All language subtitles for suburgatory.s01e09.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

[Christmas bells jingle]

♪ Santa ♪

(Tessa)
There's something so phony
about Christmas in Chatswin.

Everything plastic
and professionally decorated.

There was also something
phony about dad.

After discovering he had
a secret life in Manhattan

I had no other choice, but to
give him the ice treatment.

♪ To appreciate
the finer things in life ♪

Did we get the best tree
at the farm or what?

'Fraser fir.'

You smell? You smell
how fresh those needles are?

Why did we even
bother with a tree?

Aren't you gonna spend
Christmas in New York with Zoe?

Now I had administered
the ice treatment

but never successfully
until tonight.

You're dumping me?
Like, now?

No, not dumping, no.
Not at all. No.

But yes, now.

Whenever I start
to feel something..

Whenever I start to feel..

Oh, o-okay. Shh.
It's okay. Don't cry.

I need a tissue or..

[blows nose loudly]

Okay, look,
it's not you, it's..

Are you kidding me?

I swear to God, if you say,
"it's not you, it's me.."

I was going to say,
it is not you, it's..

It's Tessa, my daughter.

You know, I-I uprooted
her from New York

and everything she knows.

(Zoe)
Yeah? So?

So it's a total
double standard

if I date a cool
city girl like you

'when I've confined
Tessa to the suburbs.'

But I'm crazy
about you, George.

A-and I you

but if I continue seeing you,
I will feel like a bad dad.

[sobbing]

Take care, though.

Dad, you didn't have to break
up with her because of me.

Te.. Oh, Tessa,
eavesdropping, were we?

Was it the ice treatment?

Yes, in fact, it was.
You know what?

Maybe next time,
you will think twice

'before you ice someone.'

But you really liked Zoe.

(George)
'Yes, I did.'

But sometimes parents
sacrifice things that they like

for their children.

If you will excuse me, I'm
going to drink this in my room.

- Did he drink it in his room?
- I think he did.

Wow, that is everything
you want in a Christmas story

except a happy ending.

- Maybe I can make it up to him.
- You should.

I just need to get him
the best Christmas gift

any daughter's ever
given their father.

How about
an eyeglass repair kit?

Doesn't exactly say,
"Sorry you gave up love for me."

No, but they
usually come with a bottle

of cleaning solution and
a lint-free shammy, so..

There's not one good thing
on the whole entire Internet.

What are you getting your dad?

Nothing.
We make our gifts.

That sounds cool.

It's not.
I want clothes.

♪ Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da da da da
da da da da ♪

(woman on TV)
'The hot heat of the oven
hits the bottom.'

(Tessa)
I felt terrible about
dad's breakup with Zoe.

and I was determined
to make it up to him.

I made you a sandwich.

What kind of sandwich?

Tuna.

Tuna reminds me of Zoe.

George may have been
milking it, but he was

exhibiting the two classic
signs of depression.

Well, I should
get to class.

Watching the cooking channel

and taking an adult
ed class in wreath making.

(female #1)
'Wonderful job.'

Hey, what's the deal
with the art teacher, Aimee?

What do you mean,
"What's the deal?"

There is no deal.
She teaches art.

Is she single? Shh!

Oh, my. What can I say?

They're both so full of beauty.

True, but isn't one
filled with, I don't know

a thousand times
more beauty than the other?

No, not to me.

That's like asking what's more
magical, flowers or rainbows?

Rainbows.
Is there any question?

Aimee?

Um, when you have a minute.

Aimee to the rescue.

Yeah.

You know what after
dating so many crazy

cynical Manhattan women

I really find
Aimee refreshing.

Ginger ale is refreshing.

You know, I like her
positivity and her sweetness.

You know, she's sweet,
and she's crafty.

'She makes things.'

'I'm gonna ask her out.'

- Slow down, white tiger.
- Yeah.

Aimee just went
through a nasty breakup

with the shop teacher.

She's a little gun-shy, okay?
A little vulnerable.

So don't blow it by
coming on too New York.

Pushy.

You're kind of pushy.

But I wouldn't be
if I were trying to date you.

(female #2)
'Oh, what a shame, Aimee.'

Honestly. I can't imagine you
not having a Christmas tree.

I know.
It's my roommates, though.

They're, um,
Jehovah's witnesses.

They're really nice
but a little cliquey.

Anyway, I, I sure will
miss the smell of pine.

- I have the smell of pine.
- What's that?

Uh, I was,
I was just saying that

I have a great,
big, giant tree.

- That smells like pine.
- Oh.

That I cut down myself.

Wow.

That wasn't sarcastic.

Sarcastic? Oh, gosh, no.

You, you didn't mean
"Gosh, no" ironically?

No! Gosh.

I'm just checking.

So what do you say, you wanna?

You wanna swing by my house,
help me trim the tree?

There's a, uh,
an open house kind of thing.

Lot of people, no pressure.

Just a cool hang kinda sitch.

When you put it like that,
it sounds like a blast.

And that was sincere.

Sincerely,
I would love to come.

- Great.
- What time should we be there?

I'll bring my Pa Jun.

[chuckles]

Frankincense, Myrrh,
soap-on-a-rope?

None of these gifts
were gonna cut it.

This year, the only thing
I could give George

was the one thing
I had taken away.

Zoe.

It wasn't you. It was me.

I got blindsided

like Sandra Bullock in
that movie, "The Proposal."

I don't know if I can put
myself out there again.

Oh, come on.

You look like
the kind of woman

who puts herself
out there a lot.

I do, yeah.
I have a big heart.

And this time, I promise
I won't be an obstacle to love.

Please come
to the tree-trimming?

Oh, Mother Mary, kid.
I don't know.

George misses you.

He's not himself.
I've never seen him like this.

Yeah?

Well, the sex was rockin'

and I do get super
horny around Christmas.

Okay! I'm in.

You are gonna be the
best gift I ever got him.

(Zoe)
'So what's the best
way to get there?'

Should I map quest it?
Or Google maps?

She would figure it out.

Honey, terrific news.

Looks like all those leg presses
are finally starting to pay off.

Well, how could they not?

I'll bet you my thighs
minimum, minimum are an inch

bigger than last Christmas.

- No way I'm taking that bet.
- That's a smart lady.

[giggles]

George.

- Ahh.
- 'Hey.'

Oh! George!

I was just thinking about you.

Steven let me in.
I-I don't think he likes me.

Oh! Don't be silly.

Well, I wanted to invite you

to a tree-trimming tonight.

I know it's
last minute, but maybe..

Oh, I would absolutely
love to be there.

Absolutely.
It's only, shoot.

I'm headed off to
go skiing in Aspen.

It's a Royce
family tradition.

Steven loves the way
he looks in his ski pants.

That's too bad.
You'll be missed.

Anyway, I guess I'll see
you when you get back.

Until then, here you go.

For me? From you?

Just a little something
for under your tree.

I hope you like it.

Oh, George.
I'm gonna love.

'Twas the night
before Christmas

and I had nailed it.

I had gotten dad a present
too big to fit under the tree.

In a matter of minutes,
Zoe was gonna walk across

our threshold to see..

George all over Miss Ainsley,
the art teacher?

Terrifying.

[doorbell rings]

You can't take my coat
'cause I'm not wearing one.

Mother told me to,
but I refused

since you live
right across the street.

It's cold. I ran partway.

Zoe's gonna be here any second

and George is all
over Miss Ainsley.

Miss Ainsley? Why?

He's rebounding hard.

I've been there, sister.

Okay, so here's the plan.

I need you to wait
outside for Zoe

and delay her while
I get rid of Miss Ainsley.

- That's the plan?
- Yeah.

Let's try it.

I don't have a coat.

Oh, hi.

Have you tried the pa jun?

I don't know who made it,
but someone knows their way

around a Korean pancake.

George! I wouldn't interrupt
unless this was super important

but we are out of eggnog.

What? I, I just
made a batch ten minutes ago.

I don't know the specifics.

I just know people
are in need of nog.

I'll be right back.

You know, your dad is the nicest
parent at school and the cutest.

Really? Uh, 'cause at home,
he's a bit of a slob.

You should see his bathroom.

Some mornings,
it's like crime scene.

Whoa!

That snow is really
coming down.

If I were you,
I would leave right now

or else..

...you might get
stranded in a snowbank

and die.

Hey, hey!

Hey, buddy.

Any hits on the mistletoe?

Huh?

- Great bash, Georgie.
- Yeah, yeah.

Didn't realize
you knew so many Asians.

Ni hao!

It's like
"The joy luck club" in here.

Yeah, I had a hard
time scaring up guests.

Most of them are from
this Dim Sum restaurant

'I designed a patio for.'

'Do yourself a favor, though.'

Try the juicy buns.

Mmm! Hell, yeah!

Right? Out of this world,
Mrs. Yee.

Oh, hey! How's it going
with the art teacher?

Oh, really great. She's so
uncomplicated, you know?

In a good way. I think I finally
broke the crazy woman curse.

I'm sick.

- What?
- Did you have any of these?

I think you should
send everyone home

or at least anyone
that looks like

they have
a weak immune system.

Like Aimee?

Okay, what's going on, Tess?
Is that what this is about?

Aimee?

I can't talk.
I have to puke.

(Steven)
'I can't believe
all the flights are grounded.'

I'll be in my room.

My room,
so don't follow me, Yakult!

(Dallas)
'Maybe it's a sign.'

I'm gonna go call
a travel agent.

God, mom, call Yakult!

[instrumental music]

Oh, my gosh, George.
You remembered.

[knock on window]

She's here.
Zoe's here!

Hey, hey.

You have been
acting weird all night

and-and borderline
rude to Aimee.

So what's going on?

I heard she doesn't
support our troops.

I've been trying
to get rid of her.

What? Because
you don't like Aimee?

I like her fine, I guess.
It's you who doesn't like her.

What are you talking about?

You were crushed
about your breakup with Zoe.

Aimee's a rebound.
It's understandable.

Okay, listen to me
carefully. I do like Aimee.

The whole reason
I'm having this party

is so I can
spend time with her.

But you like Zoe.

You only broke up
with her because of me.

That, that's not entirely true.

But you couldn't eat tuna.

You really gotta be
in the mood for tuna.

George, help me
understand what I'm hearing.

The truth is,
I broke up with Zoe

not because of you but because
she's really, really annoying

and volatile and negative.

And a little bit
of a slutty lush.

[doorbell rings]

Well, I hope
you're in the mood for tuna.

He..

Merry Christmas, George.

Oh, uh..

I hope George made his bed

because it looked like he was
gonna have to lay in it

with her.

Mm.

Or her.

Or who knows?

Her.

I'm so embarrassed.

I thought you invited me
because you liked me.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.
Please.

I-I do like you.

I thought you like
liked me in a different way

than you like the Chinese
family that makes Dim Sum.

I like you in a much different

way than I like the
Dim Sum family, the Yees.

So why were you kissing
that loud woman?

Oh, well, okay,
I know it's poor form

to blame your
daughter for things

but this time,
it really is Tessa's fault.

So will you please
come back inside?

I drive, like, once a decade

and last time
with a moped in Jamaica.

Sandals.
Half sloshed on pina coladas.

So, I mean, you can imagine
how freakin' terrified I was

driving to the middle
of nowhere, face it

You know, at night, my hand
to God, I thought I was dead

like, 10, no,
12, 12 times.

But I did it all for George.

I did it all for love.

(in unison)
'Aw!'

Damn right, "Aw,"
now someone, anyone

point me to the drinks.

Two chicks?

You must have been very
good this year, or very bad.

Either way, two chicks!

I have no idea
of what to do here.

If I tell Zoe the truth,
she's going to make a scene

and, and sweet,
uncomplicated Aimee

is gonna bolt from that coatroom
like a frightened rabbit.

George, I'm a dentist.

I'm trained
to give people bad news.

It's what
I do all day, every day.

I'll talk to Zoe for you.

The secret is in
the soothing dentist voice.

I'm gonna need one thing
from you, though

- What's that?
- Soft rock.

I can do that.

[indistinct chatter]

You son of a bitch!
What doing with my juicy bun?

They looked
a little dried out.

I didn't
wanna embarrass you.

[speaking Chinese]

Lisa?

Have you been out
here this whole time?

It's freezing.

I was out
there waiting for you

and then your dad
and Ms. Ainsley came out.

The way the "like-likes"
were flying around

I think she could
be your new mom.

- My new mom?
- Yeah.

Your brain must have frozen.

I'm gonna make you some
hot tea and you'll feel better.

Tessa, I had some time to
think while I was out there

and it occurred to me
that there's a reason

why you feel
so guilty about

coming between
your dad and Zoe.

Do you wanna know
what the reason is?

Lemon zinger sound good?

It's because
you knew in your heart

it's quite possible
that you've come between him

and a hundred other Zoe's.

Not true,
George has dated

and I have known
George has dated.

I just haven't
necessarily seen it before.

- Oh.
- Tessa, your dad's hot.

He deserves some action.

I'm gonna think over
everything you just said

but the last part.

I'm not going to lie.

There's going to be
some discomfort, even pain.

But then you'll never have
to worry about it again, hmm?

Or you could ignore it,

pretend like everything's
good and healthy.

But then you run the risk
of things decaying further.

Um..

Where's George?

Don't worry.

Hey, we'll bring
that smile back.

Donk!

Okay.

Oh, Tessa.

Can you help me
find my capelet?

Okay, but I just wanted
to say I think I overstated

the mess that George
leaves in his bathroom.

- It's good to know.
- I'm serious.

He's, he's practically tidy.

Never leaves the seat up,
goes the extra mile

and rinses down his
toothpaste clumps in the sink.

I swear.

Look, I know the situation's
really complicated..

Just give it another minute,
Miss Ainsley.

I will get you a glass
of milk while you wait.

Thanks, Noah.
You have a real gift.

Thanks for recognizing it.

I can't believe I thought
I was in love with George.

I mean, you get past the good
looks and he's got nothing.

He is so not my type.

I'm married.

Married?

You creep! Whenever
I start to feel something!

Whenever I start to feel..

Dallas! Hey!

I thought you weren't
going to be able to make it.

Fate had other plans, plus
they couldn't de-ice the plane.

George, thank you
for the mittens.

I can't believe
you remembered.

Rem-remembered?

That story about how my
mother used to make me wear

bright red mittens every year
so they wouldn't get lost

in the snow, oh.

The fact that you
remembered, really touched me.

- Oh.
- It almost made me cry.

Thanks, George!
See you new year's!

Merry Christmas, guys.
Thanks for coming.

Right, so the
red mittens were kind of

a stock present this year.

Oh, gosh.
I'm embarrassed.

What? No. Don't be.

You know what
I think, subconsciously

I remembered you telling
me that story that..

Oh.

Dallas, are we, uh..

Uh, are we..

Lighten up, George.
It's Christmas.

Let me get this right.

You invite me over
here to hangout in some

lousy cloak closet

while you make out
with not one but two women!

George had a gift, alright.

A gift for making even
the sanest women turn crazy.

And good thing I wasn't thirsty,
'cause that milk never came!

Aah! Ugh!

(both)
Happy holidays.

♪ Go go ♪

♪ Go Santa go go ♪

♪ Go Santa go go ♪

Damn, Mrs. Yee.
You got it goin' on. Mmm.

- Idiot!
- Jeez! Zoe, please!

Come on, listen to the
sound, sound of my voice.

Stop throwing snowballs.

I was a sure thing!

Ow!

[sighs]

Hey!

I'm sorry I told you

I broke up with Zoe
because of you.

It was just, I didn't want
you to be mad at me anymore.

I mean, you're really
good at the ice treatment.

Thanks.

And I guess I shouldn't
have snuck on your computer.

You should probably
password-protect.

Will do.

Well, I guess we both
learned a valuable lesson.

I'm sorry you don't
have a special someone

to share
the holidays with, George.

- What? Are you kidding?
- Yeah, but I'm your kid.

Don't you get sick of it
just being the two of us?

Never.

'That said..'

If there were ever
to be a third

I hope you'd be able
to embrace that person

with open arms.

I would.

And vice versa.

Let's face it, George.

I tried to help you,
but with your track record

it's probably gonna be me
before it's you.

[theme song]

♪ Oh my God it's Christmas ♪♪