All language subtitles for suburgatory.s01e06.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
At the risk
of sounding positive

I love it when it rains
in Suburbia.

♪ You walking in
and out the rain ♪

♪ Catching the shade
of a sunny day ♪

You don't have to water!

It's already watering.

At the risk of sounding
negative

people out here are stupid.

And wasteful.

Do you guys ever figure out
how much food do we waste?

It's not food.
It's garbage.

But it's not. Look.

She's digging
through the trash.

See? A perfectly good apple.
You can still eat it.

You do...eat, don't you?

We eat.

- I feel bloated.
- Let's walk it off.

Yeah. Go burn off that mint.

[crunches]

I think I had proven my
point.

I had also proven out
the five-second rule

is too generous when it comes
to produce from the trash.

So, Tessa, things good?

You settling in,
making friends?

No unwanted pregnancies
I should know about?

Nope. I am without baby.

Great, then I will mark you
down as counseled

and we'll have
another personal interaction

in two more months.

Works for me.

You know...
this kind of complacency

really ticks me off.

I asked for chicken and stars,
not chicken and rice.

- It's a pandemic.
- Cafeteria incompetence?

Wastefulness.

You guys throw out
a lot of food.

That soup was wrong.

If it was right,
I would have eaten it.

Totally.

I'm just saying,
people who throw out rice

for not being stars might have
more than they actually need.

- I see.
- So maybe...

Maybe the school could donate
the extra food

to the needy
instead of dumping it.

The needy...is that
with a "Y" or an "I-E?"

The needy?
They're with a "Y."

Needy. People who need.

Need.

Food, clothing, help.

Tessa, do you know
what this is?

A dramatic mood shift?

Teachable moment,
a cause that the students

can get involved in,
and you can spearhead.

- I don't normally spearhead.
- Impromptu assembly.

Poignant video presentation,
soulful soundtrack.

Maybe
early Sarah McLachlan.

Colorful, stretchy
awareness bracels.

I love it!

[theme music]

♪ Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da
da da da da ♪♪

We got the towel warmers.
We got a heated floor.

Uh, we got the bidet.
That's for Jill.

Though she never uses it,
though she should.

[chuckles]
Though I wish you
hadn't shared that.

[chuckles]
We got the infinity bathtub.

We got the Japanese
talking toilet

and then this is the star
of the show.

Walk-in steam shower
with multiple heads

plus one that cleans
your undercarriage.

I'm talking squeaky clean.

Well, what can I say? It's a,
it's a killer bathroom, man.

Yes, she is, but do you know
the one thing she's missing?

Modesty?

[chuckles]
A skylight.
That's why I called you.

Yeah, but I'm really trying
to focus

on new builds and renovations.

But you're
the Skylight King.

Not, not a title I chose.

No, that is a title
you earned.

I put in one skylight
for Dallas.

Skylight King!

It's not like you're gonna be
working for some taskmaster.

You're gonna be working
for me, your friend.

- Okay.
- Alright.

Let's...let's build you
a skylight.

Well, thank you, my liege.

- Thank you.
- Yes. Oh, yes.

The king grows weary. Away.

Why are you throwing away
that food?

You have not eaten it yet.

I had my lunch.
This was leftover.

All leftovers go
into the trash.

Yes, however, there is still
plenty of good food

'on your plate.'

Who are you,
the fascist food police?

Let's get fired up.

(Both)
Together we can feed the world.

[applauds]

I think we all got
the message here today.

We have a problem
right here in Chatswin

and if it weren't
for the courage

of a certain redheaded bear

'we wouldn't even be talking
about it.'

I give you that bear.
I give you Tessa Altman.

'Come on down.'

Um..

Hey, try not to waste
so much food.

Questions and comments.
Questions and comments.

Questions or comments?

Ahem.

Dalia?

Okay, so one time
I was on vacation, right?

And I walked outside my hotel
to where the locals live

'and I saw things.'

- So what did you see?
- Suffering. Endless suffering.

Their hair was so frizzy.

Their...hair?

Yeah, the humidity in Orlando
is brutal

and their skin was, like,
totally jacked up.

You guys, people are
dying over there.

- We need to help them!
- What can we do?

- They're not dying!
- Where is Orlando?

Our gardener's name
is Orlando.

Guys, the people of Florida
are fine. Trust me.

They have the Everglades
and assisted living.

We should raise money
for them.

[indistinct chatter]

No! Down.

We should send them
clarisonic face brushes.

They're really good
for your complexion, you guys.

- Mr. Wolfe?
- She's not wrong.

They are really good
for your complexion.

So it's decided.

Chatswin High School's
first semiannual

Florida clarisonic face brush
fund-raiser

and here's the girl that made it
all happen...Tessa Altman.

[cheering]

Okay, that's that.

[sighs]

[Alexandra Stan
singing Mr. Saxobeat]

Anybody home?

Hello?

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

Whoo!

♪ Mm yeah oh oh yeah ♪

♪ Mm yeah
oh yeah mm yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Mm yeah
oh yeah mm yeah ♪

Hello.

Wow, you ain't kiddin'.

♪ You make me this
bring me up.. ♪

[screaming]

♪ Make me move ♪

Oh, crap. Aah!

[panting]

[instrumental music]

- Tessa!
- Aah!

Can you believe it?
Look what you started?

But it's ridiculous! You
realize that, right, Mr. Wolfe?

I mean, we're helping people
with oily skin?

Oh, my gosh.
You are so right.

People, listen up.

We cannot just target
Floridians with oily skin.

We must also reach out to those
with combination and dry skin.

Spread the word.
Good catch, boss.

[grunts]

[school bell rings]

[gasps]
There she is...the girl
that's gonna save Florida.

One face at a time.

That's the spirit,
and I should know.

I have run over a hundred
charities in my time.

Everything from air beds
for the homeless

to air beds
for the elderly.

My brother in law saw
your air beds.

Well, have at it,
'cause I'm out.

Wait. What do you mean,
you're out? You're the leader.

You're the face
of Florida's face.

I mentioned to Mr. Wolfe
that maybe we should donate

uneaten food
to people who need it.

Dalia is the one
who made it about pores.

Yes, but Dalia's talents are
better served elsewhere.

She's more of a... muse, but
you... you're the worker bee

gettin' your hands
all filthy dirty

haulin' things with your filthy,
dirty hands.

We need you.
The people of Florida need you.

Now, I brought
these deli platters

for the volunteers.
How do they look?

Like a lot of thin meat.

You're right. I did get them
prepackaged and on sale.

Maybe I should dump 'em.
Yeah, I'm gonna dump 'em.

And that's when I realized

there was no saving
these people.

They were gonna do
what they were gonna do

and there was no point
in getting my filthy little

hands dirty...
unless it was for deli meat.

Mm...there she is right along
the 29 premolar.

Oh, and a slight occlusal
on 28.

Very good, Cindy, and look
at all this tartar buildup.

Oh, and see how dull
the surfaces are?

- I bet he's a grinder.
- What are you trying to do?

Put me out of a job there,
eagle eye?

Oh, gosh. No, no.
If I couldn't work for you--

- Guys, please.
- Oh, sorry, buddy.

I'm just consulting with Cindy.

Well, you cracked it, alright.

The good news is,
it's above the gumline.

It's called a oblique
supragingival fracture.

That's what Wikipedia calls it.
I have no idea what it is.

[giggling]

[laughing]
Because it's..

He's teasing. He knows.

I do. I know.

Noah, man, I'm dying here.
Please.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna
recommend a crown, alright?

We can dig it out today

do an impression
so you have a temp

come back later in the week,
finish her up.

Easy peasy, extra cheesy.

Well, if it's extra cheesy,
I guess we should do it.

Alright. A crown
for the Skylight King.

[imitates trumpet fanfare]

[laughs]

(George)
'Stupid water fountain'

'smells like patchouli.'

Oh, you should see
his waiting room.

It is a joke.
He has a massage table.

There's, like, rows of different
flavors of iced tea.

Maybe I can weaponize it,
and bam!

- Kill a guy.
- What's going on?

You're going dark on me.

All the people I go
to school with are morons

and I'm guilty by
association. I give up.

You're too young to give up.

I am the head of the stupidest
charity known to mankind.

That first part
sounded impressive.

You're the head.

Look, if people
are looking to you

as a leader, then lead.

You've got
the attention of morons?

- Do something smart with it.
- How?

All they care about is how
they look or what they drive

or how they look
in what they drive.

You can't blame them for being
a product of their environment.

They know what they know.
They live in a bubble.

I think I am loving this deli.

(Tessa)
George was right. These
people were living in a bubble.

And maybe it was up to me
to pop it

like a pimple
on a Floridian's back.

[indistinct chatter]

[speaking indistinctly]

Ahem. Hey.

So..

You guys know how you live
in this sort of...bubble?

- This bubble of ignorance?
- Oh.

It's not your fault
that you live there.

It's just...you haven't been
exposed to much.

I have. I used to live
outside the bubble.

So today I'm going to expose
you to something

that I grew up with every
day.

Gladys?

[cans rattling]

This is Gladys.

She's a homeless man
that lived on my street.

She's a man?

How does that work?

- Let me take this one.
- Okay.

Basically you just...
tuck everything in.

See, um, not everybody
is getting their teeth whitened

or...going to the mall

'or...overwatering their lawn.'

Some people,
like me and Gladys

understand that
there are people out there

that don't have everything
they need.

Some people have nothing
and live on the street.

West 14th, to be exact.

'Gladys and I aren't trying
to make you feel bad.'

We're just trying to show you
that there are real problems

out there worth focusing on.

Problems more severe
than bad skin or oily hair.

So, uh, the next time
you're about to throw out

$85 worth of deli meat,
maybe you'll think twice

because there are people
in need

and they're a lot closer
than Florida.

Thank you.

What?

What?

Aah!

Twenty six hundred dollars
for a crown?

Hey, I don't set the prices.

It's your practice!

That's true.

But what did you expect

that I wasn't gonna
charge you at all?

No, I assumed you were going
to give me a discount.

I mean, I-I gave, I gave
you a-a break on your skylight.

Well, I didn't assume that.
Thanks for the discount.

This is not how friends
treat each other, Noah.

Friends give each other
a deal.

No, friends do their very best
work for one another

and the best costs money.

Look, and I'm not the one who
decided to strip naked

and take my shower
for a spin.

I had to give my maid
the rest of the day off.

She was so freaked out.

Oh, gee.
I'm really sorry about that.

Who...who's gonna cube
your pineapple for you?

Um, I'm allergic
to pineapple.

If you were a real friend,
you'd know that

and just for the record,
I was gonna give you a discount

but I didn't want
to insult you

so if you want, go ahead,
cut it in half.

Make it zero,
for all I care.

That is very noble of you,
man. I really appreciate it.

but I don't need
your charity, okay, buddy?

Look, why was I expecting
a "thank you"?

You know what? Strong
and wrong, just like always.

Strong and wrong?

I'm not, I don't even know
what that means.

I'm George, and I'm strong

and blah, blah, blah,
but I'm wrong.

[laughs]
You know what? Good luck
with that hole in your roof.

Looks like rain.

Good luck sipping
cold beverages!

[thunder rumbles]

(Lisa)
S-so when Gladys says
she tucks everything in

what exactly does that mean?

What does she tuck?

Gladys is a dude.

She's...a man.

Oh. Right. Right.

[school bell rings]

[applause]

[whistles]

(Tessa)
I had become
their cause du jour.

What's going on?

We heard you, Tessa.
We heard you loud and clear.

'And we're not worried
about Florida anymore.'

We're worried about you.

We know you ate
that rank meat.

The picture you painted
of your life with the homeless--

Devastating,
but you're in Chatswin now

and Chatswin takes care
of its own.

Come here, you brave thing.

(Tessa)
Somehow I had sent
two wrong messages.

One, that I was in need

and two, that it was okay
to touch me.

That night, George discovered
what I already knew.

We'd become a charity case.

So here's
some canned bisque

some Egyptian cotton
hand towels

an air multiplier.

We ordered two,
one for the cabana

but you need it more.

Yeah. You ate
that rank meat.

Have you been talking to Noah?
Is that what this is about?

Because I'm going
to take care of that bill.

George, I would add you
to my dental plan if I could

but I can't,
so I brought you

a professional
double Belgian waffle maker.

Go on. Take it.
It makes two at once.

We know you need this, George.
We all heard Tessa's speech.

And we met her transsexual
homeless friend.

Gladys?
You...you brought Gladys?

I didn't bring Gladys, no.
She took Metro-north.

And, Tessa, Dalia
has something for you. Dalia.

Here. I stole this
from the mall.

It's not my color.

Used lip gloss. Wow.
I don't know what to say.

I do. Thank you
for stopping by our shanty.

We'll see you around
the soup kitchen.

- Oh. Okay. God bless.
- God bless you.

Dad, I'm so sorry.

When I told you to focus
your charity on a good cause

did you decide on us?

I swear that wasn't
my intention.

I will...
throw this all out.

Throw it out? No. What?

I was just about to go make
some Belgian waffles

and multiply some air.
Ow.

[doorbell rings]

- What?
- I wanted to bring this by.

It's a pocket Jesus.

I thought maybe
during the hard times

it would help you
see the light.

It's also a light.

Oh.

Come in, it's just, people
have been coming by all night

with the most ridiculous junk.

I mean, look at this.

A soda maker.
A snow cone machine?

Who in the world could possibly
want any of this stuff?

A snow cone machine?

I-I thought you had to have
a license to own one of these.

(Tessa)
That's when it hit me.

One man's trash
is another man's treasure

and just 'cause I didn't
appreciate this stuff

it didn't mean
there wasn't somebody

on West 14th Street
who would.

"Funtastic."

Hey, Gladys.

- You got another one.
- Oh, thank you, baby.

Oh, snap!
A lighted boccie ball set.

This is all kinds
of wonderful.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you!

[instrumental music]

I knew you were allergic
to pineapple.

I was just trying to make
a point.

A point of trying to make me
feel like an ass?

Look, I'm sorry
I blew up at you.

I'm bustin' my butt out here
trying to establish myself

and then I get
this huge bill from you

after you brag about
your infinity tub

and your talking toilet, which
I still don't even understand.

Yeah. No, I get it.
I get it.

Maybe I was showing off
a little bit

but you're a tough man
to compete with, George.

- Are we in competition?
- No.

I mean, back in college,
you were the guy.

You got invited
to all the great parties.

You got all the hot chicks.

Alissa Berlinger was hot

but I don't know
about the rest of 'em.

[scoffs]

Okay, maybe some of them
were hot, too

but come on, man.
You got Jill.

Yeah, I got Jill.
I did.

I..

...just felt like
people gave you crap

for hanging out with me.

They did..

But I'm sure people out here
give you crap

for hanging out with me.

I'm like
the, the village idiot..

...or something.

Village idiot? No.

It's just...you're poorer
than everyone else

and some people question
your ethnicity.

[chuckles]
Come on. Let's put all of this
behind us, alright?

Let's fix that tooth.

Uh, wait, wait.

So we're good?

- We're good.
- I'm serious, Noah.

I don't want you to work
on me if you're still angry.

What's a little fear
between friends?

[whirring]

[laughing]

Smoothie?
I didn't put ice in it.

I know your mouth's still
a little sensitive.

Hey. Look at me.
You are a good person.

Mnh. Pfft. Doubtful.

What did I accomplish?

I sent a homeless lady man
countertop appliances

and she doesn't even have
a countertop.

[laughs]

Yeah, but you also made a group
of very self-obsessed people

care about someone other
than themselves

and that's huge.

- I guess it is.
- Yes, it is.

And it was you
they decided to care about

and I know why
because you are a sweet lady

and you have a smart heart
on your holders.

I'm on pain medication.

I know, dad. Whoa. I know.

- Go to sleep, okay?
- Mm-hmm.

[chuckles]
Sleep.

Sleep.

[instrumental music]

Gladys?

(Gladys)
Hey, girl. Just wanted
to thank you for the blessings.

I sold most of that crap
you sent me

and used the money to buy
a pop-up tent.

So...if you ever need
a place

to stay in the city, girl,
Call me.

I also bought
a prepaid cell phone

which has made turning tricks
a whole lot easier.

Good looking out, Gladys.

I can't believe he has
her own stationery.

[scoffs]