving the rest
for Tessa.

- She likes Sno-Caps.
- So do I, George. Alright?

You're so busy
being father of the year

you forget to be friend
of the Noah of the year.

(Fred)
'Get your tickets ready,
everybody. Here we go.'

[instrumental music]

Ahem.

Four.

Seven.

Threeteen.

I believe
it's pronounced thirteen.

You know, I didn't
criticize your stupid speech.

Hey! Ha ha! Yeah!

- I got it! I won!
- We have a winner.

- 'Yeah.'
- Great. Perfect.

I'm sure you and Tessa
will have a blast.

Oh, come on. Don't be a baby.

No, no, I'm-I'm sure
that she'll appreciate

the all-you-can-eat
prime rib and Don Rickles.

Noah, would you do me the honor

of accompanying me
to Atlantic City?

We can do our,
our guys' night out.

All the Sno-Caps you can eat.

- Don't toy with me.
- 'Nor me.'

Gentlemen, did I hear something
about a guys' night out?

- For I stand before you, a guy.
- Piss off, Fred.

Oh, come on.
The room sleeps six.

If we're gonna do this,
the more, the merrier, right?

The more, the merrier?

Alex and I would love,
love, love the chance

to escape our old
balls and chains.

Sometimes you just need
to get down with your homeboys.

Who you trying
ese?

loco?

That's a Cypress Hill
reference for the uninitiated.

Fred, don't you have to check
with Sheila first?

Ah, you may not
realize this, Noah

but I have Sheila in check.

It's bad, Sheila. It's real bad.

It's, it's looking like
she might not make it.

Oh, poor Aunt Elaine.
Bless her heart.

I know how dear
she is to you.

Oh, she's very dear.

The most dear.

And if I don't
rush to her side

she may not have
a side to rush to.

Oh, Fred.
Your favorite aunt.

Oh, come here.
Let me rock you.

Let me rock you.

Oh.

Fred, did I just feel you
give the thumbs up?

Okay, this, this is not
one of those

risky business type situations
where you dance around

in your underwear and then
you have a few friends over

and suddenly you start
a brothel and wind up

singing on a float
in a parade.

Dad, you're,
you're mixing teen movies.

This is more like an episode

of "Little House On The Prairie"

where pa goes off
to the mercantile

and I stay home
to loom you some pants.

Perfect. I'm a 32 long.

But seriously, no parties.

'It's been said,
and you heard it.'

Okay, you have
my cell phone number.

Uh, I left the number
of the hotel

in case anything goes wrong.

- What if something goes wrong?
- Dad.

This is Chatswin.

'Nothing goes wrong
in Chatswin.'

Isn't that the whole reason
people live here?

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

But with any luck

Scott and I
were going to go wrong

in every room of this house.

[Cypress Hill singing
"Insane In The Brain"]

♪ To the one on the flamboyant ♪

♪ Temper I just toss that ham ♪

♪ In the fryin' pan like spam ♪

♪ It's done when
I come in slam ♪

♪ Damn I feel
like the son of Sam ♪♪

- Guys.
- Oh.

- Ha ha ha!
- Hey, alright.

You guys, we are going to party
like it's our birthdays.

Ooh! Add a raspberry, George.

- You'll thank me.
- Don't mind if I do.

'Thanks for guilting me
into this, man.'

I don't do
this kind of thing enough.

- This is gonna be fun.
- Are you kidding me?

This is gonna be
a lot of fun, hmm?

Fred?

Oh, uh, gambling is happening.

Gambling is happening
in this building.

I'm so close to the gambling.

- W-what's going on?
- Oh! Now I remember.

Fred has a really serious
gambling problem.

This is bad,
I'm sweaty and nervous

and a little bit horny.

Alright, buddy.

- Hey, relax.
- Okay.

It's gonna be fine.
Have some champagne.

- Okay. Okay.
- 'Here you go.'

[chuckles]

I'm trembling.

I'm gonna gamble all my money.

You know, I'm gonna
gamble and tremble

until I lose all my money.
That's what..

Maybe I, I should
take that, actually.

Fred, you can have fun
without gambling.

Just don't gamble.
We won't let you gamble.

Okay.

Now, uh, this pile is for black

this pile is for red.
Can't lose that way.

Now slots are for fools,
but I'll take a stab at 'em.

[clinking]

- Fred, let us help you.
- Don't touch my money, bitch!

Okay. Remain calm.

Everything's gonna be alright.

- Fred, take a deep breath.
- Yeah.

[inhales and exhales deeply]

Okay. Okay.

It's Fred. Fred's back.

[chuckles]
Sorry, I went a little
nuts there. Thank you.

Why don't you, uh,
why don't you get freshened up?

- Splash water on your face.
- Put on a different shirt.

- You look a little clammy.
- Change those shorts.

Shorts. Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you, you guys.
I really..

I just want you to know..

...I feel incredibly close
to you all right now.

But I will slash your face

in order to gamble.

[chuckles]

You can't seduce Scott in that.
It has too many buttons.

Don't wear anything
too complicated.

Yeah.

If Scott and I don't make it

past the hand-holding stage--

You will lose him. Correct.

And that's why we're gonna
be doing a lot more tonight

than we're comfortable with.

"We?"

We're gonna give Scott

everything we have

even the things that hurt.

[instrumental music]

What is that?

It's my love box

and I am lending it to you
for tonight.

(Tessa)
'Oh. Okay.'

[blowing a raspberry]

Lisa, I think you have
the wrong idea about tonight.

I was planning on
keeping it syrup-free.

Just an old-school
make-out sesh.

Tessa, you sound
like a fool.

Scott's an older guy
with older guy needs.

He's been to Africa.

Africa.

He's gonna wanna go
tribal on you.

Are you sure
that's not offensive?

[dinging]

[indistinct chattering]

Look, how she's
looking at me, George.

Dirty girl.

Hey, have you eaten?
Can I buy you a burger?

'Here.'

Haven't heard
from the little one, huh?

Yeah, she'll check in with me.
I'm not gonna hound her.

She's probably
high as a kite right now

and making love
to a Trinidadian man.

It's not gonna work, Fred.
You're not gonna scare me off.

Why would I scare you off?
There's nothing to be scared of.

Tessa's perfectly trustworthy.

I'm sure you were too,
at that age.

[indistinct chattering]

You think it'd be weird
if I had Dallas stop in

check in on her?

No, not at all.

Whoo! Nice workout
there, Sheila.

Between your
unstoppable backhand

and my diligence at the net

we are gonna dominate
the mid-morning winter league.

[cell phone rings]

Oh. Hey, George!

Hey. You got a second?

- Yeah. What's crack-a-lackin'?
- Oh, nothin'.

Uh, it's just that Tessa
is home alone

for the weekend,
and I'm a little nervous

she might cave and throw
a party or something.

Oh, my gosh. I hope
she invites me if she does.

No, no, we don't want
an unchaperoned party.

It's not that I don't
trust her. I do.

I just, well, I-I'd-I'd
like you to check on her for me.

Well, it doesn't sound
like you trust her.

Who is that?
Is that Fred?

W-well, I'll trust her
a lot more once I know

for sure nothing's going on.

Listen, George,
I consider Tessa to be

one of my best friends,
and you are putting me

in a difficult spot.

Come on, Dallas.

Well, Steven is in Singapore

this weekend
and Dalia's at braid camp

so I guess I could.

But I'm not gonna check in

as some busybody neighbor.

I'll just see if she wants
to hang, as a friend.

Thank you.

What is it?

I thought for sure
that was Fred.

- I sensed Fred on that call.
- What are you talking about?

We have a psychic connection,
if Fred even eats something

that doesn't agree with him,
I can sense it.

[gasps]

I think he just ate something
that didn't agree with him.

Oochies.

This just in
thousand island bites back.

[chuckles]

Hey, is that Steven Royce?

- What a coincidence.
- I thought he was in Singapore.

Do me a favor.
Don't call him over here.

Steve-O!

[thinking]
Finally, some alone time
with Scott.

Now if I could just get him
to focus on me instead of..

That's basically
how you make a traditional

Zambian eating mat,
or Mphasa.

But bigger and less plastic.

Scott, I'm sure you get this
a lot, but you're fascinating.

I would love to travel
like you did.

Well, it'll change you,
from the inside out.

But be prepared.

Africa's also filled
with poverty and disease.

You have...really brown eyes.

Thanks.

I met a man in Africa
who didn't even have eyes.

[sighs]
Scott..

...I know you're
really political

and you have all this
global awareness

and I think that's great

but...don't you wanna

get tribal on me?

That's offensive.

I think.

[doorbell rings]

Hey. George, what are you, uh..

What are you doing in the AC?

Yeah, Steven, what a surprise.

I heard you were in Singapore.

- Who said that?
- Dallas.

Well, you sure like
talking to my wife a lot.

And who could blame you?
She's a very beautiful woman.

- Yeah, so is she.
- 'Huh?'

I don't like to eat alone,
you know?

It, uh, makes me depressed,
and it lowers my metabolism

'and by any chance
you do talk to my wife again'

I was in Singapore.

I have very important
business in Singapore.

- They want me to move there.
- Really? Wow.

- That sounds great.
- You think?

Even though I'd have to leave
Dallas and Dalia behind

for a better part of a year?

Well, th-that's what
Skype's for, right?

That is what Skype is for.
You know what, George?

Damn it,
you're a smart guy.

I think I might have
underestimated you.

Yeah, well..

And plus
you'll be there in case

anything goes wrong,
right? Huh?

It's Chatswin.
Nothing goes wrong in Chatswin.

Isn't that the whole reason
people live there?

[people laughing]

Holy crap.

- You'll have to excuse me.
- What's wrong?

I just realized my daughter
was a bit too anxious

to get rid of me this morning.

- Where's, where's Fred?
- Fred?

Oh, he crawled out,
like, ten minutes ago.

Argh!

Dallas, what are you doing here?

Well, I'm on the dolo tonight

and since you are too,
I thought we could chillax

or get jiggy. Your choice.

Oh.

Oh, I see what this is.

George sent you here
to spy on me.

What?

I don't know.
I am on the dolo.

You can't hide behind
urban street slang, Dallas.

I see right through you.

And this is an invasion
of my privacy.

You can tell that to George.

- He's a fox.
- Don't tell that to George.

So everything
seemed quiet there?

- Real cozy.
- Co-cozy?

What, what,
what's that mean, cozy?

Well, comfy-cozy, no one
was drunk, not too krunk.

The joint was on point,
pretty much.

What are you talking about?

Stop confusing me
with street slang.

Oh, George, you have
nothing to worry about.

Tessa's a great girl,
and that boy she had over

was super nice, fully clothed.

She-she had a-a boy over?

Well, I don't know
if he was a boy.

He had kind of a young,
white Wesley Snipes

kind of thing goin'. George?

So she's got a guy over.

What is the matter? We're guys.

I-I want to trust her,
but I don't.

George, as the father of twins,
I can tell you

they're going to do exactly
what they want to do.

Times like these,
I'm thankful my wife's barren.

(George)
'Fred! Where the hell
have you been?'

- I did a bad thing.
- 'Where are your pants?'

- I bet them!
- What are you gonna do?

You're gonna burst in
on your 16-year-old daughter

and tell her that you don't
trust her to be alone

for 24 hours?
Don't be that guy.

I'm sorry, Noah. I'm not
proud of it, but I am that guy.

Shh! I bet everything on a dog
named Lose All Your Money.

I-I mean, I figured a name like
that's gotta be ironic, right?

[knocking on door]

- Who's that?
- Tom-Tom called some freaks.

- Who's ready to party?
- I am!

- Whoo-hoo!
- Really?

Yeah!

I have something
that I want you to dock

in my docking station.

Yeah. I'll dock it, alright.

I'll dock it all night.

Just stick it in gently

'cause the bottom's
a little cracked.

Come on! Okay, okay, come on.

Come on, Lose All Your Money!

Not literally.
You know what I mean.

Come on!

no! No.

(man on TV)
'Virtually from start
to finish at..'

Alright, Fred. How much?

[sighs]
Fourteen, fourteen thousand.

You lost $14,000?

No, I won 14,000,
and Sheila is gonna sense it.

Windfall! What?

Scott.

Right now...this is the only
place in all of Chatswin

where we can actually be alone.

Look, Tessa,
I like you. I do.

And pre-Africa, I would
have expressed that to you

in a very physical way

but post-Africa,
I need to take things slow.

Why?

I saw things, Tessa.

Things I wasn't ready to see.

[whispers]
Vaginal birth.

And there they were.

The two words
that could put an end

to any romantic evening.

So much for alone time
with Scott.

Tonight was now about..

...being alone.

[pounding on door]

- Come on, man!
- Let's go, buddy.

- Open the door.
- Go away!

Leave me alone!

Sheila is going to kill me!

It's gonna be worse
than the time

she caught me watching
"Wild Things" on cable.

(Noah)
'Okay, maybe
she's gonna be happy'

'with the extra cash
and will forgive you.'

Have you met my wife?

She is the least forgiving
woman in the world

and I will never
find anyone as wonderful.

Hey, she never even has to know.

You can donate
all the money to charity.

[breathing heavily]

I'm ending it!
I'm ending it all!

[grunts]

- I'm calling the hotel manager.
- Yeah.

- Ugh!
- I got this. Relax.

Hey. Fred, buddy.
Steven Royce.

Is there any mirrors in there?

Yeah, there's one over the sink

and there's another one
on the back of the door.

Okay. Do me a favor.

Take a good,
hard look at yourself

'in one of those mirrors, okay.'

Oh, there's also
a small one in the shower

one of those
non-fogging shave ones.

Just any mirror, doesn't
matter what kind of mirror.

- Just pick a mirror, okay?
- Okay.

[grunts]

[sighs]

- Okay. I'm looking.
- You're in a spiral, Fred.

You're in a downward spiral.
Okay?

This is an ugly side of you,
but you don't have to be ugly.

You don't.
You could take stock.

'Make yourself better. Yeah.'

Okay, this is
an opportunity for you

'to make yourself better,
to change and become better'

than what you were.
Not you two.

You guys stay
exactly the same, okay?

I'm gonna go see my mother.

I'm gonna go
confront my stepfather.

No.

So sorry, man,
I know, I know this wasn't

exactly what you had in mind.

ese?

loco.

And I docked something
in a stripper's docking station.

Yeah. A-a-a broken MP3 player.

Still. It's pretty awesome.

In fact, I'm beat.
I'm gonna go get some rest.

Alright, man, I'm gonna...
wait a few more hours

till the sun comes up
before I hit the road

even if it kills me.

I don't want Tessa to think
I don't trust her.

She's a good kid.
You can trust her.

I trust her.
Of course, I'm less invested.

[chuckles]

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

[instrumental music]

[door closes]
Dad!

Dad, huh? No George?

- Are you alone?
- Yes, of course, I'm alone.

I was worried about you.
I even slept on the couch.

I'm so glad you're home.

I should go away more often.

[chuckles]
That was a test. You passed.

You passed, sending your
little spy over here.

Yeah, I knew you had a boy here.

And you still
didn't come home.

- You trusted me.
- Of course, I trusted you.

- Can I trust you?
- Yes. What?

You can trust me.

- I'm practically an adult.
- An adult. Really?

So I guess you don't want
the salt water taffy

I brought home for you, then.

Don't be stupid, George.

Give me the taffy.

Give me the blue one.

I like pink anyway.

- Fred.
- Oh!

Good Lord, Sheila.

You, uh, you startled me.

It's natural
to be a little on edge

after what just happened.

I, uh, I know
you already know

but I, I-I planned on
telling you everything.

You don't
have to relive it, Fred.

It must have been painful enough
just having been there

when Elaine...passed.

W-w-when she what now?

When your Aunt Elaine died.

I tried calling her, but the
phone just rang and rang and..

That's when I knew.

I knew you knew.

And so you must also know
about the money.

Is that the windfall?

The inheritance, yes.

She left us $14,000.

Minus a few incidentals.

[chuckles]
I'm buying a new hose.

[laughing]

- Oh.
- Oh.

(Tessa)
'I'm making grilled egg
and cheese! Want one?'

Yes, I want one!

[instrumental music]

You gotta be kidding.